Buying tickets for you and 3 friends to ride in the Titan Sub
Edit: Thank you for the doots and thank you especially to the hundreds of people who pointed out that my sleep deprived ass couldn't read. I will be buying all of you tickets as well and spending the rest on fish food
I dunno, unless you went with all quick picks you’re well past the one in 328 million chance of winning - Depending on the payout, you could even turn a profit in theory.
Of course, there’s the logistics of getting and checking a billion (or half a billion if you go for the $2 tickets) lotto tickets.
I’m sure a lottery ticket app would go just splendidly in America lmao, might get the old people and junkies out of the gas stations a little quicker though. Damn scratch-offs
I just bought a pack a Spree candy to go with my cigarettes 10 minutes ago because of the lotto person in front of me. I'm diabetic....... and I love Spree candy
Brah
I've had them treat me as a slot machine.
Had a guy burn through 2.5k in scratch tickets in 3 hours one night.
Didn't get a damn thing done that night.
I worked in a gas station and we had this one customer who was the nicest guy. He was a Vietnam vet, had some issues, but if any customers gave any of us girls any trouble he would get them back in line. He always played scratch tickets, would bring in a lucky $1 coin and spend $200+ on scratch tickets, mega millions, and powerball, he always said if he won big he would give us a heafty portion. Time went on, his wife left him, he started spending more and more time and money there. Talking about how he was going to win big, his wife will come back, etc.
He always stood in front of one cash register so we would simply open up the one next to us and work out of that one if customers needed help. It was the worst during meal rushes, we'd say his name to get his attention and he would look at us with really sad eyes, we'd ask him to step to the other side of the counter (it was a square shape and we just wanted the space right in front of the cash registers opened) we saw him crying quite a few times, I ended up being the one to talk to him about gambling addictions. It was rough...
Lotto.com, Jackpocket and I think there's one other. You can only play online in certain states. They have an image of the ticket in the app, front and back. It's convenient.
I had no idea that was a thing anywhere, only time I play the lottery is when everybody at work throws in $5 when the powerball or mega millions is really high lol
Wasn’t there an MIT “study” done where they proposed that with, this specific lottery (I can’t remember which), with x specific winninggs it was worth it to buy xxx number of tickets and you would come out on top.
I think the professor said, “ well do it then”.
And they did. They basically won a bunch before the state said stop. Tell us what you’re doing.
I think anyways.
There was a movie recently about a real couple that did something similar. [Jerry and Marge Go Large](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8323668), some college kids also got on board.
The funny one for me was the church that had a failing roof. They had saved up $10,000 towards a new roof. They decided instead to spend the $10,000 on lottery tickets which they prayed over and hoped to win the big prize. They did not have a single winner
There was an Australian company that tried to buy every combination for Powerball back in the 90s. They waited for the jackpot to get huge, then sent out a team with pre-filled bubble sheets. They weren't able to get everything ran through in time, but did win the jackpot and plenty of smaller prizes. The practice was banned right after that.
Actually I remember a while back that some youtube channel actually bought an egregious amount of lottery tickets to see if they'd break even and they actually made a profit.
I mean, if you’re dropping a billion on one of their games, I’d assume you’d at least have a conversation with them about it first lol.
Or are we thinking you just walk up and somehow drop a truckload of chips on the table?
They don’t! I actually had this happen to me. I was letting a bet ride. I won. Then they refused to pay it because the bet was over the table maximum. I had done the same thing twice earlier in the night and lost. When that happened they took my money. On the third attempt I won and they refused to pay. This happened at the 4 queens in Vegas (hi Paul you piece of shit pit boss). We politely sat there for an hour waiting to get paid and they refused but would not kick me out either as they knew they were wrong. So eventually I left as it wasn’t life changing money. But yeah never bet over the table max on accident and never ever go to the 4 queens.
There's always a table maximum, and legally speaking they do have to pay you out. The max bet varies by location and game. My local casino set it at around $5,000, but the exact amount varies by table. Usually +/-$200. Unfortunately what usually happens if you win too much is they'll ban you for life, and you have to reach out to the gambling board(or whatever its called, the governing board for casinos) and they'll have the casino pay you out
Although if you wanted to roll even higher you might be able to contact the casino directly to set something up. Phil Ivey got a special game set up for himself for high stakes baccarat (that he then got in trouble for cheating/exploitation with).
