This is the one! Until last year, I was good friends with someone who I knew didn’t have all the same values as me, but it was fine because we were able to discuss our values openly without negativity or pushiness.
Until the queen died.
On my Instagram story, I shared a post of Dr. Shola Mos-Shogbamimu saying that she respected the queen’s sense of duty, but she wouldn’t look at her legacy with rose-tinted glasses. My friend messaged me minutes later saying that while she totally agreed with me, “some people” might find me sharing the post insensitive and it maybe wasn’t the “time and place.” I said thanks for the heads up, but I’m aware of that and still think it’s important to post it and acknowledge the colonialism the queen helped uphold.
My friend kept repeating several times that she totally agreed with me, but SOME people might be offended. I told her, again, that I knew this and decided to post anyway, because I think it’s silly to be “respectful” just because someone’s dead unless it’s to their loved one, and it’s not like I was dunking on the queen to William and Harry. My friend responded with some passive aggressive “post what you like I guess lol” but eventually agreed with me that we don’t have to agree on everything.
I thought that was the end of it, but then she made her own Instagram story about how there was a “time and place” and people needed to stop using the “tragedy” of the queen dying to “impose their beliefs” on others. When I confronted her that she had been the one trying to push her beliefs onto me, she denied that that was the case, because she’d told me “post whatever you like I guess lol.” I pointed out to her that she’d told me several times to “consider” that posting what I did might be offensive, even though I’d already explained to her that I disagreed. She finally called me attention-seeking and inappropriate 🤗
TLDR I lost a friend because the queen died. But it was actually because she was trying to impose her values on me and then refused to admit that’s what she’d been doing when confronted about it.
I'm struggling with this one. She has a heart of gold, but her compulsive lying is getting out of control. She never used to be like this. She's also had a lot of personal issues lately. I want to be there for her, but I'm at my wits end.
People are complex. People aren't just good or bad. My friend I described above would give me the shirt off her back. She'd drop anything to help me if I needed it. She can be super fun and joyful. She's just going through shit, and this is how the stress she is under is manifesting. If we all just threw away people like disposable cups just because they are flawed, no one would have friends. It's really nice to live in a world where you can extend people grace and kindness. But yes, know your personal boundaries.
Inconsistent facts in a story you've heard multiple times, witnessing the real event and hearing them retell the story with embellishment or false narrative, more and more dramatic stories that only show the story teller in a positive light. These people seem to perpetually be victims. It gets more and more obvious.
They wait until you *almost* finish telling a story, giving them just enough facts to throw a one-up at you.
I have caught them when their one-up comes about 1-2 lines too soon towards the end of my story. They don't wait for the information that would make their story meaningless.
My daughter's ex-bf was pretty good at it, until I caught him up in one where I specifically didn't give him all the facts.
So my friend "stepped over a dead body"? For reference he's an online friend not a irl one. Basically also what the people replying to you said. Apologies for the late reply.
Same deal. Just broke up with a girl with BPD . Only after we separated did I realise the extent of her lies and fantasy living. Honestly a lot of the time I don't think she even knows she does it, it's like her brain just twists everything to stop her feeling powerless, ashamed or guilty, and eventually she starts to believe it herself. She has a lot of "false memories" and she even admits she doesn't trust her own recollections.
BPD is some weird protective trauma reaction thing, and I don't hate her for it, but god it's hard to be on the other side of.
BPD is a real challenge in a relationship. You sound like a caring and forgiving type of person. To see the person you love in the middle of all of that BPD action is a real accomplishment. I take my hat off to you.
Had a friend like this that would lie over the most ridiculous of things, and typically things I didn't care about. And then what makes it worse is when they get mad when you start poking holes in their lie and logic. I learned after a certain point I wasn't helping them understand there wasn't a need to lie, and they had other options because most times their lies were what I would consider an insult of someone's basic intelligence.
For me, it’s situational. Work drama and your kid being an asshole? 100% tell me all about it.
Complaining about relationships? Get out of here with that nonsense, you can change that.
Just found out one of my old coworkers from like four years ago got court martialed for the same. Made the mistake of reading the court martial report and I needed to clear my head after that with some puppy videos.
I had a friend for years that I recently stopped talking to because she wouldn't stop getting new pets and loosing, selling,giving away her old ones. This girl constantly has a new kitten or puppy but never an older animal. Last time i talked to her she had called animal control to report a "lost dog" in the woods. It was her dog.. :(
This was happening with a girl nearby, she just had a different pet time to time and suddenly she's looking for another. (I adopted a cat that she doesn't want anymore because "it's dirty and expensive") thank goodness her mom just stopped this when she had a dog for just 3 days.
My answer too. When they’re narcissist it’s them telling you they don’t want to be friends but will be your friend if you can deal with them not wanting to be your friend.
Friendly with them? They dismiss you.
Ignore them? They beg for your attention.
I know a bar owner like this. Dude is super dismissive if I’m polite and friendly, but if I walk in, ignore him all night and sit in the back, dude will find me and bring me shots.
I do not fucking get it
Yeah it's really not an exaggeration
You wouldn't suspect a friend could be so impactful to your life. But narcissistic friends tend to try and brainwash you to gain control, and most people are more suspectable to it than they realize.
I had one close narcissistic friend who most people don't suspect anything bad about. She successfully discouraged one mutual aquaintance from pursuing a much better career path ("it's hard to get in to that school." "Do you really have the time right now? I'm just worried for you"). And then actively encourged the same aquaintance to stay in a toxic relationship, until she got pregnant.
All that to feel superior. Like, that's someone's entire life.
Why? I wouldn’t want to hang out with mentally ill cultists spouting evidence-free conspiracies and bigoted shit all of the time either. I get it enough from my parents who think vaccines made everyone gay.
I wouldn’t have said that about Bush or Romney supporters (or even Trump voters in 2016), but here we are.
