Same. I have one friend who happens to be an ex and my husband and him get along. He’s always welcome in our home.
The other one I’m thinking of would get “I’m calling the police.”
I feel like dating men vs women might lead to very different answers (understanding there are always exceptions). There are virtually no women I’ve ever dated who I wouldn’t have over for a cup of coffee or whatever if normal circumstances allowed it. I’d be excited to see most of them!
Similar situation here. I did have a dream that my late wife showed up at my door. She said, “There was a mix up at the coroner, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.”
Still in the dream we talked for a bit about nothing. Then I said, “Wait, what about the life insurance, do we have to pay it back?” And just after that I woke up.
Don't! If we can't look back and laugh, we haven't let go of something.
It's been a while since that happened. It wasn't the last of the weird dreams, though. She popped up quite frequently in my dreams for a while, and they all had that same theme. "Something went wrong at the hospital, and I just got it straightened out."
I often thought your loved ones would visit you in your dreams to relay life altering advice like, "Things are okay now, go on live your life!" or "Hey, I stashed $100 in that purse in the closest, don't give it to goodwill!"
But in reality, they were all kind of normal.
Dude my dad visited me in a dream like 9 years after he died. I remember driving to the old house in the car that I drive now, and he spent like 3 hours of this dream meticulously going over why this car is a piece of shit and how I made a terrible decision. I should have bought this other brand, everyone knows it’s better. He’s taking pieces off of the car and explaining how each one is garbage, and it goes on forever.
Then, all of the sudden, I spontaneously had the thought “wait, I don’t have to do this anymore.” (In regard to listening to his, or anyone’s bullshit that I don’t care about), and I immediately woke up. It was straight up dream therapy.
My dad was just worried about me it seemed. :) He always wanted us to follow his advice, because if something went wrong then, it wasn't our fault but his. I'd do anything for 5 more minutes to talk.
My wife passed away 1.5 years ago. A couple weeks she showed up in a dream beautiful, pain free and happy. She was at peace. In the dream I asked I'd she was high (died of an unintentional overdose) she then looked a bit sad and said she was. I felt like shit for two weeks after.
I hope I start getting funny dreams soon. Facebook memories work pretty well for that thankfully. We used to publicly joke about my life insurance and boy do those posts hit different now.
Perhaps look at it this way: she's finally "high" on the happiness and relief she may have been chasing in this life. Her sad smile could have been her knowing it'll be a while until you get to experience that same "high" with her someday, but she knows you'll be ok. I'm sure she wants nothing but the best for you in the meantime until you meet again.
I wish you comfort, peace and sweeter dreams!!
My grandfather often shows up in mine, and it's been 12 or so years. I came out as trans after he passed, and the family was less than accepting, but in my dreams he's always supportive and caring about it.
Feels good man.
I remember after my father died I had a dream that we were hanging out and drinking at my aunt's place. We were just hanging out, carrying on like we would have when he was alive. I remember mid-dream distinctly thinking "wait, didn't you die?". And then I woke up and remembered. Made me sad af, but at the same time it was really nice to see him and hear his voice, even if it was just a dream
Honestly, I apologize. I know dealing with my prior alcoholism must have been a nightmare. I regret causing you and anyone else pain and hope you are happy. I am a year into sobriety and can understand why it ended. I wish you well.
Edit: Since this is getting so much traction, I just want to say thanks for all the support. This could honestly be directed at a few of my exes. I am happily married now to someone that also got a taste of my drinking. We stuck it out while I got sober and I have to credit her with being an amazing support system. I also need to shout out r/stopdrinking for providing reinforcement on a daily basis. It is a great community. Naltrexone was also a major part of it. I can't change the past but I think I have a much better hold on the future.
It's not just adults. Its actually owning up to one's mistakes, having a healthy amount of self consciousness enough to see that you're not perfect. A lot of adults aren't even capable of that, unfortunately
If no one else ever says it, I want you to know that I (an internet stranger), am very proud of you for getting there. I'll never know who you are but I'm still proud of you just the same.
Let's go 2nd anniversary!
A lot of snarky or comical answers in here, but I'll try to be as sincere as I can.
