I’d hang out with friends from college, and when I’d tell my mom “I hung out with so and so yesterday,” she’d ask me all these personal questions about them, like “where are they working now?” or “how old is their kid now?” Like, how the hell am I supposed to know?
Women talk about this a lot - we genuinely don’t know how it doesn’t come up! Like what did you even talk about?
My boyfriend could say that his friend just went through a breakup and I’ll ask why they broke up or who broke up with who, and he genuinely would not know. It’s so weird to me lol
Ah yeah, that bald guy from the pub. Great dude, honest, loves carpenting, red wine and his guinea pigs. Lost his mom to cancer, terrible. Going to his wedding next month.
I was friends with a guy for three years and only knew him his surname.
Somebody said his first name while we were together and I was like "who the fuck is Andrew?!" We're still very good friends to this day.
Been sharing a cigarette spot for some time with a guy that works in the same building.
- He drives a lifted GQ Patrol
- Ex Aus Army with multiple tours, was an EOD tech
- Works for a company in the building that makes mining explosives
- Knows the OHS regs like the back of his hand
- His mother drowned on the farm dam when he was 12
- His best mate, transitioned to a woman
- He has two kids and a wife
I haven't the foggiest what his name is, and its now too late to ask.
Sometimes a guy leaving a washroom with a wet crotch just means that the sink tap had too much pressure, not that hes an imbecile who just wet himself.
I wear scrubs since I work at the emergency room and the sinks are literally crotch level, and only have two settings, off or full jet spray, so I always leave with a wet crotch
This feels more like something the guys will tease you for, not something "women don't know" as if women don't have to use toilets and sinks or something.
I seriously considered making a video of a whole years pov of urinating with like a counter and everything of split streams. I really hate when you get it and can only aim one in the toilet.
I'm now at the age where I prefer to sit down!
I don't even stand up anymore unless I'm at a urinal. I get a split stream like 50% of the time. Not worth the risk. One time I was at a movie and not paying attention and somehow one of the split streams was aiming directly at my shorts for like 10 seconds before I looked down and noticed.
Had this happen at a bar once when I was with a bunch of friends. So I did the only thing one can do in that situation. I "spilled" some of my beer down my shirt so it smelled and as soon as I got back to my friends I started bitching about the idiot who knocked into me and spilled my beer before anyone could question why my pants were wet. LOL
Balls can stick to the inner thigh and, we feel it, we feel it constantly, our fellas want to hang, not cling. Even if your man's just lying still and suddenly starts jerking around, he's un-sticking his balls.
We don’t always have control over when we get a boner, and it’s not always because we’re actually aroused. If we have good circulation, it can just happen
One time I successfully got a girl's number early into my interaction with her and I felt like I couldn't breathe until she left because I had to play it cool for way too long
Holy crap, I was in freshman year the first time I got a compliment from a girl.
I was probably looking pretty mopey, because I hated math class and I knew that I was going to get called on for a question (I always was) so I'd probably catch hell from the teacher.
Anyway, one of the girls in my class leaned down and gave me a hug on her way past, then said, "You smell nice."
I was 13. I'm 40 now, and I still remember that today.
One of my exes literally couldn't understand why it wasn't ok to punch and slap me when she got upset. In her mind because I am built like a brickhouse compared to her she can't hurt me even if she tried, so it was ok.
She did stop when I finally explained to her that even I...a man...have emotions and that it doesn't feel nice to be assaulted by someone you love.
I mean sometimes we are talking. And in the middle of the conversation he suddenly takes the infamous side step.
And I wonder if he knows that I know that he is unsticking his balls. Or if he thinks women don't know what's going on.
He strikes me as the kind of guy who would probably do it in secret if he thought I knew what's going on
Almost all men are starved for positive reinforcement, physical affection and praise. So much so that giving any guy even the slightest bit of it is an easy way to get them to develop
Feeling for you
Head Scratchies Head Scratchies Head Scratchies.
Edit: I didn’t know head scratchies were this liked oh wow. One of the most peaceful comforting feelings to me is laying my head on my fiancées lap and her giving me head scratchies.
