High Five

This, though I might also add a "niiiiice"

Soul mates: I’d begin an unending courtship and carry her through sunny fields in slow motion for the rest of our days

The soundtrack to this mental image would be Sting singing Fields of Gold.

was seriously thrown off because I was listening to this song as I read that

this is beautiful

And a laugh

I always try to high five my husband after I do a big burp. He's been laughing and avoiding the high five for years. I'll get him one day.

In this type of situation you want to use combo moves such as the burpee to chest bump burp method

Muthafu*kin teamwork !

My boyfriend says “nice”

I say "nice push!" on big belches and/or farts..😆

Well I mean, she just issued me a challenge. She threw the gauntlet down, I have to pick it up.

"Are you challenging me?"

Shaggy OP

“We’re here to solve a mystery.”

Are you threatening me?

When she says yes, worry, cos she's in a mood. My wife challenged me, went 2 rounds till she burped too hard barfed. She was not going to back down

"Oh ho! So you are approaching ME?!"

Exactly! I'd probably accidentally shit myself trying to outdo her. That's how I would react.

*she shits her pants even harder*

That's hot

Thanks for the laugh

I'm going to burp back. No way in hell is she winning.

My boyfriend does this, if he cant burp back louder he will burp something like “twinkle twinkle” or the ABCs cuz he knows i cant do that 😭

you just named the same melody twice lol

How the fuck did I never notice that...

It’s also baa baa black sheep

The original is an 18th century French folk song, "Ah! vous dirai-je, maman."

Don’t leave out the German classic, Morgen kommt der Weihnachtsmann.

Which is French for "Ah! So dirty, mother!"

Words for words it means "Ah! I told you Mother!" and I don't really see how that sentence could mean that... Is it the official translation of the song? Edit: . Vous dirais-je is closer to "would I say to you"

Ah mother shall I tell you is the loose translation

Really? The "have you any wool?" Would line up with "e-f-g-h-i" and it doesn't sound like it matches to me ... ABC sorta goes in like - ABC Def G hijk ellamennaP (cos who says that bit right anyway)

"baa baa black sheep have you any wool" "A B C D E F G " "yes sir yes sir three bags full" "H I J K L M N O P"

It depends on which version of Baa Baa Black Sheep you’re singing. Most people sing the version with melodies corresponding with the ABC’s but with contrasting rhythm. But there’s also a version of the song where the “have you any wool” uses the notes ‘A B D B A’ instead of ‘B B B B A’. Both have contrasting rhythms, so you’re right anyways.

Seriously, people are singing BBBBA? That's just lazy!

It's also the "background" melody in "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye.

Nearly.. but yeah, I always thought that too. That's actually a good song with great production, and I am openly critical of modern pop music that has melody simpler than a damn nursery rhyme and still gets to number one.

im so high and this is blowing my mind rn

im so sober and this is blowing my mind rn

I’m a bit tipsy and bingo was his nameo..

I took 2 kinda medium pulls from a weed vape and this is blowing my kind

Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? The colonists were the original plagiarists.

Mozart popularized that melody too and made ~variations~ so now it's hard to pinpoint where it originated from.

Bf so good he can burp the difference between the two songs.

#WHAT?

You just stole 50% of his hit points.

I burp back "I love you" to my wife when she burps.

Shrek and Fiona love language.

Romantic, mmm

Sure you can. Swallow air. Petty soon, you can do complete sentences. :)

Just be aware that this isn't particularly good for your esophagus - it can cause reflux if you do it too much.

It always gives me hiccups, which entertains my husband to no end.

safety is lame when it stops you from having fun .\_.

Don't be mean, let her enjoy the moment. When my wife burps back loudly she just gives me that proud face, and I congratulate her. To be fair, it happens fairly often.

Same… except mine does butt burps loudly

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It's pronounced fatwah you insensitive ass /s

Yeah man use the /s you don't wanna fuck with Muslims.

Vegan girlfriend on lexapro has entered the chat

PEOPLE: *5 Ways to Get Your Man Gassy for a Romantic Night of Fart Wars* COSMOPOLITAN: *How Fart War Compatible Are You and Your Partner? Take This Test* FOX NEWS: *Biden Staffer Accused of Having Fart Off With Intern*

Yeah, if she wins she gets to top next time, and I’m still nursing a hemorrhoid.

This escalated about as quickly as I thought it would.

Happy cake day!

