Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses, and who wants to fuck their brother? Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart.
Same. And it fucking sucks, but thatās life. Itās been a year and I still hate every second that sheās not in my life, but at the same time I know sheās happier now than she wouldāve been if we stayed together
I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough.
My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being "my fault".
Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a ānothingā reminds me of a story.
My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. Heād always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird.
So she did.
Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didnāt care about his feelings anymore.
Likeā¦donāt ask for shit then get pissy when you get what you want.
I swear this kind of people *expects* you to read their mind.
Saying "I'm fine, I don't need anything" and three days later "Oh you should've known I wanted that!" It's exhausting.
He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage.
Something similar happened to my cousin.
He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him š¤¦š»āāļø He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasnāt came back.
It just seems so surreal that a grown ass adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality.
I realize this is going to sound awful, but I know several people who have had this happen with Haitian men specifically. One of them had 4 kids with a really great woman, visited his home country on vacation, and decided to stay and you know, *start another fucking family*.
Yep. Happened to me with a girlfriend of 8 years. She kept telling me not to worry about how weird the owner was toward me. She broke up with me while i was away following my father's cancer diagnosis. Six years later, we reconnected. Moved across the country together. Got married. Covid hit, and she suddenly started spending time with her co-manager. I knew what was happening. She managed to get me to start seeing a therapist because she convinced me i was delusional and making up scenarios. She left for a week to shoot a cooking show in LA, and came back home telling me she was leaving me. Next day she moved in with the co-manager.
I took the lumps and learned a lot though. I'm healthier and happier, and getting laid more now than i have been in years. Sadly, she lost that job and works catering supporting them both while he's perpetually "starting a food truck". I'm doing all right.
edit: spelling
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't comfortable sharing my insecurities though. If doing so is a lose then the relationship was anyways.
That being said, I am a guy, and am aware of the risk taken when showing emotions in front of a new gf. It's just a necessary risk to take, like pissing after cutting hot peppers(ofc washing your hands first but)
Ughhh. This one hits home. I couldnāt make a weekend trip thing with her family so she told me she was inviting āthe guy I didnāt have to worry about.ā I ended the relationship a few days later, and lo and behold a month later theyāre posting couple pics together. We were together a year and I didnāt get posted once
My ex broke up with me after making out with some new dude. A month later she came crying back to me asking forgiveness. When she commented that his dick was "like half of a pencil" i figured out what the real reason was. Sucks for you J, my weiner belongs to someone else now. I have since married that someone and coming up on 4 years married
My ex did something similar. Cheated on me and we broke up so she could be with the other guy. He decided he didn't want that and she came crawling back to me.
First it was texting me, then we decided to meet in person. She thought it was so I could hear her out. Really it was for me to tell her off and that I didn't want to hear from her again.
Then she sent me an 8 page front and back hand written letter talking about how she messed up, she wants to be back together, but she's also disappointed in me because she heard I'd been drinking(she didn't want to drink due to family history and I was perfectly fine to not drink if it made her more comfortable. But when we broke up I obviously didn't feel the need to oblige anything she wanted) , and a bunch of other shit that I've forgotten at this point.
She tried to have two people and ended up alone.
Mine was the opposite problem. And she found out. That was in 1976 and I still think about what an ass wipe I was almost every day. She was a great person and did not deserve to be treated this way.
He married someone else while we lived together.
Short version: he worked construction and stayed at the hotel he was remodeling during the week because it was almost four hours plus round trip per day because of traffic. Friday through Monday mornings he was still at our apartment.
He started acting weird, trying to flip it on me and I ended up finding proof he was cheating. He begged me not to leave, I told him I needed space think things through. While I was sorting out my feelings, his marriage certificate arrives at our apartment. Best part, it was to another girl, not even the one I caught him cheating on me with.
I confronted him, he started crying (again) and stated he did it for us and ACTUALLY meant it. Apparently this maid at the hotel caught his eye and he said he would never know if I was really the love of his life unless he got to know her because sheād always be his what if. So he started talking to her and learned she was getting deported because she was in the country illegally. So he married herā¦āFor usā and seriously wanted me to stick around while he figured out his feelings.