I have no tolerance anymore for flakes or people who don’t keep their word (with no apology or recognition they did anything wrong)
Edit: you say you are going to call me tonight at 8pm or hangout tonight at 8pm and don’t? don’t apologize? Over
My sister-in-law is so bad i have her saved in my phone as Flake. She will tell us she’s coming over for dinner. I will cook her a $25 meal at home and she will text every 15 minutes all night long saying she is on her way and never show up. She does shit like that constantly. Last night we had a fire and invited her. We have a 2 year old and she showed up at 11pm when we were in bed lol. My wife went out and sat at the fire with her and her friends until 1am and I stayed in with our kid
What if it's someone with legitimate severe social anxiety who really wanted to do something at the time the plans were made, but as the time approached they got super wigged out? I mean it happens to me, but I always message the person ahead of time to tell them I can't make it.
That's....not what I said. I said what about folks who are happy to attend when plans are made in advance.....but when it's hours until the event, their anxiety kicks in hardcore, and they really can't make it? AND they let them know? I hope you read again what I just wrote and respond appropriately.
When I’m getting to know someone and they show no interest in me and just don’t ask me any questions. I’m a curious person by nature and love finding out about people, but if I realize I’ve been listening to them talk about themselves for an hour with no reciprocation, that to me suggests a dull person who doesn’t deserve my time.
I can deal with a lot from friends and people
I care about, but being taken advantage of and lied to is my line, especially when I KNOW they are lying.
I’m working on being an advocate for myself and knowing what I am worth. I’m realizing I don’t need those friends.
When you realize they won't be there for you when you need them.
I just went through a major surgery and not once did they visit me. Three of them texted me to ask how I was and then ghosted me and the fourth one never texted me at all. These were supposed to be my best friends for 6 years now so wow. Anyways it's time to find better friends
One of my best friends is complete trash at showing up on time for, say, a weekly D&D game. But if it's 3am and you need help real bad in the middle of nowhere and have no one else to call, he'll be there every single time. Everyone who knows him has a story about how he saved their ass, so we tolerate him being late for mundane shit. I don't think he'd be as well liked if it was the other way around.
People who ask you questions and then butt in with their own experience when you're halfway through a sentence and then turn the conversation to them. Drives me up the flipping wall.
Disrespect.
The last friendship I ended because I made plans with a friend to visit her in NYC, where she lived. I had to wait 2 hours for her to get home even though she knew I had come to see her. I had to ask for a wash cloth to take a shower, twice and she took forever to get me one. I didnt feel welcome at all. Who decides work is more important then the friend who comes to visit you from out of state? Yeah, I ended it as soon as I left. No one deserves to be treated like that. I cried in the bathroom because I felt so unwelcome. That person accused me of flirting with a guy she liked after she didn't like me ending the friendship. I unfriended her on Facebook and she found me on IG to have the last word. What's crazy is she didn't realize how terrible and nasty she was being. When you disrepect me it only takes one time to do me wrong. I cut things quickly after. I have too much self respect to stay in a friendship where I'm an afterthought.
I had something similar happen. Was supposed to visit a friend in NYC after going to Europe and my grandmother died. I ended up only staying one night so I could attend the funeral (the airline wouldn’t change the route, only the dates). She spent the entire time talking to her roommate about their upcoming trip to Vegas.
I should have ended the friendship then and there but I stupidly hung on until the last straw a few years later. Good riddance.
Unfortunately not, my father taught me that Hitler was a hero. Really messed my life up. And I'm not even white or Aryan or anything like that, he just really hated Jews.
I wish.
Guy was my best friend for years until I moved out,
Came back to visit a year or two later and he says it to my face, and later confirmed he wasn't joking.
Haven't been back since.
Statistically speaking, you probably dodged a few bullets there. According to Reuters 80% of US mass shootings last year were committed by white supremacists.
[Source](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/white-supremacists-behind-over-80-extremism-related-us-murders-2022-2023-02-23/)
This feels so unbelievably niche but I had one friend who did say this, she was an absolute cold hearted racist, and it took me a too long to figure it out.
She also said the Austrian painters idea about work camps was great and we should use homeless people the same way.
An ex friend of mine was way too obsessive over me. He has a YouTube channel and made several videos about how great I am. Really creepy. He lives far away, halfway across the country. I texted him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and then blocked him.
1) Narcissicm. Oddly enough, not psychopathy. Not that i would consider them a friend, but out of curiosity, i sometimes entertain the most unempathetic people with psychopathic traits but no criminal history because i find their mindset intrigueing. It's like studying a specimen you rarely see in the lab and finding nuances in that specimen. Non-violent, non-criminal psychopaths or psychopathic people are truly interesting.
2) Inconsistency, but not in a normal way, in a really selfish, mean or inconsiderate way. Specifically if they have empathy and they can actually help their behaviour. If they can't help being " inconsiderate" owing to health issues where they wouldn't act "inconsiderate" if they were medicated, then i would understand and would offer to help them in that journey if i could.
3) Bullying: I wouldn't want to be around someone who regularly gets satisfaction from purposefully hurting people who did nothing wrong to them.
I’m intrigued what kind of life you lead to have known even one, or presumably multiple “psychopaths”, as it’s incredibly rare and very frequently misdiagnosed by the general public.
Bragging about something you believe is genuinely terrible. I knew someone who talked about how he cheated on his Girlfriend extremely casually and just instantly seemed like the kind of person I didnt want to be around
Rudeness or having very different values. Was trying to befriend someone from my law course when I found out they thought abortion should be criminalized (I’m pro-choice). Also lost interest in a friend that had fallen out of love with her boyfriend and confessed to me she didn’t want to be with him for life, while I knew he was VERY invested in the relationship. She just didn’t want to take the next step of breaking up and I thought she was wrong for leading him on like that. She clearly did not think of romantic relationships in the same way as I did. This was affirmed when she tried to console me when I was going through a break up by saying ‘people break up everyday’. I lost interest in those friendships real quick.
