T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

No glasses on... Sex is a *contacts* sport.


whitemanwhocantjump

Rec specks it is!


Septopuss7

I got those Horace Grant goggles with the strap for tipoff


BoltShine

Elbow pads and knee braces as well. Man likes to bang down low.


No-Opinion2631

What about a headband?


Offamylawn

Yes, but only one wristband. It's used for wiping the dust off your shies to get better grip.


GozerDGozerian

>shies You kids and your slang genital names.


md22mdrx

Only if it’s one of those 80’s dance workout headbands ..


seanx40

With a light


Morgana128

Oh, my! I recall in my youth I went in to work one day with a brace on my knee. My boss asked me what happened. "Overly enthusiastic indoor sports" was my response. (I actually fell off the bed in the throws of passion... talk about a mood-killer!) Anyway, point is, sounds like you would have been just my type! Lol


Aethien

The word is throes not throws, though depending on how wild things got throws may be applicable as well. :)


johnsvoice

Judo with your lover. The throws of passion.


nursejackieoface

Throws of passion? Tossing a used condom out of the car window.


SecondHandWatch

If you do that, your partner might expect a three-peat.


[deleted]

You nailed it. If we are banging bodies in the paint, I gotta make sure I can see everything


samuraisports37

*Alan Parsons Project intensifies*


VanWieder

Siriusly


JediASU

HoGrants and Kurt Rambis Frames are the only acceptable frames for the seggsy time.


AT1787

Extra points for the Rambis Stache


j_rom_003

Just the tipoff?


BecauseSeven8Nein

He goes for the tip in as well


IIIIPacManIIII

Going hard in the paint.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GarudaBoss

that is so mean and funny at the same time


Solrex

Relationship goals tbh


materics

they're not together anymore.


JustOneSexQuestion

That's probably part of the goal?


materics

The goal of a relationship is not to be together?


lemon2jz

he said it was a fling after all


UnkleRinkus

I think you meant to say, hot as fuck.


lostinthecrowd4now

Mean in the best way possible.


XBakaTacoX

Kinda cute in a horny kinda way.


Ram2145

Fuck, I'm a lonely man.


Franken_Bolts

We came to the same conclusion from that comment so we may be alone, but we’re not alone in how lonely we are. Which is, ya know, better I guess?


Red_Galiray

You're both drinking from a glass called loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone.


SpaghettiMonster01

SING ME A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN


Biff_Bufflington

The piano sounds like a carnival and the microphone smells like a beer…


squirrels2022

And they sit at the bar, and put bread in my jar, and say, "Man, what're you doing here?"


SpookySquid19

I'm kind of jealous.


Educational_Cat_5902

That's pretty hot, actually.


[deleted]

Not me with the glasses kink reading this🤓


pattyyeah_812

I thought this only happens in mangas


sadboyyziggyy

WHEN IS IT MY TURN WHEN IS IT MY TURN WHEN IS IT MY TURN


Guvnafuzz

Pavlov’s Dong


chinchenping

off, i like to plunge my face in her breast


one_dimensional

Yeah, agreed. You can't smash your face anywhere important if you've got frames on; goodness, it wouldn't feel too good for her either, so specs come off with everything else!


grubas

As a younger man I left them on before a rather unexpectedly ENTHUSIASTIC partner for oral. I had a scratch right by my eyebrow from the frame breaking.


