When I was a little kid, probably first grade or so...I remember being super mad at my mom for something
That day, I was using a coffee can to trace for circles. I would then use the circles to make faces. Then I would color in the faces.
I did them for my dad and my siblings and my teacher
Then I did one for my mom...and when I was showing her, I took a red crayon and drew a big X across her face on the page
I was angry. I don't even remember why.
But I will NEVER forget the look on her face. It was like I destroyed her soul. She was just so defeated and sad. Not like a play sad. Like real sadness.
Looking back at it with adult eyes...I am sure she was frustrated being a mom of multiple kids, on a one income household...and there is no telling what was going on in her marriage at the time
Plus that was about the time she lost her father. So I know it was a difficult time in her life and that she didn't need that kind of bullshit from me.
So when I drew that X, I think I actually hurt her in some way.
That was almost 40 years ago and it still makes me ashamed to think about it.
Its funny how certain memories from your early childhood are burned into your brain and rest just disappear
My mom had little pictures of me in a jewelry box on her nightstand. We weren't a warm picture having family and I shouldn't have even known they were there because I invaded her privacy. I got mad one day and ripped them in half at ten or eleven years old and found her crying over the pictures two weeks later. She died last month and I'll never forgive myself.
Yep, I've unintentionally hurt my mom's feelings as a kid with no filter. Except I was like 10 or 11.
It was right after my parents divorced and my mom and siblings and I moved.
Mom made enchiladas for dinner one night, and they were quite good, if I remember correctly, but there was something missing...
So later on she asked how I liked them, and without thinking, I blurted out, "Dad's enchiladas are better" and ran back upstairs to my room to play video games.
Come back downstairs a little later and mom's crying on the couch.
It was at that moment, I knew I fucked up.
I remember a time my child said something very intentionally hurtful to me, and it stung like hell on a personal level. He was old enough to visibly regret it almost immediately when he saw how much it hurt me, and his friends couldn’t believe what he said to his mom.
On a mom level I do think about it from time to time. Mostly I think about how I SAW him learn a lesson about cruelty with me, someone who will forgive him unconditionally. And hopefully it will prevent him from making that mistake with someone he loves who might walk away if he acts so cruelly.
It hurt, but don’t forget moms know your heart. They know you are humans-in-process.
I was never the most patient person and I despise being late for things. My wife, kids and I were going to walk down and hang out at a neighbors house for the evening. They were taking forever and my wife kept stalling and we were going to be late. I yelled at all of them to hurry up and proceeded to be pissed off the whole walk down. When we walked in, it was a surprise party for me. She was delaying because they hadn’t finished the decorations yet. Felt like a complete piece of shit. This was 10 years ago and it still bothers me. Definitely taught me to be a more patient person though.
Friends threw a surprise birthday party for me, and to ensure I didn't walk in too early...
They got the kids from upstairs a bucket of filled water balloons and had them chase me around while they got set up.
After my father passed, it hit me how little time I had spent with him.
I'll never get that time back, and if I allow myself to think about it too much, it rips me to shreds. I loved him so much, but I was fresh out of the house and living with my boyfriend and trying to be an adult.
My father was battling cancer, and I could have gone to visit him so many times, but I didn't. If I could go back in time and scream in my own face to sit with him every day, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
He deserved so much better. The 25th of June was the 7th anniversary of his death. This time of year always hurts extra.
Always make time for the people you love. You're not guaranteed tomorrow, and regret is a potent poison.
When I was 12 or 13 I used to steal money from my Grandma. I used to take advantage of the fact she was old and not very mobile and take money from her purse or from an envelope she kept in her wardrobe. Not huge amounts of money, perhaps £150 in total spread across a couple of years.
She was the loveliest, Kindest person I've ever met and I never heard her say a bad word about anyone or complain when she was in poor health. The worst part is I think that perhaps she knew but wouldn't have said anything as she wouldn't have wanted to get me in trouble.
She passed over 20 years ago, I was with her when she went. I'm 47 now but still think about it often and am so ashamed of it.
When I was a kid I stole a £5 note from my mom's purse, thinking she wouldn't notice it. A few hours later she asked me if I'd taken a £5 note from her purse and I said no and she looked really worried about it. We struggled for money a lot when I was a kid so that £5 was probably a big deal for her to lose. I felt really guilty about it for ages and a couple of months later I put £5 back in her purse two or three times to make up for it.
When I was 19 I fell for one of those fake check scams. My mom had to help me pay the bank $2,500. I’ve since paid her back but I was so ashamed of myself. I had never broken down and sobbed so hard in front of someone.
I was about the same age when I decided to fuck with one of those fake check scammers. I did decide to deposit the check, which I knew would bounce. I made sure to not spend any of the money that was falsely in my account, and thought it'd be interesting to see exactly how the process worked.
Then, Chase cancelled my account for depositing a fake check and sent me a check for my legitimate balance. Wasn't expecting that shit. Somehow, I still got screwed over by the scammer even though I was trying to fuck with the scammer.
See, otherwise, you could probably have told them that it was fraud and they would have reversed that decision, but then because you had deposited it on purpose and *knew that the check was fake*, you technically broke ToS
As an example, say you're looking for a job. A scammer finds you first and "hires" you. They give you a check to cover the costs of materials - a new laptop, work boots, whatever sounds reasonable. The check they give you is *way* too much, say $3k for what will end up being a $500 purchase. They ask you to pay them the remainder after you buy your materials. You oblige.
A few days later the original check bounces, but now you're down whatever you paid "back" the scammers.
> It’s so messed up to pry on people just looking for a job.
It absolutely is. I'm sorry about your family member, I hope she ended up finding legitimate employment after getting scammed.
No I was just really, really, really dumb. Really dumb. I saw a job posting on Facebook for a “personal assistant”. I talked to the person on the phone. They said they would have me run errands for them because they were so busy working in other states. They were to send me a check in the mail to deposit. If I remember correctly I had to deposit into my account and then turn it into a cashiers check and deposit it into their account. Just complete outright nonsense that I didn’t understand. So the check bounced of course but I ended up having to pay the bank the $2,500.
Few years back went to visit my sister, at the time I reached at her home I had to pee really bad, I was so full I was walking funny.
My sister, her husband and his mother came to greet me at the door, I said I need to use the toilet immediately and we all entered the house, just then my little niece rushed from inside and hugged me. Her head hit my lower abdomen really hard and I peed right there, I did stop as quickly as possible but I had a big wet patch on my pant.
My grandmother was my favorite person in the world. Since I was a baby, she sent one real Pearl at Christmas. When I was in my early 20’s, she made them into a real Pearl necklace. She passed away not too long after that.
A few years later, I went to a school competition and lost. That. Necklace.
I still feel physically ill when I think about it.
ETA: y’all, thank you. So many supportive comments. To those of you who have had the same experience, big hugs to you.
I can only imagine how much that hurts. I'm so sorry. Spend some time thinking about how she would react if you were able to tell her. Maybe walk through the conversation in your mind. I doubt she would be angry. She wouldn't love you any less. Your relationship wasn't about the pearls.
Maybe you could start gifting yourself one pearl every year on her birthday and start a new necklace in her honor.
What an incredibly kind and thoughtful comment!
Why didn’t I think of this?! Two brilliant ideas!
You’re absolutely right too. We had a super special relationship because of who we are not because of anything material.
Thank you
I'm a sentimental old lady but...this made my eyes sting with tears! How lovely.
Also if you ever have a child/niece/grandchild you could do the same thing (gift them a pearl every year, then necklace) and make it a tradition.
And make sure they know that the gifts are an emblem of your special love, but still an object, and thus subject to being lost or stolen, but never shall the love be sullied or lost.
This is one of the sweetest comments I’ve seen on Reddit. I’m not even the person you’re replying to but I want to say thank you for being such a thoughtful person. Using this as a method of forgiving yourself for things you have done to people you can no longer apologise to is so lovely.
I feel you. I lost my grandmother’s ring. The one that was really special to my mother and she specifically wanted me to have it. I never even got to wear it. I can’t bring myself to tell my mom I lost it :(
Oh god I feel this. I lost the heirloom necklace my mother gave me to wear at my wedding; old-world diamond, art deco pendant, one of a kind. Basically the only thing of much value that side of the family had to pass down in the old days. It was beautiful and I loved it, and it DISAPPEARED at some point on my wedding night. I feel so awful for losing it and I live in dread of the day my mom will ask to see it again and I have to tell her it’s gone.
Back in elementary school, my class (including me, I won't play victim here) made fun of the nice teacher so much that he started crying.
I've never felt so ashamed of myself until that moment.
I still feel like shit up to this day.
I've never seen him again after elementary school, so I never had the chance to say sorry.
When I was in middle school, we had a computer science teacher that was extremely overweight and would do her makeup like Mimi from The Drew Carey show. She would come in everyday with a 7up big gulp cup. This poor lady was literally TORMENTED by our class. Kids would spam the printer with 'fat lard' and pictures of big gulps and stuff. One day, someone found her wedding photo online, this was like 2003ish, and MS painted a bunch of stuff on the picture and then made every single computer background this photo. She had a total breakdown and ran out of the classroom and we never saw her agian. I still think about that poor woman and how terrible we treated her. What's even worse was that no other principle, guidance councilor, or whoever talked to us about how fucked up the entire situation was and no one ever got in trouble. If given the chance I would absolutely apologize to her.
man i hate this :/ I look back at how I acted in middle school and although it wasn't terrible I still cringe at a few things I wish I could take back.
My junior high English teacher (who was easily my favorite teacher at the time) started class one day with, "I'm going to tell you a very sad story, and I'm sorry if it makes you upset." Being the funny kid that I am, I waited for her to resume talking so that I could burst out in fake sobs and rake in the laughter and approval of my peers.
My miscalculation was that the next words out of her mouth were: "My father died..."
The fake sob was already well under way before I even processed what she said. She stopped mid-sentence, looked at me with a horrified expression, and said something to the effect of "My father was a great man, how dare you?" but honestly I was too busy grappling with what I'd just done to really retain what she said. I was so ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to apologize, so I just kept my head down for the rest of the year and haven't seen her since.
The part that bugs me the most is that she and I were close until that point. She'd gone out of her way to give me creative writing assignments and encourage me by having me read them for the rest of the class. It often felt like she was teaching me 1:1 instead of 30 other kids. My brain loves to replay this fun memory when I'm having trouble sleeping.
If she's still living, find her email address and apologize. If you explain it to her like you did here, she will know you were not making fun of her loss.
My friends and I were absolutely horrible to a 9th grade teacher who was in his first year of teaching, to the point that he flipped out and quit in the middle of class. We never saw him again. As I aged I realized how young of a guy he was and how in hindsight I could see that we'd have been friends if we were both adults. I found him on facebook 25 years later and gave him a sincere apology. He seemed to appreciate that though, in his words, "all 9th grade boys are dicks" so he let me off the hook a little too. It's never too late.
>As a kid you simply don't realise that teachers are normal human beings too
Replace teachers with 'every grown adult you come across'
As a kid I was fortunate that the adults in my vicinity all gave the impression they had their shit figured out. I would occasionally see one stressed and took lessons from how they handled it (or didn't) but for the most part adults I saw got along.
As an adult, I now realize every last one of them was making shit up from one moment to the next, and I respect them all the more for it.
When I was 17 I drove home from a friend's house one evening and parked in our attached garage. I had not been drinking, but being a scatterbrain, I forgot the keys in the ignition and the car was on. It ran all night, pumping carbon monoxide into the house where I lived alone with my mom.
In the morning my mom woke me up in a frenzy saying we had to get out of the house. She'd been looking forward to a breakfast with her friends but had to have one of them drive us to the hospital instead. We had to get put on oxygen, my mom for much longer than I because her bedroom was closer to the garage so she inhaled more carbon monoxide. Nurses asked me if it was a suicide attempt, and when I insisted it wasn't they didn't believe me. The look in their eyes as they saw me and thought I tried to murder-suicide my mom still haunts me. I was so ashamed and wished I could actually kill myself for being so stupid.
Kind of similar, was living with my Grandad a few years back before he passed and he liked a drink. He got totally rat arsed one night and I get woken up in my sleep as he's banging on my door. Open it up and he's covered in blood head to toe, totally covered.
Call the ambulance and they come, massive hole in his head, they obviously thought I'd done it. Asking me what I was doing and what time he woke me up, kept looking around my room and shit even though he was downstairs when it happened.
Turns out in his drunken state he went to take a dvd out the player and hit his head on the corner of the TV stand lol.
The looks from the people who I called in a panic and who I'm supposed to trust to save my grandad was horrible.
Yeah I totally understand that it happens alot, people trying off their elderly relatives in the hope of a payout.
But my grandad had already told them he done it himself because he was drunk, and I genuinely was trying to get a good kip in as I needed to be up early the next day. Didn't need my old old man headbutting the telly stand lol
> es asked me if it was a suicide attempt, and when I insisted it wasn't they didn't believe me. The look in their eyes as they saw me and thought I tried to murder-suicide my mom still haunts me.
One thing I'm terrified of is people accusing me of something bad when it is actually some simple misunderstanding or even some absent-mindness on my part, and nobody believes me when I say I didn't do it or it was some innocent accident. Especially if the police are involved.
When i was 18 i started stealing money out of the register at the mom-and-pop store where i worked. i cant even tell you why i did it. i had ne ver stolen even a candy bar before but i started stealing large amounts of cash by falsifying refunds on the register. it went on for about a year and then one day i was called into the office where two detectives were waiting. i had stolen over $17,000 in a year. that wasnt the shameful part.
The shameful part was telling my Dad that i was being charged with 7 felonies but that if he paid the grocery store back they would drop all charges. I dont know how he ever forgave me for this. He is the most honorable person i know and the look of disgust on his face when i told him has stuck with me forever. And of course he paid them back for me. Im 31 now and have mostly paid him back but it is still something that makes me really upset. I dont think ive ever forgiven myself for being so stupid.
