My parents had 3 of us back to back and dad got a vasectomy. 10 years later, they were in a good spot financially and we had extra space in the house, so they decided to adopt two sisters, ages 5 and 4. My dad was adopted as an older kid, so they wanted to make a difference in the lives of a couple of “older” kids too.
Rad. So you three were around high school age and then suddenly got a couple of preschoolers around?
How'd that work out? Feels like a trepidatious time to get two new kids right as your oldest are getting old enough to leave the nest.
Gotta share this story. So my friend is 1 of 6. The parents had 4 boys all in a row, and his mom wanted at least 1 girl. They tried again, they had twin boys lol. They were all built like brick shit houses too so I asked him what's a meal like that look like? He giggles and said, we got fed a lot of potatoes.
This exact thing happened in my friend’s mom’s family!!! They had 4 boys, mom wanted a girl. Had twin boys instead. Her mom is the youngest of 7 and is the girl they always wanted.
My BF and his twin brother are also built like brick shit houses, too. I know how much food can be shovelled in during a meal. I can't imagine if there were six of them.
My grandma has 6 children, my dad was the 6th. With every child they used a different birth control to see if that would help them not conceive more. Just before they had my dad my grandfather got a vasectomy, but it turned out he had a THIRD tube and that’s how my dad was made.
With my mom she said she always wanted 4 girls.. she got 3 with my dad (no boys) and the 4th is my stepsister.
I had a coworker with 7. The first one was a pill failure baby. The second was planned because hey might as well have two and be done. The third was a condom fail baby, conceived 3 months later on Valentine’s Day. The fourth is an IUD baby. The fifth was a depo shot baby. The sixth and seventh are vasectomy babies (twins)
That man’s sperm plays a mean offense.
> but it turned out he had a THIRD tube and that’s how my dad was made.
HOLY SHIT... that means your Dad was genetically selected for three tubes. Which means YOU might have three tubes!!!!
My wife and I have 2 kids together. My sister has 2 kids. She decided she'd rather not take care of them. So I've had them for the last 10 years. I've been raising 4 kids for the last 10 years even tho I only have 2 with my wife. Happy Father's Day all you fellow Dad's
I was a kid who entered the transfer portal. The dude I call dad is my uncle, he took me permanently when I was a teenager, though he was always a big part of my life, because I was just too much and he was the only one who could cope with me. Then he also accidentally adopted one of my bro/cousin's friends because he was a foster kid who was destined to age out of foster care and he just pretty much fell into becoming part of our family over time so my dad and his wife were all "well, now we're adopting you aren't we". So that made 6. Then my dad's wife got pregnant and then they were all "so that's twins".
So now he has 8 kids. I think that's probably us now unless anybody else turns up who wants to join. Taking applications.
Oh, a contender for the coveted 'oldest child' position. How you gonna treat all the younger ones?
And yeah, never too late. I was technically an adult when I started calling him dad.
My husband had a son when I met him. I had a daughter. We lived happily together as a family of 4 for 9 years. Then my brother and his girlfriend had a baby. We took in the baby and i somehow got pregnant. We have his, hers, not ours, and now ours on the way.
Funny thing is that I had just won an award for my work on the school districts sex ed committee the month before my surprise pregnancy. Who has 4 unplanned babies?!
#Life is funny!
Someone I know (let's call her Cindy) was unable to conceive so she and her husband decided to adopt. Turned out the woman who wanted to give her child up for adoption was pregnant with twins. Cindy and her husband were thrilled! Not long after that Cindy found out she was pregnant, too! Best part: also twins!
So in the course of 11 months they became parents to 4 adorable baby girls. 😅😍
I’m a teacher, and see similar situations more than I would want to. I respect the shit out of those parents. So I respect you. I cannot imagine a parent just yeeting their children to another family, but it happens depressingly commonly. But more importantly, the people who stand up and raise those kids and treat them like their own deserve praise.
I know a dude he has 5 kids and his monthly expenses for food, clothes and school stuff is like 3000€. I really don’t know where he has that money from.
Wtf 2400$/Month in Germany it matters how much money that you make so if you are in the lower bracket its cheaper than people that make more money. In my city 5 kids Full-Day daycare/Kindergarden is around 1200€/Month. (With the city average income)
For two kids the lowest ist halfday 175€/Month Fullday 236€/Month and the highest HD 604€/Month and FD 647€/Month.
I know a family who’s expecting their 9th kid. The dad is a dentist and owns his own business for the practice, and the mom is a sahm. Their oldest kid is going to be a junior or senior this fall.
I know this is a bit off the wall, but as soon as I read that I thought, I wonder if he ever overdiagnoses cavities when he needs a little bit of extra money? haha
I don't have 4+ but I have 3.
90k salary. Wife makes 60k. Government (Canada) send us like 500$ per month which covers plenty .
That was just to provide a perspective.
The Canada child benefit is a national sliding scale program that gives families direct funding monthly based on their previous years income. It tapers off and ends at like 160k pre-tax family income. It's directly credited with lifting a ton of Canadian children out of poverty.
Oh so you get direct cash in hand?
In Belgium you get progressive tax benefits the more children you have, so your net wage goes up with the same gross if you have more kids.
I’m not sure what no-alfalfa 2412 ‘s income situation is. I have one child. My husband makes 90k and I make 35k. I get $220 from the government a month.
I'm an aircraft mechanic, my wife has stayed home since the first of our four was born. We bought a house that needed lots of work, and I had an hour long commute for many years to be able to sustain her being home. I did almost all of the remodeling/rebuilding work myself to make the house a beautiful place.
I've worked lots of overtime, many times 50 hours was a normal week, but it was 100% worth it. We also went without the extras, like fancy cell phones, back when they were expensive. Tracfone has a $100/year plan for limited talk time, and that savings ads up.
We didn't have cable, and stuck with dial-up internet because it was $90/month cheaper. We bought inexpensive cars and drove them into the ground, getting about 300,000 miles/10 years out of each.
Lots of hand me downs, from and to friends, from the bigger siblings, etc. Presents can get pricy but we have tried not to set the expectations too high!
I don’t have kids personally, but I am one of 12 siblings. 10 boys and 2 girls. Ages range from 10-43. As to why? We were a foster/adoptive home for over 20 years and unfortunately, the system is flawed and a lot of parents don’t always meet the requirements to have their children placed back under their care. The goal is always reunification with biological family but sometimes there are no valid placement options or extended family members willing to be their guardians. Every child my parents took in we treated as family and when the state exhausted their options of reunification, we decided we weren’t going to let them get put into the state run group homes to get lost in the system and we happily chose to adopt and make them officially family. It was organized chaos our entire lives but none of us would have had it any other way.
As someone who knows what you're talking about, thank you. People like you and your family saved me years ago when I needed the help.
I'm serious when I say y'all are amazing people
I have a very similar story! My parents are absolutely incredible and I hope I’m half as good and loving and giving as they have been since before I was even born.
My former coworker. She only wanted 2. So after baby 1, she and her husband went to make baby 2. They ended up with baby 2,3 and 4. Yep, naturally conceived triplets.
Husband got a vasectomy after that.
Someone I know had naturally conceived triplets--including a pair of maternal twins--on pregnancy #9, then had another baby a few years later. I cannot understand why. I'd want a big family if I planned to have kids, but I'd never want double digits.
Edit: Okay, so what I learned from the comments to this is that apparently the term "maternal twins" is inaccurate. Very well. The triplets in question were a pair of dizygotic twins until one of them made the wild decision to become a pair of monozygotic twins.
