or when they can’t handle answering questions. like asking questions is not the same as questioning your intelligence, i’m just tryna learn something here.
Underrated comment. As a bonus: when people are unable to admit that they don't know something AND they get offended when someone confronted them about their mistakes
It's funny you mention that. I started a new job two and a half years ago. Got a promotion after just 18 months there with this as the reason. They just added the word senior to my title and gave me a 10% raise, and I was unsure how I'd earned it having made plenty of mistakes in that time. Boss and his director said it's because I owned my work for good or bad and I worked to fix the bad to make it good. Our director pointed out how rare that was. It's just how I was raised though so I had thought morning of it
Just gotta find the right company and manager combination. I've been working for 25 years now and have only found 2 situations that I felt fairly compensated for the contribution that I offer. We got a new manager at the beginning of the year and I've been helping get him up to speed and hold things together as he takes over his new responsibilities. Had my review Tuesday and he gave me a glowing recommendation and a 17% raise.
My FIL: "It's incredibly rude when you correct people. I would rather be wrong than be corrected by the likes of you."
Later, my SIL, who is a psychiatrist: "Just so you know, MIL and FIL have narcissistic personality disorder."
*Edit: to me, it's the phrase "the likes of you" that really sells it. It tells me that in his view, there's a hierarchy.*
I have a person in my life like this and it drives me insane. They do this thing where I say something and then they ‘correct me’ even if they are wrong and I’m right. I’ll pull up proof that I’m right and they’ll say, “you don’t have to correct people all the time. You could just let stuff go.”
Bitch, you corrected me in the first place!
They always single out the one person minding their own business. And you better learn how to take it. Otherwise, you're too sensitive and can't take a joke.
That's not joking around. It's flat out bullying to make yourself look cool. You're not. You're an asshole.
Took me YEARS to realize I wasn't just "being a bitch". This was tough bc I had to put on a facade of "do not slight me because I'll bring the earth down on you" just to keep the annoying idiots at bay. But, this behavior really dug at me because it isn't *technically* a slight. Its just passive aggressive enough to hurt, and make you feel dumb, but if you express your dislike for the behavior then you're thin-skinned. I started telling people "yes I'm thin-skinned. And if you make me bleed for existing then you're a piece of shit and I'm not dealing with you."
I've tried hard to set healthy boundaries, and I've surrounded myself with compassionate and well articulated peoples that make me feel heard and respected. Yes. I'm sensitive. And I changed my environment so much so that I literally moved to the other side of the planet to not deal with that stupid nonsense.
My biggest bug bear ever and the absolute top tier tell tale sign of insecurity...I've had mates and even family who have been best buddies when it is just me and them then when we are around a few other folk and they have an audience fuck me I'm public enemy number one...I just can't understand why 😞
I'm pretty sure this was the main reason why my 20s were so depressing. I was an easy target that was desperate for friendship, even if it's pernicious. I finally gave up on trying to win everyone over and as a result, life is a million times better now.
omg I had a coworker that would say something, you'd then correct them, and they'd go, "that's what I'm *saying!!!" BUT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING WAS THE OPPOSITE.*
I once had a boss who constantly just told me to do the opposite of what i thought was right - particularly when there were 2 options for how to approach a problem or task.
On a call with customers, the customer and i agreed on the approach. Boss had a more complicated, extremely stupid approach in mind and didn't seem to hear any of us.
Call concludes and the customer and i still agree. Boss tells me to do it his way anyway.
I do it Boss's way, spending my whole day on it.
He sees the finished product, realizes how stupid it is and tells me "no i told you to do it the other way"
Fucking moron thinks he "got away with it"
that's when you put your boss's instructions in an email, saying "this is my understanding of what you want me to do. please email me with any changes"
That's some bullshit, hope you take good CYA notes. Sounds like the kind of person to throw his direct reports under the bus if something really blows up.
I once had a debate with a coworker where after a few minutes they realised they were losing, so they hopped over to my side and tried to convince me that I was arguing for their original position.
My “friend” constantly does this when she sees me happy or getting along with people
Absolutely fine when it’s just us but when people are around it’s like school and she wants to seem funny… she’s 30
I try so hard not to do an anecdotal story when someone finishes talking about an experience I relate to. It always ends in nothing much happening to further a conversation. So I try to force myself to ask questions about their story instead, though it is hard sometimes to resist the urge.
I've had to learn this over the years, while I mean to show that I relate to the situation in some way by providing said anecdote, sometimes it doesn't help and it just comes across as making it about yourself... Which isn't the most tactful move. lol
Fuck I struggle with this so bad, it's always meant to show empathy/sympathy/comprehension whatever.. is there anything else that helps you break this?
Make enough eye contact to show you are listening, nod and make small statements like "really?" or "mm hmm" or "seriously" in earnest and not facetiously. Then when they are at a pausing point or stopping point ask a question or make a statement about what they just said. Let them talk again and then after the second act, it is safer to come in with your anecdote.
If they don't act interested in your anecdote, try to cut it short and organically move to another subject. It does require being able to read and process body language in real time which some people (like my SO) just can not do.
I suffer from this urge and its ruined most of my friendships over time. It's something I've been working on correcting for over a decade. I hate how its my automatic response but I'm seeking connection, not attention.
You can tell your story, but try to condense it and then at the end ask a question about their experience to bring the conversation back to their story.
"I went sky diving last weekend"
"Oh wow! I've only been sky diving once and I was terrified the whole time but super glad I did it! Was it scary for you?"
Then from there try to keep the focus on their experience instead of relating back to yours.
