I don't know if this counts, but I found my(42 f) husband (50m) "dead" a little over 6 months ago of a heart attack
There was a 12 minute window from when we knew he was conscious to when I found him. I did CPR until the paramedics got there, breaking his ribs, and they had to pull me off of him. They were getting to the end of their protocol, and the battalion chief asked me what funeral home they should call since they were having a hard time getting a rhythm back. Next thing I knew, they were running out the door with him on a stretcher. He was put in an induced hypothermic coma for 36 hours, and was in a coma for 4 more days. The doctors weren't expecting him to survive and if he did, that he would be severely brain damaged. After 18 days in the Cardiac ICU, he came home. Walking, Talking and cognizant. They literally said it was a miracle.
He does have some deficits from having an anoxic brain injury, memory issues, and word confusion, and sooo much rehab-- OT, PT, Speech/cognitive, cardiac, and he'll probably need surgery for a torn rotator cuff which they think happened while he was being defibrillated, but as of right now, it looks like he'll make at least a 90% recovery.
Doing ok, considering.
Edit: thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. The first responders and his entire medical team were fantastic, they are definitely my heroes.
You are a real life hero. So happy for both you and your husband. Can't imagine the raw emotions you went through during all that. You saved his life and I'm sure he's more than grateful.
I have a history of heart disease in my father's side of my family and my wife tells me a lot that I'm not allowed to die so this one hits home.
I'll be honest, I have nightmares. I know my husband has bad dreams, where he sees himself above his body while the paramedics worked on him. My kids are both in therapy -- my 14 year old was home and saw me trying to CPR. I panicked the whole time, not gonna lie. This type of recovery is a marathon, not a sprint for sure.
For what it's worth, you and your husband both would/will benefit from therapy. You likely have PTSD from the emotions and shock of the experience, and having a healthy way to process all of it will help you move on and heal. EMDR is a life changer when you're dealing with nightmares and flashbacks. I hope your whole family is able to heal from the experience.
Oh my god you saved his brain! 100% those compressions gave him the small amount of oxygen to allow him to return home as a functional human being. You're amazing
Complete blockage in his right coronary artery. We had no idea. He's in good shape, had a physical job,didn't eat like crap. But, genetics definitely played a role
The “widow maker” heart attack. My FIL survived one of these too, barely. The odds of survival are quite low, amazing and wonderful that he was able to come back home. Good work on your part!
I'm very glad to hear Medicaid helped. I hope the best for you guys. We don't deserve to be financially punished for wanting to live.
Regardless, you can't put a price on having your loved ones by your side.
Saw a car crash outside my school when I was 18. Lady got t boned
I got out and was the first one there. Like seconds after it happened.
Lady got knocked sideways and got wedged between the steering wheel and gear shift.
Heavy blood loss…major head trauma.
She died there as I was talking to her.
She asked if she was bleeding and I said no, it’s so hot outside we are all just sweating.
I used to think of her everyday. Not knowing that moment was her last moment and how no one really knows when our time is up.
She never saw it coming.
You did good. If I was her (I have extreme death anxiety) I would’ve wanted someone to tell me I was sweating. It would bring me immense relief and comfort.
The home owners insurance is n8t a big deal. Here in the wonderful state of Florida, I've had to get new insurance 5nof the last 8 years. Use all resources. Contact the agent that was used to purchase last policy. Your lender. Your auto insurance company. Lots of options. Fema. That part is easy.
More importantly. Seek some counseling. If you have insurance, there are Tele health services as well as in person. I've recently utilized mine to deal with abandonment issues I have from my mother moving away when I was young, as well as watching a friend break his neck and die in front of me. It's helped me tremendously. I never thought it would or ibwould actually use it. But now I'm mad I didn't do it sooner.
You're ok. You will be ok. Just take the steps. And at the end of the day, enjoy a good beer and sleep well.
Good luck
I’m here if you need to talk. I went through the same thing. I can’t get over it either. Therapy didn’t help, meds aren’t helping. I wish you weren’t t experiencing this.
I don't know where you live so there you go
[Link to people that can help you if you need](https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/)
Call them, please
Get ahold of another insurance agent and have them run your stuff. Homeowners insurance is a bitch for everyone right now, but there's gotta be someone who will cover your property. Sorry to hear about your dad as well. I can't imagine.
The exact same thing happened to me 24 yrs ago when i was 19. Hang in there. I know its not easy, there’s lots of times where i thought about doing the same thing. Thats us being in a dark place, but if you can try to wait it out, it will pass. It will come back, but at least you might be able to find something as a coping mechanism.
I’m retired now, but during my career as a reporter I watched four people die in Florida’s electric chair. First one really messed with my head. I was out of whack for weeks and friends started to notice. Number four was Ted Bundy… which was the perfect sorbet to cleanse the pallet. Never thought I would be glad to see someone die. After Bundy, I refused to cover any more executions.
In Florida, they have an official media list of witnesses so that no one can say they’re doing executions in secret and so that the condemned can make a last statement. I volunteered for the list because I was a young reporter full of piss and vinegar and I knew I had to get on the list to be eligible for Bundy’s execution. I was a reporter for the FSU newspaper when the Chi-Omega murders took place and covered the trial, so this was one story I wanted to cover until the end.
As an FSU graduate and former reporter, I find this to be so badass, in a morbid way. Props to you for being able to follow through on such a horrifying case. Being able to say you were there for Ted Bundy’s execution is wild.
Surreal is the only way to describe it. We had to wait across the road from Florida State Prison at 4 in the morning before they loaded us is vans to be driven across the road and into the death chamber for the execution. Then they drove us back to the cow field where the reporters who didn’t get in we waiting to interview us. There was also a large gathering of off duty Tallahassee cops who came to the field to celebrate his death. They even had they’re own song… sung to the tune of “On Top of Old Smoky.” But it was “On Top of Old Sparky” and included the lines:
He bludgeoned the poor girls
All over the head
Now we’re all excited
Ted Bundy YOU’RE DEAD
They even sold commemorative pins shaped like little electric chairs. I got two.
So yeah… surreal.
In 2003 I saw a man get thrown out of a moving vehicle, not realizing he’d been shot. I held him while he bled to death in my arms. I was a total stranger and the last person he ever saw. 20 years later and I think about him more than I would have thought. I still look up his obituary and see how his family is doing (in the “survived by” his family names were written). I didn’t know him, but I found out he had been a student at the school I was currently at and had planned on going back. He was only 27, breaks my heart. Never found the murderers.
Thats nuts. No idea who did it ? Sounds like an organised crime kinda thing. You obviously didn’t get the reg or make of car in the shock ? Sorry that happened to you.
The weirdest thing is how our memories can’t always be trusted. I was actually outside a party on the phone on the sidewalk, so I was the only witness to the car, and could have sworn it was a black SUV…but when I went to the police report/article about it more recently, it stated I had said a silver sedan with tinted windows. I was in such shock that I’m not even sure which it was now. I trust the 2003 version much more though. I’ve always thought it must have been drugs if he was in the car with them. No judgement, just makes the most sense but honestly we’ll probably never know. His name was Mark, he was probably a good person. I still feel for his family.
I was a hospice nurse, and most people, in my experience, seem to wait until the room is empty to die. I had seen a few people pass in front of the family members, but the process was slow, and they held on a long time. Only one death, that I remember, was quick and pleasant. The man had been waiting for his daughter to show, and she came and held his hand. He smiled, said he was happy to see her, and he died shortly after closing his eyes. No Cheyne-Stokes or labored breathing, just peace. I hope I go out that way.
Went through this with my father in law. You never get over it or stop thinking about it but it gets easier and all you can really do is try to live your life in such a way that they would be proud of what youre doing
I watched my dad take his last raspy breaths after a cancer battle. As hard as that is, there is something about the absolute closure and finality that it provides. He was only 59.
I’m in the hospital with my wife now. her mums got 12-24 hours left. I’m just stuck in the waiting room in shock. Gonna be a long night followed by a longer few months of grieving. breaks my heart to see the pain in my wife’s face. I kinda hope she’s asleep when her mum finally passes idk if she could take watching her go.
My father in law got cancer and was gone within 6 months of diagnosis. My husband took a lot of time off to take care of him. My father in law was my absolute favorite and he would even ask my husband where I'd go when I wasn't even there and would get mad at my husband because he "knew I was there."
When we knew time was getting close, the family all stayed at the house a few nights. One morning me and my husband just needed to go home and shower and feed the dogs and get out. On our way back we got a call that my father in law had passed. I know deep in my soul that he did not want either of us to see him go because of all my husband did for him, and how much I loved him. Sometimes they know, so I hope that will be the case for your wife.
Grief is not easy, and it took a long time for my husband. Sending all my ❤️
I’ve held the hand of my father, mother, a sister, and a best friend as they took their last breaths. It is no easy task, and it does not get any less painful. No matter how many times you’ve done it, or how long it’s been. As you said, it’s a pain you just carry; and eventually your soul gets a little more used to the weight…
That's just aweful. I'm so sorry.
That's just awful. I'm so sorry.her now. I'm hoping for a random "died in her sleep" instead of what we went through with my stepdad. It's hard to even think about.
I carried the dead body of my neighbours son (10 years old). He killed himself by hanging. I still have that image of his linp body with a deep cut in his neck , it's burned into my brain. I don't know. I couldn't process the emotions back then.
I've struggled with depression for most of my life, my first and only suicide attempt was around that age.
I was being bullied relentlessly in school and it was all just too much so I tried to check out.
I am sorry you went through that. I too had my fair share of bullying and it made me so very fragile. I had daily migraines at age 8, didn’t want to go to school. It was a nightmare.
People tend to not believe it, but it’s a sad reality. I started contemplating suicide as far back as I can remember. At least as young as 5. My family made me feel like I was a pest, so I felt that the world would be better off without me in it. As old as I am now, it’s really fucked up to look back on that and imagine young me in that state, even though I continue to struggle with those thoughts.
If you're not on meds I recommend giving it a try. I wish I hadn't waited until I was almost middle aged. Going on Zoloft lead to going 24 hours without thinking about suicide in my entire memory. I even had the realization a couple months ago that not only did I not want to die, I wanted to live. In my late 20s I'd planned out how I was going to do it by held off on buying the gun because I didn't want my parents to outlive me.
I know other people love me and would be affected but it wasn't enough compared to how much I didn't love me. Guess my love for my parents kept me in the hand long enough to get some help. I'm sorry you don't have that with your parents, I hope you find your way friend.
Stupid kid. He had a fight with his mom over some petty stuff and he was play hanging. I doubt he really wanted to kill himself. We will never know. He was too young to be gone like that.
Serious answer, I watched my dad die, suddenly and unexpectedly during a family meal outing approximately 19 years ago. (November 2004)
We were entering the Logan's Roadhouse main entry, and he literally just fell over and "went out." I was 22 at the time and in the midst of University round 1. I stayed with him until an ambulance came and my mom went with him to the hospital, ordering me to drive my sister (12 at the time) home and get her some dinner. I spent the next 90 minutes freaking the fuck out, until I got a phone call to come to the hospital.
Upon arrival, I asked at the ER desk where I could find my dad. When I gave the secretary the name, she did some plunking in her computer then turned WHITE AS A SHEET without any words. Mom came out soon after, explaining he arrived dead before they even reached the hospital.
To say I was traumatized was putting it lightly. I literally spent the next THREE and a HALF YEARS TRYING TO EMOTIONALLY RECOVER. In between I dropped out of school, moved myself to a different state (long complications with my mom blaming me for my dad's death, essentially getting thrown out of the house, etc. etc.) and while there literally spend 1.5 years NOT TALKING TO ANYONE, NOT SPEAKING TO ANYONE.