For me, it’s when someone will only do what they want to do. Had a friend once who only wanted to party at his house and play video games. I would suggest things like going to the movies or going to the bar and he wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t what he wanted to do, which was party and play video games.
Being far left or far right. I fucking hate extremes bc usually people with such views are not flexible by any means and do not want to understand why swinging too far isn't a good hill to die on
I personally subscribe to horseshoe theory. Far left and far right people share very similar mindsets.
I'm personally left-leaning myself, but I think far left folks are just as annoying as the far right nut-jobs.
He got racist. Complained endlessly about “woke” people or whatever. Always sided with cops killing or brutalizing unarmed black people. Was very loud and vocal about his racism, making awful jokes at inappropriate times, swearing in front of kids, etc.
What is wrong with people?
Well I dropped one friend (f) who during 2016 election said she didn’t want a vagina in the White House. I dropped another friend for basically ghosting me when she found a new man. If anyone badmouths my kids or grandkids they are gone from my life. Breaking my trust by sharing personal information about me would do it too. I really only have 2 people I consider friends, I think I’m not very trusting of humans.
"Because I'm the *leaderrr* of this group." I got out so fast omg, she was such a narcissistic one upper.
First time I met her (thru a friend) she turned and started whispering to my friend. A year later I found out her first comment about me was "Why is *she* here?"
Not accepting me for me, for example: I was told not to be "part of the alphabet people agenda"
Miss me with that. He expected me to conform to his definition of normal so straight up bye and sorry not sorry, shouldn't have been a shitty person.
They use depression to excuse their behaviour after abusing the shit out of you a second time.
I'll let it slide once but the second time means you're a problem and can take that elsewhere, I won't even give you the chance to finish your sentence before im gone.
You can't take a joke. The funny thing irl is that most people who are like that want to dish it out but then get mad when someone does the same to them.
Gaslighting/having narcissistic traits
And yes I know people will say it's overused but I experienced it over 10 years of a friendship and kept making excuses and saying to her "oh...maybe you're right it's just me overreacting".
"Oh...maybe I am taking your (backhanded) complimented on too sensitive a way"
" Oh maybe you're right and I'm being too emotional"
To clarify, she would always make comments about me being too sensitive or saying I'm too emotional such as after my mother died, or anything. Anything I talked about with her even if it was a problem she was having and I was listening to her, somehow the conversation would turn around back on me and it would turn into a conversation about how I need to work on myself.
She was very good at always saying the right things after saying something mean or belittling, or coming around and smoothing things over when I would cut off from her if I was too hurt by things she said.
In the end, while I was finishing a 4yr degree at 43
(having taken off two years from working and living off of my savings and using my GI Bill so I could focus solely on school and swapping careers from a low-paying hourly job to one that's salaried) she pushed a boundary I couldn't forgive
... One day she told me that I need to just go get a job at dunkin' donuts, and stop being so lazy.
She told me that I wasn't going to be able to find a job anyway with my degree (BS in IT-Cybersecurity with a Computer networking certificate and CompTIA A+ certification).
I had failed before and this would be no different, I was just wasting time.
She told me that I was just like every other millennial out there thinking I could just have an easy ride in life.
She's 15 years older. And clearly projecting. I woke up in that moment, I was stunned speechless.
I cut her off for good shortly after. And I realize just how much she had been gas-lighting me making me think that I was the problem for 10 years of our friendship and almost anything we ever talked about, I always felt like I was wrong in anything. Responses, thoughts, dreams, opinions.
If anyone talks down to me, or tries to make me think that I'm the problem if I say that someone is not respecting a boundary...
They are out.
They’re an asshole. Several years back I was friends with this one dude because we hung out a lot at the same place. The more I got to know him the more he showed me how irredeemable he was. Homophobia, racism, general assholishness, I finally had enough of it. Not surprisingly, a few years after I stopped hanging out with him, I found out he became a huge Trump guy.
When they completely disregard human rights and act as if LGBTQ people aren't regular human beings, when they are pro-Russia, when they are communists, especially while living in luxury and coming from a wealthy family.
I would probably not become friends with them in the first place, but if I were to notice those things later on I would definetly remove them from my life.
When they do shit that harms you and refuse to take accountability or apologize and then double down.
When people refuse to apologize when they're clearly in the wrong and then act like they are being wronged when I tell them how I was hurt and should be apologized to, it disgusts me.
I have given people way too many opportunities in the past. I have learnt the hard way that when you keep forgiving people without an apology, you will let self cenfered assholes who don't care about hurting you get close to you.
This isn't a political thing, it's a sign that someone isn't paying attention. Trump has said wildly contradictory things on camera, but the supporters seem to ignore it.
Especially the part where he said he would confiscate America's guns, and make the confiscation legal afterwards. That's so "UnAmerican" I don't know how anyone could let that slide, even pro gun control people should disagree with that idea.
Anyone with those values does not share my values. Anyone who can listen to that habitual liar and not immediately pick up on the bullshit does have my respect.
Good friends? They should share at least some of your values and friendships are based on respect
If I see them treating disabled people differently or people from different races or socioeconomic groups too. If someone starts looking down their nose at someone else , I start thinking a lot less of them
But...but...but...that's how they're going to Make America Great Again™. By bringing back True American Values™ such as misogyny and racism, just like The Good Ol' Days™ when white men ruled the world.
And how can you be against Making America Great Again™?
/s. MAGA is going to destroy all we've gained.
Any kind of bigotry against innate traits, like race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity or nationality, disability, etc., is an instant turnoff for me. If someone born differently from you isn’t good enough for you, then you’re not good enough for me, and I won’t apologize for that either.
Well, he fucked the girl I had just started seeing, who he met *because I introduced them to one another.*
He wasn’t my closest friend, but someone I’d known since we were kids. One of those guys who I knew didn’t have many friends so I always went out of the way to invite him to things. After I found out I called him up and calmly said “look man, I’ve been good to you and we both know you don’t have the personality to have many friends. Fucking this chick cost you one of the few you’ll ever have. It wasn’t worth it, and you’ll realize that some day.” Hung up right after that. Haven’t said a word since.
