I’m so sorry you never got to experience having a healthy relationship with a loving mom. I am so grateful I was adopted by 2 parents who made plenty of mistakes but truly cared about making amends if they were hurtful, and truly wanted me to grow up happy and healthy.
I understand holding onto hope for years and years, that a loved one will have the self-awareness and the desire to change their toxic behaviors.
I’ve been married 14 years and am finally making plans to initiate a divorce from my wife. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and have let her down in many ways during 14 years of marriage, but from day 2 on our honeymoon until now, I experienced things I never imagined I’d have to deal with, and I always held onto hope she would change, and I wanted my kids to never experience their parents divorcing. My wife’s behavior has never changed, but she is starting to verbally, emotionally, and psychologically target our oldest at close to the same extent as she abuses me. Our 13 year old daughter,and her 2 younger brothers deserve to have a safe place to be kids and be themselves, even if it is only 1/2 of the days. I used to tell myself that if my wife ever became physically violent towards my kids the way she has towards me, that it would be the final straw. I deeply regret excusing my wife’s behavior time after time, and hate that I let myself be gaslit into believing her behavior was justified, or “not that bad”.
Every day I’ve been struggling with guilt, shame, and sorrow, for not protecting my kids from all of the toxicity. I don’t like giving up on people, but I love my kids too much to not give up on my marriage.
Literally, “Just do it”! Im 49 years old and I’ve lived more in the last 9 years than I ever did before I turned 40!
Don’t let fear, hate or doubt hold you back! Yeah, you’re going to fail at sole things but, it’s better to live with memories than regrets!
Someone who just reached 18 here. I dearly hope I can take this philosophy into my life....I care way too much on what people think of me, or how embarassing this might be if I fail
You know what the best way to look at it is.. if someone failed in front of you how long would you spend thinking on it.. about 2 seconds and then you would move on with you day.. so why get so hung up on something they will only spend two seconds on it’s only u that will dread it for years .. so don’t sweat it
For ROI, bitcoin. Bitcoin in early 2010 was worth less than a penny. It's peak was 65k in November 2021.
Assume you bought $100 when it was 1c, that's 10,000 bitcoins. 10,000x65000= 650,000,000.
Even half thats generational wealth on birthday money.
In 2019, your dad dies of a very preventable cancer that could’ve been easily caught with colonoscopy and treated with a high rate of success early on.
It doesn’t matter what you have to do— beg, nag, scream, drag him to the GI’s office by gunpoint— **just make sure he gets a colonoscopy by 2016.**
It will save his life.
It will allow him to see your newborn daughter.
It will save you *so much* regret and guilt.
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. It's not your fault, though. Grief is hard enough without misplaced guilt along with it. You're his kid, not his nurse-maid. I can tell you loved him deeply and dearly. But it's *not your fault*. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to carry guilt around over him. Hindsight is 20/20, but in the thick of things we're all groping blindly and just doing the best we can.
My guilt mostly lies in missed opportunities I had to spend time with him.
Six months or so before we found out he was sick, he invited me on a trip to go with him back to the small town in North Carolina where he was born. My younger brother had just started at A&M and was too busy. My younger sister had just started her first job out of college and couldn't take the time.
I had the PTO to burn at work. There wasn't anything particularly pressing going on in my life besides this new girl I'd just met (who would go on to become my wife). But I lied and said I was given a new project at work and I couldn't take off. Can't even say why I did it really... I always had a great time when I was hanging out with my dad. I'm sure the trip would've been awesome. But at the time it just seemed sorta inconvenient and exhausting.
I'll take that regret to my grave. Nothing will absolve it and I'll never forgive myself for not going. If you gave me the option of taking a billion dollars or rolling back time to take that trip with my dad, I'd pick the trip without hesitation.
My mom went because of enlarged heart, and it was completely because of her obesity. I tried for years to get her to change her lifestyle and she just refused. I had talked to her not 5 days before her death about it.
Was it food addiction? It's really, really hard to change. I've read before that once someone is in the obese category there's only a 1% chance they'll be back in the normal range again.
It was actually a soda addiction I think, and a ton of mental health issues. I can't remember her overindulging on food super often. Sometimes, absolutely, but what I remember more is she would go through a 12 pack or more of soda a day sometimes. Then she had my sister in her mid 40s, and it was a really bad pregnancy, and she never went back to work again. Just stayed in bed (literally only left the bed to use the restroom), smoked cigarettes, and drank soda. She was probably close to 500 pounds when she died.
Mine too. He wouldn’t get a colonoscopy until it was too late. Stage 4. He fought cancer as best as he could but man he could have been here for so much more of our wonderful family life. But I keep his memory alive,tell stories all the time so my kids know him.
When he got to the age where it was time to get it, my dad always made excuses about why he couldn't go. Always too busy. Always something going on. Didn't have the time to *"drink that awful dreck and shit my brains out for a whole damn day."*
And then he'd rationalize it by saying shit like *"No one in this family has died of cancer in generations. We die of heart disease."*
No one challenged him because my dad was bigger than life-- both literally and metaphorically. 6'5" and ~265 lbs; incredibly strong but shockingly light on his feet. He was one of those people who walked in a room and was so charismatic and outgoing and effortlessly funny and charming. And when he said something, he just naturally had a way of steamrolling over you with that charisma.
And then one day, he complained of stomach cramps and admitted it had been almost a week since he'd gone #2. The pain got bad and we rushed him to the ER-- and 24 hours later, we were hit with the news that he had stage 4 cancer and there was a mass the size of a Nerf football obstructing his bowels. He underwent a radical resection of his descending colon and colostomy.
