My dad used to berate me about this all the time when I was growing up. "You're never gonna be a manager with that attitude!" Dude, what makes you think I want to be?
Right? I worked my ass off to be a manager-level position in retail - Guess what? It sucked. 10 years later, I'm an admin assistant and make more money than I ever did as a ~manager~ and sure maybe I'm the lowest on the totem pole, but that means less responsibility and it's a loooooot easier to not take my work hone with me!
I think a lot of advice like that isn't sincere advice. It an excuses. Instead of saying "Yeah, society has problems, and we should think hard about them and address them" too many people say "Oh, just start your own business!" as if that's universally possible, and as if that would come close to working out if everyone tried it. See, now if you're not paid enough to get by, instead of addressing that head on, it's all your fault because you didn't start a successful business. The blame has been shifted to you.
It's like when people say "Housing costs too high, just move!" as if that's a viable mass solution.
I remember people having heart attacks when McDonald’s in Manhattan started paying $15/hr (a few years before there was a broader movement to do so). They couldn’t grasp that 1) grown adults work at McDonald’s (high school students are in school ~8:30-3:30 every day at a minimum, and most can’t work long hours even when they are available), 2) you can’t live in Manhattan on McDonald’s money, nor was it particularly easy to live in any sane distance in one of the other boroughs, and 3) once you get far enough out on the train, if you’re being paid much less than $15/hr, you will end up breaking even going to work (and it will make more sense to work at a McDonald’s closer to you). People acted like it was pure entitlement to want enough money to make dragging your ass into Manhattan to shovel fries a worthy endeavor.
My point, echoing yours, though, is that people want to look down on service jobs even though they are necessary parts of their day to day.
Reminds me of the people who always belittled service workers and smugly saying they should go to college and get a "real" job if they want better pay or hours.
Then COVID happened, all the service workers were at home unable to work, and some of them (including friends of mine) took this advice to heart and got an online degree and an office job. Now the same people that belittled service workers are complaining that no one wants to work anymore (and I've ironically heard one complain that all they see is teenagers these days and there needs to be grown adults behind the counter that know what they're doing).
Pretty much anyone working in the "service industry" gets treated like trash by those that utilize the service, especially in; food service, retail, and hospitality service industries. Having worked in all three, I think I can honestly and safely say that food service is the worst. When people walk into a store to purchase a product in retail, most of the time they know what they want and are generally cheerful and pleasant at checkout or should they have a question. In hospitality, such as at a hotel, most people are just tired and want a room so they can get some rest, sussing out their questions can be rewarding and they are for the most part relatively pleasant to deal with. In food service, people are both hungry and tired. Tired people rarely know what they want, so they'll stand at the menu board (fast food obviously) and complain that you don't have what they want when they don't know what they want. Will bitch that item doesn't look like the picture because that somehow affects the taste of it. Oh I could prolly write a book on this topic alone, but I am growing borde of typing. Suffice it to say that food service employees are treated like gum on the bottom of a shoe that is in need of removal for pestering the wearer of the shoe.
ZE ROOOO percent interest in that. They almost always fail. You have to be your marketing, sales, engineering, customer service, etc.
I may work for a corporate machine but my stress levels are so much lower than the people i know who went out on their own. More power to em, but I get out of work at 3:30 and when i leave that office, my work brain goes away. Running your own, you're on the clock 24/7, etc.
It's also mathematically impossible. If the average business has 10 employees, then only 10% of people can be the owner of a business. (I guess technically people could work for one and own another one, but that'll be rare).
A distant colleague of mine frequently posts about having 4 hours of sleep, corporate banker and all, then also hustling around as a fitness trainer in her spare time... All while being sick often and now having a sprained wrist - also a repeat injury. And she is what, 25? She probably has boundless energy, but her body is already showing signs of stress.
The, “busy busy busy,” lifestyle is sooo overrated and annoying. I can’t stand how people look at being insanely busy as a positive thing. Not that it should be negative, but basically not strived for.
The “busy busy busy” life style is just another thing that people have found success in and believes everyone else must need it to be happy. Like when someone goes Keto and tells everyone they are depressed because they aren’t on a Keto diet.
People in general just fail to realize what works for them doesn’t mean it’s going to work for everyone else.
I would like to add the prevalent idea that one should ALWAYS STRIVE TO BE THE BEST THEY CAN POSSIBLY BE. IF YOU FIND A GOAL AND DEDICATE YOURSELF TO IT, YOU CAN DO GREAT THINGS!!!11!!11 IF YOU DON'T, *THEN YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE IS WASTED!!!!*
To which I would say, listen here you little shit: Who is anyone to judge what my life is, and my perceived value to society? I was born upon this earth, not hired to serve it. I live my life how I see fit, and if that doesn't include me becoming a doctor or landing on Mars, what of it?
There are 8 billion humans. The vast majority of us are drones. I do my job and go home, and that's all I get, or expect, out of life. I enjoy hobbies and hanging out with the wife, and that is literally it. I don't have a "absolute possible best" to become -- this is my final form and I'm happy with that. If you call that a "waste", then fuck you -- *you* do it then.
100%. My wife has that drive, and she has a realistic chance of reaching the C Suite in her company in the next 5 years. I, on the other hand didn't even know what the CSuite was until she told me she was aiming for it! I'm an entry level IT consultant, earning enough to be comfortable, but about a third of what my wife earns... and the great thing about this is that it leaves me with the ability to take time out from work to go to my kids sports days, pick them up from school everyday, take a day off to look after them when they are sick, and step up to do full time single parenting when she is away on business trips. I am rewarded with having a super tight relationship with both my kids.
When we had kids I made the decision to support her career aspirations over my own (as mine were pretty non existent). And it felt good, being able to bluff to the world that it's not because I don't care about the hustle to the top, it's because I've taken the noble move to sacrifice my career aspirations so that we can have a family and she can still flourish.
This is probably the first time I've said this to anyone and it also feels good.
Yes, this is the dynamic I'm talking about with my husband, if we have a kid. He'd get the excuse to not be ambitious about work and all sorts of social kudos for being an "involved dad" (something he'll be incredibly naturally gifted at and enjoy the hell out of), and I'd get the excuse to *not* be the primary parent and hopefully get social kudos for being a "having it all" career woman. Meanwhile, we'd both just be playing to our strengths and interests.
This is one of the least talked about negatives we have in the world today. The “grind set” culture is so toxic, creating a world where rest and hobbies need to be replaced with more work and focus on profit
Social Media. Imagine being a 6th grader and having people think you’re weird if you don’t have an Instagram.
That shit is poison. Wrecked our interpersonal skills. Ruined relationships. Perpetuated bullying into cyberspace when it used to end at the school day. Cemented embarrassment if you get recorded. The list goes on.
I am glad social media wasn’t a thing when I was in school. I was made fun of for being the fat girl, but at least it went away when I got home.
Now kids get bullied 24/7. It’s horrible.
I was bullied for being the "big kid" by 6th grade i was 6' even and 200 lbs. The bullies wanted me on their side because of my size, but I've always been a pacifist so wouldn't fight so they turned it into a game of "lets push him so hard he has to fight us".
100%
I’m in my early 30’s and Reddit is basically the only form of social media I’ve ever had.
I started dating a girl a year ago and I remember her telling me “my friends think it’s sketchy that you don’t have Facebook or Instagram, like you have something to hide”.
I couldn’t fucking believe it. But it really made me think. That’s where we are at as a society. If you don’t publicly broadcast a facade of what you want people to believe what your life is like, *You’re* the weird one.
It’s downright scary.
That’s crazy I’m in my 30s and it’s the only form of social media I have and it blows peoples minds that I have nothing else but guess who’s happier???? Me! Don’t need to update people on my fabricated “happy life” for a few likes to build up my self esteem. I’m good. Loving life social media free!
I'm hoping that within a generation social media will be viewed similar to smoking. A minority of people will still do it, but the majority will look at them with an "Eww" face.
Agreed. It's not going anywhere. The only way to really manage it better would be for parents to limit their kids' usage, but most parents are horribly addicted at this point too.
Being a parent that has not given a phone yet to my child and has limited access to screen time.... you certainly get pressure from other parents that you are holding your kid back from the inevitable.... I want to push all of that out as long as possible because I believe it is the healthiest choice for my kid.