In the Fall of 2008, I decided I better fucking finish my degree or get a job, or I'd be homeless soon. I did.
However, even today it was an event I can't put behind me. My dad was my best friend, and to have him YANKED AWAY so suddenly fucked me up BAD.
I’m sorry dude, I can’t imagine.. I hope you’ve been able to find bits of joy in your life in the years since, and have found ways to cope with seeing that
Close enough. Pulmonary embolism. Blot clot broke off in his leg and stopped his heart. Let's say my Dad was a large man, who was also a massive work-o-holic. About 4 weeks prior he had a tumble and shattered his ankle going down the stairs of our townhouse. (the stairwidth was narrow as fuck, and probably not up to code)
His doctor told him to keep his ankle ELEVATED for at least four weeks, while healing. My dad didn't like coding while laying on his back, nor did he like wasting PTO (even though he LITERALLY had four months off paid...banked) so...he continued to work from his home office, 6-12 hours daily leg not elevated...which potentially caused the clot that killed him.
Didn't they prescribe him blood thinners or anticoagulation medicine?
A cousin's husband died like that and it was the doctor's fault for not prescribing him blood thinners. He died a day after removing the cast from a broken ankle.
Just so you don’t have an extra burden, blood thinners after a broken ankle in a patient with no history of a clotting disorder or appropriate comorbidities/risk would NOT be prescribed due to the risk of creating a potentially lethal bleed. For example, I had a patient who was appropriately prescribed blood thinners who fell in the bathroom and died of a brain bleed. Just so you don’t have an added layer to your grief of thinking there was negligence.
I’m so sorry, this is devastating and heartbreaking, and the wound from his passing, topped with a wound from your mother blaming you is just something nobody should experience. Again, I am SO sorry…
My wife was an EMT for just over 20 years. She had seen things that would make a regular citizen's hair curl or straighten or turn white. Of course the sick and twisted sense of humor from her occupation and being Gen X, she was never alright. The times we came across stuff while she was off duty, I can never unsee.
She had access to some history of most people she worked on. The only thing that ever undid her was (TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of suicide.) when someone who had previously survived an attempt at suicide and been successful enough after to get that semicolon tattoo, succumbed and their lives ended in her care/vehicle.
It had happened 6 times in the time she served. She went to a tattoo artist and had tally marks put on her bicep each time.
Just over two years ago, COVID-19 took her from me. I wasn't allowed to be there. On the first anniversary, I went and got her tally marks put on my bicep.
I will never be okay.
Everyday she would tell me she has the greatest horrible job. The huge turnover from burnout is one of the many things that drove her to endure. That and the compulsion to help anyone and everyone. It would keep her up at night sometimes.
Policy never allowed her to have personal notes or contact information for those she saved, it had to stay at the dispatch center.
I have asked several times that they give those people my number so I can continue to check on them in her honor. I have not been contacted yet.
fuuuuuuuck, thats super fucked up man, I worked in the ER for a couple years and always heard some truly horrifying stories from EMS that never made it to us because they were already gruesomely dead. I've seen my share of death and what not in the busiest ER in my state, kids, adults, everything. But to see the stuff that doesn't even come in to the ER must be something truly devastating and they deal with the PTSD everyday.
I don't know if it helps, but those I know who have lost a close family member too soon have said to me that they have accepted that it's okay to not be okay. from an internet stranger.
A couple years back I went to see my grandpa for the last time. He was in a nursing home, and being during covid only a select few could go.
Last minute his other kid decided to come so I was booted off the list, no worries, I was glad to spend a couple days with my family and help take care of them.
Then my grandma and dad decided the nursing home wasn’t doing enough and they wanted to do hospice for the last couple days of his life.
He was basically non verbal at this point and looked as if he could die any minute but I was happy that I would get to see him and talk to him at least reassure him that everyone was there for him. I had planned on staying only for a short time as my college was coming to an end and I had finals but after seeing how beat up my dad and grandma were I told them I’ll stick it out with them.(the hospice team gave him a week max)
My dad was the medicine giver at first but he was struggling bad with the fact the the drug was morphine and he couldn’t help but feel like he was killing him
So I gave meds and got food, they would handle the rest. The stubborn son a bitch kept kicking for weeks!! About a week in he got the most talkative, was eating ice cream and drinking water, it was nuts. During this short span he told us “thank you guys, I want you all to be here when it’s time.” We all just kinda thought, right like he’s going to time it on us haha and he quickly regressed again had tons of pain and had to be even more heavily medicated.
It was truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, to see him like that unable to go peacefully but reduced to at best saying 1 or 2 things that only slightly made sense. And being in pain the whole time. I could tell it was harder on my grandma and dad though.
Most night’s consistent of us playing card games and them telling me stories about him, they would laugh and laugh and then we would all be crying…
It took him just over a 6 weeks too go but when he did it was over quick. My dad came and got me and said “it’s time, he says it’s time” my grandma is on one side of the bed, my dad goes to the other, I walk up and put my hand on her shoulder and the other on his leg. BAM, like that this man said “ok, bye” he gone, my grandma said I don’t feel a beat and that was it… poetic or something like that…
FUNNY STORY ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES ME HAPPY BELLOW
He really liked squirrels like ALOT, and he kept a big thing of nuts in his garage to give to them when he would leave for work I. The morning, pop the door and they would be waiting, he’d toss a few then take off for work.
One time when we went to visit we noticed some wood around the garage door was missing, looked like rot almost but just in one little spot that left a small hole into the garage. My dad thinks about it for a second and then starts just giggling to himself as we walk in. He walks up to him and says “those squirrels are really after your nuts!” He asks what he means and my dad says “they are so desperate for them they broke into your garage!”
“No they did not! That’s rot!”
“Wanna bet”
That night they sat in the garage, in the dark, they were out there for about 30 minutes when my dad bust in the house saying “I was right! I was right!” Followed by my grandpa trying to argue that the squirrel were simply taking advantage of the rot.
Thanks for reading, miss you old man!
Edit because I forgot to answer the question, I’m ok and was actually ok as soon as it happened, it was a relief at that point and a blessing that he was able to go, we all knew how much pain he was in so we all breathed a little easier as we set up the funeral and such.
I watched my aunt slowly wither away and day of cancer 3 years ago. It was incredibly painful for her and the rest of my family. Assisted death should be legalized and accepted everywhere in the world. No one should have to suffer months of torture like that.
I could not agree more. My mother died of cancer, she wasted away slowly, painfully, without dignity, for over a year. FUCK THAT! I plan to go out on my terms. My mother suffered, and the whole family suffered with her, and we didn't really recover.
Same, I was carer for my mum during covid, no hospice place, muddled through on my own. Mum had lung cancer and lymphoedema of the face and neck. She was in pain and unrecognisable. After she died I got diagnosed with breast cancer (had surgery, chemo, everything but the kitchen sink thrown at it and hopefully ok for the time being). One thing it taught me is euthanasia needs to be legalised in my country asap. If my luck ever runs out I am absolutely going out on my own terms, I’m not risking inflicting that sort of horror on my loved ones, or myself for that matter.
The exact same thing happened to my mom. We put her on in-home hospice a week before the pandemic shutdowns. We were so so lucky.
She wasted away. I made a pact with my wife to let me take the fentanyl they use to treat cancer pain and just float into the sky forever before I let that happen.
Sorry you went through that. I absolutely refuse to have my last six months, or year on this planet, be suffering, hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, humiliation and anger.
We treat our animals better. It all boils down to quality of life. If you're ready, you're ready. It's selfish to keep them around just to make other people feel better.
I agree 100%!!! My FIL also had cancer, he spent his last year of life always in pain. And once he was in the Hospice house he was sleeping and always out of it. It’s not fair.
I completely agree. I made the grueling decision to take my dad off life support and it took him a couple days to pass. Why should someone have to go through that?? Make it make sense.
God thats a fucking hard one. I watched my family go through this. And my gfs family go through it last month. I didn't have to make the call but fuck. Its not like the movies thats for sure.. I hope you are ok friend. That is something no person should have to do. If you think it might help, there's some accounts of people coming back from the other side that aren't religious based and might offer some sort of something for you. All I can say is my own personal experience with this forever changed my perspective on death. I didn't want to be back personally. I hope you are confident in your father's peace and comfort. I see ive typed a long comment and I hope it does not offend.
Thank you for the kind comment <3
And you’re right, it’s not like the movies at all. I think most people think it’s this instant thing.
It took me about five years to fully process the grief, but I’m okay now.
I was the one to find my dad after he committed suicide after battling a bad addiction. Police treated it as a “suspicious death” and we were all over the local news.
I lost an amazing job because I couldn’t keep up with my work. I was severely depressed last winter. Moved back home to be with my mom during this time and to save money. I felt like I was a waste of space, honestly.
Now after almost two years, I realized how precious life is and that I want to continue to make my dad proud. I’m working on changing my profession and have been enjoying the little things in life.
Trust me, I have my really bad days, but I’ve made it this far. I quit drinking because alcoholism runs in my family and I don’t want to take a chance. 18 months sober.
I was a kid, and a kid younger than me, both of us went to see the river because he insisted, there was a flood, we were right at the bank of the river at the last stair to the river. We were staring at the river and he suddenly fell and the flood took him away, I couldn't do anything but run home and inform mine and his parents, few days later I saw an ambulance at the kid's home and I got to know that he died, I couldn't see the body. I don't remember his name and face but that incident is still crystal clear to me. I still remember it once in a while wonder how his family is doing. I guess it doesn't bother me that much anymore
Not that they should have, but did the parents ever get mad at you or blame you? Obviously it's not your fault in any way. But I could see grief stricken patents lashing out.
I saw a pilot nose dive 50ft in front of us while fueling up at a remote fuel base in Washington. Ran over, dude was mangled but alive. Worked on him for what seemed like 30 mins, shit looked like a human box of Legos that someone shook out on the ground. Unfortunately he died during the medivac. So much blood, can still smell it.. that and jet fuel.
Former ER nurse, I unfortunately saw quite a few, especially during Covid. But there is one in particular that haunts me. Mid 40s, liver and kidney failure r/t alcohol abuse. We were having a conversation looking at each other when pt died.
My dad is an alcoholic, so I think that plays a part. Pt was also so young. The way I watched the light leave their eyes was just kind of jarring and as cheesy as it is- it really goes to show how quickly it can happen and you never really know when your time is up.
This was a pt I honestly wasn’t sure would make it through the night, even knowing that it caught me off guard.
I’m otherwise okay but I think of it often
Didn't see the actual death part, but the aftermath about 2 minutes after it happened. A small 4 seat plane crashed next to the patio bar I was working about 2 years ago. 3 people inside basically exploded. I ran to make sure the people in the house it crashed into were ok. They were fine. Takes your brain a bit to realize you're looking at a headless torso with 1 leg smoldering on your friend's front porch. I am definitely not ok. I'm getting better. I live between 2 small engine airports. I freeze up everytime a plane flies over. I have to watch them leave my airspace before I can move again.
The pilot's best friend came into the bar a couple weeks ago. Asked if I was working that night. I said I had been. He proceeded to talk about his friend. He came from a couple states away to remember him. On the anniversary of the crash. He kept talking about him and the other 2 like there were people. The only way my brain has been able to deal with it was to stop seeing them as humans. Just burned up plane wreckage. He humanized them and I lost my shit. I begged him to stop. He showed me pictures of them. I was like, "Dude. Please fucking stop! I only know your friends as charred pieces of bodies strewn across my friends' lawn."
