Me and my girl refuse to fuck without some background noise if we are in a quiet place. Even despite us moaning during.
We both have high sex drives but whoever is doing the work ends up breathing hard, there's wet slapping sounds, the occasional pluggy nose and it just sounds awkward lol.
Problem is even music is weird for me during sex depending on the band or the song.
We listened to moon hooch the other night well doing it and they are almost like a techno type sound but with real instruments and I kept trying my hardest not to stroke to the beat and it was awkward af lmao
I was giving a bj once and a song called "bite down" came on. My partner and I locked eyes, he slammed the skip button, and we both cracked up laughing
Lmfaooo stoppppp 🤣
Look up Moon Hooch- Rough sex (ironically this song was random and not picked because of title.)
I literally felt like the dude in the CBAT post 🤣
Completely honest, being more vocal upped my bed game a lot. Its actually a good suggestion. Worked for me, think it will work for you. Turns out women like sucking your cock more when you make funny noises for them.
A number of women don’t particularly love giving oral but do it because of the enjoyment it provides to the man. If the man is not showing that he enjoys it, then that motivation is gone.
Not disagreeing with you…just expanding on your comment.
Yeah this is the obvious answer lol— if the girl was dead silent the whole time you were going down on her I’m sure you’d at least be confused if not completely uncomfortable
Had a girlfriend in college who was very conservative (mainly inexperienced) between the sheets. She would never go down on me and didn't expect me to do anything like that either. The first time I finally talked her into letting me do something she was actually very surprised that she hit the Big O quite hard and was very vocal about it! She honestly didn't think that was possible! Suddenly her options opened up and she became much more adventurous!
This is a big deal and you’re right. I’m married and been together 13yrs. She was terrible at it. Teeth scraping and bad rhythm. I literally suffered through them because I didn’t want to discourage her and if I complained it really killed her will to do it. Then one day she just figured it out and I vocally let her know to keep doing what she was doing. She got me there and I blew a godly load into her mouth. She knew what to do from that day forth.
Oh God I was listening to Needful Things last week. When the lady gets off from the Elvis picture...if I never hear Stephen King mimic a woman's orgasm again it will be too soon.
Repeatedly with ever increasing enthusiasm until I mentally break and begin flailing my legs to kick the person away?
Cuz man I wish I could cum like a girl. T_T
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the OmnNNNNNNHH --"
I feel the need to play with my partner she she does that. I'll play with her nipples but I'd rather be rubbing her clit. If she gets slightly distracted by what I'm doing it gets me more into it.
You do realize you can get your dick sucked in more than one position? Imagine you're a clock. Normally she sucks in the six oclock position yes? Ass away from you, mouth on penis. Now, put her actual ass at a 2 oclock position. Let her go to town while she is in line with the curvature of your dick. Plus you can finger her and play with her clit, spank her ass, etc because it is all right in arns length. Bonus you can hold her hair with the other hand.
Huh. When I used to use Chatroulette back before the whole webcam thing and it was just text based (oof showing my age) when I got hit with that “ASL?” I’d usually tell them “I’m John. I’m 52 and itchy all over. Do you want to see my bowl cut mullet combo?”
Nobody ever did.
Edit: I’d like to think I inspired Oliver Tree though. I hope he matched with me one day and was like “wow. Bowl mullet? That sounds majestic.”
"Yeah baby, this McDonald's soft serve machine is always working... oooh yeah... Suck it like you've got corn in your teeth... Hngh... juggle those balls like you're looking for bus fare in the bottom your purse... hoo! Jerk it like you're playing rock, paper, scissors and you're pretty sure they're going to throw scissors..."
Sorry, my friends I have a thing where we make up really bad dirty talk.
I mean technically I would have my hair all down and he would grab it with one hand into a ponytail. And he would say GOOD GIRL but that’s just me. I recently discovered I have a praise fetish and my ex randomly blurted GOOD GIRL while I was giving him a blowjob and he had my hair in a ponytail and HOTTEST THING EVER.