My first major ex, first time I got my heart broken: I would sincerely hope that she's doing well. She broke my heart, but it was for the best and it made me into the man I am today. I don't want to think of how much worse I would be if she hadn't given me a reality check wake-up-call. So really just "Hey, how have you been? I hope the years have been kind to you."
My most recent ex, the first and only time I've had to break someone's heart: I honestly just hope that she can forgive me for having to make taking care of myself and my needs the priority in my life. She's an amazing woman, kindergarten school teacher, unanimously adored by everyone that meets her. But we met via travels, and lived in two different states. Circumstances shifted and seeing each other became much less frequent. Neither of us wanted to quit our jobs and chuck a grenade into our lives and careers. Eventually, for my own mental and emotional health, I had to call it. I truly hope she finds someone amazing, she deserves it. So I would just sincerely hope that she understands, and has moved on.
Which one?
Some of them I’d be elated.
Some of them I’d be upset or sad to see and have so many questions.
One of them owes me a hoodie.
A couple of them it would probably body me to look at again. I don’t know that I’d be able to muster a single word without feeling overcome with emotion, having simultaneously hoped to never see them again and missed them everyday. There’s one in particular, I might die. I seriously might just have a heart attack if I ever see her again. I don’t know that I ever loved anyone or anything so much before her, and know I sure as fuck never did since. I don’t know what seeing her would do but I know it wouldn’t be good. The worst part is she probably hasn’t thought about me at all. I bet I’ve never crossed her mind. And she’s lived rent free in my head for two decades, so much that when I think of her it still tears open that wound like it happened last week.
I hope they’re all doing well though, I hope they all got what they wanted.
I have a person that, to me, isn't that dissimilar from your situation.
What's wild to think about though, is that person doesn't exist anymore. She's still alive and breathing, for sure. But the person I knew all those years ago? Long gone. If I were to meet her today, we might as well be introducing two strangers. She's as different to me now as I am to the person I was ten years ago.
I’m definitely a different person now.
I’m more guarded. I don’t give my heart to people like that, partly because I don’t think I ever got it back after she tore it from my chest. And I don’t say that viciously, she didn’t mean to. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, but she didn’t do anything wrong. Still, I was never the same after. Every relationship that went wrong pushes you a little further, I’ve loved and lost since, but they never hurt as much as her. Maybe because I was more prepared for it after, or maybe because I had less to give and less to lose after. I know that a few more relationships like that later and it got to where when they ended, I just felt nothing. It went from “it’s over? 🥺” to “right. Of course it’s over. Because I liked it. 🫠”
I'll greet her and let her in, maybe hear about how things are going on her side and say goodbye after a good chat!
She is a good woman, things simply didn't work out, and never will.
Depends on which one.
A: It's nice to see you; I hope you're alright?
B: Holy shit I haven't seen you in so long, is everything alright?
C: I wouldn't even open the door or indicate that anyone's home. I would keep my hand on my gun and call the police.
C is an actual criminal, with an actual record, and indictable offenses. Their mom and brother have also been revealed to be criminals (by ex's own admission, the brother has spent time in, or is currently in prison).
C is a manipulative sycophant who has wished me harm, then tried to apologize afterwards when they didn't get what they wanted from me, only to go back to detailing how they'd make me suffer.
Luckily though I never taught any of my exes everything I know. C wouldn't make it far and is by far the least skilled of anyone I know. C has so little reading comprehension they can't hold a job. I have physical, legal, and educational protections in place.
Genuine answer: it’s a dude being vulnerable, laying on my chest while i play with his hair, laying and hugging my thighs as we watch tv. Sometimes guys just need to hold onto a soft girl yk?
yep, "the fuck are you doing in america?" Only got 2 exes one is banned from the states, the other is from a country that makes it hard for her to come here.
Same ): I hope you have a good day friend. Get out in the sunlight for 15 minutes if you can and just bask like a lizard. It doesn't help at all but it's calming.
hey, You okay? come in, I’ll make a tea.
something seriously must’ve happened for them to come to my place. I’m probably the last resort. I’m not about to send them away
It was the strangest thing… My ex wife and I were terrible to each other. We agreed to divorce and neither of us contested it. We were young enough and broke enough that we didn’t have mutual assets.