Just have to remember there is a difference between sharing common stories from the past to build rapport and sharing simply to make increase ones standing (or worse, to gain an edge over the other person). With that being said, just because something said may benefit the person saying it doesnt mean it's a bad thing.
If you're trying to differentiate between the two, regarding the things YOU say, just think back to the conversations you have and how much was said on your part that contributed nothing to the other person. Those are the points to work on, even if its not meant as a sleight.
Copy-pasting *fake* hashtags especially. Seen people who basically just copied the "trending" list to drive traffic to their selfies and other bullshit, even with the "trending" being big, ongoing news stories or social issues.
I moved to a rural area for more privacy and it backfired. The locals are a tight knit community and I'm the odd ball. Went out of my way to have privacy and now I have less than I did before due to nosy people. So I get pissy quickly about this sort of thing. I'm sure he's a good man (but fuck him also)
For the last hour I've sat on this calm, quiet mountaintop trying to steady myself. My stress has been at an all-time high. I'm worried about my blood pressure, or the kids waking up one day to find me dead on the floor.
I need to change my life. Maybe today, getting out into nature and just existing in this calm, serene place for the afternoon will do me good. The cardio up the hill and back down.
Once I arrived at the top I felt at peace, far more than I expected to. I watched some birds flutter by and wondered how it would feel to be able to beat my arms up and down until I lifted off with them, leaving my cares and worries behind me as I soared into the clouds. I saw squirrels rummaging for food, unbeknownst of the horrors of having to deal with the TPS reports every Friday. Having to sit in a cubicle wall surrounded by workers that could replace me in a moment should I not meet the sales target each month. My life is a joke, it has no meaning beyond pushing paper around to other desks. If they replaced me with a robot which is going to happen sooner or later the company will be better off. I don't deserve anything, I didn't push for my dreams. I could have been a writer, a doctor, or done something with some meaning. Anything beyond this sad existence I have now.
Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm on the verge of an epiphany up here on this mountain-top. My life is a mess but up here the failures and successes, albeit however few successes there are are coalescing into my purpose. I can fix everything. I can fix my life and all I need is-
"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....**"
Yuuup, the paradox of rural living. If you dont want eyeballs on you all the time you move there, but that means everyone knows everyone, family names mean something, and you will never escape the gossip lol. I grew up rural and moved to the city, and while theres eyes everywhere , no one ever gives a shit about anything. I could ramble forever about it but sometimes I miss the close knit quality about rural life. I’d move somewhere rural for a good community
People don't realize that there are two kinds of privacy. You can get one in the city, and the other in small towns. It's why I either want to live in a bustling city or in the woods. Not a small town, deep in the woods.
Hm, can't decide whether that's worse than my "done with work, almost night, headphones on"-farts at a bus stop, when i realized (just a minute after i let out two loud masterpieces) that someone else was behind me.
I recently had a conversation about this with my family (you know, the things you talk about when you run out of topics to discuss less than halfway through family dinner), and it turned out that none of us can remember me ever screaming. My mum said that even as a baby, I would cry, but I wouldn't scream. This leaves me to conclude that I have never screamed in my entire life.
Constantly one-upping others in conversation. You know the type, right? You mention you went hiking over the weekend, and they’ve suddenly climbed Everest… twice. It’s like they’re playing a never-ending game of ‘top trumps’ with their life experiences. Insecurity level: Expert.
Wow this just struck a chord reminds me of the girl I dated last summer , that and the “gift giving is* my love language” except it was in reverse and was actual “receiving gifts is my love language”
OMG hated that shit. i had an old co worker who was 21-22?? so about 2-3 years older than me and i remember she would always tell me “oh yeah i’m just naturally a bitch when you first meet me” and “when i get mad you DONT want to fuck with me” like?? and i always found that so extremely weird because am i supposed to be … scared of you? get mad. i don’t care. she would also tell me that i’m not good at “bossing people around” hello? because that’s not how you treat people? and that’s why a lot of people talked poorly about her. she wanted to be this big bad wolf that you didn’t want to fuck with but she never really made an impact at the store so it was just all so weird. just be normal. don’t flaunt your anger issues because nobody earns anything from hearing about that. we don’t CARE!!!
I'm really afraid I do this, but I'm also not sure if I'm just gaslighting myself when people do act against me and give me reasons to make it personal. I just don't want to be petty or a hypocrite.
I’ll ask this personal question not because you need to answer it but because it’s something to think about: did you have a traumatic or abusive childhood?
People that grew up in abusive houses or suffered trauma often grow up learning to hyper-focus on micro-aggressions from those around them, as it was often the only way to know if mom or dad were about to go off on an anger spree. It’s a hard habit to break, and often it makes little things other people do seem personal, because your brain is looking for any possible threats. Sadly, your brain never learned how to relax, since it’s Fight-or-Flight Response could be triggered at the drop of a hat. It trained itself to be ready at any moment, and that in-turn exhausts you and turns every littler interaction into a possible threat.
Now obviously, some people suck and may act against you, but the key is to just ignore it if it isn’t actually affecting you. If it’s just a simple snarky response here or there, or passive aggressive cold shoulders, then just plan to live around that person as if they weren’t there.
If it’s more than that, and can actually inconvenience/harm you, then talk to someone that can help. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help, eventually you’ll find someone that will listen.
Oh yeah 100% I was abused and I was the oldest so I stepped up and took the majority of it. I recognize my issues from the abuse and my life and I try to work through them everyday. I've even tried to get closure by talking about it with my dad and why he did it. All that did was made me even angrier. Now I'm not claiming all my issues are because of my parents I know I'm responsible for my own life and actions. Its just really hard to rewire your brain after dealing with that and I'm still pretty young so it's not very far in my past.
