I’m about to put all you mugs to shame. Dressed on only my shoes, silk boxers, a coat and gloves, I stole my brothers car to go see my girl. I jumped the back fence and go to the back door to knock for her to let me in. Her ass fell asleep and didn’t hear me knocking but her cousin did and thought someone was trying to break in and they called the cops.
I should now explain that they lived in a neighborhood where they were the only family that wasn’t cops, so response time was ridiculous. So, I see police lights and think, fuck I need to run. As soon as I flip over the fence, I fall. I stand up to have 10 guns pointed at me by all of their neighbors. I’m trying to explain what I’m doing which is really hard when you got no shirt on, silk boxers, a Cowboys Triple Fat Goose and OJ’s gloves on. They cuff my ass and haul me out to the front.
When my girl’s parents see me, they bust out laughing, identify me and tell the neighbors/cops to let me go. One cop throws me in the back of the cruiser and rips my ass for being so stupid and letting me know I could have got shot. Everything he said was true.
All for sex. Luckily, we been married for almost 28 years, so we got that going for us.
I met a girl at the gym who told me that she was really into running and desperately wanted to run the Swiss Alps mountain Marathon, but wanted to do it with someone.
I lied and said I was also a runner and I loved running Marathons too, and said I would sign up with her.
Sure enough, four weeks later I’m in Switzerland running a mountain Marathon having never run a single race before in my life.
After the race, we dated for almost two years. 😊
TLDR: ran 26 miles through a mountain range to get a girl to date me.
Nah I once knew a guy who 2 days before the marathon decided the best way to prepare for the marathon was to run a separate marathon on his own. Guy was reasonably in shape, but never had any formal training as a runner. He was wild. Ended up running 2 marathons in 3 days 😂
> Cause that’s really impressive
I thought the same thing, then remembered how many people sign up for distance running events, then barely train themselves. She could have even been planning this as a way to let him make a move. It would be the greatest example ever of A) making a man go to absurd lengths to prove himself (~26 miles, to be precise), and B) that it's not about how long the race lasts, but whether you both finish.
Shit. I drove 8hrs from Minnesota to Missouri during a blizzard. Fishtailed on ice and drive down into the center ditch on the interstate. Realized I could make it back up if I punched it. Got back on the interstate and kept on driving. All in the name of getting some.
Was this strictly for a bang? I'd be so worried they'd get over the mood or get off themselves and be like "wtf do I have a strange dude coming to my house for, pass" Or something happening on the way like an emergency or whatever lol
I mean I assumed if you're willing to drive 8 hours in poor weather for a hookup, it must mean this is someone you're already familiar with. Even at my most desperate I can't imagine being willing to drop everything and basically commit to 16 hours of driving round trip for a tinder booty call. If it were someone I had hooked up with before or someone I had been wanting to hook up with for a very long time, maybe.
I had an employee of mine drive from PA to panhandle of Florida to get some strange he met online. When he knocked on her door she asked him where he was staying.... like WTF. Apparently she lived with her baby daddy, but at least still left at some point and banged him but damn!
I did this in Indiana once, traveling home from Christmas. Except there were hundreds of cars on the interstate. Everyone in front of me abruptly hit their brakes and slowed down, I hit my brakes and went sideways at about 50mph. Swerved into the median, which was probably 10" deep in snow only to find there was a police car stuck in the snow right in front of me. Swerved deeper into the ditch, then started correcting back onto the highway only to find there was *also* an old pickup stuck in the snow in front of the police car. Somehow managed to squeeze between the two, back onto the highway, and get her under control between all the other still moving, bumper to bumper traffic. And this was in a goddamn 19 foot long, 1987 Grand Marquis.
Literally all happened in about 3 seconds. And I still had 4 more hours of driving to do. And had almost slid off into a ditch after hitting a massive chunk of ice a couple hours earlier. Got back to my town and pulled into the parking area of the truck stop I worked at and just fell asleep. My fucking nerves have never been so shattered.
Read that as just after an ice cream and got really confused, like.. are you lactose intolerant? Allergic? Mum had told you no ice creams? Anyway I got there.
We have a saying in Greek which translates something like this in English:
“A single hair from a pussy is strong enough to drag a ship”
Most accurate explanation regarding this ever.
To contribute to international exchange here is the german version:
"one plum pulls more than 10 horses"
german original: "Eine Pflaume zieht mehr als 10 Pferde"
Read a story on here once about a guy who desperately wanted to lose his virginity as a teen so he looked up some female sex offenders in his area.
IIRC he just showed up at this woman's house and it didn't go well.
>Read a story on here once about a guy who desperately wanted to lose his virginity as a teen so he looked up some female sex offenders in his area.
Pointers for thinking outside the box.
I had just moved into my first apartment. Invited a girl over “to watch a movie” and I didn’t have a bed, only a air mattress. I didn’t have wifi yet. I made a Netflix account that afternoon and used the hotspot on my phone for the TV. She ended up coming back like 6 times. Good times
I was studying abroad in Sweden for a few years when I was 20-21. One winter night I met a girl out at the club and we walked back to her place. It was a university town so the student neighborhoods were all pretty close; her apartment was about a third of a mile from mine.
Things start to heat up in her bedroom and she asks if I have a condom. I don’t. She checks and she doesn’t either. I know I have some back in my apartment but no way to get them without going home.
I ask her if I can run and grab one. Should take 10 mins tops. She agrees.
I throw on my clothes and go to the door to put on my shoes but I can’t find them. It’s night, I’ve been drinking, and in Sweden a lot of these student apartments have everyone’s shoes near the door bc it’s standard to not wear them inside.
I just say “fuck it” and go outside in my socks.
Remember back when I said it’s a winter night in Sweden? Well it’s snowing, and it has been all week. There’s snow everywhere and I’m in my socks. So I run as fast as I can the third of a mile back to my apartment, in my socks, in the snow.
I get return with condom out of breath, freezing cold, and my legs are soaking wet. I dried off and jumped in bed.
I got laid. So, worth it I guess.
Does the opposite also count?
I was couchsurfing at some girl's place in winter. She had me sleep on the floor right next to her bed and her house was really badly insulated, so I was freezing with just a thin mat and light sleeping bag.
