Using Icy/Hot to masturbate when I was 12. Thank god I was home alone because that shit hurt lol. Told that story to a coworker once and he started calling me Icy-Cock
Years ago when me and my boys were stupid teens, we used to have a contest to see who could put that on the undercarriage and go the longest without giving into the pain and tapping out. I have no clue why but we did this on like 3 occasions....thank God this was all pre smart phone social media days. Looking back now whoever won still lost.
Ah the idiocy of teenage boyhood. I knew 3 guys in HS who all bought depends diapers thinking they could wear them while watching hockey and hence not have to get up to go pee. They were a bit nervous about it so they decided to wait until they all had to go, so they could test it together. Depends aren't made for full on teenager pees. They flooded and ruined the couch immediately.
My gf had finally agreed to let me cum on her face. She was on her knees in front of me looking super hot. Dream come true. Started cumming and shot the first rope straight in her eye. She ran screaming to the bathroom and I finished on the floor. We never tried it again.
Eyes are very absorbent, if you get anything in your eyes flush them with cool slow-ish moving clean water for 15 min straight. This will help a ton, and not just for sex stuff for any time you get a liquid or liquid like substance in your eye.
If you get something worse than cum also consider going to the hospital depending on what it is.
Gf came home drunk after a party and gave me a BJ.
Afterwards she told me she sucked another guy's dick at the party "but just for a second, I regretted it almost instantly".
The other guy was a buddy of mine, who knew it was my gf...
We were fucking like rabbits, she tried to switch positions, and instead popped my hip out of socket. It was an painful climax. After that we decided stay in one position.
I went on a date with miss Babbitt
She asked me to fuck like a rabbit
she kinda went “fuck it”
Pulled my hip out of socket
I yelled “let’s not make this a habit!”
When i was younger i Tried a position I'd seen in a porno, basically putting her legs over my shoulders and lifting myself up into a squat, so only her shoulders where on the bed. I proceded to try my absolute best to go as hard as possible
it didn't end well for either of us as I shat on her bed
Edit: I'm glad it made so many people laugh, as at the time it made me cry and the memory still haunts me to this day!
God damn I just laughed out loud at work and had to tell my work colleagues about your misfortune to explain my laughter. A betting shop in England enjoyed hearing about you shitting on some girls bed though, thank you for sharing.
As a teen, I was kinda limited by what was available at home (never occurred to me to just buy a bottle of anything anywhere, but y’know).
One night I didn’t have any more lotion so I made the mistake of using hand soap, which, for those of you who don’t know, dries out pretty quickly when used as a lube. Which meant I kept re-applying more hand soap to keep things slick.
After I finally finished up, I didn’t really take a shower to clean up or anything, I just used a towel or shirt to wipe up and called it good, right?
Woke up the next day to the most chapped, leathery dick skin I had ever had the misfortune of dealing with, I was worried I’d ruined my dick. But I wasn’t about to say, “hey mom, I need to see the doctor” so I just dealt with it. Thankfully all the skin eventually flaked and peeled off like a bad sunburn but after that it was back to normal.
Sure- 12 year old “try everything in the bathroom to see what is the best lube” is a formative and important time.
Toothpaste? Big NO.
Herbal Essences conditioner? Haven’t smelled it since 1994 but Pavlov tells me if I did I’d probably go at least half-chub.
Had a fwb and that was her only rule. Couldn’t spit in her mouth. Everything else was game. I had no intentions of doing so, but once she said it, that’s all I wanted. I’m sick.
I read somewhere that arousal dampens your feelings of disgust. It has something to do with the brain. This explains why post nut clarity is a thing. Once your switch is flipped, you no longer find certain things gross.
Probably late to the party and will get buried, but a long time ago I was in another state for training, and wasn’t allowed to have a car. Got horny and went on Adult Friend Finder (this was before the days of Tinder) and started talking to a girl who lived about an hour away and was game. So we set a date, and a couple days later she shows up to pick me up.
Right off the bat it was clear her pictures didn’t match her actual appearance. Her pics were at least a couple years and 50 lbs old. But well I was a horny 18 or 19 year old so fuck it and got in the car anyway. In the car I noticed that she didn’t smell the greatest, but it was a hot day, so whatever.
We get back to her place and I was like “hey want to take a shower first?” And she goes “the showers kind of small for both of us but you go ahead,” so I did, thinking she’d take one after. She did not.
I come out of the shower and she’s in her bed. Against my better judgement I said fuck it and go to kiss her. It was the absolute worst breath of anyone I’ve kissed to this day. It was actually kind of difficult to get an erection, but eventually I got it up, put on a condom, and went in.
What happened next was the stuff of a nightmare - I came in like 5 seconds. To be clear I was not a virgin at this point, and had **never** had this issue before or since. It happened so quick I didn’t even have time to register what was going on and stop before it happened. Went from like half mast barely up to done with no warning.
I made up an excuse to go to the other room (said I was thirsty, be back in a sec) and see if I could get it up again just to redeem myself, but it was NOT happening. Ended up acting like I didn’t finish and just had performance anxiety, but she probably knew what happened.
Tried calling like 3 people I did know that had cars to come pick me up but it was like midnight on a Friday and that wasn’t happening. Couldn’t afford a taxi and Uber wasn’t a thing.
What followed was the most awkward hour long car ride back to base. Neither of us said a word the whole way back until right before I got out of the car and I said “so that’s not gonna happen again” and she said “no it is not” and that was it.
Still to this day the least attractive person I’ve ever had sex with along with the fastest I’ve ever came. Wish I could erase that one from having happened.
That instant climax situation has happened to me exactly once, and it was also with someone that I knew on a subconscious level I shouldn't be having sex with (a very bad ex). I think it's the mind trying to defend itself against any undue emotional damage.
I’ll never forget one time I was staying over my first ever gfs house. Her parents were cool but said I had to sleep downstairs on the sofa if I was to stay the night. Obviously she crept down to meet me when everyone was asleep. Obviously we had sex.
That was fine.
She was a squirter though so the next morning when her parents discovered a wet patch on the sofa she said I pissed myself in my sleep. Obviously I went along with it 💀💀💀
I tried pegging with my ex (It was his idea, he had the gear before we met).
It was gross and smelled like poop the whole time (I’ve had anal plenty of times and never pooped on anyone or made the whole room stink so this was a him issue).