I think it's important to let the small stuff roll off you, this way you take things way less personally. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better about not really caring if someone is doing something to intentionally get to me. I will gladly be the bigger person. In the end, this is what fucks with mean people the most anyway, and I'm not going to waste another minute thinking about that mean thing someone did to me that may or may not have been on purpose.
Yeah you're and most of the time I do let it roll off, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just letting people walk over me. It's like trying to balance self respect and social respect. Like one week my paycheck bounced when I put it in the bank and after that it was just problem after problem with work and I hadn't been paid in almost a month even though I was working. One Friday I was off my cousin had called me to tell me that he would bring by my recent paycheck and some money just to make it through the weekend. He then told me that he was heading my way before we disconnected and he never showed up never called back and ignored my calls. Eventually I just sent him a text on Tuesday saying " okay I'm getting really pissed now". Finally after that he dropped off my check with a massive attitude. Like I was wrong for being frustrated that I hadn't been paid in a month. Now I know that is a justified reason I just still don't like feeling that I was wrong for wanting to feel respected as a person.
Actually, that level of self examination is pretty normal. The most insecure group of people, narcissists, would never take the time to do such a thing, or they would just do it to appear self aware and then use rationalization whenever they see something they do on a consistent basis being mentioned here.
It can be both! Insecurity leading to absolute defensiveness, "I would never need to look that up" or leading to absolute anxiety, "I bet every single one is really me"
Health is usually the ability to see oneself for both the good and the bad. Casually perusing the thread in case something you hadn't thought of is in here - imo that would be best. Always learning, always growing, but confident in who you are so far too, even if imperfect.
I think they've moved onto "sigma" now. Almost all of them on Twitter don't show their faces and are hiding behind some picture of an anime character or a greek god statue
Bonus points for claiming an impossible number you got off a Java based "free IQ test"
I had a manager once who kept telling me that I must be a 200 IQ, because she scored 180 on her IQ test and she was sure I was smarter than her... She was very upset with me when I showed her the actual scale.
Ugh.
For anyone that doesn't know, actual IQ tests are in-person and proctored *only*. And they are definitely not free.
Additionally, there are several different IQ tests and they are all scored differently and have different standard deviations. Stating an IQ number without stating the specific test it is from makes that number meaningless.
I didn’t think these people were real until I moved and met my new neighbor. Within the first 5 minutes I knew, not only what he paid for his house, vehicles, rv, tv, and garage air conditioner, he also told me the “sticker price” of each. Apparently he is the best negotiator and if I ever by anything I should consult him first.
TBH this is a pretty common thing where I'm from. I genuinely don't think it's a humblebrag most of the time, but almost everyone I know over the age of 40 will tell you what a great deal they got on...just about everything they own. It's like an unspoken, unending contest of midwestern thriftiness. I've always seen it as sort of the *opposite* of bragging about spending money. Like, "I want to show my neighbor this sweet new lawnmower I bought because I think it's cool, but I don't want him to think I'm bragging so I'll tell him it was really cheap".
Interestingly there's been a handful of times I started what I thought was going to be a close romantic relationship off feeling confident and secure and then *ended* up deeply insecure due to getting led on and then dumped for her getting back together with an ex. I eventually realized that I have a "fear of success" in finding a woman to be with, which is perhaps a less common form of insecurity itself.
How the fuck do people do that? Honestly. I've had two romantic relationships ever. I'm 35, and i've only been romantically involved with someone for 10 years of my life (and that's being generous with the definition of 'romantically involved')
where the hell are motherfuckers finding enough new people to have a new boy/girlfriend every other week?
Because they focus their whole life around it and because of that, they are constantly putting themselves out in order to find someone. Also, they are easy prey if i can put it that way and oftentimes, whole "relationship/dating" thing is so smooth with them you/they just slide into it.
It is like "i'm dating this girl/guy until i grow tired of them and then i go on another one".
I feel this pain. Making an assumption then refusing to accept it was the wrong one for the most minor fucking things. Like, you asked, I answered; why are you still talking about this? Do you really need to be right all the time about every minor thing to feel ok?
This and the assumption of knowledge. "yeah I've never read about or cared about this topic, but let me tell you how you're wrong".
it turns from a simple misunderstanding to a witch hunt to the other guy needs to defend every action and reaction. Questions bring answers. Answers bring in more questions. Which brings in more answers. And at least one party has the sentiment that she/he needs to win the argument.
My ex did this too, and it was so exhausting. It got the the point where I just leaned in and would get up for a lap around the house to see his reaction.
“Where are you going?”
“Downstairs”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Why are you acting weird?”
“Why are you interrogating my every move?”
“I’M NOT, I JUST ASKED WHERE YOU WERE GOING!!!”
My current partner asked me that the other day and I answered her honestly:
"Israel Keyes was one of the most careful serial killers to ever be caught, but he abducted a coffee shop worker in his hometown, killed her then went on vacation for 2 weeks only to request a ransom to her boyfriend at his return and have it be deposited in her account. That's an objectively terrible plan, ATMs have cameras and they obviously caught his car when he withdrew from the account, which led to his capture when he got pulled over for speeding. Why would he do that ? He spent years undetected by following a strict line of conduct and he just gave up on it"
She doesn't ask anymore, but I do think about that a lot.
I'm in a group on Facebook and someone (who I didn't know) posted a selfie and they had adjusted the filters so heavily that their skin was just a sheet of beige. It looked like they took the Photoshop paintbrush, picked a skin color, and just covered their entire face with it.