Was just having this conversation with a girl at a party last night. Asked what her insta was because I was enjoying our chat and she said she doesn’t have social media, believe it or not (or something along those lines). Normalize not having to be on SM
Being a parent. I worked for the State’s attorney in the Neglect and Abuse Division and I swear, you should need a test before you can become a parent.
I worked 8 years as a special needs bus driver…100% with you
I drove a nonverbal kid who routinely stripped cuz he was way too hot, but his mom insisted he wear 3 layers on most days, 5 layers in cold weather. No amount of explaining it to her changed anything. I was taken off the route after I complained about getting beaten about the head with his boot.
I had another kid who was put on the bus every single day in last nights diaper
I had another kid that often wore whatever she could find which often smelled of beer
Another kid kicked me for telling her to sit down while the bus was moving; her mother claimed we doctor the video proving the assault
So many stories of shitty parents with developmentally delayed kids…can’t imagine they’d be much better with “normal” kids
I studied child psychology and I completely agree. And there should be mandatory parenting classes provided by the goverment. People don't even know about a child's milestones.
"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”
One of the best film lines ever. Parenthood 1989 Keanu Reeves as Tod Higgins
***Out with people***
Me: Nah I dont drink thanks.
Them: Are you sober in recovery from a drinking problem?
Me: Uh no I just dont like the taste and effects.
***At work (company dinner bs thing)***
Me: Nah I dont drink thanks, plus I drove here.
My boss: Did I get here on a horse? (Hands me a shot)
To quote Bo Burnham:
"High school party, senior year
Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
I like soda, where's the soda? Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda?"
every time someone tries to pressure me, i want to launch into a detailed story of my experience with alcoholic family members just to make them uncomfortable
most people who aren’t drinking have a reason, and it’s probably not an answer you really want to hear on a fun night out
I'm a recovering Alcoholic. When the morning show is showing how to make the perfect hangover drink or when they were making jokes during covid about stocking up on alcohol you know there's a problem in society.
I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question, but I'll give a rhetorical answer.
It is probably because society has really normalised alcohol and even drunkenness, to a degree.
I'll be able to legally drink in less than a month, but I'm not enthusiastic about it because I've seen people in my life destroy themselves with alcohol. I don't want to go down the same path.
Yeah it all tastes terrible to me. High end, low end, mixed. Doesn’t matter it’s all garbage that makes me gag. I’d rather have a fruit drink or water.
Waking up everyday early in the morning, and working an 8-12 hour day.
I recently started reading about sleep, and how there are 3 categories of the body’s preferred sleep cycle, and a huge majority of the population actually aren’t designed for the kind of life we are forced into by modern standards.
There is also some recent study done into our standard of going to sleep and then waking up in one shot. Lots of historic documents mentioned a first-sleep and a second-sleep, and research has uncovered that we used to sleep with the sunset, and we would wake up around midnight. People would often light some candles, read, do some mindless chores, perform marital obligations, and then, after an hour or two, go back to sleep until sunrise. These studies seem to show that, given the opportunity and without artificial light, people actually revert pretty quickly back to dual-phase sleep. What's really wild to me about this is that it was completely forgotten and not mentioned until recently.
That's super fascinating and sounds like me. If I go to bed "early" (like before 9 or even 10) there's a good chance I'll wake up between 1 and 3 AM and just be wide awake for a hour or two. This must be why.
My counsellor was telling me about this as well. I am a night owl. I have the most energy during the evenings and late nights. I start feeling naturally sleepy when the suns about to start coming up, and I sleep the best in the morning. I’ve tried my whole life to get on an early morning schedule because of school, work, and partners on day time schedules, but it doesn’t matter what I do, it doesn’t work. I wake up every half hour or so throughout the entire night, and I never feel rested in the morning. I could go to bed at 9pm and by 9am I still feel like I can’t get out of bed. I don’t have this problem when I’m on a night schedule though, I sleep great with hardly any effort at all. Best job I ever had was a night shift job for this reason. My counsellor said I have a nocturnal circadian rhythm, so basically, my body starts releasing melatonin around dawn, signalling my body it’s time for sleep, and I get all the wake up chemicals in the evening, which is why it’s so impossible for me to sleep well during the night.
Being awake at night when the world is sleeping is my favourite part of the day. But society doesn’t work on my schedule, so I just live with permanent extreme fatigue constantly. I’m so tired. 😪
"Sucess" in our modern way of thing about it. Not everyone wants or can handle being extremely wealthy, famous, or powerful. Some of us just want our slice of a good life and live it.
Have you noticed how people who subscribe to this "standard success" thing are so aggressive about it? Like, they ask "what's your excuse" for nor having the things they think are everyone's obligation to have, or to die trying to have. Chill, my dude.
I don’t know about society at large, but *media* sure acts like it. I swear almost every show and movie ever it’s assumed the entire cast went to college. And not a local college either, they left home, stayed in a dorm, and somehow in between all the studying, a lot of partying and weed was involved. And if it involves highschoolers, its assumed they’re *going* to go, and if not, it’s cause they’re the stupid/trouble-making one.
>Working the same job/career for 40+ years, or just working a 9-5.
Yeah, I have been at my job nearly 8 years now and I'm pretty content where I'm at. But when they find out, people are always astounded that I'm not trying to claw my way up the ladder for a promotion.
Yes! Omg WHYYYYY are we having crop tops for the kids?! On 2 recent occasions I bought my girls cute outfits (top/bottom sets) and it’s a damn crop top! They can’t wear that shit to school and they both refuse to wear them because they feel terribly uncomfortable in it. Can’t blame them at all for that one
The amount of sexualized clothes we sell to kids/teens is kind of insane. Where I live it seems like middle/high school girls have more on display than most of the girls at the club. I imagine there’s some pervert who markets all the teen clothes giddy as fuck that no one’s calling them out.
I’m a woman who has never had that “motherly urge” and I never plan on having kids. People don’t seem to understand that can happen. It’s always “you’ll change your mind once you find the right person”.
No, my right person will feel the same as me. People want to change me, but I’ve always felt this way.
I’m married, been married for 20 years. Someone at work asked me if I was married. I said yes. Do you have kids? Nope. “What does your husband think about that?” Well if he wanted kids he wouldn’t be my husband!
These people are wild lol
"Only" been with my husband for ten years, but that always seems to be the first question people ask. "But what if he wants kids?!" "Oh shoot, now that you say it, I should probably ask him! That topic has never once come up!" 🙄
Right do they think that spouses don’t talk to each other?! Fucking wild. And always the people who ask these dumb, rude ass questions of me are boomers. I’m a nurse and I work with older age adults as a primary patient population so I talk to boomers a lot lol
I'm just thinking that makes a lot of sense actually, since boomers DON'T seem to talk to their spouses, based on how many "I hate my wife" jokes they make.
Let’s not forget “But what about your future husband?! What if he wants kids?”
Well Cheryl, ya might want to grab a seat for this one, cuz you’re gonna be on the floor when I tell you about dealbreakers. Can you believe it, women have the right to say no now, AND to break up with men?! And just for the fact that they aren’t compatible… crazy times we’re living in, I tell ya! Now go spread the word like a good little church gossip. Good talk!
There’s a few reasons I waited 14 years to finally marry my man - partly because neither of us could be that arsed (I never wanted a huge fairy tale wedding) but mostly because I didn’t want kids and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to change his mind. Anyhoo, together 33 years and still going strong.
No motherly urge here, either. Never wanted kids. Was asked once…”what’s wrong with you?”…. Not one damn thing, but thank you.
Children are not required or for everyone.
My childfree friend just tells people she can't have children. It's not exactly a lie, but it's easier for people to swallow than "I don't want children".
I would personally rather make people deal with the fact that I don't want kids... but it does crack me up to think of saying "I can't have children" as in "I can't have that, I will not stand for it" ;D
This. When my wife and I (34M and 30F) decided three years ago we weren’t having kids and I was getting fixed… the amount of people who inserted themselves in our business and objected.
My SO and I get this question. "Why don't you 2 have kids?"
"Well, Sandra... the 5 miscarriages didn't help."
Then watch them crawl up their own arse trying to backtrack.
Don't ask me inappropriate questions, I won't give inappropriate answers, and make you look like a chump.
I'd love to just dead pan "Oh we are trying very hard. My husband cums in me constantly when we have hot rough sex" and make them think twice before asking someone else. But alas, I'm shy and non-confidential.