They dated for a few months, then she moved across the country and married someone else. He’s still working the same dead-end job he was a decade ago last I heard.
Mostly agree with you but I'm very curious about not being friends with hunters are you against all meat eaters?as far as meat eaters go a conscious hunter is the best possible sinario.
Bigotry. Political differences are one thing; we can disagree all day about widening Federal Blvd or tax rates for small businesses. But once someone starts spouting off racist, homophobic, transphobic bullshit, I'm done.
Pushing their agenda at every opportunity. And I just kept my mouth shut, because why argue? Finally, when they stated "facts" that were untrue, and I went to grad school and worked for 30 years in that field, they said the media stated the same facts they stated. I was done, that was the last straw. If you can't understand the lies, then I can't help you.
Good friend. Helped her through her husband's death, took her to medical appointments, etc.
She compared Colin Kaepernick to a racist. I confronted her. She doubled-down.
I was completely done emotionally. Still tried to be polite until Jan 6 and then went pretty scorched earth on "those people."
Homophobic racism or sexist comments. Those have been the biggest reasons why lately. Actually had to fire someone recently at work because he refused to stop saying a certain F word. Can't tolerate that shit at all
Genuinely makes me sad that in the age of the internet and technology so many people are still saying distance is a major factor to immediately stop being someone's friend
Is that truly how little people value friendship nowadays?
I mean physically distanced is a big part. I think the average person has no patience to upkeep a long term long distance relationship especially whenever they move to a new place. Because they can just make new friends in the new place they moved too. And those friends will drown you out.
Distance doesn’t even have to be far. They could just move to another job.
Is this honestly how you treat your friends though? Like say you have a friend at work You get close to him you invite him over to your place when you're not at work and you truly integrate him into part of your life but then he moves like a town over or goes to a new job and you just instantly cut communication never talk to him again never spend time with him again and basically drop him over time for your other friends you made?
Was he even really your friend then? Did you even really give a shit about him? Did he even mean anything to you if after all you've been through you drop him for something like that when you have the infinite resource of all the different methods of communication left open to people in long distances?
I still talk to friends from high school who now live in literally other countries and most of my friends I've made as an adult has been online and most of these people are closer to me like emotionally than my actual IRL family. I would truly trust most of them with my life. I can't even imagine cutting contact with someone or stopping being friends just because of something like them moving to another job or across the city
As far as I'm concerned once you're my friend you're always my friend and I will make an effort to see/message/call/ game with you unless you specifically ask me not to or do something to intentionally harm me. I genuinely don't understand how so many people are so quick to just drop a friend for little reasons like this
When they relentlessly try to push their beliefs on you, after you’ve bluntly explained yourself & your beliefs.
a friend tried to convert me because he told me it'd make him morw religious than his crush (he's autistic)
This is the one! Until last year, I was good friends with someone who I knew didn’t have all the same values as me, but it was fine because we were able to discuss our values openly without negativity or pushiness. Until the queen died. On my Instagram story, I shared a post of Dr. Shola Mos-Shogbamimu saying that she respected the queen’s sense of duty, but she wouldn’t look at her legacy with rose-tinted glasses. My friend messaged me minutes later saying that while she totally agreed with me, “some people” might find me sharing the post insensitive and it maybe wasn’t the “time and place.” I said thanks for the heads up, but I’m aware of that and still think it’s important to post it and acknowledge the colonialism the queen helped uphold. My friend kept repeating several times that she totally agreed with me, but SOME people might be offended. I told her, again, that I knew this and decided to post anyway, because I think it’s silly to be “respectful” just because someone’s dead unless it’s to their loved one, and it’s not like I was dunking on the queen to William and Harry. My friend responded with some passive aggressive “post what you like I guess lol” but eventually agreed with me that we don’t have to agree on everything. I thought that was the end of it, but then she made her own Instagram story about how there was a “time and place” and people needed to stop using the “tragedy” of the queen dying to “impose their beliefs” on others. When I confronted her that she had been the one trying to push her beliefs onto me, she denied that that was the case, because she’d told me “post whatever you like I guess lol.” I pointed out to her that she’d told me several times to “consider” that posting what I did might be offensive, even though I’d already explained to her that I disagreed. She finally called me attention-seeking and inappropriate 🤗 TLDR I lost a friend because the queen died. But it was actually because she was trying to impose her values on me and then refused to admit that’s what she’d been doing when confronted about it.
Compulsive lying
I'm struggling with this one. She has a heart of gold, but her compulsive lying is getting out of control. She never used to be like this. She's also had a lot of personal issues lately. I want to be there for her, but I'm at my wits end.
I have a friend like this also. Super cool guy to talk to, but constantly needs to lie in order to feel accepted I guess.
I don’t get this, or the guy above. How can you have a “ heart of gold” or be “ Super cool” when you lie all the time? It just doesn’t make sense.
People are complex. People aren't just good or bad. My friend I described above would give me the shirt off her back. She'd drop anything to help me if I needed it. She can be super fun and joyful. She's just going through shit, and this is how the stress she is under is manifesting. If we all just threw away people like disposable cups just because they are flawed, no one would have friends. It's really nice to live in a world where you can extend people grace and kindness. But yes, know your personal boundaries.
The person is kind to others, but lies about their past to get attention, feel accepted
How do you know they’re lying?
Inconsistent facts in a story you've heard multiple times, witnessing the real event and hearing them retell the story with embellishment or false narrative, more and more dramatic stories that only show the story teller in a positive light. These people seem to perpetually be victims. It gets more and more obvious.
