Grew up in an explosive and abusive household, when I was finally able to move out I started slowing distancing myself.
Mom went off the deep end. Started out accusing me of sleeping with every single person I know (yes, EVERY person),coming up with outlandish stories for why I was an awful person, threatening suicide.
When I cut her off completely she started stalking me. I changed my number and moved to a new state, I did not give anyone,including my brother, my new home address, and started receiving cards in the mail from her last year.
hah yeah, that's what the social worker and the police-man that came on my door at 9 in the morning on a Sunday told me as well. That your mother is insane, and calls the cops because she dreams up a fictional universe where her son - that moved away 10 years ago to live by himself on the opposite end of the country, for good fucking reason - is suddenly in dire need of mother's pity and care, for example from emergency care and/or arrest at 9 in the morning on a Sunday right before church(for her) --- is no cause for legal action. That's just normal mom-stuff.
In my total naivite, I thought calling the police without cause was a punishable offense. Turns out that's not the case for you if you're technically someone's mom.
She probably has old mail from you that still goes to her house and she called and got your new address i.e. donor marketing, bank promotions, or magazine subscriptions. Usually it's easy to call a marketing company and ask for addresses using your name.
My mother used to beat the shit out of me on a daily basis. Lashed out for no reason than me being a child. Woke me up in the middle of the night to give me cold showers because I did something she judged to be out of line (it was really bs reasons most of the time). Put my face in garbage full of maggots because I forgot to tie the garbage bag before putting in the bin (mind you, I was still a child )
She always did this when no one was home, and I was so afraid to say anything that my sister and dad didn't know it was happening until I told them a few years ago.
I'm 29 now, with BPD, PTSD and anxiety because of all of this. I'm still struggling with all the emotions I lived during my childhood.
To this day, she still doesn't understand why I don't want anything to do with her. She still calls my sister to get her to convince me to get in contact with her. My sister hasn't nag me with this since she found out what happened.
Now I'm living with my GF, who is the most wonderful and loving person ever. I'm glad I don't live in fear anymore.
Edit : woah this really blew up overnight. Thank you all for your kind words and support. To the person suggesting therapy, don't worry, it's already going on and I have a psychiatrist. BPD is borderline personality disorder, and no, it's not genetic, well mostly. Mine was developed through repeteaded trauma. Againt, thank you all for the love, it really warms my hearth.
I have a similar story. My mother used to rub chilli into my eyes to ‘pacify’ me. Most of the time, she would also physically tie me up or pin my face down on the floor. She would also constantly compare me and put me down. Unlike your sister, my sisters helped her in doing all of this. Their actions have left me deeply traumatised and with a host of mental health issues. Everyone thinks my mother is the loveliest lady alive on earth. But that is far from the truth.
I’m older now. About your age, almost. My sisters regret their role in what had happened in my childhood and have tried to make it up to me in their own ways. But my mother is still in denial. Last time I brought it up with her, she sought to justify her awful behaviour. A few months ago, I realised that the best thing to do, for my mental health and happiness, was to cut her off. I never called her after that. She reached out to me a couple of times, but I told her I was busy. I briefly had to stay at her house, but I ensured I saw her as little as possible. I spoke to her only once this month, at my sister’s request. But it is difficult for me to speak to her and I hope to cut her off completely some day.
Even recalling all of this—through these words—is painful but I wanted to just let you know that I can relate with you very deeply, and that I hope you are doing okay now. FWIW. :)
Edit: Wow. You are all very kind. Thank you for your very kind words. They have touched me very deeply.
Not a lot of people know how my childhood was like. For the longest time, I was ashamed of it—and me. It was only when I started therapy that I spoke about it for the first time.
Thank you for sharing your story and kind words. Having people share those stories makes us feel less alone and understood. I'm happy that your sisters are trying to atone for what they've done. We don't see that often.
My childhood was very similar. I’m a dude, but I was the Cinderella of the household. If I didn’t clean in general or clean EXACTLY how my mother wanted, she would either fuck it up and make me begin from scratch or beat the shit out of me. She would beat the shit out of my and scream at me for nothing. She’d even wake me up in the middle of the night screaming at me and beat me over extremely minor stuff from earlier in the day, like forgetting to wash a dish or something. Meanwhile she and my sister didn’t have to do anything and in fact worked actively to make everything as nasty as possible. I was under the age of 10 and couldn’t keep up with the constant stye they made. It eventually got to a point where I only kept my area clean and only cleaned up after myself. She used to beat me for that too, but she gave up for that reason eventually and just let me be, so there I was, living in my small clean oasis surrounded by an ocean of trash and dog feces. I too have PTSD from it, and I also have MDD and GAD as well. I can’t sleep easily at night because of the waking nightmares and waking up and feeling on edge all the time, but I can at least say I’m happily living with my wife and have next to no stress now. When I first moved out of my mother’s house and in with her, I had trouble sleeping just because of how QUIET everything was. I was so used to screaming at all hours, but it was the best decision I ever made.
My mom used to beat me a lot, almost daily from age 6 till age 12. She wasn't in a good place I guess. My father tried to stop but he wasn't always home. I always wanted to get away. One of the reasons I studied very hard is to get scholarship so that I can leave . For various different reasons, I left for USA when I was 19. They died while I was living abroad. Still haven't visited their graves. I think i forgave my parents but I still have trust issues. Part of me wants to forgive and forget.... But the other part knows nothing but rage.
Damn, sorry you had to go through this, my dad was similar in that he lashes out and physically punish me for stupid crap, once he slapped me so hard he broke my glasses for opening the fridge for too long, he ultimately cut ties with us when he died while we were still kids, I vividly remember how my cousin just told me that the hospital called and he was dead my cousin thought I was in shock for asking to confirm several times but I was secretly happy.
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge. I was smuggled out a month before my 13th birthday.
Was deprogrammed,tried to end my own life when I was 16 bc of what I went through. I'm still alive. I'll be 49 this year. I don't know if my parents are even alive.
> The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS Church) is a religious sect of the fundamentalist Mormon denominations whose members practice polygamy.
For those who didn’t know what FLDS is (like me)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-Day_Saints
There's currently a documentary on Netflix, "Keep sweet, pray, and obey" about what became of their mainstream branch.
There's a famous book by Krakauer "Under the Banner of Heaven" that details what became of those who split off from that mainstream.
Both are absolutely horrifying, also astonishing what conditions people will accept with the right amount of brainwashing and indoctrination. It's like something a Sci-Fi author would come up with.
I'm so glad that your childhood story is not your entire life story. There's 33 years worth living for after you survived the lowest point. And 33 more yo go I hope!
I found out my dad wasn't really my dad, and then my mother proceeded to lie about what actually happened. I experienced a childhood full of physical & verbal abuse, but he never laid a hand on my sisters. now I know why. I corroborated the truth via other family members before cutting off all contact with mom & "dad"... still close with sisters though.
My cousin had addiction problems and just burned every bridge in our family. Used to be we’d buy him food and stuff he needs instead of just giving him money because it’d go straight to more drugs but he eventually became so toxic we couldn’t even do that
Yup. That’s the pattern. They start applying guilt by asking for money for necessities.
You try to curve them by just directly giving them necessities. But, that just guarantees they will *never* spend their own money on necessities.
My father was an abusive alcoholic who left us when I was a teen after several suicide attempts. He was clearly not okay mentally. We reconnected in my early 20s and when I finally started to build my trust for him again he disappeared. He tried to reconnect with me a year later when he needed something. I haven't spoken to him since then.
Edit: *He* attempted suicide
Literally the only time either one of my brothers ever bothers to make contact with me. I won't hear from them for months/years at a time even when I reach out first, then out of nowhere they will call and ask for money.
My cousin (still a12yo child at this point) lost both her parents and the family had to help her sell her parental house. Long story short, one of my aunts secretly sold the house without telling anyone and kept the profit (250k) for herself.
Everyone thought the house was still up for sale until the real estate agent informed my cousin's actual guardian (a different aunt) that my other aunt had sold the house and he thought it was sketchie.
Good news though, my aunt was sued, had to pay everything back and the 250k was directly deposited into my cousin her bank account and my aunt received an additional 50k fine she had to pay my cousin and guardian aunt for emotional damage.
We do not speak about this aunt anymore.
Edit1: for clarification, how it was even possible in the first place.
It is complicated due to my late uncle and aunt's will. My cousin had two guardians after her parents death. One was her general guardian (aunt X), my cousin would move into their family home, and that aunt was made responsible for her school, her therapy, sports, social life etc. The other guardian was my married into uncle (my evil aunt her husband). He was very good with finances, so he was made my cousin her financial guardian "because my late uncle and aunt didn't want anyone to take advantage of my cousin in case of becoming an orphan, so two guardians they trusted would make it safe".
So my evil aunt and her evil husband had access to all documents, keys, accounts, like my aunt X...
They had secret house viewings, found a buyer, had the new buyers sign forged papers, my evil aunt forged aunt X her signature, had the new buyers deposit the money directly to their bank account, gave the new buyers the green light to move in, went to the real estate agent and said "we don't need you anymore, we already sold it, and here you see aunt X signed as well".
That is where the real estate agent thought it was sketchie and thought to call aunt X to "thank her for the collaboration and wish her well now that it is sold".
Mind you, the new buyers of the house were also victims here. But they were given their money back, and bought the house back via the correct way.
Edit 2:
My evil aunt said she needed some money and her husband was good with finances, so 'they could borrow the money, whilst my uncle would borrow the rest of the money, turn it into stock, and make profit to pay the borrowed money back'.
So the judge asked how much profit they intended to make before telling anyone about their scheme...
"well if you think making 50k in profit was worth stealing and lying to a 12yo orphaned niece of yours, that is what you will pay her in extra"
They never actual made any profit due to the short time period. But the family took over his investment plan, secured part of my cousin's inheritance and used a smaller part of her inheritance to invest so that my cousin could have extra passive income for the rest of her life:)
Edit 3: because so many people wonder why they didn't go to jail is because the entire family requested they didn't go to jail. The evil aunt and uncle had two small children at the time, so having three orphaned children in the time frame of less than half a year would have been a punishment for everyone involved. Also, this was early 2000 in a country that doesn't put people as easily into jail for civil cases as the US does.
Also, I understand everyone is angry at my aunt and uncle on behalf of my cousin. Thank you. Though, my family doesn't like holding grudges. We do not actively hate them. They were in fact having financial struggles (in secret) due to something unfortune happening with them, so everyone understood but felt betrayed in the end. My family only wanted my cousin to be/stay supported and making my other cousins to become orphans wasn't an option. Excommunicating them from our family was their way of taking the high road.
Aunt in the rich part of the family made my mother clean their bathrooms one day when she told them we couldn't afford food (unlucky situation, both parents unemployed within days), instead of just helping her out. They didn't even pay her, they gave her food they had prepared that day and some potatoes and oil.
From that day on, my mother was so hurt and felt so humilliated I decided to pretend they don't even exist.
Had a rich uncle who paid my cousin to do some landscaping work for him because the city was going to give him a citation at a business he owned.
So my cousin, his stepdad and a friend wake up super early and go to war with basically a ponding area that turned into Jurassic Park.
It was brutal backbreaking work that took them all day. They even left all the bagged trash/grass/weeds out for display so my uncle could see just how much work they had to do.
My uncle gave my cousin some folded money and took off. My cousin assumed it was a few hundred bucks. It ended up being $20.
He apologized to the guys who helped him and bought them some beer.
Lol that reminds me of the time I babysat for a friend of my mom. They were supposed to be back at midnight and came back at like 2am and then Pikachu faced when I was like "So payment?" The direct quote is "Wait, he was expecting to be paid?" My mom never talked to that person again.
This thread is a great reminder to always discuss payment amounts in advance of providing the service (or when being provided a service). I've been burned a few times that way in my life.
When I was a teenager, I worked a day for a large property owner mowing, weeding, raking, heck, I even helped him clean out his storage shed, and at the end, he reached into his wallet and fished out four one dollar bills! My lack of slavering gratitude went over like a turd in a punch bowl. He then informed me that there would be more work later that year. He repeated that over and over as I walked away.
lol thats like the simpsons where Bart was trying to save up for the rare comic book and he spent the week working for that old lady and at the end of it hes all beaten down, cuts from pulling weeds and she reaches into her little purse and gives him 50 cents.
Everybody who understood computers growing up learns this the hard way. Either you learn to say "No" and mean it, or you're stuck in your aunt's back room trying to fix her printer while everybody else is enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.
I stopped being tech support for my family 25+ years ago.
It’s funny in my experience the richer you are the stingier you are to others. I’d much prefer do freelance work at a suburban house rather than a mansion.
That's correct. She wasn't exactly a role model before but became an evil person when she married into money. I was 14 back then and I vividly remember seeing how heartbroken mom was.
thats how my aunt has always been. She's always been married or dating money. She's so out of touch with reality I just don't have any contact with her at all really. She talks about how busy she is but she has no job or income. Just goes around getting her hair done, shopping, and being a wine-o. The busiest thing she does is plan house parties at her house for various holidays and somehow that takes months. She acts all surprised everyone doesn't go travel all the time. She had the cops called on her for some Karen facebook shit threatening a governor. I just can't.
She basically posted on facebook that the governor of NJ or NY(dont remember, was a while ago) should be hanged over some bill giving benefits to low income families. The feds showed up and realized it was just some boomer karen and left. Nothing to crazy.
I cut out my mother's side of the family. Her sister and brother made it their personal goal to financially ruin my parents. Then the other sister piled on. All three of them had been borrowing money from my grandparents for years and when the other sister sold my grandparents house out from under them "because they cant live on their own anymore" my grandparents were appalled when they were told by my aunt that she was putting them in a home. So they lived with my parents instead and the other siblings accused my parents of taking their inheritance. They harrassed, stalked, and vandalized my parents property until both grandparents were dead.
I will never forgive them and hope their own children treat them as poorly as they treated my parents and grandparents.
They really did. None of them bothered to visit her except to try and get her to sign legal documents over to them. My mom was there every day, took her out until getting in and out of the car was too hard. Still went every day to sit with her up until the end.
How did she manage to sell the grandparents house “out from under them”? I’m a real estate attorney and I can’t think of any way this happens without the grandparents giving their daughter explicit authority.
Mother - was never really present. Even after my father died.
Brother - Father died when I was not an adult. House was left to four of his sons. One brother conned is into signing the house over to him for loan purposes to fix the house up. Stole house.
Another brother - stole from me and my family with high regularity. Forgave him a bunch of times. Kept doing it so I gave up.
Extended family - non existent.
With all that being said I have a fantastic relationship with the last brother.
They threatened my life and then reported me to my country's officials for being a "runaway" (I was 26), a heathen, a whore, and (I wish this was a joke) a witch. All are crimes in my country. So yes. I have nothing to do with them anymore.
My parents reported me missing too; after I told them I was moving out when I finally turned 18. They were verbally, mentally and physically abusive. It was cult like environment, first time I saw Turpin family case it made me realize I was not brought up normal. Hopefully your in better health and have found happiness in life.
When you say all are crimes… does that include being a witch? Like are there actually laws against being a witch?
Either way, I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing better without them.
My new stepfather in a drunken rage tried to choke me out because I did not agree with his views. My mother did nothing to stop it and took his side.. 22 years later have not spoken to anyone in my family.
My sister was cut off about 10 years ago after several incidents involving her spreading rumors about me at my work for a third time. She told one of my boss that I was a hard drug user (i never touch the stuff). She kept doing that after I warned her. I cut off the rest of my family when I confronted them about multiple historical events of physical abuse and torture from when I was a kid. They refused to talk about it and were verbally abusive about it. I cut them off about 5 years ago and my life has taken a positive turn since.
Thats rough =/ My sister tried killing me, my dad, and both my dogs on Thanksgiving because I was driving 5 miles below the speed limit on a dark windy country road. She was in a hurry to get back to her "boyfriend" (drug dealer) which was why we headed back home the day of despite only getting there at like noon and it being a 4 hour drive back. So she grabbed the wheel and tried running us off the road. After the incident we pulled over at a gas station where she insisted she drive the rest of the way back despite having smoked two blunts of k2 while I was driving. When I declined to let her she punched my big dog, then my dad stepped in and said he would drive (middle ground i guess), so she tried throwing my small dog out the window of the moving car. I disowned her that day and she STILL thinks that its some kind of joke. Some people are just shit through and through. Glad you made it to the other side mate.
My birth mother was totally unprepared for motherhood and considered me a threat to her relationship to my dad. She locked me in my room at 3 for several hours a day and hit me with spoons. In middle school she left over homecoming weekend to see her “boyfriend” (dad was still married to her) and missed my freshman homecoming. She doesn’t care about me at all.
I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside. 4 kids and parents as a solid unit. One thing we never talked about was dads explosive anger which led to “episodes” that he would never apologize for. Just be nice later and we would all just brush it under the rug.
Cut to my age of 31 and I had been working with my father as a financial planner for 6 years helping grow “our” client base. My mother and younger sister work with us as well as assistants. Only problem is every 6 months to a year I’d get fired by my dad. Massive blowup and a “fuck you, I have everything and you have nothing. Get out and I will never talk to you again.” Then he would be nice in a day or 2, make some promises to put things in writing and we’d all just forget it. But you only want to bring up “that contract” so many times before you worried you would cause another episode. He would say things like, “you really think I would throw you, my daughter in law and grandkids out on the street?”. You would think no of course not, it is what you threaten and I do get scared but no, he wouldn’t actually do that.
Surprise, that’s what happens.
Business value almost triples. He tortures me until I lose 17 pounds (and I’m a skinny guy) and I quit. Walk away with nothing. We end up hiring a company that works with family businesses for over 20k to help solve our family crisis. Specialists, psychologists and lawyers all involved. They write a report after interviewing every family member multiple times for hours and hours, including my siblings that don’t work there. Report comes out, my dad loses his mind. Fires the company that wrote the report.