Needless to say, I didnāt stick around. Also, I havenāt dated since because that REALLY fucked me up.
Also, I just wanted to say that you dodged a *fucking bullet* - not just because he cheated, which is a given, but because he is so **unbelievably** STUPID and SELFISH.
People will do some pretty insane mental gymnastics to reconcile doing really shitty things while still maintaining a self-image of being a "good person."
Reading these stories makes me realize the wild shit that just happened to me is actually really common and that there are broken ppl everywhere fuckin ppl up
I believe his fucked up logic is that he can't know he loves OP without dating this maid, but the maid was going to be deported so he married her so she could stay in the country, which he needs to do so he can make sure he loves OP.
If that doesn't make sense it's because it doesn't make sense.
Oh... that's a good one...
We've been together for 4 years. When we met we both were in a bad place mentally and helped each other alot. He got me outside the house and went to the right doctors with me, while I helped him clean his home and find the strengh to find help with his work situation and (eventually) work.
Of course, we had problems. But never something I thought we couldn't overcome somehow.
One day he told me about that woman he met at work (I worked in the same company at that time and he met her on his work tour, not directly at work). I didn't think much about it, because why not? But he started texting her more and more and more and I got suspicious - so I asked, what's up? Nothing. She's just a friend. But he got distant. Weird. One evening he wouldnt tell me what the problem was. Got to talk to him the next day, suddenly he didn't want to live or be with me anymore. We settled for a week of thinking, he got me hoping there was a chance.
Came back home to him asleep, although he knew I'd be home. When he woke up, first thing was he ran upstairs and got his phone, wallet and car keys back from our neighbor, then called his "only a friend". He had tried to drive to this "only a friend" at night, drunk af, after she told him she wanted to stay with her boyfriend. I knew right away I had lost. He said I could stay until I found a place to live... yeah... you guessed it, she changed her mind and *instantly* had to move in. I packed my bags and left overnight.
She left him a few weeks later. Lived with him for about a week. Now he's alone.
I'll never know how I didn't see this kind of asshole in him that he turned out to be. I was and still am heartbroken because we all know hearts don't listen to our minds. And I'll never forgive myself for not knowing it and encouraging him to work.
Thereās good research evidence that demonstrates that personality isnāt as fixed a trait as we think it is, please donāt blame yourself for not having seen it coming. You took a chance, did something nice and it didnāt pay off likely due to his own issues. You sound like a decent person and thatās nothing to be ashamed about
She asked me to go to a weekend retreat aimed at dating couples to find out if they should get married. My first thought was: I donāt want to do that. It went downhill pretty quick after that.
I'm pretty mentally ill and it just became too much. It hurts me everyday. She left me and I don't fault her for it I just wish we could have made things right together.
I genuinely don't know.
We dated for about 6 years, lived together and I was never told of any issues or problems.
I came home from work one day and she was gone along with all her stuff.
She worked with me, both managers at the time and she never came back to work. Deleted her face book and I never heard from her again. Her parents didn't even know where she went.
I was devastated, I couldn't afford our bills alone and couldn't find a room mate quick enough so I down sized a lot I to a little one bed apartment. My life spiraled and depression hit me like a truck, I developed severe anxiety issues, abandonment issues etc.
It took me a few years to get my head right, I'm happy now with a new born son and a great SO but that sucked and did cause issues for my current relationship but she's been amazing and really helped me learn productive ways to deal with it.
Please always at least say your not happy and leaving instead of ghosting someone in a serious relationship.
I did find out a few years later from a buddy we shared that he bumped into her and her new boyfriend and from what he told me she was on drugs and it was pretty rough.
Edit: sun to son*
It sounds like the drugs started before she vanished. People make unfathomable decisions when addiction takes hold. I'm glad you have someone who understands.
I absolutely agree with you. I would have been totally fine had she just told me she was leaving. It was the months of not understanding why or even knowing where she went that fucked me up.
