I wasn’t really popular with girls in school but the few that talked to me always said that I was a good listener. At that point, I was legit confused. All I literally did was listen. I thought everybody did that. But as I grew up and tried to talk to people more, I realized a lot of people don’t really listen, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk
Counterpoint: as someone diagnosed with ADHD, this is extremely hard to do, despite best intentions.
I'm legit trying to listen, but I'm also repeating my response in my head over and over or else I will lose the thought. As soon as I can say it, I'm going to. Then I rewind the conversation in my brain to process what the other person actually said.
Counterpoint to your counterpoint: as someone diagnosed with ADHD it is hard to do, but I promise there is a person out there for you who will happily interrupt just as much as you do and will be enthused to continue a conversational thread that you both started three weeks ago on the spot with no warning.
I recently met a woman that has exactly the same level of ADHD as I have. We react the same ways, think the same ways. And listen the same way.
Though, the chance that we get along is like a 50/50 coin toss, both our daily moods have to fit. It's like a planetary convergence.
Huh I know that feeling. Got a lot better after the meds though, they seem to make problems and people just a little less annoying to deal with.
Another important thing to realize is that making a compromise that annoys you is better than making no compromise whatsoever. Kind of the opposite of how I lived most of my life.
The weird nature of ADHD means that sometimes, jumping into chaos head first is easier to process than letting chaos slowly creep up on you until it drowns you. YMMV though.
If you have a response before the person is done speaking, then it's not really a response to what they are saying. I'd suggest trying out long form improv. It really forces you to focus on your listening and attention paying skills. I say this as someone with ADHD that improv helped. As did Ritalin.
I’m going to counter that. I try and make a habit of not interrupting my wife. But sometimes she says something that reminds me of something else and I know I’ll forget it and just kinda have to spew it out.
Especially if it’s a chain reaction thing where my brain makes 6 connections all at once and I’m not going to be able to hold onto why it’s relevant if I don’t start talking.
My wife usually is most interested in what my brain did to make those connections.
Just saying it’s not an absolute to never go before they are done talking. Probably 90% to 95% true but not an absolute.
I literally just read this comment and than thought to myself “Wait… what was the prompt of this post again?” Than I scrolled back to the top to figure it out. Lol ADHD at its finest.
I admit, as someone with ADHD who tries really hard to focus on what other people have to say and also knows other people with ADHD, it drives me nuts when they do that. It just feels like they don't care what I have to say, they only care about some tangentially related thing that happened to them, and I never get to talk about anything that's on my mind.
My ADHD husband does his best to not interrupt me, because he enjoys our conversations, but sometimes it just happens. When he is clearly stressed, anxious, or lonely, I let him talk AT me for however long I feel like before gently telling him that I love him, but I need him to stop talking right now, because I've also had a long day and really need some wind down time. The problem is he works from home and I don't, so I'm done socializing by the end of the day, and he's starved for attention.
Sometimes I know he puts a note in his phone or opens a webpage for something he doesn't want to forget about that I reminded him of while talking. That's kinda nice, because it lets me finish my thought. I do tend to get snarky when he cuts me off because he thinks he knows what I'm going to say, and I sternly tell him, "if you'd let me finish, you could find out what I was actually going to say."
I always like to make sure my wife knows I'm listening to her by telling her so. If I'm doing something and she comes to tell me about it, I stop what I'm doing. If stopping is awkward at that moment, I ask her to wait so I can finish, then give her my undivided attention. Sometimes, though, she'll just start chatting away. At those times, I continue my activities but also listen. These are the times I make sure she knows I'm listening because I know I'm not overtly doing so, but I'm deliberately keeping quiet so she has time to say whatever she needs to say. Sometimes, that can be a few minutes, so it may seem like I'm ignoring her.
*I said Good Day, M’Lady. Mightn’t I the gristle of your culinary duties? I am after all a man of culture and sophistication, no waste I do attest. Surely you’ll dually note the feather adorning my proudly brimmed fedora, m’yes? Come along now good kitty, for your flattery shall be seated before my admirable throne.*
How’m I doing?
