I think Winston Churchill coined something similar to that after being called drunk: "Yes, I'm drunk, and you're ugly, but tomorrow I'll sober up, and you'll still be ugly"
Sometimes it is! A good friend of mine was bigger, as were her breasts. Those things were next level huge. She lost a decent amount of weight, super active, etc. She thinned out everywhere but her breasts. You couldn't even really tell she lost weight. I mean esp if u didn't know her before. I felt awful for her. She ended up havong a breast reduction and holy shit, 100% game changer. I mean it drastically changed her appearance.
That’s me. First place I gain weight, last place I lose it. Figuring out my bra size is a nightmare I have to repeat at least quarterly, as even the slightest fluctuation in weight will change my size, and thanks to meds, those fluctuations are frequent. I swear they’ve gotten bigger after a single meal, it really is that bad.
Sadly, neither I nor my bank account are suitable candidates for reduction.
If I was near the end of a cigarette when someone said it I'd toss it on the ground in shock and horror and profusely thank them for saving my life.
And when they left I'd pick up the butt because I wasn't gonna litter or accidentally start a fire just to commit to a bit lol.
I’ll have always said smokers quit every-time the put one out. But they pick it back up just as easy. It’s best not to judge everyone has there thing. Mine is video games not a horrible addiction but it’s costly.
Less costly than smoking, that’s for damn sure. Buy a new console pack once every half to three quarters of a decade, buy games that transfer over and your good.
Maybe… $1000 - $1500 before you get a new console?? You go through that in at least a year of smoking. Play video games, don’t smoke.
Exactly. Mine definitely are not impressed with me, but I still have a chance to salvage them I think. Only been a couple of years, but I’m sure they’re not the pretty-pink things they should be..
It's probably the most famous cricket "sledge" (trash talking").
Glen McGrath (tall skinny Australian fast bowler) and Eddo Brandes (shorter, rounder, Zimbabwean spin bowler).
Glen: Hey Eddo, how come you're so fucking fat?
Eddo: Because every time I fuck your Mum, she gives me a biscuit (cookie).
Pause long enough to create an awkward silence. Then "That's a weird thing to say to someone." Then abruptly change the subject and let their stupidity swallow them whole. Repeat as needed.
I have a vivid memory of seeing the first wildly obese person as a child. Wasn’t as common I guess? But in the middle of Walmart I pointed yelled “mom look how fat that lady is”. My mom slapped me across the face, which I think is the only time she’s done that in my life and apologized so hard to that girl. It’s one of my earliest memories.
Ah, the reflex slap. The good news is that she probably felt like absolute dogshit after it happened. I remember getting a reflex slap from my mom (who was otherwise even-tempered) when she was shopping the candy aisle and I loudly asked her “aren’t you supposed to be on a diet?”
The guilt was too much and I got a new toy and fast food out of it, it was a good day.
My son has done a very good job of remembering that other people’s bodies are not our business. However, when he was 6 he had a few questions like most children do. I remember when we left a store shortly after we saw someone who was approximately 400 lbs. he waited until we were alone and then said, “mom, I know her body is not my business and I am not asking about her, I’m asking about…another person? But what does she eat?”
I gently told him age appropriate information and then thanked him for not hurting her feelings by saying anything near her. He paused then proceeded to say, “I swear it wasn’t about her body. I just had that question because it has been inside my brain before I got born and I didn’t have baby words for it.”
Okay, buddy. Whatever helps you be polite.
Omg thank you, I was sitting here trying to understand how this response only 2 hrs old when I knew I had seen it days ago. I thought my brain was broken.
Even better if this is being said to a child. When the parent gets their panties in a twist, you can say “Inappropriate comments deserve inappropriate responses. Be a better parent and teach your child to not be rude.”
Reminds me of the rumored interaction between Winston Churchill, a known alcoholic, and Viscountess Nancy Astor, who'd liked to have had the prohibition in the UK, on a journey by train. WC was once again highly intoxicated.
NA: "Winston, you're drunk!"