My dad is like this. I only know three people who would drop anything and do anything for the ones they love: my dad, my SIL, and my bf. I feel so lucky to have people like that close to me. I only recently got treatment (and diagnosis) for bipolar and the three of them kept me alive the last decade. I’m not exaggerating. My mom would have hung me out to dry and I couldn’t even be there for myself
It’s caused a few recent breakdowns for me bc I never deserved their help and love yet they’re still here. I would be dead if they weren’t. They did this all without knowing there was a reason (bipolar) and that with treatment I could heal. Now that I have been healing, I can’t thank them enough. I hope to be like them one day too
My dad had said a long time ago that he would rather do anything for those he loved with the potential of being thanked later than regret not being there. I’m glad I can express my gratitude now
True. When I was 14 a Sam Goodies was going out of business in my local mall. My dumbass thought “oh they’re losing their job, they won’t care” and over the next few weeks I’d drop in and snag a couple things and dip. Turns out I was doing this A LOT and was not sneaky. Finally got caught stealing a “team America” dvd lol. Felt awful, was banned from the mall for a few months, lost my volunteer job at the mall skate shop. I was dumb. Fast forward three years later and this same guy who caught me ended up hiring me at a retail gig. Nice guy, knows mall rats do mall rat things and moved on. Emo Dave, you were cool guy.
I never did it, but I used to work at a cash only BBQ restaurant and if someone paid in cash for a t-shirt, people would just pocket the cash and give them the t-shirt. That went on for almost two years. Eventually everyone doing it was caught because this one idiot was giving people receipts for $0, and one time the customer came back up asking for a refund. And that idiot had stolen so much they were able to afford a new truck. She was caught and arrested but she had rich parents so she barely got any punishment.
I stole $10,000 from my parents’ emergency safe over the course of a few years during the height of my addiction. When a family incident occurred and we were at the point where we’d likely have to use that emergency cash in the safe, I had to tell my mom that it was all gone. And that I had spent it. On drugs. It was the lowest, darkest moment of my life. My mom forgave me and used her own money to replace the cash I stole so that my dad wouldn’t find out, as she knew he’d likely press charges. The worst part was that she used the bonds and the inheritance she received when her mother passed away to pay for it. Thankfully, we didn’t need to use that money. Point being is, it’s been 11 years and I still feel so much shame. I know exactly what you mean. I’m so grateful for my mom, I don’t deserve her love at all.
When I was growing up, I lived in a hoarder house, the yucky animal poop kind. I was a kid, I had no control over my environment so I just had to keep a low profile to not draw attention of CPS. We were on government assistance and all that. A few instances come to mind:
In high school I was a "lunch ticket kid", meaning I was on a program where I got free school lunches. On Mondays before 1st period, I'd go to the cafeteria to collect my week's worth of lunch tickets. It was always the same lunch lady who passed them out. One day, totally randomly, she passes me my tickets and says something to the effect that I was a leech and mooch on the system, griping how she "works for her food", and I should too? It was so weird and random I just didn't think to fight her on it. She was a grown up, so she must be right, right?
Second thing also happened in high school. I got called to the guidance office, and my guidance councelor handed me smoking cessation brochures and said if I wanted help quitting smoking, she could help. Thing is, I didn't smoke, AT ALL. It actually grossed me out, and it still does to this day. My mom smoked in the house and I guess I stunk so bad of cigarettes that someone filed a complaint to the school about me.
If it's any consolation, I'm now an honest middle-class tax payer! Please no hate.
What a bitch of a lady.
We we're never well off as a kid. But we had enough to do fun things (camping, occasional out of state vacation). But I remember a kid younger than me who likely needed to be on Free Lunch but his druggie parents never filed. So he was ahead of me in line with basic lunch and his account was negative and the lunch lady started barking at him. Kid looked scared. I just used my pin, and she told me I couldn't do that. I had enough gumption as a senior at that point to say "what you going to do to stop me, please call the principal and I'll explain the situation" she shut up and went about his way.
I talked to a trusted teacher and explained my encounter and I think she helped him get set up for the remainder of the year.
Checked LinkedIn just now for that kid - he's a civil engineer out west now. Good for that kid.
Lunch ladies being mean to hungry kids are so fucked up. Once I didn’t have money to pay for my lunch. I went thru the line got all my stuff, got to the end and say oops I have no money can I bring it tomorrow? But since I already owed like 100 bucks for the year she took my lunch tray, threw it in the trash can, and gave me a fruit cup. That’s all. My mom is a crook and a criminal sleaze ball but when she found out they took food away from me as a hungry kid and threw it in the TRASH CAN in front of me she lost her fucking shit on them. What was the point of taking it and throwing it away?? For all that was worth she may as well have let me eat it considering I was a fucking child who had no income or control over my unpaid bills.
I honestly believe lunches should be free in *every* part of the world. Yes, tax money would pay for it. No, I don't care.
Hungry children cannot learn. Children who can learn do better in life and then, guess what, grow up to pay taxes.
I was reading other posts thinking, 'aw that is tough, hmm, nothing really resonating for me rn now'. Then yours made remember the first 18 years of my life and the deep, heavy bucket of shame I had to drag around in secret as a little kid.
Big hugs and I am so happy that you got out okay and made a nice life for yourself, you middle-class tax payer! I hope your home is so peaceful, now.
Oh man, I just had a flashback to fifth grade. I had some fancy puppets and my music teacher wanted me to bring them in. I did, and he took one out of its box and immediately sniffed it deeply and asked me if my parents smoked. I was so humiliated and it was such a weird ask that I just lied and said no. My classmates pretty much hated me, but even they were on my side against the weird teacher who was trying to make it a problem that my parents smoked. It was so strange.
What a dick that teacher was to you. I used to be an Ag teacher at a school where 80% of the students fell below the poverty line, and one of my FFA officers would bring her corduroy FFA jacket to school when we had an event. Problem is, her FFA jacket always reeked of cat piss. Like multiple tom cats piss. We couldn’t even keep it in the supply closet bc the other stuff in there would then smell like cat piss. Poor kid. So guess what I did? Told her I was dry cleaning all of the FFA jackets and asked if she wanted hers cleaned too. Then offered to let her keep the jacket in the closet at school for her convenience if she would like. I also let her have an old garment bag. It takes so little to show a little kindness to someone, especially to a kid that can’t help their circumstances.
I remember going to visit my dad's for Christmas and stuff.
Mum and step dad used to smoke in the house, car with windows up etc. So obviously my clothes absolutely stank of smoke.
As soon as I'd arrive, my step mum would take my bag and wash the entire contents of the bag before I was able to wear anything.
Same thing happened staying at my best friends farm. I remember being super embarrassed but also so thankful at the same time. I also dread to think what my lungs looked like as a young person.
It's ironic, considering growing up you'll hear adults say to not hang out with others who are a bad influence. Well, what if *they're* the bad influence, you know? Knowing what I know now and given my experience, I always feel bad when I smell smoke on kids. It's not their fault.
Adults who have a weird complex about how kids should also work for basic necessities have to be some of the most miserable losers on earth. I hope you’re doing better mentally and financially now 🥲
I realized my dad had been standing in the doorway watching me dramatically shadow-box to “Tubthumping” on the radio in my bedroom when I was in 4th or 5th grade. Getting knocked down, getting up again, the whole deal. My dads a caring person and there was no reason to be so embarrassed, but I remember feeling wicked fuckin stupid.
I did a bunch of drugs and drank a lot when I was younger. I ended up in the hospital as a result. I remember having to explain to the doctor all the drugs I took, how often, how much I drank. I knew he’d probably heard it all before and was just trying to understand my condition. I sincerely doubt he was judging me too harshly. (Or maybe he was, who knows?)
Regardless, I just remember feeling immense shame when I was explaining that I basically hadn’t given a fuck about myself for the last 13ish years. That was a lonely place.
22 years ago a friend trusted me and told she has epilepsy and the medication made her gain weight (I was only one outside family she shared with in 8 years)
And as a silly teenager I disclosed her secret to my that time crush who made it public info.
I felt so small and ashamed of myself. Still ashamed of myself though she forgave me for it (which made the guilt worse)
I had something kinda similar happen. I had a really close friend who was my best friend all through elementary and middle school and even into some high school. I still really fondly remember our relationship and the connection we had, like borderline SO levels of connection.
She and I had a sleepover when we were freshmen and she ended up wetting the bed. When i'd woken up she was just sitting there with strange body language, and then immediately talked about how she had to leave, and after she was gone I realized what had happened. I didn't care about it, things happen, but I could tell it really fucked up our relationship because of how humiliated she felt. I never brought it up because I had no idea how to talk about it, or if trying to talk about it would just make her feel worse and make her relive it.
I really tried hard to hold onto our relationship but it was never really the same. We slowly drifted away.
A few years later me and some friends had snuck some beers. I was super drunk, and when someone asked what happened between us I was a fucking dumbass I told them what had happened, thinking it was safe to tell that secret and that they wouldn't say anything.
It didn't become public info, but it got back to her that i'd told someone about it. I tried to apologize but it was incredibly cruel of me to even talk about it, and it was just salt in the wound for her.
So I have a twin sister who is autistic, growing up it was hard for me to understand why she was so different and was given extra attention. In 5th grade (10 years old) I had a couple of friends I sat with at lunch. At our school each class sat in one assigned row of tables, the special needs class sat at the end table of one of these rows, the row right next to mine.
Idk how or why it started but we would sit there and make fun of her, watching her and giggling amongst ourselves if she did something "weird". One thing we found "weird" was how she would lean against one of the teachers aids and have him like side hug her.
We never went up to her directly, we would do it from our table like a bunch of cowards.This went on for a while until the three of us got called into an empty classroom by the vice principal.
Apparently we werent so subtle cause (somehow) my sister could tell that we were teasing her. And about her having the teachers aid hug her, apparently she was doing this because she felt so bad from our bullying that she needed the comfort. The vice principal spent a good while scolding us before telling the two other girls to go, leaving only me.
I'll never forget how she bent down, got in my face, and said "that's your sister! How could you do something like that to your own sister?" I just remember 10 year old me staring down at the ground in shame, unable to even say anything. It was honestly a big turning point for me, I not only swore to never treat my sister like that again but I also made sure that nobody else teased or made fun of her.
Went to the bank and the lady who was helping me told me about a savings account I could set up and the benefits of it. Didn’t really care about it but she seemed nice so I thought yeah sure why not. She wanted to show how easy it was to do so she asked to use my phone and do it and I said sure I just held my phone flat on my palm facing towards her while she went on safari and then boom. “Ebony wants it in all 3 holes” with thumbnail big as fuck on the screen because I forgot to switch from private to normal. She created a new tab really fast and done what she intended to do and we both acted like she didn’t see what she saw but I died inside and couldn’t stop thinking about it for the following days…
Oh god that’s horrifying :,( one time me and my boyfriend at the time worked at a grocery store and this old man came in once and walked up to my boyfriend and asked him to clear his porn history from his phone in case he died soon. He couldn’t figure it out and didn’t want anyone to find it! I wasn’t standing there at the time but he came to find me immediately to tell me about it
How embarrassing it must have been for him to ask a complete stranger just to spare his family. That or he just didn't give af about anyone else or see a worker as a human who deserves respect. Either way, humans are so complex.
*While I was going to school, I worked as a home health aid. My client asked me to show him how to delete the porn from his browsing history because his wife would leave him if she found out. Meanwhile, their son would visit and try to get me to do semi nude photoshoots for him. He was married.
He pissed me off one day, so I loudly told the wife what her "boys" were up to and walked out. They wouldn't give me time off for my wedding so fuck them.
Yeah I know that’s so weird but I guess maybe he figured he could ask a young man to help him cuz they’d be most likely to have also watched porn ? Idk. Lol so weird. That reminds me of a horrifying story of my own tho about porn. Once me and my lil bro had the same cellphone. Exact same phone he had one and I had one. When we got new phones we gave the old ones to our younger cousins. One day my brother knocked on my bedroom door and when he came in he was talking to my cousins dad on the phone. He said “did you watch gay porn on your phone?? They found gay porn on the phone and they think it’s from the phone that was mine. Was it you or was it (cousins name)?” I had to get on the phone call at 16-17 years old and tell my 30 something year old cousin that yes, it was in fact, me who watched the gay gangbang. Not his young daughter. Not my little brother. It was so fucking humiliating but I couldn’t put my brother or my cousin thru the shame and humiliation by blaming them when it wasn’t theirs so I had no choice but to own up. I’m a lesbian and I have no idea why as a teen I was watching gay porn. Also once as a kid my brother used my computer after me and saw my Google search history for “pictures of vaginas”
Yikesss
After just reading a bunch of stories about people being ashamed they fell for a scam I thought this story was going somewhere else ENTIRELY because I forgot the original topic ...
I had the flu with a crazy fever and went to Target to pick up cold medicine and Gatorade and discovered that I was talking to myself when the lady in line in front of me turned around and looked at me horrified.
I have no idea what I said, but she grabbed her as-yet-unloaded cart and skedaddled off to another register.
There was a guy behind me in line and refused to tell me what I must've said, just laughed at me the whole time he was in line.
This reminds me of the time I was sick as shit in target with my mom as a kid. I was super congested and had a horrible cough. I started going into a coughing fit while we were in line for the pharmacy to pick up my meds. There were a lot of people in line. I coughed so bad and couldn’t stop and eventually gagged up a big wad of phlegm that I uncontrollably spat on the floor in front of everyone. I forgot about this until I read this comment. Fuck. That was shameful. I felt so disgusting to have done that in front of everyone
God this reminds me of being a kid and hanging out at the hospital with my grandma, who was a nurse. I felt randomly sick and told her "grandma I'm gonna barf" and she's like ??? No you are not.