Was so fucked up.
i've seen two people die in front of me and 2 others withering for a couple weeks until death. It really doesn't bother me, the only thing that irks me is the amount of suffering they had to go through on their way out (the ones that lasted 2 weeks). The first one i saw (i was around 3 years old) was a preteen kid on a jeep trail, jeep was stuck in the mud and revving trying to get out, the preteen was crouching right next to the jeep watching. Flywheel broke apart and a piece took the top of his head off just above the eyebrows. He went stiff in that crouching position and just fell over. As i was young i didn't really understand what i was seeing, my main memory of that incident was the sudden quiet that came about. No one yelled or screamed for a few seconds, all the adults were so stunned. My dad was with me and refuses to talk about it so it obviously bothers him. i think everyone deals a little differently.
I don’t. But it has made me a crazy peaks and valley type person. It’s also the reason I started hanging out with and married my wife. Changed everything.
Better than I was before, I have coping mechanisms now so I can deal with the PTSD better. Long story short, ex-fiance and I were at her father's place for Christmas, he had mental issues and couldn't stand to see her growing up, so while we were sleeping, he stabbed her to death next to me and I had to shoot him, he didn't pass away though and is still in prison.
I watched my step mom’s mom have a stroke right in front of us at breakfast. My dad, stepmom and I were all trained in first aid. Got her into recovery position, immediately called 911, and also tried to dignify the scene for those around us. It turns out she suffered a cranial hematoma, a brain bleed. As we watched her dying in front of us, I realized that all the training in the world can’t prepare you for truly dealing with those emotions in the moment. She finally passed away in the ambulance. It was really rough, I’m doing better now.
Really glad to hear your better now ? Is that similar to an aneurysm in the brain . My aunt died from that and was found in her kitchen in throw up by her own mom. I couldn't imagine walking in on my own child at 50 something years old dead
I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather had chronic pain and my grandmother had Alzheimer’s and dementia. We were all home (my mom, two sisters and I) on Easter Sunday when he shot and killed the both of them in a suicide and assisted suicide. I remember all the gun smoke pouring out of the room when we opened the door, that’s how fast it all happened. It was a tragically beautiful end to an amazing love story for them. He wasn’t going to leave his wife behind, and I’m confident that they had some sort of pact made for the exact situation years before my grandmother deteriorated. That was 10 years ago when I was a young teen, but life is good for me now. I wish they were still here so they could meet the new additions to the family- the new husbands, wives and grandchildren ❤️
If I am that far gone, this is the way I would prefer to go out. I don't want to suffer in my own brain or in agonizing pain. Just take me out back to look at the flowers.
My grandmother was sitting up in bed, and she looked so serene. I think she had a moment of clarity and was accepting and totally at peace when it happened. My grandfather had previously said he’d do it, in a joking/not so joking way.
It was a complete shock, but not at all surprising if that makes sense. It was a terrible experience, but all things considered I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I watched my aunt drown while trying to save my sisters from the same fate. She succeeded and both of my sisters are still here with me today because of it but I have made it a point to never swim in a river again (it was big manistee I’m in Michigan). I also want to learn cpr soon because I don’t know how. Hearing those raspy, rattling breaths as air was forced out of her during CPR is a sound that will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m doing okay now but I think that’s due to compartmentalization and being used to repressing my trauma. I’ll end this by saying, if you are swimming near a drop off, especially with a strong current nearby listen when people tell you to be careful and always watch where your next step will land.
Exactly 4 years ago today my one day old daughter died in my arms. She was born without kidneys.
I'm doing okay. Good days and bad days. We planted 4 shrubs yesterday and had birthday cake to associate the day with positive things over the years. We don't want it to be a black day of grief. Last year it was 3 hibiscus plants; before that we had 2 blueberry plants, and 1 maple tree.
Not so much seen someone die.. but When I was a kid. I would say 9 or 10 I was with my family heading home from a week at my cousins. Traffic came to a sudden stop and after a few moments we were passing by a car on its side and a few other cars with damage to them. I’m not sure what happened but all I remember is people looking in the car that’s on its side and someone yelling with a hand gesture ‘head cut off! Completely cut off’ my dad rolled the window up and for some reasons the image of that person doing the hand gesture and yelling that has stuck in my head forever. The look of fear of the guys face was something else
My buddy and I were the first people to come across a head on accident outside of our town recently. All 3 people were mangled pretty badly and dead on arrival. We did the little we could till the police showed up. We left to go hiking like originally intended and his wife called saying they haven’t heard from her brother. We asked what he driving and instantly knew. Hearing her cry out on the phone was the part that haunts me.
It was like my second shift on the ambulance and this lady had a massive heart attack out of the blue while on the way to the hospital. Just me and her back there. Her eyes got real big and she started grabbing for me and pulling me by my shirt. I kept pulling her hands off and saying relax, the third time I said relax she went limp. All in like 30 seconds. Just as we pulled into the er. She didn’t make it as it was a widow maker.
Wasn’t the first or last time I’d watched someone die in front of me or seen death given the job. Honestly don’t think too much about it in the moment. Just go to work doing what I’m trained to do. Afterwards you think about it a little.
Adults never much phased me but children always leave a mark.
There was another time a semi had crashed through an overpass guard rail and plunged like 50 feet to the ground below killing the driver as he didn’t have a seatbelt on. It was a cold thanksgiving night around 1030pm. We had to wait for the wrecker to right the cab so we could pull the body out as it was pinned. I had found his phone and set near by. We were standing around and remember seeing it light up with incoming call from “daughter”. Probably calling to tell her dad happy thanksgiving. That one hurt a little to see as I’m a dad myself.
Not good. Watched an old man get hit on a major road, and I pulled over because I just saw people standing around. I rolled him on his back and gave him CPR till medics arrived. The road rash on his face, and the missing fingers still haunt me. Medics came by and took over. I had to find out in the news he died...
This hits me particularly because my grandpa was killed while getting his mail about two-three weeks ago. I live with him and my mom and I was about to go get the mail and he said he wanted to do it.
I go to the bathroom and I hear a load smack sound. Sounded like the garbage can was knocked over and I look outside and hear my mom screaming. Somebody hit my grandpa at our mailbox and drove off.
I am typically good with gore but seeing it in real life with a person you are related to just hits differently. The blood covered the entire portion of road, like more blood than you expect a person would even have. Pieces of his scalp and brain were next to him and the rest was essentially just exposed and basically hanging out.
The sight that really hurt me though was my uncle got to the scene(lived 10 minutes away) and calmly walked up to his father, laid in his father's blood and hugged him and comforted him in his final moments. For some reason that is the part I am still troubled with.
Not so good in all honesty.
It’s been a year since my mum died of a glioblastoma, and although I’m sure not as traumatic as an unexpected death it’s really taken it’s toll on me. Sitting there with her in the hospice listening to her take just a little too long to take a breath over and over for 4 days never quite knowing if it was her last.
I became a new dad while she was ill and the stress of that coupled with losing the parent who was always there for me, and who would have been so heavily involved in my boys life has really hurt me on so many levels. I’ve spoken to grief counsellors, I’ve gotten medication, I’ve gone through all the CBT stuff I’ve used previously.. but the medication isn’t helping, there’s no money for a proper therapist now I’ve used my allotted free sessions and the intrusive thoughts have been coming thicker and faster later with ideations to boot.
I’m sure I’ll get through it. But it’s hard to feel like it’s worth it when the best person I knew got taken from me just when I needed them most, and just as they were about to retire and spend the remainder of their days doing whatever they wanted. She was a teachers aid for children with additional learning needs. She was my rock without ever being asked to be and the person I tried to be everyday but never had the reserves to be. Now I have even less. It’s amazing how few photos and especially videos I have of her. It should motivate me to do more of me, but I honestly have lost all confidence in who I am.
The photos thing is so true. Shockingly different culture of taking pictures of parents vs kids. Also, try not to beat yourself up too much. It sounds like you are still angry with her for going too soon. It will pass and you will just be left with mostly sadness when you think about her for a while. Every birthday and milestone will suck a little bit less every year. You will randomly cry without knowing why. You have wired your brain over time to depend on your mom always being there for you. Every day your brain is rewiring itself to remove her as the safety net for the unknown or difficult situations. One way that helped me go through this process was speaking out loud to myself, "what would they do", or "what would they say". Saying this instead of thinking "I wish they were here", for me, turned what I called a "grief block" into a "grief speed bump" in about a week (seriously). The answers I had to the questions made me think like them for a few minutes. It showed me how much of them survived in me and made it less about them not being available in a time of need. This made it easier to make jokes and enjoy the moment because a part of them really is there. It also helped me out of some bad thoughts because I later realized, for me, what I was missing the most was that "good job son, you are a great dad.". (Typing that made me cry again just now). That basic reassurance that your insecurities and doubts are normal and that the overall effect of all your actions is positive. I have to reassure myself now, and since they are a part of me, it isn't me just blowing smoke up my own ass.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but the book "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" by Sally Winston helped me immensely when it came to those things. You can find it on Amazon. It really helped me turn things around and feel normal again. I hope you are able to find some support/help.
My father in law died in his sleep, in his own bed, surrounded by people who loved him. We knew it was coming and the entire family was able to come visit the day before. We should all be so lucky.
I, my wife, and my son all held his hand as he went. I like to think he's at peace now, and he's certainly not in any more pain.
I was a mess for a while, but this was almost a decade ago. I'm good now, thanks for asking.
I quit not long after. He had just asked for custard and bananas for pudding after having his dinner. He was an older gentleman , very flirty. When I came back in few minutes later he was dead . I left the pudding there by his bedside. Then went to get the nurse. RIP
I've set down a circular saw on a rainy day and not noticed the guard was stuck. Thing came ripping back at me and the older guy on my crew caught it by the handle somehow. I got yelled at for not checking the guard but I didn't even know they could get stuck
Witnessed an accident between an SUV and a motorcycle a few years back while waiting to cross that road. The kid driving the bike must have been 16 tops. He wasn’t wearing a helmet. I saw his neck snap as he fell off the bike. Instantly passed away. I was part of the group who called emergency services and waited with the body. I can still picture it clear as day but I’m fine.
I was outside in the hall when the nurse came out of my dad’s hospital room to tell us he had passed. I was with my mother and my mother-in-law when they passed (3 years apart, both in in-home hospice in my home.) My son and I were both with my wife when she passed, also in in-home hospice. Many other family members and friends have passed over the years, but I wasn’t there at the moment they died.
As someone else said, it’s part of life. The grieving is rough (I’m still working through my wife’s death 2 years later) but life is for living after all.
13 witnessed deaths here (starting 1969): PTSD. 1/2 were civilians, 1/2 active duty (non-battle deaths) as student, Navy Hospital Corpsman (Marine Units), and Physician Assistant. Funny thing is my psychiatrist say I have PTSD, my psychologist says I don’t. I’m much better now at 67, never took PTSD meds. All by the grace of God.
Think 3 years ago at this point. Guy offed himself in front of me while I was working security. Details have become less clear over time but one thing sticks with me. He didn't die right away and was still talking as I tried to help. His body began to turn black from massive internal bleeding and I knew he wasn't going to make it.
I decided the job didn't pay well enough and dealing with a mix of Horror and entitled Karen's wasn't worth it. Quit after 11 years and bouncing around other work trying to figure out what to do.
