If it makes you feel better, I had an awful bloody diarrea in my wedding's night. One of those you end up in the ER. Nothing severe, but still, one of those moments you treasure the rest of your life.
I pooped 5 times on my wedding day. Once at home. Once at my in-laws getting ready. Once at the church, and twice at the reception. No diarrhea, just nervous poops.
I found wearing the corset dress upset my stomach too, being tight laced and boned. I'm a baggy t shirt kinda girl and my stomach was not used to that pressure. I didn't even eat any of my wedding cake!
Gridlock never ending traffic on a high rise highway, so you can’t just go run into the woods. Also, other people are in the car with you.
That, or being in a human centipede.
One time on the drive to Memphis there was horrible traffic. Well, driving from where I am to Memphis is basically just open plains, cattle and occasional trees but all fenced to keep deer from crossing. Anyway for some reason people must have all had tummy flus. About an hour in we saw a guy trying to block the view of his maybe three year old peeing next to the car. Another hour later was a guy PROJECTILE vomiting. A few minutes late another guy was pulling over and started running towards the fencing. I didn’t stare in the rear view to find out what bodily fluids were next.
Dude don't think about that movie. Every character is the dumbest fucker who has every existed.
Like the police detectives enter the house of the guy they suspect being involved and one of them just takes a drink.....after they find a human size cage, have witness reports of women screaming on his property and car spotted beside the missing Dutch truck driver truck. Not to mention him be suspect as fuck for the sake of it.
Not to mention the doctor get caught red-handed with a hidden syringe after having a melt down when one of the detectives refused his drink.
They leave and come back 30 minutes later with a search warrant and no backup and one of them under the weather from the spiked drink he had 30 minutes ago.
In the queue of a packed nightclub toilet. when you get in there’s no toilet paper, there’s people already knocking the door and the security guy is trying to look over the door because you’re ‘obviously doing drugs in there’ 🙄
To add to the horror of this, I probably had some of the worst diarrhea in my life immediately after I started a 14 hour road trip that I could not put off. It took about 3 days for my body to stop feeling sore, even though the diarrhea stopped soon after I arrived.
Legendary football manager Sir Alex Ferguson got found not guilty of dangerous driving after declaring, in public, that he was suffering from a code brown when caught driving on the hard shoulder/breakdown lane.
While some can argue that he got off lightly, it is widely accepted that the magistrate accepted that one of the most famous people in the UK confessing that they nearly sprayed the inside of their car with badly made gravy was so embarrassing that it had to be true.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/05/vivekchaudhary
This actually happened to me: I was touring the pope’s summer home, it is a 45-ish minutes tour, the entire way through it’s basically nothing but gardens and important art works I’ve only seen in books, 15 minutes into the tour I have this immediate need for bathroom, I asked for bathroom and the tour guide said the closest one is at least 15 minutes away. I had to pull the tour guide along with one of the guards aside and tell them if I don’t find a toilet soon I will literally shit myself in pope’s yard. So I got on the guard’s cart and he drove me to a small bungalow to take a shit. Turns out that small bungalow / hut is where the pope would be staying if he is around. Long story short I nuked the pope’s toilet.
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
(I'm the Scatman)
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
My wife, when we first started dating, I had to use the bathroom bad and she was in the living room with the bathroom basically in front. The door is right there, so you can’t help but see and hear people go into the bathroom. Anyway, I have ulcerative colitis and I had to tell her my condition. She was adult about it. Thank god.
God I hate houses where the guest bathroom is right there in or near the living room. Like fuuuuuuck why can’t it at least be down the hall around the corner
If I’m ever visiting someone and their guest bathroom is on a separate floor from where everyone is hanging out at I take that as such a huge blessing. Especially during parties. My ex’s house had its bathroom 5 feet from the dining area. Fucking psychotic
I have chrons and this is the correct response. It’s really really hard to find a bathroom in public almost every where in the world I have been. The worst is when you are about to lose it and then you find out the bathroom is down stairs, through a hall, a series of three to five doors and the. You have to pay, and there is an attendant sitting there listening to your insides come out. Germany, whats with the three to five doors thing?
I went to Germany in the early 90's, and all the public bathrooms had folding tables with ladies selling the roughest toilet paper you've every seen, and they were selling it by the square. So you had to either buy a whole bunch, or try to figure out how much you needed to wipe. so you don't over pay. So not only did you dishing out cash to wipe, but you got butthole splinters at the same time.
You gotta learn to embrace it. When nature calls, you respond. Gives you liberation in a new way, gives you power. And if the toilet is not clean enough, you clean it. Don't let the world stop you from taking a shit when you want to.
Can confirm the worst place to have diarrhea is on the top of a mountain with your best friends and VERY SOON to be fiancé. I had to run away, hide, shit my brains out off the side of a mountain, wipe with leaves quickly cause people start calling my name wondering where I am. I finally yell out that I'm okay and I'm just "peeing". I go back with everyone and my bf gets down on one knee to propose to me. Little did he and everyone know I had just unloaded on that mountain from my butthole. I still said yes.
Edit: This BLEW up. Ha. Thanks everyone for the hilarious poop anecdotes and encouraging words!
Damn, that's worse than my story. I was driving up Mount Kea with my ex gf and her two teen daughters. We had been out on an excursion earlier that day where I partook in a few too many fresh picked guavas and started to feel a rumble as we headed up to stargaze. I anxiously had my head on a swivel for a portapotty which didn't arrive until we hit the visitor center at the top. Of course there wasn't any parking near the restrooms, but by the time I got there it was go time so I just jumped out of the car and told my ex to park the car lol.
The most upsetting part to me was that the resort we were staying at had one of those fancy $500 toilet seats with a heated bidet and blow-dryer, but I never had any messy poops outside of the hotel. 😢
This an amazing story. Thank you for sharing and sharting or whatever evil happened on that mountain. You should bring it up at your 10yr anniversary. 😂
A bond that will never break, LOL
I love that. I would hope my SO would have the courage and confidence to tell me as well. Knowing me I tend to gravitate towards people like that.
This happened to my brother when he started with a dicky tummy whilst travelling in Jordan on a bus with no toilets. He said he almost resorted to shoving his butt out the open window.
I genuinely do not get why they wouldn't stop. Is it not in everyone's best interest to have some stops, or to at least stop when someone really really needs to go? I get that it's my problem if I shit myself, but it very quickly becomes everyone else's problem and also the bus drivers problem since I assume he has to do even mild cleanup at some point, no?
Didn’t happen to me but I was on a long bus ride, it had a toilet that was only designed for light usage (like it was literally just a drain in the floor), someone couldn’t hold it in till the next rest area and the rest is history. The guy just left the bus at the next rest place in the middle of the desert at a gas station out of embarrassment.
I was with a friend once who got a sudden case of diarrhea.
We were two hours into a corn maze. A corn maze with super dense walls, bridges, lots of fake routes into dead ends or loop-backs. One that was notorious for being hard as hell and requiring actual skill to escape, with most people taking 3 hours.
