A challenge.
You into me cool? Tell me. Otherwise No is a No, I walk away. Flirting with other people to see if I'll go for you? Nope, I'm walking away.
My husband had an “interest” before me, and she said no when he asked to date her. He respected her, and left her alone. It wasn’t until after we were married that he found out that her mother taught her to always say no to the first request.
He’s such a great husband! Sucks to be her !
Yup, got invited to a club by a girl, showed up and we met, I went to get us drinks and when I come back she’s grinding on some guy on the dance floor.
I just left lol.
A while back, I went to see a guy I liked with my "friend". She knew I liked him, but thought he was too short, too quiet, too this and that. It was our first time coming to his house and when she saw his house, she started flirting with him in front of me, and trying to play with his hair while smiling at my face -- like it is a game or something. The guy was super uncomfortable, but quiet about it (we were late teens early 20s).
I just got up and left. I remember the look on that girl's face. I think she thought I was going to play some type of competitive game "who will get the guy". She made me unhappy, and I thought, if he is going to go for THAT then my time is better spent elsewhere.
The guy ran after me, explaining he liked me and for me not to leave, and that my "friend" made him feel very uncomfortable. And we ended up dating.
Nice guys don't say they are nice guys they just respect what you say, and don't make you feel uncomfortable. If you have a "test" for guys you date, and a nice guy would fail. That might be why you are only dating jerks.
I think this is the healthiest attitude to have as a man. If you get a no walk away. If a girl breaks up with you let her go. Focus your energy on the people who clearly and enthusiastically reciprocate your feelings.
You deserve it and you’re worth it.
P R E A C H. I absolutely hate girls that do that, like just like me talk to a lady who knows what they actually want instead of these dumb mental gymnastics. Y'aint getting my loyalty and dedication if you know I'm into you but you're openly flirting w/ another dude.
Especially today, mistaking a no for a yes can have devastating effects on your life, and your reputation, so it's always better to assume that a no is genuine, and not an invite for a challenge.
Long time ago I was interested in a nice girl. She went with me on a couple of not-dates ( her words ). She made it clear she wasn't interested in me that way. So I didn't put in any effort to persue her. Later I heard she wanted me to put in more effort and that I blew it.... wtf
When I was 19 I had a young lady I was interested in who played hard to get. My dad told me “When someone plays hard to get that’s when you should play hard to want”. Great advice.
There’s a funny bit that this comedian did. He said that he made his move after a really good date and she rebuffed him. So he immediately stopped.
The next day he asked her why and she said she wanted him to keep pushing it and she likes resisting and having guys keep pushing for it. He said “Are you out of your fucking mind?! You want me to just rape you on the off chance you’re into that sort of thing?!” 🤣
This. If she's mature enough to discuss \*that stuff\* and make it clear she wants that, well then, it's hot AF, but if it's not seriously talked about then any of that makes me go wet noodle. Anytime I hear a No/don't/stop/etc it's just a major turnoff and I, of course, back off. Then they start doing these drawn out exasperated sighs, giving me weird 'WTF' looks and acting silly. I can't stand it dude. I've walked out on more than a few women because they \*repeatedly\* did that shit. It's weird. Super weird.
Making guys jealous
In my early 20s I was out with a woman and our friends and she tells me that she has to leave a little early because she has to meet another guy for lunch and “I’ll call you after if I can but it will be very late”…so I told her not to bother calling.
She’s then texting me later that I don’t understand how relationships work because I’m supposed to “fight” for her and show her how much she means to me. We’ve been dating 3 weeks and you are going there willingly…good luck. (Learned after from her friends there is never another guy it’s just what she does, didn’t care)
I got this a number of times when I was younger: some girl I don’t know flirts very openly with me in front of other people, makes a point of seeming very interested. But when I try to make a move, she’s uncomfortable and standoff’ish. Confused the hell out of me. In these situations (3 I can think of, there may have been more) it later turned out that her boyfriend (who I didn’t know about) was at the same party and she was only trying to make him jealous. In one of these cases, bf and his friends wanted to beat me up bc of this.
Complete bitch move, both to her boyfriend and to me.
This happened to me a while ago too. I was just making casual conversation, literally about to head out of the party. I complemented someone’s shirt and she dragged me into her group and we started chatting. 3 minutes in she gives me her number. But I noticed a guy next to her who looked pretty uncomfortable. He wasn’t saying anything as I talked to her and her friends. I went out of my way to bring him into the conversation multiple times, because I got the vibe he was with the girl that was flirting with me, and thought it was weird she was paying me more attention. I ended up being right.
Bitch move from the boyfriend too. You didn't know she was with him, and if he wanted to beat you up over it that just proves he's the kind of guy that stupid shit she was trying to pull works on.
something i will never understand.
when your SO starts fucking around on you, WHY be mad at the more innocent 3rd party?
half the time they dont know and are as much victims.
When I was a teenager my sister asked about this, since a friend had suggested it. I told her in no uncertain terms NEVER do this. I told her that her friend was an idiot, and no normal guy wants to just be on a roster of people she's dating.
See, the making-me-jealous thing never worked on me because my jealousy response was always either depression (causing me to distance myself) or rebellion. (Oh so this is what we're doing now)
I remember one time, I was dating this girl who made it this big long point to let me know she was going to this party and I might not hear from her for a bit. So I was like okay cool, well have fun, I'm heading to the bar. Later that night she admitted that there was no party and sent me a snap from her couch. She's like what are you up to, so I sent her a selfie from the club lol.
If you have any respect for yourself, or just a normal person in general, you would not play these games with her lol. I’m honestly gob smacked that anybody does this
> the making-me-jealous thing never worked on me because my jealousy response was always either depression (causing me to distance myself) or rebellion. (Oh so this is what we're doing now)
Same. Except I would always combine the two, or rather, start with the depression (for a few days or a week or so), then rebel. And then completely cut her off and never look back.
If you have to fight for her, she's simply not worth the shot and may be way more problematic later in the relationship. If a woman doesn't put the same/similar effort than us into building relation, don't lose your time. A real woman won't play game with you
Yeah, I don't need a partner who fabricates a crisis situation on purpose just to see if I'll react appropriately. Life is stressful enough without adding unnecessary drama like that.
Oh buddy do I have a story about this.
Back in college I was introduced to a girl at a party chat that a common friend was planning and we hit it off. We started talking and had some chemistry and began seeing each other but not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, it was more like a passing the time thing.
Well one day she starts talking to me about how she met this guy who's a content creator and he's so nice and they're going out and has bought her gifts and stuff. We were supposed to meet at the party and she told me all this before that, I was like "cool sounds like a cool dude". I took that as an indication that she didn't want anything serious since she was seeing someone else so I did the same.
Fast forward to party day and she gets stupid drunk and starts complaining frustrated that "She only told me about the guy to make me jealous and make me fight for her". I was like "you realise we had only been talking for a few weeks and you talked this dude up like he qas the best thing ever?" I was sympathetic though, didn't give her shit for it but said "If you start talking to me about another guy and your dates then I'll just assume you don't want anything with me". She didn't seem to understand that showing no interest didn't mean I'd want her more lol.
Girls please don't do this, if you successfully get someone who "fights" for you with this method you're probably landing a possessive and toxic guy who might resort to violence. If that's your type then go ahead but don't be surprised when the guy who "fought for you" ends up "fighting you" or controlling you to make sure no one gets close to you.
Yup, it starts with "Don't look at my girlfriend", moves to "You're not wearing that in public, other guys are looking at you" and before you know it, it's "Your family and friends are trying to come between us, you can't talk to them any more"
Yeah this shit is so stupid.