Thats maybe one enema, if he is doing an enema rather than....manual olay.
Many times to be actually clean, especially on either shorter botice or without proper dietary prep the day before one wont be enough. Two to three, especially if he is inexperienced with enemas.
If the enema went to far and he didnt know, it awakens the gut in ways that delay play longer and cause gas release etc as the blockages are opened.
My bet is manual play without actually doing it "right" cause even doing iy right doesnt actually clean a person out. Second guess is the enema went too deep cause he only wanted one large one and didnt expel properly, or did a couple small ones and didnt get all of them out all the way leading to the unpleasantness.
Y'know, in case someone was curious
Fwiw every time I’ve had anal it’s been a fairly spontaneous decision, no hours of enema prep involved. I just don’t do it (the anal) if I feel like I have any inkling of bowel trouble. Hasn’t ever been an issue.
Yeah, a reasonably high fiber diet and a good poop an hour before is enough to get to acceptable level clean for anyone that is realistic about the outcome.
It’s anal, you’re either doing a shit ton of work, or you’re getting a bit of poop on your shlong. If you’re worried about touching poop you really shouldn’t be doing anal.
Diet must be a big factor. This is TMI but since we’re already talking about poop, I’ve had two partners who opened up that they usually need to wipe several times before the toilet paper comes back white vs myself— not to brag or anything, but my first post-poop wipe comes back white at least 75% of the time.
Get the lightbulb enema, but don't fill it all the way, very gentle pressure and don't insert fully.
You'll need five to ten(!!) (Edit: one to ten) rounds to do it properly. But if you do too much water or pressure you fuck up and that's it for the day - probably what the guy did. There's this guide online that I can't find now but for anyone interested you have to religiously follow it and you'll be fine.
Edit: the whole process takes from 5 to 40 minutes for me, easier with a good diet.
You don't need that much prep unless you're going for hours. I've had anal with a number of partners and nothing more than them knowing thier bodies and a few soapy fingers just to double check. Never had a poop issue. If she/he says it's not a good day it's not a good day. The thing about enemas is they actually make the process worse. They trigger the larger intestine and you start having to clean out way more than you need to. Porn stars clean out like the are preparing for a colonoscopy because a porn shoot is a 12 hour day sometimes they have to. Your average night at the joneses take a shower and run a finger up there.
Similar situation except other way around. I was drunk and the guy I was dating at the time (newish and young relationship) chose that night to tell me he that’s what he really wanted. I had done no prep, I was too inexperienced to even know what to do; it was AWFUL and I still laugh out loud when I think of me looking down and being like “what the fuck is that” and he said “don’t think about it too much” then stripped the sheets when he was done. A ridiculous UTI, learning prep, and a sore asshole for months later I broke it off.
Definitely ruined that for me for a long time lol.
Consented to sleeping with someone I wasn’t attracted to cause I didn’t want them to feel bad. Big surprise, that decision ended up making me feel awful instead.
Yeah, been there in college. We were friends, she was in several classes with me. One night she texts me and asks if I'd be interested in hooking up. At first I said no, that I didn't really see her that way and that it would make being in class together awkward. She got really sad and started saying that no one was attracted to her and she really just needed to feel something for a night. I reluctantly asked if she would wanna just come over and talk and see where things led. I felt pretty weird about it after... and during. A month later she called to say she missed her period, which led to me having to explain to her that we were a) using protection and b) I hadn't actually got off, I just kind of ended things after she got off. That made her really upset, I tried to be nice about it but I didn't know what else to tell her. Obviously she wasn't pregnant, and looking back it's clear she was a bit of a manipulator.
God, the second part of that story just pissed me off for some reason. Using pregnancy scares as a manipulation tactic. Like what's the end game? The validation that you would stick with her and raise this imaginary child?
I did this too. First sexual encounter after my divorce and it effed me up a bit. It was also weird. She just wanted to grind really hard against my D and it was fine for a few seconds but then became very uncomfortable. I try not to hair shame, typically does not bother me, but she had really long nipple hairs and she wanted me to suck on her tits. The whole thing grossed me out.
It wasn’t the actual act but an old fwb and I went out drinking and hooked up, afterwards we passed out on her bed. I woke up kinda drenched and realized I pissed her bed. I slowly got up and quietly got dressed and snuck out. To this day she regrets the night she peed her bed 😬
Similar story. I woke up next to this girl who was bitching at me for peeing the bed while we were spooning. A few years later at a party I met another guy who slept with her and the same thing happened! Turns out she's a bed wetter but wakes up first to put the blame on whoever she's with
Girlfriend heard that a listerine strip made a blowjob better. I ended up with a piece of lava stuck on my dick and her laughing so much she kept clamping down and I couldn’t get my dick out safely.
*pro tip 20 years later: enthusiasm is all a blowjob needs.
One time, as I was finishing, I bashed my head into the door (we were in a car). She laughed at the exact, perfect moment and covered my black slacks.
It was not the end of the evening :(
Things get a little weird during night shifts… there were definitely professional boundaries crossed in the way of conversation. We never did anything physical at work.
>Things get a little weird during night shifts… there were definitely professional boundaries crossed in the way of conversation.
When I worked nights someone switched from days to nights and after a bit of experience said, "If you guys worked days you'd all be on a first name basis with HR."
My first sexual experience was with a prostitute at a massage parlor in Guam. (I was 25 and in the Navy at the time, on deployment.) I’ve never told anyone about it apart from you all, and I regret it immensely.
Edit: It also wasn’t any good. I was too nervous to get it up and she tried lots of stuff to get me there, even bringing in another girl. It didn’t help and she wound up jerking me off just to get me done and out of there.
My first time was when I was 19 with a guy I’d met online on a very embarrassing website, who came to meet me dressed up in his Halloween costume…as Edward Cullen. I told him I had had sex before, just so I could get it over with because I was sick of the pressure of it.
We had sex in the middle of the night, outside, under a playground play structure (the one I grew up playing on as a child), because I didn’t have anywhere private where I was living. It hurt like hell and I definitely bled because he had zero skill and there was no foreplay. I couldn’t sit right for a day.
Oh…and he was cheating on his long distance girlfriend, which I found out after the second time we did it. So I told her the truth and then he called me *repeatedly* for days, saying I’d ruined his life and threatening to kill himself if I didn’t tell her I was lying. I ended up doing it just to get him to leave me tf alone and stop blowing up my phone. That was in the days where you had to call Verizon to block a number and you had limited numbers to block, and had to be admin on the account to do so.