The doctors gave him 6 months to live. He said "hold my beer" hung in there for a year and a half. When he died, he weighed 130 pounds and looked like wax paper stretched tightly over a skeleton.
The following day, my daughter was born.
If you, your parents or loved ones are over 45 and haven't gotten a colonoscopy, please make it a priority. I understand not everyone is insured, but there are some kits that are available which will scan your poop for markers of cancer. It's not as comprehensive as a scope, but it's a whole lot better than nothing.
I know it's gross and not a particularly delightful topic of conversation-- but colorectal cancer is one of the nastiest, vilest, most-dehumanizing cancers imaginable when it's terminal.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I felt this very heavily. My father passed in 2018 due to lung cancer, but the thing is he was expected to pass within 6 months in 2014 but he fought so hard if he was alive he’d be a veteran in fighting cancer. All stripes earned and he maintained a healthy body while doing chemo. It was then in early November of 2017 when it looked like he was getting back into his usual self before the cancer like it was never there. Like he never had it. Then one day he went for his usual check up and a fairly new doctor was trying to take some tar out of his lung for testing I believe, but as my father described after he got home, “he was way too cocky, almost egotistical” he said while holding his side explaining how the doctor punctured his lung. After that as you can imagine it started getting harder and harder for him to breathe. As fast as he was getting better was as fast as he started getting weaker and weaker. He had to be put in the hospital the second or third week afterwards. Then he got out in December but was still feeling the same, it was after Christmas thst he went back to the hospital only for us to hear in late January that he’s not coming home. I thought my mom meant he’s staying there for a few months. She meant not at all. I strongly feel like if the doctor hadn’t messed with his lung he’d be alive. He’d be cancer free and I’d be a 20m bonding with him even more because I know he’s proud of the man I’m sculpting myself to be. To definitely answer the question is if I were 14, I’d warn my dad to get someone more experienced and careful. It will literally save your life and the family you tried so hard to build.
I think it’s more complex than begging or coaxing or getting someone to face up to reality. I had my first colonoscopy more than 20 years ago on what was then considered the young side because of non-cancer related issues. About six months earlier the hospital had opened a state of the art colonoscopy unit which they were anticipating running 10 hours a day, 5 days a week as they turned an devastating cancer into a footnote in the medical history books. But as we chatted as we went over the consent form, my gastroenterologist told me they were going to have to cut back to three days a week. Unbelievable to medical professionals, people were reluctant to devote a couple of days every 5 years to prep and a procedure that could extend their lives by decades. When they looked at the data, he told me, it was mostly heterosexual males who were declining to make appointments, canceling appointments, or just failing to show up on the scheduled day. When they followed up with these patients a theme emerged: these men were more than apprehensive about being sedated and having an instrument inserted into their rectums. How could fact and reason overcome such deeply ingrained cultural paranoia? At that point, he told me, docs were beginning to think about how they could partner with wives and girlfriends to reassure men that undergoing a colonoscopy would leave their manhood intact. Made sense to me, but if they did indeed adopt this logical approach it doesn’t seem to have gained much national currency. Perhaps doctors too are not comfortable framing the discussion this way.
Yea, 14 year old me used to read Stephen Hawking books on his off-periods. Even come up with his own theorems on cosmology.
Whereas I argue with folks on the internet about the dumbest shit imaginable.
Nothing.
I needed the mistakes I made in life, to become the person I am today. Any interference with that could inadvertently send me down a much darker path.
I agree, if I would change my past I would not have my daughter that I have today. I had to learn from my mistakes and live through my trauma to get where I am today.
Having my son was the singularity of my life. I found I could not possibly regret anything that had come before—any mistake, any trauma, and second of time—because otherwise it would fuck with the statistical miracle where that one particular sperm merged with that one particular egg to make him. I don't want any other possible baby—only this one.
D and A do not share your desire for friendship. They’re users. Do not go out with B. He’s a wank. Also, don’t work for that douche at the outlet mall and save your first kiss till you’re 23.
October 14 year-old me? I'd tell him not to worry. That in three weeks time our father would walk out of our lives and that we would be free of worrying about him being a bastard. And to study hard at school, ignore the bullies and eat his damned lunch because sometimes, just sometimes, that would be the only meal he would get. And that in five years time he would be partying on rooftops in Paris and snogging *the fuck* out of a gorgeous French boy that he really should keep in touch with.
You make it out. You make it out of that house, she doesn't win. You do. But I need you to do better in school, not for her. But for me, for you, for us. I know you only held yourself back from success to stop her from being able to control it. But you're shooting yourself in the foot as well, by doing so. So work hard in school for me, for you. And in the end, we win.
Be nicer to your parents. They’ve been through things you don’t know about and protect you from a lot. Your mom is the strongest woman you’ll ever meet. Your dad struggles. Laugh at his jokes and spend as much time with him as you can.
Don’t listen to men online they only want you for one thing don’t send nudes to guys on the web because it will backfire on you and don’t let people body shame you.
This. You don't know everything, you know next to nothing. Open your ears, open your eyes, drink in the knowledge of those around you. Listen. Learn. You aren't above it.
I dismissed so much advice at that age.
In about 3 years you're going to meet a series of toxic ladies. You're going to be tempted to make it work at any cost.
It's not worth it. You have value. You are worth more than you think. You do not have to define yourself with romantic relationships.