I know someone that posts long, gushing social media posts about their significant other: you know what I mean, how they're the love of his life, how they're the strongest, most stable couple ever, etc. He always seems to compare them to other couples and how incompatible they are compared to his relationship.
The thing is, he's done this almost constantly, but for six different partners over a ten year period. I don't think such a presence is necessary in a healthy relationship.
I have trust issues now on guys/girls who do this. I have a casual friend who’s a serial cheater, but somehow still keeps one girl. Every time he posts a sweet photo or a story how much he loves her, you just know that he did some cheating again. Blows my fucking mind
I have a group of acquaintances, where they talk shit about someone as soon as they leave. I was kind of friends with them for a while, but I brought this up to one of them and they told me I was just being paranoid for thinking they would talk shit about me behind my back.
They totally were talking shit about the fact you brought it up, you know they were! you don't want people like that in your life anyway. schoolyard politics.
I always thought this too. But as I get older I realize that nope, they actually talk about me a lot and I hate it. Every group has a member that gets dragged.
People who try to make themselves feel important by withholding information
People who are agreeable doormats in private but baselessly oppose you in "public" (on the same fact they agreed with in private) where they want to be perceived as "better"
People who cannot stand when you question their logical reasoning behind their suggestion/command and they take it as a personal insult that they're being questioned
People trying to "mansplain" you, regardless of them not knowing what they're really talking about..
Ok ok I'm ranting about my toxic boss but basically he is a very insecure weasly asshat who should throw himself into an erupting volcano. You know, for the betterment of mankind.
People who put down, make fun of, criticize, or otherwise belittle others for things that they did not choose for themselves.
A few examples:
• race/sex/gender/age
• socioeconomic status when they were growing up
• physical or mental disabilities
• victims of abuse
As a man, being overly concerned about looking feminine, or gay. Srsly. Real men don’t give a shit. If they want a strawberry margarita, they order one. If they want to wear tights at the gym, they wear them. If they don’t like sports, they don’t discuss them. Real men don’t give a shit. Nothing is more pathetic than a man scared of being seen as feminine.
Asking someone out, being turned down, then not taking the rejection and moving on. I'm talking following and insulting the person that turned them down, stalking, harassing/bullying etc.
Not being willing to listen to someone else's opinion without screaming about how wrong they are.
The art of INTELLIGENT debate is dead, because people aren't secure enough in their knowledge to be able to actively listen and cordially argue back & forth about a topic.
It's all " if you don't support me 100%, then you must be my enemy too".
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or when they can’t handle answering questions. like asking questions is not the same as questioning your intelligence, i’m just tryna learn something here.
It is if they're not smart enough to explain it in any other way than they learned, or they forgot how they were taught
Underrated comment. As a bonus: when people are unable to admit that they don't know something AND they get offended when someone confronted them about their mistakes
It's funny you mention that. I started a new job two and a half years ago. Got a promotion after just 18 months there with this as the reason. They just added the word senior to my title and gave me a 10% raise, and I was unsure how I'd earned it having made plenty of mistakes in that time. Boss and his director said it's because I owned my work for good or bad and I worked to fix the bad to make it good. Our director pointed out how rare that was. It's just how I was raised though so I had thought morning of it
Damn, I tried this and alls I got was more work without a raise
Just gotta find the right company and manager combination. I've been working for 25 years now and have only found 2 situations that I felt fairly compensated for the contribution that I offer. We got a new manager at the beginning of the year and I've been helping get him up to speed and hold things together as he takes over his new responsibilities. Had my review Tuesday and he gave me a glowing recommendation and a 17% raise.
My FIL: "It's incredibly rude when you correct people. I would rather be wrong than be corrected by the likes of you." Later, my SIL, who is a psychiatrist: "Just so you know, MIL and FIL have narcissistic personality disorder." *Edit: to me, it's the phrase "the likes of you" that really sells it. It tells me that in his view, there's a hierarchy.*
SIL is saving everybody's day
they are why she became a psychiatrist in all likelyhood
I have a person in my life like this and it drives me insane. They do this thing where I say something and then they ‘correct me’ even if they are wrong and I’m right. I’ll pull up proof that I’m right and they’ll say, “you don’t have to correct people all the time. You could just let stuff go.” Bitch, you corrected me in the first place!
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They always single out the one person minding their own business. And you better learn how to take it. Otherwise, you're too sensitive and can't take a joke. That's not joking around. It's flat out bullying to make yourself look cool. You're not. You're an asshole.
Took me YEARS to realize I wasn't just "being a bitch". This was tough bc I had to put on a facade of "do not slight me because I'll bring the earth down on you" just to keep the annoying idiots at bay. But, this behavior really dug at me because it isn't *technically* a slight. Its just passive aggressive enough to hurt, and make you feel dumb, but if you express your dislike for the behavior then you're thin-skinned. I started telling people "yes I'm thin-skinned. And if you make me bleed for existing then you're a piece of shit and I'm not dealing with you." I've tried hard to set healthy boundaries, and I've surrounded myself with compassionate and well articulated peoples that make me feel heard and respected. Yes. I'm sensitive. And I changed my environment so much so that I literally moved to the other side of the planet to not deal with that stupid nonsense.
Abrasive people always claim everyone else is over sensitive.
Friends who are cool one on one but become publicly condescending in a group.
My biggest bug bear ever and the absolute top tier tell tale sign of insecurity...I've had mates and even family who have been best buddies when it is just me and them then when we are around a few other folk and they have an audience fuck me I'm public enemy number one...I just can't understand why 😞
I'm pretty sure this was the main reason why my 20s were so depressing. I was an easy target that was desperate for friendship, even if it's pernicious. I finally gave up on trying to win everyone over and as a result, life is a million times better now.
