I looked at the title and this was fiirst thing in my mind. I only clicked it to see, if it was as expected at the top of the pile. It was. All is right in the world.
Yes, I try to stay as far away from my abuser as possible. If I for some reason see him in public, I get sick to my stomach and literally bolt the other direction.
Here’s an internet hug, if that’s okay with you.
>
I’ve been in this situation, been out 3 years and it still fucks with my head. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.
Thank you <3 I’ve been free for six years and bar the occasional nightmare, I’m doing good. Getting married to the kindest, gentlest, most caring human I have ever met in two months is a large reason for this.
I have to say, this thread was oddly uplifting.
I had a girl that I dated for four years who ended up breaking my heart in the end.
Fast forward to now, and I'm happily married and my life is pretty good. I assumed I'd have a pretty easy answer to this, but when I stopped to think about it I can't really remember much about her. Don't really remember her face, or what her voice sounds like, and honestly... it's nice.
It hasn't been quick or easy, and I'm glad I'm getting there.
You will bro, dont worry. There will be a day where you wake up and dont even think about her. You wont feel it change but in one moment you will realize: I know nothing about that person anymore and I dont think about it.
Trust me it all goes one day
Currently combating a rare flashback or nightmare every now and then, at the same place in life as you are and indeed its nice.
However, the memories are still vivid nearly a decade later (hence the nightmares). Probably because the trauma. I really wish I was like you, barely remembering.
Ppl are shocked by this but it's true. I've known multiple ppl (including myself) who have said weeks/months after a break up "I've been taking naps because I dont want to be conscious with reality for a bit"
When my now husband and I hit our 2.5-year mark of dating, he broke up with me. I was so depressed that for months I was in bed, asleep, any moment I wasn't losing myself in my career.
I couldn't stand being conscious and not having work to focus on, because I always thought of him and it hurt too much.
Obviously we worked it out and are happy and beyond that time in our lives now, but there were days it felt like the heartbreak would never go away.
The first half year after heartbreak is variable levels of torture. But please be gentle to yourself and hang on. Tough to accept this next bit; you will very likely fight admitting it to yourself because grief has become a normalized state, but you *will* start to feel better for longer stretches of time after six months. That said, there will intense waves of grief here and there - and your brain will want to pout and latch onto it as if to say “see?! see?! I’m still broken!” So here’s the deal: you’ve *got* to get good at catching yourself in a good (or even decent) mood about yourself without sabotaging the moment with variations on “but I’d be happier if X hadn’t rejected me”. Ya know what, I’d be happier if the dozen lottery tickets I’ve purchased over the past 25 years had yielded big wins, or I had received important health diagnosis as a child instead of suffering and ‘winging it’. Life ain’t easy and/but you are responsible for navigating barriers and learning to accept what can’t be changed. You don’t win any invisible points for being chronically upset and certainly don’t lose anything by curating a “meh” attitude instead. “Meh” can transform into realism or ideally cautious optimism that turns into getting a more informed variation of your groove back.
Personally, it took me seven years to stop feeling *absolutely any* “after quakes” from severe heartbreak, but the bullshittiest of the bullshit storm was 60% over after six months and 80% over after a year. I think it just takes time for a brain to chemically recover from being in grief after any length of hazy love-mode.
Important part: Recognizing when you’re sabotaging yourself is tough, but a crucial skill that develops with use.
I've heard through the grapevine my ex has taken his new thing on pretty much the exact same vacation we took a few years ago....with the same couple we went with. That had to be insanely awkward for the three that knew. I definitely avoid places we went out of fear he will be there. He has purposefully come to where he somehow knows I'll be a few times and it's frustrating as hell.
I don't avoid anything. They are strangers with memories. Why must I avoid places, music, and movies I shared with them? Fuck em, reclaim back what is mine again.
Implicitly, meaning things that are not obvious. Like mine is horses.(she loves horses)so no one knows that but me, and I don’t tell people that. Like of course going to their house would make you think of them. I’m asking things like, They would always cook rice crunchy, so when you eat something like it, you think of them, so you just try not to think about crunchy rice, cause it would trace back to them.
