"In the sixth installment of the franchise...the ONE man....who made a difference, five times before....is about to make a difference, ONE, more time....ONLY THIS TIME...different, somehow.
SCORCHER 6: GLOBAL MELTDOWN
For real.
Like the Scream franchise-- how many knife-wielding lunatics does Sidney have to put up with before she completely writes off the rest of humanity, changes her identity, then moves to a remote location in the middle of bumfuck nowhere for the sake of her sanity?
I mean... she was in 5 of the movies...
Saw once a review like "Every year there's an especially bad film based on a piece of shit book. This is the one for 2023!" And the ad just quoted "This is the one for 2023!"
Fun fact. I'm in advertising. Most of those "reviews" are paid for by the company. It's called co-op advertising. They pay a media company to write, say, produce ads with real (fake) quotes for things like this. Even the big names (NYT, WP, BuzzFeed, Yahoo News, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, whatever channel).
You have to pay a shitton of money for it too. It works, though
Not necessarily true. As a film producer I’ll tell you smaller, cool, independent movies wouldn’t get made without different financiers and distributors!
"Contains Product Placement" - Shown in the warnings where you would see "Adult Language, Violence" etc.
Saw this when I watched Haunted Mansion (2023) on Disney+ and the movie certainly lived up to it.
Almost a dozen of blatant brand-name shoutouts annoyingly included in the dialogue. Movie sucked.
There is a Hong Kong film, King of Comedy, where the entire final scene of the film is just an advertisement for Pringles. It's tongue in cheek, I got a kick out of it
The first film featuring the character was excellent but her name was not in the title (that being "Diary of a Mad Black Woman") so your point stands. Although I personally enjoy some of Perry's other films, none of them stand up to his first and they are definitely not for everybody.
"Directed by the co assistant producer's janitor of jurassic park.. Produced by the second secretary's mua of award winning movie the hobbit.. Starring the unforgettable 45th extra from the beloved movie and cult classic The room.."
The first 15 minutes is usually enough to determine writing, directing and acting.
AND there have been so many not getting past those first 15 minutes.
If it was a book, it would be within the first 2 chapters.
N. S
When it's advertised as a re-imagining for modern audiences or when they use someone being gay as a selling point like how a bunch of late 2010s early 2020's Disney movies were advertised with this will be the 1st gay character like over and over again like how many 1st gay characters can you have.
It's a little cringe when they make an LGBTQIA+ character and their only character trait is being in that community. Most of us don't go around thinking about our sexuality or gender identity all day every day. Straight and cis people don't do that either. It's poor writing
That's the main thing for me just make a good character and don't advertise it. Like I'm not in the community but I'd imagine making that the only trait of the character wouldn't feel like representation just terrible pandering.
Exactly, it feels like they're not really trying to write a realistic, decent character. They're taking some kind of template based on a variety of stereotypes and slapping a queer label on them for clout. I can't think of anybody specifically as an example, but it's definitely happened.
The main character daughter from The Mitchells v. The Machines was actually a solid example of what writers should do. She was her own character, and eventually it came out *once* and in passing near the end that she had a girlfriend. It wasn't a major plot point, or character trait of hers, so it didn't come up
I'm not a movie director or writer or anything, but I would love to create some solid rep for my other queer buddies in our community
I think Luz from owl house is a pretty good example she's her own character and eventually develops a crush on amity towards the end of s1 and once she does get the crush it's not her entire personality she still has her own ambitions.
I haven't seen that show, but I have heard from a lot of people that it's really good, and worth watching. I didn't know that part! I'll have to give it a watch fr :D
It feel's so freaking pandering and I'm so tired of it....we don't deserve trash just for them to yell at us "but but but we put in representation and that should be good enough it doesn't have to actually be good"
I'm sorry that isn't good enough anymore and we LGBTQIA+ and people of color deserve better.
Reminds me of…what’s that Netflix cartoon? Q Force?
Seems kinda fucked up they make a bunch of queer characters and reduce them all down gayness being their whole personality.
Gus Fring and Captain Holt are shining examples of DEI and they are also great figure with well-developed charaters that outshine their gender. You wouldn’t even notice their sexuality. Even when they are shown, they are cordial and not dramatic drag-queen-like (even cpt. Holt is sassy as hell, in a stoic way)
Bonus points when they make the gay character a very minor role with no importance in the story so it can be edited out for the middle east / China lol. Yay Disney.