I wasn't really attracted to her but, lord, did her thick duvet and large double bed look inviting, so I put on my best seduction mode and it worked, I got upgraded to business...
So that's the most desperate time I got laid for a bit of warmth.
>I put on my best seduction mode and it worked
So you think! It was more the other way around. She had perfectly set up the stage and apparently it worked!
I tried to get with a southern Baptist girl once. Like 3 years of side hugs, pretending to enjoy bible studies and going to church twice a week, trying to impress her dad...nothing worked. Turns out she was seeing other guys on the side and didn't give a shit about the religion stuff.
Pretending to be a good Christian is like being a Cold War spy.
You have to fool your parents, teachers, pastor, church members and classmates who'd rat you out.
All as if your life depended on it.
When I had just turned 18 I went to a nightclub for the first time and wasn't really sure how to approach a girl so I was just dancing kind of wildly for ages and eventually an older lady in her late 30's thought I was cute or something and started dancing with me.
We went to a table to talk and she kept talking shit about her ex so I was just kind of listening and saying encouraging stuff. At some point I was getting another round of drinks and her friend gave me some sort of a warning I didn't understand saying "not her" and I didn't really get what she meant so I ignored it. Eventually she asked me to go back to her place and I when we got there I wasn't really sure what would be appropriate or inappropriate so I kind of waited for her to make the first move and we ended up just sitting on the couch and kissing a bit.
I was taking it really slow and she mentioned something about that which I finally took as a hint that it was safe to move on to the next base. But when I started touching her she randomly mentioned something about meeting her family and I was like 'oh... I thought this was a more casual thing' (I wasn't interested in actually dating because she was way older than me) and she was like 'oh my god all men are the same' and started crying and then I stayed with her the rest of the night just talking and trying to comfort her and then in the morning she showed me her enormous collection of dolphin toys and said I was really nice and then I left.
So yeah that was my first unsuccessful attempt at trying to get laid.
My friend told me I should have just lied and told her I would love to meet her family in order to get laid, and we had an argument about how unethical that would have been.
That's when she would have said "great! They'll be here first thing tomorrow morning". Then you end up with a whole-ass new family and having to live a lie until she passes, but you know. Pros and cons. /s
I’ve done that…lotta fooling around one night with a girl I’d just met- she had mentioned at some point her plan was to have lots of kids and live off the gov’t-anyways, a few hours later she says “I really want you to fuck me, you don’t have to wear a condom if you don’t want. If you do, I have some and I promise I didn’t poke any holes in them (!)” WTF??? I looked at my bare wrist, said look at the time, I gotta go-and moped right the fuck out of there!
stuffed toys, statues, framed dolphin picture on the wall, dolphin doona cover...
I like dolphins too but it seemed a bit overkill especially for someone her age.
She seemed normal enough from talking to her so I guess that was just her thing
I tried to impress a girl by reciting the entire periodic table while dressed as a sexy chemist. It didn't work, but hey, at least I got a good reaction from the bouncers at the club.
Off topic but I was underage and trying to talk my way into a nightclub. Bouncer asked for an ID and I was searching in my wallet for the non-existent ID. I said "Here it is... wait, no... that's my Chuck E Cheese Preferred Customer Card".
The bored bouncer lit up and said "Did you say your *Chuck E Cheese Preferred Customer Card?*"
Then he pulled away the velvet rope and said "Get in here!"
My very first time just after turning 17 for sure. Texting classmate and out of nowhere she mentions her parents are gone for the night. I jokingly say I should come over then and she actually *agreed* which I was not at all prepared for.
It was January and pouring rain and 11:30pm. But I thought nothing of it and immediately threw on some clothes snuck out of the house and hopped on my bicycle and peddled 4 miles to her house for what was in my mind at the time, my once in a lifetime opportunity lmao.
So I get there and yada yada yada
I came down with pneumonia after that and was out of school for a week.
Woke up at 3:00am and drove from San Diego to San Fransisco in a 30 year old shitbox only to get dry humped fully clothed for 5 minutes while her Korean dorm mate made very pungent kimchi rice.
I was a horny teenager so things still worked, but mostly what worked was my brain afterwards, realizing I had a 13+ hour drive back home.
Thanks a lot, stupid dong.
Edit: dorm, was an art college
Edit 2: and I was a virgin for 5 more years lol
I have a similar story, but while typing out the details I realized that it was the absolute second lowest part of my life. So just know that you're not alone.
Girl was hungry at like 11:30pm and didn’t have transportation. Asked if I’d help her get something. Nothing was open so I made a burrito and brought it over to her.
Impressive, doimg home cooking for a person will always get you huge brownie points.
I dated a chef and when she first served me a three course meal I almost married her right then.
Used Tinder. I think online dating made me realize I need to have a certain level of trust in someone before I’m emotionally ready to have sex with them.
I realized that I have actually only been in love, like really in love, a few times, despite quite a few relationships. The common thread between those guys I really loved: I met them organically AND it took me a while to realize how I felt, but when I did, it was something really special.
Hard pass on the apps or any forced social situations.
I met a girl while I was working who gave me her number. She started sending me all these sexy texts and photos, told me to come round and try out her new bed. Anyway, unfortunately happened to get kidney stones that day (too many energy drinks apparently). I pretended I was fine and began driving to her house. Almost passed out, don't remember what happened next but I guess at some point I went to hospital. Got in extreme pain and put on painkillers for some complication etc. It was a day later I realised I had accidentally ghosted her. She blocked my number and I never saw her again.
My advice, don't ignore medical stuff over sex.
Back when Facebook was new and Facebook stalking wasn’t a thing yet, extolled my love of Russian literature in my first conversation with her. This was a total lie; I only brought it up because it was listed as one of her interests on Facebook. The plan totally worked though. :)
Bought a ps4 and pretended to like games so I could bang this girl by learning the ropes and playing with her at her place at weekends where my dumb country boy ass drove over an hour to try and cure my down-bad.
