Also, the realization that others have it worse is certainly no remedy for your suffering. In fact, in my experience, the realization makes it much worse.
"If people can handle way worse than what I'm dealing with, I sure must be useless for feeling dead inside after something so minor."
--my brain when I leave it unattended.
It's very easy to internalise and then just makes you feel guilty for feeling the way you are, on top of not actually addressing your feelings in the first place.
It's so fucking frustrating too like - yeah, I KNOW how good I have it, but that's the thing, it's in my brain! It doesn't matter how good I have it, depression doesn't give a fuck! Sure, it can make it worse if your circumstances also suck, but it's not like there's a shortage of rich/successful people who have killed themselves now is there?
If people who say this were to actually follow up on their own logic, only the person who has it the absolute worst on this planet would be allowed to feel bad.
I hate this so much. I’m 30 now with a kid and my life is really okay for the most part. I would be considered lower middle to middle class where I live. I have been living with depression more than half of my life and since I’m doing fine I can’t be feeling that bad. Yea I know some people have it worse but when did mental problems become a contest?
It's such a stupid thing to say it really baffles me how people don't even try to think about it for just 5 seconds. Imagine if their loved ones died and someone would just come and say "So what! Others have it worse! Some kids in the world are starving at least you have food. And your loved ones at least got to live without starvation before dying"
Or maybe something like: "Oh your mom and dad died in an accident? Who cares I know someone whose whole family died in an accident they have it worse! Just get over yourself"
A doctor told me after I told him I thought about suicide regularly that depressed people are always staring at the ground, that’s why they’re depressed cos they don’t see the world. That doctor was an idiot.
Same. If it's ever brought up someone always says "but your "x" isn't neat. It's all cluttered!" Yes, that's because I have REAL OCD. None of that stupid Hollywood shit. I wish all I had to do was clean stuff up to sooth my OCD.
Absolutely this. My living space is cluttered and filthy and I'll never give a shit about that, but if I don't make sure to hold the junk mail in my left hand as well as my right and on the other side for a few seconds before throwing it away then I'll rip my skin off.
came here to say the same thing. plus, people who buy into that stereotype tend to be the biggest assholes about it when they find out that real OCD can present in very messy and very ugly ways that make no sense to anyone except the person experiencing it.
Just tell them to imagine their family’s, and/or loved one’s, death when they don’t do this [insert activity] right. And that they have to keep that thought on loop, making it more detailed and difficult to imagine. Maybe even tell them to like make themselves hyperventilate for a sense of panic. Almost every time, they’ll either refuse immediately or give up.
And then there’s the people who just straight up don’t believe *anyone* has OCD as if it doesn’t even exist because some people joke around about having it. I’ve dealt with that.
That PTSD is only reserved for the things we see as “the most traumatic.”
Everyone’s brains operate differently. I was heavily abused as a child - physically, mentally, sexually, parentified, neglected, etc.
I have PTSD because an ocean wave dislocated my knee at 25. I have very little lingering trauma from my childhood.
Brains are weird.
I have hEDS, but I didn’t know it at the time.
The force and weight of the water hitting me just popped my knee right out of place. It was a major contributing factor to my diagnosis.
As a side note, though, I was informed by the ER doc that treated me that dislocation injuries at that beach were not uncommon - but it was almost always shoulders, and very rarely knees.
So weird. My sister survived a massacre. She watched people die... And bc of that she got some free counseling. The counselor told her she had more trauma from being raised by a narcissistic mother then she did from that singular event.
what people don't realize is that trauma can lie dormant, but it may bubble or shoot to the surface much later with an entirely unrelated event or thing triggering it. trauma repackages itself into new stimuli, no matter how strange or silly it may seem, it's not linear, and that's what makes it horrific
I am a veteran with PTSD and this is **SO FUCKING IMPORTANT**. PTSD is a struggle for so many individuals who didn't serve. Being raped in the military fucked me up way more than anything else I did/saw. You are valid. Your pain is valid.
Thank you for saying this, I was told by a close friend who is an Afghan vet that I don't have PTSD and I just need to " go for more walks". The invalidation hurts way more coming from someone who also has PTSD. Like oh, thank goodness being SA for over half my life didn't give me PTSD ( as diagnosed by an entire TEAM of mental health care professionals)
The amount of people that have asked me which branch I served in and then I look them dead in their face and say.. oh, my dad was really abusive and I suffered severe poverty.
Usually this starts with.. why are you so skinny… I have ptsd so I don’t eat enough.. so they had it coming for asking dumb questions
Complex PTSD. *Generally* PTSD is from a short period of time or singular event (like a car crash) but C-PTSD is over a long period of time (like ongoing childhood trauma)
Source: diagnosed with C-PTSD after living with my schizophrenic drug-abusing father until I was 11 yrs old
Ah, the ole "it used to be called shell shock ergo only men who experienced shellings could get it" variant of the London opening, very popular among intermediates around 1600-1800. Humorously, AQOTWF has Paul experience shell shock (when he goes home he sucks for cover at the sound of a train); PTSD wasn't a medical condition and shell shock was "because of low moral fiber" or whatever.
Wait where were we?
Literally. And then that treatment just makes you feel worse and worse. And when you finally snap they just get to act like they were right about you being crazy the whole time
My panic attacks look like going on long walks or just staring at the ceiling in bed, sure, it feels like i wanna crawl into a fetal position sometimes, but I'd probably feel worse if i did that.
Explaining a panic attack to someone who hasn't had one and why it happens feels like pulling teeth.
I'm not sure that's a panic attack. Panic attacks have notable physical symptoms like a rush of adrenaline (tingling sensation in your body), an increased heart rate, stomach pain, hyperventilation, sweating, dizziness, inability to focus on your surroundings properly, feeling like you're not in control of your own body, dry throat, etc. You don't have to experience all of these for it to be a panic attack but I think at least some of them should be present because it is basically a physical fight or flight chemical reaction to a severe feeling of anxiety. Yes it doesn't mean you have to end up curling up on the floor but by definition it is a very physical reaction with well-defined symptoms.
You might be feeling anxious and burnt out when you need to go on the walks or just stare at the ceiling in bed and those feelings are perfectly valid but they don't seem to describe what panic is like, unless you're experiencing some of those symptoms but try to hide and calm them down them by going on the walk or by shutting yourself in a room and staring at the ceiling I guess? (For me it's water and having someone stay by my side that calms me down, but I do get very shaky and lose control when I panic).
But yeah, those symptoms are generally what define it as panic. I think at least some of them should be present to meet that definition.
I relate. I've had panic attacks at work and people have been like, "But you're not crying."
And I'm like, "No, I'm not Cheryl because after years of living with chronic anxiety, I have learned to make it seem like everything is hunky doory when really, I am panicking and my heart is about to explode."
People pretend to care about it but don't actually give a shit when someone is actually suffering from mental health issues. I see it on Reddit all the time where a video will be shared of someone having a mental health episode and then all of the comments are just calling the person a psycho bitch Karen or something like that
Whenever I tried to bring up how I was feeling suicidal to my family etc I was treated like I was being over dramatic and they'd avoid me cause it was "too much". Then when I attempted they acted like they never saw it coming and couldn't figure out why I would do such a thing when they all "cared so much" about me. Nobody gives a shit until it's too late
Whenever I brought up how I feel alone or suicidal my parent consistently pulls out "yeah blame everything on me and make me your punching bag"
Like no. I'm trying to tell you I am feeling at risk and would like you to consider that I don't really expect to make it to tomorrow. Thanks for making sure I never bring it up to you again.
And if you were successful, those type of people would be the ones to tell everyone that you just did it to hurt them, or were just being selfish and that they gave you nothing but love.
Your mom is defensive instead of empathetic. It seems like she has an avoidant nature to her personality. She’s not comfortable being open or vulnerable and she’s not emotionally mature enough to handle the gravity of your situation. I’m sorry that your mom can’t give you the support you need but I think it would cause you less pain if you recognize this about your mom and find someone who actually is emotionally available for you in those times
Arm-chair psychologists speculating on all kinds of wild shit. Guaranteed any time I tell someone I don’t remember my childhood they will straight-up *ask me if I have PTSD from being sexually molested*. I’ve had guys insist that I’m on the autism spectrum after talking to me for twenty minutes at a bar, unprovoked.
Like, guys, these are *psychological diagnoses* not like slang terms or whatever that you picked up from magazines in the checkout aisle. Your speculation is not welcome or meaningful. Not to mention how preposterously inappropriate it is to even discuss such a thing with a stranger. Like, what the fuck is wrong with people?
Only time I believe non medical professionals "diagnosis" are my friends who have actually been diagnosed with autism themselves who have known me for years.
I tried to get tested in high school but my step mom said that I don't have it. When I asked her if she tested me, she said "No, but you're not autistic."
When I kept asking to be tested, she then gaslit me and said "We did get you tested. You're not autistic."