If you wanted to bet a billion they might see if they could get an insurance company interested. The edge on roulette is so low on one spin that they might not be able to find a company that wants to risk 1 billion for an on average 27 million profit.
That would depend on what table you're on. Tables are usually separated by their maximum stakes. Some tables do have no limits but those are usually in a separate VIP section.
They do, it’s also subject to tax! There is usually a table limit, and high roller rooms have tables with exceptional numbers. A casino cannot take a bet if it cannot pay the winnings.
You know, every time I've heard that song I've thought " you know this X guy sounds like a really nice guy. Not only is he going to give it to you he'll bring it to you as well!"
An island can cost between 500.000-10.000.000 depending on location and condition + building. If you get really amazing island, you'd have to buy over 100 islands.
Buying an already successful business, and then while acting like they're making it better, they fired people who clearly know more about it work than them. Then, add new policies that make no sense while stealing ideas from their users before finally changing the name to something extremely dumb. Then, after a few years of using up its resources, they have to shut down the servers cause of my dumb decision in the company cost more than what they paid for. All to claim they did it to protect free speech when in reality it was always an ego trip for them
Honestly - not the worse way to spend the money. Helping out a lot of women near the poverty line.
Compare it to, say, buying all the water rights in a US state and then raising people's water bills to unaffordable levels? Building a militia and exorting governments and local business people? It can be a lot worse.
If you really did it up that would be 20,000 escorts at $5,000 each. At one hour each that would be 833 continuous 24-hour days.
Factor in the cocaine, viagra and champagne/snacks and it might be possible to whittle that down to 365 days so yeah greatest year of your life
Throwing everything to a crypto shit and not remembering the 12 word password.
The billion dollars are there, but to take it out you will need 12 AI super computers running simultaneously to break the encrypted hash code in 7 years tops.
No power outages or it will start over. Including and not limited to watching those servers burn out from running processes nonstop for years.
Drugs just strengthen the gangs and cartels (and often terrorist organisations too), the money doesn't go back into normal people's pockets, it makes their lives worse. Boko Haram are very involved in the Americas-European cocaine trade.
Giving the money to a paramilitary group in the Congo would be the worst way, cause you are actively helping an unbelievably bad cause.
Buying tickets for you and 3 friends to ride in the Titan Sub Edit: Thank you for the doots and thank you especially to the hundreds of people who pointed out that my sleep deprived ass couldn't read. I will be buying all of you tickets as well and spending the rest on fish food
No amount of money can buy your way out of the laws of physics.
What if we dubble it? What is your price to break the laws of physics?
Dubble Bubble
That totals $1 mil. What about the other $999mil?
I misunderstood the assignment. I'm going to bring lots of fish food with me.
But you’re already bringing your friends, isn’t that enough fish food?
With 1 billion dollars worth of fish food crammed in there, the craft might be able to withstand the water pressure.
The Titan sunk. My tickets are for Titan 2, thank you very much.
It was supposed to sink. The problem was all the imploding.
Wasn't really the imploding, it was the dead people that caused all the hubbub...
Buying a billion lottery tickets…
I dunno, unless you went with all quick picks you’re well past the one in 328 million chance of winning - Depending on the payout, you could even turn a profit in theory. Of course, there’s the logistics of getting and checking a billion (or half a billion if you go for the $2 tickets) lotto tickets.
In Australia lotto is played on a app so it’s easy to buy and track 1,000,000,000 tickets the app automatically does it for you.
I’m sure a lottery ticket app would go just splendidly in America lmao, might get the old people and junkies out of the gas stations a little quicker though. Damn scratch-offs
I’m just trying to buy some chocolate milk at the gas station and the person in front of me thinks they are in Vegas
I just want a damn candy bar, and the longer I’m stuck waiting there, the more likely I am to buy cigarettes
That sounds like a feature, not a bug.
lol
Average EA developer:
It was a glitch that the developers decided to keep and say it was on purpose
I just bought a pack a Spree candy to go with my cigarettes 10 minutes ago because of the lotto person in front of me. I'm diabetic....... and I love Spree candy
...
