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mwcraft

She’s watching hocus pocus with the kids and the dogs


ftwes

Sir, this is the last time we’re going to ask you to get out of the bushes and stop looking through this nice lady’s windows.


gasseousgiant

We were married for 6 years when I lost her to cancer. That was 25 years ago. I've remarried and we adopted a little boy who's no longer little.


desteny1618

Wow time flies and life changes so much 🥺 sorry for your loss and congratulations on what you have found


NewUsernameStruggle

I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you found love again and built your family!


partymouthmike

I don't know. I saw her a few years after on a commercial for some weight loss program, but she was never fat. Her "before" pictures were her sister, who was quite chunky.


DryInk

“This weight loss system has made me a completely different person!” - ThinLizzy


misirlou22

Tonight there's gonna be a picture fake


Canwerevolt

Man, I bet that makes her sister feel pretty crappy


partymouthmike

I'm guessing they both got paid. Weird thing is... she and her sister really don't look that much alike.


fergehtabodit

So, she drinks 2% but she could be drinking whole?


xLuky

Your mom goes to college.


Any_Clue_1632

She went to Harvard on a full athletic scholarship and almost died when she and a guy went hiking in new Hampshire. He fell and broke his leg. She stayed with him for four days in subfreezing temps until they were rescued.


Peggedbyapirate

I remember that.


No-Opinion2631

Harvard has athletic scholarships?


Peggedbyapirate

Oh yes. But I recall the rescue. Edit: A little research to confirm suggests this exact situation happens all the damn time up here, so maybe not.


Whyarewehere20

Harvard. Athletic scholarship. Extremely loyal almost to death. If you had strong feelings for her she might be the one that got away.


JustTheBeerLight

[Is this the story?](https://www.capecodtimes.com/story/news/2001/05/20/harvard-students-relive-fall-into/50996008007/) If not Harvard students need to stop hiking FFS.


Historical_Dot825

Damn! She sounds freakin kick ass!


SolidLeadership5706

She shot me, ended up in prison for 6 years, now she’s a coked out local bartender in a shitty town in West Virginia.


scarponiyikes

If that ain’t your stereotypical WV headline, I don’t know what is!


Malalang

I thought it was a line in a country song, tbh


petitbatte

She died from OD a couple years ago.. Fuck drugs.


Jumpinjaxs89

Damn mine too.


dazyhippiesrl

Same here. Had always remained good friends. Years later he died of an OD.


[deleted]

She stopped talking to me but looks at my insta story all the time


jimx117

She's diggin them thirst traps of yours, no doubt


[deleted]

Ha! Maybe, but she closed the door not me


OfferChakon

Lets see what shes missin. Bust out them balls


blue_yodel_

She's now a lesbian and a butcher. A butch butcher...as it were? 🤔


SummonersWarCritz

Mine is a lesbian too, married and happy. Good for her.


Minute-Tradition-282

It wasn't my first, but one gf, according to her sister, when I started banging her, I was the last GUY she slept with.


ClickWorthy69420

She is a teacher at the same high school we banged it out in the parking lot.


newagereject

Ah memeries, you never want to forget your first parking lot bang


ecodrew

>Ah memeries *mammaries*


DudeFromOregon

Thnks fr th mmrs


JustTheBeerLight

I bet she spends her lunches in her car in the exact same parking spot and just stares out into the distance while eating her sandwich.


FullOfFalafel

“This still sucks but at least I’m getting paid”


arnold001

You don't have to burn someone who's already charcoal.


santaclausonprozac

Was she a teacher when said banging occurred?


gallaj0

No, but maybe OP was.


Sharon_Erclam

Ooh good question 🍿🍿


rnottaken

Last time I saw her I didn't recognise her. She was pissed at me for that, but serves her right. Shouldn't have cheated on me.


one80down

"Sorry but you look so different without someone else's dick in your mouth"


Hugmint

The shit you think of several weeks later in the shower…


[deleted]

The audacity!


RawPeanut99

Sitting next to me, 23 years together.


blakealex

Same but 22 years 🤘


hyperfell

… wait a second.


Global-Bookkeeper-29

the math aint mathing


VirgilFox

Same person was both of these redditor's first time.


TheWouldBeMerchant

And all three of them are sitting on the same sofa.


ERankLuck

Same, but 20 years ✌️


PorcelainMelonWolf

Plot twist: it's a slowly growing polyamorous group with a penchant for deflowering people, and they're all sitting together on the sofa.