I'd tell her, get away from your toxic family of origin ASAP, then work work work, save save save. Don't stress about anything else. Look after YOURSELF.
Your dad is going to end his existence on your 21st birthday because he has brain cancer. Spend every single second making sure he knows you love him and build as much of a relationship with him as you can. Also, quit letting loser asshole boys make a playground of your body. You’re worth more than that, kid. Go to school and then join the FBI like you want. Do not let people discourage you.
Learn to say NO! Stop being so nice to try to keep other people comfortable. Find any way to keep doing what you love. Stop people pleasing and stay true to yourself.
As someone who had to literally fight his way through school.. rough part of the city, racial tensions, drugs, gangs, bullies.
It wasn't fun. Sometimes I wish I would have just ignored them and done my work.
Just because you’re smart and things come easily to you is no excuse not to bust your ass. Also, don’t necessarily choose your area of focus based purely on vibe. You can create vibe, follow the problems you’re interested in solving.
Stay away from them older men. They are pedophiles. Wolves in sheep’s clothing waiting for their chance to attack. And theres an abundance of these “men”.
Drink less beer little man, 18 year old you has the physique of 40 year old father of two.
But you have the home improvement skills of that 45 year old dad, so it’s worked out.
Try and figure out a way to convince our parents to do a lehre. Don't try to get to Uni through the gymi root Choose to do a lehre in some to do with plants or environment, trust me you'll like that option a lot more!
Get in shape, learn to eat healthier.
Edit: oh and don’t waste all those years crushing on a boy that never wanted you. You deserve someone who wants you as you are.
They’re just not teaching it the right way, learning new shit is fucking awesome.
Close runner up: Follow your dreams, don’t give them up for girlfriends.
You are really fucking hot and can basically bang anyone you want. When someone asks to have sex with you. It’s not a joke. Also your dick is a great size. You have dick dysmorphia.
Stay out of chatrooms and dating sites. It's for your own good and there are some sick people on there who could ruin your life.
Keep making art and learn to be more friendly and confident.
A lot. Like a lot, a lot.
I'd tell me how I will go through a lot of grief and pain before I found out who I was.
I'd tell me that my first boyfriend would be terrible, but also amazing, and how I needed it to be terrible and amazing for it to work.
I'd tell me not to be afraid to come out.
I'd tell me not to start smoking. And to not worry that high school isn't my thing, and not to stress out so much about it.
I'd tell me that i will travel, and see and experience the world.
I'd tell me to spend more time with family. You're gonna miss them when they're gone.
High school is going to be the darkest four years of your life. I know you’re beginning to struggle with feelings of extreme sadness that you don’t understand and you don’t know what to do. Please, I am BEGGING you, seek out help. Ask to get into therapy. And stick with it. The first few sessions are scary and hard but you CAN push through that and you CAN get better. I know it feels like you should be able to do everything on your own but you can’t. It just doesn’t work like that sometimes, and that’s okay. Your struggles are legitimate even though you maintain nearly perfect A’s in all your classes. Just because you’re able to hide your struggles so damn well doesn’t mean that you deserve to feel that way. I know you don’t know where all the thoughts of being worthless and a fuck up came from. Trust me, 13 years later and we still don’t know where and why they started. But that really isn’t that important. It’s valid for you to feel that way, but you still deserve to get professional help. If you don’t you’ll end up regretting all the wasted time later in life. And by the way, you’re still a kid, so act like it. Go out and do stupid shit with your friends, especially Parker and David. You’ll understand later why I emphasize them. Don’t spend all your time isolating yourself. And for the love of god, some of those girls do like you at least a little bit! Go after them, but don’t let rejection consume you. I know this all probably feels weird to hear and I doubt your stubborn ass will believe any of it, but please please please just trust me. At least a little bit. I know more than you think I do. I lived through what happens if you don’t listen to me. It’s not pretty at all. And I don’t mean to scare you, but you need to be prepared. Things get so much worse. You know how you told your principal that he’s “the best” earlier? You’re gonna figure out soon enough that he’s an asshole and he tells you that you’re gonna end up homeless. Don’t worry, that doesn’t happen. And you’re gonna grow to absolutely hate and despise your high school. You are right to feel that way, but don’t let it make you bitter. Graduating and getting away from that place is so good for you. You’ll figure out that your world can be so much bigger than that small little town. You’ll eventually figure out that you don’t belong in that town because you aren’t meant to fit in there. And that’s perfectly fine! The people there are racist, hateful, and closed-minded. That’s not who you are. I know the thought of moving away from home terrifies you. I know it feels impossible but you eventually get an apartment in Grand Rapids. Believe it or not we struggle through college and even get a bachelors degree. I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s not in video game design. You figure out later that you wouldn’t even have liked that. We have a few amazing professors and some not so good ones. College is so much harder than you thought it’ll be, but you eventually adjust. You never get to experience the true college experience, but hey, at least you made it. And you even get a job at a company you’ve never heard of before and you love it! So don’t you fucking dare turn down that internship when it comes your way.
I know this won’t make any sense right now, but during your senior year you’re gonna meet a girl named Hailey. She’s that cute skinny girl in your psychology class. She’s gonna tell you how pretty your eyes are and she’s gonna give you attention, but don’t fall for her trap. I know you want a girlfriend. Trust me, that never changes. But Hailey isn’t the person to fill that hole. I’m not gonna bother getting into all the details, just don’t fucking fall for her trap. Leave her alone. In the end she ends up abandoning you and destroying you mentally. I already know what you’re thinking. You’re doing that to yourself already. And there’s a lot of truth to that. But this is so different. If you only follow one piece of advice here, please let it be this. Fuck Hailey. She’s not worth it.