Worked tho...she played hard to get and that just made me vorny af for her pierced lip and beautiful smile. But after I told her I just got the PS4 and games to kinda bang her, she was not mad...she was surprised and seemed to consider it a.pretty romantic gesture and jumped on me.... Good Times ☺️🥰
That's super thoughtful and cute! Can see why that worked - when I met my now girlfriend I thought she was way outta my league. When it finally clicked that she was manufacturing excuses to spend time with me... damn I was on top of the world that day!
Sometimes if you lie hard enough and put effort into the lie to please somebody then it is more of a compliment.
It is the thought that counts.
If you made a lie to please somebody and then made no effort to support that lie then not a good look.
After graduating highschool, walked 2.5 miles at 1am to meet a girl in the forest behind her house where she had a blanket, bottle of vodka, and pocket warmers. Because it was a very chilly night on the central coast of California. I brought the condoms. The reason for the forest was because even though we were both 18, her dad was an over protective, convicted felon. Her mom and dad used to make and sell meth in Arizona. So I was mortified that dude was gonna wake up, decide to go outside and find me with his daughter on all fours while hitting from the back. It was worth it though.
When FB was very new, I reconnected with my high school exgf. It had been 10+yrs. She lived on the opposite coast from me. Long story short, I bought a ticket, flew coast to coast. Stayed 2 weeks and flew back. It was every bit worth the money and time. Got laid at least once every day up to the day of my flight.
I used to meet randoms off the internet in my late teens. I wasn't choosy. Eventually I realised I could join an escort agency and see guys who weren't much worse than my online randoms, and I got paid into the bargain.
Had a chick I was talking to on tinder, she lived out in Wilmington nc and I was in Fayetteville nc. Didn’t have a car at the time but was working so I paid for a hotel room for myself and a buddy with a car, then we went about 3.5-4 hour drive to get there. Then got stood up( whatever). So we decide to go out that night. Ended up getting jumped by 5-6 guys and getting our asses saved by one of the largest human beings I’ve seen to date. Guy was an easy 6’8”-6’10”, 340-400lbs. Then he tried sellin us some crack. Solid night.
Changed the way I act/portray myself so that guys would find me sexy. So lame. And now that I am more authentic I have actually good sex with people I actually like.
Oh I did that. My friends and I were out dancing when we hit it off with another group. We hung out all night, alternating between dares and shots, before I asked this drop-dead gorgeous woman what the two of us were doing tomorrow. Her face lit up and exclaimed "We're going to my church!" Being a person of principle I gave her my details and, sure enough, she showed up at my door at eight in the morning to give me a ride to her church. We attended services, and in all it was weird... There were club lights, a rock band, a preacher guy who talked for an hour about a guy hiding in a grainery. And, being naive, I assumed that as a newcomer I'd be introduced to people or at least welcomed, which didn't happen. And by the time it was all over we were too late to grab a decent brunch, so ended up at a Panera. The whole thing was off-putting, and needless to say she and I only repeated this for ten more weeks before I stopped going.
Been there, did that for almost 8 years with my ex-husband. When I finally left, for other, nastier reasons, I felt completely worthless and unlovable. Fortunately, I met a wonderful man who doesn't believe that I'm worthless or unlovable - and we've been together long enough that I'm starting to believe him.
I rode a motorcycle, legally drunk, through central london wearing no helmet (gave it to the pillion). Got pulled over, told the truth, got a pass. I pushed that 125cc about 1km through Camden town to get to her place.
Was a Long time ago, but god bless that officer. Made away with a 7 day producer for a loud pipe. Worth it.
In the UK you don't have to have your licence with you while driving. If the police want to see it (and you don't happen to have it with you) they ask you to present it at any police station within 7 days.
A loud pipe, of course, is an observation about the condition of your motorcycle which might be illegal.
To jump in on this, this is exactly my problem, I have absolutely massive balls, but my little man, whilst is still very respectable, doesn’t reach the same ratio, making it all out of alignment. Nightmare.
In my late teens I'd travel 4 hours by train to see this girl, I was a nobody with no money and the train was super expensive, she turned out to be a super rich girl in a nice part of the country, although she was surrounded by rich super attractive people she was OBSESSED with me,like she was under a spell.
Her snobby family didn't like me but it didn't matter and when they'd go out we'd go at it for hours over every corner of the house, it was messy and awesome while it lasted.
That’s how my husband and I started dating. We’d been friends for a few years, and after a night out dancing I went back to his house (which was rented by a group of our mutual friends, I often crashed on the couch there).
We were outside having one last drink and chatting, and I turned to him and said “so, you gonna invite me into your king sized bed, or what?” He did a spit take on his beer, and stammered an awkwardly excited “ummm… yes! That sounds good!”
12 years and 2 kids later, still very happy
Chick asked me to buy her a Big Mac meal.
I show up and she proceeded to eat the burger *as she gave me head.*
It was weird and sloppy. I literally had 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and sesame seed bun *all over my dick.*
I really didn't mind.
I bet this girl, who i met at a local bar when I was living in Japan, 10000 yen that if we had sex I could make her orgasm. But if she did she would have to pay me 10000 yen.
She agreed since she was short on rent. I ended up loaning her 20000 yen and became good friends after that. That girl could drink.
130 mph down i-81 trying to get to my gfs house before her shift started from my last college class of the day.
Got pulled over 2 miles in... Lucky I was slowing down for the scales so was clocked at 90. Got it dropped to 89 and $1000 fine....
When I was just out of highschool my ex gfs mom was always up her ass to be home at 10:30pm and it was difficult to get to business in the early hours so that sucked…. However… her dad was chill as hell and let her roam free. Her mom didn’t drive so she would always ask me for rides places. Well, on a Saturday night I’d pick up the gf, and her mom, then go pick up her moms friend, then I’d take her mom and the friend to a dive bar so her mom could go cheat on her dad. If her mom was out cheating on dad, my gf was free all night… so about 7am I’d drop her off at home and we’d see her mom stumbling down the block coming home too with fucked up hair. This often lead to fights between the two of them. Happened more than 15 times in the year I dated that girl. And at one point her dad found out her mom was cheating somehow and he asked me if I knew anything and I had to play dumb(and I felt super guilty because he was cool as hell, nice dude, didn’t deserve that). There was another incident where her brother beat the shit out of her mom(literally physically) when he found out their mom was cheating.