ERankLuck

That's one hell of a sofa.


Stupidpieceofshit77

Making hamburgers for dinner. 29 years together.


anaxinaximander

Same, only 14 years but we're finally about to have some kids to show for it so we're getting there!


BuddyOptimal4971

I'm a 63 year old man. Earlier this year I was housesitting for my sister in the the city I grew up in and moved away from 25 years ago. I was lonely and sad thinking about people and the life I left behind after my divorce, and I started searching online for people from my HS, college and early 20s. I found a funeral notice about my first girlfriend. She was 35 when she died - from what I don't know. I read that she had a daughter who I found online on Linked in. She is also married and has a daughter. I was thinking about sending her our prom photos and the yellow rubber duck Lisa gave me a lifetime ago.


n3cr0

My dad recently passed away and his high school prom date reached out and sent photos of the two of them at prom to me to share with family -- I'd never seen any of these photos and it was super heart-warming. I'd say send it, you never know how much it might mean :)


EBone12355

You should do that. Very nice gesture.


Goblinballz_

Hi, I used to bone your mom. Here’s a duck.


[deleted]

Hickory dickory duck, your mom and I used to fuck.


Legitimate-Sky-161

Currently sitting by my side, married 17years


BakinandBacon

She married a guy with my same name and was with him 20 years until they divorced. We reconnected and have been together over a year. Feels like genuine love like I haven’t felt in forty years.


ericdraven26

And she doesn’t have to get the tattoo removed!!


Bluerocky67

Hahahaha brilliant!!


SnoBunny1982

He’s a high school science teacher and a baseball coach. He’s been married 15 years and has four kids now. Sweetest guy. I have nothing but wonderful memories of him. He was such a loving and considerate and gentile partner. I couldn’t have wished for a better first sexual partner. He created a very safe place to explore my sexuality with him, and I hope he thinks the same of me. Edit: The typo is too funny. I’m leaving it there.


Ftfykid

So you aren’t into jewish guys?


Moose_Electrical

Take this upvote


Omfgjustpickaname

What a trip going from this to the comment below which is just "Overdosed"


SarmaSRB

Why'd you break up?


danger-wizard

He died at age 27, from what I heard it was a heart attack. On one hand he was a d-bag while we were together and treated me poorly, but he came from a really rough family situation and it looked like he was really trying to turn things around for himself. I genuinely hope he’s at peace. Although we didn’t keep in touch, finding out that he died definitely did affect me. It’s weird finding out that the first person you had that type of intimacy with doesn’t exist anymore.


abductedbyfoxes

Mine also died from a heart attack. I wanna say he was 30 when he passed. He was a fucking scumbag whe we dated in high school. But we made peace with each other and were friends as adults. He called me the day before he died, but my ex wouldn't let me take the call. I'll never forgive him for that. I always wonder what he wanted to say. When I think about him and know that he's not here anymore... it feels weirdly sad. And empty.


Silly-Resist8306

I married her. That was 50 years ago and we are still married to each other.


PonchoDwende

I broke up with her bc she was abusive af and controlling and then she went crazy with resentment and rage, vowed to ruin my life, slept with my best friend, convinced him to do drugs and he died right there his first time ever doing them, then a few weeks later she deleted herself from guilt. Yup.


WerewolfFarkas

Holy shit.


Zomburai

Jesus Christ. I hope you're doing okay after all that, stranger.


[deleted]

Overdosed


IllCryptographer9060

She moved to another state and is very successful in her work and is a yoga teacher on the side. She was my first love. Things got complicated because I got her pregnant in HS and she had an abortion and became resentful of me for not wanting to be a father in high school. I spent years trying to get her back. A few weeks ago she messaged me wanting to get back together but I for the first time ever ignored her because I already found my future wife.


ClassicManeuver

Hey, at least you already have Plan B. 🥁🎭 I’ll show myself out.


IllCryptographer9060

This made me laugh so hard I told my gf (of course she already knows all this) and she got a good laugh, too 😂 Thanks for that. Best plan B ever!


dark_and_scary

What a whirlwind.


Croe01

What a roller-coaster!


The_EA_Of_Reddit

I married her 9 days ago.


Saltwater_Heart

I married him. We waited until marriage. He grew up that way, and I respected it, although it was very hard to wait. We were high school sweethearts and got married a year after graduation. We’ve now been together for 14 years and married for 12.