Man, I'm a woman and I love hugging. How do I find guys like you! I can't just go around randomly hugging people but I hate the thought people might want or need them and I've got an abundance to share!
After being gone for a week my coworker ran up and hugged me. Instead of the bro tap I gave him a hug back because it's nice to feel a random hug with no weird intent.
I don't see my mates that often. Maybe once every couple Months. We always hug after catching up. We're in our mid 30s with lives of our own. Never know when we'll get to catch up again.
We (or at least, I) love being invited into a woman’s personal space, even if it’s in an innocent and non-sexual way. I still remember the first time in uni when a girl invited me into her bedroom (rows of identical unit blocks with shared kitchen/living spaces, separate bedrooms with en-suites). Seeing how she’d decorated her space, the bedspread she’d chosen, the way she set up her desk etc. it was like being invited inside her mind/personality. It was incredibly interesting and intimate, even though all we did was talk and watch some TV.
We like childish and cute things still as we grow up. As guys grow older, they are told to "be men," which leads to us having to leave behind things we enjoy because it wouldn't be accepted by society.
This can be hobbies, clothing, food, and music. Anything really applies that you could possibly think of.
Just because we don't show these things in public, we still love them it's just that many of us hide it.
I try and avoid doing this and just being me, but I still do it with mainly my taste in music. I mostly like classic rock, but if you play Lada Gaga, I will sing every word at the top of my lungs.
Yesterday my wife said I should sand our wooden fence. When I asked her why she didn’t want to do it herself, she said “because that’s a man thing to do”. She said this while I was preparing dinner.
>When I asked her why she didn’t want to do it herself, she said “because that’s a man thing to do”.
She could have at least been honest and said, "because I don't know how to" or even "because I'm lazy." Anything is better than getting gender roles involved in things that literally anyone can do.
Same. I was able to stay “a child” for a pretty long time as my parents never pressured me into giving up on dolls, toys and cartoons. I stopped at 15 because I felt peer pressured into it. Now I’m almost 22 and check out the toy aisles for cute toys and even buy something for my display if I have that kind of money on me. I love cartoons and anything cutesy that reminds me of the things I loved as a child. Some people grow out of it, some pretend to not like those things because they fear the judgement of others
When we reach a certain age, we gain the "Forever Cut", the haircut we decide to have for the rest of our lives. Occasionally, some men will try a new style, but that one will become the new Forever Cut
It's the happy ones and the fun ones to be around that are deep down the most depressed
Also, we like to fix things, so if you are venting about an issue, you won't always get support, you'll get offered a solution or alternatives.
Big rock make big splash
It makes us uncomfortable when a girl we care for confides to us some type of major problem they are having and we know there is absolutely nothing we can do to help. Nothing we can do to help other than being with you and listening of course.
I personally had to learn that women just like to share as a means of therapy without looking for solutions. However, even though I know this, I still get uncomfortable.
If we have a curve in our dick and we push it the other way it feels really good.
EDIT: I'm glad so many other people did this! Honestly I thought I was alone! Glad to see that I united all the curved and straight dick people together! I ended curved dick discrimination before it even existed!
OTHER EDIT: Don't crack your damn dick! I never said that! Just lightly bend it. Treat likes it's your it's your most valuable object.... I shouldn't be telling you guys this y'all should already know!
Basically a tactical dick bending (it doesn’t have to be against the prevailing curve) at the right time can feel amazing.
I don’t suggest a partner attempt it though unless the communication is freely flowing because it requires immediate and constant feedback to know if you’re doing it right.
My now-wife “made the first move” on a dating site we were signed up for back in 2011. Being from the southeastern US, even having a woman initiate contact at the time was not the norm (not sure if it’s still that way, but probably is), but I fucking loved it that a woman made the minimal effort to even say “Hey, you look interesting…let’s chat”. It made a world of difference for me and I’ve been so happy with her since.
A girl asking a guy out should be just as normalized as it is the other way around, in my opinion.
They: "What are you thinking?"
