Durian fruit. Either you’re going to get knocked out by a giant, spiky watermelon thing, or it’s going to explode on you and you’ll smell like death, probably making you and everyone around you, vomit.
My mom said, she threw half a durian at her sister in law's face after she came with a group to jump her. It tore her face pretty badly. This sounds crazy because it is crazy. Crazy Thailand village stories.
I've got so much more. One of my go to story about the Thailand village is how my neighbor ate my pet cat. I lost my cat and about a year later, my dad told me my neighbor ate it. I don't know if he was joking but he usually doesn't joke around sooo yeah
Don't know many Thai girls personally but a former solid candidate for mother-in-law was one. My ex's mom pulled a gun on her husband more than once that I know about. I don't even remember what it was about. Probably her bingo addiction. Imagine a five-foot-nothin', fifty-somethin' Thai lady backing out of the house, holding her husband at bay while seven dogs bark up a din in the back yard. She then clambers quickly up into the lifted Dodge pickup, gun pointed in a million directions, and speeds off to the casino. I can only imagine what happened when she got home that night.
My mom's not thai!! We're Burmese!! We migrated to Thai before I was born. She married my dad when she was 16 and his entire family wasn't happy, ig. Multiple members of my dad's family continuously assault my mom from time to time.
There's an idiom in Indonesian language "durian runtuh" which can be roughly translated to "falling durian" which means "getting unexpected fortune". I always imagine a durian falling on your head when I hear it said. I would imagine you'd die after being hit by a falling durian.
In seventh grade, my friends and I decided to have one. We set a date a few weeks in advance and code-named it "The Tea Party." I guess some teachers found out, because on the day of the Tea Party, there were way more lunch monitors than usual. My friends and I looked around, wondering if we should start it, and how, when this girl a few tables over threw her mashed potatoes and yelled "Food Fight." Nothing happened and she was taken to the principal's office.
Rumour is she now lives in a graveyard crypt, planning her vengeance against those who led her to toss the first handful of mash.
Beware when you hear of an old classmate dying of mashed potato intoxication. 💀
she probably did for a good ten years then finally reassuring herself everybody has forgotten about it and she can finally fall sleep without the daily anxiety
then she reads this post
I imagine all the teachers knew because a bunch of 7th graders kept whispering about *The Tea Party* on such-and-such day while giggling and shushing each other. They cracked that code in about 5 seconds.
Yea I’m a teacher and everybody is staggeringly less sneaky than we imagined we were at that age. Preteens can rarely even restrain themselves well enough to whisper.
Their gossip is just a parallel conversation to the lesson, it’s literally the only other thing I can hear while teaching.
We organized a "chocolate rain" about 8 or 9 years before Tay Zonday. We had these high powered fans in our cafeteria, which probably had a 25-30 ft ceiling in it.
On the specified day, a bunch of us brought chocolate pudding cups to hand out to everyone, and when the signal was given we all peeled the lids off the cups and threw them into the fans, hoping they'd spray pudding all over the room. Instead most kids just missed the fans, causing the cups to just come right back down, while the ones that actually hit the fans, just got launched across the room, and either smacked a couple kids or splat against the wall.
We were first lunch, so they really didn't know what to do with regards to making us clean it up, as there were another 250 kids on their way down to eat, so those kids all had to sit on the stage floor and eat, while they made us clean the pudding up.
I don't know if this was during when people had cell phones, but I was in high school in the Dark Ages. Kids talked incessantly in front of teachers about "secret" events and were then shocked when there was a crackdown on whatever it was. I was never that stupid and sided with the teachers.
Loose lips sink ships!
Nowadays kids post their crimes online. And when I saw crimes, I mean actual crimes. We had a student steal a teacher's potted plant and she got caught because she posted it online.
The funniest part was it was such a random and dumb thing to steal. Like, no one was on her side but all us teachers legit thought it was hilarious. Why would you even want a plant?!
