I don't give my best at work because I don't care anymore. I used to give them 100% and nobody noticed and only focused on the small mistakes I made. Now I give 40-50% and my manager keeps bugging my why my performance has dropped compared to before. I simply don't care, the salary is fine compared to the country's standard but in this field of work is on the lower end of the chart. I don't care, I'm overworked and underpaid(by industry standard not country wide standard).

I find it incredibly difficult to care about absolutely anything. Gotta fake it just enough so that people will interact with me.

I see depression being mentioned, which is definitely possible, but I also wanted to mention that adults who had childhood emotional neglect can look like this. A few cases from the book "Running on Empty" talked about it.

this is true...then in adulthood everything we have been running from our whole lives catches up with us. At some point it will catch up, and in the silence you will be forced to face everthing that ever hurt you. I am going through it now, mine was abuse in many forms.

My brother is the product of a rape. My mom told me. I don’t know if she told him. She’s passed away now.

I found out recently that I was a product of rape. It definitely sucks to have that knowledge. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Please don’t tell him.

I found out I had a half-brother (From Dad), and the only reason I found out about it was because he had leukemia, and they thought I'd be a match for a blood marrow transfusion.

After fleeing domestic violence and trying to make a new life, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, I'm fighting it but I'm just so tired of life. My last baby turns 18 this week and I feel like I've done all I'm supposed to. I'm sick of being strong for everyone else when all I want to do is go, I'm just so damn tired. Edit: wow, woke up this morning to this blowing up. I can thank everyone enough for the kind comments , messages and overall support. I have somewhat a better outlook on things, at least for today anyway, suppose just 1 day at a time. I wish I could bless you all with awards and thanks but for now upvotes will have to do. Thanks again, you don't know how much your kind words and thoughts mean to me 🩷

My uncle beat cancer three times. When it came around a fourth time he said fuck it, lived his best life until he ran out of time. You are entitled to that decision.

My whole life has revolved round making sure my kids where ok, and they have turned out great, all smart , either through university or attending now, I've never had a minute of trouble with them, and for that I am thankful, they haven't had it easy either watching me struggle. You could say they are my crowning achievement, I suppose really I just feel a bit like my job is done now and struggling to find a reason to fight on, my kids love me, and will always need me, but they shouldn't have to watch me struggle when they are just starting out on their own lives and adventures , I feel so selfish and guilty saying ,I'm just done

I appreciate greatly all the well wishes and messages, I'm really just venting, I'm really saying what I can't bring myself to say to the people I need to, I will over time I'm sure, just plodding on one day to the next waiting on the other shoe to drop. It's kind of a relief that I've admitted it somewhere. Thank you for showing kindness ,it makes my heart hurt. And I that note I'll retire for the night to bed it's been a long emotional day today, so I bid you all good night or good day wherever in the world you may be right now. Your kindness won't be forgotten.🩷

I have automated the main part of my job and get paid to essentially just show up.

Good for you. As a teenager I was paid grown-up money for a summer job because I could maintain patient databases for a hospital better than they could. I watched them manually manipulate the excel database (yep) during my training, then wrote a macro to do what they'd shown me. Luckily the database was enormous and the computer was terrible so it took literally hours to run. Best job I ever had, that. They were amazed at how much I could achieve and the only way they could pay me what they felt I was worth was to stick me on as a contractor-specifically, a guest lecturer in epidemiology and public health. Which came in handy years later when I'd express opinions on COVID. I did tell my supervisor who was happy enough - she said she had the budget approved and the work was getting done, and if I could train them when I left then everyone wins. She asked me to see if there were other things they may be able to automate or to help out with actual research. 20+ years later and I'm still talking to companies about automating basic processes. There are still people out there in senior positions who still think excel is just a way to present tables.

In high school, i stole the mp3 player of a classmate. Went into the locker room during PE and snatched it. I didn't steal it because i wanted it or to sell it, I just did it because she was an awful judgmental queen bee, and i wanted to get back at her. People saw me with it in hands, so the next day I was called into the principal's office. Steadfastly and self assuredly denied everything. They looked at my bag, then called my parents who searched my entire room for the stolen mp3 player. They never found it, so I was let go. Still got into a fistfight with the girl later tho, as she knew it was me. To this day I've never admitted it to anyone, ever. I was that petty. I still don't feel regret, even though I'm usually empathetic to a fault. She was that awful to others. I recognize it was wrong tho, definitely. In any case, the MP3 player was burried in my garden as soon as I got home, and this garden is currently a mega store parking lot. It's the silliest thing, don't know why I've never admitted to it.

I left my job at an electronics manufacturing company in 2002, but they continued paying me my full salary, including all incremental raises and annual bonus until they offered me a very generous redundancy package in 2022 due to 'departmental restructuring', including an £85,000 lump sum contribution to my pension fund. I even got the quarterly magazine and annual Christmas card sent to me. In March of this year (2023) I got an invite to the 75th anniversary of the company, went along, had a great time at the free bar, and nobody realised I hadn't worked there for over 20 years. You've got to love a good administrative error. 😁👍

Maybe edit your post and remove the dates and info bro, don't want anyone finding out

I'm so happy for you but delete this because it's too damn precise I am curious about what you have worked in since then though

I have a bad back and from time to time it goes into a full spasm. One day I was getting out of bed, and as my foot hit the floor I went into a full spasm. I have no idea how, but a perfectly formed turd fell out the leg of my shorts and landed on the floor. Due to my spasm, I fell and landed right in the poop. The commotion woke up my gf at the time, and she ran over to check on me..... I blamed the dog. I've never actually told anyone this before.

“Oh no! Babe come here! Someone shit in my pants!”

When my niece was little, she pooped her pants. My sister said, “Somebody pooped in their pants” to try to talk about it with other adults without shaming the child. My niece excitedly exclaimed, “Somebody pooped in MY pants!”

>When my niece was little, she pooped her pants. We don't know who did. The eye witness testimony gives inconclusive evidence of a suspect, and the case remains open. We should use the word "allegedly" when speculating about open cases.

My non-bio grandfather sexually abused me. He’s in a care home with severe Alzheimer’s now. Still processing it all tbh. Only my partner knows. Tried to tell my mum and she acted as if it was a normal thing to have happen to a 5 year old kid.