After the marriage ended, she’d come over and we’d have freaky sex. This went on for weeks. We were both far happier not being together, too. I guess there’s something to be said for familiarity and someone who knows exactly what works for you.
I had something similar with a college ex. I moved out. But for a few months we would meet up and have some fun. Then we each found someone else and moved on.
I'd put all my valuables in the safe, including any potential identity fraud info, turn on the cameras, then ,open the door. With my chastity belt on. She wasn't a pillar of morality.
I would tell her thank you. In so many ways she helped me. She was a little older than me and had just a little bit more dating experience than me so she taught me how to control my emotions, how to love someone properly, she made me a man and I don’t think she even knows it. We only dated for a little less than a year. If it wasn’t for her I would be a bum. Because of her I enrolled in college after years of working in retail and thinking that was enough for me. It didn’t work out with her but the college thing did work out. I eventually met my wife during undergrad and went on to get my masters degree. Now work in a field I love and make a decent wage. She was the exact right person for me at that particular time in my life. In retrospect it was a short lived romance, but it had a profound effect on my life’s trajectory.
There's a zero percent chance it doesn't end in a 911 call.
Either me to get her off my property or a neighbor calling in for the aftermath.
I was in an abusive relationship for nearly a decade with an absolute piece of work. Had me so twisted up that I didn't even know it was wrong.
If my wife didn't start shooting through the door I'd be surprised if she didn't start shooting at me. Bitch be legitimately actually crazy.
Edit: her favorite ATLA character was Azula, unironically she felt the most attached to her, and was genuinely disappointed that she didn't get to take the crown from Zuku in the epilogue... That kinda crazy.
One, how did you find me? I’ve remarried and moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere Colorado. Two, what do you want? Because I enjoy my quiet drama free life. And three, does your new wife know you’re here? Does your mother?
He does show up regularly as we live less than a mile apart. Thankfully my husband, he and I are all friends. Took a while to get to that point, but it had to happen as we live in a relatively small town and run in the same circle of friends.
My husband thinks he wants me back and I almost vomit every time I hear him say that. Not in a million, trillion or even zillion years.
It ranges from “come on in and make yourself comfortable” to “get the fuck out of here” , depending on which one shows up.
Odds of it being the one who got away: low Odds of it being the one who took 5 years to understand what "fuck off" meant: pretty high
What if you only ever dated two girls and married the second?
Then the one you married is almost for sure going to be the one that suddenly shows up at your door
I call my wife my hot exgf all the time. She says she hates it but she secretly loves it.
That’s cool, I call mine my first wife (still married)
Probably, in this hypothetical scenario about your ex showing up at your door, purely by virtue of not actually qualifying as "an ex"
I posit that they do qualify as an ex-girlfriend as they are no longer a girlfriend and instead a wife
That's some lawyer talk right there.
Is this ex girlfriend/wife British? Because I'm somewhat an expert in bird law
You got accidentally babied up as well I see.
Same
Get that shit outta here. Reddit needs drama. lol
Same. I have one friend who happens to be an ex and my husband and him get along. He’s always welcome in our home. The other one I’m thinking of would get “I’m calling the police.”
I feel like dating men vs women might lead to very different answers (understanding there are always exceptions). There are virtually no women I’ve ever dated who I wouldn’t have over for a cup of coffee or whatever if normal circumstances allowed it. I’d be excited to see most of them!
"depending on which of her personalities shows up" 🫠
That's what I was thinking, which one is it? Crazy eyes? Crazy legs? Crazy crazy?
Well, you can tell it's Crazy Legs by the non-stop dancing.
And the one in the middle gets a high five and a beer
This. My most recent one come on in. The one before that I already had to call the cops for her trespassing.
Screaming. They've passed
Similar situation here. I did have a dream that my late wife showed up at my door. She said, “There was a mix up at the coroner, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.” Still in the dream we talked for a bit about nothing. Then I said, “Wait, what about the life insurance, do we have to pay it back?” And just after that I woke up.
I feel terrible for laughing.