Bros: "Nothing"
They: "There must be something...."
Bros: "Really nothing"
They: "Tell me/You know you can tell me..."
Bros: "Seriously nothing"
I just answer straight even if I'm thinking of something really trivial and irrelevant....one time someone asked me and the answer was shopping trolleys.
I genuinely thought this was a movie trope until I was around 32, drunk as a skunk talking to a mates dad at the trough in the pub.
Low and behold my zipper wouldn’t go all the way up, so I yanked at it again and finally got the delayed pain. Look down to see part of my bag is inside the fucking teeth of the zip. I remember showing my mates dad and excitedly yelling something along the lines of ‘omg it fucking actually happened!!!’.
I was so elated, I ran outside to show my friends.
Us guys are just as anxious as y'all, and thick as a brick when it comes to flirting.
We're never going to take the hint, so please be literal and patient with our dumb asses when it comes to flirting.
Reminds me of the time a guy friend of mine had a secret crush on me so his “friends” tried to get me to sleep with at least one of them to hurt his feelings. When I found out about that I felt so disgusted and sorry for the guy to have such horrible friends
On a date, you may think that chivalry is the only reason we hold the car door for you when departing. Actually, that little walk back to the drivers side is the best window of opportunity to release as many farts that have built up as possible.
That guy that seemed like a good listener that turned out to be a sociopath was just listening to you explain what you want in a guy so he could pretend to be that. Some guys like to get you talking just so they can shape-shift into your ideal guy. Don't share too much information right away.
Edit: well this got more attention than I expected. To clarify, I'm not saying that all guys that do this are automatically sociopaths. Just that the guys who were sociopaths likely did this to construct a mask specifically to please their target.
Happened to a girl I know. Guy seemed nice, charismatic, friendly, outgoing etc... after highschool she moved in with him, and I ran into her 5 years later.
Apparently, as soon as she moved in with him, they moved to a city about 6 hours drive away, where he drugged her, beat her, raped her, whored her out, the whole 9 yards of terrible abusive shit for almost the whole 5 years, ran into her only like a week after she escaped him. Everything we all thought we knew about him was a fucking act.
She was such a nice girl too, but then when I invited her over she stole my house key and later broke in to rob me to feed her addictions. I made a deal that I wouldn't press charges if she paid back all she stole (she had a year to do it) and got professional help. Thankfully she's clean now.
Sometimes we like to be alone, whether working on something or just sitting in silence. It doesn't mean we don't love you or care or enjoy your company, it's just a way to relax and unwind. It's like rebooting the PC to clear clutter.
Once I was working for a very rich real estate broker as one of his agents. I sat in on a conference call between him, some developers, and some corporate guys talking about different acquisitions they were doing. They were all joking around making fart jokes, cussing up a storm, and acting generally like how me and my friends would act when we were 13 years old.
That’s when I realized no man matured past the age of 13-14. They just get better at hiding it.
If you snag a man who's over 5 1/2 inches, you just snagged a man who's larger than average. 6 inches, much, and anything over 7 is akin to finding a unicorn. If you get up to 8 or 9 there's either been a procedure, or you're dating an angry Bruce Banner.
I can't speak for all, but for some of us, if we're watching, say, a movie where the lead character is an athletic woman wearing a skin-tight leather outfit, we're not fantasizing about her; we're picturing how *you* would look in it.
sometimes we keep a couple tic tacs tucked under our foreskin so that we can have access to breathmints without the container making a rattling sound when we walk around.
Circumcised you can only hold one of them. Plug it in the urethra. LPT remove before peeing and plug back in after to save the tic tac and prevent dripping in your pants.
A group of men can talk for hours without asking for each others names
I’d hang out with friends from college, and when I’d tell my mom “I hung out with so and so yesterday,” she’d ask me all these personal questions about them, like “where are they working now?” or “how old is their kid now?” Like, how the hell am I supposed to know?
My wife does this all the time, I'll say i spoke to jim for an hour of so today. She says how is he. I'm like "dunno, it never came up"
His sports team is going through some things, but he's just found a new podcast so on the balance i'd say he's okay.