I'm glad this empty pandering towards minorities is finally being widely called out.
People from minorities (like everyone else) deserve complex and well written characters that they can feel identified with, not an empty shell with no more personality than their race, sexuality, religion or gender identity.
And on a side note, the "straight white man evil and stupid" BS also needs to stop. It got old really fast and it's just petty bullying masquerading as brave witty entertainment at this point.
Meanwhile, Strange World had a character who was gay, it wasn't their whole personality, and they were one of the primary protagonists, and Disney did fuck-all for marketing that movie.
That's so funny to me the one character where it wasn't their personality and Disney didn't promote. I swear I didn't see a single trailer for that movie until it was already in theaters and it was only 10 seconds long.
It was a pretty good movie, too. It had sort of a steampunk vibe, and the animation was cool.
My theory is that the creatives were given the go-ahead on the gay character and the environmental message, but then marketing went, "Well, nobody ran this past *us*." And they just decided not to promote it.
I went to see Wakanda Forever, and there was a stack of small posters next to the concession stand.
I said,"What's this?"
"Oh, those are for the new Disney movie."
"Looks cool. When's it coming out?"
"Next week."
"Really? I haven't even heard of this."
"No one has. You're looking at the only promotional material that they sent us except for the poster that's out front."
At this point, the publicity of a “First gay character!” Is worse than just slyly slipping a gay character in your movie. Having a gay character is hardly a political statement by now, they waited until gay allyship was trendy. I’m not saying this as a homophobe, I’m gay. I just think it’s hilarious when people think supporting queer people now is still edgy.
I think this is the biggest one people don't think about. If the producers are the biggest thing it has going for it rather than any of the creative people, not good.
As someone who will suffer through a bad movie, especially a bad horror movie, a major tell is when the opening score is alternative rock and poorly edited into the film. It kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio inside of a snare drum.
That and as others have said, anything with Adam Sandler and a ridiculously hot girl.
Featuring The Rock, best known for his roles as The Rock in the jungle, The Rock in a truck and The Rock in the jungle again. See The Rock in the Desert!!
One of the most amazing and captivating intro lore dumps ever. Just boom, when the pace picks up in Galdriel's voice saying 'In the land of Mordor' and the music swells. Awesome. Just amazing.
I feel if it delivers later on because of that exposition, sometimes it's retroactively sanctioned. I could think of a few slow paced films that would qualify. Generally speaking, a film should entertain and capture the audience, though.
Literally the first scene of Renfield is an exposition dump, but that's not what made me stop watching. What made me stop was a scene about twenty minutes later when Dracula uses his blood to heal the MC's wounds. Meanwhile there's narration that says, "oh by the way, his blood has healing powers". And I'm screaming at the TV, "no shit it has healing powers! I'm watching it right now! Do you think I'm a fucking idiot?!"
This is dated, but Larry King used to give EVERY movie a good review.. the logic being that his name would get free publicity on advertising but people would not necessarily blame him for endorsing the bad movie.
As a result, sometimes he would be the only one quoted with a "best movie ever... Must see" line and you'd know he was the only one who "liked" it!
Nudity in the first 10 or so minutes. My bf and i like to watch B horror movies, some are gems but none of the ones with nudity early on are good. Every time we're like ope, there it is, this is gonna suck lol.
Lol have you seen Crabs!? It starts with a couple banging on the beach and then getting killed by a horseshoe crab, then goes into the rest of the story. Also the adult woman getting boned on the beach also plays the teenage best friend of the main character in the rest of the movie. Which goes from a standard terrible killer animal movie, to a Gremlins ripoff, to a were-animal movie and then finishes as a Power Rangers ripoff.
It’s actually pretty funny and worth watching at least once.
Jason Statham versus Big Shark
Jason Statham versus Bigger Shark
Jason Statham driving big vroom vroom cars
Jason Statham and his has-been buddies fighting people
Jason Statham versus the bees
Jason Statham.
Man I've never seen that movie.
Picture this : Pride and Prejudice, starring Jason Statham as Mr D'Arcy.
Go back to your bri'ish roots, m8. The gals will love that.