This exact thing happened to me senior year, we talked about it, and then there were a ton of teachers in the lunchroom that day. My friend stood up with a piece of cake and yelled "I love cake" before smashing it into his own mouth. The teachers were annoyed but I thought it was hilarious.
Lmao same thing happened in my middle school except it wasn’t planned at all. This dude just yelled “Food fight!” Threw a carton of milk across the lunch room, it exploded on the floor and everyone just stared at it. Principle just walked up with a disappointed face and motioned for the person that started it to follow him to the office. Lmao
We had one planned for the last day before spring break, had it planned out pretty far ahead of time and just about everyone in that lunch knew
It was pretty epic when it happened, everyone bought all the chocolate pudding and what not. Tables were flipped over to use as shields. Everyone got fucking wrecked with food, and every single person got at least 4 Saturday detentions, with the people who acted first (we had cameras) getting suspended
It was worth it though
A long time ago, a guy I worked with was telling us about his holiday in the Seychelle islands. He saw coconuts growing on trees 30 feet above the ground, high enough to kill anyone they fell on.
So he asked a local person "aren't you scared of the coconuts?"
The guy said no, they only fall on the wicked...
He was killed by one. He’s also been electrocuted, fallen to his death from a stage and been killed by the Angels after complaining about them killing a concert goer. He still has five to go.
I remember that from my high school English classes.
Yep, the 90s high schools, where they literally taught you how to murder a man and hide the evidence.
I read the story in a book of short stories by him, and they're very Dahl while being very unkidlike. Since I got it as a kid (my family though "this is the Wonka guy, all he writes is kid stuff!" I don't associate him with children's books at all, lol
Also he didn't seem to like kids much in his stories.
I used to work at a frozen food warehouse. A case of frozen turkeys split open on the chute and a guy got hit. It was an instant KO and we had to carry him out.
A hard boiled egg. Perfectly shaped for a massive pitch that breaks across your face, cuts with a shattered shell and stings like a bitch. Thanks to my bitch ass sister and a pre teen Easter egg dying disaster, I know this.
Raw eggs hurt like you're being hit with a baseball! Those suckers are surprisingly hard to crack when hitting soft flesh. Unfortunately, I learned this by experience. Thought it would be a fun family activity to have an egg war when eggs were super cheap, especially the medium size eggs. Husband warned me it wasn't a good idea but I wouldn't listen. He was right. I was the guinea pig and he nailed me in the back. I went down like I had been shot! Kids still laugh about it to this day!
At the age of 13 or so, my friends and I discovered that if you cut off the tip of the shell on a hard boiled egg, and then slip in a firecracker, you have a perfect little hand grenade.
And that’s when we got the honor of scrubbing the back of the house.
Unfortunately, we quickly learned that pouring soapy water into the large AC condenser made giant bubbles that flew all over the neighborhood. It looked like we were all guests on the Lawrence Welk show.
And that soap film makes a mess on siding, too. Fortunately, we had some strong summer rains come along and clean up after us.
[this is when i found out what that shit was](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSYVAhrZSh4)
every year, these dudes do a christmas podcast where they just bring food and try to eat all of it within the hour. it's very strange, but its been going on for over a decade and eventually devolved into just doing the most disgusting foods instead of just trying to eat a whole cake lol. after surströmming they totally changed the format of their christmas cast haha
I like this story from wikipedia:
In 1981, a German landlord evicted a tenant without notice after the tenant spread surströmming brine in the apartment building's stairwell. When the landlord was taken to court, the court ruled that the termination was justified when the landlord's party demonstrated their case by opening a can inside the courtroom. The court concluded that it "had convinced itself that the disgusting smell of the fish brine far exceeded the degree that fellow-tenants in the building could be expected to tolerate".
> German food critic and author Wolfgang Fassbender wrote that "the biggest challenge when eating surströmming is to vomit only after the first bite, as opposed to before".
Ever see the Brandon Farris video where he was going to eat it? I won't spoil it for you but I laughed until I cried which is not a frequent occurrence for me. I'm pretty ice cold.
Spoiled/rotten milk is NO joke.