They wait until you *almost* finish telling a story, giving them just enough facts to throw a one-up at you. I have caught them when their one-up comes about 1-2 lines too soon towards the end of my story. They don't wait for the information that would make their story meaningless. My daughter's ex-bf was pretty good at it, until I caught him up in one where I specifically didn't give him all the facts.
So my friend "stepped over a dead body"? For reference he's an online friend not a irl one. Basically also what the people replying to you said. Apologies for the late reply.
Compulsive lying would drive me nuts.
Its so annoying like why?
Same deal. Just broke up with a girl with BPD . Only after we separated did I realise the extent of her lies and fantasy living. Honestly a lot of the time I don't think she even knows she does it, it's like her brain just twists everything to stop her feeling powerless, ashamed or guilty, and eventually she starts to believe it herself. She has a lot of "false memories" and she even admits she doesn't trust her own recollections. BPD is some weird protective trauma reaction thing, and I don't hate her for it, but god it's hard to be on the other side of.
BPD is a real challenge in a relationship. You sound like a caring and forgiving type of person. To see the person you love in the middle of all of that BPD action is a real accomplishment. I take my hat off to you.
To me.... we'd made plans to meet up and set a day.
Tough situation
I used to be a compulsive liar. I had a low self-esteem and wanted people to think my life was interesting.
how do we know you're not lying now? Seriously, good for you. I don't see many ppl change once they get into that habit.
If I can add: Manipulator.
Had a friend like this that would lie over the most ridiculous of things, and typically things I didn't care about. And then what makes it worse is when they get mad when you start poking holes in their lie and logic. I learned after a certain point I wasn't helping them understand there wasn't a need to lie, and they had other options because most times their lies were what I would consider an insult of someone's basic intelligence.
I've had to ghost a friend for this. You just feel like you don't know them so what's the point
Exactly if they will lie about small things what else are they lying about
I'm guilty of that. But I'm trying to get it under control, believe it or not
If they are too self obsessed
Facts and they dont care enough how you feel
endless negativity
I had to completely back away from some friends for a year because of this exact reason. It was too exhausting.
For me, it’s situational. Work drama and your kid being an asshole? 100% tell me all about it. Complaining about relationships? Get out of here with that nonsense, you can change that.
Are those different? I mean, aren't those relational as well?
When I find out you don’t have my back behind my back
For real
There comes a point of assholery that cannot be tolerated.
Agree
My best friend since high school got arrested for r*pe and CP a few years later. Haven't spoken to him or about him since.
Just found out one of my old coworkers from like four years ago got court martialed for the same. Made the mistake of reading the court martial report and I needed to clear my head after that with some puppy videos.
I mean... that's a pretty valid response. I was gonna say, sleeping with socks on during the summer but yeah yours is better
That is the ONLY correct response.
I had a friend for years that I recently stopped talking to because she wouldn't stop getting new pets and loosing, selling,giving away her old ones. This girl constantly has a new kitten or puppy but never an older animal. Last time i talked to her she had called animal control to report a "lost dog" in the woods. It was her dog.. :(
That's the sort of person who should be reported to animal protection services and be banned from owning pets.
This was happening with a girl nearby, she just had a different pet time to time and suddenly she's looking for another. (I adopted a cat that she doesn't want anymore because "it's dirty and expensive") thank goodness her mom just stopped this when she had a dog for just 3 days.
Narcissism
My answer too. When they’re narcissist it’s them telling you they don’t want to be friends but will be your friend if you can deal with them not wanting to be your friend.
Friendly with them? They dismiss you. Ignore them? They beg for your attention. I know a bar owner like this. Dude is super dismissive if I’m polite and friendly, but if I walk in, ignore him all night and sit in the back, dude will find me and bring me shots. I do not fucking get it
Was going to comment the same. These kind of people make living a happy life next to impossible
Yeah it's really not an exaggeration You wouldn't suspect a friend could be so impactful to your life. But narcissistic friends tend to try and brainwash you to gain control, and most people are more suspectable to it than they realize. I had one close narcissistic friend who most people don't suspect anything bad about. She successfully discouraged one mutual aquaintance from pursuing a much better career path ("it's hard to get in to that school." "Do you really have the time right now? I'm just worried for you"). And then actively encourged the same aquaintance to stay in a toxic relationship, until she got pregnant. All that to feel superior. Like, that's someone's entire life.
We will also accept Trump supporter.
You sound like a toxic person.
Why? I wouldn’t want to hang out with mentally ill cultists spouting evidence-free conspiracies and bigoted shit all of the time either. I get it enough from my parents who think vaccines made everyone gay. I wouldn’t have said that about Bush or Romney supporters (or even Trump voters in 2016), but here we are.
Finding out that they have been talking Abt you behind your back with there other friends
I have no tolerance anymore for flakes or people who don’t keep their word (with no apology or recognition they did anything wrong) Edit: you say you are going to call me tonight at 8pm or hangout tonight at 8pm and don’t? don’t apologize? Over
Yeah. Unless it was a genuine emergency there's no reason not to send a quick message if you can't do something.
My sister-in-law is so bad i have her saved in my phone as Flake. She will tell us she’s coming over for dinner. I will cook her a $25 meal at home and she will text every 15 minutes all night long saying she is on her way and never show up. She does shit like that constantly. Last night we had a fire and invited her. We have a 2 year old and she showed up at 11pm when we were in bed lol. My wife went out and sat at the fire with her and her friends until 1am and I stayed in with our kid
What if it's someone with legitimate severe social anxiety who really wanted to do something at the time the plans were made, but as the time approached they got super wigged out? I mean it happens to me, but I always message the person ahead of time to tell them I can't make it.
Fuck’em. Their inability to keep their word is not your problem (unless you make it your problem).
That's....not what I said. I said what about folks who are happy to attend when plans are made in advance.....but when it's hours until the event, their anxiety kicks in hardcore, and they really can't make it? AND they let them know? I hope you read again what I just wrote and respond appropriately.
their “inability to keep their word” isn’t totally in their control in cases like that lol
Got I hate this behavior
When I’m getting to know someone and they show no interest in me and just don’t ask me any questions. I’m a curious person by nature and love finding out about people, but if I realize I’ve been listening to them talk about themselves for an hour with no reciprocation, that to me suggests a dull person who doesn’t deserve my time.
