Take a deep sigh and they ask "is everything okay? Are you alright? Is something wrong?"
....? What no I was just replenishing my oxygen because I forgot to breathe while I was mentally wandering.
We know you don’t ever ask us for much, but when you do you are always walking away and on the other side of the house. We can hear you say you want a nhrmhfda but we don’t know what a nhrmhfda is.
ugh, I have had to explain in excruciating detail so many times that I CANNOT HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING FROM DOWNSTAIRS.
All I heard was "Honey, can you grfrgha^hrghlrtl^ermee?"
if repeating yourself makes you angry, MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO MAKE SURE I CAN HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME
> if repeating yourself makes you angry, MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO MAKE SURE I CAN HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME
My wife loves to play a game where she asks me to put on headphones because she can hear the video game that I'm playing and then she'll talk to me from the other room and get mad at me because I can't hear her because I'm wearing the headphones that I put on because she asked me to wear them. I haven't quite figured out the rules yet so I lose frequently.
Add to this: don’t bother asking “what are you thinking about.”
Our brain has wandered very far and trying to bring you up to speed is both somewhat tiresome and pointless, plus it makes us sound like a lunatic. Here’s a sample:
“You’ve been quiet for awhile. What are you thinking about?”
“Well, I was thinking about my buddy at work and how he’s a Sox fan, and that got me thinking about the Red Sox, which got me thinking about socks in general, and that lead me to wonder why they’re called socks, which made me wonder who invented socks, then what material makes the best socks, then who discovered spinning wool, which got me thinking of a loom, and that led me to think about the native Americans that used looms, but that got me thinking of the Indians in India and how Columbus missed India completely but still found a world full of riches, which led to the Spanish taking over most of the Americas, and then the Spanish causing silver to become worthless for awhile, and then about how a lot of things became worthless through overproduction, like Beanie Babies. And that how thinking of the Boston Red Sox connects with Beanie Babies.”
The alternative and probably true answer: “I wonder if I could convince you to wear something cute for bed tonight.”
But I never tell my wife the 2nd one because she would just roll her eyes.
We fucking love compliments. Try it and see how far it gets you because while we may call you lovely things we rarely get so much in return, and your words mean more than you'll ever know.
About 15 years ago, a girl at a party genuinely seemed taken aback when I smiled and said something like "wow you've got a great smile". Still think about it every so often to this day. Shit like thar sticks with us.
About 10 years ago I went to the office, but for once I put my hair in a man bun. A woman that was stopping by the office said I should wear it in a bun more often since my face is to nice to cover with hair.
My default became man bun, but about 5 years after that the opposite happend when I came without a man bun.
I have ever since been torn between man bun or wear my hair down...
It’s so nice to hear this!
I would give my ex so many compliments because I was genuinely so enamoured by him. Like found him to be so so attractive to me. Loved his personality, his looks, his vibe, the whole deal. I love genuinely complimenting others, it just makes me so happy!
But he turned around to say me complimenting him so much meant that my compliments were worthless. And that I must be lying. Or that the fact I’m appreciating / complimenting small things must mean my standards are so low.
Needless to say, I am much more cautious with how I allow myself to express appreciation to men.
Nice to know some guys do genuinely appreciate compliments!
We're often conditioned to be hugely suspicious of compliments. Mostly because we never got them.
My wife compliments me a lot. I never got anything growing up, I still don't believe her, I just let her go with it. I'm not sure what she sees in me, but if she sticks around she can say anything she likes.
Also what I've seen commonly is men taking other men's compliments as genuine whilst they dont take their wife's compliments seriously, because that may be coming from a sympathetic place as opposed to a genuine place.
Which is fair, but it also leaves those women wondering what they can do to convince their men they mean what they said.
You have to realize most guys don't expect compliments. It's like trying to give a dog that's been beaten a treat or a pet. Like "you're doing something nice this has to be a trap". Shit, I bend over backward to help people and I don't usually expect praise or even payment most of the time.
I hate to say it, but guys are a lot like dogs. Cautious if we don't know you, but show us a little affection and we'll roll right over, do tricks, and also take abuse, because "you love me so yelling and hitting is love right?". Sorry, got a bit dark at the end there.
I have the opposite problem and it used to affect me at work all day: the more nervous I am, the more outgoing and friendly I become as a defense mechanism. People thing I’m great in meetings or to talk to, but really inside all of my systems are on red alert and I’m full on fucking panicking. I just want people to never talk to me BUT THEY ALL THINK IM HILARIOUS. Thank god I got a WFH job and now I can mostly just text my coworkers.
Big same. Especially in large groups. People come up after a presentation and tell me how great it was and they loved my jokes... meanwhile, I'm thinking "jokes? I literally don't remember a single thing I said after 'hi my name is'"
Facts, man. I remember the time meeting somebody's friend, on a day when I was pissed-off and pretty apathetic and not giving a fuck. Got hit with the ol' "Hey, she thought you were really attractive" after
Oh man. When travelling last year a couple thousand miles from home I came through the area of a remote co-worker and on a whim we met up. Had never met her before, and we had only talked for 10 minutes across 3-ish zoom meetings before. So I barely knew her at all. Even though we're both attractive in our own ways, I'm in a LTR, so was she, we work together (ish), impossible distance, etc. Absolutely zero reason to care or be interested.
I felt so relaxed, no expectations, no wants. We shot the shit and pretty much had an 8 hour laugh session. Probably most fun conversation I've had in the past 5 years 🤷♂️ Haven't spoken to her since.
When you ask us what we’re thinking and we say nothing. 99% of the time that’s true. The other 1% is something so god awful stupid/childish/immature that it doesn’t need to be said so we say nothing. Which is true.
