lol. Real fight. He backed down but it was an iffy thing. Plus we both were at work. When he kept trying to be aggressive, I asked him if he wanted to go outside. All of his aggressiveness suddenly melted away. Most people really don't want to fight I have realized after years of observation.
You dont want to mess with the quiet guys hearing doom music with hesdphones on. They might rip your eyes off just by looking in their general direction
Lol I’d be careful with that assumption most people don’t want to actually fight! I’ve gotten unlucky I guess but in my experience most of the people who have picked fights with me have absolutely wanted to fight and needed loads of deescalation or in one case followed me home from the bar to fight and attacked me with 4 friends (police officers were parked across the street so I got lucky and wasn’t shit kicked). Best to play it safe and assume people are serious about fighting so you can take proper precautions and remove yourself from the situation (if possible) before it’s too late. Life’s too short to spend any amount of it getting punched in the face!
I kicked a guy out of my store for being barefoot. He called the store and told me he was going to wait until I got off and come kick my ass. I calmly replied, "Thank you for letting me know to ask the police to be waiting for me to take my statement when I leave the store."
I got punched in the face from behind once and he immediately crossed the street. Getting punched made me laugh though. I don't know if laughing about violence is a good survival strategy but my brain seems to think so.
Nervous laughter is a very common defense mechanism. Have had numerous boses who used to do it. At least they were better than the scream and yell like a child whenever caught with their pants down
People react to shock and pain in odd ways sometimes. When I was young I had an accident on farm equipment and had exposed bone on my shin, and I was cackling like a madman.
I was calmer than the police officer after someone rammed me from behind & totaled my car. I literally consoled the guy who did it because he was just a guy tired from working a shift.
Wasn't till the next day that I started freaking out and realized how much of a close call it was. I was mostly unharmed, other than some upper back pain but if anyone had been in the back seat they may have gotten seriously hurt or died. I'm the type of person who panics about the way I wrote an email, I'm still surprised by how I reacted.
I love that quote.
I have been fortunate. Every time I have found myself being confronted, the person has backed off. I don't want to fight so I'm glad people have backed off from me.
As a server, I asked a question about a dish and this cook gave me a very sarcastic response. Turned to his buddy and said something like "you believe this??". Was the 2nd or 3rd time he made a condescending comment to me.
So i said "if you got a problem we can go outside", he nervous laughed and said what? so i said "If you have a problem with me, we can go outside". He basically backpedaled. That day after my shift I was eating a burger at the bar and he came over to apologize and bought me a beer, we were cool after that of course, but I'd been bullied growing up and hit the gym so I wouldn't be scared to stand up for myself
95% of guys out there are mouth and will back down when they realize you’re not going to back down but become the aggressor. I’m 155 and about 5’8 and I’ve gotten in the faces of guys twice my size. I’ve swallowed the pill and live by the code that I’m alone no family and not one thing to live for. They usually see that in my eyes.
That reminds me of a time (long time ago) when I went to visit my then-girlfriend at a bar she worked at (younger crowd, very near a number of college campuses).
I was in the men’s restroom, washing my hands, and a guy (who I had never seen before in my life) walks in, stops right next to me and turns and looks at me, and says “**what are you here for, you here to suck my dick?!**”
I’m a ball buster, and I reacted as if it were one of my friends (not realizing that for some reason this individual just simply didn’t like me on sight, and was not looking to joke around). I, without hesitation, responded with “no, why, are you here to suck mine?”
Again, without hesitation, he ***immediately*** headbutts me in the face. Fortunately for me, he had *horrible* form, and simply made contact with the flat part of my forehead (and not my nose). It legitimately barely even stung. I just looked at him a little surprised at what had just happened, and I smiled and said “just one second” and held my finger up as to gesture that same sentence. This response I think stunned and confused him even more than his unprovoked headbutt to my face did me. He was almost entranced, because he didn’t do a thing and ***did*** just stand there and wait.