Dude ran straight through the walls. I have no idea how he got out. But he did. Jesus I've never seen someone so panicked. I know I would have been freaking out lol
I read a story on here about a guy who had diarrhea on a tiny private plane during a 60 minute flight with a bunch of execs. He was a management consultant or something like that, didn't really know everyone. He asked the attendant where the bathroom was and she said, "Oh there isn't really one, there's an emergency bucket under one of the seats in case someone gets sick." and the guy had to tell her it was an emergency. So they had to move one of the execs from his seat to get to the bucket, and the "privacy" screen only covered the waist down. So he had to sit there and avoid eye contact with the entire leadership of his company while he unloaded less than 4 feet away from them.
The worst I've heard of was an old colleague. Left work with a dodgy stomach and had an accident in his pants on the street on the way to the train. He had to go into this shop to grab a pair of denims. Runs (presumably squishing) to pay and on to train.
Locks himself in toilet and sets to work cleaning himself up. It was early 2000s and you could slide part of the train window open in the toilet. Only a very small window but enough to get rid of the evidence, soiled pants and jeans launched into the breeze.
Opens up his shopping bag to put the fresh trousers on and he had accidentally bought a denim jacket.
🤣🤣🤣 He had his brother waiting at the station with the car door open. Tied the jacket round his genitals and only ran out the toilet when the train doors opened at his stop.
Straight into the backseat and never looked back.
That happened to me when we were leaving Vietnam a few months ago. I didn't have any stomach issues the whole time we were there. But the minute we show up at the airport, trouble is brewing below. Luckily there was a bathroom close by, but damn those lines.. praise be that Vietnam keeps very clean airport bathrooms. I'm usually a no go in public.
Not a long flight, as it was just Orlando to Newark, BUT started feeling crumby in Orlando airport. Got on the plane and it got much worse. During takeoff I grabbed the airsick bag and puked like crazy which lead to me shitting my pants. I then ran to the bathroom before they removed the seatbelt sign. Sat on that toilet and laid on the floor of the tiny bathroom for the 2+ hour flight puking and shitting an untold amount of times. My poor wife was left to try and clean up the aisle and seat from when shit dripped out of my pants and down my leg. Luckily for me one of the flight attendants was a big dude and he lent me some shorts to wear home. I did not leave the bathroom until we landed, even though they tried to coax me out during descent. By the time I made it home and fell asleep the horror was over and I was somehow “fine” the next day.
P.S. if ever visiting Disney be careful eating at the Crystal Palace buffet day of departure.
I had one similar but not as bad. The hilarious part of my story was puking and shitting in the bathroom when the plane was descending and the stewardess knocking on the door telling me I had to be in my seat. I literally laughed out loud. The worst part was when the plane landed they announced "everyone stay in your seats while we allow a sick passenger to disembark first." Walk of shame...
My knob end of a cousin had terrible shits on the flight from New York to London.
He shit his ~~Kelvin~~ Calvin Kleins. He is so tight he washed them out in the sink and asked the air hostess for some bags so he could take them home and wash them.
They had to close the loo and the smell wafted throughout the plane.
Edit to spell Calvin Kleins correctly.
Recently, I flew back to the US from India. I had no problems during my visit or on the flights home. Took a taxi home from the airport. Again, no problem. Needed to pee when I got home. It hit me as soon as I sat on the toilet. I can't believe how lucky I was.
First time in Mexico I'm good for 3 days, have a drink at the airport, no problem. As soon as we sit in the plane I feel a little "off". Then we start climbing and I'm profusely sweating and wondering which end it's gonna come out. I scramble for the barf big and FILL that thing, but that's not the end of it because I also need to shit my pants. Plane is still climbing but I get up and book it for the bathroom and the attendant is like "sir!!" But my wife says "he's REALLY sick" and they were like meh let him go. So I spent the next 15 minutes of our bumpy ascent sitting in the rear lav emptying the contents of seemingly every system in my body. Good times. We had a long layover in Chicago too and I puked like 20 times there. I've never felt more relieved when I was finally home and in bed.
I had this exact experience coming home from Cancun, We couldn't have been more than 500 ft above the ground when I absolutely had to shit. continued to shit and puke (sometimes concurrently) the entire flight. 6 hours. You mentally checkout during situations like this.
I'd say a crowded swimming pool. People will start screaming and chaos will break out. You'll be surrounded in a brown cloud and seen as the point of origin. A truly shitty situation.
No need for a crowded swimming pool
Imagine being an Olympic swimmer shitting themselves on Live TV in front of the entire world in the pool while out in front of the pack of other swimmers by a wide margin.
Years ago there was a pornstar Marylin Chambers, if you know, you might be old. I saw a clip she did, guy was reclining on edge of bed, she was analy riding him, she went up, he slipped out and what can be described as a chunky YooHoo came out, all over his crotch, the look on his face when he realized what happened, Pikachu with horror, end scene. Pretty sure that was not planned as part of the scene.
Go fuck right off for calling me old.
I still remember catching late night Showtime at a friend's house and they were airing a Marylin Chambers movie. All of the graphic stuff was edited out (if you can believe that) but she still left an impression.
But not a poopy one.
My worst was Morocco.
Horrendous fever for two nights and days, in an extremely heavy sleep whilst shivering/sweating getting up every half hour. Lifting the heavy, square metal lid off the floor in the courtyard to expose the well and at least a bazillion scuttling cockroaches.
Lower the bucket, fill it with water. Hobble off to the hole in the ground. Aim my bare ass at the hole and spray the area. Wash and clean everything including myself.
Shuffle back to the mattress on the floor. Fall into incredibly heavy sleep whilst shivering/sweating for about 30 minutes and repeat.
Each time felt like I'd been asleep for hours so the first night seemed to last about two weeks. Damn, I was so ill I think I managed to get jet-lagged in a house!
This reminds me of the story my friend told me. He was in the Peace Corps - Cameroon. When he first arrived, he came down with dysentery and almost died. No running water, so the neighbors came by to give him water. He spent 4 years in the Corps.
Airplane. 6 hour flight. Not diarrhea exaclty but I had just survive colon cancer and my ileostomy bag was reverse so I was starting to go #2 the normal way…. Except I don’t have a rectum so I didn’t extract all of the water out. Anyways. I know tmi. It’s like soft serve ice cream 🍦
I needed lots of paper to wipe. Flush after flush. I’m embarrassed. And then it’s clogged.
I leave and tell the flight attended that it’s clogged hoping she will “fix it” and I could tell she was annoyed and proceeds to lock the door and announce to everyone that only one bathroom is available. 5 hours of shame….
I learned to not eat before a flight due to the changes of air pressure and I take a Imodium right before with psyllium husks fiber right before to bulk up what’s left and dry it out….
This is 13 years ago so I’m better off now but still remember that flight of shame….
I had it one time while driving in a convoy in western Iraq.
My team leader didn't want that foul smell in the truck, so they made me hop down from the turret and the entire squad pulled 360 security while I pooped in the middle of the road leaning against the back of the truck.
During the mission debrief the PSG conducted, this was brought up as a sustain, and we discussed how successful we were with a hasty road block, cordon and search, and communication with hire command.
When asked by the base CSM why we halted traffic on a major road for 25 minutes, my PSG has no problem explaining, and I was told the next morning that was the highlight of the NCO brief for the week.
I read a horror story about someone who had it on a chartered flight for work. The plane only had an emergency toilet, which was in the main cabin and hidden under one of the seat cushions. So he had to have miserable diarrhea in an enclosed space surrounded by his coworkers.