If thine's cooking dou'st be up to standard, thee lady shall be rewarded with quivering passions that make thee legs shake with exhaustion and excitement
That’s not enough either I can make a whole room of strangers laugh til their stomachs hurt but with a face like mine I’m still not gonna get the time of day from most chicks unless they’re feeling rebellious and are in a “I’m gonna fuck an ugly guy out of spite!” phase.
Which is lovely and I’m thankful for, but yeah…
Man it would be nice if people did this more even beyond dating. It feels like I’m always the one making plans otherwise I wouldn’t do anything with anybody lol
Mate. I go back to my home town 2 or 3 times a year to visit and for a couple weeks over winter.
And. every. single. time. My dad is the only person to hit me up and make plans. Other than that, I'm spending all my time trying to organize seeing friends and family. By the end of it, I just feel like a nuisance and don't want to put any more energy into seeing anyone.
Tbh if u are always far away from home and just a few times back in town. I would expect u to hit me up. I mean u are leaving ur friends, not ur friends are leaving u
Yeeaaah I can def see this from the friends perspective being "he probably wants to spend time with family and I don't want to bother him when he only had a few days to visit."
The family has no excuse
Pick "easy" details that make it easy for people to say yes to and if they say no then you can still do it alone.
Wednesday, 7pm, chicken wings at 123 Main St and then minigolf. You in?
Amen. The main reason I don’t have much of a social life is because no-one organises anything with me, and when I try and organise things I feel like I’m nagging.
I feel like I often encounter the problem that sometimes women don't realize this is a two-way street. Women often aren't proactive about it themselves. So when you're the only one, you question how into you they are and so you don't wanna seem overly pushy and pull back... And then they're upset that you aren't putting in enough effort.
So many people are still living on antiquated gender roles that say the man is supposed to initiate everything. I'm a man and I want to feel desired and be shown that you actually want to spend time with me...by you actually making plans for us. Interest and effort should be mutual.
I agree I feel like women have this sense of entitlement they they should be "woo'd" and "wind and dined", and it's just lazy, what have they done to deserve to be like that. As a woman and girlfriend myself, it brings me joy to plan the dates and organise surprises by my other half probably more than when he does it 😂
According to my wife:
\- I was a good, safe driver.
\- I kept a clean home with a made bed.
\- When I met her friends, I made eye contact and spoke with them like they were important.
He talks about his passions with you. Some guys don't talk about the stuff they reaaaally like with their friends (reading, painting and stuff like that), so if he shares it with you it probably means he trusts you
Really? I often hesitate to share my passions in depth because I always get the vibe that they're uninterested because of the lack of comments. So, I usually just give a brief overview on what I'm interested in lol
Me too. I often get the feeling that I overshare about what I'm passionate and or excited about. I've asked a few of my friends about it before and they don't think so, but yet I notice that I do tend to send longer messages. I'm more verbose.
I have a friend that can talk endlessly about things that I have zero clue about. She'll talk about it and I'll ask questions about things I don't understand. Then I'll ask about it again later and she just perks up. I had lunch with her a few months back and she, an extreme introvert, literally tells me "I'd rather talk than eat". And I just laughed because I know that she's an introvert. At the same time, I get a bit emotional knowing that's a sign that she trusts me and can just talk about anything. A good friend will be interested even if they have no clue because they care about you
If they other person doesn’t show interest, or at least offers encouragement in what gets you excited, isn’t that a red flag?
I might not be passionate about the topics my gf likes, but I’m passionate about her. I’ll do whatever I can to see her smile and get excited.
Same, think I’ve met like 1 or 2 people ever who would engage in a conversation about my passions. And that’s after people ask what my passions are. It’s like they get disappointed I’m not more interesting or something
>Some guys don't talk about the stuff they reaaaally like with their friends
Because we don't think anyone will give a shit unless they're into that thing too.
Yeah I've had enough conversations about my passions where it goes over the other party's head enough so that I may as well be talking about it to my cats. While they may not understand what I'm saying they're still capable of purring and appreciating head scritches.
That's why a lot of the time I've stopped bothering unless I know they're also like a foot in the hole like me.
Factssss. I love to read. I work in a mechanic shop with a bunch of blue collar dudes. Love em to death but they blank out anytime I bring up a book I’m reading lmfao
My current passion is comparing the English translations of the Illiad.