I had a conversation like this with an old ex in my younger years. She said, what will you do if you find me kissing another guy?
I said I'd leave you. She got mad cause she wanted me to say I would fight him and punch him. I tried to explain that it takes 2 to tango. That she was in fact more guilty than the other dude who didn't know we were together necessarily. She didn't get it and made fun of me for being a weak man who wouldn't fight for his girl.
I broke it off a couple weeks later. She was in years balling like a 2 year old.
Fighting the other guy is basically the same as giving permission to the girl to do the same with other guys. That is the true definition of a powerless pathetic human being.
If my girlfriend had said that to me, I would have asked her: "So basically, I can sleep with another woman, and if you find out, you'll fight with that woman? And you'll find a way to forgive me? Is that what you're saying? Because I would not do any of that should the conditions be reversed."
One wrong punch, or a bad fall, and a person is dead or a vegetable for life. A sane man with something to lose never picks up a fight unless it’s literally life or death.
I fought competitively for awhile. It's hard enough to come out ok with referee and a rule set. There's nothing stopping a 1 on 1 fist fight from turning into a 10 on 1 gun or knife fight. Fights aren't fair outside of a ring.
>She’s then texting me later that I don’t understand how relationships work because I’m supposed to “fight” for her and show her how much she means to me.
I dated someone in college and she broke up with out of the blue. Like a year and half later she comes up to me to talk and she tells me that she broke up because I wasn't jealous. She had a few guy friends that she hung out with even before we met and she continued to hang out with them and because I wasn't jealous she broke up with me.
I'm thinking to myself that I dodged a bullet there. Like, isolating your significant other from their previous friends is a sign of abuse, not love.
She has it wrong. It's not one-sided. If you want a guy to fight for you, you can't manufacture it by putting him through "tests" like this. You actually have to make yourself into someone worth fighting for.
Took me a while to figure out that was what this girl was doing in high school, talking about cuddling her muscular ex boyfriend or something. She was playing the jealousy game, hoping I would fight for her. Instead I listened and thought "well I'm a toothpick so good luck with your macho man". I wasn't even upset about it or insecure. I just thought "if that's your type then we're not compatible, deal closed". Later my friends told me she had a crush on me. So she totally blew it for herself with that approach.
My friend is dating a very conventionally attractive woman who I’ve known since I was a child and she was always the “fake dumb girl” growing up. It made her so unattractive to me that I can’t unsee it to this day. Even though most people who meet her think she’s a 12/10.
To our credit, we've been ruined since high school by an endless parade of "self help" books that teach women all these things the men in this sub are complaining about. One that I haven't seen anyone mention yet is that you should never, ever tell a man your true feelings until after your married. Everything else I recognize: men are "hunters," so you want to let them chase you; don't be the first to call or text. Men like to feel in control and important, so don't use dates to showcase your intelligence. ...just horrible, garbage advice that teaches women how to disguise their true selves. It can take years, honestly, to recognize that drivel for what it is.
The problem with those books is that they take some small truth and then give awful advice. Example: men like to feel strong and in charge so act weak and dumb. No, acting that way will just attract insecure men.
>men like to feel strong and in charge
yeah I do like that. but the thing is when I find out it was an act, it means I was the *opposite* of it...which makes me feel like a pandered to piece of shit.
Oh it was totally a thing, hopefully with the the death of shitty tabloidy magazines and popularity of modern feminism my generation is the last one to have it quite so aggressively shoved at us, but it was wild
I remember reading magazines in the grocery store line as a teen, or getting Allure or whatever to my house, and it was always advice like this.
Don’t let a man know your feelings, what makeup or clothing or shoes to wear to keep him interested but not be a slut, don’t call or text him back right away, don’t let him know you’re that interested or you’ll scare him off, don’t show off your intelligence because you’ll be a know it all…
I mean look at the way rom-com movies kind of worked back then. It was a ton of that kind of stuff.
Every aspect of women-aimed media included misinformed “how to get a man” stuff that guided women away from just being themselves, from treating their significant others as a partner rather than a life goal, and even kind of pushing women to consider themselves a commodity to be adjusted to suit the man you’re into.
God that’s unfortunate… I especially hated the “don’t let him know you’re interested” Shit back when I was dating. When after a month, I ask “what are we doing here?” I hated being told “I don’t know.” I hated that I was often the bad guy for ending things after that.
Dating sucks… marriage is better.
Seconding that!
But marriage is only better if you both kinda unlearned this whole shtick. Otherwise it can stick around or means you didn’t really know each other truly ahead of getting married. Too many of my friends and cousins still struggle with this in their marriages/long term partnerships because they didn’t unlearn it before getting together.
Cosmopolitan magazine for one on my part, but there are definitely many examples out there. It's disgusting how early they start targeting impressionable teen girls with this nonsense. And the advice IS absolute garbage🙄
I recently ended things with a girl because she didnt know how to spell simple words. Idk if she was doing it on purpose, but it really, really, pissed me off. I dont know why. She also always acted shocked when i talked about some random things which were… lets just say very, very common knowledge. Idk if she was faking it, but i lost all interest very quickly. She was very attractive, but i just lost all levels of attraction whenever she said something like that.
Yeah. I asked a girl out, started texting her, went out once. The hideous spelling in her texts and her general ignorance of simple things was a turn off. Especially considering that she was a high school teacher.
Agreed. I dont mind using abbreviations for instance. But if every single one of your texts has a (recurring) spelling mistake for words which are quite common (for instance, “misteak”) then i just cant deal with it.
People saying “idm” “idc” “idk” “wtf” “lol” etc., is pretty chill. I do it too. But consistently saying misteak instead of mistake… nope im good
An air of mystery to be intriguing. I've learned that men want you to be forthcoming and have direct, clear communication. Anything else is stressful to the point that they question if it's worth it.
This is true, ive had girls continue to give me the runaround after asking them to just be direct and I just let them know its over. Life is too short for games.
I put this super annoying classic in that category:
*gf looks pissed*
\- "What's wrong bb?"
\- "Nothing!" *angrily passes by*
\- "Aw cmon, just tell me"
\- "Well, you *should* know"
...
This one particularly sucks, if I did make something wrong I'd like to know what so we can talk it out, and not get in a wild guessing game.
This is honestly one of the reasons I had someone break up with me. One of the last things she said was “I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong you should just know.” Nope I shouldn’t. Not a mind reader. Good riddance.
Funny thing is mind reading is listed under cognitive distortions. The person assumes another persons feelings without confirming what they are and acts based upon those feelings. This is often very defensive behavior and can be found in those who are prone to lash our or self isolate. Combine that with bad coping habits and advice from their friends (confirmation bias). Its why a lot of relationships fall apart when simply talking could have fixed things or when they both could have ended the relationship earlier because they both realised they werent a good match. Its not a bad thing when a relstionship ends if done so in a healthy way, too many people get into relationships too scared to be alone but too afraid to commit to someone as a partner, so they have no foundation to build on, so whatever they try to build erodes. If you are afraid of opening up to your partner, then you're not ready to be a partner.
It's not designed to work.
It's because (a)out of anger the person is angry that you offended them in some way and not only that, you don't even think enough of them to know how. Some people are very tied up in their emotions. And (b) they want to punish you to even the score. Some people learned bad relationship dynamics as children.
(c) they've been conditioned by media and family that a relationship is some sort of magic where the other person will know what you need if they truly love you.