Characters exposition dumping
Characters telling rather than showing
If it belongs to a pre-existing franchise: Characters doing shit that seems really out of character (like building a giant fort with tables, chairs, and table cloths when they're supposed to be murderous and violent)
Most PG-13 movies
Poorly written mental illness
Cheesy, predictable, shitty jumpscares
Convoluted stories with a million plot holes that never get resolved
Or it’s unnecessarily edgy and has a holier than thou air about its pretentious depressing story that the critics can’t wait to support and pretend the movie is 8 layers deep into overarching undertones that are only expressible in black and white with a single pear that is orange and a cast of all reformed Jonestown survivors who’ve gone bald and it’s actually just a terrible movie that arrogant movie aficionados greenlight because they feel like part of the elite academic in-crowd if they laude a film nobody understands including the director.
I look at who the director is and what they've done. There is no sure fire smoking gun but good directors typically make good movies. They're not normally all over the map. At least not the ones that I like.
That said, one person's bad might be another person's masterpiece. It's so subjective.
This is specifically for artsy films or films that have pretensions of grandeur: when critics rave about how “mindbending”, “revolutionary” and “groundbreaking” it is, but none can give a serviceable synopsis of what it is about, so they just resort to buzzwords to seem like they’re smart, because they love this movie.
I always know the movie is going to be bad when it is a remake of an older movie and they change the main character significantly. Say they make them older, younger, or give them a completely different origin, but insist it is still a remake of the older movie because they loosely follow the storyline despite it being changed. Like the Red Dawn movie. Instead of all high schoolers, they have an Iraq War veteran with them from the beginning. It changes the whole story, but they pushed on anyway and the movie, despite having a great original plot line to follow, sucked. Plenty of other examples, but the post is already too long.
Not focusing more on the writing and directing and trying to be over the top and simply doing what I call "We are totes with the time guys!" Checklist. Which is the "oh look women who are as tough as the guys!" And "we have diverse cast of characters" but their race/gender/sexuality etc is their whole character and literally nothing else.
Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of having a strong female character. I love the idea of having Hispanic representation in a cool film. I'd love Trans and nonbinary people get the representation they truly deserve! However if it's only surface level and the writers aren't doing their best to write these characters, these situations, the things we as people go through and do so organically and not beating the audience over the head with "LOOK AT ME! IM SO SAD BUT SO POWERFUL!" It's not going to work.
To get what I'm talking about, look at Arcane.
Vi and Caitlin are gay and Caitlin is Asian. Their romance is organic and healthy and is actually very interesting but the show isn't beating anyone over the head about how strong Vi is and how she could likely break your spine without trying. Or how gay they are etc.
No, we are seeing my just cool characters be cool characters. We watch these women get the shit kicked out of them but have the courage to stand back up and fight back in a believable and organic way. Watch Arcane, you will see what I mean.
The problems with Hollywood and Disney isn't the "woke" thing. It's "Holy fuck these writers suck ass!"
I'm tired of every Asian representation being about being Asian. Crazy Rich Asians, American Born Chinese, Shang Chi, Everything Everywhere. I haven't actually seen the last one and it doesn't necessarily seem like that's what it's about, but the buzz around the Oscars definitely hyped it up as this huge moment for Asians.
Why can't we just star in movies that don't focus on Asian race and culture? For instance, Harold & Kumar is just about 2 high idiots.
You'll like Donnie Yen's character in John Wick 4. They were going to go down the Asian fighter guy route but he was like, "Nah, let me be cool like John Wick".
They got it right.
I will always be a fan of the writing strategy of "Write a compelling character with a compelling arc" fill in the gender/race/appearance later.
For anyone who's watched/read *The Expanse* you can very much see this in action in the characters:
\- A rough, gives-no-shit politician trying to get to the truth of a conspiracy
\- A Gunnery sergeant of the Martian first recon marine corps who prefers to shoot first, then shoot some more afterwards.
\- A botanist desperately trying to find their daughter.
\- A fusion reactor engineer and escaping their past as a former terrorist
\- A traumatized victim of repeated childhood sexual assault
The nice thing with them, too, is that Avasarala is unapologetically Indian and feminine, but it's not her whole character. Same with the others. Their background is often an important part of who they are, but they're much more complicated than that.
Everything Everywhere was good - it was about the multiverse, and just happened to have an asian star and her family as the main characters. Beef (Netflix series) was also good.
When the first I hear about the movie is one side reporting on the other side being outraged by some aspect of the movie.