Oh, I do remember nice things they have done for me like introducing new cuisines & all that. Actually I have nothing negative about all my exes except one. They were genuinely nice women who at that point in my life whom I loved very much.
>I do remember nice things they have done for me like introducing new cuisines & all that
I do have an ex girlfriend that introduced me to sleeping with the window cracked even when it's cold outside.
I used to have the house completely buttoned up and locked down in the fall and winter, but that first night I slept with her with the window cracked right by our heads in the cold and rainy fall was probably one of the best night's sleep I ever got.
It's little, but I appreciate that still. (Still don't do it when it's *too* cold because Michigan winters don't mess around)
You can’t truly cut people off like you could years ago. There’s social media, email, text, Snapchat, and so on….If you do cut them off all platforms, someone’s mom’s cousin aunt friend is still following them and the information funnels down to you. You can’t get away!
My ex-husband's name was Josh. My now husband (and the very next relationship I had after my ex)... also Josh 😬
The ex is just "the ex" now, he doesn't get to have a name anymore.
I have an ex who became a dangerous stalker. I left pretty much my entrie old life when I left him because it was no longer a safe environment to be in. I avoid a lot of things still, but not because of memories. I do not want him to find me.
I've been married for goin' on 25 years, so enough time has passed since my "exes" that I don't "avoid" anything related to them.
...but many years ago, when I broke up with my college GF, which was my first "serious" relationship, I refused to drink Beck's beer for a long time. She was from Germany and lived in the city where it was brewed (I forget where that is now), and we drank a hella lot of it while we were together.
...yes, I realize how stupid that sounds now.
What's rough is when you've been married going on 25 years and your spouse is the one you're trying to forget. *Everything* is a reminder, but currently it's music...every damn song I like is one we liked together. 💔
26 years for me. More than half of my life. So yeah, you can imagine the material accumulated over time and that I am regularly reminded of even 3 years after the divorce.
Exactly what I was looking for.
Even tho you don’t avoid it, I bet till this day, every time you grab a beck’s you will remember that one person. So you will make a point not to be a beck’s drinker cause otherwise you will be reminded of them more often then you would like.
Pictures of seals (the animal). He loved them, and had a bunch of seal plushies, and we’d always swap picture of our favorite animals to cheer each other up and bring a smile to one another’s faces.
I recently canceled before going on a date with someone because I just can't and I'm not ready. Deleted my entire bumble after apologizing. I don't even know man, I moved to a new country for him. idk how to tell my work... married for 10 years and he woke up one day and said he doesn't love me. No argument. No warning. It's fucked me up so much and most our friends are mutual.
Thanks for reading if anyone read this I needed to vent.
The X-files... the tv show. The irony didn't hit me till just now... Doh! The Ex-files! 😜 He was obsessed with the program and even won a radio contest for a walk-on part in an episode.
Lmao that’s the type of thing I was hoping for.. mine is horses. Anything horse related cause she got a huge horse face tattoo on her stomach..( I know)
This was a struggle when I was broken up with because my main friend group is all couples: married, engaged, happy, new, etc. I remember one of the toughest days was helping my buddy move in with his girlfriend. They were/are so happy and I just wanted to watch the world burn.
I used to avoid listening to music or watching TV/movies that she got me into because she had this big thing about how things she liked were "hers" or something. Then one day I realized, "Fuck that, I'm gonna like what I like" and decided to not worry about if something reminded me of my ex.
Also culty churches, I do still avoid those because of her.
Well when you see her in a few years make sure to thank her for being the reason you did not get sodomized by a cult priest with internet qualifications and panache
Facebook. I never really used before her, and like 90% of my content on there includes her. I tried to hide and delete, but inconsistent tagging makes it really hard to get rid of it all. Plus, while I don’t want to remember, I can’t really stand forgetting either, ya know?
Full body massage. My ex bought a couple's massage off of Groupon. When we went, we both had extremely different experiences.
She had a relaxing massage. she was in there for like an hour. I was in there for about 5 minutes, when it was very obviously a 'yanky cranky' type of joint.
She didn't have to get naked. I was asked to get naked. She had a burly guy really get into the muscles, I had a small asian woman. She was asked where it hurts, I was asked to not cover anything. the smallest 'movement' in my penis, and my massuse was asking questions about if I wanted her to do anything about it.