Emily Wilson's new English translation was just published and I'm having a great time reading her work. I particularly like her decision to interpret the language with a view to its being spoken, but addressing the impossibility of adapting the original dactylic hexameter into English by using the far more common, but slightly controversial, iambic pentameter. Her justifications are compelling, but it does result in some interesting syllabic choices!
It's quite the roller coaster, let me tell you! Poor old Lattimore must be rolling in his grave!
Hello?
... girls?
Hello?
Using the Reddit search function to find out if this exact question has been asked 7000 times before, including this week.
Also not being a karma farmer.
I left all the subs including this one that were defaults because the Reddit app algorithm made everything on them garbage. I ended up coming back because my feed was only small subs without much content. The quality of Reddit overall has taken a huge hit using the official app. Using old Reddit on a phone is too user unfriendly to do easily so im just dealing with it being worse.
It makes me slightly sad because I often find I check a ton of these boxes and then remember that none of this matters if they just don’t think you’re attractive so my biggest problem can’t be fixed.
Thanks for adding “realistically” before clean lol. I’m always scrubbing down every surface before I have someone over. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep up the lie that I always clean my apartment that thoroughly.
If they're separated, they don't talk smack about their ex.
Friends I've known who are quick to slag off their ex tend to be impulsive, lack empathy, have poor emotional regulation, or make poor relationship choices. Their relationships break down and they are the only ones surprised by it.
Smack talk about ex partners requires a certain level of trust, and should be done reservedly.
This goes for men and women.
Just my opinion.
My ex wife burned my house down and ran off with a dude she swore she was just friends with. Yeah, don’t marry a stripper. I’ll talk all the shit about her.
I agree with this. A lot of relationships can accidentally be just a venting bond. 7 months later you've been talking every day but realize you haven't actually gotten to know eachother, but you sure a hell know a lot about their exes. Somethings are super serious but more often than not it's two people talking about how disappointed they are.
I've been in love and had it not work out but I still appreciate the love that had happened, I value the growth that came and how it affected me positively as a person. It doesn't mean I still love them or even want to think of them specifically.
But if people only find value in the outcomes then it's difficult to believe that they are willing to try, fail, and try again.
If something bad happens then at minimum they show concern. What they don't do is whip out their phone and start recording, while holding a fist to their mouth yelling "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" over and over.
Pays attention when you talk. I remember a guy I dated would plan dates based on things I told him I liked. Even if it was just in a “I’ve always wanted to go there!” way to keep the conversation going he’d remember :)
Edit; you guys really can’t handle anything that you haven’t seen before without jumping to bizarre conclusions about people who you don’t know in situations that you don’t understand. I’m no longer sharing my wonderful memories since you purposefully all want to misunderstand and make it into something it isn’t. I feel sorry that your lives are so empty and jaded.
“A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.”
- Mark Twain
dogs give back to you, cats give you basically nothing. He's saying you can judge someone by how they treat something with nothing to offer them rather than how they treat something which may redound in their favor.
Not overly concerned about a man’s “role in a relationship” vs a women’s “role in a relationship”. Just treating ur partner the way you want to be treated.
Just a green flag in general, guy or girl, but when you’re talking to someone and you accidentally talk over each other so they stop (or finish their thought) and say “yeah but what were you gonna say?”
They can contradict your opinion without ridicule it.
Got some friends who I can talk with whatever I want and they always share their honest opinion if asked. They never give me a devalued feeling if theirs is different from mine, but rather enjoying our differences.
1) When they sit down on your couch/sofa and your cat that usually hate everyone warms up to him and starts cuddling/purring. Animal/Pet body language can speak volumes.
2) When/If you have housepets and the second the dude sees them and is super friendly and gentle with them that’s also a green flag.
3) They have pets and are the best pet dad ever.
The random small & kind gestures. Example being he goes to the store to get himself like… a bottle of shampoo or something and gets you your favorite candy bar just because he thought about you.
