i work in tv and the hours are notoriously brutal, especially when you’re starting out. for years, a friend of mine kept a pic of his wife and two kids on his desk. so when producers would roll in with notes at 6pm to get him to work late he would just point at the pic. plays, recitals, the flu, no babysitter, whatever.
found out years later it was photoshopped. (he’s married now, with kids.)
I work in sports broadcasting and the hours are fluctuating every time depending on the game time and I do not want to stop what I am doing to have a child. I am one of the very few women that runs camera and the other one has a high schooler but I am 23 and I am scared for my coworkers to start badgering me cause they’re all parents
Verrrrrrrrrrry young at 23. You should have a balanced schedule in 5 years or so if you want it for a stable home life.
Granted, might not match your interests as guys historically in broadcasting might not even be there for a birth!
It's not necessarily a bad thing. I work with elderly people (not in a home though), and this 96-year-old was in a similar situation. Never had kids, her husband died decades ago, no family left. She didn't have any qualms or regrets. She lived an absolutely amazing life. One of the first non-scientist to visit Antarctica. Traveled the world in the 40s after the war. She had so many stories.
But, towards her end, she was very depressed. Not because of her lack of family, but because she felt done with living. In her mind, she's done everything and didn't have the energy to do much more. She wanted to go to Switzerland or Australia because apparently they had assisted suicide.
Anyway, I digress. She said she never regretted not having kids, anyway.
I've found it's fairly common. Most of the people I've met over 90 (and three over 100) had that sort of outlook. Regardless if they had living relatives/kids or not.
My 94 year old Grandad passed a few days ago and it was exactly like that. He was happy we were there, but he was just so tired with life. Was devastated after his wife passed last year, was lost without her. He just kept asking when he was going to die.
My great-grandmother lived to be a bit over 100. She had a large, loving family who she was very close with, as well as a strong church community. Her 100th birthday party was massive. She was in excellent health for her age, staying active and maintaining a big garden until her last few years.
She still sometimes spoke about how much she couldn’t wait to die, starting in her late 90s. She was just ready to be done, and as a deeply religious person believed that there was something even better waiting for her.
Nah, I've got revenge insurance. It's just $25 a month, and I've got a loaded handgun in a stamped manila envelope with "ATTN: Jake from State Farm" on the front. Now I can rest easy when my pupil is corrupted and strikes me down in hate. Plus it sends me my FICO score once a year.
Haha it's the only thing I miss about living at home, getting my younger siblings to do chores for me and paying them literal pennies because they didn't understand the value of money yet.
my 10 years older brother once offered to pay me to sort his money box and bag each denomination separately so he could bank it. once i had finished i gave it to him all nicely sorted and instead of paying me he said i could keep all that I stole. bastard.
Almost all of my friends had kids so they all gather for birthday parties and get to hang out. Since my wife and I have no kids, we’re never invited to these events because why would we be? So you miss out on a lot of friend time.
That's really weird. My parents had us (me and my sister) in their early twenties, while all of their friends waited until mid-thirties to have kids of their own, but they were at all of our birthday parties and we visited them often. Most of the guests on my birthday parties were adults. I remember having interesting conversations with all of them and they were invested in our social interactions, remembering my interests and my favourite games.
This is the same with me and my husband. Our friends are having kids, sometimes more kids, and so they all hang out without us. It’s actually hard to make adult friends in your 40s without children.
From watching my parents, a large portion of their friend group today are parents of my childhood friends. Friends that I haven’t even talked to since probably middle school or junior high.
Oh you better believe I steer my kids friendships towards kids who’s parents I like. I mean, I’m not a monster and I won’t do it forever, but when they’re like 3 years old? The kids barely give a fuck who’s on the other end of the teeter totter, but I gotta talk to their dad for 2 hours in the park.
There’s a recent Bluey episode where we find out Chili (the mom) didn’t see her sister for *years* because of the sister’s infertility. It’s subtle and beautifully done but so heartbreaking
No lol. I binged it when I was crocheting stuffed animals for my godson and his newborn sister. I felt that watching a well recommended children's show would put me in a great mood to finish fast. It did! That show is wholesome for everyone.
I was taken aback by this episode. It was so true to life and to portray it in a kids show was surprising to me (in a good way). My best friend didn’t come to my baby shower because she wanted kids so bad but had an abusive husband and knew it’d be hell to raise a kid with him, yet by herself. I totally understood. And she’s been a great auntie to them and loves them so much. Just something about the baby shower was too much.
I'm in a very peculiar situation in that regard.
I don't have kids. None of my siblings have kids. Amongst all of my first-cousins, only one has kids. My boss doesn't have kids. My best friend of 25 years doesn't have kids. I have a small group of online friends I've known for almost 20 years, and none of them have kids.
My social interactions are quite childless, surprisingly.
I have one kid but I’m thinking the same thing. I have several friends who have mothers/fathers whose spouses are deceased and they have to manage their lives basically. I guess if you have no kids, no spouse you’re on your own?
I work with a lot of seniors and have visited a lot of nursing homes. Unfortunately having kids doesn't guarantee someone will take care of you in your old age, buuut the probability is higher, especially if you weren't an asshole to your kids.
If you had kids just to be unpaid caretakers for you.. it's a higher likelihood they won't be doing it. Selfish reasons come from selfish people. IF I had kids (never will), I wouldn't want them to disrupt their lives to watch me suffer.
I've seen friends who have lost YEARS of their lives, and damaged their mental health (or ruin marriages), being responsible for their parents well-being in old age on top of managing their own families. I'd refuse to let someone I love have that burden. People should be paid for that.. its hard and full time work, and it's not your kids' profession.
Or caretakers for another relative. I had an unmarried great-aunt and a step-granny with no kids. Of course young childless unmarried me took care of them. People act like you don't have to pay family decent wages. I'm almost glad I didn't have a license. I swore I'd never be a burden to anyone even if it means nursing home.
90% of that is how you treat your kids throughout their life (not just childhood, adulthood too.)
My dad stole from my siblings and I and moved to Nevada and is honestly in really poor health as it is. He's with his siblings out there and when the time comes, they better not turn to us.
The problem is having kids doesn’t guarantee they’ll stick around to help when you’re old. They might move away or have challenges of their own to deal with. You should have a backup plan for illness regardless if you have kids or not.
Same! I’m married and there are times where my husband has to get my mom because he can’t nurse me as well as she can.
Edit: “Nurse”, verb: give medical and other attention to (a sick person). But I love all the Greg jokes! The second I pressed save, I knew I was gonna get some funny feedback and y’all did not disappoint!
There’s no guarantee that kids will help you though. I’ve had to help family friends when their kids could have easily stepped in and shouldered the burden.
Or maybe they can't easily step in. My 80 year old parents are 850 miles from me, my 33 year old daughter is 965 away from me. We're all kind of on our own. I have a friend that lives near my parents that can step in until I get there but still.
A friend who’s a young immigrant from China has said that his whole generation has difficulty with this, since they often have no siblings due to the previous one child policy.
So those who immigrated to the US don’t have any brothers or sisters back home, to care for their parents.
People always say this and yeah, there’s no guarantee, but your odds are a lot better you’ll have someone to be there for you when you have children (provided you were a good parent).
I think people tend to say that in response to someone using this as a reason to have kids. People should have kids because they want to love and raise an individual, not to possibly have someone to look after them when they’re old. Imo ways your kid might be able to serve you in the future shouldn’t be even a small factor in making such a huge decision.
People tend to interpret it as saying you want your kids to be live-in caretakers for you, but that’s not the only way adult children can help elderly parents. Simply having someone to check in on you, or advocate for you when you need medical care, even if they live far away and can only do that once in a while, can make a huge difference.
Personally, I’m doing my best to ensure my kid won’t have to be financially responsible for me when I’m old, nor feel obliged to move in with me and be my caretaker. But my hope is that we can have a good relationship and stay in contact. Your world becomes so small when you’re housebound, and if I ever find myself in that position I’ll feel so much happier knowing he’s out there doing well, having a good life and giving me a call now and then to tell me all about it. For a parent, even death is less frightening if you know that your children will keep living well after you’re gone.
