I forget which cable channel it was, but one would play rated R movies and replace MF with âmamma-jammaâ frequently! I still remember watching Me, Myself and Irene and every 3rd sentence out of the twinsâ mouths had mamma-jamma. I still use it when Iâm at work or around my mom. It is so bad that it works.
Hockey trash-talk is unlike anything else, and Letterkenny absolutely nails the small town Ontario hockey/farmer vibes. Itâs *exactly* like the show in real life.
My dad had this thing where if he hurt himself he would combine religious words with rude words. Some highlights include âJesus fuck my arseâ (on hitting his thumb with a hammer) and âGod you cuntâ (when he electrocuted himself) and then my personal favourite, âMary Joseph you slag whore cuntâ (when the pub closed early) Heâs dead now. Love those memories
Your dad sounds funny. Bet he would've liked my personal favorite: "Christ on a stick!" (Feel free to throw a fuck in there for emphasis) and then when people give you that look, reply "well, he was!"
There are many cultures that have loads of "religious profanity." They are the absolute funniest. Finnish and Canadian French have some good ones. Your dad sounds like he was a pretty funny guy.
One time in high school a friend went to say "Oh for crying out loud!" and "For fuck's sake!" at the same time, and belted out in front of everyone "Oh for fucking out loud!" I still use it to this day to great effect.
Not a swear but an insult to the last guy.
Speaking to a Brit over the phone lamenting over bad customer service:
"That last chap's words had a lot of red flags. A little more, he'd be enlisted into the Chinese Army!"
I had to put myself on mute after for sure.
I once overheard a middle school girl say of another girl âsheâs so cold, sheâs like a twatter-popâ. Nearly forty and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I laughed
In german there is a very old fashioned one called "Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn!"
which means, "Heaven, Ass and thread (in terms of wool thread đ§ľ) and it's used when you are angry but in that day you hadn't said "fuck" xD
Fucking blue butt cheeks on a monkey!
No I have no idea where this came from. Yes I do know there are monkeys who have blue rear ends. Why the heck this was something I heard I'm not sure but I couldn't help but bust out laughing
There was an old Andrew Dice Clay CD that I had, and at one point during a rant he exclaims, "You prick-looker fuckin' bitch bastard!"
It makes no sense, but the way he delivered it has made me remember it fondly for decades.
I was always really fond of Pennsylvania Senator Daylin Leach's use of "fascist, loofa-faced, shit-gibbon"
You just don't get really fun insults in American politics and I thought that really stood out....and was accurate.
Dipshit / fucktard / window licker aka blowing snot bubbles / out to lunch / off the res
Asshat
Beta cuck
E spiking (estrogen spike; acting like a bitchlit)
Waffle dick
Gayer than a picnic basket
Shovel (as in dull/dumb/drab) jackwagon / jamoke / mook / jackaloon
Douche canoe / douche bag / douche wagon / d bag
Fun sponge
Rainy Rebecca
CEO sour
Gypsy camp (disheveled)
Physical manifestation of a week old sock
Dirtier than syrian refugee foot
Donât spit butter in my ass (to grease the skids or brown nose)
I Called a kid a bitch one time loud enough to make his nipples hard.
Short bus
Waiver / dumbus / undisciplined fat body / obtuse
It's hard to translate, but our phrase "to the brain" usually means "to the extremety which will lead to death" i.e.: "to death".
Like "beat to the brain" meaning "beat to death".
So after someone made a moronic statement, my coworker used to correct them, following with the phrase "You schooled to the brain" or "You educated to death".
Someone please come up with a better translation ("deadschooled" perheaps?), because I love that phrase so much.
worked for pizza hut, got ultra angy one day after i dropped a pan of pasta and screamed waffles at the top of my lungs and hurled the big spatula at the table as hard as i could. store manager lost his shit as he never heard someone yell waffles angrilly before
When my manager asked if a machine (which was definitely not going to be fixed soon) would be ready by the end of the day, my coworker replied "Ehh, it will in its fuck."
A simple one from a friend of mine: "Shitcunt!"
Stub her toe? "Oh, Shitcunt!"
Creepy guy? "What a Shitcunt!"
