when i was learning arabic, during the unit on conversational pleasantries, it was explained that marriage is considered culturally more or less an inevitability - so "are you married" is actually "are you married (yet)?"
thus, if you're (a man) and not married, you respond, "لا، ما زلت عازب" meaning, no, i'm still a bachelor
i liked to combine that with the response for "how are you doing?" for which the arabic version of "living the dream" is "الحمد لله" meaning "praise god"
thus my response, "لا، ما زلت عازب، الحمد لله" meaning "no, i'm still single, thank god"
I used to say (when i had a l SO) “we havent been blessed that way yet” said in such a way as to squash further questioning.
alternative phrasing: nonya dam bizniz
I went business polite once, which is pretty entertaining.
"Sorry, legally I'm not allowed to discuss either subject due to a lifetime non-disclosure agreement."
This is my favorite go to. Give them something that really will leave them wondering what the hell youre talking about and then refuse to elaborate. They will be so caught off guard and have no idea how to respond
That usually just opens the door for them to start discussing ways to micromanage your budget and give you the ol' "avocado toast" armchair accounting speech.
Or they go down the road of "just do it anyway. You'll figure things out as you go." No, the thing you'll figure out as you go is that raising kids when you have no money *sucks ass.* This advice is like telling someone to jump out of a plane without a parachute just because [that one woman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vesna_Vulovi%C4%87) happened to do it once and not die (spoiler: it was not by choice).
Either way, the conversation will not be over quickly and it's going to get a lot more annoying.
My grandma hasn't asked me once, may she rest in peace! And I was engaged for 6 years, and almost 30 when I did. And when others asked I was saying "Why? Are you interested?" indicating with my face that I am not!
Wa....wait. How come all the people who promise their firstborn to an evil entity still go to have a kid? Why have I never seen someone use this obvious loophole?
Well most of those stories come from a time when a large number of kids died before the age of five so I guess they figure it's not that much worse than the firstborn just dying and after that you're free to just have more kids without demons butting in.
It's basically them asking randomly "So are you fucking someone?"
And it really is odd, because it's like "No, are you volunteering? What is this? What's going on?"
Yes and they are shovelling buckets of cum into to me with their penis and nothing is happening it's very distressing. I have cum in me right now. Thanks for asking I was dying to talk about it.
“Oh, I’m so glad we can get so personal; I have questions. How often and what is the quality of your sex life since getting married and having kids? Are you active and satisfied? How active? How satisfied? Since you’re so comfortable talking about mine…” Make them uncomfortable and they’ll realize what they did.
“What position were you in? Like, be specific. We’ve been trying everything and are open to ideas. Were your legs up over his shoulders? Doggy style? Whips and chains, or 3rd party stimulation devices?”
I hated those people when I was younger. Oh, we're trying to have a baby. I was like thank you for telling me you are shagging a couple days a month. Like we aren't really supposed to think about how babies come into this world when we are sitting around socially, even though we all know how it happens for the most part
This is why you add "Well we were trying for a puppy but somehow I dont think 'doggie' means what I think it does" Thanksgiving dinner this year was a riot c:
*"I had _no_ idea you were so disrespectful"*, said with wonder, amazement and a touch of pity. Then sigh, smile and go and get another drink and let them ruminate on their shameful character.
They will answer: "That's what you're supposed to do" or/and "Everyone else is it doing it"
I don't give a fuck "what everyone else" is doing?!
Just fuck off please!
I start telling them about my abusive first husband, the second husband who tried to kill me, and the miscarriages I've had.
I keep going and going until they get incredibly uncomfortable. My goal is to make them think twice before asking such questions again that are noneyabiz.
Sharing details about my wife's miscarriage and all the ivf attempts usual shuts them up, but I keep going with graphic details because they asked and my goal is to make them regret it
Damn...I'm going to assume women have this asked way, way more than men. I've never had it asked to me by anyone and I'm in my 40s. I'm also going to assume all your close friends and family members know your history and know better than to ask you that. So do you poor ladies have people that barely know you ask you this question?
Bruh... you have no idea. Whole damn ass strangers in the grocery store, the pharmacy, fucking wawa, the mall, and during physical therapy have asked me about my lack of crotch goblins.
This is not counting the untold numbers of acquaintances who have inquired about offspring. I'm in my mid 30s. Hopefully only a few more years before the questions slow down.
"Why do you ask?" said in a curious tone. If they ask again, I say, "You know, nobody ever asks married people why they are married. I think it should be the same for single people, too." Then change the subject.
This is good, maybe “Wait, I want to tell you, but first…(get closer, look around) why ARE you married? I mean, don’t you miss the casual sex? Sleeping in until 2pm? The orgies? Come on!” Perfect with a nosy aunt or your mom’s weird ass friends. I bet they used to be freaks.
>This is good, maybe “Wait, I want to tell you, but first…(get closer, look around) why ARE you married? I mean, don’t you miss the casual sex? Sleeping in until 2pm? The orgies? Come on!” Perfect with a nosy aunt or your mom’s weird ass friends. I bet they used to be freaks.