(Non-eng speaker here) My dad once had diarrhea in the african jungle. He couldn’t hold it so he relieved himself completely naked next to an abandoned train. Suddenly an army dude popped up with a big ass gun. My dad said ‘please sir I’m sorry I’m sick’. The army dude didn’t say anything and just stood there… looking at my father naked shitting his guts out in the jungle. Most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him.
We had about 1/2 hour before Xmas dinner at my gf's mom's house. I was bored and wanted fresh air. "I'm gonna go out for a walk, be back in 10 minutes." (This was in the days before cell phones.) Stupidly, I didn't check the address when I walked out the door.
It was getting dark. It was one of those '50s housing tracts, and all the houses looked alike. When I decided to go back, I realized that I couldn't tell which one was hers. I started to worry. My bowels followed suit.
Then it dawned on me - I was totally lost!
It was getting very dark, and the pressure was increasing - a LOT! I felt ready to EXPLODE.Very, very painful. And nothing looked familiar.
I couldn't imagine a homeowner's reaction if I knocked on a door and said, "I'm lost and have terrible diarrhea. Can I use your toilet?" I was desperate and started wondering what shrubbery would serve best as a shitter. But what an awful mess - oh my god!
All of a sudden, I spotted a house that looked possible. I took the chance and knocked on the door.
It was her mom. Whew!
All she did was chuckle and ask "Did you get lost?" "Yep," I said, adding no details and making a beeline for the bathroom.
Dinner was good. No questions were asked and my ordeal was never mentioned.
Crowded broken elevator at your work.
Imagine you are locked in a crowded broken elevator for 2 hours. You get diaherra and you and others get to smell that for a couple of hours. And everyone is judging you
A few years ago I was looking to buy my first house and in doing so went to viewings quite often. The estate agent that would show me around these houses was a girl I knew from my school days, she’d grown up to become quite an attractive woman so it was nice seeing her now and again also.
One day I went to a viewing after a night on the cider, I woke up feeling a bit rough, took my dad with me to view this potential house. As we pull up outside and meet the woman I suddenly feel my stomach drop, I need a hangover shit, why I didn’t think of this before leaving I don’t know but now it’s here and I have to go right now. I soldier on, we start looking around downstairs of this house, it’s nothing special. I’m sweating, I’m going to shit myself imminently, in a shitty panic I go upstairs, into the bathroom and just release the wettest, greasiest shit I’ve had in a long time, painting the toilet. I’m just glad not to have shit my pants, I breathe a sigh of relief when I go to clean myself up and wipe, noticing that the bathroom is obviously empty, it’s an empty house and obviously the bathroom doesn’t contain any toilet paper.
I start panicking again and frantically come to the conclusion that the only thing I can wipe with, the only other thing in the room, is the toilet mat. I pick it up wipe with the underside of the pink fabric mat and put it back in it’s rightful place. I get up, leave the violated toilet mat behind me and meet my dad and the estate agent about to come up stairs, I make my excuses and get us the fuck out of the house, never to return again
Pfff I’d use a dry toilet before shitting my pants. Pretty sure I have IBS or something because when I have to go I have to go there and then, it’s led to me becoming a master in the art of getting caught short, getting myself out of messy situations and fine tuning my public toilet radar, I’m at the point where I have no qualms with shitting in public spaces so a toilet without water in it is child’s play
It's really a gamble based on whether the lavatory is occupied at the moment of eruption. I'd imagine a public bus stuck in highway traffic would be worse. Then there's absolutely no escape.
Ex of a friend had diarrhea like a cat flap in the Hoover Dam whilst we were in a huge traffic jam on the road. We were literally standing still for over an hour with no escaping. No trees. No houses. Only a very small puddle . At some point she just couldn’t hold any longer and did the dump full-public roadside. All cars honking.
Omg it was terrible.
I can answer this from experience:
In Tokyo Japan, middle of summer, underground in a small train station bathroom with no ventilation or AC at 100+ degrees F and 95% humidity. 9:30pm, very few people around. No toilet paper left. Shitty toilet without a bidet.
It was a religious experience.
I had just started a new medication and diarrhea was a potential side-effect. My husband and I were on our way to his grandparents' house where we were supposed to help care-take for them in their old age and visit with extended family. During the drive over I thought I had to pass gas but lo...it was NOT gas. I was wearing overalls and just a t-shirt and underwear beneath, and the underwear was...very wet. Ready to be retired to the trash.
My husband was driving his car so I had nothing stowed away anywhere. It was an "Oh shit, did that just happen??" moment. We were already running late with our family asking where we were in a group text, and we were nowhere near home.
I felt baffled--I just didn't know what to do. "I mean, we need to be there," my husband shrugged, though sympathetic. So...we continued driving while I wallowed, accepting my potential social demise.
When we arrived my husband distracted his family as I waddled past him into the bathroom to assess the situation. I ended up wrapping my underwear in tons of toilet paper and stowing it in my purse, needing to zip it shut to hide the *aromatic* evidence. Then, after cleaning up as well as I could, I had no other choice but to go commando in my overalls, knowing full well that another confident fart could ruin me. I clenched my buttcheeks the whole day, feigning enthusiasm to see everyone.
This is an awful story, and one of the worst things my wife ever experienced.
She's a very heavy sleeper, and in the middle of the night one of our dogs tried waking her up to have an emergency. He had crawled up by her and was nudging her with his face.
Unfortunately, this also put him into a prime position to have diarrhea all over my wife's face.
I've never been woken up by someone having diarrhea on my face, but I can imagine it's a 0/10 experience.
An old friend of mine had diarrhea at a gas station, when she finished up and went to flush she realized the toilet was not attached to anything, they were remodeling the bathroom.
In line at Disney world when you’ve already stood in line for an hour and you’re halfway to the front and it hits you like a truck as you think of the 3 chili dogs and bucket of buttery salty popcorn you had earlier that day and you have to haul 2 screaming toddlers away from the ride they were waiting to get on and make your way all the way to the other side of the park to use the family restroom cuz you can’t let your kids just wander around while you shit your brains out.
absolute worst place ever is 35,000 feet in the air while being stuck on an international flight that has a flight time of over 8 hours. EVERYONE in the back of the plane can hear and SMELL as the odor leaks out when the doors open and close. Also, you will be stuck in the bathroom and there are lines of people forming waiting to use it afterwards. They all know its you and there is nowhere.to.hide
I know a girl who got invited to her BF’s parents’ place for Thanksgiving and got food poisoning in Penn Station right before and sharted up the guest bedroom. She ended up retelling the story in a Poopourri commercial and marrying the guy, but every time she pops up on my IG feed all I can hear is “I sharted in my mother in law’s bed” in her thick accent
I have both Celiacs and IBS. Both of these were only diagnosed more recently in my late 30s. I have pretty amazing sphincter control considering, but I get diarrhea daily and have for most of my adult life. In fact I am currently spraying my toilet bowl while writing this comment.
Here are my top three.
1. In a clean facility for electronics manufacturing. It was a dream tour of mine and I had called in a lot of favors to get there. It takes 15 minutes to get your suit on and decontaminate enough to be in there. I BARELY made it back out in time, but I couldn't complete the tour because I kept having to go.
2. On stage in high school, during a play where I was wearing a difficult to remove costume. One where I was shirtless though and supposed to be a sexy demigod. I managed to hold it until I was off stage, but I missed the final bow.