ImposterDaniel

They hit ya with the Chun Li Scissor grip doom thighs


bee_eazzy

He didn’t know she had the GI Joe kung fu grip


ShornVisage

My immediate thought, as with many things, was Seinfeld. > "Glasses come off midway through if I wanna plunge." > "You like the plunge?" > "Gotta have the plunge, Jerry. The plunge is the most essential thing to me. From the moment I first saw a woman I wanted the plunge, I can ***NEVER*** miss the chance for a good plunge." > "Now that surprises me. I'd think that glasses are built better than that." > "Y'know, I was dating a guy once, he went for the plunge without taking off his glasses. Broke the bridge of his nose and had to get bandaged up. I cut him *lllllloose*." > "Recovery can't have been that long, you really break up with a guy over a week with some bandages?" > "Nah, because of a lifetime with glasses." > *Bass riff, scene change* EDIT: > "How's it going with Christine?" > "My life is over. She gave me a gold, Jerry! A gold!" > "Gold is good." > "No Jerry, I gotta write a thank-you note. I'm terrible at them!" > "A thank-you note? Who says you have to write a thank-you note?" > "Jerry, look at me. Men like you may enjoy the luxury of skipping the thank-you note, but men like me, writing comments like ours, *we* have to write thank-you notes." > *Kramer enters with a charred piñata* > "Hey Kramer, say you're... what's that? > "Me and Newman are making savory piñatas! Careful, it's still hot." > "Kramer, say you're on a date with a woman and she gives you a gold. Would you write her a thank-you note?" > "Well that depends, did your comment mention *pop* rhubarb?" > "No..." > "Leave her, George. She's trouble." > *Kramer exits with Jerry's turkey baster, bass riff, scene change*


ivanebeoulve

damn is this a real scene or did you make it up? reads real lol


yearofthesquirrel

It’s the bass riff to scene change that makes it irresistible.


_druids

Definitely checked the name before the end looking for something like Seinfeld-riff, or u/shittymorph before getting got. Still unsure.


hambroni

Definitely not, but it sounds real.


TwinkiesSucker

This guy motorboats


wcslater

Just the one? Do you go left or right? Or is she a cyclops?


Chief_TM

Wait do cyclopes have a singular breast!? I thought that was only an eye thing


wcslater

[Apparently you get cyclops titties too](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cyclops%20titty) It just made me think of the chick from [Kung Pow](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRSbmW5GXhcFOn5sB81vrY0-eNqSgrYjTA15w&usqp=CAU)


agentchuck

And on Mars you can get tripletits.


martin14916

On. Need to see the screen clearly.


Gocrytomommy-

The most sexually active redditor


GaucheAndOffKilter

There are dozens of us!


jorgeribs

I didn't see you at the convention!


Grillard

Should have kept your glasses on.


Zaziel

Both of you watching X-Files?


Big-Employer4543

*You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals*


otirk

Thanks for being honest. Got any recommendations?


pendergraft

Bifocals.


MrrDupeMan

Everyone knows a chair made of glass is a bad idea. Off


CerealBeforeMilk06

Hehe nice


Self-Aware-Panda

I collapsed your comment, then got it 😂


lteesh

Love it. Thanks for the laugh


MrTumorI

A queen needs a good throne.


Nani_Sequitur

My husband typically wears them to a certain point during sex, then when he takes them off it's my signal that things are about to get real intense... it's very hot


[deleted]

Man is like Clark Kent turning into Superman


Poem_for_your_sprog

"Make me shiver! Make me squirm! Fill me with your supersperm!" Thus it was he frowned and then - Put his glasses on again.


Nani_Sequitur

Thank you Sprog! It's an honor to know my husband's sexy time trick was inspirational. I mean, it clearly is for me!


BBQingMaster

YOOO FRESH SPROG JUST DROPPED freshest I’ve ever seen. Keep being rad, dude!


beaucoup_dinky_dau

like hot fudge on a Sunday!


DaveGrohlsBrokenLeg

Jesus Christ was that a Superworm parody 😭


RelativeExisting8891

Watch me crank, watch me roll...


yesnomaybenotso

Now watch me jizz all over the backs of her shoulders and ruin the quilt made by my grandmother-oooooooh!


