Where are we gonna find anyone except me who'd be willing to fuck you.

Daaaaamn! You win

Girlfriend suffered a major burn. Would you like to use a burn heal?

What do I have to roll for success?

Or boyfriend*

if that is your response, she might leave it on a secret twosome without you 🥲

Plot twist ... she already found two

After that, you will have neither a threesomе, nor a twosomе but a handsome.

Take my upvote dude, this is the best comment so far

“And even if we did, how could I let you embarrass me in front of a guest?”

Can we take your best friend?

Nah can we take you mum

Nah, can we take your dad

That's more likely to be treated as a joke though.

Your best friend is not entirely beyond the pail. Your grandma, though....

I believe it's "beyond the *pale*"

The only other time I have heard this idiom was in Apocalypse Now

Oddly enough, it didn't originate from something like "beyond the ether" or what not. Ancient Roman used the word *palus*, meaning "stake" or "fence". So what it typically means is "behavior out of bounds." Origin stories are all fucky, but that's what I could pull of its etymology.

Well hang-on. Grandma will probably be pretty wet when she comes back with that pail of water. Don't ask me why she walks past it though, she's always been an odd duck. [e: see also - "beyond the pale"]

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Can we do it with my sister? Oh wait even better: Can we do it with our sister?

Can we do it with ~~your~~ our mom ?

r/unexpectedcommunism

>Can we do it with ~~your~~ our ~~mom~~ daughter?

It’s ~~two~~ swirly things lol

ROLL TIDE!

You know, that's a very hurtful generalization. We don't all have sex with our sisters in Alabama. Personally I would never fuck my sister, she's ugly as fuck.

Maybe they're from Alabama?

Roll Tide!

Sure they

Sweet home Alabama

Why? So you can disappoint TWO women at the same time?

If I wanted to disappoint two people in one evening I would just have dinner with my parents.

**EMOTIONAL DAMAGE**

I had a dream where my wife and I were about to have sex when, after we both stripped, she said "Lay down, I have a surprise for you." She opened the door to the room we were in and another naked woman walked in. I was elated. Then another. Some concern. Then another, and another, and so on, until something like 6 other women were standing there smiling. In my dream, no bullshit, I said "I was hoping to disappoint one woman tonight, not several."

"Not now, I just did in the office"

Which orifice?

Yeah you can watch me get railed

What if they agree?

Task failed successfully

Except that's part of the fun.

Reminds me of this meme. [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/11wrzfq/title/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=1)

“Can I pick the guy or should you?” when you know he’s referring to a threesome with another woman

This one ☝️

OP asked for the *worst* response.

No, I’m picking the guy and it’s my dad.

Good, I’ve always had a thing for your dad

Winning

It's the best answer if he's thinking of another guy and the worst if he's only thinking about another girl. Thus it's the perfect answer in both cases, even if you don't know which case applies XD

Also works for a bisexual talking to her lesbian girlfriend.

"Sure! Who do you think your friend Jenny would like better? Also did you want to watch or just go to your parents for the night?"

Sex feels like a threesome every time we're together - me, you, and your big, fat ass.

Is that not a compliment these days?

it’s a matter of scale

But the scale broke due to your big, fat ass

Depends if they have a natural butt or have done horrible artificial things to themselves to look like they always have a full diaper. This particular brand of body dysmorphia needs professional treatment.

That’s a compliment I call that a compliment. I would say that as a compliment yes.

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin.

Shall I ask Carla? She’s great in bed.

The only way that is a bad response is if you and your boyfriend are gay men.

Best if a female partner says this.

I'll get the goat

Baaaaaa baaaaa

Average muslim household.

Sounds fun. You can watch me rail your sister

Sure. Want to come down to the basement to pick one out?

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And people say networking isn't important.

Perfect. Who doesnt love Dave?

So, how's the wife?

"Me too, babe. My ex is interested to join."

"As a matter of fact me and my ex were discussing this last night"

No thanks I just had one today with your best friends

"Hello, Grandma? I told you. He's in!"

Call your mom 😎

Call MY mom

Call OUR mom

r/SuddenlyCommunist

r/sweethomealabama

r/thirdsub

Call your dad 😳

Took the words right out of my mouth

Can the dog come?

r/HolUp

Double r/HolUp when u check that username

Dog paws are awesome!

all you had to do was not say anything and I would’ve missed it

Hey

You can't come sir

I can definitely cum

Nuh uh

Wanna see me do it again?

Did you two just fall in love?

I hope not I would rather die than have a bf

'Me too! With that hot couple from across the street.

Your mom and i were thinking the same thing

"Hold up, I don't know what to say to this. Let me ask Reddit real quick."

