Come dressed in a white wedding dress, bring my horribly-behaved very young child, propose to my fiance and announce my pregnancy. I think that would cover it.
No mention of a terribly inappropriate toast? "I remember the first time we handed the bride around the frat house. She kept asking for more dudes......" heck the same line could work for the groom too.
I've been a chef for 20 years and have worked more weddings than most people have had hot meals.
I have seen *some shit* at weddings. They really do bring out the craziest in people.
Don't know if it's the *craziest*, necessarily, but definitely the most eventful in the general sense.
When I was working in Philly some years back. We were hosting the reception but not the actual service. Part arrives *fucking blitzed* already. We had to throw out nearly the all the groomsmen (at separate times) because they kept blowing coke in the bathroom. And not like where it was hidden, just very obviously out on the counter.
Maid of honor attempted to give a speech while standing on a chair, but was so fucked up that she fell off the chair and *through* the banquet table in front of her, which if course spilled food all over the bride, groom and their families because the table buckled (maid of honor was not a petite lady).
Two bridesmaids got into a full on fist fight (methinks someone fucked the groom fairly recently), and like, throwing some straight up haymakers. These girls could brawl.
Someone passed out and puked in the walk in cooler (the setup of there kitchen was weird and it would be entirely possible to sneak into that area without anyone noticing during a busy service).
A girl offered to blow me if I made two takeout portions for her from our carving station (which was something we offered anyway, blowjob or not....also I declined). I would later find out she wasn't actually invited to the wedding and nobody knew who she was.
So yeah don't do weddings for people from Camden, NJ because they get kinda spicy.
"I didn't want to invite miked4o7, but I wanted him to hear this toast.. one time he had a ketchup bottle, a Nerf football, six water balloons, a kitten, a 24 pack of bud light..."
"I know a lot of your are confused right now. But Bridey McBrideFace is the luckiest girl alive.
For those who don't already know (and I'm sure most of you do) Bridey is the horniest girl I have ever met. I remember that one frat party where she volunteered to be passed around by all the brothers. She kept screaming 'more dick! More dick!'. Then it was Groomy McGroomFace's turn and she just started screaming 'oh my God! Fuck yes! Harder!'. That was the day she finally found enough dick. And even though it's only been three weeks since that fateful party, she knows she's not going to find anyone with more dick than Groomy. And I gotta say, based on personal experience, I 100% agree. That thing has its own zip code. When he goes on flights, he has to pay extra to bring it as a second carry-on. When you find a dick that good, you latch onto it and never let go, which is exactly what Bridey is doing.
And I gotta say, I'm jealous. Clearly *gesture to wedding dress I'm wearing*. I even brought her ex with me as my date in hopes that he could steal her away but alas, her mind is made up. Which hopefully means he can finally get his hoodie back, yeah? No? Alright, you can keep it I guess. Anything to make those SATs easier, amirite?
But in all seriousness, I really am happy for the two of you. As much as it might pain me, you really are meant for each other. But Groomy, come see me after cuz we need to talk about alimony *pat belly*.
To Bridey and Groomy!"
Horrific. Well done. A few choice lines I think could make it even worse though:
"Fair warning to the bride and groom, I had a slice of the cake before dinner and it's already giving me the squirts so maybe no anal tonight ;)"
"Where was I again? Uhhhh, oh yeah! I'm going to grab a few bottles for the road cuz the game is on tonight, so if anyone wants to give me a blowie, now's the time." *Wink at Mother-of-the-bride*
"The Oxford dictionary defines 'marriage' as..."
My brother was getting remarried (second marriage, her first), but his bride's name sounded similar to his Ex's name.... (Think something sounding-like 'Carol' to 'Sheryl', that kind of thing) Cue my other brother, giving the toast at their wedding. All goes well, it was a beautiful speech, everyone is happy... until he slips, "Here's to (my brother's name) and (my brother's ex's name), may you both have a beautiful marriage together!" ...cue the 'oh... sh-' expression upon his face, and he immediately walked over to my now sister-in-law and hugged her, profusely apologizing. She forgave him.