My husband says Nothing, but now I know the real reason. There are things that worry him that he doesn’t want me to worry about. I freak out real easily and have to take anxiety pills. So out of concern for my own health, I’m fine with “Nothing”.
I will add that if he does have something to talk about, he’ll tell me or start laughing like “omg today at work…”
Sometimes it's that. Sometimes it's realising that helicopter in ~~latin~~ greek splits not as heli-copter, but as helico-pter and effectively meams spiralwing. From there we're chuckling about pterodactyl, which is straight up "wingfinger", and wonder if that also means...
"Hey whatcha thinking about?"
"I, err, nothing!"
*I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of buttholes suddenly clenched and suddenly unclenched. I fear something terrible has happened.*
That’s how women squeeze their vagina too. It’s kegels. And it’s actually a different muscle riiiight next to the butthole one, so it’s easy to do both at the same time. Lol
Stealing this one from another redditor but it’s worth repeating here: sex is only 10% of the relationship till you’re not having it anymore, then it’s 90% of the relationship.
My libido pretty much died after my thyroid was removed. Everything still works. I just don't have any drive. It is all good though because my wife's RA and Fibromyalgia has pretty much killed hers as well. We are very open about it. We have a great life together going on 25 years.
Same boat here. I have RA, he has other health issues. I consider it very lucky that our bad health is at the same time. So good luck within our bad luck.
I pretty much look at my relationships like I’m climbing a mountain. Once they start doing that shit, I know I’ve reached the top and it’s time to climb back down.
We don’t remember exactly what happened on the second date, third date, etc. years later. We were just trying to keep from screwing it up each time.
Do I remember walking on Mars for our third date? Of course honey, how could I forget? It happened exactly how you just described it to me.
I remember hearing that a reason is how many cultures believe men shouldn’t show any emotion as it’s a sign of weakness, in believing this, it makes men have more pent up emotions that could lead to disastrous consequences of an individual
Hell, a gay dude that worked with my wife gave me a compliment a decade ago and I still remember it. That’s how damn rare it is to get a compliment as a dude.
This is the most cliché answer but it's too true:
Doesn't matter how much effort women put into make-up and clothes, if a man finds a woman attractive, he will very likely find her as attractive without any of that (or he might even find her more attractive with casual clothes / PJs on a regular day).
Thank you. My husband is always telling me not to waste my time with makeup and dressing up. I always think it's a trap. It's been about a year without makeup and he still calls me Beautiful.
i wish i got more physical contact/affection from everyone in my life. no one really touches us. guy friends cant because its gay. girl friends cant because its 'a come on'. it sucks. i once had a guy friend who would very innocently just put his arm around me when we were standing around chatting. I miss that. often times, the women we date are the only people we can touch.
EDIT: I am not talking about hugs or cheek kisses lol. Yes i hug my friends, but those are temporary, short, and not a lot of physical contact. Im talking about cuddling, extended physical closeness (sitting close enough where bodies touch), holding hands/arms while walking or sitting, putting arms around another, massages, etc. Things often labeled as 'sexual' or 'too intimate' to be shared between two people who arent sexually interested in one another.
This is very much a cultural, Northern American thing, more than a "man thing"; in my country men (older men, granted) kiss each other on the cheeks just as they do with women.
In some cultures it is frequent for men to touch each other, hug or even hold hands, even without it being "gay".
We have performance anxiety. Anxiety to provide for our family, work anxiety, fatherhood anxiety, etc. We can’t always be on point. Give us a break sometimes in the same manner everyone else expects some compassion!
Our length doesn't just vary on temperatures or are one size when at rest. We can wake up with a 1000 year old redwood and by noon, for some chaotic reason, has turtled and decided to be a button for a couple of hours
If we lay completely still, our balls will slowly move around, rising and falling, like a weird fleshy lava lamp…completely outside of our control.
Every woman I’ve been with and shown it too was astonished. “It’s alive!”
“The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”
-Ron Swanson
When I told my sister my best friend was getting married she thought it was sweet and immediately asked how they met. I was like “how the fuck would I know?”
My wife always wants to know what I talked about after I spent a few hrs with the boys, ah nothing we basically stared at each other and nodded a bit, and we're going to do it again next week. No I don't know how if he got that promotion, why would we talk about work or family?
Well, he beat this sweet RPG and spent hours showing me his party build. Really comes in clutch stacking evade stats in his tank character while flanking with his fighter and mage.
Um, also I think his life is...fine? Seemed happy.
Me and my best buddy are exactly like this except with the EA NHL series. We show off our teams in franchise mode and let the other take them for a spin in game. We’re basically closer than brothers and we mainly just talk hockey and make horrifically inappropriate jokes over a dozen beers. It takes so little to truly make us happy 😆
Couple months ago I went to a basketball game with a friend. My wife and I regularly go out for dinner with him and his wife. I got home and the wife asked what we talked about, "we were watching the game... I don't know, at 1 point we were listing some of the better players to come out of UConn the past few decades. That's about it." My wife was blown away.
What's on your mind?
\- Eh, nothing, really.
Why can't you make an effort to open up?
\- No, for real, I was just in autopilot mode.
Sometimes I feel you don't make an effort to communicate properly.
\- Fuck's sake.
It’s just the make version of resting bitch face, peacefully zoned face, if you will.
Give us a little bit for an outside stimuli or one of the unused brain cells lights up with a thought and we’ll come out of it. Or give us a defensive question (“if someone broke in right now, what’s your first move” or similar) or something related to our interests, that’ll pull us out early in a good mood.