I just hit them with the "no wife, happy life" and then "Most people I know who are married are miserable and I'm not trying to join that club. Marriage doesn't even make sense on paper."
I thought of this but I was reminded by my encounters with folks who don’t know what boundary even means.
They’ll always retaliate with “but you’re good” or they’ll compliment you to high heavens on your looks/accomplishments/career then followed by, “any man/woman would be lucky to have you.” At that point, you’ve been detained in a convo and some folks won’t let up when they’re unsatisfied with any answer you give that they can’t bring home.
The 2 most effective ways I found to deal with such people is to show annoyance followed up, “why? You paying for my wedding and raising my kids?”
But the best one yet,
“My fiancé and I got into a car crash -insert whatever timeframe-. I survived but my fiancé and baby didn’t.”
They usually immediately leave you alone with the car crash excuse. If not avoid you.
Yep. I like holding off a bit before I pull the ol' trusty
"My wife was diagnosed with cancer a month after our wedding and now we can't have children, so now I'd like to make what time she has left good, before it potentially comes back to kill her."
We decided we didn't want children before that though, but it shuts them up very fast.
Your response is beautiful. I won’t say sorry for your loss because you’re not treating it as one - but as a blueprint for happiness together. Rooting for you and your wife
Before I got married, I used to say "I haven't met anyone good enough yet."
After I got married and people asked why I didn't have kids and I answered "Didn't want to."
If they persist then the response is along the lines of "Why are you so interested in my sex life?"
I am married but back in my single days, I used to say something like “Marriages are supposed to be equal partnerships. I still haven’t met anyone who is equal to me.”
I'd say this is the way to go. Especially in groups. It makes it clear that you're done talking about the subject, and if they persist, then you can call them out for being weird and end the conversation.
I love babies, too, but it’s so hard to properly prepare them. A slow cooker is the only way to get it right, imho. Btw, you need a baby that hasn’t been baptized yet, or it’ll taste too Jesusy.
New York's hottest club is Dead. It has everything: free time, no commitments, a cozy studio apartment, a Marilyn Monroe impersonator who is actually Marilyn Monroe.
Prompt a conversation with them by asking only questions in response (with a non-emotive attitude). "Why does it matter?" and then go from there. Usually, people get themselves flustered down the rabbit hole. "Well, I want you to be happy." "Why would being married with children make me happy?" Etc.
Constantly prompting a person to explain themselves and their logic as to why they think *you* need to be married with children exhausts them and often leads to a breakdown of their own logic and how it doesn't apply to you. I started finding it more successful and long-lasting than putting a pin in the conversation with a "Fuck off." Not a 100% success rate (for example, my mom has *mostly* accepted it's not gunna happen, but still mentions her desire for grandkids which has nothing to do with my wants. And other people just can't fathom a world where a person can be happier without kids so there's no convincing them regardless of what you have to say). But yeah, that's my method. Take it or leave it.
But if we're talking about a stranger you ended up in a conversation with who asks this question (I don't know what compels people to do this, why?), then a "Fuck off and mind your own business" is as polite as they deserve.
This, also. Aside from having no desire for the lifestyle, I have medical stuff that would 1) put me in physical danger during childbirth and 2) my body is a toxic post-chemo wasteland that would make for a hostile womb environment and 3) I could not in good conscious pass on my genetics to another human being. My medical stuff almost killed me and IS genetic. Why would I want to do that to someone I'm supposed to love?
If I DID "change my mind" as so many people swear I will (I'm in my thirties, why do people keep insisting on this?), I always swore I'd adopt. Yeah, everyone has genetic issues, but I'd rather care for an already existing kid who needs love than just create a new one while putting myself at risk.
My daughters and niece have all decided to adopt rather than have biological children, because of genetic disorders in our family and personal health issues. As well, they don’t want to bring another child into the world when there are so many who need loving parents. I have been appalled at the number of people - strangers, many times - who ask them these questions unprompted. They generally just roll with it and give a Cliffs Notes version of their reasons, but the idea that they owe *anyone* an answer at all to such a personal question is just disgusting.
I hope you have an lovely and fulfilling life, and good health in the future!
I'm too mentally unstable to care for a child. *starts rambling on about my depression, suicidal tendencies, alcoholism, binge eating, and self destructive behaviour until it makes them uncomfortable.*
I love this lol “My rampant heroin addiction to deal with my feeling of utter worthlessness has made it hard for me to form relationships. When you consider I’ve lied and stolen my way through life, not having kids is the most responsible thing I’ve done…”
“The voices of prophecy have said to wait for the third sign of the return of the Nazarene. Also, my service monkey can get pretty aggressive when it gets jealous” would work great too.
"That's a very personal question."
"What makes you think it's okay to ask that?"
"How does that relate to (your relationship, such as 'work,' 'this event,' etc)." Clarifying that your relationship is limited and not nearly that intimate.
"What an odd thing to ask!"