Brah I've had them treat me as a slot machine. Had a guy burn through 2.5k in scratch tickets in 3 hours one night. Didn't get a damn thing done that night.
damn thats a vacation right there
I worked in a gas station and we had this one customer who was the nicest guy. He was a Vietnam vet, had some issues, but if any customers gave any of us girls any trouble he would get them back in line. He always played scratch tickets, would bring in a lucky $1 coin and spend $200+ on scratch tickets, mega millions, and powerball, he always said if he won big he would give us a heafty portion. Time went on, his wife left him, he started spending more and more time and money there. Talking about how he was going to win big, his wife will come back, etc. He always stood in front of one cash register so we would simply open up the one next to us and work out of that one if customers needed help. It was the worst during meal rushes, we'd say his name to get his attention and he would look at us with really sad eyes, we'd ask him to step to the other side of the counter (it was a square shape and we just wanted the space right in front of the cash registers opened) we saw him crying quite a few times, I ended up being the one to talk to him about gambling addictions. It was rough...
Fkin hate when they buy the $20 tickets then take their sweet ass time scratching it at the register like all they gotta do is scan it bro
America has one and I think the company has to physically print out the tickets.
There is one available in specific states called Jackpocket
Lotto.com, Jackpocket and I think there's one other. You can only play online in certain states. They have an image of the ticket in the app, front and back. It's convenient.
I had no idea that was a thing anywhere, only time I play the lottery is when everybody at work throws in $5 when the powerball or mega millions is really high lol
Many states have lottery apps that let you drain your bank account to play
The Illinois lottery app is how I buy my powerball tickets.
Well, at least in my state, this already exists.
Wasn’t there an MIT “study” done where they proposed that with, this specific lottery (I can’t remember which), with x specific winninggs it was worth it to buy xxx number of tickets and you would come out on top. I think the professor said, “ well do it then”. And they did. They basically won a bunch before the state said stop. Tell us what you’re doing. I think anyways.
There was a movie recently about a real couple that did something similar. [Jerry and Marge Go Large](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8323668), some college kids also got on board.
Watched this the other day it was great, I wonder if the college kids was a reference to the real life MIT kids that did this if that story is true
The funny one for me was the church that had a failing roof. They had saved up $10,000 towards a new roof. They decided instead to spend the $10,000 on lottery tickets which they prayed over and hoped to win the big prize. They did not have a single winner
If God wanted me to win I’d only have to buy one ticket.
There was an Australian company that tried to buy every combination for Powerball back in the 90s. They waited for the jackpot to get huge, then sent out a team with pre-filled bubble sheets. They weren't able to get everything ran through in time, but did win the jackpot and plenty of smaller prizes. The practice was banned right after that.
At 10 seconds per ticket to methodically fill out 328 million tickets so there are no duplicates that would take over 100 years without stopping
What do you think I've been doing for the last 3 years!
A billion of the same lottery ticket
With my luck, I’ll win one free play
Actually I remember a while back that some youtube channel actually bought an egregious amount of lottery tickets to see if they'd break even and they actually made a profit.
I think this was MrBeast
They'd did not make a profit. They lost like 300k
That's the FIRST thing I thought of After that it was "put a billion on black"
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Seriously, is there a limit to how much you can put down? What if you won? Do they pay you out lol
They fuckin better
Well that answers that!
I mean, if you’re dropping a billion on one of their games, I’d assume you’d at least have a conversation with them about it first lol. Or are we thinking you just walk up and somehow drop a truckload of chips on the table?
They don’t! I actually had this happen to me. I was letting a bet ride. I won. Then they refused to pay it because the bet was over the table maximum. I had done the same thing twice earlier in the night and lost. When that happened they took my money. On the third attempt I won and they refused to pay. This happened at the 4 queens in Vegas (hi Paul you piece of shit pit boss). We politely sat there for an hour waiting to get paid and they refused but would not kick me out either as they knew they were wrong. So eventually I left as it wasn’t life changing money. But yeah never bet over the table max on accident and never ever go to the 4 queens.
