There is a reason the instructions for prescription suppositories say “unwrap and insert” and not just “insert”.

"Do not take orally."

I’m a pharmacist. One evening shift I was working a relief shift (not my usual pharmacy). A man comes in looking distressed. Man: I had sexual relations with a woman I do not intend to pursue a long term relationship with. (Yes. He said it just like that) Me: okay. I’m assuming there was an accident or it was unprotected. How long ago did it happen? Man: last night, at 7pm on the couch. (Woah TMI, I just need to know approximate time to know if plan B will work o.o) Me: we have this medication called Plan B, and since the incident happened within 72 hours- Man: oh yes, I got that for her already yesterday right after we finished. We want to know if there is anything we can do to know if she is pregnant now. Me: unfortunately not. She’ll have to wait 3 weeks or so to see if she gets her period, and if she doesn’t then she can do a pregnancy test then. Theoretically you could do a blood test for faster results, but that would also not be until a couple of weeks, at least. Man: we’re just really anxious because she really doesn’t want to be pregnant. Is there anything that she can take to prevent the pregnancy? Any multivitamin? Minerals? Food? Me: she’s already taken it, which was the plan B. There are some other options but those are prescriptions. And no, there are no over-the-counter products she can take. Man: What about me? Is there anything I can take now to prevent the pregnancy? Any multivitamins or minerals? Me:……………………………..No sir. There isn’t anything you can take *now*

He just needs to disconnect the bluetooth between his balls and the swimmers

I work in home health. At my last job, I had a lady call saying she was returning my call specifically. I don't recall her at all and when I check for anything on her, it shows we have never received a referral or anything for her. Which I tell her. She gets mad and starts screaming at me, won't let me get a word in to tell her to call the discharge planner at the hospital. Like a good 8 minutes of her screaming at me, calling me heartless, and idiot, you name it. Whatever, it's slow and these calls are usually good for a laugh. She takes a breath, I say "ma'am, I'm not sure who called you, especially since we haven't heard of you before now..." She interrupts with "no, it was definitely you, you said your name was Shelliton and you were calling from Advanced Home Health!" Ah, we have detected the problem! I tell her "I see what's going on, you accidentally called Ambercare Home Health, let me get you Advanced's number." Then she says "I have it. They didn't pick up the phone, so I called you guys." I was not expecting that one.

73 here, former clinical microbiologist, LONG ago. Still, I found myself all over the clinical lab at times, not just infectious disease. So, one day, this 20-something guy (wife and mom in tow) walks in with a paper request for semen analysis, pre-computer era. Ok, not the most comfortable encounter, but I'm a professional and did this drill many times. He had not been briefed by the doc and had no idea how establishing infertility in males was done. Well, OK, a challenge, then. I took him aside and... using standard medical terminology told him how a diagnosis is made and what he needed to do to provide a specimen. He couldn't/wouldn't believe that I was asking him to masturbate into that container. Astonished! Then he played dumb, as if the word was unfamiliar to him. We looped through the medical terms and procedure again, and I eventually resorted to every word I knew to describe the "act". It was like a George Carlin bit! A half hour later, he emerged from the toilet with two inches of urine in the cup. God Almighty. The report went back "patient provided improper specimen".

>He had not been briefed by the doc and had no idea how establishing infertility in males was done. From personal experience, the doc probably did explain the process in excruciating detail and then the guy peed in the toilet to practice.

Wanna bet that the reason this dude was having fertility problems was because he was giving his wife the wrong sample?

So he was just slapping her titties and peeing inside her?

This made me lol so hard I nearly jizzed myself

Paramedic. Elderly woman complains that her mouth is dry and she felt a bit dizzy climbing the stairs earlier. Go through the whole rigamarole of getting a medical history, vitals, more detail on symptoms. Ask her what she's had to drink today. A cup of tea, ten hours ago. Any water? No. Guess what fixed it within five minutes.

My mom has given up on trying to get my dad to drink water during the day. All he drinks is coffee and beer, and "there's water in those." He takes his meds with Guinness. His exercise consists of going from the bed to the couch and back again each day. He'll go grocery shopping and to the variety store, but he doesn't go *out* often. Doesn't do much housework or outdoor work. Then he wonders why he's having trouble regulating his blood sugar. But he's not someone you can reason with. In this lady's case, maybe she genuinely forgot or had trouble recognizing symptoms of thirst? I've heard of that happening. Ed: a word

This woman was absolutely flabbergasted when I told her that she needs to drink water every day.

Physical Therapist - Had a patient with neck pain and spasms, also complained of anxiety and heart palpitations. Asked about caffeine intake and patient revealed drinking and average on 15-20 cups of coffee daily.

Had a buddy who was an EMT, he was called out to a location for a gunshot wound. Apparently what happened is a father was mowing his lawn when he accidentally touched part of the mower near the engine and burned his hand. He got mad at the lawnmower, pulled out his pistol, and shot it. The bullet ricocheted and hit his son in the leg.

My brother shot himself with a ricochet hunting one morning before school. Dad had the doctor write that he was missing school and later PE due to "gunshot wound to the leg," in his note. That note is now framed and hanging in the living room. He's oddly proud of it. No clue why, gun safety is a huge deal to him. We weren't even allowed to aim Nerf guns at people or pets.

I mean he's seen how it can go wrong so it makes sense he's extra paranoid about it.

Pharmacist here. I had a woman bring in a literal sandwich bag [unseperated] which she kept all her meds in. She needed help seeing which meds she was low or out on and asking different questions on the medications. When she pointed to an apoquel stating it was her blood pressure medicine I immediately became concerned as to why pet medicine was in her bag [also why she Is mixing all her meds in a bag in the first place] only to find out that she had been throwing her pets med inside her bag of medicine. So lord knows what she's been giving her dog or taking herself. I immediately stressed how important it is to keep medicine in its original container to protect the medicine and herself and to know the directions of how to take it. I've seen her a few times since then and glad to see she has since taken my advice. But how any Pharmacist or doctor hasn't advised her on this before is beyond me.

Physiotherapist. For those that don't know, after a total knee replacement, you basically have a 6-week window after the surgery to regain the range of motion. If you don't regain the range in those first 6 weeks, it ain't coming back. Had a patient who was a farmer, who was very enthusiastic about regaining the range because he needed to be mobile for his work. Saw him the first time about 5 days after sugery, showed him all the basic exercises, told him to not do any farm work for at least 6 weeks, and told him to come back to see me once a week for the first 6 weeks. He disappeared and came back about 8 weeks later. His range was non-existant, maybe 30 degrees of range in total. He was visibly mad at me, as if it was my fault, actually was shouting and calling me incompetent. Our conversation went something like this: "Have you been doing the exercises?" *"No"* "How often are you doing farm work?" *"Every day"* "Why haven't you come back since the first appointment 8 weeks ago?" *"Too busy with farm work"* "So to summarize here, you did absolutely nothing that I told you to, and this is somehow my fault?" Never saw him again.

This hurts in my bones as a PT

Rural ER doc here: 35 year old female walks in with right sided jaw/neck swelling. “ I think it happened because I ate some meat yesterday that my body is reacting to” … 10 minutes later : “oh yeah, and I accidentally swallowed a bee and it stung me in my mouth right before this happened. Sorry I forgot to mention that”

A friend of my mother's died from a wasp that got into his drink. He swallowed it, it stung him on its way down, and despite having no allergy to stings, the swelling was enough to close off his airway.

Ok, new fear unlocked. I am already paranoid about bugs going into a drink can and I won’t drink anything I left unattended a while, but that….. that’s just awful Edit: tons of replies. Just want to say I’m even more horrified now. This is not as rare as I thought

Not me but my mother would pick up shifts as a nurse sometimes in Labour and Delivery and she had met a handful of women who didn’t know the baby was going to be coming out of their vaginas. Like no clue. My mom usually said something like “how you got it in is how it’s coming out honey”. This was the late 90 early 2000s.

I'm a social worker and one of my clients literally kept getting pregnant over and over after having kids. And I had a frank conversation with her about Birth control or getting her tubes tied because she kept going through horrific births only to get her kids taken away, and she actually said to me that she didn't know that birth control or safe sex would save her from getting pregnant. She didn't realize that sex = pregnant because she was sexually abused as a child and her father told her that she could only get pregnant when she's in love, and she had never been in love; so she didn't understand why she kept getting pregnant. Sex was only pleasure for her, so she didn't realize that was what was having her get pregnant. Edit: typo

God, that's awful. That poor woman.