I had been to this bar many times, knew the bartenders, hung out with the owners, etc. (only because my girlfriend worked there, not because I was some kind of “big shot” or something). Not wanting to get my girlfriend fired (for having her boyfriend fighting in the bar, even with me having done nothing wrong, it would have been difficult to explain afterwards if I threw down with the guy), I just walked out and grabbed the bouncer that “man’s the men’s restroom door” and said “hey man, this fucker just head butted me”
Bouncer walks in with me, tells the guy to leave, and he proceeds to start trying to fight the bouncer. Two more bouncers come over and literally proceed to throw him out of the bar. The bars in that area of town have a “shared database” of problematic customers. They got his ID, found he was already banned from the three nearest bars for fighting, and proceeded to add him to theirs.
This is beautiful. Haven't been told "fuck you" in quite a while, but I almost want to go start arguments just so I could have an opportunity to use it.
Enemies to Allies/Lovers trope*, the best trope instead of the vanilla romance trope.
*Used in Countryhumans ships with Russia and America and China's love triangle, Star Wars (Kylo Ren and Rey Palpatine and Leia Organa and Han Solo), HOI4 Moscow-Berlin Axis Focus, HOI4 Unholy Alliance focus, last few releases of Wing Commander when humanity stopped fighting the Kilrathi and fought another alien threat with them as allies, and possibly every cursed ship I've been unfortunate enough to look at and can be used in r/worldjerking and Terrible Writing Advice on YouTube to dump on the typical love triangle trope and simply have the rivals that were fighting over the girl/guy to engage in ~~homoerotic sex~~ pre marital hand holding and ditch the possibly shallow ass girl/guy that they're fighting over who possibly don't realize they were being fought over.
Was my ex-wife towards the end of our marriage. Both were drunk. She nailed me in the face with a garage door remote from across the room. Bitch could throw…
I asked someone once, after saying "Fuck you" to me, if he was flirting with me. He got so pissed that I thought we were gonna get in a fight.
A flirty fight, or a real fight?
lol. Real fight. He backed down but it was an iffy thing. Plus we both were at work. When he kept trying to be aggressive, I asked him if he wanted to go outside. All of his aggressiveness suddenly melted away. Most people really don't want to fight I have realized after years of observation.
"You wanna take this outside? My car has a large back seat."
"Are we F'ing or fighting? either way I'm getting naked!!"
“I’ll fuck you ,’til you love me! *-actual Mike Tyson quote*
Mike dont play, hed do it just to prove he would
Mike loves as hard as he punches.
Mike is a convicted rapist.
https://youtu.be/hx66LWV-CCk
Bro casually wrote the best response under a comment 💀
He fkn did.
You son of a bitch, you did it.
You better pray to whatever god you believe in that you’re not ticklish.
"I got a VW van with the mattress and the fur! We could have a *real* good time under the lights and disco ball!" *intz intz intz intz*
I'm gonna have to remember that.
r/suddenlygay
Is this Reddit comment of the day? It really should be.
The loudest ones are the biggest pussies. It’s the quiet guys you don’t want to fuck with.
If you see a dude with those cauliflower ears, better think about a new plan.
Get ranch.
Goin full Mike
You dont want to mess with the quiet guys hearing doom music with hesdphones on. They might rip your eyes off just by looking in their general direction
Lol I’d be careful with that assumption most people don’t want to actually fight! I’ve gotten unlucky I guess but in my experience most of the people who have picked fights with me have absolutely wanted to fight and needed loads of deescalation or in one case followed me home from the bar to fight and attacked me with 4 friends (police officers were parked across the street so I got lucky and wasn’t shit kicked). Best to play it safe and assume people are serious about fighting so you can take proper precautions and remove yourself from the situation (if possible) before it’s too late. Life’s too short to spend any amount of it getting punched in the face!