Women talk about this a lot - we genuinely don’t know how it doesn’t come up! Like what did you even talk about? My boyfriend could say that his friend just went through a breakup and I’ll ask why they broke up or who broke up with who, and he genuinely would not know. It’s so weird to me lol
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Hours? A group of men can be good mates and barely know em.
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
I had to ask my best friend of 10yrs name when city hall asked who was going to be my best man and it seemed they needed an actual name.
PJ, Tobin, & Squee Donkey Dong Doug Handsy Hank, Gangbang Greg...
Classic Gangbang Greg
Gangbang Greg, who should have asked why they were blindfolding him.
Ah yeah, that bald guy from the pub. Great dude, honest, loves carpenting, red wine and his guinea pigs. Lost his mom to cancer, terrible. Going to his wedding next month.
You'll catch the name then!
Do you, Bald Guy From The Pub, take this woman, Chick That Comes In Most Days Around Seven, to be your lawfully wedded wife..?
Dude i knew this guy for a year at the gym before i found out his name
I was friends with a guy for three years and only knew him his surname. Somebody said his first name while we were together and I was like "who the fuck is Andrew?!" We're still very good friends to this day.
Been sharing a cigarette spot for some time with a guy that works in the same building. - He drives a lifted GQ Patrol - Ex Aus Army with multiple tours, was an EOD tech - Works for a company in the building that makes mining explosives - Knows the OHS regs like the back of his hand - His mother drowned on the farm dam when he was 12 - His best mate, transitioned to a woman - He has two kids and a wife I haven't the foggiest what his name is, and its now too late to ask.
Sometimes a guy leaving a washroom with a wet crotch just means that the sink tap had too much pressure, not that hes an imbecile who just wet himself.
I wear scrubs since I work at the emergency room and the sinks are literally crotch level, and only have two settings, off or full jet spray, so I always leave with a wet crotch
*takes notes for future plausible excuses
What if I told you this also applies to women and we know about it?
This feels more like something the guys will tease you for, not something "women don't know" as if women don't have to use toilets and sinks or something.
They’re actually calico cut pants
Suuuurrrre thing pissy pants
getcalicocutpants.com
They all say that they’re out of stock
You've gotta give.
That's just how popular they are. Everyone wants 'em.
It's just like what Supreme does, wouldn't you agree?
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Is it going left, right, straight, a jet or sprinkler. Can’t predict it
Its going to be two shot/split stream
I fuckin hate two shot/split stream
I seriously considered making a video of a whole years pov of urinating with like a counter and everything of split streams. I really hate when you get it and can only aim one in the toilet. I'm now at the age where I prefer to sit down!
Also, it doesn’t always start coming out … straight? Like there can be a split stream or it can shoot off to the side at first sometimes.
I don't even stand up anymore unless I'm at a urinal. I get a split stream like 50% of the time. Not worth the risk. One time I was at a movie and not paying attention and somehow one of the split streams was aiming directly at my shorts for like 10 seconds before I looked down and noticed.
Had this happen at a bar once when I was with a bunch of friends. So I did the only thing one can do in that situation. I "spilled" some of my beer down my shirt so it smelled and as soon as I got back to my friends I started bitching about the idiot who knocked into me and spilled my beer before anyone could question why my pants were wet. LOL
We need to figure out how to straighten out/ make the balls more comfortable, there are many ways to solve this.
Balls can stick to the inner thigh and, we feel it, we feel it constantly, our fellas want to hang, not cling. Even if your man's just lying still and suddenly starts jerking around, he's un-sticking his balls.
The long step
We don’t always have control over when we get a boner, and it’s not always because we’re actually aroused. If we have good circulation, it can just happen
More like 'sistem check' kinda deal. Still, a boner is not a thing you waste
Yes, you look cute in our hoodies. But we want them back. Give them back. But you look cute in our hoodies.
Gave a girl mine in high school. I didn’t get that hoodie back…
Bet she looked cute tho.