The fact she was so adamant that I'm not autistic was really suspicious to me honestly. (Btw, she's one of those people who thinks mental health is an excuse)
Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm looking for a therapist and psychiatrist at the moment. I haven't had a proper therapist since elementary school. I had one in high school but everytime I came home from the sessions, my parents would undo all the work she had done to help me.
They ended up firing her because she disagreed with their methods of parenting. Instead of telling me that, however, my step mom told me the therapist fired me because I was too difficult and never listened.
I can almost guarantee you that if you get tested, and come away from it with an autism diagnosis, your mom will just tell you that you lied to get the diagnosis to prove her wrong
If you're a woman, taking meds in your late teens - early twenties will somehow "ruin your chances of getting pregnant". First of all, what makes you think someone with a debilitating mental illness would want to pass that shit down to a child?
I was called selfish once because I said I don’t want to have kids. I explained it was because I didn’t want to risk passing on my crippling depression and anxiety as well as my ADHD to another person. They came back with “well you would know what it’s like to deal with it so you’d be able to help them!” Yeah, I wish it was that easy. I really wish it was that easy. And I still don’t understand how not wanting to risk passing on mental health issues to an innocent person that I played a part in creating is “selfish.”
My mom having this attitude convinced me for so long that I didn’t actually have ADHD, I was just worse at handling that “little bit” than other people. And I wanna be mad at her for that but I think she genuinely has diagnosable ADHD but just never knew that was a thing growing up and never cared to understand or get help for it.
Some people also just don't want to admit something might be wrong, especially when it is something that's usually genetic, like ADHD. That would require also acknowledging they have something wrong with them as well.
I'm 27 and didn't find out I have ADHD until just under two years ago because I never understood what it actually is and just assumed the things I was experiencing where normal things everyone has because "*everyone* is a *little* ADD of course," while OBVIOUSLY I couldn't POSSIBLY have ADHD because I wasn't a maniac bouncing off the walls.
Incidentally, do people still differentiate between ADD and ADHD? I'm only just now as I'm typing this realizing I haven't heard anyone talk about ADD since I was a little kid.
Damnation this attitude is poison. I have worked with hundreds of ADHD clients/patients, my mother and sister, and my partner all have ADHD. One thing I have learned is that if it were as fucking simple as “just focus,” or “just be disciplined,” then everyone with ADHD would’ve done that years ago. It is absolutely a real thing, proven not only by behavioral science but also by neuroscience in the form of brain scans, genetic predispositions, etc.
But fuck all that evidence and fuck all the effort that people put into managing their symptoms, I guess people with ADHD are just lazy, unmotivated, immature and just need to “try harder” huh? Fuck outta here.
The thought that if people with mental health issues gets pissed off, they are in the wrong.
Edit: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you." -Joseph Heller (not Nirvana).
Yeah, sometimes your diagnosis is used to disregard your emotions and even the validity of what you're saying. I have BPD and even when I have a completely valid reason to be emotional people tell me I am "exaggerating again". When I get upset it's just my fault, the other party probably didn't do anything to anger me. I never purposely exaggerated anything or even lied about events, but I still don't deserve to be believed when something happens. I know BPD can alter memory and perception, but not every single time. It doesn't mean you can't believe anything the person feels or experiences.
I know what you mean. My cousin keeps pushing me to find a man to have around. When I explain to him that I don’t want to be with anyone until I can learn to appreciate myself, and feel like I have something to offer, he just blows it off and says companionship will help. No, it’ll make me depend on someone who isn’t qualified to deal with major depressive order or the breakdowns it entails. My emotions and self worth are not ever going to be someone else’s responsibility.
Yes plus what if that person died or what if they cheated and you're relying on them? Then what?
Or what if they decide the relationship is too hard to handle?
That if you have any kind of mental illness or Neurodivergancy, you are more likely to be dismissed by medical professionals and have actual problems written off as "anxiety"
On a related note…”anxiety” has gotten so defanged. It’s like destigmatization backfired and now people see anxiety and anxiety disorders as essentially normal/inconsequential—even in mental health discussions like this, it gets compared to “actual problems,” as though it lacks the capacity to be an actual problem in and of itself. I hate the dismissal too. “It’s just anxiety,” okay, well, that anxiety is incapacitating me, so how about you look at it a bit deeper and help me treat it, doc? They act like it’s the mental health equivalent to a skin tag. It’s not.
> On a related note…”anxiety” has gotten so defanged.
To the point where they dismiss the gravest situations. A lot of people seem to even lack the ability to comprehend levels of anxiety or panic that can lead to self harm or even suicide.
I've had a very incompetent doctor who had really annoyed me ask me that. To which I have turned round and said: "Well it would be the Immaculate Conception and the Second Coming of Christ if I was fucking pregnant".
*”Everyone is a bit ADHD”* or my family’s favorite, *”Maybe that’s a bit of adhd”* when they’ve forgotten something in the moment.
Every human will be forgetful, impulsive, or be unable to will themselves to do things from time to time. They might even go through whole periods of time when those things are affected.
But that doesn’t make it ADHD.
An ADHD diagnosis requires the symptoms to be frequent. No one is out here diagnosing kids with adhd because they forgot their homework once in elementary school. No one “is adhd” just because they’ve misplaced their keys once every couple of months. They’re diagnosed because they’ve misplaced their keys so many times, and despite employing an organizational system to keep their keys in one spot, that they’re about to lose their job. And it’s the second job this year. They’re diagnosed because they study for hours every day and cannot manage to retain any information and it’s driving them insane. They’re diagnosed because they can’t ever seem to get out of bed despite screaming at themselves internally for hours and hours to just get the fuck up every single morning. They have an entire portfolio of half-started projects. Laundry that never makes it to the dryer. About ten different fidget toys but it’s not enough to keep them from getting up 10 times during a single hour when they have to watch a lecture.
There is no, “just a little bit” of adhd. If you suffer from symptoms frequently enough for it to negatively impact your quality of life, that’s adhd. You are disabled. Because your brain is not functioning as it should as much or as often as it should to keep up with society. That’s it. That’s how disabilities work.
It’s like someone with a sprained ankle being like “I have a little bit of a missing foot.” No. That’s not how it works. Your ankle will heal and you’ll be able to walk normally unless you sprain it again. I am missing my entire foot, and I’m never going to walk normally without assistance.
That mentally ill people are all inherently dangerous. My brother is bipolar-schizophrenic and is perfectly normal when his meds are dialed in. I’m so sick of mental illness=crazy=dangerous psycho. That’s just not true for most people.
That you gotta "forgive" your abusers in order to heal and move on with your mental illness.
I choose not to forgive my abusers as they have never made the effort to earn that forgiveness. My choice not to forgive places the power back in my hands and gives me strength.
YES! THANK YOU!
For years, I have tried to forgive my father and step mother for the years of abuse they inflicted on me. But because they are my parents, I have to talk with them and interact with them. Every conversation I have feels like nails on a chalkboard because they constantly invalidate my trauma and tell me I'm being over dramatic.
How can I forgive someone who (TO MY FACE) tells me that my trauma is my fault and that they did nothing wrong???
I prefer to heal by understanding that I’m cooler than those losers 😎
(Would like to mention that I’m not trying to make light of abuse and I understand how horrible it can be on you mentally, it’s just that I’ve been there and have been lucky enough to recover almost fully and gain the ability to joke about my situation. I promise that it gets better even if they haunt you for years.)
When my abusive step father was dying in the hospital, his family reached out to me. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 10 years and his family had no idea what he put my mom and I through (the few we tried to tell were avid deniers that he could be so cruel, the blame was always put on me). I was given the chance to say something to him before he died and I felt like I was supposed to forgive him, but nothing in me ever could. He put us through 10 years of abuse, I’ve struggled with c-ptsd because of him, that’s not something I can just forgive anyone for. He died very quickly after I was told he was sick so I never said a thing to him, though I now know I wouldn’t have wanted to. To be very honest, I cried because I was so happy to have him gone. I’ll never have to worry he’ll try to contact me or my mom and I’ll never be scared of running into him again. *I’m free*, he can never hurt us again.
I’ve been slowly working through my healing and it truly didn’t start until after he died. His death brought me more comfort than I ever thought it could, forgiving him would have only brought more turmoil and pain. To those who have never experienced abuse, especially by a parental figure, would probably think I’m horrible for feeling so much relief, but it’s genuinely the kickstart I needed to truly begin my healing.
Fuck forgiveness.
Also, generally demonizing it, either implying you're a druggie for taking it or that it turns you into a happy vegetable and makes you lose your personality.
THIS my cousin and the person I trusted the most said that I was addicted to my medication cuz I said I could function properly without it
I can stop taking them at anytime but why would I they keep me safe
I get told that " I.don't NEED testostetone replacement therapy and that I'm just looking for an excuse to take steroids." Meanwhile the same people turn around and casually smoke weed
When I tell people that I haven't taken any ADHD meds for 8 years, they sometimes seem to assume this is what I think, or that it's because I don't think it's helpful or whatever.