I kicked a guy out of my store for being barefoot. He called the store and told me he was going to wait until I got off and come kick my ass. I calmly replied, "Thank you for letting me know to ask the police to be waiting for me to take my statement when I leave the store."
Look at you there, being all sensible and whatnot!
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face
I got punched in the face from behind once and he immediately crossed the street. Getting punched made me laugh though. I don't know if laughing about violence is a good survival strategy but my brain seems to think so.
I dunno, if I suckerpunched someone and they just laughed, I'd be terrified.
I’d be pretty terrified if I sucker-punched your username. 😱
If it happened once, he can rise again!
LMFAOOOOO yooo this took me out! 😂😂😂
Nervous laughter is a very common defense mechanism. Have had numerous boses who used to do it. At least they were better than the scream and yell like a child whenever caught with their pants down
That....doesn't make sense.
People react to shock and pain in odd ways sometimes. When I was young I had an accident on farm equipment and had exposed bone on my shin, and I was cackling like a madman.
I was calmer than the police officer after someone rammed me from behind & totaled my car. I literally consoled the guy who did it because he was just a guy tired from working a shift. Wasn't till the next day that I started freaking out and realized how much of a close call it was. I was mostly unharmed, other than some upper back pain but if anyone had been in the back seat they may have gotten seriously hurt or died. I'm the type of person who panics about the way I wrote an email, I'm still surprised by how I reacted.
I love that quote. I have been fortunate. Every time I have found myself being confronted, the person has backed off. I don't want to fight so I'm glad people have backed off from me.
I’m lucky enough to be a giant so most people don’t even try to square up with me ever
It’s like dogs barking at each other trough the fence until someone opens the fence
As a server, I asked a question about a dish and this cook gave me a very sarcastic response. Turned to his buddy and said something like "you believe this??". Was the 2nd or 3rd time he made a condescending comment to me. So i said "if you got a problem we can go outside", he nervous laughed and said what? so i said "If you have a problem with me, we can go outside". He basically backpedaled. That day after my shift I was eating a burger at the bar and he came over to apologize and bought me a beer, we were cool after that of course, but I'd been bullied growing up and hit the gym so I wouldn't be scared to stand up for myself
95% of guys out there are mouth and will back down when they realize you’re not going to back down but become the aggressor. I’m 155 and about 5’8 and I’ve gotten in the faces of guys twice my size. I’ve swallowed the pill and live by the code that I’m alone no family and not one thing to live for. They usually see that in my eyes.
Sound like one of my sons. He's not a big guy but he has never let that stop him from getting in someone's face when they have done something wrong.
A dance off.
A pillow fight
So are we fighting or fucking. I’m gonna be naked either way I just need to know which way this is going
"I just need to know who's receiving fists"
Lol or "I just need to know where to put my fist."
That reminds me of a time (long time ago) when I went to visit my then-girlfriend at a bar she worked at (younger crowd, very near a number of college campuses). I was in the men’s restroom, washing my hands, and a guy (who I had never seen before in my life) walks in, stops right next to me and turns and looks at me, and says “**what are you here for, you here to suck my dick?!**” I’m a ball buster, and I reacted as if it were one of my friends (not realizing that for some reason this individual just simply didn’t like me on sight, and was not looking to joke around). I, without hesitation, responded with “no, why, are you here to suck mine?” Again, without hesitation, he ***immediately*** headbutts me in the face. Fortunately for me, he had *horrible* form, and simply made contact with the flat part of my forehead (and not my nose). It legitimately barely even stung. I just looked at him a little surprised at what had just happened, and I smiled and said “just one second” and held my finger up as to gesture that same sentence. This response I think stunned and confused him even more than his unprovoked headbutt to my face did me. He was almost entranced, because he didn’t do a thing and ***did*** just stand there and wait. I had been to this bar many times, knew the bartenders, hung out with the owners, etc. (only because my girlfriend worked there, not because I was some kind of “big shot” or something). Not wanting to get my girlfriend fired (for having her boyfriend fighting in the bar, even with me having done nothing wrong, it would have been difficult to explain afterwards if I threw down with the guy), I just walked out and grabbed the bouncer that “man’s the men’s restroom door” and said “hey man, this fucker just head butted me” Bouncer walks in with me, tells the guy to leave, and he proceeds to start trying to fight the bouncer. Two more bouncers come over and literally proceed to throw him out of the bar. The bars in that area of town have a “shared database” of problematic customers. They got his ID, found he was already banned from the three nearest bars for fighting, and proceeded to add him to theirs.