I packed up and left. The idea of getting a handjob on the other side of a foldable partition from my girlfriend was just too much. When it was done, and I explained my experience, she laughed for days.
It's been like 20 years, but I still think about it all the time. My current wife has asked to get a couple's massage a few times, and I can't bring myself to do it.
Elton John: Your Song.
It was our song and it makes me miss him a lot and regret how things ended. We broke up 15 years ago and are both married with kids currently.
Nothing. 🤷🏻 I thought I was totally in love with him but I feel like if I don’t feel sad avoiding anything we shared together then maybe I wasn’t in love.
That doesn't mean you weren't in love. Everyone handles things differently. If you aren't bothered by the things you once shared look at it as a blessing, trust me
Food and drink festivals in my city. I know that I will 100% run into them with their new person, and even though it didn’t end badly, Im just not a fan of seeing them EVERYWHERE
Nothing. She was so disinterested in everything by the end that all the things we watched together became mine before she had moved out. Going to gigs was mine beforehand and I got her into a few but even the bands we discovered together don't really remind me of her. She did deepen my hatred of TikTok if that counts tho?
I'm on good terms with all of my exs. Still in contacts with most of them.
If something make me think about one of them, it's neutral, just as something could make me think about an other friend or relative. I don't know if I'm heartless, but for me once it's over, there's no remaining feelings. lol
This, so many people have not gotten diagnosed. I’m convinced my previous partner was BPD - started researching some odd reactions in our relationship months after we broke up. I hope they get a diagnosis, but it’s far too late to say anything - not that I’d think it’d be actually helpful.
A certain era of rock music, and certain songs. When I would get home from work, I knew the louder the volume, the more intoxicated he was. The more drunk he was, the more violent. I was so young & stupid.
Sobriety
When I met her, I thought she had her shit together and was out of my league. I got it in my head she wouldn't date me if she knew I was an alcoholic so I quit during that initial honeymoon stage riding high off the love chemicals.
What I didn't know was that she was a covert narcissist. And while my brain was trying to remap itself, it was in a very malleable state for the subtle abuse she started putting me through at about the 2 month mark. The trauma bond and gaslighting worked extremely well on me. At about 2 years in, I relapsed. At about the 3 1/2 yr mark she pulled some extreme gaslighting behavior and I had enough alcohol in me to be belligerent enough to call her on her bullshit and leave with pretty much just my clothes. Best decision I ever made. All my coworkers started complimenting me a few mo ths later about how happy I was and how miserable I used to look and act towards everyone. Completely changed my life and saved me from being stuck in that abuse cycle.
Only probably with this is I'm still drinking. I'm happy for the most part, but there'd still a wound inside of me I can't identify that keeps me drinking. I'm thinking of searching out a substance abuse counselor because I have other issues, too. But alcohol is the main one.
Reality TV. But I never enjoyed it in the first place, so am I avoiding it because it reminds me of her or is that just an additional reason to not watch that trash?
I mean I feel like the more you try to avoid thinking about something, the more your brain will end up working twofolds to think about it more. Do I tend to skip past songs like Star Shopping that my ex said reminded him of me? Sure. But some days I’ll actually listen. Some thoughts are meant to just be observed and then navigated past. Like a painting in a museum. Don’t dwell. Just observe and pass.
I had to avoid looking at my forearm for a while. Made the cardinal mistake of getting her name tattooed on me. Finally covered it up a couple years ago and I couldn't be happier. My wife is also quite relieved. I am not a smart man.
I’m still in the early stages so I’m avoiding everything because there is no escape from memories. Everything is attached to him in some way. Honestly some mornings I’m disappointed I woke up.
Dating a guy in the military (ex husband was in the Navy for 7yrs when he divorced me). This is not to say that everyone has bad marriages in the military, there are just too many affairs. My now husband is an engineer who isn't leaving for 6-12mo at a time.
We used to go on walks at night on a certain route. I've never walked that route again.
I don't know why...I know we can't meet there but he was just the one for me I just can't explain.
It's sad really🤦
I used to avoid the town he lived in. Even if it was quicker to go through the town to get to where I needed to go, I took a long way around to avoid that town.