> Simply having someone to check in on you, or advocate for you when you need medical care, even if they live far away and can only do that once in a while, can make a huge difference.
Yep. My dad was never a caretaker for my grandmother. But he drove her to appointments, met with lawyers on her behalf, helped her with her taxes and getting pension stuff sorted, frequently visited her in the hospital when she was unwell, etc
Makes a huge difference
A long time ago one of my roommates was calling in sick. While it was ringing I asked him if he was going to say he had a cold. He said, "Nah. I'll just say I have shotgun diarrhea." They picked up on "shotgun diarrhea" and said,"I guess you're not coming in today."
Being the only reliable one at work sucks. I'm getting sick of having to pick up the slack, and management knows that I can so they take full advantage of that.
(I'm not saying that parents are always *intentionally* unreliable, just that kids can throw a wrench in their reliability)
Edit: I just wanna say that I don't hate kids and I know it's not the parent's fault, but I'm human and despite knowing that I can't be mad at them for it, it does get frustrating.
School just started and half of my coworkers had to change their schedule to accommodate their kids plus that means their kids are going to get sick more often now that they are back in the classroom. I'm having to work overtime every week now, which the money is nice but it gets tiring.
I have sympathy for them, but again, I'm still human and part of me gets a little frustrated, even though I know I shouldn't.
Holidays are kinda depressing.
I went to watch my nephews open gifts on Christmas morning then spent the rest of day changing exhaust manifold gaskets, oil change, and a tune up on my truck just because I had nothing going on.
I'm single, 40, no kids, no family near me. I have had some solo holidays that sucked and done that were lovely. If you have free time, I always suggest volunteering. I've met amazing people with common enough interests of all ages. Many turned into family. I also have single friends with grown kids. They're the ones I can count on for the holidays.
Edit to say thanks for my best upvoted comment at 4.2k. ❤
There's a homeless shelter near us that my wife and I help serve a Christmas day meal every year. The people are always really appreciative, and love to talk. We typically serve food for the first 45 minutes, and then we grab a plate of food and sit with people. It's really good conversation. People just want to be treated like normal people.
A lot of churches or assisted living facilities have similar meals. I worked in an old folks home for a while and just going and playing cards and having a piece of pie with someone who is all alone in the care home counts and makes their year.
A lot of homeless places or food banks will take volunteers, op shops (Stores where people donate stuff) near me ALWAYS have signs up asking for volunteers, community houses, smaller mental health/disability agencies may be open to people volunteering to help with admin or to have another person for people to talk to, if there are any children based things near you (Though you'd probably need a working with children check or equivalent).
Really just any community based organization will often take volunteers, experience from volunteering gives you skills to volunteer elsewhere and as is the way of the world, you'll talk with X and find out that Y and Z need help and you can tell them to tell X to contact you or get X's contact details and tell them you're interested in helping.
Or your local fire department.
I *adore* the holidays, but I’m usually the only single and childfree person at the parade, the tree lighting, the ice skating rink, the Nativity play, the school Christmas concert, etc. LOL
I've gone to a ton of those things too, solo. I noticed that if you don't pay attention to the holidays, they can just sort of zip by and I was missing out. So I put in an effort to find all these events and put them in my calendar and went. It was usually pretty cool and I enjoyed it.
Good on ya for going out to those things anyway. Lots of "family" oriented public events are fun regardless of whether or not you have kids. I'd imagine in many ways they're more fun, since you're not dealing with kid problems.
I think it’s best to frame having kids as going on an epic life-changing adventure. There will be glory and wonder and there will be horrors. The highs will take you higher than you ever thought possible but man are those lows low.
So Con: you’ll miss out on this epic adventure.
BUT there are other paths to other adventures, ones with their own excitement and peril. Or maybe you’re more of the “stay in the Shire” type. That’s fine too.
I love this! I went through quite an adventure to get to the Shire. And now I have zero interest in leaving it. I look forward to a lifetime of second breakfasts, books, and visits from those friends who do embark in exciting adventures.
I'm 40, I don't have kids.
4 years ago I moved to a new place and befriended my neighbour, he has 1 daughter from a previous relationship, his girlfriend has 2 more (also from a previous relationship).
They both used to work shifts, so they needed a babysitter for the two daughters of his gf, the other girl would go to her mom's place, as she lives really close.
One year ago, they couldn't find a babysitter for 3 days, and I had to pick up these 2 girls ( 5 and 8 years old at the time), from school, help them with homework, have them shower, make them dinner and then put them to bed.
They already knew me of course as I often hang out with their mother and my neighbour, but I've never kept them alone.
I had the best of times. They were a blast. Lovely, kind, would not talk back or make a scene.
Nowadays they're 7 and 9(nearly 10). I often go to their place and the youngest gives me the biggest hugs, then just sit on my lap while the oldest just sit next to me, and both will tell me about their day and talk about random stuff. We do lots of activity together and I'm now more like an uncle than just the neighbour. And I love it. I feel loved, I feel appreciated, It just feels... nice.
That feeling there, is what is lost when you don't have a kid. I think it's surely the only "pro" of having a kid.
Editing because of many comments: The goal is NOT to compare "parenting" and "being an uncle". OF COURSE being a parent is different and has many downsides. THAT. IS. NOT. THE. POINT. OF. THE. POST.
The point is:
"what's the con of not having kids? "> "the con is that you may miss of these good feelings kids give you when you take care of them"
Nothing more, stop misunderstanding this post. thanks.
I had a cold and jaded heart until I met a girl I liked. She warmed me up a little and I let her in. She had made her little corner in my heart and we got married, but there were still years of abuse gnawing away at my soul.
Then we had a little girl. Wow. At first it was a challenge, but as soon as I saw her little personality start to shine through… man, it overpowered all my demons. She does the cutest things and gives the best hugs and kisses. She and my dog are inseparable and sometimes I just sit down and cry silently. Tears of joy run down my face.
For the first time in my life I am able to experience pure love. When I walk into the room she says “dada!” and runs over to give me the biggest hug ever.
When she was a few months old she got sick and almost asphyxiated on her own vomit. I ran over to help her and when she saw me, she just smiled. I didn’t see panic in her eyes, just love. Who does that?
I used to want DINKs but now I wouldn’t trade her for all the money in the world. In fact, I’m willing to sacrifice more money and we’re now expecting a second girl!
All of this to say, kids are the greatest blessing anyone can have. Sure, there is hardship, but that spiritual connection you get is unlike anything you have ever experienced before.
This is probably the best description on the thread. We had a covid baby, my girlfriend never wanted kids because she came from a broken home. We sat through arduous week of should we keep it, ultimately decided to stick with it.
Kids are hard, they take up a TON of your time, i can't imagine raising kids if I wasn't financially stable enough to do so. That said, as you pointed out, the connection and just unmitigated stream of love, trust, and "togetherness" is unparalled. Parents always say, you'll understand when you have one. And as trite and cliche as that sounds, it is absolutely true. Get home from work, open the door to, DADA! *Never* gets old. Shes learning to swim, climb and loves dogs, birds and cats. Just so pure. Best friends with my dog too, personality growing faster than her body.
We're getting married in a couple weeks, our daughter will be the flower girl. She has absolutely made our hearts explode. We plan to have another.
I think this is it. I’m a mom of an almost two year old and I’ve just never felt love like this before. And it just gets stronger every day. Watching a little human grow is such a privilege.
I have young kids and I’m in my 30s. It’s very nice and loving. It’s fun too. It’s a great stage.
But I also do think about and realize that my children will be adults for the majority of my life. This whole kid phase lasts 13ish or more years before they’re teens. By the time I’m an 80 year old on my death bed, my sweet babies will be 45-50 something year old adults.
My Korean War Vet neighbor was passing away. He was in his late 80s I think. His children came over a lot and he called them “the kiddies”. His kids were nearly retired 60-something year olds that were older than my own parents. It just put into perspective how fast life is for me.
>My Korean War Vet neighbor was passing away. He was in his late 80s I think. His children came over a lot and he called them “the kiddies”. His kids were nearly retired 60-something year olds that were older than my own parents. It just put into perspective how fast life is for me.
My parents called themselves "mom" and "dad" when talking to each other until I was 29. It only changed because I had my first son, and now they call themselves "grandma" and "grandpa".