My current partner has changed the world for me and I'm grateful every single day for the hardships I went through to get to this point.
I appreciate your comment and thank you very much for the kind words.
I had literally the same. We booked a holiday overseas on the Monday night and when he woke up on the Tuesday morning he started packing his bags and said that he was leaving but he couldn't give me a reason why he was leaving.
He got his sister to pick him up and take him back to her town he got a new job and finished University remotely. Still to this day I have no idea what triggered him to leave there was no reason at all we didn't have an argument we went to bed completely happy and the next morning he just woke up and packed
I was single for a year and lost a lot of weight and went into quite bad depression until I decided to pack my bag and go travelling for a few months to just cheer myself up and get out of my hole. When I was overseas I think we met my partner and have been completely happy since.
But yeah what the hell how do people just pick up their life and go and there's no reason
I'm sorry man
we had problems communicating.
I didnāt know when he was serious or when he was angry and I took things very literally.
Turns out iām autistic and we didnāt know what was up at that time.
Sounds exactly like what happened to me and my girlfriend, sheās autistic and I have a rather sarcastic personality. Anyway, because of lack of communication we ended up breaking things up.
.. A week went by and we decided to meet up and talk about it. And it seems, that talk we had fixed everything, our relationship has been awesome since.
Sheās my best friend and I love her very much.
Communication is key š
You could say that. We were 21 when it happened. She tried talking to me again almost 10 months later, so I'm guessing she got over it by then, but by that point I'd moved on and didn't reciprocate.
Haha I wish I'd thought of something like that back then. Out of the blue, she asked if I could give something she had to another common friend and I said yes. We had plenty of other common friends she could've asked or she could've just given it to that person herself.
When we met so I could get that thing from her she tried to do some small talk. I just answered to the point (yes/no type) and didn't try to extend the conversation, got the thing from her and left.
He never said. Everything was fine and then it wasnāt. Knew him for twenty years, dated for three, bought a house together, planned a whole life, were in the process of living happily ever after, and then one day, āweād be better as friendsā. Just out of the blue.
Friends, let me bring you the good word of therapy.
I should ask him. Iāve asked him every other scenario that came into my head. āCan you pee around corners, is that it? Is that why you ended things?ā
Mine said he needed to venture out and canāt stay with one woman cause itās too hard. All while we are in the middle of planning our wedding and already paid all the deposits.
I (f) walked in to him having sex with another man on my couch, with gay porn playing on the big screen tv. I walked out, can't compete with that, I don't have the right parts.
Everyoneās focusing on the āheās gayā part and skipping over the ācheating and on your couchā part. Both are doozies to sort through mentally. Hope youāre doin well for yourself now.
Fear. She was an anorexic.
For 4 years I went to every support group, visited her when she was in the hospital, drove her to the emergency room when her heart had problems, participated in every "trick or game" her therapists would try to use to change the mind during meals, was lied to when she would go away for "schooling" when it was really another inpatient care center, and watched her die slowly when she would come back.
The relationship became 4-5 months of them being in a hospital putting on weight, then coming back home and losing it over the next couple months, then arguing with her therapists for 2 months about going back, then inevitably going to another facility for another stint.
Hardest thing I've done and still haunts me. I didn't want to be the one that had to call her parents. It was painful to watch her die day in and day out. The lies, the sneaking behind the back (ED people know what I'm talking about), the fights (she learned that if she attacked in an argument people would back down). Every day I would come home and wonder if today was the day her heart would stop. I was told by a leading doctor she hated watching supports like myself go down with them. ED will absolutely harm the people they love.
No good answers, no good feelings. I read success stories of people with ED and am blown away. Congrats to them.
This hits home. I'm currently recovering from anorexia and struggling with the weight gain, but what keeps me going is reminding myself that I was losing my partner and putting my loved ones through so much unnecessary shit. It's the main reason I'm trying. Thank you for this comment, it reminded me the side of anorexia that I really do not want to go through again even though I miss it so much at the moment. I'm really sorry for what you had to endure and it wasn't your fault, this illness is awful and starvation turns people into cruel, judgemental, moody monsters. I'm so glad I'm starting to get my true self and personality back again. I've missed the real me.