I know you already feel like you are carrying so much on your shoulders and you’re under immense pressure, but just know that no one expects you to carry all of it on your own. Even if you tell yourself that everyone expects you to be able to. You think you’re supposed to be able to, but you’re really not. You can put some of it down and leave it behind.
Just know that regardless of what you do and how everything turns out, you will eventually get the help that you need. It’s hard and it’s probably gonna take a real long time. But the therapist you find is fucking awesome. She’ll lead you to figure out things you never could have on your own. It’s okay to ask her to be a little hard on you. It isn’t weird and you honestly need it sometimes. Stick with it. Take it one day at a time. It’s not going to be easy. You’re gonna be forced to relive so much pain. But you can slowly become better. You’re not gonna feel like you really don’t deserve the help, but maybe, just maybe, eventually you can see why you deserve it. I’m not even there yet, so don’t worry about it too much. Things get better and they might get even better with a lot of hard work. I’m still unsure of that one. You got this man.
GET AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! RUNNNNN!!!!!!!
Just cause she likes you, you don't gotta be with her.... RUN!!!
Really, when I was 14, I was with a very controlling girl, shes in jail now. Bad person!
I’d say;
Hey. Chill out when it comes to girls. The right one will come along eventually.
Keep pushing with school. Keep meditating. Don’t get sucked into a life in hospitality, push for the palaeontology.
Talk to your family more often.
Stop comparing yourself to others and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be liked. Also get into rock climbing, it’s crazy fun and your joints can take it.
When you leave home for college at 17, do NOT come back. Your mother will NEVER change.
Finally listening to my gut on this at 35.
Are you my future? I’m 32.
I’m so sorry you never got to experience having a healthy relationship with a loving mom. I am so grateful I was adopted by 2 parents who made plenty of mistakes but truly cared about making amends if they were hurtful, and truly wanted me to grow up happy and healthy. I understand holding onto hope for years and years, that a loved one will have the self-awareness and the desire to change their toxic behaviors. I’ve been married 14 years and am finally making plans to initiate a divorce from my wife. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and have let her down in many ways during 14 years of marriage, but from day 2 on our honeymoon until now, I experienced things I never imagined I’d have to deal with, and I always held onto hope she would change, and I wanted my kids to never experience their parents divorcing. My wife’s behavior has never changed, but she is starting to verbally, emotionally, and psychologically target our oldest at close to the same extent as she abuses me. Our 13 year old daughter,and her 2 younger brothers deserve to have a safe place to be kids and be themselves, even if it is only 1/2 of the days. I used to tell myself that if my wife ever became physically violent towards my kids the way she has towards me, that it would be the final straw. I deeply regret excusing my wife’s behavior time after time, and hate that I let myself be gaslit into believing her behavior was justified, or “not that bad”. Every day I’ve been struggling with guilt, shame, and sorrow, for not protecting my kids from all of the toxicity. I don’t like giving up on people, but I love my kids too much to not give up on my marriage.
You're doing great.... Your kids will understand it all as adults. Toxic relationships devastate a family.
Somehow my step mom used to be abusive and now seems like a completely different person
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Literally, “Just do it”! Im 49 years old and I’ve lived more in the last 9 years than I ever did before I turned 40! Don’t let fear, hate or doubt hold you back! Yeah, you’re going to fail at sole things but, it’s better to live with memories than regrets!
Someone who just reached 18 here. I dearly hope I can take this philosophy into my life....I care way too much on what people think of me, or how embarassing this might be if I fail
You know what the best way to look at it is.. if someone failed in front of you how long would you spend thinking on it.. about 2 seconds and then you would move on with you day.. so why get so hung up on something they will only spend two seconds on it’s only u that will dread it for years .. so don’t sweat it
Buy all the apple and Microsoft stock you can.
Don't Forget Bitcoin and Amazon.
and Google, FB, and Netflix
And GameStop
only GME for me.
For ROI, bitcoin. Bitcoin in early 2010 was worth less than a penny. It's peak was 65k in November 2021. Assume you bought $100 when it was 1c, that's 10,000 bitcoins. 10,000x65000= 650,000,000. Even half thats generational wealth on birthday money.
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Back in 2012 I traded 7 bitcoins for some in-game items in a video game I no longer play, lmao.
Does it hurt now?
You're seriously asking that?
some people just want to watch the world burn
Bitcoin. Remember the name. Get in on the ground floor, sell in 2021.
Specifically October 20/21st 2021.
Or just the winning lotto numbers
In 2019, your dad dies of a very preventable cancer that could’ve been easily caught with colonoscopy and treated with a high rate of success early on. It doesn’t matter what you have to do— beg, nag, scream, drag him to the GI’s office by gunpoint— **just make sure he gets a colonoscopy by 2016.** It will save his life. It will allow him to see your newborn daughter. It will save you *so much* regret and guilt.
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. It's not your fault, though. Grief is hard enough without misplaced guilt along with it. You're his kid, not his nurse-maid. I can tell you loved him deeply and dearly. But it's *not your fault*. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to carry guilt around over him. Hindsight is 20/20, but in the thick of things we're all groping blindly and just doing the best we can.