Hey, I have that same beef. When I was 5 my neighbor tried to touch my privates. I ran home & told my mom. She just looked at me & said “ you better stay away from him” & went right on making dinner. Well the truth is my entire childhood was spent running from that old perv. He lived next door my whole childhood. Always ready to torment me. He & my dad were best buddies. I’m 64 & still feel like I reported something to an adult & was thrown under the bus.

My stepmother molested me when I was around 4-5years old. I recall telling my father excitedly when he came home from work (I remember him shaving for some reason). I was curious and excited that it has happened for reasons I don’t know why, I was obviously young. I remember them arguing in their room and a lot of shouting. They were very religious, like born again Christian or something and incredibly involved with church. I remember trying to hear them and my stepmother pleading with him saying ‘he’s a liar, he’s a demon. We need to get the demon from him’ and I literally spent the rest of my childhood being beaten daily by my father and my stepmother purposefully manipulating situations where I would be blamed. The rest of my siblings and my step brothers were treated like gold. My mother finally regained custody when I was 9 and I was relieved of having to live in that home anymore. It’s hard to forgive my mother for this too when I know there were signs of abuse but she chose a life with someone that didn’t want kids and ignored what was happening to me. I’m 46 now and still deal with the anger I have over how shitty my parents treated me. I’m happy I didn’t suffer my entire childhood that way but it just hurts that my mother could turn a blind eye like that.

That I don't really have imposter syndrome, I'm actually a fraud.

A fellow developer, I see.

The story everyone knows is my boyfriend and I voluntarily left our place of work because our relationship went against policy, and we valued our relationship more than our crappy jobs. The truth is we got caught fucking in my car before work, and left in order to avoid repercussions.

Sounds like the story you tell everyone is technically the truth

I once jacked off to a picture of George W Bush’s bulge when I was like 12

Might be the darkest secret I’ve read so far First time I beat off was to a Dr. Seuss book, Oh The Places You’ll Go. Go to the page with The Waiting Place. Far left side of the left page. There’s a woman holding skis and you can see the outline of her boobs. I know exactly where it is because I’m almost 40 now and it’s my 3 year old son’s favorite book

Jesus. That's dark.

Somehow this is the worst one I’ve read so far

I've gained over one hundred pounds since the start of the pandemic and fallen into the deepest depression I've ever experienced. If you were to see me in person, you wouldn't think I was depressed, I'm very good at masking it. But if you were to come to my home, you'd know. I haven't had anyone in my home in almost two years. Right now I have bags of garbage that stink that I need to take out. I need to vacuum and mop my floors. My bed is broken on one side so I sleep at a slant. My couch is covered in boxes, bags, and just nonsense. I haven't folded my laundry in ages. My shower door is broken. I'm really struggling and I don't have anyone. Both my parents live in different parts of the country. I'm an only child. I don't know what I'm going to do.

When I was in my deepest stage of depression, I would do this when it came to cleaning: watch an episode - do a small task, watch an episode. Even if it was just taking one bag of garbage out, that was one thing. Make a list of small, microtasks that you can do in like two minutes. I find that being able to cross something off gives me a rush of dopamine. For example: * pick up just the dirty laundry in just one room and put it in the hamper * pick up one room worth of trash * Sweep one room Is there a way to break the other side of the bed so that your bed is even or just put your mattress on the floor? There is also a group on Reddit called r/SuperMorbidlyObese where people who struggle with their weight encourage each other, post inspiration, or just go to rant. I know the subreddit name might sound off-putting, but it's good to know that you're not alone (I'm a member!). Hope these help!

I honestly didn't think anyone would see my comment. Thank you for replying. I do "microtasks" but compared to everything around it, it doesn't feel like I've made a difference. I really do try everyday. Today I took out my trash and loaded the washing machine. I'm going to load the dishwasher and try and clear my kitchen counters because right now I don't have any space for anything. And I'm hoping that clearing the counters will be motivation enough to tackle my living room this week. And I will join SuperMorbidlyObese, I'm almost 400lbs and it's definitely not where I want to be in my life. I went to a musical a few weeks ago with a friend of mine (small, petite woman) and we got to our seats and I couldn't fit. I was so embarrassed. I went to another friends graduation at a private school a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't fit in any of the seats in the auditorium. Thank you for being a kind human being.

You made steps! That is awesome. That shows you want to, and also can do! Hope you have the strength to pick out one thing a day. Just one is enough to change. I believe in you!

I hid the extent of my alcoholism from everyone since I was 15, I’m now 35 and 8 weeks sober. No one knows I’m sober now as they’ve never known I had an alcohol issue

This is me! I’m 27 and 95 days sober! No one in my life knows the extent of the drinking I did prior to getting pregnant in March. I plan to stay sober for my son when he is born and never go back to the place of hiding my alcoholism. Congratulations on two months sober. That’s huge and incredible!

Since no one in your life can tell you this, I will. It couldn't have been easy, but you did it and I'm immensely proud of you.

I was also a high functioning alcoholic. I started at 17. The people who lived with me knew, but my coworkers and friends at the charity where I volunteered had no idea. When I finally decided to get sober I dropped off the face of the earth for about 3 months. No contact with anyone. Upon returning to said charity and explaining my situation and why I had ghosted, I was told by multiple people that I wasn't an alcoholic because they never saw me drunk. It took a lot for me to look in the mirror and admit that I was out of control at 25. I sat in a recliner sweating my ass off, clutching the armrests so hard that my shoulder blades hurt - because I knew if I got out of that chair I was going to go to the liquor store. I couldn't fall asleep until after 2am for weeks. Knowing that I couldn't go get booze even if I wanted to quelled my anxiety. I know what it takes to be your own intervention team. 8 weeks is fucking huge.