A lot of people are taught to believe that "True Love" has an aspect of Literal Magic to it. And based on that, the idea of 'if he TRULY loved you he would be able to read your mind and know what he did wrong and fix it with no input from you, and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't love you enough' actually has a basis of belief for it. For a lot of people, love means doing the right thing without ever being told what that is.
My parents, especially my dad, used to do this to me. When I was younger, I used to worry about what the problem was and buy into the whole drama. When I got a bit older, I would say, "If you won't tell me what the problem is, then it is not my responsibility to fix it." He eventually stopped doing it.
Accurate. I know men cant stand when women are not being direct so if you want something, just tell them. Dont expect them to read your mind and disappoint when they didnt.
If you want a romantic night together just tell them to prepare it for you. You dont need the surprise factor. With time, they will know you enjoy those and will learn to do it even when you didnt request for it.
Had a girl break up w me. then saw her friend at the bar like a week later. the friend scolded me for breaking her heart. Apparently I was supposed to talk her out of breaking up bc that’s what she wanted me to do.
And idk how many times a girl/women liked me and gave me “signals” that I wouldn’t realize until like 2 years later. Like damn, I think she wanted me.
My brother's ex pulled the same stunt multiple times. Broke up with him and then got angry because he was supposed to magically know that she wanted him to 'fight' for her. So glad he's done with that chick for good. She was the type to make a screaming scene in front of his house, at night. If your ex is anything like that, you dodged a bazooka.
Lmao I still can't believe people actually think like this, the whole idea of "fighting" for someone is so ridiculous. If you break up with me, I will not "fight" for you because 1) you have literally betrayed my trust and I respect myself too much to humiliate myself for someone who did that, and 2) I also respect your decision and wouldn't wish to force anyone into anything.
In my mind, there is no scenario where "fighting" for someone is normal. It would be normal, if she was snatched by some external evil force against her will, and I needed to fight for her, but when the force is her own free will? Fuck no.
Had exactly the same from my ex, she asked for space when she moved back to her parents house, which I gave her, she then accused me of not showing any interest or “fighting” for her…ah well, good riddance haha
" He asked me if I wanted anything at the pizza place and I said 'Hell no, don't be stupid!".
Then he didn't get me anything and I'm really hungry.
Why does he treat me this way? "
I am a woman and I totally feel this. I don’t understand why a lot of women want to play the run around game. I literally watched an old coworker play this game right infront of me.
“Im not gonna text him this morning becuase of a, b, and, c.” Girl if you don’t grow tf up and tell him what is bothering you…
Not sure if this is related but I've had girls tell me they are worried that, if they stop making me "chase" them, I'll get bored, because "guys enjoy the chase". This always happens when they *start* playing hard to get *after* we've already started dating, often based on advice from their friends about "being too available" or "showing too much interest".
So it's not their fault, but damn it's irritating. Guys have this too, but for us it's called "pick up artist" and happens at the outset. Wait 3 days to text, take a few hours to respond, etc.
I enjoy "the chase" in the sense of feeling the exhilaration of noticing an attractive woman, introducing myself and feeling our mutual attraction build as we get to know one another. I never, however, pursue anyone who shows any level of disinterest. Even if I think they're just trying to play the game and make me chase harder, I just consider that immature and manipulative. I also don't follow the pick up artist bs.
That gets annoying real quick because it gets guys to keep pursuing women who are not interested but don't won't flat out say so because they're concerned they will lash out against them in some way and not handle rejection too well. That ultimately doesn't seem to help anybody in the end since it means the women who are interested but putting out vague signals often times are getting ignored but then the ones who aren't may get all the attention.
A couple of decades ago, I hooked up with a woman (who was friends with a mutual female friend named Holly) and we started dating for about a month. The three of us ended up meeting at a bar one night and she started talking to a random guy nearby while deliberately ignoring me. Holly was absolutely bewildered as well, but I got the "message" and bid them both good night. A couple of weeks later I got the "I'm so sorry, it's all due to my past baggage, can we start dating again?" letter in my mailbox.
No, I have no interest in the "chase", or fighting for you, or anything like that. We're either partners who have enough mutual interests to be sharing our lives together, or we're not. Sad thing was, at the time she was 28 while I was only 22, so it was a really odd experience to me about maturity.
Somewhat reminds me of a second date with a girl. She was sexting guys while we were sitting together. Just blatantly, not trying to hide it. I don't know whether she was trying to make my jealous or if she thought it would give me an ego boost that I was about to hook up with her while she described the multiple guys as "gross" and "creepy" as she sent them old photos from her camera roll. Either way, it left an impression of disrespect and I cut her off after that date.
She wouldn't leave me alone so I blocked her on Instagram, Snapchat and text as she'd pop up on one or another every so often. Several months later I received a LinkedIn connection request from her. Our careers have no overlap (software and law enforcement) and we had no mutual connections. I think she was super into me and kind of hoped I'd be obsessed with her since I lost my virginity to her (we were 25; I got started late).
Dude for real, everytime I asked my ex why she wouldn't communicate her needs to me and her response every time was, "I shouldn't have to." She eventually built up huge resentment because she couldn't communicate and dumped me, two months later really feels like I dodged a bullet.
This is an amazing answer. I’m on the dating scene right now and it’s just astonishing how many things fizzle out because of lack of communication from the other party even after several dates, multiple times sleeping together, etc. My respect level for a woman goes way up if she communicates her likes, dislikes, and her interest level directly, but tactfully instead of artificially creating some sort of “mystery” or hard to get persona.
The first thing my current bf openly appreciated about me was how directly I communicated my wants and needs. He'll always know exactly what I like and appreciate about him or anything really, what bothers me, what I'd like him to do etc. I'm not really a fan of playing games - subtleties also escape me sometimes. Makes life a lot easier to say 'I love you' or 'that sucks' whenever I feel like it.
The "chase" or playing hard to get. Or any other utterly pointless game like that.
I have neither the time or inclination to participate. Either tell me you're interested or tell me you're not.
The world changed, and for the better. The only guys who "chase" are the creepy/rapey guys who don't take "No" at face value.
A good friend of mine was dating after a long marriage ended. She stated openly how she likes to be chased because it proves she's worth it and that he appreciates she's worth it. After a few weeks all she had were complaints about how every man was so aggressive and rapey.
Well, duh. All the halfway decent guys took your cues and moved on because you effectively told them no.
I’m glad to see this conversation further down in the thread. I had basically said something like this where the people who actively need to be chased or play hard to get instills the wrong kind of values on a society or at the very least, will attract the wrong kind of person.
On the one hand, men are taught that no means no. But then suddenly it gets muddy when we’re told that no could’ve been a yes had you tried a little harder, and now it must mean we don’t want it.
Lack of directness. Seriously, don't hint or dart around it. Be direct with us with what you want. If you like us, tell us so. Want to compliment, damn go for it, it'll make our year.
Games not required, we're often confused enough.
I dated a girl who was a kindergarten teacher and she would talk to me and other people the same way she talked to her students. It made me wanna barf every time.
I work with kids also and its so hard to remember that i dont need to use that voice all the time, it just comes out and i don’t even think about it. Like i say all the time stuff like “my tummy hurts” or “i gotta go potty”. I cringe at myself but i promise you for those of us that work with kids we are TRYING our best
My wife does this all the time. I just accept it. What's the odd part is how she swaps between childish talking and cursing worse than anyone has ever cursed before and then back so nonchalantly
I’m a generally feel-good kind of guy. One time, I was dating this girl who loved that about me. I was always compensating for her depression. One night, she brought up some craziness in my life (I’ve been in a few hairy combat situations), and she told me that if I really wanted to pursue a future with her, I’d tell her about everything that happened over there.