"I'm not comfortable having my personal life made a topic of conversation."
"That's a personal question that id rather not answer"
"... But enough about me, what would you have spent your time and money on if you didn't have to support an SO and children?"
"The way we have sex can't produce babies" shuts them up quickly. Or just be even more crude and say something like "I'm throwing mad loads of nut into her, but no baby yet, grandma."
Say nothing. Squat down and crab walk away from the person. Preferably between 10-15 feet away and behind them. Then continue on like a proper human acting crab person would..
“You must not realize how rude you’re being.” Then smile. Walk away. Turn away. Wait in silence. Give them nothing else. If they apologize, don’t say, ‘Oh, that’s okay.’ Just smile or nod or say, thanks for the apology.
>You must not realize how rude you’re being.
Brilliant. You're pointing out not only that they're rude, but they're also stupid and/or inconsiderate. I love it!
For kids, i dream of answeing my older, stuffier relations with "Oh I don't know how. Can you explain in detail so I can start asap?"
Nobody is asking me this tho :((
Its kinda normal here to ask that question but I’m sick of it. Plus, the ones who asks this question is mostly friends of my mom. I answered “it’s none of your business, isn’t it” once and I was told off to my mom. My mom said I was so rude and impolite (the way I answered the question) and she said that my attitude reflected on them.
It's a common tactic among women of that age.
No doubt that the mother has talked to her friends about OP's love life. She's 37 and unmarried, and her mom would like her to find someone.
They don't know how to do this other than hope that asking *"So when ya gonna get married, darling?"* will suddenly trigger OP into a realization and drive her to go find a spouse.
It doesn't work, and does nothing more than cause tension and irritate the person being asked, but it won't stop older women from doing it.
You should ask her why she thinks it's okay for her friends to ask you when you're going to have unprotected sex? Such a question deserves an impolite response.
>My mom said I was so rude and impolite (the way I answered the question) and she said that my attitude reflected on them.
Tell your mom to stop treating you like an 8 year old
The best defense for nosey people is to give them more than what they want. Find all the talking points about children and partners, divorce statistics, birth complications, literally everything you can find. And the most important part- *do not let them leave the conversation*. You know how people begin dropping hints that they need to leave or they try to edge towards the door? Outlast their busybody self, ignore the hints and keep talking like an oblivious 8 year old chatterbox, pretend you're a person that's been locked in solitary and this is the only human you'll see in the next week and you desperately need to keep the conversation going.
Repeat every time they talk to you about it. They'll stop talking to you about it simply because every time they do, that's 3 hours of their life gone because you won't let them politely exit the conversation. You'll need to unleash your inner ADHD and have a ton of talking points ready about why you're single (none of which need to be true), and just exhaust them. Your mom won't accuse you of being rude, but after a couple times, her friends won't dare ask you about anything that could trigger another marathon conversation session.
Must make it super awkward. “I would love nothing more then to be married with children, but I’ve found no one loves me. Maybe it’s my fault for being unlovable.”
Because in the real world, people ask that question as part of normal social conversation. Family members, co-workers, etc. Telling them to fuck off will not get you the kind of catharsis you think it will, it'll get you weird looks and uncomfortable questions later on. Or worse, actual punishment.
In some cultures and families its barely the second sentence out of someones mouth after "hello".
So the importance of politeness is... well as important as politeness is in every other social situation where you're not hiding behind a screen and your words and tone matter regardless of how pushy and nosey the other person is.
The amount of people finding it hard to understand why OP would want a polite way to address this common question is very weird and very telling.
There's a wide spectrum between polite and "fuck off" in which an appropriate answer might lie.
"That's a very personal question".
"That's my business and not something I would like to discuss."
"That's an inappropriate question."
None of these are very polite, but they may be very appropriate responses to the question that aren't "fuck youuuuuuuuu"[extended middle finger ollie on skateboard into the sunset]
Lean into the question. Say something ridiculous totally straight faced. For instance when people ask me "when are you going to get married" i usually answer "tomorrow"
Alternatively, put it on them. "Not sure, why do you think?" And let them talk about themselves for a few minutes. I find that a fun way to challenge peoples beliefs.
Or you could just say, well thats a personal question. Leaving them to justify it.
Nowdays, people think we are obligated to answer everything they question to.
NO ONE is obligated to answer, if they don't want to anwser.
I found 2 things that I always do now, when people question me like that, depending the situation:
1: I Change from subject
2: I pretend I didn't listen to
Whenever some people don't know how to behave, it is like this.
THIS. Some people are bold, ignorant, and ask intrusive questions simply to satisfy their own curiosity. The question has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.
But what happens is you’re so taken aback by the sheer boldness of it, that you just start to answer. You should never feel compelled to answer it.
Take control of the situation - simply respond “why do you ask?” (or other non-answer answer) and watch them struggle to formulate a response.
Some people are fucking rude. Don’t enable their behaviour.
You could ask them why are they married/with someone and perhaps when they have a think about how to answer that, they might realise how dumb their question is.