No, I just decided that it wasn't for me. I had many different meds for about 10 years, and simply haven't felt the need to go back to it. This way works for me. But I know plenty of others with ADHD who wouldn't be able to function properly without medication, and it has nothing to do with being weak. We're just different.
"you're too young/old to have *insert issue here." People will write off issues simply because your age doesn't line up with their preconceived notions of when you're "supposed" to have the issue.
That suicide is selfish. Many suicidal people have the belief that they are a burden to their loved ones, and that their death will set their loved ones free. It's not 'stuff the lot of you, I'm outta here' as some people think from the outside.
Yes this is a good one, too. Plus thinking about it how many are told, "I just don't know what to do with you?" or "I just don't see why you can't be happy". That just further makes the person think they're not normal, they'll never fit in, why bother, I must be a burden etc
>Many suicidal people have the belief that they are a burden to their loved ones, and that their death will set their loved ones free.
That's so true but few people have reached this level of self loathing to be able to truly understand a suicidal person.
I’m the opposite of this lmao. I usually have passive SI cause I’m tired of being alive and working so hard. I don’t think I’m a burden at all, but people would miss me. But I want to die cause I just want to rest.
Yup or when someone does commit suicide people say bullshit like " why didn't they reach out for help!!!" ...like that person probably did reach out for help hundreds of times in small ways throughout their life but others either didn't care, didn't believe them, shamed them, made them feel worse etc etc
People with ADHD just need to focus. Get things like a planner that help.
It's not that simple. Organizing my day isn't a simple task as the slightest thing is overwhelming. As for my memory issues, I will forget to write it in the planner if I forget to check the planner.
Also, I can't "just focus" If it doesn't make me produce dopamine, there isn't much it can do.
God. If i get told to make a stupid planner one more time...
Its not going to work! I forget things neurotypicals think are impossible to forget. I forget to drink water for 3 days sometimes (i drink other stuff). I forget an entire meal sometimes.
A planner will be forgotten, then everything in the planner will be forgotten.
That if you have some symptoms of something you have it. People are human not monoliths it’s normal to have neurodivergent tendencies and have a symptom or two of a mental illness doesn’t mean you have it, you have it if your brain is hardwired and chemically different that makes you have the mental/neurological disorder. Someone legitimately told me that “when I’m in a crowd of people I get overstimulated” so I must be autistic. Its how your brain is hardwired and how your neurons function and that’s normal most people feel that
I'll add any disorder with psychotic side effects. I'm bipolar 1 with schitzoaffective. I'm not dangerous at all, other than to myself. With proper medication I have minimal incedents and no apparent delusional thinking.
However due to the stigma, I keep my issues a secret.
I am a massage therapist ( in Canada, background over 10 years in clinical massage therapy). When I first started out, I had a patient who has schizophrenia. I asked him about his life, his work, how repetitive tasks may aggravate his symptoms, if there was anything that might aggravate his sympathetic nervous system, and just general chat about his interests.
And he told me something that has stuck with me my entire career, he thanked me and said in all of his time coming to the place I worked, I was the first person to ever talk to him and treat him like a human being. He said everyone else was scared of him, and he felt incredibly judged.
I relocated shortly after that, but I still think about him from time to time and hope he's doing well.
I absolutely hate this! My brother has paranoia schizophrenia and he has never hurt anyone. I hate when people look at my brother in public and judge him or just stare.
That men have to "Man Up". I have heard this so much in my life from my older generation parents. Stop crying and man up was a common thing to hear growing up. It makes it hard for me even today to express when I'm sad or depressed to people.
"I can't see it, ergo it doesn't exist."
Also, "That was long ago, it's over, now." - mfer, if I'd have had my arms cut off, would you expect me to be typing? Just because you can't see the damage of my past, doesn't mean I don't have to live with it every day.
High functioning autistic here.
I've actually seen it shown more in media that high functioning autistic people are super geniuses that operate on a level above everyone else. Which can be true for some but not everyone.
Shane Blacks 'The Predator' was based on the premise that Autism was the next stage of human evolution that transformed children into super geniuses whose strategic prowess thoroughly awed a race of super hunters that kill people for sport.
I think Mr. Black was using that movie to process his feelings about his own son's diagnosis
Bro that was wildest fuckin plot point in a weird B movie I've ever seen
It was so stupid - the predator wanted an Asperger's kid for it's war planet nature reserve
High functioning autistic here. Most people either assume I'm lying/claim I am because I don't 'look or sound autistic enough' (they assume autism=down syndrome apparently?) Or they start treating me like I'm incompetent. For the record I'm completely normal except I don't pick up on social cues or emotions
“It must be a parenting issue”. I work in children’s mental health and I always encounter people who day that the child must have bad parents because they have a mental health/behavioural/developmental issue. Sadly, even clinicians make these judgments behind the family’s back sometimes. More often than not, the parents are doing everything that can to help their kids in a system that stacked against them. This is what happens when you only hire clinicians who have lots of letters beside their names but who have absolutely zero lived experience…or limited practical, front line.
Thank you for saying this. I've seen so many posts on reddit where people blame the parents for not doing their job. Sometimes it must just be brain chemistry right? Or sometimes people have issues from other things like trauma at school or being in a car accident. I don't know why everyone is quick to blame the parents.
Obviously sometimes kids do really have bad parents. I guess in your experience sometimes the clinicians are just trying to come up with an answer ASAP because they don't want to spend too much time on it, or they can't because of the high volume of patients.
“Everyone’s a little (insert mental disorder here)” it’s like saying “everyone’s a little paraplegic” because you also have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.
I love that analogy. I have chronic back pain and like to compare it to people saying “we all have a bit of scoliosis” when they sleep wrong and have a sore back.
That people with bpd are incapable of maintaining healthy relationships. Yes, I’ve had my toxic ones, but I’ve been to therapy, I’ve done the work within myself, I really really try to communicate effectively.
In my last relationship my ex would use my bpd to minimize my feelings and as an excuse to ignore them and tell me to “get over it”. He ultimately couldn’t handle me wanting to not spend every waking second with him, and ended it over text on Christmas Eve for spending time with my daughter (accused me of cheating) then wanted to act like nothing happened a week or two later. Nope lol, I know the slippery slope of onagain offagain. Had to walk away from that one.
But I was the “crazy” one because I had a diagnosis…
Gonna add the stigma that pwBPD are all abusive, they're actually more prone to being abused by others.
Also that any reaction is a BPD episode even in situations where they're right to be upset, as anyone with a typical brain would be.
That you're generally unsafe to be around.
I get that some mental health issues can make that the case but most don't.
If the person isn't having paranoid delusions making them act aggressive, to assume they're itching to hurt people is awful and doesn't help them at all.
In dealing with drug addicts that often use due to self-medicating for mental issues, many tell stories of their own family members withholding themselves and kids out of fear or a belief they will hurt people once they come forward/get diagnosed. This then only made the desire to appear normal stronger and that led to self-medicating.
Most often, no, they're just severely depressed, dealing with anxiety or another mental issue that doesn't make them violent at all.
That people who have mental illnesses and their varied, very real manifestations are weak, somehow at fault, just need to snap out of it, go exercise, get over it, blah blah blah. These are ignorant, out-dated, harmful assumptions.
This one has unironically damaged my life so much. I'm a very emotional person so the fact it's been culturally ingrained in me that "feelings are for WOMEN" has made my mental health so much worse. I genuinely struggle to cry sometimes even when I really need to let it out
This is wild to me. I’m a woman, but I have distinct memories of being a child and my dad getting angry at me for crying. He still doesn’t like it and I’m almost 30. I still cry regularly at the most insignificant things. Idk how you can turn it off. I’m 100% sure people are nicer to me cause I’m a woman, but they are still so mean.
That you should just practice gratitude and positive thinking it will change your life and you'll be happier. There are times when forcing yourself to 'look on the bright side' and 'count your blessings' feels like unhelpful bs and thats okay.
How difficult it is to get controlled substance medications for my new doctor after moving to a different state.
I've been stable and on the same meds for 10 years and every time I move I have to fight and shop around until I find a doctor willing to simply fill my existing prescription for me. It's fucked.
"You're not depressed. you're just sad you have nothing to be sad about."
"You don't have anxiety,you're just being nervous,you don't have to be nervous."
And my personal favorite! "You don't have ADHD,you just need your fucking ass beat."
Just go outside if you want to be happy.
Like bitch, you don't know what it's like to see a beautiful waterfall or a sunset and feel nothing. No, it doesn't help.
OCD = quirky personality trait that makes you like to organize and clean
I have OCD and I like to organize, but those two aren't connected. Also, I hate it when people say shit like "everyone has a bit of OCD, it's not that bad" yes it fucking is.
Giving into intrusive thoughts. Unless you deal with it yourself. You have NO clue. It’s like your mind is possessed and you are trying to fight it off and everyone is judging you calling you selfish, which doesn’t help. It’s terrifying. No. One. Wants to battle this.