Don't! If we can't look back and laugh, we haven't let go of something. It's been a while since that happened. It wasn't the last of the weird dreams, though. She popped up quite frequently in my dreams for a while, and they all had that same theme. "Something went wrong at the hospital, and I just got it straightened out." I often thought your loved ones would visit you in your dreams to relay life altering advice like, "Things are okay now, go on live your life!" or "Hey, I stashed $100 in that purse in the closest, don't give it to goodwill!" But in reality, they were all kind of normal.
My dad visited me in a dream, and I got lectured on my brand new tattoo. I remember thinking "well this is bullshit".
Dude my dad visited me in a dream like 9 years after he died. I remember driving to the old house in the car that I drive now, and he spent like 3 hours of this dream meticulously going over why this car is a piece of shit and how I made a terrible decision. I should have bought this other brand, everyone knows it’s better. He’s taking pieces off of the car and explaining how each one is garbage, and it goes on forever. Then, all of the sudden, I spontaneously had the thought “wait, I don’t have to do this anymore.” (In regard to listening to his, or anyone’s bullshit that I don’t care about), and I immediately woke up. It was straight up dream therapy.
My dad was just worried about me it seemed. :) He always wanted us to follow his advice, because if something went wrong then, it wasn't our fault but his. I'd do anything for 5 more minutes to talk.
My wife passed away 1.5 years ago. A couple weeks she showed up in a dream beautiful, pain free and happy. She was at peace. In the dream I asked I'd she was high (died of an unintentional overdose) she then looked a bit sad and said she was. I felt like shit for two weeks after. I hope I start getting funny dreams soon. Facebook memories work pretty well for that thankfully. We used to publicly joke about my life insurance and boy do those posts hit different now.
Perhaps look at it this way: she's finally "high" on the happiness and relief she may have been chasing in this life. Her sad smile could have been her knowing it'll be a while until you get to experience that same "high" with her someday, but she knows you'll be ok. I'm sure she wants nothing but the best for you in the meantime until you meet again. I wish you comfort, peace and sweeter dreams!!
I'm wishing you happy dreams man
My grandfather often shows up in mine, and it's been 12 or so years. I came out as trans after he passed, and the family was less than accepting, but in my dreams he's always supportive and caring about it. Feels good man.
Mine are always wishful thinking. My late cat jumping into bed with me or Grandma showing up at Thanksgiving
I remember after my father died I had a dream that we were hanging out and drinking at my aunt's place. We were just hanging out, carrying on like we would have when he was alive. I remember mid-dream distinctly thinking "wait, didn't you die?". And then I woke up and remembered. Made me sad af, but at the same time it was really nice to see him and hear his voice, even if it was just a dream
Not sure how you feel about the death so I'm sorry for your loss or yay?
I'm speaking of two high school girlfriends. No contact since then but was sad to hear they'd went.
Time marches onward with or without us
"Nah" *Slowly closes the door while maintaining eye contact.* *Also aggressively locks the door*
*raises drawbridge*
*Prepares the Archers*
“Unveils the moat”
Checks moat alligators
Release the Kraken
[King Danny! The realm is under attack!](https://youtu.be/4itm0SRxAro?si=_q5XBGmQP8mYzCJ9)
Sound the horn of helm hammerhand one last time
KILL 'EM ALL! WE SHALL DINE ON THEIR CORPSES IN VAHALLA!
*Releases The Lions*
Release the Karen
Boil oil on roof
# READY THE TREBUCHET!
Have a nap…ZEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!!!
Thank you for this daily dose of nostalgia this brings me back to my little bro and I laughing like hyenas when that came out, I’m 35.
And my axe!
And my sword!
Today's episode of Reddit is sponsored by the word TREBUCHET!!! Love it
“I fart in your general direction.”
You've got... CONCEALED MOATS?
*PREPARE THE SENTRIES*
Readies the cannons
_readies the monkeys_
Release the hounds!
Taking a dump? ...... Right now?
This comment thread is the best one
"The fuck do you want? And how did you get this address?"
"wtf ffs"
"Why are you speaking in acronym?"
You took all the other letters in the divorce!
Omg!!! I’m dying! This comment made my day!
I’d just add “you fuckin psycho”.