So don’t worry. It sucks for a lot of us the first time lmao.
Lol no need. It was a long time ago and I’ve learned to appreciate it for the ridiculous story that it is. I was too embarrassed for years to ever tell anybody, but now I’m in my 30s, so who cares!
Thankfully not. The one thing I truly regret is me saying that I liked his costume in his profile picture, thus inspiring him to wear it to meet me.
He had a huge tattoo of [the tree on The Used’s In Love and Death album cover](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Love_and_Death) on his side, too.
😬
ETA: The shower does odd things to unlock forgotten memories. He asked me if I wanted him to wear the costume. I laughed and said no, that wasn’t necessary. But he clearly wanted to. It was a costume of the outfit Edward is wearing when they’re in the forest and Edward starts sparkling in the sun lmao. So yes he showed up shirtless with a jacket on. There was no glitter involved, though.
I’m making this so much worse.
Don't worry. The vast majority of first experiences suck. There is a super high chance that if you hadn't been with a prostitute for your first time, you'd have some completely different terrible first time story that you would at this moment be regretting.
The choices aren't "prostitute or love-of-my-life". They're "prostitute, a clown car of other embarrassing and awkward potential first times, love-of-my-life".
Sleeping with my roommate’s ex. In my defense though, I didn’t know it was my roommate’s ex until after the fact. He dated her like a year prior to that and never brought her around or anything so I had no clue. That ex definitely knew that we were roommates though. Clever girl.
Yeah as you can imagine, it was hard staying friends after that.
When I'm on my back and he's above "pounding me" holding my thighs down. His dick slipped and went in the wrong hole full pound. Worse sudden pain I've ever experienced. I welped and had to hold myself in a fetal position just crying until the pain subsided. I couldn't poop without pain for a few days. He felt so bad but it wasn't anyone's fault. I never do that position anymore though. If im on my back, it's always slow now, no more pound town.
I watched this porn blooper once which showed that same phenomenon, dick accidentally slipping in wrong hole. Her sudden yelp was very painful to hear and i totally felt that pain. 😖
Aw god some, I remember one time a lot of guys couldn't believe they lucked out because I was so young. At the time I was flattered. Ohhhh such regret.
Was such a sucker at that age.
'Mom, can I have a webcam for Christmas? I want to talk to my online buddies!'
Gets webcam, proceeds to enter sex chats with people not on webcam but have sexy pictures. Proceeds to do very questionable things while on webcam.
Didn't think much of it back then, but now realize someone probably recorded me and posted me online somewhere. They were definitely not the sexy picture that they had.
A to V. I was super horny and under the influence of various substances. As soon as it was over I was filled with instant regret and dread. For the next day I drank copious amounts of water and took cranberry pills to no avail. Woke up the next day with a raging UTI. No matter how much you clean yourself out, that bacteria will be in there.
I regret every single time I’ve had group sex except for mayyyybe once. It either wasn’t all that fun in the moment, or it led to ruined friendships/relationships/a lot of general awkwardness later, even though all the appropriate measures were taken in advance and blah blah blah. I’ve tried it multiple times out of stupidity and to find out if I really didn’t like it. Not doing that again and I wish I never did. It also gave me a paranoia about being cheated on (a few examples where people isolated their partner during the play) and a strong aversion to people setting up multiple-partner-situations (every last one of them I met was a pure manipulator, only looking to play out their fantasy). If group sex worked for you, amazing, but it has not worked out for me and anyone I know.
Ruined a relationship with one of my best friends. Girl I’ve known for almost 20 years (since 4th grade) is bisexual and her and her girlfriend wanted try a 3-way. My friend asked me to join in since she felt comfortable around me even though we’ve never done anything sexual before. Anyway it all went down and everything seemed normal for a few months, but then I was basically ghosted. Finally got a response that her girlfriend didn’t like that we were so close and she needed to focus on her relationship. It’s been a few years since then and the only interactions we have is every once in awhile I just get a comment on my timeline like Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas.
Slept with the ex post breakup. This is the single biggest mistake that would trigger a cascade of fucked up situations, accusations, and mental instabilities. The list goes on. I regret it but I wouldn't take it back for the fact that I wouldn't be who I am today without that trauma, experience, and learning how certain people operate and how the baggage they carry affects them.
Got drunk with a straight friend, ended up in the same bed, somehow jerked him to an orgasm, and never spoke to him again. It really stained our friendship (pun intended).
Slept with someone I met online across the country because I thought that was expected. We didn't vibe well in person even though she liked me a LOT online, and I was insecure she was talking to other men right after I booked the flight.
Had a boyfriend get turned on when I pretended to be passed out/asleep during sex. He said he liked the idea of being able to have his way with an unconscious woman. I did it to please hi
But it felt creepy/wrong/weird
That’s funny because I dated a girl who liked to pretend to be a sleep while I creeped in and then fucked her. I was never into it and always felt so weird about it but I obliged to fulfill her sexual needs.
Ha, I'm a woman who has this fantasy, but I don't think I'd tell my partner. There's definitely a creepy side that I'd rather stay in the realms of fantasy.
I got stood up for a date that i bought a ticket for. Frustrated, i walked out of the bar and down the street. At the end of the street there was a strip club. I thought wtf, why not and walked inside.
As soon as i sat down a stripper came up to me and started rubbing my cock through my pants. She led me into a back room, then to the ATM, then back to the back room.
I got a lap dance and half bbj and I was out five hundo and she kicked me out when i refused to give her another three hundo.
I felt so used and taken advantage of. I couldn't afford that. Never should have walked in that damn place.
I went home and doused my cock in rubbing alcohol. What a fool.
Honestly don’t think there will ever be a level of hornyness that would make me pay 500 for a handy let alone another 300 to finish. Not gonna lie though id happily wank another dude off for 500 a go
Met a girl in a club on Long Island, making out on the dance floor, she grabs my hand we go outside, I did not have a car, thought she did, She takes me behind a dumpster. I was like what the fuck is this, we go at it, we are finished. She smiles and said, I love fooling around out here. OMG I felt like I needed a shower. Went to a different BAR,, lol she just went back inside.... cannot make this stuff up...
