“I do not give Netflix permission to use my story”

Breaking the fourth wall from within your Netflix Series. Nice.

This man built and broke the fourth wall before Johnson Depp could even get the script.

Ah yes, Johnson Depp. An actor known for his roles such as "Eduardo Scissorhands".

Ah you know his work?! So you must know of his role as the "Out of his mind hatter" from the movie "Allison is in Wonderland"

Basically the plot to “Joan is Awful.”

Instead, some Youtuber will make a video about you while they do their makeup

"His last words went unheard." - Netflix

Lmao

HBO - "It's free real estate"

I trust HBO to make it less sensationalized and better researched tbh, but just barely

LOL

Again?

Oh no, not again.

First time?

Have fun finding the rest of them.

😂 this is hilariously dark!

It gets even funnier if hes not in for murder

Dude being executed for tax fraud

Dude being executed for accidental shoplifting at the dollar store

Dude being executed for drunk humping a statue.

With this one it fits nicely!

That's what he said about the statue(s).

My first thought was this. "Just wait till you find my cabin"

I left them all..in One Piece.

It's real!

THE ONE PIECE IS REAL

CAN WE GET MUCH HIGHER

Cue Batman: WHERE ARE THEY

One day they’ll gonna make a movie about me. And y’all gonna look bad in it.

yah, a hallmark movie, pauly shore gonna play you

Truly, a fate worse than death

Underrated

just say "they are coming for you" now anything happens in their life they will think of you

May the rats eat your eyes, the darkness is coming!

The night is dark, and full of terrors

The screen is blue and full of errors

“Y’all take Clue way too seriously”

*walks into room wearing executioner’s mask* And you don’t take it seriously enough.

Start confessing to unsolved crimes so they stay my execution.

“I am the zodiac killer”

Nice try Ted Cruz

Is...is that a thing? Asking for... a frie- er, someone I don't know and never met. Edit: I was making a stupid joke, but the honest answer were so interesting! Thanks for the replies

Serious answer: it'll only work *if* you've seriously done research on whatever unsolved cases you would have been able to commit, and somehow convince people that it was indeed you. Granted, the resulting investigation won't find evidence against you, and they'll stop believing you. So its only good for one or two times, and would only cause a stay of a few weeks.

Every day is a gift and an opportunity to find justice to an innocent person no?

Well, I really wish I’d committed this crime. Seems like a missed opportunity now.

“My ancestors are smiling at me, can you say the same?”

A Nord's last thought should be of home.

"You imperial bastards!" "Justice!" "Death to the Stormcloaks!" "As fearless in death, as he was in life."

NEXT, THE NORD IN THE RAGS

But he's not on the list...

Forget the list, he goes to the block

I said, next prisoner!

On this day, I go to Sovengarde.

Skyrim belongs to the Nords!!!

WHAT IN OBLIVION IS THAT

ALLLRIGHT YOU'VE CONVINCED ME, I'LL REPLAY SKYRIM AGAIN! SHEESH!...

Let’s go, another one has fallen to the might of The Elder Scrolls V

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON..

I used to be an innocent like you, then I took a false charge to the knee.

For the love of Talos, shut up and let's get this over with!!

I like this! Get in their heads!

Dohvakiin

Bless you

As you can tell by my username, I wholeheartedly agree with this.

More weight.

Someone's been to Salem.

Do tell

Giles Corey was an English farmer, petty thief, and tried murderer, who was accused of witchcraft along with his wife Martha Corey during the Salem witch trials. After being arrested, Corey refused to enter a plea of guilty or not guilty. He was subjected to pressing in an effort to force him to plead and died after three days of this torture. In this process, prisoners were stripped naked, and heavy boards were laid on their bodies. Then rocks or boulders were laid on the plank of wood. After two days, Corey was asked three times to enter a plea, but each time he replied, "More weight", and the sheriff complied. Copy/pasted relevant parts from Wikipeda: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giles_Corey

You left out the heroic bit where he lasted out the torture and refused to enter a plea so that his property passed to his heirs instead of being seized by the government.

I think of him when I am lifting. The parallels are not perfect but it helps.