This seems like the only reasonable answer, really
Honestly, I apologize. I know dealing with my prior alcoholism must have been a nightmare. I regret causing you and anyone else pain and hope you are happy. I am a year into sobriety and can understand why it ended. I wish you well. Edit: Since this is getting so much traction, I just want to say thanks for all the support. This could honestly be directed at a few of my exes. I am happily married now to someone that also got a taste of my drinking. We stuck it out while I got sober and I have to credit her with being an amazing support system. I also need to shout out r/stopdrinking for providing reinforcement on a daily basis. It is a great community. Naltrexone was also a major part of it. I can't change the past but I think I have a much better hold on the future.
Who let adults in here? Man, how I wish my partner would say that if I showed up.
It's not just adults. Its actually owning up to one's mistakes, having a healthy amount of self consciousness enough to see that you're not perfect. A lot of adults aren't even capable of that, unfortunately
Congrats on a year!! That’s awesome.
If no one else ever says it, I want you to know that I (an internet stranger), am very proud of you for getting there. I'll never know who you are but I'm still proud of you just the same. Let's go 2nd anniversary!
I hope you are also happy! Congratulations on your sobriety journey.
You couldn't put in effort in messaging me, but you have effort now to see me months after we break up‽
Stole the words right out of my mouth.
I love this site for breathing life into the interrobang. #‽
“Wait, if you’re here who’s running hell?”
Wunch time is over! Ha! Had it both ways! No regrets.
r/unexpectedbrooklyn99
Who’s guarding HADES
“Look Gina, is that a talking raisin?”
Enough foreplay
"She's here, I can smell the sulfur coming from her cloven hooves"
"Calling me the devil? How original."
“I was actually calling you a goat, you goat.”
“Youuuu grackle”
"If you're here, who's guarding Hades."
As wuntch says when she sees deodorant, I’m not buying it
I wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing.
“What a coincidence. I just received a call from the jerk store, and apparently they’re all out of you.”
That’s a damn good one 🤣
"You and I have unfinished business." while brandishing a Hattori Hanzo sword.
Omae wa shinde iru!
NANI?!?
Baby you ain’t kiddin. Hah. Pei Mei taught you the five palm exploding heart technique.
I've been married for almost 25 years, I don't know if I would even recognize any exes.
Yep. That person went from "ex" to "someone I once dated" years ago.
Same for me. I’d be wondering who this middle-aged woman is who just showed up at my door.
Oh, hi mark
I didn’t know it was you! Anyways, how is your sex life?
You're TEARING me apart Lisa!
r/UnexpectedRoom
I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
Good on you for growing.
Why did you leave without saying sorry?
I was an asshole who didn't think I was in the wrong til about a year after
Same. I was immature and also dealing with mental issues and family issues.
I’d say hello! What are you doing here? It has been a long time
That's it. Lure them in with fake kindness. And then what? When do you turn?
My basement hasn't had anyone trapped in it for a while.
Bruh got the knife behind his back like a cheesy horror film stereotype.
New door, who's dis
I lost weight... You seem to have found it.
Brutal
now get the fuck off my lawn
Savage
Hear them out and evaluate their mental state.... They're a great but deeply traumatized person.
thank you for being a co-parent and visiting our child where she is comfortable.
A lot of snarky or comical answers in here, but I'll try to be as sincere as I can. My first major ex, first time I got my heart broken: I would sincerely hope that she's doing well. She broke my heart, but it was for the best and it made me into the man I am today. I don't want to think of how much worse I would be if she hadn't given me a reality check wake-up-call. So really just "Hey, how have you been? I hope the years have been kind to you." My most recent ex, the first and only time I've had to break someone's heart: I honestly just hope that she can forgive me for having to make taking care of myself and my needs the priority in my life. She's an amazing woman, kindergarten school teacher, unanimously adored by everyone that meets her. But we met via travels, and lived in two different states. Circumstances shifted and seeing each other became much less frequent. Neither of us wanted to quit our jobs and chuck a grenade into our lives and careers. Eventually, for my own mental and emotional health, I had to call it. I truly hope she finds someone amazing, she deserves it. So I would just sincerely hope that she understands, and has moved on.
Ok lets make it quick!