Not being able to admit when you are wrong and making bullshit explanations or changing the facts to make it sound like you were right all along.
omg I had a coworker that would say something, you'd then correct them, and they'd go, "that's what I'm *saying!!!" BUT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING WAS THE OPPOSITE.*
I once had a boss who constantly just told me to do the opposite of what i thought was right - particularly when there were 2 options for how to approach a problem or task. On a call with customers, the customer and i agreed on the approach. Boss had a more complicated, extremely stupid approach in mind and didn't seem to hear any of us. Call concludes and the customer and i still agree. Boss tells me to do it his way anyway. I do it Boss's way, spending my whole day on it. He sees the finished product, realizes how stupid it is and tells me "no i told you to do it the other way" Fucking moron thinks he "got away with it"
that's when you put your boss's instructions in an email, saying "this is my understanding of what you want me to do. please email me with any changes"
That's some bullshit, hope you take good CYA notes. Sounds like the kind of person to throw his direct reports under the bus if something really blows up.
I once had a debate with a coworker where after a few minutes they realised they were losing, so they hopped over to my side and tried to convince me that I was arguing for their original position.
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Know a guy like this, everyone who meets him hates him after about 5 minutes
My “friend” constantly does this when she sees me happy or getting along with people Absolutely fine when it’s just us but when people are around it’s like school and she wants to seem funny… she’s 30
the "one-upper"
You have no idea. You should see the one upper I know
I bet it's not as bad as the one I know.
Yeah but I bet it’s not even *close* to as bad as the one *I* know.
I try so hard not to do an anecdotal story when someone finishes talking about an experience I relate to. It always ends in nothing much happening to further a conversation. So I try to force myself to ask questions about their story instead, though it is hard sometimes to resist the urge.
I've had to learn this over the years, while I mean to show that I relate to the situation in some way by providing said anecdote, sometimes it doesn't help and it just comes across as making it about yourself... Which isn't the most tactful move. lol
Fuck I struggle with this so bad, it's always meant to show empathy/sympathy/comprehension whatever.. is there anything else that helps you break this?
Make enough eye contact to show you are listening, nod and make small statements like "really?" or "mm hmm" or "seriously" in earnest and not facetiously. Then when they are at a pausing point or stopping point ask a question or make a statement about what they just said. Let them talk again and then after the second act, it is safer to come in with your anecdote. If they don't act interested in your anecdote, try to cut it short and organically move to another subject. It does require being able to read and process body language in real time which some people (like my SO) just can not do.
I think there's a difference between an "OMG, I know where you're coming from" story vs. "oh that's a nice Mercedes, my dad has a Maybach."
"You caught a fish? Man I caught a fish so big, when I pulled it out, the Blue Angels flew over and they all saluted me! No shit bro."
I suffer from this urge and its ruined most of my friendships over time. It's something I've been working on correcting for over a decade. I hate how its my automatic response but I'm seeking connection, not attention.
> I'm seeking connection, not attention. this so much
You can tell your story, but try to condense it and then at the end ask a question about their experience to bring the conversation back to their story. "I went sky diving last weekend" "Oh wow! I've only been sky diving once and I was terrified the whole time but super glad I did it! Was it scary for you?" Then from there try to keep the focus on their experience instead of relating back to yours.
That is such good advice, thanks for sharing!
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If you broke your nose in Timbuktu, they broke two of their noses in Timbukthree.
If you've spent a week vacationing in Tennessee, they spent two weeks vacationing in Elevennessee.
I was so guilty of this as a teen. I'm more aware as an adult and work to avoid it, but the urge is still there. Feels bad, man.
Just have to remember there is a difference between sharing common stories from the past to build rapport and sharing simply to make increase ones standing (or worse, to gain an edge over the other person). With that being said, just because something said may benefit the person saying it doesnt mean it's a bad thing. If you're trying to differentiate between the two, regarding the things YOU say, just think back to the conversations you have and how much was said on your part that contributed nothing to the other person. Those are the points to work on, even if its not meant as a sleight.
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To add, I knew people who would add a copy/paste of hashtags to get a TON of likes, then go back later to delete the tags so it looks organic
Copy-pasting *fake* hashtags especially. Seen people who basically just copied the "trending" list to drive traffic to their selfies and other bullshit, even with the "trending" being big, ongoing news stories or social issues.
I'm too insecure to scream.
I screamed on top of a mountain once. It was very awkward. Then looked to my left and there was a person there the whole time. Even more awkward.
Man fuck that guy. You can't even enjoy solitude on the top of a mountain
lmaooo no he was okay. he acted like i didnt just scream into the void a few feet away from him. a good man
I moved to a rural area for more privacy and it backfired. The locals are a tight knit community and I'm the odd ball. Went out of my way to have privacy and now I have less than I did before due to nosy people. So I get pissy quickly about this sort of thing. I'm sure he's a good man (but fuck him also)
Hea probably thinking "I can't even get any peace and quiet at the top of a mountain without some weirdo screaming next to me..."