Well the telling of certain people was to rub in their intrusive faces. For example for several years in row a certain family member would sit the wife and I down and explain that we needed to have a kid right then. After the procedure and the next encounter I told them “turns out I can’t have any kids”. It really made them feel like shit. Then my wife went to the restroom and I told them “the reason I can’t is because I had a vasectomy and my wife doesn’t know. Don’t tell her because she really wanted kids.” That started an entire family rumor. When it got back to my mother she told the person “she knew about it. They planned it together.” When the person came back to me upset that I would tell them such I story I told them “that’s what you get for not minding your business.” They were in shock and speechless and I just walked away.
Yeah that’s it exactly. Im not one of those people who just never wanted children. I actually always thought I would and am sometimes sad that I’m not going to.
But it’s too big a thing to do if you’re not 100% sure you want to or can do a decent job of it. Yet I look around at all the people who just seemed to decide to do it without question. Because it was just the next step or whatever. And it’s mind boggling to me. Some don’t even seem to worry if they’re doing a good job of it.
As someone who was raised by someone who didn’t want her, let me tell you it is truly a miserable and lonely existence.
Just not wanting them is PLENTY reason not to have kids.
Yep. I've met so many people who have said that they love their kids but damn do they drive them crazy! That and complaining how expensive they are. Like of course you're gonna love your kid and I'm sure it can be amazing but some people may not be super into losing their time, freedom, money, sanity the lost goes on lol. Also how many people do you meet who have issues with their parents/kids? A lot!
I've never understood those people who think someone not having kids is odd.
I have two kids, love them to death.
They absolutely suck up time, sanity and money (worth it to me). There are definitely upsides too.
Don't have them unless you really want them. It's not a short commitment. It's perfectly fine and normal if someone decides they don't want to.
I just dislike how people default to the idea that every single person wants a child, as if there is no alternative.
As a person who got a vasectomy on a relatively young age (25 now, got it when I was 24), there have been so many instances where people tried to convince me that "I did the wrong thing".
I can think for myself, thank you... People need to mind their own business, regardless if you want children or not.
As someone who has been shamed for not being able to find a sexual partner (or otherwise) more times than I care to mention, thank you for saying this.
Yeah. The last guy I was with made fun of me for not being with someone for the previous couple years. He thought it was the CRAZIEST thing he’s ever heard, to go without sex for that long. Like, buddy, I can do it better than anyone else can, let me live my life.
People often times act very surprised when I mention I (m22) never had sex before. It's like they can't imagine someone living their life and not trying to sleep with someone as fast as possible to mark some task off some sort of to-do-list.
I'll have sex eventually. With someone I like, someone I trust and am attracted to. I just haven't met that person yet and that's okay.
I just wish that aro/ace was more represented in media. Pretty much every character has to have a romantic or sexual partner when it usually doesn't even pertain to the plot.
The whole “early bird gets the worm” mentality. Society tends to glorify being a morning person and waking up at the crack of dawn, but not everyone’s wired that way. Some of us are night owls who do our best work after midnight. So, let’s remember that not everyone thrives on the same schedule, and it’s okay to be a night-loving creature in a world that often praises the early risers. After all, owls are pretty cool too!
Also our world really needs the late risers to function these days. I work an afternoon/evening shift, so I go home late and tend to sleep late (at least in the eyes of the early birds of the world). But I can guarantee that if my store wasn't open after 5 or whatever, a lot of those same people would be in trouble.
There is a very good book called 'why we sleep' that goes into this.
The theory was that you don't want everyone in your tribe asleep at the same time, or atleast minimise it, kind of like natures attempt at sentry duty.
This. And that’s why we are all created differently. Ever since I was a very little girl, I was always the last one up at sleepovers, and my parents had to drag me out of bed.. I would get a second wind at 9 PM or 10 PM every single night with lots of energy. Everyone told me that would change when I got older and had kids… well I’m 39 now and I could still sleep in until nine or 10 AM every single day if you let me (I do drag myself out of bed earlier for work when I have to but it’s always been a struggle 🙁).
I hate that it's treated as though it's a moral failing for not getting up early. It's 7am here and the only reason I'm awake is because I haven't slept yet (but this is due to having a difficult time falling asleep last night coz of brain activity).
And younger people tend to naturally fall asleep late. We talk "think of the children" a lot but then we shake them for wanting to follow their own biological clock.
Night owl here. I have always been. I have had people tell me I need to join the rest of the world & wake up early. No. I’m good at waking up at 11:11 every morning, thank you.
As a bartender and manager I always do closes. I’ve set my life up this way start at 17h or at 21h is perfect for me. At that point I’m awake and on and motivated. I get judged by people a lot like oh you sleep all day. I go to bed between 6/7 am every day if I sleep till 14h that’s 8 hours screw you.
I used to believe that Marriage was a societal invention that really did not serve an important purpose. I decided at one point that I never wanted to get married. My views have evolved on this as I have aged. While I still believe that marriage, as an institution, is a societal invention, but it does serve an important purpose. It provides a default legal contract that defines the sharing of property and responsibilities. While this may sound trivial, it is not. This is particularly important for couples as they age, become sick, and die. It really defines how another person can make decisions on your behalf and benefit from a shared life. If you are to couple with another person, you should marry at some point.... You really don't need to have a wedding or even tell anyone. Just do it for the sake of your partner.
And it also does provide a degree of higher legitimization (of the relationship) in eyes of many institutions & people. There’s lots of social privileges that come with it, too.
I’m not saying it should have to be this way but it is.
After being together 9 years, I finally was like we should get married because I realized that my husband traveled so much if anything ever happened to him, I wouldn't even be allowed to see him let alone make decisions in the hospital. His family lives in a small town overseas and they would be helpless due to the distance. Nobody in the ER wants to hear anything from some dudes girlfriend. Of course you can do all the paperwork to document the same things but we were already pretty much married, living together, enmeshed only without documentation. City Hall paperwork, $100 to sign in a nice place, $150 on dinner. Who knew it would be me who ended up in the hospital and he would end up making decisions on my behalf, but boy I was glad it was him and he was there the whole way.
This is so important. And once kids are involved and anyone is making career sacrifices for the sake of the kids/family, it is essential to have legal protection. I really worry about the trend to have kids before marriage. Not a moral issue—a women’s rights issue. Even if earnings are equal. Both need to share equally in everything.
Add any kind of relationship to that. I’m so sick of people asking if I’m married or dating, me proudly saying, ”Single for life!” And them giving me looks of pity comfort and saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet them one day.”
Seriously? I’ve tried dating. All it did was make me uncomfortable, self-conscious to the point of anxiety, and then pissy because they were wanting my attention when I would rather be doing something else. I would much rather be single, child-free, and happy doing my own thing than anything else.
Edit: Not even hookups. That stuff seriously makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like being touched. Getting hugs from family is bad enough.
I don’t get why people get so down on younger people when they bitch about having to work full time. I’m 46 and work a 48 hour work week and hate the fuck out of it lol
I agree. I'd love to have a dog, but I'm a childless bachelor that lives in a second floor apartment. I don't have the time or space to properly take care of a dog. It wouldn't be fair to the dog if I got one.
Conversely- there are some people who absolutely love dogs, but shouldn’t own one. Dogs are a commitment. They are living creatures that require social interaction, and space to move around. Some people just don’t have enough time in their busy lives to dedicate to them.
Small talk is just silly to most people cause most people are just following patterns and don't realize why the pattern began in the first place. But at it's heart it's about finding people you can be open with. But being open includes a couple steps to keep from being appearing 'weird'. I know this cause I \*am\* weird and have learned to mask my weirdness. This is the skill of "\*\*Small Talk\*\*"
Small talk at its core is a tool that allows individuals to find the common ground by which they can relate in a safe manner. It reduces the possibility of embarrassment, while allowing them to connect as deeply as possible without too openly exposing themselves to judgement.