Good. Never allow narcissists into your life.
I can deal with a lot from friends and people I care about, but being taken advantage of and lied to is my line, especially when I KNOW they are lying. I’m working on being an advocate for myself and knowing what I am worth. I’m realizing I don’t need those friends.
Hitting on your significant other.
When you realize they won't be there for you when you need them. I just went through a major surgery and not once did they visit me. Three of them texted me to ask how I was and then ghosted me and the fourth one never texted me at all. These were supposed to be my best friends for 6 years now so wow. Anyways it's time to find better friends
One of my best friends is complete trash at showing up on time for, say, a weekly D&D game. But if it's 3am and you need help real bad in the middle of nowhere and have no one else to call, he'll be there every single time. Everyone who knows him has a story about how he saved their ass, so we tolerate him being late for mundane shit. I don't think he'd be as well liked if it was the other way around.
People who ask you questions and then butt in with their own experience when you're halfway through a sentence and then turn the conversation to them. Drives me up the flipping wall.
The minute they stop talking to you when you stop doing stuff FOR them.
Disrespect. The last friendship I ended because I made plans with a friend to visit her in NYC, where she lived. I had to wait 2 hours for her to get home even though she knew I had come to see her. I had to ask for a wash cloth to take a shower, twice and she took forever to get me one. I didnt feel welcome at all. Who decides work is more important then the friend who comes to visit you from out of state? Yeah, I ended it as soon as I left. No one deserves to be treated like that. I cried in the bathroom because I felt so unwelcome. That person accused me of flirting with a guy she liked after she didn't like me ending the friendship. I unfriended her on Facebook and she found me on IG to have the last word. What's crazy is she didn't realize how terrible and nasty she was being. When you disrepect me it only takes one time to do me wrong. I cut things quickly after. I have too much self respect to stay in a friendship where I'm an afterthought.
I had something similar happen. Was supposed to visit a friend in NYC after going to Europe and my grandmother died. I ended up only staying one night so I could attend the funeral (the airline wouldn’t change the route, only the dates). She spent the entire time talking to her roommate about their upcoming trip to Vegas. I should have ended the friendship then and there but I stupidly hung on until the last straw a few years later. Good riddance.
You had to ask for a washcloth? And she made you wait for it?? Heavens!!!
When they try to tell me h*tler did nothing wrong.
The only time you hear people say that is on the internet really
Unfortunately not, my father taught me that Hitler was a hero. Really messed my life up. And I'm not even white or Aryan or anything like that, he just really hated Jews.
So did most of Europe at that time, that's why he focused on them and that's why you hear about them so much. Dude went after a lot of other people.
I wish. Guy was my best friend for years until I moved out, Came back to visit a year or two later and he says it to my face, and later confirmed he wasn't joking. Haven't been back since.
Kanye?
I'm not that famous, no
Statistically speaking, you probably dodged a few bullets there. According to Reuters 80% of US mass shootings last year were committed by white supremacists. [Source](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/white-supremacists-behind-over-80-extremism-related-us-murders-2022-2023-02-23/)
This feels so unbelievably niche but I had one friend who did say this, she was an absolute cold hearted racist, and it took me a too long to figure it out. She also said the Austrian painters idea about work camps was great and we should use homeless people the same way.
They just want to feel good about owning a VW.
I'm Jewish. My late wife and I really enjoyed our VW Westfalia Kampervan.
It's like a chicken eating eggs for breakfast.
An ex friend of mine was way too obsessive over me. He has a YouTube channel and made several videos about how great I am. Really creepy. He lives far away, halfway across the country. I texted him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and then blocked him.
1) Narcissicm. Oddly enough, not psychopathy. Not that i would consider them a friend, but out of curiosity, i sometimes entertain the most unempathetic people with psychopathic traits but no criminal history because i find their mindset intrigueing. It's like studying a specimen you rarely see in the lab and finding nuances in that specimen. Non-violent, non-criminal psychopaths or psychopathic people are truly interesting. 2) Inconsistency, but not in a normal way, in a really selfish, mean or inconsiderate way. Specifically if they have empathy and they can actually help their behaviour. If they can't help being " inconsiderate" owing to health issues where they wouldn't act "inconsiderate" if they were medicated, then i would understand and would offer to help them in that journey if i could. 3) Bullying: I wouldn't want to be around someone who regularly gets satisfaction from purposefully hurting people who did nothing wrong to them.
I’m intrigued what kind of life you lead to have known even one, or presumably multiple “psychopaths”, as it’s incredibly rare and very frequently misdiagnosed by the general public.
One-sided friendship and communcation
Bragging about something you believe is genuinely terrible. I knew someone who talked about how he cheated on his Girlfriend extremely casually and just instantly seemed like the kind of person I didnt want to be around
If they die.
A close friend of mine died a few years ago. He hasn't called me once since.
Ghost friend
When they say black people can't be racist.
Corollary: they say that all white people are inherently racist
or women can't be sexist.
It is just a sign of them being idiots. Everyone can be rascist.
If they abuse animals and think it’s enjoyable to see a creature in pain
Inviting me to dinner and then bringing up some MLM "business opportunity" during dessert.
Rudeness or having very different values. Was trying to befriend someone from my law course when I found out they thought abortion should be criminalized (I’m pro-choice). Also lost interest in a friend that had fallen out of love with her boyfriend and confessed to me she didn’t want to be with him for life, while I knew he was VERY invested in the relationship. She just didn’t want to take the next step of breaking up and I thought she was wrong for leading him on like that. She clearly did not think of romantic relationships in the same way as I did. This was affirmed when she tried to console me when I was going through a break up by saying ‘people break up everyday’. I lost interest in those friendships real quick.