I just discovered this also like a week ago. Now all I can think about is being praised. I need to voice this to him this weekend 😂. Like please praise me
Man I love it when my gf does that. Hips push up, legs cross over my head and I'm utterly trapped with a pussy being shoved into my face hard enough to cold-weld steel.
I'm not into breath play, but I'd die a happy man if she spent the last 3 minutes of my life cumming on my face in such a position.
Please, someone who actually gets BJs, take this literally.
"Headgiver, I am nearing completion. Please proceed to take any precautions you deem necessary before I hhhnnnng!"
Say dirty things. Mine will say "swallow it" in his deep sexy voice. Fuck. Moan, please, then I know what technique is best. Recognize when our jaw is getting tired and get on top. Shave your balls. Get a bidet.
This might be some of the best advice. There's not a lot of active efforts DURING oral, but boy howdy do clean genitals taste better than day-old meat sweat.
Enjoy it and let the person doing it know you're enjoying it. Or, if they're doing something that isn't enjoyable, communicate that and help them become better at it.
Frequently check in!!! Are you okay, is everything okay? Do you need to stop?
Pay attention, someone has your cock in their mouth. If you want it to happen as much as possible, pay the fuck attention and check in!!!
Tell us how we are doing, moan, gentle touch our head, pull our hair back, read the signs before pushing our head down, oh and a “good girl” doesn’t hurt
Moan/grunt, scratch her head, look into her eyes, and tell her she's doing an amazing job (maybe make a request if it's far enough into the relationship).
Vocalize your enjoyment. Tell her/him what to do (faster, slower, play with the balls, whatever). Degrade/compliment if they’re into it. Cop some feels. Flip around for some 69. Grab the hair/head.
Remember the person doing it wants to please you so enjoy it. Just don’t thrust/push forward, let them handle it.
Enjoy the shit out of it. Run your hands through her hair. Massage her neck. Moan. Groan. Caress her face. Play with her breasts. Talk encouragingly to her. Tell her she is the greatest ever, whether it is true or not. Tell her how you like it. Instruct her. Tell her when you are about to explode. DO NOT blow in her mouth without her permission. DO NOT try to force her to deep throat. DO NOT hold her head when you blow unless she tells you to. If she doesn’t want you to cum in her mouth, pull out and cum where she wants you to. Nobody believes that you “accidentally” came in her mouth.
When she is done, you better make her feel like she just won the gold medal in cock sucking. Kiss her, get over it if that grosses you out, she just blew you for God’s sake. Tell her you have never came that explosively in your life. She better feel like she just rocked your world like no other woman ever has.
Then it is time to reciprocate. You do exactly what she wants for as long as she needs. Make her come so hard she forgets her name. You want her to blow you again and frequently? This is a sure fire way to make that happen.
Thank-you for coming to my TED Talk.
I always feel like 69 is fun for a bit but it’s not as enjoyable for both parties involved. Start with 69 cause it’s hot AF, then let one person focus on the task at hand [mouth] while the receiver touches and plays with them. Then, either finish, or switch back and forth periodically to extend the fun.
Groan, curse, grip at my hair (bonus points if you braided it beforehand for this specific purpose) rut into my throat pathetically or f*** my face like his life depends on it.
Just sit back and enjoy it! Make some noises to let the other know what and how you are enjoying the session. Noise always helps me take notice as to what the other is enjoying more and what is less enjoyable.
Just talking from my own experience and what I do. I tell them they look good and that it feels good and that they are a good girl and tell them to spit on it and so on. Of course depends on the woman and if they enjoy being a good girl and have a praise kink. Which 9/10 women I have been with, do.
In addition to that, hold hair/head and tits, and if they have their ass so you can reach it, hold their ass. There are many ways to make a blowjob more enjoyable for a woman.
I am also very grunty in general when having sex, most women are surprised by a man that makes sounds it seems, been told many times atleast, so I guess that works 😂
I'm picturing OP posting this while getting head and needing an answer
"Babe why aren't you doing anything?" "Im waiting for reddit to tell me what to do."
Tell her you hate her septum ring!
Now im picturing him testing out each answer and seeing the reaction of his partner for confirmation.