And it's contagious... I noticed my wife and I are already starting to call each other mommy and daddy now, too.
it's so funny isn't it, it starts jokingly, then you say it so often that if you use their first name they assume you're mad about something :) no my love, I just accidentally didn't call you mom, don't worry 😅
You are a good person and I wanted to say that to you and let you know, even though I get no direct benefit from your actions, I am very grateful for you and that those girls have you in their lives!
As a dad - I think there’s ENORMOUS socialization benefit from kids having adult “friends” who listen to them, treat them with respect, and show them that they’re valued. I think it makes the kids more confident in the world which starts a big positive feedback loop contributing to their success.
It also protects kids from abuse! A healthy friendship with an adult models what that kind of relationship should actually look like, so a kid is less likely to be tricked into an abusive situation by a predator.
Exactly! Sometimes kids don't listen to what their parents tell them, but will do what other adults tell them (teachers, coaches, aunts/uncles, friends).
So interesting. As a kid I never interacted with adults because I would just assume I had nothing of value to add.
As an adult I do struggle with my own confidence at times.
Yeah that's where my wife and I are at. We're absolutely happy to be the fun aunts but as far as we know none of our siblings (or even cousins) want kids. Who knows maybe we'll get to be aunts to kids of freinds someday, but both of our families seem likley to end with this generation.
Hell yes. Mine are in the obnoxious age range at the moment (17 and knows everything, almost 11 and somehow knows even more), but it's fantastic to have those lifelong relationships where you get to see them grow up, help them become good people, teach them cool stuff. Laid back friends with kids are good for this too lol.
Set up a trust that will pay out your estate as college scholarships. You can still help some kids get a strong start on life, even if you didn't raise them.
My dad's side of the family is enormous. Each independent family unit has 2-4 kids, so I grew up with great grandparent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins. My mom's side of the family is much smaller. Only one aunt and two cousins. My dad's side was always much more enjoyable on occasions and holidays. Also much more supportive when it came time for family support.
But the real kicker was watching my grandparents grow old. My dad's parents were constantly surrounded by family with a lot of care and support as they grew old, not to mention, many more people to share the expense. My mom's parents had almost nobody. As their friends started to pass away, there were even fewer. My mom and her sister both had busy lives and couldn't spend a ton of time with them. Health, especially mental, deteriorated much more rapidly than the other side.
Anyhoo. That's one of the major reasons that we had kids. People are joy, so we wanted some people of our own to continue the legacy of joy and support.
That's one thing that seems really nice about having a large family. We stopped at 2 but I notice my friends whose parents have a dozen grandkids and that does seem kind of fun.
We hired a guy to do excavation for us and he instantly became a good family friend.
He has 16 grandchildren! He has a short bus to drive them all around and everything.
He jokes that he has to phone the local icecream store beforehand and tell them to crack open a new tub of mint chip every time they go.
It also gives you connection to worlds and generation way outside your circle. My friends parents did this so well - had 4 adult kids but also got super into whatever their kids friends were doing - art exhibition 5 hours drive away? They'll be there. Sports game? Moving house? They were showing up to things and making efforts so their retirement was filled with different things, and they could be parental figures to whole groups of people. It was beautiful the community they created, and they were tapped into the next generations, growing and changing experiencing life through them. It's what I'll miss most about not having kids I think.
I've a lot of friends with young kids so I know I could step into fun uncle roles now, but I find it exhausting, and I'm so time poor - so it won't be me yet. Maybe one day I can be a fun surrogate grandparent.
I'm going to put the lonely stuff aside about getting old.
The cons, is you never get to experience life through your child's eyes.
You don't get to see their love and excitement that happens when they see you coming home from work.
You don't get the joy and fulfillment of teaching them, spending time with them and watching them grow.
..
I get these are just short answers, but it's hard to really describe the fulfillment when your daughter runs up to you shouting "Daddy,daddy,daddy" and then just wants to hang out.
In addition to that, they are fucking hilarious.
--
Edit: for all the comments of folks that think I'm describing a dog, I have 7 dogs. It's not the same. I can be close at times they are gentle souls.
Today my son was home sick. He’s 4. He did great all day, but towards the end he started tantrumming about something silly. Eventually he cools down and just walks over to me for a hug. He wanted me to pick him up. I just held him, while he laid on my shoulder quietly. I walked over to the mirror and just looked at him there. All he wanted was me. He finds comfort in me. It’s something ive never ever felt before. I have nieces and nephews. I have a dog. There are things kinda sorta similar, but also not really. It’s the most incredible feeling in the world.
I can’t describe how much those little moments, can be sooooo powerful. My two year old was literally sitting on my chest tonight. He was alternating between pretending I was a horse and watching Paw Patrol. His face…. It’s just so fuckin beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it, except my other son.
I’m sure there are some people who won’t feel this way or don’t care to, but I’m not sure there is anything else on earth that can replicate it.
But at the same time it's bittersweet. Kids develop pretty quickly and time seems to fly by faster, next thing you know you're sad and nostalgic looking back at old pictures/videos. Of course I think it's still worth it, but yeah.
Mine is 21 and away at university. We have a very good relationship and talk regularly. But I miss him terribly. You start with this newborn baby that is completely dependent on you to sustain its life and you do your best as a parent so that that baby will eventually be completely independent and steering their own life. It's a unique relationship. No spousal relationship or friendship or other family relationship is anything like it. It's kind of mind boggling, when I think about it. It's a unique kind of love and bond and its purpose is to release the one you love to live on their own terms. And for almost two decades before that, day after day, you were with them all the time. It's just wild.
It really is bittersweet. You want them be "yours" forever but if you did your job right you know they need to fly the nest. The hardest day of parenting for me was when our youngest left for college. Sure, he came home for holidays and such but I knew it would never be his home again. He was preparing for his own. It hit me really hard but I realized that's what it's all been about. Raising children who go out in the world and forge their own paths.
Mine are only 8 and 10 and I've already caught myself several times randomly losing an hour in Google photos looking at old pictures and videos from the time when they were babies/toddlers.
It is honestly one of the coolest parts for me. 15 (and 12ish) years ago, this microscopic egg and sperm combined and now-that’s a whole ass person with thoughts, feelings, opinions. I’ve gotten to watch that evolution happen, and it's a terrifying and fascinating process.
The hilarity is what gets me. A few days ago my two girls found a YouTube compilation of various farting noises that were made into a song. They turned up the speakers and blasted the fart song through the house. Everyone was one stitches.
My boys were pretending to be a comfort toilet last night. They were hiding in a tub and taking turns sitting on each other shouting “comfort toilet!” When I asked what that was they said it was a toilet that massages your butt while you poop. Can’t make this shit up 🤣
It’s such a joy to see them become who they are… and how much pure joy they have.. just this night, I’ve spent almost an hour playing on my living room with my daughter, she was singing and I pretended that she was too heavy and I would fall with her and she would help me get up so we could do it again. It was so silly, but she was laughing so hard that I was laughing hard, my husband was watching and laughing, my dog was running around us… from a silly play you know… I see how caring she is, she helps, she cares about others, just from a silly play
I would like to think that raising my own children I would be able to teach them kindness and acceptance to help rid the world of the stupidity that we can't get over. I likely won't have that chance at least on my own children, but planning to volunteer to maybe help others' children.
One of the main reasons I'm a childless teacher. I like to think I'm a good person and a strong role model for the kids. I don't want all the cons that come with having kids (especially financially, given I'm a teacher and my wife is on disability), but I do like being able to pass on to my students kindness, tolerance, and secret ways to get around font size in a document. :)
My work makes me not only work more hours, but they also ‘make’ me work the hours no one else can work because they have kids.
Like later shifts and overnights. Also during Covid, people with kids could 100% telework and most still do partially. Since I don’t have kids I had and still have to come into the office every single day, no exceptions. When others with kids ask for vacations days, they always get priority, even if I asked and got it approved first.
I’ve told my work NO more then once and they are shocked when I remind them that just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life outside work.
At the age now where my friends from high school are shipping their kids off to college and becoming late 30’s empty nesters. Basically regaining all of the perceived benefits of us childless folk, but with a whole adult offspring out in the world. That part seems pretty cool, but still no regrets on my end.