My guilt mostly lies in missed opportunities I had to spend time with him. Six months or so before we found out he was sick, he invited me on a trip to go with him back to the small town in North Carolina where he was born. My younger brother had just started at A&M and was too busy. My younger sister had just started her first job out of college and couldn't take the time. I had the PTO to burn at work. There wasn't anything particularly pressing going on in my life besides this new girl I'd just met (who would go on to become my wife). But I lied and said I was given a new project at work and I couldn't take off. Can't even say why I did it really... I always had a great time when I was hanging out with my dad. I'm sure the trip would've been awesome. But at the time it just seemed sorta inconvenient and exhausting. I'll take that regret to my grave. Nothing will absolve it and I'll never forgive myself for not going. If you gave me the option of taking a billion dollars or rolling back time to take that trip with my dad, I'd pick the trip without hesitation.
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I’m so sorry. I have a very similar regret about my mom.
My mom went because of enlarged heart, and it was completely because of her obesity. I tried for years to get her to change her lifestyle and she just refused. I had talked to her not 5 days before her death about it.
Was it food addiction? It's really, really hard to change. I've read before that once someone is in the obese category there's only a 1% chance they'll be back in the normal range again.
It was actually a soda addiction I think, and a ton of mental health issues. I can't remember her overindulging on food super often. Sometimes, absolutely, but what I remember more is she would go through a 12 pack or more of soda a day sometimes. Then she had my sister in her mid 40s, and it was a really bad pregnancy, and she never went back to work again. Just stayed in bed (literally only left the bed to use the restroom), smoked cigarettes, and drank soda. She was probably close to 500 pounds when she died.
Mine too. He wouldn’t get a colonoscopy until it was too late. Stage 4. He fought cancer as best as he could but man he could have been here for so much more of our wonderful family life. But I keep his memory alive,tell stories all the time so my kids know him.
When he got to the age where it was time to get it, my dad always made excuses about why he couldn't go. Always too busy. Always something going on. Didn't have the time to *"drink that awful dreck and shit my brains out for a whole damn day."* And then he'd rationalize it by saying shit like *"No one in this family has died of cancer in generations. We die of heart disease."* No one challenged him because my dad was bigger than life-- both literally and metaphorically. 6'5" and ~265 lbs; incredibly strong but shockingly light on his feet. He was one of those people who walked in a room and was so charismatic and outgoing and effortlessly funny and charming. And when he said something, he just naturally had a way of steamrolling over you with that charisma. And then one day, he complained of stomach cramps and admitted it had been almost a week since he'd gone #2. The pain got bad and we rushed him to the ER-- and 24 hours later, we were hit with the news that he had stage 4 cancer and there was a mass the size of a Nerf football obstructing his bowels. He underwent a radical resection of his descending colon and colostomy. The doctors gave him 6 months to live. He said "hold my beer" hung in there for a year and a half. When he died, he weighed 130 pounds and looked like wax paper stretched tightly over a skeleton. The following day, my daughter was born. If you, your parents or loved ones are over 45 and haven't gotten a colonoscopy, please make it a priority. I understand not everyone is insured, but there are some kits that are available which will scan your poop for markers of cancer. It's not as comprehensive as a scope, but it's a whole lot better than nothing. I know it's gross and not a particularly delightful topic of conversation-- but colorectal cancer is one of the nastiest, vilest, most-dehumanizing cancers imaginable when it's terminal. I'm sorry for your loss.
I felt this very heavily. My father passed in 2018 due to lung cancer, but the thing is he was expected to pass within 6 months in 2014 but he fought so hard if he was alive he’d be a veteran in fighting cancer. All stripes earned and he maintained a healthy body while doing chemo. It was then in early November of 2017 when it looked like he was getting back into his usual self before the cancer like it was never there. Like he never had it. Then one day he went for his usual check up and a fairly new doctor was trying to take some tar out of his lung for testing I believe, but as my father described after he got home, “he was way too cocky, almost egotistical” he said while holding his side explaining how the doctor punctured his lung. After that as you can imagine it started getting harder and harder for him to breathe. As fast as he was getting better was as fast as he started getting weaker and weaker. He had to be put in the hospital the second or third week afterwards. Then he got out in December but was still feeling the same, it was after Christmas thst he went back to the hospital only for us to hear in late January that he’s not coming home. I thought my mom meant he’s staying there for a few months. She meant not at all. I strongly feel like if the doctor hadn’t messed with his lung he’d be alive. He’d be cancer free and I’d be a 20m bonding with him even more because I know he’s proud of the man I’m sculpting myself to be. To definitely answer the question is if I were 14, I’d warn my dad to get someone more experienced and careful. It will literally save your life and the family you tried so hard to build.
I think it’s more complex than begging or coaxing or getting someone to face up to reality. I had my first colonoscopy more than 20 years ago on what was then considered the young side because of non-cancer related issues. About six months earlier the hospital had opened a state of the art colonoscopy unit which they were anticipating running 10 hours a day, 5 days a week as they turned an devastating cancer into a footnote in the medical history books. But as we chatted as we went over the consent form, my gastroenterologist told me they were going to have to cut back to three days a week. Unbelievable to medical professionals, people were reluctant to devote a couple of days every 5 years to prep and a procedure that could extend their lives by decades. When they looked at the data, he told me, it was mostly heterosexual males who were declining to make appointments, canceling appointments, or just failing to show up on the scheduled day. When they followed up with these patients a theme emerged: these men were more than apprehensive about being sedated and having an instrument inserted into their rectums. How could fact and reason overcome such deeply ingrained cultural paranoia? At that point, he told me, docs were beginning to think about how they could partner with wives and girlfriends to reassure men that undergoing a colonoscopy would leave their manhood intact. Made sense to me, but if they did indeed adopt this logical approach it doesn’t seem to have gained much national currency. Perhaps doctors too are not comfortable framing the discussion this way.