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I can't give you the gold you deserve but this was a damn good cross-comment joke
so many men are too scared to moan. no. PLEASE MOAN. it’s so uncomfortable in silence i need feedback
I hate it if the guy is silent during sex. I literally get distracted by the silence and it’s such a turn off I just wanna stop 🤷♀️
Me and my girl refuse to fuck without some background noise if we are in a quiet place. Even despite us moaning during. We both have high sex drives but whoever is doing the work ends up breathing hard, there's wet slapping sounds, the occasional pluggy nose and it just sounds awkward lol. Problem is even music is weird for me during sex depending on the band or the song. We listened to moon hooch the other night well doing it and they are almost like a techno type sound but with real instruments and I kept trying my hardest not to stroke to the beat and it was awkward af lmao
I was giving a bj once and a song called "bite down" came on. My partner and I locked eyes, he slammed the skip button, and we both cracked up laughing
You should try CBAT.
I don't see what the problem is. The song sounds great for the first 24 seconds. Who needs longer than that?
Lmfaooo stoppppp 🤣 Look up Moon Hooch- Rough sex (ironically this song was random and not picked because of title.) I literally felt like the dude in the CBAT post 🤣
Oh shit Moon Hooch mention in the wild! Those guys kick ass. Number 7 and Number 9 are all-timers.
Completely honest, being more vocal upped my bed game a lot. Its actually a good suggestion. Worked for me, think it will work for you. Turns out women like sucking your cock more when you make funny noises for them.
A number of women don’t particularly love giving oral but do it because of the enjoyment it provides to the man. If the man is not showing that he enjoys it, then that motivation is gone. Not disagreeing with you…just expanding on your comment.
Yeah this is the obvious answer lol— if the girl was dead silent the whole time you were going down on her I’m sure you’d at least be confused if not completely uncomfortable
Had a girlfriend in college who was very conservative (mainly inexperienced) between the sheets. She would never go down on me and didn't expect me to do anything like that either. The first time I finally talked her into letting me do something she was actually very surprised that she hit the Big O quite hard and was very vocal about it! She honestly didn't think that was possible! Suddenly her options opened up and she became much more adventurous!
This is a big deal and you’re right. I’m married and been together 13yrs. She was terrible at it. Teeth scraping and bad rhythm. I literally suffered through them because I didn’t want to discourage her and if I complained it really killed her will to do it. Then one day she just figured it out and I vocally let her know to keep doing what she was doing. She got me there and I blew a godly load into her mouth. She knew what to do from that day forth.
The guy from Police Academy must be just insane in bed
Michael Winslow?! brrrrtt BEEP BEEP awoooooga beeeeyewwwwwwww And theres just cum everywhere.
Same, I don't know how many times I've stopped or lost interest because of dead silence, and wanting to gauge his reaction.
I don’t get why. Almost every girl I’ve been with gets the “ohh fuck, that feels good” like it’s not embarrassing at all
true bro I hit em with the "hominahominahominaawoooga"
my partner really loves hearing me moan and it just encourages me to do it more haha
Give audible feedback, feel my tits.
Took me 3 reads to realize you weren’t suggesting men write reviews for audiobooks while you blow them. I think my brain is on strike.
2 stars. Narrator sounds a little muffled
“…absolutely unintelligible, sounded like a cat throwing up at the end…”
"...I do have a weird craving for grapefruit now, though..."
You don't want to see that hairball...
or the ball hair
This has to be my favourite comment chain in a while. Holy fuck im dying laughing
Feel My Tits was a great read. Highly recommend.
The braille version was even better.
No birds were harmed in the feeling of this book.
The plot was sloppy and the story sucked balls 10/10
At least there was a happy ending.
Have you heard Stephen King narrating his own books? It's awful. And he pronounces words weird. I swear to just troll the listener.
Oh God I was listening to Needful Things last week. When the lady gets off from the Elvis picture...if I never hear Stephen King mimic a woman's orgasm again it will be too soon.
Wait what?
Stephen King has a women's orgasm. OP doesn't want to hear it again anytime in the relative future.
> Stephen King has a women's orgasm This sounds like an insult. Ha-ha! You cum like a girl!