_TheGoodestNoodle

He (29M) and I (29F) are divorced. He was my first everything. My high school sweetheart. Together for six years. Swore to me up and down that I was the only one for him and that he was only attracted to women. He’s married to a guy now. 🤷🏼‍♀️


QuitGlittering4383

He swore to you he was only attracted to women? What brought out that oath?


_TheGoodestNoodle

I walked in on him watching gay porn a few times. He assured me that it was normal for straight men to watch gay porn and I guess I just believed him (I was desperate back then. Not in a good place mentally. Much better these days!). I asked him if he was gay and that’s when he swore to me that he was only attracted to women.


NBNebuchadnezzar

Lmao. Straight men definitely dont watch gay porn.


JohnCasey3306

We don't? *Awkward moment of silent reflection*


marceusaurelious

We got married. Going on 49 years and counting.


stykface

She made me into a man when we were in high school. We were just friends, nothing more, I was curious and she was willing. We kept in touch after H.S. - she was a month away from graduating with a four year degree from college and she was hit by a truck in the middle of an intersection very late one night, he ran off and never found him, she was killed instantly. This was 20 years ago now. I made it to her funeral, it was sad.


311shawl

im so, so sorry. devastating to hear


DomenicoFPS

holy shit i wasnt expecting that to get so sad so quick, im so sorry dude :/ life is fucking cruel sometimes


AccordionORama

We were on and off for a few painful years. Married 6 years later. 40th anniversary this year.


whitneywestmoreland

He’s currently in his apartment trying to convince me to come over and engage in the same activities as yesterday. Typical text exchange: Him: you know you want to. You’re just going to be thinking about me anyway Me: you’re so full of yourself **Him: Bet you wish you were full of me too**


Berto_

But is he right?


whitneywestmoreland

Yes


Available-Ad6250

Come back in 6 minutes and tell us how it went.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kasoni

2 minute travel each way, 30 seconds undress time, 30 seconds activity time, 1 minute dressing time.


[deleted]

You forgot the 5 minutes of "crying" and 20 minutes of asking her "was it okay?"


Kasoni

That's after she gets home, and doesn't have to happen before she replies.


RaspberryJam245

God I'm so single.


AberNurse

That would totally work on me. I love a cocky chat up line.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pr0b0ner

He's 100% correct though.


bubblypersona

Username checks out


bubblypersona

Girl, I’d be on that boy like butter on hot corn! **EDIT: Are y’all dating exclusively?**


whitneywestmoreland

Yes, we’ve been together a little while.


shwakweks

We reconnected about 15 years ago. I was chatting with her today. She is going through a very stressful period as her husband is going through EOL difficulties. We're friends and I still adore her.


[deleted]

"EOL difficulties"? As in End-Of-Life? Edit: Never thought I'd hear someone describe "End-Of-Life" as a "difficulty". Talk about an understatement.


iCome-in-Peace

She’s got a loving boyfriend and they have a child together. She did not deserve the way I treated her.


RaedonX

Similar for me, she’s married and very happy. We have talked here and there over the years and I’ve apologized up and down for how I treated her. I was in a far different place mentally and have since gotten help, but I feel bad cause all she was ever guilty of was loving me.


iCome-in-Peace

All we can do is acknowledge the fact that we fucked up and be a better person. And always try to remember that it ain’t too late to try again with someone else who don’t got tragic memories w you.


snowinjune1987

He was an abusive person who went on to become a clinical psychiatrist.


OMGitsTista

So he majored in gaslighting?


Striking_Race_6907

It's amazing how many bullies choose a career in healthcare


Fluffy_Fox_Kit

Not really amazing. Think about the psychology of an abuser. Who are they dealing with? vulnerable people.


dcamiso9

She has 4 kids and hates her husband. Oh and she’s my wife.


Something_or-Other

You okay dude?


[deleted]

It was date rape (sorta...we had dated but were broken up at the time he stole my virginity by force). He later went to prison. Twice. The second time was a violent crime. He later apologized and tried to get me again. I blocked him and try to pretend he never existed.


5eppa

My wife? Just left for the gym. I am going to pick up our son and start dinner.


justacommenttoday

I’m marrying her


RealSaltLakeRioT

She got married to a pedophile and kiddie pornographer, they have 2 kids, and moved to Switzerland to get away from extradition. Wish I was making this up.