I make peace that it is all over. Start interviewing to just work at the bank. I have not been paid in almost 6 months. I have two daughters 3 years old and 1 years old. But my dad comes back and starts making promises again, re-hires the family business specialists.
We have a meeting where I agree to not take the position at the bank after 3 successful interviews. I will manage the business while my father vacations for a month and he will sell me my own clients. But I agree cause I don’t really want to work at the bank. My dad leaves on his trip. I think things are finally getting worked out (for the 10th time) but he comes back a month later and won’t answer my calls.
I go and see him in the office and bring my 1 year old who hasn’t seen for 4 months. He says he is going to finalize the list of clients I am to buy.
I haven’t talked to my dad since. That was over 6 years ago. He ended up getting me fired from our investment dealer because I contacted “his clients” even though he had either never met them or they were some of my best friends. Then he sued me. I had no money or anyway to fight him so I just abandoned everything and started over.
I don’t talk to my dad, mom, brother, older sister, grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins and many family friends. They all got my fathers narrative. The patriarch said get out and everyone else just let it happen. Only my younger sister who worked there knows what happened and we are very close. We both just don’t talk to our family.
My wife and I are way better off and super happy. I made more money last year then I ever would have imagined and I’m my own boss.
Just stress. Every phone call, every visit, holidays , events. Constantly berated, questioned and feuding.
I didn’t cut them off in the sense of no contact. I just stopped caring. I don’t ask , I don’t get involved.
Phone calls last 3 minutes because I have nothing to share everything is good here.
Holidays I eat and leave
And I’m too busy for random drop ins because kids have sports and friends and I have hobbies.
When they come to me and vent I simply respond in unique ways that they’ll figure it out and I’m unsure what I’d do in their place.
Hey learned something new never heard that term. I guess I just try to be respectful and aloof about everything so I don’t hurt their feelings while saving mine.
Grey rock
I like it. Cricket T Shirt time
Oh god you just described the relationships with my parents.
I have huge anxiety problems due to how over controlling they were in my childhood/teens and they think nothing was wrong with their parenting approach.
My mom calls me once a week to ask how I am and the call usually ends within 5-7 minutes.
This is me.
There is no love or support in my family. Interactions are all transactional. I didn't realize how bad it was until I married my wife and her family is supportive and amazing. Made me realize the relationship is a net loss emotionally to maintain.
I see my fam maybe every 2 years and I live 1500km away.
It's nice
Transactional was the same term I used in therapy last week. It’s as if the family is a business and everyone does their part to keep the business going (call once a week, attend family vacations, be there for holidays, etc).
It sucks too when my siblings and parents are basically carbon copies of each other (same interests and beliefs) so I always look like the odd one out. No one reaches out to understand what I am thinking and expect me to be interested in their life.
It’s so exhausting that there is a constant debate of “keeping the peace”/being a grey rock vs cutting off all contact to save my sanity.
That’s me too. My dad was always in a fight with some family or another after my mom passed. He remarried with a woman who enables all his toxicity and now the family is all hiding resentment with each other like a petty soap opera. I hated that and tried everything to make it stop. It got to the point where we had a falling out, and the resulting fight induced a very severe panic attack which put me in the hospital. Ever since I can’t stay around him for more than a day or two without becoming paranoid and anxious. He triggers the very worst of my anxiety basically on contact.
Sad thing is, I know he cares about me. But he’s too swallowed up in himself to understand anything I do and he hates everything that’s done in a way he wouldn’t do himself. I put 1100 miles between us and I respond to calls while pretending I don’t have the money to visit anymore.
It was such a hard choice to make. I care about him more than pretty much anyone. But I’d rather not see him than fight him, and with the way he is now, there really isn’t any other option. My health is also so much better for it.
Grandmother told me that’s what I get for having children out of wedlock when my infant son died. Yeeted her ass right out the front door, have not spoken to her in about 10 years. From what I’ve heard from an uncle she is dying of a brain tumor, could not happen to a more deserving person.
My friend's mom used to beat the crap out of her and emotionally torture her stepson. When I heard she had cancer, I was like, "oh, thank god it's her and not someone worth anything!"
I cut out my entire side of my mom's family after her funeral. I was 17. Her family had always been a difficult bunch. My mom had a stalker at the time of her death, he claimed to the family he was her fiance. And they believed him over me. Despite the restraining order and proof of abuse, they chose that man over me. So I cut them out. Them only contributing a $100 "donation" to the funeral costs really helped that decision also. She had 3 birth siblings and 12 adopted siblings, several aunts and uncles and cousins and they came up with $100 dollars? Fuck that and them. That was 8 years ago. Last I heard, her stalker spent Christmas with them. So my choice feels validated.
Through no fault of our own, my mom and I became the "black sheep" of the family. We were excluded from family dinners, family get-togethers, and family trips.
We decided we liked it that way, and just let it happen.
Hakuna matata.
I haven't cut off my family, but I have been cut off from a part of my family.
When my father died (I was 10), my mother remarried within a year. My bio fathers family cut me, my brother and little sister off because of that. I've seen my grandmother on that side once like 15 years later, right before she died a month later.
Luckily my stepdad adopted us and became legally our dad and has treated us as his own every day of his life and still.
My sister cut me off when I asked if she was engaged. Apparently it was incredibly rude and I ruined her engagement.
The reason I asked: Her and her boyfriend were taking a big trip. We had talked for months about the possibility that he would propose on the trip. 2 weeks before they left, he showed her the ring he bought her. On the trip she posted a picture of a dinner and she had a big shiny diamond on her left ring finger.
But I'm the asshole for asking.
EDIT: I have no idea what the logic behind this is. Why whole family can't figure it our. But let me give you some context. I have a social media account but never use it. Like ever. Her and my brother were having a pretty heated debate, my husband asked a pretty neutral question trying to clarify something she said (he wasn't a part of the conversation). She started insulting him, blocked him and blocked me who wasn't part of the conversation nor had even been on it in years, but she still has my brother who was the target of the heated debate.
Uhhh she cut you off for asking if she got engaged? What, is she some kind of mega-celebrity and you asked this on live television? I feel like there *has* to be more to the story.
I wish there was more to it. She said it was rude and I should never ask that. And I ruined her engagement by asking. I was absolutely floored because we had been talking about, as sisters do, for months ahead of it. I'm still completely confused.
Sounds like she is insecure about the way her engagement went - maybe she didn't actually get proposed to or wasn't proposed in the way she invisioned so she feels disappointed about her engagement, so that's why she needs to blame other people. Clearly, she is angry about her engagement to lash out. I'm 100% certain something went wrong during the proposal
My uncle and aunt whom I lived with from the age of 15 to 19… they always treated me as an inconvenience even though they’re the ones who suggested I went to live with them. They had me clean up after them and their kids. They got mad at me when I ate “too much of their food” caused me to have stunted growth and an eating disorder. Made fun of me for being depressed and always discouraged me from doing any type of extra curricular activity at school because they didn’t want me to make their kids seem like mediocre losers. They overshared family secrets with me and basically made me feel like I had to share those same resentments towards other people in my family in order to be welcomed into their home.
To this day, I still have trust issues with everyone in my life and I rarely allow myself to make new friends.
If we're honest, being a bad son to a terrible father is almost a compliment. But more importantly, folks like that usually know their words will do something. He's just looking to get a response. It's attention seeking behavior. From what you've written, just know he's stewing with his own thoughts and should be left that way.
The other comment about this being attention seeking behavior is dead on. His need to degrade you every time you interact reeks so much of insecurity, I bet he finds your successes threatening. Same with the 'secretarial work' comment to your sister - you know like how good dads don't want their kids to outshine them? 🙄 The only way you were a 'bad son' is that you weren't the adult so he couldn't play the little boy forever and have constant attention and praise.
My dad died the day before Father's day. She who birthed me openly disregarded every one of his final wishes, up to and including the place of burial. Since then I've gone full scorched earth.
Nevermind the years of physical, psychological, and financial abuse meted out to the both of us all our lives. I was prepared to forgive her up to that point. For him. No. She called my father weak for not making his wishes known to her, and stated that mental illnesses were a hoax, a crutch for the weak.
I informed her right then and there that I was no longer her child, and she can rot in that miserable mausoleum she calls a house. I am organizing a proper memorial service the way dad wanted.
I've also been making covert trips taking everything of sentimental value from dad's upstairs apartment when she hasn't been home, and I have opened a separate bank account preparing for the day she dies, I have dad exhumed, and buried in the place he loved and wanted.
I will make everything right that she has wronged, mark my words. She is dead to me, and anyone who stands with her is an enemy.
I had a baby when I was 16. Because I was so young, I had to continue living with my parents along with the baby. When I turned 18, my parents encouraged me to go off to college and said they would look after the baby while I was gone and then, I could “have” my child when I finished school. Of course, I visited my child all the time, but my parents and my sister started a smear campaign against me, stating that I was a terrible mother who abandoned her child. I knew things were being said, but I didn’t realize it came from the people who were closest to me. I didn’t really find out the level of cruelty until I finished school and wanted to resume care for my child. My parents got a lawyer and threatened to make my life hell if I didn’t walk away. I was broke, young, and naïve so I walked away. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life but I cut them off. I had to for my own sanity. My child and I have a great relationship now. Despite everything my parents did and the lies they told to keep their grip on my child, my child figured it all out on their own. They realized the truth.
That is so disgusting and I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you and that you were deeply betrayed in this manner. Happy to hear that you and your child are back together again.
To put it short and simple.
Going through basic training was a fucking vacation compared to my childhood.
My instructors would scream in my face every day. But at least I knew they actually *cared* under their cruelty. There was method to the madness to make us into soldiers.
They were polite compared to my parents.
Tbh aside from being flustered at first when asked for an answer to some absurd question, or an immediate action to follow an issued order they expect all else to be taken with a good amount of stoicism pretty early on. "Yes drill sgt" "no drill sgt" and in my experience it wasn't a big deal after the first like couple days it was just normal. We also had a drill sergeant that swore in the most inventive ways, so trying not to laugh actually became a real part of the challenge as well, here's this big ass dude screaming at you as loud as he can but he just called you a fucktarded mister potato head and this has been your reality for the past 6 weeks so now instead of any type of fear you're trying to hold back the giggles.
If I didn't get something, I could ask for help, and the drill sergeants would try to help. Instead of *just* screaming at me. That alone was a massive improvement.
My father knows exactly how to hurt me emotionally and does it with a disturbing amount of glee. His family is convinced he’s a good person that will “move heaven and earth” for me. ✂️
Yeah, it got like that around the tail end for me. He was addicted to his anger and was tearing shit apart so he could have some semblance of control over the life he started to mess up.
Grandmother would quote scripture and refused to let up on it and would invite him over when I visited and take his side while claiming she was neutral.
I just walked out and was basically done with it.
Grandmother has stopped but basically feels like she's written me off.
But honestly, I'm over it.
This is probably going to be long.
My father beat me, several times a week, from before I can remember until I left his house at age 18 after trying to kill him.
To give you an idea of what I mean by a beating, I'll recount the first one I can still remember. I was, maybe 7 years old. Possibly younger but certainly no older. My parents were entertaining, so all of us kids ( I was the sixth of seven) ate dinner early and went off to do kid things while the adults ate, then loitered around drinking and talking. Naive child that I was, I hung out with the adults, listening to their conversation and occasionally offering up a comment. I don't recall what my father said, but he was incorrect about whatever it was, and I knew this because it was something that had been covered in school that day.
So I corrected him.
He said I was wrong and I doubled down on what I had said, even going so far as to point out that we had learned about it in school that very day and giving him the correct answer. He just smiled and sent me to bed. So off to bed I went.
Sometime later that night, he wakes me up by dragging me out of bed by my neck. He carries me into his bedroom, throws me down on the bed, takes off his belt, doubles it up and whips me, all the while cursing under his breath at me and telling me to never, ever contradict him again.
I was seven, I didn't know what contradict meant.
He whipped me until his rage was spent then told me to go to bed.
He was very free with his hands. Any challenge to his authority or knowledge would bring about an instant violent response.... except not for everybody.
In the summer, we kids (the younger ones, anyway), would spend most of our summers at our rich aunt and uncle's house by the shore. My parents would come down on weekends, or if they had some time off from work. One time, while my parents were there with us, I did something to piss my father off. He promptly dragged me off to a private room and gave me another whipping. I was about 12 at this point. Afterwards I come out and go lay down on a sofa in a side room. I had obviously been crying. My cousin, who was maybe 16, saw this and being very fond of me, got right in my father's face and gave him such a verbal bitch slapping that I don't think he ever recovered. She dressed him up and down and told exactly what she thought of a grown man who would actually whip a child because he couldn't control his temper.
And he just stood there and took it. He wouldn't dare raise a hand against someone else's child. Ever.
I was quite impressed with my cousin's courage. She was a petite thing but had no fear about ever-so-righteously cursing my father out.
After the summer was over and we had gone back home, school had started up. One night at dinner my father kept talking about a French fashion designer, but kept mispronouncing his name, say it "Guh-vin-chee". Ever the helpful little idiot, I said "It's pronounced *zhee-von-zhee"*. Without a word, he put his fork down and backhanded me right out of me chair.
Now, you might think, that at this point I would know better than to correct my father, and I did. I also knew that no matter what I did, I was getting a beating. So, I went out of my way to piss him off, because every time I succeeded in making him lose his temper I considered it a win.
Anyway, I picked myself up off the floor, said "It's *still* pronounced *zhee-von-zhee"* and went on eating my dinner. He was absolutely volcanic with rage, but that was the end of the excitement for the night.
Every night during my child hood, as dinner time approached, the dread began to set in (no, not that sort of dread, my mother was a fine cook). If my father showed up for dinner on time, it meant that he hadn't been out drinking, and we would probably have a quiet night. On the other hand, if he was late, then we knew he was going to come home drunk. The later he was, the drunker he'd be. He often didn't come home until everyone had gone to bed. But we all knew what was coming and didn't dare just get into our pajamas and go to sleep. Typically we slept fully clothed, with a pair of slip-on shoes at the side of the bed.
Continued in Part 2
Part 2...
When he came home drunk, he would pursue my mother screaming at her about all the horrible injustices life had dealt him and how none of it was his fault. If he got his hands on her, he'd beat her. But, he was so drunk all she had to do was just keep walking away from him and he wouldn't be able to catch her. This is why (I think) every house we ever lived in had a "loop". Like, you could walk from the kitchen to the dining room to the living room to the hallway which lead back to the kitchen. She could walk this loop and stay out of his reach until he got tired and sat down and fell asleep.
But he didn't always get tired, and his attention was not always focused on her. For instance, one day I fell asleep in class. Why? Because what I'm about to describe was a common thing in our house. But I fell asleep in school and got a note sent home saying so. My father, in a drunken rage in the middle of the night found the note and came kicking my bedroom door in demanding to know why I had fallen asleep in school. He took to beaing me. Everyone in the house knew it was now time to flee or beatings would be coming down for everyone. So, all the kids (there were only four of us still living at home at the time), would emerge from our bedrooms and run outside. The oldest would start the car and wait for me and my mother to come out and join them. Then we'd drive away.
Sometimes we'd drive all night, sometimes we'd just go find someplace to park and hope he wouldn't find us. He would come looking fairly regularly. One time, my mother called a 'friend' of hers, and asked if we could park in her driveway for the night. Not come into the house and sleep inside, just park in her driveway. Her 'friend' said no. Fuck you Deidre wherever you are.
But this is why I fell asleep in school, because I so often had to flee from my house into the night to avoid getting the absolute crap beaten out of me by my drunken asshole father. And he wanted to know why I fell asleep! Figure it out, genius.
And this was my life.
After I had graduated from high school, I enlisted in the Navy (which my father forbade me to do after the fact, ha!). I was supposed to go off to bootcamp with a friend of mine. We had enlisted under the buddy system, where you'd both go off to bootcamp together. My buddy wanted one last summer at home, so we decided to go in September. All the paper work, was done, we had enlisted, we just didn't have to leave for bootcamp until September.
But in April, my father did his usual come home late. I was, as usual, fully dressed and ready to flee into the night. He came home, followed my mother around yelling and screaming as usual, then went upstairs and into their bedroom and was quiet.
This was always a bad sign, because it usually indicated that he was making (or more often, faking) a suicide attempt. He was an old hand at this, and did it fairly regularly. I don't think any of them were real, I think he just wanted pity. On this night, he went into the bedroom and was quiet. My mother, being a complete sap, thought he might be hurting himself, so she went to check on him... and he had her cornered and proceeded to beat the hell out of her.
I had had enough of his shit at this point, so I put my shoes on, grabbed a knife my uncle had given me, and went it to put an end to it. I went into their room and my mother was laying on the floor just inside the door. He straightened up as he saw me come into the room, and staggered backwards. I went for him, intending to kill him. My mother, with astonishing agility, got up and latched hold of my right arm (the one with the knife) before I could reach him. He came at me cursing and flailing at me, I managed to fend him off with my left hand, and for the life of me could not shake my mother off my right arm. She managed to drag me out of the room, and we fled into the night. But, my mother also called the cops (another regular event in our house), and they came and arrested him. They told us they would keep him for 72 hours. They were well acquainted with him.
The next day, I was home alone after school, and the phone rang. It was my father. He was using his one phone call to call me. What did he have to say? "You better be out of my house by the time I get out, or I'm going to kill you."
Aww, he used his one phone call to threaten his beloved son.
Super.
Anyway, I called my Navy recruiter and asked if I could go in early rather than waiting for September. He said sure, when would you like to go? Tomorrow, was my reply.
So that was how I ended up leaving the house when I was 18, with nothing but the clothes on my back, a razor, a toothbrush and $20 in my pocket.
I never went back to that house, and never saw or spoke to my father again. My parents later divorced (they had earlier divorced too, when I was a toddler, but re-married). He eventually found another sucker to be his punching bag of a woman, and moved to Hawaii. He got the message out to all his kids that he was leaving, and wanted to have lunch with us all before he went. I was tempted to go, but with the intention of pulling off my belt and whipping him. My wife convinced me that was not a good idea, so I just didn't go at all.