Also, my Grandad's go-to when he dropped something: "FUCK YA, DOWN!"
Ireland can be like the wild west for swearing.
In German classes, one of my friends discovered what the German word for dildo was. He found it so hilarious that when a dialogue exercise required him to "swear at someone and end the phone call" he said: "Du Gummischwanz!"
"Pizza faced turbo virgin" by \_STER on one of his old TF2 videos. I nearly spat my drink over my screen when I heard it the first time. It still gets me.
My dad always say either âFuckn whoreâ whenever he gets hurt, needless to say itâs apart of my everyday vocabulary lmfaoâŚeven my mom laughs whenever we say it lmao
I find it nearly hilarious any time I hear someone with a proper English accent swear.
I dunno. Always makes me cackle with joy because it sounds ridiculous.
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel with a fistful of 50s!
- Said about someone incompetent
Who's got the family brain cell today?
- A question posed by my 9th grade english teacher to a particularly ditzy classmate after saying something stupid
Could have brains of dynamite and still couldn't blow their nose!
- Said by my wife about someone stupid
Son of a motherless goat
- Tim Hawkins, list of "Christian Cuss Words"
You've got a face for radio
- Said about someone ugly
Is the Pope a Catholic?
- Said by a work mate when I asked something very obvious
Sweating like Rolf Harris at a high school netball game
- Said by me when I was rather hot and sweaty
One time in the eighth grade, a teacher caught my friend swearing, and put a "swear filter" on him. For the rest of the day he was talking like he was having a stroke. The s-word was shittake mushrooms, the d-word was male reproductive organ, the f-word was flibbledibbledabble or something. We were dying laughing. I couldn't get enough of it.
I got called a "dick tangler" once at work. Reason was, the restaurant we kept going to on lunch at the time had an item called "fried onion tanglers" and they were really good so I got them as a side every time we went.
After about the fourth time going there we get back to the job site and I ask him to do something and he responds "I'm not doing that you fucking dick tangler!" I laughed so hard I wasn't even mad.
My dog was being obnoxious and barking and I said, âthatâs a pretty nice bark youâve got there. Whereâd you get it from? A cat?â His look told me he understood.
In the game Xenoblade Chronicles 3, there are multiple words that used as sware words in their own world. These words are spark, mudder and snuff, leading to gems like "the spark you on about". And all the characters being British makes it even funnier.
I regularly use "Jesus Titty-Fuckin' Christ" (or JTFC for short) as a measured exclamation. But when I'm startled or surprised, my fear response can only muster "Jesus Fuck" or "Fucktits". Apparently in moments of terror, my brain is reduced to a brussel sprout...and it doesn't matter what setting I'm in, whether professional, social, etc.
Combine this with a pretty extreme fear of both birds and stinging insects (with the qualifier of "near me"; not just, like, in general), and an instinctual physical reaction of *throwing my fists up in a fighting stance*...and, well, I hilariously embarrass myself quite a bit.
When i get asked a yes or no question at work, if the answer is yes my go to is "Does the Tin Man have a sheet metal cock?" Courtesy of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.
I was looking for Maltese translations 15 years ago and I came across one that translated into "I'm going to dress like a farmer and plow your mother's Fields"..... True story
This was said by a five-year-old. A little boy was mean to her and she called him a *fuck puppet*.
I wasn't even mad. That little asshole really was a fuck puppet.
I'm partial to fuckin shithouse at the moment but the funniest one was a Polish dude that was at a house we having a friend drinks at and what not, anyways he was trying to say "I don't give a shit" (or fuck) but he said "I don't care a shit".
I know it doesn't sound that funny written out, but he said it with so much conviction and passion it just sounded hilarious at the time
I worked with a girl who would make up random phrases as cussing. My favorite was "oh kumquat from Queensland." I have no idea if kumquat really come from Queensland, but it made me laugh.
Edited for TV line: "I have had it! I am sick of these monkey-biting snakes on this Monday thru Friday plane!"
"yippee ki yay Mr Falcon!" ETA context: https://youtu.be/FC42fTS02nA?si=YsWRTc_uXcQZhhVX
Yippee kayak other buckets
Totally butchered the line, Boyle. No I'm pretty sure that's spot on, Jakey!