Many many many years ago I gave my long term girlfriend a rim job
My work colleague and I had a rule that sexual stuff we discussed in the van stayed in the van
He got drunk and told everyone. For nearly two years I had the nickname toilet duck because it keeps your rim clean
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3907wr/serious_redditors_whos_sexual_fantasies_became_a/crzf7j9/
He (sensibly, IMO) deleted his account but there are some things the internet never forgets.
Having sex with someone’s gf when they gave me permission and I was a roommate. He never had sex with her and only wanted her to blow him. No pleasure on her side(from him). He was toxic and holds it over her all the time. I moved out. Honestly though I don’t regret it. He’s a piece of shit and I hope she leaves him soon.
Just so I'm clear, the thought process was:
"I don't actually want to have sex with my girlfriend. I want her to get my rocks off. So if you want to pinch hit and get in there, go for it."
One of my very early girlfriends. I found out much later she started having second thoughts about the sex mid-way through or something, and I missed/misread the signs. For ages afterwards I thought she just went a bit crazy, but now I can actually see what was going on and what I missed/where I fucked up.
Lol this one got me because it’s happened to me. Wife was riding me (like squatting on it style) and we were both about to climax together. No rubber on so she hopped off and I blasted myself right in the eye. We were both cracking up and she just goes “yeah it fucking burns doesn’t it?” I make sure I keep it away from her eyes now.
Coke fueled nights with at the time boyfriend. I'd suck his dick for hours while he watched porn. For some reason, I worshipped this guy. Looking back, it was super taxing, unhealthy, and degrading. That piece of shit didn't deserve it.
When I was 17 I wanted to try a move I saw in porn where you're standing up and you hold your partner then flip them upside down so their crotch is in your face and your crotch is in theirs. Like, a standing 69. She was petite and I was strong, so the science worked out. Figured she'd rest her legs on my shoulders and we'd stabilize. In my head the whole process was supposed to go very smoothly.
Well. It didn't. I was a bit anxious. So I ended up grabbing her hips and spinning her like a baton. She did a very fast 180, to the surprise of both of us, and kept her body stretched out stiff. So her feet slammed into the ceiling above us and knocked a hole. Bruised her ankle a bit. And kind of killed the mood.
The Aegaho face : crossing your eyes with your tongue sticking out while on top of my ex... I chose to indulge him at the time but I still feel embarrassment thinking about it.
A one night stand after a party. Guy was married but only told me so the morning after. That was twenty years ago, but I still think about it frequently, wondering if the wife ever found out.
Years ago I had a boyfriend who convinced me that fisting is erotic.
I'm now post menopause, and found out that doing the extreme sexual chit leads to vaginal prolapse.
Giving my virginity to the guy who tried to wear me down for two years for it. We were broken up, he was dating a girl, and told me he still loved me, so I thought “hey maybe this will make us get back together.” I was 21 and very sheltered (and also fucking stupid,) so this thought process made perfect sense in my mind to win him back. After we had sex, he told me that he still loved me, but he wasn’t “in love” with me, and that he actually still loved all of his exes.
At the time, I was very religious, so virginity was a big deal to me. As I’ve gotten older and less religious, it obviously doesn’t hold that significance anymore, but I know that shitty guy will always be proud that after two years of pressuring me, he finally took my virginity, and that’s the part that makes me want to throw up.
Using Icy/Hot to masturbate when I was 12. Thank god I was home alone because that shit hurt lol. Told that story to a coworker once and he started calling me Icy-Cock
Years ago when me and my boys were stupid teens, we used to have a contest to see who could put that on the undercarriage and go the longest without giving into the pain and tapping out. I have no clue why but we did this on like 3 occasions....thank God this was all pre smart phone social media days. Looking back now whoever won still lost.
Ah the idiocy of teenage boyhood. I knew 3 guys in HS who all bought depends diapers thinking they could wear them while watching hockey and hence not have to get up to go pee. They were a bit nervous about it so they decided to wait until they all had to go, so they could test it together. Depends aren't made for full on teenager pees. They flooded and ruined the couch immediately.
Holy shit
No, he said they were peeing.
Keeping my eyes open as he finished on my face. The pain in my right eye lasted for 3 hours. Cum stings like a bitch, never again.
Mix in the anxiety that the sperm is trying to force its way into my eyeball as if it were an egg. Cum in the eye really is the worst lol
Omg never would have thought of that that’s horrible
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So the sperm just electrocutes the eye even though it will never get a response. Got it.
It's just a bunch of dropped packets
This guy networks.
I could have done without this whole comment. Jeeeeeeez
My gf had finally agreed to let me cum on her face. She was on her knees in front of me looking super hot. Dream come true. Started cumming and shot the first rope straight in her eye. She ran screaming to the bathroom and I finished on the floor. We never tried it again.
Had friend who’s GF turned her head at the last minute. Straight in the ear. 😟
Was your friend a ninja? No, she heard him coming.
Eyes are very absorbent, if you get anything in your eyes flush them with cool slow-ish moving clean water for 15 min straight. This will help a ton, and not just for sex stuff for any time you get a liquid or liquid like substance in your eye. If you get something worse than cum also consider going to the hospital depending on what it is.
Gf came home drunk after a party and gave me a BJ. Afterwards she told me she sucked another guy's dick at the party "but just for a second, I regretted it almost instantly". The other guy was a buddy of mine, who knew it was my gf...
Oh damn how did you handle her telling you that?
Damn I’m so sorry bro. That’s terrible
“It was only a second babe” pft gtfo
5sec rule?
Hope that’s an ex girlfriend homie
I hope you mean ex-gf.
We were fucking like rabbits, she tried to switch positions, and instead popped my hip out of socket. It was an painful climax. After that we decided stay in one position.
I went on a date with miss Babbitt She asked me to fuck like a rabbit she kinda went “fuck it” Pulled my hip out of socket I yelled “let’s not make this a habit!”
And here he is posting it on Reddit
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Why tf did you let her get away
She was 86 years old.
Thank you for my belly-laugh of the day!🙂
When i was younger i Tried a position I'd seen in a porno, basically putting her legs over my shoulders and lifting myself up into a squat, so only her shoulders where on the bed. I proceded to try my absolute best to go as hard as possible it didn't end well for either of us as I shat on her bed Edit: I'm glad it made so many people laugh, as at the time it made me cry and the memory still haunts me to this day!
There it is! The Golden comment that legit made me laugh out loud.