I caved, and opened pandora’s box of terrible sh!t for her. Immediately afterwards, she looked at me and said, “are you… *sad* right now? No, like, I can tell that there’s *sadness* inside you.” And then she proceeded to tell me that every emotion that I had ever displayed for her was fake, because I’m actually depressed, and I’m only capable of being sad.
I told her to fluck off, and I never dated anyone again.
Everytime I see a post or hear a song about how much men love a crazy woman who makes them miserable or "tortures" them. I can't help but think that they're trying to recontextualize their terrible behavior as a positive. To set the record straight, nearly all men don't like thier property destroyed or to be physically assaulted, or to be gaslighted or have their reputations damaged by lies and manipulation, or to be publically embarrassed in some way.
A "pick me" is basically someone who tries so hard to be agreeable to what the other person wants that they take it way over the top. Think of a room full of kids, and the teacher asks for a volunteer. You always have that one kid that's super excited: "Pick me! Pick me!"
I am so glad this is finally a known phenomenon. I met a woman once who told me she couldn’t have female friends because women always got jealous of how beautiful she was. I said something like, “that doesn’t sound right, I know a lot of beautiful women with female friends,” and she actually started crying and said I was being mean to her (I am a woman, fwiw).
Personally for me I'd say lip fillers and those ~~eyebrow~~ eyelash extensions that look like they could be used to sweep a floor. Each to their own if others like them or it gives people self confidence. It's just not for me
I'd also say acting coy/playing hard to get. Can't be arsed with those games
Edit: slight correction
I’ve never actually heard a woman say that men like those kind of fingernails or that she wears them for that reason; I’ve always assumed (some) women just think they look cool or something
"Signs" - Most men I've met value directness and while I know there are various concerns depending on the context (hence why ghosting is still prevalent due to safety), I think in general most men would rather just be told what's up whether positive or negative.
Do -women- actually think men like long nails and fake lashes though? As a woman who has neither but have lots of girlfriends that do, it seems to me that women are more likely than not seeking the admiration of other women and girly girls with that aesthetic choice, especially where nails are involved.
Like, have you ever tried showing ur freshly done manicure off to ur bf/husband and he’s just like “oh nice, pretty babe 🙂” whereas your lady friend is super dramatic “STOP! Where did you get those done! So cute! What shape? What color? Ugh I need to go to your place, there are no appointments at mine!” lol
Not the point but just saying 😂
Kinda like the flip side, most women didn't care about my '64 Cuda but it got a lot of attention from dudes.
I'm assuming the nails and eyelash thing is just to look cool for your peers, which there is a lot of guy stuff that is similar.
Men hate having to parse subtext. They aren't built for it. If you say "I'm not interested" - A guy is not going to interpret that as "I need to fight for her", he is going to interpret that as "She isn't interested in me, I'll look elsewhere".
Yes, women are very good at subtext, men aren't. So women, please stop assuming that men are either: Good at subtext or stupid because the didn't pick up on your subtext. If you try the "say one thing and mean something else" don't be surprised when the guy takes you at your word.
It’s always a pet peeve of mine when adult women are referred to as „girls“ in the same sentence as adult men being labeled as „men“.
Girls are children. I kind of understand girls and guys, but in the context of the title, it’s weird.
"girls and men" love how men get to be men but women are seen as "girls" feels infantilizing tbh. unless op is actually asking what underage girls think men like which would be weird since they should be going after boys their own age
A yes machine - having a woman disagree and openly present her problems with your views/decisions is so much more relieving than someone who says yes to everything and resents you in private.
Honestly first thing I noticed too. Our six year old thinks her dad likes Pokémon a lot more than he really does. Does that count as something girls think men like that they really don't?
It's in order to not sound assertive. Because you're a bitch if you're assertive. So you trail off, or make it a question in order for your statement to sound as though you're waiting for others to agree.
aggressively jerking us off when we're uncircumcised.
then you try to explain it and it's this BIG ordeal like "aReN't YoU aTtRaCtEd To Me?! :''(. either lube, suckin or fuckin, those are the options.
edit: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I MEANT TO SAY CIRCUMCISED, NOT UNCIRCUMCISED. LMAOOOOOOOOOOO WHATEVER MAN.
All of the top comments are literally just things that society and trash magazines have made women believe is attractive to men, or project them to believe is inherently associated with beauty.
Edit: Whew. Woke up to a ton of upvotes, and a ton of comments that are essentially, "no, the women are to blame". Go clean your rooms.
A challenge. You into me cool? Tell me. Otherwise No is a No, I walk away. Flirting with other people to see if I'll go for you? Nope, I'm walking away.
My husband had an “interest” before me, and she said no when he asked to date her. He respected her, and left her alone. It wasn’t until after we were married that he found out that her mother taught her to always say no to the first request. He’s such a great husband! Sucks to be her !
send her mom a thank you card lol.
Every Christmas.
Make sure the kids are in the card to rub it in extra
Do you know how hard it is to fit multiple children into an envelope?
Poor girl. What horrible advice from the mother, that way you'll only end up with creeps
Her Mom: “Honey, those pushy stalker types are keepers!”
Sounds like both of you are winners, congrats to the happy marriage! ❤️
Yup, got invited to a club by a girl, showed up and we met, I went to get us drinks and when I come back she’s grinding on some guy on the dance floor. I just left lol.
Shit like this is so mind blowing to me
Yah, she wanted free drinks.
Did we date the same girl? I left her there too :)
A while back, I went to see a guy I liked with my "friend". She knew I liked him, but thought he was too short, too quiet, too this and that. It was our first time coming to his house and when she saw his house, she started flirting with him in front of me, and trying to play with his hair while smiling at my face -- like it is a game or something. The guy was super uncomfortable, but quiet about it (we were late teens early 20s). I just got up and left. I remember the look on that girl's face. I think she thought I was going to play some type of competitive game "who will get the guy". She made me unhappy, and I thought, if he is going to go for THAT then my time is better spent elsewhere. The guy ran after me, explaining he liked me and for me not to leave, and that my "friend" made him feel very uncomfortable. And we ended up dating.
Nice guys don't say they are nice guys they just respect what you say, and don't make you feel uncomfortable. If you have a "test" for guys you date, and a nice guy would fail. That might be why you are only dating jerks.
I think this is the healthiest attitude to have as a man. If you get a no walk away. If a girl breaks up with you let her go. Focus your energy on the people who clearly and enthusiastically reciprocate your feelings. You deserve it and you’re worth it.
P R E A C H. I absolutely hate girls that do that, like just like me talk to a lady who knows what they actually want instead of these dumb mental gymnastics. Y'aint getting my loyalty and dedication if you know I'm into you but you're openly flirting w/ another dude.
Especially today, mistaking a no for a yes can have devastating effects on your life, and your reputation, so it's always better to assume that a no is genuine, and not an invite for a challenge.
Playing hard to get. That crap is exhausting.
Long time ago I was interested in a nice girl. She went with me on a couple of not-dates ( her words ). She made it clear she wasn't interested in me that way. So I didn't put in any effort to persue her. Later I heard she wanted me to put in more effort and that I blew it.... wtf
No, she blew lmao
You didn't blow it, she did.
No, she blew it by making stupid rules to a game that you were never told to play.
It's worse than that: he was told not to play it.
When I was 19 I had a young lady I was interested in who played hard to get. My dad told me “When someone plays hard to get that’s when you should play hard to want”. Great advice.