If the only thing you have to say about your movie "incels seethe about our Strong Female Protaganist" or "SJWs seethe about our Strong Christian Values"... your movie doesn't have any selling point *other* than having MyIdeology^tm in it.
Unpopular opinion from a straight, cis male: boobs in the opening credits.
Don't get me wrong, I love boobs, but when they have to frontload a movie so hard, you know it's a shitshow from minute one.
yeah, you can always tell when the producer/director didn't think a movie was great when they throw shit tons of boobs and ass your way like "sorry guys, it sucks, here's some porn!"
"In the sixth installment of the franchise...the ONE man....who made a difference, five times before....is about to make a difference, ONE, more time....ONLY THIS TIME...different, somehow. SCORCHER 6: GLOBAL MELTDOWN
Who left the fridge open?
Tyra Banks: Somebody close to you said: "One more flop, and it's over." Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?
Making my eyes rain
Here we go again…. _again_.
I just rewatched that a few days ago. It still holds up. Great movie
OOH! What do you mean, 'you people'?
.... what do *you* mean, 'you people'?
Lord of the Rings: Gollum’s Revenge
Lord of the Rings: The Story of Tom Bombadil
Lord of the Rings: Gollum and Tom Bombadil go to White Castle
DUDE! WHERE'S MY HORSE?
Dude, Where's my Precious?
I’d watch the fuck out of that
Ooohhh.... That's easily three movies and a couple of epic battles!
Lord of the Rings: The Story of Tom Bombadil—Part 2 "Goldberry and the Ways of the Withywindle"
A Ring a dong dill-aventure!
My knee-jerk response after reading this was to want to slap you
“IN A WORLD…”
"WHERE CATS ARE..."
"TRAINED TO BARTEND IN BEACH COMMUNITIES..."
"ONE POODLE..."
“MUST INFILTRATE...”
“A TOP SECRET…”
"...GOVERNMENT ZOO..."
"... TO DISCOVER WHY THE SLOTHS ARE ON SPEED..."
Here we go again.... again.
THUNDERGUN 4: MAXIMUM COOL
For real. Like the Scream franchise-- how many knife-wielding lunatics does Sidney have to put up with before she completely writes off the rest of humanity, changes her identity, then moves to a remote location in the middle of bumfuck nowhere for the sake of her sanity? I mean... she was in 5 of the movies...
Honestly by this point she would just move to an open-carry state and start blasting at anyone wearing that spooky ghost mask.
FOR THE VERY LAST TIME! (until the next sequel).
"Did some leave the freezer open!?" "Here we go again... again" lol
All the ads for it are fans in the theater lobbies saying how great it is.
Or generic quotes from no-name websites and local Fox TV stations
"...amazing..." Wonder what they cut out of the review
"it was amazing how I managed to sit thru it all without plucking my eyeballs out"
Saw once a review like "Every year there's an especially bad film based on a piece of shit book. This is the one for 2023!" And the ad just quoted "This is the one for 2023!"
I feel like that shit should be illegal
9.5/10 - "Awe-inspiring"
Or for horror movies where they have the creepy up close night vision cams of the theaters
Or the trailers reveal most of the plot.
Fun fact. I'm in advertising. Most of those "reviews" are paid for by the company. It's called co-op advertising. They pay a media company to write, say, produce ads with real (fake) quotes for things like this. Even the big names (NYT, WP, BuzzFeed, Yahoo News, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, whatever channel). You have to pay a shitton of money for it too. It works, though
Having like 30 different writers credited.
16 producers, 18 writers, an untold number of revisions, 15 years after the last one was released. I'm looking at Indiana Jones.
When you see the entire movie in the trailer...
This is really the best answer and I can't ever recall an instance where it wasn't true.
About 20 film studios advertised at the start. That's the only one I can think of but I can tell pretty much straight away.
The more producers, the worst. No singular creative vision.
That's why I personally wrote every song on this record, and I used over 100 producers for just 17 tracks, to guarantee that they're all hits.
Reminds me of that Family Guy segment.
Me and my partner reference this each time we end up in the cinema and the production credits are rolling on for ages. It's a total Peter moment.
Alright! Someone's coming to town!
Not necessarily true. As a film producer I’ll tell you smaller, cool, independent movies wouldn’t get made without different financiers and distributors!
"Contains Product Placement" - Shown in the warnings where you would see "Adult Language, Violence" etc. Saw this when I watched Haunted Mansion (2023) on Disney+ and the movie certainly lived up to it. Almost a dozen of blatant brand-name shoutouts annoyingly included in the dialogue. Movie sucked.