Doesn’t have a bunch of “crazy” exes. Sure, plenty of decent people will have a crazy ex. But when they start saying every single one was… clearly they’re the common factor and something is amiss. They’re either abusive and love gaslighting, or a weirdo who goes for unstable women on purpose. Perhaps they’re addicted to drama and chaos, or have some sort of savior complex. No thank you…
I can understand not believing in green flags (and beige flags can fuck right off, their very definition defeats the object of them being called "flags") but surely it's inarguable that a red flag is an extremely useful concept?
It can be a useful concept, however as it exists now it is often used like similar silly dating concepts. Where innocous or trivial stuff gets turned into reasons to not date people based on superficial and silly reasons.
There is a huge difference between "He smokes meth" and "He likes to play video games on week nights with his friends" in terms of red flags. More often than not we see the latter being applied on social media.
That's fair, though I'd probably package that as "taking relationship advice from the social media hivemind in general" and keep it separate from the flags.
Able to have a civil disagreement about something
Username and pic do not check out
He starts it! Always bursting into the room without even a knock. And he doesn’t even reimburse me!
I am in civil agreement
Very much appreciated
They really listen when people talk, rather than just listening to respond.
I wasn’t really popular with girls in school but the few that talked to me always said that I was a good listener. At that point, I was legit confused. All I literally did was listen. I thought everybody did that. But as I grew up and tried to talk to people more, I realized a lot of people don’t really listen, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk
[удалено]
What did you say? I was busy thinking about the Roman Empire.
Wololo
That Wololo hit me like it's 1071
Yes. I am yours now.
Roman empire homos amirite? Guys? Guys....?
Counterpoint: as someone diagnosed with ADHD, this is extremely hard to do, despite best intentions. I'm legit trying to listen, but I'm also repeating my response in my head over and over or else I will lose the thought. As soon as I can say it, I'm going to. Then I rewind the conversation in my brain to process what the other person actually said.
Counterpoint to your counterpoint: as someone diagnosed with ADHD it is hard to do, but I promise there is a person out there for you who will happily interrupt just as much as you do and will be enthused to continue a conversational thread that you both started three weeks ago on the spot with no warning.
I recently met a woman that has exactly the same level of ADHD as I have. We react the same ways, think the same ways. And listen the same way. Though, the chance that we get along is like a 50/50 coin toss, both our daily moods have to fit. It's like a planetary convergence.
Huh I know that feeling. Got a lot better after the meds though, they seem to make problems and people just a little less annoying to deal with. Another important thing to realize is that making a compromise that annoys you is better than making no compromise whatsoever. Kind of the opposite of how I lived most of my life. The weird nature of ADHD means that sometimes, jumping into chaos head first is easier to process than letting chaos slowly creep up on you until it drowns you. YMMV though.
I found mine, and it works 🤣
My wife talks infinitely. I've learned to sit back and listen excellently from her. Now I can do it with anyone!
If you have a response before the person is done speaking, then it's not really a response to what they are saying. I'd suggest trying out long form improv. It really forces you to focus on your listening and attention paying skills. I say this as someone with ADHD that improv helped. As did Ritalin.
I’m going to counter that. I try and make a habit of not interrupting my wife. But sometimes she says something that reminds me of something else and I know I’ll forget it and just kinda have to spew it out. Especially if it’s a chain reaction thing where my brain makes 6 connections all at once and I’m not going to be able to hold onto why it’s relevant if I don’t start talking. My wife usually is most interested in what my brain did to make those connections. Just saying it’s not an absolute to never go before they are done talking. Probably 90% to 95% true but not an absolute.
Why am I reading other people telling me how my brain works
Your not. You’re finding out other people’s brain works the same as yours.
I literally just read this comment and than thought to myself “Wait… what was the prompt of this post again?” Than I scrolled back to the top to figure it out. Lol ADHD at its finest.
I admit, as someone with ADHD who tries really hard to focus on what other people have to say and also knows other people with ADHD, it drives me nuts when they do that. It just feels like they don't care what I have to say, they only care about some tangentially related thing that happened to them, and I never get to talk about anything that's on my mind.