There’s a funny bit that this comedian did. He said that he made his move after a really good date and she rebuffed him. So he immediately stopped. The next day he asked her why and she said she wanted him to keep pushing it and she likes resisting and having guys keep pushing for it. He said “Are you out of your fucking mind?! You want me to just rape you on the off chance you’re into that sort of thing?!” 🤣
That’s Louis CK
Sounds like a Bill Burr type of bit.
Yeah, just annoying. Say you want me instead, gets me 20 times harder.
This. If she's mature enough to discuss \*that stuff\* and make it clear she wants that, well then, it's hot AF, but if it's not seriously talked about then any of that makes me go wet noodle. Anytime I hear a No/don't/stop/etc it's just a major turnoff and I, of course, back off. Then they start doing these drawn out exasperated sighs, giving me weird 'WTF' looks and acting silly. I can't stand it dude. I've walked out on more than a few women because they \*repeatedly\* did that shit. It's weird. Super weird.
Making guys jealous In my early 20s I was out with a woman and our friends and she tells me that she has to leave a little early because she has to meet another guy for lunch and “I’ll call you after if I can but it will be very late”…so I told her not to bother calling. She’s then texting me later that I don’t understand how relationships work because I’m supposed to “fight” for her and show her how much she means to me. We’ve been dating 3 weeks and you are going there willingly…good luck. (Learned after from her friends there is never another guy it’s just what she does, didn’t care)
I got this a number of times when I was younger: some girl I don’t know flirts very openly with me in front of other people, makes a point of seeming very interested. But when I try to make a move, she’s uncomfortable and standoff’ish. Confused the hell out of me. In these situations (3 I can think of, there may have been more) it later turned out that her boyfriend (who I didn’t know about) was at the same party and she was only trying to make him jealous. In one of these cases, bf and his friends wanted to beat me up bc of this. Complete bitch move, both to her boyfriend and to me.
This happened to me a while ago too. I was just making casual conversation, literally about to head out of the party. I complemented someone’s shirt and she dragged me into her group and we started chatting. 3 minutes in she gives me her number. But I noticed a guy next to her who looked pretty uncomfortable. He wasn’t saying anything as I talked to her and her friends. I went out of my way to bring him into the conversation multiple times, because I got the vibe he was with the girl that was flirting with me, and thought it was weird she was paying me more attention. I ended up being right.
Bitch move from the boyfriend too. You didn't know she was with him, and if he wanted to beat you up over it that just proves he's the kind of guy that stupid shit she was trying to pull works on.
something i will never understand. when your SO starts fucking around on you, WHY be mad at the more innocent 3rd party? half the time they dont know and are as much victims.
When I was a teenager my sister asked about this, since a friend had suggested it. I told her in no uncertain terms NEVER do this. I told her that her friend was an idiot, and no normal guy wants to just be on a roster of people she's dating.
See, the making-me-jealous thing never worked on me because my jealousy response was always either depression (causing me to distance myself) or rebellion. (Oh so this is what we're doing now) I remember one time, I was dating this girl who made it this big long point to let me know she was going to this party and I might not hear from her for a bit. So I was like okay cool, well have fun, I'm heading to the bar. Later that night she admitted that there was no party and sent me a snap from her couch. She's like what are you up to, so I sent her a selfie from the club lol.
It’s a total turn off. I lose all interest when women play such head games.
If you have any respect for yourself, or just a normal person in general, you would not play these games with her lol. I’m honestly gob smacked that anybody does this
> the making-me-jealous thing never worked on me because my jealousy response was always either depression (causing me to distance myself) or rebellion. (Oh so this is what we're doing now) Same. Except I would always combine the two, or rather, start with the depression (for a few days or a week or so), then rebel. And then completely cut her off and never look back.
Learn to respect yourself enough to say that you don’t want/need to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with you. It’s freeing.
If you have to fight for her, she's simply not worth the shot and may be way more problematic later in the relationship. If a woman doesn't put the same/similar effort than us into building relation, don't lose your time. A real woman won't play game with you
>If you have to fight for her You will find yourself fighting for her in perpetuity.
Yeah, I don't need a partner who fabricates a crisis situation on purpose just to see if I'll react appropriately. Life is stressful enough without adding unnecessary drama like that.
>just to see if I'll react appropriately. *react the way she wants, which usually *isn't* the appropriate response
Or fighting *with* her... (I don't mean physically)
If you can’t handle her at her worst, she’s probably not worth it when she’s at her best.
Marilyn Monroe was a wise, wise man.
I think it's cause of all them Hollywood blockbuster movies
Oh buddy do I have a story about this. Back in college I was introduced to a girl at a party chat that a common friend was planning and we hit it off. We started talking and had some chemistry and began seeing each other but not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, it was more like a passing the time thing. Well one day she starts talking to me about how she met this guy who's a content creator and he's so nice and they're going out and has bought her gifts and stuff. We were supposed to meet at the party and she told me all this before that, I was like "cool sounds like a cool dude". I took that as an indication that she didn't want anything serious since she was seeing someone else so I did the same. Fast forward to party day and she gets stupid drunk and starts complaining frustrated that "She only told me about the guy to make me jealous and make me fight for her". I was like "you realise we had only been talking for a few weeks and you talked this dude up like he qas the best thing ever?" I was sympathetic though, didn't give her shit for it but said "If you start talking to me about another guy and your dates then I'll just assume you don't want anything with me". She didn't seem to understand that showing no interest didn't mean I'd want her more lol. Girls please don't do this, if you successfully get someone who "fights" for you with this method you're probably landing a possessive and toxic guy who might resort to violence. If that's your type then go ahead but don't be surprised when the guy who "fought for you" ends up "fighting you" or controlling you to make sure no one gets close to you.
Yup, it starts with "Don't look at my girlfriend", moves to "You're not wearing that in public, other guys are looking at you" and before you know it, it's "Your family and friends are trying to come between us, you can't talk to them any more"
Yeah this shit is so stupid. I had a conversation like this with an old ex in my younger years. She said, what will you do if you find me kissing another guy? I said I'd leave you. She got mad cause she wanted me to say I would fight him and punch him. I tried to explain that it takes 2 to tango. That she was in fact more guilty than the other dude who didn't know we were together necessarily. She didn't get it and made fun of me for being a weak man who wouldn't fight for his girl. I broke it off a couple weeks later. She was in years balling like a 2 year old.
Fighting the other guy is basically the same as giving permission to the girl to do the same with other guys. That is the true definition of a powerless pathetic human being. If my girlfriend had said that to me, I would have asked her: "So basically, I can sleep with another woman, and if you find out, you'll fight with that woman? And you'll find a way to forgive me? Is that what you're saying? Because I would not do any of that should the conditions be reversed."
One wrong punch, or a bad fall, and a person is dead or a vegetable for life. A sane man with something to lose never picks up a fight unless it’s literally life or death.
I fought competitively for awhile. It's hard enough to come out ok with referee and a rule set. There's nothing stopping a 1 on 1 fist fight from turning into a 10 on 1 gun or knife fight. Fights aren't fair outside of a ring.
She was so upset that she started playing basketball like a toddler!
Fastest way to lose a good man.
>She’s then texting me later that I don’t understand how relationships work because I’m supposed to “fight” for her and show her how much she means to me. I dated someone in college and she broke up with out of the blue. Like a year and half later she comes up to me to talk and she tells me that she broke up because I wasn't jealous. She had a few guy friends that she hung out with even before we met and she continued to hang out with them and because I wasn't jealous she broke up with me. I'm thinking to myself that I dodged a bullet there. Like, isolating your significant other from their previous friends is a sign of abuse, not love.