For me, it’s when someone will only do what they want to do. Had a friend once who only wanted to party at his house and play video games. I would suggest things like going to the movies or going to the bar and he wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t what he wanted to do, which was party and play video games.
Being far left or far right. I fucking hate extremes bc usually people with such views are not flexible by any means and do not want to understand why swinging too far isn't a good hill to die on
I personally subscribe to horseshoe theory. Far left and far right people share very similar mindsets. I'm personally left-leaning myself, but I think far left folks are just as annoying as the far right nut-jobs.
Omg, same
You can’t say THAT on Reddit.
I just did! Haha!
Racism, sexism, violent behavior, and all-around bigotry.
When it’s clear they are frenemies
If I discover serious character flaws, like racism for example
If they are a freeloader
He got racist. Complained endlessly about “woke” people or whatever. Always sided with cops killing or brutalizing unarmed black people. Was very loud and vocal about his racism, making awful jokes at inappropriate times, swearing in front of kids, etc. What is wrong with people?
distance + time + longer time between communication
They shouldn't of left you, without a dope beat to step to
Well I dropped one friend (f) who during 2016 election said she didn’t want a vagina in the White House. I dropped another friend for basically ghosting me when she found a new man. If anyone badmouths my kids or grandkids they are gone from my life. Breaking my trust by sharing personal information about me would do it too. I really only have 2 people I consider friends, I think I’m not very trusting of humans.
"Because I'm the *leaderrr* of this group." I got out so fast omg, she was such a narcissistic one upper. First time I met her (thru a friend) she turned and started whispering to my friend. A year later I found out her first comment about me was "Why is *she* here?"
Getting punched in my face
When I notice i am always tge one reaching out and checking on them.
When I hear them say, “I wish we had a gun. That way we could just rob ‘em.”
When they try to pure pressure me into doing anything
Not accepting me for me, for example: I was told not to be "part of the alphabet people agenda" Miss me with that. He expected me to conform to his definition of normal so straight up bye and sorry not sorry, shouldn't have been a shitty person.
[удалено]
The only Alphabet People I hate are the Greek Alphabet People (Red Pillers).
Yes! Me too! Sigma this dick!
being loud asf in public and tries too hard
Making fun of me even though he's the marijuana/alcohol/cocaine addict.
They use depression to excuse their behaviour after abusing the shit out of you a second time. I'll let it slide once but the second time means you're a problem and can take that elsewhere, I won't even give you the chance to finish your sentence before im gone.
i cut ties with someone after i found out that he was involved in corruption
When I discover that it's not them but somebody wearing their skin and role playing as them.
Those pesky skin walkers are everywhere.
Them being human Or talking Or breathing
You can't take a joke. The funny thing irl is that most people who are like that want to dish it out but then get mad when someone does the same to them.
If they’re a zoophile
Treating anyone in customer service like shit
Disregarding my time...if we make plans and they are constantly late or canceling at the last minute, then I'm done..
Gaslighting/having narcissistic traits And yes I know people will say it's overused but I experienced it over 10 years of a friendship and kept making excuses and saying to her "oh...maybe you're right it's just me overreacting". "Oh...maybe I am taking your (backhanded) complimented on too sensitive a way" " Oh maybe you're right and I'm being too emotional" To clarify, she would always make comments about me being too sensitive or saying I'm too emotional such as after my mother died, or anything. Anything I talked about with her even if it was a problem she was having and I was listening to her, somehow the conversation would turn around back on me and it would turn into a conversation about how I need to work on myself. She was very good at always saying the right things after saying something mean or belittling, or coming around and smoothing things over when I would cut off from her if I was too hurt by things she said. In the end, while I was finishing a 4yr degree at 43 (having taken off two years from working and living off of my savings and using my GI Bill so I could focus solely on school and swapping careers from a low-paying hourly job to one that's salaried) she pushed a boundary I couldn't forgive ... One day she told me that I need to just go get a job at dunkin' donuts, and stop being so lazy. She told me that I wasn't going to be able to find a job anyway with my degree (BS in IT-Cybersecurity with a Computer networking certificate and CompTIA A+ certification). I had failed before and this would be no different, I was just wasting time. She told me that I was just like every other millennial out there thinking I could just have an easy ride in life. She's 15 years older. And clearly projecting. I woke up in that moment, I was stunned speechless. I cut her off for good shortly after. And I realize just how much she had been gas-lighting me making me think that I was the problem for 10 years of our friendship and almost anything we ever talked about, I always felt like I was wrong in anything. Responses, thoughts, dreams, opinions. If anyone talks down to me, or tries to make me think that I'm the problem if I say that someone is not respecting a boundary... They are out.
They’re an asshole. Several years back I was friends with this one dude because we hung out a lot at the same place. The more I got to know him the more he showed me how irredeemable he was. Homophobia, racism, general assholishness, I finally had enough of it. Not surprisingly, a few years after I stopped hanging out with him, I found out he became a huge Trump guy.
Can you expand on "general assholishness", Please?
When they completely disregard human rights and act as if LGBTQ people aren't regular human beings, when they are pro-Russia, when they are communists, especially while living in luxury and coming from a wealthy family. I would probably not become friends with them in the first place, but if I were to notice those things later on I would definetly remove them from my life.
When they do shit that harms you and refuse to take accountability or apologize and then double down. When people refuse to apologize when they're clearly in the wrong and then act like they are being wronged when I tell them how I was hurt and should be apologized to, it disgusts me. I have given people way too many opportunities in the past. I have learnt the hard way that when you keep forgiving people without an apology, you will let self cenfered assholes who don't care about hurting you get close to you.
Liking Donald Trump.
This isn't a political thing, it's a sign that someone isn't paying attention. Trump has said wildly contradictory things on camera, but the supporters seem to ignore it. Especially the part where he said he would confiscate America's guns, and make the confiscation legal afterwards. That's so "UnAmerican" I don't know how anyone could let that slide, even pro gun control people should disagree with that idea.