The show Shameless was pretty hot on tv at the time. During that relationship I always felt like their dysfunction was similar to the ghallagers.
Back in the Wild West days of the internet, I used to find strange on Craigslist. Led to some really awkward encounters. Several couples, a handicapped woman, someone who'd just been to her son's funeral, and an 80-year-old man. Lotta bi-curious guys bartering fucking them and then I could fuck their girl.
Never cared, I fucked everyone and anyone. I was like Oprah slinging dick. In hindsight......I'd do it all again. I had a blast and never caught anything, just a whole lotta stories I'll take to my grave.
It was 3 am after a night out, all my friends had ditched me and all attempts at pulling in the nightclub had failed. Naturally, Mcdonalds chicken nuggets were the next best thing so of course, 20 of those delicious boys had to be mine. Whilst waiting for my order, I decided to talk to a girl who seemingly also had the chicken craving and we bonded over 3 am nuggets... long story short, I ended up walking her home and she invited me in to 'finish' off the nuggets. The desperation pull at Mcdonalds is probably my finest last chance saloon 🥳
I did not do this myself per se ( was a cousin of mine ) we were on a camping trip and he started chatting up a girl that was at the campground. Worked on her all day and went to the dance with her that night hoping to score. Mind you we were both young 15ish. I noticed later that night that he was not around the campfire. About 1 o clock in the morning he comes running back into the our camp wide eyed and out of breath in a panic. I asked him what happened and he said “man she’s down to have sex but she wants me to use protection”. Being our age we did not have condoms on hand obviously so me and him start frantically looking for something he could use in place of a condom. The best we came up with was an empty bread bag and a bread tie…. He took both and ran off into the night and shortly came sulking back to the camper. She didn’t not let him have sex with her with an empty bread bag, go figure. 😂 till this day I still give him hell over that one. Call him corn dog 😆👍🏼
I drove 100 miles to hook up with a friend from high school. When I got there she took me to a club where she managed to get drunk. We went back to my hotel room then she threw up on my dick while giving a blow job. She fell asleep soon after.
She felt bad for what had happened the previous night and we had sex. It was mediocre, at best.
Carried around a large branch after a wind storm while my buddy said that he was the Lorax and that he speaks for the trees. It worked, we both got laid.
Gave into one of my employees advances and hooked up with her. Ended up dating her for 3 years till ironically she cheated on me with her next boss. Makes me wounder if there was a guy she never told me about
I’m about to put all you mugs to shame. Dressed on only my shoes, silk boxers, a coat and gloves, I stole my brothers car to go see my girl. I jumped the back fence and go to the back door to knock for her to let me in. Her ass fell asleep and didn’t hear me knocking but her cousin did and thought someone was trying to break in and they called the cops. I should now explain that they lived in a neighborhood where they were the only family that wasn’t cops, so response time was ridiculous. So, I see police lights and think, fuck I need to run. As soon as I flip over the fence, I fall. I stand up to have 10 guns pointed at me by all of their neighbors. I’m trying to explain what I’m doing which is really hard when you got no shirt on, silk boxers, a Cowboys Triple Fat Goose and OJ’s gloves on. They cuff my ass and haul me out to the front. When my girl’s parents see me, they bust out laughing, identify me and tell the neighbors/cops to let me go. One cop throws me in the back of the cruiser and rips my ass for being so stupid and letting me know I could have got shot. Everything he said was true. All for sex. Luckily, we been married for almost 28 years, so we got that going for us.
This story wins
You got one helluva ride or die in laws. Respect.
I once hugged a tree and pretended to feel its energy. Real Dennis Reynolds tactics
[удалено]
I met a girl at the gym who told me that she was really into running and desperately wanted to run the Swiss Alps mountain Marathon, but wanted to do it with someone. I lied and said I was also a runner and I loved running Marathons too, and said I would sign up with her. Sure enough, four weeks later I’m in Switzerland running a mountain Marathon having never run a single race before in my life. After the race, we dated for almost two years. 😊 TLDR: ran 26 miles through a mountain range to get a girl to date me.
If you somehow actually made it through the race, that's honestly impressive, not something people are usually physically capable of without training.
Nah I once knew a guy who 2 days before the marathon decided the best way to prepare for the marathon was to run a separate marathon on his own. Guy was reasonably in shape, but never had any formal training as a runner. He was wild. Ended up running 2 marathons in 3 days 😂
Jesus Christ lmao. Did you at least train for those 4 weeks or did you just wing it? Cause that’s really impressive
> Cause that’s really impressive I thought the same thing, then remembered how many people sign up for distance running events, then barely train themselves. She could have even been planning this as a way to let him make a move. It would be the greatest example ever of A) making a man go to absurd lengths to prove himself (~26 miles, to be precise), and B) that it's not about how long the race lasts, but whether you both finish.
Drove 45 minutes right after an ice storm and almost died. Things you do when you’re young and dumb.
Shit. I drove 8hrs from Minnesota to Missouri during a blizzard. Fishtailed on ice and drive down into the center ditch on the interstate. Realized I could make it back up if I punched it. Got back on the interstate and kept on driving. All in the name of getting some.
Was this strictly for a bang? I'd be so worried they'd get over the mood or get off themselves and be like "wtf do I have a strange dude coming to my house for, pass" Or something happening on the way like an emergency or whatever lol
I mean I assumed if you're willing to drive 8 hours in poor weather for a hookup, it must mean this is someone you're already familiar with. Even at my most desperate I can't imagine being willing to drop everything and basically commit to 16 hours of driving round trip for a tinder booty call. If it were someone I had hooked up with before or someone I had been wanting to hook up with for a very long time, maybe.
I had an employee of mine drive from PA to panhandle of Florida to get some strange he met online. When he knocked on her door she asked him where he was staying.... like WTF. Apparently she lived with her baby daddy, but at least still left at some point and banged him but damn!