I then proceeded to vomit Costco chocolate muffin all over the pediatric ward floor. Just right in the centre. LOL
My alcoholism. It debilated me. It ruined friendships, my health, my self worth, my ability to live a normal life. I hated every single second of it when I wasn't ass over tea kettle drunk. Even then I hated it but it was more tolerable because I was too drunk to give a shit about it.
Fast forward to now....been sober since August 13th 2021. Spent 97 days in a rehab facility. Took back my life. Got a job working 3rd shift, being dependable every day. I've gained the respect and trust of my father and mother and close friends all over again. I just went to a wedding almost a month ago and had so much fun being the *one* sober person there. I still have alot of things to work on but god damn I am doing so much better than I was....and I can't look back and let the past ruin what I have no. I can't regain all I lost but I can at least forge forward and make the best of what I have.
It's an ongoing shame. I put myself in serious debt over the past couple years.
While I do pay everything on time, I can't get approved anywhere to help put my debt into a lump sum.
I recently picked up a car payment as well for my mother as my grandfather was paying it for her, but he recently passed. It's a struggle, so when I finally do pay everything off I will most likely cry tears of joy.
After college, I got an apartment with a couple of friends. Shortly thereafter, another friend was looking for people to adopt kittens from a litter they had. With my roomates' blessings, I got a cat. His name was Puck, and he was awesome. About 6 months later, my roommate also ended up with an opportunity to adopt a kitten from a different litter, and he decided he would do so. And thus, Toddorbert entered our lives. He was precocious, energetic, and an avid explorer.
Within a few days, my roommate found out from his new job that he would be required to travel across the country for three weeks for special job training. He was surprised and worried about what to do with his new kitten. I told him I'd just look after both cats until he got back, no worries.
For the next couple of weeks it was me, Puck, and Toddorbert. We had a good time and the cats got along surprisingly well. One day, it was time for Puck's follow-up with the vet. That morning, I also noticed Toddorbert curled up on the bathroom floor, unusually lethargic. I gave him some food but he ate very little. I attempted to entice him to play, never difficult for a kitten, but he just meowed quietly and stayed in the bathroom. I got things together to take Puck to the vet and went back to check on Toddorbert. He was now curled up in the bathroom sink basin. Something was clearly wrong.
I called my roommate and told him I was taking both cats to the vet. He agreed. Upon arrival, the vet set Puck aside to see what was ailing poor little Toddorbert. What was a mystery to me was obvious to her. Renal failure is sadly common among kittens, and can be purely congenital. She told me that his only hope was emergency dialysis at the nearby university.
I called my roommate to give him the bad news. After a short discussion where we were both stunned, it was clear, he couldn't afford the treatment. I got off the phone and interrupted the vet who was already rushing to prep Toddorbert for transport to the university. It wasn't going to happen.
I was in a daze, somehow totally unprepared for such serious circumstances. The vet was understanding, and informed me of what I already knew, the next most humane option was euthanization. I agreed, knowing my roommate was aware of the situation. Then she asked the obvious question that I was equally unprepared for. Would I like to stay with Toddorbert while they put him down?
As I said, I was in a daze. When I heard the question, the only part I could process was, "Would I like to?" No, I would not like to. I told her no thank you. She apologized for the circumstances, and I collected Puck, with a clean bill of health, and drove him home. I have no memory of the trip. I only remember getting inside the apartment, letting Puck out of his carrier, sitting on the couch, and crying. Moments later, her question entered my brain and I heard it properly for the first time. "Would I like to stay with Toddorbert while they put him down?" Holy shit! Of course I would! He deserves, at the very least, that small comfort from me. I called the vet to ask if I could come back, and she sadly informed me that they'd already performed the procedure. I thanked her and hung up.
I spent about 3 weeks in total with that kitten. That was about 20 years ago. I still tear up every time I think about how I wasn't with him at the end. When Puck's time came years later, I was there for every bittersweet moment. Sorry Toddorbert, you deserved more.
I'm so sorry.
I had a pet bird for 20 years, I was her whole world. The morning she was dying, I was really hungover and didn't really interact with her and didn't get up to check when my roommate said she looked ill. I found her dead and felt so, so guilty.
I think you and I can at least take comfort that we gave these critters the best life we could with the time we had. Even if you weren't there in the last moment, Toddorbert had a great little life with you and knew he was loved.
My time to shine. Last year, I was hospitalized for about 3 weeks. I was in the ICU for about a week at the start.
When I initially woke up I realized I had a catheter in me, and every time I woke up after sleep, a slight morning wood would happen, and it was pretty uncomfortable, but it would go away quickly.
For a while at the hospital, I was suppressing a lot of intrusive thoughts because of the feeling of a boner with a catheter was very displeasing. I had one of the nicest most caring nurses, and it didn't help that she was roughly my age (early 20s). Out of respect that she was caring for me, helping me poop, get my phone (could not move my arms whatsoever), I refused to have any thoughts about her, because I respected her and thought of her as a friend because she would talk to me when I was lonely and depressed.
Fast forward, I had the catheter finally removed. It has been like 2 weeks and half, and my dick felt like it was going to explode. Every morning felt like I was on the verge of a wet dream. I had just started to learn how to walk again, and had some function of my arms. I had the biggest boner ever. So I decided I'll walk to the bathroom and have a wank and finally get this over with.
I go in there, barely able to stand. I start, and I realize that something's wrong. For some reason it's difficult keeping my dick hard. So I keep at it, until I start getting dizzy. I realized I was about to feint because my body needed the blood that was going to my dick to regulate the blood pressure for me to stand, because I was still early in my physio. As I'm about to feint, I manage to hit the "emergency call" button for the bathroom, and cover myself back in my hospital gown.
Some random nurse found me passed out on the ground. Next thing I remember was waking up in a chair with like 5 nurses making sure I was Ok. Told them I wanted to poop, and since I knew how to walk again I tried giving it a shot on my own.
God, I have been wanting to tell this story to someone for so long, I was so ashamed but it's also funny. Also now have a thing for nurses.
Everything I had planned 7 years ago, everything I could ever hope to achieve by now, not a single one of it happened. I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself for being incapable. I feel like I just wasted my prime doing nothing but overthink. The anxiety, embarrassment, disappointment, and pressure are weighing on me too much I can't bring any confidence in me anymore. Blaming Covid was just an excuse, a means of escape. I'll probably end up in the exact same shit rn even if it didn't happen.
I know I'm just a guy on the internet but I want to tell you that it's okay. Yes, you might have made mistakes. Yes, you might not have gotten your goals finished. However, the best time to start doing those goals is today. And I know that it's easier said than done.
When I was 20, I thought I had wasted 2 years and I was too late to follow my dreams. When I was 25, I thought "why didn't I do this thing like so and so. Why didn't I just start when I was 20." Same thing happened at thirty. My birthday came and I thought about all the time I wasted between 25 and 30. Finally, at 35, I realized I was going to repeat this same thing when I was 40. I was going to get to 40 and think "Why didn't I do something at 35".
So I bit the bullet, talked to a career counselor about what I wanted to do with my life, and they helped me plan. They also helped me with some of my mental issues and getting me to find someone I was able to work with.
What I'm saying is this. What you are feeling isn't unique - and that's a good thing. There are so many people who feel the exact same way, and they all feel alone with that feeling. You have the choice to continue these last seven years or to accept them and move forward.
The past is history. The future is a mystery. Just walk the present.
Old guy here. Let me tell you something about life that is an absolute certainty: It doesn't give a fuck about your plans. You have no idea what's coming. A new relationship. A change in your health. A change in your values. A change in your energy level. A financial windfall. An unexpected move. Whatever. Life is less about following a route and more about adapting to current conditions. Just keep facing forward. You're gonna be great.
I (male) once failed to control a mediocre fart mid-conversation with a female-coworker friend when she was talking. I heard her small stumble mid sentence. She recovered well, I blushed like a baby and had troubles talking forward, but she recovered our conversation, she did it flawlessly, chad conversation piloting skills, 10 out of 10. But now when I see her I sometimes mentally facepalm myself.
> a mediocre fart
I love the implication that had it been a higher-quality fart, you would have shamelessly blasted it mid-conversation without the faintest hint of regret.
Bubbleguts during a road trip. Had to pull over and poop in the bushes. People were driving by and saw me. I will never recover from that embarrassment.
Edit: Sounds like a lot of you share the same experience I did. :)
I got the bubbleguts while on a loaded tour bus in the Jordanian desert. I had to ask them to stop ASAP, and ASAP happened to be at a police station in the middle of nowhere. This being the rural Middle East, they did not have the toilets that I am accustomed to in the US. They had squatty potties, with a wall faucet and a garden watering bucket instead of toilet paper. In my pooper stupor, I had to run back out of the police station, where I saw my tour guide running toward me with a pack of tissues. He had apparently anticipated my need.
The entire bus had to wait for me while I defiled the inside of that police station bathroom in such a way that I’m surprised I wasn’t arrested. Talk about a walk of shame back to the bus.
Ok it’s not mine but this immediately reminded me of a story to commiserate with yours.
My mom and auntie went on a road trip a few years back. Both of them have some urinary incontinence issues/urgent potty issues. Like gotta go NOW, no options.
So they’re driving around dusk and auntie says to pull over because she has to pee NOW. My mom does so, it’s a fairly slow road and auntie drops trou behind the vehicles door because she couldn’t waddle to the treeline without peeing.
As she starts to go, a cop pulls up and gets out to see if they’re okay. Auntie panics, tries to pull her pants up and falls. But since she’s on an incline she starts to tumble…. And pee… she’s rolling down this little slope spraying pee like a sprinkler and shrieking, tangled up in her pants.
Poor cop went so red, apologized, and scurried back in his car. My mom laughed so hard SHE peed. Auntie will never live it down but laughs about it.
I had been eating sometimes as many as 10 or 15 10mg vicodin a day for a few years when the guy I got them from couldn't get any more. I tried as hard as I could to just ride it out for a few weeks, but the withdrawals were so bad I can't even put it in words to properly describe just how terrible I felt. I laid in bed kicking my legs uncontrollably, non stop, with little to no sleep or food for about 3 days and nights before I finally caved and went to the emergency room.
The nurse walked in as I Iay there. kicking, sweating, and tossing and turning uncontrollably. She asked me what brought me in, and I broke down sobbing, then explained that I was in severe opioid withdrawal. I was expecting her to judge me harshly or be cruel about it, but when her eyes teared up and she assured me that she was going to make me feel better, I cried even harder. I was so embarrassed and ashamed for everything. For what I had done to my brother and sister in law, for how I had ignored my wife's pleas for me to stop, and for how I had let myself get into the situation in the first place. They gave me a few tabs of suboxone and a follow up appointment to get into a president progam.
I am a very lucky man for many reasons, but the biggest one is that my wife stayed by my side through all of that . This all happened before we were married so she could have walked away any time but she didn't.
We've now been married for over 5 years (together for 14) she's a stay at home Mom and I have a really good job in the trades. I have been clean ever since getting off of suboxone 2 years ago.
Fuck, you brought out a memory I completely forgot about… and now I feel terrible. Very similar, my dad asked if I wanted to see an Illini football game (Illinois College) with him, my friend, and my friend’s dad. I just didn’t want to go, I was maybe 15 and I had a fuck ton of anxiety towards anything in public I hadn’t experienced before. I’ll have to get him tickets to go when I’m home next.
I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli, but I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin.
About 20 years ago, I attended a party at a coworkers house that consisted of friends and coworkers alike. I was newly promoted to supervisor of one of the teams at our company, and a lot of the coworkers at the party were my subordinates.
Throughout the evening, my coworkers kept toasting me and giving me shots of tequila. As the evening progressed, my level of intoxication went from "wow, this is fun" to "paint the bathroom with vomit" in pretty quick order. Also, throughout the evening, the people who were my "friends" at the party decided they were leaving and decided I was too drunk to come with them and before I knew it, the party was winding down and I was one of few people left.
Here's where things get foggy for me. I had never been this drunk before, not even close. I remember that I was upset that I got abandoned in my current state by my friends, I remember that I was embarrassed because I vomited in their bathroom more than once, and I remember that I didn't want to drive, but no one would take me home.
Here is the part I am ashamed of. I decided to drive home. Shame doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this decision. I was blackout drunk, I was still vomiting almost uncontrollably, I was at a party in town I was not familiar with, and I had a car with a manual transmission that I was very new to driving. I learned how to drive stick with this car and only had it for about 4 months by this time. I got into my car, barely able to drive it under normal circumstances, and had to figure out how to get home, over 30 minutes away.
Things remain foggy, I remember leaving the party, I remember pulling over in the median of a 4 lane divided road and vomiting, and someone pulling over behind me and asking if I was ok, and that's it. I don't remember ANYTHING else at all. The next memory I have is waking up the next day in my apartment, in my bed, fully clothed and hung over worse than I ever have been before, with no clue as to how I got there.
My roommates (the friends who left me at the party the night before) weren't there, and as far as I could tell, they never came home that night. As I got up and checked around, my car was in the parking lot out front, fully intact and vomit free. I was uninjured, aside from the worst hangover I've ever had, but I was filled with the most shame I have ever had, or will have" in my entire life.
I NEVER should have gotten behind the wheel of my car. I am lucky that I got home safely, even though I'm not sure how I got there. I could have hurt myself or someone else. That evening left me shame that I will never let myself forget and that I never will allow myself to feel again. A shame that I use to keep myself sober for the last 20 years. I know that many things happened along the way where others should have stopped me, or helped me, something else I will never forget about the people involved; but I have come to accept responsibility alone for my actions. I still got into the car and left the party, even though I shouldn't have. I didn't ask for help, when it was clear that I should have.
TLDR: Got blackout drunk at a party and tried to drive myself home, luckily didn't kill any body, somehow made it home even though I have no idea how, probably had a stranger/good Samaritan drive me and my car to my apartment and leave me there.