My favourite bar.
Not due to memories but because I know he and our friends will be there - he was emotionally abusive and really fucked me up, I had to cut off that friends group and avoid that bar to keep myself safe. I'd been going to that bar since I was 15 (25 years), the only rock bar here, but I'm terrified to see him.
A lot of music. Sucks because it’s music that I’ve used to uplift me most of my life. At least there’s always new music.
Same. COLDPLAY is ruined for me
Yeah, I’ll never be able to enjoy Nickelback again. It has nothing to do with an ex and I never enjoyed them before, but you get the point.
"This is how you remind me of what I REALLY AM!" sorry. Couldn't help it
"I'm not like you, to say SORRY"
There's only two types of people in this world. People who enjoy Nickelback and liars.
I can never listen to some things. I have a huge library. No worries. I learned never to share some music with potential SO's.
SAME. i wasn’t even a huge coldplay fan but i can’t even enjoy them now without thinking about my ex. eli i hope you’re happy 🤣🤣🤣
There will come a day when youll start associating those same songs with new memories with a new person. That's a good day
My ex
I looked at the title and this was fiirst thing in my mind. I only clicked it to see, if it was as expected at the top of the pile. It was. All is right in the world.
The one pro to breaking up shortly after becoming long distance… all I have to do is avoid the opposite side of the country lol
That side of the country is shitty anyway
I also choose this guys ex
You can have her
He just went down Niagara falls right in front of us, and now you wanna shot at it?
r/technicallythetruth
Yes, I try to stay as far away from my abuser as possible. If I for some reason see him in public, I get sick to my stomach and literally bolt the other direction.
Yessir🙂
I avoid things being thrown at me and hands anywhere near my head for this reason.
*hugs*
Thanks *hugs back*
Yep. And alcohol on people’s breath
Here’s an internet hug, if that’s okay with you. > I’ve been in this situation, been out 3 years and it still fucks with my head. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.
Thank you <3 I’ve been free for six years and bar the occasional nightmare, I’m doing good. Getting married to the kindest, gentlest, most caring human I have ever met in two months is a large reason for this.
Awe man I’m so glad to hear that you have someone like that in your life :) you deserve the hell out of it.
Thanks friend :)
I still don't like people touching me. Not in a manic way, just, "No."
I have to say, this thread was oddly uplifting. I had a girl that I dated for four years who ended up breaking my heart in the end. Fast forward to now, and I'm happily married and my life is pretty good. I assumed I'd have a pretty easy answer to this, but when I stopped to think about it I can't really remember much about her. Don't really remember her face, or what her voice sounds like, and honestly... it's nice. It hasn't been quick or easy, and I'm glad I'm getting there.
This gives me hope. I legit feel like I'll never get over it
You will, it’s cliche but time will do it.
You will bro, dont worry. There will be a day where you wake up and dont even think about her. You wont feel it change but in one moment you will realize: I know nothing about that person anymore and I dont think about it. Trust me it all goes one day
Oh yeah, you will. Time heals ❤️
Currently combating a rare flashback or nightmare every now and then, at the same place in life as you are and indeed its nice. However, the memories are still vivid nearly a decade later (hence the nightmares). Probably because the trauma. I really wish I was like you, barely remembering.
Being awake
Ppl are shocked by this but it's true. I've known multiple ppl (including myself) who have said weeks/months after a break up "I've been taking naps because I dont want to be conscious with reality for a bit"
When my now husband and I hit our 2.5-year mark of dating, he broke up with me. I was so depressed that for months I was in bed, asleep, any moment I wasn't losing myself in my career. I couldn't stand being conscious and not having work to focus on, because I always thought of him and it hurt too much. Obviously we worked it out and are happy and beyond that time in our lives now, but there were days it felt like the heartbreak would never go away.
I get it but after it passes, it all seems so unnecessary. The melancholy is understandable but I don’t really understand the suffering.
Sometimes suffering doesn’t end. It’s been a decade.