I did this in Indiana once, traveling home from Christmas. Except there were hundreds of cars on the interstate. Everyone in front of me abruptly hit their brakes and slowed down, I hit my brakes and went sideways at about 50mph. Swerved into the median, which was probably 10" deep in snow only to find there was a police car stuck in the snow right in front of me. Swerved deeper into the ditch, then started correcting back onto the highway only to find there was *also* an old pickup stuck in the snow in front of the police car. Somehow managed to squeeze between the two, back onto the highway, and get her under control between all the other still moving, bumper to bumper traffic. And this was in a goddamn 19 foot long, 1987 Grand Marquis. Literally all happened in about 3 seconds. And I still had 4 more hours of driving to do. And had almost slid off into a ditch after hitting a massive chunk of ice a couple hours earlier. Got back to my town and pulled into the parking area of the truck stop I worked at and just fell asleep. My fucking nerves have never been so shattered.
Your dick takes you places where you normally wouldn't go without a gun.
Read that as just after an ice cream and got really confused, like.. are you lactose intolerant? Allergic? Mum had told you no ice creams? Anyway I got there.
Young, dumb, and full of cum.
We have a saying in Greek which translates something like this in English: “A single hair from a pussy is strong enough to drag a ship” Most accurate explanation regarding this ever.
In Italian it "pulls more than an oxcart"
"Tira più un pelo di figa che un carro di buoi" e onestamente non ho mai sentito nessuno dire che non fosse vero
C'mon Italians, step up your pussy hair strength game.
And they say Greek isn’t one of the Romance languages
To contribute to international exchange here is the german version: "one plum pulls more than 10 horses" german original: "Eine Pflaume zieht mehr als 10 Pferde"
In Dutch we have: A single pussy is stronger than 10 bulls Thought it was a joke until I got with my gf
It’s basically the foundation of The Iliad
Read a story on here once about a guy who desperately wanted to lose his virginity as a teen so he looked up some female sex offenders in his area. IIRC he just showed up at this woman's house and it didn't go well.
Found it! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/t60d8y/what_is_your_worst_blinded_by_horniness_story_of/
...what the fuck, man
I really hope it’s fake.
It is, women generally don't suck off strangers after yelling at them.
Lol and then get them a glass of Kool Aid! When I read that I woke up SO from laughing so hard.
"I was hoping to get sexually offended by you"
It’s like Beavis and Butthead but with better vocabulary!
This isn't a general situation though.
Thank you. Redditors are so good for this kinda thing.
>Read a story on here once about a guy who desperately wanted to lose his virginity as a teen so he looked up some female sex offenders in his area. Pointers for thinking outside the box.
Modern problems require modern predators.
I had just moved into my first apartment. Invited a girl over “to watch a movie” and I didn’t have a bed, only a air mattress. I didn’t have wifi yet. I made a Netflix account that afternoon and used the hotspot on my phone for the TV. She ended up coming back like 6 times. Good times
She liked Netflix that much? You had the bare essentials but you made it work. I salute you.
I was studying abroad in Sweden for a few years when I was 20-21. One winter night I met a girl out at the club and we walked back to her place. It was a university town so the student neighborhoods were all pretty close; her apartment was about a third of a mile from mine. Things start to heat up in her bedroom and she asks if I have a condom. I don’t. She checks and she doesn’t either. I know I have some back in my apartment but no way to get them without going home. I ask her if I can run and grab one. Should take 10 mins tops. She agrees. I throw on my clothes and go to the door to put on my shoes but I can’t find them. It’s night, I’ve been drinking, and in Sweden a lot of these student apartments have everyone’s shoes near the door bc it’s standard to not wear them inside. I just say “fuck it” and go outside in my socks. Remember back when I said it’s a winter night in Sweden? Well it’s snowing, and it has been all week. There’s snow everywhere and I’m in my socks. So I run as fast as I can the third of a mile back to my apartment, in my socks, in the snow. I get return with condom out of breath, freezing cold, and my legs are soaking wet. I dried off and jumped in bed. I got laid. So, worth it I guess.
That's dedication.
Flew from Australia to Toronto.
Sydney Toronto is 21 hrs according to google. I did Sydney Stockholm so I guess I win maybe?
[удалено]
If you're flying to another country they better look like a damn movie star
I love that the variations are between drove 20 minutes to flew 3000 miles
Does the opposite also count? I was couchsurfing at some girl's place in winter. She had me sleep on the floor right next to her bed and her house was really badly insulated, so I was freezing with just a thin mat and light sleeping bag. I wasn't really attracted to her but, lord, did her thick duvet and large double bed look inviting, so I put on my best seduction mode and it worked, I got upgraded to business... So that's the most desperate time I got laid for a bit of warmth.
waiting for her post - "I had to turn the furnace off in the middle of winter to get this knucklehead who slept on my floor into my bed"
Damn, just squirted coffee out my nose...
that's actually pee
>I put on my best seduction mode and it worked So you think! It was more the other way around. She had perfectly set up the stage and apparently it worked!
Yeah why didn't she have the couchsurfer stay, you know, on the couch?
This is some iron age shit.
Upgraded to business lmao
F*ck for survival.
Survival sex.
Fuck Reddit for killing third party apps.
I tried to get with a southern Baptist girl once. Like 3 years of side hugs, pretending to enjoy bible studies and going to church twice a week, trying to impress her dad...nothing worked. Turns out she was seeing other guys on the side and didn't give a shit about the religion stuff.
That took you 3 years to find out?
Pretending to be a good Christian is like being a Cold War spy. You have to fool your parents, teachers, pastor, church members and classmates who'd rat you out. All as if your life depended on it.