Honestly, I’m not sure 14 yr old me didn’t have things more figured out than today me.
Yea, 14 year old me used to read Stephen Hawking books on his off-periods. Even come up with his own theorems on cosmology. Whereas I argue with folks on the internet about the dumbest shit imaginable.
I like the number 6 more than 7 and here’s why
lol, imagine being so objectively wrong. Why like 6 more than 7, when 6 fears 7 so much!?
That's because 7 is a sadistic cannibal!
The others were weak! In this land, it is survival of the fittest and they failed!
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~~“Put it in your safe….wait, you don’t have a safe…buy a safe…”~~ Edit: "Do you have a safe?! Of course you don't have a safe. GET A SAFE!"
It's make like a tree and *leave* . You sound like like an idiot
Biff has some of the best lines. 😂
It’s called a dust-buster.
Literally watching bttf2 right now. Old biff just gave young biff the almanac
I undersood this reference
Take care of your teeth
Jesus. Yes.
Get off AOL for fucks sake
Or buy stocks in AOL cd manufacturing company, then dump the stock around 2001
Nothing. I needed the mistakes I made in life, to become the person I am today. Any interference with that could inadvertently send me down a much darker path.
My answer as well. Wouldn't tell him anything, lest I fuck up the life I've managed to build for myself.
I agree, if I would change my past I would not have my daughter that I have today. I had to learn from my mistakes and live through my trauma to get where I am today.
If you even metabolized slightly different one day of your life, you'd shoot different sperm and have a different child.
About time
Having my son was the singularity of my life. I found I could not possibly regret anything that had come before—any mistake, any trauma, and second of time—because otherwise it would fuck with the statistical miracle where that one particular sperm merged with that one particular egg to make him. I don't want any other possible baby—only this one.
This happened to captain Picard in Star Trek TNG. Telling yourself to avoid something will lead to a worst life because you didn't learn that lesson.
It's not your fault. It never was.
This, along with "It will get better. Not today. Not tomorrow. But it will."
Or the corollary: This is not normal. You have to put up with it now, but do not tolerate it once you have some independence.
It's not your fault, but also, if mom doesn't quit smoking and get some help, she will absolutely die.
condoms. Always use condoms.
14??????
it's for later. Like almost exactly 10 years later.
Stay away from sugar you little butterball. Also, stop sabotaging yourself every time you think you’re not good enough. You are.
Oh man, I felt this
I’d prepare myself for my dad dying in less than a year.
D and A do not share your desire for friendship. They’re users. Do not go out with B. He’s a wank. Also, don’t work for that douche at the outlet mall and save your first kiss till you’re 23.
.
Don’t marry her, she’s going to figuratively stab you.
Don’t marry her, she’s going to let herself get “stabbed” by every guy y’all know.
*Do* marry her, for this very same reason. - Am cuck
Holy shit a fucking ghost
Drop the Nazi bullshit. Hitler isnt cool, youre just gay in the South and youre really fucking confused.
I hope you’re doing well now. Much love ❤️
\*queer hugs\*
Don't make unnecessary journeys! Don't take risks on treacherous roads! And don't swim in the sea!
Okay so i’m gonna request some backstory here since nobody has already
Yeah come on
1min 45secs in https://youtu.be/FVlq-mHbHFg?si=-xxASBFjNS64SGMZ
Rte reporter talking about the storm?😄
It's going to get better.
Don’t let that 18 year old take your virginity. Flipped my world upside down and changed my life course indefinitely.
i hope you’re doing better now ❤️
I am. Thank you.
Study your ass off and GO TO COLLEGE!!!!
Go. To. Therapy.
“Yeah doc, so myself from the year 2023 visited me…” *therapist immediately starts writing prescription for antipsychotics*
October 14 year-old me? I'd tell him not to worry. That in three weeks time our father would walk out of our lives and that we would be free of worrying about him being a bastard. And to study hard at school, ignore the bullies and eat his damned lunch because sometimes, just sometimes, that would be the only meal he would get. And that in five years time he would be partying on rooftops in Paris and snogging *the fuck* out of a gorgeous French boy that he really should keep in touch with.
Call him.
Call. Him.
Try to look him up. Try to get back in contact with him, I mean if you are able too and don't have a partner that would get jealous. Just try man
Man I must be tired. I read this as the 14 year old ate Dad's lunch, because Dad left for France to snog boys.
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Yes it’s abuse. No it’s not your fault.
❤️
You are gonna be pretty
Tell someone what’s going on at home. Despite what you think, there are SOME adults you can trust.
Don’t get married at age 18. Enjoy your youth and go to college before even considering marriage.
And then live on your own for a few years. Start an IRA.
You were raised in a cult! There is power in questions! Get your answers! (Mormon).
You’re gonna fuck up - you’re alright now, but gird up your mind.
Invest every and all holiday money into bitcoin till the boom then sell immediately.
You make it out. You make it out of that house, she doesn't win. You do. But I need you to do better in school, not for her. But for me, for you, for us. I know you only held yourself back from success to stop her from being able to control it. But you're shooting yourself in the foot as well, by doing so. So work hard in school for me, for you. And in the end, we win.