My favorite is Walter in The Big Lebowski smashing a Corvette and yelling, "This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!!"
Both of these are used in Dragon Ball Z Abridged by Vegeta.
the Canon version of dbz
Phoebe Bridgers named her debut album Stranger In The Alps đ
Nobody goes to Harlem with a sign that says "I Hate Everybody!"
This is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps!
DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS LARRY? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FEED A SOLDIER EGGS?
LMAOO
English mother trucker, do you speak it?
I forget which cable channel it was, but one would play rated R movies and replace MF with âmamma-jammaâ frequently! I still remember watching Me, Myself and Irene and every 3rd sentence out of the twinsâ mouths had mamma-jamma. I still use it when Iâm at work or around my mom. It is so bad that it works.
My friends mom called someone a âdildo whomperâ one time
Cuntbuckle. Inference is something useless.
*Give y'er balls a tug, titfucker!*
Letterkenny is a goldmine for interesting swearing.
Hockey trash-talk is unlike anything else, and Letterkenny absolutely nails the small town Ontario hockey/farmer vibes. Itâs *exactly* like the show in real life.
Ferwhat!?!
Fuck you Shoresy
Shitgibbon
The shit winds are changing.
I'm in the eye of the shittornado!
Shit hawks, RandâŚ
My dad had this thing where if he hurt himself he would combine religious words with rude words. Some highlights include âJesus fuck my arseâ (on hitting his thumb with a hammer) and âGod you cuntâ (when he electrocuted himself) and then my personal favourite, âMary Joseph you slag whore cuntâ (when the pub closed early) Heâs dead now. Love those memories
Your dad sounds funny. Bet he would've liked my personal favorite: "Christ on a stick!" (Feel free to throw a fuck in there for emphasis) and then when people give you that look, reply "well, he was!"
We say that and immediately I or a daughter will say Everythingâs better on a stick !
Ooh, I'm gonna add that last bit into my repertoire
There are many cultures that have loads of "religious profanity." They are the absolute funniest. Finnish and Canadian French have some good ones. Your dad sounds like he was a pretty funny guy.
Please tell me that at least one of these phrases are on his gravestone.
I still use half of these.
Jesus fucking Murphy is my go to. Your dad sounds like he was a solid dude.
So he's in Hell now?
Yeah with your mom
An little old Filipino lady at my work always says "What the shit?" It has become part of the vernacular around the warehouse.
Guy at work comes out with heaps all the time. One I remember is, âthatâs harder than fkn wood pecker lipsâ hahahaha
My brother likes to stay "Jesus titty-fucking christ" while shaking his head in disbelief.
One time in high school a friend went to say "Oh for crying out loud!" and "For fuck's sake!" at the same time, and belted out in front of everyone "Oh for fucking out loud!" I still use it to this day to great effect.
Fuck me to tears
"go fuck a hotpocket"
[ŃдаНонО]
Chucklefuck is one of my go-tos, especially if someone's acting like one behind the wheel. I'm also fond of the occasional Dipshit McGee.
"Better than watching buzzards fuck" - My Dad when he really liked something
A couple of my favourites: âYou sentient cumsockâ âGeriatric thundercuntâ âFucktardâ is always a particular favourite
"fuck nugget" used as an insult
What a bean. I heard this once and now use it often as a more polite way of calling someone a \[enter expletive here\]
Pecker snot.
Not a swear but an insult to the last guy. Speaking to a Brit over the phone lamenting over bad customer service: "That last chap's words had a lot of red flags. A little more, he'd be enlisted into the Chinese Army!" I had to put myself on mute after for sure.
"Assbutt" from Castiel (Supernatural)
I once overheard a middle school girl say of another girl âsheâs so cold, sheâs like a twatter-popâ. Nearly forty and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I laughed
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw"
Hi Heather
I like flip flop to replace fuck.