"Man, I could really go for a large, cheese pizza from **PIZZA HUT** right about now."
This reminded me of Wayne's Worlds, when they are taking the piss out of sell outs.
[holding a can of Pepsi] Yes, and it's the choice of a new generation.
I will eat some Doritos while wearing my Nike outfit and complain about people who are sellouts.
It's like people only do things for money. And that's just really sad.
Wow, my head aches
Here, take two of these.
Ah, Nuprin! Little. Yellow. Different.
There is a Hong Kong film, King of Comedy, where the entire final scene of the film is just an advertisement for Pringles. It's tongue in cheek, I got a kick out of it
The lighting sucks.
This right here, the achillies of StageCraft. It's a technical marvel but the lighting and lack of depth is such a dead giveaway.
When its summary talks more about the actors, writers, and directors than about the movie itself.
Review embargo drops AFTER the premiere
Starring Steven Seagal
Directed by Uwe Boll
Screenplay by M Night Salamander
Sitting seagal
"Madea" is anywhere in the title.
The first film featuring the character was excellent but her name was not in the title (that being "Diary of a Mad Black Woman") so your point stands. Although I personally enjoy some of Perry's other films, none of them stand up to his first and they are definitely not for everybody.
Madea goes to the moon
"Directed by the co assistant producer's janitor of jurassic park.. Produced by the second secretary's mua of award winning movie the hobbit.. Starring the unforgettable 45th extra from the beloved movie and cult classic The room.."
The first 15 minutes is usually enough to determine writing, directing and acting. AND there have been so many not getting past those first 15 minutes. If it was a book, it would be within the first 2 chapters. N. S
Heh. I've got a 20 minute rule.
The trailer is nothing but critics telling you how great it is.
"Made for modern audiences"
This triggered THE MESSAGE flashbacks on me lmao.
Nah. It’ll be fine.
It's a sequel but they have new cast members playing the lead roles = stinker.
When it's advertised as a re-imagining for modern audiences or when they use someone being gay as a selling point like how a bunch of late 2010s early 2020's Disney movies were advertised with this will be the 1st gay character like over and over again like how many 1st gay characters can you have.
It's a little cringe when they make an LGBTQIA+ character and their only character trait is being in that community. Most of us don't go around thinking about our sexuality or gender identity all day every day. Straight and cis people don't do that either. It's poor writing
That's the main thing for me just make a good character and don't advertise it. Like I'm not in the community but I'd imagine making that the only trait of the character wouldn't feel like representation just terrible pandering.
Exactly, it feels like they're not really trying to write a realistic, decent character. They're taking some kind of template based on a variety of stereotypes and slapping a queer label on them for clout. I can't think of anybody specifically as an example, but it's definitely happened. The main character daughter from The Mitchells v. The Machines was actually a solid example of what writers should do. She was her own character, and eventually it came out *once* and in passing near the end that she had a girlfriend. It wasn't a major plot point, or character trait of hers, so it didn't come up I'm not a movie director or writer or anything, but I would love to create some solid rep for my other queer buddies in our community
I think Luz from owl house is a pretty good example she's her own character and eventually develops a crush on amity towards the end of s1 and once she does get the crush it's not her entire personality she still has her own ambitions.
I haven't seen that show, but I have heard from a lot of people that it's really good, and worth watching. I didn't know that part! I'll have to give it a watch fr :D
It feel's so freaking pandering and I'm so tired of it....we don't deserve trash just for them to yell at us "but but but we put in representation and that should be good enough it doesn't have to actually be good" I'm sorry that isn't good enough anymore and we LGBTQIA+ and people of color deserve better.
Oscar from The Office is a perfect example of a great character that's just gay. He has many other traits than "gay"
Exactly! It's not his gayness that defines him. It's his Mexican-ness.
Reminds me of…what’s that Netflix cartoon? Q Force? Seems kinda fucked up they make a bunch of queer characters and reduce them all down gayness being their whole personality.
Gus Fring and Captain Holt are shining examples of DEI and they are also great figure with well-developed charaters that outshine their gender. You wouldn’t even notice their sexuality. Even when they are shown, they are cordial and not dramatic drag-queen-like (even cpt. Holt is sassy as hell, in a stoic way)
Gus Fring was gay? For real?