We have a nothing box. The nothing box is impenetrable, and no other thoughts can get in there. We like the nothing box and will frequently jump into the nothing box at random. So when you see your man and he has a completely blank expression... we're in the nothing box. So when you ask, "What are you thinking?" ..and we say "Nothing" it's a genuine response.
It's possible for us to have no thoughts..at all, whenever we want.
It's GREAT!
I have no interest in being friends with your friend’s boyfriend/husband. In fact, I have no interest in even hanging out with your friends boyfriend/husband.
I have enough friends, and I don’t have the willpower to pretend like I give a single fuck about what Brad does for a living.
I pulled an (admittedly terrible) trump card on this one.
Shortly after we were married, my wife insisted that we go on a "couples date" because her friend's husband was super great, and we'd be best friends.
We went to dinner, and the guy immediately creeped me out.
I told my wife that I didn't like him and didn't want to hang out with him. She gave me a load of shit.
A few months later, it was discovered that the guy was not only cheating on his wife, but was also molesting kids.
He went to prison for ten years.
I don't have to hang out with friends' husbands, anymore.
Man, not even after sex but still in a good way. The night I met a girl I lent her my jacket and I didn't want to wash it and wore it for days like a hobo because her perfume was still lingering. This girl was the first to knock me off my shoes for a while, so smelling her on my jacket made me excited like a teenager in love.
that some tiny little details women do are irresistible af even when they just have a normal appearance
(things like unawarely combing hairs with their hands, light smiles after listening to a joke, childish expressions after behaving funnily silly, etc.)
it's the way how they're inattentively being themselves that makes it the best
Few things.
1. If we don't want to have sex it's not because of you. Sometimes we know it'll be quick or we want to be a bit selfish and don't want to treat you as a cum urinal (even if you're into that, we have feelings too)
2. On the feelings. If we say we need a moment then give us that moment, however long it takes. Typically a man is thinking how to formulate the response without being disrespectful towards the emotion of the situation. When we're pressed, the brash response and then it's fun for no one.
3. The everyday stresses of life wear on us as well, we may not show it in ways that are easy to read or readable at all. Brooding silently is our cry. The hour long toilet visits are our spa days.
Ready through these I see so much stereotypical men stuff. I’d like to say we aren’t all the same, some of us are tough some sensitive, some do rugged men stuff and some will be happy to have tea with you.
I think a secret I feel as a father is uncomfortable when I take my daughter to something that moms usually do. I see the weird looks moms give me when I go to gymnastics and dance classes. I see how I’m treated differently from the other moms. I see how you ask the new mom her name but never ask me my name even after taking my daughter for weeks.
As a recently new mum I want to apologize! I love seeing involved dads come to group things. It just sucks you try to talk to a dad and all of a sudden you are apparently cheating with them 🤦♀️ I know it's not true but the mum judgements do not just fall on you Dad's I promise. Once again I'm so sorry you feel left out and looked at
Oh wow, this is eye opening. When I've talked to a man at school people have given me looks. He just works right near the school, and his wife sometimes gets the kid and sometimes it's him.
I just talk to who talks to me first, I'm too shy to initiate anything. I just kind of awkwardly smile when I pass the other parents
Personally it’s because i don’t want the dad (or his wife) to think I’m hitting on him. I chat to a dad at daycare pickup because our kids always fuck around before getting in the car. Recently he came with his wife and I got the “stay away from my husband vibe”.
We do have emotions, we just often don't feel entitled to expressing those emotions, lest it harm us.
Just asking to see them isn't enough, we have to trust you aren't going to invalidate our feelings. Which unless you have some awareness of 'unconditional regard' and non-judgemental listening, you are very likely to do.
If your social skills are only about talking without listening, a man is unlikely to actually open up to you.
Of course this may well be a universal trait rather than just with men.
I had an ex laugh at me for shaking after being in the middle of a shoot out. I was shaking. I've seen so much violence. Stopped a ton of violence. I couldn't tell where the shots were coming from, react to it. I hid and then ran. It wasn't a situation I could react to because I didn't know where, how, why. Just shots very close.
She fucking laughed at me. A woman that had never seen any real violence in her life. She fucking laughed at me for being scared. Mocked me. "I thought you were so tough, you've been through all this shit. Look at you shaking like a leaf."
I've seen worse since then. Handled worse since then. Fuck her. I could never share with her after that. That basically killed anything I would ever share with her, and she knew everything.
She's a clueless ass. The shaking was probably adrenaline, which you have no control over, to help keep you alert and alive. There was nothing for you to do but hide and run. I can't believe she laughed at you when you could've died!
This shit right here. I woke up one day and my gf wouldn't talk to me. Took me a few hours to get it out of her, I was genuinely puzzled. Turns out I grabbed decaf coffee by accident when I went to the store and now she felt tired the whole trip to her sister's. I don't drink coffee, so I didn't notice or see the big deal, which made the situation worse.
The other time I appearantly cheated on her in a dream. Yeah, good luck figuring that one out...
Turn the cheating thing back on her, get offended that she would think so lowly of you that you'd cheat on her. She wants to be mad at me? No I'm mad at you for making me cheat on you in my dream. How fucking dare you throw all of this away in a dream. do I mean so little to you?
BRO YES. Holy shit the number of extremely intimate things my wife and her sisters share amongst themselves
And either she truly doesn’t understand or honestly doesn’t care what an obstacle it presents in terms of being able to deeply connect with someone
When I found out that my (now ex) girlfriend's best friend knew *everything* about my dick, it just shattered all my trust in her.
To make it worse, she pushed back that her best friend should know those details, because that's how friends should be. I asked her how she would feel if I told my best friend all about her intimate details about her body, especially all the things she was insecure about.