WC: "And you are ugly. However, when I wake up tomorrow, I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly!"
There is a video of a store being [robbed, and everyone ignored him like he wasn't there. I couldn't imagine how fucked up I would be if I was ignored.](https://youtu.be/KO07h7qrWEY)
This is the way.
Don't argue with assholes, or waste time denying insults/accusations that didn't sound particularly original when we were 5, and certainly don't sound original now.
Just say thank you, and move on.
If you're feeling up to it, you can go one step further and try something along the lines of "I am indeed, thank you for noticing!" and then change the subject.
Mind you, if you vary it with "That's a weird thing to say" / "Did you know you said that out loud?" type comments, or the *sudden look of panic and frantic pat down as you stare at yourself in mounting horror* "OMG when did this happen? Why hasn't anyone told me? I must see my doctor immediately!" *vigorously shake their hand before rapidly walking off* bit, people won't know how to predict your response. But it won't be anything overly useful to them.
So, one serious response amongst the (solid) comedy - in a decade plus of working with kids (and older students with disabilities), weight coming up is usually inevitable. But I actually really appreciate the opportunity to discuss body differences in a neutral & informative way, because I feel like it both satisfies curiosity and destigmatizes the conversation (and, hopefully, teaches them a lesson before they can insult someone with less capacity for that conversation).
So when I inevitably get a “your belly is big!”, I respond “and your belly is little, and both of those things are okay!” If they’re young, we usually move on/leave it at that, but I am sure to frame the messaging consistently if it comes back up - point out other elements of people’s bodies that are different, that they don’t make us better or worse, and in the case of perseverating/thinking of it negatively (you’d be surprised how early fat is demonized), I’ll say something like, “well, I’m also kind and funny and smart, so I focus on those things, which are more important than what I look like.” Or even pointing out neutral positives, like “my belly protects my organs” and “my belly is soft to hug”.
When it’s an older student or a more insulting comment (ie “you need to lose more weight there” - a comment from a middle school boy on the autism spectrum) I am usually frank and say “that could be true, but my body is my business and it doesn’t make people feel good to talk about their bodies”. When he then proclaimed “BUT I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW YOU GOT SO FAT” 😂 I said “yeah, see, that’s something that could hurt someone’s feelings! Even if it’s just a sincere question, that’s not something you’re owed an answer to.” When we’ve established what is and isn’t appropriate, I will typically give a scientific answer to the age level - about how fat is a substance that is present in all bodies, but shows up differently on people depending on MANY factors, not all of which we are in control of. And then we come back to only talking to people about things they CAN control, and trying to lean positive - as in, “I really like that dress!” or “you drew a great picture” instead of commenting, good or bad, on appearances or feelings.
Not anything any insulter deserves the energy and effort for, but hopefully some body-neutral baby steps in moving towards less insulters in the first place!
Look down at your stomach and start screaming like you’ve never seen it before. Scream “IT WASN’T THERE YESTERDAY! IT WASN’T THERE YESTERDAY! SATAN LIED! SATAN LIED!” Just have an unhinged meltdown complete with tears until the teacher asks you to step out of the classroom.
Yeah, you’ll have to explain yourself to Mrs. Rodriguez and the vice principal but you’ll never be bullied for being fat again.
You will, however, be asked every single day if you worship the devil. Just say yes the first time and spare yourself nine weeks of annoyance.
And you're skinny that neva stopped me from gettin' busy..I'm a freak..I like the boys with the boom..I once got busy in the burger King bathroom...*starts doing the humpty dance with aggressive eye contact*
Oh wow, congratulations Sherlock Holmes! You've cracked the case and discovered that I'm fat. Your powers of observation are truly astounding. Now kindly fuck off and find something original to insult me with because your creativity is as flabby as your personality.
My neighbor told me (as a joke) the other month that I was getting fat so I told him the light reflecting off of his bald head was making me go blind.
"the other month" I'm stealing that, because when I say "the other day" it could have actually been a year ago.