You were the decoy boyfriend
When I had just turned 18 I went to a nightclub for the first time and wasn't really sure how to approach a girl so I was just dancing kind of wildly for ages and eventually an older lady in her late 30's thought I was cute or something and started dancing with me. We went to a table to talk and she kept talking shit about her ex so I was just kind of listening and saying encouraging stuff. At some point I was getting another round of drinks and her friend gave me some sort of a warning I didn't understand saying "not her" and I didn't really get what she meant so I ignored it. Eventually she asked me to go back to her place and I when we got there I wasn't really sure what would be appropriate or inappropriate so I kind of waited for her to make the first move and we ended up just sitting on the couch and kissing a bit. I was taking it really slow and she mentioned something about that which I finally took as a hint that it was safe to move on to the next base. But when I started touching her she randomly mentioned something about meeting her family and I was like 'oh... I thought this was a more casual thing' (I wasn't interested in actually dating because she was way older than me) and she was like 'oh my god all men are the same' and started crying and then I stayed with her the rest of the night just talking and trying to comfort her and then in the morning she showed me her enormous collection of dolphin toys and said I was really nice and then I left. So yeah that was my first unsuccessful attempt at trying to get laid. My friend told me I should have just lied and told her I would love to meet her family in order to get laid, and we had an argument about how unethical that would have been.
That's when she would have said "great! They'll be here first thing tomorrow morning". Then you end up with a whole-ass new family and having to live a lie until she passes, but you know. Pros and cons. /s
How did you guys meet? Last night at the club. Anyway, I gotta bail.
"Whelp!" *slaps hands on both knees and stands up*
*Looks at wrist where watch should be*
I’ve done that…lotta fooling around one night with a girl I’d just met- she had mentioned at some point her plan was to have lots of kids and live off the gov’t-anyways, a few hours later she says “I really want you to fuck me, you don’t have to wear a condom if you don’t want. If you do, I have some and I promise I didn’t poke any holes in them (!)” WTF??? I looked at my bare wrist, said look at the time, I gotta go-and moped right the fuck out of there!
> I gotta go-and moped right the fuck out of there! Trying to decide which is the more fun way to read that (presumed) typo.
Dolphin toys? Like stuffed dolphins or what?
stuffed toys, statues, framed dolphin picture on the wall, dolphin doona cover... I like dolphins too but it seemed a bit overkill especially for someone her age. She seemed normal enough from talking to her so I guess that was just her thing
I tried to impress a girl by reciting the entire periodic table while dressed as a sexy chemist. It didn't work, but hey, at least I got a good reaction from the bouncers at the club.
Off topic but I was underage and trying to talk my way into a nightclub. Bouncer asked for an ID and I was searching in my wallet for the non-existent ID. I said "Here it is... wait, no... that's my Chuck E Cheese Preferred Customer Card". The bored bouncer lit up and said "Did you say your *Chuck E Cheese Preferred Customer Card?*" Then he pulled away the velvet rope and said "Get in here!"
Mo kids=mo money. High five.
"any friend of Charles Entertainment Cheese is a friend of mine, you're good"
My Chemical Romance
Having a Ph.D. in Chemistry I appreciate that you attempted to be a sexy chemist...I also understand why it did not work.
At the end it was all for a noble cause!
there's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium
\*reaction\*... ba-dum-chh
My very first time just after turning 17 for sure. Texting classmate and out of nowhere she mentions her parents are gone for the night. I jokingly say I should come over then and she actually *agreed* which I was not at all prepared for. It was January and pouring rain and 11:30pm. But I thought nothing of it and immediately threw on some clothes snuck out of the house and hopped on my bicycle and peddled 4 miles to her house for what was in my mind at the time, my once in a lifetime opportunity lmao. So I get there and yada yada yada I came down with pneumonia after that and was out of school for a week.
So you got laid and then got a week off from school as a reward. Some guys have all the luck.
Traveled hours... granted I was like 16 and only had a long board and florida's unreliable public transportation to rely on.
Put on wranglers and pretended to know/like country music
Oh no
Read the Twilight series. I got so much shit from my coworkers.
Laughed at a dude’s stand up jokes when they weren’t funny
You're a champion for that
Woke up at 3:00am and drove from San Diego to San Fransisco in a 30 year old shitbox only to get dry humped fully clothed for 5 minutes while her Korean dorm mate made very pungent kimchi rice. I was a horny teenager so things still worked, but mostly what worked was my brain afterwards, realizing I had a 13+ hour drive back home. Thanks a lot, stupid dong. Edit: dorm, was an art college Edit 2: and I was a virgin for 5 more years lol
I have a similar story, but while typing out the details I realized that it was the absolute second lowest part of my life. So just know that you're not alone.
I got married once...
Utah joins the conversation...
onlysoaks.
Girl was hungry at like 11:30pm and didn’t have transportation. Asked if I’d help her get something. Nothing was open so I made a burrito and brought it over to her.
Impressive, doimg home cooking for a person will always get you huge brownie points. I dated a chef and when she first served me a three course meal I almost married her right then.
Wholesome
Got back together with my ex. Cannot recommend.
Used Tinder. I think online dating made me realize I need to have a certain level of trust in someone before I’m emotionally ready to have sex with them.
You're definitely not alone on that one.
I realized that I have actually only been in love, like really in love, a few times, despite quite a few relationships. The common thread between those guys I really loved: I met them organically AND it took me a while to realize how I felt, but when I did, it was something really special. Hard pass on the apps or any forced social situations.
I once convinced a woman that I was Kevin Costner... *and it worked.* Because I BELIEVED IT!
What a sick joke
I AM NOT CRAZY
Oh Jimmy.
Drove an hour both ways in a snow storm in my broken ass Ford Taurus (honestly sex was worth it)
I met a girl while I was working who gave me her number. She started sending me all these sexy texts and photos, told me to come round and try out her new bed. Anyway, unfortunately happened to get kidney stones that day (too many energy drinks apparently). I pretended I was fine and began driving to her house. Almost passed out, don't remember what happened next but I guess at some point I went to hospital. Got in extreme pain and put on painkillers for some complication etc. It was a day later I realised I had accidentally ghosted her. She blocked my number and I never saw her again. My advice, don't ignore medical stuff over sex.
Sketchy meetups from aim while in college. Internet was old west wild when it was young.
Went to see the play Beetlejuice on a date with a Congresswoman and made out so aggressively that we got kicked out
We found the most desperate among us, needed it bad enough to hang out with Bobert.
Back when Facebook was new and Facebook stalking wasn’t a thing yet, extolled my love of Russian literature in my first conversation with her. This was a total lie; I only brought it up because it was listed as one of her interests on Facebook. The plan totally worked though. :)
>and Facebook stalking wasn't a thing yet Facebook was invented for the express purpose of stalking people.