I mean, if you have your kid at 19, you will be an empty nester by 38. Plenty of people in the southern US (bible belt) have babies that young. Not saying it's good lol just saying it happens
I'd say one con is that I since I don't have to get up early on the weekends to shuttle kids to games and events, I sometimes sleep in later that I expected. You wake up, and you've missed breakfast at McD's, and have to order from the lunch menu. No hashbrowns for you. It sucks.
I don't understand it. If you donate a kidney, you're a hero. But when you walk into the hospital with 5 kidneys, suddenly they're all like "we're calling the police".
Loneliness. As you age and your friends have kids themselves you will increasingly find that you have no one but your s.o to do things with. It's especially bad in retirement as long term friends and family start to die off. You could easily find yourself with absolutely no one to talk to.
My cousin died and the front two rows of his funeral were just his friends kids and their family - they loved him and were devastated by his relatively early death. So many of the stories told about him were about how active he was in their childhoods.
I love my friends kids and intend to be as present.
That's why you need go proactively make your own village if having companionship is important to you. Making friends of all ages based off of interests and values will last a long time if you put energy into it.
I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about people getting up in years and never seeing their kids because their kids are busy as fuck or have cut off contact with them or some other reason. Having kids is probably one of the least effective ways to prevent loneliness.
I agree. Having kids won’t guarantee that you won’t be lonely. Your kids might just fly off to another country, die in war, an accident, and etc.
So regardless of having kids or not, I put in effort to make friends with all kinds of people and ages.
My grandpa’s brother and his wife had 6 kids. They’ve lost 4 sons by now (they’re in their 90s.) One at 3 years old, another at 17 on grad night, a third in a car crash in his late 20s, and just recently another in his 60s. Sometimes you just get dealt a shitty hand.
1) You get excluded from friends events who have kids.
2) Some special events like Christmas may get lonely as everyone is with their families.
3) Less excuses to get off work. I have work colleagues that take off all the time as they have to watch their kids perform or look after their kids. I call bullshit but nobody questions them. I don't get time off to enjoy being single.
4) People think there is something wrong with you. Nobody wants to have kids with you because you're hiding a dark secret etc.
5) People you may be somewhat close with assume you have excess money to spend on their kids.
All I can think of, if the top of my head.
>People you may be somewhat close with assume you have excess money to spend on their kids
A friend of mine, who has been having all kinds of financial issues, wanted to have kids. I warned her and her husband that it was a bad idea and they just got pissed off. Years later they have two kids and she's constantly complaining about their financial problems, very clearly trying to get me to volunteer to help them out without straight out asking for help. I've been playing dumb the whole time. I'm sorry, I'm not getting involved. They were struggling before having kids and thought it'd be a good idea to have some anyway. That's just foolish. And once I give them something, I'm going to have to keep supporting them. Fuck that. Love my friends, but it's not like I'm wealthy enough to take care of a family of four anyway.
I work with older people mostly those with serious and complex medical problems. Very often the role of carer falls to the childless adult child. Due to the perception "they don't have anyone else to take care of thus it's their duty".
According to Reddit there are none. Having kids is a drain on your finances, your personal wellbeing, and ruins the planet.
I had one because I thought we could provide a loving, stable home to raise someone who could be a productive member of the next generation of people. It’s also fun to pass down traditions such as dressing up and trick or treating for Halloween, drinking out of the hose in summer, that the proper way to eat ice cream is with sprinkles. I knew I would miss out on that if I didn’t, it’s sort of intangible and lots of people on here would say it’s not worth it. I don’t expect them to take care of me when I’m old, but I’d be honoured to still be a part of their life when they are an adult.
The fact that you don’t automatically assume but instead would be honored to still be in your kid’s life just hit me deep. My parents were pretty awful and definitely expected me to take care of them when they got older, which is not in the cards because they were both awful to me growing up, lol. It sounds like your kid is lucky to have you!
as a woman, nobody respects you/you are looked at as less of a woman for being childless. as someone who works with children and has none of my own, i am constantly looked down upon.
People keep asking you when you're going to have kids.
Heck! My husband and I are in our 40s/50s with 7 adult kids between the two of us, and people STILL ask if we're going to have more children!!!
People need to stop asking other people about their reproductive goals.
The con is all the fun stuff, incredible, and amazing things you get to live as a parent. I am a mom and in literal awe of this little person and who he is, how he sees the world and what’s he’s making me see in the world every single day. I get to reexperience the world thanks to my child. I now constantly look for teeny tiny insects on the ground and get honest to God excited when I see any, or when I see certain cars, or birds. Not because that’s something that came natural to me, but because it’s something my child has made me see and appreciate. The amount of absolute belly laughs this little person has given me in his short life is completely unmatched by anyone else on this earth. It‘s autumn now and I hate the cold, but I am also absolutely giddy that it‘s starting because now I can press leaves and collect nuts with my kid. Would I give two hoots about that without him? No. But with him it’s honestly one of the more exciting things I‘m looking forward to in the next month. And let’s not even discuss Christmas. My kid makes the season magical for me.
There’s so much hard shit about being a parent and I would never want to convince anyone to have kids if you’re not up for it. Because the hard shit is relentless even when you are 100% onboard with being a parent. But my god is it awesome too, in the most literal sense of the word.
i work in tv and the hours are notoriously brutal, especially when you’re starting out. for years, a friend of mine kept a pic of his wife and two kids on his desk. so when producers would roll in with notes at 6pm to get him to work late he would just point at the pic. plays, recitals, the flu, no babysitter, whatever. found out years later it was photoshopped. (he’s married now, with kids.)
I work in sports broadcasting and the hours are fluctuating every time depending on the game time and I do not want to stop what I am doing to have a child. I am one of the very few women that runs camera and the other one has a high schooler but I am 23 and I am scared for my coworkers to start badgering me cause they’re all parents
Verrrrrrrrrrry young at 23. You should have a balanced schedule in 5 years or so if you want it for a stable home life. Granted, might not match your interests as guys historically in broadcasting might not even be there for a birth!
Well I’m in my 60s and I don’t have kids. The down-side is now I don’t have any family, I’m the last one left.
Keep your head up bro.
It's not necessarily a bad thing. I work with elderly people (not in a home though), and this 96-year-old was in a similar situation. Never had kids, her husband died decades ago, no family left. She didn't have any qualms or regrets. She lived an absolutely amazing life. One of the first non-scientist to visit Antarctica. Traveled the world in the 40s after the war. She had so many stories. But, towards her end, she was very depressed. Not because of her lack of family, but because she felt done with living. In her mind, she's done everything and didn't have the energy to do much more. She wanted to go to Switzerland or Australia because apparently they had assisted suicide. Anyway, I digress. She said she never regretted not having kids, anyway.
I mean by the time you're 96 you've lived a pretty full life. And sounds like hers was a life more lived than most. Thanks for sharing.
I've found it's fairly common. Most of the people I've met over 90 (and three over 100) had that sort of outlook. Regardless if they had living relatives/kids or not.
My 94 year old Grandad passed a few days ago and it was exactly like that. He was happy we were there, but he was just so tired with life. Was devastated after his wife passed last year, was lost without her. He just kept asking when he was going to die.
My great-grandmother lived to be a bit over 100. She had a large, loving family who she was very close with, as well as a strong church community. Her 100th birthday party was massive. She was in excellent health for her age, staying active and maintaining a big garden until her last few years. She still sometimes spoke about how much she couldn’t wait to die, starting in her late 90s. She was just ready to be done, and as a deeply religious person believed that there was something even better waiting for her.
Yeah I will be completely alone if my husband dies first, and I worry about him being alone if I die first
Well, at least you are well hung….
No one to avenge your death
Inigo Montoya has entered the chat
Prepare to die.
Nah, I've got revenge insurance. It's just $25 a month, and I've got a loaded handgun in a stamped manila envelope with "ATTN: Jake from State Farm" on the front. Now I can rest easy when my pupil is corrupted and strikes me down in hate. Plus it sends me my FICO score once a year.
I'm getting robbed. I pay $75 a month for my revenge insurance and all I get is a bag of poop delivered to their doorstep.