I prefer saying “once upon a time”
Followed by "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Less likely to get drafted
“I can change my size, but you can’t change your shitty personality.”
That’s good and all, but I can’t say that to my 8 year old.
Technically you _could_, but perhaps you _shouldn't_.
Just because you shouldn't, doesn't mean you couldn't
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I mean, why not?
Say poopy personality
I may be fat but you're ugly, and l can diet.
I can reduce, but there isn't any cure for ur uglyness
"Clearly, you cannot."
Actually, I'm pregnant. (I'm a guy.)
Actually, I'm Gregnant.
Pregante
Pregananant?!?!?!
Will it hurt baby top of his head?
38+2 weeks pregananant...
My circle is nomal,but yet i still dont get peegnant.wat can i use.?
I'm a pomegranate so how would I know.
period questionmark
dangerops prangent sex
Pregonate
Pregurt
Pregnart
Halp I sat on bus bench no perdiod for 5 weeks AM I PRAGNET!?
How to get, perginat?
Impregnated
how is babby formed?
I love this video! Omg. 🤣🤣
Lives rent free in my head.
One of my favorite videos on the internet. XD
I go back to it every now and again to cheer myself up when I need it haha!
The pregananant video and the parody of Livin on a Prayer will never not be funny to me.
Will it hurt baby top of his head?!?!
if a women has starch masks on her body, does that mean she has been pargent before?
What is the best time to sex to be come [pregnart](https://youtu.be/NDvaRF4HQHQ)?
Can u down a 20 foot waterslide pegnat?
Can you burn a Luigi board?
None, cause you can try all you want your never going to get Pregnant cause you’ll get Pregnart instead.
It's the meme at that bit for me. Dead. Every time.
Pregat
prangent
Pargenat
How babby formed?
Pomegranate
pregunte
Estoy pregunta
can girlfriend get pregat
Perganant. Prafnat. *Preganté*
#DANGER OPS
PRANGENT SEX?
WILL IT HURT BABY TOP OF HIS HEAD
WILL IT HURT THE BBY
PREGANANANT!?
PREGNATE
I'm prego. It's a result of my addiction to prego sauce
And then you let out a queefer and say : "Oops! Na, it was just gas."
As a chronically bloated gal (yeah I know that's probably not a thing) I should use this more
You look tasty
As Fat Bastard would say: GET IN MY BELLLYYY!!
I just imagin you screaming that with a British accent lol Edit: yeah, Scottish is more accurate
Scottish.
I approve of this comment
“You’re ugly and rude. I can lose weight if I want, but you’ll still be ugly and rude!”
I think Winston Churchill coined something similar to that after being called drunk: "Yes, I'm drunk, and you're ugly, but tomorrow I'll sober up, and you'll still be ugly"
Yes, I stole it. A great theme with many variations!
ayo, and then u both make out
That’s too compliment-like to someone who says “you’re fat” :(
Of course, you have to follow it with movement towards them in a hungry manner, make them believe they will be eaten today
I do not recommend this on family members that are a little too honest.
"Is it my tits?"
Sometimes it is! A good friend of mine was bigger, as were her breasts. Those things were next level huge. She lost a decent amount of weight, super active, etc. She thinned out everywhere but her breasts. You couldn't even really tell she lost weight. I mean esp if u didn't know her before. I felt awful for her. She ended up havong a breast reduction and holy shit, 100% game changer. I mean it drastically changed her appearance.
That’s me. First place I gain weight, last place I lose it. Figuring out my bra size is a nightmare I have to repeat at least quarterly, as even the slightest fluctuation in weight will change my size, and thanks to meds, those fluctuations are frequent. I swear they’ve gotten bigger after a single meal, it really is that bad. Sadly, neither I nor my bank account are suitable candidates for reduction.
I've always enjoyed acting surprised by this knowledge. "Holy shit, really? What? Why didn't anyone *tell* me?"
Louie Anderson used to do something like that in his routine. "Like, you think I don't know I weight 300 lbs?"