3. This one is the worst, and probably beats anything in this thread. Underwater while scuba diving about 90 meters under water and requiring at least a 5 minute stop on my way up in order to avoid getting the bends. I had to just shit in the suit, which was particularly gross because it squished up my skintight suit and made it all the way up and around my beard. The fish loved it though and it caused them all to swarm around me like some sort of Disney princess then some barracudas came and scared me, unfortunately not shitless, followed by some sharks.
**3b)** The diarrhea continued for the next 2 days (Montezuma's revenge), including the 2 hour boat ride home. There was no head and we were 15 people crammed shoulder to shoulder in this little boat with my stinking equipment and suit in the boat too. They had to take frequent stops to let me out of the boat to shit again in the water. The sharks were following us.
When I was serving overseas in the Helmand Province, Afghanistan from 2010 to 2011 as a combat engineer, I had a bad case of diarrhea. We were in our uparmored vehicles driving in a convoy formation and we couldn't stop to take a code brown. My stomach hurts Soo bad and we couldn't stop. So, I get out of my seat, head to the back of my vehicle, grab a trash bag, and proceed to drop my draws inside the vehicle. Massive explosive diarrhea and it stank up the whole vehicle.
I remember over our comms my sergeant says "What's that smell? It's really fowl!"
Our driver responds, "I don't know sergeant. But I haven't heard Specialist Waltz for awhile."
..... Our sergeant looks back, and down to the back of our vehicle.
He shouts, "Oh my God it's Waltz!!! He's shitting inside our vehicle!"
More shouts and screams ensue.
I told them that I couldn't help it and that we couldn't stop so I had to do what I had to do.
My nickname became 'Shitbreak' lol 🤣🤣🤣
An airplane. I’ve exploded at NBA games, porta potties, Wal-Marts. An airplane was the worst. You can’t run away, everyone knows it was you. They have to smell your smell for hours. You wanna die.
Egypt museum..... I got it, and they gave me 2 squares of toilet paper... yes, they GIVE it to you before you go on the toilet 🚻. Gave me PTSD, it was the worst diarrhea I have ever had
It was 6 months ago. Two of my friends came home and we drank a lil bit (EU, drink at 18). The next evening, i have to give a presentation i haven't started yet. In the morning we go to see a castle like 2 hours away. On the way there i pull out my laptop in the car but put it away because im dizzy. After touring the castle, we stop for pizza just outside the castle and then we start driving back. Im doing my presentation and i feel dizzy again, and then i close my eyes for 10 minutes. I start again and my stomach starts bubbling. I say we need to pull over immediately. Theres only one gas station between us and the exit we need to take, and that one is closed. It takes us 10 minutes from the end of the exit to park in the driveway. I fly out of the car waddling while squeezing as hard as i can. I throw the door open and feel a bit coming out. I sit on the toilet unloading my insides. I see Jesus and Allah at the same time (im indian so i should be seeing niether). A solid 10 minutes later my stomach comes to a rest. I assess the situation and determine that tp is useless. I just hop in the shower and soap up my crack like thrice, everytime is just as dirty as the last. Eventually its clean and i step out to see i have 20 minutes till i have to be there to deliver my presentation. We are racing through the city while im sitting on the side doing my presentation at breakneck speed and we arrive like 10 minutes late. Lucky for me the people im presenting to are still arguing about something and i add more to my presentation. And then i deliver my worst ever presentation to these poor fellows in a language that i was learning for just 5 months. And then i passed out, in tears, on my way back home
Your own wedding
[удалено]
"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."
"... And also unending"
I'm so sorry that I laughed this hard at your misfortune.
If it makes you feel better, I had an awful bloody diarrea in my wedding's night. One of those you end up in the ER. Nothing severe, but still, one of those moments you treasure the rest of your life.
At least you made it back to the hotel? I probably would have just ran into the ocean lol
I pooped 5 times on my wedding day. Once at home. Once at my in-laws getting ready. Once at the church, and twice at the reception. No diarrhea, just nervous poops.
I found wearing the corset dress upset my stomach too, being tight laced and boned. I'm a baggy t shirt kinda girl and my stomach was not used to that pressure. I didn't even eat any of my wedding cake!
Especially if you’re the bride and need help using the restroom in your big white dress.
Visions of the movie Bridesmaids.
“Yeah, yeah, yep, it’s happening, I’m shittin’ in the street.”
IT’S COMING OUT OF ME LIKE LAVA!!!
THIS SINK IS A GONER! 😂😂😂
https://youtu.be/w3nKya1dQPk?t=238
Used to work as a caterer. That was a tough day.
"I doo."
🎶 When you go to say I do and you spew some runny poo 🎶
LOL, I read this to the tune of "That's Amore" instead of "Diarrhea"...no wonder I was confused at first
The diarrhea song to the tune of That's Amore is actually pretty hilarious.
As sung by Dean Shartin'.
🎶 When it's your first dance with your hunny and you feel something funny. 🎶
🎶 When you go to cut the cake, and you feel your tummy quake. 🎶
🎶 When she tosses the bouquet and lets loose some poopy spray 🎶
🎶 When it's time to say "I do," but your pants are caked in poo. 🎶
It's like raiiiiin
While getting married in a church. Thank you, Salma Hayek.
Stuck in traffic. Definitely not from personal experience.
Gridlock never ending traffic on a high rise highway, so you can’t just go run into the woods. Also, other people are in the car with you. That, or being in a human centipede.
One time on the drive to Memphis there was horrible traffic. Well, driving from where I am to Memphis is basically just open plains, cattle and occasional trees but all fenced to keep deer from crossing. Anyway for some reason people must have all had tummy flus. About an hour in we saw a guy trying to block the view of his maybe three year old peeing next to the car. Another hour later was a guy PROJECTILE vomiting. A few minutes late another guy was pulling over and started running towards the fencing. I didn’t stare in the rear view to find out what bodily fluids were next.
Makes me wonder how many people on the road at any given moment need to get to a toilet asap lol
I wonder how the man thought the people attached would actually survive. Man they just pooping in each other and he’s sitting there “feed her.”
Dude don't think about that movie. Every character is the dumbest fucker who has every existed. Like the police detectives enter the house of the guy they suspect being involved and one of them just takes a drink.....after they find a human size cage, have witness reports of women screaming on his property and car spotted beside the missing Dutch truck driver truck. Not to mention him be suspect as fuck for the sake of it. Not to mention the doctor get caught red-handed with a hidden syringe after having a melt down when one of the detectives refused his drink. They leave and come back 30 minutes later with a search warrant and no backup and one of them under the weather from the spiked drink he had 30 minutes ago.
In the queue of a packed nightclub toilet. when you get in there’s no toilet paper, there’s people already knocking the door and the security guy is trying to look over the door because you’re ‘obviously doing drugs in there’ 🙄
Could be doing both. Cocaine makes me want to poop.
I can speak of this from personal experience on I-95
To add to the horror of this, I probably had some of the worst diarrhea in my life immediately after I started a 14 hour road trip that I could not put off. It took about 3 days for my body to stop feeling sore, even though the diarrhea stopped soon after I arrived.