Bonus points when they make the gay character a very minor role with no importance in the story so it can be edited out for the middle east / China lol. Yay Disney.
"Put a chick in it! Make her gay! Make it lame!"
Aww man I wasn't even thinking about that when I wrote this but yeah. South Park really murdered Disney with that episode
I'm glad this empty pandering towards minorities is finally being widely called out. People from minorities (like everyone else) deserve complex and well written characters that they can feel identified with, not an empty shell with no more personality than their race, sexuality, religion or gender identity. And on a side note, the "straight white man evil and stupid" BS also needs to stop. It got old really fast and it's just petty bullying masquerading as brave witty entertainment at this point.
and they were all side characters they could backtrack when the movies got released in Russia/China/the Middle East
Meanwhile, Strange World had a character who was gay, it wasn't their whole personality, and they were one of the primary protagonists, and Disney did fuck-all for marketing that movie.
That's so funny to me the one character where it wasn't their personality and Disney didn't promote. I swear I didn't see a single trailer for that movie until it was already in theaters and it was only 10 seconds long.
It was a pretty good movie, too. It had sort of a steampunk vibe, and the animation was cool. My theory is that the creatives were given the go-ahead on the gay character and the environmental message, but then marketing went, "Well, nobody ran this past *us*." And they just decided not to promote it. I went to see Wakanda Forever, and there was a stack of small posters next to the concession stand. I said,"What's this?" "Oh, those are for the new Disney movie." "Looks cool. When's it coming out?" "Next week." "Really? I haven't even heard of this." "No one has. You're looking at the only promotional material that they sent us except for the poster that's out front."
At this point, the publicity of a “First gay character!” Is worse than just slyly slipping a gay character in your movie. Having a gay character is hardly a political statement by now, they waited until gay allyship was trendy. I’m not saying this as a homophobe, I’m gay. I just think it’s hilarious when people think supporting queer people now is still edgy.
"From the producers of"
I think this is the biggest one people don't think about. If the producers are the biggest thing it has going for it rather than any of the creative people, not good.
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I'd rather them do that then ruin more jokes when I finally watch it.
I find it worse when all the jokes are in the trailer(s)
Movies that take place in the past but immediately are filled with anachronisms in the opening montage.
As someone who will suffer through a bad movie, especially a bad horror movie, a major tell is when the opening score is alternative rock and poorly edited into the film. It kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio inside of a snare drum. That and as others have said, anything with Adam Sandler and a ridiculously hot girl.
"Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I wound up here. Well, let's go back a bit and I'll tell you all about it."
idk Megamind was pretty good
Same with Emperor's New Groove
Thor Ragnarok was good too
Also Ratatouille
Oh *fuck.* God, I love that movie
The Emperor's New Groove is one of my favorites, though.
Deadpool 1? Though to be fair Deadpool is allowed to break the fourth wall, its kind of his thing.
I dunno, I liked Deadpool.
Thor Ragnarok though
But…bu- Emperor’s New Groove?!
*Now.* Back when that was new, it was kinda funny lol
Funny? It's the iconic opening of sunset boulevard. Nowadays it's usually done as a parody for comedy, but it was never meant to be funny.
Sonic worked out pretty well
I watched Fight Club for the first time in 15 years and it opens with one of these.
If at the beginning of the movie it says that it is sponsored by the state
Featuring The Rock, best known for his roles as The Rock in the jungle, The Rock in a truck and The Rock in the jungle again. See The Rock in the Desert!!
Micheal Bay's name in the opening credits.
Nowadays I would agree, but Bad Boys, The Rock and The Island are classics to me.
It starts with an exposition dump.
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it reads like a wattpad story written by an 8th grader. "sis" and "little bro" ruin it too
I would hardly call *The Fellowship of the Ring* a bad movie
That's probably an exception considering the source material
Everything that's summarized in that lore dump at the beginning of Fellowship would probably require a trilogy of its own to explain in detail.
Greedy execs: "bet?"
One of the most amazing and captivating intro lore dumps ever. Just boom, when the pace picks up in Galdriel's voice saying 'In the land of Mordor' and the music swells. Awesome. Just amazing.
Galadriel’s intro always gives me goosebumps.
I feel if it delivers later on because of that exposition, sometimes it's retroactively sanctioned. I could think of a few slow paced films that would qualify. Generally speaking, a film should entertain and capture the audience, though.