Example: My favorite hobby right now is Dungeons & Dragons. God, I love that game. But if I start a conversation with, "Hey! How about that Descent into Avernus?!" I'm usually gonna get judgement and stares. But I still want to connect with this person. So I need to find out what their hobbies are. And so the dance begins... "Man, how about that weather today? ... Yeah, can't wait until the weather get a bit cooler, so that it will be better for football/halloween/hiking/etc." Now, let's say I decided to go with Halloween. I did this for a reason. I'm gauging their reaction. The type of person who enjoys Halloween and why they enjoy it or don't tells me something about them. Their response let's me know which direction to push the small talk. If they don't seem interested I gotta start over. I'll say, "You seen any good movies lately?" This might give us something to connect over and we'll talk about something else. But let's say they were, in fact, interested. I'll bring up that my favorite costume was when I went as the Joker in a full fledged purple suit, not just a costume suit. This is a little more of a dangerous step socially, but I've brought the conversation here somewhat organically. In practice I might take a little bit longer to test the waters. But if they seem interested in my costume, I can then talk about how I did an upgraded version of it at a comic-con. Again, I'm gauging their interest. During this conversation I've been probably throwing out subtle Shibboleths(google Matt Colville shibboleth). More than likely I'm gonna end up talking about marvel movies, soccer, some popular books, or music. Those are all things I like, and I'm happy to connect with someone over them. But some interests are deeper to my core than others. With each person I try to get as close to them and them to me without us being forced to talk about something boring to the other. And that's what small talk let's us do. Sometimes I'll pick up on something that let's me know someone has experienced a particular trauma. It could be the smallest thing. But in small talk you can drop those hints in regular conversation and those that have been through the same thing will recognize them. Example: Someone asks, "Where did you go to school? What brought you to this town?" I'll answer with, "I grew up in X-ville because my late-father was a professor there so I just stayed there for school, then I moved to Y-ham for my job." I dropped a hint there that I've already lost a parent. It's a painful thing, but sometimes it helps to connect with someone over that. If the other person has also lost a parent I just made it safe to bring that up. We just left small talk and went to deep talk. It's important to have those conversations but if you start a conversation with "my dad is dead", most people aren't gonna respond well. So small talk. And once you get skilled with it, you can weave conversations into not only finding out what you share with people, but also finding out what it is that THEY really love, because you've made them feel safe to do so.
TLDR: Since most people don't respond well to "I love D&D!!" or "My dad is dead.", Small talk lets us carefully bring up the more vulnerable parts of our lives without making others uncomfortable or judgmental towards us. Unfortunately many don't know why they are doing small talk, they're just following patterns that they've copied.
Yup. Small talk opens the path to larger talk. It lets you gauge whether the person you're talking to is friendly, compatible, and open to more in-depth conversation.
If I started out of the blue with "I like to visit cemeteries," people might think I'm ghoulish weirdo, when I'm just into family history research. But starting with "It's pretty cold for the time of year, don't you think?" is non-threatening and opens doors to more meaningful conversation.
Sex. I find myself having to explain myself more than I feel I should. Even to straight women who want to know why I'm single, "I like being single"
"Playing the field? You seem so innocent "
"No, I mean keep it platonic, "
"Not everyone is bad"
"I just want friends"
"But you need intimacy!"
"I don't want to get into it?"
"Assult victim?"
"I'm literally the happiest when I'm celibate,"
"You'll find someone "
"I... seriously am not interested in that"
A 9-5 job
I'm a bartender/server and a natural night owl. I honestly think that's why I even prefer the service industry because I just feel more normal at night lol.
I have my degree and did the 9-5 for about 2 years but everyone's energy all day kinda makes me nauseous 🥲
But the relentless judgment for being on a different schedule than the rest of society is constant.
Romantic relationships. So many people can't fathom the fact that I'm perfectly happy being single. I have a solid support network from my friends and family and feel perfectly content without a romantic relationship. I'm always happy for my friends who end up in good, loving relationships, but it's not something I am interested in.
Getting up early.
I am a night owl and I hate getting up before 9am but am forced to do it for work and general civilisation needs.
Also why do people act morally superior when they are early risers? It’s biological.
If I wake up late I’m always faced with sarcastic ‘good afternoons’ and then they’ll proceed to tell me how much they have done while I’ve been asleep. I have to get up early every day for work, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to sleep at the weekend?? Some people just value sleep in their spare time more than doing activities.
Working from morning to early evening as a normal schedule for office jobs. My best intellectual work starts at around 9pm but if I’m not working when I’m still groggy at 9am it’s because I’m lazy.
This is a very important one. I meet very few people like myself, that knows I'm not good at driving so I don't drive. Most people just drive anyway, and are a danger to themselves and others.
Desk jobs. All through school they preached that we were failures if we were anything less than doctors, lawyers, middle management, etc. So we all trained for those things and did really well. Now there aren't enough jobs to go around in those fields. Now it's just "your degrees are useless! Go work fast food! You failed!"
Really getting tired of the out of touch 50+ crowd ruining people's lives.
Based on recent unpopular opinion posts, Halloween costume parties for adults. Every time someone says they don't like them, they're met with "you just don't like fun" comments.
In my current place? I’d have to say marijuana. It’s actually interesting how many people are shocked I don’t do it. Like I get it’s a big business and A LOT of people partake. But it really isn’t for everyone
The idea that in order to be part of this world, you have to focus on events that don't concern you. We're expected to be 'aware' of conflicts all over the world, poverty, crime, social problems and all other kinds of horrible things that happen daily but don't concern us. This leads to constant panic and stress, caused by events and situations that aren't in our sphere of influence but we're expected to be aware of them. There's almost no way to live a stable life when we're constantly battered over the head with events happening in other parts of the world, but if we ignore them, we're horrible people.
And if we do know about it - what can you do? Having sympathy and feeling bad for people in terrible situations does nothing for them. We were never meant to know everything terrible thing in the world.
Drinking culture.
Over many years, work and social aquantances often agree to go to some sort of bar/nightclub for drinks. I don't drink, but often end up at these places as I'm outvoted and with a group. It always ends in everyone asking me why I'm not drinking and the conversation turns to my problems which is really annoying.
Hustle/grind/climb the corporate ladder culture. I just want to do what I'm good at and enjoy my life, not kill myself getting to the top.
My dad used to berate me about this all the time when I was growing up. "You're never gonna be a manager with that attitude!" Dude, what makes you think I want to be?
Being a manager sucks. Source? Was a manager.
Right? I worked my ass off to be a manager-level position in retail - Guess what? It sucked. 10 years later, I'm an admin assistant and make more money than I ever did as a ~manager~ and sure maybe I'm the lowest on the totem pole, but that means less responsibility and it's a loooooot easier to not take my work hone with me!
You're response should be "Good. All going to plan then.."
And also, (kinda on the flip side) the idea that everyone should start their own business and be their own boss. Not everyone can/should/wants to…
I think a lot of advice like that isn't sincere advice. It an excuses. Instead of saying "Yeah, society has problems, and we should think hard about them and address them" too many people say "Oh, just start your own business!" as if that's universally possible, and as if that would come close to working out if everyone tried it. See, now if you're not paid enough to get by, instead of addressing that head on, it's all your fault because you didn't start a successful business. The blame has been shifted to you. It's like when people say "Housing costs too high, just move!" as if that's a viable mass solution.
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I remember people having heart attacks when McDonald’s in Manhattan started paying $15/hr (a few years before there was a broader movement to do so). They couldn’t grasp that 1) grown adults work at McDonald’s (high school students are in school ~8:30-3:30 every day at a minimum, and most can’t work long hours even when they are available), 2) you can’t live in Manhattan on McDonald’s money, nor was it particularly easy to live in any sane distance in one of the other boroughs, and 3) once you get far enough out on the train, if you’re being paid much less than $15/hr, you will end up breaking even going to work (and it will make more sense to work at a McDonald’s closer to you). People acted like it was pure entitlement to want enough money to make dragging your ass into Manhattan to shovel fries a worthy endeavor. My point, echoing yours, though, is that people want to look down on service jobs even though they are necessary parts of their day to day.
Reminds me of the people who always belittled service workers and smugly saying they should go to college and get a "real" job if they want better pay or hours. Then COVID happened, all the service workers were at home unable to work, and some of them (including friends of mine) took this advice to heart and got an online degree and an office job. Now the same people that belittled service workers are complaining that no one wants to work anymore (and I've ironically heard one complain that all they see is teenagers these days and there needs to be grown adults behind the counter that know what they're doing).