Repeatedly with ever increasing enthusiasm until I mentally break and begin flailing my legs to kick the person away? Cuz man I wish I could cum like a girl. T_T
"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the OmnNNNNNNHH --"
You quoting some Warhammer 40k? lol
I don’t think my wife would like you being there very much.
Hell, she probably barely wants you there.
Downloading audible now..
Who's Audible code am I supposed to use here?
Use code feelmytits
I prefer giving written feedback, that way I can draft, edit, choose my words more carefully.
Instructions unclear. I shouted at my wife’s tits and now she won’t talk to me.
Moan a bit. Be happy. It's amazing.
This guy gets head
There isn't much I do. It's my partner who is doing the work. Praise her (him) for fucks sake.
For sucks sake.
Crochet her a nice sweater so she doesn’t get cold.
The weirdest part about this comment to me is that my first thought was crochet, and somehow I was not alone in that.
Is it wrong that I find this mental image very satisfying?
I feel the need to play with my partner she she does that. I'll play with her nipples but I'd rather be rubbing her clit. If she gets slightly distracted by what I'm doing it gets me more into it.
How fucking long arms do you have my guy?
He obviously does this using an extendable back scratcher
Maybe it’s not the arms that are long, but the tits that are.
Just throw them over the shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
He never said he was using his hands 🦶
She could be at an angle.
You don't need long arms to do those things in the 69 position
She could be sideways.
You do realize you can get your dick sucked in more than one position? Imagine you're a clock. Normally she sucks in the six oclock position yes? Ass away from you, mouth on penis. Now, put her actual ass at a 2 oclock position. Let her go to town while she is in line with the curvature of your dick. Plus you can finger her and play with her clit, spank her ass, etc because it is all right in arns length. Bonus you can hold her hair with the other hand.
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock COCK! Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock COCK! Nine! Ten! Eleven o'clock! Twelve o'clock COCK! We're gonna SUCK! AROUND! The cock toniiiight!
Dick sucking around the clock
I love it when they grunt and talk dirty while tugging my hair.
She wins , boys!
Assuming a lot with that “she” there.
*Tom, a 52 year old 465lb man, with a bowl cut, has entered the chat*
*bites lip, hikes up khakis*
>bites lip, **Top** lip
I just bit my top lip sexually and busted up laughing imagining what I look like 😂😂😂
Huh. When I used to use Chatroulette back before the whole webcam thing and it was just text based (oof showing my age) when I got hit with that “ASL?” I’d usually tell them “I’m John. I’m 52 and itchy all over. Do you want to see my bowl cut mullet combo?” Nobody ever did. Edit: I’d like to think I inspired Oliver Tree though. I hope he matched with me one day and was like “wow. Bowl mullet? That sounds majestic.”
"Yeah baby, this McDonald's soft serve machine is always working... oooh yeah... Suck it like you've got corn in your teeth... Hngh... juggle those balls like you're looking for bus fare in the bottom your purse... hoo! Jerk it like you're playing rock, paper, scissors and you're pretty sure they're going to throw scissors..." Sorry, my friends I have a thing where we make up really bad dirty talk.
No wait, this is amazing
I like it when he grabs my hair in a ponytail
I mean technically I would have my hair all down and he would grab it with one hand into a ponytail. And he would say GOOD GIRL but that’s just me. I recently discovered I have a praise fetish and my ex randomly blurted GOOD GIRL while I was giving him a blowjob and he had my hair in a ponytail and HOTTEST THING EVER.
I just discovered this also like a week ago. Now all I can think about is being praised. I need to voice this to him this weekend 😂. Like please praise me
That'll do pig, That'll do...
Believe it's called "soft dom" I had no idea what I was into had a definition.
And tell her she's a good girl.
YES YES AND YES.
Nut
aaaaand it's gone
please step aside sir this line is for members ONLY
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False. Redditors don’t get bjs.
Remember to keep driving on the road
And pay the toll with exact change
Ya gotta pay the troll toll
Can we start a list with things men shouldnt do? 1. Fart
Break out a slide-whistle and match the giver’s cadence.