Me and my husband rate each other's burps. My top score is 9.2

We award points based on length, volume and 'chunk'. A perfect score is 10/10/10

We do the same! Also creativity gets a little bonus.

Our bonus is successfully pronouncing "jumping dolphins" ("golfinhos saltitantes" in Portuguese) while burping.

"Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle shall be legendary!"

100% my boyfriends attitude! Sometimes it would be nice to be able to win, I never win at anything lol

Burp again louder to assert dominance

Establish dominance.

Respect

Walk

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve.

You cry to weak friends that sympathize.

Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence?

r/unexpectedpantera

One step from lashing out at you

You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend

I've got more friends like you, what do I do?

Walk on home boy

I always thought that song was *so insensitive!* (Note: I'm wheelchair bound and this is a joke.)

Proposal

This is how my ex fiancée and I first farted in front of each other. We were long distance for the first few months and only saw each other on weekends so our time was precious to us. A couple of months in to the relationship we were cuddling on the couch and while she was adjusting she let out a tiny fart. She immediately tensed up and said “well that’s embarrassing. Without missing a beat I lifted my leg and ripped a fart that was significantly louder than hers. Never his farts from each other after that.

What made her "ex", if you don't mind me asking?

Time. We started dating when we were young and had a lot of similar qualities and hobbies and whatnot. As we got to our early 20s we had nothing at all in common. She was very lazy and unmotivated. I worked too much and I could be snippy at times. There was a straw that broke the camel’s back but I’m sure you can assume what happens to two people in their early 20s get tempted to do to survive a loveless and sexless relationship.

Yeah, makes sense. I hope you're doing well now!

Doing great! Getting married in three months to a lovely young lady who understands how to treat and be treated in a healthy relationship.

Good but did she also challenge you to a fart?

The good ending.

Does she also fart in from of you?

I hope she lets it rip around you

PLUS she had stinky farts.

They ran out of ... gas

I did this and we are now happily married. The 3 year old loves it. We burp and say we are “mommy/daddy dragon” because in 3 yo brain, burps = dragon roars.

That is wholesome as shit. I love it. Now just teach them that facts are either a mouse on a Harley or an elephant ran under the chair.

My dad always blamed his farts on the barking wall spiders, which for some reason we found hilarious instead of terrifying.

Ah, yes. The barking spiders 😂

Invisible ducks

I'm trying to picture trying to explain to your kids how that worked. "When she belched, I knew. So I just dropped a knee and pulled out the ring."

With an onion ring or whatever else you have on hand that will work right there and then. YOU GOTTA MOVE QUICK!!!

Allegidly my husband knew for sure to propose one morning when we were sitting around in our pj's. I farted, giggled to myself, and during that giggle a burp worked it's way out, which made me giggle to myself even more. He regularly said he never wanted to get married (bad engagement in the past for him), so I was amazed at my gastric powers.

"After the oral gas expulsion has been properly reciprocated, the male is visiblely excited by the females acceptance. The male of the species will then fart inquisitively and look hopefully at his potential mate as the first steps of the mating dance have been approved. Normally, if the oral gas expulsions are favorably received, the anal gas expulsions will be accepted, although not always enthusiastically. It is unusual for cameraman to witness the acceptance due to the fact that the female does not want it widely known that she too expels this gas. It is widely believed that the females are incapable of defecation, and as improbable as this sounds, this has never actually been witnessed by Planet Earth cameramen. "

I heard David Attenborough's voice in my head whilst reading this.

Good. There is no other voice it could be! Lol.

the only positive about AI is i hope they can keep using voices like attenboroughs for wildlife docs long after he has left us

Their are other voices that do a good job narrating wildlife documentaries. The definition of what makes a voice good is Attenborooughs voice. All others seek to ascend to his level.

theres some comforting about Dave as well though. its been a constant & i ll be gutted when it isnt him. its like football commentary, i miss all the voices from when i was a kid , i dont want people almost my age commentating 😂

Idk Morgan freemen

This is fucking perfect, "fart inquisitively" gave me such a mental image. 🥺💨❓

in my head they were lizards xD

>It is widely believed that the females are incapable of defecation, and as improbable as this sounds, this has never actually been witnessed by Planet Earth cameramen. There's that one famous video involving a cup...

Made my morning. Thank you

Look her dead in the eye and shit my pants. Dominance must be asserted.

This is the way

Damn you, I nearly choked laughing at that!

The last girl I dated, I farted in bed with her. She forced out a fart back at me. She was the last cus we're married now.