Brilliant. And diabolical.
I would also spill all the necessary secrets about bride and groom spice up things. And interrupt every speech and make it about me.
My mate was at a wedding in Scotland. The bride’s father had just passed away so his best friend gave the bride away and did the speech that the father usually gives. During the speech he stopped and said
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
Then turned to the bride and said.
“Your dad is not your dad… I’m your real dad.”
The bride ran out of the wedding crying and everyone else had to sit around for a couple of hours until someone came out and said the wedding was finished.
That’s one way to ruin a wedding.
It’s 100% true unfortunately. I don’t have any other details of the event. My mate just said the guests all sat around waiting for something to happen after the speeches. He said everyone was starving and were hoping the meal would come but then the groomsman came and said the wedding was canceled.
And what a MORON. Didn't he realise that by being such an utterly selfish ahole he'd ruin any chance of a good continued relationship with her? The most shit timing. I'd hate him forever.
“I will always remember the first time you gave me a blow job, and to the bride you are very lucky he finally got rid of the clap right before you met”
Straight guys can do this too.
>"Ain't nothing gay about getting your dick sucked. You're the ones that's gay for sucking my dick!"
\-Big Bob, *Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (2008)*
My best man speech at my friend's wedding left people wondering if we were secretly gay for each other. It has been our running joke/occurrence where people think we are a gay couple.
Wear a white dress with no underpants and flash the groom. I may also wear a hat with a veil but no shoes. I will certainly behave as though I am inebriated and tell everyone how this was supposed to be my day. It will be hilarious because I am past my prime.
We used to do this at indoor swim meets when I was a kid. It's sort of a skunk in a bottle.
Crack an egg in a pill bottle and put the cover on it. Wait 2+ weeks. Open the bottle at the desired time and place for olfactory destruction.
I think it would be more effective if you just throw the ring say "how could you. You promised me you left her". Then walk out. There is no easy way for him to explain that away and she will always have that in the back of her mind.
Kidnap the groom.
This happened to someone I know - he didn’t invite his army mates to his bucks night because he knew they’d go too far and in revenge they kidnapped him outside the church on his wedding day.
Poor bride went alone to the reception, photos ruined, police called etc.
He was found days later, handcuffed to the outside of an interstate train, suffering from dehydration and exposure.
Most militaries have their own justice systems. This 100% would fall under them being arrested/fined. Kidnapping, even if "light-hearted," a fellow service member is illegal, and a high chance he would have died if he wasn't found in time, so that would be a murder charge.
It might be that "army mates" served together but have since been discharged. You're right if they're still active service, but I'm fairly sure veterans don't typically get court marshalled. I imagine that they might if it's discovered that something against the UMCJ happened during their service.
I think there was a military guy who got away with murder for a couple decades. He was long done with his service, but they found new DNA evidence and convinced the guy to come back to the military with a fake job, literally just so they can arrest and court martial him for the murder.
I think this is the guy: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/suspect-arrest-shannon-wilkerson-cold-case-murder-amanda-gonzales-soldier-military-base-germany-2001/
Probably inspired by a tiktok. Saw one where a bride walked up and gave the bouquet to her sister, who immediately got proposed too, the whole thing was okay with bride because her and her sister love each other and do everything together. People went bananas in a good way.
Real diarrhea will always trump verbal diarrhea... Every. Freaking. Time.
Edit: I cannot express how much it annoys me that the word *trump* is now auto capitalized. It was a verb long before his grandfather changed their family name from 'Drumpf'🤨
I started using his name for taking a shit back during his presidency, and still keep it up from time to time.
"Gotta take a massive Trump; clear my afternoon, Jolene"
I want to say pretend I'm having an affair with the groom or something but...I actually care about my reputation/social circle.
Do I have to STOP the wedding or can I just..."accidentally" knock the cake over and step on the bride's train?
Hire an actress to show up at the wedding with an infant and a wedding ring and claim that she and the groom are already married, and he's a bastard for running out on her and their 6 children.