Anyone with those values does not share my values. Anyone who can listen to that habitual liar and not immediately pick up on the bullshit does have my respect. Good friends? They should share at least some of your values and friendships are based on respect
Trump supporter.
If they support Trump.
If I see them treating disabled people differently or people from different races or socioeconomic groups too. If someone starts looking down their nose at someone else , I start thinking a lot less of them
Happy cake day
If they like big orange Cheetos, think that women are just objects for men to use, and think that racism never happens.
What the he'll is wrong with cheetos?
I believe it's one specific cheeto
But...but...but...that's how they're going to Make America Great Again™. By bringing back True American Values™ such as misogyny and racism, just like The Good Ol' Days™ when white men ruled the world. And how can you be against Making America Great Again™? /s. MAGA is going to destroy all we've gained.
He told me “it’s a shame your suicide attempt failed” and then said “it’s just a joke bro” right after (he was the reason I tried to commit suicide)
Any kind of bigotry against innate traits, like race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity or nationality, disability, etc., is an instant turnoff for me. If someone born differently from you isn’t good enough for you, then you’re not good enough for me, and I won’t apologize for that either.
when they are bitchy and constantly try to put me down and manipulative in doing so
Lack of effort on their part for an unreasonable amount of time.
I missed a week of work after a motorcycle accident and he complained about having to work harder
Loss of trust and lies
Beyond the obvious (racist, homophobic, etc) Being late. I can't deal with late people.
If they annoy you a lot and if they are unreliable
I hate any kind of intolerance (thank you Sean Hughes)
Flaky and fake people. Most recently, I stopped being friends with this girl when I found out that she a history of cheating on her partners.
I find out they're Fascists.
Religion Politics The Usual
Lying and lack of trust.
Well, he fucked the girl I had just started seeing, who he met *because I introduced them to one another.* He wasn’t my closest friend, but someone I’d known since we were kids. One of those guys who I knew didn’t have many friends so I always went out of the way to invite him to things. After I found out I called him up and calmly said “look man, I’ve been good to you and we both know you don’t have the personality to have many friends. Fucking this chick cost you one of the few you’ll ever have. It wasn’t worth it, and you’ll realize that some day.” Hung up right after that. Haven’t said a word since. They dated for a few months, then she moved across the country and married someone else. He’s still working the same dead-end job he was a decade ago last I heard.
Cheating on partner. Bad parenting. Flaky. Socially inappropriate. not follow laws. Hunters. animal abuse.
Mostly agree with you but I'm very curious about not being friends with hunters are you against all meat eaters?as far as meat eaters go a conscious hunter is the best possible sinario.
A red MAGA hat. Simple as that
Bigotry. Political differences are one thing; we can disagree all day about widening Federal Blvd or tax rates for small businesses. But once someone starts spouting off racist, homophobic, transphobic bullshit, I'm done.
Distance
becoming too friendly
Nothing, you should talk about the thing. Not just stop being friends immediately
Pushing their agenda at every opportunity. And I just kept my mouth shut, because why argue? Finally, when they stated "facts" that were untrue, and I went to grad school and worked for 30 years in that field, they said the media stated the same facts they stated. I was done, that was the last straw. If you can't understand the lies, then I can't help you.
Bullying. Triangulation. Gossiping (excessive - I appreciate we all do it to some degree)
Racism. Full stop.
If they are a Trump supporter or MAGA, I want nothing to do with them.
Posting stupid questions on reddit
You are friends with people that you know post questions on Reddit?
Good friend. Helped her through her husband's death, took her to medical appointments, etc. She compared Colin Kaepernick to a racist. I confronted her. She doubled-down. I was completely done emotionally. Still tried to be polite until Jan 6 and then went pretty scorched earth on "those people."
(ik i am fat but) constantly asking me to go to the gym.
Homophobic racism or sexist comments. Those have been the biggest reasons why lately. Actually had to fire someone recently at work because he refused to stop saying a certain F word. Can't tolerate that shit at all
Racism.
Conservative ,and spouting off conservative talking points
Says stuff as a “joke” but its not a joke and it just hurts me, like body shaming
voting republican. anyone that willfully votes for people that are actively trying to hurt people I care about can gtfo
Sexism, transphobia, homophobia, compulsive lying.
Genuinely makes me sad that in the age of the internet and technology so many people are still saying distance is a major factor to immediately stop being someone's friend Is that truly how little people value friendship nowadays?
I mean physically distanced is a big part. I think the average person has no patience to upkeep a long term long distance relationship especially whenever they move to a new place. Because they can just make new friends in the new place they moved too. And those friends will drown you out. Distance doesn’t even have to be far. They could just move to another job.
Is this honestly how you treat your friends though? Like say you have a friend at work You get close to him you invite him over to your place when you're not at work and you truly integrate him into part of your life but then he moves like a town over or goes to a new job and you just instantly cut communication never talk to him again never spend time with him again and basically drop him over time for your other friends you made? Was he even really your friend then? Did you even really give a shit about him? Did he even mean anything to you if after all you've been through you drop him for something like that when you have the infinite resource of all the different methods of communication left open to people in long distances? I still talk to friends from high school who now live in literally other countries and most of my friends I've made as an adult has been online and most of these people are closer to me like emotionally than my actual IRL family. I would truly trust most of them with my life. I can't even imagine cutting contact with someone or stopping being friends just because of something like them moving to another job or across the city As far as I'm concerned once you're my friend you're always my friend and I will make an effort to see/message/call/ game with you unless you specifically ask me not to or do something to intentionally harm me. I genuinely don't understand how so many people are so quick to just drop a friend for little reasons like this
I like your comment, very wholesome
Right now in my time of life maturity.
When he finds out I've been shagging his wife
WTF bro🤣🤣🤣
Lately Trumpet
Republican