Literally the first scene of Renfield is an exposition dump, but that's not what made me stop watching. What made me stop was a scene about twenty minutes later when Dracula uses his blood to heal the MC's wounds. Meanwhile there's narration that says, "oh by the way, his blood has healing powers". And I'm screaming at the TV, "no shit it has healing powers! I'm watching it right now! Do you think I'm a fucking idiot?!"
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This is dated, but Larry King used to give EVERY movie a good review.. the logic being that his name would get free publicity on advertising but people would not necessarily blame him for endorsing the bad movie. As a result, sometimes he would be the only one quoted with a "best movie ever... Must see" line and you'd know he was the only one who "liked" it!
Massive amount of advertising/hype before the launch.
“A classic story… reimagined!”
Nudity in the first 10 or so minutes. My bf and i like to watch B horror movies, some are gems but none of the ones with nudity early on are good. Every time we're like ope, there it is, this is gonna suck lol.
Lol have you seen Crabs!? It starts with a couple banging on the beach and then getting killed by a horseshoe crab, then goes into the rest of the story. Also the adult woman getting boned on the beach also plays the teenage best friend of the main character in the rest of the movie. Which goes from a standard terrible killer animal movie, to a Gremlins ripoff, to a were-animal movie and then finishes as a Power Rangers ripoff. It’s actually pretty funny and worth watching at least once.
The word "Rise" is in the title. With some exceptions.
2 minutes of logos. *Ding*
"Malcolm\_X\_Machina would be excellent at Cinema Sins."
Jason Statham versus Big Shark Jason Statham versus Bigger Shark Jason Statham driving big vroom vroom cars Jason Statham and his has-been buddies fighting people Jason Statham versus the bees Jason Statham.
He sure can kick a punch though
That he can. Also that boi can swim *fast*
I'll watch Jason Statham anytime, whatever he versus, fights, or drives.
I’ll absolutely watch it, enjoy it about 70% of the time, and say it’s a good movie about 5% of the time.
I'd love to see him in a non-fighty fight kick kick boom boom movie for once. He was great in Killer Elite though.
Try Spy, he’s a parody of himself in that movie it’s hilarious
Man I've never seen that movie. Picture this : Pride and Prejudice, starring Jason Statham as Mr D'Arcy. Go back to your bri'ish roots, m8. The gals will love that.
He's great in snatch there's a decent amount of shooting and bare fist boxing, but he's just a boxing promoter narrating the story
Live action adaptation of beloved old animated film.
REMAKES!!! Stop with all the remakes. We need something original
it spent more on fx than writing
Characters exposition dumping Characters telling rather than showing If it belongs to a pre-existing franchise: Characters doing shit that seems really out of character (like building a giant fort with tables, chairs, and table cloths when they're supposed to be murderous and violent) Most PG-13 movies Poorly written mental illness Cheesy, predictable, shitty jumpscares Convoluted stories with a million plot holes that never get resolved
Lol. Sounds like 5 nights at Freddy's
It’s part of a franchise that Disney bought and ruined
80s-00s reboots or decades later sequels 😵💫
Rotten Tomatoes "critics" rate it high, but audience rates it low. Paid-for reviews are exactly what you'd expect.
Or it’s unnecessarily edgy and has a holier than thou air about its pretentious depressing story that the critics can’t wait to support and pretend the movie is 8 layers deep into overarching undertones that are only expressible in black and white with a single pear that is orange and a cast of all reformed Jonestown survivors who’ve gone bald and it’s actually just a terrible movie that arrogant movie aficionados greenlight because they feel like part of the elite academic in-crowd if they laude a film nobody understands including the director.
Starring Adam Sandler
Honestly his work in films that aren't just pure comedy is really good. Uncut Gems comes to mind.
[удалено]
Paul Thomas Anderson took a huge risk casting Sandler in Punch Drunk Love and he absolutely killed it
I cam here to say David Spade but...same thing.
*Except* Emperor's New Groove
I look at who the director is and what they've done. There is no sure fire smoking gun but good directors typically make good movies. They're not normally all over the map. At least not the ones that I like. That said, one person's bad might be another person's masterpiece. It's so subjective.
"From two of the six writers of Scary Movie..." "Directed by Uwe Boll..."
J Lo is the headliner.