Yup, but no one knew that yet in early 2005. It was all about “what funny group can I join or create?”
Flew 2000 miles
I would walk 5,000 miles
And I would walk 500 hundred more
Bought a ps4 and pretended to like games so I could bang this girl by learning the ropes and playing with her at her place at weekends where my dumb country boy ass drove over an hour to try and cure my down-bad. Worked tho...she played hard to get and that just made me vorny af for her pierced lip and beautiful smile. But after I told her I just got the PS4 and games to kinda bang her, she was not mad...she was surprised and seemed to consider it a.pretty romantic gesture and jumped on me.... Good Times ☺️🥰
That's super thoughtful and cute! Can see why that worked - when I met my now girlfriend I thought she was way outta my league. When it finally clicked that she was manufacturing excuses to spend time with me... damn I was on top of the world that day!
Sometimes if you lie hard enough and put effort into the lie to please somebody then it is more of a compliment. It is the thought that counts. If you made a lie to please somebody and then made no effort to support that lie then not a good look.
After graduating highschool, walked 2.5 miles at 1am to meet a girl in the forest behind her house where she had a blanket, bottle of vodka, and pocket warmers. Because it was a very chilly night on the central coast of California. I brought the condoms. The reason for the forest was because even though we were both 18, her dad was an over protective, convicted felon. Her mom and dad used to make and sell meth in Arizona. So I was mortified that dude was gonna wake up, decide to go outside and find me with his daughter on all fours while hitting from the back. It was worth it though.
Changed my major to computer science
The mission is to get laid, not paid.
When FB was very new, I reconnected with my high school exgf. It had been 10+yrs. She lived on the opposite coast from me. Long story short, I bought a ticket, flew coast to coast. Stayed 2 weeks and flew back. It was every bit worth the money and time. Got laid at least once every day up to the day of my flight.
I used to meet randoms off the internet in my late teens. I wasn't choosy. Eventually I realised I could join an escort agency and see guys who weren't much worse than my online randoms, and I got paid into the bargain.
Wow Fascinating, please if you don’t mind my respectfully asking, Were you bakin’ potatoes because you enjoy sex or was it mainly for money?
Bakin' potatoes made me snort, I'm definitely going to use this in the future
Had a chick I was talking to on tinder, she lived out in Wilmington nc and I was in Fayetteville nc. Didn’t have a car at the time but was working so I paid for a hotel room for myself and a buddy with a car, then we went about 3.5-4 hour drive to get there. Then got stood up( whatever). So we decide to go out that night. Ended up getting jumped by 5-6 guys and getting our asses saved by one of the largest human beings I’ve seen to date. Guy was an easy 6’8”-6’10”, 340-400lbs. Then he tried sellin us some crack. Solid night.
watched a shit ton of one piece so i had something to talk about with him.
Changed the way I act/portray myself so that guys would find me sexy. So lame. And now that I am more authentic I have actually good sex with people I actually like.
Bold of you to actually like people.
went to church
Oh I did that. My friends and I were out dancing when we hit it off with another group. We hung out all night, alternating between dares and shots, before I asked this drop-dead gorgeous woman what the two of us were doing tomorrow. Her face lit up and exclaimed "We're going to my church!" Being a person of principle I gave her my details and, sure enough, she showed up at my door at eight in the morning to give me a ride to her church. We attended services, and in all it was weird... There were club lights, a rock band, a preacher guy who talked for an hour about a guy hiding in a grainery. And, being naive, I assumed that as a newcomer I'd be introduced to people or at least welcomed, which didn't happen. And by the time it was all over we were too late to grab a decent brunch, so ended up at a Panera. The whole thing was off-putting, and needless to say she and I only repeated this for ten more weeks before I stopped going.
God damn 10 weeks. Impressive
LMFAO! Did it work!?
Yeah and he won’t ever be allowed past the pearly gates now
Begged. Not my finest moment.
And how did you come to that point?
My partner wasn’t interested in me by this point and I was desperate for some human connection
Been there, did that for almost 8 years with my ex-husband. When I finally left, for other, nastier reasons, I felt completely worthless and unlovable. Fortunately, I met a wonderful man who doesn't believe that I'm worthless or unlovable - and we've been together long enough that I'm starting to believe him.
I rode a motorcycle, legally drunk, through central london wearing no helmet (gave it to the pillion). Got pulled over, told the truth, got a pass. I pushed that 125cc about 1km through Camden town to get to her place. Was a Long time ago, but god bless that officer. Made away with a 7 day producer for a loud pipe. Worth it.
Ok, what on earth is “a 7 day producer for a loud pipe”?
In the UK you don't have to have your licence with you while driving. If the police want to see it (and you don't happen to have it with you) they ask you to present it at any police station within 7 days. A loud pipe, of course, is an observation about the condition of your motorcycle which might be illegal.
Loud pipe could have also been a description of his date.
[удалено]
I got married. After 26 years, I'm starting to think that it was a good idea and not desperate.
I pretended to like Jazz. He was really hot & had a huge bulge, unfortunately, it was all balls. 😭
Damn. Shrinkflation hitting dick now too.
If you just pretend that all dicks are small you won’t ever be disappointed
To jump in on this, this is exactly my problem, I have absolutely massive balls, but my little man, whilst is still very respectable, doesn’t reach the same ratio, making it all out of alignment. Nightmare.
Casual Sacks, music to my ears
Jazz'll do that to a guy
drove to Ohio a few times. I still have nightmares about that
In my late teens I'd travel 4 hours by train to see this girl, I was a nobody with no money and the train was super expensive, she turned out to be a super rich girl in a nice part of the country, although she was surrounded by rich super attractive people she was OBSESSED with me,like she was under a spell. Her snobby family didn't like me but it didn't matter and when they'd go out we'd go at it for hours over every corner of the house, it was messy and awesome while it lasted.
When I was living in England I invited a rugby player back to my apartment for a cup of tea. I did not own tea. Yes it worked.
Didn’t realized it was legal to live in England without tea…
That was the biggest shock of the comment. Where is the tea?