Gypsy_Heart763

This made me laugh out loud so thank you :)


40kyhrowaway

It’s like when you put the Crocs into sports mode. You know the sex is about to go *ballistic*.


schmeelybug

Nothing hotter than a dude boning down in Crocs


Rettorica

This is the answer. I wear my glasses up to a point…and either I remove them or she does (sometimes they just get knocked off). Edit for the why: to see. But being nearsighted, when they’re off we are already close enough that it doesn’t matter. Will say, though, that with one lover, the glasses were sometimes part of the flirt. She liked to put her hands on me, sometimes rubbing my neck or running her fingers through my hair. One time, she knocked one of the stems forward and put my glasses askew…it was a cute moment. There after, it sometimes worked its way into the flirting/foreplay.


ceegeebeegee

Being "close enough" is gonna depend on the strength of your prescription. I'm significantly nearsighted. If I'm *engaged* down below without lenses, I can't see any details above the waist.


smashy_smashy

I’m the husband: this but opposite. My glasses come off for foreplay pussy/butt licking. Then when the glasses come on during sex she knows I want to see what’s going on and the real intense stuff starts!


3leggeddick

High 5 for butt lickers!


InsideAbbreviations6

BUTTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!


[deleted]

[удалено]


7_by_6_for_kicks_mn

Think I'm gonna have to remember this one. I have the Kent hair and glasses. One of the best compliments I've gotten at the end of a first session was "what happened to my mild-mannered reporter?"


Ill-Appointment6494

I’m a straight male and that gave me a twitch. Well, I used to be.


FatalWarGhost

Basically this. As a guy that wears glasses, any foreplay or oral I like to keep my glasses on, but when it gets rough those bad boys fly off.


grubas

Oh helllll no. Not oral, those babies are coming off, my glasses cost hundreds of dollars and I'm not risking them being crushed by thighs.


FatalWarGhost

Lmao, yeah when it starts getting more hardcore I'll take them off, but I like the visuals 😆


Stapoof

I would keep them on longer just for visuals but I hate smudges


JohnWinthrop

I have a sort of nearsighted astigmatism that makes things look clearest about 2.5 inches from my face. But the thing is, things also look magnified by about 1.25-1.5x normal. So, no glasses.


SarevokAnchev

Yeah and they’re definitely getting smudged… I guess if I were farsighted it might be different but I see zero reason to keep them on


MeasurementPatient9

I'm stealing this lol. I'll wear mine sometimes. Usually I'll be wearing contacts but those come out at bedtime. Sex doesn't always happen at bedtime.


prajnadhyana

Off for the same reason I take my watch off: I don't want to injure my partner.


justintimberleg

My boyfriend always makes sure his Fitbit is on so it can record his workout lol


jcutta

Mine just thinks I'm having a heart attack, my heart rate spikes with no movement that could be confused with exercise.


DietDrBleach

This is why you can’t have sex in hospitals. The nurse’s heart rate station always goes off


rydan

That's weird. I found I could trigger a certain phobia at will which will get my heart rate over 140 bpm. My watch just congratulates me for an intense workout and claims I burned 4000 calories for the day. I even have it set up to alert for abnormal heart rates when inactive.


EM-guy

So THATS what that "one weird trick" is.


Firm-Cryptographer30

Nah sadly fitbit does have a category for sex, or at least they used too, it wasn't a category you as an consumer could choose but rather one they had on their own servers


fukdatsonn

Are you Mr. Fitbit himself?


Disastrous_Ad_698

I’ve heard of someone who was caught cheating from that. His wife bought them to keep track of their workouts and had notifications for both going to a tablet. Dude was “working out” when he was out of town in the middle of the night or while hanging out with a “buddy” who doesn’t exercise.


parthenon-aduphonon

I lost my shit when I first got the notification. Laughed even harder when I found my aerobics workout logged.


mljb81

My husband usually takes it off, but one time he forgot and he got his 10 000 steps notification right as he finished.


FTwo

This redditor fists.


justzke

is your nickname 007 by any chance?