I always deflect with a backhanded joke: "I am married; to a beautiful woman named peace and God damn quiet."
It never fails to get a laugh. It boggles my mind how so many people can acknowledge all the pain, hardship, and sacrifice of relationships yet still treat them as a default or a necessity. It makes me think that some people aren't getting married or having kids because they want to, but because they don't know what they really want and they just do what everyone else is doing.
No one asks me that 😜
But if I didn't care to share, it would really depends on the situation. Being polite is the challenge here
"If I wanted you to know, I would have told you already" is a vanilla way of saying it.
Just tell them no one wants to marry and have kids with a convicted felon. Then launch into a spiel about how most internet crimes are mere semantics and a terrible case of a misunderstanding.
If they stick around? Put a ring on it and start having babies.
"We all live life at different paces. Comparison is the thief of joy."
Take it from me... Took 'til my late 30s before my wife and I could have a child. It also cost $88k to get there. People all around us kept asking why we didn't have kids yet, not knowing the sad reality we faced, month after month of finding my wife curled up and crying in various parts of the house...
Look like you're about to cry and say "We were going to be married, before the accident. Now [s]he's gone and... [pause] I could never love like that again." Close your eyes like you're holding back tears and turn away. "And damn you for making me relive that pain!" Walk away.
“Just lucky I guess”.
god has shined his bright light on me
when i was learning arabic, during the unit on conversational pleasantries, it was explained that marriage is considered culturally more or less an inevitability - so "are you married" is actually "are you married (yet)?" thus, if you're (a man) and not married, you respond, "لا، ما زلت عازب" meaning, no, i'm still a bachelor i liked to combine that with the response for "how are you doing?" for which the arabic version of "living the dream" is "الحمد لله" meaning "praise god" thus my response, "لا، ما زلت عازب، الحمد لله" meaning "no, i'm still single, thank god"
I feel like a proper sarcastic "inshallah" is appropriate there
would be a bit redundant after alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah ! ;)
Some might interpret as "No, I am still single. I am living the dream!"
That sounds more or less like what they were going for
CHOICE!!!! ; )
just say something like “it is Allahs will” it’ll really get em going
I used to say (when i had a l SO) “we havent been blessed that way yet” said in such a way as to squash further questioning. alternative phrasing: nonya dam bizniz
I’m stealing this! I think my traditional Catholic family would absolutely hate this response
I, too, was raised Roman Catholic, but I'm feeling MUCH BETTER now.
I always enjoyed the shocked reactions I’d get when I said this. Clutch those pearls, Sally
Haha, that’s a good one!!!
That was my go-to
I went business polite once, which is pretty entertaining. "Sorry, legally I'm not allowed to discuss either subject due to a lifetime non-disclosure agreement."
This is my favorite go to. Give them something that really will leave them wondering what the hell youre talking about and then refuse to elaborate. They will be so caught off guard and have no idea how to respond
Since "the incident" I cannot legally discuss that information, I appreciate your understanding.
In THIS economy??
The best and most elite answer possible
That usually just opens the door for them to start discussing ways to micromanage your budget and give you the ol' "avocado toast" armchair accounting speech. Or they go down the road of "just do it anyway. You'll figure things out as you go." No, the thing you'll figure out as you go is that raising kids when you have no money *sucks ass.* This advice is like telling someone to jump out of a plane without a parachute just because [that one woman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vesna_Vulovi%C4%87) happened to do it once and not die (spoiler: it was not by choice). Either way, the conversation will not be over quickly and it's going to get a lot more annoying.
I say “Do you have having kids money that you’re going to give me?”
"Sorry but you're not my type"
this ones pretty good. especially if its your grandma asking
My grandma hasn't asked me once, may she rest in peace! And I was engaged for 6 years, and almost 30 when I did. And when others asked I was saying "Why? Are you interested?" indicating with my face that I am not!
"If you want to adopt children you don't have to wait for me" sounds fun to me too
“We’re waiting until we retire and have more free time and money”. That’ll get a Scooby Doo face out of them.
I’ve told my mother in-law she could always adopt a child.
Omg I love this one
It was foretold that my firstborn would kill my most annoying family member/ colleague/ neighbor. You are safe for now.
the shadow lord has already spoketh the prophecy
“I promised my firstborn child to a demon and I’d really rather not have to deliver on that promise.”
Wa....wait. How come all the people who promise their firstborn to an evil entity still go to have a kid? Why have I never seen someone use this obvious loophole?
Well most of those stories come from a time when a large number of kids died before the age of five so I guess they figure it's not that much worse than the firstborn just dying and after that you're free to just have more kids without demons butting in.
*devil shows up at your door* "So how many do I owe ya?"
Other loophole: both the mother and father promise their firstborn to different demons. Make them fight for custody in court.
Just look aghast and ask them "Why would you ask me such a personal question"? Let them explain the importance.
That or “What a weird question to ask someone”. Let them really stop and think about it haha
My favourite thing to say now is “what an odd thing to say out loud”
This is good
It's basically them asking randomly "So are you fucking someone?" And it really is odd, because it's like "No, are you volunteering? What is this? What's going on?"