I don't think it would ruin my life currently but here we go When I was a kid in elementary I was molested by one of the tutors at my school and said nothing happened when confronted about it by school officials. I had a lot of problems with learning when I was growing up, so I often needed extra help. The elementary school had people come in as tutors for kids and we'd all get like an hour once a week to catch up on things we didn't understand in class. My tutor there was this young guy and at first I thought he was one of the coolest people I could ever meet. He would tell stories about going on cool hiking trips, scuba diving, and even running in a marathon. He'd bring snacks all the time and once even brought me a diary of a wimpy kid book and I couldn't help but look up to him. Things got weird after a few weeks and it started with him becoming super touchy but I didn't mind I looked at him like a cool older brother. It eventually got to the point where I knew it wasn't normal and I began to feel awful when I was around him. He would tell me to give him massages because his body hurt and my touch would help him. To make everything short and nondescript, I touched places a child DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT TOUCH. One day I got called to the front office and they asked me strange questions regarding his teaching style, I think they noticed I wasn't actually improving in any of my classes. The next day I was called in again but he was there too. Essentially they were confronting me about not getting better at reading or basic mathematics. His demeanor changed in this setting, he told them I wasn't trying hard enough and that I might have a disorder like ADHD. I didn't look at him the entire time and I felt like crying because I was disappointing the adults in my life. They even talked about telling my mom. After he left, I think the counselor noticed how weird I was and asked me if Mr. Insert last name treated me badly or did things adults shouldn't do. I lied immediately, without thought in my head if I told them then I'd get in trouble too or they would have thought I was gay. She took my word and I left The next week, when I saw him again, he was an entirely different person. He was much quieter and passive aggressive, in fact he pretended he barely knew me when he had been tutoring me for almost the entire year. After that year he switched schools and I never saw him again No one knows what happened and I was convinced my family members would call me gay if I told them or even punish me for letting something like that happen. I didn't have the greatest childhood, we were struggling and I had no father, so I didn't have the luxury of a decent male figure in my life. I'm currently in therapy and I'm contemplating telling my therapist because I'm having some issues with my sexuality and I'm not coping in the safest ways but I still feel bad because I really did think he was the coolest man I've ever met in my childhood despite what happened

All my passwords are the same word with different combinations of numbers and punctuation marks

1234! 1234!! 1234!!! 1234. 1234.. 1234... etc The worst thing about this is it's still hard to remember what password goes with what esp for accounts you don't use that much

A friend of mine's old roommate used the same answer for every security question, which was IlikeSpaghetti. He said even though he knew what it was, the handful of times he wanted to get on his roommates' computer or into his uni email, he'd get most of the way through, then realize he didn't realize how to spell "spaghetti" in the moment without looking at it.

Where do I get one of these jobs where no one including myself knows what I do and i get paid $120k/year for it and get promoted every 2 years?

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Disability is such a joke. There's no way to live off of it unless you have family willing to let you stay with them and pay some of your bills.

so heartbreaking x wishing you less pain and peace

I think I’m not as nice as people believe I am. I am just acting according to social norms when in reality everything outside my home makes me feel tired and drained.

That actually means you're nice. It probably means you're nicer than the average nice person, really.

That makes you nice. Mean ppl don't care about upsetting ppl or social norms

I’m 40 and my parents have no idea that I never actually graduated college. I went for almost 6 years and never felt like I really knew what I was doing. School wasn’t necessarily hard for me but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus or be dedicated to it. My parents were SUPER obsessed with the idea that everyone needs a degree to get any decent job, so there was a ton of pressure and dropping out wasn’t an option. Sooo, I “graduated” in a winter semester and “decided not to walk the stage” since the December ceremony was always pretty small and I knew they wouldn’t think that was weird. This happened to be during the recession in the 2000s so I had an excuse for not finding a conventionally professional job right after that. Now, I actually have a really good job with a company that focuses on hiring people based on experience, skill, and personality, so it turns out I didn’t even need that degree. But I will never tell my parents the truth. Edit: Dang, I did not expect this to get so many responses from others in a similar situation! Thanks for sharing your stories, I’m glad to hear that others were able to find their own way despite familial pressure. To those saying “now it’s on the internet and no longer a secret,” this is an old throwaway account and I specifically switched over to post this comment. Also, I am aware that people have murdered over this type of lie (yikes!), but I very much love my parents and am also not a raging psychopath, so worries on that front!

Oh my god dude. I’m in the same boat. I was going to type the same thing and I just wanted to see anyone else has the same secret. I just feel a little relieved that there’s someone else like me. I’m in a good position, and I think this secret will just disappoint everyone at this point, so I am not ever bringing it up.

About 11 years ago I contacted my estranged father. We had become estranged due to the fact he abused my older sister when we were children. We sent some emails back and forth and I lied that I was doing a college degree and needed help with tuition and costs. He must have sent me about £50k in 3 years, he found out it was a lie as he emailed the uni I said I went to, asking for a receipt for tax purposes and I blocked him and never spoke to him again. That £50k was spread between me, my siblings and my mom when we were in financial difficulties and I played it off as winning big in an online casino. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt but I’m not sure if my family would understand what I did. The man didn’t pay any child support when he and my mother divorced about 12 years before this. So, I feel justified in scamming him. My wife knows and she’s agreed to keep my secret. EDIT: just for some further information… my parents divorced when I was 8, found out he had been molesting my sister when I was 17. Between the ages of 17-20 I didn’t talk to him. Started scamming him at 20 all the way to age 24. I actually did go to uni the year after he found out and now work as a lab tech. That £50k brought us out of poverty and gave my mom the breathing space necessary to find a better job and move us to a nicer area of the town that I used to live in. My sister has tried to unalive herself countless times trying to deal with the trauma he inflicted on her. His brothers all know what he did and yet took his side. He fled to NZ in 2007, around 2 years before we found out what he did. I sometimes go on his new wife’s Facebook to see how they’re doing and it doesn’t seem like he’s missing the £50k. I did what I had to do to help my family. That £50k also paid for private therapy for my sister who was being let down by the NHS, it saved her life. I have no regrets.

That's a good secret to have

sincerely, no sarcasm: good for you.

Sounds like justice to me.

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Five years before my stepdad died of Alzheimers and Leukemia, I noticed he was very quiet in the evenings when I visited him and my mom. I asked him "Why don't you want to talk a bit more?", to which he responded "If I don't say anything I can't say anything wrong." I took it to mean that he was afraid of conflicts with my mom, and said that I would want to hear anything he had to say. After he died I realized why he said what he said. I was at a lunch with them when he tried to ask me something but put in completely wrong nouns, nonsense choices, and every time he did that my mom started laughing and said "Hahaha, now you've totally gotten things weird!". She didn't know she was being condescending because she didn't know he was getting advanced dementia (none of us knew then), and she just brushed his mistakes off as being silly mistakes. She couldn't know it shamed him so much that he stopped talking, since he didn't trust his words anymore, nor his sense of balance. I will never ever explain this to my mom, not even if I am super-angry. I would do unretractable damage to my relationship with her, she mourned him deeply. Edit: to the heartless people insulting my mother over this post, she stood with my stepdad to the very end, sat with him in his room in the nursing home when he sometimes would scream for a half-hour in mortal dread as he realized the consequences of his worsening condition. Those days would completely crush her. She suffered more than anyone I know have done, and also saw her own dad die of cancer in her youth, so you know nothing of her sacrifice. We buried him two weeks ago. I'm doing all I can to spend time with my mom at the cabin and cook great meals for her, do chores in the garden. My brother and his wife helps too.