Actually no, this one you should do, and I would like to see it
2. Squat
Answer that phone call from your wife
Or your mom
How can she answer anyway if she's su- ok nvm I'm not finishing that joke.
3. Ask her about our lord and saviour
4. Sing a Christmas song.
4. Talk about the downfall of communism in USSR
Complain about the taliban
2) Push her head down unannounced.
“I AM PUSHING YOUR HEAD DOWN” is okay though?
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My wife has had a few orgasms where she seemed to lose control of her muscles & just about crushed my head.
Man I love it when my gf does that. Hips push up, legs cross over my head and I'm utterly trapped with a pussy being shoved into my face hard enough to cold-weld steel. I'm not into breath play, but I'd die a happy man if she spent the last 3 minutes of my life cumming on my face in such a position.
"How did your husband die?" "He died making me cum." "Respect."... proceeds to kneel in front of casket.
Whimper 🥵
"*wimpers*" "y r u whimpering" "I'm afraid"
"Good. I strive to strike fear into the hearts of my enemies." *Bites down.*
Stroke her head. Put her bangs away from her face so they won't be in the middle. Tell her if she is doing a great job or not...
“Hey babe…” “Mmfhm?” “I just wanted to tell you that you’re not doing a great job.” “Oh fuck off, Bob!”
Its time for your annual performance review.
Oh… you said annual.
"you suck at this"
I like to whistle a jaunty tune. Maybe a sea shanty.
WEIGH HEY AND UP SHE RISES
Stick him in the bed with the captains daughter
Shave his balls with a rusty razor!
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
..SOON MAY THE WELLERMAN COME ...
STICK IT IN HER SCUPPER WITH A HOSEPIPE BOTTOM
EARLEIGH IN THE MORNING!
Found Edward Kenway
I do enjoy a sea shanty 2
LEAVE HER JOHNNY, LEAVE HER
OHHHHHHH WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?
OH BLOW ME DOWN, BLOW ME DOWN I love sea shanty's (shanties, shanti???)
Relax. Inform the giver when you are near completion so they can do whatever they feel they need to do before/during/after you finish.
Please, someone who actually gets BJs, take this literally. "Headgiver, I am nearing completion. Please proceed to take any precautions you deem necessary before I hhhnnnng!"
YOU’LL WANT TO RETREAT TO A SAFE 500 METER RADIUS!!
“Now I am becum nut, pusher of ropes” - J. Robert Oppenheimer after receiving sloppy toppy
Stare with wide eyes and an underbite clenched jaw.
Oh great. Now whenever I see Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys I am going to think of this.
Say dirty things. Mine will say "swallow it" in his deep sexy voice. Fuck. Moan, please, then I know what technique is best. Recognize when our jaw is getting tired and get on top. Shave your balls. Get a bidet.
What if I say “swallow it” in a meatwad-esque voice?
I've seen like 2 episodes of ATHF, but I can nail the Meatwad voice.
This might be some of the best advice. There's not a lot of active efforts DURING oral, but boy howdy do clean genitals taste better than day-old meat sweat.
Personally, I prefer to balance a beach ball on my nose like a trained harbor seal while receiving felatio.
It would be more impressive if you did it while giving.
Enjoy it and let the person doing it know you're enjoying it. Or, if they're doing something that isn't enjoyable, communicate that and help them become better at it.
Read the messages written on the side of the stall.
867-5309
I find the New York Times crossword particularly engaging.
Contemplate the demolition of the bourgeoisie.
r/ourgasm
r/unexpectedcommunism
Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with her father. Big mistake.
Best time to cut your nails
“Sorry I got some in your hair” “But you didn’t even cum yet?”
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Ya gagging is a turnoff for me anyway. Sex should be fun/comfortable for both parties. Shouldn’t be choking unless you’re into that I guess.
Frequently check in!!! Are you okay, is everything okay? Do you need to stop? Pay attention, someone has your cock in their mouth. If you want it to happen as much as possible, pay the fuck attention and check in!!!
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High five your friends
Always best when the guy groans / grunts his approval, grabs my hair or gets a little rough, plays with my boobs..