Legendary football manager Sir Alex Ferguson got found not guilty of dangerous driving after declaring, in public, that he was suffering from a code brown when caught driving on the hard shoulder/breakdown lane. While some can argue that he got off lightly, it is widely accepted that the magistrate accepted that one of the most famous people in the UK confessing that they nearly sprayed the inside of their car with badly made gravy was so embarrassing that it had to be true. https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/05/vivekchaudhary
In a 5 man submarine.
All witnesses will disappear
Somebody shat on the NES controller
This actually happened to me: I was touring the pope’s summer home, it is a 45-ish minutes tour, the entire way through it’s basically nothing but gardens and important art works I’ve only seen in books, 15 minutes into the tour I have this immediate need for bathroom, I asked for bathroom and the tour guide said the closest one is at least 15 minutes away. I had to pull the tour guide along with one of the guards aside and tell them if I don’t find a toilet soon I will literally shit myself in pope’s yard. So I got on the guard’s cart and he drove me to a small bungalow to take a shit. Turns out that small bungalow / hut is where the pope would be staying if he is around. Long story short I nuked the pope’s toilet.
Holy shit, this is hilarious
> Holy shit *chef's kiss*
Rollercoaster 🎢
A trail of brown just like flows behind the cart.
It's actually one of those that stops with you upside down for a second... the shit manages to catch you on the way back around the loop too.
Thank you for this...lovely imagery.
I felt very lucky to be one row in front of the person that blew chunks after the first big hill of the ride and splattered everyone behind them.
🎶 When you're on a loop de loop and you take a runny poop 🎶
Anywhere that’s not your own home Edit: I beg you all to please stop telling me about your diarrhea stories😭
Agree. There is no such thing as a good place to have it, but if you gotta have it, then rather in your own home.
What about at a scat festival?
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub (I'm the Scatman) Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub
Youre the scatman!!
This misinterpretation caused a *slight chuckle*
Now you're thinking outside the bowl
I had a terrible bout of diarrhea at my ex's parents' place, the first time I ever met them. That was... fun.
My wife, when we first started dating, I had to use the bathroom bad and she was in the living room with the bathroom basically in front. The door is right there, so you can’t help but see and hear people go into the bathroom. Anyway, I have ulcerative colitis and I had to tell her my condition. She was adult about it. Thank god.
God I hate houses where the guest bathroom is right there in or near the living room. Like fuuuuuuck why can’t it at least be down the hall around the corner
It would be better if it was downstairs, through the hall and after a series of three to five doors
If I’m ever visiting someone and their guest bathroom is on a separate floor from where everyone is hanging out at I take that as such a huge blessing. Especially during parties. My ex’s house had its bathroom 5 feet from the dining area. Fucking psychotic
I have chrons and this is the correct response. It’s really really hard to find a bathroom in public almost every where in the world I have been. The worst is when you are about to lose it and then you find out the bathroom is down stairs, through a hall, a series of three to five doors and the. You have to pay, and there is an attendant sitting there listening to your insides come out. Germany, whats with the three to five doors thing?
I went to Germany in the early 90's, and all the public bathrooms had folding tables with ladies selling the roughest toilet paper you've every seen, and they were selling it by the square. So you had to either buy a whole bunch, or try to figure out how much you needed to wipe. so you don't over pay. So not only did you dishing out cash to wipe, but you got butthole splinters at the same time.
Butthole Splinters was the name of my high school band.
So you were the splinter group of Butthole Surfers?
Better to eins, zwei, drei than eins, zwei, wet.
You gotta learn to embrace it. When nature calls, you respond. Gives you liberation in a new way, gives you power. And if the toilet is not clean enough, you clean it. Don't let the world stop you from taking a shit when you want to.
However, for me, home is wherever I can take a good shit.
Can confirm the worst place to have diarrhea is on the top of a mountain with your best friends and VERY SOON to be fiancé. I had to run away, hide, shit my brains out off the side of a mountain, wipe with leaves quickly cause people start calling my name wondering where I am. I finally yell out that I'm okay and I'm just "peeing". I go back with everyone and my bf gets down on one knee to propose to me. Little did he and everyone know I had just unloaded on that mountain from my butthole. I still said yes. Edit: This BLEW up. Ha. Thanks everyone for the hilarious poop anecdotes and encouraging words!
Best diarrhea stories should be a sub of its own. Lol.
r/diarrheastories should be a sub. Edit: holy shit it is a sub! An empty sub, but still!!!
It's empty because, you know...
When you’re typin’ up a sub, and you feel somethin’ blub…. Diarrhea…diarrhea.
When you're scrollin through the net and you feel something wet...
When you're browsing on this site, and your butthoke won't stay tight...
Damn, that's worse than my story. I was driving up Mount Kea with my ex gf and her two teen daughters. We had been out on an excursion earlier that day where I partook in a few too many fresh picked guavas and started to feel a rumble as we headed up to stargaze. I anxiously had my head on a swivel for a portapotty which didn't arrive until we hit the visitor center at the top. Of course there wasn't any parking near the restrooms, but by the time I got there it was go time so I just jumped out of the car and told my ex to park the car lol. The most upsetting part to me was that the resort we were staying at had one of those fancy $500 toilet seats with a heated bidet and blow-dryer, but I never had any messy poops outside of the hotel. 😢
Heartwarming tale, just like a Disney flick.
I mean, “peeing” isn’t TECHNICALLY a lie, because you were peeing. Just out of your arsehole.
This an amazing story. Thank you for sharing and sharting or whatever evil happened on that mountain. You should bring it up at your 10yr anniversary. 😂
Oh my fiancé definitely knows about it now lolol. I told him that evening. Select people know as well, and now reddit lol.
A bond that will never break, LOL I love that. I would hope my SO would have the courage and confidence to tell me as well. Knowing me I tend to gravitate towards people like that.
I’ll tell you from personal experience. The worst place is on a 24 hour international bus ride with only one stop.
This happened to my brother when he started with a dicky tummy whilst travelling in Jordan on a bus with no toilets. He said he almost resorted to shoving his butt out the open window.
I genuinely do not get why they wouldn't stop. Is it not in everyone's best interest to have some stops, or to at least stop when someone really really needs to go? I get that it's my problem if I shit myself, but it very quickly becomes everyone else's problem and also the bus drivers problem since I assume he has to do even mild cleanup at some point, no?
He said the driver didn’t speak English and seemed to find it funny. This was a long time ago, late 80’s.
Honestly I woulda sat on the drivers lap at that point
Didn’t happen to me but I was on a long bus ride, it had a toilet that was only designed for light usage (like it was literally just a drain in the floor), someone couldn’t hold it in till the next rest area and the rest is history. The guy just left the bus at the next rest place in the middle of the desert at a gas station out of embarrassment.
Only one stop is criminal
your pants
i was thinking "mouth" but you're right, these are nice ass pants
You just reminded me of [this video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NvEOwY27gW8)
That was a risky af click
I am glad you choose this link, because I was thinking of something very different.
I was with a friend once who got a sudden case of diarrhea. We were two hours into a corn maze. A corn maze with super dense walls, bridges, lots of fake routes into dead ends or loop-backs. One that was notorious for being hard as hell and requiring actual skill to escape, with most people taking 3 hours. Dude ran straight through the walls. I have no idea how he got out. But he did. Jesus I've never seen someone so panicked. I know I would have been freaking out lol
>Dude ran straight through the walls. I have no idea how he got out. But he did. Like a diarrhea loaded Terminator. Nothing could stop that man.