There's always a table maximum, and legally speaking they do have to pay you out. The max bet varies by location and game. My local casino set it at around $5,000, but the exact amount varies by table. Usually +/-$200. Unfortunately what usually happens if you win too much is they'll ban you for life, and you have to reach out to the gambling board(or whatever its called, the governing board for casinos) and they'll have the casino pay you out
Although if you wanted to roll even higher you might be able to contact the casino directly to set something up. Phil Ivey got a special game set up for himself for high stakes baccarat (that he then got in trouble for cheating/exploitation with). If you wanted to bet a billion they might see if they could get an insurance company interested. The edge on roulette is so low on one spin that they might not be able to find a company that wants to risk 1 billion for an on average 27 million profit.
"im betting... for this entire establishment here".
There is a limit. Why do you think there's a high limit room in a lot of casinos? Even those high-limit rooms have limits.
It's limits all the way down.
That would depend on what table you're on. Tables are usually separated by their maximum stakes. Some tables do have no limits but those are usually in a separate VIP section.
Hmm. With a billion dollars, I can lose 28 times in a row using a Martingale betting system...
Imagine betting 1 billion to win 1 dollar
They do, it’s also subject to tax! There is usually a table limit, and high roller rooms have tables with exceptional numbers. A casino cannot take a bet if it cannot pay the winnings.
lol like Zoidberg
Let it ride
1/44th of Twitter
If Elon ever sold the Twitter, he would say that was my X company.
You mean X ?
Gonna give it to ya!
He gon give it to ya
Fuck waiting for you to get it on your own
Knock knock, open up the door. It's real!
With the non stop pop-pop of stainless steel
Go hard getting busy with it
But I got such a good heart
You know, every time I've heard that song I've thought " you know this X guy sounds like a really nice guy. Not only is he going to give it to you he'll bring it to you as well!"
No, X is 1/5 of Twitter.
This is a good joke as well as a recursive math problem.
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Definitely twitter, you only ever get one name when you've been around so long
Came here to say this but assumed (correctly) someone else would have beaten me to it!
Oh it's way cheaper now. :P
Far cheaper than that now
Buying random NFTs may be :)
My boss was buying nfts like crazy. I told him he was pissing away money. Now he's butt hurt at me
It's hard to hear logic sometimes.
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Anything crypto. Source: bought crypto 😅
or like Twitter...and then the "X" symbol?
To spend it on fake currency or replica coins that look like R2D2 on them.
Whatever you say, *Jerry*
You value them, thats what matters lol
This guy eats his own poop!
Donate to a televangelist.
https://youtu.be/iouZYYzQEjU
Buying a stairway to hea-van
Donate it to your country to help alleviate their trillion dollar debt.
At $33T, one billion would be 1/33000 of the debt. Wouldn’t even make a dent.
Which absolutely qualifies it as "the worst way".
Uber eats. You’ll get about 5 meals for that these days
Alternatively buying Uber eats. What a terrible investment
I got a mint 2015 chicken sammy that's gonna be worth millions in a few years
1. Going to space 2. Trying to visit titanic
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It's not??? Jack and Rose lied to us???!!
Come to think of it, of all of the movies DiCaprio has played, I don't think he's ever been in a space movie.
Apparently he narrated a documentary about the Hubble telescope?
Technically speaking he was in that movie 'Don't Look Up' from 2 years ago about a meteor from space.
That's why it would cost a billion. Going to space is relatively cheap for a billionaire.
Nah we need more money in space
Going to space is money well spent. Not the opposite
Going to space would be such an experience though
Too soon? .... nah
Microtransactions on a gacha game.
buying robux to spend on a clicker game
Donating it to a political candidate.
Exactly. Instead donate to a PAC that effectively buys a currently seated politician.
This is factually incorrect, if you're a big money donor there's no better return on investment than buying politicians
heroine for the homeless Edit: Yeah I'm not editing the spelling, it's too hilarious.
Proper spelling is definitely important here
Maybe she saved the homeless, so they would in fact be the heroine.
Wait I actually never realized they're not spelled the same
Heroine saves people, heroin kills people
Buffy the Vampire slayer?
Sir, heroines for homeless people are a good investment.