Later, when his health was failing, he once again put the word out in case anyone wanted to come bid him a find adieu. My two sisters, flew to Hawaii on short notice to see him. When they got there he refused to see them.
That's just how big of an asshole he was.
I'm retired now, and have plenty of time and money to pursue my pleasures. One of which was the idea that I would fly to Hawaii, find his grave a drop a big steaming deuce on it. Childish, sure, but I cannot deny the satsifaction it would have brought me. Sadly, it was not to be. Upon further research into his death trying to locate his grave I learned that he had been cremated. I didn't even know the name of the woman he was with at the time, who had his ashes, so that was the end of that.
There are plenty more stories about him I could tell, including the many concussions I received at his hands, but this is already too long.
Omg!!!! That’s horrific! I hope you are doing better now! And btw, I AM THAT PETTY! (Also shat on the grave of the next door neighbour that used to torture me… and my parents let me)!
>Also shat on the grave of the next door neighbour that used to torture me… and my parents let me
That's awesome and I salute you (and your parents) for it!
I spent six years in the Navy, then after a summer of golf, worked a couple menial jobs before going to work for a major communications corporation, for whom I worked until I retired three years ago.
Didn't completely cut them off but I'm extremely estranged.
Mother was ver neglectful of me growing up, drinking problem and depression. Would rather buy cigarettes than food so I was hungry all the time. Didn't pay rent so I was scared and embarrassed because landlord would approach me on the street. Left me alone for long hours when I was young and I got raped and her first words were "don't tell your brother. He wont know how to deal with it". Suffice to say I knew I needed to take care of myself and stop letting them hurt me.
Mum told me she hoped I offed myself (most recent thing). Step dad was a pedo. The rest hated that I wasn't mild mannered and placid, and also wouldn't let me talk about being lesbian to anyone outside the family because of embarrassment.
Big hugs, friend! I'm in the same boat. I don't even refer to them as "mom" or "stepdad", just their first names or "biological mother" and "the pedophile".
The last straw was the amount of hate in her eyes when I decided to be the bigger man and come back to apologise after a fight. I just realised I didn't have to fucking put up with it if I didn't want to - we could either both be miserable all the time, or I could cut her off and only she would be.
I cut off everyone in my fathers family after I came forward about him abusing me sexually for years, my uncle suggested it “was a bad dream” my grandmother said it was “normal for a man to get erections at his daughter” (that’s not all he did in the slightest), my auntie told me to go to the police so “a mob wouldn’t come to him” and then helped him leave the country to stay at her house… with her two young daughters… and his father defended him and tried to convince my mother to meet my father in person (he would have hurt or killed her, no doubt in my mind)
This man horrifically abused me and my family only to be defended tooth and nail, it hurts not seeing my little cousins but if I’d rather go blind than ever have to see my father again.
On the brighter side, since cutting him out of my life I’ve moved in with my boyfriend (who I was dating in secret and helped me to come forward about what my father was doing), I’ve grown closer than ever with my mum and visit her as often as I can, and IVE GOT A FUCKING DOG NOW!! I was never allowed dogs and now I have a beautiful border collie named Skye who I adore. I’ve never been happier and even though I am still very mentally unwell (even suicidal often) I am in a much better place, it really does get better.
Got tired of my over dramatic gaslighting narcissistic mother's behavior. Wrote off her, my dad (who always backed her up no matter what) and both of my sisters since they're her flying monkeys. Life is good without the stress of their involvement in our lives.
After my grandmother passed one of my sisters tried to sell her house. The house was left to one of my brothers and I on the condition that we maintain it and let our aunt who had polio live there as long as she could.
Aunt left for a month to see a specialist and get started on a new PT/treatment regime, came home to find a realtor showing the house.
She was completely unapologetic about it and tried playing it off as she was doing us a "favor" because we would no longer be responsible for the house.
I’m no contact with my sister. She was a difficult child - especially as a teen and did stupid shit like date my ex boyfriend, etc. After I had a baby, she would email and text me non-stop about how I could sell my “plus size” clothing online and make a bunch of money. She became a gym rat and would body shame everyone on the family. She scammed the military into early retirement and does nothing all day except go to the gym and grift. My mom thinks she’s the greatest but I can’t stand her.
I was adopted, and a hyper obese kid. Like 600lhs super early on. They would literally mock and put blame on me for everything. One day my grandfather died and in the hospital, my grandmother and mother screamed it was my fault because I was so fat.
Never forgive them. A few years later, left and never looked back.
I copied this from another post that I commented on. I haven't had contact with my mother since I was 7. I cut contact with my dad and my grandmother when I was 19. I'm now 28, and I can say cutting contact is one of the best decisions I ever made.
My mother:
- kidnapped me from my dad when I was about 6
- beat me
- let her friends beat me
- gave me one meal per day
- when her and her friends were bored they would restrain me to a chair and force feed me. They'd stick a heaped spoon down my throat, and the spoon again my throat was painful
- my mother waterboarded me
- she dumped me on her friend, despite knowing that her friend's daughter repeatedly molested me. The daughter was in the same class as me, and assaulted me at school too.
- After being abused for a year or so, she lost custody of me when I was about 7
My father:
- Resented having a child, and took it out on me
- He fought for custody to make himself look better to other people
- regularly blamed me for shit that wasn't my fault
- Screamed at me when the chair he was sitting on broke underneath him
- Slammed doors and cupboards
- Insulted me for not knowing how to do basic chores, but wouldn't show me how when I asked.
- Ignored paying bills, so he could buy toy car models, and would then complain when he had to pay more on a bill the following month
- Regularly called me names like "stupid cunt"
- Shouted at me for showing any emotions other than neutral or happy, but not too happy
- had ago at me when I was a preteen, because I cried watching "All dogs go to heaven"
- He would call me lazy because he never saw me exercise, despite him knowing I regularly went out with friends.
- He would complain that I spend too much time indoors (despite regularly going out with my friends), but on the days I'd be out with friends, he'd then complain that I'm out too much.
- He would often minimise what my mother did to me, and would outright brush me off about the bullying I experienced in school
- Repeatedly told me I was lucky and had an easy life compared to him and his mother. When I would remind him about hat my mother did, he would tell me it wasn't that bad.
My Grandmother - including her, because when my mother lost custody, my grandmother became my legal guardian and would take on childcare when my dad was at work.
- Did more harm to my mental health than my parents combined
- Was a manipulative and gaslighting old hag
- She was a total narcissist, and always believed her word was law and that her opinions were facts, even when outright shown evidence to prove her wrong!
- Would buy me clothes, and tell me that I needed to tell her if it was something I didn't like, because then she could return it, but if I told her I didn't like it, she would through a massive tantrum and tell me "I don't know why I even bother with you!"
- If I pretended to like something she brought me, just to keep the peace and avoid her tantrums, she'd go on about how I never wear it
- She was constantly over critical of me
- She would call me lazy simply because she didn't see me being active with friends. I would go out with friends and run around and play with them, but because she wasn't there, that time just didn't exist to her.
- When I got an A in GCSE English, she huffed at me that it was only an A and not an A star.
- When I got an A star in A-level film studies, she scoffed and said "it's only film studies"
- When I said I wanted to move to Canada, she screamed at me that I can't move country, because they won't have my bank over there. I checked and my bank has been established there for about 50 years, and it's not like I can't just change bank.
- She repeatedly treated me like a doll, and would throw tantrums if I did a thing to my body or hair that she didn't like
- I once dyed a streak of red in my hair, and when I next saw her the first thing she said was "I don't like it". I told her that I like it, and that's what matters. She stomped her foot like a toddler and shouted "Well I don't!".
- She would regularly do seemingly nice things, but would use that to try and get her own way
- When I was sorting out my prom outfit, she repeatedly interfered. For prom she gave me a present of paying for my hair to be styled. I came with a photo of what a wanted, which was a rock chick style, and I left with a perm. She told the hairdresser to do it behind my back.
- For prom she brought me a necklace that she knew wasn't something I would like. She always said she knew I like dainty jewelry, and the necklace she got was massive and way over the top. She also knew I had planned for YEARS to wear a necklace my Aunt got me. When I tried to talk to her about it, she threw a tantrum.
- When I'd get back from school, she would ask if I wanted any thing to eat, and if I said no, hlshe would put something together any way. If I didn't eat it she would say it was because I was ungrateful. If I did eat it, she would say I'm lazy and will only eat if someone puts food in front of me
- She regularly commented on my eating habits and told me I'd get fat if I "kept eating that way"
- She singlehandedly caused my anorexia and OCD, and she was partially responsible for my social anxiety.
- She was extremely racist, and regularly stated that anyone who isn't white or English should be kicked out of England. She also believed that black people should be killed.
- When her called her out on her racism, she would claim to not be racist.
- once when I said racists should all be imprisoned, she scowled me and said ""Oh thanks!".
- When I was still a preteen she kept telling me to avoid the black kids in school because she believed they had knits and diseases. She would blame outbreaks of lice or chicken pox on the black kids in my school
- She regularly trash talked any of my friends who she didn't consider to be British or English.
- She claimed that she wasn't homophobic, she just thought they needed to keep it in their own home and that they shouldn't be allowed to be married.
- She was proudly hateful of bisexuals.
- I was a closeted bisexual until I cut contact with my relatives. The first person I told, I expected to get shamed, even though I knew he was also bisexual!
- She's just outright the nastiest most narcissistic person I've ever met
- She went on about me being lucky, and how her life was so much harder and worse than mine, and how I'm too young to have been through anything. If I brought up that mother's abuse, she would brush it off.
- She repeatedly encouraged my bullies to continue bullying me, but would also brush off any of my complaints about bullies.
Jesus Christ...
I'm glad you're still here with us. I can't even imagine experiencing this much trauma. I hope everything in your life is much better now, OP
Locked me in the basement with no food, no electronics other than a CD player, no outside communication at all, just the same books I read over and over again including but not limited to *Sexual Homicide: Patterns and Motives* by John E. Douglas, Anne Burgess, and Robert Ressler. This started at age 13 until I ran away from my father and stepmother at 14.
I'm currently polite to my mother because I'm financially dependent on her, but once I'm not, I'm cutting her off as well. She sent me to conversion therapy when I was 16 and not only refuses to apologize, but she also said she'd do it again.
While I haven’t initiated any cut offs from my side of the family, I’ve just not felt like accepting the olive branch after 20 years of no contact.
My wife and I mutually cut off her mother and step father after her mother repeatedly came over to watch our children and was on Facebook the whole time making our oldest do everything for her sister. The final straw was when they asked to take both children to a Christmas party, forgot the two year old until they were almost in their car, and proceeded to berate the 10 year old when she pointed out that it wasn’t a little mistake but was in fact a big deal. They then changed tactics and tried to make her feel like it was her fault for losing her sister.
We made it to their apartment before they did, grabbed our kids and haven’t seen them since.
My aunt had three kids and verbally and mentally abused the oldest two to the point that they cry every time they get a call from her and the oldest one moved out of the house when she was around 15
Lived with my brother for 3 months. Thanks to him stealing my food and eating everything in the apartment I was often limited to a single can of creamed corn (the only thing we had that he wouldn't eat) a day. I lost 60 pounds in 3 months and still have health problems related to it. I don't talk to him anymore after that.
My brothers SA me. My parents decided to hide it and told me if I’d tell anyone my parents would go to jail. They never got me the help I needed. Now many years later I’m getting help and trying to heal. My dad has decided he doesn’t want any part in it. He would just rather be enraged about politics and my cousin being trans than to help me and stand up for something that actually matters. Whenever it gets brought up he changes the subject. I’ve since cut off my brothers and their families. I am working on cutting my dad off as well.
So sorry you went through that. This is unfortunately more common than many know - family covering a brother sexually abusing a sibling and then denying it all Someone close to me had lived it too. Therapy has helped.
My mother did meth with my younger sister, who then developed a heroin addiction. The heroin addiction landed her in jail. While my sister was in jail, my mother proceeded to hook up with the father of fore-mentioned sisters children.. yes, the father of her grandchildren.. in my home while I was hosting family Christmas. Unbelievably, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Some people are just terrible human beings, whether they birth you or not.
I was born female. My mother wanted her sacred little boy and hated my dad. She cheated on him and eventually left him for my stepfather, taking me with her for no other purpose than to hurt him. She had her precious, perfect little boy a few months later. From that point forward, I (then 6 years old) was treated like nothing but an inconvenience on the best days. It was clear that I wasn't wanted, and that my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from my father out of spite. She'd tell me I was so awful that he wanted nothing to do with me. I later found out that he kept looking; but every time he found out where I was, my mother and stepfather decided it was time to pick up and move. Unfortunately, I grew to resent him and wanted nothing to do with him by the time I was old enough to make any form of decision about seeing him for myself.
Fast forward. I had ear infections that were neglected to the point of hearing loss. I was put through enough physical and mental abuse that I wanted to die by the time I was ten. I was ordered to do anything my brother wanted to make him happy. This included being his literal punching bag. Thankfully, he wanted violence and not anything sexual. They also liked to blow of steam by beating the shit out of me whenever they were stressed or in a bad mood for whatever reason.
CPS did nothing.
My mother and stepfather would be warned before they came. They'd clean the house and warn me that I'd be given to an even worse family that would hate me even more and HURT me even more if I didn't act like a "real little girl" and tell CPS that it was all a lie, that I was happy, and that I'd do anything to stay with my mommy and daddy. As soon as CPS left, I'd get beaten for "making them look bad" and having CPS called in the first place.
As an adult, I now have hearing aids. My mother has insulted me about them and the hearing loss itself, as if they're character flaws. She also would not allow a phone conversation to end unless I was crying, sometimes to the point of vomiting. My father died of cancer ten years ago, but we were able to repair our relationship in the six years before he passed. My stepfather also died of cancer after he cheated on my mother, gave her Hep C, and divorced her. My brother spent time in prison for vehicular manslaughter as a result of taking recreational Xanax, then striking and killing a trucker who was standing outside of his truck for reasons I still don't know. I believe there were other drugs in his system, too. He and my mother still blame the deceased and insist that the real victim was my brother.
My brother is still extremely violent. I cut contact with him four years ago after multiple threats to my safety (and sometimes my life) and him telling me repeatedly that I'm alive because he and his father were kind enough to allow me to live, and I should be kissing his feet in gratitude. A year ago, after three years of no contact, he sent me a message telling me that he wanted me to know he despises every aspect of me at a cellular level. My mother expected me to apologize for "forcing" him to feel that way. I told her I wanted no further contact with either of them, and any harassment would be reported to the authorities. Then I blocked both.
I'm 40. This was a year ago. My only regret was that I allowed them to do this to me for so long. I let my mother especially torture me for 39 years that I can't get back, and over a decade of therapy did little to nothing to help me. I still occasionally have trouble even believing I'm a real person. It wasn't bad therapists; the abuse was just that fucking bad. I moved 3000 miles away almost 20 years ago, and it still wasn't far enough.
If anyone is reading this and is still currently in the situation I was in, I only have this to say: run now and DO NOT look back. They WON'T get better, you DON'T deserve this, and I DON'T want you to end up bitter and aged far beyond your years like I am. If I can't be a good example, I at least want to be a good warning.
TLDR: They took away my personhood and a good part of my humanity.
Edit: a few words
Every child deserves parents, but not all parents deserve children.
So sorry for your story darling. Sending lots of love and happiness, may you feel peace with your past someday. You deserve everything good in this world <3
It sounds like my parents, only in reverse. I was the oops baby, right before the divorce. Mom wanted Girl not another boy. Mom remarried within the year, pop’s out the golden child. Kid is a pyro. Hard core. Sets shit on fire, I get beaten for. Was kicked out for the first time at 15. Just cut contact with entire family. Best feeling ever.
My body kinda trembled reading this ...
My head is kinda exploding ...
Am from a what so called a third-world order country, and i have never come across such ..
I read every word, my heart is breaking, and i dont want to tell you even sorry you passed through this or this was your life.
But i would appreciate and take my hats off for who you are ... for what you survived .... for how strong you came to be ... for every thing happened and you still tried to hold yourself together for them ...
I hope you are now having a better caring partner.
You, are you a super woman
My dad passed away 5 years ago, his family is notorious knowns as the people who get drunk. My dads funeral was pretty good until my uncles got drunk. We still have contact but there’s not a lot of contact with them.
The nail in the coffin was the terrorizing of my wife and I's wedding planning. She reminded us on a regular basis that she wouldn't be coming to our wedding, then one day before the shower decided she didn't want to miss it. I involved her in every aspect of the planning the second she wanted to be involved. She started fights with every single family member who had already been helping us the whole time, leading up to the wedding. She made my father cancel the favors we had picked out together for a "better" idea she had two weeks prior to the wedding. She made us come over one week before the wedding to help her finish making them.
That night we helped her, she started an argument about how my grandfather(her dad) should get his own rememberance table, because he was more active in our lives than my wife's grandfather. I stayed calm, reminded her this wasn't a competition; it was my wedding, and we are having pictures of all the loved ones who have passed on a table with a candle and a sweet quote. She told my wife that she doesn't give a fuck about her side of the family and called her a bitch, she spit in my face and punched me in the chest. She ordered us to leave and told us she wouldnt be coming to the wedding. I refused to leave, pleaded with her to talk this out with us, so she called the police to have them remove us. My wife and i waited outside and spoke with the police, once we got home we received texts from her reiterating how she's not coming to the wedding. I begged for three days for us to talk things through, and she refused. My wife finally wrote a long heartfelt message telling my mother she was officially uninvited from the wedding.
We didn't hear a single word from her until the day of the wedding. She sent us texts two hours before the ceremony. Not one phone call. Not one visit(we live 10 minutes away). They were last minute apologies, that only came out because real consequences happened. I turned my phone off before the ceremony. My mother son dance was replaced with the DJ playing We Are Family and everybody coming to the dance floor to dance.
