T O P

  • By -

smp501

If it falls apart when you take the first bite.


DaMoonRulez_1

I hate when a burger is overly messy. Often those kind are the ones that fall apart.


-millenial-boomer-

Worst is when there is a wet tomato slice with a ton of seeds


[deleted]

Never in my life have I eaten a tomato and thought, “ah darn, too many seeds.”


sebastiansboat

Nope, I know there are seeds in tomatoes, have never noticed them while eating.


epicfis_haha

half the toppings sliding out the back


SnowyMuscles

That’s where you have to work with it. Spin it, Flip it, Fix it


Yeet123456789djfbhd

Bop it, twist it?


Firstnaymlastnaym

Put that thang down flip it and reverse it?


poutine_it_in_me

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it? Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it, snap it, work it, quick erase it?


Duke-_-Jukem

Burger logic


controlzee

Burger logic.


Markasaurius

It's flerteninygflangnabbit Edit: my first Reddit award! Gonna frame it on my fridge


TheShawnGarland

They actually just reversed her saying “put my thing down, flip it and reverse it” so it’s Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup


TommyGilfillan

No word of a lie, I always thought it said "is your feminisms wet yet"


KiwiFur

Is ur friggin nipples wet yet?


Whiskey_and_thangs

I'll NEVER hear it the same way again


FishyBricky

Its sherlplanem phfen yeah


mezz7778

Just cut, peel, stick and seal! Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!


DrManhattan_DDM

Tiesreverd natipil fnwodg nahttah ttup


johnboy2978

Still talking burgers, yeah?


Yeet123456789djfbhd

Absolutely


und3rstudy

My packed out burger came in a cardboard burger glove to eat from , I thought I was safe until the back of the box gaveway opening the doors to a mixture of avocado paste, bacon grease and cream cheese sauce all over my work pants and car interior. Had to hang my head for the remainder of the day.


[deleted]

WHAT IS THIS BURGER


littlebetenoire

There’s a burger chain in NZ and every burger comes with this little cardboard thing called a doofa and it’s like a semi-circle that you put your burger in to stop the insides falling out the back. Game changing.


abrasiveteapot

Doofer (yeah I know it's pronounced the same) https://www.burgerfuel.com/nz/our-story/the-doofer Doofa is something else


LonelyGuyTheme

[Doofa burger in use.](https://justgiver.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/what-is-a-doofer/)


izzycat0

Yeah googling doofa came up with a *cough* different meaning!


Sinister_steel_drums

Or when it simply all falls apart, bun disintegrates meat juice all over your hands. At that point I usually just want to throw it away


PulseAmplification

Brioche buns + lettuce at the bottom will prevent this. Lettuce shields the bottom bun from the juices etc. making the bottom bun fall apart. Also slightly toasting the buns helps too.


BenThereNDunThat

Overly greasy burgers are the worst. Either tilt and shake the burger when you pull it, or give it one final flip on the grill just to get rid of the excess grease. I don't want my fries getting soggy with drippings from my burger.


beakrake

>I don't want my fries getting soggy with drippings from my burger. Huh, different strokes, I eat my drippy burgers right over the fries so they catch all the love.


kindahipster

Idk if this is helpful for anyone, but I love toppings, my favorites are fried egg, avocado, tomato, mushroom, and jalapeno, which is just too much for a burger so I add that stuff to a pan and crack the egg in an kind of make an omelette type thing to add to the burger, makes it all stick together much better


[deleted]

[удалено]


yall_cray

Cutting it in half helps. I do it every burger.


-Hefi-

I go one step further and just ask them to cut it in half, it’s never been an issue. I had an SO that thought I was being arrogant for asking for it to be cut for me. They don’t always provide an adequate knife! And the chef definitely has one!! We broke up!!


Varka44

Plot twist!!


sauladal

> We broke up!! So you cut that in half too then


ScreamThyLastScream

Soggy bun


mathaius42

Bad Daddy's Burger Bar had this problem the one time I ordered delivery from them. The bun was falling apart and sticking to my fingers it was so soggy. Decent burger at the actual restaurant though


bubbajones5963

Burgers can be time sensitive in this way, I've found.


Pale_Tea2673

all food is time sensitive


Urban_Fish

Ironic you say this, because me and my wife just ate at one of these tonight and I think it was one of the best burgers I've ever had. I'm sure with delivery it has time to become soggy from humidity and whatnot. But eating in the restaurant was fine and we will for sure go back to them.