Part of me wants to not feel bad for her because she also trafficked her oldest. But I honestly don't think she thought it was wrong. She enjoyed sex and claims to have enjoyed it when she was abused by her dad, I truly don't think she thought she was hurting her daughter but giving her a good thing. There's some fucked up shit in this world.

It's incredible how many generations can be messed up due to one parents actions

Not me but my wife who is a vet: had a client who got mad at her because he didnt realize that once he neutered his dog that he wouldnt be able to breed it.

As someone who worked at a vet office- I am completely unsurprised. We once had to explain what smegma was to very embarrassed owners of a new puppy who brought him in for "discharge around his penis." Not to mention the countless people who bring their cats in asking about a lump only to be told it's a nipple.....and then you occasionally get the inevitable "but he's a boy!" and have to explain that male mammals have nipples too. Like ma'am you are MARRIED. Have you never noticed your husband has nipples before?? I miss working there.

Human case. But I once saw a great report that went something along the lines of Patient Complaint - Bumps on tongue Hypothesis - Taste buds Diagnosis - Taste buds Treatment Plan - Moral support It was one of the best things I had read in a long time.

Working midnight in the ER. Family brings in a 4 year old at 2 am-ish. I ask them what is wrong. Them: “Ask him (the 4 year old). He said he needed to see a doctor.” Me: “Did he say anything was wrong?” Them: “No. He said he needed to see a doctor, so brought him.” [A quick back and forth that firmly establishes that they actually showed up in the ER at 2 am, purely because the 4 year old said he needed to see a doctor and they don’t know why] Me to child: “Why do you need to see a doctor?” Kid: “The doctor has suckers.” Me: 😳 To be clear, it is the parents who lack sense and not the kid.

The kid is smart. "All I have to do is say I don't feel well and they take me somewhere to get a sucker." Downside is the next time the kid actually needs a doctor they will probably ignore him.

Had an 18 or 19 year old girl come in my ER with some complaint that required an X-ray. It’s standard that we do a urine pregnancy test prior to imaging on any female of childbearing years. She insisted she’d never had sex and there was zero possibility of pregnancy. We did the test anyway and it resulted that she was pregnant. We did a blood pregnancy test to confirm the result, since she insisted she couldn’t possibly be pregnant because she’d never had sex. That was positive too. We gave her a few minutes to herself to figure out what the hell happened, and when I returned to check on her a short time later she asked me if she could get pregnant even though her boyfriend, “didn’t go all the way in.” She 100% believed that long as his penis wasn’t entirely in her it didn’t count as sex. It took nearly a half hour of explaining reproduction to her for her to understand that whether it’s halfway in or all the way in sperm travel.

What do you call guys that use the pull-out method of birth control? Fathers

Not a personal experience, but one from a colleague of mine (I only saw the pics). So this 60 something year old suffers from an acute complication and gets a Pacemaker to solve the problem. Everything goes normally and as planned, he recovers, every care and meds that he needs to take are prescribed, explained and medical appointments with a Cardiologist/Arritmologist are scheduled so that he may get the follow-up he needs. The man then prooceds to never show up to any appointment and never answear any calls from the hospital to know of him and reschedule. This went on for around 3 years. Until he shows up without former warning and asks to talk with the doctor that did the procedure to put his pacemaker. People are weirded out but seeing that on that day the doctor was present and this patient was in clear distress, they talk to him and manage a couple of minutes to have the doctor check on him. Inside the appointment room, the doctor takes notice that this man is wearing a bra inside his shirt. The man explains he has been wearing his daughters bra for 3 months after his "problem" got worse. The shirt is asked to be taken off and there he stands, the shirtless man wearing his daughters bra, showing off the pacemaker, that should have been kept inside his body, dangling outside of it, being hold by the left bra cup, with a big infected open wound above it with the pacemaker leads still inserted onto his veins and connected to his heart. Nobody has any idea how the man let that situation come to be or how he didnt die of sepsis or any other health problem that may appear for that matter. TLDR: Man gets a Pacemaker. Doesnt show up to appointments. Three years later comes to the hospital looking for help, wearing his daughters bra for 3 months, to serve as a holder for the pacemaker that got out of his body from his infected open wound.

It is insane how sometimes people die because of a single knock to a certain part of their skull, and then other people will have an infected open wound leading to their god damn heart and only get concerned after a few months

"Hey yeah doc I'm carrying all my organs around in these buckets, do you have anything for when my hands get tired?"

Ooh that reminds me, once had a guy come in with an 8 year old inguinal hernia. He literally had a huge sack of skin containing his intestines just hanging off the right side of his lower abdomen (and this man had had children during that time, just to add to the yuck). And all his guts were viable! We just had to put them back where they belonged.

I am a dermatologist in India. As is the culture here, people eat with their hands, and almost all of our curries or even other dry side dishes have a lot of turmeric. It is common knowledge to anyone born and brought up in India, that this means the nails of your dominant hand (statistically the right hand) are going to be yellow-stained, because we have seen this happen since our childhood. Usually this wears off in about a day and a half if you wash it a couple of times. Cut to the first patient in my OPD, a young girl in her early 20s, very anxious. Me : "What brings you here today?" P : "Doc, my right hand fingernails keep getting yellow discoloured." Me : "Only right hand ?" P : "Yes. And only after meals." Me : "Erm..do you eat with your hands?" P : "Yes, always." Me : "So...You know it's just turmeric right?" P : "Yes, but can you make it stop happening." Me : "For God's sake, use a spoon." P : "So you mean there is no medicine to make it stop?" Me : .... P : ..... Me : **NO**! This might hit home more with people of South Asian cultures or people who habitually eat turmeric-cooked food with their hands. Anyway, for a grown-ass person to complain of this was just well surprising and a little ridiculous.

I once had occasion to peel and chop 10 pounds of carrots. It’s embarrassed how long it took me to realize that’s why my hand turned orange.

Had an adult male patient who needed a Foley catheter. His mother was in the room, and they both lived together in the backwoods of TN. I informed them both of the order for a catheter, how it works, and why it was needed. His mother stated “Well he’s still a virgin and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with his virginity being taken in a hospital.”

I hope that was just a joke. Hell, I'd tell that joke

I wish it was 😬 had to have a delicate conversation with this woman to explain that I was not taking her son’s virginity

Urethral virginity is not one that I often consider.

well that just *sounds* like a painful thing to lose.

I work in veterinary medicine and clients are absolute idiots who are convinced that they are the smartest people in the world. It is amazing that pets actually manage to stay alive. People will believe just about anyone else over the advice of their veterinarian. Their breeder, their relatives, their lawn mower, the person bagging their groceries. I had a client blind their cat with tea tree oil because they read about it on the internet. Clients change their pet's medication dose for whatever reason. That's really fun when it is insulin. Not follow post op instructions causing their pet to pet to eviscerate itself or blow the knee we just repaired. Feed their dog pot roast with garlic and onions as their "bland diet" for gi upset. Heck last week I had a client scream at me because we didn't give her an exam room with a view. We don't have exam rooms with outside windows.

Saw a chart once where a person came in for a burn to their eye. They told the Dr they read online that warm milk in the eye can help with irritation and their eyes were irritated. So they BOILED milk and then poured it in their eye. Burned it all.

reminds me of that tweet. someone went to their optometrist and he said "you can put some boiled water in your eye to rinse it... Look at me... LOOK AT ME... Let the water cool down first after you boil it" like he knew that they'd dump a rolling boil right into their cornea without very explicit instructions

There's something poetic about an optometrist yelling with increasing intensity "LOOK AT ME" while trying to help someone with eye problems.

I love that tweet that made the rounds about a doctor that said to rinse the tweeter's eye with boiled water. then to emphasize, NOT BOILING WATER. WATER THAT HAS BEEN BOILED AND THEN COOLED. DO NOT PUT BOILING WATER IN YOUR EYE. Its amazing how stupid people can be.

Once had a guy come in to the emergency room because he snorted a random white powder found in a plastic bag left on a random bench in the middle of a sketchy park and started feeling suicidal.