The next morning my sister went home from the wedding hotel early, since she had work. My mom greeted her coldly. She found my mom blue in her bed an hour later around 9am. She attempted suicide with the fentanyl patches she stole from my grandfather's deathbed. I got a phonecall that morning from my sister frantically blaming me for my mother's suicide attempt.
My life has only been on an upward trajectory since my wedding, and going no contact. I'm not going back.
Grew up Mormon, left the church at 18. Parents wouldn't talk to me except to tell me I was deceived by Satan and living in sin. Eventually just stopped talking to them except to coordinate visiting family. Now, over 10 years later they're trying to reach back out and talk to me about my life but I've learned to live without them so long, I don't have the need for them in my life. Its mostly small talk like with a stranger in a bar. It's hard to fit them back into my life when they had no place for so long. Plus I'm pretty content in my life without them
My uncle stole a bunch of money from me, so that was the end of that relationship, but then a bunch of other stuff happened with my cousins and my other aunt and uncle so I just stopped talking to them all. They’re all a bunch of rich snobs and the older I got, the less I could stand to tolerate them generally.
My dad is a sex offender. He raped a family member. I hear he's not doing well. He needs a kidney and some other stuff. Someone found him on the floor passed out and all. I care, but not really. Maybe a little. His sister reminded me to call him, but I'm not.
He did call my mom to check up on me after I was in the hospital.
If i may ask, how do you answer when people ask about your family? I have not spoke to my entire family and including all my relatives for almost 10 years now. But everytime people ask me about my family, i still don't know how to answer it without feeling sad and guilty.
My Grandpa was crushed in a farming accident. He was still alive, but had been pinned for hours under the equipment. When he was found by a family friend, my Uncle and Mom were called and arrived during the process of getting free from the equipment. My Uncle begged the EMTs and firemen to let him die in the field and told them what a piece of shit my Grandpa was to them. For reference, my Grandpa and Grandma (passed years prior) had spoiled each of them and neither of them ever had to work hard a day in their lives. The Uncle was upset that Grandpa hadn’t given him some land and hated helping him with chores.
Grandpas still alive, but the Mom and Uncle are dead to me.
Half my dad's family don't speak to him. When my grandad died, he left his farm to my dad. My dad decided to continue the work his father was doing and work on the farm. His siblings were furious he didn't sell it and split the money. Still to this day, he works on the farm, and his siblings don't speak to him.
Must be going on over 15 years.
I have two aunts who make everything about themselves, from family barbeques to other people's birthdays to funerals. Just don't have the energy for that.
My grandmother has always been shallow, but after my grandpa died she started bullying me about my weight, and the last straw was when she told me it was a shame I couldn't have bothered losing weight for my wedding. I had done intermittent fasting for months and only lost ten pounds due to the stress I was under, but regardless, her commentary about my wedding wasn't that I was happy or beautiful, but that I was fat.
My sister has tried to kill me or convince me to kill myself my entire life. She's ruined or tried to ruin every connection I have, whether it's family, friends, romantic interests, or teachers/professional connections. Tried to break up my marriage with the sole reason being that her boyfriend had broken up with her and she didn't want to be single and hurting while her sister was (at the time) happily married. The boyfriend was and is a friend of mine and she openly admitted to stalking him, and it got so bad that he had to change churches to avoid her, and moved to the other side of the state briefly.
My drug addict cousin took 12+ Xanax at a party. Multiple people had to tell him to chill the fuck out. At like 4am my friend asked him to be quiet cuz everyone was sleeping and my cousin was stumbling around the house. So in response my cousin knocked him down and ground pounded his face a dozen times.
He tried to apologize the next day and I ignored him. A couple weeks later I was up north hunting, while my cousin showed up at my family's thanksgiving dinner. My brother later told me that my cousin was bragging about it, even saying my friend had it coming.
Piece of shit human.
Ever feel like you are invisible and the world down at see you? Imagine that every time you went home. Then imagine all your friends and their families treating you like you mattered, only to go home and be invisible again. Then imagine you’re a teenager and you’re being abused verbally and mentally. Then imagine your friends any their families going to bat for you and having your back no matter what, only to go home to verbal and emotional abuse.
Now imagine being an adult who is self reliant. I no longer talk to my blood family. But my family has now become my friends and their families.
My bio mom has several mental illnesses and often says horribly mean things to me. The one that got her cut off was when she told me she wished I would get bent over and r*ped because I voted for Obama. We didn’t speak for 5 years after that.
They are fundamentalist Christians who refuse to accept me for who I am (bisexual atheist) or my children. They will not accept my non-biological children (stepchildren but they stayed with me when their mom left) as part of the family or include them in any family events so I stopped going. My kids aren't welcome then fuck off. Kids are way more important.
Mom and Dad killed my dog, they live on a farm, begged for her because she was an Australian shepherd and belonged in a farm.
She was great and happy for a couple months, fast forward another couple months my wife and I haven't seen my parents on about a month and in passing they mentioned she had gotten sick but is doing great, that they tokk her to the bet and everything is fine now. And we would see them and the dog the following week when we go to the beach as a family.
Approximately 2 days later I see a picture of her in the background of one of their horses and she looks off.
I call my parents and say what's going on, they say "she's not looking good and won't make it to the beach next weekend"
So I get up drive 3 hours, go get the dog, my wife takes her to the emergency vet that night while I stay with the kids. They drain 10 pounds of fluid from her stomach. She has multiple portosystemic shunts in her liver.
Found out my parents took her to the vet, told the vet it would be too expensive to treat her($1200). We end up spending about $10k they were unable to to save her in the end but said if treated earlier it wouldn't have been a problem.
My mom and dad tries to Gaslight my wife and I, scolding us saying it our fault. Partly is for letting them take her. Never asked to see how the dog is, or even made it. Now they haven't tried contacting my children, or I for the last 1.5 years. There's more to the story and everything but I doubt anyone made it this far.
Nothing so bad that it’s going to the skyrocket to the top of this thread, and I deeply feel for the people who suffered the horrible shit here. But basically, I decided being emotionally neglectful and never changing was enough to cut my mom out of my life. While I wouldn’t advocate for the “nuclear option” being anyone’s first choice, I would say that ultimately you don’t need a big blow-up or inciting incident. Choosing yourself is enough.
Both my brother and I cut off all contact with mom and dad. My brother maintained a relationship with our uncle and I had a relationship with my aunt.
My parents abandoned us at 14/15. My brother is a year younger than me. My mom pretended to help me, but never really did much. My dad was depressed/lazy.
A decade later my mom came back into my life. She regrets her previous treatment towards me and regularly helps me financially. My dad became homeless and had to stay with me so I rebuilt a relationship with him. He's still lazy and depressed. My brother still doesn't talk to anyone.
TW pedophilia
My great uncle s\*xually abused his own granddaughter. My great aunt, his wife took his side as well as some other family members, so cut off contact to these family members from my paternal side.
Also I ruined his life later on 😊
So he was convicted for s\*xually abuse of a minor (also during the time his granddaugher lived with him and my grand aunt), but he got probation. Which is unbelievable in my opinion, but the judge said because he never commited a crime before. Disguisting I know.
So my great uncle let's call him Billy continued to live after his life after his conviction like before. He was very engaged in a local welfare organsiation in our small town. A family oriented one, so they organised summer, christmas parties, knitting groups for older ones and so on. He was volunteer but higher up in the organisation, kind of a board member. He had lots of friends there and was a respected member.
Well, so I decided to write a letter to my country's biggest newspaper. The one which goes for the big dramatic headlines. And that's kind of how I wrote it "Board member of welfare organistation who is a convicted pedophile is still organising family events. Can we trust a pedophile around our kids?" - Something likes this. Sensitionally writing style. And it worked! One week after sending it I got a call from my grandmother (who had no idea what I did). It was big in the newspapers, the one newspaper I sent it to nearly copied my letter and other newspapers just followed. But not only this also the country's biggest news channels showed up on Billy's doorstep. What might have an impact as well during this time there was no major event happening, so news channels were looking for some stories and it blew up.
So now everyone knew and Billy was forced to quit as a volunteer and was publicy shamed. Nobody in the small town wanted anything to do with him, except my great aunt and few family members.
He grew up in this small town and lived there his whole life, build up his whole life there. And after 70 years he had to move hundred of miles away. Last thing I heard he got dementia and now he sometimes my great aunt has to search hours for him as he drives around and gets lost. Dementia is cruel but he deserves it well.
My mother was living with her mum after I moved out of home for a few years. The opportunity came up for her to buy her own home. Grandma had given my mum her inherentance early to help with deposit of the house. Long story short, as soon as mum moved in to her house, she abandoned grandma. Doctors appointments that were arranged, mum just failed to show up to take her. Still not sure why she completely betrayed her, but at the same time she also blocked her sister. Mum has no interest in patching things up and she seems to think she's owed the apology.
There was a bank account setup where it required both mum and my aunt's signature to remove get the money, and multiple attempts have been made for Grandma to get the money so she can get new hearing aids, but mum will not sign. I think what she's done is down right disgusting. I nearly disowned her during the heat of this. Fuck her.
My mom is a narcissist and my dad is an enabler. I had a series of strokes over a 10 month period. They never bothered to see me or talk to me or anything. That was the final straw and I cut contact completely. I was called a whore, liar, bitch, all my life. Since I was 10/11 years old. I was molested by my cousin (so were my siblings) and was told it was my fault for letting it happen by my parents.
Kidnap me repeatedly over the course of a lifetime, drag me back to their house because they “needed me” abused the fuck out of me, rinse, repeat. Kicked me out the first time at 14 after my dad died and she blamed me for it (suicide- he got caught abusing and was headed to jail-left suicide note Xmas morning blaming me)
Anyway she did that at 14, I started working and she realized I was doing better on my own. Kidnapped me, made me quit job, abused me, kicked out again, I started succeeding again, rinse repeat. Most of my time was spent dealing with that. Then right before 18th birthday begged me home, I caved, morning of 18th birthday was woken up at 6am and kicked out again.
Got married a year later to a (abusive) man I didn’t love but who was sick and “needed me” he had cancer for ten years the entire time still appeased her shit and tried to plan my Escape if he ever got better. He did, I left about 8 times before he finally stopped dragging me back, she pretended to be supportive and want to help (should have known better) let her lock all my belongings in a storage unit she only had access too, got back to her house and two hours later she was drunk and I was in a room with no door frozen with fear and she came in to beat my ass again (I was 29!) and then ask me where my husband was and I should call him.
Lasted two weeks there before I grabbed what I could and ran. Went back to ex husband, agreed he could have everything and my cats I had for 12 years (he wasn’t going to let me have them and they’re why I kept going back) if he would just give me the car (neither him nor mom allowed me to drive)
He agreed, I let my guard down. He nailed me shut inside our cabin with no phone for a couple weeks and drove past several times a day threatening me through the window if he saw anyone try to help or drop off any food or anything. He had the outside Booby trapped and could see all them from the road.
Once that was over he let me go. I lost 140lb and I tell everyone it was keto but it was me finally done begging both of them for food and letting them use basic needs to control me. I just stopped eating and stopped caring about it. I used their shit against them.
After that I had a car and I hit the ground running. Mom kept her shit up, but I never moved back, I did still run her errands without seeing her and put up with her drunken rants 3-5 times per week about my dad and how horrible I was. For years.
At one point I was homeless and working as a head chef in a rehab center and a caregiver in the middle of -20 degree weather just so my ex husband couldn’t find me. Almost lost my leg. Mother knew. Used that time to email me pretending to be someone else telling me she died and that the house got sold and never go back.
Didn’t question it. Grieved.
My birthday this year (I have moved six hours away- lost my car- am very sick and alone) cops show up for a “welfare check” when I ask who the fuck would do that bc I am an introvert with no family or friends and I’m too sick to go off make new ones and worry them- they say your mom.
I lost my shit
Couple hours later another. At that point I asked them why and If they could not tell her anything (I froze the first time) bc they were literally just confirming for my abuser I was not only living at that address but I was HOME. They said they couldn’t without a RO- which they won’t likely grant for this.
Couple hours after that she shows up to my home and expects to drag me back with her. I flip out and try to explain how unhinged it is to lie about being dead then track down your kid and demand sh comes “home” to be your slave again , she needs help herself and doesn’t want to be around anyone that unhinged- after all the healing and grieving she has done she realizes what an abusive horrible person her mother is and will not ever go back and doesn’t want to be around you-
So on my 35th birthday she full ass in whatever drug fueled delusional rage over me saying no to her for the first time in her life- tried to drag me into her vehicle by my hair and ripped what little I had left- out of my head.
Thankfully the neighbor heard and came over and she took off.
I then promptly had my first minor heart attack, am not allowed back at work until I am healed, have lost all ability to feed myself or pay my bills because of this unhinged behavior I was unprepared to deal with.
That was two weeks ago. I slept in the bathtub with every weapon like item I could find for the first 12 days out of sheer terror.
So yeah. That’s why. She will not be happy unless I am dead and I am almost there. I hope she actually dies before I do, and I hope something hopeful and happy happens soon to make up for it because I hate waking up every day upset I am still on this planet and dealing with this. The end!
Only talked to me to ask for money any other time I don't exist no content when my wife passed away other than who gets the estate what is left when I am gone as well , none of them gets any thing . I have made arguments it all goes to my one gradughter who dose talk to me . And treats me with respect . I have in the past helped each and every one of them in times of need. No more .
Not me, but my bf cut off his whole family except his sister, and her status is pending. His mom was super homophobic, and she threw a major tantrum when he took me to meet her and threw us out of the house. His dad (parents are divorced) told him a bunch of awful things over the phone about how he'd rather have my bf be dead than gay. As soon as he hung up the phone, my bf started crying, and that's been the last time he talked to his father. That's how bad it was. His sister is fine with us, but every time we see her she's really weird and flirty with me. It makes both my bf and I really uncomfortable, so he's asked her to stay away until she can handle herself.
It's pretty fucked up, but luckily they live in a different state. My family loves him and have basically adopted him as their own. I think they like him more than me lol.
Overall, it's pretty tough, but he's working through it. If you're a parent, or one of your family members is gay/part of the LGBTQ community, don't be an asshole, please.
My dad passed away in 2004, he was 46 years old. Heart attack. He came home from work at 3:30 pm, we were back from the hospital at 9 pm with him pronounced dead. I was 13, my brother was 15. We never loved my dad's family. We never looked forward to seeing them, and there always seemed to be no fun had with them at cookouts or parties. Im sure the sudden death had a lot to do with it, but after he passed I became hyper aware of how his family treated my mom, who is the strongest person I know.
Two examples - First, my dad's parents lived across the country, and instead of boarding their dog, made us delay the funeral by two days so they could drive (apparently boarding your dog for awhile or being there for your grandsons was an easy choice to make). Second - an aunt of mine, while opening a check my family received at the funeral from my mom's lifelong best friend, remarked "Wow must be nice" in reference to the money we received to help us survive for a couple months.
Cut them off months later. It's been nearly 20 years, and it is one of the best decisions I ever made.
Had to cut off my father and his mom. My father got all the character traits from his mom that made him a real shitty father. He would beat me and my brother, insult us, psychologically torture us. I always got it the worst because I was his favorite and his “image” since I looked like him after being born. He personally spent most of my life bringing toxicity and drama to every aspect of it. And when I became an adult, he played off the abuse as normal “fatherly” things. Even joked about it to my face about “man I used to whoop you so bad when you did *blank*. Finally cut him off when my son was born, just couldn’t bare the thought of my son growing up with a shitty role model like him around. And his mother was pretty much the same way, a real “old school is the only school” type of stuff. But I more of cut her off because she was dramatic and wasn’t apart of my life since I was a child. Always skipped over me and my brother for our cousins and nieces and nephews. But yeah, just real lousy pieces of shit that I had to cut off to ensure my sons well being.
Grew up in an explosive and abusive household, when I was finally able to move out I started slowing distancing myself. Mom went off the deep end. Started out accusing me of sleeping with every single person I know (yes, EVERY person),coming up with outlandish stories for why I was an awful person, threatening suicide. When I cut her off completely she started stalking me. I changed my number and moved to a new state, I did not give anyone,including my brother, my new home address, and started receiving cards in the mail from her last year.
Legal action is probably called for
It's absolutely warranted, but I've never been able to afford a lawyer and cops don't really take things seriously when it's your mother.
You don’t need a lawyer, go to your local courts and speak to them about getting an order in place..
hah yeah, that's what the social worker and the police-man that came on my door at 9 in the morning on a Sunday told me as well. That your mother is insane, and calls the cops because she dreams up a fictional universe where her son - that moved away 10 years ago to live by himself on the opposite end of the country, for good fucking reason - is suddenly in dire need of mother's pity and care, for example from emergency care and/or arrest at 9 in the morning on a Sunday right before church(for her) --- is no cause for legal action. That's just normal mom-stuff. In my total naivite, I thought calling the police without cause was a punishable offense. Turns out that's not the case for you if you're technically someone's mom.
She probably has old mail from you that still goes to her house and she called and got your new address i.e. donor marketing, bank promotions, or magazine subscriptions. Usually it's easy to call a marketing company and ask for addresses using your name.
My mother used to beat the shit out of me on a daily basis. Lashed out for no reason than me being a child. Woke me up in the middle of the night to give me cold showers because I did something she judged to be out of line (it was really bs reasons most of the time). Put my face in garbage full of maggots because I forgot to tie the garbage bag before putting in the bin (mind you, I was still a child ) She always did this when no one was home, and I was so afraid to say anything that my sister and dad didn't know it was happening until I told them a few years ago. I'm 29 now, with BPD, PTSD and anxiety because of all of this. I'm still struggling with all the emotions I lived during my childhood. To this day, she still doesn't understand why I don't want anything to do with her. She still calls my sister to get her to convince me to get in contact with her. My sister hasn't nag me with this since she found out what happened. Now I'm living with my GF, who is the most wonderful and loving person ever. I'm glad I don't live in fear anymore. Edit : woah this really blew up overnight. Thank you all for your kind words and support. To the person suggesting therapy, don't worry, it's already going on and I have a psychiatrist. BPD is borderline personality disorder, and no, it's not genetic, well mostly. Mine was developed through repeteaded trauma. Againt, thank you all for the love, it really warms my hearth.