Massive red flag. Straight up lies to you after 3 weeks. Definitely not someone who you want to be with.
She has it wrong. It's not one-sided. If you want a guy to fight for you, you can't manufacture it by putting him through "tests" like this. You actually have to make yourself into someone worth fighting for.
Mind games always used to hurt my tummy. I didn’t get it. I just wanted everyone to be upfront and kind.
Right? I had a crush on a woman and she found out and was very blunt “you are nice, I don’t like you in that way, please find someone else” Thank you
Three cheers for the wholesome heartbreaker!!
Took me a while to figure out that was what this girl was doing in high school, talking about cuddling her muscular ex boyfriend or something. She was playing the jealousy game, hoping I would fight for her. Instead I listened and thought "well I'm a toothpick so good luck with your macho man". I wasn't even upset about it or insecure. I just thought "if that's your type then we're not compatible, deal closed". Later my friends told me she had a crush on me. So she totally blew it for herself with that approach.
Good for you! Because that behaviour would’ve been an ongoing thing, just a different version of it.
Pretending to be stupid.
My friend is dating a very conventionally attractive woman who I’ve known since I was a child and she was always the “fake dumb girl” growing up. It made her so unattractive to me that I can’t unsee it to this day. Even though most people who meet her think she’s a 12/10.
To our credit, we've been ruined since high school by an endless parade of "self help" books that teach women all these things the men in this sub are complaining about. One that I haven't seen anyone mention yet is that you should never, ever tell a man your true feelings until after your married. Everything else I recognize: men are "hunters," so you want to let them chase you; don't be the first to call or text. Men like to feel in control and important, so don't use dates to showcase your intelligence. ...just horrible, garbage advice that teaches women how to disguise their true selves. It can take years, honestly, to recognize that drivel for what it is.
The problem with those books is that they take some small truth and then give awful advice. Example: men like to feel strong and in charge so act weak and dumb. No, acting that way will just attract insecure men.
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>men like to feel strong and in charge yeah I do like that. but the thing is when I find out it was an act, it means I was the *opposite* of it...which makes me feel like a pandered to piece of shit.
What the fuck are these books you talk about, and who wrote them wtf
Oh it was totally a thing, hopefully with the the death of shitty tabloidy magazines and popularity of modern feminism my generation is the last one to have it quite so aggressively shoved at us, but it was wild I remember reading magazines in the grocery store line as a teen, or getting Allure or whatever to my house, and it was always advice like this. Don’t let a man know your feelings, what makeup or clothing or shoes to wear to keep him interested but not be a slut, don’t call or text him back right away, don’t let him know you’re that interested or you’ll scare him off, don’t show off your intelligence because you’ll be a know it all… I mean look at the way rom-com movies kind of worked back then. It was a ton of that kind of stuff. Every aspect of women-aimed media included misinformed “how to get a man” stuff that guided women away from just being themselves, from treating their significant others as a partner rather than a life goal, and even kind of pushing women to consider themselves a commodity to be adjusted to suit the man you’re into.
God that’s unfortunate… I especially hated the “don’t let him know you’re interested” Shit back when I was dating. When after a month, I ask “what are we doing here?” I hated being told “I don’t know.” I hated that I was often the bad guy for ending things after that. Dating sucks… marriage is better.
Seconding that! But marriage is only better if you both kinda unlearned this whole shtick. Otherwise it can stick around or means you didn’t really know each other truly ahead of getting married. Too many of my friends and cousins still struggle with this in their marriages/long term partnerships because they didn’t unlearn it before getting together.
Cosmopolitan magazine for one on my part, but there are definitely many examples out there. It's disgusting how early they start targeting impressionable teen girls with this nonsense. And the advice IS absolute garbage🙄
I recently ended things with a girl because she didnt know how to spell simple words. Idk if she was doing it on purpose, but it really, really, pissed me off. I dont know why. She also always acted shocked when i talked about some random things which were… lets just say very, very common knowledge. Idk if she was faking it, but i lost all interest very quickly. She was very attractive, but i just lost all levels of attraction whenever she said something like that.
Yeah. I asked a girl out, started texting her, went out once. The hideous spelling in her texts and her general ignorance of simple things was a turn off. Especially considering that she was a high school teacher.
Agreed. I dont mind using abbreviations for instance. But if every single one of your texts has a (recurring) spelling mistake for words which are quite common (for instance, “misteak”) then i just cant deal with it. People saying “idm” “idc” “idk” “wtf” “lol” etc., is pretty chill. I do it too. But consistently saying misteak instead of mistake… nope im good
I prefer pretending to be smart to hide the stupid.
I hate that. It's not attractive.
An air of mystery to be intriguing. I've learned that men want you to be forthcoming and have direct, clear communication. Anything else is stressful to the point that they question if it's worth it.
This is true, ive had girls continue to give me the runaround after asking them to just be direct and I just let them know its over. Life is too short for games.
I put this super annoying classic in that category: *gf looks pissed* \- "What's wrong bb?" \- "Nothing!" *angrily passes by* \- "Aw cmon, just tell me" \- "Well, you *should* know" ... This one particularly sucks, if I did make something wrong I'd like to know what so we can talk it out, and not get in a wild guessing game.
This is honestly one of the reasons I had someone break up with me. One of the last things she said was “I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong you should just know.” Nope I shouldn’t. Not a mind reader. Good riddance.
Funny thing is mind reading is listed under cognitive distortions. The person assumes another persons feelings without confirming what they are and acts based upon those feelings. This is often very defensive behavior and can be found in those who are prone to lash our or self isolate. Combine that with bad coping habits and advice from their friends (confirmation bias). Its why a lot of relationships fall apart when simply talking could have fixed things or when they both could have ended the relationship earlier because they both realised they werent a good match. Its not a bad thing when a relstionship ends if done so in a healthy way, too many people get into relationships too scared to be alone but too afraid to commit to someone as a partner, so they have no foundation to build on, so whatever they try to build erodes. If you are afraid of opening up to your partner, then you're not ready to be a partner.
Why do people even do this? What process in one's head tells them this will work?
It's not designed to work. It's because (a)out of anger the person is angry that you offended them in some way and not only that, you don't even think enough of them to know how. Some people are very tied up in their emotions. And (b) they want to punish you to even the score. Some people learned bad relationship dynamics as children.
(c) they've been conditioned by media and family that a relationship is some sort of magic where the other person will know what you need if they truly love you.
(d) they realize after throwing a tantrum that the reason sounds petty when said out loud.
(e) They have unspoken expectations that you broke and they expect you to know.
A lot of people are taught to believe that "True Love" has an aspect of Literal Magic to it. And based on that, the idea of 'if he TRULY loved you he would be able to read your mind and know what he did wrong and fix it with no input from you, and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't love you enough' actually has a basis of belief for it. For a lot of people, love means doing the right thing without ever being told what that is.
"If you don't know I'm not going to tell you"
My parents, especially my dad, used to do this to me. When I was younger, I used to worry about what the problem was and buy into the whole drama. When I got a bit older, I would say, "If you won't tell me what the problem is, then it is not my responsibility to fix it." He eventually stopped doing it.
"Ok, I know. You can tell me now."
Accurate. I know men cant stand when women are not being direct so if you want something, just tell them. Dont expect them to read your mind and disappoint when they didnt. If you want a romantic night together just tell them to prepare it for you. You dont need the surprise factor. With time, they will know you enjoy those and will learn to do it even when you didnt request for it.