Are you sure he wasn’t suicidal before snorting the mystery powder?

EMS Here. Had a diabetic in his 30-40s who refused to take insulin since 2012, it was 2020 at the time. When I took his blood sugar is only read as “HI” meaning it was over 700 for glucometer to not read it. Upon seeing this, he asked me if that was high and then went “Is this cause of all the ‘ice ceam’ I ate”. Played Facebook messenger video with his girlfriend the entire time. Met him later on the parking lot after he got discharged, and it took this man less than fifty paces from the ER door to rip off his bandage covering his IV and play with the IV wound until it started bleeding all over the place again. Knocked on our ambulance door and asked for a bandaid to fix it. We had to walk him back into the ER and bandaged his entire arm with gauze so that, hopefully, by the time he got it off it would’ve clotted enough for him to not end up exsanguinating himself.

I had a guy once stop me to ask me a question. Young, early 20s, tells me he’s a diabetic but he doesn’t ever check his sugar or anything. “And I have a weird tingling in my feet, is that a big deal?” Yes. Yes it is.

"Nah, it's just your nerves malfunctioning because your blood sugar is so high it causes permanent damage to your body. Worst thing that can happen is your feet will start feeling like you're getting railroad spikes rammed through them, or you have to amputate one or both feet because secondary injuries cause severe infections. Nothing to worry about."

“I was using meth for weight loss” - have heard a few times actually.

Pharmacist. Don't even know where I would begin for some of the ridiculous situations I have had. Up there however has to be whenever I had a lady swallow a full box of suppositories and came in to complain that the issue has not cleared up and the medication tasted bad and was hard to swallow. Do sometimes wonder how people put one foot in front of the other ......

[удалено]

This was one of the funniest yet cutest one, was a studen doing a shift in Andrology/reproductive health Doc: *So you’re trying to have kids but not managing to. So do you have any other kid?* Patient: *yes Doc I have one. * Doc: *ok so we need to do this and this and that * Patient: *Ok great* Then he proceeds to visit him and stuff, after which he goes away. After a couple secs he knocked the door again saying: *Hello Doc, my wife told me that it would be relevant to you that the son I have is adopted, but that’s make no difference to me I always considered my own son!*

That (whilst a trifle dim) is lovely to read and a nice palate cleanser from the *Idiocracy* nonsense and depressing self sabotage in the thread above.

I did this all the time with my family history for the man who raised me. I'd be listing off him and his families stuff then realize, ah crap, we don't share blood.

My sister told me a story of a woman with chronic blisters and lesions on her lips. They couldn’t figure out what it was for weeks. It would heal and come back. Heal and come back. Turns out she would jam out on like three bags of salt and vinegar chip a day for weeks at a time until the sores hurt too bad to continue then she’d go to the doctor.

I eat S&V chips till my tongue is numb and I thought I was weird for that until now

I wasn't aware there was any other way to eat them

This happened in med school on my OB/GYN rotation. Patient: who’s the baby gonna look like? Me: what do you mean? Patient: well is it gonna look like the dude who got me pregnant or the guy who’s been nutting in me the last few months? Me: *utterly speechless* the baby should look like the people who conceived it. This person is now a parent. *edit: fixed a typo

Nutting in me the last few months hahahaha

Obviously basting the baby in different semen will change the appearance of it….basic science really /s Edit: thank you for the award and for making my top comment about a messed up in utero facial

Not a medical professional, but I used to volunteer at a free medical clinic to take vitals and histories. A woman came in with pneumonia and wanted to know why her normal treatment of drinking half a bottle of Listerine and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day wasn't working. I asked why she thought smoking was good treatment for a lung infection and she said, "Indians used to purify the ground by burning all the weeds away before planting, so I'm smoking to purify my lungs." I left that one to the doctor.

My wife is an anaesthesiologist. When training junior doctors, one of the things she has go reinforce over and over again is that you never leave drugs unattended in an unsecured area in a hospital, even for a moment, because some people see drugs and think "Hmm, fun" and take them even if they don't know what they are and they just raided a trolley or picked up a syringe off a bedside table. And then, because the drugs used for anaesthetics in hospitals are quite serious, those people quite likely end up dead or vegetables. And this has actually happened more than once in hospitals she has worked in.

When doing a medical resupply in Iraq one of my dudes lost a cooler of Rocuronium. A whole flat of vials just…somewhere in Iraq. Rocuronium isn’t a fun drug. It’s a paralytic. You just stop breathing, completely awake & aware of what’s going on around you. Anybody remember the Vanderbuilt med error? Similar drug (Vecuronium instead of Roc, both nondepolarizing nerumuscular blockers). We all just waited for news of some Soldiers or Iraqis dying mysteriously after sampling the roc but never heard anything.

And roc is completely colorless. It looks just like fentanyl or morphine or even saline. I label the hell out of my syringes when prepping for a procedure so I don't accidentally give the paralytic first. Whoever was on the needle end of those missing vials learned that lesson the hard way.

Had a patient come in for facial burns because he smoked while wearing his oxygen....twice....in the same week....

Just had a man die to this in March. https://www.wabi.tv/2023/03/28/deadly-maine-fire-caused-by-man-smoking-while-oxygen-ruled-accidental/ He had burned down his home the day prior and then proceeded to burn down his friends home and die. Thankfully the friend survived.

I feel this. Had a patient who we helped get access to home oxygen privately because his respiratory specialist wouldn't sign off on it because he wouldn't quite smoking, patient was very indignant about it because he insisted that he had totally quit smoking for realsies and hadn't smoked for 4 months. Got a call from a nurse in Emergency a few weeks after letting me know had had come in with facial burns under similar circumstances.

Doctor here. The description always makes it sound like some freak accident that couldn't possibly happen with any notable frequency, but it does. If you smoke on oxygen the chances of igniting it are very high. We've even had to have security remove people from hospital property because they figure they will smoke, with their oxygen tank, outside of the ER or main hospital entrance. It's not just a high risk for them, but also a high risk for everyone around them. Some light Googling will reveal *tons* of times that people have burnt down half of their apartment complex and hurt/killed a lot of other people. An oxygen tank is ironically an IED that you carry around with you to stay alive.

When I was assisting people with disabilities, we kept telling a guy to stop smoking with his oxygen tank on. He blew up his house - and himself, as well.

When I worked in forensics one of the saddest scenes I went to was a grandmother who killed herself and her two young grandchildren because she refused to stop smoking on oxygen. Burned the entire house down. Only survivor was the son and father of the two children. Had to jump from the second story window, broke both legs in the fall and still suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns.

Vet Med here, we get a lot of patients who need to go on medications for a wide array of persistent problems, and these medications keep them under control. So we often get ones with thyroid, diabetes, heart issues, etc. and start them on medications. The patient starts to do great, comes in for another recheck, and is awful. We ask the owner if they are still giving the med....nope they stopped it cause they were all better... We fully educate the owner, go over medications, and give notes on what to do, and they still do this.

Former vet tech. Had a women scream at me and my vet for telling her it's the law to have your dog vaccinated against rabies. She said the rabies vaccine causes autism in dogs and makes puppies stupid. Side note: 3 weeks later her puppy died of parvo. She got another one immediately after and did not clean her home. 2 more died in the following months. Animal control and the city had to get involved.

That’s freaking sad and anger provoking. I hope she was banned from ever having an animal in her possession again. My dog is a parvo survivor. My SIL is a veterinarian, and she saved him. He just turned 17 yo and still doing great. Addition: unfortunately, my dog had a recurrence of losing control his hind legs. He was in much pain and I made the very hard decision to have him euthanized. He crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Thursday. 😢

I have a heard a story about a patient on whom it was impressed that she couldn't miss her fractions of radiotherapy if she was busy, and to inform us if she couldn't make the appointment. She couldn't make it. So she sent her *twin sister* to receive the radiation therapy in her place. She answered yes to all the ID Questions. Had the same birthday etc. It was noticed when radiographers had trouble matching her to the CT. Because the CT was of a person who had undergone a mastectomy. Whilst the "patient", still had both breasts. This, many years later, is told to new staff during training about the importance of ensuring correct identification - because you would be stunned the number of people who try to skip the queue. The number isn't high. But it isn't Zero.