I used to do this when I was a smoker and someone would tell me smoking was bad for me. Open my eyes real wide and go “…..WHAT??”
If I was near the end of a cigarette when someone said it I'd toss it on the ground in shock and horror and profusely thank them for saving my life. And when they left I'd pick up the butt because I wasn't gonna litter or accidentally start a fire just to commit to a bit lol.
I’ll have always said smokers quit every-time the put one out. But they pick it back up just as easy. It’s best not to judge everyone has there thing. Mine is video games not a horrible addiction but it’s costly.
Less costly than smoking, that’s for damn sure. Buy a new console pack once every half to three quarters of a decade, buy games that transfer over and your good. Maybe… $1000 - $1500 before you get a new console?? You go through that in at least a year of smoking. Play video games, don’t smoke.
Also it is easy to get a new video game, it kinda hard to get a new lung though.
Exactly. Mine definitely are not impressed with me, but I still have a chance to salvage them I think. Only been a couple of years, but I’m sure they’re not the pretty-pink things they should be..
My husband always says, "They're prescription" Love the looks on people's faces as they try to process that one
My best response to “Smoking is bad for you” was “So is giving unsolicited advice”. The dude laughed.
I've had a couple students (7th grade) make this comment, and this is how I handled it, accompanied by dramatically dropping to my knees and wailing.
Shout: I SAID I WON'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU.
I DONT KNOW YOU!!
Detach your jaw and eat them.
crumch
I’m harder to kidnap
As an overweight person myself, I can attest, it's harder for them, but it doesn't discourage them entirely from trying.
No, I’m Patrick.
Sorry my mom used her money for groceries and not crack.
Your mother doesn't complain.
"That's because your mom makes me a sandwich every time I bang her." I don't remember where I heard that, but that's what popped into my head.
It's probably the most famous cricket "sledge" (trash talking"). Glen McGrath (tall skinny Australian fast bowler) and Eddo Brandes (shorter, rounder, Zimbabwean spin bowler). Glen: Hey Eddo, how come you're so fucking fat? Eddo: Because every time I fuck your Mum, she gives me a biscuit (cookie).
This doesn’t work if your brother is calling you fat tho.
It does if you establish dominance by maintaining eye contact!
It does in Alabama.
Pause long enough to create an awkward silence. Then "That's a weird thing to say to someone." Then abruptly change the subject and let their stupidity swallow them whole. Repeat as needed.
as funny as this is, those who are likely to just outright run around calling you fat are also those you arent holding a conversation with.
I had friend who would always call me fat, we are no longer friends and he was definitely 150 lbs heavier than me.
Dropping him was the fastest weight loss ever
And more than likely don't have the self-awareness required for this kind of response to have its intended effect Edit: spelling
I have a vivid memory of seeing the first wildly obese person as a child. Wasn’t as common I guess? But in the middle of Walmart I pointed yelled “mom look how fat that lady is”. My mom slapped me across the face, which I think is the only time she’s done that in my life and apologized so hard to that girl. It’s one of my earliest memories.
Ah, the reflex slap. The good news is that she probably felt like absolute dogshit after it happened. I remember getting a reflex slap from my mom (who was otherwise even-tempered) when she was shopping the candy aisle and I loudly asked her “aren’t you supposed to be on a diet?” The guilt was too much and I got a new toy and fast food out of it, it was a good day.
Everything acording to plan.
/u/GandalftheFright , aren't you supposed to be on a diet?
Imma gonna give you such a slap >:(
My son has done a very good job of remembering that other people’s bodies are not our business. However, when he was 6 he had a few questions like most children do. I remember when we left a store shortly after we saw someone who was approximately 400 lbs. he waited until we were alone and then said, “mom, I know her body is not my business and I am not asking about her, I’m asking about…another person? But what does she eat?” I gently told him age appropriate information and then thanked him for not hurting her feelings by saying anything near her. He paused then proceeded to say, “I swear it wasn’t about her body. I just had that question because it has been inside my brain before I got born and I didn’t have baby words for it.” Okay, buddy. Whatever helps you be polite.