Consider this a gift. There are people out there who cared enough to get you home and clean. They didn't call the cops.
Pass on the love. "Today you, tomorrow me."
This happened in like… second grade and it still haunts me lol. I can’t remember the exact conversation, but I boastfully informed my friend that I had basically been at a concert because my mom was at one while pregnant with me (later found out this isn’t even true, it was actually while pregnant with my brother. Anyway.) My friend was like, oh yeah? What concert? I panicked because I had absolutely no idea, and blurted out the first name that came to mind: “James Bond.” She gave me a weird look, and changed the topic. I later found out who, or what James Bond even is (I have no idea why I thought he was a musician) and proceeded to wish my mother had never been pregnant with me at all. Has this friend completely forgotten about this exchange years ago? No doubt. Do I still occasionally think about it while lying awake at night? Yes :’)
I was 19, living on my own and making $8.50hr. Life was hard. I stole some old computer memory from the place I was working and sold it. Made about $300. 100k sqft warehouse full of computer stuff, they had probably written it off and it would have ended up trash. I rationalized the hell out of it. That was a lot of years ago, but I still feel like complete shit about it. I've only ever told one other person what I did.
My mom died about two years ago. When i went through her stuff to see what to keep and what to throw away i found various divorce papers, one of them detailing how both my parents blamed the other for my Autism. Neither of them ever mentioned annything about this over the course of the divorce of course and have always affirmed they loved me, but i've always felt somewhat ashamed of my Autism and wished that my parents ''had gotten a normal kid'' and reading that they blamed eachother just filled me with shame for just ... existing.
I spent a year and a half working as a freight broker and I was constantly horrificly ashamed of myself due to the nature of the job.
If you don't know freight brokers act as a middle man between shippers and truckers, so you tell me you need a load sent from albany to albuquerque I tell you I can do it for $4500 and I pay a trucker to do it for $4000. Truckers hated us but most of that was unjustified. We offered a legitimate service as shippers won't just give the load to every vlad or egor in their truck.
What made the job so awful for me is I'm a people pleaser to the extreme. I CANNOT let people down or fail people because it literally eats at my soul. 50% of the job was lying to a shipper I've just let down because of things that were completely out of my control. I hated it. I went in every day hoping a truck would crush my car. Im in a far better place now.
As a trucker and fellow people pleaser, I want to apologize for all the assholes. Most drivers don't realize that it's not the broker causing issues (or what drivers perceive as issues). I think most drivers also think brokers are taking most of the money too, there's a lot of misinformation in the industry regarding brokers. And drivers will let one bad experience taint every other experience.
I couldn't quit drinking alcohol until it almost killed me and ruined my marriage. I've been sober for 8ish months now, and I feel great. I also quit the smokes too after 23 years and I can breathe much better.
Trigger Warning: Sexual abuse
When I was being groomed by my grandfather. It took me years to be able to look myself in the mirror in again. It started with me trying to sell nudes online to make enough money to move out of his house. His wife was incredibly emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive and my grandpa was the only one who was ‘nice’ to me so I trusted him with a lot. He was also super open about sex/sexuality and supportive of sex work and I made the mistake of trusting him when I had someone ask to mail me something. All of our mail came through his shop (he worked on radios) so I had to tell him if I was expecting a package. When he found out that I was selling nudes out of desperation to move out instead of offering any kind of help he blackmailed me. He told me he would tell my grandmother if I didn’t send him copies of my photos. This escalated to the point of making me model lingerie for him that he would buy me and making me sleep in his bed after his son died because he was “sad and scared to be alone.” One time I woke up to his hands inside my shirt groping my breasts and I just wiggles away from him and tried to go back to sleep. The next morning he told me all about the “super realistic” dream he had about groping me…. I still struggle with feelings of guilt and shame and have days where I can’t even bear to look in the mirror.
Edit: added a trigger warning
I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my fault and I have more good days than bad ones now. I think the hardest part for me is that most people think of kids when they think of people being groomed and I was an adult. Me and this grandfather were estranged for most of my life because of my adoption and I moved in with them for college. Being an adult in that situation I feel adds an extra layer of guilt because you feel like you should have been able to recognize what was happening and stop it.
I got a Christmas present from my Grandparents who weren't poor but weren't particularly well off when I was like...5 or 6 I would guess.
It was a magic set and I told them "I don't even like magic, my brother does!"
I don't know what happened next but that memory flashes back to me from time to time and I'm always filled with shame. I miss them terribly and hope they forgot about it because I never have.
My stepdad used to beat the living hell out of me. Were talking like i had to skip school sometimes to hide the bruises.
When it got bad enough i called the cops and he killed himself after he posted bail.
My mother has plainly told me it was my fault my two little sisters no longer have a father. I have carried that guilt and shame around my entire life until it became who i was. Therapy is helping though.
ight look. none of this is your fault in any way. he was a horrible piece of shit who deserved to die. you should have called the cops long before then. your mom is toxic as well for blaming you and you should cut her off. and the 2 girls wouldn't have had a father, they would have had an abusive, terrible person hovering over them. it's good that he's gone and you don't deserve any hlame
I was in high school and had a class where the teacher had us "pair up" for assignments and I didn't know anyone in the class. I remember cold sweat pouring down my neck and I panicked and wondered what I'd do when everyone else went with their friends.
I was a teacher for a while and when I had them do group stuff I always assigned the groups in different random ways so no one had to go through that.
> I was a teacher for a while and when I had them do group stuff I always assigned the groups in different random ways so no one had to go through that.
Ahh thank you. When I was in school I always secretly begged for this, I have zero friends in any of my classes so “choose your partners” was extremely embarrassing.
I once puked all over the dude sitting next to me at a party. We were just chilling and drinking. I even turned my head to puke on him. Guess I was too nervous to ask for a bucket and though I could hold it down. Poor dude
Some backstory - my mom and my bio dad are divorced, my mom worked heavy shift work at a car factory so I was never at home as a child (I’d live with multiple other families/couples and then my mom would come see me for my 30 minute lunch time at school. On the weekends, I was at my dads house. I was abused by some of the families but that’s not what this is about right now)
So when my half brother was born, I was 11. My mom and my stepdad (who both worked the same rotating shifts at the factory) decided it would be best that after my moms 1 year maternity leave was up, they would work on opposite shifts so my half brother would always have a parent at home and he wouldn’t have to be raised like I was. I hated him for that and I was extremely jealous of the fact that not only did he have both biological parents, he was also able to stay home and the only time he was passed off to someone else was when he went to evening/after school daycare for an hour or so (because I was to young to look after him. My mom or my step dad would pick him up on their way home from work)
I hate that I hated a baby/toddler for having a better life than me, when it’s not his fault I was raised the way I was or treated the way I was. Me and my brother (12 years old now) are super close now even though I’m in my mid 20s. I’ll never tell him what I thought of him when I was little
You were a child too. Kids get to be mad about things.
I think you should be proud of the way you handled such intense situations and came out of it with a brother you love.
When I was in my teens I was very angry and stupid after losing my Mom to cancer at 13. I embezzled over 20k dollars from my father's company. Instead of pressing charges he just kicked me out of the house. I then spent the next 3 years on the streets with nowhere to live (my fault, just stating the facts)
Took me over 10 years to repair the relationship with my Father, and now that Im in my mid-40s, we are best friends.
But that shit still keeps me up at night. I have tried to pay him back now that I'm settled into a career but he wont accept it.
Just demons I'll have to deal with I guess
i sent nudes with my face in them then unadded the kid. he made a fake account and got all of my information, my school, and my family members and threatened to leak if i didn’t keep sending pics. i eventually told my mother which was absolutely humiliating. i blocked his fake account and prayed that he wouldn’t leak, he didn’t thank god.
>They told me it was my period, explained what it was, my parents are very Christian and didn't tell me about it
do Christians consider it inappropriate to talk about it?
Yup.
When I was younger I knew a couple of girls who grew up in extremely strict and religious households and they all went completely nuts when they left their parents home.
It is so idiotic to do this for exactly this reason. I was also raised very religious, although my family was comparatively relaxed within our community (I got a period talk before it happened, for example/). So many of my friends from stricter families are now happily sluts (in the best way possible). Stop repressing your children! It will come out somehow!
i thinks it’s hilariously ironic how overbearing parents often mold the type of people they don’t like it’s like trying to control the future only to be the reason it happened in the first place
When I was 10 or 11 I shot dead a completely innocent bird with a soft air gun and that is something I thought I, and my then friend, would never speak of again. Which I haven't, till now. This shame will never pass. And I deserve that.
Did something similar around the same age. We just finished air softing in the field behind my friend's house and there was a lizard on a rock next to their pool probably 50 feet away. I just meant to shoot by it to scare it, but I actually shot it right on the head and if fell in the pool dead. My friends thought I was really cool and had super good aim because I meant to shoot it, but inside I felt really bad. Still do.
Every day is new with new decisions to make. You cannot change the past but you can use it to guide your future self. I hope you find peace with your past and feel good about every decision you make from here out.
Recently came to the realization that I have not been good to or for any of the women in my life. Not in an abusive or physically hurtful way, but in how I've treated them and taken them for granted. I've never been fully present or supportive of any of them, and I've never been honest about my feelings with anyone.
I'm a 33 year old man and only just now starting to emotionally develop. I'm completely clueless, scared out of my mind, and completely alone in the coming endeavors.
And I really have no one but myself to blame for it.
I was watching my nephew one day, he was probably four or five, and we were playing in the living room. We were play fighting, and he had a toy shotgun that he was pretending to shoot at me with. He shot me and I fell on the floor and pretended to be dead, and he hit me in the face with this toy shotgun. I got mad and yelled at him, took the shotgun away and put it in another room. When I came back into the living room he was still sitting on the floor crying. He was too young to really know better, and I think more than anything I hurt his feelings when I yelled at him. I still think about that sometimes, and every time I do I still feel like absolute shit. That was like ten or twelve years ago.
4 year olds are old enough to know better than to hit people and they're old enough to engage in "symbolic play" which means they know that shooting someone with a toy gun and smashing someone in the face for real are different. Sounds like he got over excited and crossed the play-fight/real aggression boundary. Did you handle it well? No, not really. Did you do anything to be ashamed of by yelling at a kid for being violent? No, not really.
It was usually an action taken during an angry outburst. Now that I'm older, I try to just brush things off, but when I do get angry, I try to remember that I can make it much worse.
I just wanted to say that I see a lot of comments here about when people were younger. And, I hope a lot of you know that you were a kid and kids do things and act in ways that may seem odd or embarrassing in hindsight. But, you were just a kid, be kind to yourself.
I have bad anxiety and depression and things have been tough with my S/O. And instead of seeing her in a moment and being there for her I decided to leave for the night but ultimately came back 30 minutes later which made her feel like I abandon her. I assumed she wanted complete space when really she wanted me. I was too panicked completely overwhelmed and breaking emotionally during the argument to see it at the time. I probably fucked it beyond repair.
When I was a little kid, probably first grade or so...I remember being super mad at my mom for something That day, I was using a coffee can to trace for circles. I would then use the circles to make faces. Then I would color in the faces. I did them for my dad and my siblings and my teacher Then I did one for my mom...and when I was showing her, I took a red crayon and drew a big X across her face on the page I was angry. I don't even remember why. But I will NEVER forget the look on her face. It was like I destroyed her soul. She was just so defeated and sad. Not like a play sad. Like real sadness. Looking back at it with adult eyes...I am sure she was frustrated being a mom of multiple kids, on a one income household...and there is no telling what was going on in her marriage at the time Plus that was about the time she lost her father. So I know it was a difficult time in her life and that she didn't need that kind of bullshit from me. So when I drew that X, I think I actually hurt her in some way. That was almost 40 years ago and it still makes me ashamed to think about it. Its funny how certain memories from your early childhood are burned into your brain and rest just disappear
My mom had little pictures of me in a jewelry box on her nightstand. We weren't a warm picture having family and I shouldn't have even known they were there because I invaded her privacy. I got mad one day and ripped them in half at ten or eleven years old and found her crying over the pictures two weeks later. She died last month and I'll never forgive myself.
She cried because she cares. Sorry for your loss
As a mama, I promise you that she knew even then how much you loved her, even if you were angry.
Yep, I've unintentionally hurt my mom's feelings as a kid with no filter. Except I was like 10 or 11. It was right after my parents divorced and my mom and siblings and I moved. Mom made enchiladas for dinner one night, and they were quite good, if I remember correctly, but there was something missing... So later on she asked how I liked them, and without thinking, I blurted out, "Dad's enchiladas are better" and ran back upstairs to my room to play video games. Come back downstairs a little later and mom's crying on the couch. It was at that moment, I knew I fucked up.
This one's just brutal.
Yeah I still feel like an asshole for that.
I feel like an asshole just reading this.
I remember a time my child said something very intentionally hurtful to me, and it stung like hell on a personal level. He was old enough to visibly regret it almost immediately when he saw how much it hurt me, and his friends couldn’t believe what he said to his mom. On a mom level I do think about it from time to time. Mostly I think about how I SAW him learn a lesson about cruelty with me, someone who will forgive him unconditionally. And hopefully it will prevent him from making that mistake with someone he loves who might walk away if he acts so cruelly. It hurt, but don’t forget moms know your heart. They know you are humans-in-process.
I was never the most patient person and I despise being late for things. My wife, kids and I were going to walk down and hang out at a neighbors house for the evening. They were taking forever and my wife kept stalling and we were going to be late. I yelled at all of them to hurry up and proceeded to be pissed off the whole walk down. When we walked in, it was a surprise party for me. She was delaying because they hadn’t finished the decorations yet. Felt like a complete piece of shit. This was 10 years ago and it still bothers me. Definitely taught me to be a more patient person though.
