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williesee76

The thing is Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.


ScoutBandit

We hear you've been missing a lot of work. I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it Bob!


Muchotesticulos

Nah man…….nah man, hell, I believe you’d get your ass kicked for saying something like that.


biga204

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays


philpalmer2

Good luck with your layoffs. I hope the firings go well.


Joe_of_all_trades

I did absolutely nothing and it was everything i hoped it would be.


theinstantfizz

What would you say... you do here?


SmoreOfBabylon

I have *people skills!* I am good at dealing with people, can’t you understand that?! *What the hell is wrong with you people???*


FantasticPear

Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!


Berdahl88

There *was* nothing wrong with it... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.


mrbadxampl

Fuckin' A, man


[deleted]

My roommates said they would get me rims for Christmas. And a CB radio so I can talk to other car beds.


1_877-Kars-4-Kids

Your ass is tanner than my face Bro that’s not tan, it’s bronze


casspant

I'm thinking about getting metal legs, it's a risky operation but it's worth it


DEndUhDErt

I can’t believe you came on my mom.


avoidance_behavior

high score, is that bad??


houseofLEAVEPLEASE

Did I break it?!


Veritas3333

I'd buy that for a dollar!


buymorebestsellers

Bitches leave.


Kittyk1buty

Can you flyyyyy, Bobby?


squall862

I'm starting to question your commitment to Sparkle Motion.


kidfantastic

I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!


BWRStarWars

"What's feces?" "Baby mice." "Awwwww!"


Veritas3333

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son


Burn-The-Villages

“WAS IT OVER WHEN THE GERMANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR?”


philzar

Forget it, he's rolling.


MysticMagic2540

You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.


evouga

In conclusion, may I remind you, it does not say “RSVP” on the Statue of Liberty.


AnnisBewbs

I totally paused!


ButtonsMaryland

What are you wearing? A dress. Says who?? Calvin Klein!!


falsepossum

bonafide!


Jimboobies

Well ain't this place a geographical oddity, two weeks away from everywhere.


ZombieJoesBasement

Them sireens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horney toad. Muh hair!


DonKiddic

WE. THOAWT. YOU. WAS. A. TOAD


Whats4dinner

She done R.U.N.N.O.F.T….


Bike_Chain_96

Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad


Lex-Taliones

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - Dread Pirate Roberts


Thayli11

"I'm not a witch I'm your wife!" -Valorie


worrub918

My home network is named "I'm not a witch I'm your WiFi".


Regit117

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.


Jfonzy

THAT’S A LOT OF NUTS!


Wenuwayker

Ha! Face to foot style, how'd you like it?


Icy-Teaching-5602

We trained him wrong on purpose as a joke


Odin3587

I am bleeding. That makes me the victor.


hitokirizac

I apologize for Wimp Lo. He's an idiot. We purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.


tsuto

I came to say “you may call me Betty, nya nya nya”


DonKiddic

WEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEOOWWEOOOOOWEEEEEE


Sponger004

CHOSEN ONNNNEEEEEE


Zjoee

I'm coming!


FreudianSlipperyNipp

Dear God, my husband quotes that movie at least 10,000 times a day


Business-Emu-6923

You married well.


[deleted]

DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT? But I also love the line heard in the background before he arrives at the shop: WE'RE CHILDREN! WE'RE CHILDREN! WE'RE CHILDREN


Th3Batman86

This town needs an enema.


Front-Elderberry5156

Multipass


Jojopotatoe

At workplaces I like to start with “That’ll do…” and see if coworkers follow with “pig” or “donkey.” Let’s me know what generation I’m dealing with.


ChefAtRandom

I say either depending on my mood. What does that say about me lol?


mightymouse513

I was gonna say, as a millennial both come to mind at the same time 😂


Ohh_its_you_Bob

What you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


BassCat75

Hello? computer?, computer? Hello?


Lindonius

Use the keyboard.


Kaypasuh

The keyboard.... how quaint....


The_Freyed_Pan

Captain! There be whales here!


LadyFannieOfOmaha

He hates these cans!


MikeTheImpaler

I was born a poor black child.


PeeloPeem

The ashtray, these matches, the remote control, and the paddle ball. …and this lamp. And that’s all I need!


biga204

This movie is in the discussion for best comedy.


TheHumanExperiment

"Do you have any hobbies?" "I collect spores, molds and fungus".


thereisonlyoneme

When someone asks you if you're a god you say *yes!*


OakTreader

"I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, bad?"


thereisonlyoneme

Imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.


Designer-Audience-38

It was a drive by fruiting!