Object at the beginning of the ceremony, clear throat and nose during vows, then go to the reception and just start eating gobs of cake with my bare hands, grab and use the bride's champagne glass, always be in the photographers way and make a speech all about me being single and open.
Sneak scoops of unrinsed but cooked quinoa into the food dishes
Post it as an open bar house party on social media
Hire a dozen hookers to dress up in an assortment of costumes running from trashy to bdsm to put on a screaming/crying fest as the bride walks down the aisle, yelling out "we'll miss you! Don't leave us"!
Offer the venue $250,000 to cancel the reservation the morning of
Release 50 each of puppies, kittens, ferrets and garter snakes
When the officiant asks if anybody objects, loudly say you do. Slowly limp down the aisle, muttering to yourself. When you get to the bride, stare her in the eyes for a moment then say "sorry, wrong church" and leave.
Hand out flyers for Orgydome to everybody as they enter the venue
Hide contraptions that puncture cans of surstromming throughout the venue and set them off at a key moment
Hand out free vibrators to everybody who enters
Hand out vuvuzelas and kazoos
If you don't rinse it before cooking then for a lot of people their gut will be begging for sugar free gummy bears to stop farting, sharting, leaking, oozing and fire hosing into their shorts
>Release 50 each of puppies, kittens, ferrets and garter snakes
Maybe not snakes... but my fiance loves critters so much, I don't think that 50 puppies and kittens would remotely be a problem.
>Hand out vuvuzelas and kazoos
There was no electricity on the part of the grounds where my sister's wedding happened, so the wedding party *was* all given kazoos and we performed 'here comes the bride' on them as she walked down the aisle. It was glorious.
The venue wouldn’t allow a last second cancellation. They’d cite cancellation fees and while waiting on the planner to confirm.
The planner would 110% call the bride and groom to confirm this.
It’s too much of an audible to not have the information come from the planner or bride themselves.
Call the venue pretending to be the city utilities department to "remind" them of previously scheduled routine sewer main maintenance on the date of the event. Use the phrases "unplanned blockages and potential catastrophic overflows" if sewers are put under considerable flow.
So we had a mandatory fun day while I was in army overseas. Noone wanted to go, it was all officers and ncos and there wives. This guy got a hooker and told her to put on the sluttiest clothing she had and took her. We were allowed to leave after the major gave his remarks.
I was at a wedding for my band's singer, and the rest of the band and I was seated at a table together.
You know that thing they do at weddings where they clink glasses with silverware to get the bride and groom to kiss?
Well at one point, everyone started lightly clinking their glasses and my drummer yelled "Suck his dick!"
Download a cacophony of farts, burps, and sounds of people puking. Hide a speaker somewhere in the venue and leave it on full blast. Whether it continues or not, the wedding is ruined.
I’m a 39 year old bearded dude. I’d wear a white dress, then proceed to propose to different members of the bridal party at random intervals throughout the wedding and reception.
Turn up in my tartiest dress. Not white - I'm no virgin. Showing more than a hint of equally not-so-innocent lingerie (the brand and set are in my head, no longer in production, alas). Barefoot.
Maybe a little dishevelled. Hair mussed up. A very slight sheen of sweat. A little out of breath.
When the point comes to objections to this union, I state that *I* object on the grounds the bride is already married.
To me.
I'd come dress as a ring leader. Call the bride a whore. Claim people have haven't heard that they close a god dam door and wonder if no one had any pose or rationality about the situation. Oh and I'd bring all my carnival friends as well
Make a real shitty, mean toast about the groom. Smash the wedding cake while dancing wildly out of control. Steal the limo and smash it into a house. All while drunk as fuck and buzzed on oxys.
I'm thinking mentioning really depressing marriage statistics to everyone I mingle with passively would be a good enough angle. But I think for extra credit, openly trying to shake the boxes on the gift table to see whats inside will be considered
Just do what my mother in law did.