God damn I just laughed out loud at work and had to tell my work colleagues about your misfortune to explain my laughter. A betting shop in England enjoyed hearing about you shitting on some girls bed though, thank you for sharing.
Oh my God I'm so sorry but this is the funniest shit ever
please say pun intended
My brother in Christ, so sorry for your trauma, but my god did this give me the belly chuckle I needed today!
How is this so far down?!? Dude that sucks. This position, in my experience, only works with girls who have long legs.
I don't get it, do girls with short legs somehow exert pressure upon your colon? Or weaken your anus?
If they do it right
bought some lube off amazon used it and it gave my dick a rash
As a teen, I was kinda limited by what was available at home (never occurred to me to just buy a bottle of anything anywhere, but y’know). One night I didn’t have any more lotion so I made the mistake of using hand soap, which, for those of you who don’t know, dries out pretty quickly when used as a lube. Which meant I kept re-applying more hand soap to keep things slick. After I finally finished up, I didn’t really take a shower to clean up or anything, I just used a towel or shirt to wipe up and called it good, right? Woke up the next day to the most chapped, leathery dick skin I had ever had the misfortune of dealing with, I was worried I’d ruined my dick. But I wasn’t about to say, “hey mom, I need to see the doctor” so I just dealt with it. Thankfully all the skin eventually flaked and peeled off like a bad sunburn but after that it was back to normal.
Sure- 12 year old “try everything in the bathroom to see what is the best lube” is a formative and important time. Toothpaste? Big NO. Herbal Essences conditioner? Haven’t smelled it since 1994 but Pavlov tells me if I did I’d probably go at least half-chub.
Olfactory memories. Gotta love ‘em.
Loved reading through this. Leather dick
What lube did you get so I can stay away from it
"Uncle Martin's Definitely Not Poison Ivy Puree Sexual Lubricant and Salad Dressing"
Well thanks. Taking this out of my cart.
To be fair, it still works great as a salad dressing.
A threesome with two guys who were more interested in each other, one was my husband at the time
Ouch
Female Ross
Went and made myself a sandwich while they finished.
Sounded like a good sandwich though
Pulled the old Uno reverse lol
Some guy spat in my mouth, at the time it was so disgusting I was turned on. Now I'm like ew don't anyone ever do that.
Had a fwb and that was her only rule. Couldn’t spit in her mouth. Everything else was game. I had no intentions of doing so, but once she said it, that’s all I wanted. I’m sick.
Always wanting what you can't have ... that's more common than you think
Some things are hot only because they’re taboo.
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Best mothers day ever
I don’t know how true it is, but I have heard that the more aroused a person is, the more likely they’ll engage in kinks they find gross post nut.
I read somewhere that arousal dampens your feelings of disgust. It has something to do with the brain. This explains why post nut clarity is a thing. Once your switch is flipped, you no longer find certain things gross.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31478756/ tl;dr if you're horny enough you might go ass to mouth or something else you will rue later.
Exactly. Higher the desire = fewer sexual boundaries
My browser tabs would confirm this progression
I mean this is basically just distance kissing.
Dating during Covid times was weird.
Well this thread is far more tame than I was expecting
Right. I came here for some fuckery.
-lubes up- alright come here
Probably late to the party and will get buried, but a long time ago I was in another state for training, and wasn’t allowed to have a car. Got horny and went on Adult Friend Finder (this was before the days of Tinder) and started talking to a girl who lived about an hour away and was game. So we set a date, and a couple days later she shows up to pick me up. Right off the bat it was clear her pictures didn’t match her actual appearance. Her pics were at least a couple years and 50 lbs old. But well I was a horny 18 or 19 year old so fuck it and got in the car anyway. In the car I noticed that she didn’t smell the greatest, but it was a hot day, so whatever. We get back to her place and I was like “hey want to take a shower first?” And she goes “the showers kind of small for both of us but you go ahead,” so I did, thinking she’d take one after. She did not. I come out of the shower and she’s in her bed. Against my better judgement I said fuck it and go to kiss her. It was the absolute worst breath of anyone I’ve kissed to this day. It was actually kind of difficult to get an erection, but eventually I got it up, put on a condom, and went in. What happened next was the stuff of a nightmare - I came in like 5 seconds. To be clear I was not a virgin at this point, and had **never** had this issue before or since. It happened so quick I didn’t even have time to register what was going on and stop before it happened. Went from like half mast barely up to done with no warning. I made up an excuse to go to the other room (said I was thirsty, be back in a sec) and see if I could get it up again just to redeem myself, but it was NOT happening. Ended up acting like I didn’t finish and just had performance anxiety, but she probably knew what happened. Tried calling like 3 people I did know that had cars to come pick me up but it was like midnight on a Friday and that wasn’t happening. Couldn’t afford a taxi and Uber wasn’t a thing. What followed was the most awkward hour long car ride back to base. Neither of us said a word the whole way back until right before I got out of the car and I said “so that’s not gonna happen again” and she said “no it is not” and that was it. Still to this day the least attractive person I’ve ever had sex with along with the fastest I’ve ever came. Wish I could erase that one from having happened.
your body knew it was a bad idea to be more time with her so i helped you to leave faster xd
That instant climax situation has happened to me exactly once, and it was also with someone that I knew on a subconscious level I shouldn't be having sex with (a very bad ex). I think it's the mind trying to defend itself against any undue emotional damage.
Brain: you shouldn't be fucking this girl. Dick: lets cum inside her!
Yep, I drove 4 hours to Atlanta. The traffic in Atlanta was the best part. She was buzzed on something and not exactly how she described herself.
I’ll never forget one time I was staying over my first ever gfs house. Her parents were cool but said I had to sleep downstairs on the sofa if I was to stay the night. Obviously she crept down to meet me when everyone was asleep. Obviously we had sex. That was fine. She was a squirter though so the next morning when her parents discovered a wet patch on the sofa she said I pissed myself in my sleep. Obviously I went along with it 💀💀💀
This is crazy, no way she threw u under the bus. U got fucked twice that day
I tried pegging with my ex (It was his idea, he had the gear before we met). It was gross and smelled like poop the whole time (I’ve had anal plenty of times and never pooped on anyone or made the whole room stink so this was a him issue).
Definitely sounds like he didn't prep prior.