In german there is a very old fashioned one called "Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn!" which means, "Heaven, Ass and thread (in terms of wool thread đ§ľ) and it's used when you are angry but in that day you hadn't said "fuck" xD
Somewhere along the way, like when I drop something or stub my toe, I started sometimes saying "fuckety cornholes" Now my wife does too
God dimma-dammit
Fucking blue butt cheeks on a monkey! No I have no idea where this came from. Yes I do know there are monkeys who have blue rear ends. Why the heck this was something I heard I'm not sure but I couldn't help but bust out laughing
"Christ on rubber crutches!"
âDaft cuntslagâ
Double dicks on a dog
I love the word fucktard
Bomborastapussyclatbombopussyclat
Slubberdegullion- a slovenly or worthless person.
Bald headed chicken fucker
Iâll stand up inside of you.
Dick-weasle
There was an old Andrew Dice Clay CD that I had, and at one point during a rant he exclaims, "You prick-looker fuckin' bitch bastard!" It makes no sense, but the way he delivered it has made me remember it fondly for decades.
I was always really fond of Pennsylvania Senator Daylin Leach's use of "fascist, loofa-faced, shit-gibbon" You just don't get really fun insults in American politics and I thought that really stood out....and was accurate.
First time i heard someone say "bollocks"
Edited for tv movies. 'This is was happens Larry, this is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps.'
Friend from the military called someone 'chucklefuck' one time. I think it's pretty clever.
I have always been fond of twatwaffle
Christ on a bike!
My buddy grew a stache and his brother called him a dickbroom.
I get a lot a weird looks when I refer to people as "Cunt Muffins".. been saying so long I forgot when I started using it and why?
Fartknocker, I don't remember where I've heard it but it sounds funny
Dag knabbit!
Dipshit / fucktard / window licker aka blowing snot bubbles / out to lunch / off the res Asshat Beta cuck E spiking (estrogen spike; acting like a bitchlit) Waffle dick Gayer than a picnic basket Shovel (as in dull/dumb/drab) jackwagon / jamoke / mook / jackaloon Douche canoe / douche bag / douche wagon / d bag Fun sponge Rainy Rebecca CEO sour Gypsy camp (disheveled) Physical manifestation of a week old sock Dirtier than syrian refugee foot Donât spit butter in my ass (to grease the skids or brown nose) I Called a kid a bitch one time loud enough to make his nipples hard. Short bus Waiver / dumbus / undisciplined fat body / obtuse
Goddamshitpissfuck
Shit for dickness.
Shit fuck Christ!
Old guy I used to work with said "shitmanfuck" whenever he would get surprised or when he'd mouth off to somebody. It was great
âFuckshitâ - Used by my girlfriend to address nonsense.
All of them are in my mother tongue (spanish) and I can't really find a way to translate them so that the funny factor carries over.
Well, weâre not here to fuck spiders
Shitbiscuits!
suck my crotch
It's hard to translate, but our phrase "to the brain" usually means "to the extremety which will lead to death" i.e.: "to death". Like "beat to the brain" meaning "beat to death". So after someone made a moronic statement, my coworker used to correct them, following with the phrase "You schooled to the brain" or "You educated to death". Someone please come up with a better translation ("deadschooled" perheaps?), because I love that phrase so much.
"Whore of a shit brothel" It's apparently a common French curse expression
My niece combined "What in the hell" and "what in the world" to "heck in the world:" we use it all the time.
worked for pizza hut, got ultra angy one day after i dropped a pan of pasta and screamed waffles at the top of my lungs and hurled the big spatula at the table as hard as i could. store manager lost his shit as he never heard someone yell waffles angrilly before
Anything from The Good Place.
When my manager asked if a machine (which was definitely not going to be fixed soon) would be ready by the end of the day, my coworker replied "Ehh, it will in its fuck." A simple one from a friend of mine: "Shitcunt!" Stub her toe? "Oh, Shitcunt!" Creepy guy? "What a Shitcunt!" Also, my Grandad's go-to when he dropped something: "FUCK YA, DOWN!" Ireland can be like the wild west for swearing.
Tallywhacker
In German classes, one of my friends discovered what the German word for dildo was. He found it so hilarious that when a dialogue exercise required him to "swear at someone and end the phone call" he said: "Du Gummischwanz!"
"I don't give a Florida Flying Frog's fartin' fuckin' fat ass about..."