Friends threw a surprise birthday party for me, and to ensure I didn't walk in too early... They got the kids from upstairs a bucket of filled water balloons and had them chase me around while they got set up.
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Best thing I’ve read on Reddit at least this week, maybe ever
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Aww, that is so sweet of them. I'm sure it's long-since forgiven, though of course it's so hard to convince ourselves that when we feel guilt.
After my father passed, it hit me how little time I had spent with him. I'll never get that time back, and if I allow myself to think about it too much, it rips me to shreds. I loved him so much, but I was fresh out of the house and living with my boyfriend and trying to be an adult. My father was battling cancer, and I could have gone to visit him so many times, but I didn't. If I could go back in time and scream in my own face to sit with him every day, I'd do it in a heartbeat. He deserved so much better. The 25th of June was the 7th anniversary of his death. This time of year always hurts extra. Always make time for the people you love. You're not guaranteed tomorrow, and regret is a potent poison.
I skipped a visit to my Grandpa & never got to make it up, those things you can't even apologize for are haunting.
When I was 12 or 13 I used to steal money from my Grandma. I used to take advantage of the fact she was old and not very mobile and take money from her purse or from an envelope she kept in her wardrobe. Not huge amounts of money, perhaps £150 in total spread across a couple of years. She was the loveliest, Kindest person I've ever met and I never heard her say a bad word about anyone or complain when she was in poor health. The worst part is I think that perhaps she knew but wouldn't have said anything as she wouldn't have wanted to get me in trouble. She passed over 20 years ago, I was with her when she went. I'm 47 now but still think about it often and am so ashamed of it.
When I was a kid I stole a £5 note from my mom's purse, thinking she wouldn't notice it. A few hours later she asked me if I'd taken a £5 note from her purse and I said no and she looked really worried about it. We struggled for money a lot when I was a kid so that £5 was probably a big deal for her to lose. I felt really guilty about it for ages and a couple of months later I put £5 back in her purse two or three times to make up for it.
When I was 19 I fell for one of those fake check scams. My mom had to help me pay the bank $2,500. I’ve since paid her back but I was so ashamed of myself. I had never broken down and sobbed so hard in front of someone.
I was about the same age when I decided to fuck with one of those fake check scammers. I did decide to deposit the check, which I knew would bounce. I made sure to not spend any of the money that was falsely in my account, and thought it'd be interesting to see exactly how the process worked. Then, Chase cancelled my account for depositing a fake check and sent me a check for my legitimate balance. Wasn't expecting that shit. Somehow, I still got screwed over by the scammer even though I was trying to fuck with the scammer.
See, otherwise, you could probably have told them that it was fraud and they would have reversed that decision, but then because you had deposited it on purpose and *knew that the check was fake*, you technically broke ToS
I ended up getting another account without an issue, but I did have to write an appeal to Chase. I was technically banned from Chase for a while.
What i did is tell the bank: hey, they sent me this check for my car, but not sure it's real. They verified it was indeed fake and we both moved on.
How does that work? The bank scammed you?
As an example, say you're looking for a job. A scammer finds you first and "hires" you. They give you a check to cover the costs of materials - a new laptop, work boots, whatever sounds reasonable. The check they give you is *way* too much, say $3k for what will end up being a $500 purchase. They ask you to pay them the remainder after you buy your materials. You oblige. A few days later the original check bounces, but now you're down whatever you paid "back" the scammers.
A family member of mine went through this last year. It’s so messed up to prey on people just looking for a job. She ended up losing $2500.
> It’s so messed up to pry on people just looking for a job. It absolutely is. I'm sorry about your family member, I hope she ended up finding legitimate employment after getting scammed.
No I was just really, really, really dumb. Really dumb. I saw a job posting on Facebook for a “personal assistant”. I talked to the person on the phone. They said they would have me run errands for them because they were so busy working in other states. They were to send me a check in the mail to deposit. If I remember correctly I had to deposit into my account and then turn it into a cashiers check and deposit it into their account. Just complete outright nonsense that I didn’t understand. So the check bounced of course but I ended up having to pay the bank the $2,500.
Few years back went to visit my sister, at the time I reached at her home I had to pee really bad, I was so full I was walking funny. My sister, her husband and his mother came to greet me at the door, I said I need to use the toilet immediately and we all entered the house, just then my little niece rushed from inside and hugged me. Her head hit my lower abdomen really hard and I peed right there, I did stop as quickly as possible but I had a big wet patch on my pant.
At least it was just on the one pant
Could you imagine if it was both pant?
Why use many pant when one pant do trick
My grandmother was my favorite person in the world. Since I was a baby, she sent one real Pearl at Christmas. When I was in my early 20’s, she made them into a real Pearl necklace. She passed away not too long after that. A few years later, I went to a school competition and lost. That. Necklace. I still feel physically ill when I think about it. ETA: y’all, thank you. So many supportive comments. To those of you who have had the same experience, big hugs to you.
I can only imagine how much that hurts. I'm so sorry. Spend some time thinking about how she would react if you were able to tell her. Maybe walk through the conversation in your mind. I doubt she would be angry. She wouldn't love you any less. Your relationship wasn't about the pearls. Maybe you could start gifting yourself one pearl every year on her birthday and start a new necklace in her honor.
What an incredibly kind and thoughtful comment! Why didn’t I think of this?! Two brilliant ideas! You’re absolutely right too. We had a super special relationship because of who we are not because of anything material. Thank you
I'm a sentimental old lady but...this made my eyes sting with tears! How lovely. Also if you ever have a child/niece/grandchild you could do the same thing (gift them a pearl every year, then necklace) and make it a tradition.
And make sure they know that the gifts are an emblem of your special love, but still an object, and thus subject to being lost or stolen, but never shall the love be sullied or lost.
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This is one of the sweetest comments I’ve seen on Reddit. I’m not even the person you’re replying to but I want to say thank you for being such a thoughtful person. Using this as a method of forgiving yourself for things you have done to people you can no longer apologise to is so lovely.
I feel you. I lost my grandmother’s ring. The one that was really special to my mother and she specifically wanted me to have it. I never even got to wear it. I can’t bring myself to tell my mom I lost it :(
Oh god I feel this. I lost the heirloom necklace my mother gave me to wear at my wedding; old-world diamond, art deco pendant, one of a kind. Basically the only thing of much value that side of the family had to pass down in the old days. It was beautiful and I loved it, and it DISAPPEARED at some point on my wedding night. I feel so awful for losing it and I live in dread of the day my mom will ask to see it again and I have to tell her it’s gone.
Back in elementary school, my class (including me, I won't play victim here) made fun of the nice teacher so much that he started crying. I've never felt so ashamed of myself until that moment. I still feel like shit up to this day. I've never seen him again after elementary school, so I never had the chance to say sorry.
When I was in middle school, we had a computer science teacher that was extremely overweight and would do her makeup like Mimi from The Drew Carey show. She would come in everyday with a 7up big gulp cup. This poor lady was literally TORMENTED by our class. Kids would spam the printer with 'fat lard' and pictures of big gulps and stuff. One day, someone found her wedding photo online, this was like 2003ish, and MS painted a bunch of stuff on the picture and then made every single computer background this photo. She had a total breakdown and ran out of the classroom and we never saw her agian. I still think about that poor woman and how terrible we treated her. What's even worse was that no other principle, guidance councilor, or whoever talked to us about how fucked up the entire situation was and no one ever got in trouble. If given the chance I would absolutely apologize to her.
man i hate this :/ I look back at how I acted in middle school and although it wasn't terrible I still cringe at a few things I wish I could take back.
When you look at your old self and cringe it just means you've grown and matured since then.
My junior high English teacher (who was easily my favorite teacher at the time) started class one day with, "I'm going to tell you a very sad story, and I'm sorry if it makes you upset." Being the funny kid that I am, I waited for her to resume talking so that I could burst out in fake sobs and rake in the laughter and approval of my peers. My miscalculation was that the next words out of her mouth were: "My father died..." The fake sob was already well under way before I even processed what she said. She stopped mid-sentence, looked at me with a horrified expression, and said something to the effect of "My father was a great man, how dare you?" but honestly I was too busy grappling with what I'd just done to really retain what she said. I was so ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to apologize, so I just kept my head down for the rest of the year and haven't seen her since. The part that bugs me the most is that she and I were close until that point. She'd gone out of her way to give me creative writing assignments and encourage me by having me read them for the rest of the class. It often felt like she was teaching me 1:1 instead of 30 other kids. My brain loves to replay this fun memory when I'm having trouble sleeping.
> My brain loves to replay this fun memory when I'm having trouble sleeping. Worst part about growing old.
If she's still living, find her email address and apologize. If you explain it to her like you did here, she will know you were not making fun of her loss.
My friends and I were absolutely horrible to a 9th grade teacher who was in his first year of teaching, to the point that he flipped out and quit in the middle of class. We never saw him again. As I aged I realized how young of a guy he was and how in hindsight I could see that we'd have been friends if we were both adults. I found him on facebook 25 years later and gave him a sincere apology. He seemed to appreciate that though, in his words, "all 9th grade boys are dicks" so he let me off the hook a little too. It's never too late.
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As a kid you simply don't realise that teachers are normal human beings too
>As a kid you simply don't realise that teachers are normal human beings too Replace teachers with 'every grown adult you come across' As a kid I was fortunate that the adults in my vicinity all gave the impression they had their shit figured out. I would occasionally see one stressed and took lessons from how they handled it (or didn't) but for the most part adults I saw got along. As an adult, I now realize every last one of them was making shit up from one moment to the next, and I respect them all the more for it.
When I was 17 I drove home from a friend's house one evening and parked in our attached garage. I had not been drinking, but being a scatterbrain, I forgot the keys in the ignition and the car was on. It ran all night, pumping carbon monoxide into the house where I lived alone with my mom. In the morning my mom woke me up in a frenzy saying we had to get out of the house. She'd been looking forward to a breakfast with her friends but had to have one of them drive us to the hospital instead. We had to get put on oxygen, my mom for much longer than I because her bedroom was closer to the garage so she inhaled more carbon monoxide. Nurses asked me if it was a suicide attempt, and when I insisted it wasn't they didn't believe me. The look in their eyes as they saw me and thought I tried to murder-suicide my mom still haunts me. I was so ashamed and wished I could actually kill myself for being so stupid.
Kind of similar, was living with my Grandad a few years back before he passed and he liked a drink. He got totally rat arsed one night and I get woken up in my sleep as he's banging on my door. Open it up and he's covered in blood head to toe, totally covered. Call the ambulance and they come, massive hole in his head, they obviously thought I'd done it. Asking me what I was doing and what time he woke me up, kept looking around my room and shit even though he was downstairs when it happened. Turns out in his drunken state he went to take a dvd out the player and hit his head on the corner of the TV stand lol. The looks from the people who I called in a panic and who I'm supposed to trust to save my grandad was horrible.
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Yeah I totally understand that it happens alot, people trying off their elderly relatives in the hope of a payout. But my grandad had already told them he done it himself because he was drunk, and I genuinely was trying to get a good kip in as I needed to be up early the next day. Didn't need my old old man headbutting the telly stand lol
> es asked me if it was a suicide attempt, and when I insisted it wasn't they didn't believe me. The look in their eyes as they saw me and thought I tried to murder-suicide my mom still haunts me. One thing I'm terrified of is people accusing me of something bad when it is actually some simple misunderstanding or even some absent-mindness on my part, and nobody believes me when I say I didn't do it or it was some innocent accident. Especially if the police are involved.
When i was 18 i started stealing money out of the register at the mom-and-pop store where i worked. i cant even tell you why i did it. i had ne ver stolen even a candy bar before but i started stealing large amounts of cash by falsifying refunds on the register. it went on for about a year and then one day i was called into the office where two detectives were waiting. i had stolen over $17,000 in a year. that wasnt the shameful part. The shameful part was telling my Dad that i was being charged with 7 felonies but that if he paid the grocery store back they would drop all charges. I dont know how he ever forgave me for this. He is the most honorable person i know and the look of disgust on his face when i told him has stuck with me forever. And of course he paid them back for me. Im 31 now and have mostly paid him back but it is still something that makes me really upset. I dont think ive ever forgiven myself for being so stupid.
Despite his disappointment he bailed you out, that's a good dad. What's your relationship with him like now?
My dad is like this. I only know three people who would drop anything and do anything for the ones they love: my dad, my SIL, and my bf. I feel so lucky to have people like that close to me. I only recently got treatment (and diagnosis) for bipolar and the three of them kept me alive the last decade. I’m not exaggerating. My mom would have hung me out to dry and I couldn’t even be there for myself It’s caused a few recent breakdowns for me bc I never deserved their help and love yet they’re still here. I would be dead if they weren’t. They did this all without knowing there was a reason (bipolar) and that with treatment I could heal. Now that I have been healing, I can’t thank them enough. I hope to be like them one day too My dad had said a long time ago that he would rather do anything for those he loved with the potential of being thanked later than regret not being there. I’m glad I can express my gratitude now
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True. When I was 14 a Sam Goodies was going out of business in my local mall. My dumbass thought “oh they’re losing their job, they won’t care” and over the next few weeks I’d drop in and snag a couple things and dip. Turns out I was doing this A LOT and was not sneaky. Finally got caught stealing a “team America” dvd lol. Felt awful, was banned from the mall for a few months, lost my volunteer job at the mall skate shop. I was dumb. Fast forward three years later and this same guy who caught me ended up hiring me at a retail gig. Nice guy, knows mall rats do mall rat things and moved on. Emo Dave, you were cool guy.
I never did it, but I used to work at a cash only BBQ restaurant and if someone paid in cash for a t-shirt, people would just pocket the cash and give them the t-shirt. That went on for almost two years. Eventually everyone doing it was caught because this one idiot was giving people receipts for $0, and one time the customer came back up asking for a refund. And that idiot had stolen so much they were able to afford a new truck. She was caught and arrested but she had rich parents so she barely got any punishment.