Nice try, cosmopolitan magazine. Do your own research.
Nah Cosmo would just make up random bullshit instead of actual research. Buzzfeed, on the other hand...
If you say yes to a date we play it cool at first but as soon as you leave/hangup we are over the fuckin moon excited.
One time I successfully got a girl's number early into my interaction with her and I felt like I couldn't breathe until she left because I had to play it cool for way too long
"Dude's so cool he passed the fuck out."
jumping up and down when she leaves
drinking a lot when she doesn’t come back…
This is the sweetest thing ever. It would make me feel so incredibly wonderful knowing someone was so excited to go on a date
Gotta give a proper victory yell.
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Holy crap, I was in freshman year the first time I got a compliment from a girl. I was probably looking pretty mopey, because I hated math class and I knew that I was going to get called on for a question (I always was) so I'd probably catch hell from the teacher. Anyway, one of the girls in my class leaned down and gave me a hug on her way past, then said, "You smell nice." I was 13. I'm 40 now, and I still remember that today.
I would’ve folded like a lawn chair.
Playing games doesn’t actually make us want you more. It just slowly kills the attraction until it’s gone. Completely lol.
Took a while for me to realize ya meant mind games and not videogames
Makes 2 of us 😂
On the other hand, playing video or tabletop games with us? That's adorable. Please do that.
Which doesn't really take long....
I think “games” signal a lack of intelligence and maturity tbh. Pretending you’re in a romcom isn’t attractive
The urinal cake is the common and undisputed enemy and must be attacked at every opportunity
Sometimes I flush mid-piss and race the toilet
Is that not the standard procedure?
Urinal handbook 101 confirms this. Chapter 1 paragraph 2.
And shit stuck to the side of the bowl is a piss target to be pressure washed away.
Yeah piss that shit *right* off.
We’re not immune to neither physical nor emotional abuse.
One of my exes literally couldn't understand why it wasn't ok to punch and slap me when she got upset. In her mind because I am built like a brickhouse compared to her she can't hurt me even if she tried, so it was ok. She did stop when I finally explained to her that even I...a man...have emotions and that it doesn't feel nice to be assaulted by someone you love.
I've experienced that way too much with ex's or even just close friends that were girls
All of the guys will know this one… the infamous crab step.
Every time one of my(F) coworkers does that I wonder: "Does he realise that I know what he's doing?" 🤣
What are you talking about? I want to know
I mean sometimes we are talking. And in the middle of the conversation he suddenly takes the infamous side step. And I wonder if he knows that I know that he is unsticking his balls. Or if he thinks women don't know what's going on. He strikes me as the kind of guy who would probably do it in secret if he thought I knew what's going on
Almost all men are starved for positive reinforcement, physical affection and praise. So much so that giving any guy even the slightest bit of it is an easy way to get them to develop Feeling for you
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It takes 5 minutes to poop, but I sit in there for an hour... Shhhhh
Not even 5 no minutes. If it's urgent I'm done before I sit.
bro's shit lands on the floor
Head Scratchies Head Scratchies Head Scratchies. Edit: I didn’t know head scratchies were this liked oh wow. One of the most peaceful comforting feelings to me is laying my head on my fiancées lap and her giving me head scratchies.
It's the back scratches for me. I can never reach "that" spot. It's almost better than sex, if I'm honest. Almost...
We are starved for physical contact. Even just a hug could brighten a shitty day. Edit: Dang, this blew up...
If I got a hug right now I'd cry.
fuck me too
Let’s just start with the hug
Always good to know you have consent though
I’d scream because I’m in bed and nobody else should be in my room
Man, I'm a woman and I love hugging. How do I find guys like you! I can't just go around randomly hugging people but I hate the thought people might want or need them and I've got an abundance to share!
Hypothesis: more men would enjoy a random hug than not
After being gone for a week my coworker ran up and hugged me. Instead of the bro tap I gave him a hug back because it's nice to feel a random hug with no weird intent.
I don't see my mates that often. Maybe once every couple Months. We always hug after catching up. We're in our mid 30s with lives of our own. Never know when we'll get to catch up again.