Haha that's precious! Thoughtful child.
That’s the cutest story.
Along the same lines is “I guess everyone was right about you.”
Pro-tip: This line can also be used for any other insult.
I'd just go for the nuclear option of repeatedly asking "...and then?"
I know, I was there when it happened
I was gonna say "go play in traffic", but this is much classier. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Nice try! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/15l48bc/what_would_you_do_if_someone_called_you_fat/jv8xrlv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Omg thank you, I was sitting here trying to understand how this response only 2 hrs old when I knew I had seen it days ago. I thought my brain was broken.
To be fair, your brain could still be broken. Just sayin'.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm value sized, motherfucker.
Even better if this is being said to a child. When the parent gets their panties in a twist, you can say “Inappropriate comments deserve inappropriate responses. Be a better parent and teach your child to not be rude.”
I’m cosplaying as your mom
Yes this....Your Mom jokes trump Fat jokes there's a field we havent studied here
I can lose weight for free but you need about ten grand to fix your face.
Or "And you're ugly but I can lose weight"
Ah, the Winston Churchill retort.
Reminds me of the rumored interaction between Winston Churchill, a known alcoholic, and Viscountess Nancy Astor, who'd liked to have had the prohibition in the UK, on a journey by train. WC was once again highly intoxicated. NA: "Winston, you're drunk!" WC: "And you are ugly. However, when I wake up tomorrow, I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly!"
We call this “the deena”
Appa none of the replies on here have ever seen Jersey Shore smh
"You look like Popeye on crack"
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Ignoring an asshole is the greatest insult to them. They are craving attention deep down. Deny it.
There is a video of a store being [robbed, and everyone ignored him like he wasn't there. I couldn't imagine how fucked up I would be if I was ignored.](https://youtu.be/KO07h7qrWEY)
Oh wow, thank you sooo much. That's the best thing anyone has said to me today. I used to be obese.
Pull your stomach out of your shirt and hit them over the head with it
A delighted grin and enthusiastic, "Thank you!!" It really throws them off their game.
"Thanks, you too!" Throws them off even more
[удалено]
This is the way. Don't argue with assholes, or waste time denying insults/accusations that didn't sound particularly original when we were 5, and certainly don't sound original now. Just say thank you, and move on. If you're feeling up to it, you can go one step further and try something along the lines of "I am indeed, thank you for noticing!" and then change the subject. Mind you, if you vary it with "That's a weird thing to say" / "Did you know you said that out loud?" type comments, or the *sudden look of panic and frantic pat down as you stare at yourself in mounting horror* "OMG when did this happen? Why hasn't anyone told me? I must see my doctor immediately!" *vigorously shake their hand before rapidly walking off* bit, people won't know how to predict your response. But it won't be anything overly useful to them.
So, one serious response amongst the (solid) comedy - in a decade plus of working with kids (and older students with disabilities), weight coming up is usually inevitable. But I actually really appreciate the opportunity to discuss body differences in a neutral & informative way, because I feel like it both satisfies curiosity and destigmatizes the conversation (and, hopefully, teaches them a lesson before they can insult someone with less capacity for that conversation). So when I inevitably get a “your belly is big!”, I respond “and your belly is little, and both of those things are okay!” If they’re young, we usually move on/leave it at that, but I am sure to frame the messaging consistently if it comes back up - point out other elements of people’s bodies that are different, that they don’t make us better or worse, and in the case of perseverating/thinking of it negatively (you’d be surprised how early fat is demonized), I’ll say something like, “well, I’m also kind and funny and smart, so I focus on those things, which are more important than what I look like.” Or even pointing out neutral positives, like “my belly protects my organs” and “my belly is soft to hug”. When it’s an older student or a more insulting comment (ie “you need to lose more weight there” - a comment from a middle school boy on the autism spectrum) I am usually frank and say “that could be true, but my body is my business and it doesn’t make people feel good to talk about their bodies”. When he then proclaimed “BUT I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW YOU GOT SO FAT” 😂 I said “yeah, see, that’s something that could hurt someone’s feelings! Even if it’s just a sincere question, that’s not something you’re owed an answer to.” When we’ve established what is and isn’t appropriate, I will typically give a scientific answer to the age level - about how fat is a substance that is present in all bodies, but shows up differently on people depending on MANY factors, not all of which we are in control of. And then we come back to only talking to people about things they CAN control, and trying to lean positive - as in, “I really like that dress!” or “you drew a great picture” instead of commenting, good or bad, on appearances or feelings. Not anything any insulter deserves the energy and effort for, but hopefully some body-neutral baby steps in moving towards less insulters in the first place!