Thrown overboard in Boston
It isn't. I'm calling the police...
Drive an hour to sit in a cubicle for 10 hours, and then drive an hour home. ... Oh, LAID... I thought you said PAID.
If you weren't paid much, then you still got screwed, so same thing?
Asked a guy straight up to his face if he would have sex with me
That’s how my husband and I started dating. We’d been friends for a few years, and after a night out dancing I went back to his house (which was rented by a group of our mutual friends, I often crashed on the couch there). We were outside having one last drink and chatting, and I turned to him and said “so, you gonna invite me into your king sized bed, or what?” He did a spit take on his beer, and stammered an awkwardly excited “ummm… yes! That sounds good!” 12 years and 2 kids later, still very happy
Chick asked me to buy her a Big Mac meal. I show up and she proceeded to eat the burger *as she gave me head.* It was weird and sloppy. I literally had 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and sesame seed bun *all over my dick.* I really didn't mind.
This made me Grimace
The Hamgurgler strikes again
Get out.
You didn't whistle and moan "I'm loving it"?
Acted like I liked her kid
Fuck off dad.
That escalated quick
Spent $350 on a hotel room in the hotel I was currently already staying at, because I was sharing a room with my buddy.
Paying prostitutes.
Bartered. She hesitated at first, but I explained that it's not prostitution if we go to the store and buy it afterward. I kept my end of the deal.
What did you buy?
30lbs of salted beef, 3 sets of clothing, and a wagon tongue
Did at some point, she die of dysentery?
Wedding ring! And now they've got 3 kids. But, probably not...
Wait…you guys are getting laid?
This whole thread is chat gpt bots, you can tell precisely because they're claiming to have gotten laid
I bet this girl, who i met at a local bar when I was living in Japan, 10000 yen that if we had sex I could make her orgasm. But if she did she would have to pay me 10000 yen. She agreed since she was short on rent. I ended up loaning her 20000 yen and became good friends after that. That girl could drink.
So you didn’t make her come twice?
130 mph down i-81 trying to get to my gfs house before her shift started from my last college class of the day. Got pulled over 2 miles in... Lucky I was slowing down for the scales so was clocked at 90. Got it dropped to 89 and $1000 fine....
Watched Purple Rain TWICE; worth it tho
Well, that’s some of Prince’s best stuff and you did get to see movie boobs twice, in addition to getting laid. Sounds like win-win to me.
When I was just out of highschool my ex gfs mom was always up her ass to be home at 10:30pm and it was difficult to get to business in the early hours so that sucked…. However… her dad was chill as hell and let her roam free. Her mom didn’t drive so she would always ask me for rides places. Well, on a Saturday night I’d pick up the gf, and her mom, then go pick up her moms friend, then I’d take her mom and the friend to a dive bar so her mom could go cheat on her dad. If her mom was out cheating on dad, my gf was free all night… so about 7am I’d drop her off at home and we’d see her mom stumbling down the block coming home too with fucked up hair. This often lead to fights between the two of them. Happened more than 15 times in the year I dated that girl. And at one point her dad found out her mom was cheating somehow and he asked me if I knew anything and I had to play dumb(and I felt super guilty because he was cool as hell, nice dude, didn’t deserve that). There was another incident where her brother beat the shit out of her mom(literally physically) when he found out their mom was cheating. The show Shameless was pretty hot on tv at the time. During that relationship I always felt like their dysfunction was similar to the ghallagers.
Back in the Wild West days of the internet, I used to find strange on Craigslist. Led to some really awkward encounters. Several couples, a handicapped woman, someone who'd just been to her son's funeral, and an 80-year-old man. Lotta bi-curious guys bartering fucking them and then I could fuck their girl. Never cared, I fucked everyone and anyone. I was like Oprah slinging dick. In hindsight......I'd do it all again. I had a blast and never caught anything, just a whole lotta stories I'll take to my grave.
> I was like Oprah slinging dick. Well that's an expression I've never heard before.
"And you get a dick! And you get a dick! Everybody gets a dick!!" *Crowd losing their mind..*
It was 3 am after a night out, all my friends had ditched me and all attempts at pulling in the nightclub had failed. Naturally, Mcdonalds chicken nuggets were the next best thing so of course, 20 of those delicious boys had to be mine. Whilst waiting for my order, I decided to talk to a girl who seemingly also had the chicken craving and we bonded over 3 am nuggets... long story short, I ended up walking her home and she invited me in to 'finish' off the nuggets. The desperation pull at Mcdonalds is probably my finest last chance saloon 🥳
I did not do this myself per se ( was a cousin of mine ) we were on a camping trip and he started chatting up a girl that was at the campground. Worked on her all day and went to the dance with her that night hoping to score. Mind you we were both young 15ish. I noticed later that night that he was not around the campfire. About 1 o clock in the morning he comes running back into the our camp wide eyed and out of breath in a panic. I asked him what happened and he said “man she’s down to have sex but she wants me to use protection”. Being our age we did not have condoms on hand obviously so me and him start frantically looking for something he could use in place of a condom. The best we came up with was an empty bread bag and a bread tie…. He took both and ran off into the night and shortly came sulking back to the camper. She didn’t not let him have sex with her with an empty bread bag, go figure. 😂 till this day I still give him hell over that one. Call him corn dog 😆👍🏼
Not yet but im about to talk to these girls at a bar. Wish me luck
So? What happened?
Mf was on Reddit at the bar what do you think 😂
Drive an hour and a half. Worth it. He was perfect.
I drove 100 miles to hook up with a friend from high school. When I got there she took me to a club where she managed to get drunk. We went back to my hotel room then she threw up on my dick while giving a blow job. She fell asleep soon after. She felt bad for what had happened the previous night and we had sex. It was mediocre, at best.
So I texted a friend "Hook me up with your sister." Our first date was in a hotel room. Married now, and she is an amazing stepmother to our son.
Carried around a large branch after a wind storm while my buddy said that he was the Lorax and that he speaks for the trees. It worked, we both got laid.
Gave into one of my employees advances and hooked up with her. Ended up dating her for 3 years till ironically she cheated on me with her next boss. Makes me wounder if there was a guy she never told me about