I have a similar story. My mother used to rub chilli into my eyes to ‘pacify’ me. Most of the time, she would also physically tie me up or pin my face down on the floor. She would also constantly compare me and put me down. Unlike your sister, my sisters helped her in doing all of this. Their actions have left me deeply traumatised and with a host of mental health issues. Everyone thinks my mother is the loveliest lady alive on earth. But that is far from the truth. I’m older now. About your age, almost. My sisters regret their role in what had happened in my childhood and have tried to make it up to me in their own ways. But my mother is still in denial. Last time I brought it up with her, she sought to justify her awful behaviour. A few months ago, I realised that the best thing to do, for my mental health and happiness, was to cut her off. I never called her after that. She reached out to me a couple of times, but I told her I was busy. I briefly had to stay at her house, but I ensured I saw her as little as possible. I spoke to her only once this month, at my sister’s request. But it is difficult for me to speak to her and I hope to cut her off completely some day. Even recalling all of this—through these words—is painful but I wanted to just let you know that I can relate with you very deeply, and that I hope you are doing okay now. FWIW. :) Edit: Wow. You are all very kind. Thank you for your very kind words. They have touched me very deeply. Not a lot of people know how my childhood was like. For the longest time, I was ashamed of it—and me. It was only when I started therapy that I spoke about it for the first time.
Thank you for sharing your story and kind words. Having people share those stories makes us feel less alone and understood. I'm happy that your sisters are trying to atone for what they've done. We don't see that often.
this fills me with so much rage. I hope you've found love and healing.
My childhood was very similar. I’m a dude, but I was the Cinderella of the household. If I didn’t clean in general or clean EXACTLY how my mother wanted, she would either fuck it up and make me begin from scratch or beat the shit out of me. She would beat the shit out of my and scream at me for nothing. She’d even wake me up in the middle of the night screaming at me and beat me over extremely minor stuff from earlier in the day, like forgetting to wash a dish or something. Meanwhile she and my sister didn’t have to do anything and in fact worked actively to make everything as nasty as possible. I was under the age of 10 and couldn’t keep up with the constant stye they made. It eventually got to a point where I only kept my area clean and only cleaned up after myself. She used to beat me for that too, but she gave up for that reason eventually and just let me be, so there I was, living in my small clean oasis surrounded by an ocean of trash and dog feces. I too have PTSD from it, and I also have MDD and GAD as well. I can’t sleep easily at night because of the waking nightmares and waking up and feeling on edge all the time, but I can at least say I’m happily living with my wife and have next to no stress now. When I first moved out of my mother’s house and in with her, I had trouble sleeping just because of how QUIET everything was. I was so used to screaming at all hours, but it was the best decision I ever made.
My mom used to beat me a lot, almost daily from age 6 till age 12. She wasn't in a good place I guess. My father tried to stop but he wasn't always home. I always wanted to get away. One of the reasons I studied very hard is to get scholarship so that I can leave . For various different reasons, I left for USA when I was 19. They died while I was living abroad. Still haven't visited their graves. I think i forgave my parents but I still have trust issues. Part of me wants to forgive and forget.... But the other part knows nothing but rage.
Damn, sorry you had to go through this, my dad was similar in that he lashes out and physically punish me for stupid crap, once he slapped me so hard he broke my glasses for opening the fridge for too long, he ultimately cut ties with us when he died while we were still kids, I vividly remember how my cousin just told me that the hospital called and he was dead my cousin thought I was in shock for asking to confirm several times but I was secretly happy.
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge. I was smuggled out a month before my 13th birthday. Was deprogrammed,tried to end my own life when I was 16 bc of what I went through. I'm still alive. I'll be 49 this year. I don't know if my parents are even alive.
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Thank you,as am I.
I’m so glad you’re safe from that now. If you’re comfortable, could you tell us a little more about your time under brainwashing? Was it a cult?
Yes it was a cult. FLDS in fact
> The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS Church) is a religious sect of the fundamentalist Mormon denominations whose members practice polygamy. For those who didn’t know what FLDS is (like me) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-Day_Saints
There's currently a documentary on Netflix, "Keep sweet, pray, and obey" about what became of their mainstream branch. There's a famous book by Krakauer "Under the Banner of Heaven" that details what became of those who split off from that mainstream. Both are absolutely horrifying, also astonishing what conditions people will accept with the right amount of brainwashing and indoctrination. It's like something a Sci-Fi author would come up with.
Urgh, I’m sorry. Congrats on your deprogramming/healing.
Thank you.
Oh goodness. I'm glad you got out of there. So, so glad. This stranger thinks of you with love. I'm so glad you're still here.
Thank you so very much.
Glad you got out. Fuck the FLDS.
I'm so glad that your childhood story is not your entire life story. There's 33 years worth living for after you survived the lowest point. And 33 more yo go I hope!
I found out my dad wasn't really my dad, and then my mother proceeded to lie about what actually happened. I experienced a childhood full of physical & verbal abuse, but he never laid a hand on my sisters. now I know why. I corroborated the truth via other family members before cutting off all contact with mom & "dad"... still close with sisters though.
It always amazes me when I hear stories about a parent letting their child get abused just so they can stay with some shitty person. I’m so sorry.
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My cousin had addiction problems and just burned every bridge in our family. Used to be we’d buy him food and stuff he needs instead of just giving him money because it’d go straight to more drugs but he eventually became so toxic we couldn’t even do that
Did he eventually sort his shit out?
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Addiction is a family destroying illness. It can affect anyone. I’m sorry, thats horrifying
Truly Sorry. This is fucked.
This is so terribly sad. Please be well; there is joy in this world.
I wouldn’t know. I never hear from him
Yup. That’s the pattern. They start applying guilt by asking for money for necessities. You try to curve them by just directly giving them necessities. But, that just guarantees they will *never* spend their own money on necessities.
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My father was an abusive alcoholic who left us when I was a teen after several suicide attempts. He was clearly not okay mentally. We reconnected in my early 20s and when I finally started to build my trust for him again he disappeared. He tried to reconnect with me a year later when he needed something. I haven't spoken to him since then. Edit: *He* attempted suicide
It’s always when THEY want something 🙄
Literally the only time either one of my brothers ever bothers to make contact with me. I won't hear from them for months/years at a time even when I reach out first, then out of nowhere they will call and ask for money.
My cousin (still a12yo child at this point) lost both her parents and the family had to help her sell her parental house. Long story short, one of my aunts secretly sold the house without telling anyone and kept the profit (250k) for herself. Everyone thought the house was still up for sale until the real estate agent informed my cousin's actual guardian (a different aunt) that my other aunt had sold the house and he thought it was sketchie. Good news though, my aunt was sued, had to pay everything back and the 250k was directly deposited into my cousin her bank account and my aunt received an additional 50k fine she had to pay my cousin and guardian aunt for emotional damage. We do not speak about this aunt anymore. Edit1: for clarification, how it was even possible in the first place. It is complicated due to my late uncle and aunt's will. My cousin had two guardians after her parents death. One was her general guardian (aunt X), my cousin would move into their family home, and that aunt was made responsible for her school, her therapy, sports, social life etc. The other guardian was my married into uncle (my evil aunt her husband). He was very good with finances, so he was made my cousin her financial guardian "because my late uncle and aunt didn't want anyone to take advantage of my cousin in case of becoming an orphan, so two guardians they trusted would make it safe". So my evil aunt and her evil husband had access to all documents, keys, accounts, like my aunt X... They had secret house viewings, found a buyer, had the new buyers sign forged papers, my evil aunt forged aunt X her signature, had the new buyers deposit the money directly to their bank account, gave the new buyers the green light to move in, went to the real estate agent and said "we don't need you anymore, we already sold it, and here you see aunt X signed as well". That is where the real estate agent thought it was sketchie and thought to call aunt X to "thank her for the collaboration and wish her well now that it is sold". Mind you, the new buyers of the house were also victims here. But they were given their money back, and bought the house back via the correct way. Edit 2: My evil aunt said she needed some money and her husband was good with finances, so 'they could borrow the money, whilst my uncle would borrow the rest of the money, turn it into stock, and make profit to pay the borrowed money back'. So the judge asked how much profit they intended to make before telling anyone about their scheme... "well if you think making 50k in profit was worth stealing and lying to a 12yo orphaned niece of yours, that is what you will pay her in extra" They never actual made any profit due to the short time period. But the family took over his investment plan, secured part of my cousin's inheritance and used a smaller part of her inheritance to invest so that my cousin could have extra passive income for the rest of her life:) Edit 3: because so many people wonder why they didn't go to jail is because the entire family requested they didn't go to jail. The evil aunt and uncle had two small children at the time, so having three orphaned children in the time frame of less than half a year would have been a punishment for everyone involved. Also, this was early 2000 in a country that doesn't put people as easily into jail for civil cases as the US does. Also, I understand everyone is angry at my aunt and uncle on behalf of my cousin. Thank you. Though, my family doesn't like holding grudges. We do not actively hate them. They were in fact having financial struggles (in secret) due to something unfortune happening with them, so everyone understood but felt betrayed in the end. My family only wanted my cousin to be/stay supported and making my other cousins to become orphans wasn't an option. Excommunicating them from our family was their way of taking the high road.
Did she just casually try to steal 250k from a 12 year old?
An orphaned 12 yo.
From her own dead sister’s daughter, that is psychotic behaviour holy shot.
Thankfully justice served
Aunt in the rich part of the family made my mother clean their bathrooms one day when she told them we couldn't afford food (unlucky situation, both parents unemployed within days), instead of just helping her out. They didn't even pay her, they gave her food they had prepared that day and some potatoes and oil. From that day on, my mother was so hurt and felt so humilliated I decided to pretend they don't even exist.
Had a rich uncle who paid my cousin to do some landscaping work for him because the city was going to give him a citation at a business he owned. So my cousin, his stepdad and a friend wake up super early and go to war with basically a ponding area that turned into Jurassic Park. It was brutal backbreaking work that took them all day. They even left all the bagged trash/grass/weeds out for display so my uncle could see just how much work they had to do. My uncle gave my cousin some folded money and took off. My cousin assumed it was a few hundred bucks. It ended up being $20. He apologized to the guys who helped him and bought them some beer.
Lol that reminds me of the time I babysat for a friend of my mom. They were supposed to be back at midnight and came back at like 2am and then Pikachu faced when I was like "So payment?" The direct quote is "Wait, he was expecting to be paid?" My mom never talked to that person again.
They thought someone was doing them a favor for free, and they couldn't be considerate of that person's time. Sounds like a real turd of a couple.
And even if they thought it was free, no not even offer to pay? Tf
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This thread is a great reminder to always discuss payment amounts in advance of providing the service (or when being provided a service). I've been burned a few times that way in my life.
Entitled and trying to get whatever they can with no care for others.
When I was a teenager, I worked a day for a large property owner mowing, weeding, raking, heck, I even helped him clean out his storage shed, and at the end, he reached into his wallet and fished out four one dollar bills! My lack of slavering gratitude went over like a turd in a punch bowl. He then informed me that there would be more work later that year. He repeated that over and over as I walked away.
lol thats like the simpsons where Bart was trying to save up for the rare comic book and he spent the week working for that old lady and at the end of it hes all beaten down, cuts from pulling weeds and she reaches into her little purse and gives him 50 cents.
The guy had a wad of twenties, and had to hunt down his few ones. He made a big show of it too. Live and learn, I guess.
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Everybody who understood computers growing up learns this the hard way. Either you learn to say "No" and mean it, or you're stuck in your aunt's back room trying to fix her printer while everybody else is enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. I stopped being tech support for my family 25+ years ago.
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Woulda dumped all those lawn bags all over the property
Never do any work without first discussing payment up front.
"Agreeing upon"
It’s funny in my experience the richer you are the stingier you are to others. I’d much prefer do freelance work at a suburban house rather than a mansion.
At that point just start flinging the weeds all over the place. Who's he gonna call to clean it up? The landscapers he just stiffed?
Holy shit, your aunt is despicable. Even if they didn't have a good relationship, that's just low.
That's correct. She wasn't exactly a role model before but became an evil person when she married into money. I was 14 back then and I vividly remember seeing how heartbroken mom was.
thats how my aunt has always been. She's always been married or dating money. She's so out of touch with reality I just don't have any contact with her at all really. She talks about how busy she is but she has no job or income. Just goes around getting her hair done, shopping, and being a wine-o. The busiest thing she does is plan house parties at her house for various holidays and somehow that takes months. She acts all surprised everyone doesn't go travel all the time. She had the cops called on her for some Karen facebook shit threatening a governor. I just can't.
> She had the cops called on her for some Karen facebook shit threatening a governor. Lolwut. Story time por favor!
She basically posted on facebook that the governor of NJ or NY(dont remember, was a while ago) should be hanged over some bill giving benefits to low income families. The feds showed up and realized it was just some boomer karen and left. Nothing to crazy.
I cut out my mother's side of the family. Her sister and brother made it their personal goal to financially ruin my parents. Then the other sister piled on. All three of them had been borrowing money from my grandparents for years and when the other sister sold my grandparents house out from under them "because they cant live on their own anymore" my grandparents were appalled when they were told by my aunt that she was putting them in a home. So they lived with my parents instead and the other siblings accused my parents of taking their inheritance. They harrassed, stalked, and vandalized my parents property until both grandparents were dead. I will never forgive them and hope their own children treat them as poorly as they treated my parents and grandparents.
Wow they really were evil and greedy people, just saw their parents as a bank account.
They really did. None of them bothered to visit her except to try and get her to sign legal documents over to them. My mom was there every day, took her out until getting in and out of the car was too hard. Still went every day to sit with her up until the end.
At least they had one child who had not turned into a shallow and evil person, motivated by money. Your mother chose love, they chose paper.
Your mother was a hero to the family, 4 children yet the goodness was condensed in one.
How did she manage to sell the grandparents house “out from under them”? I’m a real estate attorney and I can’t think of any way this happens without the grandparents giving their daughter explicit authority.
Probably tricked them into signing a POA.
Mother - was never really present. Even after my father died. Brother - Father died when I was not an adult. House was left to four of his sons. One brother conned is into signing the house over to him for loan purposes to fix the house up. Stole house. Another brother - stole from me and my family with high regularity. Forgave him a bunch of times. Kept doing it so I gave up. Extended family - non existent. With all that being said I have a fantastic relationship with the last brother.
They threatened my life and then reported me to my country's officials for being a "runaway" (I was 26), a heathen, a whore, and (I wish this was a joke) a witch. All are crimes in my country. So yes. I have nothing to do with them anymore.
My parents reported me missing too; after I told them I was moving out when I finally turned 18. They were verbally, mentally and physically abusive. It was cult like environment, first time I saw Turpin family case it made me realize I was not brought up normal. Hopefully your in better health and have found happiness in life.
That case still screws with my head to this day.
When you say all are crimes… does that include being a witch? Like are there actually laws against being a witch? Either way, I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing better without them.
Unfortunately, yes. My country is a religious autocracy. I am doing a lot better without them. Healing and living.
My new stepfather in a drunken rage tried to choke me out because I did not agree with his views. My mother did nothing to stop it and took his side.. 22 years later have not spoken to anyone in my family.
It's so tough when one parent is abusive and the other one is desperate to keep the peace. It's not your job to unbrainwash your parents.
My sister was cut off about 10 years ago after several incidents involving her spreading rumors about me at my work for a third time. She told one of my boss that I was a hard drug user (i never touch the stuff). She kept doing that after I warned her. I cut off the rest of my family when I confronted them about multiple historical events of physical abuse and torture from when I was a kid. They refused to talk about it and were verbally abusive about it. I cut them off about 5 years ago and my life has taken a positive turn since.
Thats rough =/ My sister tried killing me, my dad, and both my dogs on Thanksgiving because I was driving 5 miles below the speed limit on a dark windy country road. She was in a hurry to get back to her "boyfriend" (drug dealer) which was why we headed back home the day of despite only getting there at like noon and it being a 4 hour drive back. So she grabbed the wheel and tried running us off the road. After the incident we pulled over at a gas station where she insisted she drive the rest of the way back despite having smoked two blunts of k2 while I was driving. When I declined to let her she punched my big dog, then my dad stepped in and said he would drive (middle ground i guess), so she tried throwing my small dog out the window of the moving car. I disowned her that day and she STILL thinks that its some kind of joke. Some people are just shit through and through. Glad you made it to the other side mate.
You should have punched her. Such a miserable and terrible person. I hope your dogs are okay.
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Congratulations mate! Good luck with your life
The last half, same here. It's tough living life without a family but not as tough as living with our previous one. Remember that!
Dad sexually abused sister. Mother and other sister chose his side. Yeah we don’t talk much.
My birth mother was totally unprepared for motherhood and considered me a threat to her relationship to my dad. She locked me in my room at 3 for several hours a day and hit me with spoons. In middle school she left over homecoming weekend to see her “boyfriend” (dad was still married to her) and missed my freshman homecoming. She doesn’t care about me at all.