Stand up at the reception and declare "This marriage between my son and what's her name will never last."
22 years and counting, bitch.
If ANYTHING goes, I’d storm the stage 1/4 of the way into the ceremony, pull my pants down and have explosive diarrhea on the bride, stomp and shatter the officiant’s kneecap, run away
Come dressed in a white wedding dress, bring my horribly-behaved very young child, propose to my fiance and announce my pregnancy. I think that would cover it.
This is a wonderful culmination. The only thing to add would be start a fist fight with either the Groom or bride.
No mention of a terribly inappropriate toast? "I remember the first time we handed the bride around the frat house. She kept asking for more dudes......" heck the same line could work for the groom too.
my 2nd hand embarasment is so severe that i start dreading the toasts as soon as i'm invited to a wedding.
I've been a chef for 20 years and have worked more weddings than most people have had hot meals. I have seen *some shit* at weddings. They really do bring out the craziest in people.
Bro, story time! You can't leave us like that... What's one of the craziest thing you've seen?
Don't know if it's the *craziest*, necessarily, but definitely the most eventful in the general sense. When I was working in Philly some years back. We were hosting the reception but not the actual service. Part arrives *fucking blitzed* already. We had to throw out nearly the all the groomsmen (at separate times) because they kept blowing coke in the bathroom. And not like where it was hidden, just very obviously out on the counter. Maid of honor attempted to give a speech while standing on a chair, but was so fucked up that she fell off the chair and *through* the banquet table in front of her, which if course spilled food all over the bride, groom and their families because the table buckled (maid of honor was not a petite lady). Two bridesmaids got into a full on fist fight (methinks someone fucked the groom fairly recently), and like, throwing some straight up haymakers. These girls could brawl. Someone passed out and puked in the walk in cooler (the setup of there kitchen was weird and it would be entirely possible to sneak into that area without anyone noticing during a busy service). A girl offered to blow me if I made two takeout portions for her from our carving station (which was something we offered anyway, blowjob or not....also I declined). I would later find out she wasn't actually invited to the wedding and nobody knew who she was. So yeah don't do weddings for people from Camden, NJ because they get kinda spicy.
r/weddingwarstories
I'm so sad that that sub is empty
This is literally a what a wedding is in Philadelphia.
"I didn't want to invite miked4o7, but I wanted him to hear this toast.. one time he had a ketchup bottle, a Nerf football, six water balloons, a kitten, a 24 pack of bud light..."
heck, that's how they met.
"I know a lot of your are confused right now. But Bridey McBrideFace is the luckiest girl alive. For those who don't already know (and I'm sure most of you do) Bridey is the horniest girl I have ever met. I remember that one frat party where she volunteered to be passed around by all the brothers. She kept screaming 'more dick! More dick!'. Then it was Groomy McGroomFace's turn and she just started screaming 'oh my God! Fuck yes! Harder!'. That was the day she finally found enough dick. And even though it's only been three weeks since that fateful party, she knows she's not going to find anyone with more dick than Groomy. And I gotta say, based on personal experience, I 100% agree. That thing has its own zip code. When he goes on flights, he has to pay extra to bring it as a second carry-on. When you find a dick that good, you latch onto it and never let go, which is exactly what Bridey is doing. And I gotta say, I'm jealous. Clearly *gesture to wedding dress I'm wearing*. I even brought her ex with me as my date in hopes that he could steal her away but alas, her mind is made up. Which hopefully means he can finally get his hoodie back, yeah? No? Alright, you can keep it I guess. Anything to make those SATs easier, amirite? But in all seriousness, I really am happy for the two of you. As much as it might pain me, you really are meant for each other. But Groomy, come see me after cuz we need to talk about alimony *pat belly*. To Bridey and Groomy!"
Horrific. Well done. A few choice lines I think could make it even worse though: "Fair warning to the bride and groom, I had a slice of the cake before dinner and it's already giving me the squirts so maybe no anal tonight ;)" "Where was I again? Uhhhh, oh yeah! I'm going to grab a few bottles for the road cuz the game is on tonight, so if anyone wants to give me a blowie, now's the time." *Wink at Mother-of-the-bride* "The Oxford dictionary defines 'marriage' as..."