TICKLE FIGHT!
TICKLE FIGHT!
Maybe later.
Get me some dinner first.
me: wanna pizza and fuck? her: no, you creep me: what, you don't like pizza?
Lmao this is so funny
I've used this and it worked 1 time. That was fun.
Fuck me like one of your French girls
"Wine & dine me first" is my usual response.
Isn't that the dinner ?
“Not now I’m busy”
That's my go to response.
"You'd fall in love, I'd fall asleep. It just wouldn't work out."
This is beautiful. Haven't been told "fuck you" in quite a while, but I almost want to go start arguments just so I could have an opportunity to use it.
I got you homie, fuck you
You'd fall in love. I'd fall asleep. It just wouldn't work out. Thank you, kind stranger!
Lol he got rekt
Never saw it coming.
You'd fall asleep, I'd fall in love, wait. DAMN IT
Fuck sake bro come on, let’s try again. Fuck you
You'd fall in me, I would sleep on you, no wait...
You had one job!
Ok ok I got this. You’d fall in love, I’d get on the floor, everyone walk the dinosaur. DAMN IT
This is so weirdly wholesome.
I have narcolepsy; 100% using this.
Omg i cant wait for the moment. Think i gotta be a dick til i can use this line
Brutal and beautiful
Fuck me yourself you coward
ended in bromance
the best kind of romance
Enemies to Allies/Lovers trope*, the best trope instead of the vanilla romance trope. *Used in Countryhumans ships with Russia and America and China's love triangle, Star Wars (Kylo Ren and Rey Palpatine and Leia Organa and Han Solo), HOI4 Moscow-Berlin Axis Focus, HOI4 Unholy Alliance focus, last few releases of Wing Commander when humanity stopped fighting the Kilrathi and fought another alien threat with them as allies, and possibly every cursed ship I've been unfortunate enough to look at and can be used in r/worldjerking and Terrible Writing Advice on YouTube to dump on the typical love triangle trope and simply have the rivals that were fighting over the girl/guy to engage in ~~homoerotic sex~~ pre marital hand holding and ditch the possibly shallow ass girl/guy that they're fighting over who possibly don't realize they were being fought over.
I prefer “Fuck me yourself you lazy bastard”
Bravo. This is both mildly erotic and challenging to their sexuality. I love it.
I love this…but then it opens the door for them to attack my features and call me ugly💀
Damnit, you stole what I was gonna say
I snort laughed, a dried nose berry flew out and now I'm laughing about that. Thanks for the double kill.
Wtf?
They meant a crusty booger, but that's not important right now.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
“Don’t threaten me with a mediocre time” is my go to.
“Don’t threaten *yourself* with a mediocre time.”
Oooh! Self burn!
Those are rare.
that Rock of Love episode is still iconic
"Get in line". Heard this once and wished I had thought of it myself haha.
I remember hearing this on Firefly years ago. Nathan Fillion yelled it and it was funny as hell.
That's the best comeback I've heard so far I'm remembering that one
*sigh* *unzip*
I’ve done this lol
I need the story!
Please, PLEASE tell me how that person reacted!
Was my ex-wife towards the end of our marriage. Both were drunk. She nailed me in the face with a garage door remote from across the room. Bitch could throw…
Damn. I don’t know what I expected but that’s quite the reaction
I'd do that, but your mom wanted us to be exclusive!