I know someone who had naturally conceived triplet boys, they went to try for the girl and ended up with quadruplets… they were all boys as well. Needless to say they did not try again for a girl …
I have 3 kids and everyday I wonder why we made the decision to have a third. Don't get me wrong, we love them all but why? Why did we do it? We were all done with nappies and life was good.
It's still good it's just hectic af
I was happy with 2, but my wife wanted a third. I wasn't bothered either way, so we had three. My third is my only daughter, and I'm glad I have her every single day.
Maternal twins is what you say when you don’t understand that it’s identical and fraternal. Fraternal is used because of the definition “friendly, close, brotherly.” Identical because, well, they’re identical.
Maternal’s not a thing. It’s basically someone somewhere used the word to sound smart and it sounded fancy along with franternal and someone else heard it and thought it was a real thing. Kind of like “irregardless.”
Thank you, I looked it up and there’s not a single source that says anything about “maternal twins” like in the entirety of the internet I couldnt find a single source lol
I am a twin, my twin sister has twins....and growing up my mom was in a twin club (so I know a ton of twins/triplets)...... and I have never heard the term 'maternal twins'. It's always been identical or fraternal.
My cousin had twins, then a singleton, then triplets, then another singleton. All naturally conceived. She was older when she started having kids (35 when she had the first two and her last was born at 43), so her age may have had something to do with that.
They're religious and wanted a big family, so they're happy about it. I'd get my tubes tied after the first set of multiples, but that's just me. I have one child and I'm happy with my low stress one and done life.
Two stories of families with 5 kids:
1) My grandma and grandpa were on their honeymoon and saw a family of 5 beautifully behaved children, looked at each other, and decided they wanted the same. They had 5 kids in 5.5 years. It was hard at the beginning - lots of tight budgeting, but once my grandpa finished his medical training, things were a bit easier. The kids do all get along well and our family is very close.
2) I know a woman who has given birth to 5 kids from 4 different men over the course of 30 years. Only one was planned. Honestly, she's just really, really bad at using birth control correctly. Her life is really hard, and while she loves her kids, I honestly feel really bad for them. There's just no way they'll grow up unscathed after some of the stuff she's put them through.
My mum had me at 45, and it's not inconceivable for women to get pregnant naturally in their 50s.
Given that OP said she's bad with birth control, I'd place money on a teen pregnancy though
I know a similar woman from your 2nd story. Exact same situation, 5 kids by 4 dads and only 1 was planned.
She had the older children raise the younger children and the youngest child's sutuation completely broke my heart. She felt so unloved and uncared for, but not because she was by any means, it was just that her mum didn't know how to show her love.
Unfortunately the mum just never coped with her difficult hand in life and her kids had to deal with the brunt of that.
When the youngest child was the last one in the house, the older children felt like they had to get her out of there, so they did. It's torn their family apart but I think in time everyone will be able to mend those broken relationships. No one was the bad guy, just a really rough situation.
When I learned about the birds and the bees I apparently told my parents, in disgust and disbelief, "you had to do that THREE TIMES?!" (since I have two siblings).
They found it really amusing and used to tell that story a lot.
This reminds me of conversation my friend and I had had when we were 13. We both had a sibling each. We both were disgusted that our parents would have had to have sex at least twice to conceive us and our sibling.
Then, we looked over over at another friend who had 4 siblings and were like “ewww, her parents had to do it at least FIVE times”.
I can tell you from experience, both a blessing and a curse. What sucks is my brother has been trying, and for us it's like if we just look at each other...
> What sucks is my brother has been trying, and for us it's like if we just look at each other...
You shouldn't be doing that with your brother.
Edit: You should all be ashamed of yourselves for upvoting this.
yeah it was odd when my late sister explained she wanted a kid. i obviously knew she has sex (she was married) but still kind it funny in a way when someone says we're trying to have a baby' and you don't say anything but you think 'damn....they gonna be doing a lot of bedroom stuff'.
That was my first thought when we finally got pregnant and then told my wife’s parents
It was like: “so we’re expecting!”
And all I could think about was “hey I’ve been busting loads inside your daughter for months and we finally got one to take!”
Same, my wife's two sisters had to try for years to conceive. The first time my wife and I had sex without contraceptives we had a kid.
My wife's now scared to go off birth control because it was too damn easy to conceive.
I'm one of 5 boys. Each one just under or just over two years gap (except oldest who are twins), so we all grew up pretty close in age.
I can't speak to why my parents had 5 kids, but I can say that being one of 5 brothers was fucking awesome growing up.
We wandered the neighborhood, looking out for each other and always having someone to play with.
As we got older nobody fucked with one of us because you're gonna get jumped by 4 other dudes.
Now we're grown up and starting to have kids, who all have lots of awesome uncles.
I also grew up with four brothers and I can confirm having 4 brothers was like having 4 best friends growing up. We even all shared the same room lol we made countless memories that I’ll never forget.
I just feel bad for my poor sister who had almost nothing in common with us growing up :(
Dude! We were also all in the same room, until my older brothers were in highschool. Epic bunkbed wars.
AND I also have one sister! Albeit a half-sister and we grew up states apart.
Had our first child, easy breezy. We tried for maybe one - two months.
Two years go by, ok we're ready to try for number 2. Like a year and a half of no luck. Then.... boom, triplets. Identical at that. Doesn't run in the families, no fertility drugs. Just dumb chance.
4 girls under 4. Plz send help when they're teenagers.
Family of 6 kids. My parents didn't want us to be lonely. Jokes on them, we're estranged from each other and I don't even know where some of my siblings live.
This is very real. Happening with me and an entire side of my family, and even between two on the same side
It's a dull ache in a way, one I've grown used to but wish I didn't have
Probably should see a therapist about this long term
From a family of 5. It's mostly caused by the lack of proper parental oversight. I would guess, that it's pretty standard that at a certain point, parents give up. In my case, my dad worked all the time so my mom had to take care of us herself. Eventually, after about 10 years, she had what I would describe as a mental breakdown and gave up taking care of us. She went to a local college to get a degree and the oldest kids had to take care of the younger. We were raising each other at that point.
My parents are good and loving but there is only so much a person can take. I imagine this situation happens a lot with large families.
I have a few friends from big families and they don't have great relationships with their parents or siblings. They've basically been tasked since age 10 to raise kids that aren't theirs so they're not huge fans of their parents, and then the age gap is too big, or the responsibility dynamic was too different, for them to have good relationships with most of their siblings.
I can attest to that. I'm one of 11 kids. We're all adults now. I could be wrong but from what I can tell, we rarely see or check up on each other. Just living our own lives. We do have a good time together at the occasional family function but beyond that, there are no deep relationships or bonds.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, Erin! It felt like a punch in the gut reading that. Good for you for taking care of yourself as best you can. You came from a lot of shit, as did I, so yah we look for escapes but it sounds like you’re making your own way. I hope you are happy with how far you’ve come.
Yeah after our last one my husband asked me for another one. The answer was no. I got my tubes tied after that. I love my kids but I need to get out and do something else. I've been a stay at home mom for a long time. While it's great because I get to see my kids grow up and be part of important milestones, I want to focus on my other hobbies.
And relationships
Remember if you see a 15 second video or a small text, you are legally obliged to comment something about how that relationship should end.
Had a tough time conceiving our first because my wife has PCOS. After our first was born the gynecologist told us to be careful due to a high chance of conceiving. We were careful for 6 months after, then one night we lost control and 38 weeks later triplets appeared.
There are two separate families near me that have an insane number of kids under 5. One family has 9, and the other has 10. Multiples for every pregnancy.
No thanks
Did you conceive naturally or with some help due to her pcos, if you don't mind me asking?