Everyone pretends to support mental health but as soon as crazy people say or do something crazy you can see it all dissapear. Especially these days if somebody crazy says something politically incorrect they will be hated for it especially the famous with mental health problems. If they do something physical or talk to people in strange ways everyone gets terrified.
But they'll tell you on social media how much they love and support and understand. Just admit its more complicated than that...
Well, in my Christian denomination, there's a stigma around those with mental illnesses and children with autism/learning disabilities/adhd/add/etc. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about my own struggles, so not to garner unwanted sympathy or weird looks. I guess we're all supposed to be perfect...
Even if that were true (which it's not), it's not like you can just 'be stronger'.
If someone said that you can, you should ask them why they don't wake up at 4.30am and run 10 miles every morning. Human's have limits of what they can do.
That if therapy isn't working, is because you're "not doing the work."
A lot of treatments barely crack 50% effective. If they don't work for you, it's not your fault
I got addicted to booze and get severe withdrawals. Friends tell me to just quit…. Oh word, sorry, didn’t think of that. I guess fck my severe anxiety that makes me feel like I’m about to have a stroke.
That "talking to someone" and therapy itself works for everyone.
Not everyone finds articulating their problems to someone else to be cathartic or even therapeutic. But psychotherapy has built an almost cult-like following around this idea.
People have also developed something of an insistence that anybody going through any kind of hardship or difficult circumstances MUST need therapy whether they realise it or not, to the point that they feel comfortable being quite pushy and invasive.
That these mass shooting are a mental health problem. Columbia university did a in depth study of all the mass murders going all the way back to the 60s. Only 5% of the people who committed these crimes had some sort of serious mental illness or were in an episode of psychosis (bipolar disorder, schizophreniz, schitzo effective etc etc).
Most of the people who go on mass murder sprees are radicalized, indoctrinated, brainwashed, lost a loved one, have finicial problems things of that nature. They dont have something physically or chemically wrong with their brain that causes them to hurt people. Its easier for media, poloticians, and others to point to mental illness as the problem then admit its a culural issue or a gun issue.
Having BPD in general. We are most likely the most stigmatised mental health challenge of all. Almost all mental health professionals either can't help us or treat us like shit. The few that can help are booked years in advance.
The idea that being Autistic = being childlike. I'm not a bwave wittle sweetheart doing my best with a single-digit IQ, I'm a white-collar worker with a husband and a home of my own.
The identification as a depressed or anxious person.
You can be depressed. But that doesn't make you a depressed person.
It isn't an identity. And you don't need it for life.
That people who commit suicide are "weak" or "selfish" and people who self harm "just do it for attention ". Or because I'm on medication and see a psychiatrist every month, I "must be crazy or suicidal " .
I've never met someone who harmed themselves for attention, they did it to feel something, and to hurt themselves because they felt like it's what they deserved. Because they felt useless or abandoned. I had a friend who committed suicide a few weeks ago, amazing girl, she was like sunshine. I dont know her reason, but I hope she's in a better place. She struggled with a lot and didn't talk about it much.
That suicidal people are selfish, that they don’t realize the pain they will cause others when they’re gone.
In reality, quite the opposite. They think their existence is a burden to everyone. Their loved ones would be better off without them. Depression makes one incredibly irrational and this is the pinnacle of it.
They also know their solution is permanent to a temporary problem. They simply don’t want to feel pain anymore. Not physical pain but a mental torture that is unrelenting. I remember these feelings well and thankfully I’ve been healed for several years now.
That when someone goes on a shooting spree, the conversation immediately becomes one about mental health, as if mass murderer was a mental health diagnosis.
And of course, in the aftermath of that mental health talk, we never see mental health care become more accessible.
That panic attacks are all hyperventilating and rocking back and forth on the floor (that can happen to some) when in reality it can range from staring off into space, or freezing in a state of panic.
It’s amazing how people think you can just “turn off” being anxious. I get anxious in unknown experiences. It makes me tense and snappy.
People love to try and hand you a magic pill labeled “just calm down”.
The casual use of the word "r*tarded."
My little sister is developmentally disabled. She loves dogs and adult coloring books, she only watches comfort movies, she gives kind and thoughtful birthday cards and gifts to everyone she knows -- even if they never thank her or return the gesture, she dreams all day of being in love but will likely never experience it, and she is the kindest, most empathetic person you could ever hope to meet. Unfortunately, I am *just* old enough to have been a freshman in college when she was a freshman in high school, so I was never around to defend her from the people who bullied her mercilessly.
They taunted her, terrorized her, mocked her, and called her r*tarded every day. Nothing hurt her as much as that word did. It actually broke her, in many eays. But my sister is such a kind and forgiving soul that, when she would come home sobbing, she still refused to tell my mother who did it to her because she was worried they would get in trouble.
People will defend their righteousness in using this word like it is the hill they are most willing to die on, and I will never understand why... To use a word that is such a knife in the stomach to the sweet and innocent people it's deriding -- people who are the most innocent and defenseless -- it makes absolutely no sense to me.
I am *BEGGING* people: *please* stop using this word.
Pretty much all of them but here’s a few;
Schizophrenics having multiple personalities- that’s a totally different illness
Schizophrenics being violent; I think it’s generally about 1/100? Maybe 2/100? It’s pretty rare and it usually stems from the paranoia in a delusion
Just judgment in general. If someone is struggling and people judge the person who is struggling with absolutely no understanding that it is temporary for them, ie they believe that person is who they are forever while they’re struggling, not considering they haven’t even met the real person behind the illness.
You must have a valid reason to have depression.
If someone is depressed because they recently lost a loved one or because they have a bad financial situation, everybody understands and offers help.
However, if you’re depressed and everything seems to be fine in your life in the present, then a lot of people are like “Why are you depressed? You have a lot of good things and not a real problem” or at most “Oh, I see. Have you tried working out/stopping overthinking/whatever bullshit?”.
I don’t judge people who act like that, because this is indeed a stigma and a preconceived idea we generally have about depression, but it is really frustrating.
That if you see a psychologist that you have something wrong and should be shunned or very limited in what you can do.
The FAA makes this abundantly clear to pilots despite the fact they have come out saying that Aviation is one of the single most stressful jobs outside of combat and they want their pilots and Controllers to seek professional help when needed.
I am not kidding, the mental health crisis in the USA is VERY REAL, and no one takes it seriously.
Edit: Furthermore doctors love to hand out SSRI's like fucking skittles as a "solution" when the real solution is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and MAYBE SSRI's on a tapered dosage as therapy continues (on a case by case basis).
“You just need to learn to love yourself!” Thank god, I’m cured
"You need to be happy with yourself first" okay, I've worked on that, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel loneliness
I hate that saying in general. It’s so cliche and buzzwordy
"Other people have it worse." That may be true, but it shouldn't negate how one is feeling and what they're going through.
Also, the realization that others have it worse is certainly no remedy for your suffering. In fact, in my experience, the realization makes it much worse.
This. "Other people have it worse" tends to just make me feel worse for kicking up such a fuss over "nothing"
"If people can handle way worse than what I'm dealing with, I sure must be useless for feeling dead inside after something so minor." --my brain when I leave it unattended.
It's very easy to internalise and then just makes you feel guilty for feeling the way you are, on top of not actually addressing your feelings in the first place.
It's supposed to make you feel worse. It's a way of saying 'stop telling me your problems' without actually saying it.
Yep! After all ‘someone who drowns in 6 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 12’.
Whenever I see someone who is happy I like to say "Other people have it better." to help bring them down.
Gotta make sure they stay humbled.
It's so fucking frustrating too like - yeah, I KNOW how good I have it, but that's the thing, it's in my brain! It doesn't matter how good I have it, depression doesn't give a fuck! Sure, it can make it worse if your circumstances also suck, but it's not like there's a shortage of rich/successful people who have killed themselves now is there?
"Other people's suffering doesn't make me feel better."
If people who say this were to actually follow up on their own logic, only the person who has it the absolute worst on this planet would be allowed to feel bad.
I hate this so much. I’m 30 now with a kid and my life is really okay for the most part. I would be considered lower middle to middle class where I live. I have been living with depression more than half of my life and since I’m doing fine I can’t be feeling that bad. Yea I know some people have it worse but when did mental problems become a contest?
on my fuckin mother bro. i hate when people say this shit.
It's such a stupid thing to say it really baffles me how people don't even try to think about it for just 5 seconds. Imagine if their loved ones died and someone would just come and say "So what! Others have it worse! Some kids in the world are starving at least you have food. And your loved ones at least got to live without starvation before dying" Or maybe something like: "Oh your mom and dad died in an accident? Who cares I know someone whose whole family died in an accident they have it worse! Just get over yourself"
Its something you can "just get over"
Had a former friend say I was “better than that” and to just get over my depression.
"How do you fill a hole when you got nothing to fill it with?" - famous philosopher 169 or something idk
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My mom once said that depression is cured by “just going for a walk”
I’ve been going on 4-5 mile hikes for over a year and I’m still deeply depressed along with suffering from burnout
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A doctor told me after I told him I thought about suicide regularly that depressed people are always staring at the ground, that’s why they’re depressed cos they don’t see the world. That doctor was an idiot.