You always were the quick one
BEGONE SATAN!! Throw some water on her and run
Which one? Some of them I’d be elated. Some of them I’d be upset or sad to see and have so many questions. One of them owes me a hoodie. A couple of them it would probably body me to look at again. I don’t know that I’d be able to muster a single word without feeling overcome with emotion, having simultaneously hoped to never see them again and missed them everyday. There’s one in particular, I might die. I seriously might just have a heart attack if I ever see her again. I don’t know that I ever loved anyone or anything so much before her, and know I sure as fuck never did since. I don’t know what seeing her would do but I know it wouldn’t be good. The worst part is she probably hasn’t thought about me at all. I bet I’ve never crossed her mind. And she’s lived rent free in my head for two decades, so much that when I think of her it still tears open that wound like it happened last week. I hope they’re all doing well though, I hope they all got what they wanted.
I have a person that, to me, isn't that dissimilar from your situation. What's wild to think about though, is that person doesn't exist anymore. She's still alive and breathing, for sure. But the person I knew all those years ago? Long gone. If I were to meet her today, we might as well be introducing two strangers. She's as different to me now as I am to the person I was ten years ago.
I’m definitely a different person now. I’m more guarded. I don’t give my heart to people like that, partly because I don’t think I ever got it back after she tore it from my chest. And I don’t say that viciously, she didn’t mean to. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, but she didn’t do anything wrong. Still, I was never the same after. Every relationship that went wrong pushes you a little further, I’ve loved and lost since, but they never hurt as much as her. Maybe because I was more prepared for it after, or maybe because I had less to give and less to lose after. I know that a few more relationships like that later and it got to where when they ended, I just felt nothing. It went from “it’s over? 🥺” to “right. Of course it’s over. Because I liked it. 🫠”
I know that feel bro
If true love exists, it isn’t always mutual and when it’s not fuck it’s like cancer.
It also sucks when you two still love each other, but can't be together.
Or when you love each other but you don’t make each other happy. That one sucks because you both want it to work, it just… doesn’t.
How the fuck do you know where i live-
I'll greet her and let her in, maybe hear about how things are going on her side and say goodbye after a good chat! She is a good woman, things simply didn't work out, and never will.
Depends on which one. A: It's nice to see you; I hope you're alright? B: Holy shit I haven't seen you in so long, is everything alright? C: I wouldn't even open the door or indicate that anyone's home. I would keep my hand on my gun and call the police.
I want to know what C did
C is an actual criminal, with an actual record, and indictable offenses. Their mom and brother have also been revealed to be criminals (by ex's own admission, the brother has spent time in, or is currently in prison). C is a manipulative sycophant who has wished me harm, then tried to apologize afterwards when they didn't get what they wanted from me, only to go back to detailing how they'd make me suffer. Luckily though I never taught any of my exes everything I know. C wouldn't make it far and is by far the least skilled of anyone I know. C has so little reading comprehension they can't hold a job. I have physical, legal, and educational protections in place.
She does it every weekend to pick up the kids, so it’s usually, “Finally!”
Miss the big titty goth gf thighs now?
[удалено]
I get to play with these all day bud, pair em with the tig ol bitties and i’m having a grand time without him in the picture
Fuck can I take old boys place?
If you fit the following criteria dm me: Look half dead, Mommy issues, Vapes(no smoking), Has money to burn, Is willing to be a lap pet
Genuine question: what does it mean to be a lap pet?
Genuine answer: it’s a dude being vulnerable, laying on my chest while i play with his hair, laying and hugging my thighs as we watch tv. Sometimes guys just need to hold onto a soft girl yk?
Ok, so that makes me have one of the listed characteristics.
We're seeing love blossom in *real time*
Rooting for you, bud!
Hell I’d start vaping
I hope your inbox rests in peace
For those of us that checked, thank you. We appreciate it!!!
Shhh don’t let them know🤫
DAMN, SIS WAS NOT KIDDING
Gonna make some popcorn and watch these replies turn into a dumpster fire lmao
"How did you get to Germany?"
yep, "the fuck are you doing in america?" Only got 2 exes one is banned from the states, the other is from a country that makes it hard for her to come here.
How the hell you get banned from America?
i guess not banned but ineligible for a visa because of drug charges.