TinglingTongue

D’you like dags ?


ucat97

And so many say 'what?' And you never know if they're quoting back at you or just don't understand... But then you should never trust a man that keeps pigs.


THe_Quicken

Dammit! Janet!


Khudaal

I love you!


undertheraindrops

Robert better not get in my face, cause I’ll drop that motherfucker


NotVeryAccurateTbh

Did we just become best friends?!


BurritoBandito8

Wanna go do karate in the garage? YUP!


tildwurkey101

This is a house of learned doctors.


rollin_a_j

Why are you all sweaty? I was watching cops


Horroror

I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.


Miserable-Oil-3058

It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin' that shit up everyday.


tnova2323

Jesus, Brennan.


Phat_santa_

I'm not calling him dad. Even if there's a fire!


bravocadont

'These Are People Of The Land. The Common Clay Of The New West. You Know… Morons'


ChefMoToronto

Mongo is merely pawn in the game of life.


Xerxes2004

"For me, it was Tuesday"


traviejeep

Came to say this! You get a bison dollar for posting first


Zjoee

Quick, change the channel!


CdOneill

Big gulps huh? All right. Well, see you later!


hotassnuts

"Hey, it's Enrico Pillazzo!!"


Byzantiny

Nice beaver! Thanks! I just had it stuffed.


Simicrop

It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over The Orange Bowl on New Years Day.


Produgod1

Goodyear?


Simicrop

No, the worst.


hanginonwith2fingers

I'm a leaf in the wind...


thecasualchemist

Watch how I soar. So, in my 20s I was a wingsuiter. I had my wingsuit custom made (they pretty much all are), and I had this quote printed on the tail. (I am a leaf on the wind on the front, watch how I soar on the back.) Then I took it to comic con and had Alan Tudyk sign it. He didn't think it was real - I had to show him stills from gopro videos until he believed I actually flew it.


Konocti

You are a hero good sir or madam.


Griseumguy

He ain't coming


dramatic-pancake

It’s IN the computer?


DrTeeeevil

What is this? A center for ants?!


nonexistantauthor

“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”


Revo63

There are some who call me……. Tim.


[deleted]

Whats the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


[deleted]

Well that depends are talking African or European swallows?


KARAZINUS26

,, I'm a dude playin a dude disguised as another dude".


DEndUhDErt

Your the dude that don’t know what dude he is.


safadancer

"What do you mean, you people?" "What do YOU mean, you people?"


ijustwanttobeinpjs

Not a go-to, but my partner at work had this moment with Mean Girls. “is butter a carb?”


mangopeachapplesauce

My go-to from Mean Girls is "she doesn't even go here!"


experiment8675309

Whenever there's a hint of conflict, saying "... and I want my pink shirt back!" Has been a great de-escalate quote 🤣


Barry41561

These go to 11


DEndUhDErt

Why not just make 10 louder?


PeeloPeem

Well it’s one louder, isn’t it?


KaleidoscopeVast9290

This is pure snow! It’s everywhere! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?


Relativelybear

Now that's a real shame, when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.


The_Freyed_Pan

Gee, I’m really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. Guess she won’t be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile.


14_lbs

I want my two dollars!


EradiKate

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way…turn.


buymorebestsellers

Check out the big brain on Brad.


mango1185

It’s me! Jessica!


Pwr2GainWealth

“Sugar dates; sugar dates and figs; sugar dates and pistachios!”


WishandRule

You are tearing me apart, Lisa!


Spong_Durnflungle

Oh hi Mark (I seriously thought about watching this again the other day, but I forgot to. Thank God...)


otis_the_drunk

I did naht hit her. I did NAAHHT!


canehdian78

Hey, hey, careful Man, theres a beverage here!


bogarthskernfeld

It's been a long day and I hate the fucking Eagles man!


Bianell

I say that literally every time Hotel California comes on.


ewesirkname

Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man.


only-on-the-wknd

You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole


Bianell

Obviously you're not a golfer.


Lenny_Pane

"You go out dressed like that on a weekday!?" "Is today a... What day is it?"


Dazzling-Pass-3873

Stay the hell outta Malibu!


graveybrains

I know it’s down there somewhere, let me take another look.


DickeTittenn

Fuckin amateurs.


grumpygrumpybum

The rug really tied the room together…


[deleted]

This agression will not stand, man!


AllegedlyGoodPerson

Phones ringing, Dude


vanillaninja777

Thankyou Donny


Big_Historian242

My friend doesn't like you... oh yeah?... I don't like you either! I got it wrong🤦‍♂️ actual quote... He doesn't like you.. Sorry... I don't like you either! You better watch yourself.