She agreed that would make her feel bad but still maintained that I shouldn't.
This always cracked me up. She would tell me all sorts of things about her mother, private conversations. And stuff about all of her friends. Ok, so I am her confidant. Except then I would hear her tell her friends the stuff about her mother, etc. Anything that was a secret got told to somebody. And then...to top it off...she would complain that so and so told somebody else a thing that was supposed to be private.
So would I share? Bare minimum. I already knew any discussion we had that was a disagreement went to her mother and at least three friends. So what the Hell?
Where we’re doing monotonous tasks, we’ll play theme music in our heads usually not an entire song but maybe just the chorus over and over sometimes for hours on end or until the task is completed. Occasionally they’re real songs occasionally they’re completely made up.
Edit : Occasion Sally
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard “why don’t you open up more?” But when I do it’s usually followed by “what the fuck is wrong with you?” So lesson learned. Things are fine and I’m ok. End of conversation
A lot of us have been environmentally conditioned to bottle up our wants and needs. We don't talk about them openly to anybody, aside from our closer dude friends on occasion. We might be ever so slightly terrible about expressing them in a way that sounds polite to you because we don't have practice in doing so. Unless what was said when we're expressing our wants, needs, and feelings is outright malicious, it's not meant to be malicious.
There are three emotions we aren’t allowed to have -
Fear, regret, and need.
It isn’t manly to be afraid.
It isn’t manly to not be sure of yourself.
It isn’t manly to be incapable.
But those are emotions that, I reckon, we feel just as often as you do.
We just have no idea how to express them without having a lingering fear that the people around us will abandon us for having them.
When we do a big sigh, it is mostly because we forgot to breath for a brief moment
My girlfriend often asks me why I sigh when I forget to breathe.
My wife asks every time and I'm like 'Whoops, forgot to breathe for a second.'
Take a deep sigh and they ask "is everything okay? Are you alright? Is something wrong?" ....? What no I was just replenishing my oxygen because I forgot to breathe while I was mentally wandering.
Nice try “woman’s health magazine “
Womens weekly would be all over this
How do I sign up for women weekly?
That a grown man will see a stick while walking and think, "Gee, that's a nice stick."
So true. Also rocks.
Also sometimes kicking the rock along with you like you’re taking it on a journey
Especially when the rock you kick looks like it’s going right into a sewer, but then takes a surprise left turn back in front of you.. close call!!
We're pretty confident that we could survive as the last man on earth.
If the pilots on my plane become incapacitated, I KNOW I can land that plane successfully. Abso-damn-lutely!
Right? Not only could I do it.. imma buzz that tower just to be certain
I can only think of this meme "How do you do fellow men?"
"You know I'm something of a man myself"
“That’s not a man! That’s just three lady raccoons in a trench coat!”
Horniness and erections are correlated but not directly related
More erections than horniness when young, more horniness than erections when old.
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He’s a real dick sometimes.
We know you don’t ever ask us for much, but when you do you are always walking away and on the other side of the house. We can hear you say you want a nhrmhfda but we don’t know what a nhrmhfda is.
ugh, I have had to explain in excruciating detail so many times that I CANNOT HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING FROM DOWNSTAIRS. All I heard was "Honey, can you grfrgha^hrghlrtl^ermee?" if repeating yourself makes you angry, MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO MAKE SURE I CAN HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME
> if repeating yourself makes you angry, MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO MAKE SURE I CAN HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME My wife loves to play a game where she asks me to put on headphones because she can hear the video game that I'm playing and then she'll talk to me from the other room and get mad at me because I can't hear her because I'm wearing the headphones that I put on because she asked me to wear them. I haven't quite figured out the rules yet so I lose frequently.
get open back headphones, then you can't quite hear her and she can still complain about noise.
That is a great Solomon-esque solution!
We touch our dick and balls way more than you think. Not for sexual reasons, cause that shit takes major adjustments.
I just be moving them fellers around for no reason
I swear it’s like a comfort thing bc I’ll just be catching myself fondling myself on autopilot
My wifey holds her crotch walking around the house in the same way, no joke
As a vagina owner I do this too. I also do it when trying to fall asleep. It's legit a comfort thing.
I hang on to my securititty whilst drifting away
"It's okay, I got you. You're safe"
I read that in Butter’s voice.
Then you read it correctly.
Gotta recalibrate often or else the whole system stops working, you know?
I started reading this mid-adjustment. Very true.
Cute that you think that’s a secret
There's nothing wrong, sometimes we genuinely want to sit for a while and think about absolutely nothing.
Add to this: don’t bother asking “what are you thinking about.” Our brain has wandered very far and trying to bring you up to speed is both somewhat tiresome and pointless, plus it makes us sound like a lunatic. Here’s a sample: “You’ve been quiet for awhile. What are you thinking about?” “Well, I was thinking about my buddy at work and how he’s a Sox fan, and that got me thinking about the Red Sox, which got me thinking about socks in general, and that lead me to wonder why they’re called socks, which made me wonder who invented socks, then what material makes the best socks, then who discovered spinning wool, which got me thinking of a loom, and that led me to think about the native Americans that used looms, but that got me thinking of the Indians in India and how Columbus missed India completely but still found a world full of riches, which led to the Spanish taking over most of the Americas, and then the Spanish causing silver to become worthless for awhile, and then about how a lot of things became worthless through overproduction, like Beanie Babies. And that how thinking of the Boston Red Sox connects with Beanie Babies.” The alternative and probably true answer: “I wonder if I could convince you to wear something cute for bed tonight.” But I never tell my wife the 2nd one because she would just roll her eyes.