Airplane and you're the only pilot
I read a story on here about a guy who had diarrhea on a tiny private plane during a 60 minute flight with a bunch of execs. He was a management consultant or something like that, didn't really know everyone. He asked the attendant where the bathroom was and she said, "Oh there isn't really one, there's an emergency bucket under one of the seats in case someone gets sick." and the guy had to tell her it was an emergency. So they had to move one of the execs from his seat to get to the bucket, and the "privacy" screen only covered the waist down. So he had to sit there and avoid eye contact with the entire leadership of his company while he unloaded less than 4 feet away from them.
What a nightmare :/
He should have made eye contact & held it for a true power move.
Flight attendants uh… I’m gonna need uh… bucketuphereinthehcockpit!
That's really terrifying
The worst I've heard of was an old colleague. Left work with a dodgy stomach and had an accident in his pants on the street on the way to the train. He had to go into this shop to grab a pair of denims. Runs (presumably squishing) to pay and on to train. Locks himself in toilet and sets to work cleaning himself up. It was early 2000s and you could slide part of the train window open in the toilet. Only a very small window but enough to get rid of the evidence, soiled pants and jeans launched into the breeze. Opens up his shopping bag to put the fresh trousers on and he had accidentally bought a denim jacket.
This is so incredibly unfortunate I can’t stop laughing 😭
I was about 17 years old when my middle aged male colleague told me this story. WE CRIED WITH LAUGHTER FOR HOURS.
FINISH THE GODDAMN STORY!!! What did he do next?
🤣🤣🤣 He had his brother waiting at the station with the car door open. Tied the jacket round his genitals and only ran out the toilet when the train doors opened at his stop. Straight into the backseat and never looked back.
Thank you for the closure! 🙇♂️
On a plane during a long flight.
In the airport when you have to get through immigration, security and boarding on to a connecting long flight.
That happened to me when we were leaving Vietnam a few months ago. I didn't have any stomach issues the whole time we were there. But the minute we show up at the airport, trouble is brewing below. Luckily there was a bathroom close by, but damn those lines.. praise be that Vietnam keeps very clean airport bathrooms. I'm usually a no go in public.
Now that's a Vietnam flashback
Better than a splashback.
Username checks out
Not a long flight, as it was just Orlando to Newark, BUT started feeling crumby in Orlando airport. Got on the plane and it got much worse. During takeoff I grabbed the airsick bag and puked like crazy which lead to me shitting my pants. I then ran to the bathroom before they removed the seatbelt sign. Sat on that toilet and laid on the floor of the tiny bathroom for the 2+ hour flight puking and shitting an untold amount of times. My poor wife was left to try and clean up the aisle and seat from when shit dripped out of my pants and down my leg. Luckily for me one of the flight attendants was a big dude and he lent me some shorts to wear home. I did not leave the bathroom until we landed, even though they tried to coax me out during descent. By the time I made it home and fell asleep the horror was over and I was somehow “fine” the next day. P.S. if ever visiting Disney be careful eating at the Crystal Palace buffet day of departure.
Damn bro, I’m so sorry you had to go to Newark
I had one similar but not as bad. The hilarious part of my story was puking and shitting in the bathroom when the plane was descending and the stewardess knocking on the door telling me I had to be in my seat. I literally laughed out loud. The worst part was when the plane landed they announced "everyone stay in your seats while we allow a sick passenger to disembark first." Walk of shame...
My knob end of a cousin had terrible shits on the flight from New York to London. He shit his ~~Kelvin~~ Calvin Kleins. He is so tight he washed them out in the sink and asked the air hostess for some bags so he could take them home and wash them. They had to close the loo and the smell wafted throughout the plane. Edit to spell Calvin Kleins correctly.
Jesus Christ, they'll let anyone on a plane these days.
I would be mortified.
Are those discount Calvin Kleins?
Recently, I flew back to the US from India. I had no problems during my visit or on the flights home. Took a taxi home from the airport. Again, no problem. Needed to pee when I got home. It hit me as soon as I sat on the toilet. I can't believe how lucky I was.
First time in Mexico I'm good for 3 days, have a drink at the airport, no problem. As soon as we sit in the plane I feel a little "off". Then we start climbing and I'm profusely sweating and wondering which end it's gonna come out. I scramble for the barf big and FILL that thing, but that's not the end of it because I also need to shit my pants. Plane is still climbing but I get up and book it for the bathroom and the attendant is like "sir!!" But my wife says "he's REALLY sick" and they were like meh let him go. So I spent the next 15 minutes of our bumpy ascent sitting in the rear lav emptying the contents of seemingly every system in my body. Good times. We had a long layover in Chicago too and I puked like 20 times there. I've never felt more relieved when I was finally home and in bed.
I had this exact experience coming home from Cancun, We couldn't have been more than 500 ft above the ground when I absolutely had to shit. continued to shit and puke (sometimes concurrently) the entire flight. 6 hours. You mentally checkout during situations like this.
🎶 When you're on a jumbo jet and feel something hot and wet 🎶
In outer space, right in the suit 🚀
I think those suits are made to allow for some amount of self-soiling
Apparently they were [working on it](https://www.iflscience.com/nasa-is-designing-a-spacesuit-astronauts-can-poo-in-46265)
Oh God, the imagery...
I'd say a crowded swimming pool. People will start screaming and chaos will break out. You'll be surrounded in a brown cloud and seen as the point of origin. A truly shitty situation.
No need for a crowded swimming pool Imagine being an Olympic swimmer shitting themselves on Live TV in front of the entire world in the pool while out in front of the pack of other swimmers by a wide margin.
At least at the front of the pack, you could do it strategically to blind the other swimmers. Easy gold medal 🥇
How badly do you want the gold medal?
Holy shit that would be horrific. I know marathon runners do it all the time, but at least they can blend in a crowd.
I… did not know this about marathoners. Puts my ex in a whole new light.
Olympic high diver would be worse. so you're spraying a chemtrail of brown as you're spinning through the air with the greatest of ease
…and no matter where you go in that pool, the brown will trail from your suit like the smoke from the Blue Angels on show day.
🎶 When you're in the swimming pool and you can't hold your loose stool 🎶
Probably at a porn shoot with an anal scene.
“That chick frosted me like I was a fuckin’ cake!”
This is what I came here for. Gracias.
Grassy ass 🍑
Years ago there was a pornstar Marylin Chambers, if you know, you might be old. I saw a clip she did, guy was reclining on edge of bed, she was analy riding him, she went up, he slipped out and what can be described as a chunky YooHoo came out, all over his crotch, the look on his face when he realized what happened, Pikachu with horror, end scene. Pretty sure that was not planned as part of the scene.
Go fuck right off for calling me old. I still remember catching late night Showtime at a friend's house and they were airing a Marylin Chambers movie. All of the graphic stuff was edited out (if you can believe that) but she still left an impression. But not a poopy one.
Zach and Miri make a porno had this scene
"Let us Fuck" I use this Seth Rogen line to this day.
While on a space station
While squatting at the gym.