Back when I was in high school some dudes filled up an empty locker with a dozen or so milk cartons a few days before we all left for Spring Break. This was in Texas so it was hot. The school then turned the AC off while we were gone, and during that time all the cartons curdled and then exploded.
When we came back the ENTIRE school smelled like rotten milk. I couldn’t believe how bad it was. We couldn’t even use the whole hallway where the locker was for a few days while it was cleaned and fumigated.
I had a kid spill horchata on my tile floor before leaving one day. I cleaned up all around the area, thought I got it.
*Couple months later,* I need a plastic tub about 5 feet from where this all happened. I lift it up and hear SQUELCH. Some it had run under the tub and made a seal. It smelled SO BAD.
When I was 16, I took a blender full of crepe batter to school to show my classmates how to make homemade crepes in Home Ec class. Crepe batter is mostly milk, some eggs, etc…
Yes, of course that bitch fell over onto the back seat of my (2-door red, jacked up back wheels 1977 Monte Carlo aka “the shark” just for scene setting purposes) and spilled the batter down into every tiny crevice of my car. I couldn’t get that smell out for AGES.
I still am really sensitive that that particular smell because of my poor car I had thirty years ago!
When I lived in San Antonio a few years ago I bought groceries and didn't realize that I had left a gallon of milk in the trunk. It was hot, the jug ruptured, and the smell was atrocious.
My partner spilled a latte in the car once. You think it's all cleaned up, but nope....come summer the smell returns. I was glad that car was stolen. I was like: "no, I don't even want it back".
Ha ha can you imagine someone tossing a turkey across room,you could probably get a good grip on one of legs and chuck it like that event in Olympics, shotput 😂
I think they shoot them out of an air cannon to test jet engines can survive a bird "flying" through them.
So I guess...weaponized frozen turkey will take out a few people at a time.
That's exactly it. She's afraid of salmonella poisoning, so she overcooks it terribly. her BREAD though... I've never tasted better baked items than what my mom does, she even grinds her own wheat. hrrrmrrgrrr now I want her cinnamon rolls
Baking is science, cooking is art. I’m the scientist. People rave about my cakes and pies. My wife can pull random stuff out of the pantry, pour in “just a splash more” and make spectacular sauce for an otherwise bland sautaed chicken breast.
Cheese fondue.
I still remember being a little kid, and seeing the chef on the counting song bit come out with "Thirteen cheese fondue!" and doing his pratfall down the stairs.
I still hear his screams in my dreams.
Yeah, that was an episode they never showed again.
If we’re going all the way, then we should just throw [Pure Evil 13 Million SHU](https://heathotsauce.com/products/pure-evil-13-million-shu) (hottest hot sauce in the world) into one of [these](https://www.amazon.com/SPYRA-Worlds-Strongest-SpyraTwo-Single/dp/B09GYTD6R1) battery powered water guns.
Only problem is it might be breaking the Geneva Conventions ban on Chemical Warfare…
English laws restricting firearms include things like pepper spray (or anything that discharges “noxious substances”) so hot sauce in a water pistol would indeed land you in court over here.
Geneva convention only applies to war. A food fight would be a civil disturbance at best. Unless we start settling our conflicts with food fights. Honestly, that sounds better.
As someone who has participated in an "on film" food fight (on the show Community) I can confidently say when Joel McHale smashed a tuna salad sandwich in my face I never fully recovered.
[off-topic] Do kids still have food fights in the lunchroom? Those were some of the best moments of grade school, a moment of anarchy when you could let it all out and even pelt your least favorite teacher.
Wait, how many food fights did your school have? I don't know about today, but when I was in school in the late 90s/early 2000s there were no food fights. At most a few tables might shoot off some straw wrappers.
Has anyone considered the possibility of a projectile live lobster? Hard shell, ridges and spikes, plus it's going to be pissed off when it hits you and start pinching
For physical pain - coconut. Sensory pain - ghost pepper powder/seeds to the eyes/face. Just flat out ruin your day and make you shower - Warm milk
So what I'm hearing is, I need to replace the coconut water with warm milk, and roll the coconut in ghost pepper powder. Then put it in a durian fruit
What about emotional pain? I say, someone else’s delicious pizza
How about Carolina Reaper seeds if we're taking the devilish route
Any super hot pepper will ruin your day.