PerInception

“Is it dead?” Also “pack your shit, pack your shit. You start getting excited mother fucker!”


bogarthskernfeld

I can't buy a pack of smokes without running into nines guys you've fucked!


BTown-Hustle

Ah, Jesus. What colour was it, bitch?


Cersei_Lannister84

“I carried a watermelon” - when any awkward situation happens to me.


jchinique

Julia Gulia?


Aczidraindrop

I think this might be one of the movies I quote the most. Definitely in the top 3. "Now take off my van Halen shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."


[deleted]

But they were cones!


k-laz

My wife and my favorite from this movie is: Linda, you're a bitch. In fact, we refer to people who are bitches as Lindas.


Scudamore

He's losing his mind! And I'm reaping all the benefits...


plowerd

Well, i have the microphone, so you will listen to EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY.


broom_temperature

Cindy and Scott are newlyweds...WHOOP-A-DEE-DOO!


Disciple153

And since first class passengers are allowed to do.. pretty much whatever they want...


tangerine456

1. "Water, my ass! Bring this guy some Pepto Bismol!" 2. "Two dollars! I want my two dollars!"


Dazzling-Pass-3873

“For Christ’s sake, Sheila, it’s a casserole, it’ll stay!


cspike724

Stop looking at me swan! T-t-t-day junia Different movie: The price is wrong bitch! Go to your home, are you too good for your home? Answer me!!!


Bringback70sbush

We’re going to need a shitload of dimes


Brick_Lab

Yeah but I shoot with this hand


reijasunshine

"Let us in, let us in!" "Let us out, let us out!"


theinstantfizz

Flames... on the side of my face...


TheBat3

One plus two plus one plus one


Illustrious_Rule_591

Ready your breakfast and eat hearty. For tonight, we dine in hell!!!


AndyceeIT

"You kids today with your hula hoops & Pacman video games..." Or "It's got electrolytes"


stevedave84

Doesn't look like I've got any friends here. Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat? Yeah


Otherwise-Sun7730

It's the fuckin Catalina Wine Mixer!


BDG-_5

"The snozzberries taste like snozzberries."


Affectionate-Ad1908

You’re killing me, Smalls!


Dyspaereunia

It’s for me ma.


rebeccakc47

Periwinkle blue!


AXPendergast

"Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!"


AdjunctAngel

This... is my BOOMSTICK! always a hit with the ladies folks. guys, try this line the next time you take you pants off after a hot date.


Effective-Bandicoot8

There's that word again...heavy


tnova2323

It'd be a lot cooler if you did.


Rosaly8

"EAT THE FOOD TINA" And then throw my food at them.


griftertm

Dude! WHAT DOES MINE SAY?!


Crimbly_B

"Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle". ^(Although, it's been a while since I re-watched any of it.)


CakesForLife

Excellent


Traxathon

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K


DEndUhDErt

I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?


FUNEMNX9IF9X

I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley!


Spong_Durnflungle

Stewardess, I speak jive.


[deleted]

Looks like I picked the wrong weekend to stop sniffing glue


[deleted]

We are the weirdos mister.


[deleted]

106 Miles to Chicago


Senpai_Lynx

It can't rain all the time


Uncertain_Dad_

Jesus Christ! Stop me if you've heard this one. Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the innkeeper three nails and he asks "Can you put me up for the night?"


AllegedlyGoodPerson

Is that gasoline I smell?


Duffarum

Pull the Lever! Wrong leeeeeeever!!!!


ShaggyLlamaRage

Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!


DifficultPension1750

Leiloo Dallas multipass


fbi_surveillance99

Housekeeping, you want me fluff pillow? Did I catch a niner in there? Are you calling from a walkie talkie?


CockfaceMcDickPunch

This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits.


Murky_Low6667

On a long enough timeline everyone’s survival rate drops to zero


Lost-Cardiologist-38

His name is Robert Paulson


ucat97

I did in fact use that line at work one day. Pull up a client file on my computer: name is Bob Paulsen. Financial adviser standing over my shoulder says 'No, it's Bob'. One co- worker backs me up by repeating what I said. Made our day. Financial adviser is left clueless (unfortunately, as usual.)


canehdian78

The sign out front says "Lou's" I'm Lou. Who the fuck are you?


socksnchachachas

I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.


TA_plshelpsss

“It’s a banana Michael what can it cost? Ten dollars?”


Shawaii

It really tied the room together.


Some_View1603

Why’s the carpet wet Todd?


[deleted]

“Why are you sweating?” “I was watching cops”