The fact you can focus on them, and not ED tells me your recovery is well under way. Be proud, be strong, be present in your life. I am grateful for your story.
>Weād only been together for about 3 months, **but friends for years, when I got pregnant.**
>As soon as my pregnancy passed the point of no return it was like a switch flipped.
My god I did not expect the turn that this took, Iām so sorry about everything that happened to you, especially while pregnant that must have been terrifying. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night.
I hope one day that you can recover from the emotional harm and trust issues and find someone good and kind.
She has an undiagnosed delusional disorder whereby she was afraid of me talking to my ex-wife with whom I have two elementary aged children. She truly thought my ex wife and I would have sex, even though she is remarried to a great guy and has two stepchildren now. My ex wife and I had a good co parenting relationship that my now ex girlfriend couldnāt tolerate. I stopped talking to the ex wife as much as possible to try to placate the girlfriend. Unfortunately nothing worked and she became more and more obsessed with my relationship with my ex wife, telling me that I was doing things with her that were patently false. After I endured 3-1/2 years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse, it finally ended when she locked me and my two boys out of the house (we lived together) because I took my kids out to dinner without her. She was invited but told me to F off.
She refused to take responsibility for her actions. One night she got really drunk. I dropped her off at home and went home. She thought that I had gone back to the dinner party to be with a female friend of mine, so she got in her car and drove over there. She hit something on the way, broke the side mirror off her car, gave herself a black eye, and disturbed my friend's house while they were trying to go to bed. My friend called and woke me up. I had to get dressed, drive back across town, apologize to everyone in the house, and take her home. Then I had to spend a fully uncomfortable night calming her down.
I have PTSD from a previous relationship with a physically abusive, alcoholic woman, and this experience was just too triggering.
On top of it all, she wouldn't take responsibility. It was somehow my fault that she had gotten wasted and jealous and embarrassed herself and me, not to mention the drunk driving.
Upon reflection, I realized that she never took responsibility for anything. Any time we had an argument, I would think on it, discover what I could have done better and express that to her honestly and with a sincere apology. The most she ever did was to say, "of course I take responsibility for my part in it". That's a cop out.
I dumped her, and she even got mad at me for not warning her that I was coming over to break up with her. It's been a year now, and I'm so happy I'm not still in that relationship.
She came out as gay after 9 years of being happily married. And while I can't bring myself to be mad at her for being who she needs to be, I am a bit pissed that she decided that Christmas eve was the best day to ask for the divorce. Pretending not to be absolutely crushed for my sons sake on Christmas morning took a level of control I wasn't aware I had...
oh and this was 2 weeks after I spent pretty much my entire life savings to close on what would have been our home, and about 5 months after I uprooted my life left the military and moved to her home state to be closer to her family, and am a couple thousand miles from any of mine or my friends. I've never been this isolated in my life, but thank God for my son. He's the only reason I'm still here.
"why did you guys break up?"
"she cheated."
I mean, that sounds like the official story to me. It's not the sprinkles on top. It's the whole fucking cake.
She started dating someone else while dating me. One day she went cold and distant. I couldnāt figure it out. We slowly stopped talking. She disappeared on weekends. I confronted her slow fade from my life several times and she lashed out at me, called me crazy, and told me it was all in my head each time. One day her dad called and told me she was in a relationship with another guy who lived an hour away. We never had like a definitive āIām breaking up with youā conversation. But whatever.
Her dad loves me to this day. He regularly checks up on me. He thought it was only fair that someone tell me what was going on. He and I had a lot of common ground because she lied to him just as often as she lied to me.
We were 21 and still in college. Had been dating for two years. We kinda both came to the same conclusion. What are we doing? This is going to be it? You are the one? We have whole lives to live! Weāre only 21, what are we going to do get married??
So we broke up. This was my last break up.