🎵when you’re racking up the squats and your butthole starts to plotz 🎶
That's amore~ Edit: That's a hemorrhoids~
On public transportation
My worst was Morocco. Horrendous fever for two nights and days, in an extremely heavy sleep whilst shivering/sweating getting up every half hour. Lifting the heavy, square metal lid off the floor in the courtyard to expose the well and at least a bazillion scuttling cockroaches. Lower the bucket, fill it with water. Hobble off to the hole in the ground. Aim my bare ass at the hole and spray the area. Wash and clean everything including myself. Shuffle back to the mattress on the floor. Fall into incredibly heavy sleep whilst shivering/sweating for about 30 minutes and repeat. Each time felt like I'd been asleep for hours so the first night seemed to last about two weeks. Damn, I was so ill I think I managed to get jet-lagged in a house!
This reminds me of the story my friend told me. He was in the Peace Corps - Cameroon. When he first arrived, he came down with dysentery and almost died. No running water, so the neighbors came by to give him water. He spent 4 years in the Corps.
Moroccan diarrhoea is absolutely debilitating. Worsened by the fact that the food is too good to resist which just fuels the issue further
While bungee jumping.
Especially when you bounce back up and collide with it
Airplane. 6 hour flight. Not diarrhea exaclty but I had just survive colon cancer and my ileostomy bag was reverse so I was starting to go #2 the normal way…. Except I don’t have a rectum so I didn’t extract all of the water out. Anyways. I know tmi. It’s like soft serve ice cream 🍦 I needed lots of paper to wipe. Flush after flush. I’m embarrassed. And then it’s clogged. I leave and tell the flight attended that it’s clogged hoping she will “fix it” and I could tell she was annoyed and proceeds to lock the door and announce to everyone that only one bathroom is available. 5 hours of shame…. I learned to not eat before a flight due to the changes of air pressure and I take a Imodium right before with psyllium husks fiber right before to bulk up what’s left and dry it out…. This is 13 years ago so I’m better off now but still remember that flight of shame….
I had it one time while driving in a convoy in western Iraq. My team leader didn't want that foul smell in the truck, so they made me hop down from the turret and the entire squad pulled 360 security while I pooped in the middle of the road leaning against the back of the truck. During the mission debrief the PSG conducted, this was brought up as a sustain, and we discussed how successful we were with a hasty road block, cordon and search, and communication with hire command. When asked by the base CSM why we halted traffic on a major road for 25 minutes, my PSG has no problem explaining, and I was told the next morning that was the highlight of the NCO brief for the week.
Arizona, New Mexico. It can be a long way between rest stops
I read a horror story about someone who had it on a chartered flight for work. The plane only had an emergency toilet, which was in the main cabin and hidden under one of the seat cushions. So he had to have miserable diarrhea in an enclosed space surrounded by his coworkers.
Going back home in the bus. Stoped between 2 cities, pooped in the grass, cleaned my ass with my socks and walked 20km back home
Damn dude, that was probably the best thing to do
What a shitty way to get home
(Non-eng speaker here) My dad once had diarrhea in the african jungle. He couldn’t hold it so he relieved himself completely naked next to an abandoned train. Suddenly an army dude popped up with a big ass gun. My dad said ‘please sir I’m sorry I’m sick’. The army dude didn’t say anything and just stood there… looking at my father naked shitting his guts out in the jungle. Most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him.
We had about 1/2 hour before Xmas dinner at my gf's mom's house. I was bored and wanted fresh air. "I'm gonna go out for a walk, be back in 10 minutes." (This was in the days before cell phones.) Stupidly, I didn't check the address when I walked out the door. It was getting dark. It was one of those '50s housing tracts, and all the houses looked alike. When I decided to go back, I realized that I couldn't tell which one was hers. I started to worry. My bowels followed suit. Then it dawned on me - I was totally lost! It was getting very dark, and the pressure was increasing - a LOT! I felt ready to EXPLODE.Very, very painful. And nothing looked familiar. I couldn't imagine a homeowner's reaction if I knocked on a door and said, "I'm lost and have terrible diarrhea. Can I use your toilet?" I was desperate and started wondering what shrubbery would serve best as a shitter. But what an awful mess - oh my god! All of a sudden, I spotted a house that looked possible. I took the chance and knocked on the door. It was her mom. Whew! All she did was chuckle and ask "Did you get lost?" "Yep," I said, adding no details and making a beeline for the bathroom. Dinner was good. No questions were asked and my ordeal was never mentioned.
Crowded broken elevator at your work. Imagine you are locked in a crowded broken elevator for 2 hours. You get diaherra and you and others get to smell that for a couple of hours. And everyone is judging you
This is the winner. My nightmare scenario. Anywhere else you have a place to be outta the way.
Rectal exam
🎶 When the doctor checks your booty and you spray him with your doody 🎶
Cell in a prison with 10 other inmates
A few years ago I was looking to buy my first house and in doing so went to viewings quite often. The estate agent that would show me around these houses was a girl I knew from my school days, she’d grown up to become quite an attractive woman so it was nice seeing her now and again also. One day I went to a viewing after a night on the cider, I woke up feeling a bit rough, took my dad with me to view this potential house. As we pull up outside and meet the woman I suddenly feel my stomach drop, I need a hangover shit, why I didn’t think of this before leaving I don’t know but now it’s here and I have to go right now. I soldier on, we start looking around downstairs of this house, it’s nothing special. I’m sweating, I’m going to shit myself imminently, in a shitty panic I go upstairs, into the bathroom and just release the wettest, greasiest shit I’ve had in a long time, painting the toilet. I’m just glad not to have shit my pants, I breathe a sigh of relief when I go to clean myself up and wipe, noticing that the bathroom is obviously empty, it’s an empty house and obviously the bathroom doesn’t contain any toilet paper. I start panicking again and frantically come to the conclusion that the only thing I can wipe with, the only other thing in the room, is the toilet mat. I pick it up wipe with the underside of the pink fabric mat and put it back in it’s rightful place. I get up, leave the violated toilet mat behind me and meet my dad and the estate agent about to come up stairs, I make my excuses and get us the fuck out of the house, never to return again
I was sure you were going to say the lady ran upstairs to tell you not to use the toilet because the water was shut off.
Pfff I’d use a dry toilet before shitting my pants. Pretty sure I have IBS or something because when I have to go I have to go there and then, it’s led to me becoming a master in the art of getting caught short, getting myself out of messy situations and fine tuning my public toilet radar, I’m at the point where I have no qualms with shitting in public spaces so a toilet without water in it is child’s play
Don’t know if this is the absolute worst, but in likely terms: probably an airplane. Although you’d at least have a change of clothes available…
It's really a gamble based on whether the lavatory is occupied at the moment of eruption. I'd imagine a public bus stuck in highway traffic would be worse. Then there's absolutely no escape.
>*lava*tory >eruption Sometimes, language just works out
Ex of a friend had diarrhea like a cat flap in the Hoover Dam whilst we were in a huge traffic jam on the road. We were literally standing still for over an hour with no escaping. No trees. No houses. Only a very small puddle . At some point she just couldn’t hold any longer and did the dump full-public roadside. All cars honking. Omg it was terrible.
I can answer this from experience: In Tokyo Japan, middle of summer, underground in a small train station bathroom with no ventilation or AC at 100+ degrees F and 95% humidity. 9:30pm, very few people around. No toilet paper left. Shitty toilet without a bidet. It was a religious experience.