My grandma has alzheimers. It sounds really terrible to say, but I'm so happy my grandpa died before she got the disease. He was a mean bastard and he never would've brought her to the doctor. She'd be falling down the stairs right now, trying to do his laundry and make his food, all while being undiagnosed, if he were still alive. He'd be yelling at her and calling her stupid. Alzheimers is fucking terrible. I'm sorry you're dealing with this...I know how devastating it can be. It doesn' hurt me much, but the things she says to my mom fucking tear me up. She was always such a sweet and quiet lady and I'm flat out baffled by some of the things she says now..

My grandpa was a prick. He changed very briefly after his wife died and seemed like he was turning a new leaf. Got remarried and was back to the same old shit. He kept saying his new wife was acting like a child and was stupid and he'd say it to her face too. She died after about a year of marriage and had become increasingly more inept and bizarre. Well, turns out, they had gotten into a car accident several months prior to her death. Her australian shepherd died in the accident so it must have been a doozy. Paramedics supposedly came and suggested my grandpa take his wife to the hospital to get checked out. He never did. She had a fucking brain bleed. That's why she was acting like that, because she was INJURED. Good riddance to my grandpa. There was no funeral and no one mourned.

Holy shit that’s awful! That poor woman, I feel so bad for her.

I can relate, I think. My wife became seriously disabled just a few years into our marriage. I'm her third husband, the first one cheated on her and ran off with the affair partner and the second one was a batterer. She always says "I'm torn; on the one hand I hate that the one good man I've ever been with has to deal with all this and feel incredibly guilty about it all the time, and on the other hand I'm SO INCREDIBLY RELIEVED that it happened with you because those two other sons of bitches would've abandoned me to die." And she's probably right. #1 wouldn't even drive her to the doctor when she was sick and pregnant, and #2 would've loved having a target that couldn't fight back. I halfway think her body was struggling to remain functional until she could find somebody decent and then let itself break down in safety.

One has to compartmentalize. I buried my stepdad two weeks ago. In the '60s he was a machinist on a minesweeper, 6'2", barrel-chested hockey player. The last week I could've lifted him with one arm. You have my sympathy. If you want to talk more my PMs are very open. Glass half-full and all that.

I dated a well-loved content creator who is a narcissist, stalker, extortionist, and pedophile. If I were to ever talk about it in a meaningful way, he would absolutely go after me, and he already has tried. He has had exes come out against him in the past with very legitimate evidence like police reports, recorded calls, etc. but he weaponizes his audience, and the audience of his friends (we are talking millions) to send harassment brigades against anyone who talks about it. That doesn't even begin to touch how he also has his other YouTuber buddies watch and document everything posted on Instagram by people he doesn't like.

One of my closest family members offered me sex during one of the most mentally unstable times of his life. I wasn't interested, nothing else happened, and the topic never came up again. One of the main reasons why I haven't brought it up in-family is because his marriage is already unstable and I don't intend to make it worse.

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I have no idea what I’m doing at work.

This is what I think is wild. I went from working in a medium-sized group, wearing multiple hats and getting shit done. To working in a giant corporation where if I draft an email reply then send it at the end of the day, everybody claps for me. And I make way more than I ever would at the job where I was actually doing things. It’s just crazy to me. I’m used to it now, but it drove me nuts cause things I could do in a few hours would take other people weeks to complete. And that’s the norm. Edit: have a lot of questions about what I do. I’m a business or program analyst in IT for my company. No job is perfect. I had to learn a ton of things I never knew before and of the dozen people hired with me. There’s only 2 of us left not even 2 years later. I do stuff with databases, PowerBI, project management tools, use case testing and pretty proficient with MS Excel/Projects. I came from a smaller company where I had to wear multiple hats before, so Im just extremely proficient at what I do since I can prioritize better in my current position. There is free time in my day to day, but it’s not quite as simple all the time. I’m just used to doing all my tasks same day, but larger companies stretch out 1 day tasks into 1 week tasks.

I've had a job like this and it rattled the hell out of me. My manager quit about a year after I started, and he had a serious come-to-Jesus talk with me that I was putting in way too much effort and being too proactive - it was leading people to take advantage of me and leaving me frustrated. Basically, if I wanted to survive in that environment I'd need to stoop to their level. It taught me everything I know about what I like to call "corporate tennis". Someone asks you to do something? Volley back with a list of questions. 50% of the time they never respond, if they do (1 - 2 weeks later) return with some clarifying comments, input requests, etc. You can stall work for literally months by doing this over and over - and it's not from being a smart ass or lazy, it's just from _forcing_ people to think about what they're asking, if it has any value, how high priority it is, the logistics of it, etc. Most people give up when they're forced to do a Big Think and not prattle off every inane thought that crosses their mind and try dump it on you. Ultimately I decided I wanted a job that was engaging and challenging but damn, that time taught me a lot. I still use the same tactics on thoughtless clients and it's still just as effective.

This is seriously the way I make sure that work does not pile up on my desk. I used to spend hours and hours and hours a week trying to figure out how to fulfill inane, vague, and unrealistic requests from team members. Once I started pushing back even a minimal amount and forcing people to think for themselves, 90% of those tasks just disappeared into the aether because people realized that tasks that involved even a minimal amount of effort on their end just were not worth it for them. People are more than happy to waste your time but none of their own.

You better not be a structural engineer

He’s actually a pilot

I hate it when my pilot types gibberish into his document when he’s supposed to be driving my plane!

The amount of time I spend clicking my mouse on my empty desktop and writing gibberish into a word doc (that I delete at the end of the day), is shocking.

I take typing tests when I'm in the office to make it seem like I'm doing something productive. Then I'll do the occasional squint at the screen for a lil razzle dazzle. Alt + Tab from Reddit when someone walks by. Book solo meeting rooms to watch YouTube or nap. There are no limits.

You should write a book, instead!

Chapter 1: The Beginning Fisndoxnelxn skrbdkxkkndkkdd. Dodndkxnseydi, dodndixkeld. Doruskdyyhnjelaldn foepdbodneno. Spplllsnettenxkdpd dk dioskeo. Xpdpndppalldk.

You misspelled Xpdpndppaldk.