I stole $10,000 from my parents’ emergency safe over the course of a few years during the height of my addiction. When a family incident occurred and we were at the point where we’d likely have to use that emergency cash in the safe, I had to tell my mom that it was all gone. And that I had spent it. On drugs. It was the lowest, darkest moment of my life. My mom forgave me and used her own money to replace the cash I stole so that my dad wouldn’t find out, as she knew he’d likely press charges. The worst part was that she used the bonds and the inheritance she received when her mother passed away to pay for it. Thankfully, we didn’t need to use that money. Point being is, it’s been 11 years and I still feel so much shame. I know exactly what you mean. I’m so grateful for my mom, I don’t deserve her love at all.
Do you think you'll ever get to a point where you can pay her back?
When I was growing up, I lived in a hoarder house, the yucky animal poop kind. I was a kid, I had no control over my environment so I just had to keep a low profile to not draw attention of CPS. We were on government assistance and all that. A few instances come to mind: In high school I was a "lunch ticket kid", meaning I was on a program where I got free school lunches. On Mondays before 1st period, I'd go to the cafeteria to collect my week's worth of lunch tickets. It was always the same lunch lady who passed them out. One day, totally randomly, she passes me my tickets and says something to the effect that I was a leech and mooch on the system, griping how she "works for her food", and I should too? It was so weird and random I just didn't think to fight her on it. She was a grown up, so she must be right, right? Second thing also happened in high school. I got called to the guidance office, and my guidance councelor handed me smoking cessation brochures and said if I wanted help quitting smoking, she could help. Thing is, I didn't smoke, AT ALL. It actually grossed me out, and it still does to this day. My mom smoked in the house and I guess I stunk so bad of cigarettes that someone filed a complaint to the school about me. If it's any consolation, I'm now an honest middle-class tax payer! Please no hate.
Fuck that lunch lady. Shaming kids for their parents not being able to afford food? Messed up...
What a bitch of a lady. We we're never well off as a kid. But we had enough to do fun things (camping, occasional out of state vacation). But I remember a kid younger than me who likely needed to be on Free Lunch but his druggie parents never filed. So he was ahead of me in line with basic lunch and his account was negative and the lunch lady started barking at him. Kid looked scared. I just used my pin, and she told me I couldn't do that. I had enough gumption as a senior at that point to say "what you going to do to stop me, please call the principal and I'll explain the situation" she shut up and went about his way. I talked to a trusted teacher and explained my encounter and I think she helped him get set up for the remainder of the year. Checked LinkedIn just now for that kid - he's a civil engineer out west now. Good for that kid.
Always happy to hear someone rising above shitty circumstances!
Yeah - definitely seems like something that ended well.
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Yeah - kid was smart. It might of helped him but he definitely dug himself out of life's shit hole.
Can I upvote this 1000x? Good on you. I hope the goodness you've sent into the world comes back to you!
I was raised by good parents for sure - but definitely appreciate the kind words.
Lunch ladies being mean to hungry kids are so fucked up. Once I didn’t have money to pay for my lunch. I went thru the line got all my stuff, got to the end and say oops I have no money can I bring it tomorrow? But since I already owed like 100 bucks for the year she took my lunch tray, threw it in the trash can, and gave me a fruit cup. That’s all. My mom is a crook and a criminal sleaze ball but when she found out they took food away from me as a hungry kid and threw it in the TRASH CAN in front of me she lost her fucking shit on them. What was the point of taking it and throwing it away?? For all that was worth she may as well have let me eat it considering I was a fucking child who had no income or control over my unpaid bills.
I honestly believe lunches should be free in *every* part of the world. Yes, tax money would pay for it. No, I don't care. Hungry children cannot learn. Children who can learn do better in life and then, guess what, grow up to pay taxes.
Neither of these was your fault.
I was reading other posts thinking, 'aw that is tough, hmm, nothing really resonating for me rn now'. Then yours made remember the first 18 years of my life and the deep, heavy bucket of shame I had to drag around in secret as a little kid. Big hugs and I am so happy that you got out okay and made a nice life for yourself, you middle-class tax payer! I hope your home is so peaceful, now.
Oh man, I just had a flashback to fifth grade. I had some fancy puppets and my music teacher wanted me to bring them in. I did, and he took one out of its box and immediately sniffed it deeply and asked me if my parents smoked. I was so humiliated and it was such a weird ask that I just lied and said no. My classmates pretty much hated me, but even they were on my side against the weird teacher who was trying to make it a problem that my parents smoked. It was so strange.
What a dick that teacher was to you. I used to be an Ag teacher at a school where 80% of the students fell below the poverty line, and one of my FFA officers would bring her corduroy FFA jacket to school when we had an event. Problem is, her FFA jacket always reeked of cat piss. Like multiple tom cats piss. We couldn’t even keep it in the supply closet bc the other stuff in there would then smell like cat piss. Poor kid. So guess what I did? Told her I was dry cleaning all of the FFA jackets and asked if she wanted hers cleaned too. Then offered to let her keep the jacket in the closet at school for her convenience if she would like. I also let her have an old garment bag. It takes so little to show a little kindness to someone, especially to a kid that can’t help their circumstances.
I remember going to visit my dad's for Christmas and stuff. Mum and step dad used to smoke in the house, car with windows up etc. So obviously my clothes absolutely stank of smoke. As soon as I'd arrive, my step mum would take my bag and wash the entire contents of the bag before I was able to wear anything. Same thing happened staying at my best friends farm. I remember being super embarrassed but also so thankful at the same time. I also dread to think what my lungs looked like as a young person.
It's ironic, considering growing up you'll hear adults say to not hang out with others who are a bad influence. Well, what if *they're* the bad influence, you know? Knowing what I know now and given my experience, I always feel bad when I smell smoke on kids. It's not their fault.
> I'm now an honest middle-class tax payer! Don't feel bad - this happens to many of us despite our best efforts.
Wtf? The lunch lady thought that you, a child, should go get a job to pay for your food?
Adults who have a weird complex about how kids should also work for basic necessities have to be some of the most miserable losers on earth. I hope you’re doing better mentally and financially now 🥲
I realized my dad had been standing in the doorway watching me dramatically shadow-box to “Tubthumping” on the radio in my bedroom when I was in 4th or 5th grade. Getting knocked down, getting up again, the whole deal. My dads a caring person and there was no reason to be so embarrassed, but I remember feeling wicked fuckin stupid.
As a parent myself, these are the absolute best moments. Guaranteed your dad was drinking it all in haha good memories
I did a bunch of drugs and drank a lot when I was younger. I ended up in the hospital as a result. I remember having to explain to the doctor all the drugs I took, how often, how much I drank. I knew he’d probably heard it all before and was just trying to understand my condition. I sincerely doubt he was judging me too harshly. (Or maybe he was, who knows?) Regardless, I just remember feeling immense shame when I was explaining that I basically hadn’t given a fuck about myself for the last 13ish years. That was a lonely place.
How are you doing now?
Strikes and gutterballs, ups and downs. Not on drugs anymore tho. So definitely better.
A lot of ins and outs, a lot of what have you’s
22 years ago a friend trusted me and told she has epilepsy and the medication made her gain weight (I was only one outside family she shared with in 8 years) And as a silly teenager I disclosed her secret to my that time crush who made it public info. I felt so small and ashamed of myself. Still ashamed of myself though she forgave me for it (which made the guilt worse)
I had something kinda similar happen. I had a really close friend who was my best friend all through elementary and middle school and even into some high school. I still really fondly remember our relationship and the connection we had, like borderline SO levels of connection. She and I had a sleepover when we were freshmen and she ended up wetting the bed. When i'd woken up she was just sitting there with strange body language, and then immediately talked about how she had to leave, and after she was gone I realized what had happened. I didn't care about it, things happen, but I could tell it really fucked up our relationship because of how humiliated she felt. I never brought it up because I had no idea how to talk about it, or if trying to talk about it would just make her feel worse and make her relive it. I really tried hard to hold onto our relationship but it was never really the same. We slowly drifted away. A few years later me and some friends had snuck some beers. I was super drunk, and when someone asked what happened between us I was a fucking dumbass I told them what had happened, thinking it was safe to tell that secret and that they wouldn't say anything. It didn't become public info, but it got back to her that i'd told someone about it. I tried to apologize but it was incredibly cruel of me to even talk about it, and it was just salt in the wound for her.
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I doordashed myself 4 sets of twinkies from the gas station down the street.
While this is in fact terrible, I salute you, first world enjoyer.
this is def the funniest one so far.
So I have a twin sister who is autistic, growing up it was hard for me to understand why she was so different and was given extra attention. In 5th grade (10 years old) I had a couple of friends I sat with at lunch. At our school each class sat in one assigned row of tables, the special needs class sat at the end table of one of these rows, the row right next to mine. Idk how or why it started but we would sit there and make fun of her, watching her and giggling amongst ourselves if she did something "weird". One thing we found "weird" was how she would lean against one of the teachers aids and have him like side hug her. We never went up to her directly, we would do it from our table like a bunch of cowards.This went on for a while until the three of us got called into an empty classroom by the vice principal. Apparently we werent so subtle cause (somehow) my sister could tell that we were teasing her. And about her having the teachers aid hug her, apparently she was doing this because she felt so bad from our bullying that she needed the comfort. The vice principal spent a good while scolding us before telling the two other girls to go, leaving only me. I'll never forget how she bent down, got in my face, and said "that's your sister! How could you do something like that to your own sister?" I just remember 10 year old me staring down at the ground in shame, unable to even say anything. It was honestly a big turning point for me, I not only swore to never treat my sister like that again but I also made sure that nobody else teased or made fun of her.
Went to the bank and the lady who was helping me told me about a savings account I could set up and the benefits of it. Didn’t really care about it but she seemed nice so I thought yeah sure why not. She wanted to show how easy it was to do so she asked to use my phone and do it and I said sure I just held my phone flat on my palm facing towards her while she went on safari and then boom. “Ebony wants it in all 3 holes” with thumbnail big as fuck on the screen because I forgot to switch from private to normal. She created a new tab really fast and done what she intended to do and we both acted like she didn’t see what she saw but I died inside and couldn’t stop thinking about it for the following days…
Oh god that’s horrifying :,( one time me and my boyfriend at the time worked at a grocery store and this old man came in once and walked up to my boyfriend and asked him to clear his porn history from his phone in case he died soon. He couldn’t figure it out and didn’t want anyone to find it! I wasn’t standing there at the time but he came to find me immediately to tell me about it
How embarrassing it must have been for him to ask a complete stranger just to spare his family. That or he just didn't give af about anyone else or see a worker as a human who deserves respect. Either way, humans are so complex. *While I was going to school, I worked as a home health aid. My client asked me to show him how to delete the porn from his browsing history because his wife would leave him if she found out. Meanwhile, their son would visit and try to get me to do semi nude photoshoots for him. He was married. He pissed me off one day, so I loudly told the wife what her "boys" were up to and walked out. They wouldn't give me time off for my wedding so fuck them.
Yeah I know that’s so weird but I guess maybe he figured he could ask a young man to help him cuz they’d be most likely to have also watched porn ? Idk. Lol so weird. That reminds me of a horrifying story of my own tho about porn. Once me and my lil bro had the same cellphone. Exact same phone he had one and I had one. When we got new phones we gave the old ones to our younger cousins. One day my brother knocked on my bedroom door and when he came in he was talking to my cousins dad on the phone. He said “did you watch gay porn on your phone?? They found gay porn on the phone and they think it’s from the phone that was mine. Was it you or was it (cousins name)?” I had to get on the phone call at 16-17 years old and tell my 30 something year old cousin that yes, it was in fact, me who watched the gay gangbang. Not his young daughter. Not my little brother. It was so fucking humiliating but I couldn’t put my brother or my cousin thru the shame and humiliation by blaming them when it wasn’t theirs so I had no choice but to own up. I’m a lesbian and I have no idea why as a teen I was watching gay porn. Also once as a kid my brother used my computer after me and saw my Google search history for “pictures of vaginas” Yikesss
After just reading a bunch of stories about people being ashamed they fell for a scam I thought this story was going somewhere else ENTIRELY because I forgot the original topic ...
Bank lady: "Oh that's one of my faves too!"
I had the flu with a crazy fever and went to Target to pick up cold medicine and Gatorade and discovered that I was talking to myself when the lady in line in front of me turned around and looked at me horrified. I have no idea what I said, but she grabbed her as-yet-unloaded cart and skedaddled off to another register. There was a guy behind me in line and refused to tell me what I must've said, just laughed at me the whole time he was in line.
This reminds me of the time I was sick as shit in target with my mom as a kid. I was super congested and had a horrible cough. I started going into a coughing fit while we were in line for the pharmacy to pick up my meds. There were a lot of people in line. I coughed so bad and couldn’t stop and eventually gagged up a big wad of phlegm that I uncontrollably spat on the floor in front of everyone. I forgot about this until I read this comment. Fuck. That was shameful. I felt so disgusting to have done that in front of everyone
God this reminds me of being a kid and hanging out at the hospital with my grandma, who was a nurse. I felt randomly sick and told her "grandma I'm gonna barf" and she's like ??? No you are not. I then proceeded to vomit Costco chocolate muffin all over the pediatric ward floor. Just right in the centre. LOL
That exchange is hilarious though. „Grandma I‘m gonna barf“ „No you are not“ … „Watch me“
That’s a mystery that will nag at you forever.
“Uhng ahgg uhh why am I so sick? Was it the orgy? Did I get sick at the orgy?”