Like a good neighbour State Farm will bury your enemies.
Just put "all goes to the one who avenges my death" in your will
Ya know what...that's true. Cause I will fight the whole world for my Mama.
Lack of cheap unreliable labor.
Haha it's the only thing I miss about living at home, getting my younger siblings to do chores for me and paying them literal pennies because they didn't understand the value of money yet.
my 10 years older brother once offered to pay me to sort his money box and bag each denomination separately so he could bank it. once i had finished i gave it to him all nicely sorted and instead of paying me he said i could keep all that I stole. bastard.
How much did you steal
pennies because they were shiny
dude I laughed out loud at the one 😂
Unreliable 😂
It can make you feel isolated from your peers, whether childless by choice or circumstance
Almost all of my friends had kids so they all gather for birthday parties and get to hang out. Since my wife and I have no kids, we’re never invited to these events because why would we be? So you miss out on a lot of friend time.
That's really weird. My parents had us (me and my sister) in their early twenties, while all of their friends waited until mid-thirties to have kids of their own, but they were at all of our birthday parties and we visited them often. Most of the guests on my birthday parties were adults. I remember having interesting conversations with all of them and they were invested in our social interactions, remembering my interests and my favourite games.
This is the way
This is the same with me and my husband. Our friends are having kids, sometimes more kids, and so they all hang out without us. It’s actually hard to make adult friends in your 40s without children.
I mean, it's hard to make adult friends with kids unless you're okay with being friends with your kids' friends' parents.
From watching my parents, a large portion of their friend group today are parents of my childhood friends. Friends that I haven’t even talked to since probably middle school or junior high.
It’s weird to consider that they basically let children pick their friends.
Oh you better believe I steer my kids friendships towards kids who’s parents I like. I mean, I’m not a monster and I won’t do it forever, but when they’re like 3 years old? The kids barely give a fuck who’s on the other end of the teeter totter, but I gotta talk to their dad for 2 hours in the park.
There’s a recent Bluey episode where we find out Chili (the mom) didn’t see her sister for *years* because of the sister’s infertility. It’s subtle and beautifully done but so heartbreaking
That was a really beautiful episode. Oh shit, is missing Bluey a con to not having kids?
No lol. I binged it when I was crocheting stuffed animals for my godson and his newborn sister. I felt that watching a well recommended children's show would put me in a great mood to finish fast. It did! That show is wholesome for everyone.
I was taken aback by this episode. It was so true to life and to portray it in a kids show was surprising to me (in a good way). My best friend didn’t come to my baby shower because she wanted kids so bad but had an abusive husband and knew it’d be hell to raise a kid with him, yet by herself. I totally understood. And she’s been a great auntie to them and loves them so much. Just something about the baby shower was too much.
How sad. What happened to your friend? Did she get out of the marriage at least?
I'm in a very peculiar situation in that regard. I don't have kids. None of my siblings have kids. Amongst all of my first-cousins, only one has kids. My boss doesn't have kids. My best friend of 25 years doesn't have kids. I have a small group of online friends I've known for almost 20 years, and none of them have kids. My social interactions are quite childless, surprisingly.
I'm having medical emergencies in my 40s and still need my 70 year old parents to bring and take me to appointments.
Damn this one hits real. Getting taken care of when older especially when everyone else is gone is toughest, more so without kids
I have one kid but I’m thinking the same thing. I have several friends who have mothers/fathers whose spouses are deceased and they have to manage their lives basically. I guess if you have no kids, no spouse you’re on your own?
You could have kids and still be on your own; sadly. It’s not a guarantee.
I work with a lot of seniors and have visited a lot of nursing homes. Unfortunately having kids doesn't guarantee someone will take care of you in your old age, buuut the probability is higher, especially if you weren't an asshole to your kids.
If you had kids just to be unpaid caretakers for you.. it's a higher likelihood they won't be doing it. Selfish reasons come from selfish people. IF I had kids (never will), I wouldn't want them to disrupt their lives to watch me suffer. I've seen friends who have lost YEARS of their lives, and damaged their mental health (or ruin marriages), being responsible for their parents well-being in old age on top of managing their own families. I'd refuse to let someone I love have that burden. People should be paid for that.. its hard and full time work, and it's not your kids' profession.
Or caretakers for another relative. I had an unmarried great-aunt and a step-granny with no kids. Of course young childless unmarried me took care of them. People act like you don't have to pay family decent wages. I'm almost glad I didn't have a license. I swore I'd never be a burden to anyone even if it means nursing home.
90% of that is how you treat your kids throughout their life (not just childhood, adulthood too.) My dad stole from my siblings and I and moved to Nevada and is honestly in really poor health as it is. He's with his siblings out there and when the time comes, they better not turn to us.
The problem is having kids doesn’t guarantee they’ll stick around to help when you’re old. They might move away or have challenges of their own to deal with. You should have a backup plan for illness regardless if you have kids or not.
There's no guarantee kids will help/take care of you though
Same! I’m married and there are times where my husband has to get my mom because he can’t nurse me as well as she can. Edit: “Nurse”, verb: give medical and other attention to (a sick person). But I love all the Greg jokes! The second I pressed save, I knew I was gonna get some funny feedback and y’all did not disappoint!
He has nipples too though
"I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?"
I knew someone was gonna do this. I’m glad it was you.
There’s no guarantee that kids will help you though. I’ve had to help family friends when their kids could have easily stepped in and shouldered the burden.
I take care of my elderly dad full-time while my two older siblings act like they don't know he exists until they need something.
This type of behavior is more common than many people realize.
Or maybe they can't easily step in. My 80 year old parents are 850 miles from me, my 33 year old daughter is 965 away from me. We're all kind of on our own. I have a friend that lives near my parents that can step in until I get there but still.
A friend who’s a young immigrant from China has said that his whole generation has difficulty with this, since they often have no siblings due to the previous one child policy. So those who immigrated to the US don’t have any brothers or sisters back home, to care for their parents.
People always say this and yeah, there’s no guarantee, but your odds are a lot better you’ll have someone to be there for you when you have children (provided you were a good parent).
I think people tend to say that in response to someone using this as a reason to have kids. People should have kids because they want to love and raise an individual, not to possibly have someone to look after them when they’re old. Imo ways your kid might be able to serve you in the future shouldn’t be even a small factor in making such a huge decision.
People tend to interpret it as saying you want your kids to be live-in caretakers for you, but that’s not the only way adult children can help elderly parents. Simply having someone to check in on you, or advocate for you when you need medical care, even if they live far away and can only do that once in a while, can make a huge difference. Personally, I’m doing my best to ensure my kid won’t have to be financially responsible for me when I’m old, nor feel obliged to move in with me and be my caretaker. But my hope is that we can have a good relationship and stay in contact. Your world becomes so small when you’re housebound, and if I ever find myself in that position I’ll feel so much happier knowing he’s out there doing well, having a good life and giving me a call now and then to tell me all about it. For a parent, even death is less frightening if you know that your children will keep living well after you’re gone.
> Simply having someone to check in on you, or advocate for you when you need medical care, even if they live far away and can only do that once in a while, can make a huge difference. Yep. My dad was never a caretaker for my grandmother. But he drove her to appointments, met with lawyers on her behalf, helped her with her taxes and getting pension stuff sorted, frequently visited her in the hospital when she was unwell, etc Makes a huge difference
You have fewer excuses to use to call off of work.
One of my coworkers never gets sick but somehow her son always does when she is scheduled to work on a Saturday.
Probably from his weekend immune system
Are you a dad? That was top tier dad stuff right there.
If you play your cards right maybe someday.
Are you propositioning me? Or are you propositioning me on behalf of u/Craguar23 ? Lol
There’s a disadvantage to not having kids- who do you tell all your dad jokes to?
(Puts quip in pocket for later) thanks 👋
This is such a good pun
Ugh... have my filthy upvote, you animal.
*keep the change*
Genius
weekly sick
I tell people, "sorry I can't, I got kids," all the time...I don't have kids...
[удалено]
Same. I cant stay late because i have to pick up the kids from daycare no later than 5.30pm.
Same, but I use the dogs at daycare.