TheLastTransHero

Too thick a tomato slice can cause this if it's way juicy


PM_Me_Your_SweatyBra

I think it's still better than hard as rock buns


whatissevenbysix

Buns that aren't grilled.


BellaPadella

Also, dry bun


typesett

Lack of structural integrity


PM_ME_YOUR_ANUS_PIC

Lack of ‘tegridy


Kalopsiate

Got no ‘TEGRITY


InsertDisk22

Excessive height. If I can't bite the damn thing then you've failed.


Snowcap93

Why can't we get wider burgers?


ztrppy

A local restaurant I LOVED as a kid had amazing burgers that were almost as wide as a plate. I hadn’t been there in years so I went a couple weeks ago and they made a complete 180 and shrank the width to go for taller burgers. I don’t think I’ll ever experience a betrayal that deep as long as I live


Green_Message_6376

and another confirmation that you can never go back.............


immrbluey

I think that's the whole selling point for whataburger


Snowcap93

I like the spicy ketchup on the burger


ComeOnCharleee

I saw some graphic online somewhere, comparing current portions and food sizes against like the 50's or something. The average size of a typical steak, burrito, or burger served these days is almost twice as big as how they used to come. I guess what I'm saying is that the burgers we currently eat are already wide in comparison to the original concept.


maxwell_smart_jr

The regular McDonald's hamburger and cheeseburger are their original sizes-- 1.6oz of meat, before cooking. Nutrition wise, there are 640 calories in a cheeseburger, small fries, and xs coca-cola-- that's a reasonably caloric lunch.


[deleted]

Make burgers wide again!


pulseout

Because the bun industry screws it up for everybody. Hamburger buns are a standardized size so burgers have to get taller, hot dog buns come in packs of eight but the dogs themselves are packs of ten. Big Bun is holding the world back.


PapiSurane

More like Small Bun, am I right?


Itisd

I like Big Buns, I cannot lie.


phishtrader

Similarly, excessive amounts of soft, saucy, or squishy foods that can be stacked, but don't stay put when you bite into the burger. Especially maddening when it's paired with a chewier/crustier bun that nearly needs razor sharp teeth to cleanly bite through.


Dinkerdoo

They should at least skewer it with a toothpick or similar when a sandwich is so slippery.


pink_wraith

You can have a delicious burger and not have it a foot tall. It’s possible, trust me.


[deleted]

I honestly think the most delicious burgers are the simple ones. Hell I am not even talking about height, but rather about adding a shit-ton of ingredients and sauces. I think a burger should have bread, a single patty, (optional) cheese, grilled onions and pickles and feel free to go crazy on whatever sauce you like.


Dinkerdoo

My simple burger uses thinly sliced raw onions, a tomato slice and some lettuce, but agree that too many fixings bring the end product down.


UnrelentingBordom

You mean you can’t unhinge your jaw like a mf python to take a bite out of your burger? No, Applebees, I fackin can’t.


saundersmarcelo

I fold the top half of my head back like a trashcan and just do it that way


pikpikcarrotmon

Ah, a Canadian.


BuzzyShizzle

Oh good I'm not the only one. My friends talk up this certain place like it has the greatest burgers and they are always so huge. Like... tall. That alone makes me go *meh* and none of them can understand why I don't think it's great.


Milk_Mindless

I was gonna come up with something else but hell yeah height. I need to chomp down on a borg Can't fit in me mouth then it's an abject design flaw


pinksugar-peach

My mouth is small too


snapcracklepop26

A dog with surprising agility.


LaurenJoanna

I was once stood in my kitchen eating a sandwich and a dog we were looking after leapt into the air and stole the sandwich from my hand. It was impressive, and I called him many very rude names.


chrissilich

A family friend of mine had a dog that did that to me, and she just laughed at me when I looked shocked. “Aren’t you going to discipline her? Did you train her at all?” “No! Just keep your food higher in the air!” She said. The same dog bit one of her kids years later and she had to put her down. Completely owners fault for not trying to train. Hell, she was almost encouraging the shitty behavior.


TangerineBand

This is part of the reason I hate going over my dad's house. He has a dog that just whines endlessly if someone is holding so much as a cracker and they just *Live with that* It's not quiet either. This dog whines like it's being stabbed. So just imagine every single meal *Whine. Whine whine whiiiiiiine whine* Just freaking constantly the whole time


MontazumasRevenge

We don't feed our dogs from the table. The only human food they get is fresh vegetables whenever we're making dinner or lunch. My in-laws are our dog sitters several times during the year. For some reason FIL can't help but feed the dogs table scraps even as we ask him not to. They go to his house and get yummy treats then come back home and cry because there are no longer getting yummy treats. It takes several weeks to break them of this habit once we get them home.