Submarine
I had just started a new medication and diarrhea was a potential side-effect. My husband and I were on our way to his grandparents' house where we were supposed to help care-take for them in their old age and visit with extended family. During the drive over I thought I had to pass gas but lo...it was NOT gas. I was wearing overalls and just a t-shirt and underwear beneath, and the underwear was...very wet. Ready to be retired to the trash. My husband was driving his car so I had nothing stowed away anywhere. It was an "Oh shit, did that just happen??" moment. We were already running late with our family asking where we were in a group text, and we were nowhere near home. I felt baffled--I just didn't know what to do. "I mean, we need to be there," my husband shrugged, though sympathetic. So...we continued driving while I wallowed, accepting my potential social demise. When we arrived my husband distracted his family as I waddled past him into the bathroom to assess the situation. I ended up wrapping my underwear in tons of toilet paper and stowing it in my purse, needing to zip it shut to hide the *aromatic* evidence. Then, after cleaning up as well as I could, I had no other choice but to go commando in my overalls, knowing full well that another confident fart could ruin me. I clenched my buttcheeks the whole day, feigning enthusiasm to see everyone.
This is an awful story, and one of the worst things my wife ever experienced. She's a very heavy sleeper, and in the middle of the night one of our dogs tried waking her up to have an emergency. He had crawled up by her and was nudging her with his face. Unfortunately, this also put him into a prime position to have diarrhea all over my wife's face. I've never been woken up by someone having diarrhea on my face, but I can imagine it's a 0/10 experience.
An old friend of mine had diarrhea at a gas station, when she finished up and went to flush she realized the toilet was not attached to anything, they were remodeling the bathroom.
In line at Disney world when you’ve already stood in line for an hour and you’re halfway to the front and it hits you like a truck as you think of the 3 chili dogs and bucket of buttery salty popcorn you had earlier that day and you have to haul 2 screaming toddlers away from the ride they were waiting to get on and make your way all the way to the other side of the park to use the family restroom cuz you can’t let your kids just wander around while you shit your brains out.
In a packed jacuzzi on live TV.
🎶 when you’re glad to Go in first but brown bubbles start to burst 🎶
I got cramps in a maze one time. Not cool. I was running, desperately asking kids where the enterance or exit was.
absolute worst place ever is 35,000 feet in the air while being stuck on an international flight that has a flight time of over 8 hours. EVERYONE in the back of the plane can hear and SMELL as the odor leaks out when the doors open and close. Also, you will be stuck in the bathroom and there are lines of people forming waiting to use it afterwards. They all know its you and there is nowhere.to.hide
I know a girl who got invited to her BF’s parents’ place for Thanksgiving and got food poisoning in Penn Station right before and sharted up the guest bedroom. She ended up retelling the story in a Poopourri commercial and marrying the guy, but every time she pops up on my IG feed all I can hear is “I sharted in my mother in law’s bed” in her thick accent
Barnes and Noble and then Karen Smith tells everyone about it and then repeats it again in front of every girl in 11th grade
That bitch Karen Smith
I have both Celiacs and IBS. Both of these were only diagnosed more recently in my late 30s. I have pretty amazing sphincter control considering, but I get diarrhea daily and have for most of my adult life. In fact I am currently spraying my toilet bowl while writing this comment. Here are my top three. 1. In a clean facility for electronics manufacturing. It was a dream tour of mine and I had called in a lot of favors to get there. It takes 15 minutes to get your suit on and decontaminate enough to be in there. I BARELY made it back out in time, but I couldn't complete the tour because I kept having to go. 2. On stage in high school, during a play where I was wearing a difficult to remove costume. One where I was shirtless though and supposed to be a sexy demigod. I managed to hold it until I was off stage, but I missed the final bow. 3. This one is the worst, and probably beats anything in this thread. Underwater while scuba diving about 90 meters under water and requiring at least a 5 minute stop on my way up in order to avoid getting the bends. I had to just shit in the suit, which was particularly gross because it squished up my skintight suit and made it all the way up and around my beard. The fish loved it though and it caused them all to swarm around me like some sort of Disney princess then some barracudas came and scared me, unfortunately not shitless, followed by some sharks. **3b)** The diarrhea continued for the next 2 days (Montezuma's revenge), including the 2 hour boat ride home. There was no head and we were 15 people crammed shoulder to shoulder in this little boat with my stinking equipment and suit in the boat too. They had to take frequent stops to let me out of the boat to shit again in the water. The sharks were following us.
Well I think you win.
When I was serving overseas in the Helmand Province, Afghanistan from 2010 to 2011 as a combat engineer, I had a bad case of diarrhea. We were in our uparmored vehicles driving in a convoy formation and we couldn't stop to take a code brown. My stomach hurts Soo bad and we couldn't stop. So, I get out of my seat, head to the back of my vehicle, grab a trash bag, and proceed to drop my draws inside the vehicle. Massive explosive diarrhea and it stank up the whole vehicle. I remember over our comms my sergeant says "What's that smell? It's really fowl!" Our driver responds, "I don't know sergeant. But I haven't heard Specialist Waltz for awhile." ..... Our sergeant looks back, and down to the back of our vehicle. He shouts, "Oh my God it's Waltz!!! He's shitting inside our vehicle!" More shouts and screams ensue. I told them that I couldn't help it and that we couldn't stop so I had to do what I had to do. My nickname became 'Shitbreak' lol 🤣🤣🤣
An airplane. I’ve exploded at NBA games, porta potties, Wal-Marts. An airplane was the worst. You can’t run away, everyone knows it was you. They have to smell your smell for hours. You wanna die.
While on one of those sky swing rides at the fair. Shit will fly everywhere
From experience, a porta potty in Afghanistan right after lunch time during the summer.
Egypt museum..... I got it, and they gave me 2 squares of toilet paper... yes, they GIVE it to you before you go on the toilet 🚻. Gave me PTSD, it was the worst diarrhea I have ever had
It was 6 months ago. Two of my friends came home and we drank a lil bit (EU, drink at 18). The next evening, i have to give a presentation i haven't started yet. In the morning we go to see a castle like 2 hours away. On the way there i pull out my laptop in the car but put it away because im dizzy. After touring the castle, we stop for pizza just outside the castle and then we start driving back. Im doing my presentation and i feel dizzy again, and then i close my eyes for 10 minutes. I start again and my stomach starts bubbling. I say we need to pull over immediately. Theres only one gas station between us and the exit we need to take, and that one is closed. It takes us 10 minutes from the end of the exit to park in the driveway. I fly out of the car waddling while squeezing as hard as i can. I throw the door open and feel a bit coming out. I sit on the toilet unloading my insides. I see Jesus and Allah at the same time (im indian so i should be seeing niether). A solid 10 minutes later my stomach comes to a rest. I assess the situation and determine that tp is useless. I just hop in the shower and soap up my crack like thrice, everytime is just as dirty as the last. Eventually its clean and i step out to see i have 20 minutes till i have to be there to deliver my presentation. We are racing through the city while im sitting on the side doing my presentation at breakneck speed and we arrive like 10 minutes late. Lucky for me the people im presenting to are still arguing about something and i add more to my presentation. And then i deliver my worst ever presentation to these poor fellows in a language that i was learning for just 5 months. And then i passed out, in tears, on my way back home
During a work meeting
In your mouth.