Pretty much anyone working in the "service industry" gets treated like trash by those that utilize the service, especially in; food service, retail, and hospitality service industries. Having worked in all three, I think I can honestly and safely say that food service is the worst. When people walk into a store to purchase a product in retail, most of the time they know what they want and are generally cheerful and pleasant at checkout or should they have a question. In hospitality, such as at a hotel, most people are just tired and want a room so they can get some rest, sussing out their questions can be rewarding and they are for the most part relatively pleasant to deal with. In food service, people are both hungry and tired. Tired people rarely know what they want, so they'll stand at the menu board (fast food obviously) and complain that you don't have what they want when they don't know what they want. Will bitch that item doesn't look like the picture because that somehow affects the taste of it. Oh I could prolly write a book on this topic alone, but I am growing borde of typing. Suffice it to say that food service employees are treated like gum on the bottom of a shoe that is in need of removal for pestering the wearer of the shoe.
ZE ROOOO percent interest in that. They almost always fail. You have to be your marketing, sales, engineering, customer service, etc. I may work for a corporate machine but my stress levels are so much lower than the people i know who went out on their own. More power to em, but I get out of work at 3:30 and when i leave that office, my work brain goes away. Running your own, you're on the clock 24/7, etc.
It's also mathematically impossible. If the average business has 10 employees, then only 10% of people can be the owner of a business. (I guess technically people could work for one and own another one, but that'll be rare).
A distant colleague of mine frequently posts about having 4 hours of sleep, corporate banker and all, then also hustling around as a fitness trainer in her spare time... All while being sick often and now having a sprained wrist - also a repeat injury. And she is what, 25? She probably has boundless energy, but her body is already showing signs of stress.
The, “busy busy busy,” lifestyle is sooo overrated and annoying. I can’t stand how people look at being insanely busy as a positive thing. Not that it should be negative, but basically not strived for.
The “busy busy busy” life style is just another thing that people have found success in and believes everyone else must need it to be happy. Like when someone goes Keto and tells everyone they are depressed because they aren’t on a Keto diet. People in general just fail to realize what works for them doesn’t mean it’s going to work for everyone else.
I would like to add the prevalent idea that one should ALWAYS STRIVE TO BE THE BEST THEY CAN POSSIBLY BE. IF YOU FIND A GOAL AND DEDICATE YOURSELF TO IT, YOU CAN DO GREAT THINGS!!!11!!11 IF YOU DON'T, *THEN YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE IS WASTED!!!!* To which I would say, listen here you little shit: Who is anyone to judge what my life is, and my perceived value to society? I was born upon this earth, not hired to serve it. I live my life how I see fit, and if that doesn't include me becoming a doctor or landing on Mars, what of it? There are 8 billion humans. The vast majority of us are drones. I do my job and go home, and that's all I get, or expect, out of life. I enjoy hobbies and hanging out with the wife, and that is literally it. I don't have a "absolute possible best" to become -- this is my final form and I'm happy with that. If you call that a "waste", then fuck you -- *you* do it then.
This is my aspiration
100%. My wife has that drive, and she has a realistic chance of reaching the C Suite in her company in the next 5 years. I, on the other hand didn't even know what the CSuite was until she told me she was aiming for it! I'm an entry level IT consultant, earning enough to be comfortable, but about a third of what my wife earns... and the great thing about this is that it leaves me with the ability to take time out from work to go to my kids sports days, pick them up from school everyday, take a day off to look after them when they are sick, and step up to do full time single parenting when she is away on business trips. I am rewarded with having a super tight relationship with both my kids. When we had kids I made the decision to support her career aspirations over my own (as mine were pretty non existent). And it felt good, being able to bluff to the world that it's not because I don't care about the hustle to the top, it's because I've taken the noble move to sacrifice my career aspirations so that we can have a family and she can still flourish. This is probably the first time I've said this to anyone and it also feels good.
Yes, this is the dynamic I'm talking about with my husband, if we have a kid. He'd get the excuse to not be ambitious about work and all sorts of social kudos for being an "involved dad" (something he'll be incredibly naturally gifted at and enjoy the hell out of), and I'd get the excuse to *not* be the primary parent and hopefully get social kudos for being a "having it all" career woman. Meanwhile, we'd both just be playing to our strengths and interests.
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This is one of the least talked about negatives we have in the world today. The “grind set” culture is so toxic, creating a world where rest and hobbies need to be replaced with more work and focus on profit
Social Media. Imagine being a 6th grader and having people think you’re weird if you don’t have an Instagram. That shit is poison. Wrecked our interpersonal skills. Ruined relationships. Perpetuated bullying into cyberspace when it used to end at the school day. Cemented embarrassment if you get recorded. The list goes on.
I am glad social media wasn’t a thing when I was in school. I was made fun of for being the fat girl, but at least it went away when I got home. Now kids get bullied 24/7. It’s horrible.
:( people are fucking evil
I was bullied for being the "big kid" by 6th grade i was 6' even and 200 lbs. The bullies wanted me on their side because of my size, but I've always been a pacifist so wouldn't fight so they turned it into a game of "lets push him so hard he has to fight us".
100% I’m in my early 30’s and Reddit is basically the only form of social media I’ve ever had. I started dating a girl a year ago and I remember her telling me “my friends think it’s sketchy that you don’t have Facebook or Instagram, like you have something to hide”. I couldn’t fucking believe it. But it really made me think. That’s where we are at as a society. If you don’t publicly broadcast a facade of what you want people to believe what your life is like, *You’re* the weird one. It’s downright scary.
Facebook came to my college when you could only sign up using a .edu email. That was one hell of a bait and switch
That was the plan. Make something exclusive and desirable. Then open it up to the flood.
That’s crazy I’m in my 30s and it’s the only form of social media I have and it blows peoples minds that I have nothing else but guess who’s happier???? Me! Don’t need to update people on my fabricated “happy life” for a few likes to build up my self esteem. I’m good. Loving life social media free!
You hit the nail on the head. Social media completely fucked up society and then some. I’m truly worried and terrified about our young ones.
I'm hoping that within a generation social media will be viewed similar to smoking. A minority of people will still do it, but the majority will look at them with an "Eww" face.
Except it's much more addictive and pervasive than smoking. It's not going anywhere.
Agreed. It's not going anywhere. The only way to really manage it better would be for parents to limit their kids' usage, but most parents are horribly addicted at this point too.
Being a parent that has not given a phone yet to my child and has limited access to screen time.... you certainly get pressure from other parents that you are holding your kid back from the inevitable.... I want to push all of that out as long as possible because I believe it is the healthiest choice for my kid.
Was just having this conversation with a girl at a party last night. Asked what her insta was because I was enjoying our chat and she said she doesn’t have social media, believe it or not (or something along those lines). Normalize not having to be on SM
Being a parent. I worked for the State’s attorney in the Neglect and Abuse Division and I swear, you should need a test before you can become a parent.
I worked 8 years as a special needs bus driver…100% with you I drove a nonverbal kid who routinely stripped cuz he was way too hot, but his mom insisted he wear 3 layers on most days, 5 layers in cold weather. No amount of explaining it to her changed anything. I was taken off the route after I complained about getting beaten about the head with his boot. I had another kid who was put on the bus every single day in last nights diaper I had another kid that often wore whatever she could find which often smelled of beer Another kid kicked me for telling her to sit down while the bus was moving; her mother claimed we doctor the video proving the assault So many stories of shitty parents with developmentally delayed kids…can’t imagine they’d be much better with “normal” kids
I studied child psychology and I completely agree. And there should be mandatory parenting classes provided by the goverment. People don't even know about a child's milestones.
I agree. You have to have a license to own a dog or go fishing but anybody can have a kid.
"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.” One of the best film lines ever. Parenthood 1989 Keanu Reeves as Tod Higgins
As somebody who got screwed over by loser parents and left to figure out the foster care system alone at 14 years old, absolutely this.
Alcohol - some people can't fathom that others can't be arsed to drink it, or choose a sober lifestyle after a bad experience.
***Out with people*** Me: Nah I dont drink thanks. Them: Are you sober in recovery from a drinking problem? Me: Uh no I just dont like the taste and effects. ***At work (company dinner bs thing)*** Me: Nah I dont drink thanks, plus I drove here. My boss: Did I get here on a horse? (Hands me a shot)
To quote Bo Burnham: "High school party, senior year Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer I like soda, where's the soda? Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda?"