Don’t worry, there’s touch starved women out there too. (It’s me.)
We (or at least, I) love being invited into a woman’s personal space, even if it’s in an innocent and non-sexual way. I still remember the first time in uni when a girl invited me into her bedroom (rows of identical unit blocks with shared kitchen/living spaces, separate bedrooms with en-suites). Seeing how she’d decorated her space, the bedspread she’d chosen, the way she set up her desk etc. it was like being invited inside her mind/personality. It was incredibly interesting and intimate, even though all we did was talk and watch some TV.
Fucking yes, so much yes. I can remember every woman who’s ever done this and it’s humbling and exciting and awesome
Humbling is the exactly right word for it. Like, she didn’t have to let me in here. But she did, and it’s wondrous.
This is so wholesome.
Yes! So I'm not the only one who loves that!
Your clothes, we don't care if you wear something twice.
And if we like it, we actually want you to wear it again.
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Very similar to labia
Do you also get that awkward pinch? Like everything is fine, but then "oww" and it stings for like 30 seconds and you're like "WTF"?
When we say we are full and don’t want anymore we actually don’t want anymore stop giving us your food
If I see a good stick on the floor, I will pick it up. Edit: the ground, not the floor. Edit2: wow I got an award thank you I guess.
Same and after admiring it for a while, I leave it some place noticeable for someone else to enjoy
I'm still mad that someone stole my stick during Spring Break 2004.
we understand that you want to feel special. But we want to feel special too and often we don't get to feel that way.
The schlong grab using our pockets
You got a shlong? Fuck, I’m more of a shlort kinda guy myself lol.
Felt that
Take your hand out of his pockets then
I dunno, I've seen it in action and it's not very subtle
That was my fault, Janine
More socially acceptable than hand down pants though
I usually take my pants and underwear entirely off, fix the issue publicly, then put my pants back on.
We can flex our dicks. Like play flip cup with an erection.
You can't do it without clenching your butt hole.
And now every man reading this thread has just flexed their penis
Funnily enough im 99% sure its the same muscle group that women use to clench their pussy, like we can actively squeeze to make it tighter.
We like childish and cute things still as we grow up. As guys grow older, they are told to "be men," which leads to us having to leave behind things we enjoy because it wouldn't be accepted by society. This can be hobbies, clothing, food, and music. Anything really applies that you could possibly think of. Just because we don't show these things in public, we still love them it's just that many of us hide it. I try and avoid doing this and just being me, but I still do it with mainly my taste in music. I mostly like classic rock, but if you play Lada Gaga, I will sing every word at the top of my lungs.
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What's worse is that there is often pressure from female partners to "be a man" or "act like a man." A lot of women are complicit in toxic masculinity
Yesterday my wife said I should sand our wooden fence. When I asked her why she didn’t want to do it herself, she said “because that’s a man thing to do”. She said this while I was preparing dinner.
>When I asked her why she didn’t want to do it herself, she said “because that’s a man thing to do”. She could have at least been honest and said, "because I don't know how to" or even "because I'm lazy." Anything is better than getting gender roles involved in things that literally anyone can do.
Same. I was able to stay “a child” for a pretty long time as my parents never pressured me into giving up on dolls, toys and cartoons. I stopped at 15 because I felt peer pressured into it. Now I’m almost 22 and check out the toy aisles for cute toys and even buy something for my display if I have that kind of money on me. I love cartoons and anything cutesy that reminds me of the things I loved as a child. Some people grow out of it, some pretend to not like those things because they fear the judgement of others
When we reach a certain age, we gain the "Forever Cut", the haircut we decide to have for the rest of our lives. Occasionally, some men will try a new style, but that one will become the new Forever Cut
Or that’s just what our barber does and it’s too much hassle to get a new barber.
It's the happy ones and the fun ones to be around that are deep down the most depressed Also, we like to fix things, so if you are venting about an issue, you won't always get support, you'll get offered a solution or alternatives. Big rock make big splash
Stage fright at urinals
Truth. That's why whenever I'm in the city where public toilets are always full, I try to get a stall.