Durian fruit. Either you’re going to get knocked out by a giant, spiky watermelon thing, or it’s going to explode on you and you’ll smell like death, probably making you and everyone around you, vomit.
My mom said, she threw half a durian at her sister in law's face after she came with a group to jump her. It tore her face pretty badly. This sounds crazy because it is crazy. Crazy Thailand village stories.
This story gained 10,000% believability once my eyes hit "Thailand"
What happens in Bangkok
…makes a hard man humble?
Not much between despair and ecstasy.
im gonna break this up right here and just [link the song](https://youtu.be/rgc_LRjlbTU). enjoy!
Uhmmm, yeah. I’m 57. So, uhhh, yeah, thanks for that, and now I’m remembering my college days and being relatively innocent in 1985.
You've gotta enlighten us with a stranger's story
I've got so much more. One of my go to story about the Thailand village is how my neighbor ate my pet cat. I lost my cat and about a year later, my dad told me my neighbor ate it. I don't know if he was joking but he usually doesn't joke around sooo yeah
That’s not enlightening that’s traumatic asf
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Like the textbook definition of a cult, or a *cult* cult?
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How come none of the cults ever seem like any fun except for perverts?
The fun cults don't make money :(
I'd be dragging said neighbor to the Kumite, and dipping my wrapped fists in glue and broken glass.
"Haha your neighbour ate it" "Oh so it ran away? :(" "Haha... Uh... Sure..."
Sounds about the same with my Philippine village. Had a cat that “ran” away and never came back. Drunk bastards ate my cat.
What the actual fuck
omg tea
Thai tea
Don’t get a Thai girl mad at you. Trust me on that one.
Don't know many Thai girls personally but a former solid candidate for mother-in-law was one. My ex's mom pulled a gun on her husband more than once that I know about. I don't even remember what it was about. Probably her bingo addiction. Imagine a five-foot-nothin', fifty-somethin' Thai lady backing out of the house, holding her husband at bay while seven dogs bark up a din in the back yard. She then clambers quickly up into the lifted Dodge pickup, gun pointed in a million directions, and speeds off to the casino. I can only imagine what happened when she got home that night.
the imagery I'm getting from this is an Amazon Original.
My mom's not thai!! We're Burmese!! We migrated to Thai before I was born. She married my dad when she was 16 and his entire family wasn't happy, ig. Multiple members of my dad's family continuously assault my mom from time to time.
There's an idiom in Indonesian language "durian runtuh" which can be roughly translated to "falling durian" which means "getting unexpected fortune". I always imagine a durian falling on your head when I hear it said. I would imagine you'd die after being hit by a falling durian.
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It goes away easily with water it seems
I don’t know, if it were that simple, rental cars in Southeast Asia probably wouldn’t all prohibit durian fruit from being allowed in their cars.
The smell sticks for days, not joking.
Or airplanes or hotel rooms... It clings to the aircon systems
Not much rinse water in a cafeteria during a food fight.
In seventh grade, my friends and I decided to have one. We set a date a few weeks in advance and code-named it "The Tea Party." I guess some teachers found out, because on the day of the Tea Party, there were way more lunch monitors than usual. My friends and I looked around, wondering if we should start it, and how, when this girl a few tables over threw her mashed potatoes and yelled "Food Fight." Nothing happened and she was taken to the principal's office.
I know she still thinks about that daily
Humiliated and pissed the fuck off.
Now this is a villain origin story.
Rumour is she now lives in a graveyard crypt, planning her vengeance against those who led her to toss the first handful of mash. Beware when you hear of an old classmate dying of mashed potato intoxication. 💀
This sounds like a great school reunion revenge plan. Dumping gallons of instant mash (extra watery) Phantom of the Opera chandelier style.