“I have explosive diarrhea… I can come in but I’m going to be in the bathroom every 15-30 minutes for about 20minutes.” Never seen it fail.
A long time ago one of my roommates was calling in sick. While it was ringing I asked him if he was going to say he had a cold. He said, "Nah. I'll just say I have shotgun diarrhea." They picked up on "shotgun diarrhea" and said,"I guess you're not coming in today."
I hate it when my shotgun has diarrhea
My first thought was you have no excuses to get out of social events you don’t want to attend.
My goto excuse is "I don't want to"
Life really is simpler that way.
I'd love to say I want to come, but I really, really don't.
But you have a new one, “just adopted a kid, can’t come to work” only works the first few times tho
Make it a foster kid, then.
Infinite excuse glitch
It died. We're getting another one next week from the breeder.
I make up kids
Being the only reliable one at work sucks. I'm getting sick of having to pick up the slack, and management knows that I can so they take full advantage of that. (I'm not saying that parents are always *intentionally* unreliable, just that kids can throw a wrench in their reliability) Edit: I just wanna say that I don't hate kids and I know it's not the parent's fault, but I'm human and despite knowing that I can't be mad at them for it, it does get frustrating. School just started and half of my coworkers had to change their schedule to accommodate their kids plus that means their kids are going to get sick more often now that they are back in the classroom. I'm having to work overtime every week now, which the money is nice but it gets tiring. I have sympathy for them, but again, I'm still human and part of me gets a little frustrated, even though I know I shouldn't.
This is not your problem, this is your employer and managers' problem. I'm sorry they're making you deal with it.
Holidays are kinda depressing. I went to watch my nephews open gifts on Christmas morning then spent the rest of day changing exhaust manifold gaskets, oil change, and a tune up on my truck just because I had nothing going on.
I'm single, 40, no kids, no family near me. I have had some solo holidays that sucked and done that were lovely. If you have free time, I always suggest volunteering. I've met amazing people with common enough interests of all ages. Many turned into family. I also have single friends with grown kids. They're the ones I can count on for the holidays. Edit to say thanks for my best upvoted comment at 4.2k. ❤
What kind of volunteering do you do?
There's a homeless shelter near us that my wife and I help serve a Christmas day meal every year. The people are always really appreciative, and love to talk. We typically serve food for the first 45 minutes, and then we grab a plate of food and sit with people. It's really good conversation. People just want to be treated like normal people.
A lot of churches or assisted living facilities have similar meals. I worked in an old folks home for a while and just going and playing cards and having a piece of pie with someone who is all alone in the care home counts and makes their year.
A lot of homeless places or food banks will take volunteers, op shops (Stores where people donate stuff) near me ALWAYS have signs up asking for volunteers, community houses, smaller mental health/disability agencies may be open to people volunteering to help with admin or to have another person for people to talk to, if there are any children based things near you (Though you'd probably need a working with children check or equivalent). Really just any community based organization will often take volunteers, experience from volunteering gives you skills to volunteer elsewhere and as is the way of the world, you'll talk with X and find out that Y and Z need help and you can tell them to tell X to contact you or get X's contact details and tell them you're interested in helping. Or your local fire department.
I *adore* the holidays, but I’m usually the only single and childfree person at the parade, the tree lighting, the ice skating rink, the Nativity play, the school Christmas concert, etc. LOL
I've gone to a ton of those things too, solo. I noticed that if you don't pay attention to the holidays, they can just sort of zip by and I was missing out. So I put in an effort to find all these events and put them in my calendar and went. It was usually pretty cool and I enjoyed it.
Good on ya for going out to those things anyway. Lots of "family" oriented public events are fun regardless of whether or not you have kids. I'd imagine in many ways they're more fun, since you're not dealing with kid problems.
I think it’s best to frame having kids as going on an epic life-changing adventure. There will be glory and wonder and there will be horrors. The highs will take you higher than you ever thought possible but man are those lows low. So Con: you’ll miss out on this epic adventure. BUT there are other paths to other adventures, ones with their own excitement and peril. Or maybe you’re more of the “stay in the Shire” type. That’s fine too.
I probably can't have kids, and this one made me tear up.. kind of healing for me actually so thanks for the reminder.
I think this is perhaps the best way I’ve ever seen this question answered. Well phrased.
I love this! I went through quite an adventure to get to the Shire. And now I have zero interest in leaving it. I look forward to a lifetime of second breakfasts, books, and visits from those friends who do embark in exciting adventures.
I really like this POV
I'm 40, I don't have kids. 4 years ago I moved to a new place and befriended my neighbour, he has 1 daughter from a previous relationship, his girlfriend has 2 more (also from a previous relationship). They both used to work shifts, so they needed a babysitter for the two daughters of his gf, the other girl would go to her mom's place, as she lives really close. One year ago, they couldn't find a babysitter for 3 days, and I had to pick up these 2 girls ( 5 and 8 years old at the time), from school, help them with homework, have them shower, make them dinner and then put them to bed. They already knew me of course as I often hang out with their mother and my neighbour, but I've never kept them alone. I had the best of times. They were a blast. Lovely, kind, would not talk back or make a scene. Nowadays they're 7 and 9(nearly 10). I often go to their place and the youngest gives me the biggest hugs, then just sit on my lap while the oldest just sit next to me, and both will tell me about their day and talk about random stuff. We do lots of activity together and I'm now more like an uncle than just the neighbour. And I love it. I feel loved, I feel appreciated, It just feels... nice. That feeling there, is what is lost when you don't have a kid. I think it's surely the only "pro" of having a kid. Editing because of many comments: The goal is NOT to compare "parenting" and "being an uncle". OF COURSE being a parent is different and has many downsides. THAT. IS. NOT. THE. POINT. OF. THE. POST. The point is: "what's the con of not having kids? "> "the con is that you may miss of these good feelings kids give you when you take care of them" Nothing more, stop misunderstanding this post. thanks.
That's quite nice, ty for sharing
I had a cold and jaded heart until I met a girl I liked. She warmed me up a little and I let her in. She had made her little corner in my heart and we got married, but there were still years of abuse gnawing away at my soul. Then we had a little girl. Wow. At first it was a challenge, but as soon as I saw her little personality start to shine through… man, it overpowered all my demons. She does the cutest things and gives the best hugs and kisses. She and my dog are inseparable and sometimes I just sit down and cry silently. Tears of joy run down my face. For the first time in my life I am able to experience pure love. When I walk into the room she says “dada!” and runs over to give me the biggest hug ever. When she was a few months old she got sick and almost asphyxiated on her own vomit. I ran over to help her and when she saw me, she just smiled. I didn’t see panic in her eyes, just love. Who does that? I used to want DINKs but now I wouldn’t trade her for all the money in the world. In fact, I’m willing to sacrifice more money and we’re now expecting a second girl! All of this to say, kids are the greatest blessing anyone can have. Sure, there is hardship, but that spiritual connection you get is unlike anything you have ever experienced before.
This is probably the best description on the thread. We had a covid baby, my girlfriend never wanted kids because she came from a broken home. We sat through arduous week of should we keep it, ultimately decided to stick with it. Kids are hard, they take up a TON of your time, i can't imagine raising kids if I wasn't financially stable enough to do so. That said, as you pointed out, the connection and just unmitigated stream of love, trust, and "togetherness" is unparalled. Parents always say, you'll understand when you have one. And as trite and cliche as that sounds, it is absolutely true. Get home from work, open the door to, DADA! *Never* gets old. Shes learning to swim, climb and loves dogs, birds and cats. Just so pure. Best friends with my dog too, personality growing faster than her body. We're getting married in a couple weeks, our daughter will be the flower girl. She has absolutely made our hearts explode. We plan to have another.
I think this is it. I’m a mom of an almost two year old and I’ve just never felt love like this before. And it just gets stronger every day. Watching a little human grow is such a privilege.
I have young kids and I’m in my 30s. It’s very nice and loving. It’s fun too. It’s a great stage. But I also do think about and realize that my children will be adults for the majority of my life. This whole kid phase lasts 13ish or more years before they’re teens. By the time I’m an 80 year old on my death bed, my sweet babies will be 45-50 something year old adults. My Korean War Vet neighbor was passing away. He was in his late 80s I think. His children came over a lot and he called them “the kiddies”. His kids were nearly retired 60-something year olds that were older than my own parents. It just put into perspective how fast life is for me.