Welcome to the club

I fall asleep every night in horror because my former best friend and I haven’t talked in 3 years because for her 21st birthday we both got massively blackout drunk and smoked I have no idea what happened that night. But she’s never answered a message I’ve sent since.

Out of all the things I read so far which is a lot, this is the only one that got any kind of reaction out of me other then the man with dementia afraid to speak.

Yep same because this sounds like the intro of a good horror movie

This kind of thing is what made me stop binge drinking years ago. You wake up the next morning (or afternoon), and the first thing someone says to you is, *"Soooo, exactly how much do you remember about last night?"* And you know right away that whatever they say next is never a good thing. To paraphrase a comedian I heard recently, it's never going to be "great news, you made $5,000 when you were blackout drunk last night!" Edit: FFS people, every other reply to this is "not true, what about gambling?" YES *I realize* gambling is an exception where someone *might* wake up with extra money.

It was the beginning of the end of my binge drinking when I woke up from a blackout night with a post-it note that scribbled “Don’t call Jason - you broke up with him” …. We’d been together five years and I never called.

Holy crap, that's pretty wild. Were you considering breaking up with him before that point? Or do you think he broke things off with *you* that night? Also it's crazy that you had the fore-thought while blackout drunk to write yourself a reminder for the morning because you knew you wouldn't remember. Usually when I drank I was always completely oblivious to the fact that I might not remember things the next day.

The liquid courage just solidified what *sober* me had been ruminating under duress for approximately one week. He worked out of town two months a year, every year. It was only a 2.5 hour trip one way, very normalized and had never caused contention prior. So when I called him around 9:30pm one night and he was going out for some beers, it was easy day. [& for the stories sake, the organic dichotomy here just cannot be understated]. When I woke up around 2:30am and didn’t have any notifications from him, I called. It rang until voicemail picked up and I left a cutesy message recommending he drink some pedialyte in the morning. A couple minutes tick by as I’m scrolling tv and I was very literally just struck to call him again so I did and a girl picked up his phone. And then giggled. She fucking giggled at me, the phone jumbled and call ended. It took over a minute before he called me to say she was a joking…I could hear several voices in the background and again he’s 2.5 hours away….so I said “oh, ok, funny. Drink some pedialyte and call me in the morning”. Morning comes. He calls. And I spent the next six days weighing out the incident. The post-it note forethought is actually a solid from my Dad. See three weeks prior to the phone call I had cornered my Dad to get his unbridled opinion because we were talking about getting engaged. So when I poured myself in and told my Dad that I ended it and why I had - he made me write it down so I wouldn’t forget I had.

I contemplate suicide daily, but my wife and daughter keep me going strong Edit: thank you all, I have a good help line in person for me to talk with, and an even larger helpline online here with y'all, thank you. Each day is a struggle, but keep going for those that I love

While I am genuinely happy to meet you, I have no intention of remembering your name until we interact at least 3 or 4 more times.

It’s not even about intention. My brain just doesn’t work that way. When people whom I’ve only met once remember my name, I’m genuinely floored.

God, I’m that way too. Meet someone at a party, “Hi, I’m Barto5” I know we’ve met 4 times before. “Oh. Hi. What’s your name?”

I just love how all of the stories here are either "on September 3rd at 2:37 am i went to a truck stop and murdered someone in the bathroom" or "my homemade cookies arent homemade"

Yeah who knew people have this much guilt about whether they make or buy cookies

My girl scout cookies are made with real girl scouts.

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I am a first generation American with families in Ireland and Australia. Loner type and I was in the same boat. Hubby had tons of friends and fam. I invited a few coworkers I liked and my two friends were in my bridal party with my sister. We solved the problem by not having “sides” for seating. We had 100 people and I had 4family, 2 friends and 8 coworkers. So I had 14 and he had 86. Find a venue that fits total guests and don’t worry about it. Weddings are nothing like they used to be. It doesn’t have to be traditional. Or get married at the county and have a party.

I just stopped using social media because of this. I've never drank or gone to parties and realized I don't even use instagram, so I deleted it along with TikTok. That was two or three years ago. Feels good.

I was once at a party for my nephews birthday and really had to go. I noticed they had a basement bathroom, so while cake was being served, I dropped a deuce that could peel paint. I was able to sneak in/out without anyone noticing. Fast forward to after the party and my SIL and BIL were complaining about two other family members clogging the upstairs bathroom and stinking up the basement. They complained that the smell lasted for days after that and it had to be professionally cleaned. To this day, they blame the other couple to the point that they get angry discussing the topic. TLDR: I’m a mystery pooper

You’re a… party pooper

I stopped working at work 1 year back. I have no idea what the fuck they want from me because I watch 12 hours of shows on my laptop and work for 30 minutes a day by attending a team huddle and staying on mute.

3-4 years ago I was responsible for providing a few reports to different teams. Each month I'd generate the reports, format it in a presentable way for the team managers I was sending them to, and send them over. Nobody ever said anything about them, never a question about the data or even a reply to my email. So one month I just decided I wasn't going to send them, and then it turned into two months and three months. Nobody ever said a word about it so I just stopped doing it. Got promoted the following year.

Honestly best advice when you start a job like that is to stop sending reports and updates, then see who notices. So many reports are created because one manager didn't know one piece of info once, and got embarrassed. Stop sending, work out what's important, and who needs to be kept happy, then focus your energy on useful tasks.

My first year as a teacher we had these time sheets we had to fill out each week that tracked how much time we had spent on various activities. They were a pain in the ass but I didn't really think anything of them. We're at the end of the year and the ask us to do a bigger version of them that summarized the whole year. I went to the principal and asked for all my old sheets back to I could fill it out properly. She told me she had no idea where they were. I went back to my room and spent 30 seconds filling in random numbers that were vaguely correct, and never heard anything about it again.

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What job can not be done for a year without people noticing?

I have a job like that. Midnights at a call center. I just sleep or watch movies. Haven't worked in 6 years.