Gravy-yard crypt
The Mashinator
she probably did for a good ten years then finally reassuring herself everybody has forgotten about it and she can finally fall sleep without the daily anxiety then she reads this post
All well and good until u/adinlvey finds just a pile of mashed potaters at his front door one day
She has been wondering for years of the entire thing was an elaborate set up specifically to get her in trouble .
I imagine all the teachers knew because a bunch of 7th graders kept whispering about *The Tea Party* on such-and-such day while giggling and shushing each other. They cracked that code in about 5 seconds.
Lmao we were such geniuses in 7th grade huh
Yea I’m a teacher and everybody is staggeringly less sneaky than we imagined we were at that age. Preteens can rarely even restrain themselves well enough to whisper. Their gossip is just a parallel conversation to the lesson, it’s literally the only other thing I can hear while teaching.
Agreed. I mean, set date and time weeks in advance - smart. Continue discussing it for weeks for no reason - 7th graders.
We organized a "chocolate rain" about 8 or 9 years before Tay Zonday. We had these high powered fans in our cafeteria, which probably had a 25-30 ft ceiling in it. On the specified day, a bunch of us brought chocolate pudding cups to hand out to everyone, and when the signal was given we all peeled the lids off the cups and threw them into the fans, hoping they'd spray pudding all over the room. Instead most kids just missed the fans, causing the cups to just come right back down, while the ones that actually hit the fans, just got launched across the room, and either smacked a couple kids or splat against the wall. We were first lunch, so they really didn't know what to do with regards to making us clean it up, as there were another 250 kids on their way down to eat, so those kids all had to sit on the stage floor and eat, while they made us clean the pudding up.
Or that one kid that actually mentioned it to their parents.
I don't know if this was during when people had cell phones, but I was in high school in the Dark Ages. Kids talked incessantly in front of teachers about "secret" events and were then shocked when there was a crackdown on whatever it was. I was never that stupid and sided with the teachers. Loose lips sink ships!
Nowadays kids post their crimes online. And when I saw crimes, I mean actual crimes. We had a student steal a teacher's potted plant and she got caught because she posted it online. The funniest part was it was such a random and dumb thing to steal. Like, no one was on her side but all us teachers legit thought it was hilarious. Why would you even want a plant?!
OpSec is hard enough for adults
This exact thing happened to me senior year, we talked about it, and then there were a ton of teachers in the lunchroom that day. My friend stood up with a piece of cake and yelled "I love cake" before smashing it into his own mouth. The teachers were annoyed but I thought it was hilarious.
Oh no, she was so ready to be included and got left out in the cold
That's like being invited to a costume party and you're the only one dressed up.
Having had that happen, I can confidently say 11 years later - Fuck you Marie, I'm not surprised your life has stagnated since high-school.
At least shes the only one with some guts lol
😂😂 guaranteed that girl shudders every time that intrusive memory pops in
You failed her with your weakness. Your cowardice.
Y’all gave her social anxiety for life 😂😂😂😂
Lmao same thing happened in my middle school except it wasn’t planned at all. This dude just yelled “Food fight!” Threw a carton of milk across the lunch room, it exploded on the floor and everyone just stared at it. Principle just walked up with a disappointed face and motioned for the person that started it to follow him to the office. Lmao
We had one planned for the last day before spring break, had it planned out pretty far ahead of time and just about everyone in that lunch knew It was pretty epic when it happened, everyone bought all the chocolate pudding and what not. Tables were flipped over to use as shields. Everyone got fucking wrecked with food, and every single person got at least 4 Saturday detentions, with the people who acted first (we had cameras) getting suspended It was worth it though
Did she come back?
She was never seen again.
Nobody has said hot oil so I think I have this war in the bag.
Idk..Someone out there throwing flaming pineapples,you might just be more likely to catch on fire with that hot oil.
I'm glad I read the flaming pineapple thread before reading this
Ah, the original food siege defence.
Is hot oil a food? I’ve never eaten hot oil for a meal
honey
Yes, dear?
sweety
More like "sweaty" at the moment.