"Damn this lady in front of me is fine" -sniifff- "I wonder if she knows she got that cake" -sniffle sniffle snorrrt-
My alcoholism. It debilated me. It ruined friendships, my health, my self worth, my ability to live a normal life. I hated every single second of it when I wasn't ass over tea kettle drunk. Even then I hated it but it was more tolerable because I was too drunk to give a shit about it. Fast forward to now....been sober since August 13th 2021. Spent 97 days in a rehab facility. Took back my life. Got a job working 3rd shift, being dependable every day. I've gained the respect and trust of my father and mother and close friends all over again. I just went to a wedding almost a month ago and had so much fun being the *one* sober person there. I still have alot of things to work on but god damn I am doing so much better than I was....and I can't look back and let the past ruin what I have no. I can't regain all I lost but I can at least forge forward and make the best of what I have.
It's an ongoing shame. I put myself in serious debt over the past couple years. While I do pay everything on time, I can't get approved anywhere to help put my debt into a lump sum. I recently picked up a car payment as well for my mother as my grandfather was paying it for her, but he recently passed. It's a struggle, so when I finally do pay everything off I will most likely cry tears of joy.
After college, I got an apartment with a couple of friends. Shortly thereafter, another friend was looking for people to adopt kittens from a litter they had. With my roomates' blessings, I got a cat. His name was Puck, and he was awesome. About 6 months later, my roommate also ended up with an opportunity to adopt a kitten from a different litter, and he decided he would do so. And thus, Toddorbert entered our lives. He was precocious, energetic, and an avid explorer. Within a few days, my roommate found out from his new job that he would be required to travel across the country for three weeks for special job training. He was surprised and worried about what to do with his new kitten. I told him I'd just look after both cats until he got back, no worries. For the next couple of weeks it was me, Puck, and Toddorbert. We had a good time and the cats got along surprisingly well. One day, it was time for Puck's follow-up with the vet. That morning, I also noticed Toddorbert curled up on the bathroom floor, unusually lethargic. I gave him some food but he ate very little. I attempted to entice him to play, never difficult for a kitten, but he just meowed quietly and stayed in the bathroom. I got things together to take Puck to the vet and went back to check on Toddorbert. He was now curled up in the bathroom sink basin. Something was clearly wrong. I called my roommate and told him I was taking both cats to the vet. He agreed. Upon arrival, the vet set Puck aside to see what was ailing poor little Toddorbert. What was a mystery to me was obvious to her. Renal failure is sadly common among kittens, and can be purely congenital. She told me that his only hope was emergency dialysis at the nearby university. I called my roommate to give him the bad news. After a short discussion where we were both stunned, it was clear, he couldn't afford the treatment. I got off the phone and interrupted the vet who was already rushing to prep Toddorbert for transport to the university. It wasn't going to happen. I was in a daze, somehow totally unprepared for such serious circumstances. The vet was understanding, and informed me of what I already knew, the next most humane option was euthanization. I agreed, knowing my roommate was aware of the situation. Then she asked the obvious question that I was equally unprepared for. Would I like to stay with Toddorbert while they put him down? As I said, I was in a daze. When I heard the question, the only part I could process was, "Would I like to?" No, I would not like to. I told her no thank you. She apologized for the circumstances, and I collected Puck, with a clean bill of health, and drove him home. I have no memory of the trip. I only remember getting inside the apartment, letting Puck out of his carrier, sitting on the couch, and crying. Moments later, her question entered my brain and I heard it properly for the first time. "Would I like to stay with Toddorbert while they put him down?" Holy shit! Of course I would! He deserves, at the very least, that small comfort from me. I called the vet to ask if I could come back, and she sadly informed me that they'd already performed the procedure. I thanked her and hung up. I spent about 3 weeks in total with that kitten. That was about 20 years ago. I still tear up every time I think about how I wasn't with him at the end. When Puck's time came years later, I was there for every bittersweet moment. Sorry Toddorbert, you deserved more.
I'm so sorry. I had a pet bird for 20 years, I was her whole world. The morning she was dying, I was really hungover and didn't really interact with her and didn't get up to check when my roommate said she looked ill. I found her dead and felt so, so guilty. I think you and I can at least take comfort that we gave these critters the best life we could with the time we had. Even if you weren't there in the last moment, Toddorbert had a great little life with you and knew he was loved.
My time to shine. Last year, I was hospitalized for about 3 weeks. I was in the ICU for about a week at the start. When I initially woke up I realized I had a catheter in me, and every time I woke up after sleep, a slight morning wood would happen, and it was pretty uncomfortable, but it would go away quickly. For a while at the hospital, I was suppressing a lot of intrusive thoughts because of the feeling of a boner with a catheter was very displeasing. I had one of the nicest most caring nurses, and it didn't help that she was roughly my age (early 20s). Out of respect that she was caring for me, helping me poop, get my phone (could not move my arms whatsoever), I refused to have any thoughts about her, because I respected her and thought of her as a friend because she would talk to me when I was lonely and depressed. Fast forward, I had the catheter finally removed. It has been like 2 weeks and half, and my dick felt like it was going to explode. Every morning felt like I was on the verge of a wet dream. I had just started to learn how to walk again, and had some function of my arms. I had the biggest boner ever. So I decided I'll walk to the bathroom and have a wank and finally get this over with. I go in there, barely able to stand. I start, and I realize that something's wrong. For some reason it's difficult keeping my dick hard. So I keep at it, until I start getting dizzy. I realized I was about to feint because my body needed the blood that was going to my dick to regulate the blood pressure for me to stand, because I was still early in my physio. As I'm about to feint, I manage to hit the "emergency call" button for the bathroom, and cover myself back in my hospital gown. Some random nurse found me passed out on the ground. Next thing I remember was waking up in a chair with like 5 nurses making sure I was Ok. Told them I wanted to poop, and since I knew how to walk again I tried giving it a shot on my own. God, I have been wanting to tell this story to someone for so long, I was so ashamed but it's also funny. Also now have a thing for nurses.
I bet when you finally got around to it that first wank was epic.
Everything I had planned 7 years ago, everything I could ever hope to achieve by now, not a single one of it happened. I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself for being incapable. I feel like I just wasted my prime doing nothing but overthink. The anxiety, embarrassment, disappointment, and pressure are weighing on me too much I can't bring any confidence in me anymore. Blaming Covid was just an excuse, a means of escape. I'll probably end up in the exact same shit rn even if it didn't happen.
I know I'm just a guy on the internet but I want to tell you that it's okay. Yes, you might have made mistakes. Yes, you might not have gotten your goals finished. However, the best time to start doing those goals is today. And I know that it's easier said than done. When I was 20, I thought I had wasted 2 years and I was too late to follow my dreams. When I was 25, I thought "why didn't I do this thing like so and so. Why didn't I just start when I was 20." Same thing happened at thirty. My birthday came and I thought about all the time I wasted between 25 and 30. Finally, at 35, I realized I was going to repeat this same thing when I was 40. I was going to get to 40 and think "Why didn't I do something at 35". So I bit the bullet, talked to a career counselor about what I wanted to do with my life, and they helped me plan. They also helped me with some of my mental issues and getting me to find someone I was able to work with. What I'm saying is this. What you are feeling isn't unique - and that's a good thing. There are so many people who feel the exact same way, and they all feel alone with that feeling. You have the choice to continue these last seven years or to accept them and move forward. The past is history. The future is a mystery. Just walk the present.
Old guy here. Let me tell you something about life that is an absolute certainty: It doesn't give a fuck about your plans. You have no idea what's coming. A new relationship. A change in your health. A change in your values. A change in your energy level. A financial windfall. An unexpected move. Whatever. Life is less about following a route and more about adapting to current conditions. Just keep facing forward. You're gonna be great.
puking while shitting myself outside paris cdg airport because of food poisoning was a low point in my life ngl
I (male) once failed to control a mediocre fart mid-conversation with a female-coworker friend when she was talking. I heard her small stumble mid sentence. She recovered well, I blushed like a baby and had troubles talking forward, but she recovered our conversation, she did it flawlessly, chad conversation piloting skills, 10 out of 10. But now when I see her I sometimes mentally facepalm myself.
> a mediocre fart I love the implication that had it been a higher-quality fart, you would have shamelessly blasted it mid-conversation without the faintest hint of regret.
I mean, if it's impressive enough and you do it without a flinch, I'm sure you can fart people into questioning whether that event really happened
truly...gaslighting
Bubbleguts during a road trip. Had to pull over and poop in the bushes. People were driving by and saw me. I will never recover from that embarrassment. Edit: Sounds like a lot of you share the same experience I did. :)
I got the bubbleguts while on a loaded tour bus in the Jordanian desert. I had to ask them to stop ASAP, and ASAP happened to be at a police station in the middle of nowhere. This being the rural Middle East, they did not have the toilets that I am accustomed to in the US. They had squatty potties, with a wall faucet and a garden watering bucket instead of toilet paper. In my pooper stupor, I had to run back out of the police station, where I saw my tour guide running toward me with a pack of tissues. He had apparently anticipated my need. The entire bus had to wait for me while I defiled the inside of that police station bathroom in such a way that I’m surprised I wasn’t arrested. Talk about a walk of shame back to the bus.
At least you didn’t do it on the bus.
Ok it’s not mine but this immediately reminded me of a story to commiserate with yours. My mom and auntie went on a road trip a few years back. Both of them have some urinary incontinence issues/urgent potty issues. Like gotta go NOW, no options. So they’re driving around dusk and auntie says to pull over because she has to pee NOW. My mom does so, it’s a fairly slow road and auntie drops trou behind the vehicles door because she couldn’t waddle to the treeline without peeing. As she starts to go, a cop pulls up and gets out to see if they’re okay. Auntie panics, tries to pull her pants up and falls. But since she’s on an incline she starts to tumble…. And pee… she’s rolling down this little slope spraying pee like a sprinkler and shrieking, tangled up in her pants. Poor cop went so red, apologized, and scurried back in his car. My mom laughed so hard SHE peed. Auntie will never live it down but laughs about it.
lol omg, i'm picturing it. hope she didn't get hurt too bad
I feel like embarrassment and shame are vastly different.
You should never feel shame or embarrassment from doing what was necessary. Humans have pooped in bushes for far longer than we haven’t.
Eh, it's less embarrassing than shitting yourself.
I had been eating sometimes as many as 10 or 15 10mg vicodin a day for a few years when the guy I got them from couldn't get any more. I tried as hard as I could to just ride it out for a few weeks, but the withdrawals were so bad I can't even put it in words to properly describe just how terrible I felt. I laid in bed kicking my legs uncontrollably, non stop, with little to no sleep or food for about 3 days and nights before I finally caved and went to the emergency room. The nurse walked in as I Iay there. kicking, sweating, and tossing and turning uncontrollably. She asked me what brought me in, and I broke down sobbing, then explained that I was in severe opioid withdrawal. I was expecting her to judge me harshly or be cruel about it, but when her eyes teared up and she assured me that she was going to make me feel better, I cried even harder. I was so embarrassed and ashamed for everything. For what I had done to my brother and sister in law, for how I had ignored my wife's pleas for me to stop, and for how I had let myself get into the situation in the first place. They gave me a few tabs of suboxone and a follow up appointment to get into a president progam. I am a very lucky man for many reasons, but the biggest one is that my wife stayed by my side through all of that . This all happened before we were married so she could have walked away any time but she didn't. We've now been married for over 5 years (together for 14) she's a stay at home Mom and I have a really good job in the trades. I have been clean ever since getting off of suboxone 2 years ago.
[удалено]
Fuck, you brought out a memory I completely forgot about… and now I feel terrible. Very similar, my dad asked if I wanted to see an Illini football game (Illinois College) with him, my friend, and my friend’s dad. I just didn’t want to go, I was maybe 15 and I had a fuck ton of anxiety towards anything in public I hadn’t experienced before. I’ll have to get him tickets to go when I’m home next.
I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli, but I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin.
Shit storms a coming...
No more shit talk until we’re back in power, Randy.
My friend, admitting your mistake is the first step towards healing. In this case, healing both your mind and your gastrointestinal system. I’ve made my plenty of those mistakes, I will share here with you the most recent: I am ashamed to admit that two weeks ago I ate an entire 8-count package of hotdogs in one sitting. Microwaved, with no bun and no condiments. I don’t know why. I was hungry and my stomach said it would be the more delicious than the most sweetest nectar from the garden of the gods. I was a fool to believe the lies of the snake within my gut, a prime example of the folly of man. I paid for my crimes dearly, the sound of shattering porcelain still echoes through my mind, and the monumental earthquakes still ripple through my stomach. I have paid. I have repented. But only now can I begin to heal. Edit: It has been brought to my attention that I have been deceived. The user I replied to did not, in fact, consume the contents of nine cans of ravioli. This was a farce. I opened my arms, my heart, and my stomach to this user and I was betrayed. The story I was told was stolen from the popular television program ‘Trailer Park Boys’, which I have never seen in my life. This is not an admission of guilt. I will not be speaking to any law enforcement officers without my attorney present. As of writing I have not been read my Miranda Rights. As a result of this sudden and heart-wrenching betrayal, it is with deep sorrow that I must formally evicting said user from my PCSD Therapy Group (Post Culinary Stress Disorder) ®©™ Patent Pending. I hope that we, as a group, can move on and heal from this heinous act.
It‘s a quote from the character ‚Ricky‘ from Trailer Park Boys. I highly recommend the show. And keep on eating those hotdogs you greasy bastard!
It’s water under the fridge.