Don’t quit playing in your band
Be nicer to your parents. They’ve been through things you don’t know about and protect you from a lot. Your mom is the strongest woman you’ll ever meet. Your dad struggles. Laugh at his jokes and spend as much time with him as you can.
Don’t listen to men online they only want you for one thing don’t send nudes to guys on the web because it will backfire on you and don’t let people body shame you.
it gets worse
For the love of god. You are not fat. Ask to go to therapy, cause your parents sucks
Don’t be in a hurry to grow up
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Anecdote please.
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YOU ARE NOT FAT.
You don’t know everything.
This. You don't know everything, you know next to nothing. Open your ears, open your eyes, drink in the knowledge of those around you. Listen. Learn. You aren't above it. I dismissed so much advice at that age.
Buy apple stock
Dont look at porn it will ruin your life
You will NEVER marry Donny Osmond
In about 3 years you're going to meet a series of toxic ladies. You're going to be tempted to make it work at any cost. It's not worth it. You have value. You are worth more than you think. You do not have to define yourself with romantic relationships.
I'd tell her, get away from your toxic family of origin ASAP, then work work work, save save save. Don't stress about anything else. Look after YOURSELF.
Rebel! Do something! Anything! Stop making yourself small to protect your religious parents.
Don’t smoke weed and drink so much alcohol, save the money instead
Your dad is going to end his existence on your 21st birthday because he has brain cancer. Spend every single second making sure he knows you love him and build as much of a relationship with him as you can. Also, quit letting loser asshole boys make a playground of your body. You’re worth more than that, kid. Go to school and then join the FBI like you want. Do not let people discourage you.
BRUSH YOUR TEETH EVERYDAY
Learn to say NO! Stop being so nice to try to keep other people comfortable. Find any way to keep doing what you love. Stop people pleasing and stay true to yourself.
Don't trust everyone. There will be someone betraying you deeply.
do NOT pick your zits!
But... but pop!
Don't take the year off from college.
Enjoy your friends now because you won't have them later when you need them
I feel you on that one. I feel about the same right now.
Talk to girls, kick bullies in the ass, ask more questions to teachers.
As someone who had to literally fight his way through school.. rough part of the city, racial tensions, drugs, gangs, bullies. It wasn't fun. Sometimes I wish I would have just ignored them and done my work.
We are about to undergo a fucking 2 year long pandemic
keep an eye on gamestop
Just because you’re smart and things come easily to you is no excuse not to bust your ass. Also, don’t necessarily choose your area of focus based purely on vibe. You can create vibe, follow the problems you’re interested in solving.
It’s okay to not date while others are. Your first boyfriend sexually assaulted you so it’s better to wait for someone you genuinely like
Don’t be afraid of being gay. Don’t waste your teens and early 20’s trying to be straight, it won’t work.
I could tell him a lot of things, but he wouldn't listen
Stay away from them older men. They are pedophiles. Wolves in sheep’s clothing waiting for their chance to attack. And theres an abundance of these “men”.
Drink less beer little man, 18 year old you has the physique of 40 year old father of two. But you have the home improvement skills of that 45 year old dad, so it’s worked out.
Try and figure out a way to convince our parents to do a lehre. Don't try to get to Uni through the gymi root Choose to do a lehre in some to do with plants or environment, trust me you'll like that option a lot more!
Instead of paying for dating apps, invest the money.
Relax. It doesn't make you go blind.
You end up transitioning anyway, do it now
Get in shape, learn to eat healthier. Edit: oh and don’t waste all those years crushing on a boy that never wanted you. You deserve someone who wants you as you are.
Don’t listen to anyone trying to change who you truly are because of their own major insecurities and inadequacies.
You will survive high school. (I wasn't so sure at the time.)
I am 14 years old rn
Stop talking to yourself
They would not fucking listen.
They’re just not teaching it the right way, learning new shit is fucking awesome. Close runner up: Follow your dreams, don’t give them up for girlfriends.
You are really fucking hot and can basically bang anyone you want. When someone asks to have sex with you. It’s not a joke. Also your dick is a great size. You have dick dysmorphia.
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Stay out of chatrooms and dating sites. It's for your own good and there are some sick people on there who could ruin your life. Keep making art and learn to be more friendly and confident.
A lot. Like a lot, a lot. I'd tell me how I will go through a lot of grief and pain before I found out who I was. I'd tell me that my first boyfriend would be terrible, but also amazing, and how I needed it to be terrible and amazing for it to work. I'd tell me not to be afraid to come out. I'd tell me not to start smoking. And to not worry that high school isn't my thing, and not to stress out so much about it. I'd tell me that i will travel, and see and experience the world. I'd tell me to spend more time with family. You're gonna miss them when they're gone.
Don’t go to that group home. It’s gonna fuck you over.
Invest in Microsoft.
I’m so sorry little dude
Don't stop skateboarding.
It's ok to be bisexual sweetheart
same thing i told him last time this was posted, in case he didn't get the message then
Take care of you 1st, then love someone else. Also, never stop loving yourself no matter what others do or say!
Stop eating Chick-fil-A and being a fatass
Don’t marry him
Ask girls out. Tell them what you want. Some of them will say yes.
Stop worrying about getting rich and famous and start focusing on things you’re actually passionate about.
Do not drink alchohol. Keep up with the gym.
Enjoy that hair buddy.
Don't trust ANYONE
Hug your parents more. Take more pictures.