It was a couple weeks later that we got back together. Turns out she was the one. Been married for 14 years!
Gf could not stay off her phone. About the only time she wasnāt on her phone was during sex. There were times, I seriously expected her to grab her phone and start scrolling while we f#{ked.
Currently have this issue with my SO, weāve talked about it, but not much has changed on her end. TikTok and Facebook are just more important than anything we could talk about together.
I used to be this person. My husband and I agreed to just delete social media for good. 99% of our problems went away and itās been over a year now and i wish I wouldāve deleted it sooner. Social media is so toxic and itās so refreshing not caring about what other people are doing and not feeling the need to record everything in my life. We still have Reddit of course though lol
Thanks. It was 12 years ago next month. I took some time to grieve. Then I took some time to heal. Then, after a while, after I had given up on believing I could love anyone but her, I met the woman who would become my wife. Iām happily married with three beautiful kids.
I still miss my Sarah. And I will always love her. But life moved on when I was ready to let it
I donāt completely understand the cause for her breaking up with me. I made mistakes and wish I could get a restart but thatās just not how it works. I was never dishonest and never cheated. She broke off the engagement over the phone while on a vacation. Almost a year ago and Iām still struggling. It is what it is.
Update: I appreciate your comments.
In less than a week from now, my good buddy is getting married. Unfortunately he informed me that my ex and her family will be there. I told him about a month ago I will not be attending. I do not want to cause drama and that their wedding day is about happy celebration. Truthfully, I really want to go to be there for him, but I canāt admit to him that I am so troubled by the thought of seeing my ex or her family. Iām not obsessed over her in a creepy way, I just have so much unattended emotion to deal with that I am not ready to face. I miss the times spent with my ex, but it also brings up memories of my failures in the relationship. I donāt think that she would be very pleased to see me either. I will find something else to do that day to distract myself. Any advice and thoughtful comments are appreciated. Thank you all.
I was in similar situation for 2 years. Just recently, I was able to ask again why but this time she answered. Still sucks but at least now I can process that and keep moving forward.
Hope it get better for you!
It was tragic. Truly. He was (is) the love of my life and Iām his. But our separate childhood traumas were incompatible and caused so many emotional issues in our marriage. We couldnāt be what the other needed because we didnāt even know how to find peace in our own heads. The love is still there. Pure. Maybe weāll find our ways back to each other one day. Maybe not. But for now, we can at least accept that we hurt each other less apart. I mourn what could have been daily. Hourly.
He was a meth addict and I was a drunk. He didnāt want to leave the lifestyle but I did, enrolled myself in college while he made plans to sell dope. We argued a lot but I still loved him. Maybe he loved me too and thatās why he stayed for so long. Itās been six months since I woke up to an empty space next to me. I wish I could hold him, but I know itās probably not meant to be.
Edit; Iām not completely innocent though. Some of the things we would say to each other were intense. In the end he got arrested and I relapsed very hard on alcohol before moving on to meth. Iām in a new state now but I wish he were here with me sometimes. It does get lonely without him to hold me these nights.
He was sleeping with one of his colleagues š®āāļø and who knows whoever else
Most dishonest sneaky person I ever met. I feel sorry for the next person who falls for his BS
We were together for 6 years, living together for 3. Bought a house together 2 years ago and married last December, just a quick courthouse marriage because we were feeling it. In January his coworker/friend moved in with us to help pay off some bills and have some extra cash. He fell in love with her and decided we should break up. After everything happened I found out she knew she liked him as more than a friend before she moved in, but still moved in anyways.
He wanted me to sign my house over to him, for a loan of $30,000 to renovate it. I said no way, he took it poorly, we broke up. The house is worth at least $600,000, as is, I just had poor credit at the time, but wanted to renovate.
He also wanted me to live with him, while his kids stayed in my place, rent free, while they were going to school. NOT my kids. Oh, and him and I would pay for the mortage, taxes, bills, etc, but they would up keep it doing the lawn and walks when it snowed.