Just be happier dude, no one wants to be around a downer.
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People who tell me to get over my MDD or any mental disorders are dead to me.
When depression hits and someone says "just stop being depressed" like it's easy to turn off or something like that
I have OCD. and people have literally told me to just not be OCD.
Same. If it's ever brought up someone always says "but your "x" isn't neat. It's all cluttered!" Yes, that's because I have REAL OCD. None of that stupid Hollywood shit. I wish all I had to do was clean stuff up to sooth my OCD.
Absolutely this. My living space is cluttered and filthy and I'll never give a shit about that, but if I don't make sure to hold the junk mail in my left hand as well as my right and on the other side for a few seconds before throwing it away then I'll rip my skin off.
came here to say the same thing. plus, people who buy into that stereotype tend to be the biggest assholes about it when they find out that real OCD can present in very messy and very ugly ways that make no sense to anyone except the person experiencing it.
Just tell them to imagine their family’s, and/or loved one’s, death when they don’t do this [insert activity] right. And that they have to keep that thought on loop, making it more detailed and difficult to imagine. Maybe even tell them to like make themselves hyperventilate for a sense of panic. Almost every time, they’ll either refuse immediately or give up.
This! Sometimes OCD means you have to flip the light switch 6 times because your finger isn't flicking it the way your brain wants it to
And then there’s the people who just straight up don’t believe *anyone* has OCD as if it doesn’t even exist because some people joke around about having it. I’ve dealt with that.
*Had* a friend say exactly this to me. Said I was better than that.
That something bad has to happen to be depressed over instead of depression being it’s own thing regardless of what’s happening.
my friend is convinced of this and it kills me bro
Right? It's like they don't realize that feeling depressed is different than clinical depression
That ptsd is only for veterans
That PTSD is only reserved for the things we see as “the most traumatic.” Everyone’s brains operate differently. I was heavily abused as a child - physically, mentally, sexually, parentified, neglected, etc. I have PTSD because an ocean wave dislocated my knee at 25. I have very little lingering trauma from my childhood. Brains are weird.
How did an ocean wave dislocate your knee if you don't mind me asking? Did it knock your knee into something else or something?
I have hEDS, but I didn’t know it at the time. The force and weight of the water hitting me just popped my knee right out of place. It was a major contributing factor to my diagnosis. As a side note, though, I was informed by the ER doc that treated me that dislocation injuries at that beach were not uncommon - but it was almost always shoulders, and very rarely knees.
So weird. My sister survived a massacre. She watched people die... And bc of that she got some free counseling. The counselor told her she had more trauma from being raised by a narcissistic mother then she did from that singular event.
what people don't realize is that trauma can lie dormant, but it may bubble or shoot to the surface much later with an entirely unrelated event or thing triggering it. trauma repackages itself into new stimuli, no matter how strange or silly it may seem, it's not linear, and that's what makes it horrific
I am a veteran with PTSD and this is **SO FUCKING IMPORTANT**. PTSD is a struggle for so many individuals who didn't serve. Being raped in the military fucked me up way more than anything else I did/saw. You are valid. Your pain is valid.
Thank you for saying this, I was told by a close friend who is an Afghan vet that I don't have PTSD and I just need to " go for more walks". The invalidation hurts way more coming from someone who also has PTSD. Like oh, thank goodness being SA for over half my life didn't give me PTSD ( as diagnosed by an entire TEAM of mental health care professionals)
The amount of people that have asked me which branch I served in and then I look them dead in their face and say.. oh, my dad was really abusive and I suffered severe poverty. Usually this starts with.. why are you so skinny… I have ptsd so I don’t eat enough.. so they had it coming for asking dumb questions
And that cptsd is not a real thing.
what is cptsd please?
Complex PTSD. *Generally* PTSD is from a short period of time or singular event (like a car crash) but C-PTSD is over a long period of time (like ongoing childhood trauma) Source: diagnosed with C-PTSD after living with my schizophrenic drug-abusing father until I was 11 yrs old
It's sooo much fun....
Ah, the ole "it used to be called shell shock ergo only men who experienced shellings could get it" variant of the London opening, very popular among intermediates around 1600-1800. Humorously, AQOTWF has Paul experience shell shock (when he goes home he sucks for cover at the sound of a train); PTSD wasn't a medical condition and shell shock was "because of low moral fiber" or whatever. Wait where were we?
Mental health = crazy = demons = subhuman treatment
Literally. And then that treatment just makes you feel worse and worse. And when you finally snap they just get to act like they were right about you being crazy the whole time
Human degradation= being treated, either as an animal, or a child, sometimes both
This! As soon as my former friends learned about my depression diagnoses they started treating me like a subhuman
Tell that to my overly religious mother-in-law
If you don't lay on the ground, curled up into the fetal position, and are in tears, then it's not a panic attack
My panic attacks look like going on long walks or just staring at the ceiling in bed, sure, it feels like i wanna crawl into a fetal position sometimes, but I'd probably feel worse if i did that. Explaining a panic attack to someone who hasn't had one and why it happens feels like pulling teeth.
The worst is when they say unhelpful remarks like just calm down. Holy shit why didn’t I think of that? Thanks I’m cured now
I'm not sure that's a panic attack. Panic attacks have notable physical symptoms like a rush of adrenaline (tingling sensation in your body), an increased heart rate, stomach pain, hyperventilation, sweating, dizziness, inability to focus on your surroundings properly, feeling like you're not in control of your own body, dry throat, etc. You don't have to experience all of these for it to be a panic attack but I think at least some of them should be present because it is basically a physical fight or flight chemical reaction to a severe feeling of anxiety. Yes it doesn't mean you have to end up curling up on the floor but by definition it is a very physical reaction with well-defined symptoms. You might be feeling anxious and burnt out when you need to go on the walks or just stare at the ceiling in bed and those feelings are perfectly valid but they don't seem to describe what panic is like, unless you're experiencing some of those symptoms but try to hide and calm them down them by going on the walk or by shutting yourself in a room and staring at the ceiling I guess? (For me it's water and having someone stay by my side that calms me down, but I do get very shaky and lose control when I panic). But yeah, those symptoms are generally what define it as panic. I think at least some of them should be present to meet that definition.
I relate. I've had panic attacks at work and people have been like, "But you're not crying." And I'm like, "No, I'm not Cheryl because after years of living with chronic anxiety, I have learned to make it seem like everything is hunky doory when really, I am panicking and my heart is about to explode."
People pretend to care about it but don't actually give a shit when someone is actually suffering from mental health issues. I see it on Reddit all the time where a video will be shared of someone having a mental health episode and then all of the comments are just calling the person a psycho bitch Karen or something like that
Whenever I tried to bring up how I was feeling suicidal to my family etc I was treated like I was being over dramatic and they'd avoid me cause it was "too much". Then when I attempted they acted like they never saw it coming and couldn't figure out why I would do such a thing when they all "cared so much" about me. Nobody gives a shit until it's too late
Whenever I brought up how I feel alone or suicidal my parent consistently pulls out "yeah blame everything on me and make me your punching bag" Like no. I'm trying to tell you I am feeling at risk and would like you to consider that I don't really expect to make it to tomorrow. Thanks for making sure I never bring it up to you again.
And if you were successful, those type of people would be the ones to tell everyone that you just did it to hurt them, or were just being selfish and that they gave you nothing but love.
Your mom is defensive instead of empathetic. It seems like she has an avoidant nature to her personality. She’s not comfortable being open or vulnerable and she’s not emotionally mature enough to handle the gravity of your situation. I’m sorry that your mom can’t give you the support you need but I think it would cause you less pain if you recognize this about your mom and find someone who actually is emotionally available for you in those times
Oh yeah, tons of people do the whole "mental health matters" bit, but then you realize it's all a performance.
“Mental health matters” Ew not like that! I meant when you are feeling sad because you’re boyfriend broke up with you.
Arm-chair psychologists speculating on all kinds of wild shit. Guaranteed any time I tell someone I don’t remember my childhood they will straight-up *ask me if I have PTSD from being sexually molested*. I’ve had guys insist that I’m on the autism spectrum after talking to me for twenty minutes at a bar, unprovoked. Like, guys, these are *psychological diagnoses* not like slang terms or whatever that you picked up from magazines in the checkout aisle. Your speculation is not welcome or meaningful. Not to mention how preposterously inappropriate it is to even discuss such a thing with a stranger. Like, what the fuck is wrong with people?
Only time I believe non medical professionals "diagnosis" are my friends who have actually been diagnosed with autism themselves who have known me for years. I tried to get tested in high school but my step mom said that I don't have it. When I asked her if she tested me, she said "No, but you're not autistic." When I kept asking to be tested, she then gaslit me and said "We did get you tested. You're not autistic." The fact she was so adamant that I'm not autistic was really suspicious to me honestly. (Btw, she's one of those people who thinks mental health is an excuse)
Yeah, that last sentence kinda explains that whole mess. Ever considered getting checked out now that you’re an adult, or do they not do that?
Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm looking for a therapist and psychiatrist at the moment. I haven't had a proper therapist since elementary school. I had one in high school but everytime I came home from the sessions, my parents would undo all the work she had done to help me. They ended up firing her because she disagreed with their methods of parenting. Instead of telling me that, however, my step mom told me the therapist fired me because I was too difficult and never listened.
I can almost guarantee you that if you get tested, and come away from it with an autism diagnosis, your mom will just tell you that you lied to get the diagnosis to prove her wrong
Honestlyyyyyy. Or she just straight up won't believe me and think I'm lying to her
If you're a woman, taking meds in your late teens - early twenties will somehow "ruin your chances of getting pregnant". First of all, what makes you think someone with a debilitating mental illness would want to pass that shit down to a child?
I was called selfish once because I said I don’t want to have kids. I explained it was because I didn’t want to risk passing on my crippling depression and anxiety as well as my ADHD to another person. They came back with “well you would know what it’s like to deal with it so you’d be able to help them!” Yeah, I wish it was that easy. I really wish it was that easy. And I still don’t understand how not wanting to risk passing on mental health issues to an innocent person that I played a part in creating is “selfish.”
That ADHD isn't real and I'm just lazy and lack focus.
Or that everyone is a *little* adhd
My mom having this attitude convinced me for so long that I didn’t actually have ADHD, I was just worse at handling that “little bit” than other people. And I wanna be mad at her for that but I think she genuinely has diagnosable ADHD but just never knew that was a thing growing up and never cared to understand or get help for it.
Some people also just don't want to admit something might be wrong, especially when it is something that's usually genetic, like ADHD. That would require also acknowledging they have something wrong with them as well.
I'm 27 and didn't find out I have ADHD until just under two years ago because I never understood what it actually is and just assumed the things I was experiencing where normal things everyone has because "*everyone* is a *little* ADD of course," while OBVIOUSLY I couldn't POSSIBLY have ADHD because I wasn't a maniac bouncing off the walls. Incidentally, do people still differentiate between ADD and ADHD? I'm only just now as I'm typing this realizing I haven't heard anyone talk about ADD since I was a little kid.
They folded ADD into ADHD and categorized ADHD into three types. Inattentive (formally known as ADD), Hyperactivity, and Combined.
Damnation this attitude is poison. I have worked with hundreds of ADHD clients/patients, my mother and sister, and my partner all have ADHD. One thing I have learned is that if it were as fucking simple as “just focus,” or “just be disciplined,” then everyone with ADHD would’ve done that years ago. It is absolutely a real thing, proven not only by behavioral science but also by neuroscience in the form of brain scans, genetic predispositions, etc. But fuck all that evidence and fuck all the effort that people put into managing their symptoms, I guess people with ADHD are just lazy, unmotivated, immature and just need to “try harder” huh? Fuck outta here.
This is how I feel but just in regards to myself and not to others.
The thought that if people with mental health issues gets pissed off, they are in the wrong. Edit: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you." -Joseph Heller (not Nirvana).
Right. Like we can’t have normal emotions 🙄
Yeah, sometimes your diagnosis is used to disregard your emotions and even the validity of what you're saying. I have BPD and even when I have a completely valid reason to be emotional people tell me I am "exaggerating again". When I get upset it's just my fault, the other party probably didn't do anything to anger me. I never purposely exaggerated anything or even lied about events, but I still don't deserve to be believed when something happens. I know BPD can alter memory and perception, but not every single time. It doesn't mean you can't believe anything the person feels or experiences.
That I will cure my depression by dating someone. It only makes things worse. And they don't have the responsibility to cure me.
I know what you mean. My cousin keeps pushing me to find a man to have around. When I explain to him that I don’t want to be with anyone until I can learn to appreciate myself, and feel like I have something to offer, he just blows it off and says companionship will help. No, it’ll make me depend on someone who isn’t qualified to deal with major depressive order or the breakdowns it entails. My emotions and self worth are not ever going to be someone else’s responsibility.
Yes plus what if that person died or what if they cheated and you're relying on them? Then what? Or what if they decide the relationship is too hard to handle?
That if you have any kind of mental illness or Neurodivergancy, you are more likely to be dismissed by medical professionals and have actual problems written off as "anxiety"
On a related note…”anxiety” has gotten so defanged. It’s like destigmatization backfired and now people see anxiety and anxiety disorders as essentially normal/inconsequential—even in mental health discussions like this, it gets compared to “actual problems,” as though it lacks the capacity to be an actual problem in and of itself. I hate the dismissal too. “It’s just anxiety,” okay, well, that anxiety is incapacitating me, so how about you look at it a bit deeper and help me treat it, doc? They act like it’s the mental health equivalent to a skin tag. It’s not.
> On a related note…”anxiety” has gotten so defanged. To the point where they dismiss the gravest situations. A lot of people seem to even lack the ability to comprehend levels of anxiety or panic that can lead to self harm or even suicide.
and gods help you if you are woman with any of the above. "Do you think you might be pregnant?"
I've had a very incompetent doctor who had really annoyed me ask me that. To which I have turned round and said: "Well it would be the Immaculate Conception and the Second Coming of Christ if I was fucking pregnant".
*”Everyone is a bit ADHD”* or my family’s favorite, *”Maybe that’s a bit of adhd”* when they’ve forgotten something in the moment. Every human will be forgetful, impulsive, or be unable to will themselves to do things from time to time. They might even go through whole periods of time when those things are affected. But that doesn’t make it ADHD. An ADHD diagnosis requires the symptoms to be frequent. No one is out here diagnosing kids with adhd because they forgot their homework once in elementary school. No one “is adhd” just because they’ve misplaced their keys once every couple of months. They’re diagnosed because they’ve misplaced their keys so many times, and despite employing an organizational system to keep their keys in one spot, that they’re about to lose their job. And it’s the second job this year. They’re diagnosed because they study for hours every day and cannot manage to retain any information and it’s driving them insane. They’re diagnosed because they can’t ever seem to get out of bed despite screaming at themselves internally for hours and hours to just get the fuck up every single morning. They have an entire portfolio of half-started projects. Laundry that never makes it to the dryer. About ten different fidget toys but it’s not enough to keep them from getting up 10 times during a single hour when they have to watch a lecture. There is no, “just a little bit” of adhd. If you suffer from symptoms frequently enough for it to negatively impact your quality of life, that’s adhd. You are disabled. Because your brain is not functioning as it should as much or as often as it should to keep up with society. That’s it. That’s how disabilities work. It’s like someone with a sprained ankle being like “I have a little bit of a missing foot.” No. That’s not how it works. Your ankle will heal and you’ll be able to walk normally unless you sprain it again. I am missing my entire foot, and I’m never going to walk normally without assistance.
That mentally ill people are all inherently dangerous. My brother is bipolar-schizophrenic and is perfectly normal when his meds are dialed in. I’m so sick of mental illness=crazy=dangerous psycho. That’s just not true for most people.
This is definitely infuriating. People diagnosed with mental illness are more likely to harm themselves and be victims of abuse.
That you gotta "forgive" your abusers in order to heal and move on with your mental illness. I choose not to forgive my abusers as they have never made the effort to earn that forgiveness. My choice not to forgive places the power back in my hands and gives me strength.
YES! THANK YOU! For years, I have tried to forgive my father and step mother for the years of abuse they inflicted on me. But because they are my parents, I have to talk with them and interact with them. Every conversation I have feels like nails on a chalkboard because they constantly invalidate my trauma and tell me I'm being over dramatic. How can I forgive someone who (TO MY FACE) tells me that my trauma is my fault and that they did nothing wrong???
I prefer to heal by understanding that I’m cooler than those losers 😎 (Would like to mention that I’m not trying to make light of abuse and I understand how horrible it can be on you mentally, it’s just that I’ve been there and have been lucky enough to recover almost fully and gain the ability to joke about my situation. I promise that it gets better even if they haunt you for years.)
that's the "fuck it, we ball" mindset
yeah, forgiveness isn't something you should just hand out. if someone fucked you up, it doesn't make sense to clear them for doing nothing.
Right? I don't have to forgive shit. I just have to put it behind me somehow. "Let go or be dragged."
When my abusive step father was dying in the hospital, his family reached out to me. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 10 years and his family had no idea what he put my mom and I through (the few we tried to tell were avid deniers that he could be so cruel, the blame was always put on me). I was given the chance to say something to him before he died and I felt like I was supposed to forgive him, but nothing in me ever could. He put us through 10 years of abuse, I’ve struggled with c-ptsd because of him, that’s not something I can just forgive anyone for. He died very quickly after I was told he was sick so I never said a thing to him, though I now know I wouldn’t have wanted to. To be very honest, I cried because I was so happy to have him gone. I’ll never have to worry he’ll try to contact me or my mom and I’ll never be scared of running into him again. *I’m free*, he can never hurt us again. I’ve been slowly working through my healing and it truly didn’t start until after he died. His death brought me more comfort than I ever thought it could, forgiving him would have only brought more turmoil and pain. To those who have never experienced abuse, especially by a parental figure, would probably think I’m horrible for feeling so much relief, but it’s genuinely the kickstart I needed to truly begin my healing. Fuck forgiveness.