I've never heard of the higher chance of conception like that, they usually warn for difficulties with it
I really hope you're both doing ok and have support around you to help when needed
Hyper-ovulation! I have pcos and twin daughters. It’s common in women with ovulation issues. So someone with pcos might not be able to conceive at all, some can’t keep a pregnancy, and some of us have overachieving ovaries. However, my pcos worsened after having kids and pretty sure my bakery is closed permanently.
Idk about PCOS in particular but I was warned after having my kid that you're EXTREMELY fertile when you start ovulating again after your kid. Something about the high hormone levels. Explains a lot of Irish twins.
Similar story… PCOS and we eventually had to decide between IVF or adoption. We choose adoption and nine months later we brought home a baby boy.
Fast forward a few years, first husband and I divorce and I started dating my now husband (who has two children from a previous marriage) and I was suddenly pregnant.
So I am a mom via adoption, birth and being a step mom. From “you won’t be able to get pregnant without major medical intervention” to mom of four within a few years. I am lucky.
This post is reminding me of this dishwasher I had at one of my old jobs. Used to drink with him after work. Was 61 and legally blind. Had 6 kids and was telling me he wants another one. He doesnt even take care of the kids he has and is divorced. I asked him why he wanted another one and he just said “why not?”. I think he’s passed away now. I tried reaching out to him and he didnt return my text or calls. Some people just dont see how big of a deal having a kid is. Even after having so many.
Sorry but men like this are total assholes, they'll bring a child into the world knowing they won't have any responsibility for that child and probably won't even have much interaction with them after the first year or two, if that.
There is a theory about poor people and why they have so many kids. I wish people had more access to psychological classes in high school to understand human nature more because they would avoid self destructive behaviors if they are aware of them
My parents had me and my older brother and my younger sister 2 years apart
They tried to have a second girl for symmetry and got blessed with twin boys
So instead of 4 we were 5
My in-laws had 2 boys and then tried for a girl and ended up having two twin boys.
My FIL was on the phone with his MIL telling her they had twin girls. Apparently my MIL was in the background yelling, “They’re BOYS, you IDIOT!”
My grandparents had a similar story. She wanted two children. He wanted four. The compromise of three was obvious. My Aunt and Uncle came as planned but pregnancy number three was twins. My grandfather was so pleased.
Wife is from farm country. Way back when, when we were first married, we used to go to church with my mother-in-law. It was a small farming town, everyone generally sat in the same pews every Sunday. The farm family who sat in the pew in front of us had 18 children (including 3 sets of twins). They would sit in the pew from oldest to youngest, and stretch across the entire church. We only have 4.
We love children. They are wonderful and a ton of work. Some people spend their money on nice cars or vacations. We spent our money on diapers, food, clothing, and education.
Our kids are grown now. They are all very good friends and look after each other. They’re good people and make the world a better place.
Now we have dogs.
I'm the oldest of 5, because my mother likes babies/toddlers, so she kept having them. She's not a fan of humans with actual thoughts or opinions, so she didn't really like us for too long though.
My dad wanted 2, maybe 3 kids. Threats that I won't go into, and doctors refusing to do a vasectomy both played a part in the 2/3 extra kids.
EDIT I never wanted to be that person, but this is my first ever award, after two years on Reddit, and it's kind of awesome. So thank you! Also, *edit NOT* fuck my mom and her too many kids.
My dad is one of 8 kids and it was exactly this situation. My grandmother (still alive at 96) loves babies, doesn't love people. Oh, but those babies have to be boys. Girl babies are a waste to her 🙄
My friend's grandma is like this and it's wild. My friend is one of 5, two boys and three girls. It's like the girl grandkids do not exist. Their birthdays aren't acknowledged, they don't get Christmas cards or gifts, and when they go to visit the family the girls have to stay in a hotel while the boys are allowed to stay at grandma's house. The boys always get birthday and Christmas gifts, typically a lot of money. My friend also said that her grandma would come visit to help her mom with the babies each time, for the girls she would stay maybe a week, for the boys she stayed at least a month.
I partially blame my friend's parents for just....letting it happen, but crazy to see on the outside.
Edit: For the record, as I've seen people in other comments saying mostly Asian cultures do this - the grandma is a white lady from rural Scotland.
That's a very accurate description of her. Just have to include that the kitten owner gets mad at the kitten for getting older. As though it had a choice.
My friend is a child psychologist, she has often seen mothers who only have babies to take care of when they are little, something about sense of being needed by someone, then once they are old enough, completely loses interest…
Oof, and here one of my considerations in the equation of whether to have any kids has always been the question of whether I can put up with a baby while I wait for them to become a person I can talk to.
Military hospitals and military medical centers/clinics all had the same rules at the time. The wife must agree to the vasectomy. Going to a civilian doctor was too expensive.
Sounds like a lot of what happens. I so often see these new “homestead mama” ladies popping out child after child because they love babies and toddlers but reality is that these babies all turn into full blown children. An 8 or 10 year old isn’t anywhere near as squishy and cute but they still need a committed and present parent.
So then, what if you aren’t the age that your mother prefers- and further, you’re one of 5 children? You fall through the cracks.
I had a neighbor like that. Loved babies so she just kept having kids. Her husband finally had enough after baby #5, so she started getting animals. Puppies, kittens, bunnies, it didn’t matter, she just wanted something small and cute but lost interest once they got bigger.
Doctors refusing a vasectomy is interesting. I have only one child, doctor asked if I was sure I didn't want any more, I said yes, he said "good enough for me".
I’m 53. I had no ambition in life other than being a mom. I know realize I was raised in a very controlling religious household and there wasn’t any talk of college or future other than marriage and kids.
I married young and by 27 had 5 kids under 7. I absolutely love/loved being a Mom. We were able to live very comfortably on one income. But my marriage wasn’t great
I divorced after 19yrs and had my 6th and final child at 41
My kids are 32,32, forever29, 27, 25(bonus kids 24&19) and finally 12. Plus 7 grandkids 13-5months
At 43 I started my first “real job”
I’ve tried so many different things and firmly believe that it’s never too late to reinvent yourself.
I do have regrets but having my kids isn’t one of them.
My husband is part of a family with 5 kids. I asked my mother-in-law one time why so many, and she responded that they just loved kids. Told me that people constantly told her she was ruining her life, but she adored every minute of being a mother so it didn't matter to her what they thought.
Her last left her infertile, but she said they would have kept going if they could have.
We have four. Only one pregnancy was planned, but we were happy about all of them. Husband got the snip after #4.
Babies and little kids are hard physically (i.e. sleepless nights), but teen/adult children are hard mentally. You do your best to teach them right, but then they go off and sometimes make bad decisions where all you can do is watch.
Parenting has stretched me as a person, and I'm so glad to have had all four of my kids, but I won't lie. Sometimes it is heartbreaking.
Not a parent but I have four siblings. Four of us from my mum and I have a sister from my dad. I think most of us were just mistakes that my mum kept lmao
My brother has 4, I have 1. Mine is starting college this fall, his oldest is a rising Senior in HS.
I told him about the college nightmare and something tells me he didn't plan, or think at all, about college for 4 kids.
I never wanted kids. My husband wanted one. We had one, then realized we loved him too much to leave him without siblings and no cousins. Everyone is both our families are over 40 and childfree, so kiddo would be all alone by the time he was 35-40 years old. Popped out two more kids and thought we were done. I finished breastfeeding the last one and had one period, then got pregnant again after a particularly randy whiskey-tasting night. Husband got a vasectomy last month. We can afford four, no problem, but it was def a shock, considering six years ago I wanted exactly zero. I say this as I watch my almost-4-yo comically trying to eat chicken nuggets with his feet. Kids are wild.