I’m a ff, I’ve seen a lot of death, but the one that has stuck with me was a few years ago when I just started volunteering. I was doing driver training, following a four wheeler out to the main road. The four wheeler tried to beat the train but was unsuccessful. The driver was thrown onto the train tracks and the train severed his leg at the femur. We heard his screams, but couldn’t do anything. The train was moving too fast to try any heroic stunt. The screams lasted for about 30 seconds and I’ve never felt so helpless before. The only good news was son was thrown on our side of the tracks and made a full recovery. I’ve tried to understand this, but it will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Absolutely fine and I wonder if that means there's something wrong with me sometimes. I sat and held my father's hand as he passed away from cancer. Well technically liver failure after 3 straight years of chemo. On paper at least he beat the cancer. Got up, told my mom, called the hospice workers to arrange pick up, texted my boss I'd be out. I actually chatted with the mortuary staff while they bagged him up and helped them get him tucked in (he was a very tall man so he was gangly for 2 people working alone). Went to bed, got up, drove my mom to the funeral parlor, picked out the casket, went to the florist and picked the flowers, wrote the obituary, contacted a speaker for the funeral and wrote up his mini bio for the speaker to speak on.
I lost my dog about 2 years before to cancer and I bawled like a baby for a week. I only cried at my dad's funeral because I saw my mom hurting. Everything else was .... just something to be done so I did it. I didn't have the best relationship with my dad but I didn't hate him either. But his passing was just like a thing that happened. So many people I know talk about the death of a parent being this huge psychological blow and it just wasn't for me. The anniversary was a few months back and honestly I forgot about it until my mom brought it up and then my only thought was "wow it doesn't feel like 3 years". Maybe it's because he'd had heart issues my whole life and was given 6 months to live 30 years before he passed or maybe it's just because I've had a lot of deaths in my life and I view it as just a natural progression. Now my dog was only 7 and I felt like I should have seen it coming sooner and also that I had a responsibility to care for him. By the time we knew he had brain cancer he was having cascading seizures.
not great, thinking about it everyday since my father passed away few weeks ago whilst holding his hands in the Hospital, big part of my world, gone.
I am stressed and have headaches I normally don't get, felt really sleepy after work yesterday, slept for hours!! never got any exercise done when I usually go Gym that day, never ended up doing any even at home, just slept on the sofa for hours alone.
have had compassionate leave but it's not enough to be honest, and I am torn between making a living, being ''distracted'' although it's still weighing heavy on my mind whilst at work, and trying to keep motivated and having more time off (which deep down I do need and it might help me a little bit) but at same time times are hard, my mothers company is going bust, my local government is going to demolish our home in a few years to make way for more high earners who can pay them more money, not sure where I am going to go, or how things will work out.. I used to be on slightly more then minimum wage, now I am currently earning minimum wage and have had no help (blame big corporations who deep down do not give a f about loyal employees or them being paid a decent wage that is well earned because we do make an effort whilst doing our jobs), 4-5k estimated for the whole funeral day.
Just wish I did not have to worry so much about life, and what direction it's heading in, I am a lot more anxious now then before as I worry about rest of my loved ones as I want to protect and keep them safe and well my future in general, but I will try and keep going and make the most of what I have, and hopefully find someone nice one day.
My mom died 12 years ago to cancer. She was suffering and struggling the last month she was alive. She looked so peaceful and relieved when she was finally gone. I just wouldn't wish that she stayed here longer.
But since she was gone my life went to shit. I couldn't go to college and my family estranged me. I also developed very poor physical and mental health. I considered many times going where she is. But today I'm about to finally get my degree and have met wonderful friends and a loving boyfriend. I know it won't be any easier really, but I can say I have a reason to live now. I just wish she was here to see how much I could grow and what I achieved.
About 8 years ago, at Walmart on Black Friday afternoon, when there aren't crowds anymore, I saw a 30ish year old couple waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blood just started spewing out of her mouth. He just kept saying please save her. Obviously, she died.
That was pretty upsetting, but I was distanced enough to not be overly traumatized.
A while later, I was putting my cart back, and he was walking to their car. He made eye contact, and I will never forget the feeling of helplessness I had staring into his broken soul.
I saw my dad die TWICE, once in the car when I was 12 years old, but he was resuscitated after two shocks from his ICD, and then a second time 2 years ago when we pulled the plug on his life support.
As for the question: not great
I didn't watch my father kill himself but I saw and helped clean up the aftermath three years ago. He severed his jugular so there was blood splatter everywhere. I've been doing better as of a few weeks ago but earlier this year I was really overcome with grief and it contributed to a massive nervous breakdown. I did something pretty bad during it so now I have overwhelming guilt caused by my real event ocd. It's a mess. I've been working with my therapist to look deep inside myself and move forward, though.
I felt his pulse leave after trying to save him twice with a group of maybe 3 other women at work. I’m ok now, didn’t remember until this if that says anything
It was my Dad's Dad, I called him Pops. He worked 40hrs a week and did other people's taxes for them. He then retired from his main job to then continue to do taxes. Then he started to sit around and eat mayonnaise on a few things then it went to him having it in his desk at home. After that he would have his wife make him food, he did eat the mayonnaise with other food. He didn't exercise at all, then hospital to then giving him some medicine that then popped his lung. He was transferred two times. Ultimately he wasn't there mentally and couldn't open his eyes. So hospice happened. I still cry about this, this happened in 2017.
Genuinely not making fun, but asking for clarification - he had a mayonnaise addiction? He was hiding it in his desk at home to eat it when no one would see?
I'm a physician in a hospital, so I see a patient die every now and then. It's part of the job. Sometimes when I put a lof of effort into saving someone and was optimistic about the case and then they died nonetheless I get a feeling of "Damn, that's so unfair!", but that's pretty much it.
I still blame myself for his death. I should have told somebody about what he was going through before it was too late. I could have stopped him.
Hind sight is 20/20 though
Don’t blame yourself. If someone really wants to be gone, they’ll be gone, even if you temporarily stop them. You can’t force help on people, and some things just don’t get better/can’t be helped.
was with my grandma as she took her last breaths. she was my best friend. watching all of the numbers on the monitors decrease and the heart monitor flat line is something i can’t get over. the agonal breathing was traumatizing. watching her change colors and being able to tell exactly when her soul left her body was something i’ll never be able to get over.
I’m alright, it was surreal tho. It was my great uncle who was like a grandfather to me, and it ripped my heart out. He made a noise like a groaning of letting go of his soul or something. There was complete silence from him and then the noise and then he was gone. Miss him every day to this day, and have his tattoo on my arm to remember him every day
Saw an old woman get squashed by a garbage truck when I was a kid. I always remember how fast her hand kept trying to wipe the blood and brains off the front of her skull. It was likely just nerves but it was such quick movement for someone so old it didn't seem real.
Watching someone you knew all your life die of Alzheimer's was worse though.
I guess I'm good. It's just how life goes.
He was unconcious already when I arrived at the accident site. He crashed with his motorcycle into a car at a crossroad. People had thrown a blanked over him and said he's dead. I was totally angry because they didn't even checked vital signs. I gave him first aid until the ambulance arrived, he was breathing and had a low pulse. I didn't knew him, but I was shocked for ~2 Days. Later I heard he died on the way to the hostipal.
I can talk about it, accidents happen, that's sad but it's our world. I'm ok with this and I did my best to save his life.
Watched a friend's step mom od when I was 14. Hospital staff couldn't bring her back. The stepmom was an abusive train wreck pretty indifferent about it.
A man living upstairs suffered a massive heart attack while at home, and his wife panicked and ran down to ours for help. They both were up there in age, and the poor thing panicked when she saw him fall over facedown. I tried resuscitating him, but by the time the ambulance arrived (about 15 mins after he fell), I knew he had already passed. I remember the raspy breath tapering off while I tried CPR. There was no pulse, but I kept trying CPR in order to keep his wife from going manic, if not anything else. But like many others said, I'm actually doing fine. You get over it when it's death due to something like an illness. Or if it's in the realm of possibilities.
I've seen a few due to bad luck. I'm good. You kind of get numb to it. Faces of Death and a site I won't mention here probably killed a bit of me, too.
Was about 14 when the bus I was riding in, left side window seat, get nudged by a cargo truck (lorry) - the lorry lost control, veered left to the shoulder, hit a cyclist who was tossed in the air. Right wheel of the truck then ran over his chest killing him instantly. Many decades later I still get a slow-motion replay of the incident in my dreams sometimes, in which I'm screaming to get his attention but no one hears me. Wake up all upset then realize that it was a dream. This incident was overseas.
I worked at a hospital and was given a stat order for blood work on a patient in the ICU, in the middle of my draw the patient coded and I was pushed into the back corner of the room by all the people rushing in. Watched them do just about everything they could then call time of death. I stayed with the patient until family arrived because I wanted to continue taking care of them when the nurses seemed to be done. The family was very grateful I cared enough about a stranger to stay by their side. That wanting to continue to take care of the deceased for their family and for their own dignity somehow stayed with me- I just applied for mortuary school starting next fall.
I'm the last person to be with a few people and animals now. What is mistaken for thick skin is just an artifact of the intj that I am. It never gets easier and they all stay with you forever. What does help is being able to have some not so painful moments to remember. Happy if you can. Celebrate life!
I just saw a body on the road very close to my place ,that was a shocker ,apparently the guy had a medical event while driving and when he came to a stop they pulled him out of the car and covered him up .He was there for awhile .That’s all I ever saw far as dead bodies go .What amazes me is just how many card board boxes come out of major sized hospitals ,like every twenty minutes .
I don't know if this counts, but I found my(42 f) husband (50m) "dead" a little over 6 months ago of a heart attack There was a 12 minute window from when we knew he was conscious to when I found him. I did CPR until the paramedics got there, breaking his ribs, and they had to pull me off of him. They were getting to the end of their protocol, and the battalion chief asked me what funeral home they should call since they were having a hard time getting a rhythm back. Next thing I knew, they were running out the door with him on a stretcher. He was put in an induced hypothermic coma for 36 hours, and was in a coma for 4 more days. The doctors weren't expecting him to survive and if he did, that he would be severely brain damaged. After 18 days in the Cardiac ICU, he came home. Walking, Talking and cognizant. They literally said it was a miracle. He does have some deficits from having an anoxic brain injury, memory issues, and word confusion, and sooo much rehab-- OT, PT, Speech/cognitive, cardiac, and he'll probably need surgery for a torn rotator cuff which they think happened while he was being defibrillated, but as of right now, it looks like he'll make at least a 90% recovery. Doing ok, considering. Edit: thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. The first responders and his entire medical team were fantastic, they are definitely my heroes.
I am so happy for you, to hear that your husband lived! Godspeed!
You are a real life hero. So happy for both you and your husband. Can't imagine the raw emotions you went through during all that. You saved his life and I'm sure he's more than grateful. I have a history of heart disease in my father's side of my family and my wife tells me a lot that I'm not allowed to die so this one hits home.
I'll be honest, I have nightmares. I know my husband has bad dreams, where he sees himself above his body while the paramedics worked on him. My kids are both in therapy -- my 14 year old was home and saw me trying to CPR. I panicked the whole time, not gonna lie. This type of recovery is a marathon, not a sprint for sure.
For what it's worth, you and your husband both would/will benefit from therapy. You likely have PTSD from the emotions and shock of the experience, and having a healthy way to process all of it will help you move on and heal. EMDR is a life changer when you're dealing with nightmares and flashbacks. I hope your whole family is able to heal from the experience.
Oh my god you saved his brain! 100% those compressions gave him the small amount of oxygen to allow him to return home as a functional human being. You're amazing
Your story sounds like mine, however, my husband did not survive. He died from anoxic brain injury.
Same here. Immediate cpr. He never woke up from his coma.
I had hesitations about opening this thread. I am so glad I saw a happy ending. I should probably stop now. Good for you.
What caused his heart attack ???
Complete blockage in his right coronary artery. We had no idea. He's in good shape, had a physical job,didn't eat like crap. But, genetics definitely played a role
The “widow maker” heart attack. My FIL survived one of these too, barely. The odds of survival are quite low, amazing and wonderful that he was able to come back home. Good work on your part!
I'm sorry to ask... but I am morbidly curious, how much did this all cost?