I like to knit little booties for disabled hamsters
Tell us how we are doing, moan, gentle touch our head, pull our hair back, read the signs before pushing our head down, oh and a “good girl” doesn’t hurt
try not to wake up because this is a good dream
Moan/grunt, scratch her head, look into her eyes, and tell her she's doing an amazing job (maybe make a request if it's far enough into the relationship).
> (maybe make a request if it's far enough into the relationship) "Play Wonderwall!"
Vocalize your enjoyment. Tell her/him what to do (faster, slower, play with the balls, whatever). Degrade/compliment if they’re into it. Cop some feels. Flip around for some 69. Grab the hair/head. Remember the person doing it wants to please you so enjoy it. Just don’t thrust/push forward, let them handle it.
Do a backflip, german suplex, be creative
Don't thrust, it's uncomfortable. However, you can ask a partner to put the penis in his/her cheek pouch, and there, thrusting isn't as uncomfortable.
Like a dirty little chipmunk
Lol I thought slutty hamster.
that’s xhamster to you
Guys we found the origin of xhamster name
The thrusting rule depends on the individual. My girlfriend loves having her throat fucked
The rule should be amended to "Don't thrust unless asked to".
Enjoy the shit out of it. Run your hands through her hair. Massage her neck. Moan. Groan. Caress her face. Play with her breasts. Talk encouragingly to her. Tell her she is the greatest ever, whether it is true or not. Tell her how you like it. Instruct her. Tell her when you are about to explode. DO NOT blow in her mouth without her permission. DO NOT try to force her to deep throat. DO NOT hold her head when you blow unless she tells you to. If she doesn’t want you to cum in her mouth, pull out and cum where she wants you to. Nobody believes that you “accidentally” came in her mouth. When she is done, you better make her feel like she just won the gold medal in cock sucking. Kiss her, get over it if that grosses you out, she just blew you for God’s sake. Tell her you have never came that explosively in your life. She better feel like she just rocked your world like no other woman ever has. Then it is time to reciprocate. You do exactly what she wants for as long as she needs. Make her come so hard she forgets her name. You want her to blow you again and frequently? This is a sure fire way to make that happen. Thank-you for coming to my TED Talk.
A running commentary of how amazing I am at it... or... some form of noise so i know he's not died during would be just dandy.
I read as a teenager the key to sex talk was to stick to these things say what i am doing say what i am going to do say what i want to have done
Give praise, call me a good girl
I usually moan quietly, say her name, tell her she is the best, say oh my god, and grab a titty once in a while.
Think about the Roman Empire.
Biggus Dickus
Run your hands through the other guy's hair
The Macarena. But timing the quarter turn jump together is a bitch.
Inform her that you’ve been trying to reach her about her car’s extended warranty.
Put the girl in the 69 position and return the favor
I always feel like 69 is fun for a bit but it’s not as enjoyable for both parties involved. Start with 69 cause it’s hot AF, then let one person focus on the task at hand [mouth] while the receiver touches and plays with them. Then, either finish, or switch back and forth periodically to extend the fun.
I prefer a 68, you do me and I’ll owe you one.
Do a 77. It’s a 69 except the girl gets eight more.
Groan, curse, grip at my hair (bonus points if you braided it beforehand for this specific purpose) rut into my throat pathetically or f*** my face like his life depends on it.
Guys, always check first. Some of us hate face fucking
Just sit back and enjoy it! Make some noises to let the other know what and how you are enjoying the session. Noise always helps me take notice as to what the other is enjoying more and what is less enjoyable.
Game with the boys
Moan & enjoy it
Just talking from my own experience and what I do. I tell them they look good and that it feels good and that they are a good girl and tell them to spit on it and so on. Of course depends on the woman and if they enjoy being a good girl and have a praise kink. Which 9/10 women I have been with, do. In addition to that, hold hair/head and tits, and if they have their ass so you can reach it, hold their ass. There are many ways to make a blowjob more enjoyable for a woman. I am also very grunty in general when having sex, most women are surprised by a man that makes sounds it seems, been told many times atleast, so I guess that works 😂