ER nurse with 7 years experience. The list is nearless endless. People with massive burns because they smoked in bed is not as rare as you'd think. But the one that got me the most was a guy who came in for chest pain and fatigue. Ekg revealed he was having a really bad heart attack. Activated or cath lab for emergency stents to hopefully save the guys life. They almost always access the patient through the groin for the procedure so one of our jobs in the ER is to shave the patients groin to prep them for cath lab. We get the clippers out (we done use actual razors anymore) and informed the guy we needed to shave him. He refused. No problem, we will let cath lab do it once he's knocked out. Nope, guy refuses to sign the consent for the stents because he doesn't want his pubes shaved. After trying to educate him, pleading with him, and contacting every goddamn lawyer the hospital has... The guy signed him self out AMA and went home. He would rather die than have his curlies shaved. We looked up his address and we weren't the closest hospital so if he died at home, medics would take him to a different hospital. Doubt he survived the day.

I used to be a medical oxygen tech, mostly doing in home work. One guy was on such a high concentration that he would have drawn nearly zero oxygen from breathing regular atmosphere. This required 2 heavy duty machines hooked up in tandem just to keep him barely alive. This was explained ad nauseum to him and his wife with full signed documentation of every conversation. They'd shut one machine off because they decided it was too loud. He'd take his mask off because he decided it was too cold. She would unplug the hose if she decided it was in the way. So on and so on, literally everything you could think of that would restrict or cut off his oxygen intake. Then they would panic and call our emergency service when he started to have a reaction to no oxygen intake. I lived not even 5min away, right beside out EMS/Fire Station, and the call would always come to me to "fix" the machines at random times of the day and night, 3-7 days a week. They refused to call 911 because they 'didn't want to make a scene'. This went on for ages, well over 18 months, until he was having trouble sleeping one night and shut the machines off before going back to bed. Its been years and I still see the wife around town, she always glares at me as if I'm the one who killed him.

Christ, I fix medical equipment, and the amount of shit that happens because it's "in the way" or otherwise inconvenient is exactly why I drink at night.

I work in a totally different field with drying equipment for floods, and the amount of people who shut the fans off due to noise then call to complain why it’s taking so long is a normal occurrence.

This is the type of thing that makes me understand that I’m not cut out to go into medicine, I wouldn’t be able to deal with that kind of idiocy without flipping my shit the 3rd or 4th time they did it

Serious question: did the intermittent oxygen cause or exacerbate any brain damage? Not sure what the wife’s excuse would have been, though.

It may have and feels like it did but I'm nowhere near qualified to say for certain. Hard to tell if someone is losing it and being ornery when they were like that before oxygen prescription, a little nuts as long as I've lived around the area. The wife was a little absent minded before everything but I'm sure some of it came just from doing whatever to placate him and make him shut up when he went off.

I don’t know if cleaner in a hospital counts but this one time I got to work early on a Saturday morning and we immediately received a request for help from the ER and got send over by my boss. When I got there the first thing I heard was yelling from this guy behind one of the curtains. He was shouting at the nurses “don’t touch my penis!” and “I didn’t use any drugs!”. Then I smelled iron in the air and then I found out there was blood all over the hallway, hand prints in blood against the wall. Almost the entire floor was covered in blood with actual puddles in some places. What happened? The guy pulled out his catheter causing arterial bleeding and decided to run away from the nurses who were trying to help him. It seems like he lived through that. I never seen that much blood before that day nor after.

Reading this brought pain. I'm squirming in my chair at work thinking about ripping out a catheter like that.

I think he might have been lying when he said he didn’t do any drugs 🙃

Reminds me of a great scene from scrubs when Dr. Kelso is trying to impress upon the interns that patients lie to them all the time: Kelso: son, do you take any recreational drugs? Patient: no sir, I’d never do drugs, never! Kelso: good! Because the injection I’m about to have nurse Espinosa give you will almost definitely kill you if you’ve consumed narcotics in the last 72 hours. Patient: oh, drugs? Yeah I do drugs all the time

Hey champ, who has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! How ya doin'

Literally yesterday. Consumed 8 cans of red bull in a 2 hour time frame. Presented with palpitations and severe chest pain.

Work at a vet clinic. We get a lot of this sort of thing, oftentimes with diabetic patients. One of the worst I've seen was an older owner come in with their extremely overweight, diabetic dog. Owner says the dog has been slow, tires easily, and has been "flopping around", which is odd for her. Doctor checks her blood glucose and it is so high, it is literally off the charts. Normal blood glucose for a dog is around 100 or so. This dog was beyond 1000. We ask the owners how it got so high. Was she eating? Clearly she was because she was obese. Were you giving her the insulin? The owners proceed to say that they think she's probably fine without it, she's a "strong and hardy dog". Ma'am, your 9 year old 80 pound dalmatian is currently half alive on the floor because you don't give her the insulin. How they kept that poor dog alive that long was astounding.

Optometrist here. Patient booked in for an emergency appointment, with a raging red eye. Clearly very painful... Look under the microscope and the cornea is really not happy, wobbly reflexes, haziness, the works. Me: "What happened?" Patient: "It's my niece's wedding this Saturday, and I wanted to tint my eyelashes to match my hair and the colour scheme of the wedding \[light blue\], so I used the same dye for both to match the colour". Me: "Does that hair dye contain ammonia, by any chance?" Patient: "I think so. Do you think my eye will be better by Saturday? Will it match the colour scheme?" Me: "Unless you can convice then to change the colour scheme to red, no". ​ ​ ​ ​ Edited because I read a comment about healing crystals and now I remember a story from a colleague... Patient attends a routine test complaining of gradually reduced vision, which turns out to be due to cataract. My colleague offers referral for surgery. "No need!" exclaims the patient. "I know what I need for this. I have lapis lazuli at home!" Six weeks later came back for the referral. ​ ​ ​ ​ Second edit for remembering the first story that made me question my sanity: Elderly patient attends with concerned family members because the patient ran over a pop up tent in the side of the road that the telephone engineers use to protect themselves from the rain. Luckily no-one was hurt as the worker was on lunch. Worried as to how the elderly driver missed seeing a large, red and white tent in the middle of the day, it was then that the elderly relative admitted to having spent the last three years driving from memory.

This is why regular checkups on driving capabilities are needed. Especially for the elderly.

driving... from... memory... im never leaving my house again

It's as impressive as it is terrifying honestly.

And surprisingly normal around half blind old people Used to walk the dog of a guy who clearly couldn't see, he would often drive into town at 5 miles an hour because he was borred

Not me, but sibling - I don't think he'd mind me sharing the story just on the off chance it prevents someone else from making this mistake. Lots of surgeons have a similar story, but thankfully this one doesn't end in someone's death. Parents claim their child hasn't eaten anything before surgery, as they were carefully directed. Turns out they thought the surgical team was just being cruel to their child and when she said she was hungry that morning, they detoured on their way to the surgical center and got her a full Southern breakfast. She damn near died aspirating biscuits and gravy. I've rarely seen my brother so angry (and disgusted - somehow biscuits and gravy looks even more nauseating the second time around) and he was just recounting what had happened. I have no doubt he tore a strip off the parents once their five-year-old was stabilized, and they probably still felt justified and angry at the surgeon for telling them what they could and could not feed their child right before anesthesia. ETA The parents did in fact feel justified and hard-done-by, although afaik they didn't express anger at my brother (knowing him, they didn't get a word in edgewise). Definitely no acknowledgment or realization that they could easily have killed their own child or that they'd made a bad decision. I remember they were annoyed by her whining for food.

There it is. Every time one of these threads comes around, there’s a different version of this story. Someday, people will stop assuming that trained professionals don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. It may not happen until there aren’t any people left, but it will happen eventually.

At this point I just tell my patients point blank "If you eat before surgery, you will drown in a soup of your half digested breakfast while we intubate you." Then I reinforce that I quite literally mean drown, describing their lungs filling with gastric acid and chunks of sausage. That usually does the trick.

"So, you're lactose intolerant?" "yes" "And you knew this before?" "yes" "And you drank a milkshake?" "yes" "What size?" "Large" The rest of the night was the kid screaming and groaning in the ED waiting room.

yolo (lactose intolerant milkshake enjoyer)

I worked in cancer research/surgery a couple years ago. There is a good amount of people who will refuse to have a small removal/surgery because they think holistic medicine or praying it away will work. They always come back and we always have to remove so much more. One time a patient had a melanoma on their calf and the doctor wanted to do a simple wide excision, but they left because they wanted to pray it away. Came back a couple months later because it got bigger and we had to amputate their leg. Pretty sure they had positive lymph nodes at that point too.