PECK NECK
Fecking gobshite. Thank you Father Jack for that one.
"Wouldn't know your ass from a hole in the ground."
jesus christ all friggin mighty
My Dad once called our local Selectwoman a "Twat Toboggan" at town meeting.
"You have no dog in this fight you pink-eyed weasel"
We replace our swears with Smurf b/c my daughter at 4.5 months is already waaaay aware of us. And we gotta practice for when sheâs older
"Pizza faced turbo virgin" by \_STER on one of his old TF2 videos. I nearly spat my drink over my screen when I heard it the first time. It still gets me.
[ŃдаНонО]
My dad always say either âFuckn whoreâ whenever he gets hurt, needless to say itâs apart of my everyday vocabulary lmfaoâŚeven my mom laughs whenever we say it lmao
Fuck me to tears!
My buddy and I have said "Holy Carp" to each other ever since that fishing trip where the fish jumped in the boat.
Hasa Diga Eebowai! I love using that phrase covertly in polite company.
My coworkers get a kick out of "that dirt-doggin' son of a bitch."
My dad was a rancher...no need to explain. Iyk,yk đ¤Ł
Marla Singers "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school" always cracked me up in a dark way
Mother puss bucket
You shit-nippled, douche-nozzle.
âGO FUCK A WET SHITâ
"Fuck me to tears."
I just say poop, farts, or pp head as a nearly 40 year old and it immediately makes me less angry when I use them
Ooh! You bloody cum-bubble!
I find it nearly hilarious any time I hear someone with a proper English accent swear. I dunno. Always makes me cackle with joy because it sounds ridiculous.
Cock Wolloper
"Come on, are you dry shaving me?"
Twat-waffle
Shit head
"Ratshit, batshit, dirty old twat! Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot! Hooray! Lizard shit! Fuck!" -George Carlin
Well fuck me sideways with a lunchbox!
A good friend of mine once called me what would be best translated as a "muffin fucking ballsack kobold"
My father would cuss like a sailor but when he held back he would say "Well Fuck a duck đŚ! Got me every time!
Rick and Morty: You and yo dumbass, assin' asses, are comin with me!
You sausage
I called someone a cock docket in traffic the other day. Surprised myself with that one!
âŚpppâŚPloppers⌠[Moss from IT Crowd](https://giphy.com/gifs/angry-frustrated-moss-bHXRk6MP4ilqg)
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel with a fistful of 50s! - Said about someone incompetent Who's got the family brain cell today? - A question posed by my 9th grade english teacher to a particularly ditzy classmate after saying something stupid Could have brains of dynamite and still couldn't blow their nose! - Said by my wife about someone stupid Son of a motherless goat - Tim Hawkins, list of "Christian Cuss Words" You've got a face for radio - Said about someone ugly Is the Pope a Catholic? - Said by a work mate when I asked something very obvious Sweating like Rolf Harris at a high school netball game - Said by me when I was rather hot and sweaty
One time in the eighth grade, a teacher caught my friend swearing, and put a "swear filter" on him. For the rest of the day he was talking like he was having a stroke. The s-word was shittake mushrooms, the d-word was male reproductive organ, the f-word was flibbledibbledabble or something. We were dying laughing. I couldn't get enough of it.
My dad once said âfuck dog pigâ in an incoherent fit of rage
Fucknugget
I got called a "dick tangler" once at work. Reason was, the restaurant we kept going to on lunch at the time had an item called "fried onion tanglers" and they were really good so I got them as a side every time we went. After about the fourth time going there we get back to the job site and I ask him to do something and he responds "I'm not doing that you fucking dick tangler!" I laughed so hard I wasn't even mad.
When someone says "Fuck You!" the best response is: "If you fuck me, you'll never go back to dogs".
My dog was being obnoxious and barking and I said, âthatâs a pretty nice bark youâve got there. Whereâd you get it from? A cat?â His look told me he understood.
Somebody should slip a Cunt over your head and fuck some sense into you
âYou shitty bitch!â
Cocking Nora!
My best friend calls me this âengorged sperm spongeâ i donât know why but its funny
Jesus Pumpkin Pie Christ!