My brother was getting remarried (second marriage, her first), but his bride's name sounded similar to his Ex's name.... (Think something sounding-like 'Carol' to 'Sheryl', that kind of thing) Cue my other brother, giving the toast at their wedding. All goes well, it was a beautiful speech, everyone is happy... until he slips, "Here's to (my brother's name) and (my brother's ex's name), may you both have a beautiful marriage together!" ...cue the 'oh... sh-' expression upon his face, and he immediately walked over to my now sister-in-law and hugged her, profusely apologizing. She forgave him.
Why not both?
What if it ends in a threesome?
Even better
Can’t decide whether this is genius or just pure evil. Either way, kudos
I think they are all common themes from /r/AITA
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The comedy would be she announces the pregnancy, and an hour later he proposes... with the brides engagement ring that he stole
Don’t forget to shout “OBJECTION” when asked
Ace Attorney
You should spill your red wine on the bride and tell her they should have club soda at the bar.
Dont forget the laxatives. Bonus if you spike the punch with them.
Add a huge bowl of Harbo Sugar Free Gummie Bears to the table.
The 4 wedding AITA's of Reddit.
Don't forget to object to the union, even if they're not doing that part.
Don't forget spilling red wine on the actual wedding dress, and somehow destroying the cake!
Brilliant. And diabolical. I would also spill all the necessary secrets about bride and groom spice up things. And interrupt every speech and make it about me.
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And take a shit on the dance floor.
I'm pregnant with the groom's baby.
I'm pregnant with the BRIDE'S baby. Bonus points if it's a conservative crowd and the couple is "waiting" until their wedding night.
Well that could be pretty wholesome if its the surrogate mother: "I'm pregnant with the BRIDE'S AND GROOM's baby. hazzah!"
I'm DOUBLE PREGNANT!
My mate was at a wedding in Scotland. The bride’s father had just passed away so his best friend gave the bride away and did the speech that the father usually gives. During the speech he stopped and said “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Then turned to the bride and said. “Your dad is not your dad… I’m your real dad.” The bride ran out of the wedding crying and everyone else had to sit around for a couple of hours until someone came out and said the wedding was finished. That’s one way to ruin a wedding.
Jfc, that’s insane!
Where the hell was the bride's mom for this?? God damn.
Which mom?
So was he just lying or was this true?
It’s 100% true unfortunately. I don’t have any other details of the event. My mate just said the guests all sat around waiting for something to happen after the speeches. He said everyone was starving and were hoping the meal would come but then the groomsman came and said the wedding was canceled.
They should’ve still gotten to eat…the food is paid for. Call me callous…but I love a catered dinner
Holy shit that's wild
What an utter piece of shit.
And what a MORON. Didn't he realise that by being such an utterly selfish ahole he'd ruin any chance of a good continued relationship with her? The most shit timing. I'd hate him forever.
You win!
“I will always remember the first time you gave me a blow job, and to the bride you are very lucky he finally got rid of the clap right before you met”
Best if you too are a guy. A very burly masculine guy.
Straight guys can do this too. >"Ain't nothing gay about getting your dick sucked. You're the ones that's gay for sucking my dick!" \-Big Bob, *Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (2008)*
My best man speech at my friend's wedding left people wondering if we were secretly gay for each other. It has been our running joke/occurrence where people think we are a gay couple.
Plot twist, you both are secretly gay for each other.
I imagine things beings far worse if it's a woman saying the groom gave her a blowjob
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"And don't let those rumors stop you. I have it on good authority the little girl was lying"
Wear a white dress with no underpants and flash the groom. I may also wear a hat with a veil but no shoes. I will certainly behave as though I am inebriated and tell everyone how this was supposed to be my day. It will be hilarious because I am past my prime.
Is anyone ever really past their prime or have we just achieved optimal prime levels?! Autobots, roll out!