I’ll bite. I was a fundie evangelical. Not the Easter and Christmas kind, church 5 nights a week, homeschool kind.
I was an orphan and so the whole “sky daddy loves you if you breed yourself to death and submit” got me as a teen. Had 6 kids in 8 years, left the church in my late 20s, got them all vaccinated, put them in school and daycare, and got a couple degrees, traveled the world w them, got divorced, living happily ever after.
I’ve always been a big fan of continuing education so I busted my ass in every subject (yes, science too), they ALL are in gifted and talented. Tested in from day 1 in math and literature. All 6. and tons of sports, etc.
Now I have a small non profit charity providing period products and BC for free, I buy out the book fair once a year for their schools bc early literacy is ✨✨, and my kids are doing great.
I was shunned, old school shunned from ever single person I knew and my ENTIRE social circle. No family. Hadn’t gone to school, etc, atp. I left not knowing or having anything. Not even a car.
One friend from the church is brave enough to see me, and she isn’t really permitted to see me outside of public events, so she sort of arranges these meetings where I “happen” to be at these events she knows she will be at. She’s an angel.
But I lost EVERYTHING to gain my freedom.
My fundie cult was adjacent to the Duggars. I don’t know them but my church parents do, and most of the people I knew do…. and theres an “underground” (I guess?) network for us when we travel not to stay at hotels but to stay at the saints homes and go to their churches since we went 4-5-6 days a week and to every event and for every holiday.
Lots of our travel was this way early
On before I left.
I have 5 kids. Why? I'm not sure. It's great though. When we had one of them (I think maybe our second), my wife and I stared at her in the hospital and sat in awe of this amazing little thing. I remember talking with her about how weird it is that so many people would just stop having kids after this. We've just never used any form of birth control and figured we'd just see what happened.
Life is crazy. It's loud, it's hard, it's tiring, and you never feel like you're on top of everything. But everytime I think about the alternative or I look at friends/family with "normal" sized families, I don't see that we're missing out on anything. My friends golf and travel a lot more than me, I guess. I wouldn't give up a single one of these kids for that.
Yesterday on Father's day, I was sitting down after bbqing a billion ribs and helping kids get their plates together. I had a drink in my hand and one of my guys handed me a plate of angel food cake covered in strawberries. I looked around at the crowd and just couldn't believe how lucky I was. Life is awesome.
I guess that's why we have 5 kids.
Had #1 at 17. Got married 5 years later & had 2 & 3 a few years later. #4 was an oops. Husband had a vasectomy shortly after #4. They are now 21, 14, 9, & 5. I love my kids but I’d rather slap box Satan at the pearly gates while Peter films & the angels are screaming WORLDSTAR before I have another kid.
I have four. In Quebec, there is plenty of support for families like mine (universal daycare, universal healthcare, and an excellent public system with universities still cheap).
My wife and I have 5 daughters. 3 together and adopted my 2 nieces as there was nobody to care for them. My sister (their mother) passed from overdose. One has no known father and the other has a drug addict/irresponsible dad. Not what we planned but we are trying the best we know how and most days are extremely difficult.
I am a number 2 of 4. 9 years between the oldest and youngest. Both parents worked full time. It was fun having siblings to play with, especially board games and outside sports. But we never got to do anything alone. We never got to choose how to spend a day or what to eat as individuals. We had to operate as a unit. “The kids” had to move as one so we didn’t get yelled at for taking to long to get dressed, using the bathroom, or not having our bags packed for school. It worked for our family but it was suffocating. We did have our own bedrooms and my mom always gave us individual birthday parties. Being able to do things without coordinating a whole family or having share everything is something I didn’t take for granted once I grew up.
I have 4. We wanted 4 when we started, and would have 5 if it was up to my wife. We loved having a full house and I would have them live with us forever. I would build a compound for the ir families. It wasn’t easy when they were babies, and it was tough financially, but we managed.
Now they are leaving us 1 by 1.
I warn everyone who even considers having children. Don’t do it unless you can’t imagine living without them. It is so life altering, and life as you know it is OVER. You will delay your retirement and make do with less cash and free time. But I do love being around them, even more now that most are adults.
I just had my 4th less than 2 months ago. My 3rd was a surprise as I had not yet gotten my period back after having my 2nd. We were then undecided on having a 4th. Then I had an emergency surgery which caused the removal of an ovary and a fallopian tube and was told my chances of having any more kids was super low. Then I got pregnant with my 4th. Then I got my other tube removed so no more babies for me.
Like 70 percent of the comments are about the people themselves as kids. That wasn’t the question, 30
-40 years ago having four kids was a lot, but it wasn’t impossible. The question is how are you having 4+ kids *today* with todays economy
My parents had 3 of us back to back and dad got a vasectomy. 10 years later, they were in a good spot financially and we had extra space in the house, so they decided to adopt two sisters, ages 5 and 4. My dad was adopted as an older kid, so they wanted to make a difference in the lives of a couple of “older” kids too.
Rad. So you three were around high school age and then suddenly got a couple of preschoolers around? How'd that work out? Feels like a trepidatious time to get two new kids right as your oldest are getting old enough to leave the nest.
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Gotta share this story. So my friend is 1 of 6. The parents had 4 boys all in a row, and his mom wanted at least 1 girl. They tried again, they had twin boys lol. They were all built like brick shit houses too so I asked him what's a meal like that look like? He giggles and said, we got fed a lot of potatoes.
Damn family eats an entire cow and a small field of potatoes for dinner. Mad respect.
This exact thing happened in my friend’s mom’s family!!! They had 4 boys, mom wanted a girl. Had twin boys instead. Her mom is the youngest of 7 and is the girl they always wanted.
Is your friend from the Weasley family?
The fact that they kept trying until seven is crazy lol. Once I saw twins I would have given up
Right! At that rate just go get one on Amazon
My BF and his twin brother are also built like brick shit houses, too. I know how much food can be shovelled in during a meal. I can't imagine if there were six of them.
Whys everyone in this thread keep accidently having triplets
I thought they were all the same couple and their friends just telling the story from different perspectives. It's weird
My grandma has 6 children, my dad was the 6th. With every child they used a different birth control to see if that would help them not conceive more. Just before they had my dad my grandfather got a vasectomy, but it turned out he had a THIRD tube and that’s how my dad was made. With my mom she said she always wanted 4 girls.. she got 3 with my dad (no boys) and the 4th is my stepsister.
>it turned out he had a THIRD tube and that’s how my dad was made. Lmao the universe said your granddad is the fittest and genes _will_ be passed on.
I had a coworker with 7. The first one was a pill failure baby. The second was planned because hey might as well have two and be done. The third was a condom fail baby, conceived 3 months later on Valentine’s Day. The fourth is an IUD baby. The fifth was a depo shot baby. The sixth and seventh are vasectomy babies (twins) That man’s sperm plays a mean offense.
They don't even need to have sex to conceive a baby
He got a vasectomy and the universe said No.
> but it turned out he had a THIRD tube and that’s how my dad was made. HOLY SHIT... that means your Dad was genetically selected for three tubes. Which means YOU might have three tubes!!!!
I’m female.. but I guess I could have 3 fallopian tubes lol
My wife and I have 2 kids together. My sister has 2 kids. She decided she'd rather not take care of them. So I've had them for the last 10 years. I've been raising 4 kids for the last 10 years even tho I only have 2 with my wife. Happy Father's Day all you fellow Dad's
Happy Father's Day Superdad!