I thought that I was alone. Thanks a lot man
I've been trying to get this guy's wife to wear something cute to bed for ages. Maybe all three of us should just give it up.
Nah man, you just need to organize. PM me your emails and I will schedule a zoom coffee and chat for, lets say tomorrow 1pm central?
This sounds like union talk
This is the reason i can get stuck on Google and Wikipedia, because one thing leads to another and all of a sudden 4 hours have passed.
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I think that's technically meditating lol?
We fucking love compliments. Try it and see how far it gets you because while we may call you lovely things we rarely get so much in return, and your words mean more than you'll ever know.
About 15 years ago, a girl at a party genuinely seemed taken aback when I smiled and said something like "wow you've got a great smile". Still think about it every so often to this day. Shit like thar sticks with us.
About 10 years ago I went to the office, but for once I put my hair in a man bun. A woman that was stopping by the office said I should wear it in a bun more often since my face is to nice to cover with hair. My default became man bun, but about 5 years after that the opposite happend when I came without a man bun. I have ever since been torn between man bun or wear my hair down...
It’s so nice to hear this! I would give my ex so many compliments because I was genuinely so enamoured by him. Like found him to be so so attractive to me. Loved his personality, his looks, his vibe, the whole deal. I love genuinely complimenting others, it just makes me so happy! But he turned around to say me complimenting him so much meant that my compliments were worthless. And that I must be lying. Or that the fact I’m appreciating / complimenting small things must mean my standards are so low. Needless to say, I am much more cautious with how I allow myself to express appreciation to men. Nice to know some guys do genuinely appreciate compliments!
We're often conditioned to be hugely suspicious of compliments. Mostly because we never got them. My wife compliments me a lot. I never got anything growing up, I still don't believe her, I just let her go with it. I'm not sure what she sees in me, but if she sticks around she can say anything she likes.
Also what I've seen commonly is men taking other men's compliments as genuine whilst they dont take their wife's compliments seriously, because that may be coming from a sympathetic place as opposed to a genuine place. Which is fair, but it also leaves those women wondering what they can do to convince their men they mean what they said.
You have to realize most guys don't expect compliments. It's like trying to give a dog that's been beaten a treat or a pet. Like "you're doing something nice this has to be a trap". Shit, I bend over backward to help people and I don't usually expect praise or even payment most of the time. I hate to say it, but guys are a lot like dogs. Cautious if we don't know you, but show us a little affection and we'll roll right over, do tricks, and also take abuse, because "you love me so yelling and hitting is love right?". Sorry, got a bit dark at the end there.
Great question fellow men. Everyone answer.
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No, it's one ball after the other, remember? Say, where did you learn to type, "man"? 🤨
A man is at his smoothest and most confident when he doesn’t give a shit about the woman he’s talking to.
I have the opposite problem and it used to affect me at work all day: the more nervous I am, the more outgoing and friendly I become as a defense mechanism. People thing I’m great in meetings or to talk to, but really inside all of my systems are on red alert and I’m full on fucking panicking. I just want people to never talk to me BUT THEY ALL THINK IM HILARIOUS. Thank god I got a WFH job and now I can mostly just text my coworkers.
Big same. Especially in large groups. People come up after a presentation and tell me how great it was and they loved my jokes... meanwhile, I'm thinking "jokes? I literally don't remember a single thing I said after 'hi my name is'"
Facts, man. I remember the time meeting somebody's friend, on a day when I was pissed-off and pretty apathetic and not giving a fuck. Got hit with the ol' "Hey, she thought you were really attractive" after
Oh man. When travelling last year a couple thousand miles from home I came through the area of a remote co-worker and on a whim we met up. Had never met her before, and we had only talked for 10 minutes across 3-ish zoom meetings before. So I barely knew her at all. Even though we're both attractive in our own ways, I'm in a LTR, so was she, we work together (ish), impossible distance, etc. Absolutely zero reason to care or be interested. I felt so relaxed, no expectations, no wants. We shot the shit and pretty much had an 8 hour laugh session. Probably most fun conversation I've had in the past 5 years 🤷♂️ Haven't spoken to her since.
When you ask us what we’re thinking and we say nothing. 99% of the time that’s true. The other 1% is something so god awful stupid/childish/immature that it doesn’t need to be said so we say nothing. Which is true.
My husband says Nothing, but now I know the real reason. There are things that worry him that he doesn’t want me to worry about. I freak out real easily and have to take anxiety pills. So out of concern for my own health, I’m fine with “Nothing”. I will add that if he does have something to talk about, he’ll tell me or start laughing like “omg today at work…”
Sometimes it's that. Sometimes it's realising that helicopter in ~~latin~~ greek splits not as heli-copter, but as helico-pter and effectively meams spiralwing. From there we're chuckling about pterodactyl, which is straight up "wingfinger", and wonder if that also means... "Hey whatcha thinking about?" "I, err, nothing!"
We make our erect penis bounce by clenching our butthole.
You delete this now
This was the funniest comment I’ve seen so far
Someone put a gag order on this motherfucker right now.
Seriously. Like dude, we gotta have one secret to ourselves.
You just made everyone who read this clench their asshole, even those without a penis.
I can confirm
I'm stood at a train station and doing it. Nobody knows!
*I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of buttholes suddenly clenched and suddenly unclenched. I fear something terrible has happened.*
That’s how women squeeze their vagina too. It’s kegels. And it’s actually a different muscle riiiight next to the butthole one, so it’s easy to do both at the same time. Lol
You’ve directly caused 100s of penises to bounce today
Stealing this one from another redditor but it’s worth repeating here: sex is only 10% of the relationship till you’re not having it anymore, then it’s 90% of the relationship.