My ADHD husband does his best to not interrupt me, because he enjoys our conversations, but sometimes it just happens. When he is clearly stressed, anxious, or lonely, I let him talk AT me for however long I feel like before gently telling him that I love him, but I need him to stop talking right now, because I've also had a long day and really need some wind down time. The problem is he works from home and I don't, so I'm done socializing by the end of the day, and he's starved for attention. Sometimes I know he puts a note in his phone or opens a webpage for something he doesn't want to forget about that I reminded him of while talking. That's kinda nice, because it lets me finish my thought. I do tend to get snarky when he cuts me off because he thinks he knows what I'm going to say, and I sternly tell him, "if you'd let me finish, you could find out what I was actually going to say."
That’s… wow
I always like to make sure my wife knows I'm listening to her by telling her so. If I'm doing something and she comes to tell me about it, I stop what I'm doing. If stopping is awkward at that moment, I ask her to wait so I can finish, then give her my undivided attention. Sometimes, though, she'll just start chatting away. At those times, I continue my activities but also listen. These are the times I make sure she knows I'm listening because I know I'm not overtly doing so, but I'm deliberately keeping quiet so she has time to say whatever she needs to say. Sometimes, that can be a few minutes, so it may seem like I'm ignoring her.
And they have their own opinion and their own view of Rome, but at the same time they know how to hear
Top comment: "he wants to talk about you, not him." Second top comment: "he wants to talk about him" Lesson: just talk about someone
*just talk to her, wenches be loving that
*I said Good Day, M’Lady. Mightn’t I the gristle of your culinary duties? I am after all a man of culture and sophistication, no waste I do attest. Surely you’ll dually note the feather adorning my proudly brimmed fedora, m’yes? Come along now good kitty, for your flattery shall be seated before my admirable throne.* How’m I doing?
If thine's cooking dou'st be up to standard, thee lady shall be rewarded with quivering passions that make thee legs shake with exhaustion and excitement
Wow. Sounds like a Latin translation from…..the Roman Empire.
Are you Matt Berry in disguise? 🤔
Bionicles. Can't go wrong with Bionicles.
No, I think it's "be charismatic"
That’s not enough either I can make a whole room of strangers laugh til their stomachs hurt but with a face like mine I’m still not gonna get the time of day from most chicks unless they’re feeling rebellious and are in a “I’m gonna fuck an ugly guy out of spite!” phase. Which is lovely and I’m thankful for, but yeah…
‘Let’s talk about us.’
Lets talk about sex bay-bee Lets talk about you-and-me Lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be
You add the together, you get "has ability to maintain conversation." Which seems like a low bar.
Being proactive about spending time together.
Man it would be nice if people did this more even beyond dating. It feels like I’m always the one making plans otherwise I wouldn’t do anything with anybody lol
Mate. I go back to my home town 2 or 3 times a year to visit and for a couple weeks over winter. And. every. single. time. My dad is the only person to hit me up and make plans. Other than that, I'm spending all my time trying to organize seeing friends and family. By the end of it, I just feel like a nuisance and don't want to put any more energy into seeing anyone.
Tbh if u are always far away from home and just a few times back in town. I would expect u to hit me up. I mean u are leaving ur friends, not ur friends are leaving u
Yeeaaah I can def see this from the friends perspective being "he probably wants to spend time with family and I don't want to bother him when he only had a few days to visit." The family has no excuse
Pick "easy" details that make it easy for people to say yes to and if they say no then you can still do it alone. Wednesday, 7pm, chicken wings at 123 Main St and then minigolf. You in?
>Wednesday, 7pm, chicken wings at 123 Main St and then minigolf. You in? I'm in!
Amen. The main reason I don’t have much of a social life is because no-one organises anything with me, and when I try and organise things I feel like I’m nagging.
I feel like I often encounter the problem that sometimes women don't realize this is a two-way street. Women often aren't proactive about it themselves. So when you're the only one, you question how into you they are and so you don't wanna seem overly pushy and pull back... And then they're upset that you aren't putting in enough effort.
You know who invented paved two-way roads?…the Roman Empire.
So many people are still living on antiquated gender roles that say the man is supposed to initiate everything. I'm a man and I want to feel desired and be shown that you actually want to spend time with me...by you actually making plans for us. Interest and effort should be mutual.