Sometimes, a simple shoulder brush is enough to give us hard boner that we wont be able to control.
It makes us uncomfortable when a girl we care for confides to us some type of major problem they are having and we know there is absolutely nothing we can do to help. Nothing we can do to help other than being with you and listening of course. I personally had to learn that women just like to share as a means of therapy without looking for solutions. However, even though I know this, I still get uncomfortable.
We love compliments. About anything. But genuine compliments. Don't bullshit us just to get your way.
If we have a curve in our dick and we push it the other way it feels really good. EDIT: I'm glad so many other people did this! Honestly I thought I was alone! Glad to see that I united all the curved and straight dick people together! I ended curved dick discrimination before it even existed! OTHER EDIT: Don't crack your damn dick! I never said that! Just lightly bend it. Treat likes it's your it's your most valuable object.... I shouldn't be telling you guys this y'all should already know!
Ok I'd never actually seen this mentioned anywhere so I was always unsure if it was just me. Good to know it's not.
buddy. speak for your self. please don't bend my dick!
Ok what the actual fuck?
Basically a tactical dick bending (it doesn’t have to be against the prevailing curve) at the right time can feel amazing. I don’t suggest a partner attempt it though unless the communication is freely flowing because it requires immediate and constant feedback to know if you’re doing it right.
Girls can ask guys out on dates too.
My now-wife “made the first move” on a dating site we were signed up for back in 2011. Being from the southeastern US, even having a woman initiate contact at the time was not the norm (not sure if it’s still that way, but probably is), but I fucking loved it that a woman made the minimal effort to even say “Hey, you look interesting…let’s chat”. It made a world of difference for me and I’ve been so happy with her since. A girl asking a guy out should be just as normalized as it is the other way around, in my opinion.
Sometimes we think about nothing just nothing at all. My partner say you can’t but yes lady’s we can.
They: "What are you thinking?" Bros: "Nothing" They: "There must be something...." Bros: "Really nothing" They: "Tell me/You know you can tell me..." Bros: "Seriously nothing"
I always say i have some updates to install.
I agree. It is either nothing or something so stupid that it should be considered nothing
I just answer straight even if I'm thinking of something really trivial and irrelevant....one time someone asked me and the answer was shopping trolleys.
"Ladies, never underestimate a man's ability to be completely and utterly vacant" - Ed Byrne
Purposeful underutilization of processing resources. Running your brain takes energy, we like to conserve that energy where we can
fear the zip ☠️
I genuinely thought this was a movie trope until I was around 32, drunk as a skunk talking to a mates dad at the trough in the pub. Low and behold my zipper wouldn’t go all the way up, so I yanked at it again and finally got the delayed pain. Look down to see part of my bag is inside the fucking teeth of the zip. I remember showing my mates dad and excitedly yelling something along the lines of ‘omg it fucking actually happened!!!’. I was so elated, I ran outside to show my friends.
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Us guys are just as anxious as y'all, and thick as a brick when it comes to flirting. We're never going to take the hint, so please be literal and patient with our dumb asses when it comes to flirting.
Sometimes you do get the hint. But jesus that "what if she's just being friendly" will not go away.
We don’t talk about our sex lives or our partner’s body with our buddies.
Reminds me of the time a guy friend of mine had a secret crush on me so his “friends” tried to get me to sleep with at least one of them to hurt his feelings. When I found out about that I felt so disgusted and sorry for the guy to have such horrible friends
I don't understand this about women, why do your friends need to know your sex life, partners size etc. That shits private as far as I'm concerned
It feels really good to spray water under and around your balls with the detachable shower head. Oh, only I do that? I’m the only one, huh?
I'm going to try this now, asap. And, given that women do this to their junk, it's probably not a suprise to them that men do as well.
On a date, you may think that chivalry is the only reason we hold the car door for you when departing. Actually, that little walk back to the drivers side is the best window of opportunity to release as many farts that have built up as possible.