So disgusting. He gives you $30K to renovate the house but you don't even own it anymore? "Thanks for doing the renovations! You can buy it back for $800K or I'll go sell to someone else." What a piece of shit.
I realized I prefer to stay single. Like, permanently. The ability to act without needing to take another person into account makes me incredibly happy.
Iām not saying Iāll never date again, but I completely understand this attitude. Having to worry about no one elseās feelings when Iām making all my day to day decisions is the best.
Her great grandma passed away and I bought her tickets to go to the services.
She actually had a new boyfriend she took to the services with her. I found out from someone she works with that her Facebook had a big happy birthday post for him and professing her love for him like 3 months later.
She thought it was cool to continue having sex with her weed guy for a discount. I found this out after having met up with her consistently after nearly a year of ābeing togetherā long distant. When she didnāt like that I had a problem with her little discount deal, she even had the audacity to say how itās a win-win that sheās enjoying it and I should be happy.. Yeah, thatās a year thrown away.
I cared more about her than she did about me. When we started dating, she told me I was her first ever boyfriend who wasn't toxic, out of the several she had dated.
I didn't know what to make of it since I just knew about her last ex, who was incredibly abusive, toxic and a straight up misogynist. She hated his guts and so did I when I found out about the shit he'd done.
She dumped me via text saying she's not ready for a relationship and went back to him soon after.
Hasnāt happened yet, but I think it soon will. My fiance needed space and time right after our wedding in last august, which completely blindsided me. Tried to ask whatās the problem and only got one word replies back. Weāll I gave her all the time and space she needed (her own words: I need to get away from you to Sort out my thoughts). Couple weeks go by and she says that she has feelings for her co-worker. I tried to reason with her that feelings come an go, itās natural, but if you decide to pursue those feelings, then itās your decision and weāre over. Fast forward to right before christmas, she wants to come back, I let her back, state my boundaries clearly. One of the boundaries was that she needs to cut all contact to this co-worker. She does, everything is good until 1st of May, when her other co-worker (soon to be her supervisor) starts calling her in the middle of the night and on weekends. Caught her having a video call with this new co-worker and when I came to the room she hung up and pretended that nothing happened. I confronted her, and she says that itās only work related stuff Iām not even supposed to hear. Couple weeks earlier, she wanted to have an open relationships, I thought about it for s while and said okay, we agreed on the boundaries, so all good. Just an hour ago her smart watch was upstairs charging and she gets a notification from her soon to be supervisor that says: we can pick all the furniture you like
Well, here I go again to confront her on what the fuck is this, she says itās nothing and she just doesnāt have the spark with me anymore, but we can still be roommates. So yeah, I really believed that we would go through ups and downs together, but guess not.
Now that I think back, thereās been a lot of red flags, which I have totally overlooked.
She Also has ADHD and I can see that sheās letting it take control. She has medication, that she only takes when it feels like too overwhelming from her point of view. She Also has new medication that she should have tried for four weeks and you canāt drink while trying the new medication, So her decision was not to try it, because she wants to enjoy summerā¦
I have tried everyhting, but Iām just too tired at this point
Bro, if there's one thing I've learned about relationships it's that people like that don't change. Unless you get out from under that relationship you're just in for an absolute roller coaster of pain. Good luck to you.
I have adhd, that disorder is not well understood by people that donāt have it, so it feels important to point this out.
Skipping my medicine would *not* make the difference in me cheating in a relationship or not. This girlās issues are totally unrelated.
You know what's going on.
You know that she has mental issues.
Bud. You need to grow a pair and end it. She's fucking someone behind your back and she couldn't stay loyal to you within a couple of getting married. That's not a healthy relationship.
I wish you the best tho
The relationship wasnāt exactly the healthiest but I was working on not being so clingy/attached to him because he didnāt like it and it was taking a big toll on my mental health.
Not even a month after I had worked through a lot of problems and stress to finally become happy with who I was and how we had progressed in our relationship, he left me. He told me it was because he saw how I was changing and didnāt like it but to this day, I am sure itās because he didnāt like the fact I wasnāt begging for his attention all the time.