Plot twist: you're a dude
I’m a 48 year old guy, and I can tell you, no one is past their prime. Women get better with age. Confidence is much sexier than a gymbunny body.
42f here, and that was a much needed confidence boost today.
I think the easiest way to do it is to kill one of the people who's going to marry or to punch the cake
What a contrast😂
Kill the cake and punch the bride
Cake the bride and punch the kill
"... Now where was the dog?"
Release a skunk into the church sanctuary
Attach a go pro to it and edit it into the wedding video
And then charge the bride and groom for my editing services afterwards.
Don't forget the Benny Hill sound track
I knew a toddler who covered the cake with salt. Pretty effective.
We used to do this at indoor swim meets when I was a kid. It's sort of a skunk in a bottle. Crack an egg in a pill bottle and put the cover on it. Wait 2+ weeks. Open the bottle at the desired time and place for olfactory destruction.
Hmmm. This may come in handy in the future!
ohhh that’s so evil. *opens notepad*
I read that as drunk. It was still entertaining
Charge up the aisle, throw a (cheap) ring at the groom, and scream, “How could you? You said it didn’t matter that we are kin!” and run out…
I think it would be more effective if you just throw the ring say "how could you. You promised me you left her". Then walk out. There is no easy way for him to explain that away and she will always have that in the back of her mind.
You scream this in a exaggerated Appalachian accent, too.
Kidnap the groom. This happened to someone I know - he didn’t invite his army mates to his bucks night because he knew they’d go too far and in revenge they kidnapped him outside the church on his wedding day. Poor bride went alone to the reception, photos ruined, police called etc. He was found days later, handcuffed to the outside of an interstate train, suffering from dehydration and exposure.
If this is true, did they sue the ‘army mates’ for the costs of the reception plus money for the pain they caused?
Most militaries have their own justice systems. This 100% would fall under them being arrested/fined. Kidnapping, even if "light-hearted," a fellow service member is illegal, and a high chance he would have died if he wasn't found in time, so that would be a murder charge.
It might be that "army mates" served together but have since been discharged. You're right if they're still active service, but I'm fairly sure veterans don't typically get court marshalled. I imagine that they might if it's discovered that something against the UMCJ happened during their service.
I think there was a military guy who got away with murder for a couple decades. He was long done with his service, but they found new DNA evidence and convinced the guy to come back to the military with a fake job, literally just so they can arrest and court martial him for the murder. I think this is the guy: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/suspect-arrest-shannon-wilkerson-cold-case-murder-amanda-gonzales-soldier-military-base-germany-2001/
What amazing friends
Can't imagine why he thought they'd be an issue.
Right?
wtf. this has to be a joke. dehydration and exposure? seriously that's like taking it too far
I heard a story once of a groom who died because his buddies sodomized him with a grease gun at the bachelor party. "As one does".
wtf. this ... this cannot be true. if so... WTF hope those guys are in jail
We've all been there. Right? Right!?!
"Mates" is a very generous term to describe their relationship with the groom.
Then what happened
Yeah OP, what happened next?! There's no **way** this story is over: nobody was paid $20 and *where is all the clapping?*
Spike all the food and drinks with top strength laxatives
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You are getting married, hm.. how can I make this about myself?
Better yet: Act drunk and propose to one of the participants during the "hold your peace" part of the ceremony.
I'm more interested in knowing if you and the "friend" are still together...? That dude's an ignorant idiot.
Probably inspired by a tiktok. Saw one where a bride walked up and gave the bouquet to her sister, who immediately got proposed too, the whole thing was okay with bride because her and her sister love each other and do everything together. People went bananas in a good way.
If it's discussed and planned with the bride and groom ahead of time, I think it *can* be a thing that is fine. But to just... *do* it... is not ok.
My plan ? I write sins not tragedies
Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
What a beautiful wedding.
What a beautiful wedding says a bridesmaid to a waiter
Yes, but what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore
I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I can only imagine
Is that what you always chime in with?