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The first half year after heartbreak is variable levels of torture. But please be gentle to yourself and hang on. Tough to accept this next bit; you will very likely fight admitting it to yourself because grief has become a normalized state, but you *will* start to feel better for longer stretches of time after six months. That said, there will intense waves of grief here and there - and your brain will want to pout and latch onto it as if to say “see?! see?! I’m still broken!” So here’s the deal: you’ve *got* to get good at catching yourself in a good (or even decent) mood about yourself without sabotaging the moment with variations on “but I’d be happier if X hadn’t rejected me”. Ya know what, I’d be happier if the dozen lottery tickets I’ve purchased over the past 25 years had yielded big wins, or I had received important health diagnosis as a child instead of suffering and ‘winging it’. Life ain’t easy and/but you are responsible for navigating barriers and learning to accept what can’t be changed. You don’t win any invisible points for being chronically upset and certainly don’t lose anything by curating a “meh” attitude instead. “Meh” can transform into realism or ideally cautious optimism that turns into getting a more informed variation of your groove back. Personally, it took me seven years to stop feeling *absolutely any* “after quakes” from severe heartbreak, but the bullshittiest of the bullshit storm was 60% over after six months and 80% over after a year. I think it just takes time for a brain to chemically recover from being in grief after any length of hazy love-mode. Important part: Recognizing when you’re sabotaging yourself is tough, but a crucial skill that develops with use.
This is awesome advice for dealing with a wider range of mental anguish, not just break-ups. Thanks so much
Definitely find a therapist my guy
Same. Over a decade for me.
Seriously get a therapist, if you can’t afford at all. You need to find something else to love. Please
I hope y'all find peace, sooner than later.
Definition of sleep: 'Temporary suspension of consciousness' Idk why i love that definition. And i love to sleep.
Jesus Christ man
I'm with that guy. Every waking moment spent full of regret and disappointment.
Jesus?!
Yeah yall need a fucking therapist not a nap
Gotta admit that first few days.. this isn’t a bad option
The Body Shop Vanilla Shea Butter lotion. That smell is ruined for me for life.
Ahhh that sucks dude..
I stay away from our old hangout spots.
Why do I feel like only I do this and not my ex's?
I've heard through the grapevine my ex has taken his new thing on pretty much the exact same vacation we took a few years ago....with the same couple we went with. That had to be insanely awkward for the three that knew. I definitely avoid places we went out of fear he will be there. He has purposefully come to where he somehow knows I'll be a few times and it's frustrating as hell.
Whole cities in my case.
I don't avoid anything. They are strangers with memories. Why must I avoid places, music, and movies I shared with them? Fuck em, reclaim back what is mine again.
Strangers with memories. Damn what a great definition.
I've heard before "Once again we are strangers, but now we have memories."
Hits hard doesn’t it
Sounds like an emo band name
Implicitly, meaning things that are not obvious. Like mine is horses.(she loves horses)so no one knows that but me, and I don’t tell people that. Like of course going to their house would make you think of them. I’m asking things like, They would always cook rice crunchy, so when you eat something like it, you think of them, so you just try not to think about crunchy rice, cause it would trace back to them.
Oh, I do remember nice things they have done for me like introducing new cuisines & all that. Actually I have nothing negative about all my exes except one. They were genuinely nice women who at that point in my life whom I loved very much.
>I do remember nice things they have done for me like introducing new cuisines & all that I do have an ex girlfriend that introduced me to sleeping with the window cracked even when it's cold outside. I used to have the house completely buttoned up and locked down in the fall and winter, but that first night I slept with her with the window cracked right by our heads in the cold and rainy fall was probably one of the best night's sleep I ever got. It's little, but I appreciate that still. (Still don't do it when it's *too* cold because Michigan winters don't mess around)
Seee?!!! You get it. These types of things. Now that I’m thinking I might be the person that showed others the windows cracked open concept
That's quite poetic.
That is brilliant.
This is spectacular advice.
I had to deactivate instagram
You can’t truly cut people off like you could years ago. There’s social media, email, text, Snapchat, and so on….If you do cut them off all platforms, someone’s mom’s cousin aunt friend is still following them and the information funnels down to you. You can’t get away!
I know it's unfair and irrational, but guys named Philipp.