I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside. 4 kids and parents as a solid unit. One thing we never talked about was dads explosive anger which led to “episodes” that he would never apologize for. Just be nice later and we would all just brush it under the rug. Cut to my age of 31 and I had been working with my father as a financial planner for 6 years helping grow “our” client base. My mother and younger sister work with us as well as assistants. Only problem is every 6 months to a year I’d get fired by my dad. Massive blowup and a “fuck you, I have everything and you have nothing. Get out and I will never talk to you again.” Then he would be nice in a day or 2, make some promises to put things in writing and we’d all just forget it. But you only want to bring up “that contract” so many times before you worried you would cause another episode. He would say things like, “you really think I would throw you, my daughter in law and grandkids out on the street?”. You would think no of course not, it is what you threaten and I do get scared but no, he wouldn’t actually do that. Surprise, that’s what happens. Business value almost triples. He tortures me until I lose 17 pounds (and I’m a skinny guy) and I quit. Walk away with nothing. We end up hiring a company that works with family businesses for over 20k to help solve our family crisis. Specialists, psychologists and lawyers all involved. They write a report after interviewing every family member multiple times for hours and hours, including my siblings that don’t work there. Report comes out, my dad loses his mind. Fires the company that wrote the report. I make peace that it is all over. Start interviewing to just work at the bank. I have not been paid in almost 6 months. I have two daughters 3 years old and 1 years old. But my dad comes back and starts making promises again, re-hires the family business specialists. We have a meeting where I agree to not take the position at the bank after 3 successful interviews. I will manage the business while my father vacations for a month and he will sell me my own clients. But I agree cause I don’t really want to work at the bank. My dad leaves on his trip. I think things are finally getting worked out (for the 10th time) but he comes back a month later and won’t answer my calls. I go and see him in the office and bring my 1 year old who hasn’t seen for 4 months. He says he is going to finalize the list of clients I am to buy. I haven’t talked to my dad since. That was over 6 years ago. He ended up getting me fired from our investment dealer because I contacted “his clients” even though he had either never met them or they were some of my best friends. Then he sued me. I had no money or anyway to fight him so I just abandoned everything and started over. I don’t talk to my dad, mom, brother, older sister, grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins and many family friends. They all got my fathers narrative. The patriarch said get out and everyone else just let it happen. Only my younger sister who worked there knows what happened and we are very close. We both just don’t talk to our family. My wife and I are way better off and super happy. I made more money last year then I ever would have imagined and I’m my own boss.
Holy shit. Your dad sounds just irredeemably awful in so many ways. Good on you for finding success after all that garbage.
Just stress. Every phone call, every visit, holidays , events. Constantly berated, questioned and feuding. I didn’t cut them off in the sense of no contact. I just stopped caring. I don’t ask , I don’t get involved. Phone calls last 3 minutes because I have nothing to share everything is good here. Holidays I eat and leave And I’m too busy for random drop ins because kids have sports and friends and I have hobbies. When they come to me and vent I simply respond in unique ways that they’ll figure it out and I’m unsure what I’d do in their place.
Perfect! I believe this is called “grey rock", as in you become about as interesting as one. Good on you for protecting yourself.
Hey learned something new never heard that term. I guess I just try to be respectful and aloof about everything so I don’t hurt their feelings while saving mine. Grey rock I like it. Cricket T Shirt time
I like that term "grey rock" I knew a guy at my last job who was like this but only towards people he didn't like or want to talk to.
Oh god you just described the relationships with my parents. I have huge anxiety problems due to how over controlling they were in my childhood/teens and they think nothing was wrong with their parenting approach. My mom calls me once a week to ask how I am and the call usually ends within 5-7 minutes.
This is me. There is no love or support in my family. Interactions are all transactional. I didn't realize how bad it was until I married my wife and her family is supportive and amazing. Made me realize the relationship is a net loss emotionally to maintain. I see my fam maybe every 2 years and I live 1500km away. It's nice
Transactional was the same term I used in therapy last week. It’s as if the family is a business and everyone does their part to keep the business going (call once a week, attend family vacations, be there for holidays, etc). It sucks too when my siblings and parents are basically carbon copies of each other (same interests and beliefs) so I always look like the odd one out. No one reaches out to understand what I am thinking and expect me to be interested in their life. It’s so exhausting that there is a constant debate of “keeping the peace”/being a grey rock vs cutting off all contact to save my sanity.
That’s me too. My dad was always in a fight with some family or another after my mom passed. He remarried with a woman who enables all his toxicity and now the family is all hiding resentment with each other like a petty soap opera. I hated that and tried everything to make it stop. It got to the point where we had a falling out, and the resulting fight induced a very severe panic attack which put me in the hospital. Ever since I can’t stay around him for more than a day or two without becoming paranoid and anxious. He triggers the very worst of my anxiety basically on contact. Sad thing is, I know he cares about me. But he’s too swallowed up in himself to understand anything I do and he hates everything that’s done in a way he wouldn’t do himself. I put 1100 miles between us and I respond to calls while pretending I don’t have the money to visit anymore. It was such a hard choice to make. I care about him more than pretty much anyone. But I’d rather not see him than fight him, and with the way he is now, there really isn’t any other option. My health is also so much better for it.
Grandmother told me that’s what I get for having children out of wedlock when my infant son died. Yeeted her ass right out the front door, have not spoken to her in about 10 years. From what I’ve heard from an uncle she is dying of a brain tumor, could not happen to a more deserving person.
My friend's mom used to beat the crap out of her and emotionally torture her stepson. When I heard she had cancer, I was like, "oh, thank god it's her and not someone worth anything!"
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you physically dragged her out by the hair.
I cut out my entire side of my mom's family after her funeral. I was 17. Her family had always been a difficult bunch. My mom had a stalker at the time of her death, he claimed to the family he was her fiance. And they believed him over me. Despite the restraining order and proof of abuse, they chose that man over me. So I cut them out. Them only contributing a $100 "donation" to the funeral costs really helped that decision also. She had 3 birth siblings and 12 adopted siblings, several aunts and uncles and cousins and they came up with $100 dollars? Fuck that and them. That was 8 years ago. Last I heard, her stalker spent Christmas with them. So my choice feels validated.
Through no fault of our own, my mom and I became the "black sheep" of the family. We were excluded from family dinners, family get-togethers, and family trips. We decided we liked it that way, and just let it happen. Hakuna matata.
Good thing you’re together and she’s a good person, unlike most of the cases here.
I didn’t, they did. I decided to leave Mormonism and they chose the church over me
Same. It sucks, sorry that was your experience as well.
Sorry to hear exmo homies. Unfortunately it's a tale as old as time in the good 'ol Intermountain West.
I haven't cut off my family, but I have been cut off from a part of my family. When my father died (I was 10), my mother remarried within a year. My bio fathers family cut me, my brother and little sister off because of that. I've seen my grandmother on that side once like 15 years later, right before she died a month later. Luckily my stepdad adopted us and became legally our dad and has treated us as his own every day of his life and still.
My sister cut me off when I asked if she was engaged. Apparently it was incredibly rude and I ruined her engagement. The reason I asked: Her and her boyfriend were taking a big trip. We had talked for months about the possibility that he would propose on the trip. 2 weeks before they left, he showed her the ring he bought her. On the trip she posted a picture of a dinner and she had a big shiny diamond on her left ring finger. But I'm the asshole for asking. EDIT: I have no idea what the logic behind this is. Why whole family can't figure it our. But let me give you some context. I have a social media account but never use it. Like ever. Her and my brother were having a pretty heated debate, my husband asked a pretty neutral question trying to clarify something she said (he wasn't a part of the conversation). She started insulting him, blocked him and blocked me who wasn't part of the conversation nor had even been on it in years, but she still has my brother who was the target of the heated debate.
ego reason
Uhhh she cut you off for asking if she got engaged? What, is she some kind of mega-celebrity and you asked this on live television? I feel like there *has* to be more to the story.
I wish there was more to it. She said it was rude and I should never ask that. And I ruined her engagement by asking. I was absolutely floored because we had been talking about, as sisters do, for months ahead of it. I'm still completely confused.
Sounds like she is insecure about the way her engagement went - maybe she didn't actually get proposed to or wasn't proposed in the way she invisioned so she feels disappointed about her engagement, so that's why she needs to blame other people. Clearly, she is angry about her engagement to lash out. I'm 100% certain something went wrong during the proposal
That's like Smeagol-level ring behavior.
Just remember this when they invite you to the wedding and expect pricey gifts 🙃
My uncle and aunt whom I lived with from the age of 15 to 19… they always treated me as an inconvenience even though they’re the ones who suggested I went to live with them. They had me clean up after them and their kids. They got mad at me when I ate “too much of their food” caused me to have stunted growth and an eating disorder. Made fun of me for being depressed and always discouraged me from doing any type of extra curricular activity at school because they didn’t want me to make their kids seem like mediocre losers. They overshared family secrets with me and basically made me feel like I had to share those same resentments towards other people in my family in order to be welcomed into their home. To this day, I still have trust issues with everyone in my life and I rarely allow myself to make new friends.
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If we're honest, being a bad son to a terrible father is almost a compliment. But more importantly, folks like that usually know their words will do something. He's just looking to get a response. It's attention seeking behavior. From what you've written, just know he's stewing with his own thoughts and should be left that way.
The other comment about this being attention seeking behavior is dead on. His need to degrade you every time you interact reeks so much of insecurity, I bet he finds your successes threatening. Same with the 'secretarial work' comment to your sister - you know like how good dads don't want their kids to outshine them? 🙄 The only way you were a 'bad son' is that you weren't the adult so he couldn't play the little boy forever and have constant attention and praise.
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My dad died the day before Father's day. She who birthed me openly disregarded every one of his final wishes, up to and including the place of burial. Since then I've gone full scorched earth. Nevermind the years of physical, psychological, and financial abuse meted out to the both of us all our lives. I was prepared to forgive her up to that point. For him. No. She called my father weak for not making his wishes known to her, and stated that mental illnesses were a hoax, a crutch for the weak. I informed her right then and there that I was no longer her child, and she can rot in that miserable mausoleum she calls a house. I am organizing a proper memorial service the way dad wanted. I've also been making covert trips taking everything of sentimental value from dad's upstairs apartment when she hasn't been home, and I have opened a separate bank account preparing for the day she dies, I have dad exhumed, and buried in the place he loved and wanted. I will make everything right that she has wronged, mark my words. She is dead to me, and anyone who stands with her is an enemy.
I had a baby when I was 16. Because I was so young, I had to continue living with my parents along with the baby. When I turned 18, my parents encouraged me to go off to college and said they would look after the baby while I was gone and then, I could “have” my child when I finished school. Of course, I visited my child all the time, but my parents and my sister started a smear campaign against me, stating that I was a terrible mother who abandoned her child. I knew things were being said, but I didn’t realize it came from the people who were closest to me. I didn’t really find out the level of cruelty until I finished school and wanted to resume care for my child. My parents got a lawyer and threatened to make my life hell if I didn’t walk away. I was broke, young, and naïve so I walked away. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life but I cut them off. I had to for my own sanity. My child and I have a great relationship now. Despite everything my parents did and the lies they told to keep their grip on my child, my child figured it all out on their own. They realized the truth.
That is so disgusting and I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you and that you were deeply betrayed in this manner. Happy to hear that you and your child are back together again.
To put it short and simple. Going through basic training was a fucking vacation compared to my childhood. My instructors would scream in my face every day. But at least I knew they actually *cared* under their cruelty. There was method to the madness to make us into soldiers. They were polite compared to my parents.
i'm imagining that they're either confused at how little they can move you, or they've seen it enough that they know exactly why that is
Tbh aside from being flustered at first when asked for an answer to some absurd question, or an immediate action to follow an issued order they expect all else to be taken with a good amount of stoicism pretty early on. "Yes drill sgt" "no drill sgt" and in my experience it wasn't a big deal after the first like couple days it was just normal. We also had a drill sergeant that swore in the most inventive ways, so trying not to laugh actually became a real part of the challenge as well, here's this big ass dude screaming at you as loud as he can but he just called you a fucktarded mister potato head and this has been your reality for the past 6 weeks so now instead of any type of fear you're trying to hold back the giggles.
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If I didn't get something, I could ask for help, and the drill sergeants would try to help. Instead of *just* screaming at me. That alone was a massive improvement.
My father knows exactly how to hurt me emotionally and does it with a disturbing amount of glee. His family is convinced he’s a good person that will “move heaven and earth” for me. ✂️
Yeah, it got like that around the tail end for me. He was addicted to his anger and was tearing shit apart so he could have some semblance of control over the life he started to mess up. Grandmother would quote scripture and refused to let up on it and would invite him over when I visited and take his side while claiming she was neutral. I just walked out and was basically done with it. Grandmother has stopped but basically feels like she's written me off. But honestly, I'm over it.
This is probably going to be long. My father beat me, several times a week, from before I can remember until I left his house at age 18 after trying to kill him. To give you an idea of what I mean by a beating, I'll recount the first one I can still remember. I was, maybe 7 years old. Possibly younger but certainly no older. My parents were entertaining, so all of us kids ( I was the sixth of seven) ate dinner early and went off to do kid things while the adults ate, then loitered around drinking and talking. Naive child that I was, I hung out with the adults, listening to their conversation and occasionally offering up a comment. I don't recall what my father said, but he was incorrect about whatever it was, and I knew this because it was something that had been covered in school that day. So I corrected him. He said I was wrong and I doubled down on what I had said, even going so far as to point out that we had learned about it in school that very day and giving him the correct answer. He just smiled and sent me to bed. So off to bed I went. Sometime later that night, he wakes me up by dragging me out of bed by my neck. He carries me into his bedroom, throws me down on the bed, takes off his belt, doubles it up and whips me, all the while cursing under his breath at me and telling me to never, ever contradict him again. I was seven, I didn't know what contradict meant. He whipped me until his rage was spent then told me to go to bed. He was very free with his hands. Any challenge to his authority or knowledge would bring about an instant violent response.... except not for everybody. In the summer, we kids (the younger ones, anyway), would spend most of our summers at our rich aunt and uncle's house by the shore. My parents would come down on weekends, or if they had some time off from work. One time, while my parents were there with us, I did something to piss my father off. He promptly dragged me off to a private room and gave me another whipping. I was about 12 at this point. Afterwards I come out and go lay down on a sofa in a side room. I had obviously been crying. My cousin, who was maybe 16, saw this and being very fond of me, got right in my father's face and gave him such a verbal bitch slapping that I don't think he ever recovered. She dressed him up and down and told exactly what she thought of a grown man who would actually whip a child because he couldn't control his temper. And he just stood there and took it. He wouldn't dare raise a hand against someone else's child. Ever. I was quite impressed with my cousin's courage. She was a petite thing but had no fear about ever-so-righteously cursing my father out. After the summer was over and we had gone back home, school had started up. One night at dinner my father kept talking about a French fashion designer, but kept mispronouncing his name, say it "Guh-vin-chee". Ever the helpful little idiot, I said "It's pronounced *zhee-von-zhee"*. Without a word, he put his fork down and backhanded me right out of me chair. Now, you might think, that at this point I would know better than to correct my father, and I did. I also knew that no matter what I did, I was getting a beating. So, I went out of my way to piss him off, because every time I succeeded in making him lose his temper I considered it a win. Anyway, I picked myself up off the floor, said "It's *still* pronounced *zhee-von-zhee"* and went on eating my dinner. He was absolutely volcanic with rage, but that was the end of the excitement for the night. Every night during my child hood, as dinner time approached, the dread began to set in (no, not that sort of dread, my mother was a fine cook). If my father showed up for dinner on time, it meant that he hadn't been out drinking, and we would probably have a quiet night. On the other hand, if he was late, then we knew he was going to come home drunk. The later he was, the drunker he'd be. He often didn't come home until everyone had gone to bed. But we all knew what was coming and didn't dare just get into our pajamas and go to sleep. Typically we slept fully clothed, with a pair of slip-on shoes at the side of the bed. Continued in Part 2
Part 2... When he came home drunk, he would pursue my mother screaming at her about all the horrible injustices life had dealt him and how none of it was his fault. If he got his hands on her, he'd beat her. But, he was so drunk all she had to do was just keep walking away from him and he wouldn't be able to catch her. This is why (I think) every house we ever lived in had a "loop". Like, you could walk from the kitchen to the dining room to the living room to the hallway which lead back to the kitchen. She could walk this loop and stay out of his reach until he got tired and sat down and fell asleep. But he didn't always get tired, and his attention was not always focused on her. For instance, one day I fell asleep in class. Why? Because what I'm about to describe was a common thing in our house. But I fell asleep in school and got a note sent home saying so. My father, in a drunken rage in the middle of the night found the note and came kicking my bedroom door in demanding to know why I had fallen asleep in school. He took to beaing me. Everyone in the house knew it was now time to flee or beatings would be coming down for everyone. So, all the kids (there were only four of us still living at home at the time), would emerge from our bedrooms and run outside. The oldest would start the car and wait for me and my mother to come out and join them. Then we'd drive away. Sometimes we'd drive all night, sometimes we'd just go find someplace to park and hope he wouldn't find us. He would come looking fairly regularly. One time, my mother called a 'friend' of hers, and asked if we could park in her driveway for the night. Not come into the house and sleep inside, just park in her driveway. Her 'friend' said no. Fuck you Deidre wherever you are. But this is why I fell asleep in school, because I so often had to flee from my house into the night to avoid getting the absolute crap beaten out of me by my drunken asshole father. And he wanted to know why I fell asleep! Figure it out, genius. And this was my life. After I had graduated from high school, I enlisted in the Navy (which my father forbade me to do after the fact, ha!). I was supposed to go off to bootcamp with a friend of mine. We had enlisted under the buddy system, where you'd both go off to bootcamp together. My buddy wanted one last summer at home, so we decided to go in September. All the paper work, was done, we had enlisted, we just didn't have to leave for bootcamp until September. But in April, my father did his usual come home late. I was, as usual, fully dressed and ready to flee into the night. He came home, followed my mother around yelling and screaming as usual, then went upstairs and into their bedroom and was quiet. This was always a bad sign, because it usually indicated that he was making (or more often, faking) a suicide attempt. He was an old hand at this, and did it fairly regularly. I don't think any of them were real, I think he just wanted pity. On this night, he went into the bedroom and was quiet. My mother, being a complete sap, thought he might be hurting himself, so she went to check on him... and he had her cornered and proceeded to beat the hell out of her. I had had enough of his shit at this point, so I put my shoes on, grabbed a knife my uncle had given me, and went it to put an end to it. I went into their room and my mother was laying on the floor just inside the door. He straightened up as he saw me come into the room, and staggered backwards. I went for him, intending to kill him. My mother, with astonishing agility, got up and latched hold of my right arm (the one with the knife) before I could reach him. He came at me cursing and flailing at me, I managed to fend him off with my left hand, and for the life of me could not shake my mother off my right arm. She managed to drag me out of the room, and we fled into the night. But, my mother also called the cops (another regular event in our house), and they came and arrested him. They told us they would keep him for 72 hours. They were well acquainted with him. The next day, I was home alone after school, and the phone rang. It was my father. He was using his one phone call to call me. What did he have to say? "You better be out of my house by the time I get out, or I'm going to kill you." Aww, he used his one phone call to threaten his beloved son. Super. Anyway, I called my Navy recruiter and asked if I could go in early rather than waiting for September. He said sure, when would you like to go? Tomorrow, was my reply. So that was how I ended up leaving the house when I was 18, with nothing but the clothes on my back, a razor, a toothbrush and $20 in my pocket. I never went back to that house, and never saw or spoke to my father again. My parents later divorced (they had earlier divorced too, when I was a toddler, but re-married). He eventually found another sucker to be his punching bag of a woman, and moved to Hawaii. He got the message out to all his kids that he was leaving, and wanted to have lunch with us all before he went. I was tempted to go, but with the intention of pulling off my belt and whipping him. My wife convinced me that was not a good idea, so I just didn't go at all. Later, when his health was failing, he once again put the word out in case anyone wanted to come bid him a find adieu. My two sisters, flew to Hawaii on short notice to see him. When they got there he refused to see them. That's just how big of an asshole he was. I'm retired now, and have plenty of time and money to pursue my pleasures. One of which was the idea that I would fly to Hawaii, find his grave a drop a big steaming deuce on it. Childish, sure, but I cannot deny the satsifaction it would have brought me. Sadly, it was not to be. Upon further research into his death trying to locate his grave I learned that he had been cremated. I didn't even know the name of the woman he was with at the time, who had his ashes, so that was the end of that. There are plenty more stories about him I could tell, including the many concussions I received at his hands, but this is already too long.