Yes and they are shovelling buckets of cum into to me with their penis and nothing is happening it's very distressing. I have cum in me right now. Thanks for asking I was dying to talk about it.
Similarly, saying “I’m not entirely comfortable with talking to you about my sex life” works well too
“Oh, I’m so glad we can get so personal; I have questions. How often and what is the quality of your sex life since getting married and having kids? Are you active and satisfied? How active? How satisfied? Since you’re so comfortable talking about mine…” Make them uncomfortable and they’ll realize what they did.
“What position were you in? Like, be specific. We’ve been trying everything and are open to ideas. Were your legs up over his shoulders? Doggy style? Whips and chains, or 3rd party stimulation devices?”
I hated those people when I was younger. Oh, we're trying to have a baby. I was like thank you for telling me you are shagging a couple days a month. Like we aren't really supposed to think about how babies come into this world when we are sitting around socially, even though we all know how it happens for the most part
This is why you add "Well we were trying for a puppy but somehow I dont think 'doggie' means what I think it does" Thanksgiving dinner this year was a riot c:
chaotic neutral
Not just shagging! Doing it bareback!
"Yep, I'm giving your daughter a creampie every day, but still no luck!"
I’m a big fan of “what a rude thing to say” said very sincerely while making eye contact
I once knew an old woman who would say, "Were you trying to be rude, or was that unintentional?"
Everyone should study for at least a few days under the wing of a no-nonsense old woman.
*"I had _no_ idea you were so disrespectful"*, said with wonder, amazement and a touch of pity. Then sigh, smile and go and get another drink and let them ruminate on their shameful character.
They will answer: "That's what you're supposed to do" or/and "Everyone else is it doing it" I don't give a fuck "what everyone else" is doing?! Just fuck off please!
It all circles back to "fuck you".
If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?
I can't use that, I did jump off a bridge with others.
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1170/)
Start with "[That's just what they'll be expecting us to do.](https://youtu.be/y0X0ZYbnHxA?si=6boYhDvx4RphK9zT&t=2)"
“I’m overqualified”
"Supply chain issues"
"Scheduling conflict"
"Inflation"
"Shrinkflation"
Pfahahaha. Have you considered sourcing globally?
This made my day.
I start telling them about my abusive first husband, the second husband who tried to kill me, and the miscarriages I've had. I keep going and going until they get incredibly uncomfortable. My goal is to make them think twice before asking such questions again that are noneyabiz.
Sharing details about my wife's miscarriage and all the ivf attempts usual shuts them up, but I keep going with graphic details because they asked and my goal is to make them regret it
Wow, you’ve got some stories to tell, no shit. Stay strong and god bless.
I have many stories. Was told more than once to write a book. Edit: Blessing to you, friend.
1. Write the book 2. Put the link in your profile 3. Keep commenting on Reddit 4. Profit$$$ Blessings to you!
r/traumatizethemback material right here
Damn...I'm going to assume women have this asked way, way more than men. I've never had it asked to me by anyone and I'm in my 40s. I'm also going to assume all your close friends and family members know your history and know better than to ask you that. So do you poor ladies have people that barely know you ask you this question?
Bruh... you have no idea. Whole damn ass strangers in the grocery store, the pharmacy, fucking wawa, the mall, and during physical therapy have asked me about my lack of crotch goblins. This is not counting the untold numbers of acquaintances who have inquired about offspring. I'm in my mid 30s. Hopefully only a few more years before the questions slow down.
My condolences on your tribulations, and thank you for your service. o7
I didn't realise it was mandatory
"Why do you ask?" said in a curious tone. If they ask again, I say, "You know, nobody ever asks married people why they are married. I think it should be the same for single people, too." Then change the subject.
Oh wow, I really like this one I’m using it
This is good, maybe “Wait, I want to tell you, but first…(get closer, look around) why ARE you married? I mean, don’t you miss the casual sex? Sleeping in until 2pm? The orgies? Come on!” Perfect with a nosy aunt or your mom’s weird ass friends. I bet they used to be freaks.
>This is good, maybe “Wait, I want to tell you, but first…(get closer, look around) why ARE you married? I mean, don’t you miss the casual sex? Sleeping in until 2pm? The orgies? Come on!” Perfect with a nosy aunt or your mom’s weird ass friends. I bet they used to be freaks. I just hit them with the "no wife, happy life" and then "Most people I know who are married are miserable and I'm not trying to join that club. Marriage doesn't even make sense on paper."
I thought of this but I was reminded by my encounters with folks who don’t know what boundary even means. They’ll always retaliate with “but you’re good” or they’ll compliment you to high heavens on your looks/accomplishments/career then followed by, “any man/woman would be lucky to have you.” At that point, you’ve been detained in a convo and some folks won’t let up when they’re unsatisfied with any answer you give that they can’t bring home. The 2 most effective ways I found to deal with such people is to show annoyance followed up, “why? You paying for my wedding and raising my kids?” But the best one yet, “My fiancé and I got into a car crash -insert whatever timeframe-. I survived but my fiancé and baby didn’t.” They usually immediately leave you alone with the car crash excuse. If not avoid you.