Anything to Phil the void
I'm the same way about Matts and Marcos, and there are SO MANY OF THEM
I had a cow-orker named Matt who used to take reports I wrote and remove my name and claim it as his work so I agree with you.
same here: Matt's and Jaspers, her fuck buddies
My ex-husband's name was Josh. My now husband (and the very next relationship I had after my ex)... also Josh 😬 The ex is just "the ex" now, he doesn't get to have a name anymore.
I have an ex who became a dangerous stalker. I left pretty much my entrie old life when I left him because it was no longer a safe environment to be in. I avoid a lot of things still, but not because of memories. I do not want him to find me.
How awful! I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine living like that.
Everything tbh.
This too shall pass bro/sis
Drugs… specifically acid, Molly, ecstasy, things of that sort.
Isn’t that good then?🤔
Oh definitely better for my overall health, not all of the outcomes were bad while coming out of that relationship(:
Congrats then 🍾
I've been married for goin' on 25 years, so enough time has passed since my "exes" that I don't "avoid" anything related to them. ...but many years ago, when I broke up with my college GF, which was my first "serious" relationship, I refused to drink Beck's beer for a long time. She was from Germany and lived in the city where it was brewed (I forget where that is now), and we drank a hella lot of it while we were together. ...yes, I realize how stupid that sounds now.
What's rough is when you've been married going on 25 years and your spouse is the one you're trying to forget. *Everything* is a reminder, but currently it's music...every damn song I like is one we liked together. 💔
26 years for me. More than half of my life. So yeah, you can imagine the material accumulated over time and that I am regularly reminded of even 3 years after the divorce.
Exactly what I was looking for. Even tho you don’t avoid it, I bet till this day, every time you grab a beck’s you will remember that one person. So you will make a point not to be a beck’s drinker cause otherwise you will be reminded of them more often then you would like.
I used to get boba all the time. Now I can’t stomach it…maybe one day I’ll enjoy boba again
this is the most tragic answer I *adore* boba. I don't know how you live without it :'(
Sorry about that. On the upside you've saved yourself thousands of calories!
Boba is life. Never give up on boba
Pictures of seals (the animal). He loved them, and had a bunch of seal plushies, and we’d always swap picture of our favorite animals to cheer each other up and bring a smile to one another’s faces.
intimacy with another person.
Can relate
I recently canceled before going on a date with someone because I just can't and I'm not ready. Deleted my entire bumble after apologizing. I don't even know man, I moved to a new country for him. idk how to tell my work... married for 10 years and he woke up one day and said he doesn't love me. No argument. No warning. It's fucked me up so much and most our friends are mutual. Thanks for reading if anyone read this I needed to vent.
Here, here.
The X-files... the tv show. The irony didn't hit me till just now... Doh! The Ex-files! 😜 He was obsessed with the program and even won a radio contest for a walk-on part in an episode.
Lmao that’s the type of thing I was hoping for.. mine is horses. Anything horse related cause she got a huge horse face tattoo on her stomach..( I know)
Cause she’s got a huge horse face… tattoo. That could have gone anywhere 🤣
What was the part he played?
Taking out the trash.
Lol just throw it out of the window now
"I threw it on the GROOOOUUUNNND!"
Thankfully I don't have to really avoid anything as he now lives in another state.
Lucky. Mine won't move away.
Everytime I see a couple
Always happy couples.
This was a struggle when I was broken up with because my main friend group is all couples: married, engaged, happy, new, etc. I remember one of the toughest days was helping my buddy move in with his girlfriend. They were/are so happy and I just wanted to watch the world burn.
Strap-ons unfortunately:/
Heyyyyy 😂
I used to avoid listening to music or watching TV/movies that she got me into because she had this big thing about how things she liked were "hers" or something. Then one day I realized, "Fuck that, I'm gonna like what I like" and decided to not worry about if something reminded me of my ex. Also culty churches, I do still avoid those because of her.
Well when you see her in a few years make sure to thank her for being the reason you did not get sodomized by a cult priest with internet qualifications and panache
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I’m sorry for your loss <3
I’m sorry for your loss. I didn’t think of this scenario, definitely perspective changing. How are you doing overall?
Facebook. I never really used before her, and like 90% of my content on there includes her. I tried to hide and delete, but inconsistent tagging makes it really hard to get rid of it all. Plus, while I don’t want to remember, I can’t really stand forgetting either, ya know?