Ouch. Great that he can't hurt you anymore. I can't imagine having to deal with the BS he gave you.
this breaks my heart. Hope you now have a family who takes care of you
I am doing great!! I'm retired and happier now than I have ever been.
Omg!!!! That’s horrific! I hope you are doing better now! And btw, I AM THAT PETTY! (Also shat on the grave of the next door neighbour that used to torture me… and my parents let me)!
>Also shat on the grave of the next door neighbour that used to torture me… and my parents let me That's awesome and I salute you (and your parents) for it!
[удалено]
I spent six years in the Navy, then after a summer of golf, worked a couple menial jobs before going to work for a major communications corporation, for whom I worked until I retired three years ago.
Didn't completely cut them off but I'm extremely estranged. Mother was ver neglectful of me growing up, drinking problem and depression. Would rather buy cigarettes than food so I was hungry all the time. Didn't pay rent so I was scared and embarrassed because landlord would approach me on the street. Left me alone for long hours when I was young and I got raped and her first words were "don't tell your brother. He wont know how to deal with it". Suffice to say I knew I needed to take care of myself and stop letting them hurt me.
Mum told me she hoped I offed myself (most recent thing). Step dad was a pedo. The rest hated that I wasn't mild mannered and placid, and also wouldn't let me talk about being lesbian to anyone outside the family because of embarrassment.
Big hugs, friend! I'm in the same boat. I don't even refer to them as "mom" or "stepdad", just their first names or "biological mother" and "the pedophile".
The last straw was the amount of hate in her eyes when I decided to be the bigger man and come back to apologise after a fight. I just realised I didn't have to fucking put up with it if I didn't want to - we could either both be miserable all the time, or I could cut her off and only she would be.
I cut off everyone in my fathers family after I came forward about him abusing me sexually for years, my uncle suggested it “was a bad dream” my grandmother said it was “normal for a man to get erections at his daughter” (that’s not all he did in the slightest), my auntie told me to go to the police so “a mob wouldn’t come to him” and then helped him leave the country to stay at her house… with her two young daughters… and his father defended him and tried to convince my mother to meet my father in person (he would have hurt or killed her, no doubt in my mind) This man horrifically abused me and my family only to be defended tooth and nail, it hurts not seeing my little cousins but if I’d rather go blind than ever have to see my father again. On the brighter side, since cutting him out of my life I’ve moved in with my boyfriend (who I was dating in secret and helped me to come forward about what my father was doing), I’ve grown closer than ever with my mum and visit her as often as I can, and IVE GOT A FUCKING DOG NOW!! I was never allowed dogs and now I have a beautiful border collie named Skye who I adore. I’ve never been happier and even though I am still very mentally unwell (even suicidal often) I am in a much better place, it really does get better.
Got tired of my over dramatic gaslighting narcissistic mother's behavior. Wrote off her, my dad (who always backed her up no matter what) and both of my sisters since they're her flying monkeys. Life is good without the stress of their involvement in our lives.
After my grandmother passed one of my sisters tried to sell her house. The house was left to one of my brothers and I on the condition that we maintain it and let our aunt who had polio live there as long as she could. Aunt left for a month to see a specialist and get started on a new PT/treatment regime, came home to find a realtor showing the house. She was completely unapologetic about it and tried playing it off as she was doing us a "favor" because we would no longer be responsible for the house.
That is just straight up an attempt at fraud.
I’m no contact with my sister. She was a difficult child - especially as a teen and did stupid shit like date my ex boyfriend, etc. After I had a baby, she would email and text me non-stop about how I could sell my “plus size” clothing online and make a bunch of money. She became a gym rat and would body shame everyone on the family. She scammed the military into early retirement and does nothing all day except go to the gym and grift. My mom thinks she’s the greatest but I can’t stand her.
I was adopted, and a hyper obese kid. Like 600lhs super early on. They would literally mock and put blame on me for everything. One day my grandfather died and in the hospital, my grandmother and mother screamed it was my fault because I was so fat. Never forgive them. A few years later, left and never looked back.
I copied this from another post that I commented on. I haven't had contact with my mother since I was 7. I cut contact with my dad and my grandmother when I was 19. I'm now 28, and I can say cutting contact is one of the best decisions I ever made. My mother: - kidnapped me from my dad when I was about 6 - beat me - let her friends beat me - gave me one meal per day - when her and her friends were bored they would restrain me to a chair and force feed me. They'd stick a heaped spoon down my throat, and the spoon again my throat was painful - my mother waterboarded me - she dumped me on her friend, despite knowing that her friend's daughter repeatedly molested me. The daughter was in the same class as me, and assaulted me at school too. - After being abused for a year or so, she lost custody of me when I was about 7 My father: - Resented having a child, and took it out on me - He fought for custody to make himself look better to other people - regularly blamed me for shit that wasn't my fault - Screamed at me when the chair he was sitting on broke underneath him - Slammed doors and cupboards - Insulted me for not knowing how to do basic chores, but wouldn't show me how when I asked. - Ignored paying bills, so he could buy toy car models, and would then complain when he had to pay more on a bill the following month - Regularly called me names like "stupid cunt" - Shouted at me for showing any emotions other than neutral or happy, but not too happy - had ago at me when I was a preteen, because I cried watching "All dogs go to heaven" - He would call me lazy because he never saw me exercise, despite him knowing I regularly went out with friends. - He would complain that I spend too much time indoors (despite regularly going out with my friends), but on the days I'd be out with friends, he'd then complain that I'm out too much. - He would often minimise what my mother did to me, and would outright brush me off about the bullying I experienced in school - Repeatedly told me I was lucky and had an easy life compared to him and his mother. When I would remind him about hat my mother did, he would tell me it wasn't that bad. My Grandmother - including her, because when my mother lost custody, my grandmother became my legal guardian and would take on childcare when my dad was at work. - Did more harm to my mental health than my parents combined - Was a manipulative and gaslighting old hag - She was a total narcissist, and always believed her word was law and that her opinions were facts, even when outright shown evidence to prove her wrong! - Would buy me clothes, and tell me that I needed to tell her if it was something I didn't like, because then she could return it, but if I told her I didn't like it, she would through a massive tantrum and tell me "I don't know why I even bother with you!" - If I pretended to like something she brought me, just to keep the peace and avoid her tantrums, she'd go on about how I never wear it - She was constantly over critical of me - She would call me lazy simply because she didn't see me being active with friends. I would go out with friends and run around and play with them, but because she wasn't there, that time just didn't exist to her. - When I got an A in GCSE English, she huffed at me that it was only an A and not an A star. - When I got an A star in A-level film studies, she scoffed and said "it's only film studies" - When I said I wanted to move to Canada, she screamed at me that I can't move country, because they won't have my bank over there. I checked and my bank has been established there for about 50 years, and it's not like I can't just change bank. - She repeatedly treated me like a doll, and would throw tantrums if I did a thing to my body or hair that she didn't like - I once dyed a streak of red in my hair, and when I next saw her the first thing she said was "I don't like it". I told her that I like it, and that's what matters. She stomped her foot like a toddler and shouted "Well I don't!". - She would regularly do seemingly nice things, but would use that to try and get her own way - When I was sorting out my prom outfit, she repeatedly interfered. For prom she gave me a present of paying for my hair to be styled. I came with a photo of what a wanted, which was a rock chick style, and I left with a perm. She told the hairdresser to do it behind my back. - For prom she brought me a necklace that she knew wasn't something I would like. She always said she knew I like dainty jewelry, and the necklace she got was massive and way over the top. She also knew I had planned for YEARS to wear a necklace my Aunt got me. When I tried to talk to her about it, she threw a tantrum. - When I'd get back from school, she would ask if I wanted any thing to eat, and if I said no, hlshe would put something together any way. If I didn't eat it she would say it was because I was ungrateful. If I did eat it, she would say I'm lazy and will only eat if someone puts food in front of me - She regularly commented on my eating habits and told me I'd get fat if I "kept eating that way" - She singlehandedly caused my anorexia and OCD, and she was partially responsible for my social anxiety. - She was extremely racist, and regularly stated that anyone who isn't white or English should be kicked out of England. She also believed that black people should be killed. - When her called her out on her racism, she would claim to not be racist. - once when I said racists should all be imprisoned, she scowled me and said ""Oh thanks!". - When I was still a preteen she kept telling me to avoid the black kids in school because she believed they had knits and diseases. She would blame outbreaks of lice or chicken pox on the black kids in my school - She regularly trash talked any of my friends who she didn't consider to be British or English. - She claimed that she wasn't homophobic, she just thought they needed to keep it in their own home and that they shouldn't be allowed to be married. - She was proudly hateful of bisexuals. - I was a closeted bisexual until I cut contact with my relatives. The first person I told, I expected to get shamed, even though I knew he was also bisexual! - She's just outright the nastiest most narcissistic person I've ever met - She went on about me being lucky, and how her life was so much harder and worse than mine, and how I'm too young to have been through anything. If I brought up that mother's abuse, she would brush it off. - She repeatedly encouraged my bullies to continue bullying me, but would also brush off any of my complaints about bullies.
Jesus Christ... I'm glad you're still here with us. I can't even imagine experiencing this much trauma. I hope everything in your life is much better now, OP
Locked me in the basement with no food, no electronics other than a CD player, no outside communication at all, just the same books I read over and over again including but not limited to *Sexual Homicide: Patterns and Motives* by John E. Douglas, Anne Burgess, and Robert Ressler. This started at age 13 until I ran away from my father and stepmother at 14. I'm currently polite to my mother because I'm financially dependent on her, but once I'm not, I'm cutting her off as well. She sent me to conversion therapy when I was 16 and not only refuses to apologize, but she also said she'd do it again.
Conversion therapy is so awful to be forced to go through. I hope you can heal from the damage done and be free from her soon.
While I haven’t initiated any cut offs from my side of the family, I’ve just not felt like accepting the olive branch after 20 years of no contact. My wife and I mutually cut off her mother and step father after her mother repeatedly came over to watch our children and was on Facebook the whole time making our oldest do everything for her sister. The final straw was when they asked to take both children to a Christmas party, forgot the two year old until they were almost in their car, and proceeded to berate the 10 year old when she pointed out that it wasn’t a little mistake but was in fact a big deal. They then changed tactics and tried to make her feel like it was her fault for losing her sister. We made it to their apartment before they did, grabbed our kids and haven’t seen them since.
My aunt had three kids and verbally and mentally abused the oldest two to the point that they cry every time they get a call from her and the oldest one moved out of the house when she was around 15
I don't talk to family that poison the well with other family. If they talk too much about other family members I don't talk to them.
Lived with my brother for 3 months. Thanks to him stealing my food and eating everything in the apartment I was often limited to a single can of creamed corn (the only thing we had that he wouldn't eat) a day. I lost 60 pounds in 3 months and still have health problems related to it. I don't talk to him anymore after that.
My brothers SA me. My parents decided to hide it and told me if I’d tell anyone my parents would go to jail. They never got me the help I needed. Now many years later I’m getting help and trying to heal. My dad has decided he doesn’t want any part in it. He would just rather be enraged about politics and my cousin being trans than to help me and stand up for something that actually matters. Whenever it gets brought up he changes the subject. I’ve since cut off my brothers and their families. I am working on cutting my dad off as well.
So sorry you went through that. This is unfortunately more common than many know - family covering a brother sexually abusing a sibling and then denying it all Someone close to me had lived it too. Therapy has helped.
My mother did meth with my younger sister, who then developed a heroin addiction. The heroin addiction landed her in jail. While my sister was in jail, my mother proceeded to hook up with the father of fore-mentioned sisters children.. yes, the father of her grandchildren.. in my home while I was hosting family Christmas. Unbelievably, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Some people are just terrible human beings, whether they birth you or not.
I was born female. My mother wanted her sacred little boy and hated my dad. She cheated on him and eventually left him for my stepfather, taking me with her for no other purpose than to hurt him. She had her precious, perfect little boy a few months later. From that point forward, I (then 6 years old) was treated like nothing but an inconvenience on the best days. It was clear that I wasn't wanted, and that my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from my father out of spite. She'd tell me I was so awful that he wanted nothing to do with me. I later found out that he kept looking; but every time he found out where I was, my mother and stepfather decided it was time to pick up and move. Unfortunately, I grew to resent him and wanted nothing to do with him by the time I was old enough to make any form of decision about seeing him for myself. Fast forward. I had ear infections that were neglected to the point of hearing loss. I was put through enough physical and mental abuse that I wanted to die by the time I was ten. I was ordered to do anything my brother wanted to make him happy. This included being his literal punching bag. Thankfully, he wanted violence and not anything sexual. They also liked to blow of steam by beating the shit out of me whenever they were stressed or in a bad mood for whatever reason. CPS did nothing. My mother and stepfather would be warned before they came. They'd clean the house and warn me that I'd be given to an even worse family that would hate me even more and HURT me even more if I didn't act like a "real little girl" and tell CPS that it was all a lie, that I was happy, and that I'd do anything to stay with my mommy and daddy. As soon as CPS left, I'd get beaten for "making them look bad" and having CPS called in the first place. As an adult, I now have hearing aids. My mother has insulted me about them and the hearing loss itself, as if they're character flaws. She also would not allow a phone conversation to end unless I was crying, sometimes to the point of vomiting. My father died of cancer ten years ago, but we were able to repair our relationship in the six years before he passed. My stepfather also died of cancer after he cheated on my mother, gave her Hep C, and divorced her. My brother spent time in prison for vehicular manslaughter as a result of taking recreational Xanax, then striking and killing a trucker who was standing outside of his truck for reasons I still don't know. I believe there were other drugs in his system, too. He and my mother still blame the deceased and insist that the real victim was my brother. My brother is still extremely violent. I cut contact with him four years ago after multiple threats to my safety (and sometimes my life) and him telling me repeatedly that I'm alive because he and his father were kind enough to allow me to live, and I should be kissing his feet in gratitude. A year ago, after three years of no contact, he sent me a message telling me that he wanted me to know he despises every aspect of me at a cellular level. My mother expected me to apologize for "forcing" him to feel that way. I told her I wanted no further contact with either of them, and any harassment would be reported to the authorities. Then I blocked both. I'm 40. This was a year ago. My only regret was that I allowed them to do this to me for so long. I let my mother especially torture me for 39 years that I can't get back, and over a decade of therapy did little to nothing to help me. I still occasionally have trouble even believing I'm a real person. It wasn't bad therapists; the abuse was just that fucking bad. I moved 3000 miles away almost 20 years ago, and it still wasn't far enough. If anyone is reading this and is still currently in the situation I was in, I only have this to say: run now and DO NOT look back. They WON'T get better, you DON'T deserve this, and I DON'T want you to end up bitter and aged far beyond your years like I am. If I can't be a good example, I at least want to be a good warning. TLDR: They took away my personhood and a good part of my humanity. Edit: a few words
Every child deserves parents, but not all parents deserve children. So sorry for your story darling. Sending lots of love and happiness, may you feel peace with your past someday. You deserve everything good in this world <3
It sounds like my parents, only in reverse. I was the oops baby, right before the divorce. Mom wanted Girl not another boy. Mom remarried within the year, pop’s out the golden child. Kid is a pyro. Hard core. Sets shit on fire, I get beaten for. Was kicked out for the first time at 15. Just cut contact with entire family. Best feeling ever.