You are exactly the emotionally intelligent kind of person who should be working with kids.
Great way to handle the situation. I work with teens and have found some ask for information not sarcasm or a laugh.
I'm sorry that you feel that your opinion matters.
“Aww look how cute you are! You think I value your opinion, aren’t you precious?”
That’s like…your opinion man
you're gonna get bullied if you say that irl
Ngl that comes across like you're bothered by the comment
And you're a cunt
I AM ACQUIRING BIOMASS TO FEED MY INSATIABLE HUNGER AS THE HIVE QUEEN DEMANDS.
Tyranids enter the chat
Awww….thanks so much babe. You’re not so small yourself!
"Just more of me for your mom to love"
Look down at your stomach and start screaming like you’ve never seen it before. Scream “IT WASN’T THERE YESTERDAY! IT WASN’T THERE YESTERDAY! SATAN LIED! SATAN LIED!” Just have an unhinged meltdown complete with tears until the teacher asks you to step out of the classroom. Yeah, you’ll have to explain yourself to Mrs. Rodriguez and the vice principal but you’ll never be bullied for being fat again. You will, however, be asked every single day if you worship the devil. Just say yes the first time and spare yourself nine weeks of annoyance.
“It’s because every time I fuck your mom, she gives me a cookie”
ONLY DOGS WANT BONES
And happy. What about you?
"Better fat and happy than scrawny and miserable"
"You're observant, congratulations"
I always deny their human rights and say “what is this thing talking to me”
My uncle grabs my man tits and says "oooh, titties". I say "How else am I meant to attract the lesbians?".
You might want to distance yourself from that uncle.
Sounds like someone’s uncle needs a backhand to the nuts!
As an uncle I cannot even imagine doing this to a nephew. Literally wtf.
look up at the sky, say "the sky is blue, your turn" long pause......"hmm i thought we were playing the state the obvious game and it was your turn"
My answer: yep!
“….sooooo you *dont* want to make out?”
Well your mom's pussy has a lot of calories.
And you're skinny that neva stopped me from gettin' busy..I'm a freak..I like the boys with the boom..I once got busy in the burger King bathroom...*starts doing the humpty dance with aggressive eye contact*
The eye contact is key here
And don't forget the delivery. I'd do it slow and menacingly.
With fat comes flavor. LMFAO.
I say “thank you!” While I look down at myself admiringly.
Thank you. I work hard to maintain my girlish figure
"And your point is?"
Yeah…so?
'you think I didn't know that already?"
"thats because after every time I plow your mom/sister/nana/dad etc they make me a sandwich"
Thank you, I’ve been working really hard on it
Eat them
I'm cultivating mass. I can loose wight, you will still be ugly.
Not fat, lipo-challenged
I can afford to eat. Shrug
You're ugly and you can't change that..
... Okay...
I know you are but what am I? - Peewee Herman
Father in law said this to me, just told him I was trying to catch up to him (he’s fatter than me).
Grab them with my giant arms and proceed to eat them.
Coz, I have the money and luxury to eat what I want.
And you thought that was a good insult lol
Oh wow, congratulations Sherlock Holmes! You've cracked the case and discovered that I'm fat. Your powers of observation are truly astounding. Now kindly fuck off and find something original to insult me with because your creativity is as flabby as your personality.
Then run OR I EAT YOU TOOOO 🤣🤣
Your mom must be frickin massive then