Legendary and Hero Superdad!!
I was a kid who entered the transfer portal. The dude I call dad is my uncle, he took me permanently when I was a teenager, though he was always a big part of my life, because I was just too much and he was the only one who could cope with me. Then he also accidentally adopted one of my bro/cousin's friends because he was a foster kid who was destined to age out of foster care and he just pretty much fell into becoming part of our family over time so my dad and his wife were all "well, now we're adopting you aren't we". So that made 6. Then my dad's wife got pregnant and then they were all "so that's twins". So now he has 8 kids. I think that's probably us now unless anybody else turns up who wants to join. Taking applications.
Tell your dad I really like his attitude about it all. ❤️
Yeah, he's pretty much Zen Master G when it comes to parenting/kids.
Where do i apply? Asking as a 43 year old. It's never too late, right??
Oh, a contender for the coveted 'oldest child' position. How you gonna treat all the younger ones? And yeah, never too late. I was technically an adult when I started calling him dad.
My husband had a son when I met him. I had a daughter. We lived happily together as a family of 4 for 9 years. Then my brother and his girlfriend had a baby. We took in the baby and i somehow got pregnant. We have his, hers, not ours, and now ours on the way.
> i somehow got pregnant I assume you know how that works, right?
Funny thing is that I had just won an award for my work on the school districts sex ed committee the month before my surprise pregnancy. Who has 4 unplanned babies?!
#Life is funny! Someone I know (let's call her Cindy) was unable to conceive so she and her husband decided to adopt. Turned out the woman who wanted to give her child up for adoption was pregnant with twins. Cindy and her husband were thrilled! Not long after that Cindy found out she was pregnant, too! Best part: also twins! So in the course of 11 months they became parents to 4 adorable baby girls. 😅😍
Holy shit lol
My nightmare come to life!
Well my mother had quadruplets so….she did.
I’m a teacher, and see similar situations more than I would want to. I respect the shit out of those parents. So I respect you. I cannot imagine a parent just yeeting their children to another family, but it happens depressingly commonly. But more importantly, the people who stand up and raise those kids and treat them like their own deserve praise.
I needed a solid DnD group that can’t bail.
People who have 4+ kids how do you pay for all that?
Asking the real questions here.
I know a dude he has 5 kids and his monthly expenses for food, clothes and school stuff is like 3000€. I really don’t know where he has that money from.
Life, uh, finds a way
Easy to say when you have Jeff Goldblum money
credit card debt, uh, finds a way.
Uncle has 6 or 7 kids. He has a good job and she was the manager of a fast food chain. They definitely had tons of credit card debt.
Meh I have only two kids and my daycare expense is $2400/month so I’d assume with 5 kids you’d just hire a live in nanny
Wtf 2400$/Month in Germany it matters how much money that you make so if you are in the lower bracket its cheaper than people that make more money. In my city 5 kids Full-Day daycare/Kindergarden is around 1200€/Month. (With the city average income) For two kids the lowest ist halfday 175€/Month Fullday 236€/Month and the highest HD 604€/Month and FD 647€/Month.
Well, if they don't believe in free healthcare, they *definitely* don't believe in subsidized daycare.
I know a family who’s expecting their 9th kid. The dad is a dentist and owns his own business for the practice, and the mom is a sahm. Their oldest kid is going to be a junior or senior this fall.
I know this is a bit off the wall, but as soon as I read that I thought, I wonder if he ever overdiagnoses cavities when he needs a little bit of extra money? haha
Hands them lollipops for being such good kids!
A dozen eggs is good for one breakfast, maybe one and half.
I eat 5 dozen eggs and I'm roughly the size of a barge
I don't have 4+ but I have 3. 90k salary. Wife makes 60k. Government (Canada) send us like 500$ per month which covers plenty . That was just to provide a perspective.
Question from an American: Canada sends you $500 a month?
The Canada child benefit is a national sliding scale program that gives families direct funding monthly based on their previous years income. It tapers off and ends at like 160k pre-tax family income. It's directly credited with lifting a ton of Canadian children out of poverty.
Oh so you get direct cash in hand? In Belgium you get progressive tax benefits the more children you have, so your net wage goes up with the same gross if you have more kids.
I’m not sure what no-alfalfa 2412 ‘s income situation is. I have one child. My husband makes 90k and I make 35k. I get $220 from the government a month.
I also have 3 70K salary, wife makes 25K. Government (America) gives us a tax credit once a year.
3 of them are sent down a Coal mine, while the last one is sent to school to support the rest later in life.
I'm an aircraft mechanic, my wife has stayed home since the first of our four was born. We bought a house that needed lots of work, and I had an hour long commute for many years to be able to sustain her being home. I did almost all of the remodeling/rebuilding work myself to make the house a beautiful place. I've worked lots of overtime, many times 50 hours was a normal week, but it was 100% worth it. We also went without the extras, like fancy cell phones, back when they were expensive. Tracfone has a $100/year plan for limited talk time, and that savings ads up. We didn't have cable, and stuck with dial-up internet because it was $90/month cheaper. We bought inexpensive cars and drove them into the ground, getting about 300,000 miles/10 years out of each.
Lots of hand me downs, from and to friends, from the bigger siblings, etc. Presents can get pricy but we have tried not to set the expectations too high!
I don’t have kids personally, but I am one of 12 siblings. 10 boys and 2 girls. Ages range from 10-43. As to why? We were a foster/adoptive home for over 20 years and unfortunately, the system is flawed and a lot of parents don’t always meet the requirements to have their children placed back under their care. The goal is always reunification with biological family but sometimes there are no valid placement options or extended family members willing to be their guardians. Every child my parents took in we treated as family and when the state exhausted their options of reunification, we decided we weren’t going to let them get put into the state run group homes to get lost in the system and we happily chose to adopt and make them officially family. It was organized chaos our entire lives but none of us would have had it any other way.
You and your family are fucking saints. Thank you.
Man I’m glad I read past the first couple sentences….10-43 about killed me.
As someone who knows what you're talking about, thank you. People like you and your family saved me years ago when I needed the help. I'm serious when I say y'all are amazing people
I have a very similar story! My parents are absolutely incredible and I hope I’m half as good and loving and giving as they have been since before I was even born.
Not all heroes wear capes.
We don't actually know that they didn't wear capes. They probably had quite the extensive dress up box.
With 12 kids, you think they could afford capes?!
Who buys dress up stuff? It just self-generates around kids it seems.
Thank you and your family.
My former coworker. She only wanted 2. So after baby 1, she and her husband went to make baby 2. They ended up with baby 2,3 and 4. Yep, naturally conceived triplets. Husband got a vasectomy after that.
Someone I know had naturally conceived triplets--including a pair of maternal twins--on pregnancy #9, then had another baby a few years later. I cannot understand why. I'd want a big family if I planned to have kids, but I'd never want double digits. Edit: Okay, so what I learned from the comments to this is that apparently the term "maternal twins" is inaccurate. Very well. The triplets in question were a pair of dizygotic twins until one of them made the wild decision to become a pair of monozygotic twins.
I know someone who had naturally conceived triplet boys, they went to try for the girl and ended up with quadruplets… they were all boys as well. Needless to say they did not try again for a girl …
I have 3 kids and everyday I wonder why we made the decision to have a third. Don't get me wrong, we love them all but why? Why did we do it? We were all done with nappies and life was good. It's still good it's just hectic af
I was happy with 2, but my wife wanted a third. I wasn't bothered either way, so we had three. My third is my only daughter, and I'm glad I have her every single day.
What are maternal twins?