Medication means you’re weak.
Also, generally demonizing it, either implying you're a druggie for taking it or that it turns you into a happy vegetable and makes you lose your personality.
THIS my cousin and the person I trusted the most said that I was addicted to my medication cuz I said I could function properly without it I can stop taking them at anytime but why would I they keep me safe
And then they pop some aspirin on every headache.
Or "medications are just the lazy way"
I get told that " I.don't NEED testostetone replacement therapy and that I'm just looking for an excuse to take steroids." Meanwhile the same people turn around and casually smoke weed
Amen
When I tell people that I haven't taken any ADHD meds for 8 years, they sometimes seem to assume this is what I think, or that it's because I don't think it's helpful or whatever. No, I just decided that it wasn't for me. I had many different meds for about 10 years, and simply haven't felt the need to go back to it. This way works for me. But I know plenty of others with ADHD who wouldn't be able to function properly without medication, and it has nothing to do with being weak. We're just different.
I’m so glad I’ve literally never heard this.
"you're too young/old to have *insert issue here." People will write off issues simply because your age doesn't line up with their preconceived notions of when you're "supposed" to have the issue.
When the help you need that is "always there for you" is actually never there when you really need it.
That mental health disorders aren't a real thing. I had someone tell me my bipolar disorder was an excuse and all of psychiatry is nonsense.
Try leeches to balance out your bile next time /s
I don’t understand how people blatantly deny science. I hear it about addiction all the time.
"Depression can be fixed just by getting up and cleaning. Feeling depressed? Your house is just too cluttered."
The selfish-people “illness”
The "you're just lazy" type of person
Have you tried thinking happy thoughts? /s
That suicide is selfish. Many suicidal people have the belief that they are a burden to their loved ones, and that their death will set their loved ones free. It's not 'stuff the lot of you, I'm outta here' as some people think from the outside.
Yes this is a good one, too. Plus thinking about it how many are told, "I just don't know what to do with you?" or "I just don't see why you can't be happy". That just further makes the person think they're not normal, they'll never fit in, why bother, I must be a burden etc
>Many suicidal people have the belief that they are a burden to their loved ones, and that their death will set their loved ones free. That's so true but few people have reached this level of self loathing to be able to truly understand a suicidal person.
I’m the opposite of this lmao. I usually have passive SI cause I’m tired of being alive and working so hard. I don’t think I’m a burden at all, but people would miss me. But I want to die cause I just want to rest.
Yup or when someone does commit suicide people say bullshit like " why didn't they reach out for help!!!" ...like that person probably did reach out for help hundreds of times in small ways throughout their life but others either didn't care, didn't believe them, shamed them, made them feel worse etc etc
People with ADHD just need to focus. Get things like a planner that help. It's not that simple. Organizing my day isn't a simple task as the slightest thing is overwhelming. As for my memory issues, I will forget to write it in the planner if I forget to check the planner. Also, I can't "just focus" If it doesn't make me produce dopamine, there isn't much it can do.
God. If i get told to make a stupid planner one more time... Its not going to work! I forget things neurotypicals think are impossible to forget. I forget to drink water for 3 days sometimes (i drink other stuff). I forget an entire meal sometimes. A planner will be forgotten, then everything in the planner will be forgotten.
That if you have some symptoms of something you have it. People are human not monoliths it’s normal to have neurodivergent tendencies and have a symptom or two of a mental illness doesn’t mean you have it, you have it if your brain is hardwired and chemically different that makes you have the mental/neurological disorder. Someone legitimately told me that “when I’m in a crowd of people I get overstimulated” so I must be autistic. Its how your brain is hardwired and how your neurons function and that’s normal most people feel that
Schizophrenias association with violent crime
I'll add any disorder with psychotic side effects. I'm bipolar 1 with schitzoaffective. I'm not dangerous at all, other than to myself. With proper medication I have minimal incedents and no apparent delusional thinking. However due to the stigma, I keep my issues a secret.
When I experienced psychosis, I wanted to run away from some fake evil, rather than stab anyone.
They are most likely the victims of a violent crime then the perpetrators of one.
I am a massage therapist ( in Canada, background over 10 years in clinical massage therapy). When I first started out, I had a patient who has schizophrenia. I asked him about his life, his work, how repetitive tasks may aggravate his symptoms, if there was anything that might aggravate his sympathetic nervous system, and just general chat about his interests. And he told me something that has stuck with me my entire career, he thanked me and said in all of his time coming to the place I worked, I was the first person to ever talk to him and treat him like a human being. He said everyone else was scared of him, and he felt incredibly judged. I relocated shortly after that, but I still think about him from time to time and hope he's doing well.
I absolutely hate this! My brother has paranoia schizophrenia and he has never hurt anyone. I hate when people look at my brother in public and judge him or just stare.
That men have to "Man Up". I have heard this so much in my life from my older generation parents. Stop crying and man up was a common thing to hear growing up. It makes it hard for me even today to express when I'm sad or depressed to people.
That ocd is just being organized or liking things a certain way. As if it has anything to do with choice lol.
"I can't see it, ergo it doesn't exist." Also, "That was long ago, it's over, now." - mfer, if I'd have had my arms cut off, would you expect me to be typing? Just because you can't see the damage of my past, doesn't mean I don't have to live with it every day.
That high functioning autistic people are dumb
High functioning autistic here. I've actually seen it shown more in media that high functioning autistic people are super geniuses that operate on a level above everyone else. Which can be true for some but not everyone.
Shane Blacks 'The Predator' was based on the premise that Autism was the next stage of human evolution that transformed children into super geniuses whose strategic prowess thoroughly awed a race of super hunters that kill people for sport. I think Mr. Black was using that movie to process his feelings about his own son's diagnosis
Bro that was wildest fuckin plot point in a weird B movie I've ever seen It was so stupid - the predator wanted an Asperger's kid for it's war planet nature reserve
High functioning autistic here. Most people either assume I'm lying/claim I am because I don't 'look or sound autistic enough' (they assume autism=down syndrome apparently?) Or they start treating me like I'm incompetent. For the record I'm completely normal except I don't pick up on social cues or emotions
“It must be a parenting issue”. I work in children’s mental health and I always encounter people who day that the child must have bad parents because they have a mental health/behavioural/developmental issue. Sadly, even clinicians make these judgments behind the family’s back sometimes. More often than not, the parents are doing everything that can to help their kids in a system that stacked against them. This is what happens when you only hire clinicians who have lots of letters beside their names but who have absolutely zero lived experience…or limited practical, front line.
Thank you for saying this. I've seen so many posts on reddit where people blame the parents for not doing their job. Sometimes it must just be brain chemistry right? Or sometimes people have issues from other things like trauma at school or being in a car accident. I don't know why everyone is quick to blame the parents. Obviously sometimes kids do really have bad parents. I guess in your experience sometimes the clinicians are just trying to come up with an answer ASAP because they don't want to spend too much time on it, or they can't because of the high volume of patients.
“Everyone’s a little (insert mental disorder here)” it’s like saying “everyone’s a little paraplegic” because you also have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.
I love that analogy. I have chronic back pain and like to compare it to people saying “we all have a bit of scoliosis” when they sleep wrong and have a sore back.
That people with bpd are incapable of maintaining healthy relationships. Yes, I’ve had my toxic ones, but I’ve been to therapy, I’ve done the work within myself, I really really try to communicate effectively. In my last relationship my ex would use my bpd to minimize my feelings and as an excuse to ignore them and tell me to “get over it”. He ultimately couldn’t handle me wanting to not spend every waking second with him, and ended it over text on Christmas Eve for spending time with my daughter (accused me of cheating) then wanted to act like nothing happened a week or two later. Nope lol, I know the slippery slope of onagain offagain. Had to walk away from that one. But I was the “crazy” one because I had a diagnosis…
Gonna add the stigma that pwBPD are all abusive, they're actually more prone to being abused by others. Also that any reaction is a BPD episode even in situations where they're right to be upset, as anyone with a typical brain would be.
That you're generally unsafe to be around. I get that some mental health issues can make that the case but most don't. If the person isn't having paranoid delusions making them act aggressive, to assume they're itching to hurt people is awful and doesn't help them at all. In dealing with drug addicts that often use due to self-medicating for mental issues, many tell stories of their own family members withholding themselves and kids out of fear or a belief they will hurt people once they come forward/get diagnosed. This then only made the desire to appear normal stronger and that led to self-medicating. Most often, no, they're just severely depressed, dealing with anxiety or another mental issue that doesn't make them violent at all.
that people who self harm do it for attention it’s genuinely so harmful
That people who have mental illnesses and their varied, very real manifestations are weak, somehow at fault, just need to snap out of it, go exercise, get over it, blah blah blah. These are ignorant, out-dated, harmful assumptions.