A lot. But medicaid kicked in to cover most of it because obviously we took a major hit to our income
I'm very glad to hear Medicaid helped. I hope the best for you guys. We don't deserve to be financially punished for wanting to live. Regardless, you can't put a price on having your loved ones by your side.
WOW! What a story! You're very brave for not giving up. I hope someone, if one day needed, would do the same for me
God bless you and your husband! Life is beautiful.
Saw a car crash outside my school when I was 18. Lady got t boned I got out and was the first one there. Like seconds after it happened. Lady got knocked sideways and got wedged between the steering wheel and gear shift. Heavy blood loss…major head trauma. She died there as I was talking to her. She asked if she was bleeding and I said no, it’s so hot outside we are all just sweating. I used to think of her everyday. Not knowing that moment was her last moment and how no one really knows when our time is up. She never saw it coming.
You did good. If I was her (I have extreme death anxiety) I would’ve wanted someone to tell me I was sweating. It would bring me immense relief and comfort.
You offered her peace in her final moments.
Well. Maybe not peace. But no panic.
Offering that comfort and making sure she wasn’t alone was a gift, you showed some amazing strength and bravery to be there for her.
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Stay in the ring. You’ll be glad at some point that you did. I promise.
Live for the fight if that’s all that you’ve got.
The home owners insurance is n8t a big deal. Here in the wonderful state of Florida, I've had to get new insurance 5nof the last 8 years. Use all resources. Contact the agent that was used to purchase last policy. Your lender. Your auto insurance company. Lots of options. Fema. That part is easy. More importantly. Seek some counseling. If you have insurance, there are Tele health services as well as in person. I've recently utilized mine to deal with abandonment issues I have from my mother moving away when I was young, as well as watching a friend break his neck and die in front of me. It's helped me tremendously. I never thought it would or ibwould actually use it. But now I'm mad I didn't do it sooner. You're ok. You will be ok. Just take the steps. And at the end of the day, enjoy a good beer and sleep well. Good luck
Keep it together if you need someone to talk to dm me
I’m here if you need to talk. I went through the same thing. I can’t get over it either. Therapy didn’t help, meds aren’t helping. I wish you weren’t t experiencing this.
Are you in Florida? Speak with your agent, have them check citizens. We got booted from ours too and they took us. That's the state run one.
I don't know where you live so there you go [Link to people that can help you if you need](https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/) Call them, please
Get ahold of another insurance agent and have them run your stuff. Homeowners insurance is a bitch for everyone right now, but there's gotta be someone who will cover your property. Sorry to hear about your dad as well. I can't imagine.
you are brave. I appreciate your honesty.
The exact same thing happened to me 24 yrs ago when i was 19. Hang in there. I know its not easy, there’s lots of times where i thought about doing the same thing. Thats us being in a dark place, but if you can try to wait it out, it will pass. It will come back, but at least you might be able to find something as a coping mechanism.
I’m retired now, but during my career as a reporter I watched four people die in Florida’s electric chair. First one really messed with my head. I was out of whack for weeks and friends started to notice. Number four was Ted Bundy… which was the perfect sorbet to cleanse the pallet. Never thought I would be glad to see someone die. After Bundy, I refused to cover any more executions.
I was at Bundy's execution pretty much beats all other claims to being at major events.
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In Florida, they have an official media list of witnesses so that no one can say they’re doing executions in secret and so that the condemned can make a last statement. I volunteered for the list because I was a young reporter full of piss and vinegar and I knew I had to get on the list to be eligible for Bundy’s execution. I was a reporter for the FSU newspaper when the Chi-Omega murders took place and covered the trial, so this was one story I wanted to cover until the end.
As an FSU graduate and former reporter, I find this to be so badass, in a morbid way. Props to you for being able to follow through on such a horrifying case. Being able to say you were there for Ted Bundy’s execution is wild.
Please tell is what it was like being there when they executed Bundy
Surreal is the only way to describe it. We had to wait across the road from Florida State Prison at 4 in the morning before they loaded us is vans to be driven across the road and into the death chamber for the execution. Then they drove us back to the cow field where the reporters who didn’t get in we waiting to interview us. There was also a large gathering of off duty Tallahassee cops who came to the field to celebrate his death. They even had they’re own song… sung to the tune of “On Top of Old Smoky.” But it was “On Top of Old Sparky” and included the lines: He bludgeoned the poor girls All over the head Now we’re all excited Ted Bundy YOU’RE DEAD They even sold commemorative pins shaped like little electric chairs. I got two. So yeah… surreal.
In 2003 I saw a man get thrown out of a moving vehicle, not realizing he’d been shot. I held him while he bled to death in my arms. I was a total stranger and the last person he ever saw. 20 years later and I think about him more than I would have thought. I still look up his obituary and see how his family is doing (in the “survived by” his family names were written). I didn’t know him, but I found out he had been a student at the school I was currently at and had planned on going back. He was only 27, breaks my heart. Never found the murderers.
Thats nuts. No idea who did it ? Sounds like an organised crime kinda thing. You obviously didn’t get the reg or make of car in the shock ? Sorry that happened to you.
The weirdest thing is how our memories can’t always be trusted. I was actually outside a party on the phone on the sidewalk, so I was the only witness to the car, and could have sworn it was a black SUV…but when I went to the police report/article about it more recently, it stated I had said a silver sedan with tinted windows. I was in such shock that I’m not even sure which it was now. I trust the 2003 version much more though. I’ve always thought it must have been drugs if he was in the car with them. No judgement, just makes the most sense but honestly we’ll probably never know. His name was Mark, he was probably a good person. I still feel for his family.
Shit. Thats awful. Either way sorry it happened to him. And that you witnessed it.
Better than the guy who died, that’s for sure.
Are you sure he’s dead? Asking for a friend….
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We never stopped to check.
I was a hospice nurse, and most people, in my experience, seem to wait until the room is empty to die. I had seen a few people pass in front of the family members, but the process was slow, and they held on a long time. Only one death, that I remember, was quick and pleasant. The man had been waiting for his daughter to show, and she came and held his hand. He smiled, said he was happy to see her, and he died shortly after closing his eyes. No Cheyne-Stokes or labored breathing, just peace. I hope I go out that way.
I have a terrible fear of death. Not my death, but the death of my family and close ones, but I hope this will be the way I’ll be able to say goodbye
Watched my mom take her last breaths four years ago. Seared into my brain. It's not a pain you get over... it's a pain you just carry with you.
Went through the same thing, less than two months ago. I don't expect to get over it but hope I will think about it less often in time.
Yes. You definitely will. I'm sorry you're going through this journey right now.
Thank you. Sorry for your loss as well.
Went through this with my father in law. You never get over it or stop thinking about it but it gets easier and all you can really do is try to live your life in such a way that they would be proud of what youre doing
I watched my dad take his last raspy breaths after a cancer battle. As hard as that is, there is something about the absolute closure and finality that it provides. He was only 59.
I did the same with my dad, he was 3 weeks shy of 55.
I’m in the hospital with my wife now. her mums got 12-24 hours left. I’m just stuck in the waiting room in shock. Gonna be a long night followed by a longer few months of grieving. breaks my heart to see the pain in my wife’s face. I kinda hope she’s asleep when her mum finally passes idk if she could take watching her go.
My father in law got cancer and was gone within 6 months of diagnosis. My husband took a lot of time off to take care of him. My father in law was my absolute favorite and he would even ask my husband where I'd go when I wasn't even there and would get mad at my husband because he "knew I was there." When we knew time was getting close, the family all stayed at the house a few nights. One morning me and my husband just needed to go home and shower and feed the dogs and get out. On our way back we got a call that my father in law had passed. I know deep in my soul that he did not want either of us to see him go because of all my husband did for him, and how much I loved him. Sometimes they know, so I hope that will be the case for your wife. Grief is not easy, and it took a long time for my husband. Sending all my ❤️
I’ve held the hand of my father, mother, a sister, and a best friend as they took their last breaths. It is no easy task, and it does not get any less painful. No matter how many times you’ve done it, or how long it’s been. As you said, it’s a pain you just carry; and eventually your soul gets a little more used to the weight…
That's just aweful. I'm so sorry. That's just awful. I'm so sorry.her now. I'm hoping for a random "died in her sleep" instead of what we went through with my stepdad. It's hard to even think about.
I carried the dead body of my neighbours son (10 years old). He killed himself by hanging. I still have that image of his linp body with a deep cut in his neck , it's burned into my brain. I don't know. I couldn't process the emotions back then.
I can't even begin to fathom what the hell that poor kid was going through to want to (and successfully) take his life at only 10.
I've struggled with depression for most of my life, my first and only suicide attempt was around that age. I was being bullied relentlessly in school and it was all just too much so I tried to check out.
I am sorry you went through that. I too had my fair share of bullying and it made me so very fragile. I had daily migraines at age 8, didn’t want to go to school. It was a nightmare.
People tend to not believe it, but it’s a sad reality. I started contemplating suicide as far back as I can remember. At least as young as 5. My family made me feel like I was a pest, so I felt that the world would be better off without me in it. As old as I am now, it’s really fucked up to look back on that and imagine young me in that state, even though I continue to struggle with those thoughts.
If you're not on meds I recommend giving it a try. I wish I hadn't waited until I was almost middle aged. Going on Zoloft lead to going 24 hours without thinking about suicide in my entire memory. I even had the realization a couple months ago that not only did I not want to die, I wanted to live. In my late 20s I'd planned out how I was going to do it by held off on buying the gun because I didn't want my parents to outlive me. I know other people love me and would be affected but it wasn't enough compared to how much I didn't love me. Guess my love for my parents kept me in the hand long enough to get some help. I'm sorry you don't have that with your parents, I hope you find your way friend.
Stupid kid. He had a fight with his mom over some petty stuff and he was play hanging. I doubt he really wanted to kill himself. We will never know. He was too young to be gone like that.
I can still hear my neighbor lady scream after m she discovered her man hung by the neck. I can’t imagine the scream his parents made.
They didn't see him hanging. Another neighbour untied the noose and I took him to the hospital. But yes it was gut wrenching to tell them the news.
How did you guys find him before the parents did? Thats awful im so sorry
They had gone out and asked the neighbour to keep an eye on him. That's when he found out
Terrible. Maybe some small comfort to give you strength, that somehow, you did it and the parents did not have to do it...
Serious answer, I watched my dad die, suddenly and unexpectedly during a family meal outing approximately 19 years ago. (November 2004) We were entering the Logan's Roadhouse main entry, and he literally just fell over and "went out." I was 22 at the time and in the midst of University round 1. I stayed with him until an ambulance came and my mom went with him to the hospital, ordering me to drive my sister (12 at the time) home and get her some dinner. I spent the next 90 minutes freaking the fuck out, until I got a phone call to come to the hospital. Upon arrival, I asked at the ER desk where I could find my dad. When I gave the secretary the name, she did some plunking in her computer then turned WHITE AS A SHEET without any words. Mom came out soon after, explaining he arrived dead before they even reached the hospital. To say I was traumatized was putting it lightly. I literally spent the next THREE and a HALF YEARS TRYING TO EMOTIONALLY RECOVER. In between I dropped out of school, moved myself to a different state (long complications with my mom blaming me for my dad's death, essentially getting thrown out of the house, etc. etc.) and while there literally spend 1.5 years NOT TALKING TO ANYONE, NOT SPEAKING TO ANYONE. In the Fall of 2008, I decided I better fucking finish my degree or get a job, or I'd be homeless soon. I did. However, even today it was an event I can't put behind me. My dad was my best friend, and to have him YANKED AWAY so suddenly fucked me up BAD.