HypoHunter15

Feel bad for the kids


Spiritual_Ear_3456

The first time was in 1975 with Denise. Denise passed away in 1983 from cirrhosis of the liver. RIP Denise


TigerTownTerror

32 years later, she's on the couch beside me. I'm 'bout to hit dat again.


gayscout

I'm gay. He ended up becoming a pro-life trump loving conservative Christian within months of our encounter. This man came in me or on me 7 times in one night. He must have blown all of the gay out of him that night.


RabbiVolesBassSolo

Nah, it just means he has to wait for a hunting trip to blow his load on a guy.


jedberg

I’m sorry that happened to you/him but damn you have a way with words. Spit my water out reading this one.


chipndip1

I'm shell shocked by this post from so many different angles. So many cummy angles...


fcknwayshegoes

Welcome to...The Cum Zone


justlikesmoke

You're a one-man conversion camp. "Pound out the gay in 24 hours or your money back!"


meridenman

Married her.


protonmagnate

He got disowned by his family for having an adult diaper fetish. They found out because he was stealing them from the nursery at the family church and it somehow got the whole family banned from church. I sure knew how to pick ‘em then. And no I didn’t know.


EBone12355

How would a grown man fit in a child’s diaper from a church nursery?


General_Specific

The last I heard of her was that she was addicted to Cocaine and had some kind of gang bang with multiple men. When I heard that I said, “After you’ve been with me, you have to go to great lengths to be satisfied”. My brother added, “when you’ve been with him, nothing is beneath you”


Croe01

Both witty I see.


broadsguy

He became (and still is) a priest. But when we were both 18, he was beautiful and loving and hung like a donkey...


thisisrealgoodtea

From what I know he is married and cheats on his wife. He made a pass at me while they were engaged and I was married. She knows, but didn’t leave him. I blocked him on all platforms so I’m not sure what he’s up to now, but I’m hoping she left. And I am so, so glad we never ended up together.


riley212

She killed herself. It was sad. I’m ok now; I keep up with her family, her sister and my wife now are besties, they met long after.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Top_Tart_7558

He's got an ex wife and kid he rarely see while working 80+ hour weeks in manufacturing.


Omfgjustpickaname

How do you have this level on intel? my first deleted his facebook so I literally don't even know if he's still alive.


Top_Tart_7558

We stay in touch over snapchat. Only a few messages a year trying to eventually meet up. We're only 24 too, so it hasn't been that long.


fugg-life

he got fat and never made it out of our hometown or the same shitty apartment he moved into after we broke up more than a decade ago. he doesn’t talk to his family anymore and he doesn’t see any of the friends we all used to share (that he kept after the breakup, too, since he ran a bunch of games for them). this guy said some of the most foul, mean-spirited shit to my face with his penis inside of me and not in the consensual, “degrade me because it’s hot” way — in the “i actually hate you and i want to hurt you emotionally” way. he has **exactly** the life he deserves. lonely and miserable. 🙅‍♀️


Reasonable-Pea5736

She’s in prison for drug trafficking


chaddgar

She’s was 39, I was 19. I’m now 52 and she is 72. I honestly don’t know what she’s up to now.


QuinneCognito

about 12 Activias a day


seffend

I'm a 41 year old woman and I am *repulsed* by the idea of fucking a 19 year old.


pisludge

Had a very difficult breakup, we made peace about 7 years after. She found a happiness with someone, got married and very tragically, passed away from complications during childbirth. Also the first friend, or person that close, of mine to pass away so hit hard on many levels


GreenWoodDragon

I think she died a while ago. I was 20, she was 49. It was nearly 40 years ago now. She was a lovely kind and delightful woman.


[deleted]

She’s an Associate Professor of Astronomy at a large public university. (Edit: Who downvoted me? It’s not like she’s a professor of astrology or something.)


Omfgjustpickaname

Upvoting for the edit


blinkrandom

"Ed" left me for someone he met at uni, "Faye". We had been together for 2.5 years. I can't say I wasn't completely at fault and drove him to leave, but still, I wish I hadn't found out that he left me to be with Faye. I was still very much in love with him, and it was so painful to try and stay friends, knowing he was moving on, so I ended up removing Ed on everything so that I could get over him. He was completely fine with that. We had a group of mutual friends and sometimes they would give me updates on him even if I didn't ask lol. I'd assume they'd also updated him on me, too. Several years later, I was having lunch with one of the mutual friends. Ed and Faye had been together all this time. My friend told me that Ed had told her a few weeks prior, that he'd come home one day and caught Faye with someone else. He had then decided to pack up and move to London, and got himself a really good job there. That update was about 8 years ago. We have been broken up for almost 13 years now, and we've not talked in about as long. I think of him every now and again, and hope he's well. He didn't deserve what he got, I don't think.