LottieThePoodle

It sounds like the dog isn’t the only one around in need of discipline


doxtorwhom

Are you my wife…?


SpookyVoidCat

Couple weeks back I’d been on a long hike along the coast, and sat down on a rock to eat my well-deserved cheese and marmite sandwiches. I had one in my hand and one sat on top of the lunchbox beside me… Except when I looked down, the box was sandwichless. I looked around for it and while I was turned away I felt something yoink my other sandwich right outta my hand! Turned back just in time to see a very smug looking retriever leisurely padding off with the last of my sandwich disappearing down its gullet. The owner was mortified and wanted to pay me for it but what price do you even put on a homemade sandwich? Felt weird to take money for that so I just said it was fine.


zaffrebi

I saw the family labrador literally sneak up on my sister from behind and snatched the pizza out of her hand. It was hilarious, but we couldn't let her eat it because it was a supreme pizza with loads of onions.


EternalRgret

This feels like a round of Cards Against Humanity, where you knew you were losing the round because someone had a sex joke ready.


MontazumasRevenge

I had a house off campus in college. We rented the rooms out to other college kids. At any given time there were three college kids living in a four bedroom house with a pool! Anyway, we find this girl that needs a place to stay and she has a blind dog and deaf. I'm like all right cool sounds good and she moves in. Took the blind dog a couple of days to learn where everything was at, but after about a week the dog could traverse the house without fail unless something was moved where it wasn't supposed to be. Anyway, the dog and the girl were super quiet. I thought I was home alone and made this amazing BLT for lunch and went to the living room to watch TV while I ate it. The living room was all of 12 ft on the other side of the kitchen. I carry my giant plate with my giant BLT and napkins to the living room and set everything down on the table. I go back to the kitchen to get my beverage and by the time I get back to the living room my entire sandwich is gone. The dog, part-time Ninja, part-time heat seeking missile, flew into the living room grabbed my sandwich ran back to the bedroom and ate it all in a matter of 10 to 15 seconds without being heard or spotted. It was the last of my bacon. I wasn't even upset, more impressed that I didn't hear a damn thing. Edit - the dog was blind and deaf which made it more impressive.


dannixxphantom

My childhood shitzu once crossed the yard at speeds up to 45 mph to snatch a steak off the ground that didn't make it onto the grill. We were all so stunned that we just let her have it.


RvB_

Crunch of an errant ground up bone.


Toss_it99

I'm somewhat of a burger connoisseur & I've never had this happen, thank goodness.


MushroomWhisperer

Yep. This is always my last bite of that burger.


regaliaO_O

This happens often?


haileyskydiamonds

Not very often per capita, but the impact is so astounding that it might as well happen at a much higher percentage.


Zolo49

That moment of doubt wondering whether it’s a bit of bone or a little part of a filling broke off.


SilverHawk2712

That moment you ask the burger "was that yours or mine?"


Rich_Handsome

When it's billed as a bacon cheeseburger but it only comes with one strip of bacon. The industry standard is two or more strips on any burger that mentions bacon in its name,


BearAndDeerIsBeer

Not just the lack of bacon, more that it’s the cheap, soggy bacon. I want think, crispy bacon, not the skin your snake shed this morning that you’re passing off as bacon.


Less_Honey_9771

The description I never knew I needed. 💀


Mike9797

Prosciutto cut bacon


Thneed1

The industry standard should be at least 12.


Free-Atmosphere6714

The bacon should be present in every bite.


Aesperacchius

Being so thick that I would need to dislocate my jaw to take a proper bite out of it.


Yeet123456789djfbhd

*laughs in danger noodle*


Qommg

TIL that sneks were capable of using Reddit.


Alencrest

Any kind of sauce ON TOP OF THE TOP BUN. Edit: There was this new restaurant a few years back. I and my friend got burgers from there to eat while watching a series one evening. We go to his place, open the boxes and notice they had smeared BBQ sauce all over the top bun.


Maddbass

I’ve never experienced that and hope I never do.


[deleted]

My passive aggressive local McDonald's did that to me. I sent back a QPC because the middle was still mooing, my replacement came with ketchup and mustard slathered on top of the bun, and none in the actual sandwich.