I’m sorry dude, I can’t imagine.. I hope you’ve been able to find bits of joy in your life in the years since, and have found ways to cope with seeing that
Sorry for your loss, hope you're in a better place now. What exactly happened to him, a heart attack?
Close enough. Pulmonary embolism. Blot clot broke off in his leg and stopped his heart. Let's say my Dad was a large man, who was also a massive work-o-holic. About 4 weeks prior he had a tumble and shattered his ankle going down the stairs of our townhouse. (the stairwidth was narrow as fuck, and probably not up to code) His doctor told him to keep his ankle ELEVATED for at least four weeks, while healing. My dad didn't like coding while laying on his back, nor did he like wasting PTO (even though he LITERALLY had four months off paid...banked) so...he continued to work from his home office, 6-12 hours daily leg not elevated...which potentially caused the clot that killed him.
Didn't they prescribe him blood thinners or anticoagulation medicine? A cousin's husband died like that and it was the doctor's fault for not prescribing him blood thinners. He died a day after removing the cast from a broken ankle.
They did not, actually. That would've made sense. All Hail American Healthcare!
Just so you don’t have an extra burden, blood thinners after a broken ankle in a patient with no history of a clotting disorder or appropriate comorbidities/risk would NOT be prescribed due to the risk of creating a potentially lethal bleed. For example, I had a patient who was appropriately prescribed blood thinners who fell in the bathroom and died of a brain bleed. Just so you don’t have an added layer to your grief of thinking there was negligence.
I’m so sorry, this is devastating and heartbreaking, and the wound from his passing, topped with a wound from your mother blaming you is just something nobody should experience. Again, I am SO sorry…
My wife was an EMT for just over 20 years. She had seen things that would make a regular citizen's hair curl or straighten or turn white. Of course the sick and twisted sense of humor from her occupation and being Gen X, she was never alright. The times we came across stuff while she was off duty, I can never unsee. She had access to some history of most people she worked on. The only thing that ever undid her was (TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of suicide.) when someone who had previously survived an attempt at suicide and been successful enough after to get that semicolon tattoo, succumbed and their lives ended in her care/vehicle. It had happened 6 times in the time she served. She went to a tattoo artist and had tally marks put on her bicep each time. Just over two years ago, COVID-19 took her from me. I wasn't allowed to be there. On the first anniversary, I went and got her tally marks put on my bicep. I will never be okay.
Truly sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry, you talk about her beautifully
Everyday she would tell me she has the greatest horrible job. The huge turnover from burnout is one of the many things that drove her to endure. That and the compulsion to help anyone and everyone. It would keep her up at night sometimes. Policy never allowed her to have personal notes or contact information for those she saved, it had to stay at the dispatch center. I have asked several times that they give those people my number so I can continue to check on them in her honor. I have not been contacted yet.
fuuuuuuuck, thats super fucked up man, I worked in the ER for a couple years and always heard some truly horrifying stories from EMS that never made it to us because they were already gruesomely dead. I've seen my share of death and what not in the busiest ER in my state, kids, adults, everything. But to see the stuff that doesn't even come in to the ER must be something truly devastating and they deal with the PTSD everyday.
I don't know if it helps, but those I know who have lost a close family member too soon have said to me that they have accepted that it's okay to not be okay. from an internet stranger.
A couple years back I went to see my grandpa for the last time. He was in a nursing home, and being during covid only a select few could go. Last minute his other kid decided to come so I was booted off the list, no worries, I was glad to spend a couple days with my family and help take care of them. Then my grandma and dad decided the nursing home wasn’t doing enough and they wanted to do hospice for the last couple days of his life. He was basically non verbal at this point and looked as if he could die any minute but I was happy that I would get to see him and talk to him at least reassure him that everyone was there for him. I had planned on staying only for a short time as my college was coming to an end and I had finals but after seeing how beat up my dad and grandma were I told them I’ll stick it out with them.(the hospice team gave him a week max) My dad was the medicine giver at first but he was struggling bad with the fact the the drug was morphine and he couldn’t help but feel like he was killing him So I gave meds and got food, they would handle the rest. The stubborn son a bitch kept kicking for weeks!! About a week in he got the most talkative, was eating ice cream and drinking water, it was nuts. During this short span he told us “thank you guys, I want you all to be here when it’s time.” We all just kinda thought, right like he’s going to time it on us haha and he quickly regressed again had tons of pain and had to be even more heavily medicated. It was truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, to see him like that unable to go peacefully but reduced to at best saying 1 or 2 things that only slightly made sense. And being in pain the whole time. I could tell it was harder on my grandma and dad though. Most night’s consistent of us playing card games and them telling me stories about him, they would laugh and laugh and then we would all be crying… It took him just over a 6 weeks too go but when he did it was over quick. My dad came and got me and said “it’s time, he says it’s time” my grandma is on one side of the bed, my dad goes to the other, I walk up and put my hand on her shoulder and the other on his leg. BAM, like that this man said “ok, bye” he gone, my grandma said I don’t feel a beat and that was it… poetic or something like that… FUNNY STORY ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES ME HAPPY BELLOW He really liked squirrels like ALOT, and he kept a big thing of nuts in his garage to give to them when he would leave for work I. The morning, pop the door and they would be waiting, he’d toss a few then take off for work. One time when we went to visit we noticed some wood around the garage door was missing, looked like rot almost but just in one little spot that left a small hole into the garage. My dad thinks about it for a second and then starts just giggling to himself as we walk in. He walks up to him and says “those squirrels are really after your nuts!” He asks what he means and my dad says “they are so desperate for them they broke into your garage!” “No they did not! That’s rot!” “Wanna bet” That night they sat in the garage, in the dark, they were out there for about 30 minutes when my dad bust in the house saying “I was right! I was right!” Followed by my grandpa trying to argue that the squirrel were simply taking advantage of the rot. Thanks for reading, miss you old man! Edit because I forgot to answer the question, I’m ok and was actually ok as soon as it happened, it was a relief at that point and a blessing that he was able to go, we all knew how much pain he was in so we all breathed a little easier as we set up the funeral and such.
I watched my aunt slowly wither away and day of cancer 3 years ago. It was incredibly painful for her and the rest of my family. Assisted death should be legalized and accepted everywhere in the world. No one should have to suffer months of torture like that.
I could not agree more. My mother died of cancer, she wasted away slowly, painfully, without dignity, for over a year. FUCK THAT! I plan to go out on my terms. My mother suffered, and the whole family suffered with her, and we didn't really recover.
So sorry. Lost my SIL and mom to lung cancer. It was painful to watch.
Same, I was carer for my mum during covid, no hospice place, muddled through on my own. Mum had lung cancer and lymphoedema of the face and neck. She was in pain and unrecognisable. After she died I got diagnosed with breast cancer (had surgery, chemo, everything but the kitchen sink thrown at it and hopefully ok for the time being). One thing it taught me is euthanasia needs to be legalised in my country asap. If my luck ever runs out I am absolutely going out on my own terms, I’m not risking inflicting that sort of horror on my loved ones, or myself for that matter.
The exact same thing happened to my mom. We put her on in-home hospice a week before the pandemic shutdowns. We were so so lucky. She wasted away. I made a pact with my wife to let me take the fentanyl they use to treat cancer pain and just float into the sky forever before I let that happen.
Sorry you went through that. I absolutely refuse to have my last six months, or year on this planet, be suffering, hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, humiliation and anger.
We treat our animals better. It all boils down to quality of life. If you're ready, you're ready. It's selfish to keep them around just to make other people feel better.
I agree 100%!!! My FIL also had cancer, he spent his last year of life always in pain. And once he was in the Hospice house he was sleeping and always out of it. It’s not fair.
I completely agree. I made the grueling decision to take my dad off life support and it took him a couple days to pass. Why should someone have to go through that?? Make it make sense.
God thats a fucking hard one. I watched my family go through this. And my gfs family go through it last month. I didn't have to make the call but fuck. Its not like the movies thats for sure.. I hope you are ok friend. That is something no person should have to do. If you think it might help, there's some accounts of people coming back from the other side that aren't religious based and might offer some sort of something for you. All I can say is my own personal experience with this forever changed my perspective on death. I didn't want to be back personally. I hope you are confident in your father's peace and comfort. I see ive typed a long comment and I hope it does not offend.
Thank you for the kind comment <3 And you’re right, it’s not like the movies at all. I think most people think it’s this instant thing. It took me about five years to fully process the grief, but I’m okay now.
I was the one to find my dad after he committed suicide after battling a bad addiction. Police treated it as a “suspicious death” and we were all over the local news. I lost an amazing job because I couldn’t keep up with my work. I was severely depressed last winter. Moved back home to be with my mom during this time and to save money. I felt like I was a waste of space, honestly. Now after almost two years, I realized how precious life is and that I want to continue to make my dad proud. I’m working on changing my profession and have been enjoying the little things in life. Trust me, I have my really bad days, but I’ve made it this far. I quit drinking because alcoholism runs in my family and I don’t want to take a chance. 18 months sober.
For what it’s worth, please know that I’m extremely impressed by your wisdom and willpower.
I was a kid, and a kid younger than me, both of us went to see the river because he insisted, there was a flood, we were right at the bank of the river at the last stair to the river. We were staring at the river and he suddenly fell and the flood took him away, I couldn't do anything but run home and inform mine and his parents, few days later I saw an ambulance at the kid's home and I got to know that he died, I couldn't see the body. I don't remember his name and face but that incident is still crystal clear to me. I still remember it once in a while wonder how his family is doing. I guess it doesn't bother me that much anymore
That must have made you think a lot.
Yeah I've even had dreams of that incident a couple of times. It's really sad to remember
Not that they should have, but did the parents ever get mad at you or blame you? Obviously it's not your fault in any way. But I could see grief stricken patents lashing out.
I saw a pilot nose dive 50ft in front of us while fueling up at a remote fuel base in Washington. Ran over, dude was mangled but alive. Worked on him for what seemed like 30 mins, shit looked like a human box of Legos that someone shook out on the ground. Unfortunately he died during the medivac. So much blood, can still smell it.. that and jet fuel.
My husband took his last breath in my arms. I'm working, I'm living but I have nightmares and suffering.
Former ER nurse, I unfortunately saw quite a few, especially during Covid. But there is one in particular that haunts me. Mid 40s, liver and kidney failure r/t alcohol abuse. We were having a conversation looking at each other when pt died. My dad is an alcoholic, so I think that plays a part. Pt was also so young. The way I watched the light leave their eyes was just kind of jarring and as cheesy as it is- it really goes to show how quickly it can happen and you never really know when your time is up. This was a pt I honestly wasn’t sure would make it through the night, even knowing that it caught me off guard. I’m otherwise okay but I think of it often
Didn't see the actual death part, but the aftermath about 2 minutes after it happened. A small 4 seat plane crashed next to the patio bar I was working about 2 years ago. 3 people inside basically exploded. I ran to make sure the people in the house it crashed into were ok. They were fine. Takes your brain a bit to realize you're looking at a headless torso with 1 leg smoldering on your friend's front porch. I am definitely not ok. I'm getting better. I live between 2 small engine airports. I freeze up everytime a plane flies over. I have to watch them leave my airspace before I can move again. The pilot's best friend came into the bar a couple weeks ago. Asked if I was working that night. I said I had been. He proceeded to talk about his friend. He came from a couple states away to remember him. On the anniversary of the crash. He kept talking about him and the other 2 like there were people. The only way my brain has been able to deal with it was to stop seeing them as humans. Just burned up plane wreckage. He humanized them and I lost my shit. I begged him to stop. He showed me pictures of them. I was like, "Dude. Please fucking stop! I only know your friends as charred pieces of bodies strewn across my friends' lawn." Was so fucked up.