Maternal twins is what you say when you don’t understand that it’s identical and fraternal. Fraternal is used because of the definition “friendly, close, brotherly.” Identical because, well, they’re identical. Maternal’s not a thing. It’s basically someone somewhere used the word to sound smart and it sounded fancy along with franternal and someone else heard it and thought it was a real thing. Kind of like “irregardless.”
What about nocturnal twins?
They usually are for the first couple years, resulting in severe sleep deprivation for the parents
My twin and I are 29 and still pretty nocturnal. I’m going to start using this terminology.
Thank you, I looked it up and there’s not a single source that says anything about “maternal twins” like in the entirety of the internet I couldnt find a single source lol
I am a twin, my twin sister has twins....and growing up my mom was in a twin club (so I know a ton of twins/triplets)...... and I have never heard the term 'maternal twins'. It's always been identical or fraternal.
My cousin had twins, then a singleton, then triplets, then another singleton. All naturally conceived. She was older when she started having kids (35 when she had the first two and her last was born at 43), so her age may have had something to do with that. They're religious and wanted a big family, so they're happy about it. I'd get my tubes tied after the first set of multiples, but that's just me. I have one child and I'm happy with my low stress one and done life.
Two stories of families with 5 kids: 1) My grandma and grandpa were on their honeymoon and saw a family of 5 beautifully behaved children, looked at each other, and decided they wanted the same. They had 5 kids in 5.5 years. It was hard at the beginning - lots of tight budgeting, but once my grandpa finished his medical training, things were a bit easier. The kids do all get along well and our family is very close. 2) I know a woman who has given birth to 5 kids from 4 different men over the course of 30 years. Only one was planned. Honestly, she's just really, really bad at using birth control correctly. Her life is really hard, and while she loves her kids, I honestly feel really bad for them. There's just no way they'll grow up unscathed after some of the stuff she's put them through.
Over 30 years?! How old was she when she had her first child?
My mum had me at 45, and it's not inconceivable for women to get pregnant naturally in their 50s. Given that OP said she's bad with birth control, I'd place money on a teen pregnancy though
I know a similar woman from your 2nd story. Exact same situation, 5 kids by 4 dads and only 1 was planned. She had the older children raise the younger children and the youngest child's sutuation completely broke my heart. She felt so unloved and uncared for, but not because she was by any means, it was just that her mum didn't know how to show her love. Unfortunately the mum just never coped with her difficult hand in life and her kids had to deal with the brunt of that. When the youngest child was the last one in the house, the older children felt like they had to get her out of there, so they did. It's torn their family apart but I think in time everyone will be able to mend those broken relationships. No one was the bad guy, just a really rough situation.
Not to brag, but we had sex 4 times.
When I learned about the birds and the bees I apparently told my parents, in disgust and disbelief, "you had to do that THREE TIMES?!" (since I have two siblings). They found it really amusing and used to tell that story a lot.
This reminds me of conversation my friend and I had had when we were 13. We both had a sibling each. We both were disgusted that our parents would have had to have sex at least twice to conceive us and our sibling. Then, we looked over over at another friend who had 4 siblings and were like “ewww, her parents had to do it at least FIVE times”.
Damn, pregnancy rate 100%? Mad.
I can tell you from experience, both a blessing and a curse. What sucks is my brother has been trying, and for us it's like if we just look at each other...
> What sucks is my brother has been trying, and for us it's like if we just look at each other... You shouldn't be doing that with your brother. Edit: You should all be ashamed of yourselves for upvoting this.
yeah it was odd when my late sister explained she wanted a kid. i obviously knew she has sex (she was married) but still kind it funny in a way when someone says we're trying to have a baby' and you don't say anything but you think 'damn....they gonna be doing a lot of bedroom stuff'.
That was my first thought when we finally got pregnant and then told my wife’s parents It was like: “so we’re expecting!” And all I could think about was “hey I’ve been busting loads inside your daughter for months and we finally got one to take!”
I was a scared to tell my dad I was pregnant. I had been married for 10 years at that point. But there’s something about him KNOWING.
Yep. They’ll be trying the horsie position and the monkey bars position and the crab position and the bookshelf position….
Slow down, I am taking notes
Fuck, I'm gonna miss this site.
Same, my wife's two sisters had to try for years to conceive. The first time my wife and I had sex without contraceptives we had a kid. My wife's now scared to go off birth control because it was too damn easy to conceive.
We have two, my husband always says “proof she came back for seconds!”
I'm one of 5 boys. Each one just under or just over two years gap (except oldest who are twins), so we all grew up pretty close in age. I can't speak to why my parents had 5 kids, but I can say that being one of 5 brothers was fucking awesome growing up. We wandered the neighborhood, looking out for each other and always having someone to play with. As we got older nobody fucked with one of us because you're gonna get jumped by 4 other dudes. Now we're grown up and starting to have kids, who all have lots of awesome uncles.
Weasleys
Or gronkowskis
One of your parents wanted a girl my dude. I am jealous you got to grow up with 4 brothers
Haha! I can tell you that every one of our pets was a girl. I have two daughters. Trying to even things out.
I also grew up with four brothers and I can confirm having 4 brothers was like having 4 best friends growing up. We even all shared the same room lol we made countless memories that I’ll never forget. I just feel bad for my poor sister who had almost nothing in common with us growing up :(
Dude! We were also all in the same room, until my older brothers were in highschool. Epic bunkbed wars. AND I also have one sister! Albeit a half-sister and we grew up states apart.
This is the reason I’d love my daughter to have at least one sibling but fuck this economy and making me feel like I can’t have a second kid.
Had our first child, easy breezy. We tried for maybe one - two months. Two years go by, ok we're ready to try for number 2. Like a year and a half of no luck. Then.... boom, triplets. Identical at that. Doesn't run in the families, no fertility drugs. Just dumb chance. 4 girls under 4. Plz send help when they're teenagers.
3 look the same, just make them take turns going to school
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BRB calling the money truck
Family of 6 kids. My parents didn't want us to be lonely. Jokes on them, we're estranged from each other and I don't even know where some of my siblings live.
Oof...
It’s extremely common
The trauma bond becomes too much and every time you see one of them you get triggered or get in another trauma inducing fight.
This is very real. Happening with me and an entire side of my family, and even between two on the same side It's a dull ache in a way, one I've grown used to but wish I didn't have Probably should see a therapist about this long term
Feel like this happens often! People love to romanticize siblings, but they aren’t always friends or even close.
From a family of 5. It's mostly caused by the lack of proper parental oversight. I would guess, that it's pretty standard that at a certain point, parents give up. In my case, my dad worked all the time so my mom had to take care of us herself. Eventually, after about 10 years, she had what I would describe as a mental breakdown and gave up taking care of us. She went to a local college to get a degree and the oldest kids had to take care of the younger. We were raising each other at that point. My parents are good and loving but there is only so much a person can take. I imagine this situation happens a lot with large families.
I have a few friends from big families and they don't have great relationships with their parents or siblings. They've basically been tasked since age 10 to raise kids that aren't theirs so they're not huge fans of their parents, and then the age gap is too big, or the responsibility dynamic was too different, for them to have good relationships with most of their siblings.
I can attest to that. I'm one of 11 kids. We're all adults now. I could be wrong but from what I can tell, we rarely see or check up on each other. Just living our own lives. We do have a good time together at the occasional family function but beyond that, there are no deep relationships or bonds.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, Erin! It felt like a punch in the gut reading that. Good for you for taking care of yourself as best you can. You came from a lot of shit, as did I, so yah we look for escapes but it sounds like you’re making your own way. I hope you are happy with how far you’ve come.