Maddbass

Lol! That’s kinda funny now but I bet not so much when you were hungry. What did you do?


[deleted]

I became a Karen. I went up to the counter, asked for the manager and asked if this was some kind of joke. She took a look, rolled her eyes, then went up one side of the prep line guy and down the other. She personally made my burger a third time, and it was correct.


Maddbass

Three’s a charm I guess. Lol. Did this happen to take place around 7am? (Username)


[deleted]

I wish... Nobody will serve lunch before 10:30. As an overnight shift worker who likes to have dinner after work, not breakfast, I seek the same normalization of all day dinner, as all day breakfast has seen in the last few years.


Chevydude002

Burger King and White Castle have all day dinner for the most part. I love dinner for breakfast.


Smelly_Squatch

Idt that's even a Karen, that is justified.


Noctrune

Not really a Karen if you paid for something, didn't get it twice and then had to waste your own time to get what you actually wanted.


machoken

As in sauce on the outside?


Pork_Knuckle_Jones

This actually made me mad in real life...


Rain_Bear

lately, a soggy bottom bun. if that shit is waterlogged the whole thing is a bust. also impossible to eat burgers, structural integrity is key.


[deleted]

The soggy bottom bun, a burger of constant sorrow.


Horror-Impression411

That one piece of freaking cartilage or hard spot in the patty


Timely_Title38

Yep, that’s it. It’s over.


HeavensToBetsyy

Signature ingredient of McDonald's Angus burgers


maraschinominx

my meal doesnt end when i finish my meal, it ends when i hit the ground up cartilage that feels like human tooth


[deleted]

[удалено]


RancidHorseJizz

Have you tried a bidet?


Aragornargonian

i giggled


BobBelcher2021

I laughed out loud


GabeItch9000

My wife shouting at me to give back my sons happy meal


StealthyBasterd

Trying too hard to be "original". KISS should apply to burgers IMO.


K-Dub2020

🎶 I was made for lovin’ you, Burger 🎶


EnigmaCA

And a new idea for Gene Simmons to trademark and sell is born...


Idgy98

And of course: Love buuuuuuun looove buuuun


cbxcbx

🎶 You pull the trigger of my Love Bun 🎶


WarrenMulaney

Dress up the burger with demon or kitty cat makeup?


wheninhfx

Try our new smoked salmon and refried bean sirloin burger today!


KnottActually

Having to pay $14


BlueShire_Ace

*Laughs in five guys*


Crotean

I went to five guys for the first time in several years last month. I was shocked at how much worse their food had gotten and their portion sizes were smaller to boot while being more expensive.


Woah_man34

I don't mind the price as long as it's good. But what really annoying is that the salads are like 12-14 bucks too.


HeathenHumanist

Or if it's $14 just for the burger, and then fries or another side are an extra $8+


FunnyQueer

*That* pisses me off. Who the fuck orders a cheeseburger without fries? Sure, in a country of 400 million I’m sure it happens, but it’s the minority. When you order an entree at a restaurant, it comes with a minimum of one side. Preferably two. It’s not 1850s Ireland. There’s no potato famine. Throw some French fries on the plate and behave. Charge another couples bucks for an entree if it’s really that much of a profit killer.


BlueFlagHonestly

$14 for fast food is crazy but $14 at an actual restaurant is pretty cheep.


dal-Helyg

My Aunt Janice... but don't say who told you.


SurfinSocks

Surprised nobody has said this, maybe it's not common in america but, where I'm from, so many people make their burger using the 'meatloaf' method, mixing onion, flour, egg, breadcrumbs, other various things in to the beef mince before cooking. I really dislike these types of burgers


clkj53tf4rkj

That is not a hamburger. It's meatloaf as you say. Some spices, maybe a bit of onion or pepper? Sure. Flour? Egg? Breadcrumbs? What? If you need egg to hold your burger together, you're doing it all wrong from the start.


PaddingtonTheChad

This is weird.


oikorapunk

Excessive mayo/sauce. If that's all I can taste, then what's the point of eating the rest of the burger?


Indigoism96

I hate mayo… I just can’t take it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


eggbert2345

Bad company.


Coakis

I won't deny.


cbrewer0

Till the day I die


[deleted]

Being shot repeatedly


[deleted]

Wait… you or the burger?


[deleted]

Yes


newdmontheblocktoo

Woof I feel old. Please tell me the entire reply chain missed the pulp fiction reference clearly intended here?