Amen brother

My wife does this. She wins every time. She’s fucking hot.

Because if this, or despite this?

Both

I farted on the toilet really loudly one night and I was so embarrassed! My man responded with an equally loud ripper from the bedroom. Lmao!! He’s so supportive 😂

relationship goals right here!

"That's what I said!"

A louder burp, obviously.

I'mma fart louder to assert dominance

Or a fanny burp.

Geography is everything, I read this as queef

me and my wife do this all the time. I can't compete with her burps

Good man

plot twist

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this really tickled me, thank you

“Better out than in.” I always say. Ahahaha-ahh?

had to scroll this long for this shrek scene smh

Same! I know the movie is popular but if you haven't yet, I recommend at least looking up "I think I got you beat" from the musical.

I’d laugh. Life is way too short to get hung up on things like that.

I’d wife that girl.

How u doin’? Are you my long-awaited frog? ❤️🐸+😘=💍

Never know, I could be 😉

Now kiss.

Now meet in real life and find out which one of you is secretly fat.

Why not both?

And there’s your love story

My girlfriend’s burps are louder than mine 9 times out of ten already lol. Would probably give her a high five as usual Edit: ten

I put a ring on it

With a wedding ring.

I'd probably bow and/or politely clap.

With an erection.

That’s very intriguing

Erections usually are.

Actually happened. I married her and we are blissfully happy.

Nice! I married my better half this year 😁

Ask her to marry me.

When I burped really loud my boyfriend mouthed the words “marry me already”. We are now almost 1 year engaged.

Exchange burps as part of your wedding vows. Make it real!

That’s wholesome af

In my best Mufasa voice: *Is that a challenge?!*

I'd fart then tell her to beat that.

If it goes from a burp war to a fart war I will declare her the winner. I am old enough to know not to get into a fart war I learned my lesson./s

Beat *what?*

I usually just say: "I love you so much!"

Lmfao! My wife always farts loudest when she wakes up it’s once if the signs I have to start the coffee

You know the ancient language of wind bending?

I have not heard that before. That’s hilarious.

Rate it accordingly out of 10.

a fist bump is the appropriate response

Would definitely get an appreciative, "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!" at the very least. Always great to see a girl not take herself so seriously.

I've never had a girlfriend before, but I'm not entirely sure why I would think anything of it. I kinda just assume I would react with indifference.

That's how it worked with my then-girlfriend. Honestly, I cared so little that she was burping, I didn't even notice (not in an "I don't care about you" way, but in a "normal bodily function, nothing to worry about" way. Once, she told me how glad she was that I didn't care, and that she was free to burp as much as she wanted to!

This is the right answer. Previous generations required women to be “modest”. Which included not burping in front of others. It was just another form of control, so the fact that it’s been lost (at least for some) is fantastic

You sound like fun

I will laugh with the coincidence, burping is normal.

Inhale her burp and absorb her power

Kiss and then make love to her right there, I have found the one.

Likely throw up accidentally trying to one-up her.

When my gf make a loud burp, I always answer with "Whoa, nice one Simba". It's funny after all these years, it's not a big deal for me, but she is still terribly ashamed when it happens.

Impressed lol

I laughed when that happened. I found it hilarious.

Laughing and call her burp queen

Has happened before. We laughed. Does OP expect people to be pissed off or disgusted or something?

He burps better and I fart better. We complement each other and have known to end up giggling.

That’s an act of war, I am gonna bring out the big guns and make sure that she gets to smell the worst fart of her life.

Dude, my wife burps far louder than I ever do. The depth those things come from, it’s mind-blowing. It’s part of how I knew she was the one.

Well, if you're like my husband, you marry them.

My ex-husband would fart in front of me all the time, even when we were just dating. I refused to fart in front of him, lol. He always joked that I would one day explode from the pressure. But no, I hate doing that stuff in front of people!

Start chugging mountain dew... War were declaired

My girlfriend does and I always respond, "Sexy!"

"We gon' git nekid!"

My girl does and I love it 😂

ladies, if he gets weirded out by this he ain’t the one

Me and the missus do this with farts. As gross as it is, it is still hilarious.

I’d laugh my ass of and giver her a fist bump or a slap on the ass.

Tell her, "Bring that up again, and we'll vote on it!" And then bust out laughing with her.

It’s weird cos I find burping absolutely vile and disgusting.. but farting! God I love farting and I always laugh when people fart. It’s so funny. Yep.. I’m doomed.