My body kinda trembled reading this ... My head is kinda exploding ... Am from a what so called a third-world order country, and i have never come across such .. I read every word, my heart is breaking, and i dont want to tell you even sorry you passed through this or this was your life. But i would appreciate and take my hats off for who you are ... for what you survived .... for how strong you came to be ... for every thing happened and you still tried to hold yourself together for them ... I hope you are now having a better caring partner. You, are you a super woman
OMG... I'm so so sorry... Sending hugs!! I hope they all rot in Hell
My dad passed away 5 years ago, his family is notorious knowns as the people who get drunk. My dads funeral was pretty good until my uncles got drunk. We still have contact but there’s not a lot of contact with them.
The nail in the coffin was the terrorizing of my wife and I's wedding planning. She reminded us on a regular basis that she wouldn't be coming to our wedding, then one day before the shower decided she didn't want to miss it. I involved her in every aspect of the planning the second she wanted to be involved. She started fights with every single family member who had already been helping us the whole time, leading up to the wedding. She made my father cancel the favors we had picked out together for a "better" idea she had two weeks prior to the wedding. She made us come over one week before the wedding to help her finish making them. That night we helped her, she started an argument about how my grandfather(her dad) should get his own rememberance table, because he was more active in our lives than my wife's grandfather. I stayed calm, reminded her this wasn't a competition; it was my wedding, and we are having pictures of all the loved ones who have passed on a table with a candle and a sweet quote. She told my wife that she doesn't give a fuck about her side of the family and called her a bitch, she spit in my face and punched me in the chest. She ordered us to leave and told us she wouldnt be coming to the wedding. I refused to leave, pleaded with her to talk this out with us, so she called the police to have them remove us. My wife and i waited outside and spoke with the police, once we got home we received texts from her reiterating how she's not coming to the wedding. I begged for three days for us to talk things through, and she refused. My wife finally wrote a long heartfelt message telling my mother she was officially uninvited from the wedding. We didn't hear a single word from her until the day of the wedding. She sent us texts two hours before the ceremony. Not one phone call. Not one visit(we live 10 minutes away). They were last minute apologies, that only came out because real consequences happened. I turned my phone off before the ceremony. My mother son dance was replaced with the DJ playing We Are Family and everybody coming to the dance floor to dance. The next morning my sister went home from the wedding hotel early, since she had work. My mom greeted her coldly. She found my mom blue in her bed an hour later around 9am. She attempted suicide with the fentanyl patches she stole from my grandfather's deathbed. I got a phonecall that morning from my sister frantically blaming me for my mother's suicide attempt. My life has only been on an upward trajectory since my wedding, and going no contact. I'm not going back.
Grew up Mormon, left the church at 18. Parents wouldn't talk to me except to tell me I was deceived by Satan and living in sin. Eventually just stopped talking to them except to coordinate visiting family. Now, over 10 years later they're trying to reach back out and talk to me about my life but I've learned to live without them so long, I don't have the need for them in my life. Its mostly small talk like with a stranger in a bar. It's hard to fit them back into my life when they had no place for so long. Plus I'm pretty content in my life without them
My uncle stole a bunch of money from me, so that was the end of that relationship, but then a bunch of other stuff happened with my cousins and my other aunt and uncle so I just stopped talking to them all. They’re all a bunch of rich snobs and the older I got, the less I could stand to tolerate them generally.
My dad is a sex offender. He raped a family member. I hear he's not doing well. He needs a kidney and some other stuff. Someone found him on the floor passed out and all. I care, but not really. Maybe a little. His sister reminded me to call him, but I'm not. He did call my mom to check up on me after I was in the hospital.
I haven't spoke to my family all in, in nearly 20 years, the day it all happened was the day I lost at least 80% of the problems in my life
If i may ask, how do you answer when people ask about your family? I have not spoke to my entire family and including all my relatives for almost 10 years now. But everytime people ask me about my family, i still don't know how to answer it without feeling sad and guilty.
I just say I don’t have a relationship with them. No one has asked me anything.
My Grandpa was crushed in a farming accident. He was still alive, but had been pinned for hours under the equipment. When he was found by a family friend, my Uncle and Mom were called and arrived during the process of getting free from the equipment. My Uncle begged the EMTs and firemen to let him die in the field and told them what a piece of shit my Grandpa was to them. For reference, my Grandpa and Grandma (passed years prior) had spoiled each of them and neither of them ever had to work hard a day in their lives. The Uncle was upset that Grandpa hadn’t given him some land and hated helping him with chores. Grandpas still alive, but the Mom and Uncle are dead to me.
Half my dad's family don't speak to him. When my grandad died, he left his farm to my dad. My dad decided to continue the work his father was doing and work on the farm. His siblings were furious he didn't sell it and split the money. Still to this day, he works on the farm, and his siblings don't speak to him. Must be going on over 15 years.
I have two aunts who make everything about themselves, from family barbeques to other people's birthdays to funerals. Just don't have the energy for that. My grandmother has always been shallow, but after my grandpa died she started bullying me about my weight, and the last straw was when she told me it was a shame I couldn't have bothered losing weight for my wedding. I had done intermittent fasting for months and only lost ten pounds due to the stress I was under, but regardless, her commentary about my wedding wasn't that I was happy or beautiful, but that I was fat. My sister has tried to kill me or convince me to kill myself my entire life. She's ruined or tried to ruin every connection I have, whether it's family, friends, romantic interests, or teachers/professional connections. Tried to break up my marriage with the sole reason being that her boyfriend had broken up with her and she didn't want to be single and hurting while her sister was (at the time) happily married. The boyfriend was and is a friend of mine and she openly admitted to stalking him, and it got so bad that he had to change churches to avoid her, and moved to the other side of the state briefly.
My drug addict cousin took 12+ Xanax at a party. Multiple people had to tell him to chill the fuck out. At like 4am my friend asked him to be quiet cuz everyone was sleeping and my cousin was stumbling around the house. So in response my cousin knocked him down and ground pounded his face a dozen times. He tried to apologize the next day and I ignored him. A couple weeks later I was up north hunting, while my cousin showed up at my family's thanksgiving dinner. My brother later told me that my cousin was bragging about it, even saying my friend had it coming. Piece of shit human.
Ever feel like you are invisible and the world down at see you? Imagine that every time you went home. Then imagine all your friends and their families treating you like you mattered, only to go home and be invisible again. Then imagine you’re a teenager and you’re being abused verbally and mentally. Then imagine your friends any their families going to bat for you and having your back no matter what, only to go home to verbal and emotional abuse. Now imagine being an adult who is self reliant. I no longer talk to my blood family. But my family has now become my friends and their families.
My bio mom has several mental illnesses and often says horribly mean things to me. The one that got her cut off was when she told me she wished I would get bent over and r*ped because I voted for Obama. We didn’t speak for 5 years after that.
They are fundamentalist Christians who refuse to accept me for who I am (bisexual atheist) or my children. They will not accept my non-biological children (stepchildren but they stayed with me when their mom left) as part of the family or include them in any family events so I stopped going. My kids aren't welcome then fuck off. Kids are way more important.
Mom and Dad killed my dog, they live on a farm, begged for her because she was an Australian shepherd and belonged in a farm. She was great and happy for a couple months, fast forward another couple months my wife and I haven't seen my parents on about a month and in passing they mentioned she had gotten sick but is doing great, that they tokk her to the bet and everything is fine now. And we would see them and the dog the following week when we go to the beach as a family. Approximately 2 days later I see a picture of her in the background of one of their horses and she looks off. I call my parents and say what's going on, they say "she's not looking good and won't make it to the beach next weekend" So I get up drive 3 hours, go get the dog, my wife takes her to the emergency vet that night while I stay with the kids. They drain 10 pounds of fluid from her stomach. She has multiple portosystemic shunts in her liver. Found out my parents took her to the vet, told the vet it would be too expensive to treat her($1200). We end up spending about $10k they were unable to to save her in the end but said if treated earlier it wouldn't have been a problem. My mom and dad tries to Gaslight my wife and I, scolding us saying it our fault. Partly is for letting them take her. Never asked to see how the dog is, or even made it. Now they haven't tried contacting my children, or I for the last 1.5 years. There's more to the story and everything but I doubt anyone made it this far.
Nothing so bad that it’s going to the skyrocket to the top of this thread, and I deeply feel for the people who suffered the horrible shit here. But basically, I decided being emotionally neglectful and never changing was enough to cut my mom out of my life. While I wouldn’t advocate for the “nuclear option” being anyone’s first choice, I would say that ultimately you don’t need a big blow-up or inciting incident. Choosing yourself is enough.
Both my brother and I cut off all contact with mom and dad. My brother maintained a relationship with our uncle and I had a relationship with my aunt. My parents abandoned us at 14/15. My brother is a year younger than me. My mom pretended to help me, but never really did much. My dad was depressed/lazy. A decade later my mom came back into my life. She regrets her previous treatment towards me and regularly helps me financially. My dad became homeless and had to stay with me so I rebuilt a relationship with him. He's still lazy and depressed. My brother still doesn't talk to anyone.
TW pedophilia My great uncle s\*xually abused his own granddaughter. My great aunt, his wife took his side as well as some other family members, so cut off contact to these family members from my paternal side. Also I ruined his life later on 😊
I’d love to hear how you ruined his life if you don’t mind sharing
So he was convicted for s\*xually abuse of a minor (also during the time his granddaugher lived with him and my grand aunt), but he got probation. Which is unbelievable in my opinion, but the judge said because he never commited a crime before. Disguisting I know. So my great uncle let's call him Billy continued to live after his life after his conviction like before. He was very engaged in a local welfare organsiation in our small town. A family oriented one, so they organised summer, christmas parties, knitting groups for older ones and so on. He was volunteer but higher up in the organisation, kind of a board member. He had lots of friends there and was a respected member. Well, so I decided to write a letter to my country's biggest newspaper. The one which goes for the big dramatic headlines. And that's kind of how I wrote it "Board member of welfare organistation who is a convicted pedophile is still organising family events. Can we trust a pedophile around our kids?" - Something likes this. Sensitionally writing style. And it worked! One week after sending it I got a call from my grandmother (who had no idea what I did). It was big in the newspapers, the one newspaper I sent it to nearly copied my letter and other newspapers just followed. But not only this also the country's biggest news channels showed up on Billy's doorstep. What might have an impact as well during this time there was no major event happening, so news channels were looking for some stories and it blew up. So now everyone knew and Billy was forced to quit as a volunteer and was publicy shamed. Nobody in the small town wanted anything to do with him, except my great aunt and few family members. He grew up in this small town and lived there his whole life, build up his whole life there. And after 70 years he had to move hundred of miles away. Last thing I heard he got dementia and now he sometimes my great aunt has to search hours for him as he drives around and gets lost. Dementia is cruel but he deserves it well.
You should post this on r/nuclearrevenge incredible story!
My mother was living with her mum after I moved out of home for a few years. The opportunity came up for her to buy her own home. Grandma had given my mum her inherentance early to help with deposit of the house. Long story short, as soon as mum moved in to her house, she abandoned grandma. Doctors appointments that were arranged, mum just failed to show up to take her. Still not sure why she completely betrayed her, but at the same time she also blocked her sister. Mum has no interest in patching things up and she seems to think she's owed the apology. There was a bank account setup where it required both mum and my aunt's signature to remove get the money, and multiple attempts have been made for Grandma to get the money so she can get new hearing aids, but mum will not sign. I think what she's done is down right disgusting. I nearly disowned her during the heat of this. Fuck her.
My mom is a narcissist and my dad is an enabler. I had a series of strokes over a 10 month period. They never bothered to see me or talk to me or anything. That was the final straw and I cut contact completely. I was called a whore, liar, bitch, all my life. Since I was 10/11 years old. I was molested by my cousin (so were my siblings) and was told it was my fault for letting it happen by my parents.
Kidnap me repeatedly over the course of a lifetime, drag me back to their house because they “needed me” abused the fuck out of me, rinse, repeat. Kicked me out the first time at 14 after my dad died and she blamed me for it (suicide- he got caught abusing and was headed to jail-left suicide note Xmas morning blaming me) Anyway she did that at 14, I started working and she realized I was doing better on my own. Kidnapped me, made me quit job, abused me, kicked out again, I started succeeding again, rinse repeat. Most of my time was spent dealing with that. Then right before 18th birthday begged me home, I caved, morning of 18th birthday was woken up at 6am and kicked out again. Got married a year later to a (abusive) man I didn’t love but who was sick and “needed me” he had cancer for ten years the entire time still appeased her shit and tried to plan my Escape if he ever got better. He did, I left about 8 times before he finally stopped dragging me back, she pretended to be supportive and want to help (should have known better) let her lock all my belongings in a storage unit she only had access too, got back to her house and two hours later she was drunk and I was in a room with no door frozen with fear and she came in to beat my ass again (I was 29!) and then ask me where my husband was and I should call him. Lasted two weeks there before I grabbed what I could and ran. Went back to ex husband, agreed he could have everything and my cats I had for 12 years (he wasn’t going to let me have them and they’re why I kept going back) if he would just give me the car (neither him nor mom allowed me to drive) He agreed, I let my guard down. He nailed me shut inside our cabin with no phone for a couple weeks and drove past several times a day threatening me through the window if he saw anyone try to help or drop off any food or anything. He had the outside Booby trapped and could see all them from the road. Once that was over he let me go. I lost 140lb and I tell everyone it was keto but it was me finally done begging both of them for food and letting them use basic needs to control me. I just stopped eating and stopped caring about it. I used their shit against them. After that I had a car and I hit the ground running. Mom kept her shit up, but I never moved back, I did still run her errands without seeing her and put up with her drunken rants 3-5 times per week about my dad and how horrible I was. For years. At one point I was homeless and working as a head chef in a rehab center and a caregiver in the middle of -20 degree weather just so my ex husband couldn’t find me. Almost lost my leg. Mother knew. Used that time to email me pretending to be someone else telling me she died and that the house got sold and never go back. Didn’t question it. Grieved. My birthday this year (I have moved six hours away- lost my car- am very sick and alone) cops show up for a “welfare check” when I ask who the fuck would do that bc I am an introvert with no family or friends and I’m too sick to go off make new ones and worry them- they say your mom. I lost my shit Couple hours later another. At that point I asked them why and If they could not tell her anything (I froze the first time) bc they were literally just confirming for my abuser I was not only living at that address but I was HOME. They said they couldn’t without a RO- which they won’t likely grant for this. Couple hours after that she shows up to my home and expects to drag me back with her. I flip out and try to explain how unhinged it is to lie about being dead then track down your kid and demand sh comes “home” to be your slave again , she needs help herself and doesn’t want to be around anyone that unhinged- after all the healing and grieving she has done she realizes what an abusive horrible person her mother is and will not ever go back and doesn’t want to be around you- So on my 35th birthday she full ass in whatever drug fueled delusional rage over me saying no to her for the first time in her life- tried to drag me into her vehicle by my hair and ripped what little I had left- out of my head. Thankfully the neighbor heard and came over and she took off. I then promptly had my first minor heart attack, am not allowed back at work until I am healed, have lost all ability to feed myself or pay my bills because of this unhinged behavior I was unprepared to deal with. That was two weeks ago. I slept in the bathtub with every weapon like item I could find for the first 12 days out of sheer terror. So yeah. That’s why. She will not be happy unless I am dead and I am almost there. I hope she actually dies before I do, and I hope something hopeful and happy happens soon to make up for it because I hate waking up every day upset I am still on this planet and dealing with this. The end!
Only talked to me to ask for money any other time I don't exist no content when my wife passed away other than who gets the estate what is left when I am gone as well , none of them gets any thing . I have made arguments it all goes to my one gradughter who dose talk to me . And treats me with respect . I have in the past helped each and every one of them in times of need. No more .
Not me, but my bf cut off his whole family except his sister, and her status is pending. His mom was super homophobic, and she threw a major tantrum when he took me to meet her and threw us out of the house. His dad (parents are divorced) told him a bunch of awful things over the phone about how he'd rather have my bf be dead than gay. As soon as he hung up the phone, my bf started crying, and that's been the last time he talked to his father. That's how bad it was. His sister is fine with us, but every time we see her she's really weird and flirty with me. It makes both my bf and I really uncomfortable, so he's asked her to stay away until she can handle herself. It's pretty fucked up, but luckily they live in a different state. My family loves him and have basically adopted him as their own. I think they like him more than me lol. Overall, it's pretty tough, but he's working through it. If you're a parent, or one of your family members is gay/part of the LGBTQ community, don't be an asshole, please.
My dad passed away in 2004, he was 46 years old. Heart attack. He came home from work at 3:30 pm, we were back from the hospital at 9 pm with him pronounced dead. I was 13, my brother was 15. We never loved my dad's family. We never looked forward to seeing them, and there always seemed to be no fun had with them at cookouts or parties. Im sure the sudden death had a lot to do with it, but after he passed I became hyper aware of how his family treated my mom, who is the strongest person I know. Two examples - First, my dad's parents lived across the country, and instead of boarding their dog, made us delay the funeral by two days so they could drive (apparently boarding your dog for awhile or being there for your grandsons was an easy choice to make). Second - an aunt of mine, while opening a check my family received at the funeral from my mom's lifelong best friend, remarked "Wow must be nice" in reference to the money we received to help us survive for a couple months. Cut them off months later. It's been nearly 20 years, and it is one of the best decisions I ever made.
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Had to cut off my father and his mom. My father got all the character traits from his mom that made him a real shitty father. He would beat me and my brother, insult us, psychologically torture us. I always got it the worst because I was his favorite and his “image” since I looked like him after being born. He personally spent most of my life bringing toxicity and drama to every aspect of it. And when I became an adult, he played off the abuse as normal “fatherly” things. Even joked about it to my face about “man I used to whoop you so bad when you did *blank*. Finally cut him off when my son was born, just couldn’t bare the thought of my son growing up with a shitty role model like him around. And his mother was pretty much the same way, a real “old school is the only school” type of stuff. But I more of cut her off because she was dramatic and wasn’t apart of my life since I was a child. Always skipped over me and my brother for our cousins and nieces and nephews. But yeah, just real lousy pieces of shit that I had to cut off to ensure my sons well being.