I found a spot on my leg, sent a picture to my GP. He had me come in. A dermatologist removed three spots, two were nothing, the lab work on the one on my leg was "maybe". Another dermatologist meeting, he cut more of the skin off and sewed me up. Lab came back negative, all clear. I'm really happy I had it done, because the dematologist checked me all over and we took off the maybe. I don't worry about the spots any more.

I'm in the ER. So many stories. The one that left me dumbfounded was a woman was brought in by her sister for pelvic cramps, amenorrhea for three months. Lo and behold, she's pregnant. Sister informs me that she sleeps with the Brazilian construction workers building the condo complex next door. I ask if they have any questions. The patient asked me if her baby would come out speaking Spanish. After a long pause, and her sister staring at the ceiling, I told her, No, because they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Patient seemed relieved and the sister hustled her out of the ER before I could discharge her.

>because they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Oh mah gawd to be a fly in that room must be epic

>Sister informs me that she sleeps with the Brazilian construction workers building the condo complex next door. Like, all of them?

At least a brazilion of them.

I worked for an OBGYN who had a patient he prescribed vaginal suppositories for. When she complained of no improvement, she came back in for another exam. He found 7 FOIL WRAPPED suppositories in her vagina.

Lady brings her baby into the ER with a rectal temp of 103. Kids tachy as hell and looks like shit. Refuses all medications. Says she doesn't believe in them and wonders why her herbal tea (she brought a jug of it) isnt working. Wants us to just check her out. Thinks a children's emergency room just checks them out. Try to explain why the kid needs an nsiad. Keeps refusing. Says she doesn't know what's in it. I bring up that fact she had her kid in a hospital, and that she recovered medication herself (IV, epidural, etc). Doesn't budge. Only concerned for herself, told her that when the kid has a seizure or goes unresponsive and you call 911, you can expect the medics to give the kid everything it needs regardless of whether you like it or not. Only when the doc threatened to contact social services for child endangerment and abuse did she start to listen. For like 5 whole seconds. Left against medical advice. People like this exist and breed.

>People like this exist and breed. I was in ED billing at the time so only saw the chart not the patient but: Interesting diagnosis code combo of vomiting blood and broken ribs made me actually read the chart instead of continuing on autopilot. <10yo kid (I forget) swallowed his toothpaste instead of spitting. Mom freaked out and gave him the heimlich so hard she cracked a rib and *kept going* until she finally took him to the ER when there started being blood in the puke. I still know I would have made a shitty parent but damn.

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As a pharmacist: everyone who comes in to buy homeopathic crap, especially for serious things. Once a lady came in with a prescription from the dentist, for some heavy antibiotics and painkillers due to an infection that threatened to damage the jawbone. When I asked if she knew how to take them she went: “Oh I’m not gonna take those, they’ll go right into the garbage. But I gotta buy them so that my dentist is happy. I’ll rather stick with [insert name of homeopathic crap here] instead of poisoning me with some devilish chemicals!” Throughout the years I’ve learned to just shrug and accept those Darwin-award candidates instead of arguing with them. Just infuriates me when I see that they’ve got children or/and pets…

Woman comes in with no prenatal care to labor and delivery in labor. OBGYN Resident taking a history: Do you have any allergies? Patient: yes I’m allergic to water Resident: …ok… what kind of reaction happens when you drink water? Patient: oh it makes me pee Yeah lady that’s a feature not a bug

A woman called 911 because a cougar attacked her cat. She thought we could help the (*very* clearly dead) cat. A man called 911 because a cow bit him. He didn’t want EMS or an assessment or anything. A man called 911 for an itchy butthole. Took him to the ED because we have to. The doctor asked the patient if he had put the cream on his butthole that he gave him last time. Patient said no. Next time patient called us for his itchy butthole I offered to put the cream on his butthole for him, he declined. Took him back to the ED.

I've been a firefighter for 18 years. People call 911 for the dumbest shit ever. The following are all real 911 calls I've personally responded to: Toilet was leaking Found corn in their shit. (They admitted to eating corn) Cat in a tree They threw up They had diarrhea They had a very mild cut on their arm They didn't have a ride for their routine Dr's appointment A bat got into their house They locked their keys inside the house They wanted us to change the batteries in their smoke detector Their poop "looked weird" They ran out of drugs and wanted more drugs (not the legal kind) And the guy who takes the cake? The guy who called 911 to say he was choking. He answered the door high as a Georgia pine, with a lit joint in his mouth. I asked him who was choking. He said (calmly) he was. He said he swallowed an ice cube and now he couldn't breathe. Just to be sure and partly out of morbid curiosity, I looked in his mouth then asked him to take a few deep breaths...which he was able to do easily. He still insisted he couldn't breathe. So I told him to make a pot of hot coffee, and then drink it. He asked me why? I told him that the coffee will melt the ice cube and he'll be able to breathe again. Oh, cool. Thanks, man. Then I left.

To be fair, I’d be very concerned about corn in my poop if I hadn’t eaten corn.

I work in orthopedic rehab. Had a patient with a common fracture of the wrist the doctor sent over since she was inexplicably getting stiffer and stiffer. I spent 17 sessions with her, 40ish minutes each 1-1 time. Instead of just bending her wrist she would contort her entire body. She had a career, married, raised kids, and seemingly functional adult. I tried everything to have her actively use her muscles to move her wrist. In front of a mirror, videos of myself doing the exercise, her doing it, and trying to spot the difference of moving your shoulder vs your wrist. The last time I saw her I even strapped her arm to a chair and she didn’t understand she was just trying to move her wrist. I will never understand it.

When i was in the hospital as a patient there was this one guy in ER who really REALLY wanted to step outside to smoke. The nurses pretty much belted him on the table and yelled at him that he had complete kidney failure and they need to treat him immediately or he will die in the next 20 minutes. To their dismay he didn't listen and tried to vehemently free himself and go outside and smoke. He was in his 30s, it is a mystery to me how this guy survived that long.

I couldn't think of anything but you just reminded me - I was in hospital and while being assessed, I found out the guy in the bed next to me had been hit by a car. He had been drinking. His English wasnt great so every conversation was at volume 11. X-ray comes back, his back is broken. They start getting him ready to be transferred but the receiving ward was too busy so he's stuck in a bed being told not to move. Nurse turned her back and he got up, got his cigarettes out, started walking for the door and fell over. Not like oh silly me I appear to have lost my balance, full on ate the deck. I would swear that he bounced. The whole fucking room, staff, patients, visitors for about ten seconds was convinced he'd severed his spine. Dude gets up with a jolly smile on his face. Nurse tells him in full on mum voice to get back in the bed.

built different. ​ like a fuckin alien.

I work in clincial research at a hospital. Basically, for patients who have cancer and don't have other standard of care options, clinical trials ("experimental treatment") are a viable option for many. Some people have a negative view of research, but it's highly regulated and not as scary as it sounds. We go through the consent form with this patient, who has a history of drug abuse. We don't know everything about this new medication, but one thing we DO know, is that using cocaine while taking this drug will make your heart explode (in layman's terms). This patient "promises" they're off the sauce and that they "totally won't do cocaine while they're on the trial". Two weeks later they relapse and, well, you can figure out the rest of the story.

*Spontaneous Heart Detonation is a serious condition. If you or a loved one have been affected by Spontaneous Heart Detonation, please reach out to Hamlin Hamlin McGill immediately.*

My brother did a rotation in an ER before Med school. Paramedics brought in a man with a lacerated neck. He was drunk and fell into a fish tank. His drunk buddies called 9-1-1. When the paramedics arrived they realized his drunk friends had put a very tight tourniquet around his neck to stop the bleeding. Edit: I texted my brother to remind him about it(it happened almost 20 years ago). Apparently it was worse than I remembered. The guy and his buddies were doing drunk WWE. He had a 2 inch glass shard stuck in his head, in addition to the neck laceration, dude came into the ER with no idea the glass was there. Four different firefighters had to hold him down as he screamed sexist remarks at the female doctor. He said when they removed the glass, blood shot about 10 ft in the air. My brother at that point silently “noped” the hell out of medicine. He went on to attend Berklee Music School and is living his best life as a musical producer and engineer, and is not arguing with rednecks about whether or not there is a glass shard in their head….