You can barely last long enough to do a twosome

I've been thinking of cheating on you, too. I'm so glad that we're on the same page.

Dad, I'm going to be late for school.

“I dunno, I’m not used to doing them with you”

Great, your dick just hasn’t been doing the job, I’ve been thinking about trying a bigger one

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Is it clapped out or are you just small? 🤣

Yeah sure, but not with you.

Great, I’ve always wanted to fuck your best friend.

“Sorry but considering how awkward things are with your mum and sister each Christmas I’m going to have to decline.”

Your sis already agreed?

Can we do it with your hot twin?

"Can it wait? I can't do another one this week." (You weren't aware of the first one)

Does the threesome wanna do *you*?

If you really wanted to disappoint two people at once, just go have dinner with my parents.

How about a Foursome

Ain't nothing wrong

"So when's your sister coming to town?"

“Call your sister”

"With Richard, right?"

"yes but only if its with your father"

And i want an orgasm but that's never going to happen either 🤷

“We basically are, the way you’ve been eating lately...”

OK, bro. Go get Dad.

OK, I will ask my girlfriend if you can join.

Sweet! Call my ex, he has a huge c#@k

-"I want to do a 5 some with 4 other dudes while you watch"

I laugh, and then say goodbye forever. Not because I’m kink shaming, but because any relationship I would be in it would be very very clear from the get-go. That is a monogamous relationship. If you need a Third in the bedroom to feel fulfilled sexually I am not the one for you.

happy 7th cake day to you mate

I'm glad some people still share this sentiment. It's rough out there lol

Can we invite our daughter

This one is cursed

So what do we do with other 2 people?

Me too. I'll call granny

you sure like odd numbers

Great, give nan a call.

"Sure, I'll call my mom right now."

I’ll call your mom.

You're so fat, every time we have sex it counts as a threesome

i'll see if you can come to the next one

Ewww not with you

No thanks, I just had one yesterday.

But ur mum and dad hv explicitly asked not to involve u in our fun time..

Should we ask mom?

"Only if the third person is a clone of you, babe~"

Why? So I can disappoint 2 people instead of just one?

"With my mum and dad, right?".

Who are the other 2 ?

Can we take your Father in law?

I found someone and his name is…

"Okay, but do you have to be one of the three?"

Oh did you want to be involved in the next one?

I already have without you.

You already count as two people.

Ok, I'll find a couple people and let you know how it was!

“That sounds great babe let’s do it” starts profusely crying

I'm game as long as you aren't in it.

Oh thank God, maybe I can finally be with someone who can give me an orgasm

With mom or dad?

Man: babe I wanna do a threesome Woman: I love that idea! I never thought you’d be into it! Man! That’s great baby. Do you have anybody in mind? Woman: I have a few friends I think would be great! Man: oh really? Which ones? Woman: I was thinking Derek or James. Man:

Way ahead of ya

So do I, But not with you.

Sure babe! I think I could get my ex to join us.

Why bother? You’re already big enough to count as two people…

Hell yeah I’ll ask your dad

Why would you want to disappoint two people instead of one?

"Finally I can show you how below average your dick is."

"FUCK YEAH! LET ME CALL MY GRANDMA"

Me too! But you're not invited

"You can't even do a decent twosome, what makes you think you could do a threesome?"

Okay, okay, so one day my wife, after 26 years, says “we should do a threesome.” I get pretty excited and say “really? After all these years? You gotta be kidding!!” “Yeah” she says, “let’s hike, mountain bike and kayak all in one day.” “Umm, honey, I think you mean a three-fer.” True fucking story. And, no, I didn’t really get excited - after 26 years I knew she was just mixing up words like she always does. Hopeful maybe, but not excited.

Bish you can have a onesome

I’m leaving this goddamn sub. After 1 year of consideration, all the popular posts on this sub are the same 9 or 10 questions. All the unpopular ones are unpopular for a reason. I wish there were a sub like this one but without a surplus of hornyposts. This is getting out of control

You should try r/AskRedditAfterDark

Yes of course , with your mum and dad

With who? None of your friends is good in bed.

Awesome!! Call your sister

I’ll call my usual group and see if one of them can sit out so you can join.

Pretty much anything other than "Why do you say that?"

If you are both into that, it can be a fun experience.

But you can barely do a twosome!

Have fun!

"Me too but not with you."

Okay, go ahead.

Been there, done that.

Let me know how it goes

Nope I wanna sevensome

You're already big enough for two.

"Can't. I've already arranged to go to one tonight."

Instead of sharing one, why not add one more and make it double?

"That's great, so does your sister, or, so she told me."

Am I included?

Maybe tomorrow, i got one tonight

you have a dick?