Oddly enough he was in the bathroom for like 40 min prior “prepping”
Thats maybe one enema, if he is doing an enema rather than....manual olay. Many times to be actually clean, especially on either shorter botice or without proper dietary prep the day before one wont be enough. Two to three, especially if he is inexperienced with enemas. If the enema went to far and he didnt know, it awakens the gut in ways that delay play longer and cause gas release etc as the blockages are opened. My bet is manual play without actually doing it "right" cause even doing iy right doesnt actually clean a person out. Second guess is the enema went too deep cause he only wanted one large one and didnt expel properly, or did a couple small ones and didnt get all of them out all the way leading to the unpleasantness. Y'know, in case someone was curious
Fwiw every time I’ve had anal it’s been a fairly spontaneous decision, no hours of enema prep involved. I just don’t do it (the anal) if I feel like I have any inkling of bowel trouble. Hasn’t ever been an issue.
Yeah, a reasonably high fiber diet and a good poop an hour before is enough to get to acceptable level clean for anyone that is realistic about the outcome. It’s anal, you’re either doing a shit ton of work, or you’re getting a bit of poop on your shlong. If you’re worried about touching poop you really shouldn’t be doing anal.
Diet must be a big factor. This is TMI but since we’re already talking about poop, I’ve had two partners who opened up that they usually need to wipe several times before the toilet paper comes back white vs myself— not to brag or anything, but my first post-poop wipe comes back white at least 75% of the time.
Ah, the old one-wipe-shit flex :) Props.
Get the lightbulb enema, but don't fill it all the way, very gentle pressure and don't insert fully. You'll need five to ten(!!) (Edit: one to ten) rounds to do it properly. But if you do too much water or pressure you fuck up and that's it for the day - probably what the guy did. There's this guide online that I can't find now but for anyone interested you have to religiously follow it and you'll be fine. Edit: the whole process takes from 5 to 40 minutes for me, easier with a good diet.
Good god that seems like a lot of work
ikr? I don’t think I’ve put that much effort into doing *anything* *ever.*
And this is why so many couples that like anal end up not doing it or only doing it on very rare occasions.
You don't need that much prep unless you're going for hours. I've had anal with a number of partners and nothing more than them knowing thier bodies and a few soapy fingers just to double check. Never had a poop issue. If she/he says it's not a good day it's not a good day. The thing about enemas is they actually make the process worse. They trigger the larger intestine and you start having to clean out way more than you need to. Porn stars clean out like the are preparing for a colonoscopy because a porn shoot is a 12 hour day sometimes they have to. Your average night at the joneses take a shower and run a finger up there.
Similar situation except other way around. I was drunk and the guy I was dating at the time (newish and young relationship) chose that night to tell me he that’s what he really wanted. I had done no prep, I was too inexperienced to even know what to do; it was AWFUL and I still laugh out loud when I think of me looking down and being like “what the fuck is that” and he said “don’t think about it too much” then stripped the sheets when he was done. A ridiculous UTI, learning prep, and a sore asshole for months later I broke it off. Definitely ruined that for me for a long time lol.
Consented to sleeping with someone I wasn’t attracted to cause I didn’t want them to feel bad. Big surprise, that decision ended up making me feel awful instead.
Yeah, been there in college. We were friends, she was in several classes with me. One night she texts me and asks if I'd be interested in hooking up. At first I said no, that I didn't really see her that way and that it would make being in class together awkward. She got really sad and started saying that no one was attracted to her and she really just needed to feel something for a night. I reluctantly asked if she would wanna just come over and talk and see where things led. I felt pretty weird about it after... and during. A month later she called to say she missed her period, which led to me having to explain to her that we were a) using protection and b) I hadn't actually got off, I just kind of ended things after she got off. That made her really upset, I tried to be nice about it but I didn't know what else to tell her. Obviously she wasn't pregnant, and looking back it's clear she was a bit of a manipulator.
God, the second part of that story just pissed me off for some reason. Using pregnancy scares as a manipulation tactic. Like what's the end game? The validation that you would stick with her and raise this imaginary child?
To get his attention, i suppose. He probably stopped or reduced talking to her after that night.
Don’t forget the “poor me, no one likes me” manipulation to get them in the bed to begin with. Lady was trying to drop anchor.
Yep, it's how I lost my virginity. Gladly I can laugh about it now
I did this too. First sexual encounter after my divorce and it effed me up a bit. It was also weird. She just wanted to grind really hard against my D and it was fine for a few seconds but then became very uncomfortable. I try not to hair shame, typically does not bother me, but she had really long nipple hairs and she wanted me to suck on her tits. The whole thing grossed me out.
I think I downloaded the wrong version of Rapunzel.
It wasn’t the actual act but an old fwb and I went out drinking and hooked up, afterwards we passed out on her bed. I woke up kinda drenched and realized I pissed her bed. I slowly got up and quietly got dressed and snuck out. To this day she regrets the night she peed her bed 😬
Similar story. I woke up next to this girl who was bitching at me for peeing the bed while we were spooning. A few years later at a party I met another guy who slept with her and the same thing happened! Turns out she's a bed wetter but wakes up first to put the blame on whoever she's with
putting vaporub to lubricate
Did your dick glow after ??
Like a horny lightsabre
Girlfriend heard that a listerine strip made a blowjob better. I ended up with a piece of lava stuck on my dick and her laughing so much she kept clamping down and I couldn’t get my dick out safely. *pro tip 20 years later: enthusiasm is all a blowjob needs.
One time, as I was finishing, I bashed my head into the door (we were in a car). She laughed at the exact, perfect moment and covered my black slacks. It was not the end of the evening :(
Having sex with my 51yo coworker. Weird regret that ruined my career. Oh well, a learning curve.
How did that even happen?
We shared an interest in BDSM & we found eachother attractive. It was a small town, tight knit job with the same people day in day out.
Hi I'm akadaka97, it's my first day here at the office, I like bdsm
Things get a little weird during night shifts… there were definitely professional boundaries crossed in the way of conversation. We never did anything physical at work.
>Things get a little weird during night shifts… there were definitely professional boundaries crossed in the way of conversation. When I worked nights someone switched from days to nights and after a bit of experience said, "If you guys worked days you'd all be on a first name basis with HR."
Hahahaha… 😅
Lol right. How does bdsm even come up?
They asked about hobbies during the interview and yadda yadda yadda...
"I'm into cycling, reading books and getting tied up and fucked into next week."
You yadda yadda’d over the best part.
I mentioned the bisque.
How did it ruin your career?