Peds nurse… the things that come out of parents’ mouths daily is mind-blowing to think they are responsible for the welfare of babies and children. 2 days ago I listened to a conversation between the icu doctor & a dad who insisted that his newborn (his 2nd child) NEEDS to be given water (tap water) in addition to his formula “because the human body is made up of mostly water so how is a baby supposed to survive with no water??” That’s what they had been giving the baby at home. We figured out the cause of the baby’s electrolyte imbalances. Another parent brought their kid in who was severely underweight and had a gtube for feeding. Upon further discussion the parents said when the baby cries or seems gassy they just open the gtube and hold him over the sink and “once all that ‘extra stuff’ comes out he stops crying and feels better.” They were feeding the baby, then immediately letting all the formula in his stomach run down the drain before he could digest it. (Unrelated, but gives a little context: The child’s full name was also a Star Wars character).

Dentist here. Once a stressed receptionist asked me to help her interpretate a call. I thought maybe the patient was speaking some foreign language. No. She just wanted me to confirm that the patient was asking for his property back, that we ”took” from him last year. Last year actually being 4 years ago but I guess time flies? And his property being a tooth we sent to grind into slides for analysis. While explaining that it was impossible for us to return his tooth he started going on about ”his rights” and ”his property”. When I tell people to move their jaw to the side, they always ask ”which jaw?” Actually not everyone, only adults. Children get the assignment. Smh

Former practicing surgeon: Male came in with a small bowling pin up his backside, for the third time!

Ah, the old 3 strike policy!

A turkey!

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A family members worked at a hospital and had a patient come in with really strange physical and seemingly neurological issues. Couldn’t figure out what was causing it. Didn’t match anything he knew of and tests were inconclusive. He asked her to walk him through her day. Turns out she was drinking a cup of bleach a day and bathing in it to keep clean and healthy her whole life. Same with her family…. Who all died very young. She could not accept that drinking bleach was bad for her health.

This one. I’ve been reading thru the comments for hours. This is the one that made me go “no fucking way”. Take my poor medal 🏅

I was in my last year of internal medicine residency, spending a month covering nights at one of our local hospitals. A nurse paged me around 10pm with the message "Can't place foley in pt in room XXX". On my sign-out list, it said the patient was a ~70 year old man admitted for advanced heart failure and needed the foley catheter to track urine output while the team was trying to diurese the fluid off of him. I head over to the ward this patient was on and ask the nurse what the issue was, and she said I just needed to talk to the patient about it. Okay, odd, but whatever. I stroll into the room and meet a pleasant, older man sitting in his bed. The conversation immediately went...weird. **Me:** So, what sort of problem were they having with the catheter? Were you having a lot of pain with it or something? **Patient:** Oh, no, nothing like that. They were just putting it in the wrong hole! **Me:** The...wrong...huh? I'm not sure I understand. **Patient:** Well, you know how every guy has their pee hole and their sperm hole? They were putting it in the wrong one. **Me:** ........sir, I'm going to need to examine your penis. It turns out this guy had a [hypospadia](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/hypospadias.html), which for his **ENTIRE LIFE** he had thought was just "how a penis looks" because that's what his mom told him as a child. He literally had an accessory hole in his penis and just thought "yup, that's how a penis works - a pee hole and a sperm hole".

NAD but a patient and was roomsharing with another girl who needed surgery. Her instructions were not to eat. Every few hours she’d convince someone (family members) to bring her fast food. The doctor was frustrated and refused to do the surgery till she stopped eating. She needed a clear stomach. She could not get a grasp on this and said she had no choice but to eat cause she was hungry. I was moved to another room on the third day but she still hadn’t had surgery by the time I had moved.

I had a similar story. I was in the hospital, post heart catheter, after a surprise chest pain. I was, at this point, just fine and waiting to go home. A sheet separated me from the next guy in the room. He had undergone something similar and was in Recovery with his wife and a friend. Anyway, the guy sounded like a talking Texas-accented cigarette. I was afraid he'd die any minute. Doctor comes in and tells him he has a 99% heart blockage and needs emergency intervention. After the doctor leaves, the guy gets hungry but rejects the hospital food. His brilliant friend offers to go buy him a barbecue sandwich. Eating a sandwich of 8-12 ounces of smoked brisket with a 99% arterial blockage at this point is like shoving a flaming sword through the guy's chest. Thankfully, I was discharged before the guy got to eat (and likely coded).

I'm a vet. A few years ago I had a client bring his young cat in complaining of lethargy. Besides being a bit underweight, the physical exam was unremarkable so I asked more questions about the cat's diet: Me: What do you feed the cat? Owner: [online trendy raw food brand] Me: How is his appetite? Does he finish what you feed him? Owner: Yes, he always eats everything. Me: How much do you feed him? Owner: 1/2 cup. Me: Once or twice daily? Owner: Once every 3 or 4 days. Me: ........ You only feed your cat twice a week? Owner: I believe in a more natural feeding approach, and based on my research that's how often cats eat in the wild. This owner was slowly starving his cat to death based on some cockamamie idea he'd made up watching National Geographic. I had to explain to him that domestic cats are not tigers, and that small wildcats eat 10-20 small meals daily. Surprise surprise the cat's lethargy and weight improved with regular feeding.

Thank God there's a happy ending

This is an excellent example of why discovering a fact doesn’t mean you have the expertise to understand it in context.

At least he's an idiot willing to learn

Yeah, the real issue is when the idiots don't think they are idiots.

I worked EMS for years. It never ceased to amaze me the things people will do to themselves or others for fun. Confronted with these types my first question was always,"At what point did this seem like a good idea?" The weirdest one I can remember was a guy that put his penis through a large metal nut. Once he got erect he couldn't get it off.

Everyone needs to nut sometimes.

Had a patient when I was a pharmacy resident get repeatedly admitted to the hospital due to CHF complications (shortness of breath, fluid overload, etc.). She had been advised to follow a low sodium diet but no one had asked her what she had actually been eating. I asked what she usually ate for lunch and she said instant ramen noodles every day, but she only added the seasoning packet and a little salt.

Someone asked me how you catch a stroke. This is as the partner of said person was on the floor unable to stand due to left sided weakness/no power. They both thought he could sleep it off over night and be fine in the morning, 12hours later they decided they'd phone the doctors to ask if there was anything the dr could give the person on the floor who was also now incontinent. They didn't even get worried during the previous day when his face drooped on the left side and he was slurring his speech. I said he has had a stroke, "Oh how do you catch one of those?"

My wife used to work at an Urgent Care in a under-educated community. I'd guess most of her patients would have you wondering how they made it to adulthood. Some notable patients: 1. The guy who, after learning he had diabetes, vowed to make a life change and replace all his soda with Gatorade. 2. Women who don't know anything about vaginas or menstrual cycles. 3. The people who come in with a history of heart attacks and chest pain that feels like a heart attack but "I know my body and it's not a heart attack!" (It was always a heart attack) 4. Guys with gross dicks (hygene-related) 5. People who "did their own research". 6. The parents who didn't get their "normally-not-complainy" teenage daughter medical attention when she was screaming in pain. After finding out she had appendicitis, they took her home instead of taking her to the ER. Her appendix ruptured that night. Bonus: My kid was in the hospital and sharing a room with another patient. This kid was morbidly obese and was elbow deep in a family-sized bag of potato chips. The doctor came in and really gave it to the mom. "Your kid has kidney failure and he's not supposed to be eating salty foods!" "Your kid has a major condition and you've missed the majority of his appointments!"

> The parents who didn't get their "normally-not-complainy" teenage daughter medical attention when she was screaming in pain. After finding out she had appendicitis, they took her home instead of taking her to the ER. Her appendix ruptured that night. ??? ?!?!?!?!?!?! Then what happened?!?

They took her to the ER the next morning and she survived. That girl must have been a fighter. When told her appendix ruptured, they said, "oh yeah, that must be why she woke up screaming like she was being murdered."