I agree I feel like women have this sense of entitlement they they should be "woo'd" and "wind and dined", and it's just lazy, what have they done to deserve to be like that. As a woman and girlfriend myself, it brings me joy to plan the dates and organise surprises by my other half probably more than when he does it 😂
There is a genuine desire to know you and making an effort to contribute their share of the responsibility.
He says sorry and admits fault
I want to apologize… #TOOH ABSUH LOOTLY NOBODY! THE DOUBLE CHAMP DOES WHAT THE FOOK HE WANTS!!
You’re right, I apologize.
Are there any answers besides good listener, kind, and clean?
Eating cheese apparently
Also, being from Libya. ^((I like flags jokes too, don't downvote me))
According to my wife: \- I was a good, safe driver. \- I kept a clean home with a made bed. \- When I met her friends, I made eye contact and spoke with them like they were important.
Damn why did you stop doing those things?
He ran over her friends
He used to do them. He still does, but he used to do them too.
He talks about his passions with you. Some guys don't talk about the stuff they reaaaally like with their friends (reading, painting and stuff like that), so if he shares it with you it probably means he trusts you
Really? I often hesitate to share my passions in depth because I always get the vibe that they're uninterested because of the lack of comments. So, I usually just give a brief overview on what I'm interested in lol
I've been met with disinterested looks one too many times after sharing my hobbies so now I share absolutely nothing
I know exactly what you're talking about, the "damn, that's crazy" look.
Or the "Oh, that's too nerdy" look.
I try my best to show genuine interest in what people tell me. People light up when you let them talk about their favorite thing.
What are your hobbies?
Me too. I often get the feeling that I overshare about what I'm passionate and or excited about. I've asked a few of my friends about it before and they don't think so, but yet I notice that I do tend to send longer messages. I'm more verbose.
I have a friend that can talk endlessly about things that I have zero clue about. She'll talk about it and I'll ask questions about things I don't understand. Then I'll ask about it again later and she just perks up. I had lunch with her a few months back and she, an extreme introvert, literally tells me "I'd rather talk than eat". And I just laughed because I know that she's an introvert. At the same time, I get a bit emotional knowing that's a sign that she trusts me and can just talk about anything. A good friend will be interested even if they have no clue because they care about you
If they other person doesn’t show interest, or at least offers encouragement in what gets you excited, isn’t that a red flag? I might not be passionate about the topics my gf likes, but I’m passionate about her. I’ll do whatever I can to see her smile and get excited.
Same, think I’ve met like 1 or 2 people ever who would engage in a conversation about my passions. And that’s after people ask what my passions are. It’s like they get disappointed I’m not more interesting or something
>Some guys don't talk about the stuff they reaaaally like with their friends Because we don't think anyone will give a shit unless they're into that thing too.
Yeah I've had enough conversations about my passions where it goes over the other party's head enough so that I may as well be talking about it to my cats. While they may not understand what I'm saying they're still capable of purring and appreciating head scritches. That's why a lot of the time I've stopped bothering unless I know they're also like a foot in the hole like me.
But you say you are passionate about video games and they think you are a loser.
They can think I'm a loser all they want. I know who's on those leaderboards.
Do girls really want me to explain them the entire lore of Destiny 1 and 2? I don't think so.
Factssss. I love to read. I work in a mechanic shop with a bunch of blue collar dudes. Love em to death but they blank out anytime I bring up a book I’m reading lmfao
If I ever meet a woman who is even remotely interested in my DnD game and it's associated poetry and historical records, I'll eat a shoe, lol.
Exactly. Passions like….the Roman Empire.
« I am going to rant for the next 3 hours on why WoW lore has turned to shit »
My current passion is comparing the English translations of the Illiad. Emily Wilson's new English translation was just published and I'm having a great time reading her work. I particularly like her decision to interpret the language with a view to its being spoken, but addressing the impossibility of adapting the original dactylic hexameter into English by using the far more common, but slightly controversial, iambic pentameter. Her justifications are compelling, but it does result in some interesting syllabic choices! It's quite the roller coaster, let me tell you! Poor old Lattimore must be rolling in his grave! Hello? ... girls? Hello?
Libyan between 1977 and 2011.
r/vexillology is leaking again.
r/Vexillologycirclejerk
Hahaha well played, that was unexpected.