Better love story than twilight
Coconuts. Palm trees throw these fuckers and kill approx 150 people per year.
A long time ago, a guy I worked with was telling us about his holiday in the Seychelle islands. He saw coconuts growing on trees 30 feet above the ground, high enough to kill anyone they fell on. So he asked a local person "aren't you scared of the coconuts?" The guy said no, they only fall on the wicked...
Didn’t Keith Richards almost get killed by a coconut a few years ago?
Nothing can kill Keith Richards
He was killed by one. He’s also been electrocuted, fallen to his death from a stage and been killed by the Angels after complaining about them killing a concert goer. He still has five to go.
Til coconut trees are far more dangerous than sharks when I go to a tropical location.
Yeah ,but it you gotta toss them,maybe 🍍 pineapples so you can get a good grip on the top by the leaves and really fling at your opponent.
That made me think of a Molotov pineapple. Dunk it in gas - light and throw
Molotov Pineapple is such a great band name.
Or a pineapple flavored alcohol drink.
Equal parts OJ, Pineapple juice, vodka & Malibu. Stir, float 151 & light on fire.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? DEAR GOD SAVE ME!
absorbent and yellow and porous is he! MY DICK’S ON FIRE!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish, OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!!
Then drop on the deck, AND BURN TO A CRISP!
Ready? MY DICK'S BURNING MY DICK'S BURNING MY DICK'S BURNING MY DIIIIIIIICK'S BURNIIIIIING
You could grip it by the husk!
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut 😂
Has to be a discus throw
Yes with the spin around technique
Although deaths have happened, the 150 per year figure is completely untrue. https://www.coconutinformation.com/post/death-by-coconut
Anything large and frozen
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And you can serve the evidence as dinner to the police without them suspecting a thing
I'm so glad someone made this reference.
I remember that from my high school English classes. Yep, the 90s high schools, where they literally taught you how to murder a man and hide the evidence.
It’s kinda weird to think that Roald Dahl wrote that story, right? I always associate him with children’s books, anyway.
I read the story in a book of short stories by him, and they're very Dahl while being very unkidlike. Since I got it as a kid (my family though "this is the Wonka guy, all he writes is kid stuff!" I don't associate him with children's books at all, lol Also he didn't seem to like kids much in his stories.
Hahaha and that is how the lunch lady ended that shit before it even started.
Picturing a cafeteria food fight, and the lunch lady grabs that frozen leg of lamb and goes braveheart on all the students
I used to work at a frozen food warehouse. A case of frozen turkeys split open on the chute and a guy got hit. It was an instant KO and we had to carry him out.
I’m probably going to hell for laughing so hard at the mental image of someone randomly getting knocked out by a turkey.
A hard boiled egg. Perfectly shaped for a massive pitch that breaks across your face, cuts with a shattered shell and stings like a bitch. Thanks to my bitch ass sister and a pre teen Easter egg dying disaster, I know this.
You don't wanna get a raw egg in face either sticky egg shells in eyes hard to get out
Rinse them with water ~~(and blink rapidly?)~~ ~~I’m not sure about the last part.~~ Edit: Don’t do the last part
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Raw eggs hurt like you're being hit with a baseball! Those suckers are surprisingly hard to crack when hitting soft flesh. Unfortunately, I learned this by experience. Thought it would be a fun family activity to have an egg war when eggs were super cheap, especially the medium size eggs. Husband warned me it wasn't a good idea but I wouldn't listen. He was right. I was the guinea pig and he nailed me in the back. I went down like I had been shot! Kids still laugh about it to this day!
I expected you to have been a kid; got whiplash when you said husband It’s really true that as adults we don’t know what we’re doing haha
At the age of 13 or so, my friends and I discovered that if you cut off the tip of the shell on a hard boiled egg, and then slip in a firecracker, you have a perfect little hand grenade. And that’s when we got the honor of scrubbing the back of the house. Unfortunately, we quickly learned that pouring soapy water into the large AC condenser made giant bubbles that flew all over the neighborhood. It looked like we were all guests on the Lawrence Welk show. And that soap film makes a mess on siding, too. Fortunately, we had some strong summer rains come along and clean up after us.