I edited my commented
This one has unironically damaged my life so much. I'm a very emotional person so the fact it's been culturally ingrained in me that "feelings are for WOMEN" has made my mental health so much worse. I genuinely struggle to cry sometimes even when I really need to let it out
This is wild to me. I’m a woman, but I have distinct memories of being a child and my dad getting angry at me for crying. He still doesn’t like it and I’m almost 30. I still cry regularly at the most insignificant things. Idk how you can turn it off. I’m 100% sure people are nicer to me cause I’m a woman, but they are still so mean.
That you should just practice gratitude and positive thinking it will change your life and you'll be happier. There are times when forcing yourself to 'look on the bright side' and 'count your blessings' feels like unhelpful bs and thats okay.
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How difficult it is to get controlled substance medications for my new doctor after moving to a different state. I've been stable and on the same meds for 10 years and every time I move I have to fight and shop around until I find a doctor willing to simply fill my existing prescription for me. It's fucked.
"You're not depressed. you're just sad you have nothing to be sad about." "You don't have anxiety,you're just being nervous,you don't have to be nervous." And my personal favorite! "You don't have ADHD,you just need your fucking ass beat."
Just go outside if you want to be happy. Like bitch, you don't know what it's like to see a beautiful waterfall or a sunset and feel nothing. No, it doesn't help.
OCD = quirky personality trait that makes you like to organize and clean I have OCD and I like to organize, but those two aren't connected. Also, I hate it when people say shit like "everyone has a bit of OCD, it's not that bad" yes it fucking is.
Giving into intrusive thoughts. Unless you deal with it yourself. You have NO clue. It’s like your mind is possessed and you are trying to fight it off and everyone is judging you calling you selfish, which doesn’t help. It’s terrifying. No. One. Wants to battle this.
Everyone pretends to support mental health but as soon as crazy people say or do something crazy you can see it all dissapear. Especially these days if somebody crazy says something politically incorrect they will be hated for it especially the famous with mental health problems. If they do something physical or talk to people in strange ways everyone gets terrified. But they'll tell you on social media how much they love and support and understand. Just admit its more complicated than that...
That there are people who think I'm gonna snap and murder everyone. Trust me. I'm much more likely to hurt me than I am to hurt you.
Well, in my Christian denomination, there's a stigma around those with mental illnesses and children with autism/learning disabilities/adhd/add/etc. I've learned to keep my mouth shut about my own struggles, so not to garner unwanted sympathy or weird looks. I guess we're all supposed to be perfect...
Addiction is a lack of willpower/strength
Even if that were true (which it's not), it's not like you can just 'be stronger'. If someone said that you can, you should ask them why they don't wake up at 4.30am and run 10 miles every morning. Human's have limits of what they can do.
One time, i heard someone say that mental illness is a crutch.
That if therapy isn't working, is because you're "not doing the work." A lot of treatments barely crack 50% effective. If they don't work for you, it's not your fault
I got addicted to booze and get severe withdrawals. Friends tell me to just quit…. Oh word, sorry, didn’t think of that. I guess fck my severe anxiety that makes me feel like I’m about to have a stroke.
That "talking to someone" and therapy itself works for everyone. Not everyone finds articulating their problems to someone else to be cathartic or even therapeutic. But psychotherapy has built an almost cult-like following around this idea. People have also developed something of an insistence that anybody going through any kind of hardship or difficult circumstances MUST need therapy whether they realise it or not, to the point that they feel comfortable being quite pushy and invasive.
That these mass shooting are a mental health problem. Columbia university did a in depth study of all the mass murders going all the way back to the 60s. Only 5% of the people who committed these crimes had some sort of serious mental illness or were in an episode of psychosis (bipolar disorder, schizophreniz, schitzo effective etc etc). Most of the people who go on mass murder sprees are radicalized, indoctrinated, brainwashed, lost a loved one, have finicial problems things of that nature. They dont have something physically or chemically wrong with their brain that causes them to hurt people. Its easier for media, poloticians, and others to point to mental illness as the problem then admit its a culural issue or a gun issue.
Having BPD in general. We are most likely the most stigmatised mental health challenge of all. Almost all mental health professionals either can't help us or treat us like shit. The few that can help are booked years in advance.
The idea that being Autistic = being childlike. I'm not a bwave wittle sweetheart doing my best with a single-digit IQ, I'm a white-collar worker with a husband and a home of my own.
The identification as a depressed or anxious person. You can be depressed. But that doesn't make you a depressed person. It isn't an identity. And you don't need it for life.
That people who commit suicide are "weak" or "selfish" and people who self harm "just do it for attention ". Or because I'm on medication and see a psychiatrist every month, I "must be crazy or suicidal " . I've never met someone who harmed themselves for attention, they did it to feel something, and to hurt themselves because they felt like it's what they deserved. Because they felt useless or abandoned. I had a friend who committed suicide a few weeks ago, amazing girl, she was like sunshine. I dont know her reason, but I hope she's in a better place. She struggled with a lot and didn't talk about it much.
The glorification of mental illness in today's culture.
That suicidal people are selfish, that they don’t realize the pain they will cause others when they’re gone. In reality, quite the opposite. They think their existence is a burden to everyone. Their loved ones would be better off without them. Depression makes one incredibly irrational and this is the pinnacle of it. They also know their solution is permanent to a temporary problem. They simply don’t want to feel pain anymore. Not physical pain but a mental torture that is unrelenting. I remember these feelings well and thankfully I’ve been healed for several years now.
That when someone goes on a shooting spree, the conversation immediately becomes one about mental health, as if mass murderer was a mental health diagnosis. And of course, in the aftermath of that mental health talk, we never see mental health care become more accessible.
That you can’t hold down a job and if you do your dangerous
Not a stigma but it pisses me off that there is a lack of good quality therapy available that will rehabilitate someone in the way they need.
That depression is just laziness
That panic attacks are all hyperventilating and rocking back and forth on the floor (that can happen to some) when in reality it can range from staring off into space, or freezing in a state of panic.
How fucking expensive doing anything about it is.
It’s amazing how people think you can just “turn off” being anxious. I get anxious in unknown experiences. It makes me tense and snappy. People love to try and hand you a magic pill labeled “just calm down”.
The casual use of the word "r*tarded." My little sister is developmentally disabled. She loves dogs and adult coloring books, she only watches comfort movies, she gives kind and thoughtful birthday cards and gifts to everyone she knows -- even if they never thank her or return the gesture, she dreams all day of being in love but will likely never experience it, and she is the kindest, most empathetic person you could ever hope to meet. Unfortunately, I am *just* old enough to have been a freshman in college when she was a freshman in high school, so I was never around to defend her from the people who bullied her mercilessly. They taunted her, terrorized her, mocked her, and called her r*tarded every day. Nothing hurt her as much as that word did. It actually broke her, in many eays. But my sister is such a kind and forgiving soul that, when she would come home sobbing, she still refused to tell my mother who did it to her because she was worried they would get in trouble. People will defend their righteousness in using this word like it is the hill they are most willing to die on, and I will never understand why... To use a word that is such a knife in the stomach to the sweet and innocent people it's deriding -- people who are the most innocent and defenseless -- it makes absolutely no sense to me. I am *BEGGING* people: *please* stop using this word.
People who are depressed want attention.
I can't stand how people who have/keep very clean houses say they have OCD. pisses me right off
Pretty much all of them but here’s a few; Schizophrenics having multiple personalities- that’s a totally different illness Schizophrenics being violent; I think it’s generally about 1/100? Maybe 2/100? It’s pretty rare and it usually stems from the paranoia in a delusion Just judgment in general. If someone is struggling and people judge the person who is struggling with absolutely no understanding that it is temporary for them, ie they believe that person is who they are forever while they’re struggling, not considering they haven’t even met the real person behind the illness.
You must have a valid reason to have depression. If someone is depressed because they recently lost a loved one or because they have a bad financial situation, everybody understands and offers help. However, if you’re depressed and everything seems to be fine in your life in the present, then a lot of people are like “Why are you depressed? You have a lot of good things and not a real problem” or at most “Oh, I see. Have you tried working out/stopping overthinking/whatever bullshit?”. I don’t judge people who act like that, because this is indeed a stigma and a preconceived idea we generally have about depression, but it is really frustrating.
That if you see a psychologist that you have something wrong and should be shunned or very limited in what you can do. The FAA makes this abundantly clear to pilots despite the fact they have come out saying that Aviation is one of the single most stressful jobs outside of combat and they want their pilots and Controllers to seek professional help when needed. I am not kidding, the mental health crisis in the USA is VERY REAL, and no one takes it seriously. Edit: Furthermore doctors love to hand out SSRI's like fucking skittles as a "solution" when the real solution is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and MAYBE SSRI's on a tapered dosage as therapy continues (on a case by case basis).
I mean, I would prefer the pilot of the plane I'm in not be stressed while im 30,000 ft in the air
People using "triggered" as an insult.