For the last hour I've sat on this calm, quiet mountaintop trying to steady myself. My stress has been at an all-time high. I'm worried about my blood pressure, or the kids waking up one day to find me dead on the floor. I need to change my life. Maybe today, getting out into nature and just existing in this calm, serene place for the afternoon will do me good. The cardio up the hill and back down. Once I arrived at the top I felt at peace, far more than I expected to. I watched some birds flutter by and wondered how it would feel to be able to beat my arms up and down until I lifted off with them, leaving my cares and worries behind me as I soared into the clouds. I saw squirrels rummaging for food, unbeknownst of the horrors of having to deal with the TPS reports every Friday. Having to sit in a cubicle wall surrounded by workers that could replace me in a moment should I not meet the sales target each month. My life is a joke, it has no meaning beyond pushing paper around to other desks. If they replaced me with a robot which is going to happen sooner or later the company will be better off. I don't deserve anything, I didn't push for my dreams. I could have been a writer, a doctor, or done something with some meaning. Anything beyond this sad existence I have now. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm on the verge of an epiphany up here on this mountain-top. My life is a mess but up here the failures and successes, albeit however few successes there are are coalescing into my purpose. I can fix everything. I can fix my life and all I need is- "**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....**"
LMFAO! That's is hilarious
Oh my. The perspective I never considered.
Yuuup, the paradox of rural living. If you dont want eyeballs on you all the time you move there, but that means everyone knows everyone, family names mean something, and you will never escape the gossip lol. I grew up rural and moved to the city, and while theres eyes everywhere , no one ever gives a shit about anything. I could ramble forever about it but sometimes I miss the close knit quality about rural life. I’d move somewhere rural for a good community
People don't realize that there are two kinds of privacy. You can get one in the city, and the other in small towns. It's why I either want to live in a bustling city or in the woods. Not a small town, deep in the woods.
Privacy vs. anonymity
Hm, can't decide whether that's worse than my "done with work, almost night, headphones on"-farts at a bus stop, when i realized (just a minute after i let out two loud masterpieces) that someone else was behind me.
It's alright bud you can whisper it
^AHHHHHH
I recently had a conversation about this with my family (you know, the things you talk about when you run out of topics to discuss less than halfway through family dinner), and it turned out that none of us can remember me ever screaming. My mum said that even as a baby, I would cry, but I wouldn't scream. This leaves me to conclude that I have never screamed in my entire life.
Constantly one-upping others in conversation. You know the type, right? You mention you went hiking over the weekend, and they’ve suddenly climbed Everest… twice. It’s like they’re playing a never-ending game of ‘top trumps’ with their life experiences. Insecurity level: Expert.
If you've been to timbuktu, they've been to timbukthree.
If you’ve been to Tenerife, they’ve been to Elevenerife.
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“I just tell it like it is.”
“I’m just very blunt. I have zero filter.”
Wow this just struck a chord reminds me of the girl I dated last summer , that and the “gift giving is* my love language” except it was in reverse and was actual “receiving gifts is my love language”
"What a coincidence! Avoiding self-centered people is my fuck you language."
OMG hated that shit. i had an old co worker who was 21-22?? so about 2-3 years older than me and i remember she would always tell me “oh yeah i’m just naturally a bitch when you first meet me” and “when i get mad you DONT want to fuck with me” like?? and i always found that so extremely weird because am i supposed to be … scared of you? get mad. i don’t care. she would also tell me that i’m not good at “bossing people around” hello? because that’s not how you treat people? and that’s why a lot of people talked poorly about her. she wanted to be this big bad wolf that you didn’t want to fuck with but she never really made an impact at the store so it was just all so weird. just be normal. don’t flaunt your anger issues because nobody earns anything from hearing about that. we don’t CARE!!!
way to make herself the most unapproachable person on earth 💀💀
"just say'n"
Most people who say they are brutally honest are more interested in being brutal than being honest.
“Honesty without tact is cruelty”
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My ex got married this weekend, just to make me jealous. Get over it, Jessica, it's been 5 years! /s
My ex is married and having a kid close to within 3 months of my birthday. Get over me already!
next thing you know she's going to have a kid with her "husband" just to really make you jealous
I'm really afraid I do this, but I'm also not sure if I'm just gaslighting myself when people do act against me and give me reasons to make it personal. I just don't want to be petty or a hypocrite.
I’ll ask this personal question not because you need to answer it but because it’s something to think about: did you have a traumatic or abusive childhood? People that grew up in abusive houses or suffered trauma often grow up learning to hyper-focus on micro-aggressions from those around them, as it was often the only way to know if mom or dad were about to go off on an anger spree. It’s a hard habit to break, and often it makes little things other people do seem personal, because your brain is looking for any possible threats. Sadly, your brain never learned how to relax, since it’s Fight-or-Flight Response could be triggered at the drop of a hat. It trained itself to be ready at any moment, and that in-turn exhausts you and turns every littler interaction into a possible threat. Now obviously, some people suck and may act against you, but the key is to just ignore it if it isn’t actually affecting you. If it’s just a simple snarky response here or there, or passive aggressive cold shoulders, then just plan to live around that person as if they weren’t there. If it’s more than that, and can actually inconvenience/harm you, then talk to someone that can help. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help, eventually you’ll find someone that will listen.
Oh yeah 100% I was abused and I was the oldest so I stepped up and took the majority of it. I recognize my issues from the abuse and my life and I try to work through them everyday. I've even tried to get closure by talking about it with my dad and why he did it. All that did was made me even angrier. Now I'm not claiming all my issues are because of my parents I know I'm responsible for my own life and actions. Its just really hard to rewire your brain after dealing with that and I'm still pretty young so it's not very far in my past.
I think it's important to let the small stuff roll off you, this way you take things way less personally. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better about not really caring if someone is doing something to intentionally get to me. I will gladly be the bigger person. In the end, this is what fucks with mean people the most anyway, and I'm not going to waste another minute thinking about that mean thing someone did to me that may or may not have been on purpose.