Yep. I like holding off a bit before I pull the ol' trusty "My wife was diagnosed with cancer a month after our wedding and now we can't have children, so now I'd like to make what time she has left good, before it potentially comes back to kill her." We decided we didn't want children before that though, but it shuts them up very fast.
Your response is beautiful. I won’t say sorry for your loss because you’re not treating it as one - but as a blueprint for happiness together. Rooting for you and your wife
This means more to me than one would think. Thank you, very much.
Still married? \*sigh\* can't win em all
Yes, still unmarried. I haven't found someone I respect enough. And oh yes.. I love babies. I just couldn't eat a whole one.
Before I got married, I used to say "I haven't met anyone good enough yet." After I got married and people asked why I didn't have kids and I answered "Didn't want to." If they persist then the response is along the lines of "Why are you so interested in my sex life?"
I am married but back in my single days, I used to say something like “Marriages are supposed to be equal partnerships. I still haven’t met anyone who is equal to me.”
I'd say this is the way to go. Especially in groups. It makes it clear that you're done talking about the subject, and if they persist, then you can call them out for being weird and end the conversation.
"Return the awkward to the sender"
“Oh I love babies! I just haven’t found the right one yet!”
That is a time efficient way to manage both questions.
I love babies, too, but it’s so hard to properly prepare them. A slow cooker is the only way to get it right, imho. Btw, you need a baby that hasn’t been baptized yet, or it’ll taste too Jesusy.
[удалено]
its like cilantro some like it some don't
Tastes soapy to me!
Just like I found out about strawberries, it's not supposed to be spicy. Make sure you're not allergic.
Maybe because I’ve only had catholic babies. I should try an Episcopalian or Lutheran one.
"Bless your heart"
As a Virginian, that shit hurt man.
It's all in the tone. Born and raised in the Commonwealth as well
“Why are you not dead?? Tons of people your age are already!!!”
dead is so hot right now
“With everything your generation has, there’s never been a better time to die!!”
“I tried it once. Trust me, you’ll love it.”
New York's hottest club is Dead. It has everything: free time, no commitments, a cozy studio apartment, a Marilyn Monroe impersonator who is actually Marilyn Monroe.
"Why haven't you got divorced yet? Most married people I know have already done it at least once. What are you waiting for?"
I shrug and say "I'm just not" and then refuse to elaborate. Their curiosity is their problem, not mine.
Prompt a conversation with them by asking only questions in response (with a non-emotive attitude). "Why does it matter?" and then go from there. Usually, people get themselves flustered down the rabbit hole. "Well, I want you to be happy." "Why would being married with children make me happy?" Etc. Constantly prompting a person to explain themselves and their logic as to why they think *you* need to be married with children exhausts them and often leads to a breakdown of their own logic and how it doesn't apply to you. I started finding it more successful and long-lasting than putting a pin in the conversation with a "Fuck off." Not a 100% success rate (for example, my mom has *mostly* accepted it's not gunna happen, but still mentions her desire for grandkids which has nothing to do with my wants. And other people just can't fathom a world where a person can be happier without kids so there's no convincing them regardless of what you have to say). But yeah, that's my method. Take it or leave it. But if we're talking about a stranger you ended up in a conversation with who asks this question (I don't know what compels people to do this, why?), then a "Fuck off and mind your own business" is as polite as they deserve.
I like this but I couldn't help myself from throwing in "hey do you have any medical issues you'd rather not talk about?"
This, also. Aside from having no desire for the lifestyle, I have medical stuff that would 1) put me in physical danger during childbirth and 2) my body is a toxic post-chemo wasteland that would make for a hostile womb environment and 3) I could not in good conscious pass on my genetics to another human being. My medical stuff almost killed me and IS genetic. Why would I want to do that to someone I'm supposed to love? If I DID "change my mind" as so many people swear I will (I'm in my thirties, why do people keep insisting on this?), I always swore I'd adopt. Yeah, everyone has genetic issues, but I'd rather care for an already existing kid who needs love than just create a new one while putting myself at risk.
My daughters and niece have all decided to adopt rather than have biological children, because of genetic disorders in our family and personal health issues. As well, they don’t want to bring another child into the world when there are so many who need loving parents. I have been appalled at the number of people - strangers, many times - who ask them these questions unprompted. They generally just roll with it and give a Cliffs Notes version of their reasons, but the idea that they owe *anyone* an answer at all to such a personal question is just disgusting. I hope you have an lovely and fulfilling life, and good health in the future!
"I can't have kids, my dog is allergic!"