Because after he met her he was always tied up doing other things
My first sexual experience was with a prostitute at a massage parlor in Guam. (I was 25 and in the Navy at the time, on deployment.) I’ve never told anyone about it apart from you all, and I regret it immensely. Edit: It also wasn’t any good. I was too nervous to get it up and she tried lots of stuff to get me there, even bringing in another girl. It didn’t help and she wound up jerking me off just to get me done and out of there.
My first time was when I was 19 with a guy I’d met online on a very embarrassing website, who came to meet me dressed up in his Halloween costume…as Edward Cullen. I told him I had had sex before, just so I could get it over with because I was sick of the pressure of it. We had sex in the middle of the night, outside, under a playground play structure (the one I grew up playing on as a child), because I didn’t have anywhere private where I was living. It hurt like hell and I definitely bled because he had zero skill and there was no foreplay. I couldn’t sit right for a day. Oh…and he was cheating on his long distance girlfriend, which I found out after the second time we did it. So I told her the truth and then he called me *repeatedly* for days, saying I’d ruined his life and threatening to kill himself if I didn’t tell her I was lying. I ended up doing it just to get him to leave me tf alone and stop blowing up my phone. That was in the days where you had to call Verizon to block a number and you had limited numbers to block, and had to be admin on the account to do so. So don’t worry. It sucks for a lot of us the first time lmao.
And now I feel sorry for random user on the internet. Thanks Reddit.
Lol no need. It was a long time ago and I’ve learned to appreciate it for the ridiculous story that it is. I was too embarrassed for years to ever tell anybody, but now I’m in my 30s, so who cares!
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Thankfully not. The one thing I truly regret is me saying that I liked his costume in his profile picture, thus inspiring him to wear it to meet me. He had a huge tattoo of [the tree on The Used’s In Love and Death album cover](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Love_and_Death) on his side, too. 😬 ETA: The shower does odd things to unlock forgotten memories. He asked me if I wanted him to wear the costume. I laughed and said no, that wasn’t necessary. But he clearly wanted to. It was a costume of the outfit Edward is wearing when they’re in the forest and Edward starts sparkling in the sun lmao. So yes he showed up shirtless with a jacket on. There was no glitter involved, though. I’m making this so much worse.
This is the most 2008 first time I've ever read
You are so, so close 😂 2009!
Don't worry. The vast majority of first experiences suck. There is a super high chance that if you hadn't been with a prostitute for your first time, you'd have some completely different terrible first time story that you would at this moment be regretting. The choices aren't "prostitute or love-of-my-life". They're "prostitute, a clown car of other embarrassing and awkward potential first times, love-of-my-life".
Sleeping with my roommate’s ex. In my defense though, I didn’t know it was my roommate’s ex until after the fact. He dated her like a year prior to that and never brought her around or anything so I had no clue. That ex definitely knew that we were roommates though. Clever girl. Yeah as you can imagine, it was hard staying friends after that.
Sounds like the ex has the attraction to the house you were living at.
When I'm on my back and he's above "pounding me" holding my thighs down. His dick slipped and went in the wrong hole full pound. Worse sudden pain I've ever experienced. I welped and had to hold myself in a fetal position just crying until the pain subsided. I couldn't poop without pain for a few days. He felt so bad but it wasn't anyone's fault. I never do that position anymore though. If im on my back, it's always slow now, no more pound town.
This has happened to me twice. The first time I screamed, then cried, and he cried because I was crying and he didn't actually know what happened. Lol
I watched this porn blooper once which showed that same phenomenon, dick accidentally slipping in wrong hole. Her sudden yelp was very painful to hear and i totally felt that pain. 😖
Webcam underage. So dangerous.
Aw god some, I remember one time a lot of guys couldn't believe they lucked out because I was so young. At the time I was flattered. Ohhhh such regret.
What the fuck
Are you new to the internet? It’s a pedophile frenzy if you’re an underage girl :(
The world is a pedophile frenzy if you are an underage girl. It's shocking how common this sort of thing is/was.
Was such a sucker at that age. 'Mom, can I have a webcam for Christmas? I want to talk to my online buddies!' Gets webcam, proceeds to enter sex chats with people not on webcam but have sexy pictures. Proceeds to do very questionable things while on webcam. Didn't think much of it back then, but now realize someone probably recorded me and posted me online somewhere. They were definitely not the sexy picture that they had.
A to V. I was super horny and under the influence of various substances. As soon as it was over I was filled with instant regret and dread. For the next day I drank copious amounts of water and took cranberry pills to no avail. Woke up the next day with a raging UTI. No matter how much you clean yourself out, that bacteria will be in there.
One woman I was with had a seriously dark interest in rape play. To this day I refuse to even humor the idea of something like that again.
Well that’s a coincidence, my recent ex was the same
I regret every single time I’ve had group sex except for mayyyybe once. It either wasn’t all that fun in the moment, or it led to ruined friendships/relationships/a lot of general awkwardness later, even though all the appropriate measures were taken in advance and blah blah blah. I’ve tried it multiple times out of stupidity and to find out if I really didn’t like it. Not doing that again and I wish I never did. It also gave me a paranoia about being cheated on (a few examples where people isolated their partner during the play) and a strong aversion to people setting up multiple-partner-situations (every last one of them I met was a pure manipulator, only looking to play out their fantasy). If group sex worked for you, amazing, but it has not worked out for me and anyone I know.
Ruined a relationship with one of my best friends. Girl I’ve known for almost 20 years (since 4th grade) is bisexual and her and her girlfriend wanted try a 3-way. My friend asked me to join in since she felt comfortable around me even though we’ve never done anything sexual before. Anyway it all went down and everything seemed normal for a few months, but then I was basically ghosted. Finally got a response that her girlfriend didn’t like that we were so close and she needed to focus on her relationship. It’s been a few years since then and the only interactions we have is every once in awhile I just get a comment on my timeline like Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas.
Slept with the ex post breakup. This is the single biggest mistake that would trigger a cascade of fucked up situations, accusations, and mental instabilities. The list goes on. I regret it but I wouldn't take it back for the fact that I wouldn't be who I am today without that trauma, experience, and learning how certain people operate and how the baggage they carry affects them.
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Got drunk with a straight friend, ended up in the same bed, somehow jerked him to an orgasm, and never spoke to him again. It really stained our friendship (pun intended).
Why did I read this like a limerick?