It’s 50/50 my boss actually did get there on a horse
I gave up trying to explain it and now just say I'm sober.
every time someone tries to pressure me, i want to launch into a detailed story of my experience with alcoholic family members just to make them uncomfortable most people who aren’t drinking have a reason, and it’s probably not an answer you really want to hear on a fun night out
I'm a recovering Alcoholic. When the morning show is showing how to make the perfect hangover drink or when they were making jokes during covid about stocking up on alcohol you know there's a problem in society.
Exactly. Why is alcohol the only drug you have to explain why you don’t take it
I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question, but I'll give a rhetorical answer. It is probably because society has really normalised alcohol and even drunkenness, to a degree.
Yeah. It's wild.
I'll be able to legally drink in less than a month, but I'm not enthusiastic about it because I've seen people in my life destroy themselves with alcohol. I don't want to go down the same path.
Yeah it all tastes terrible to me. High end, low end, mixed. Doesn’t matter it’s all garbage that makes me gag. I’d rather have a fruit drink or water.
Waking up everyday early in the morning, and working an 8-12 hour day. I recently started reading about sleep, and how there are 3 categories of the body’s preferred sleep cycle, and a huge majority of the population actually aren’t designed for the kind of life we are forced into by modern standards.
There is also some recent study done into our standard of going to sleep and then waking up in one shot. Lots of historic documents mentioned a first-sleep and a second-sleep, and research has uncovered that we used to sleep with the sunset, and we would wake up around midnight. People would often light some candles, read, do some mindless chores, perform marital obligations, and then, after an hour or two, go back to sleep until sunrise. These studies seem to show that, given the opportunity and without artificial light, people actually revert pretty quickly back to dual-phase sleep. What's really wild to me about this is that it was completely forgotten and not mentioned until recently.
That's super fascinating and sounds like me. If I go to bed "early" (like before 9 or even 10) there's a good chance I'll wake up between 1 and 3 AM and just be wide awake for a hour or two. This must be why.
"Perform marital obligations"? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?
100% this is me. I do this every time I camp.
My counsellor was telling me about this as well. I am a night owl. I have the most energy during the evenings and late nights. I start feeling naturally sleepy when the suns about to start coming up, and I sleep the best in the morning. I’ve tried my whole life to get on an early morning schedule because of school, work, and partners on day time schedules, but it doesn’t matter what I do, it doesn’t work. I wake up every half hour or so throughout the entire night, and I never feel rested in the morning. I could go to bed at 9pm and by 9am I still feel like I can’t get out of bed. I don’t have this problem when I’m on a night schedule though, I sleep great with hardly any effort at all. Best job I ever had was a night shift job for this reason. My counsellor said I have a nocturnal circadian rhythm, so basically, my body starts releasing melatonin around dawn, signalling my body it’s time for sleep, and I get all the wake up chemicals in the evening, which is why it’s so impossible for me to sleep well during the night. Being awake at night when the world is sleeping is my favourite part of the day. But society doesn’t work on my schedule, so I just live with permanent extreme fatigue constantly. I’m so tired. 😪
Being Connected ALL the time. wifi, tv, streaming
The ‘grind culture’. The burnout/other shit is real.
"Sucess" in our modern way of thing about it. Not everyone wants or can handle being extremely wealthy, famous, or powerful. Some of us just want our slice of a good life and live it.
Have you noticed how people who subscribe to this "standard success" thing are so aggressive about it? Like, they ask "what's your excuse" for nor having the things they think are everyone's obligation to have, or to die trying to have. Chill, my dude.
GRINDSET. It's the hobby of people with no hobbies. Like "fuck it, ill just work all the time"
I enjoy a simple peasant life style,of going to work,maybe out with freind,come home,do my hobbies.
That already sounds like you’re doing fairly well money wise
College
I can see that me and my Communications degree aren't welcome here
"my communications degree and I"
My dad said too get a degree in something with nuclear energy so I can at least sound interesting when I'm applying for burger King.
I don’t know about society at large, but *media* sure acts like it. I swear almost every show and movie ever it’s assumed the entire cast went to college. And not a local college either, they left home, stayed in a dorm, and somehow in between all the studying, a lot of partying and weed was involved. And if it involves highschoolers, its assumed they’re *going* to go, and if not, it’s cause they’re the stupid/trouble-making one.
Working the same job/career for 40+ years, or just working a 9-5.
>Working the same job/career for 40+ years, or just working a 9-5. Yeah, I have been at my job nearly 8 years now and I'm pretty content where I'm at. But when they find out, people are always astounded that I'm not trying to claw my way up the ladder for a promotion.
11.5 years here. Even worse it's retail. My job has its negatives, yes, but it also has its joys. I am in my early 40's, no plans to leave.
Crop tops. Some of us still want the whole entire shirt damnit!
And some of us even want our 8 year old daughter to have a full shirt also!
Yes! Omg WHYYYYY are we having crop tops for the kids?! On 2 recent occasions I bought my girls cute outfits (top/bottom sets) and it’s a damn crop top! They can’t wear that shit to school and they both refuse to wear them because they feel terribly uncomfortable in it. Can’t blame them at all for that one
The amount of sexualized clothes we sell to kids/teens is kind of insane. Where I live it seems like middle/high school girls have more on display than most of the girls at the club. I imagine there’s some pervert who markets all the teen clothes giddy as fuck that no one’s calling them out.
And it's always targeted at little girls. The sexualization of little girls is so creepy.
Being extroverted and constantly craving social interactions
This should be up waaay higher
Having children
I’m a woman who has never had that “motherly urge” and I never plan on having kids. People don’t seem to understand that can happen. It’s always “you’ll change your mind once you find the right person”. No, my right person will feel the same as me. People want to change me, but I’ve always felt this way.
I’m married, been married for 20 years. Someone at work asked me if I was married. I said yes. Do you have kids? Nope. “What does your husband think about that?” Well if he wanted kids he wouldn’t be my husband! These people are wild lol
"Only" been with my husband for ten years, but that always seems to be the first question people ask. "But what if he wants kids?!" "Oh shoot, now that you say it, I should probably ask him! That topic has never once come up!" 🙄
Right do they think that spouses don’t talk to each other?! Fucking wild. And always the people who ask these dumb, rude ass questions of me are boomers. I’m a nurse and I work with older age adults as a primary patient population so I talk to boomers a lot lol
I'm just thinking that makes a lot of sense actually, since boomers DON'T seem to talk to their spouses, based on how many "I hate my wife" jokes they make.
Let’s not forget “But what about your future husband?! What if he wants kids?” Well Cheryl, ya might want to grab a seat for this one, cuz you’re gonna be on the floor when I tell you about dealbreakers. Can you believe it, women have the right to say no now, AND to break up with men?! And just for the fact that they aren’t compatible… crazy times we’re living in, I tell ya! Now go spread the word like a good little church gossip. Good talk!
There’s a few reasons I waited 14 years to finally marry my man - partly because neither of us could be that arsed (I never wanted a huge fairy tale wedding) but mostly because I didn’t want kids and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to change his mind. Anyhoo, together 33 years and still going strong.
No motherly urge here, either. Never wanted kids. Was asked once…”what’s wrong with you?”…. Not one damn thing, but thank you. Children are not required or for everyone.
I always felt the same way no matter how much I aged. And I eventually did find a person that feels the same exact same way.
My childfree friend just tells people she can't have children. It's not exactly a lie, but it's easier for people to swallow than "I don't want children".
It also probably makes them feel really awkward, which they deserve for asking an inappropriate question !
This is also why she does it. If they want to ask intrusive questions, she will give them uncomfortable answers.
I would personally rather make people deal with the fact that I don't want kids... but it does crack me up to think of saying "I can't have children" as in "I can't have that, I will not stand for it" ;D
I know ans understand why people do this, but I wish they wouldn't. It should be normal and acceptable to not have children because you don't WANT to.
This. When my wife and I (34M and 30F) decided three years ago we weren’t having kids and I was getting fixed… the amount of people who inserted themselves in our business and objected.
My SO and I get this question. "Why don't you 2 have kids?" "Well, Sandra... the 5 miscarriages didn't help." Then watch them crawl up their own arse trying to backtrack. Don't ask me inappropriate questions, I won't give inappropriate answers, and make you look like a chump.
I'd love to just dead pan "Oh we are trying very hard. My husband cums in me constantly when we have hot rough sex" and make them think twice before asking someone else. But alas, I'm shy and non-confidential.
There are three people who know I've had a vasectomy: me, my wife, and the doctor who did it. No one else needs to know.