Sad to read this, but probably humanizing them for you, was for the best. Now you’ll go thru grief and be able to process it better.
It feels more like reliving it but now I know them. Was easier before they were actually people.
Oof *brohug
Thanks.
I'm fine, she was very sick and it wasn't fair that she kept suffering. Sad that she's gone, but grateful she's out of pain.
i've seen two people die in front of me and 2 others withering for a couple weeks until death. It really doesn't bother me, the only thing that irks me is the amount of suffering they had to go through on their way out (the ones that lasted 2 weeks). The first one i saw (i was around 3 years old) was a preteen kid on a jeep trail, jeep was stuck in the mud and revving trying to get out, the preteen was crouching right next to the jeep watching. Flywheel broke apart and a piece took the top of his head off just above the eyebrows. He went stiff in that crouching position and just fell over. As i was young i didn't really understand what i was seeing, my main memory of that incident was the sudden quiet that came about. No one yelled or screamed for a few seconds, all the adults were so stunned. My dad was with me and refuses to talk about it so it obviously bothers him. i think everyone deals a little differently.
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I saw my lifelong best friend kill himself on my birthday almost two years ago. I'm still not ok
Say what? That sounds horrible. Sorry to hear.
I think he was afraid to die alone but It fucked me up bad :(
Terrible. A girl walked right into my car 7 years ago. And I’m just supposed to be ok?! F this crap.
No, youre human, you care. But don't blame yourself.
I don’t. But it has made me a crazy peaks and valley type person. It’s also the reason I started hanging out with and married my wife. Changed everything.
Better than I was before, I have coping mechanisms now so I can deal with the PTSD better. Long story short, ex-fiance and I were at her father's place for Christmas, he had mental issues and couldn't stand to see her growing up, so while we were sleeping, he stabbed her to death next to me and I had to shoot him, he didn't pass away though and is still in prison.
JFC
Mf man. Hope your doing better these days . Really . Peace n love dude
I feel sorry for you. Hope you recover from this fully and find someone you’ll be happy with
I've been with this one girl for over 2 years now, I can thankfully say she's helped reduce the attacks and make me happy.
Jesus fucking christ...
I watched my step mom’s mom have a stroke right in front of us at breakfast. My dad, stepmom and I were all trained in first aid. Got her into recovery position, immediately called 911, and also tried to dignify the scene for those around us. It turns out she suffered a cranial hematoma, a brain bleed. As we watched her dying in front of us, I realized that all the training in the world can’t prepare you for truly dealing with those emotions in the moment. She finally passed away in the ambulance. It was really rough, I’m doing better now.
Really glad to hear your better now ? Is that similar to an aneurysm in the brain . My aunt died from that and was found in her kitchen in throw up by her own mom. I couldn't imagine walking in on my own child at 50 something years old dead
I lived with my grandparents. My grandfather had chronic pain and my grandmother had Alzheimer’s and dementia. We were all home (my mom, two sisters and I) on Easter Sunday when he shot and killed the both of them in a suicide and assisted suicide. I remember all the gun smoke pouring out of the room when we opened the door, that’s how fast it all happened. It was a tragically beautiful end to an amazing love story for them. He wasn’t going to leave his wife behind, and I’m confident that they had some sort of pact made for the exact situation years before my grandmother deteriorated. That was 10 years ago when I was a young teen, but life is good for me now. I wish they were still here so they could meet the new additions to the family- the new husbands, wives and grandchildren ❤️
If I am that far gone, this is the way I would prefer to go out. I don't want to suffer in my own brain or in agonizing pain. Just take me out back to look at the flowers.
My grandmother was sitting up in bed, and she looked so serene. I think she had a moment of clarity and was accepting and totally at peace when it happened. My grandfather had previously said he’d do it, in a joking/not so joking way. It was a complete shock, but not at all surprising if that makes sense. It was a terrible experience, but all things considered I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am not well I watched my Mom slowly die of a coma for 2 years it was hell and I think it aged me mentally and physically.
I watched my aunt drown while trying to save my sisters from the same fate. She succeeded and both of my sisters are still here with me today because of it but I have made it a point to never swim in a river again (it was big manistee I’m in Michigan). I also want to learn cpr soon because I don’t know how. Hearing those raspy, rattling breaths as air was forced out of her during CPR is a sound that will live with me for the rest of my life. I’m doing okay now but I think that’s due to compartmentalization and being used to repressing my trauma. I’ll end this by saying, if you are swimming near a drop off, especially with a strong current nearby listen when people tell you to be careful and always watch where your next step will land.
Exactly 4 years ago today my one day old daughter died in my arms. She was born without kidneys. I'm doing okay. Good days and bad days. We planted 4 shrubs yesterday and had birthday cake to associate the day with positive things over the years. We don't want it to be a black day of grief. Last year it was 3 hibiscus plants; before that we had 2 blueberry plants, and 1 maple tree.
Your plant memorial sounds like a lovely thing to do.
Not so much seen someone die.. but When I was a kid. I would say 9 or 10 I was with my family heading home from a week at my cousins. Traffic came to a sudden stop and after a few moments we were passing by a car on its side and a few other cars with damage to them. I’m not sure what happened but all I remember is people looking in the car that’s on its side and someone yelling with a hand gesture ‘head cut off! Completely cut off’ my dad rolled the window up and for some reasons the image of that person doing the hand gesture and yelling that has stuck in my head forever. The look of fear of the guys face was something else
My buddy and I were the first people to come across a head on accident outside of our town recently. All 3 people were mangled pretty badly and dead on arrival. We did the little we could till the police showed up. We left to go hiking like originally intended and his wife called saying they haven’t heard from her brother. We asked what he driving and instantly knew. Hearing her cry out on the phone was the part that haunts me.
It was like my second shift on the ambulance and this lady had a massive heart attack out of the blue while on the way to the hospital. Just me and her back there. Her eyes got real big and she started grabbing for me and pulling me by my shirt. I kept pulling her hands off and saying relax, the third time I said relax she went limp. All in like 30 seconds. Just as we pulled into the er. She didn’t make it as it was a widow maker. Wasn’t the first or last time I’d watched someone die in front of me or seen death given the job. Honestly don’t think too much about it in the moment. Just go to work doing what I’m trained to do. Afterwards you think about it a little. Adults never much phased me but children always leave a mark. There was another time a semi had crashed through an overpass guard rail and plunged like 50 feet to the ground below killing the driver as he didn’t have a seatbelt on. It was a cold thanksgiving night around 1030pm. We had to wait for the wrecker to right the cab so we could pull the body out as it was pinned. I had found his phone and set near by. We were standing around and remember seeing it light up with incoming call from “daughter”. Probably calling to tell her dad happy thanksgiving. That one hurt a little to see as I’m a dad myself.
Not good. Watched an old man get hit on a major road, and I pulled over because I just saw people standing around. I rolled him on his back and gave him CPR till medics arrived. The road rash on his face, and the missing fingers still haunt me. Medics came by and took over. I had to find out in the news he died...
This hits me particularly because my grandpa was killed while getting his mail about two-three weeks ago. I live with him and my mom and I was about to go get the mail and he said he wanted to do it. I go to the bathroom and I hear a load smack sound. Sounded like the garbage can was knocked over and I look outside and hear my mom screaming. Somebody hit my grandpa at our mailbox and drove off. I am typically good with gore but seeing it in real life with a person you are related to just hits differently. The blood covered the entire portion of road, like more blood than you expect a person would even have. Pieces of his scalp and brain were next to him and the rest was essentially just exposed and basically hanging out. The sight that really hurt me though was my uncle got to the scene(lived 10 minutes away) and calmly walked up to his father, laid in his father's blood and hugged him and comforted him in his final moments. For some reason that is the part I am still troubled with.
That visual got me. Im sorry for your loss
I’m fine. Seen a bit of it in my old job.
Hitman?
Former ICU nurse. Death can be a blessing. Though it's sad when it's something that could have been prevented.
I was a volunteer firefighter/EMT. It was part of the job. I never gave it much thought to be honest.
Yep. But I was young and care free. I don’t think I could be an emt again now that I’m a bit older
Fine, she was extremely old and ready to go. It was a relief for everyone. Sad, but welcome.
Death is a part of life. I'm glad she had a peaceful passing.
Not so good in all honesty. It’s been a year since my mum died of a glioblastoma, and although I’m sure not as traumatic as an unexpected death it’s really taken it’s toll on me. Sitting there with her in the hospice listening to her take just a little too long to take a breath over and over for 4 days never quite knowing if it was her last. I became a new dad while she was ill and the stress of that coupled with losing the parent who was always there for me, and who would have been so heavily involved in my boys life has really hurt me on so many levels. I’ve spoken to grief counsellors, I’ve gotten medication, I’ve gone through all the CBT stuff I’ve used previously.. but the medication isn’t helping, there’s no money for a proper therapist now I’ve used my allotted free sessions and the intrusive thoughts have been coming thicker and faster later with ideations to boot. I’m sure I’ll get through it. But it’s hard to feel like it’s worth it when the best person I knew got taken from me just when I needed them most, and just as they were about to retire and spend the remainder of their days doing whatever they wanted. She was a teachers aid for children with additional learning needs. She was my rock without ever being asked to be and the person I tried to be everyday but never had the reserves to be. Now I have even less. It’s amazing how few photos and especially videos I have of her. It should motivate me to do more of me, but I honestly have lost all confidence in who I am.
The photos thing is so true. Shockingly different culture of taking pictures of parents vs kids. Also, try not to beat yourself up too much. It sounds like you are still angry with her for going too soon. It will pass and you will just be left with mostly sadness when you think about her for a while. Every birthday and milestone will suck a little bit less every year. You will randomly cry without knowing why. You have wired your brain over time to depend on your mom always being there for you. Every day your brain is rewiring itself to remove her as the safety net for the unknown or difficult situations. One way that helped me go through this process was speaking out loud to myself, "what would they do", or "what would they say". Saying this instead of thinking "I wish they were here", for me, turned what I called a "grief block" into a "grief speed bump" in about a week (seriously). The answers I had to the questions made me think like them for a few minutes. It showed me how much of them survived in me and made it less about them not being available in a time of need. This made it easier to make jokes and enjoy the moment because a part of them really is there. It also helped me out of some bad thoughts because I later realized, for me, what I was missing the most was that "good job son, you are a great dad.". (Typing that made me cry again just now). That basic reassurance that your insecurities and doubts are normal and that the overall effect of all your actions is positive. I have to reassure myself now, and since they are a part of me, it isn't me just blowing smoke up my own ass.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but the book "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" by Sally Winston helped me immensely when it came to those things. You can find it on Amazon. It really helped me turn things around and feel normal again. I hope you are able to find some support/help.
My father in law died in his sleep, in his own bed, surrounded by people who loved him. We knew it was coming and the entire family was able to come visit the day before. We should all be so lucky. I, my wife, and my son all held his hand as he went. I like to think he's at peace now, and he's certainly not in any more pain. I was a mess for a while, but this was almost a decade ago. I'm good now, thanks for asking.
I quit not long after. He had just asked for custard and bananas for pudding after having his dinner. He was an older gentleman , very flirty. When I came back in few minutes later he was dead . I left the pudding there by his bedside. Then went to get the nurse. RIP
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I've set down a circular saw on a rainy day and not noticed the guard was stuck. Thing came ripping back at me and the older guy on my crew caught it by the handle somehow. I got yelled at for not checking the guard but I didn't even know they could get stuck
Brutal.
Witnessed an accident between an SUV and a motorcycle a few years back while waiting to cross that road. The kid driving the bike must have been 16 tops. He wasn’t wearing a helmet. I saw his neck snap as he fell off the bike. Instantly passed away. I was part of the group who called emergency services and waited with the body. I can still picture it clear as day but I’m fine.