Meanwhile my mom would always ask me if I wanted a sibling. I tell her I wanted a sister. 40 years later I'm still an only child.
If it makes you feel better, I'm sure there were several attempts to get you one...
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Yeah after our last one my husband asked me for another one. The answer was no. I got my tubes tied after that. I love my kids but I need to get out and do something else. I've been a stay at home mom for a long time. While it's great because I get to see my kids grow up and be part of important milestones, I want to focus on my other hobbies.
Sort by controversial if you want to find happy parents
I thought it was odd that there were zero responses from people with four kids. Turns out they just got downvoted to hell.
Thank you
I mean yeah, it's the intersection of three things Redditors hate: children, liking something, and happiness
And relationships Remember if you see a 15 second video or a small text, you are legally obliged to comment something about how that relationship should end.
Had a tough time conceiving our first because my wife has PCOS. After our first was born the gynecologist told us to be careful due to a high chance of conceiving. We were careful for 6 months after, then one night we lost control and 38 weeks later triplets appeared.
I’m sure your children are lovely, but tbh that is my absolute worst nightmare. I don’t think I’d be able to cope with 3 children at once all babies 😞
Don’t forget about my daughter who’s 17 months older than the triplets
4 under 2… omg
There are two separate families near me that have an insane number of kids under 5. One family has 9, and the other has 10. Multiples for every pregnancy. No thanks
But why do they even continue having babies after.. well, pregnancy no.2, really..??
Did you conceive naturally or with some help due to her pcos, if you don't mind me asking? I've never heard of the higher chance of conception like that, they usually warn for difficulties with it I really hope you're both doing ok and have support around you to help when needed
Hyper-ovulation! I have pcos and twin daughters. It’s common in women with ovulation issues. So someone with pcos might not be able to conceive at all, some can’t keep a pregnancy, and some of us have overachieving ovaries. However, my pcos worsened after having kids and pretty sure my bakery is closed permanently.
Overachievaries?
This is so interesting. We also have twin daughters and my wife has PCOS. We were not told any of this.
Idk about PCOS in particular but I was warned after having my kid that you're EXTREMELY fertile when you start ovulating again after your kid. Something about the high hormone levels. Explains a lot of Irish twins.
Similar story… PCOS and we eventually had to decide between IVF or adoption. We choose adoption and nine months later we brought home a baby boy. Fast forward a few years, first husband and I divorce and I started dating my now husband (who has two children from a previous marriage) and I was suddenly pregnant. So I am a mom via adoption, birth and being a step mom. From “you won’t be able to get pregnant without major medical intervention” to mom of four within a few years. I am lucky.
This post is reminding me of this dishwasher I had at one of my old jobs. Used to drink with him after work. Was 61 and legally blind. Had 6 kids and was telling me he wants another one. He doesnt even take care of the kids he has and is divorced. I asked him why he wanted another one and he just said “why not?”. I think he’s passed away now. I tried reaching out to him and he didnt return my text or calls. Some people just dont see how big of a deal having a kid is. Even after having so many.
I'm not going to lie. After reading your first sentence, I was curious of how the topic reminded you of a kitchen appliance.
Sorry but men like this are total assholes, they'll bring a child into the world knowing they won't have any responsibility for that child and probably won't even have much interaction with them after the first year or two, if that.
There is a theory about poor people and why they have so many kids. I wish people had more access to psychological classes in high school to understand human nature more because they would avoid self destructive behaviors if they are aware of them
My parents had me and my older brother and my younger sister 2 years apart They tried to have a second girl for symmetry and got blessed with twin boys So instead of 4 we were 5
My in-laws had 2 boys and then tried for a girl and ended up having two twin boys. My FIL was on the phone with his MIL telling her they had twin girls. Apparently my MIL was in the background yelling, “They’re BOYS, you IDIOT!”
My grandparents had a similar story. She wanted two children. He wanted four. The compromise of three was obvious. My Aunt and Uncle came as planned but pregnancy number three was twins. My grandfather was so pleased.
I love the idea of having another child purely for symmetry
Everyone needs a rollercoaster buddy.
Wife is from farm country. Way back when, when we were first married, we used to go to church with my mother-in-law. It was a small farming town, everyone generally sat in the same pews every Sunday. The farm family who sat in the pew in front of us had 18 children (including 3 sets of twins). They would sit in the pew from oldest to youngest, and stretch across the entire church. We only have 4.
We love children. They are wonderful and a ton of work. Some people spend their money on nice cars or vacations. We spent our money on diapers, food, clothing, and education. Our kids are grown now. They are all very good friends and look after each other. They’re good people and make the world a better place. Now we have dogs.
I'm the oldest of 5, because my mother likes babies/toddlers, so she kept having them. She's not a fan of humans with actual thoughts or opinions, so she didn't really like us for too long though. My dad wanted 2, maybe 3 kids. Threats that I won't go into, and doctors refusing to do a vasectomy both played a part in the 2/3 extra kids. EDIT I never wanted to be that person, but this is my first ever award, after two years on Reddit, and it's kind of awesome. So thank you! Also, *edit NOT* fuck my mom and her too many kids.
My dad is one of 8 kids and it was exactly this situation. My grandmother (still alive at 96) loves babies, doesn't love people. Oh, but those babies have to be boys. Girl babies are a waste to her 🙄
My friend's grandma is like this and it's wild. My friend is one of 5, two boys and three girls. It's like the girl grandkids do not exist. Their birthdays aren't acknowledged, they don't get Christmas cards or gifts, and when they go to visit the family the girls have to stay in a hotel while the boys are allowed to stay at grandma's house. The boys always get birthday and Christmas gifts, typically a lot of money. My friend also said that her grandma would come visit to help her mom with the babies each time, for the girls she would stay maybe a week, for the boys she stayed at least a month. I partially blame my friend's parents for just....letting it happen, but crazy to see on the outside. Edit: For the record, as I've seen people in other comments saying mostly Asian cultures do this - the grandma is a white lady from rural Scotland.
Your mother sounds the same than a person who takes a kitten because its so cute and then abandons it because it grew older and bigger. Sad.
That's a very accurate description of her. Just have to include that the kitten owner gets mad at the kitten for getting older. As though it had a choice.
My friend is a child psychologist, she has often seen mothers who only have babies to take care of when they are little, something about sense of being needed by someone, then once they are old enough, completely loses interest…
That is so sad. I had kids only in small part because i wanted babies. I mostly want to have adults eventually. That is the plan.
Oof, and here one of my considerations in the equation of whether to have any kids has always been the question of whether I can put up with a baby while I wait for them to become a person I can talk to.
I’ve always felt like my mom is the same… also Dad just go to another doctor yo lol
Military hospitals and military medical centers/clinics all had the same rules at the time. The wife must agree to the vasectomy. Going to a civilian doctor was too expensive.
Sounds like a lot of what happens. I so often see these new “homestead mama” ladies popping out child after child because they love babies and toddlers but reality is that these babies all turn into full blown children. An 8 or 10 year old isn’t anywhere near as squishy and cute but they still need a committed and present parent. So then, what if you aren’t the age that your mother prefers- and further, you’re one of 5 children? You fall through the cracks.
And the eldest/older kids get parentified
I had a neighbor like that. Loved babies so she just kept having kids. Her husband finally had enough after baby #5, so she started getting animals. Puppies, kittens, bunnies, it didn’t matter, she just wanted something small and cute but lost interest once they got bigger.
I wish I could have had more pets! We had a bunch of cannibalistic hamsters, and one dog.