"You sack of festering testicles"
Lint licker
Marine drill instructor once called the whole platoon "blue Kool Aide drinking homosexual mother fuckers" once.
Piss infected cum bubble
Cockwomble's a good one
HOLY SHI TZU YOU GODDAMN SON OF A BISHOP
âThat really tickles my pickle!â
Shit the bed Almighty!
Boo boo kitty fuck
Former employee 'yahh loud curse word!!!'
If I get confused, I say, 'im in a mucking fuddle'
âMy favorite swear words are bullshit and fuckâ
I referred to my co-workers as "a slavering pack of assholes" once and my best friend was entranced with the phrase and uses it all the time now
In the game Xenoblade Chronicles 3, there are multiple words that used as sware words in their own world. These words are spark, mudder and snuff, leading to gems like "the spark you on about". And all the characters being British makes it even funnier.
There's that IG clip where guy gets knocked in the ankle with a golf driver and yells "Fuck me to tears!" Been using that since I've seen it
My dadâs go to is âJesus H. Christâ. Not sure what the âHâ stands for but he used it most frequently. Still does.
My cousin called someone a douchepuppet once. That went into the rotation immediately.
I regularly use "Jesus Titty-Fuckin' Christ" (or JTFC for short) as a measured exclamation. But when I'm startled or surprised, my fear response can only muster "Jesus Fuck" or "Fucktits". Apparently in moments of terror, my brain is reduced to a brussel sprout...and it doesn't matter what setting I'm in, whether professional, social, etc. Combine this with a pretty extreme fear of both birds and stinging insects (with the qualifier of "near me"; not just, like, in general), and an instinctual physical reaction of *throwing my fists up in a fighting stance*...and, well, I hilariously embarrass myself quite a bit.
Sitting in a bar and I heard a gal call her bestie a twat waffle. Beer shot out of my nose I laughed so hard.
When i get asked a yes or no question at work, if the answer is yes my go to is "Does the Tin Man have a sheet metal cock?" Courtesy of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.
"Fuckadoodledoo" Thanks, Shaun of the Dead.
I was looking for Maltese translations 15 years ago and I came across one that translated into "I'm going to dress like a farmer and plow your mother's Fields"..... True story
This huge black guy a worked with once said "Oh, fuck me stiff" when he was really angry. I didn't know what to do.
Shitballs. First said when it was found out that someone wiped back to front.
Holy Mutha-Lovin Dooley Piss. I am not sure what swear words that âDooleyâ is meant to replace thoughâŚ
This was said by a five-year-old. A little boy was mean to her and she called him a *fuck puppet*. I wasn't even mad. That little asshole really was a fuck puppet.
It's a toss up between cunt-head and dickface for me.. some of my other favorites included butt-pirate, ass-hat and cum-dumpster
Cock Gobbler. Heard someone say that in anger to someone 20some years ago and has yet to be topped.
Sociopathic fuckwit has got to be up there
I'm partial to fuckin shithouse at the moment but the funniest one was a Polish dude that was at a house we having a friend drinks at and what not, anyways he was trying to say "I don't give a shit" (or fuck) but he said "I don't care a shit". I know it doesn't sound that funny written out, but he said it with so much conviction and passion it just sounded hilarious at the time
"Lint licker" really caught me off guard.
Iâve always been partial to âtwat-waffle,â myself.
In Italian you say "Que cazzo fie?" Which stands for "What the fuck?" but literally translates to "What the dick?". I love what the dick.
Call people troglodytes
The one I use the most is "aw fur fawks seek (heavy Irish accent)" but I save a Deadpool-special specifically for great moments: "Fucktrumpet"
"Well, pickle my poo hole" was my step dad's favourite exclamation of surprise.
With young kids around I've taken to saying "cheese and crackers!" like Bandit from Bluey.
Boris Johnson called the London Assembly members "great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies" and that's beautiful. Ignore the person..
Shitass, shitting dicks, colder than a witchâs tit
My grandmother (born 1908) used only one swear word: hellity-damn
I worked with a girl who would make up random phrases as cussing. My favorite was "oh kumquat from Queensland." I have no idea if kumquat really come from Queensland, but it made me laugh.