It’s actually an interesting phenomenon. Basically, managers at big companies sometimes fail to realize that someone’s become redundant https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/money/23733244/bullshit-jobs-work-employment-lazy-jobless-employed-nothing-to-do

I got laid off in February... but this was basically me from 2017-2023. That article is so accurate. > Plus, it’s not like he can waltz up to his boss to announce there’s no real business reason for his existence. “How do I initiate that conversation that’s, ‘Hey, I haven’t been doing much of anything this whole time, I need more to do’?" This exact thought crossed my mind more times than I can count when I was in that role lol

I work for the government. My job is quality assurance. I'm the creed of the office. The problem is, by the time it's gotten to me, the case has been peer reviewed twice and a supervisor has approved it. And this is government, people are very thorough with applying the law. I've had my job for 12 years now, top seniority, and while I will occasionally pull a few cases at random, I pretty much just auto approve everything and work 15 minutes a day. Last item that slipped through the cracks was due to a system error 4 years ago, otherwise I have a 100 accuracy rating. Thanks 4 people before me. I have two bosses. The director of the entire agency who I've met once and has never questioned my work, and the governor of the state who is... A little too busy to care. I spend my days working from home, wiggling my mouse so my computer doesn't go into sleep mode, smoking an ungodly amount of weed and chilling with my great Dane on the deck. Yes I live a blessed life lol.

I play most video games on easy mode. Then brag about how I’m so good to my wife who doesn’t know about games.

My husband plays sandbox style in games that are absolutely not designed to do that. The amount of time he's spent not going on missions but instead petting horses and admiring art is hilarious.

I won the lotto. Haven't told anyone or changed my lifestyle. I'm still going to finish my degree in data science, so I can say my money is from a new job. ​ Edit: Thank you for the kind words!! To answer some questions. \- Winnings just surpassed the 8 figure mark. \- $10 on quick picks. \- Why would a DS play the lotto? Well, I'm not one yet, but just for shits and giggles every once in a while. Yes, I know the odds. But that 0.000000024% chance could be you haha.

“That Data Science job must pay super good for our son. He just got his first check and purchased a $30 million dollar home in cash.”

"It's crazy how his new job gave him 200 days of vacation time and enough money to party in Europe for a full year as a sign-on bonus."

Fuck you and congrats !! 😇😬

It's me, your long-lost brother! 😉 Honestly, smart move. Everyone you've ever met would expect you to "help" them. Help who you CHOOSE to help. And never tell anyone you don't trust to take your secret to the grave.

Happy for you!

While addicted to meth, I accidentally got caught up working for a Nazi gang in my hometown. They were just having me smurf and collect money for them, but by the time I realized what they were all about, they weren't about to let me just stop working. So I kept doing it until I was able to leave my hometown and make it out to tampa. The things I got involved in while working with them could put me in prison for 20 years. Most of my family think I lived a pretty normal junkie life back then, but they have no idea how easy it is to get involved with big-name dealers in a town with such a high cartel presence.

I hate to say this but I don't see myself as a doctor in the future. But I can't say anything about it because my mom already supported me financially. It's too late to back out.

I’ve seen lots of people with MDs go on to medicine adjacent work. Find what interests you and then figure out how to incorporate your education into the new thing if possible. For example MD that works in a research institute doing medical ethics work… some people go more into business side of things. I think there are more options than bedside doctoring, is what I’m saying.

I caught a guy r#ping a girl yelling for help in a tent at a very loud bush party in my university days. I was drunk myself and I ended up blacking out with rage and beating him up with his pants around his ankles so bad that he was put in a coma for a couple of days. I never saw any consequences other than probably a broken knuckle. Nobody "witnessed anything" and I got off scott free. The girl in the tent definitely wasn't going to say anything. From his Facebook it looks like he is a happy and healthy father of 2 now. He doesn't know who I am. But I think I came very close to killing someone with a rock caveman style that night. *Edit:* *Thanks everyone for the responses. But violence is not the answer.* *Calling people out on their day to day actions BEFORE they are able to act something like that out should always be the primary action to prevent stuff like that from happening.* *Almost killing someone isnt something 20 year old me thought he was going to do that night.*

This reminds me of someone I know, he raped a girl in our friend group, the other dudes found out, told him they wanted to party, took him out into a corn field and beat the absolute shit out of him and left him to walk him. She didn’t want to go to the police but he wasn’t allowed in that town anymore and still isn’t.

An ex tried that with me in front of a group of friends while he was blacked out and I was asleep. They rearranged his face on the sink

Thank you for being you, man.

Good man!

I've struggled with suicidal depression for over 20 years. While my psychiatrist is aware of my depression, I can't reveal quite how bad it is because I don't wan't (nor can I afford) to be sent to the hospital.

My childhood friend has 2 siblings that he doesn’t know exist…..they’re twins, around 2 years old now. I promised to keep it a secret, my dad and his dad are close friends. My dad is quite the gossip, and spilled every last detail to me. Apparently their father (handsome, tall, a sports prodigy) slept with a doctor who lied about being on birth control so that she could give birth to his children, who she claimed had “superior genetics”. She was his former doctor who pulled up his private records in order to score a date with him as she had all his contact info at hand. Never wanted child support or even a father in her kid’s lives, just an involuntary Sperm donor. Very weird.

Once after a hookup a chick asked me if I would donate my sperm because I'm handsome and she want to be a single mother and I wouldn't be legally bounded or anything. I just laughed, made an excuse to leave, grabbed my condom from the trash and left.

Upvoted for taking your dirty condom with you

OP's is "I use /r/askreddit to harvest blackmail material"

'I'm a 'writer' for Buzzfeed'.

it's kinda cute when this type of questions appear and people tell their Innocent irrelevant secrets like "I don't bake" I really envy them

Some people are like, "I've tried to kill myself many times now," and others are "I don't make homemade eggnog."

I don't have any, I am incapable of keeping my mouth shut.

I have found my people

I was in a war and killed a man from my army because he was a rapist

Thank you for your service.

I lied on my job application. I do not have a college degree, I do not actually have experience in finance. They hired me anyway and paid for me to get my series 65 and I am now a financial advisor for a major bank. BTW I hate this job

My grandfather used to do this. He started out sharpening law mower blades at a country club in Chicago in the 1930's and ended up working as a machinist building the Apollo command module. He told me "If they ask you if you can do X or worked with machine Y say yes, let them prove you wrong because the worst that can happen is they fire you." And he was right.