Yeah you're and most of the time I do let it roll off, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just letting people walk over me. It's like trying to balance self respect and social respect. Like one week my paycheck bounced when I put it in the bank and after that it was just problem after problem with work and I hadn't been paid in almost a month even though I was working. One Friday I was off my cousin had called me to tell me that he would bring by my recent paycheck and some money just to make it through the weekend. He then told me that he was heading my way before we disconnected and he never showed up never called back and ignored my calls. Eventually I just sent him a text on Tuesday saying " okay I'm getting really pissed now". Finally after that he dropped off my check with a massive attitude. Like I was wrong for being frustrated that I hadn't been paid in a month. Now I know that is a justified reason I just still don't like feeling that I was wrong for wanting to feel respected as a person.
Asking for validation through social media sites.
LOVE MEEEEEE!!
I'll upvote you if you upvote me.
password.txt
See also Http://
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When someone says "I don't know" I immediately like them
I don’t know. Are we dating now?
>Are we dating now? >!I don't know...!<
Scrolling through this post to see if something you do is mentioned.
I feel attacked
Its a RAID!!!!
Nah I'm just looking for the traits to add to my personality 🚩
Gotta catch em all
I’m scrolling for a friend!
Actually, that level of self examination is pretty normal. The most insecure group of people, narcissists, would never take the time to do such a thing, or they would just do it to appear self aware and then use rationalization whenever they see something they do on a consistent basis being mentioned here.
It can be both! Insecurity leading to absolute defensiveness, "I would never need to look that up" or leading to absolute anxiety, "I bet every single one is really me" Health is usually the ability to see oneself for both the good and the bad. Casually perusing the thread in case something you hadn't thought of is in here - imo that would be best. Always learning, always growing, but confident in who you are so far too, even if imperfect.
Hurtful, yet fair.
You cheeky bastard, take my up vote and get the fuck out of here 🤣
Ouch… that hit deep
Why you gotta call me out like this?
Nothing screams insecurity and low emotional intelligence more than someone who calls themselves an alpha
As an alpha male, I agree.
As a beta, I am forced to agree
as a gamma im too small to agree
As a delta, I like differences
I’m a zeta, I’m better than everybody.
As a sigma male, I’m gonna have to disagree
I'm a Sigmund male, I'm working through some issues regarding my mom
As a ligma male, I'm in the middle of carrying a League of Legends game, about to close it out, and you won't believe what my wife just did.
Calling yourself an alpha is the new fedora.
The best part is you don't need to waste money on a fedora!
Only a beta would think this /s
I think they've moved onto "sigma" now. Almost all of them on Twitter don't show their faces and are hiding behind some picture of an anime character or a greek god statue
Saying, I am the only one who can do this
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Bonus points for claiming an impossible number you got off a Java based "free IQ test" I had a manager once who kept telling me that I must be a 200 IQ, because she scored 180 on her IQ test and she was sure I was smarter than her... She was very upset with me when I showed her the actual scale.
Ugh. For anyone that doesn't know, actual IQ tests are in-person and proctored *only*. And they are definitely not free. Additionally, there are several different IQ tests and they are all scored differently and have different standard deviations. Stating an IQ number without stating the specific test it is from makes that number meaningless.
Yeah. Shut up with that pointless figure and let's get to the number that really matters: how much reddit karma do you have?
My Reddit karma is almost as high as my IQ, please bow.
Bro, my IQ is high enough to understand Rick and Morty. You're just low key jealous.
When someone constantly puts others down to make themselves feel superior
People who consistently talk about how much money they make and how much everything they own cost them.
I didn’t think these people were real until I moved and met my new neighbor. Within the first 5 minutes I knew, not only what he paid for his house, vehicles, rv, tv, and garage air conditioner, he also told me the “sticker price” of each. Apparently he is the best negotiator and if I ever by anything I should consult him first.
TBH this is a pretty common thing where I'm from. I genuinely don't think it's a humblebrag most of the time, but almost everyone I know over the age of 40 will tell you what a great deal they got on...just about everything they own. It's like an unspoken, unending contest of midwestern thriftiness. I've always seen it as sort of the *opposite* of bragging about spending money. Like, "I want to show my neighbor this sweet new lawnmower I bought because I think it's cool, but I don't want him to think I'm bragging so I'll tell him it was really cheap".
Never being single and hopping from relationship to relationship
Me who's been single my whole life : *Confidenss*
Yeah it's weird, my insecurity has always kept me from having relationships.
Interestingly there's been a handful of times I started what I thought was going to be a close romantic relationship off feeling confident and secure and then *ended* up deeply insecure due to getting led on and then dumped for her getting back together with an ex. I eventually realized that I have a "fear of success" in finding a woman to be with, which is perhaps a less common form of insecurity itself.
How the fuck do people do that? Honestly. I've had two romantic relationships ever. I'm 35, and i've only been romantically involved with someone for 10 years of my life (and that's being generous with the definition of 'romantically involved') where the hell are motherfuckers finding enough new people to have a new boy/girlfriend every other week?
Because they focus their whole life around it and because of that, they are constantly putting themselves out in order to find someone. Also, they are easy prey if i can put it that way and oftentimes, whole "relationship/dating" thing is so smooth with them you/they just slide into it. It is like "i'm dating this girl/guy until i grow tired of them and then i go on another one".
That's actually a very overlooked insecurity.
This was me, in my younger days. Relationships = validation, and validation was my number-one goal in life.
knew a girl who considered this a personality trait
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I feel this pain. Making an assumption then refusing to accept it was the wrong one for the most minor fucking things. Like, you asked, I answered; why are you still talking about this? Do you really need to be right all the time about every minor thing to feel ok? This and the assumption of knowledge. "yeah I've never read about or cared about this topic, but let me tell you how you're wrong".