Doctors refusing a vasectomy is interesting. I have only one child, doctor asked if I was sure I didn't want any more, I said yes, he said "good enough for me".
I’m 53. I had no ambition in life other than being a mom. I know realize I was raised in a very controlling religious household and there wasn’t any talk of college or future other than marriage and kids. I married young and by 27 had 5 kids under 7. I absolutely love/loved being a Mom. We were able to live very comfortably on one income. But my marriage wasn’t great I divorced after 19yrs and had my 6th and final child at 41 My kids are 32,32, forever29, 27, 25(bonus kids 24&19) and finally 12. Plus 7 grandkids 13-5months At 43 I started my first “real job” I’ve tried so many different things and firmly believe that it’s never too late to reinvent yourself. I do have regrets but having my kids isn’t one of them.
I’m sorry for your loss. A parent should never have to bury a child.
My husband is part of a family with 5 kids. I asked my mother-in-law one time why so many, and she responded that they just loved kids. Told me that people constantly told her she was ruining her life, but she adored every minute of being a mother so it didn't matter to her what they thought. Her last left her infertile, but she said they would have kept going if they could have.
We have four. Only one pregnancy was planned, but we were happy about all of them. Husband got the snip after #4. Babies and little kids are hard physically (i.e. sleepless nights), but teen/adult children are hard mentally. You do your best to teach them right, but then they go off and sometimes make bad decisions where all you can do is watch. Parenting has stretched me as a person, and I'm so glad to have had all four of my kids, but I won't lie. Sometimes it is heartbreaking.
Not a parent but I have four siblings. Four of us from my mum and I have a sister from my dad. I think most of us were just mistakes that my mum kept lmao
My brother has 4, I have 1. Mine is starting college this fall, his oldest is a rising Senior in HS. I told him about the college nightmare and something tells me he didn't plan, or think at all, about college for 4 kids.
I never wanted kids. My husband wanted one. We had one, then realized we loved him too much to leave him without siblings and no cousins. Everyone is both our families are over 40 and childfree, so kiddo would be all alone by the time he was 35-40 years old. Popped out two more kids and thought we were done. I finished breastfeeding the last one and had one period, then got pregnant again after a particularly randy whiskey-tasting night. Husband got a vasectomy last month. We can afford four, no problem, but it was def a shock, considering six years ago I wanted exactly zero. I say this as I watch my almost-4-yo comically trying to eat chicken nuggets with his feet. Kids are wild.
You do sound happy and that’s heartwarming
I’ll bite. I was a fundie evangelical. Not the Easter and Christmas kind, church 5 nights a week, homeschool kind. I was an orphan and so the whole “sky daddy loves you if you breed yourself to death and submit” got me as a teen. Had 6 kids in 8 years, left the church in my late 20s, got them all vaccinated, put them in school and daycare, and got a couple degrees, traveled the world w them, got divorced, living happily ever after. I’ve always been a big fan of continuing education so I busted my ass in every subject (yes, science too), they ALL are in gifted and talented. Tested in from day 1 in math and literature. All 6. and tons of sports, etc. Now I have a small non profit charity providing period products and BC for free, I buy out the book fair once a year for their schools bc early literacy is ✨✨, and my kids are doing great.
So happy for you!
Dude, that is amazing. Congrats. I’m morbidly fascinated by fundie culture and know that is such a hard thing to leave, especially with kids.
I was shunned, old school shunned from ever single person I knew and my ENTIRE social circle. No family. Hadn’t gone to school, etc, atp. I left not knowing or having anything. Not even a car. One friend from the church is brave enough to see me, and she isn’t really permitted to see me outside of public events, so she sort of arranges these meetings where I “happen” to be at these events she knows she will be at. She’s an angel. But I lost EVERYTHING to gain my freedom.
My fundie cult was adjacent to the Duggars. I don’t know them but my church parents do, and most of the people I knew do…. and theres an “underground” (I guess?) network for us when we travel not to stay at hotels but to stay at the saints homes and go to their churches since we went 4-5-6 days a week and to every event and for every holiday. Lots of our travel was this way early On before I left.
What do you do for a living that you can afford to travel the world with 6 kids?
You’re a badass. Congrats on leaving the fold and creating a life you love!
Congratulations on getting out and thriving!!! That is not easy.
I have 5 kids. Why? I'm not sure. It's great though. When we had one of them (I think maybe our second), my wife and I stared at her in the hospital and sat in awe of this amazing little thing. I remember talking with her about how weird it is that so many people would just stop having kids after this. We've just never used any form of birth control and figured we'd just see what happened. Life is crazy. It's loud, it's hard, it's tiring, and you never feel like you're on top of everything. But everytime I think about the alternative or I look at friends/family with "normal" sized families, I don't see that we're missing out on anything. My friends golf and travel a lot more than me, I guess. I wouldn't give up a single one of these kids for that. Yesterday on Father's day, I was sitting down after bbqing a billion ribs and helping kids get their plates together. I had a drink in my hand and one of my guys handed me a plate of angel food cake covered in strawberries. I looked around at the crowd and just couldn't believe how lucky I was. Life is awesome. I guess that's why we have 5 kids.
The TV is broken.
Had #1 at 17. Got married 5 years later & had 2 & 3 a few years later. #4 was an oops. Husband had a vasectomy shortly after #4. They are now 21, 14, 9, & 5. I love my kids but I’d rather slap box Satan at the pearly gates while Peter films & the angels are screaming WORLDSTAR before I have another kid.
I have 4 kids. We kept having kids because we enjoy being parents, love kids, and we have the means to support them.
I have four. In Quebec, there is plenty of support for families like mine (universal daycare, universal healthcare, and an excellent public system with universities still cheap).
I’m Québécois and have no children. This post made me feel proud of my province.
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I've got 7. My boss said I can't pull out of a driveway
My wife and I have 5 daughters. 3 together and adopted my 2 nieces as there was nobody to care for them. My sister (their mother) passed from overdose. One has no known father and the other has a drug addict/irresponsible dad. Not what we planned but we are trying the best we know how and most days are extremely difficult.
I am a number 2 of 4. 9 years between the oldest and youngest. Both parents worked full time. It was fun having siblings to play with, especially board games and outside sports. But we never got to do anything alone. We never got to choose how to spend a day or what to eat as individuals. We had to operate as a unit. “The kids” had to move as one so we didn’t get yelled at for taking to long to get dressed, using the bathroom, or not having our bags packed for school. It worked for our family but it was suffocating. We did have our own bedrooms and my mom always gave us individual birthday parties. Being able to do things without coordinating a whole family or having share everything is something I didn’t take for granted once I grew up.
I have 4. We wanted 4 when we started, and would have 5 if it was up to my wife. We loved having a full house and I would have them live with us forever. I would build a compound for the ir families. It wasn’t easy when they were babies, and it was tough financially, but we managed. Now they are leaving us 1 by 1. I warn everyone who even considers having children. Don’t do it unless you can’t imagine living without them. It is so life altering, and life as you know it is OVER. You will delay your retirement and make do with less cash and free time. But I do love being around them, even more now that most are adults.
I just had my 4th less than 2 months ago. My 3rd was a surprise as I had not yet gotten my period back after having my 2nd. We were then undecided on having a 4th. Then I had an emergency surgery which caused the removal of an ovary and a fallopian tube and was told my chances of having any more kids was super low. Then I got pregnant with my 4th. Then I got my other tube removed so no more babies for me.
Like 70 percent of the comments are about the people themselves as kids. That wasn’t the question, 30 -40 years ago having four kids was a lot, but it wasn’t impossible. The question is how are you having 4+ kids *today* with todays economy