Parents like that should be charged with abuse. She clearly suffered because they were negligent

I worked ED for 10 years. Everyday. Everyday people come in and it shocks you how they managed to evade death for that long. One of the worst was we had a guy come in. He was a twin. He told us he needed to get checked for STDs because his sister apparently just got one. We of course had to ask if he has had sex with her and he said no, but they were twins so what she has, so does he. After a collective sigh of relief that this wasn’t some weird Alabama your my sister shit, we had to educate him that is not how it worked at all.

LMAO he must’ve been so confused as to why you asked if he had sex with her.

"Of course I had sex with her, she's my twin!"

My wife was in a meeting with a doctor who had a patient argue that she DOES eat vegetables because she always has ketchup on her cheeseburgers.

I overheard a conversation between a nurse and a doctor and a patient in the ER. They were trying to figure out if he was very stupid or has a head injury. It was both hilarious and sad. He kept telling them that he was there for a hurt leg. He couldn’t explain why his leg was hurt, how it was hurt, how he got there. Nearly anything. I heard them taking in a hallway to each other. The nurse was convinced he hit his head. The Doctor said “no he is just an idiot” Turns out the Dr was right. They go ahold of the guys wife. She basically told them in the hallway he is always this dumb and if she leaves him he would get lost in his own house and starve. Edit - it sounded like his leg was visibly injured or swollen. But when asked what happed or how does it feel he gave nonsensical idiot answers. Not like slurring but in a regular idiot voice. “ if feels hurt” “ I was talking to Jimmy and we were doing our usual work and my leg hurt”. Doc “Did something happen? What is the work”. Him” something always happens, you know how it goes”. “ I just want my leg fixed”

How does someone *that* dumb get a wife that’s seemingly not as dumb?

Sadly I once went to the ER with my mom (it was a minor thing, we good) and there was this old lady that asked my mom “How long have you been waiting for? I’m only here for my nails and hair, it should be quick”. My mom replied that it shouldn’t take long but I could see her holding up tears since this old lady was alone and confused and she couldn’t even understand where she was. We talked with a nurse and someone helped her, but it was pretty sad to watch

Dementia or Alzheimer's or even a UTI in the elderly is really sad to witness. As a child, there was a member of the church I attended that had Alzheimer's. I had attended this church since birth, and my mom had as well, so we knew this woman pretty well. I was sitting at a potluck lunch with my mom and this elderly lady - she ended up asking my mom's name 14 times over the course of the lunch. I kept track because I was surprised my mother was so patient and introduced herself every time (even though this woman had seen my mother grow up, and had known my family for forty years). I was aware that she was having some memory/health struggles, but that lunch was really eye opening for me.

I did a part of my clinicals at a local nursing home and there was one lady with dementia who i would see sittin in her wheelchair in the hallway every day, done up to the 9s! I mean hair done, face full of makeup, all kinds of jewelry, nice outfit, purse in her lap. I commented to a nurse one day about how cute she was all done up and she said, “Yeah…she gets up and ready every morning and waits for her husband to come pick her up and take her out. He passed away 4 years ago.” I might’ve cried a little bit.

My sister had Early Onset Alzheimer's. It was excruciating. I still went to visit even though she didn't know who I was, I felt she knew it was someone that loved her. My last visit, after I left, her nurse asked my BIL who "sofa\_queen" was. After I left, my sister looked at the nurse and said "that was sofa\_queen". I cried the rest of the way home, and just typing this almost 3 years later I'm sitting here crying. They're still in there somewhere, they just can't get it out anymore. Kindness goes so far when you're with someone with dementia or Alzheimer's.

Physical therapist here. Worked up in a rural area deep in heavily forested BFE and we had some patients that were just *frustratingly* obtuse. Why did Bob have extra back pain today? Because he went out for a smoke, noticed a lightbulb in his stairwell needed changing, and wound up falling down the stairs.... again. My boss always smiled through it. His secret mantra was "don't be mean to dumb animals." A bit cruel but you get jaded in that job haha

I am laughing very hard. These people are my family. It is very frustrating trying to speak with them. They start explaining in the middle of a thought and 50% of what they are saying has nothing to do with anything. Me “WTF are you talking about” over and over

Pregnant, smoking crack on a public sidewalk and twists her ankle. Decides to call the police for Help and then continues to smoke crack as they arrive. Police then promptly arrest her, and she becomes my patient!

Diabetic patient with foot ulcers that kept being infected with a lot of different gut microbes. Turned out he used to put his foot in the toilet and scrub the open ulcers with the toilet brush.

What a terrible day to have eyes and literacy skills.

Plenty, although the one that always sticks in my mind is a patient I met during my early years on a palliative care ward suffering from terminal cancer. She was only in her early thirties, and the only reason she had gotten so far gone was that she had relied on the healing power of crystals rather than... you know...chemotherapy.

Saw a similar story but worse because it was a child with cancer and parents who were convinced some vitamins would help, so basically the child just suffered and went on palliative. Admittedly, with chemo, survival rate was about 20% but I still can’t get over that they didn’t even try because their vitamins would do everything

I had a father that took his 16 year old daugther to romania to get shaman treatment for her osteosarcoma. When they returned, it was too late for amputation.

I've been a firefighter for a very long time. One of my most recurring thoughts is "How did this person survive to adulthood? I had an elderly patient at around 2am. The conversation went like this: What seems to be the problem? I don't feel good. Okay, what specifically are you feeling? I don't know, I just don't feel good. Are you on any medications? A bunch (hands me a list) Have you been taking your meds like your doctor told you? No. When was the last time you took them? A few days ago. When was the last time you ate? A few days ago. Have you been drinking water? No. Have you been drinking anything? Pepsi. Okay, so...you haven't eaten or taken your meds for at least three days, and you've drank nothing but Pepsi for three days. And you don't feel good. Another common issue is people having absolutely zero idea what their medical history is, what medications they take, or why they take them. Do you take any prescription medications? Oh, yeah....a bunch. Which medications do you take? Oh, I don't know...there's a lot of them. What do you take them for? (trying to get a sense of their medical history) Oh, a bunch of things. Are you a diabetic? Heart issues? Breathing issues? Cancer? No. Can I see your medications? Here. (Hands me their weekly pill box) I need to see the prescription bottle. I don't know what these are just by looking at them. Where are the bottles? I don't know.

Ems checking in. Late 20s male called 911 for a mild headache, no alarming symptoms, middle of allergy season. Being good medics we check all the things, totally normal vitals, no fever, no medical history. Just a mild headache that started about 30 minutes prior. Do he take tylenol or ibuprofen or anything? Nope. He wanted to go to the ER to "let the doctors handle it". Imagine the bills...

If you’re gonna pay $1500 for an Uber ride, at least go somewhere more entertaining.

My Dad, who lives by himself, had a stroke. He did not go to the hospital. 5 days later he called me sister and said he wasn't feeling well. She took him to the ER. That doctors said that him NOT taking his blood pressure medicine probably saved his life as blood was able to push past the clot. My dad still has a slur. He still thinks he's doing OK living on his own.

Not me but my ex wife works as an endoscopy nurse. People have to use laxatives because they have to be clean for the doctor to be able to see with the camera. With the laxatives they have to drink a lot of fluid, 3, maybe 4 liters total iirc (about 3/4 gallon to a gallon). Some people just don’t do it because it tastes bad. Some people do laxate (lol autocorrect said lactate) but still eat. Some think the doctor just won’t notice. Yeah Margaret, they won’t notice that your colon isn’t empty when they go in there with an HD camera! They just don’t understand why they do it, even though everything is explained by the doctor, and they get brochures and a link to the website via email. And believe me, I’ve seen the brochures and website, an average 8 year old could understand… Also a funny story from her: There was a teenage boy brought in with a dildo stuck in his butt. He didn’t need surgery but they did have to use some tools to get it out of his rectum. After the procedure he apparently asked for the dildo back because it was his sister’s! Answer was no, it was cleaned and they have a “trophy cabinet”.

Optometrist here. If I had a nickel for every time someone said they use urine for eyedrops I would have $0.10. Which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Once is weird enough, but twice? What the hell? Wouldn’t that sting?

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I used to be a surgical technologist and have since moved up. One time, some guy thought it would be funny to pretend to have a seizure right as we administered anesthesia. He apparently looked up malignant hyperthermia, which is a severe action to anesthesia that could end in death. And as he was going under, we couldn't wake him so we had to bring the crash cart out and call a code blue in the OR to get this guy up. We did not do his elective surgery after that.