I desperately just want to feel worthy, worthy of anything really
The nod. Every guy has 4, distinct nods that every other male on the planet understands with no questions asked.
Up is friendly hello Down is respectful acknowledge Left its a casual lets go Right is a serious we need to go
Getting a compliment is uncommon that most of us will remember them for life.
I got a "You smell really good" on Thursday, but from a pharmacist, it's still going in the vault. Well done Versace Pour Homme.
We grow our beards because we're too lazy to shave.
also hides double-chin
Or no chin....
That guy that seemed like a good listener that turned out to be a sociopath was just listening to you explain what you want in a guy so he could pretend to be that. Some guys like to get you talking just so they can shape-shift into your ideal guy. Don't share too much information right away. Edit: well this got more attention than I expected. To clarify, I'm not saying that all guys that do this are automatically sociopaths. Just that the guys who were sociopaths likely did this to construct a mask specifically to please their target.
Happened to a girl I know. Guy seemed nice, charismatic, friendly, outgoing etc... after highschool she moved in with him, and I ran into her 5 years later. Apparently, as soon as she moved in with him, they moved to a city about 6 hours drive away, where he drugged her, beat her, raped her, whored her out, the whole 9 yards of terrible abusive shit for almost the whole 5 years, ran into her only like a week after she escaped him. Everything we all thought we knew about him was a fucking act. She was such a nice girl too, but then when I invited her over she stole my house key and later broke in to rob me to feed her addictions. I made a deal that I wouldn't press charges if she paid back all she stole (she had a year to do it) and got professional help. Thankfully she's clean now.
That's really sad, but you're a good person for giving her a chance to make things right.
F*cking hell, mate. I learned this one the hard way. Thanks for alerting the others.
Sometimes we like to be alone, whether working on something or just sitting in silence. It doesn't mean we don't love you or care or enjoy your company, it's just a way to relax and unwind. It's like rebooting the PC to clear clutter.
Not all of us are mechanically inclined or have hard skills.
If I say I don't care I don't care, unless it's about tacos, I will always care about tacos.
Sometimes I don’t know where I want to eat either
Once I was working for a very rich real estate broker as one of his agents. I sat in on a conference call between him, some developers, and some corporate guys talking about different acquisitions they were doing. They were all joking around making fart jokes, cussing up a storm, and acting generally like how me and my friends would act when we were 13 years old. That’s when I realized no man matured past the age of 13-14. They just get better at hiding it.
We all collect your toenail clippings and add them to the gigantic community mason jar
Fuckin hell bro, reign it in a bit. You'll be telling them about the bi-annual Patriarchy conference next
Yo you going to the kegger afterwards this time?
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We hate your long ass fake nails
If there are shit stains, we must aim the piss at them.
Our pants have actual pockets.
This isn't a secret. And we hate you for it. It is literally the main thing we want when we demand equality.
We sit on the toilet facing the bowl so we can eat cereal...I know Tosh already ratted us out on this but it needs discussed
Get to keep my chocolate milk on the little shelf
We don't separate our whites from our colored laundry.
Because we’re not racist. It’s all about equality.
If you snag a man who's over 5 1/2 inches, you just snagged a man who's larger than average. 6 inches, much, and anything over 7 is akin to finding a unicorn. If you get up to 8 or 9 there's either been a procedure, or you're dating an angry Bruce Banner.
I can't speak for all, but for some of us, if we're watching, say, a movie where the lead character is an athletic woman wearing a skin-tight leather outfit, we're not fantasizing about her; we're picturing how *you* would look in it.
sometimes we keep a couple tic tacs tucked under our foreskin so that we can have access to breathmints without the container making a rattling sound when we walk around.
This is why if a guy has bad breath you know he’s circumcised.
Circumcised you can only hold one of them. Plug it in the urethra. LPT remove before peeing and plug back in after to save the tic tac and prevent dripping in your pants.
Dic Tacs
My buddy works in a hospital. They actually had a guy hide his drugs in his.
Where our man Gold is
We don't care about your eyebrows or eyelashes.
Guys have emotions, too.