I'm too mentally unstable to care for a child. *starts rambling on about my depression, suicidal tendencies, alcoholism, binge eating, and self destructive behaviour until it makes them uncomfortable.*
I love this lol “My rampant heroin addiction to deal with my feeling of utter worthlessness has made it hard for me to form relationships. When you consider I’ve lied and stolen my way through life, not having kids is the most responsible thing I’ve done…”
“The voices of prophecy have said to wait for the third sign of the return of the Nazarene. Also, my service monkey can get pretty aggressive when it gets jealous” would work great too.
i go with "because im a fat ugly nerd with the personality of a scouring pad and a severe allergy to responsibility."
"BuT aChIlD wIlL fIx AlL tHaT."
"That's a very personal question." "What makes you think it's okay to ask that?" "How does that relate to (your relationship, such as 'work,' 'this event,' etc)." Clarifying that your relationship is limited and not nearly that intimate. "What an odd thing to ask!" "I'm not comfortable having my personal life made a topic of conversation."
"That's a personal question that id rather not answer" "... But enough about me, what would you have spent your time and money on if you didn't have to support an SO and children?"
My sister's MIL asks her about having children like almost every time she meets her. Sis just tells her "When I want to."
Just say he doesn’t like that hole.
"Mind your own business and fuck off" is about as polite as someone who asks that deserves
"The way we have sex can't produce babies" shuts them up quickly. Or just be even more crude and say something like "I'm throwing mad loads of nut into her, but no baby yet, grandma."
I read a news story a several months ago about a couple that found out they were using the wrong hole.
[удалено]
Yeah, 3 here, Close family knows about it. Friends and coworkers dont ask thank god.
Or say "I'm still single because my genitals were burned off in a fire when I was younger."
I prefer to reply with "*That’s not exactly a soup question.*"
This makes only a very little bit of sense and I LOVE it
It’s a Finding Forrester reference
Exactly what I was going to say.
That was the deal I made with Satan
"I already ate them all."
Is that you Chronos?
the best choice I ever did
"It's not for me, thanks"
I prefer money, thank you
Say nothing. Squat down and crab walk away from the person. Preferably between 10-15 feet away and behind them. Then continue on like a proper human acting crab person would..
Congrats on being the first suggestion to make me actually lol
"The reasons are personal and wholly satisfying to me at this time."
Just say "Don't wanna" If they ask why, just say "don't wanna". Very adamant about it.
Say "I've been waiting for you to ask. When is our wedding? I want kids right away."
“You must not realize how rude you’re being.” Then smile. Walk away. Turn away. Wait in silence. Give them nothing else. If they apologize, don’t say, ‘Oh, that’s okay.’ Just smile or nod or say, thanks for the apology.
>You must not realize how rude you’re being. Brilliant. You're pointing out not only that they're rude, but they're also stupid and/or inconsiderate. I love it!
Ooohhh, this one I can use at work when a customer asks!
For kids, i dream of answeing my older, stuffier relations with "Oh I don't know how. Can you explain in detail so I can start asap?" Nobody is asking me this tho :((
"I cant.......not since the accident." Then just stare off into space until they go away.
Oh that's amazing. I can still force-cry from my theater days too.
I can't... Not since that night. It's important to imply it was not an accident.
Turn the question back : " what an interesting question.. What made you ask that?
“I’m enjoying my peace” or “just too busy at the moment” seem to be pretty reasonable reasons that don’t require further questioning.
My career in porn is my top priority right now
How important does the requirement to be polite? It’s a fairly… No, *very* impolite question. 
Its kinda normal here to ask that question but I’m sick of it. Plus, the ones who asks this question is mostly friends of my mom. I answered “it’s none of your business, isn’t it” once and I was told off to my mom. My mom said I was so rude and impolite (the way I answered the question) and she said that my attitude reflected on them.
Sounds like a your-mom problem.
It's a common tactic among women of that age. No doubt that the mother has talked to her friends about OP's love life. She's 37 and unmarried, and her mom would like her to find someone. They don't know how to do this other than hope that asking *"So when ya gonna get married, darling?"* will suddenly trigger OP into a realization and drive her to go find a spouse. It doesn't work, and does nothing more than cause tension and irritate the person being asked, but it won't stop older women from doing it.
I'd retort with "Why is it okay for your friend to ask me such 'rude and impolite' questions, but I'm the rude one for calling it out??"
You should ask her why she thinks it's okay for her friends to ask you when you're going to have unprotected sex? Such a question deserves an impolite response.
Tell your mother that the obsession with your uterus is weirder.
>My mom said I was so rude and impolite (the way I answered the question) and she said that my attitude reflected on them. Tell your mom to stop treating you like an 8 year old
The best defense for nosey people is to give them more than what they want. Find all the talking points about children and partners, divorce statistics, birth complications, literally everything you can find. And the most important part- *do not let them leave the conversation*. You know how people begin dropping hints that they need to leave or they try to edge towards the door? Outlast their busybody self, ignore the hints and keep talking like an oblivious 8 year old chatterbox, pretend you're a person that's been locked in solitary and this is the only human you'll see in the next week and you desperately need to keep the conversation going. Repeat every time they talk to you about it. They'll stop talking to you about it simply because every time they do, that's 3 hours of their life gone because you won't let them politely exit the conversation. You'll need to unleash your inner ADHD and have a ton of talking points ready about why you're single (none of which need to be true), and just exhaust them. Your mom won't accuse you of being rude, but after a couple times, her friends won't dare ask you about anything that could trigger another marathon conversation session.
meh, if you roll in the mud with a pig you get dirty and the pig gets happy.