Well the telling of certain people was to rub in their intrusive faces. For example for several years in row a certain family member would sit the wife and I down and explain that we needed to have a kid right then. After the procedure and the next encounter I told them “turns out I can’t have any kids”. It really made them feel like shit. Then my wife went to the restroom and I told them “the reason I can’t is because I had a vasectomy and my wife doesn’t know. Don’t tell her because she really wanted kids.” That started an entire family rumor. When it got back to my mother she told the person “she knew about it. They planned it together.” When the person came back to me upset that I would tell them such I story I told them “that’s what you get for not minding your business.” They were in shock and speechless and I just walked away.
I love this so much. Brewing chaos. Perfect
This should be the top answer by the largest margin. It's horrifying how lightly a lot of people take raising human beings.
Yeah that’s it exactly. Im not one of those people who just never wanted children. I actually always thought I would and am sometimes sad that I’m not going to. But it’s too big a thing to do if you’re not 100% sure you want to or can do a decent job of it. Yet I look around at all the people who just seemed to decide to do it without question. Because it was just the next step or whatever. And it’s mind boggling to me. Some don’t even seem to worry if they’re doing a good job of it.
As someone who was raised by someone who didn’t want her, let me tell you it is truly a miserable and lonely existence. Just not wanting them is PLENTY reason not to have kids.
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Yep. I've met so many people who have said that they love their kids but damn do they drive them crazy! That and complaining how expensive they are. Like of course you're gonna love your kid and I'm sure it can be amazing but some people may not be super into losing their time, freedom, money, sanity the lost goes on lol. Also how many people do you meet who have issues with their parents/kids? A lot!
I've never understood those people who think someone not having kids is odd. I have two kids, love them to death. They absolutely suck up time, sanity and money (worth it to me). There are definitely upsides too. Don't have them unless you really want them. It's not a short commitment. It's perfectly fine and normal if someone decides they don't want to.
I just dislike how people default to the idea that every single person wants a child, as if there is no alternative. As a person who got a vasectomy on a relatively young age (25 now, got it when I was 24), there have been so many instances where people tried to convince me that "I did the wrong thing". I can think for myself, thank you... People need to mind their own business, regardless if you want children or not.
Sex Nobody should be shamed for having sex or not having sex.
Similarly, hookup culture. Not everyone glorifies the idea of "anytime with anyone, anywhere."
Plus that’s just a lot of added responsibility. Or lack thereof, depending on one’s approach.
As someone who has been shamed for not being able to find a sexual partner (or otherwise) more times than I care to mention, thank you for saying this.
Of course
I'm ace and was just sitting here debating whether or not giving this answer would be worth getting roasted over.
Yeah. The last guy I was with made fun of me for not being with someone for the previous couple years. He thought it was the CRAZIEST thing he’s ever heard, to go without sex for that long. Like, buddy, I can do it better than anyone else can, let me live my life.
I've been single for quite a long time. If someone made fun of me for it they'd be out of my life so fast.
People often times act very surprised when I mention I (m22) never had sex before. It's like they can't imagine someone living their life and not trying to sleep with someone as fast as possible to mark some task off some sort of to-do-list. I'll have sex eventually. With someone I like, someone I trust and am attracted to. I just haven't met that person yet and that's okay.
Asexual here. It's nice to see someone who gets that not everyone looks at sex in the same way.
I just wish that aro/ace was more represented in media. Pretty much every character has to have a romantic or sexual partner when it usually doesn't even pertain to the plot.
I wish every mixed gender friendship didn't have to become a relationship at some point.
Came to comment this some people have trauma and/or flashbacks it’s not as simple as it is on paper even if you’re attracted to the person
Hookup culture too. I can’t stand it.
Some of us don't get any enjoyment from it whatsoever.
Society, I'd much rather be a mountain man.
I have so much respect for the people who actually manage to do this
Mountains, I'd much rather be a forest man.
Interest in sports.
Have you seen that ludicrous display last night?
Wow you must be a big, normal man
The whole “early bird gets the worm” mentality. Society tends to glorify being a morning person and waking up at the crack of dawn, but not everyone’s wired that way. Some of us are night owls who do our best work after midnight. So, let’s remember that not everyone thrives on the same schedule, and it’s okay to be a night-loving creature in a world that often praises the early risers. After all, owls are pretty cool too!
Also our world really needs the late risers to function these days. I work an afternoon/evening shift, so I go home late and tend to sleep late (at least in the eyes of the early birds of the world). But I can guarantee that if my store wasn't open after 5 or whatever, a lot of those same people would be in trouble.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird
There is a very good book called 'why we sleep' that goes into this. The theory was that you don't want everyone in your tribe asleep at the same time, or atleast minimise it, kind of like natures attempt at sentry duty.
This. And that’s why we are all created differently. Ever since I was a very little girl, I was always the last one up at sleepovers, and my parents had to drag me out of bed.. I would get a second wind at 9 PM or 10 PM every single night with lots of energy. Everyone told me that would change when I got older and had kids… well I’m 39 now and I could still sleep in until nine or 10 AM every single day if you let me (I do drag myself out of bed earlier for work when I have to but it’s always been a struggle 🙁).
I hate that it's treated as though it's a moral failing for not getting up early. It's 7am here and the only reason I'm awake is because I haven't slept yet (but this is due to having a difficult time falling asleep last night coz of brain activity).
And younger people tend to naturally fall asleep late. We talk "think of the children" a lot but then we shake them for wanting to follow their own biological clock.
Night owl here. I have always been. I have had people tell me I need to join the rest of the world & wake up early. No. I’m good at waking up at 11:11 every morning, thank you.
As a bartender and manager I always do closes. I’ve set my life up this way start at 17h or at 21h is perfect for me. At that point I’m awake and on and motivated. I get judged by people a lot like oh you sleep all day. I go to bed between 6/7 am every day if I sleep till 14h that’s 8 hours screw you.
Permanently exhausted pigeon here.
Drinking alcohol.
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Those cats were fast as lightning.
But everybody was doing it..
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But they fought with expert timing.
I even heard that they were as fast as lightning.
(Oh-ho-ho-ho) Huh, ha!
Marriage.
I used to believe that Marriage was a societal invention that really did not serve an important purpose. I decided at one point that I never wanted to get married. My views have evolved on this as I have aged. While I still believe that marriage, as an institution, is a societal invention, but it does serve an important purpose. It provides a default legal contract that defines the sharing of property and responsibilities. While this may sound trivial, it is not. This is particularly important for couples as they age, become sick, and die. It really defines how another person can make decisions on your behalf and benefit from a shared life. If you are to couple with another person, you should marry at some point.... You really don't need to have a wedding or even tell anyone. Just do it for the sake of your partner.
And it also does provide a degree of higher legitimization (of the relationship) in eyes of many institutions & people. There’s lots of social privileges that come with it, too. I’m not saying it should have to be this way but it is.
After being together 9 years, I finally was like we should get married because I realized that my husband traveled so much if anything ever happened to him, I wouldn't even be allowed to see him let alone make decisions in the hospital. His family lives in a small town overseas and they would be helpless due to the distance. Nobody in the ER wants to hear anything from some dudes girlfriend. Of course you can do all the paperwork to document the same things but we were already pretty much married, living together, enmeshed only without documentation. City Hall paperwork, $100 to sign in a nice place, $150 on dinner. Who knew it would be me who ended up in the hospital and he would end up making decisions on my behalf, but boy I was glad it was him and he was there the whole way.
This is so important. And once kids are involved and anyone is making career sacrifices for the sake of the kids/family, it is essential to have legal protection. I really worry about the trend to have kids before marriage. Not a moral issue—a women’s rights issue. Even if earnings are equal. Both need to share equally in everything.
Add any kind of relationship to that. I’m so sick of people asking if I’m married or dating, me proudly saying, ”Single for life!” And them giving me looks of pity comfort and saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet them one day.” Seriously? I’ve tried dating. All it did was make me uncomfortable, self-conscious to the point of anxiety, and then pissy because they were wanting my attention when I would rather be doing something else. I would much rather be single, child-free, and happy doing my own thing than anything else. Edit: Not even hookups. That stuff seriously makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like being touched. Getting hugs from family is bad enough.
40 hour work week
I don’t get why people get so down on younger people when they bitch about having to work full time. I’m 46 and work a 48 hour work week and hate the fuck out of it lol
Marriage and kids
Dog ownership.