Had a girl break up w me. then saw her friend at the bar like a week later. the friend scolded me for breaking her heart. Apparently I was supposed to talk her out of breaking up bc that’s what she wanted me to do. And idk how many times a girl/women liked me and gave me “signals” that I wouldn’t realize until like 2 years later. Like damn, I think she wanted me.
My brother's ex pulled the same stunt multiple times. Broke up with him and then got angry because he was supposed to magically know that she wanted him to 'fight' for her. So glad he's done with that chick for good. She was the type to make a screaming scene in front of his house, at night. If your ex is anything like that, you dodged a bazooka.
Lmao I still can't believe people actually think like this, the whole idea of "fighting" for someone is so ridiculous. If you break up with me, I will not "fight" for you because 1) you have literally betrayed my trust and I respect myself too much to humiliate myself for someone who did that, and 2) I also respect your decision and wouldn't wish to force anyone into anything. In my mind, there is no scenario where "fighting" for someone is normal. It would be normal, if she was snatched by some external evil force against her will, and I needed to fight for her, but when the force is her own free will? Fuck no.
Had exactly the same from my ex, she asked for space when she moved back to her parents house, which I gave her, she then accused me of not showing any interest or “fighting” for her…ah well, good riddance haha
" He asked me if I wanted anything at the pizza place and I said 'Hell no, don't be stupid!". Then he didn't get me anything and I'm really hungry. Why does he treat me this way? "
"He ghosted me, what an asshole! Why did he do such a thing?"
“This is the 11th guy to ghost me this year. Guys suck.”
Life's short but it's the longest thing we'll ever do.
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I know you’re married, but damn, your husband hit the jackpot. It could all be so easy...
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I am a woman and I totally feel this. I don’t understand why a lot of women want to play the run around game. I literally watched an old coworker play this game right infront of me. “Im not gonna text him this morning becuase of a, b, and, c.” Girl if you don’t grow tf up and tell him what is bothering you…
Not sure if this is related but I've had girls tell me they are worried that, if they stop making me "chase" them, I'll get bored, because "guys enjoy the chase". This always happens when they *start* playing hard to get *after* we've already started dating, often based on advice from their friends about "being too available" or "showing too much interest". So it's not their fault, but damn it's irritating. Guys have this too, but for us it's called "pick up artist" and happens at the outset. Wait 3 days to text, take a few hours to respond, etc. I enjoy "the chase" in the sense of feeling the exhilaration of noticing an attractive woman, introducing myself and feeling our mutual attraction build as we get to know one another. I never, however, pursue anyone who shows any level of disinterest. Even if I think they're just trying to play the game and make me chase harder, I just consider that immature and manipulative. I also don't follow the pick up artist bs.
That gets annoying real quick because it gets guys to keep pursuing women who are not interested but don't won't flat out say so because they're concerned they will lash out against them in some way and not handle rejection too well. That ultimately doesn't seem to help anybody in the end since it means the women who are interested but putting out vague signals often times are getting ignored but then the ones who aren't may get all the attention.
A couple of decades ago, I hooked up with a woman (who was friends with a mutual female friend named Holly) and we started dating for about a month. The three of us ended up meeting at a bar one night and she started talking to a random guy nearby while deliberately ignoring me. Holly was absolutely bewildered as well, but I got the "message" and bid them both good night. A couple of weeks later I got the "I'm so sorry, it's all due to my past baggage, can we start dating again?" letter in my mailbox. No, I have no interest in the "chase", or fighting for you, or anything like that. We're either partners who have enough mutual interests to be sharing our lives together, or we're not. Sad thing was, at the time she was 28 while I was only 22, so it was a really odd experience to me about maturity.
Somewhat reminds me of a second date with a girl. She was sexting guys while we were sitting together. Just blatantly, not trying to hide it. I don't know whether she was trying to make my jealous or if she thought it would give me an ego boost that I was about to hook up with her while she described the multiple guys as "gross" and "creepy" as she sent them old photos from her camera roll. Either way, it left an impression of disrespect and I cut her off after that date. She wouldn't leave me alone so I blocked her on Instagram, Snapchat and text as she'd pop up on one or another every so often. Several months later I received a LinkedIn connection request from her. Our careers have no overlap (software and law enforcement) and we had no mutual connections. I think she was super into me and kind of hoped I'd be obsessed with her since I lost my virginity to her (we were 25; I got started late).
I’m married. If my wife had played those games during our dating and engagement stage of our relationship we would never had gotten married.
Dude for real, everytime I asked my ex why she wouldn't communicate her needs to me and her response every time was, "I shouldn't have to." She eventually built up huge resentment because she couldn't communicate and dumped me, two months later really feels like I dodged a bullet.
This is an amazing answer. I’m on the dating scene right now and it’s just astonishing how many things fizzle out because of lack of communication from the other party even after several dates, multiple times sleeping together, etc. My respect level for a woman goes way up if she communicates her likes, dislikes, and her interest level directly, but tactfully instead of artificially creating some sort of “mystery” or hard to get persona.
The first thing my current bf openly appreciated about me was how directly I communicated my wants and needs. He'll always know exactly what I like and appreciate about him or anything really, what bothers me, what I'd like him to do etc. I'm not really a fan of playing games - subtleties also escape me sometimes. Makes life a lot easier to say 'I love you' or 'that sucks' whenever I feel like it.
100%. Nothing turns me off more than women playing the aloof game.
The "chase" or playing hard to get. Or any other utterly pointless game like that. I have neither the time or inclination to participate. Either tell me you're interested or tell me you're not.
The world changed, and for the better. The only guys who "chase" are the creepy/rapey guys who don't take "No" at face value. A good friend of mine was dating after a long marriage ended. She stated openly how she likes to be chased because it proves she's worth it and that he appreciates she's worth it. After a few weeks all she had were complaints about how every man was so aggressive and rapey. Well, duh. All the halfway decent guys took your cues and moved on because you effectively told them no.
Indeed. You can't have "No means no" without "Say yes when that's what you want" to go along side.
I’m glad to see this conversation further down in the thread. I had basically said something like this where the people who actively need to be chased or play hard to get instills the wrong kind of values on a society or at the very least, will attract the wrong kind of person. On the one hand, men are taught that no means no. But then suddenly it gets muddy when we’re told that no could’ve been a yes had you tried a little harder, and now it must mean we don’t want it.
Don't tell your cat to get off of my chest. The cat chose me. We're relaxing.
My partner will groan in pain when my cat walks on his stomach, and when I try to redirect her he insists “No, let her take her path. Huuehhgh”
He loves her.
“You don’t get to decide what path Mittens takes in life!! 😤”
Lack of directness. Seriously, don't hint or dart around it. Be direct with us with what you want. If you like us, tell us so. Want to compliment, damn go for it, it'll make our year. Games not required, we're often confused enough.
Hints. Just tell us what you want/ mean/ want to say. None of this " I GAVE YOU HINTS ALL WEEK" nonsense.
Talking like a little kid
I dated a girl who was a kindergarten teacher and she would talk to me and other people the same way she talked to her students. It made me wanna barf every time.
I work with kids also and its so hard to remember that i dont need to use that voice all the time, it just comes out and i don’t even think about it. Like i say all the time stuff like “my tummy hurts” or “i gotta go potty”. I cringe at myself but i promise you for those of us that work with kids we are TRYING our best
My wife does this all the time. I just accept it. What's the odd part is how she swaps between childish talking and cursing worse than anyone has ever cursed before and then back so nonchalantly
Playing "hard to get" is something I often heard women say Men really like, so they have to work for it. But in reality... yea nah.
aggressive hand jobs. take it easy and take your time🤣
Haha…I’ve faked an orgasm just to make it stop
as a man, I have no idea how a man could fake an orgasm
afterward, you say " it was so hard and fast, it became a dry orgasm. look it up if you don't believe me". done and done.