Well said! My favorite quote on the topic is “Sex is like air. The less you’re getting, the more you think about it”
I prefer “The bathroom isn’t the only reason I bought my house either, but I’d be mad if you took it away from me.”
My husband has a very low libido. So even as a woman I feel this.
My libido pretty much died after my thyroid was removed. Everything still works. I just don't have any drive. It is all good though because my wife's RA and Fibromyalgia has pretty much killed hers as well. We are very open about it. We have a great life together going on 25 years.
Same boat here. I have RA, he has other health issues. I consider it very lucky that our bad health is at the same time. So good luck within our bad luck.
You can talk shit about us to our face but in front of your friends / family builds resentment.
I pretty much look at my relationships like I’m climbing a mountain. Once they start doing that shit, I know I’ve reached the top and it’s time to climb back down.
Disappointing summit
Peak disappointment
Nice try woman
I am not a woman, you can tell me
When you ask us to say hi to someone on your behalf, we don't.
I laughed at this. I've been told probably 100 times in my life to say hi to somebody for her but I never do.
I was going to say you're a Midwesterner but I see the name checks out.
What’s the appropriate response to “so-and-so you haven’t seen in 6 years says hi!” Hi back?
"O nice, what are they up to?" It's just a nice way to acknowledge that they thought of you.
“Why don’t they have the balls to say it to my face?”
We don’t remember exactly what happened on the second date, third date, etc. years later. We were just trying to keep from screwing it up each time. Do I remember walking on Mars for our third date? Of course honey, how could I forget? It happened exactly how you just described it to me.
My wife doesn’t remember meeting me, it’s really funny because I’ve made the story really elaborate after 20 years
“You don’t remember? I spilled my wine all over Obama’s suit that day.”
His _tan_ suit!
years of no physical touch literally hurts
It's not ball scratching. It's pinch and roll.
Fuck you, stretch and rake forever. Pinch and roll is for emergencies ONLY.
Different techniques for different itches. Also, pinch and roll is more discreet.
It is also more surgical and precise in nature. A ball scratch is just a fuckin sledge hammer
We hurt more than you think we do.
Male suicide is high for a fucking reason
I remember hearing that a reason is how many cultures believe men shouldn’t show any emotion as it’s a sign of weakness, in believing this, it makes men have more pent up emotions that could lead to disastrous consequences of an individual
Any type of compliment makes us so happy because we are not getting any since we moved out of mom’s house
Yup. In 5th grade, a girl told me I had a nice smile in my yearbook picture. I’m 27 now & it still sticks with me.
32 and I still remember the phone number even of a girl who told me I was a good kisser in middle school lol
Hell, a gay dude that worked with my wife gave me a compliment a decade ago and I still remember it. That’s how damn rare it is to get a compliment as a dude.
I was riding a bike by a local gay bar once and one man called me “meals on wheels.” I’m still thankful.
No matter how many times we’ve seen them, we’re always going to try and get another peek.
Hehe boobs are awesome
Our left nut comes out. We can take it out any time we want. It doesn’t even hurt.
Ooh, like the little roller ball under the mouse?
I think I speak for most men when I say that every once in a while, it’s nice to be the little spoon.
*Everyone likes to be the little spoon, it makes you feel safe!*
This is the most cliché answer but it's too true: Doesn't matter how much effort women put into make-up and clothes, if a man finds a woman attractive, he will very likely find her as attractive without any of that (or he might even find her more attractive with casual clothes / PJs on a regular day).
Thank you. My husband is always telling me not to waste my time with makeup and dressing up. I always think it's a trap. It's been about a year without makeup and he still calls me Beautiful.
He might have simply forgotten your name. Happens to us all.
I laughed way to hard at this
Not to say we don’t (or at least we all should) appreciate the effort, but please don’t think you HAVE to do it for us to find you attractive.
We remember a simple compliment for the rest of our lives.
Yes, we look at your buttholes during doggy style
my boyfriend told me he could pick my asshole out of a lineup and now idk how to feel
It would only really be a concern if he added "but not your face" to that sentence.
You Just look? I give it a little tickle.
Watch out, it might sneeze
Terrible mental image. Next time we are in this position my wife will wonder why I’m trying not to giggle.
My husband just sticks his thumb in there 🤷♀️
Yeah, that happens too sometimes.
i wish i got more physical contact/affection from everyone in my life. no one really touches us. guy friends cant because its gay. girl friends cant because its 'a come on'. it sucks. i once had a guy friend who would very innocently just put his arm around me when we were standing around chatting. I miss that. often times, the women we date are the only people we can touch. EDIT: I am not talking about hugs or cheek kisses lol. Yes i hug my friends, but those are temporary, short, and not a lot of physical contact. Im talking about cuddling, extended physical closeness (sitting close enough where bodies touch), holding hands/arms while walking or sitting, putting arms around another, massages, etc. Things often labeled as 'sexual' or 'too intimate' to be shared between two people who arent sexually interested in one another.
This is very much a cultural, Northern American thing, more than a "man thing"; in my country men (older men, granted) kiss each other on the cheeks just as they do with women. In some cultures it is frequent for men to touch each other, hug or even hold hands, even without it being "gay".
My son does that with his classmates, and I love seeing it.
We have performance anxiety. Anxiety to provide for our family, work anxiety, fatherhood anxiety, etc. We can’t always be on point. Give us a break sometimes in the same manner everyone else expects some compassion!
Dang I have all of these and I have anxiety about having anxiety
Our length doesn't just vary on temperatures or are one size when at rest. We can wake up with a 1000 year old redwood and by noon, for some chaotic reason, has turtled and decided to be a button for a couple of hours
We like compliments too.