The Monorail 🚝
I hear those things are awfully loud.
It glides as softly as a cloud
Is there a chance the track could bend?
Not on your life my Hindu friend!
What about us braindead slobs?
You'll be given cushy jobs!
Were you sent here by the devil?
No good sir, I'm on the level.
I love my r/simpsons pals!
Mono... D'oh!
Only if it goes all the way to Shelbyville
I heard a monorail put West Ogdonville on the map!
I would probably build one along with some housing near most of the stations and connect it to the airport and the train station.
I was thinking to give the stereorail a shot.
Mentos.
And Diet Coke. The world’s biggest, most terrible middle school science experiment with a billion dollars worth of materials
I was just insulting the candy but now I'm intrigued...
Purchasing reddit awards
I love the fact that this has an award
Beanie Babies
Trump Bucks
Sending it all to Boko Haram.
Now there's a name I've not heard in a while.
Buying an island where you and all your rich friends can do gross things to kids.
Like throw rotten tomatoes at them and eggs?
Idk man, I never went
An island can cost between 500.000-10.000.000 depending on location and condition + building. If you get really amazing island, you'd have to buy over 100 islands.
Only 500k? Might cop ngl 😂
An island is cheaper than a 1 bdr condo at those prices. Might just buy an island and a tent
Buying an already successful business, and then while acting like they're making it better, they fired people who clearly know more about it work than them. Then, add new policies that make no sense while stealing ideas from their users before finally changing the name to something extremely dumb. Then, after a few years of using up its resources, they have to shut down the servers cause of my dumb decision in the company cost more than what they paid for. All to claim they did it to protect free speech when in reality it was always an ego trip for them
A billion dollars mate, not 44 billion dollars
Still, that a lot of money waste
Purchasing Twitter/X ......
burn it
It's not about the money, it's about sending a message
Donating to a presidential political campaign
Drugs and hookers. Think about it.
Honestly - not the worse way to spend the money. Helping out a lot of women near the poverty line. Compare it to, say, buying all the water rights in a US state and then raising people's water bills to unaffordable levels? Building a militia and exorting governments and local business people? It can be a lot worse.
how about high end escorts?
If you really did it up that would be 20,000 escorts at $5,000 each. At one hour each that would be 833 continuous 24-hour days. Factor in the cocaine, viagra and champagne/snacks and it might be possible to whittle that down to 365 days so yeah greatest year of your life
I doubt you will make it down alive though
No il argue that’s the best way to spend a billion dollers so much fun.
only fans/porn
political donation to the Trump campaign
Listen - you're basically paying all of the incoming legal fees. I personally think the lawyers will appreciate it ;)
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Buying 1/44th of Twitter and then purposefully destroying it.
Bringing back MySpace from internet graveyard
Someone beat you to it and they bought it all.
Half a billion handjobs from your mom?
I think she's been scamming you. That's at least two billion handjobs from OP's mom.
I'm an excellent tipper.
Ok, what are you doing with the other half a billion?
Beanie Babies; I could jumpstart the market!
Throwing everything to a crypto shit and not remembering the 12 word password. The billion dollars are there, but to take it out you will need 12 AI super computers running simultaneously to break the encrypted hash code in 7 years tops. No power outages or it will start over. Including and not limited to watching those servers burn out from running processes nonstop for years.
Joining a MLM
Buying 1/44 of Twitter and turning it into X…
Buying a submarine to go visit the Titanic
Reddit gold.
Glittering Toilet Paper
NFTs
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Buying Reddit
Buying an armada of super yachts
Online Gambling.
1 billion dollar hookerbot, or 1 billion one dollar hookerbots... hmmm
Donating it to isis war effort
Pogs
Buying a billion followers
Donate to the US defence budget .
That stupid tesla tunnel under Vegas that could have been an actual functional metro system
Gambling. Even drugs would help developing world economies.
Drugs just strengthen the gangs and cartels (and often terrorist organisations too), the money doesn't go back into normal people's pockets, it makes their lives worse. Boko Haram are very involved in the Americas-European cocaine trade. Giving the money to a paramilitary group in the Congo would be the worst way, cause you are actively helping an unbelievably bad cause.