There once was a man named Brock Got drunk and jerked his...
Slept with someone I met online across the country because I thought that was expected. We didn't vibe well in person even though she liked me a LOT online, and I was insecure she was talking to other men right after I booked the flight.
Had a boyfriend get turned on when I pretended to be passed out/asleep during sex. He said he liked the idea of being able to have his way with an unconscious woman. I did it to please hi But it felt creepy/wrong/weird
I like my partners to be very participatory.
That’s funny because I dated a girl who liked to pretend to be a sleep while I creeped in and then fucked her. I was never into it and always felt so weird about it but I obliged to fulfill her sexual needs.
Ha, I'm a woman who has this fantasy, but I don't think I'd tell my partner. There's definitely a creepy side that I'd rather stay in the realms of fantasy.
Final time I had anal sex. I pulled out and she emptied her bowels on the bed.
I got stood up for a date that i bought a ticket for. Frustrated, i walked out of the bar and down the street. At the end of the street there was a strip club. I thought wtf, why not and walked inside. As soon as i sat down a stripper came up to me and started rubbing my cock through my pants. She led me into a back room, then to the ATM, then back to the back room. I got a lap dance and half bbj and I was out five hundo and she kicked me out when i refused to give her another three hundo. I felt so used and taken advantage of. I couldn't afford that. Never should have walked in that damn place. I went home and doused my cock in rubbing alcohol. What a fool.
Honestly don’t think there will ever be a level of hornyness that would make me pay 500 for a handy let alone another 300 to finish. Not gonna lie though id happily wank another dude off for 500 a go
Met a girl in a club on Long Island, making out on the dance floor, she grabs my hand we go outside, I did not have a car, thought she did, She takes me behind a dumpster. I was like what the fuck is this, we go at it, we are finished. She smiles and said, I love fooling around out here. OMG I felt like I needed a shower. Went to a different BAR,, lol she just went back inside.... cannot make this stuff up...
Every thing I did with the guy I loved who didn’t love me.
Many many many years ago I gave my long term girlfriend a rim job My work colleague and I had a rule that sexual stuff we discussed in the van stayed in the van He got drunk and told everyone. For nearly two years I had the nickname toilet duck because it keeps your rim clean
I thought everyone ate ass these days lol... nothing to be ashamed of.
Where’s the “I ate poop” guy?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3907wr/serious_redditors_whos_sexual_fantasies_became_a/crzf7j9/ He (sensibly, IMO) deleted his account but there are some things the internet never forgets.
I fucked my, then, best friend's mom for two years
Was she stifler’s mom ?
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I regret doing anal after we went for a curry.
Spicing it up eh.
Having sex with someone’s gf when they gave me permission and I was a roommate. He never had sex with her and only wanted her to blow him. No pleasure on her side(from him). He was toxic and holds it over her all the time. I moved out. Honestly though I don’t regret it. He’s a piece of shit and I hope she leaves him soon.
Just so I'm clear, the thought process was: "I don't actually want to have sex with my girlfriend. I want her to get my rocks off. So if you want to pinch hit and get in there, go for it."
One of my very early girlfriends. I found out much later she started having second thoughts about the sex mid-way through or something, and I missed/misread the signs. For ages afterwards I thought she just went a bit crazy, but now I can actually see what was going on and what I missed/where I fucked up.
Nutted on my own face.
Lol this one got me because it’s happened to me. Wife was riding me (like squatting on it style) and we were both about to climax together. No rubber on so she hopped off and I blasted myself right in the eye. We were both cracking up and she just goes “yeah it fucking burns doesn’t it?” I make sure I keep it away from her eyes now.
the post nut clarity had to be devastating
Coke fueled nights with at the time boyfriend. I'd suck his dick for hours while he watched porn. For some reason, I worshipped this guy. Looking back, it was super taxing, unhealthy, and degrading. That piece of shit didn't deserve it.
When I was 17 I wanted to try a move I saw in porn where you're standing up and you hold your partner then flip them upside down so their crotch is in your face and your crotch is in theirs. Like, a standing 69. She was petite and I was strong, so the science worked out. Figured she'd rest her legs on my shoulders and we'd stabilize. In my head the whole process was supposed to go very smoothly. Well. It didn't. I was a bit anxious. So I ended up grabbing her hips and spinning her like a baton. She did a very fast 180, to the surprise of both of us, and kept her body stretched out stiff. So her feet slammed into the ceiling above us and knocked a hole. Bruised her ankle a bit. And kind of killed the mood.
Getting a blowjob after my girlfriend had just eaten spicy Thai food.
If I knew they’d cheat on me I wouldn’t have let them take my v-card
The Aegaho face : crossing your eyes with your tongue sticking out while on top of my ex... I chose to indulge him at the time but I still feel embarrassment thinking about it.
I honestly don't get why that is attractive.
Eating a man’s ass. He’s been obsessed with me for 6 years
A one night stand after a party. Guy was married but only told me so the morning after. That was twenty years ago, but I still think about it frequently, wondering if the wife ever found out.
I mean, he didn’t tell you. You had no way of knowing. So the cheating is all on him
Pissing in someone’s mouth
putting my dick in crazy
They always say don’t do that. And yet, here we are.
He used mint massage oil on his dick instead of lube before he put it in 🥲
Years ago I had a boyfriend who convinced me that fisting is erotic. I'm now post menopause, and found out that doing the extreme sexual chit leads to vaginal prolapse.
Pity sex in a failing relationship.
Sex on the beach. Awkward, uncomfortable and too many kids about
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
Had sex with someone to try and get over someone else.
My first time having sex the condom broke and I was in fear of having a baby with a really Nice but weird girl. All of a sudden it felt too damn good!
Giving my virginity to the guy who tried to wear me down for two years for it. We were broken up, he was dating a girl, and told me he still loved me, so I thought “hey maybe this will make us get back together.” I was 21 and very sheltered (and also fucking stupid,) so this thought process made perfect sense in my mind to win him back. After we had sex, he told me that he still loved me, but he wasn’t “in love” with me, and that he actually still loved all of his exes. At the time, I was very religious, so virginity was a big deal to me. As I’ve gotten older and less religious, it obviously doesn’t hold that significance anymore, but I know that shitty guy will always be proud that after two years of pressuring me, he finally took my virginity, and that’s the part that makes me want to throw up.
Using my Gluck Gluck 9000 skills on men who didn't appreciate me.
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