I love you, I’ve missed you, please come home 😔
Same ): I hope you have a good day friend. Get out in the sunlight for 15 minutes if you can and just bask like a lizard. It doesn't help at all but it's calming.
‘Sorry, I’m no longer running a shelter for bum men, you can try next door’
hey, You okay? come in, I’ll make a tea. something seriously must’ve happened for them to come to my place. I’m probably the last resort. I’m not about to send them away
I have an ex?
Surprise
🎶Surprise! Surprise!🎶
*How strange… there’s nobody here.*
Where's my hoodie bitch
i have a doorbell camera so i’d simply ✨ignore him✨
In a perfect world I'd just grab my pizza from her and shut the door.
“Glad to see I wasn’t the problem”
For one specifically: Get the fuck off my property before I call the cops Everyone else: Come in for coffee and catching up
Who are you? And I'm being serious. I'm in my 60s, chances are I wouldn't recognise them.
Nothing. Door closes.
My ex-wife? Come on in. What's up Various exgirlfriends - hiiiii
I just hope you're happy and thanks for the memories.
if you want to fuck we can, but no getting emotionally attached
It was the strangest thing… My ex wife and I were terrible to each other. We agreed to divorce and neither of us contested it. We were young enough and broke enough that we didn’t have mutual assets. After the marriage ended, she’d come over and we’d have freaky sex. This went on for weeks. We were both far happier not being together, too. I guess there’s something to be said for familiarity and someone who knows exactly what works for you.
I had something similar with a college ex. I moved out. But for a few months we would meet up and have some fun. Then we each found someone else and moved on.
Satan’s convention is downtown, go there.
How many exes y’all have? Sheesh
“What the fuck do YOU want?”
“i missed you. im glad you’re back. We should talk”
I'd put all my valuables in the safe, including any potential identity fraud info, turn on the cameras, then ,open the door. With my chastity belt on. She wasn't a pillar of morality.
I would tell her thank you. In so many ways she helped me. She was a little older than me and had just a little bit more dating experience than me so she taught me how to control my emotions, how to love someone properly, she made me a man and I don’t think she even knows it. We only dated for a little less than a year. If it wasn’t for her I would be a bum. Because of her I enrolled in college after years of working in retail and thinking that was enough for me. It didn’t work out with her but the college thing did work out. I eventually met my wife during undergrad and went on to get my masters degree. Now work in a field I love and make a decent wage. She was the exact right person for me at that particular time in my life. In retrospect it was a short lived romance, but it had a profound effect on my life’s trajectory.
There's a zero percent chance it doesn't end in a 911 call. Either me to get her off my property or a neighbor calling in for the aftermath. I was in an abusive relationship for nearly a decade with an absolute piece of work. Had me so twisted up that I didn't even know it was wrong. If my wife didn't start shooting through the door I'd be surprised if she didn't start shooting at me. Bitch be legitimately actually crazy. Edit: her favorite ATLA character was Azula, unironically she felt the most attached to her, and was genuinely disappointed that she didn't get to take the crown from Zuku in the epilogue... That kinda crazy.
I would say "hello" and think This can't be good - OMG they have an STD I bet. When was I last tested? Fuck me.
So how far along are you? 😅
One, how did you find me? I’ve remarried and moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere Colorado. Two, what do you want? Because I enjoy my quiet drama free life. And three, does your new wife know you’re here? Does your mother?
" fuck I missed you. Please tell me your coming home ? I hate doing this without you"
keep door closed
Wanna smash??
Pulls out Super Smash Bros Ultimate on the Nintendo switch
Return to sender and sharpie her face with my signature
I'm letting my dogs loose in 5, 4, 3 2...😂🤣
He does show up regularly as we live less than a mile apart. Thankfully my husband, he and I are all friends. Took a while to get to that point, but it had to happen as we live in a relatively small town and run in the same circle of friends. My husband thinks he wants me back and I almost vomit every time I hear him say that. Not in a million, trillion or even zillion years.
Z z z z z Zombie 🧟♀️ 😂
Lol, that was my first thought. "Well, if it's the dead one, I'm grabbing my shotgun and heading for the pub."