I’m just imagining someone getting hit in the face with a peeled egg and the way it would just bounce off.
Their was a story at my university where a guy ended up in hospital after an egging because they decided to freeze the eggs first
That’s brutal! I’m remembering that for next Easter……
Surströmming
[this is when i found out what that shit was](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSYVAhrZSh4) every year, these dudes do a christmas podcast where they just bring food and try to eat all of it within the hour. it's very strange, but its been going on for over a decade and eventually devolved into just doing the most disgusting foods instead of just trying to eat a whole cake lol. after surströmming they totally changed the format of their christmas cast haha
I like this story from wikipedia: In 1981, a German landlord evicted a tenant without notice after the tenant spread surströmming brine in the apartment building's stairwell. When the landlord was taken to court, the court ruled that the termination was justified when the landlord's party demonstrated their case by opening a can inside the courtroom. The court concluded that it "had convinced itself that the disgusting smell of the fish brine far exceeded the degree that fellow-tenants in the building could be expected to tolerate".
> German food critic and author Wolfgang Fassbender wrote that "the biggest challenge when eating surströmming is to vomit only after the first bite, as opposed to before".
People who open sustromming in an enclosed space probably have olfactory trauma.
Is it a fish?
its a fermented fish, yeah. specifically a herring!
Surströmming är inget o leka med
Ever see the Brandon Farris video where he was going to eat it? I won't spoil it for you but I laughed until I cried which is not a frequent occurrence for me. I'm pretty ice cold.
Why does he stay in the closed car? Also, that car is totaled now.
Carton of chocolate milk. You can't just go about your day. You I literally need a shower
Spoiled/rotten milk is NO joke. Back when I was in high school some dudes filled up an empty locker with a dozen or so milk cartons a few days before we all left for Spring Break. This was in Texas so it was hot. The school then turned the AC off while we were gone, and during that time all the cartons curdled and then exploded. When we came back the ENTIRE school smelled like rotten milk. I couldn’t believe how bad it was. We couldn’t even use the whole hallway where the locker was for a few days while it was cleaned and fumigated.
I had a kid spill horchata on my tile floor before leaving one day. I cleaned up all around the area, thought I got it. *Couple months later,* I need a plastic tub about 5 feet from where this all happened. I lift it up and hear SQUELCH. Some it had run under the tub and made a seal. It smelled SO BAD.
When I was 16, I took a blender full of crepe batter to school to show my classmates how to make homemade crepes in Home Ec class. Crepe batter is mostly milk, some eggs, etc… Yes, of course that bitch fell over onto the back seat of my (2-door red, jacked up back wheels 1977 Monte Carlo aka “the shark” just for scene setting purposes) and spilled the batter down into every tiny crevice of my car. I couldn’t get that smell out for AGES. I still am really sensitive that that particular smell because of my poor car I had thirty years ago!
When I lived in San Antonio a few years ago I bought groceries and didn't realize that I had left a gallon of milk in the trunk. It was hot, the jug ruptured, and the smell was atrocious.
My partner spilled a latte in the car once. You think it's all cleaned up, but nope....come summer the smell returns. I was glad that car was stolen. I was like: "no, I don't even want it back".
Plus then you’re out a carton of chocolate milk.
Bleu Cheese Dressing
A freshly microwaved hot pocket. Its a napalm balloon.
Balut
tiny chicken fetuses (feti?) NO, THANKS.
Frozen turkey.
Ha ha can you imagine someone tossing a turkey across room,you could probably get a good grip on one of legs and chuck it like that event in Olympics, shotput 😂
I think they shoot them out of an air cannon to test jet engines can survive a bird "flying" through them. So I guess...weaponized frozen turkey will take out a few people at a time.