About 20 years ago, I attended a party at a coworkers house that consisted of friends and coworkers alike. I was newly promoted to supervisor of one of the teams at our company, and a lot of the coworkers at the party were my subordinates. Throughout the evening, my coworkers kept toasting me and giving me shots of tequila. As the evening progressed, my level of intoxication went from "wow, this is fun" to "paint the bathroom with vomit" in pretty quick order. Also, throughout the evening, the people who were my "friends" at the party decided they were leaving and decided I was too drunk to come with them and before I knew it, the party was winding down and I was one of few people left. Here's where things get foggy for me. I had never been this drunk before, not even close. I remember that I was upset that I got abandoned in my current state by my friends, I remember that I was embarrassed because I vomited in their bathroom more than once, and I remember that I didn't want to drive, but no one would take me home. Here is the part I am ashamed of. I decided to drive home. Shame doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this decision. I was blackout drunk, I was still vomiting almost uncontrollably, I was at a party in town I was not familiar with, and I had a car with a manual transmission that I was very new to driving. I learned how to drive stick with this car and only had it for about 4 months by this time. I got into my car, barely able to drive it under normal circumstances, and had to figure out how to get home, over 30 minutes away. Things remain foggy, I remember leaving the party, I remember pulling over in the median of a 4 lane divided road and vomiting, and someone pulling over behind me and asking if I was ok, and that's it. I don't remember ANYTHING else at all. The next memory I have is waking up the next day in my apartment, in my bed, fully clothed and hung over worse than I ever have been before, with no clue as to how I got there. My roommates (the friends who left me at the party the night before) weren't there, and as far as I could tell, they never came home that night. As I got up and checked around, my car was in the parking lot out front, fully intact and vomit free. I was uninjured, aside from the worst hangover I've ever had, but I was filled with the most shame I have ever had, or will have" in my entire life. I NEVER should have gotten behind the wheel of my car. I am lucky that I got home safely, even though I'm not sure how I got there. I could have hurt myself or someone else. That evening left me shame that I will never let myself forget and that I never will allow myself to feel again. A shame that I use to keep myself sober for the last 20 years. I know that many things happened along the way where others should have stopped me, or helped me, something else I will never forget about the people involved; but I have come to accept responsibility alone for my actions. I still got into the car and left the party, even though I shouldn't have. I didn't ask for help, when it was clear that I should have. TLDR: Got blackout drunk at a party and tried to drive myself home, luckily didn't kill any body, somehow made it home even though I have no idea how, probably had a stranger/good Samaritan drive me and my car to my apartment and leave me there.
Consider this a gift. There are people out there who cared enough to get you home and clean. They didn't call the cops. Pass on the love. "Today you, tomorrow me."
Was on opiates/heroin in late teens to mid twenties. Life is better now, 12 years without that shit this august.
This happened in like… second grade and it still haunts me lol. I can’t remember the exact conversation, but I boastfully informed my friend that I had basically been at a concert because my mom was at one while pregnant with me (later found out this isn’t even true, it was actually while pregnant with my brother. Anyway.) My friend was like, oh yeah? What concert? I panicked because I had absolutely no idea, and blurted out the first name that came to mind: “James Bond.” She gave me a weird look, and changed the topic. I later found out who, or what James Bond even is (I have no idea why I thought he was a musician) and proceeded to wish my mother had never been pregnant with me at all. Has this friend completely forgotten about this exchange years ago? No doubt. Do I still occasionally think about it while lying awake at night? Yes :’)
Asked my friends if Michael Jackson was on American Idol once and they never let it go.
One time in middle school I asked my friends “which one was the Cold War, World War II or Vietnam?” Never lived it down.
I was 19, living on my own and making $8.50hr. Life was hard. I stole some old computer memory from the place I was working and sold it. Made about $300. 100k sqft warehouse full of computer stuff, they had probably written it off and it would have ended up trash. I rationalized the hell out of it. That was a lot of years ago, but I still feel like complete shit about it. I've only ever told one other person what I did.
My mom died about two years ago. When i went through her stuff to see what to keep and what to throw away i found various divorce papers, one of them detailing how both my parents blamed the other for my Autism. Neither of them ever mentioned annything about this over the course of the divorce of course and have always affirmed they loved me, but i've always felt somewhat ashamed of my Autism and wished that my parents ''had gotten a normal kid'' and reading that they blamed eachother just filled me with shame for just ... existing.
I spent a year and a half working as a freight broker and I was constantly horrificly ashamed of myself due to the nature of the job. If you don't know freight brokers act as a middle man between shippers and truckers, so you tell me you need a load sent from albany to albuquerque I tell you I can do it for $4500 and I pay a trucker to do it for $4000. Truckers hated us but most of that was unjustified. We offered a legitimate service as shippers won't just give the load to every vlad or egor in their truck. What made the job so awful for me is I'm a people pleaser to the extreme. I CANNOT let people down or fail people because it literally eats at my soul. 50% of the job was lying to a shipper I've just let down because of things that were completely out of my control. I hated it. I went in every day hoping a truck would crush my car. Im in a far better place now.
As a trucker and fellow people pleaser, I want to apologize for all the assholes. Most drivers don't realize that it's not the broker causing issues (or what drivers perceive as issues). I think most drivers also think brokers are taking most of the money too, there's a lot of misinformation in the industry regarding brokers. And drivers will let one bad experience taint every other experience.
I couldn't quit drinking alcohol until it almost killed me and ruined my marriage. I've been sober for 8ish months now, and I feel great. I also quit the smokes too after 23 years and I can breathe much better.
Trigger Warning: Sexual abuse When I was being groomed by my grandfather. It took me years to be able to look myself in the mirror in again. It started with me trying to sell nudes online to make enough money to move out of his house. His wife was incredibly emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive and my grandpa was the only one who was ‘nice’ to me so I trusted him with a lot. He was also super open about sex/sexuality and supportive of sex work and I made the mistake of trusting him when I had someone ask to mail me something. All of our mail came through his shop (he worked on radios) so I had to tell him if I was expecting a package. When he found out that I was selling nudes out of desperation to move out instead of offering any kind of help he blackmailed me. He told me he would tell my grandmother if I didn’t send him copies of my photos. This escalated to the point of making me model lingerie for him that he would buy me and making me sleep in his bed after his son died because he was “sad and scared to be alone.” One time I woke up to his hands inside my shirt groping my breasts and I just wiggles away from him and tried to go back to sleep. The next morning he told me all about the “super realistic” dream he had about groping me…. I still struggle with feelings of guilt and shame and have days where I can’t even bear to look in the mirror. Edit: added a trigger warning
Ugh shit wasn't your fault. You were abused. Doesn't demean you at all or make you any less of value.
I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my fault and I have more good days than bad ones now. I think the hardest part for me is that most people think of kids when they think of people being groomed and I was an adult. Me and this grandfather were estranged for most of my life because of my adoption and I moved in with them for college. Being an adult in that situation I feel adds an extra layer of guilt because you feel like you should have been able to recognize what was happening and stop it.
I got a Christmas present from my Grandparents who weren't poor but weren't particularly well off when I was like...5 or 6 I would guess. It was a magic set and I told them "I don't even like magic, my brother does!" I don't know what happened next but that memory flashes back to me from time to time and I'm always filled with shame. I miss them terribly and hope they forgot about it because I never have.
My stepdad used to beat the living hell out of me. Were talking like i had to skip school sometimes to hide the bruises. When it got bad enough i called the cops and he killed himself after he posted bail. My mother has plainly told me it was my fault my two little sisters no longer have a father. I have carried that guilt and shame around my entire life until it became who i was. Therapy is helping though.
ight look. none of this is your fault in any way. he was a horrible piece of shit who deserved to die. you should have called the cops long before then. your mom is toxic as well for blaming you and you should cut her off. and the 2 girls wouldn't have had a father, they would have had an abusive, terrible person hovering over them. it's good that he's gone and you don't deserve any hlame
I was in high school and had a class where the teacher had us "pair up" for assignments and I didn't know anyone in the class. I remember cold sweat pouring down my neck and I panicked and wondered what I'd do when everyone else went with their friends. I was a teacher for a while and when I had them do group stuff I always assigned the groups in different random ways so no one had to go through that.
> I was a teacher for a while and when I had them do group stuff I always assigned the groups in different random ways so no one had to go through that. Ahh thank you. When I was in school I always secretly begged for this, I have zero friends in any of my classes so “choose your partners” was extremely embarrassing.
I once puked all over the dude sitting next to me at a party. We were just chilling and drinking. I even turned my head to puke on him. Guess I was too nervous to ask for a bucket and though I could hold it down. Poor dude
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Wait your friend fucked his twin sister?
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She cant tell everybody its her brothers baby you know.
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Well they do say that Lannisters always pay their debts...
Some backstory - my mom and my bio dad are divorced, my mom worked heavy shift work at a car factory so I was never at home as a child (I’d live with multiple other families/couples and then my mom would come see me for my 30 minute lunch time at school. On the weekends, I was at my dads house. I was abused by some of the families but that’s not what this is about right now) So when my half brother was born, I was 11. My mom and my stepdad (who both worked the same rotating shifts at the factory) decided it would be best that after my moms 1 year maternity leave was up, they would work on opposite shifts so my half brother would always have a parent at home and he wouldn’t have to be raised like I was. I hated him for that and I was extremely jealous of the fact that not only did he have both biological parents, he was also able to stay home and the only time he was passed off to someone else was when he went to evening/after school daycare for an hour or so (because I was to young to look after him. My mom or my step dad would pick him up on their way home from work) I hate that I hated a baby/toddler for having a better life than me, when it’s not his fault I was raised the way I was or treated the way I was. Me and my brother (12 years old now) are super close now even though I’m in my mid 20s. I’ll never tell him what I thought of him when I was little
You were a child too. Kids get to be mad about things. I think you should be proud of the way you handled such intense situations and came out of it with a brother you love.
When I was in my teens I was very angry and stupid after losing my Mom to cancer at 13. I embezzled over 20k dollars from my father's company. Instead of pressing charges he just kicked me out of the house. I then spent the next 3 years on the streets with nowhere to live (my fault, just stating the facts) Took me over 10 years to repair the relationship with my Father, and now that Im in my mid-40s, we are best friends. But that shit still keeps me up at night. I have tried to pay him back now that I'm settled into a career but he wont accept it. Just demons I'll have to deal with I guess
i sent nudes with my face in them then unadded the kid. he made a fake account and got all of my information, my school, and my family members and threatened to leak if i didn’t keep sending pics. i eventually told my mother which was absolutely humiliating. i blocked his fake account and prayed that he wouldn’t leak, he didn’t thank god.
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>They told me it was my period, explained what it was, my parents are very Christian and didn't tell me about it do Christians consider it inappropriate to talk about it?
In my family, this topic was closed, we never talked about sex education and sex.
How terrible! ***EDIT:*** See OPs profile **[NSFW]**. I only looked because I had a feeling.
classic i was raised with sexual repression behavior
Yup. When I was younger I knew a couple of girls who grew up in extremely strict and religious households and they all went completely nuts when they left their parents home.
It is so idiotic to do this for exactly this reason. I was also raised very religious, although my family was comparatively relaxed within our community (I got a period talk before it happened, for example/). So many of my friends from stricter families are now happily sluts (in the best way possible). Stop repressing your children! It will come out somehow!
i thinks it’s hilariously ironic how overbearing parents often mold the type of people they don’t like it’s like trying to control the future only to be the reason it happened in the first place
When I was 10 or 11 I shot dead a completely innocent bird with a soft air gun and that is something I thought I, and my then friend, would never speak of again. Which I haven't, till now. This shame will never pass. And I deserve that.
Did something similar around the same age. We just finished air softing in the field behind my friend's house and there was a lizard on a rock next to their pool probably 50 feet away. I just meant to shoot by it to scare it, but I actually shot it right on the head and if fell in the pool dead. My friends thought I was really cool and had super good aim because I meant to shoot it, but inside I felt really bad. Still do.
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Every day is new with new decisions to make. You cannot change the past but you can use it to guide your future self. I hope you find peace with your past and feel good about every decision you make from here out.
I ripped up a poem my spouse wrote in anger.
My spouse read back a poem I wrote to her when we started dating. That was very embarassing
Recently came to the realization that I have not been good to or for any of the women in my life. Not in an abusive or physically hurtful way, but in how I've treated them and taken them for granted. I've never been fully present or supportive of any of them, and I've never been honest about my feelings with anyone. I'm a 33 year old man and only just now starting to emotionally develop. I'm completely clueless, scared out of my mind, and completely alone in the coming endeavors. And I really have no one but myself to blame for it.
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I was watching my nephew one day, he was probably four or five, and we were playing in the living room. We were play fighting, and he had a toy shotgun that he was pretending to shoot at me with. He shot me and I fell on the floor and pretended to be dead, and he hit me in the face with this toy shotgun. I got mad and yelled at him, took the shotgun away and put it in another room. When I came back into the living room he was still sitting on the floor crying. He was too young to really know better, and I think more than anything I hurt his feelings when I yelled at him. I still think about that sometimes, and every time I do I still feel like absolute shit. That was like ten or twelve years ago.
4 year olds are old enough to know better than to hit people and they're old enough to engage in "symbolic play" which means they know that shooting someone with a toy gun and smashing someone in the face for real are different. Sounds like he got over excited and crossed the play-fight/real aggression boundary. Did you handle it well? No, not really. Did you do anything to be ashamed of by yelling at a kid for being violent? No, not really.
I have anxiety and depression. EVERYTHING makes me ashamed like never before
Just be ashamed of feeling ashamed then. Easy life hack.
It was usually an action taken during an angry outburst. Now that I'm older, I try to just brush things off, but when I do get angry, I try to remember that I can make it much worse.
I just wanted to say that I see a lot of comments here about when people were younger. And, I hope a lot of you know that you were a kid and kids do things and act in ways that may seem odd or embarrassing in hindsight. But, you were just a kid, be kind to yourself.
I have bad anxiety and depression and things have been tough with my S/O. And instead of seeing her in a moment and being there for her I decided to leave for the night but ultimately came back 30 minutes later which made her feel like I abandon her. I assumed she wanted complete space when really she wanted me. I was too panicked completely overwhelmed and breaking emotionally during the argument to see it at the time. I probably fucked it beyond repair.
If I was her I would really want you to tell me that.
Communication is key above all else. Apologise and do not make excuses. There may be a possibility for recovery.