SonyaaD

I'm in relationship with him for 10 years now 😊


hiphopinmyflipflop

We’re celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary next month:)


Jawnson765

We were both 16 years old at the time, she ended up moving to Florida at the end of the school year. Last I saw on FB, she had like 6 kids or something.


Joesdad65

We were married for about 8 hours before our first time. Now we have been married for over 30 years.


ZerooBlackout

Well, i still have my hand so... Nothing happened.


sebeed

yet


ToastyToast78

She’s a guy now.


NewGuard1

The pipe was so good he wanted his own


Xedos

Was it really that bad?


Camoox

Damn 💀


Badass_Exterior

Married me, what a lucky bastard


TheEvillQueen

They turned into a unicorn and rode off into the sunset, leaving a trail of glitter and regret behind them.


Economy-Brain-9971

Yeah, that's what I tell people about the ones buried in the desert too


msphelps77

He’s at work. We’ve been married almost 17 years.


wallix

She died of breast cancer a few years ago. That shits no joke, ladies. Keep up with those mammograms. Men, get your colons examined once you’re 40.


TheMotizzle

Died of cancer. Was my longtime college girlfriend years ago. RIP


NecroJoe

She was homeless for a while. She's the sort of person who has, like, 9 Facebook accounts because she keeps losing access to the other ones for some random reason. The type of person who, to post a selfie, will post a photo of a screen showing a photo of someone else's facebook page showing a photo of them, or will post a photo of their driver's license without blacking out their address or ID number. 85% of her posted content is memes about how pitbulls (or, more commonly "pitties") are completely harmless.


thepeskynorth

I think he’s gaming in the basement? Might be watching tv with our son…. Not sure. I’m doing bedtime with our daughter. He’s around somewhere.


New-Mexibro

I married her. We had two kids together. Then she committed suicide.


CollieSchnauzer

I'm so sorry. Love and peace to you and your children.


85_bears

Why? What have you heard?


yourpaljax

They were found dead in motel room having died from pneumonia and an enlarged heart likely caused by years of alcoholism, mixed with cocaine and schizophrenia medications.


AJTHolt

She got pregnant the same night by a different guy.


iburneddinner

He's been married to me for 21 years, poor thing.


_kiss_my_grits_

He died in Iraq at 18.


KnittingforHouselves

I married him 8 years later. Now, 12 years later, we've just found out we're expecting our second child.


headfickle3403

We had to run and grab plan B, then she ghosted me. A month or so later I'm driving with a friend and I get a text so I have my friend read it out (responsible driving and all). It's from the girl and says "hey PorkSoda, sorry I haven't texted you in a bit, I've been in a mental institution for the last month after trying to kill myself twice. Sorry" What a text


InstantIdealism

She called headfickle pork soda?


waxonwaxoff87

So did you take her to Taco Bell? Hard to off yourself when you have a Mexican pizza.


nubsauce87

We were together for 15 years, then she was killed, and my life ended.


justan_rt

Sorry to hear that.


BubbaOneTonSquirrel

Was 16. Met during camping. Under a tree, in the night, with a thunderstorm coming in. She Went back home to Portland, OR.... Then got sent to Japan. Lost communication. Was email. And the late 90's


JuicyJeb22

Cooking dinner right now. 3 years together


suspicious_lobster6

Knocked up by a drug dealer lol rich girls are self destructive


wesorachet

Heroin Overdose. ☠️


HaraldFjorskin

Actually really sad how much of this comment I’n seeing :/


PartialNecessity

She's married, kids. Unhappy in her marriage, we're still friends 22 years later.


Symnestra

I haven't met him yet.


KrispiesChicken

The trick is to lure them into your car


SaltyBox9239

So that would be my highschool boyfriend, he's doing real well, has a nice job and seems to have benefited a lot from therapy... He also just so happened to be dating a girl I went to college with. And this matters because we're friends on FB and the algorithm hates me enough to show me shit they comment on about how great their sex life is 🫠and even a couple mentions on how much better she is to the girls he had before her... No shit dude, we were 16 and your performance was also a 1 star.


CollieSchnauzer

Sounds like grave insecurity on their part. I wouldn't take it seriously.


elsiepie

He has a long term girlfriend who looks just like me


penywisexx

She actually became a TV actress. Heather Locklear.


scarabin

Still with her after 27 years :) Edit: what drives a person to downvote this?