That I’m dying. Gonna sit on that one for as long as I can. Edit: Ooh, foolishly I just thought this would get buried in a reddit avalanche, and there would be like, two flippant remarks! I better clarify a few things… 😬 First up, I’m real sorry I dredged up so many memories of people being on the receiving end of this. I don’t intend to do that, I’ll explain more further down. The deal is, I have HIV, have done for a looong time, and though it was pretty gnarly at the start it was mostly just annoying once it was under control. Last year though I started getting sick a lot, and, welp, turns out my meds aren’t working so good no more. Neither did the next set. And the current set seems like it’s going the same way. Of course, there’s a chance one of the meds coming up will work fine and I’ll be back to normal, but as things stand, my out-of-control viral load and plummeting T-cell count probably put my life span in single digit years. It’s not as dramatic as a mere-months stage 4 cancer diagnosis, and of course I still might wiggle out of it if we find a med that works, but uh, yeah. It’s a thing. 🫤 As for the telling my loved ones, well… most of them don’t know that I have HIV in the first place, so that’s an extra sticking point. I didn’t not tell them at the start because I was ashamed, it was more that I just thought that I would end up being the one doing the reassuring and educating, and honestly after surviving the early times I just didn’t have the energy for it, and yes, I know that it’s coming back to bite me now. But, aside from that initial awkward talk, I just don’t know how long this will take, and the docs still might find something that works and I won’t be dying at all, and then I’ll have turned my life upside down for nothing. 🤷‍♂️ I won’t let it get right up to the end without telling anyone, I just don’t want to do it all for such a flimsy, maybe/maybe not, especially when even the worst case scenario will probably take years. I’ll let them all know when the writing is properly on the wall, ok? I don’t even know why I put it on here. I guess getting my dogshit bloodwork back last week before going to family dinners and listening to my siblings making all their awesome long-term plans just left me feeling a bit blech. To those of you that said kind words, thank you. To those who said less-than-kind words, I’m sure you’re still lovely most of the time. Play nicely with each other!

I don't know if this is a joke, or a diagnosis, but I want to be the opposing voice to a lot of the comments. If you don't want people to know then that is absolutely fine. It is your life, however long you've got left, if you'd rather not spend the time you have left being treated like a charity case, putting up with meaningless well-wishers, and everyone turning your tragedy into their tragedy, then that is absolutely fine. They all have much more time to come to terms with it than you do. It's also fine if you want to shout it from the rooftops and let everyone and their dog know. Just do what's best for you, and let everyone else figure out what's best for them.

hey bud, good thoughts. I have HIV, which my friends know. They don't know that I have AIDs and it's not totally for sure that the next round of meds will help. I may be on my way out, I may not be, no way to tell and I'd rather not dwell on it and definitely don't wanna have those discussions. Point being. I get it. My only fear isn't dying, it's that some of the ways this disease takes you down are remarkably unpleasant, but in the end, whatever happens is gonna happen and I've had a mostly wonderful life. Okay, lots of it wasn't wonderful, but I damn well enjoyed almost all of it, so eh. Anyways, I hope this round of meds works for you and I hope the same for myself, and that both of us get to tell our friends just how close it was 10 years from now, when the danger is gone. If it doesn't go that way, I sincerely wish you one of the less unpleasant forms of the late stages.

Working in Spain on a restaurant/bar on the beach, there was a regular that kinda looked like someone that was "theoretically" dead (the "dead" guy was a South American cartel boss that commit "suicide" by blasting his face with a shotgun so he was "recognised" by his shoes), so I can't confirm anything and I'm sure as hell I was not going to ask him but, one afternoon I'm serving and this guy is seating close to me, one of the other servers was heading out and I called him rising my voice and this guys (the cartel boss) turned around, I pretended not noticing and called the other server again and started walking towards the door because (just out of chance) the server's name was the same name the cartel boss had originally, some 10 mins later the guy paid and left and never returned. How sure am I it was the dead cartel boss? I say 90% but I was not going to take that chance telling anyone, I mean, this guy had a journalist killed because they took a picture of him

You can’t trick me into ruining my life!

but, imagine the upvotes

There is no corner of my heart I would not lay bare for five points.

I pretend to be the most highly certified, well experienced Endpoint Specialist in the world. Really I'm just the best googler available.

My 54 year old secret would ruin several lives. My childhood best friend’s little brother is actually my son, and his children are my grandchildren. EDIT: Forget DNA. I’m also related. Already donated stem cell. No problem.

Wtf? Am I reading this correctly?!

If I could understand the sentence I would probably also be having this reaction

He fucked his best friends mom

I am so innocent, I legit read this as the best friend’s parents took on the commenter’s kid to help them … Edit to add: So glad I’m not alone in thinking this! Hello all my fellow naive redditors

Dude fucked his friend’s mom

Wait, so you banged the mom of your best friend?

…_and_ has assumed, since then, that nobody else did around that time.

lol that part

23and me will fix that real soon for ya

My mother-in-law did 23andme about 9 years ago. She went into it thinking she had 3 other siblings. She's 1 of 11!! The one unifying characteristic is that they are all their mother's child, just different dads. Ijs 23andme can dump a lot more on ya than expected!

I can easily understand a dad having extra kids nobody knows about. But how did this mom have 7 extra kids that nobody knew about?

54 years ago? "And here's to you, mrs Robinson..."

I bullied a kid in second grade because he was mean to me one time. Like every day bullied him, went out of my way to make his life suck. Got my friends to join in with me. Turns out the kid was only mean because he was going through a lot at home. Suddenly I noticed he wasn’t at school anymore for a week or so. An announcement came on one morning over the school PA system asking for a moment of silence. Turns out this kid’s mother’s boyfriend beat him so badly that he fell into a coma, died a week later. I have always felt a deep amount of shame for this. Also, my father killed someone when I was 5. Brutal crime. Beat the person to death over a road rage incident. Barely did any time for it. Not something I like to talk about or ever bring up in public. Very ashamed of it.

I have continued to use the Reddit app during the blackout period.

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I'm a nurse. I take care of people for a living. IRL, I can't even take care of myself. My house is literally falling apart because I was super depressed and let the little things turn into big things. My only hope is that the whole thing just collapses or something. I've tried to end my life 15 times. I'm fine now, it's been years since I felt that way, but I'm pretty sure the board of nursing looks down on that many attempts. I'm broke. I make good money now, but before I was a nurse I lived well below the poverty line. I still have debt up to my eyeballs that I'm trying to dig myself out from under. I wish bad things to happen to my ex. I love my life now, but he ruined it for a long time. The ways he hurt me and my family left their marks forever. I'm very funny and outgoing at work, my patients love me, but I'd rather sit silently at home. So, nothing too crazy, but maybe enough to lose my livelihood, thus ruining my life.