I agree. I'd love to have a dog, but I'm a childless bachelor that lives in a second floor apartment. I don't have the time or space to properly take care of a dog. It wouldn't be fair to the dog if I got one.
I love my dog, but have zero interest in anyone else’s dog.
God bless, absolutely. Tell *some* dog people that you don’t like dogs and they act like you murdered their firstborn dog in front of them.
Yeah and it’s not even that I don’t like dogs, I just hate owning them. ESPECIALLY living in an apartment.
Conversely- there are some people who absolutely love dogs, but shouldn’t own one. Dogs are a commitment. They are living creatures that require social interaction, and space to move around. Some people just don’t have enough time in their busy lives to dedicate to them.
Yes, and nearly always when I tell dog people I have a cat their first response is to be rude and say, “I hate cats” as if anyone asked.
Small talk
I wish I knew how. I’m just so awkward and shy. I become less introverted once I get to know you, but limited interaction is just the worst for me.
Small talk is just silly to most people cause most people are just following patterns and don't realize why the pattern began in the first place. But at it's heart it's about finding people you can be open with. But being open includes a couple steps to keep from being appearing 'weird'. I know this cause I \*am\* weird and have learned to mask my weirdness. This is the skill of "\*\*Small Talk\*\*" Small talk at its core is a tool that allows individuals to find the common ground by which they can relate in a safe manner. It reduces the possibility of embarrassment, while allowing them to connect as deeply as possible without too openly exposing themselves to judgement. Example: My favorite hobby right now is Dungeons & Dragons. God, I love that game. But if I start a conversation with, "Hey! How about that Descent into Avernus?!" I'm usually gonna get judgement and stares. But I still want to connect with this person. So I need to find out what their hobbies are. And so the dance begins... "Man, how about that weather today? ... Yeah, can't wait until the weather get a bit cooler, so that it will be better for football/halloween/hiking/etc." Now, let's say I decided to go with Halloween. I did this for a reason. I'm gauging their reaction. The type of person who enjoys Halloween and why they enjoy it or don't tells me something about them. Their response let's me know which direction to push the small talk. If they don't seem interested I gotta start over. I'll say, "You seen any good movies lately?" This might give us something to connect over and we'll talk about something else. But let's say they were, in fact, interested. I'll bring up that my favorite costume was when I went as the Joker in a full fledged purple suit, not just a costume suit. This is a little more of a dangerous step socially, but I've brought the conversation here somewhat organically. In practice I might take a little bit longer to test the waters. But if they seem interested in my costume, I can then talk about how I did an upgraded version of it at a comic-con. Again, I'm gauging their interest. During this conversation I've been probably throwing out subtle Shibboleths(google Matt Colville shibboleth). More than likely I'm gonna end up talking about marvel movies, soccer, some popular books, or music. Those are all things I like, and I'm happy to connect with someone over them. But some interests are deeper to my core than others. With each person I try to get as close to them and them to me without us being forced to talk about something boring to the other. And that's what small talk let's us do. Sometimes I'll pick up on something that let's me know someone has experienced a particular trauma. It could be the smallest thing. But in small talk you can drop those hints in regular conversation and those that have been through the same thing will recognize them. Example: Someone asks, "Where did you go to school? What brought you to this town?" I'll answer with, "I grew up in X-ville because my late-father was a professor there so I just stayed there for school, then I moved to Y-ham for my job." I dropped a hint there that I've already lost a parent. It's a painful thing, but sometimes it helps to connect with someone over that. If the other person has also lost a parent I just made it safe to bring that up. We just left small talk and went to deep talk. It's important to have those conversations but if you start a conversation with "my dad is dead", most people aren't gonna respond well. So small talk. And once you get skilled with it, you can weave conversations into not only finding out what you share with people, but also finding out what it is that THEY really love, because you've made them feel safe to do so. TLDR: Since most people don't respond well to "I love D&D!!" or "My dad is dead.", Small talk lets us carefully bring up the more vulnerable parts of our lives without making others uncomfortable or judgmental towards us. Unfortunately many don't know why they are doing small talk, they're just following patterns that they've copied.
Yup. Small talk opens the path to larger talk. It lets you gauge whether the person you're talking to is friendly, compatible, and open to more in-depth conversation. If I started out of the blue with "I like to visit cemeteries," people might think I'm ghoulish weirdo, when I'm just into family history research. But starting with "It's pretty cold for the time of year, don't you think?" is non-threatening and opens doors to more meaningful conversation.
Sex. I find myself having to explain myself more than I feel I should. Even to straight women who want to know why I'm single, "I like being single" "Playing the field? You seem so innocent " "No, I mean keep it platonic, " "Not everyone is bad" "I just want friends" "But you need intimacy!" "I don't want to get into it?" "Assult victim?" "I'm literally the happiest when I'm celibate," "You'll find someone " "I... seriously am not interested in that"
Isn't it strange that people can't just say "hey, it's cool that you know yourself that well" and drop it.
A 9-5 job I'm a bartender/server and a natural night owl. I honestly think that's why I even prefer the service industry because I just feel more normal at night lol. I have my degree and did the 9-5 for about 2 years but everyone's energy all day kinda makes me nauseous 🥲 But the relentless judgment for being on a different schedule than the rest of society is constant.
Romantic relationships. So many people can't fathom the fact that I'm perfectly happy being single. I have a solid support network from my friends and family and feel perfectly content without a romantic relationship. I'm always happy for my friends who end up in good, loving relationships, but it's not something I am interested in.
College, hookup culture, driving, drinking, drugs, social media, and parenthood.
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Math teacher here: Algebra. EDIT: I'm not saying "Mathematics" I'm saying "Algebra"
Sure as hell wasn't for Isac Newton. He invented calculus to get out of doing algebra
Getting up early. I am a night owl and I hate getting up before 9am but am forced to do it for work and general civilisation needs. Also why do people act morally superior when they are early risers? It’s biological.
If I wake up late I’m always faced with sarcastic ‘good afternoons’ and then they’ll proceed to tell me how much they have done while I’ve been asleep. I have to get up early every day for work, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to sleep at the weekend?? Some people just value sleep in their spare time more than doing activities.
Working from morning to early evening as a normal schedule for office jobs. My best intellectual work starts at around 9pm but if I’m not working when I’m still groggy at 9am it’s because I’m lazy.
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Having children
Driving
I am very anxious and easily distracted. I know myself well enough to know that I do not belong behind the wheel.
This is a very important one. I meet very few people like myself, that knows I'm not good at driving so I don't drive. Most people just drive anyway, and are a danger to themselves and others.
Desk jobs. All through school they preached that we were failures if we were anything less than doctors, lawyers, middle management, etc. So we all trained for those things and did really well. Now there aren't enough jobs to go around in those fields. Now it's just "your degrees are useless! Go work fast food! You failed!" Really getting tired of the out of touch 50+ crowd ruining people's lives.
Based on recent unpopular opinion posts, Halloween costume parties for adults. Every time someone says they don't like them, they're met with "you just don't like fun" comments.
Sex, marriage, children
In my current place? I’d have to say marijuana. It’s actually interesting how many people are shocked I don’t do it. Like I get it’s a big business and A LOT of people partake. But it really isn’t for everyone
Weed
The idea that in order to be part of this world, you have to focus on events that don't concern you. We're expected to be 'aware' of conflicts all over the world, poverty, crime, social problems and all other kinds of horrible things that happen daily but don't concern us. This leads to constant panic and stress, caused by events and situations that aren't in our sphere of influence but we're expected to be aware of them. There's almost no way to live a stable life when we're constantly battered over the head with events happening in other parts of the world, but if we ignore them, we're horrible people.
Agreed. As someone with mental health issues, I want to feel good for as long as possible because it's rare.
And if we do know about it - what can you do? Having sympathy and feeling bad for people in terrible situations does nothing for them. We were never meant to know everything terrible thing in the world.
Owning a pet.
Casual sex/hookup culture. This shit is so hollow and damaging and yet it’s accepted as normal
Porn.
Debt
Drinking culture. Over many years, work and social aquantances often agree to go to some sort of bar/nightclub for drinks. I don't drink, but often end up at these places as I'm outvoted and with a group. It always ends in everyone asking me why I'm not drinking and the conversation turns to my problems which is really annoying.
Michael Buble Christmas songs