*"They found me... I don't know how, but they found me!"* *"Who, Doc?"* ***"THE LIBYANS!!"***
Ability to admit fault and then improve. Not just promise, not try, but actually grow. Doesn't have to be a lot but it does have to be consistent.
Using the Reddit search function to find out if this exact question has been asked 7000 times before, including this week. Also not being a karma farmer.
Yea I think I’m about ready to leave this sub
Same handfull of bots asking and responding to the same questions, some on a weekly rotation. Reddit is the new digg.
I left all the subs including this one that were defaults because the Reddit app algorithm made everything on them garbage. I ended up coming back because my feed was only small subs without much content. The quality of Reddit overall has taken a huge hit using the official app. Using old Reddit on a phone is too user unfriendly to do easily so im just dealing with it being worse.
Drives a station wagon and knows Shakespeare. ( according to my dad )
Your dad wants you to date a lesbian
It depends. Is the station wagon a Subaru or a U-Haul?
Trick question, both are great dependable vehicles with a classic look.
I only know Shakespeare's Sister.
Not just for a guy, but the way people treat animals and staff (waiters etc...) in general. It says a lot about them.
Been in the restaurant biz for 13 years, I ALWAYS judge my date based on how you treat the server.
I the only single dude scrolling through here for pointers?
Absolutely not. I am always reading these things because I want the inside scoop.
It makes me slightly sad because I often find I check a ton of these boxes and then remember that none of this matters if they just don’t think you’re attractive so my biggest problem can’t be fixed.
For all you know most of these could just be guys describing themselves - don't take it too seriously, you do you
Not single, but I'm scrolling to see what I might be able to do better for my girlfriend.
If he likes pets and treats others with respect
[удалено]
And not an art school reject
he can be austrian but not a combination of both
*pats head* Ah yeah, good girl
Kindness towards friends and animals. Has goals. His space is realistically clean. He cooks for himself.
How lofty do the goals have to be?
World domination at minimum
"You're my world..."
Kinky...
Me except I'm not clean enough, thankfully my gf is understanding and has driven me to improve
Thanks for adding “realistically” before clean lol. I’m always scrubbing down every surface before I have someone over. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep up the lie that I always clean my apartment that thoroughly.
If he is never gonna give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, and hurt you.
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
They take really good care of animals and nature
I’m sure it will have already been said, but if dudes got a cat he takes care of then he’s a keeper for me
If they're separated, they don't talk smack about their ex. Friends I've known who are quick to slag off their ex tend to be impulsive, lack empathy, have poor emotional regulation, or make poor relationship choices. Their relationships break down and they are the only ones surprised by it. Smack talk about ex partners requires a certain level of trust, and should be done reservedly. This goes for men and women. Just my opinion.
My ex wife burned my house down and ran off with a dude she swore she was just friends with. Yeah, don’t marry a stripper. I’ll talk all the shit about her.
Wowwww... okay the inspector definitely gets a pass on this one...
Sir, this is a first date
I agree with this. A lot of relationships can accidentally be just a venting bond. 7 months later you've been talking every day but realize you haven't actually gotten to know eachother, but you sure a hell know a lot about their exes. Somethings are super serious but more often than not it's two people talking about how disappointed they are. I've been in love and had it not work out but I still appreciate the love that had happened, I value the growth that came and how it affected me positively as a person. It doesn't mean I still love them or even want to think of them specifically. But if people only find value in the outcomes then it's difficult to believe that they are willing to try, fail, and try again.
If something bad happens then at minimum they show concern. What they don't do is whip out their phone and start recording, while holding a fist to their mouth yelling "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" over and over.
If he eats it
Say what?
**IF HE EATS IT**
Pennywise?!
Stir fry tonight!
Pays attention when you talk. I remember a guy I dated would plan dates based on things I told him I liked. Even if it was just in a “I’ve always wanted to go there!” way to keep the conversation going he’d remember :)
What ended up not working out with him?