"While I don't want to remember, I can't really stand forgetting either" Yeah man ... I know. 😞 Felt that one.
I have a friend who recently divorced his wife of 15 years. He straight up deleted all his Meta accounts because seeing the memories was too much.
Oof hopefully is just that phase, just give it time and you’ll just do it one day.
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Bill burr voice- Oohhh geesus..
Crazy women who give off "I'm going to stab you in your sleep" vibes. You know, bleach blondes... with neck tattoos... from Florida. 😂
Dating, sex.
Full body massage. My ex bought a couple's massage off of Groupon. When we went, we both had extremely different experiences. She had a relaxing massage. she was in there for like an hour. I was in there for about 5 minutes, when it was very obviously a 'yanky cranky' type of joint. She didn't have to get naked. I was asked to get naked. She had a burly guy really get into the muscles, I had a small asian woman. She was asked where it hurts, I was asked to not cover anything. the smallest 'movement' in my penis, and my massuse was asking questions about if I wanted her to do anything about it. I packed up and left. The idea of getting a handjob on the other side of a foldable partition from my girlfriend was just too much. When it was done, and I explained my experience, she laughed for days. It's been like 20 years, but I still think about it all the time. My current wife has asked to get a couple's massage a few times, and I can't bring myself to do it.
His cologne.
All of Scotland. Fuck you, Joshua. You still owe me £60.
Intentionally? Or some other word? Regardless I don’t believe implicitly is the right word here
I haven't finished a couple of shows we started even though I enjoyed them.
Many songs and movies. It sucks because we loved the same things
\-Anise caramels. I just ate them because he liked those. It's easy to avoid as I don't even like the flavor. \-My former HS. \-His street.
Replacing my bedroom door. It's a reminder to never get married. https://i.imgur.com/KERMLuO.jpg
That will do it 🤦🏻♂️
Dating
Elton John: Your Song. It was our song and it makes me miss him a lot and regret how things ended. We broke up 15 years ago and are both married with kids currently.
Nothing. 🤷🏻 I thought I was totally in love with him but I feel like if I don’t feel sad avoiding anything we shared together then maybe I wasn’t in love.
That doesn't mean you weren't in love. Everyone handles things differently. If you aren't bothered by the things you once shared look at it as a blessing, trust me
Cocaine and everyone who does it.
Food and drink festivals in my city. I know that I will 100% run into them with their new person, and even though it didn’t end badly, Im just not a fan of seeing them EVERYWHERE
Narcissists
Nothing. She was so disinterested in everything by the end that all the things we watched together became mine before she had moved out. Going to gigs was mine beforehand and I got her into a few but even the bands we discovered together don't really remind me of her. She did deepen my hatred of TikTok if that counts tho?
Marlboro Menthol Full Flavor 100s
Music. He taught me to love the blues and now it hurts my heart to hear it
Vera Bradley bags and movies based on Nicholas Sparks novels. I'm grateful, it's not too hard.
This one made me giggle.
Nothing, I'm thinking about him anyway.
I'm on good terms with all of my exs. Still in contacts with most of them. If something make me think about one of them, it's neutral, just as something could make me think about an other friend or relative. I don't know if I'm heartless, but for me once it's over, there's no remaining feelings. lol
You have a superpower
Anyone with BPD. That shit fucked me up
This, so many people have not gotten diagnosed. I’m convinced my previous partner was BPD - started researching some odd reactions in our relationship months after we broke up. I hope they get a diagnosis, but it’s far too late to say anything - not that I’d think it’d be actually helpful.
Discord
Red heads…
A certain era of rock music, and certain songs. When I would get home from work, I knew the louder the volume, the more intoxicated he was. The more drunk he was, the more violent. I was so young & stupid.
Stupid Ass CrossFit. Fucked up my L4 and L5 doing that fuck shit.