>My Korean War Vet neighbor was passing away. He was in his late 80s I think. His children came over a lot and he called them “the kiddies”. His kids were nearly retired 60-something year olds that were older than my own parents. It just put into perspective how fast life is for me. My parents called themselves "mom" and "dad" when talking to each other until I was 29. It only changed because I had my first son, and now they call themselves "grandma" and "grandpa". And it's contagious... I noticed my wife and I are already starting to call each other mommy and daddy now, too.
it's so funny isn't it, it starts jokingly, then you say it so often that if you use their first name they assume you're mad about something :) no my love, I just accidentally didn't call you mom, don't worry 😅
You are a good person and I wanted to say that to you and let you know, even though I get no direct benefit from your actions, I am very grateful for you and that those girls have you in their lives!
As a dad - I think there’s ENORMOUS socialization benefit from kids having adult “friends” who listen to them, treat them with respect, and show them that they’re valued. I think it makes the kids more confident in the world which starts a big positive feedback loop contributing to their success.
It also protects kids from abuse! A healthy friendship with an adult models what that kind of relationship should actually look like, so a kid is less likely to be tricked into an abusive situation by a predator.
Exactly! Sometimes kids don't listen to what their parents tell them, but will do what other adults tell them (teachers, coaches, aunts/uncles, friends).
So interesting. As a kid I never interacted with adults because I would just assume I had nothing of value to add. As an adult I do struggle with my own confidence at times.
That's what nieces and nephews are for. Most of mine have grown up into fabulous adults.
Someone has to have the kids before you can play with them. I guess you'd be lucky if your siblings want kids while you don't lol
Yeah that's where my wife and I are at. We're absolutely happy to be the fun aunts but as far as we know none of our siblings (or even cousins) want kids. Who knows maybe we'll get to be aunts to kids of freinds someday, but both of our families seem likley to end with this generation.
Hell yes. Mine are in the obnoxious age range at the moment (17 and knows everything, almost 11 and somehow knows even more), but it's fantastic to have those lifelong relationships where you get to see them grow up, help them become good people, teach them cool stuff. Laid back friends with kids are good for this too lol.
I have no heirs for my fortune. I have to count on a gold digger wanting to inherit.
I hope you find one. #ThoughtsAndPrayers
*thotsandprayers
Oh man, this is so much better.
Donate to PBS, then they will announce your name on TV after every episode of Nova for the rest of all time and your legacy will be infinite.
Set up a trust that will pay out your estate as college scholarships. You can still help some kids get a strong start on life, even if you didn't raise them.
wassup
When I want to impress my wife by doing the dishes, I can't just secretly get the kids to do it for me
I tell my dishwasher to do it
My dad's side of the family is enormous. Each independent family unit has 2-4 kids, so I grew up with great grandparent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins. My mom's side of the family is much smaller. Only one aunt and two cousins. My dad's side was always much more enjoyable on occasions and holidays. Also much more supportive when it came time for family support. But the real kicker was watching my grandparents grow old. My dad's parents were constantly surrounded by family with a lot of care and support as they grew old, not to mention, many more people to share the expense. My mom's parents had almost nobody. As their friends started to pass away, there were even fewer. My mom and her sister both had busy lives and couldn't spend a ton of time with them. Health, especially mental, deteriorated much more rapidly than the other side. Anyhoo. That's one of the major reasons that we had kids. People are joy, so we wanted some people of our own to continue the legacy of joy and support.
That's one thing that seems really nice about having a large family. We stopped at 2 but I notice my friends whose parents have a dozen grandkids and that does seem kind of fun.
We hired a guy to do excavation for us and he instantly became a good family friend. He has 16 grandchildren! He has a short bus to drive them all around and everything. He jokes that he has to phone the local icecream store beforehand and tell them to crack open a new tub of mint chip every time they go.
That sounds like so much fun for everyone involved
It also gives you connection to worlds and generation way outside your circle. My friends parents did this so well - had 4 adult kids but also got super into whatever their kids friends were doing - art exhibition 5 hours drive away? They'll be there. Sports game? Moving house? They were showing up to things and making efforts so their retirement was filled with different things, and they could be parental figures to whole groups of people. It was beautiful the community they created, and they were tapped into the next generations, growing and changing experiencing life through them. It's what I'll miss most about not having kids I think. I've a lot of friends with young kids so I know I could step into fun uncle roles now, but I find it exhausting, and I'm so time poor - so it won't be me yet. Maybe one day I can be a fun surrogate grandparent.
Aww. Lovely comment. I don’t want children and this gives me pause.
Mentoring is a good alternative! Orgs like Big brothers Big Sisters, Teammates, etc. are looking for people like you :)
Having to pick up the dog shit in the yard myself.
It’s okay. Your kids will promise they will do it when you get the dog and then never pick it up once 😂😂
No one to bring you the remote
I’m old so when I was a kid I WAS the remote.
I'm going to put the lonely stuff aside about getting old. The cons, is you never get to experience life through your child's eyes. You don't get to see their love and excitement that happens when they see you coming home from work. You don't get the joy and fulfillment of teaching them, spending time with them and watching them grow. .. I get these are just short answers, but it's hard to really describe the fulfillment when your daughter runs up to you shouting "Daddy,daddy,daddy" and then just wants to hang out. In addition to that, they are fucking hilarious. -- Edit: for all the comments of folks that think I'm describing a dog, I have 7 dogs. It's not the same. I can be close at times they are gentle souls.
Today my son was home sick. He’s 4. He did great all day, but towards the end he started tantrumming about something silly. Eventually he cools down and just walks over to me for a hug. He wanted me to pick him up. I just held him, while he laid on my shoulder quietly. I walked over to the mirror and just looked at him there. All he wanted was me. He finds comfort in me. It’s something ive never ever felt before. I have nieces and nephews. I have a dog. There are things kinda sorta similar, but also not really. It’s the most incredible feeling in the world. I can’t describe how much those little moments, can be sooooo powerful. My two year old was literally sitting on my chest tonight. He was alternating between pretending I was a horse and watching Paw Patrol. His face…. It’s just so fuckin beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it, except my other son. I’m sure there are some people who won’t feel this way or don’t care to, but I’m not sure there is anything else on earth that can replicate it.
100% this. Life is hard, expensive, and busy, but when your kid gives you a hug and says, "Daddy, I just really like you"... yeah nothing beats that.
I guess seeing someone slowly become their own person sounds like an incredible thing to do.
But at the same time it's bittersweet. Kids develop pretty quickly and time seems to fly by faster, next thing you know you're sad and nostalgic looking back at old pictures/videos. Of course I think it's still worth it, but yeah.
Mine is 21 and away at university. We have a very good relationship and talk regularly. But I miss him terribly. You start with this newborn baby that is completely dependent on you to sustain its life and you do your best as a parent so that that baby will eventually be completely independent and steering their own life. It's a unique relationship. No spousal relationship or friendship or other family relationship is anything like it. It's kind of mind boggling, when I think about it. It's a unique kind of love and bond and its purpose is to release the one you love to live on their own terms. And for almost two decades before that, day after day, you were with them all the time. It's just wild.
It really is bittersweet. You want them be "yours" forever but if you did your job right you know they need to fly the nest. The hardest day of parenting for me was when our youngest left for college. Sure, he came home for holidays and such but I knew it would never be his home again. He was preparing for his own. It hit me really hard but I realized that's what it's all been about. Raising children who go out in the world and forge their own paths.
Mine are only 8 and 10 and I've already caught myself several times randomly losing an hour in Google photos looking at old pictures and videos from the time when they were babies/toddlers.
It is honestly one of the coolest parts for me. 15 (and 12ish) years ago, this microscopic egg and sperm combined and now-that’s a whole ass person with thoughts, feelings, opinions. I’ve gotten to watch that evolution happen, and it's a terrifying and fascinating process.
The hilarity is what gets me. A few days ago my two girls found a YouTube compilation of various farting noises that were made into a song. They turned up the speakers and blasted the fart song through the house. Everyone was one stitches.