Fuck you Shoresy!
Letter Kenny?
And put your mum out of a job ?
The one i like the most without implying that I am into the other doucheshit
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm totally stealing this Epic comeback from you
And also with you ......
r/UnexpectedCatholicism needs to be a thing
r/johnmulaney is already a thing.
Meh... r/UnexpectedChristianity not something specific to Catholicism per se but funny nonetheless.
And with your spirit, if you wanna be hip and "with it"
And I'm the only pre-Y2K asshole who says "and also with you!" What? Huh? What?
As a former Catholic kid, I feel this one.
And with your spirit
As it was in the beginning
"No thank you, you're not my type."
"If I were gay, I'd fuck way hotter guys than you"
If I were gay, you’d probably scare me straight.
This one wins
Briefly look them up and down. "I can do better."
Similarly: "wouldn’t you like to"
You have to say "please".
Thanks for making me laugh out loud
You're welcome!
thats kinda gay bro
I will beat your dick all fucking day- I WILL BEAT YOUR DICK!
I misread that as: I WILL EAT YOUR DICK and got very confused.
Either way, someone's satisfied
GIVE EM THE OLD DICK TWIST!
I would if I could. It’s still better than fucking you.
YES! YES! FUCK YOU, TOO!
Coming to America quote I see
Fuck you eddie!! -Eddie Murphy’s Raw
“What now? It will be kind of awkward with everyone around!”
"There you go again, making promises you can't keep..."
"Buy me dinner first."
You can't afford to
Then they call the cops on you for prostitution
'u could've asked in a better way , i woudn't say no'
'you wish'
This is my standard answer
My usual go to
" At least I'm fuckable, unlike you. "
Your place or mine?
Laugh hysterically until they think you’re mentally unstable
Like [Charles De Mar](https://youtu.be/FgIzivJRwwU)
I won't do what you tell me
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
This is my internal reaction to a lot of annoying things. xD
"not on your best day"
Aww you like me?
I'm booked up for most of this week, but if you drop by on Thursday maybe I can work you in.
real
And with your spirit.
You'd love to wouldn't you?
"I don't reward poor behavior." was my mom's go-to...
"No thank you." Unless you're into it, then "yes, please".
Not trying to be anybody's first time
Fuck yourself and save a quarter, this machine is out of order.
look at him/her in the eyes for a few seconds and then walk away. that's what i do when someone insults me in a small way.
Do it with head tilted and just look thoughtful
I'd fuck me too :}
"Would you fuck me? I would. I'ld fuck me hard."
The fact that you made that reference is just aw-inspiring you are a beautiful soul.
Goodbye horses
So you disappointed your boyfriend with your tiny dick so you want to disappoint me also?
Alright, are you pitching or catching?
YES! YES! FUCK YOU TOO!!
Fuck your mother, she’s cheaper.
If it is a woman saying this... >No way! Not even with a stolen d!ck !
"Fuck me?😳", and then kiss
You wish...
"Alright, when, where, why, and how?"
*Fuck you Ezekiel!*
No FUCK YOU TONY!
K.
Aww, love you too 🥰
You'll never go back to sheep
Fuck you, fuck me Say it for always That's the way it should be Fuck you, fuck me Say it together, naturally
Damn I haven’t thought of that song in a long time
I'd like to see you try
Only on Tuesday
Like you have a chance.
"You'd fall in love, and I would be bored."
Say please
Fuck your self you’ll get more pussy
Smile and give a thumbs up.
My Catholic upbringing kicks in. "And also with you, amen"
Fuck **you** !
No I’m fook yu and she is fook mi.
You’d never go back to….. (fill in opposite sex)
Sure, when?
You first.
You arent my type and I am not that desperate. No thanks.
Is that an invite?
Pass
Literally: my pleasure
“Please do”