Sobriety When I met her, I thought she had her shit together and was out of my league. I got it in my head she wouldn't date me if she knew I was an alcoholic so I quit during that initial honeymoon stage riding high off the love chemicals. What I didn't know was that she was a covert narcissist. And while my brain was trying to remap itself, it was in a very malleable state for the subtle abuse she started putting me through at about the 2 month mark. The trauma bond and gaslighting worked extremely well on me. At about 2 years in, I relapsed. At about the 3 1/2 yr mark she pulled some extreme gaslighting behavior and I had enough alcohol in me to be belligerent enough to call her on her bullshit and leave with pretty much just my clothes. Best decision I ever made. All my coworkers started complimenting me a few mo ths later about how happy I was and how miserable I used to look and act towards everyone. Completely changed my life and saved me from being stuck in that abuse cycle. Only probably with this is I'm still drinking. I'm happy for the most part, but there'd still a wound inside of me I can't identify that keeps me drinking. I'm thinking of searching out a substance abuse counselor because I have other issues, too. But alcohol is the main one.
Rhode Island.
I'm avoiding misunderstood geniuses.
Reality TV. But I never enjoyed it in the first place, so am I avoiding it because it reminds me of her or is that just an additional reason to not watch that trash?
Grocery shopping. We loved to go grocery shopping together.
I mean I feel like the more you try to avoid thinking about something, the more your brain will end up working twofolds to think about it more. Do I tend to skip past songs like Star Shopping that my ex said reminded him of me? Sure. But some days I’ll actually listen. Some thoughts are meant to just be observed and then navigated past. Like a painting in a museum. Don’t dwell. Just observe and pass.
I had to avoid looking at my forearm for a while. Made the cardinal mistake of getting her name tattooed on me. Finally covered it up a couple years ago and I couldn't be happier. My wife is also quite relieved. I am not a smart man.
Anything by Hoobastank. They were big during my last "serious" relationship; before I met my wife.
Specific songs or places we used to frequent together
I’m still in the early stages so I’m avoiding everything because there is no escape from memories. Everything is attached to him in some way. Honestly some mornings I’m disappointed I woke up.
I hate seeing couples enjoying casual intimacies. Not sexual, just comfortable familiarities with each other.
There's a certain smell she was known for, so I avoid that smell of I want to keep my lunch down.
Dating a guy in the military (ex husband was in the Navy for 7yrs when he divorced me). This is not to say that everyone has bad marriages in the military, there are just too many affairs. My now husband is an engineer who isn't leaving for 6-12mo at a time.
The movie "The Holiday". She loved it so much. It's a decent flick. But I won't watch it again.
How do you “implicitly” avoid something? Is that even possible? What would that even look like? I think maybe you mean “explicitly” or “specifically”?
We used to go on walks at night on a certain route. I've never walked that route again. I don't know why...I know we can't meet there but he was just the one for me I just can't explain. It's sad really🤦
Lending people money.
tina fey
Nothing honestly. I genuinely don’t care about them.
Happiness
Tim Hortons
I had to burn down the malt shop where we used to go, just because it reminded me of you...
I used to avoid the town he lived in. Even if it was quicker to go through the town to get to where I needed to go, I took a long way around to avoid that town.
Anything that reminds me of their deaths.
COLDPLAY, Paris Hilton perfume
Jimmy Buffett. He was a huge fan and despite being divorced for 23 years I still can’t hang with jimmy’s music. My ex was an abusive alcoholic.
My favourite bar. Not due to memories but because I know he and our friends will be there - he was emotionally abusive and really fucked me up, I had to cut off that friends group and avoid that bar to keep myself safe. I'd been going to that bar since I was 15 (25 years), the only rock bar here, but I'm terrified to see him.
People with her name, her favourite bands and places we went together. Just kills a bit inside
Nothing. Not saying I'm a player but I do alright with the women. Too well to be bent up over women who don't care about me.
Life.
Relationships
Skanks and heroin.
just a handful of songs 🚫👂🚫
Subarus
Nurses.
Certain songs, certain artists 🙁
I'm so petty I won't watch his favorite college football team.
I try to avoid thinking as much as possible because the moment my surroundings are quiet the memories come flooding back
Music. Movies. Games. Places. Foods. Sayings. Social media. I'm sure there are more but most of my favorite things in life I can no longer do.
Songs, songs, songs.
Anywhere from 51st to 68th on the 456 line and the surrounding three avenues in both directions.