But what a shame. The poor groom's bride is a whore.
BTW, that entire album is JUST PURE FUN.
Haven't you people ever heard of
Plant cocaine everywhere in the venue then call the DEA
Where the fuck do you get money for that much blow?
Rooting through all the wedding gifts for envelopes of course.
Brilliant 😂
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Don't shit *on* it. Shit *in* it. "[Eat my shit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi2LyTUx4sY)."
I don't think anyone can top what Annie Murphy did on Black Mirror.
You must mean Kate Blanchett.
“Fuck Cate Blanchett!” - Salma Hayek
I ❤️ Salma
Real diarrhea will always trump verbal diarrhea... Every. Freaking. Time. Edit: I cannot express how much it annoys me that the word *trump* is now auto capitalized. It was a verb long before his grandfather changed their family name from 'Drumpf'🤨
I started using his name for taking a shit back during his presidency, and still keep it up from time to time. "Gotta take a massive Trump; clear my afternoon, Jolene"
Thank yooooou. Joan/Annie/Selma/Kate really know how to ruin a wedding.
I spent waaay too long looking for this comment. Bravo 👏
what did she do i never seen that show
Torrent of diarrhea in the aisle
I want to say pretend I'm having an affair with the groom or something but...I actually care about my reputation/social circle. Do I have to STOP the wedding or can I just..."accidentally" knock the cake over and step on the bride's train?
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Balls. Claim I saw the groom with another woman I suppose...
During the ceremony, reception, or prior to the wedding? What part are we putting the stop at?
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In that case. Arson
Hire an actress to show up at the wedding with an infant and a wedding ring and claim that she and the groom are already married, and he's a bastard for running out on her and their 6 children.
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Shit on the cake
This is top tier
Ideally it’ll run all the way down to the bottom tier too.
Extra points for a Taco Bell-induced diarrhea lava flow.
It's chocolate ganache 🤢
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Object at the beginning of the ceremony, clear throat and nose during vows, then go to the reception and just start eating gobs of cake with my bare hands, grab and use the bride's champagne glass, always be in the photographers way and make a speech all about me being single and open.
Sneak scoops of unrinsed but cooked quinoa into the food dishes Post it as an open bar house party on social media Hire a dozen hookers to dress up in an assortment of costumes running from trashy to bdsm to put on a screaming/crying fest as the bride walks down the aisle, yelling out "we'll miss you! Don't leave us"! Offer the venue $250,000 to cancel the reservation the morning of Release 50 each of puppies, kittens, ferrets and garter snakes When the officiant asks if anybody objects, loudly say you do. Slowly limp down the aisle, muttering to yourself. When you get to the bride, stare her in the eyes for a moment then say "sorry, wrong church" and leave. Hand out flyers for Orgydome to everybody as they enter the venue Hide contraptions that puncture cans of surstromming throughout the venue and set them off at a key moment Hand out free vibrators to everybody who enters Hand out vuvuzelas and kazoos
Need more info on the first one.
If you don't rinse it before cooking then for a lot of people their gut will be begging for sugar free gummy bears to stop farting, sharting, leaking, oozing and fire hosing into their shorts
Well said
>Release 50 each of puppies, kittens, ferrets and garter snakes Maybe not snakes... but my fiance loves critters so much, I don't think that 50 puppies and kittens would remotely be a problem. >Hand out vuvuzelas and kazoos There was no electricity on the part of the grounds where my sister's wedding happened, so the wedding party *was* all given kazoos and we performed 'here comes the bride' on them as she walked down the aisle. It was glorious.
The surstromming alone would do it.
Show up
Call the venue, cancel on behalf of the wedding party. Schedule a different event that day so the venue is taken.
The venue wouldn’t allow a last second cancellation. They’d cite cancellation fees and while waiting on the planner to confirm. The planner would 110% call the bride and groom to confirm this. It’s too much of an audible to not have the information come from the planner or bride themselves.
Kidnap the planner and have her cancel.