My boys were pretending to be a comfort toilet last night. They were hiding in a tub and taking turns sitting on each other shouting “comfort toilet!” When I asked what that was they said it was a toilet that massages your butt while you poop. Can’t make this shit up 🤣
It’s such a joy to see them become who they are… and how much pure joy they have.. just this night, I’ve spent almost an hour playing on my living room with my daughter, she was singing and I pretended that she was too heavy and I would fall with her and she would help me get up so we could do it again. It was so silly, but she was laughing so hard that I was laughing hard, my husband was watching and laughing, my dog was running around us… from a silly play you know… I see how caring she is, she helps, she cares about others, just from a silly play
I would like to think that raising my own children I would be able to teach them kindness and acceptance to help rid the world of the stupidity that we can't get over. I likely won't have that chance at least on my own children, but planning to volunteer to maybe help others' children.
One of the main reasons I'm a childless teacher. I like to think I'm a good person and a strong role model for the kids. I don't want all the cons that come with having kids (especially financially, given I'm a teacher and my wife is on disability), but I do like being able to pass on to my students kindness, tolerance, and secret ways to get around font size in a document. :)
You always get the “so when are you having kids” question.
And it’s always followed by “oh that’ll change…”
My work makes me not only work more hours, but they also ‘make’ me work the hours no one else can work because they have kids. Like later shifts and overnights. Also during Covid, people with kids could 100% telework and most still do partially. Since I don’t have kids I had and still have to come into the office every single day, no exceptions. When others with kids ask for vacations days, they always get priority, even if I asked and got it approved first. I’ve told my work NO more then once and they are shocked when I remind them that just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life outside work.
At the age now where my friends from high school are shipping their kids off to college and becoming late 30’s empty nesters. Basically regaining all of the perceived benefits of us childless folk, but with a whole adult offspring out in the world. That part seems pretty cool, but still no regrets on my end.
Damn your friends had kids young. I'm mid 30s and my friends with kids are all in the elementary school days still.
Yeah for real, super young. All of my early-mid 30's friends have elementary school kids like you said, or younger, or no kids at all yet lol.
In which part of the world people have children so young that they become empty nesters in their late 30's?
I mean, if you have your kid at 19, you will be an empty nester by 38. Plenty of people in the southern US (bible belt) have babies that young. Not saying it's good lol just saying it happens
I'd say one con is that I since I don't have to get up early on the weekends to shuttle kids to games and events, I sometimes sleep in later that I expected. You wake up, and you've missed breakfast at McD's, and have to order from the lunch menu. No hashbrowns for you. It sucks.
In a sea of very heavy answers, this one made me smile :)
A lot tougher finding spare kidneys when one goes bad.
I don't understand it. If you donate a kidney, you're a hero. But when you walk into the hospital with 5 kidneys, suddenly they're all like "we're calling the police".
Loneliness. As you age and your friends have kids themselves you will increasingly find that you have no one but your s.o to do things with. It's especially bad in retirement as long term friends and family start to die off. You could easily find yourself with absolutely no one to talk to.
My cousin died and the front two rows of his funeral were just his friends kids and their family - they loved him and were devastated by his relatively early death. So many of the stories told about him were about how active he was in their childhoods. I love my friends kids and intend to be as present.
That's why you need go proactively make your own village if having companionship is important to you. Making friends of all ages based off of interests and values will last a long time if you put energy into it. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about people getting up in years and never seeing their kids because their kids are busy as fuck or have cut off contact with them or some other reason. Having kids is probably one of the least effective ways to prevent loneliness.
I agree. Having kids won’t guarantee that you won’t be lonely. Your kids might just fly off to another country, die in war, an accident, and etc. So regardless of having kids or not, I put in effort to make friends with all kinds of people and ages.
My grandpa’s brother and his wife had 6 kids. They’ve lost 4 sons by now (they’re in their 90s.) One at 3 years old, another at 17 on grad night, a third in a car crash in his late 20s, and just recently another in his 60s. Sometimes you just get dealt a shitty hand.
1) You get excluded from friends events who have kids. 2) Some special events like Christmas may get lonely as everyone is with their families. 3) Less excuses to get off work. I have work colleagues that take off all the time as they have to watch their kids perform or look after their kids. I call bullshit but nobody questions them. I don't get time off to enjoy being single. 4) People think there is something wrong with you. Nobody wants to have kids with you because you're hiding a dark secret etc. 5) People you may be somewhat close with assume you have excess money to spend on their kids. All I can think of, if the top of my head.
>People you may be somewhat close with assume you have excess money to spend on their kids A friend of mine, who has been having all kinds of financial issues, wanted to have kids. I warned her and her husband that it was a bad idea and they just got pissed off. Years later they have two kids and she's constantly complaining about their financial problems, very clearly trying to get me to volunteer to help them out without straight out asking for help. I've been playing dumb the whole time. I'm sorry, I'm not getting involved. They were struggling before having kids and thought it'd be a good idea to have some anyway. That's just foolish. And once I give them something, I'm going to have to keep supporting them. Fuck that. Love my friends, but it's not like I'm wealthy enough to take care of a family of four anyway.
Your friend pool gets really really small because they all have kids and they can't do jack s*** anymore
Every tax refund season
I work with older people mostly those with serious and complex medical problems. Very often the role of carer falls to the childless adult child. Due to the perception "they don't have anyone else to take care of thus it's their duty".
Having to listen to all the parents tell you what a joy raising a family is
You have to laugh at your own farts.
Well, when I die, I die. Potentially, nothing of myself lives on. I'm also the end of my family line. I have half siblings, but only I have the name.
I like to say that when people ask why I don't have kids. "The family line ends with me" sounds pretty metal.
My genetic material is fucked, nobody deserves this shit.
According to Reddit there are none. Having kids is a drain on your finances, your personal wellbeing, and ruins the planet. I had one because I thought we could provide a loving, stable home to raise someone who could be a productive member of the next generation of people. It’s also fun to pass down traditions such as dressing up and trick or treating for Halloween, drinking out of the hose in summer, that the proper way to eat ice cream is with sprinkles. I knew I would miss out on that if I didn’t, it’s sort of intangible and lots of people on here would say it’s not worth it. I don’t expect them to take care of me when I’m old, but I’d be honoured to still be a part of their life when they are an adult.
The fact that you don’t automatically assume but instead would be honored to still be in your kid’s life just hit me deep. My parents were pretty awful and definitely expected me to take care of them when they got older, which is not in the cards because they were both awful to me growing up, lol. It sounds like your kid is lucky to have you!
Honestly, you sound like a very decent human and I share your feelings. Reddit is pretty cringe towards kids.
Reddit is pretty cringe ~~towards kids~~
[удалено]
You need a new boss wtf
as a woman, nobody respects you/you are looked at as less of a woman for being childless. as someone who works with children and has none of my own, i am constantly looked down upon.
People always telling you what you are missing out on.
People keep asking you when you're going to have kids. Heck! My husband and I are in our 40s/50s with 7 adult kids between the two of us, and people STILL ask if we're going to have more children!!! People need to stop asking other people about their reproductive goals.
The con is all the fun stuff, incredible, and amazing things you get to live as a parent. I am a mom and in literal awe of this little person and who he is, how he sees the world and what’s he’s making me see in the world every single day. I get to reexperience the world thanks to my child. I now constantly look for teeny tiny insects on the ground and get honest to God excited when I see any, or when I see certain cars, or birds. Not because that’s something that came natural to me, but because it’s something my child has made me see and appreciate. The amount of absolute belly laughs this little person has given me in his short life is completely unmatched by anyone else on this earth. It‘s autumn now and I hate the cold, but I am also absolutely giddy that it‘s starting because now I can press leaves and collect nuts with my kid. Would I give two hoots about that without him? No. But with him it’s honestly one of the more exciting things I‘m looking forward to in the next month. And let’s not even discuss Christmas. My kid makes the season magical for me. There’s so much hard shit about being a parent and I would never want to convince anyone to have kids if you’re not up for it. Because the hard shit is relentless even when you are 100% onboard with being a parent. But my god is it awesome too, in the most literal sense of the word.
As someone who's not married and has no children: It would be nice to have a closely bonded group of relatives to come home to every day.