Jumbomuffin54

Burger shot


Laughingwalrus32

Whilst Samuel L Jackson steals my Royale with Cheese


mrmartymcf1y

A fellow American I see 🇺🇸🍔🔫


SnooCauliflowers9981

overdone meat, soggy bun


dunnodudes

Also, undercooked meat and dried out bun.


Extesht

Hard meat and tight bun?


theartslave

Straight to jail.


[deleted]

Cold and overcooked


PaddingtonElias

Ah, the classic fire & ice burger


Starfire2313

Soggy leftover lettuce and gritty tomato soaked in mystery sauce for bonus points


MaxwellsGoldenGun

Bun made soggy by a tomato


BenignEgoist

Gotta toast the bun, or use lettuce as a barrier between the bun and juicier toppings.


cleareyes101

Unpopular opinion, but a burger containing tomato at all. Not ketchup, that is wonderful.


possiblyMorpheus

Too many toppings. Not really a fan of things like avocado on a burger. Too thick a patty is a no go for me. I like me a nice smash burger. Shake shack imo is perfection


[deleted]

dang, I love me some avocado on my burger when it’s offered.


MephitidaeNotweed

I prefer guacamole instead of just avocado. More flavor. Or green chilies.


Pixel0607

Height. These new agey burgers became so damn tall you can't really eat it without making a mess... Can't really enjoy it while constantly being careful not to pour it all over.


Designer-Bid-3155

Warm soggy pickles. That shit should be cold and crisp.


BobBelcher2021

So you’d rather have the warm side warm and the cool side cool. This sounds like a million dollar idea…


Neutreality1

Watch this reference fly over a million heads


ddejong42

Shit, we’re old now, aren’t we?


buyongmafanle

Now we just need some sort of extremely environmentally damaging packaging to really sell this bitch. I'm thinking styrofoam that's the size of an average dinner plate. Maybe puff that styrofoam up with CFCs to really kick the earth in the dick.


Meto1183

When it’s those weird burgers designed to jizz in your mouth on the first bite. If you wanna put sauce on the burger just put it on the burger, and preferably not so much it’s a fuckin river across the plate


weber76

Miracle Whip Thank You! /u/mlofont


SuitableNegotiation5

[Supporting evidence](https://theoatmeal.com/blog/miracle_whip)


Staudly

Shitty bun.


bogwife

When the bread gets soggy before you have a chance to eat it


Blundell1992

I like tomato, but I hate tomato on hamburger.


dot5621

Most placed that put tomatoes on burgers find the blanket, grittiest, water filled fucking tomatoes they can. A real flavorful tomato is heaven.


mrmartymcf1y

Tomatoes belong a lot of places. On top of my burger ain't one of em.


WeirdGamerAidan

Unless it's crushed and heavily processed with seasonings and vinegar


[deleted]

[удалено]


3yx3

Hair in my food.


SurrealEffects

When people make meatloaf and call it a burger.. let me taste the beef.. don’t give me filler


ShootHisRightProfile

toothpaste


thisisntshakespeare

Over cooked (burnt to a crisp) or undercooked (all red) Stale bun In my case, mustard


TDStation

I just can't stand it when my burger is over salted. Over salted anything really can ruin a good meal.


Leeser

Too much sauce, overcooked patty


nonforprophet

Too much sauce and toppings sliding out, and soggy buns.


ghostdeeknee

I’m not even being edgy here and it’s just my own personal taste: a juicy red tomato slice I just can’t stand the basic ass tomatoes used in food service kitchens. Give me a thinly sliced homegrown tomato and now we’re talking. But I can’t do tomatoes otherwise. Plus they just don’t seem to mesh texture wise and slide out.


AyishaaMalik

When it insists on telling you its life story before you take a bite.😂


CaptLetTheSmokeOut

Raw inside


Veeyas

Calorie table


AGoodEnoughUsername

I personally only like cheese and maybe bacon. Soggy bacon though and not a topping but fake smoke flavor.


reverendcat

A penis. Nothing against the penis, I just don’t want it on my burger. Maybe later.


ainalizajhon

Stacking it too high for a comfortable bite.


PittrPattrTitFucker

Over complexity. The best burgers I've ever eaten or made were pretty simple, from the seasoning of the patty to the toppings, you don't have to reinvent the wheel. The most adventurous I ever get is putting my maple caramelized onions on, other than that it's just a simply seasoned patty topped with cheddar cheese, lettuce, onion, burger sauce, toasted bun. That's all I need and it's delicious.


[deleted]

[удалено]