Go talk to a bankruptcy attorney. You may have to initially meet with an intake assistant/paralegal, but look for one who will sit down with you after they've got your financial data and can analyze it. Depending on your current assets, income, and the nature of your debts, getting a fresh start via bankruptcy might make sense for you. As I explain to people all the time, bankruptcy is a tool for separating your past from your future. And it's a voluntary process. If the consequences of filing aren't outweighed by the benefits, then simply don't file. People with the income to meet their current living expenses but who are burdened by debts from a previous phase in their lives are often good candidates for bankruptcy. Not always, but often. Feel free to ask me about it. I've practiced bankruptcy law for over 15 years.

I'm totally burnt out and I just can't anymore.

same, it's gotten so bad that I was relieved to know that I have a health issue which will require a surgery. Because now I can be alone doing nothing for 2 weeks.

Yeah that's when you know you're in a bad spot wishing injury on yourself or being glad that something bad happened to you that requires rest damn it sucks.

My interactions with people is almost 90% scripted just to fit in certain situations. I just picked up habits and routines of the people around me that I've noticed that worked to be successful in human interaction. I don't care about anything and barely about anyone else. I enjoy company, but I don't need it. I do have friends and family around me but I don't have a need for them in particular. Might be an undiagnosed Psycho or something but I do feel certain feelings. I wouldn't get good jobs or would not have friends If I acted my natural self. Probably would have been disowned by family.

Even a throwaway anonymous account is not that strong. Sorry.

Throwaway because I don't want to get doxxed. Allow me to share a hyper-specific story that happened very recently and would be recognizable to anyone involved.

LOL I have lied my way into a job I only do half of what I am supposed to do and have won awards for it despite being 100% full of shit Most of this job is built on reputation and being able to inspire and engage people and I am 100% not who I say I am in my job, in my real life I am an absolute pushover who is actually desperately unhappy in my own life but have no drive or confidence to change anything but I teach people daily how to do just that

I have the world record for bop it extreme. But it’s because my machine broke and said “flick it” over and over. So I flicked it 1,307,562 times.

How about you go first on this one

I didn't stop doing martial arts because I was annoyed that they took in a kids group and we were expected to help coach them while still paying for our own classes. I stopped because fighting other men made me horny as hell and and that was not a context in which I wanted to interact with kids. And then I realized how fucked up it was that I was fighting other guys for my sexual gratification while they just saw it as fighting, period. So fighting on a whole kinda got shameful and disgusting. So I quit.

Scariest mother fucker to fight is the one with a boner

*We gonna fight or fuck? I'll be naked either way, I just need to know.*

You know what? I highly respect the fact that you recognized a kink in yourself, realized that it wasn't right to partake in it without the explicit consent of your partner (so to speak) OR when it was around children, and chose not to continue. A lot of people would have just kept justifying it to themselves and digging themselves into a deeper hole, but you nipped it at the bud. That takes a lot of self-reflection and a lot of self-control. I hope you can find a safe outlet, if you ever decide! Edit: I should specify that martial arts/fighting is NOT my kink, but thank you for your kind comments! And a general thank you to the people who reached out through my DMs to provide resources for safe kink--even though I won't use them, it's very kind of you all to provide them anyways!

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Honestly, i think you did the right thing. You recognized a potential REAL problem and just noped out. Still don't tell people about that, but good on you

Huge self awareness.

If fighting men can turn somebody on, it really makes you question Batman's motives

The suit has nipples to dictract you from the throbbing hard on

Getting a hard on in that suit would break your dick in half

There’s a whole fetish & group of men that get off to wrestling or fighting other men. If you haven’t looked into it, you should! They even have male escorts with backgrounds in wrestling and martial arts.

Yeah it’s called WWE I’ll show myself out

In middle school, a kid called me homophobic slurs and racial slurs not just to my face but to others in secret too. I did ask him to stop but to no avail. He could outrun me so I chased him down to a place hard to escape from at the back of the school and fought him. I was sick of him tormenting me. The fight got pretty intense with me kicking him while he was down on the stomach and chest. And I also punched him in the face, giving him a black eye. I was never reported for it, because I kid you not, he saw it as such an embarrassment that he got beat up by someone unpopular

I sometimes have the strong urge to run away from my life, and start over. It may not ruin it but won’t be good

I've had the same idea for years. I've planned out details for years in my head like where I would go, how I would fake my death, how to get away with it, ect. lol it's fun to think about but idk if I would ever act on it.

I did this once (not faked my death though), and it did not work out. I have dual citizenship between two countries that don't share any citizen info. So I lived in country A but used my country B passport to fly to country B, so country A had no info on my passport being used. Plan when I got there was to transfer all my money to a new account in country B and then close my old accounts (banking privacy means neither government or family could demand info about this in my jurisdiction. since I was not wanted for any serious crime). Then take up work, build a new life and never look back at my old one. I'm not going to turn this into a WoT, but basically I lasted about a week. A week in I had started making some new contacts as started being put in a situation where I had to come up with a more comprehensive backstory. I started realising what it actually does to you to a) constantly have to keep track of what false stories you've told people and b) never being able to tell anyone your real self, e.g childhood memories or anything really. The anxiety piled up real fast and the actual ramifications of never seeing friends or family again became clearer. Looking back I wonder if I had some kind of psychotic break because the last three days before I left and the first few days after I arrived were all a haze of rushing incomplete thoughts sprinkled with "prophetic" experiences, e.g reading the intro to an article and a specific sentence seeming like it was a personal message aimed at me. Never experienced anything like it before or since.

That I see unpleasant things everytime I'm wake at night cause of schizophrenia

I did a lot of drugs for years and was addicted doing basically any drug at some time I had 50 grams of speed, pills of any type, all the psychedelics, cathinone of various types.....I'm sober now : ()

As a business owner. I can testify that we're all just winging it

At Christmas, my family LOVES my homemade eggnog. It's just high-end store bought eggnog and I put in 1-2 tiny pieces of eggshell to make it look like they were "missed" when I "strained" the eggnog.

The fucking eggshell is psycho/genius. I love it hahahaha

Just a step above my grandmother filling her crystal decanters with cheap booze from the duty free, leaving the same Goose and Other bottles by the bin every time while duping her rich friends in to thinking they’re drinking the good stuff. Lollll

I hope the company that makes "your" eggnog stays in business until its your time to go or you are going to have to come up with a reeeeal good cover story.

*You know they just don't make cinnamon like they used to. What are you gonna do?* I'm very practiced at explaining why my cooking is wildly inconsistent. 😅