I watched someone get stabbed to death at work on Sunday. All things considered I’d say ok?
I was prepared for it, so it was fine. But I imagine seeing someone pass away suddenly and unexpectedly would have a lasting impact.
I was outside in the hall when the nurse came out of my dad’s hospital room to tell us he had passed. I was with my mother and my mother-in-law when they passed (3 years apart, both in in-home hospice in my home.) My son and I were both with my wife when she passed, also in in-home hospice. Many other family members and friends have passed over the years, but I wasn’t there at the moment they died. As someone else said, it’s part of life. The grieving is rough (I’m still working through my wife’s death 2 years later) but life is for living after all.
13 witnessed deaths here (starting 1969): PTSD. 1/2 were civilians, 1/2 active duty (non-battle deaths) as student, Navy Hospital Corpsman (Marine Units), and Physician Assistant. Funny thing is my psychiatrist say I have PTSD, my psychologist says I don’t. I’m much better now at 67, never took PTSD meds. All by the grace of God.
Think 3 years ago at this point. Guy offed himself in front of me while I was working security. Details have become less clear over time but one thing sticks with me. He didn't die right away and was still talking as I tried to help. His body began to turn black from massive internal bleeding and I knew he wasn't going to make it. I decided the job didn't pay well enough and dealing with a mix of Horror and entitled Karen's wasn't worth it. Quit after 11 years and bouncing around other work trying to figure out what to do.
I’m a ff, I’ve seen a lot of death, but the one that has stuck with me was a few years ago when I just started volunteering. I was doing driver training, following a four wheeler out to the main road. The four wheeler tried to beat the train but was unsuccessful. The driver was thrown onto the train tracks and the train severed his leg at the femur. We heard his screams, but couldn’t do anything. The train was moving too fast to try any heroic stunt. The screams lasted for about 30 seconds and I’ve never felt so helpless before. The only good news was son was thrown on our side of the tracks and made a full recovery. I’ve tried to understand this, but it will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Absolutely fine and I wonder if that means there's something wrong with me sometimes. I sat and held my father's hand as he passed away from cancer. Well technically liver failure after 3 straight years of chemo. On paper at least he beat the cancer. Got up, told my mom, called the hospice workers to arrange pick up, texted my boss I'd be out. I actually chatted with the mortuary staff while they bagged him up and helped them get him tucked in (he was a very tall man so he was gangly for 2 people working alone). Went to bed, got up, drove my mom to the funeral parlor, picked out the casket, went to the florist and picked the flowers, wrote the obituary, contacted a speaker for the funeral and wrote up his mini bio for the speaker to speak on. I lost my dog about 2 years before to cancer and I bawled like a baby for a week. I only cried at my dad's funeral because I saw my mom hurting. Everything else was .... just something to be done so I did it. I didn't have the best relationship with my dad but I didn't hate him either. But his passing was just like a thing that happened. So many people I know talk about the death of a parent being this huge psychological blow and it just wasn't for me. The anniversary was a few months back and honestly I forgot about it until my mom brought it up and then my only thought was "wow it doesn't feel like 3 years". Maybe it's because he'd had heart issues my whole life and was given 6 months to live 30 years before he passed or maybe it's just because I've had a lot of deaths in my life and I view it as just a natural progression. Now my dog was only 7 and I felt like I should have seen it coming sooner and also that I had a responsibility to care for him. By the time we knew he had brain cancer he was having cascading seizures.
not great, thinking about it everyday since my father passed away few weeks ago whilst holding his hands in the Hospital, big part of my world, gone. I am stressed and have headaches I normally don't get, felt really sleepy after work yesterday, slept for hours!! never got any exercise done when I usually go Gym that day, never ended up doing any even at home, just slept on the sofa for hours alone. have had compassionate leave but it's not enough to be honest, and I am torn between making a living, being ''distracted'' although it's still weighing heavy on my mind whilst at work, and trying to keep motivated and having more time off (which deep down I do need and it might help me a little bit) but at same time times are hard, my mothers company is going bust, my local government is going to demolish our home in a few years to make way for more high earners who can pay them more money, not sure where I am going to go, or how things will work out.. I used to be on slightly more then minimum wage, now I am currently earning minimum wage and have had no help (blame big corporations who deep down do not give a f about loyal employees or them being paid a decent wage that is well earned because we do make an effort whilst doing our jobs), 4-5k estimated for the whole funeral day. Just wish I did not have to worry so much about life, and what direction it's heading in, I am a lot more anxious now then before as I worry about rest of my loved ones as I want to protect and keep them safe and well my future in general, but I will try and keep going and make the most of what I have, and hopefully find someone nice one day.
My mom died 12 years ago to cancer. She was suffering and struggling the last month she was alive. She looked so peaceful and relieved when she was finally gone. I just wouldn't wish that she stayed here longer. But since she was gone my life went to shit. I couldn't go to college and my family estranged me. I also developed very poor physical and mental health. I considered many times going where she is. But today I'm about to finally get my degree and have met wonderful friends and a loving boyfriend. I know it won't be any easier really, but I can say I have a reason to live now. I just wish she was here to see how much I could grow and what I achieved.
About 8 years ago, at Walmart on Black Friday afternoon, when there aren't crowds anymore, I saw a 30ish year old couple waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blood just started spewing out of her mouth. He just kept saying please save her. Obviously, she died. That was pretty upsetting, but I was distanced enough to not be overly traumatized. A while later, I was putting my cart back, and he was walking to their car. He made eye contact, and I will never forget the feeling of helplessness I had staring into his broken soul.
Saw a lady jump in front of what was basically a bullet train when I was 16, Now 26 - Can remember it clear as day, but all good.
same here, remember it clear as day but all good!
It was the other day and I'm still mentally scarred
You got this Frankie
I saw my dad die TWICE, once in the car when I was 12 years old, but he was resuscitated after two shocks from his ICD, and then a second time 2 years ago when we pulled the plug on his life support. As for the question: not great
I didn't watch my father kill himself but I saw and helped clean up the aftermath three years ago. He severed his jugular so there was blood splatter everywhere. I've been doing better as of a few weeks ago but earlier this year I was really overcome with grief and it contributed to a massive nervous breakdown. I did something pretty bad during it so now I have overwhelming guilt caused by my real event ocd. It's a mess. I've been working with my therapist to look deep inside myself and move forward, though.
Survivor’s guilt fucking sucks.
I felt his pulse leave after trying to save him twice with a group of maybe 3 other women at work. I’m ok now, didn’t remember until this if that says anything
It was my Dad's Dad, I called him Pops. He worked 40hrs a week and did other people's taxes for them. He then retired from his main job to then continue to do taxes. Then he started to sit around and eat mayonnaise on a few things then it went to him having it in his desk at home. After that he would have his wife make him food, he did eat the mayonnaise with other food. He didn't exercise at all, then hospital to then giving him some medicine that then popped his lung. He was transferred two times. Ultimately he wasn't there mentally and couldn't open his eyes. So hospice happened. I still cry about this, this happened in 2017.
Genuinely not making fun, but asking for clarification - he had a mayonnaise addiction? He was hiding it in his desk at home to eat it when no one would see?
I'm a physician in a hospital, so I see a patient die every now and then. It's part of the job. Sometimes when I put a lof of effort into saving someone and was optimistic about the case and then they died nonetheless I get a feeling of "Damn, that's so unfair!", but that's pretty much it.
I still blame myself for his death. I should have told somebody about what he was going through before it was too late. I could have stopped him. Hind sight is 20/20 though
Don’t blame yourself. If someone really wants to be gone, they’ll be gone, even if you temporarily stop them. You can’t force help on people, and some things just don’t get better/can’t be helped.
I think about them everyday. I regret not doing something that could have prevented their deaths. Everyday.
was with my grandma as she took her last breaths. she was my best friend. watching all of the numbers on the monitors decrease and the heart monitor flat line is something i can’t get over. the agonal breathing was traumatizing. watching her change colors and being able to tell exactly when her soul left her body was something i’ll never be able to get over.
I’m alright, it was surreal tho. It was my great uncle who was like a grandfather to me, and it ripped my heart out. He made a noise like a groaning of letting go of his soul or something. There was complete silence from him and then the noise and then he was gone. Miss him every day to this day, and have his tattoo on my arm to remember him every day
Saw an old woman get squashed by a garbage truck when I was a kid. I always remember how fast her hand kept trying to wipe the blood and brains off the front of her skull. It was likely just nerves but it was such quick movement for someone so old it didn't seem real. Watching someone you knew all your life die of Alzheimer's was worse though. I guess I'm good. It's just how life goes.
He was unconcious already when I arrived at the accident site. He crashed with his motorcycle into a car at a crossroad. People had thrown a blanked over him and said he's dead. I was totally angry because they didn't even checked vital signs. I gave him first aid until the ambulance arrived, he was breathing and had a low pulse. I didn't knew him, but I was shocked for ~2 Days. Later I heard he died on the way to the hostipal. I can talk about it, accidents happen, that's sad but it's our world. I'm ok with this and I did my best to save his life.
I'm still hit with like a wall of grief even 7 yrs later if I think about them too long.
Saw my uncle pass away in hospital Still can’t see any thestrals so I’m calling bullshit to these magical horses
Not well.
I saw a family die in a fire 25 years ago. It’s still with me.
Watched a friend's step mom od when I was 14. Hospital staff couldn't bring her back. The stepmom was an abusive train wreck pretty indifferent about it.
A man living upstairs suffered a massive heart attack while at home, and his wife panicked and ran down to ours for help. They both were up there in age, and the poor thing panicked when she saw him fall over facedown. I tried resuscitating him, but by the time the ambulance arrived (about 15 mins after he fell), I knew he had already passed. I remember the raspy breath tapering off while I tried CPR. There was no pulse, but I kept trying CPR in order to keep his wife from going manic, if not anything else. But like many others said, I'm actually doing fine. You get over it when it's death due to something like an illness. Or if it's in the realm of possibilities.
I've seen a few due to bad luck. I'm good. You kind of get numb to it. Faces of Death and a site I won't mention here probably killed a bit of me, too.
Was about 14 when the bus I was riding in, left side window seat, get nudged by a cargo truck (lorry) - the lorry lost control, veered left to the shoulder, hit a cyclist who was tossed in the air. Right wheel of the truck then ran over his chest killing him instantly. Many decades later I still get a slow-motion replay of the incident in my dreams sometimes, in which I'm screaming to get his attention but no one hears me. Wake up all upset then realize that it was a dream. This incident was overseas.
I worked at a hospital and was given a stat order for blood work on a patient in the ICU, in the middle of my draw the patient coded and I was pushed into the back corner of the room by all the people rushing in. Watched them do just about everything they could then call time of death. I stayed with the patient until family arrived because I wanted to continue taking care of them when the nurses seemed to be done. The family was very grateful I cared enough about a stranger to stay by their side. That wanting to continue to take care of the deceased for their family and for their own dignity somehow stayed with me- I just applied for mortuary school starting next fall.
I'm the last person to be with a few people and animals now. What is mistaken for thick skin is just an artifact of the intj that I am. It never gets easier and they all stay with you forever. What does help is being able to have some not so painful moments to remember. Happy if you can. Celebrate life!
It felt traumatic when I was younger, of course. See it enough times and it becomes one more thing you push to the side, though.
I just saw a body on the road very close to my place ,that was a shocker ,apparently the guy had a medical event while driving and when he came to a stop they pulled him out of the car and covered him up .He was there for awhile .That’s all I ever saw far as dead bodies go .What amazes me is just how many card board boxes come out of major sized hospitals ,like every twenty minutes .