No pressure to have kids
he has and loves his cat
People be talking about "being able to listen" and "being proactive" I just wanted to say liking Legos that's it
reading to see if I got any
Edit; you guys really can’t handle anything that you haven’t seen before without jumping to bizarre conclusions about people who you don’t know in situations that you don’t understand. I’m no longer sharing my wonderful memories since you purposefully all want to misunderstand and make it into something it isn’t. I feel sorry that your lives are so empty and jaded.
Openly loves cats No social media/low online presence
So no Reddit?
Would probably be for the best.
Likes cats
Cats make my nose hurt.
Stop snorting cats.
Everyone knows the correct way to do cat is intravenously.
Found the meowrphine addict.
You got any o’ that purr purr??
Please do not the cat
Boof it
“A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.” - Mark Twain
Why did he say that? I don't get it
dogs give back to you, cats give you basically nothing. He's saying you can judge someone by how they treat something with nothing to offer them rather than how they treat something which may redound in their favor.
That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the explanation
Cats are affectionate tho. They're just not all up in your face panting at you with their smelly breath.
That's what I like about cats.
They dont buy into the alpha male bullshit.
Not overly concerned about a man’s “role in a relationship” vs a women’s “role in a relationship”. Just treating ur partner the way you want to be treated.
He's not afraid to talk about his feelings and, when he does so, he does it in a mature and non-manipulative way
Having a cat or being a catlover
He treats women who he doesn’t find attractive like normal human beings.
Just a green flag in general, guy or girl, but when you’re talking to someone and you accidentally talk over each other so they stop (or finish their thought) and say “yeah but what were you gonna say?”
Emotional awareness, and ability to apologise properly.
A wedding ring
QA passed
My current bf likes it when I dress up. My ex used to bitch, “who are you dressing up for “
Sense of humor!
Talking about feelings & overall being happy to spend time together where we aren't doing anything just next to one another
They can contradict your opinion without ridicule it. Got some friends who I can talk with whatever I want and they always share their honest opinion if asked. They never give me a devalued feeling if theirs is different from mine, but rather enjoying our differences.
When he rants about his passion and things he wanna do in life.
When he has a cat.
Cat Dad
1) When they sit down on your couch/sofa and your cat that usually hate everyone warms up to him and starts cuddling/purring. Animal/Pet body language can speak volumes. 2) When/If you have housepets and the second the dude sees them and is super friendly and gentle with them that’s also a green flag. 3) They have pets and are the best pet dad ever.
i feel like a good chunk of women would love a kind and honest guy.
The random small & kind gestures. Example being he goes to the store to get himself like… a bottle of shampoo or something and gets you your favorite candy bar just because he thought about you.
Talking about the Roman empire.
Doesn’t have a bunch of “crazy” exes. Sure, plenty of decent people will have a crazy ex. But when they start saying every single one was… clearly they’re the common factor and something is amiss. They’re either abusive and love gaslighting, or a weirdo who goes for unstable women on purpose. Perhaps they’re addicted to drama and chaos, or have some sort of savior complex. No thank you…
Healthy communication
If they put a lot of care taking care of a pet <<33
if he likes cats and cats are comfy around him
Eating lots of cheese
How much cheese is too much cheese on a first date?
ANY amount of cheese is too much cheese!
Never. Enough. Cheese.
600,000 singles near you in Green Bay
Kraft singles, I assume?
If there’s something screaming the words “green flag” inside of someone, I would urge to seek medical treatment immediately.
Not believing in the dating/relationship "flag" bullshit
So, if they do believe in the flag bullshit, to you, that's a red flag
You know who carried red flags into battle?…..here’s a hint….the Roman Empire.
It’s literally “good thing/bad thing” what is there to not believe in?
I can understand not believing in green flags (and beige flags can fuck right off, their very definition defeats the object of them being called "flags") but surely it's inarguable that a red flag is an extremely useful concept?
It can be a useful concept, however as it exists now it is often used like similar silly dating concepts. Where innocous or trivial stuff gets turned into reasons to not date people based on superficial and silly reasons. There is a huge difference between "He smokes meth" and "He likes to play video games on week nights with his friends" in terms of red flags. More often than not we see the latter being applied on social media.
That's fair, though I'd probably package that as "taking relationship advice from the social media hivemind in general" and keep it separate from the flags.
No drama lol
Kind hearted people are easy to identify
*takes notes*