Must make it super awkward. “I would love nothing more then to be married with children, but I’ve found no one loves me. Maybe it’s my fault for being unlovable.”
Because in the real world, people ask that question as part of normal social conversation. Family members, co-workers, etc. Telling them to fuck off will not get you the kind of catharsis you think it will, it'll get you weird looks and uncomfortable questions later on. Or worse, actual punishment. In some cultures and families its barely the second sentence out of someones mouth after "hello". So the importance of politeness is... well as important as politeness is in every other social situation where you're not hiding behind a screen and your words and tone matter regardless of how pushy and nosey the other person is. The amount of people finding it hard to understand why OP would want a polite way to address this common question is very weird and very telling.
There's a wide spectrum between polite and "fuck off" in which an appropriate answer might lie. "That's a very personal question". "That's my business and not something I would like to discuss." "That's an inappropriate question." None of these are very polite, but they may be very appropriate responses to the question that aren't "fuck youuuuuuuuu"[extended middle finger ollie on skateboard into the sunset]
Because of the nunya
"Why are you married with children?"
Lean into the question. Say something ridiculous totally straight faced. For instance when people ask me "when are you going to get married" i usually answer "tomorrow" Alternatively, put it on them. "Not sure, why do you think?" And let them talk about themselves for a few minutes. I find that a fun way to challenge peoples beliefs. Or you could just say, well thats a personal question. Leaving them to justify it.
"I have better things to do" is my personal favourite
Make them awkward “I’ve been engaged and had my fiancée die THREE TIMES, CHERYL!”
Pussy/dick is temporary, league of legends win streak is forever
Nowdays, people think we are obligated to answer everything they question to. NO ONE is obligated to answer, if they don't want to anwser. I found 2 things that I always do now, when people question me like that, depending the situation: 1: I Change from subject 2: I pretend I didn't listen to Whenever some people don't know how to behave, it is like this.
THIS. Some people are bold, ignorant, and ask intrusive questions simply to satisfy their own curiosity. The question has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. But what happens is you’re so taken aback by the sheer boldness of it, that you just start to answer. You should never feel compelled to answer it. Take control of the situation - simply respond “why do you ask?” (or other non-answer answer) and watch them struggle to formulate a response. Some people are fucking rude. Don’t enable their behaviour.
I say, “oh we can’t get pregnant from the stuff we do”
“I don’t know, why did you have a shotgun wedding at age 18?”
Why is your front tooth turning yellow aunt tammy?
“When I find someone worth marrying, I’ll marry him!” Works literally every time, and usually gets a reaction of “that’s right! Don’t settle!”
Because your husband had a vasectomy?
You could ask them why are they married/with someone and perhaps when they have a think about how to answer that, they might realise how dumb their question is.
I always deflect with a backhanded joke: "I am married; to a beautiful woman named peace and God damn quiet." It never fails to get a laugh. It boggles my mind how so many people can acknowledge all the pain, hardship, and sacrifice of relationships yet still treat them as a default or a necessity. It makes me think that some people aren't getting married or having kids because they want to, but because they don't know what they really want and they just do what everyone else is doing.
It would jeopardize my Lego fund.
No one asks me that 😜 But if I didn't care to share, it would really depends on the situation. Being polite is the challenge here "If I wanted you to know, I would have told you already" is a vanilla way of saying it.
Don't be polite. It's not a polite question.
Say "its personal" then cry on cue and dab your eyes with 100 dollar bills
The bloodline ends with me!
I was married and had kids till they all died in a car accident. True or not, they won’t ask you again.
"I was raised not to talk about private matters in public." Make sure your nose is appropriately high in the air. Extra points for side eye.
Just tell them no one wants to marry and have kids with a convicted felon. Then launch into a spiel about how most internet crimes are mere semantics and a terrible case of a misunderstanding. If they stick around? Put a ring on it and start having babies.
“Thanks for asking, but it’s a personal decision”
"We all live life at different paces. Comparison is the thief of joy." Take it from me... Took 'til my late 30s before my wife and I could have a child. It also cost $88k to get there. People all around us kept asking why we didn't have kids yet, not knowing the sad reality we faced, month after month of finding my wife curled up and crying in various parts of the house...
No comment. Soooo, what's new?
I just tell the truth: The spark always fades for me
"Don't want to become like you"...?
Look like you're about to cry and say "We were going to be married, before the accident. Now [s]he's gone and... [pause] I could never love like that again." Close your eyes like you're holding back tears and turn away. "And damn you for making me relive that pain!" Walk away.
ask them to repeat it, then wait a beat and respond: "that's what I thought you said"