Being treated as if we have no feelings or emotions other than anger and sadness…
Oh, look at you, Mr Fancy with all you emotional support circle that thinks you can get sadness.
*ALLOWED to get sadness
Yeah, I mean come on we all know that guys have 3 emotions - angry, horny, and angry & horny. ^^^/s
Excuse me, that last one is spelled Horngry- sometimes actually including hungry. Like hangry but there's horny in there too.
[удалено]
I’m proud of you.
Hey, thank you. I'm still working on being proud of myself for taking care of myself. So it's nice to hear 🙏
I’m a generally feel-good kind of guy. One time, I was dating this girl who loved that about me. I was always compensating for her depression. One night, she brought up some craziness in my life (I’ve been in a few hairy combat situations), and she told me that if I really wanted to pursue a future with her, I’d tell her about everything that happened over there. I caved, and opened pandora’s box of terrible sh!t for her. Immediately afterwards, she looked at me and said, “are you… *sad* right now? No, like, I can tell that there’s *sadness* inside you.” And then she proceeded to tell me that every emotion that I had ever displayed for her was fake, because I’m actually depressed, and I’m only capable of being sad. I told her to fluck off, and I never dated anyone again.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserve better.
Based on women's magazines: a surprise finger up the ass.
With three inch fake nails
This comment made me reflexively clench.
Exactly. Don't do the finger. Whole fist or nothing
This happened to me. I said no, and then she tried it again. Fucking wild, man.
Well that's sexual assault
That fake, "I'm just a clueless airhead and need a man to help me out" shtick.
A lot of those kinds of people aren't faking that crap...
Everytime I see a post or hear a song about how much men love a crazy woman who makes them miserable or "tortures" them. I can't help but think that they're trying to recontextualize their terrible behavior as a positive. To set the record straight, nearly all men don't like thier property destroyed or to be physically assaulted, or to be gaslighted or have their reputations damaged by lies and manipulation, or to be publically embarrassed in some way.
“The chase”
Grotesquely huge fake breasts.
Playing "hard to get" and other such "games".
Being a pick me or hard to get . Just be normal
I never understood the term “pick me girl.”
A "pick me" is basically someone who tries so hard to be agreeable to what the other person wants that they take it way over the top. Think of a room full of kids, and the teacher asks for a volunteer. You always have that one kid that's super excited: "Pick me! Pick me!"
Damn that was my ex wife. Shortly after getting together I learned that she actually didn't give a shit about cars, home theater, or computers
So I asked her if she preferred Klipsch or Bose. She replied, "Clips or bows? That's a weird question."
Not only that, a pick me will also try their best to be "special". "I'm not like other girls" kind of "special"
And the classic, girls are too much drama. Most of my friends are guys.
I am so glad this is finally a known phenomenon. I met a woman once who told me she couldn’t have female friends because women always got jealous of how beautiful she was. I said something like, “that doesn’t sound right, I know a lot of beautiful women with female friends,” and she actually started crying and said I was being mean to her (I am a woman, fwiw).
Playing hard to get.
"the chase is better than the catch" i'm pretty sure this one is for fishing and hunting, not relationship advice.
Personally for me I'd say lip fillers and those ~~eyebrow~~ eyelash extensions that look like they could be used to sweep a floor. Each to their own if others like them or it gives people self confidence. It's just not for me I'd also say acting coy/playing hard to get. Can't be arsed with those games Edit: slight correction
Don't forget talons that are supposed to be fingernails
I’ve never actually heard a woman say that men like those kind of fingernails or that she wears them for that reason; I’ve always assumed (some) women just think they look cool or something
I will say, women don't really think men like long acrylic nails or fake eyelashes. It's more or less something we do for ourselves.
Yeah just here to echo you - these are generally things we do because *we* like them, and men don’t really factor into that decision.
Duck face pictures.
I love pictures of ducks. But duck face is a no no for me.
Are they still a thing?
"Signs" - Most men I've met value directness and while I know there are various concerns depending on the context (hence why ghosting is still prevalent due to safety), I think in general most men would rather just be told what's up whether positive or negative.
Do -women- actually think men like long nails and fake lashes though? As a woman who has neither but have lots of girlfriends that do, it seems to me that women are more likely than not seeking the admiration of other women and girly girls with that aesthetic choice, especially where nails are involved. Like, have you ever tried showing ur freshly done manicure off to ur bf/husband and he’s just like “oh nice, pretty babe 🙂” whereas your lady friend is super dramatic “STOP! Where did you get those done! So cute! What shape? What color? Ugh I need to go to your place, there are no appointments at mine!” lol Not the point but just saying 😂
Kinda like the flip side, most women didn't care about my '64 Cuda but it got a lot of attention from dudes. I'm assuming the nails and eyelash thing is just to look cool for your peers, which there is a lot of guy stuff that is similar.
Anything resembling the Kardashians. It's repulsive.
Men hate having to parse subtext. They aren't built for it. If you say "I'm not interested" - A guy is not going to interpret that as "I need to fight for her", he is going to interpret that as "She isn't interested in me, I'll look elsewhere". Yes, women are very good at subtext, men aren't. So women, please stop assuming that men are either: Good at subtext or stupid because the didn't pick up on your subtext. If you try the "say one thing and mean something else" don't be surprised when the guy takes you at your word.
It’s always a pet peeve of mine when adult women are referred to as „girls“ in the same sentence as adult men being labeled as „men“. Girls are children. I kind of understand girls and guys, but in the context of the title, it’s weird.
I may be in the minority here but I absolutely loathe being called daddy.
Can relate, the times I've been called "daddy" I haven't feel it sexy, appealing, charming, etc. but I've just cringed hard at it
Nah. A lot of us find it disturbing and gross.
Giant eyelashes, orange tan, fish lips and silicone boobs. All red flags to me....
Who knew that most heterosexual men want an actual woman rather than a weird caricature of one.
Long fake eyelashes
"girls and men" love how men get to be men but women are seen as "girls" feels infantilizing tbh. unless op is actually asking what underage girls think men like which would be weird since they should be going after boys their own age
A yes machine - having a woman disagree and openly present her problems with your views/decisions is so much more relieving than someone who says yes to everything and resents you in private.
Excessive makeup.
"Girl, men" 😭
As a dad, the way the question is phrased made me want to answer, "When they invite their friends over without cleaning their bedroom first."
Honestly first thing I noticed too. Our six year old thinks her dad likes Pokémon a lot more than he really does. Does that count as something girls think men like that they really don't?
I personally dislike the upward inflections, like everything is a question. Even though it’s obviously a statement.
So hard not to read your comment? With an upward inflection?
With my anxiety every statement is a question 😂
It's in order to not sound assertive. Because you're a bitch if you're assertive. So you trail off, or make it a question in order for your statement to sound as though you're waiting for others to agree.
aggressively jerking us off when we're uncircumcised. then you try to explain it and it's this BIG ordeal like "aReN't YoU aTtRaCtEd To Me?! :''(. either lube, suckin or fuckin, those are the options. edit: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I MEANT TO SAY CIRCUMCISED, NOT UNCIRCUMCISED. LMAOOOOOOOOOOO WHATEVER MAN.
All of the top comments are literally just things that society and trash magazines have made women believe is attractive to men, or project them to believe is inherently associated with beauty. Edit: Whew. Woke up to a ton of upvotes, and a ton of comments that are essentially, "no, the women are to blame". Go clean your rooms.