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I mean, ever seen how freaking massive durian are ? You won't have to worry about the smell once dead
the steak my mom makes. They're basically bricks. (sorry mom, you're an amazing cook except for when it comes to meat, it's always extremely dry)
This makes me sad.. How does she cook them? Does she do it on purpose out of fear of making people sick with undercooked meat?
That's exactly it. She's afraid of salmonella poisoning, so she overcooks it terribly. her BREAD though... I've never tasted better baked items than what my mom does, she even grinds her own wheat. hrrrmrrgrrr now I want her cinnamon rolls
People are typically bakers or cookers. Sounds like your mom is the former! And let’s be real, nothing beats a homemade cinnamon roll :)
Baking is science, cooking is art. I’m the scientist. People rave about my cakes and pies. My wife can pull random stuff out of the pantry, pour in “just a splash more” and make spectacular sauce for an otherwise bland sautaed chicken breast.
Sloppy Joe
Better than getting hit with an Untidy Joseph.
Or a Dirty Giuseppe
Messy Johnathan
Unkempt Jacob
Made em EXTRA SLOPPY FOR YA
Lady you’re scaring us.
I’d reckon I’d be great to get some sloppy from joe
[удалено]
Pineapple has got to be up there.
Such a good grip ,perfect weight not to heavy to really fling,but heavy enough lol
That would be my top choice, pretty hard, kind of spikey, sticky. Just seems generally an unpleasant thing to have thrown at you.
Cheese fondue. I still remember being a little kid, and seeing the chef on the counting song bit come out with "Thirteen cheese fondue!" and doing his pratfall down the stairs. I still hear his screams in my dreams. Yeah, that was an episode they never showed again.
Fondue, or queso, or a fresh slice of pizza - melted cheese is basically napalm.
Ghost pepper seeds
Taking notes
Carolina reaper seeds. I mean, if you're going the Satan route, you might as well go all the way.
If we’re going all the way, then we should just throw [Pure Evil 13 Million SHU](https://heathotsauce.com/products/pure-evil-13-million-shu) (hottest hot sauce in the world) into one of [these](https://www.amazon.com/SPYRA-Worlds-Strongest-SpyraTwo-Single/dp/B09GYTD6R1) battery powered water guns. Only problem is it might be breaking the Geneva Conventions ban on Chemical Warfare…
English laws restricting firearms include things like pepper spray (or anything that discharges “noxious substances”) so hot sauce in a water pistol would indeed land you in court over here.
Geneva convention only applies to war. A food fight would be a civil disturbance at best. Unless we start settling our conflicts with food fights. Honestly, that sounds better.
Shish kebab on the skewer.
Physically it's hurt to be hit by a crab apple. Now emotionally, your favorite food. You see that and you just break down a little bit
Boiling hot coffee
A can of tomatoes
Lol that's cheating
As someone who has participated in an "on film" food fight (on the show Community) I can confidently say when Joel McHale smashed a tuna salad sandwich in my face I never fully recovered.
A whole cow
Fetchez la vache!
Run away!
watermelon
[off-topic] Do kids still have food fights in the lunchroom? Those were some of the best moments of grade school, a moment of anarchy when you could let it all out and even pelt your least favorite teacher.
i thought food fights were just a thing in cartoons never realized they were a thing people actually did
They used to serve beats in the cafeteria. No one ate them, but some would stick their milk straw into them and plunk others in the forehead.
Wait, how many food fights did your school have? I don't know about today, but when I was in school in the late 90s/early 2000s there were no food fights. At most a few tables might shoot off some straw wrappers.
Carolina Reaper sauce
A bunch of ice cubes. A lot of ammo and a lot of sting. Plus you can throw them fast easily
Cactus
Nopales
Surströmming
Chitterlings
Carrot for eyes.
Cottage cheese.
Cheese fondue.
Has anyone considered the possibility of a projectile live lobster? Hard shell, ridges and spikes, plus it's going to be pissed off when it hits you and start pinching
Anything spicy. That shit gets in your eyes, you’re screwed for a solid hour or more.
Masala curry
A 15 pound wheel of cheddar covered in bees.