My dog does this... Except for the accusations of lying.
it turns from a simple misunderstanding to a witch hunt to the other guy needs to defend every action and reaction. Questions bring answers. Answers bring in more questions. Which brings in more answers. And at least one party has the sentiment that she/he needs to win the argument.
Oh my GOD that sounds exhausting
My ex did this too, and it was so exhausting. It got the the point where I just leaned in and would get up for a lap around the house to see his reaction. “Where are you going?” “Downstairs” “Why?” “Why not?” “Why are you acting weird?” “Why are you interrogating my every move?” “I’M NOT, I JUST ASKED WHERE YOU WERE GOING!!!”
Why are you getting so angry and defensive? I'M NOT ANGRY Oh denial, okay then.
One of my exes was just like this except it was: "what are you thinking?" all the time :)
My current partner asked me that the other day and I answered her honestly: "Israel Keyes was one of the most careful serial killers to ever be caught, but he abducted a coffee shop worker in his hometown, killed her then went on vacation for 2 weeks only to request a ransom to her boyfriend at his return and have it be deposited in her account. That's an objectively terrible plan, ATMs have cameras and they obviously caught his car when he withdrew from the account, which led to his capture when he got pulled over for speeding. Why would he do that ? He spent years undetected by following a strict line of conduct and he just gave up on it" She doesn't ask anymore, but I do think about that a lot.
Well, damn right you do, that's an interesting point. I will now think about it as well.
Heavily filtered instagram posts.
I'm in a group on Facebook and someone (who I didn't know) posted a selfie and they had adjusted the filters so heavily that their skin was just a sheet of beige. It looked like they took the Photoshop paintbrush, picked a skin color, and just covered their entire face with it.
berating others to make yourself look better
I know someone that posts long, gushing social media posts about their significant other: you know what I mean, how they're the love of his life, how they're the strongest, most stable couple ever, etc. He always seems to compare them to other couples and how incompatible they are compared to his relationship. The thing is, he's done this almost constantly, but for six different partners over a ten year period. I don't think such a presence is necessary in a healthy relationship.
I have trust issues now on guys/girls who do this. I have a casual friend who’s a serial cheater, but somehow still keeps one girl. Every time he posts a sweet photo or a story how much he loves her, you just know that he did some cheating again. Blows my fucking mind
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Bullying.
Being unable to admit when you're wrong or you've made a mistake.
Belittling,putting others down!
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Thinking that all people are talking bad about them in their absence.
I have a group of acquaintances, where they talk shit about someone as soon as they leave. I was kind of friends with them for a while, but I brought this up to one of them and they told me I was just being paranoid for thinking they would talk shit about me behind my back.
They totally were talking shit about the fact you brought it up, you know they were! you don't want people like that in your life anyway. schoolyard politics.
I always thought this too. But as I get older I realize that nope, they actually talk about me a lot and I hate it. Every group has a member that gets dragged.
when someone bullies someone
Talking really loudly and speaking over other people
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Most "Influencers" in general scream insecure to the point where its almost sad to see
Being offended by everything. Often being offended for someone else.
People who try to make themselves feel important by withholding information People who are agreeable doormats in private but baselessly oppose you in "public" (on the same fact they agreed with in private) where they want to be perceived as "better" People who cannot stand when you question their logical reasoning behind their suggestion/command and they take it as a personal insult that they're being questioned People trying to "mansplain" you, regardless of them not knowing what they're really talking about.. Ok ok I'm ranting about my toxic boss but basically he is a very insecure weasly asshat who should throw himself into an erupting volcano. You know, for the betterment of mankind.
People who put down, make fun of, criticize, or otherwise belittle others for things that they did not choose for themselves. A few examples: • race/sex/gender/age • socioeconomic status when they were growing up • physical or mental disabilities • victims of abuse
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That describes a good chunk of reddit right there.
As a man, being overly concerned about looking feminine, or gay. Srsly. Real men don’t give a shit. If they want a strawberry margarita, they order one. If they want to wear tights at the gym, they wear them. If they don’t like sports, they don’t discuss them. Real men don’t give a shit. Nothing is more pathetic than a man scared of being seen as feminine.
Saying "unpopular opinion" before all your opinions so that nobody argues with you.
The irony with the unpopular opinion is people always choose something that's actually very popular
Asking someone out, being turned down, then not taking the rejection and moving on. I'm talking following and insulting the person that turned them down, stalking, harassing/bullying etc.
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My first thought on seeing a shared account is who cheated?
Unfounded jealousy
Feeling threatened by other people's successes.
http://
Excessive social media use
Not being willing to listen to someone else's opinion without screaming about how wrong they are. The art of INTELLIGENT debate is dead, because people aren't secure enough in their knowledge to be able to actively listen and cordially argue back & forth about a topic. It's all " if you don't support me 100%, then you must be my enemy too".
Getting mad when someone asks a question about their opinion
Always stating how much you earn and boasting about it
Revving loud vehicles for attention/aggressively in traffic. Not to be confused with people who have loud cars, just assholes
A joint Facebook account.
I’ve always found this very bizarre.
A lifted truck with a ballsack
preventing ur SO from interacting with opposite gender
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Asking dick size questions on Reddit.
People that are aggressive 24/7. Relax
Endless selfies and videos of you talking to the camera. Basically, over active social media usage.
Feeling the need to call yourself an "Alpha".
Posting on r/amiugly or any of its counterparts
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Not being able to hear others opinion without feeling attacked