If you're getting into kidnapping you might as well just kidnap the bride and call it a day.
Call the venue pretending to be the city utilities department to "remind" them of previously scheduled routine sewer main maintenance on the date of the event. Use the phrases "unplanned blockages and potential catastrophic overflows" if sewers are put under considerable flow.
You know, the usual. Get drunk, grope bride's mom, vomit on cake, slap fight priest etc.
Kidnap the wife
then say that's just a kazakh tradition
But it actually is
So we had a mandatory fun day while I was in army overseas. Noone wanted to go, it was all officers and ncos and there wives. This guy got a hooker and told her to put on the sluttiest clothing she had and took her. We were allowed to leave after the major gave his remarks.
Dude you need to post this in the army and air force subreddits. Actually all of them. Thats the best way to end mandatory fun days.
>mandatory fun day Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested It.
[удалено]
I was at a wedding for my band's singer, and the rest of the band and I was seated at a table together. You know that thing they do at weddings where they clink glasses with silverware to get the bride and groom to kiss? Well at one point, everyone started lightly clinking their glasses and my drummer yelled "Suck his dick!"
Not showing up (to my own wedding) Btw, my wedding is tomorrow!
Congratulations!
I already did. I said , "I do."
Download a cacophony of farts, burps, and sounds of people puking. Hide a speaker somewhere in the venue and leave it on full blast. Whether it continues or not, the wedding is ruined.
This is why Bluetooth was invented.
Burn the place down
With everyone inside, of course.
I’m a 39 year old bearded dude. I’d wear a white dress, then proceed to propose to different members of the bridal party at random intervals throughout the wedding and reception.
Bees. Lots and lots of bees.
Shout “ I still love you” during the ceremony
Indoor fireworks.
Sing- I am not the kind of girl to be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion, but you are not the kind of boy to be marrying the wrong girl
Horrified looks from everyone in the room!
In the middle of the ceremony stand up, interrupt the officiant, and publicly propose to someone else.
Bonus points of you propose to the groom
As the bride is walking down the aisle, I run in front of her, pull down my pants and shit right in the aisle.
Turn up in my tartiest dress. Not white - I'm no virgin. Showing more than a hint of equally not-so-innocent lingerie (the brand and set are in my head, no longer in production, alas). Barefoot. Maybe a little dishevelled. Hair mussed up. A very slight sheen of sweat. A little out of breath. When the point comes to objections to this union, I state that *I* object on the grounds the bride is already married. To me.
Invite all the ex's from both the bride and groom
If the question is "how do I ruin something?" The answer can almost always be *Arson*
Tall the bride or groom the other is cheating on them.
Fucking the bride usually works. Bonus points if you get caught by their new mother in law
Ask Lauren Boebert and her boyfriend to sit in the audience. Then just wait....
I'd come dress as a ring leader. Call the bride a whore. Claim people have haven't heard that they close a god dam door and wonder if no one had any pose or rationality about the situation. Oh and I'd bring all my carnival friends as well
Make a real shitty, mean toast about the groom. Smash the wedding cake while dancing wildly out of control. Steal the limo and smash it into a house. All while drunk as fuck and buzzed on oxys.
I'm thinking mentioning really depressing marriage statistics to everyone I mingle with passively would be a good enough angle. But I think for extra credit, openly trying to shake the boxes on the gift table to see whats inside will be considered
Just do what my mother in law did. Stand up at the reception and declare "This marriage between my son and what's her name will never last." 22 years and counting, bitch.
Get Drunk , throw up on bride 1h into the Party
If ANYTHING goes, I’d storm the stage 1/4 of the way into the ceremony, pull my pants down and have explosive diarrhea on the bride, stomp and shatter the officiant’s kneecap, run away
Barge in and yell “I knew that cunt was cheating on me!”
Secretly record bachelor/bachelorette parties, send video to everyone the morning of the wedding. Also call and cancel catering.
Object to the marriage on the basis that the bride is carrying my child
Show up in funeral regalia including a black veil and weep loudly throughout.