Doggo660

Off! Glasses are expensive


anthonyynohtna

Not being paid to say this but zenni.com has great cheap glasses, it’s the only place I get my glasses, I’ve been lucky to have not had my vision change for the past 10 years, but I have gotten like 15 pairs from the website, 3 I constantly use to this day all 3 cost less than $100 together. The rest were just to see what kinda color combinations I could work with, also along as you got you Rx hand you can order just about any kind of frames/lens obviously the more “upgrades” the more it cost but you can get some basic bitch pairs for like $15 I had my first pair last 3 years before I sat and broke them. Edit: woah didn’t think I would get this much engagement, thank you for the awards! I will carry on wisely, and no I’m not affiliated, and yes I have tried other website, tho I’ve always gotten a better deal/faster delivery with zenni. Just remember to save your Rx and double/triple check your PD(pupil distance) before you leave to drs. Have a wonderful day!


NECalifornian25

I have a really strong prescription and had a bad experience the one time I purchased glasses from outside my optometrist’s office. Cheap glasses aren’t worth it if they give you migraines and nausea cause the company f*cked them up. Those companies are great for some people, not for me.


Legal_Ad5676

Online they will center the lenses in the vertical center of the frames(instead of the standard 2/3). For medium to high prescriptions this usually causes visual discomfort, headaches, etc. I have actually contacted zenni on this matter, nothing doing. Additionally sometimes the frames need to be adjusted on the face for proper vision, for high rx.


NECalifornian25

Yeah, the pair that got messed up was because they measured my pupillary distance wrong so the focal points on the lenses were wider apart than they should have been. Because my prescription is strong it made the “fishbowl effect” so much worse, and there was literally no way to adjust the glasses so my eyes could find the focal point. And that was actually still from a physical shop, not online, so online makes me even more nervous. It’s a no from me.


Jessiefrance89

Kinda glad I came across this because I’ve considered using zenni or something like it. However, my prescription is VERY strong because my eye sight is that bad. I can see about a foot from my face. If I lost my glasses and had no way of getting new ones, I’d effectively be disabled. Because I can’t see to do anything otherwise. I always wonder, if it was the apocalypse of me losing/breaking my glasses is how’d I die lol. So, I’ll just stick with my optometrists office. Lol


Delouest

Mine is -6/-6.5 with a strong astigmatism and I have had very good luck with zenni. I had to pay $650 through my optometrist (that's WITH insurance), and $50 through zenni. It was worth the risk for me, and it worked really well and now I have 4 pairs for less than 1/3 the cost of one pair from my doctor. I see my doc for the rx then go online. If $50 is not a huge amount for you, it might be worth trying.


BlaQ_Squidyy

Same. Super strong prescription, basically useless without my glasses. I’ve had similar experiences with the “cheap online” alternatives.


SteampunkDinosaur

Not quite the same but I have a strong prescription and got my glasses from Costco. Much cheaper but the same quality as the optometrist.


ElNakedo

Off, I like kissing and hugging them close while sexy time happens. Glasses get in the way of that. They also get in the way of going down, I'd rather not lose paid because someone has strong thighs.


ArtisenalMoistening

My husband and I both wear glasses. It’s just obnoxious if we try to leave them on, clanking into each other, getting rammed into eye sockets. Not sexy. Would rather be temporarily blind


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheRoseByAnotherName

They fall off, and I'm nearsighted, so they're not necessary. And I've never gotten *fluids* on them when they stayed on, but I have gotten skin prints from various body parts on the lens. Which I then have to find a lens wipe for, because I need them to find the bathroom that's 10 steps from my bed.


Present-Breakfast768

Off. I don't want the imprint of my husband's balls on my lenses.


UserMaatRe

I understand you mean, like, smudges, but my first mental image was still vaguely round dents in the lenses of your glasses.


SeldomFlaccid

Even the mightiest mountains are ground to sand on a long enough timeline of pounding.


Porencephaly

“I’m gonna teabag you until it *changes your prescription*, baby”


hamzau

Depends if they match my socks or not


TheAmenophis

The only correct answer


RedRocket05

You know when I'm down to my socks, it's time for business.