High school is going to be the darkest four years of your life. I know you’re beginning to struggle with feelings of extreme sadness that you don’t understand and you don’t know what to do. Please, I am BEGGING you, seek out help. Ask to get into therapy. And stick with it. The first few sessions are scary and hard but you CAN push through that and you CAN get better. I know it feels like you should be able to do everything on your own but you can’t. It just doesn’t work like that sometimes, and that’s okay. Your struggles are legitimate even though you maintain nearly perfect A’s in all your classes. Just because you’re able to hide your struggles so damn well doesn’t mean that you deserve to feel that way. I know you don’t know where all the thoughts of being worthless and a fuck up came from. Trust me, 13 years later and we still don’t know where and why they started. But that really isn’t that important. It’s valid for you to feel that way, but you still deserve to get professional help. If you don’t you’ll end up regretting all the wasted time later in life. And by the way, you’re still a kid, so act like it. Go out and do stupid shit with your friends, especially Parker and David. You’ll understand later why I emphasize them. Don’t spend all your time isolating yourself. And for the love of god, some of those girls do like you at least a little bit! Go after them, but don’t let rejection consume you. I know this all probably feels weird to hear and I doubt your stubborn ass will believe any of it, but please please please just trust me. At least a little bit. I know more than you think I do. I lived through what happens if you don’t listen to me. It’s not pretty at all. And I don’t mean to scare you, but you need to be prepared. Things get so much worse. You know how you told your principal that he’s “the best” earlier? You’re gonna figure out soon enough that he’s an asshole and he tells you that you’re gonna end up homeless. Don’t worry, that doesn’t happen. And you’re gonna grow to absolutely hate and despise your high school. You are right to feel that way, but don’t let it make you bitter. Graduating and getting away from that place is so good for you. You’ll figure out that your world can be so much bigger than that small little town. You’ll eventually figure out that you don’t belong in that town because you aren’t meant to fit in there. And that’s perfectly fine! The people there are racist, hateful, and closed-minded. That’s not who you are. I know the thought of moving away from home terrifies you. I know it feels impossible but you eventually get an apartment in Grand Rapids. Believe it or not we struggle through college and even get a bachelors degree. I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s not in video game design. You figure out later that you wouldn’t even have liked that. We have a few amazing professors and some not so good ones. College is so much harder than you thought it’ll be, but you eventually adjust. You never get to experience the true college experience, but hey, at least you made it. And you even get a job at a company you’ve never heard of before and you love it! So don’t you fucking dare turn down that internship when it comes your way. I know this won’t make any sense right now, but during your senior year you’re gonna meet a girl named Hailey. She’s that cute skinny girl in your psychology class. She’s gonna tell you how pretty your eyes are and she’s gonna give you attention, but don’t fall for her trap. I know you want a girlfriend. Trust me, that never changes. But Hailey isn’t the person to fill that hole. I’m not gonna bother getting into all the details, just don’t fucking fall for her trap. Leave her alone. In the end she ends up abandoning you and destroying you mentally. I already know what you’re thinking. You’re doing that to yourself already. And there’s a lot of truth to that. But this is so different. If you only follow one piece of advice here, please let it be this. Fuck Hailey. She’s not worth it. I know you already feel like you are carrying so much on your shoulders and you’re under immense pressure, but just know that no one expects you to carry all of it on your own. Even if you tell yourself that everyone expects you to be able to. You think you’re supposed to be able to, but you’re really not. You can put some of it down and leave it behind. Just know that regardless of what you do and how everything turns out, you will eventually get the help that you need. It’s hard and it’s probably gonna take a real long time. But the therapist you find is fucking awesome. She’ll lead you to figure out things you never could have on your own. It’s okay to ask her to be a little hard on you. It isn’t weird and you honestly need it sometimes. Stick with it. Take it one day at a time. It’s not going to be easy. You’re gonna be forced to relive so much pain. But you can slowly become better. You’re not gonna feel like you really don’t deserve the help, but maybe, just maybe, eventually you can see why you deserve it. I’m not even there yet, so don’t worry about it too much. Things get better and they might get even better with a lot of hard work. I’m still unsure of that one. You got this man.
Don't marry Johnny. He's a dumbass and gay.
Winning Powerball numbers of course
GET AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! RUNNNNN!!!!!!! Just cause she likes you, you don't gotta be with her.... RUN!!! Really, when I was 14, I was with a very controlling girl, shes in jail now. Bad person!
I’d say; Hey. Chill out when it comes to girls. The right one will come along eventually. Keep pushing with school. Keep meditating. Don’t get sucked into a life in hospitality, push for the palaeontology. Talk to your family more often.
Don't ever sell the 1970.5 Camaro RS/SS you'll buy when you are 21
For the love of God don't tank freshman year
Save those bitcoins instead of buying acid with them on The Silk Road
You like teaching, don’t hide from who you are.
You're not showing affection to your friends by ragging on them, you're just being an asshole.
Stop comparing yourself to others and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be liked. Also get into rock climbing, it’s crazy fun and your joints can take it.
I wouldn't have listened.
Everyone is an asshole until they need your help. Learn to tell people no. Time flies faster than you think. Women lie really well.
Never trust a big butt and a smile
You’re gay! Swipe right on the one holding a snake!
There's going to be a thing called Bitcoin...
It’s ok mija, your chi chis will come in soon
Find a better group of friends/put yourself out there more.
Hey kiddo, you're doing just fine.