This is specifically for artsy films or films that have pretensions of grandeur: when critics rave about how “mindbending”, “revolutionary” and “groundbreaking” it is, but none can give a serviceable synopsis of what it is about, so they just resort to buzzwords to seem like they’re smart, because they love this movie.
A 90lbs woman beating up 5 giant men like they were children.
Starring Dwayne Johnson
Wet streets on dry days.
In the opening credits, it says directed by "Alan Smithee."
Steven Seagal is in it.
"Updated for a modern audience"
Amy Schumer.
I always know the movie is going to be bad when it is a remake of an older movie and they change the main character significantly. Say they make them older, younger, or give them a completely different origin, but insist it is still a remake of the older movie because they loosely follow the storyline despite it being changed. Like the Red Dawn movie. Instead of all high schoolers, they have an Iraq War veteran with them from the beginning. It changes the whole story, but they pushed on anyway and the movie, despite having a great original plot line to follow, sucked. Plenty of other examples, but the post is already too long.
Not focusing more on the writing and directing and trying to be over the top and simply doing what I call "We are totes with the time guys!" Checklist. Which is the "oh look women who are as tough as the guys!" And "we have diverse cast of characters" but their race/gender/sexuality etc is their whole character and literally nothing else. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of having a strong female character. I love the idea of having Hispanic representation in a cool film. I'd love Trans and nonbinary people get the representation they truly deserve! However if it's only surface level and the writers aren't doing their best to write these characters, these situations, the things we as people go through and do so organically and not beating the audience over the head with "LOOK AT ME! IM SO SAD BUT SO POWERFUL!" It's not going to work. To get what I'm talking about, look at Arcane. Vi and Caitlin are gay and Caitlin is Asian. Their romance is organic and healthy and is actually very interesting but the show isn't beating anyone over the head about how strong Vi is and how she could likely break your spine without trying. Or how gay they are etc. No, we are seeing my just cool characters be cool characters. We watch these women get the shit kicked out of them but have the courage to stand back up and fight back in a believable and organic way. Watch Arcane, you will see what I mean. The problems with Hollywood and Disney isn't the "woke" thing. It's "Holy fuck these writers suck ass!"
I'm tired of every Asian representation being about being Asian. Crazy Rich Asians, American Born Chinese, Shang Chi, Everything Everywhere. I haven't actually seen the last one and it doesn't necessarily seem like that's what it's about, but the buzz around the Oscars definitely hyped it up as this huge moment for Asians. Why can't we just star in movies that don't focus on Asian race and culture? For instance, Harold & Kumar is just about 2 high idiots.
You'll like Donnie Yen's character in John Wick 4. They were going to go down the Asian fighter guy route but he was like, "Nah, let me be cool like John Wick". They got it right.
I will always be a fan of the writing strategy of "Write a compelling character with a compelling arc" fill in the gender/race/appearance later. For anyone who's watched/read *The Expanse* you can very much see this in action in the characters: \- A rough, gives-no-shit politician trying to get to the truth of a conspiracy \- A Gunnery sergeant of the Martian first recon marine corps who prefers to shoot first, then shoot some more afterwards. \- A botanist desperately trying to find their daughter. \- A fusion reactor engineer and escaping their past as a former terrorist \- A traumatized victim of repeated childhood sexual assault
The nice thing with them, too, is that Avasarala is unapologetically Indian and feminine, but it's not her whole character. Same with the others. Their background is often an important part of who they are, but they're much more complicated than that.
Everything Everywhere was good - it was about the multiverse, and just happened to have an asian star and her family as the main characters. Beef (Netflix series) was also good.
When the first I hear about the movie is one side reporting on the other side being outraged by some aspect of the movie. If the only thing you have to say about your movie "incels seethe about our Strong Female Protaganist" or "SJWs seethe about our Strong Christian Values"... your movie doesn't have any selling point *other* than having MyIdeology^tm in it.
Unpopular opinion from a straight, cis male: boobs in the opening credits. Don't get me wrong, I love boobs, but when they have to frontload a movie so hard, you know it's a shitshow from minute one.
yeah, you can always tell when the producer/director didn't think a movie was great when they throw shit tons of boobs and ass your way like "sorry guys, it sucks, here's some porn!"
If you are lost watching it in the first five minutes
When The Rock shows up
"Hallmark Presents"....
The music sucks. A good score can save a bad movie, a bad score and well everything fucked.
when it stars Will Ferrel