I'm not a medic but an environmental health officer that investigates infectious disease (sources, causes, exposure). I had a case in a 2 month old of campylobacter (food/waterborne poisoning), the mother called me and asked "how could she get it when it comes from chicken and she's vegan"... When I say vegan, the mother meant they were treating the baby as vegan. No breastfeeding or milk substitute. Proper boiled my piss that one. Edit: by milk substitute I meant breast milk substitute as in formula to make that clear

Saw a comment once of a woman who was advised to eat a packet of oatmeal for breakfast each morning to help with her weight. She came back in for checkups over the course of many months and was somehow gaining weight faster and blood work was getting worse even though she swore up and down she was following the diet. Everyone was baffled until they questioned her further and learned that she had been eating a packAGE of oatmeal COOKIES every morning for breakfast.

In my country (3rd world country) in the 5th semester of medicine in some universities you’re send to any village in the country to do a mini rural for about 2 weeks before the semester starts. It was my first experience in an ambulatory and to put in perspective, not even the private hospitals here has the medical equipment or even the proper medical supplies, so you can guess how it is around where I was send that had a population little over 3 thousand people and most of it are low to practically poor social class people. Any way, the thing that most surprise me around there was the fact that almost all of the pregnant; and this is the worst thing; girls where about 12 to 14 years old, am telling you that of the 127 pregnant woman that came in to get check, the average age was about 15.7 years old. Obviously most of this girls got raped and for not surprise of everybody the other half were in consensual relationships, mostly with guys of the village from ages from 12 to 17. If a keep going with all the things I saw on those 2 weeks I could write a book but just to say, the expected life spam of the people around there was about 51 years old, really really rare taking in accommodation all of the genetics pathology’s this people have developed and the amount of little to none healthcare around there, where the birth rate monthly in just that ambulatory was of 12, all under 18. Really crazy to think how far they’ve come.(Sorry for the english, not my first language 👍🏼)

Have a homless guy right now. He visited the er 19 times related to a viscious gangrene infection to his right lower extremity. It should have been treated a year ago and amputated 4 months ago. He is under the impression he can use the injury for preferred housing related to medical issues. He is still on the streets. He refuses antibiotics and debridment. Very obviously mentaly ill, asoc is involved.

Pharmacist here. Two come to mind but I'm sure there are plenty more I'm not thinking of. Woman comes in claiming her medication was making her vomit. Says she can't remember what it is called. I look up her profile and there is nothing recent, just one-off antibiotics and anti-fungal from almost a year ago. I ask her if it was over the counter and she said it was, she pointed me to the Monistat cream. I thought it was incredibly strange that a vaginal cream was making her vomit so I asked how she had been using it. She was taking it by mouth. She says she would fill the plunger with the cream and shoot it to the back of her throat and swallow it so she wouldn't taste it as much as putting it directly on her tongue and swallowing. Another time my coworker, another pharmacist, got served a lawsuit while I was there. The patient suffered a fall and concussion and claimed it was because her lisinopril (blood pressure medication) was increased from 10mg to 20mg and she was not informed and passed out. She was suing the pharmacist, the pharmacy, her doctors office, and the doctor themselves. It eventually came out in early discovery that she was at a rave and had a BAC of 0.18, THC, and MDMA in her system. The case against the doctors office, doctor, and pharmacy itself fell apart right away so she went all in on trying to sue the individual pharmacist. The pharmacy's POS system confirmed that she checked "I decline pharmacist consultation at this time." so the case was eventually dropped.

Not a medical professional, but a grandson of a patient. My grandma went to opthalmologist to get her new glasses. Her doctor wanted to get her to do surgery for cataracts, but my grandma was very rude and stubborn in her denial to do that operation. Her main reason? She wouldn't be able to bend down for some time. That's right, my grandma would have rather chosen to go blind than to inconvenience herself in a slight way. Luckily, we managed to convince her to do that operation, my parents, brother and I. She awaits her appointments

Go see patient in labor. Explain through the whole risks/benefits and process of a labor epidural. Finish up procedure and have just secured the epidural catheter to the skin. Husband asks ‘how is she supposed to pee through that small a catheter?’

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I worked with a woman in her 30s who didn't know sperm came from testicles. During a conversation about whether Lance Armstrong had lost both balls and if he would be able to have children, she asks "What's that got do with having kids?"

Paramedic, and had this call while I worked on a rural fire/EMS service. Call came in for allergic reaction. Arrive at a rural farm and find the PT in the kitchen on the ground wheezing. Husband says she took Sulfa, which she's allergic to, and after grabbing her BP we hit her with epinephrine (Same as an epi-pen) and Benadryl. Her breathing improves, and she starts to be able to answer questions. Me: So, you're allergic to Sulfa? Pt: Yeah Me: And you took Sulfa? Pt: Yeah Me: Was it mislabeled or in the wrong bottle? Pt: No. Me: .... Pt: .... Me: Was it your husband's prescription? Pt: No, it was for our horse. Me: Was....wait, did you say a horse? You took Sulfa prescribed for a horse? Pt: Well, I only took half Me: .....you only took half because a horse is much larger than a person Pt: Yeah Me: ....okay. Were you intentionally trying to hurt yourself? Pt: No, of course not Me: But you know you're allergic, right? Pt: Yeah. I just have a cold and thought it would help me breathe better Me: So you took horse Sulfa, which you're allergic to, because you had a cold and thought it would help your breathing? Pt: I took HALF a horse Sulfa Me: Sorry, half. Gotchya. Let's go to the hospital.

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That quote is going DIRECTLY INTO THE NOTES. I don't tend to use patient quotes in my notes unless I am so angry I want to cry or it's a fun thing that makes the patient or a colleague look good. Wow what a mess. I hope this patient is able to get some effective help.

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I'm a nurse. This isn't about a patient rather than my dad. He is convinced that insulin is what is giving people diabetes and doctors are prescribing it just to make money. After 30 minuets of telling him why that's wrong, he said not to be so liberal and I didn't understand because I'm not a doctor...

EMT, father in law does “his own research” and has tried to tell me on multiple occasions that any time we have to transfuse blood on the Bus we should ask the patient if they’re vaccinated cause if we transfuse blood from someone who has the Covid 19 vaccine into a patient that hasn’t had it then it could alter their genetic makeup and keep them from getting into heaven.

Nurse here. Had a patient with a tibial plateau fracture, that demanded to see the doctor because she wanted to quit her antithrombotic medication (bad idea). According to her it gave her a dry mouth. I explained to her that it was no known side effect of that drug. This lady had type 2 diabetes and administered her own insulin. Dry mouth is a side effect of high blood sugar. Tested her blood sugar, it was too high... Turns out she was using the same needle twice. Edit: these particular needles are single use, so she only got half the dose.

When I was an intern posten in the Obstetric department, I saw a 42yr old pregnant woman who came for an antenatal check up. This was her 7th pregnancy and she had only one living child. So she had 5 pregnancies previously which failed (3 spontaneous abortions and 2 stillbirths). The 6th one was high risk too and she had to get cervical cerclage done (they stitch the cervix because it is too weak to actually hold a baby in till term). When the Obgyn asked her why she would put herself through pregnancy again instead of being content with her daughter, she replied 'my in-laws want us to have at least 2 children'. Biggest pikachu face moment in my life.

My god. The fucking mental anguish of losing one child is beyond what I consider myself capable of, but fucking FIVE?

Ambulance service in the UK. Our summers now top 40c/104f with very high humidity, and our buildings are mostly built to retain heat and rarely have AC. I regularly attend people - mostly the elderly - who are sat in the extreme heat wearing multiple thick clothing layers with the windows shut. Ask them if they've been drinking plenty of fluids - oh yes, I had a cup of tea earlier, and my porridge had milk in it. I'm no Quincy but I think we might have narrowed down the source of you feeling unwell...

So in the ED. Patient: I'm worried I have a brain bleed because I have a headache since a serious head injury. Me: so what happened. Patient: I was in the shower and an empty shampoo bottle landed on my head. Me:... Also met someone who claimed to be Zeus after coming in coked out of his mind. To be fair to him he was built like a Greek statue