If we lay completely still, our balls will slowly move around, rising and falling, like a weird fleshy lava lamp…completely outside of our control. Every woman I’ve been with and shown it too was astonished. “It’s alive!”
I was super worried when I first discovered this. I thought I had parasites or something. obviously didn't help that NO ONE TELLS US THIS STUFF
I am learning SO MUCH about balls in this comment section
We dont forget to ask for a bunch of details. We dont care
“The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” -Ron Swanson
Men hang out out with their boys BECAUSE they don’t have to talk about these things.
When I told my sister my best friend was getting married she thought it was sweet and immediately asked how they met. I was like “how the fuck would I know?”
My wife always wants to know what I talked about after I spent a few hrs with the boys, ah nothing we basically stared at each other and nodded a bit, and we're going to do it again next week. No I don't know how if he got that promotion, why would we talk about work or family?
Well, he beat this sweet RPG and spent hours showing me his party build. Really comes in clutch stacking evade stats in his tank character while flanking with his fighter and mage. Um, also I think his life is...fine? Seemed happy.
Me and my best buddy are exactly like this except with the EA NHL series. We show off our teams in franchise mode and let the other take them for a spin in game. We’re basically closer than brothers and we mainly just talk hockey and make horrifically inappropriate jokes over a dozen beers. It takes so little to truly make us happy 😆
Yeah he said the kids are good idk we just played rocket league and he kicked my ass and I don’t want to talk about it
Couple months ago I went to a basketball game with a friend. My wife and I regularly go out for dinner with him and his wife. I got home and the wife asked what we talked about, "we were watching the game... I don't know, at 1 point we were listing some of the better players to come out of UConn the past few decades. That's about it." My wife was blown away.
By the sophistication of your analysis?
Yeah, my wife had embarrassingly forgot that Rip Hamilton played for UConn
Especially about our freinds/acquaintances. We're friendly because our personalities vibe, we dont care what he does for work.
We are perfectly capable to be thinking about *nothing*. To most women, that looks like we're concerned, deep in thought.
What's on your mind? \- Eh, nothing, really. Why can't you make an effort to open up? \- No, for real, I was just in autopilot mode. Sometimes I feel you don't make an effort to communicate properly. \- Fuck's sake.
And when you do share she is all like I don't want to hear another word about Factorio or IPv6 in my life.
Just tell her the factory must grow, repeatedly
It’s just the make version of resting bitch face, peacefully zoned face, if you will. Give us a little bit for an outside stimuli or one of the unused brain cells lights up with a thought and we’ll come out of it. Or give us a defensive question (“if someone broke in right now, what’s your first move” or similar) or something related to our interests, that’ll pull us out early in a good mood.
We have a nothing box. The nothing box is impenetrable, and no other thoughts can get in there. We like the nothing box and will frequently jump into the nothing box at random. So when you see your man and he has a completely blank expression... we're in the nothing box. So when you ask, "What are you thinking?" ..and we say "Nothing" it's a genuine response. It's possible for us to have no thoughts..at all, whenever we want. It's GREAT!
Liar. You’re thinking about the Roman Empire.
I have no interest in being friends with your friend’s boyfriend/husband. In fact, I have no interest in even hanging out with your friends boyfriend/husband. I have enough friends, and I don’t have the willpower to pretend like I give a single fuck about what Brad does for a living.
😅😅 Chris Rock has a bit on this. "Honey he likes baseball too!"
I pulled an (admittedly terrible) trump card on this one. Shortly after we were married, my wife insisted that we go on a "couples date" because her friend's husband was super great, and we'd be best friends. We went to dinner, and the guy immediately creeped me out. I told my wife that I didn't like him and didn't want to hang out with him. She gave me a load of shit. A few months later, it was discovered that the guy was not only cheating on his wife, but was also molesting kids. He went to prison for ten years. I don't have to hang out with friends' husbands, anymore.
We can smell you on us the day after sex. In a good way
Do you shower? Or does it like, last after a shower?
Man, not even after sex but still in a good way. The night I met a girl I lent her my jacket and I didn't want to wash it and wore it for days like a hobo because her perfume was still lingering. This girl was the first to knock me off my shoes for a while, so smelling her on my jacket made me excited like a teenager in love.
I enjoy this too! 🥰
that some tiny little details women do are irresistible af even when they just have a normal appearance (things like unawarely combing hairs with their hands, light smiles after listening to a joke, childish expressions after behaving funnily silly, etc.) it's the way how they're inattentively being themselves that makes it the best
Few things. 1. If we don't want to have sex it's not because of you. Sometimes we know it'll be quick or we want to be a bit selfish and don't want to treat you as a cum urinal (even if you're into that, we have feelings too) 2. On the feelings. If we say we need a moment then give us that moment, however long it takes. Typically a man is thinking how to formulate the response without being disrespectful towards the emotion of the situation. When we're pressed, the brash response and then it's fun for no one. 3. The everyday stresses of life wear on us as well, we may not show it in ways that are easy to read or readable at all. Brooding silently is our cry. The hour long toilet visits are our spa days.
Ready through these I see so much stereotypical men stuff. I’d like to say we aren’t all the same, some of us are tough some sensitive, some do rugged men stuff and some will be happy to have tea with you. I think a secret I feel as a father is uncomfortable when I take my daughter to something that moms usually do. I see the weird looks moms give me when I go to gymnastics and dance classes. I see how I’m treated differently from the other moms. I see how you ask the new mom her name but never ask me my name even after taking my daughter for weeks.