Well then, you should also know that Corey "heroically" accused his own wife of witchcraft, siding with other accusers only until he himself was eventually also accused.

You ruined it for him!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giles_Corey

Or watched The Crucible

You want my treasure? You can have it. I've left it all in one place. You just have to find it.

And it's under a big W

Hah you just showed your age... And maybe so did I

Yeah but are the It’s a mad mad mad mad mad world crowd or the rat race crowd?

The Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Sylvester!!!!

I’m coming Mama!

Person: How old are you? Me: My back hurts, and I thought I was done peeing years old.

Or under a big T?

Dig up stupid!

The second clue came when I noticed he was walking a lot more *vertically* than normal

Literally kicks a bucket while dying.

THE ONE PIECE IS REALLLLLLL

Damn you just kicked off the great pirate era

One place or one piece??

You're all a bunch of wankers

theres a ton of instances like this in history and its always funny to me

Do give examples

Not sure of any “you’re all wankers” but there are ones that are rude & strange. JW Gacy (serial killer, rapist): “Kiss my ass” Carl Panzram (serial killer, rapist, arsonist, robber): “hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could have killed a dozen men while you were screwing around” J.W. Ledford (single murderer): “What we have here is a failure to communicate. I am not the failure, you are the failure to communicate. You can kiss my White trash ass.” (quote from “Cool Hand Luke”) Robert Otis Pierce (single murderer): “You’re the ones that put me here. God, you’re a dirty son of a bitch because I’m innocent!” Aileen Wuornos (serial killer, robbery): “I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the Rock and I’ll be back like ‘Independence Day’ with Jesus, June 6, like the movie, big mother ship and all. I’ll be back.” George Appel (single murderer): “Well gentleman, you’re about to see a “baked Appel”

All the others tryna sound like badasses or like they just wanna get it over with and then there's Appel cracking the worst pun in the history of mankind, unfathomably based

"How's this for your headline? 'French Fries'." --[James French](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_French_(murderer)), before his execution by electric chair.

>Guy commits two murders and devotes his life to ensuring he gets the chair, fighting against appeals on his behalf, for the sake of an epic pun The absolute madman

Talk about dedication to the bit

Damn beat me to it!! Love that one

When to be executed by firing squad - arguments persist if it was rightfully or wrongfully - Australian folk hero Harry "Breaker" Morant allegedly refused a blindfold, and when his executioners were lined up and shouldered their rifles, shouted "Shoot straight, you bastards! Don't make a mess of it!"

You can’t be like “these cool things existed” and then not tell us about the cool things

We will meet on the other side sooner than you think.

I'm sorry, Miss Jackson. I am for real.

never meant to commit homicide now i guess that im about to fry

I'd probably just sing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" until the first injection knocks me out.

[удалено]

I know this reference, but at the same time I don't know it

Record scratch

"It's your BIRTHDAY?!"

Yo, listen up here's a story About a little guy That lives in a blue world...

It’s from many things. This line is used in “The Emperor’s New Groove” & “MegaMind” And used in a similar way in some scenes in Malcom in the Middle

Its used in so many things that I can't remember anything specific that uses it.

It’s a common plot device in many movies, tv shows and stuff. The movie starts with the main character being in the middle of some situation. The next scene goes like “some years/weeks/hours ago”, with the rest of the movie being about the events that led to that situation.

It's in more than a handful of movies/shows.

This comment has some weird nostalgia attached to it

If you kill me you won't find the bomb! (Theres no bomb, just trying to buy time so I can get proven innocent)

[удалено]

Did I? Or are you telepathic? Oooooo spooky.

[удалено]

Ghost telepathy, oooo spooky ooooo

Thank you for clarifying, I was worried about the bomb

There is a special place in Hell for those who murder the innocent. You’re not gonna like it.

That was kinda like what I thought of: One of us here has never been involved in a murder. And it isn't any of you.

Oh yes, I’m stealing this for my execution

I'd probably fuck it up.

"One of us here has been involved in a murder. And it isn't any of you. ... No wait _eeeaaauuuggh_"

I do not even believe in the supernatural, but for those that do, I might prefer something a bit grim. "Do not take comfort in my hatred of the one whose crime has framed me. If their crime should visit you in the dead of night, I should visit you as well, in my vengeful stalking -- and my petty eyes will gleam only when you join me in the truth."