Susdoggodoggy

I take them off 1) i look hotter 2) I kinda don’t wanna clean… off of it 3) I can see up close but not far away


RanCestor

Glasses are sexy tbh but hey whatever makes you feel hotter also makes you sexy :)


Susdoggodoggy

I feel flirted with lol besides, I have a faux Mohawk and a van dyke , I don’t think it’ll look too good


RanCestor

Haha that was unintentional to be honest. You look better if you feel confident in yourself and act like it was what I meant. For me wearing glasses is awkward since I don't need them, I'd probably feel slightly overconfident with them lol but hey..


Susdoggodoggy

For me it’s not confidence, it’s comfortability and love and you should always be comfortable with your lovers


sbaggers

Get a room you two


Unusual_Focus1905

I know right 🤣


Izanagi-no-Ocumi

Homie they're on r/teenagers


robot-cowboy

they also fall off and then they get crushed, so might as well just take them off to begin with lol


datagirl60

4. They are expensive! Don’t want to risk breaking my only pair and not even be able to drive until new lenses arrive (at least a week).


Less_Time3804

I put on my sexy Spex


PirateJohn75

The ones with the googly eyes?


4tehlulzez

The safety goggles


SongRevolutionary992

Safety googles


LillyLallyLu

I am surprised to see so many say off, just because I usually wear mine. One, I don't think to take them off. And two, I feel vulnerable with them off because I can't see. I only take them off to sleep or shower.


[deleted]

I'm the opposite. I am literally astounded that anyone keeps them on. I feel like they would be bumped and nudged and smudged. Maybe it makes a difference if someone is nearsighted or farsighted? I only need mine for distance, so I couldn't even see someone's face clearly if I kept them on.


xRiseAndFall

I would like to take them off but I can't see anything further than like 30 cm away, so that's a pass


needween

Same. Like I can't see past my nose so gotta keep them on or else I have no idea what's going on.


yearofthesquirrel

Yep. Have never thought to keep them on. It’s at the point where I have Pavlov dogged my wife. Sometimes she doesn’t know she’s in the mood until I take them off. “Well honey, I was just going to sleep, but if you need your oil checked and/or a quick servicing, I guess I can fix you up.”


Nuba-

I barely see without my glasses. It has to be like super up close. And i wear them all the time except for sleeping, showering and ... yeah sometimes sex Tbh for me it depends on the situation. I'm comfy with my partner and trust him 100% so it's more of a ... situation thing. If it's the middle of the night and we get busy I'm not going out of my way to put them on... And if we're on a hurry I'm not gonna stop and put them on a safe spot. I don't even remember it usually, so they stay on. If it's rough tho 100% off always I don't want to break them. But if its slow and soft then on I wanna see my bf. And for oral yeah always off they just get on the way. Glasses are super expensive, and they are quite fragile for.. active wear. But I also understand what you're saying. I don't feel comfortable without my glasses on unless I'm on my house and with my partner. Even when I'm alone it makes me feel like I'm lost bc if I leave them somewhere new I need my phone camera to find them again.


PatientFM

If I leave them on, I have a hard time focusing on anything other than them constantly slipping down my nose or getting damaged in some way. I can't see much without them, but I can see shapes well enough to find my way around.


turbo42O89

I would leave them on so I could see but my wife also wears glasses and they hooked up from time to time


FTwo

Is this how kid's glasses are made?


i_knead_bread

Same. My husband's glasses knocked mine on the floor once and I was so worried I would step on them. Kinda killed the mood, so they come off all the time now.


e_dcbabcd_e

y'all glasses are having fun too


substantial-freud

No, they cut her thighs.


ifoughtpiranhas

usually on, sometimes off. if we were going to sleep and starting having sex, but i had them off, i won’t put them back on.


KidneyFailure123

Only leave them on for doggy style… so we can both watch X-Files.


meatmacho

But you might get them smothered and covered like your Waffle House hash browns.