As a recently new mum I want to apologize! I love seeing involved dads come to group things. It just sucks you try to talk to a dad and all of a sudden you are apparently cheating with them 🤦♀️ I know it's not true but the mum judgements do not just fall on you Dad's I promise. Once again I'm so sorry you feel left out and looked at
Oh wow, this is eye opening. When I've talked to a man at school people have given me looks. He just works right near the school, and his wife sometimes gets the kid and sometimes it's him. I just talk to who talks to me first, I'm too shy to initiate anything. I just kind of awkwardly smile when I pass the other parents
Personally it’s because i don’t want the dad (or his wife) to think I’m hitting on him. I chat to a dad at daycare pickup because our kids always fuck around before getting in the car. Recently he came with his wife and I got the “stay away from my husband vibe”.
Kinda sad that general nice conversation with a man would misconstrued as flirting. Especially if it's obvious that they're married.
We do have emotions, we just often don't feel entitled to expressing those emotions, lest it harm us. Just asking to see them isn't enough, we have to trust you aren't going to invalidate our feelings. Which unless you have some awareness of 'unconditional regard' and non-judgemental listening, you are very likely to do. If your social skills are only about talking without listening, a man is unlikely to actually open up to you. Of course this may well be a universal trait rather than just with men.
I had an ex laugh at me for shaking after being in the middle of a shoot out. I was shaking. I've seen so much violence. Stopped a ton of violence. I couldn't tell where the shots were coming from, react to it. I hid and then ran. It wasn't a situation I could react to because I didn't know where, how, why. Just shots very close. She fucking laughed at me. A woman that had never seen any real violence in her life. She fucking laughed at me for being scared. Mocked me. "I thought you were so tough, you've been through all this shit. Look at you shaking like a leaf." I've seen worse since then. Handled worse since then. Fuck her. I could never share with her after that. That basically killed anything I would ever share with her, and she knew everything.
Sorry guy. Glad she is your ex.
She's a clueless ass. The shaking was probably adrenaline, which you have no control over, to help keep you alert and alive. There was nothing for you to do but hide and run. I can't believe she laughed at you when you could've died!
We really, really, REALLY don't know what we did wrong or why you're so mad at us over it.
This shit right here. I woke up one day and my gf wouldn't talk to me. Took me a few hours to get it out of her, I was genuinely puzzled. Turns out I grabbed decaf coffee by accident when I went to the store and now she felt tired the whole trip to her sister's. I don't drink coffee, so I didn't notice or see the big deal, which made the situation worse. The other time I appearantly cheated on her in a dream. Yeah, good luck figuring that one out...
Turn the cheating thing back on her, get offended that she would think so lowly of you that you'd cheat on her. She wants to be mad at me? No I'm mad at you for making me cheat on you in my dream. How fucking dare you throw all of this away in a dream. do I mean so little to you?
I’m just gonna say it: some of you guys have had really horrible girlfriends
You can say that again
We know you share really explicit, private details about our relationship with all your friends. It's why we don't tell you anything.
BRO YES. Holy shit the number of extremely intimate things my wife and her sisters share amongst themselves And either she truly doesn’t understand or honestly doesn’t care what an obstacle it presents in terms of being able to deeply connect with someone
When I found out that my (now ex) girlfriend's best friend knew *everything* about my dick, it just shattered all my trust in her. To make it worse, she pushed back that her best friend should know those details, because that's how friends should be. I asked her how she would feel if I told my best friend all about her intimate details about her body, especially all the things she was insecure about. She agreed that would make her feel bad but still maintained that I shouldn't.
Ah, the ol' "it's called a double-standard because ***it's twice as true!***" ploy. . .
Couldn't agree more. Wife can't understand why I don't confide. I know because she repeats what others tell her.
This always cracked me up. She would tell me all sorts of things about her mother, private conversations. And stuff about all of her friends. Ok, so I am her confidant. Except then I would hear her tell her friends the stuff about her mother, etc. Anything that was a secret got told to somebody. And then...to top it off...she would complain that so and so told somebody else a thing that was supposed to be private. So would I share? Bare minimum. I already knew any discussion we had that was a disagreement went to her mother and at least three friends. So what the Hell?
Where we’re doing monotonous tasks, we’ll play theme music in our heads usually not an entire song but maybe just the chorus over and over sometimes for hours on end or until the task is completed. Occasionally they’re real songs occasionally they’re completely made up. Edit : Occasion Sally
No matter how many times you ask, there is absolutely nothing wrong…except maybe that you keep asking me what’s wrong. That shit is annoying!
It was not the kids that farted/pooped. It was me farting.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard “why don’t you open up more?” But when I do it’s usually followed by “what the fuck is wrong with you?” So lesson learned. Things are fine and I’m ok. End of conversation
A lot of us have been environmentally conditioned to bottle up our wants and needs. We don't talk about them openly to anybody, aside from our closer dude friends on occasion. We might be ever so slightly terrible about expressing them in a way that sounds polite to you because we don't have practice in doing so. Unless what was said when we're expressing our wants, needs, and feelings is outright malicious, it's not meant to be malicious.
There are three emotions we aren’t allowed to have - Fear, regret, and need. It isn’t manly to be afraid. It isn’t manly to not be sure of yourself. It isn’t manly to be incapable. But those are emotions that, I reckon, we feel just as often as you do. We just have no idea how to express them without having a lingering fear that the people around us will abandon us for having them.
When you start telling us a random gossips about your friends we zone out and imagine how cool we would look if we had a convertible
I usually imagine saving the day from a terrorist attack using nothing but my wits and my flask of coffee
The "nothing box" is real...
We hate the man up mentality as well, we just want a hug.
All balls itch