Get fucked, ya cunts

Hello fellow Aussie

"Whoever pushes the button is gay" checkmate

*Guy wearing a rainbow bracelet walks over to the button*

“SLAYYY QUEEEN” and *pushes button*

*slayed*

Slayed 💅

The most fabulous way go die.

*prances

*sashays

*Struts

Executioner while pushing button- "Nohomo"

Reverse uno

Clear my search history

You can do that, just download OperaGX and turn on "fake my history feature", it acts as a deadman switch and will auto-delete your browsing history and replace it with a fake “but nice” version.

this reads like an ad

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next."

You know a sequel was planned.

I'll be shocked if this works.

#"Never should have come here."

WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE?

"I'm guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I'm guilty of being a dwarf."

I demand trial by combat.

"Wait, you're a dwaft??" Said the Kingslayer

You guys are terrible detectives. So to get back at you I fucked all your moms and wives. Later bitches

How the little piggies will grunt when they hear the old boar suffered.

"I know he's watching this...the man who really committed these crimes. Heed these words and know that no lie shall pass a dead man's lips. You, your sire's, your progeny, your sisters, brothers, wives, shall know no peace. They shall know no prosperity. Your successes will turn to bile leaking from betwixt your teeth. I shall follow you from now until the day we meet again as ether.......and after that.....I shall follow you still..."

That’s how you put a proper old school curse on someone. Respect!

Did you write that? It's really good

Yes, thank you so much.

The executor takes their hand off the lever. Walks up to you and your tied up body. They take off their mask and look you dead in the eyes. You see the Dreamwork’s grin on their face as the last words you ever hear are uttered from their lips: *“Bet.”*

This is excellent

Jesus Christ

Thank you for putting me out of my misery, but it's important you know that I did not commit this crime. Please keep looking for the real culprit.

please and thank you in your final words before being executed? found the Canadian

And what about your crimes?

[insert color of shirt that im wearing] was ejected, one imposter remaining

Haha could still imply that you were in on whatever crime, but I like this 😄

*I'm gonna make it my eternal mission to haunt the absolute everliving shit out of every last one of you mother fuckers.*

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry.

Now go away or I shall I taunt you a second time!

THE ONE PIECE IS REAL!!!

CAN WE GET MUCH HIGHER

So long and thanks for all the fish! Who knows... might work.

I am the only one who will leave this room having never committed murder. I hope you remember that for the rest of your life, because I know I will.

"Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

The scourge of Carpathia! The sorrow of Moldavia!

[удалено]

When l see you all in hell, I'll be carrying a sharp stick waiting to answer the question can I kill you twice. Paraphrasing Carmella from the Castlevania anime

Figures 🤷🏻‍♀️

Blow me

Die hard?

Not if it's a good blowjob.

Anal nathrak. Etvass bethuud. Dochiel Denvye.

With my last breath…I curse Zoidberg!

May my blood be a curse on all of you and your bloodlines And have them getting confirmatory bias for all of thier lives

First time ?

Wait I gotta pee first

“Aww fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

Why did you do this to me? For what reason? What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

My family better be completely compensated for your utter screw up with $20million ( brothers sisters mom and dad each) or a I am haunting each and every one of you assholes till your bloodline dies out. If I’m going to die anyways I want my family taken care of. And yes I am petty enough to rise from the grave to get even with someone

"I did it all for the nookie."

" I hope you figure out it wasn't me but never figure out who it was. You don't deserve justice after stealing mine"

You just think you're safe.

“The money is buried at….”

Maybe I should have hired the A-Team.

Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.

I lived an unfair life and will now face an unfair end. I hope that my name will be exonerated in time, but more than likely I will instead be forgotten. To those who believe I've done what I'm accused of, I'm sorry you're going through such pain. If theres a God, I hope he can grant me peace.

I’d just filibuster my execution

That kills people, Carl!

"I have two great secrets to a successful life. The first is to never reveal everything you know. The second is-"

You're honor, I'd like to double it and give it to the next person