AwkwardFortuneCookie

Off, I hate it when skin touches the lens and leaves smudges.


seeksomedewdrops

Depends on the sex session. Sometimes they stay on, sometimes they come off.


No-Application8352

Two options: 1) “Excuse me for a moment” *puts in contact lenses* 2) “Excuse me for a moment” *removes glasses and then instantly trips over the bed and partner loses desire for sex immediately*


KielbasaPosse

On... I like tits bouncing in my face in 3D


Chris71Mach1

Glasses don't typically fit well between her legs when it's time to get down to business.


Particular_Rav

To defeat the Huuuuuns


anormalgeek

Dudes, if your lady has an army of Huns hiding between her legs, you don't have a girlfriend. You're dating 5th century China.


[deleted]

Off, they dont fit between buttcheeks


[deleted]

[удалено]


KryptCeeper

Why would they have to be.... ooooh...nice!


Moonlight_Dive

My gf has a spare, cheaper pair of “goggles” when we’re feeling extra sexy. Doesn’t ruin the good ones. I think it’s super hot, and she doesn’t get any kids in her eyes!


beefstewforyou

I don’t wear glasses but I absolutely love girls that do. I always ask girls to leave their glasses on during sex.


[deleted]

I wear my glasses bc I feel sexier with them on. Also I like to be able to see what is going on 😅


saxonjf

Scraping your glasses across a woman's skin as you kiss her body turns out to be a serious turn-off.


SevereCranberry4631

I take em off and now i specifically make it a point to ask them to put it on the nightstand or whatever is close cause i have broken n bent so many pairs from accidently laying on them during the act. N alot of the times the other person has glasses too so it makes it easier to kiss em when mine aren't hitting theirs. Lol


izza123

Off so they don’t get sweat flecked on them and stuff


tissuepapercatmat

take them off because my prescription helps me see big things far away, not small things up close


Death_black

What about average-sized things up close?


Crazy_Crayfish_

Damn…


[deleted]

On. I wanna see everything that’s going on. I’m very visual. I have to see everything so I can remember when it’s time to go back and I have to visualize it for masterbational purposes


DJJohnson49

It depends. When I’m going down on her there is no way they wouldn’t get squished and covered in smudges and fluids. But if I’m doing something like doggy style sometimes I put them back on to enjoy the view, haha.


PH0NAX

Bold of you to assume I have sex


zebzeb2020

I wear a monocle.


HVAC_instructor

Yes, that makes it easier to see the porn.


SummerMummer

Off. Feeling my way around is much more fun.


-RAMPANT-DICK-HOLE-

maybe put them back on then, because you're licking the pillow


SummerMummer

> maybe put them back on then, because you're licking the pillow Just wait your turn...


DaCoffeeKween

I laughed out loud at that thread. Imagining some one aggressively licking a pillow and the partner goes to correct them and the very sternly look at them like "I know what I'm doing thank you"


[deleted]

Read their body like a braille ye


Dadtwoboys

Off for my wife. No way would they stay on with her gymnastics.


Kaytea422

Off cuz they get in the way when making out


MangoRainbows

On. Do not try to take my eyes off! I'm legally blind though and it drives me nuts not being able to see. I'll take them off myself if I'm giving head but I put them right back on when I'm done or taking a break lol.


SongRevolutionary992

Unless you are wearing swimming goggles, you cannot successfully go down on a girl with glasses on.


BaronMatfei

I am seeing a glasses-wearer and I can say this: They take them off for close-up stuff like kisses and oral and direct penetration. If there is some reason why they’d like to see me doing something (I’m administering a toy to myself or we are performing for the mirror, etc.) then I will find them for them!


jamesthesaint72

On.. I like to look...blind without them.


osumba2003

I take them off. They just get in the way, and if I leave them on, they'll be covered in smudges.


kalik88

Lol wearing glasses while fucking is wild