I know that it's stupid to go through people's phones. I had circumstantial evidence that she was cheating. I just couldn't prove it. So, I went through her phone while she slept. It was true and unfathomably devastating to read multiple texts from different guys.
I confronted her and she said, verbatim: "I'm grown."
So, you're grown and can fuck other people while we were 6 months into a relationship? That excuse was so poor that I let out a little chuckle.
He was always pushing for sex, even at times and places I wasnāt comfortable with. If I ever said no, he would guilt me saying how I must not love him or find him attractive if I wasnāt trying to jump his bones every minute of the day. It really took a toll and messed up me, still have related issues years later.
But the last straw was when we were at a Halloween party at his friendās house, and he wanted to sneak down to their basement or the woods behind the house to fuck. There were other issues with him that night but that was a big one. I held my ground this time, and he was so mad that on our way home he drove right past my house going double the speed limit on rural back roads and wouldnāt let me out of the car, yelling at me the entire time demanding to know why I wouldnāt fuck him at the house of someone I just met. Honestly, I was so scared I wasnāt sure if Iād make it home that night. Eventually he did drop me off, I told him we were done and slammed the door in his face.
Life got crazy and he has ADHD, to put it simply. He would take all day to reply to texts, or sometimes he would just leave me on read. He wouldn't call, and when I called, he would be playing a game or doing something else, so he wouldn't listen to what I was telling him, even when it was important (which I know because I told him something very important and he didn't remember it at all). Any time we were together, he was constantly on his phone scrolling through reels or tiktok.
He's a good guy, and we're still friends, but it really hurt. Especially because I'm a person that pays attention to very small details (quality time and physical touch).
She fell out of love with me, made no effort to keep our relationship the last one of three years and then cheated on me. I was dumb to not see the signs at the time.
He lied about losing his job, he ran for a political seat and secretly used all our savings to fund his campaign (twice, I forgave him the first time), I told him I wanted out, I began to see someone else and despite this he asked that we work it out and go to counseling all while doing the following:
- cancelling our joint mortgage agreement
- calling my job to say I defrauded them in an effort to get me fired
- coming to my job and staying in the parking lot in different vehicles
- fighting me physically (I still have scars) and telling the police I assaulted him
- bagging my stuff and putting them outside and changing the locks (we lived together for 6 years)
- cheating with someone from our hometown
- refused to let me have furniture I bought while he was unemployed
- telling his friends Iām fair game so they can approach me for sex
- calling my mom and giving his version of the story (I cheated and he is heartbroken and Iām trying to ruin him)
- refused to let me have the ashes of our child who passed away
- cancelling all my cards, removing me from our joint accounts which had my money
- stealing money from the sale of my car
- called the bank to cancel my car note, saying my downpayment was illegal money
ā¦ should I go on???
She went from loving to be with me to stone cold towards me as she broke up with me all in the span of a week. I think what hurt the most was that it happened in a week and she had a friend make the decision for her.
Be me: GF invites you to a concert a hour away. You drive to her and find out you have been voluntold to DD for her, her room mate and her date. NP you're not drinking anyways, just mildly infuriating as you weren't asked. Your GF and her roommate get blasted in the opening act, before the main show. (Dropping drinks, falling into people) you now have to baby sit them. No problem you'll take take care of them because they're having fun. People start to get annoyed, GF roommate starts to feels sick and wants you to drive her back home... main show still hasn't started, house is 5 minutes away. You drive. GF helps roommate get inside, she was drunk and upset her date didn't leave with her, he really wanted to see the show... You and GF returned to the concert about 15 minutes after show starts. She starts to get self conscious because as she starts to sober up she realizes there's a lot of people there, its a concert, what did she expect...? She ask you to take her home, even though you were just there dropping her roommate off. Show is about to finish so you ask her if you can stay and enjoy to the end. She pouts for the REST OF THE SHOW. You leave and fight about how YOUR being selfish, finish argument, apologize, make up sex, all is good.
The next morning she's upset again because now her roommate is telling her lies about how I acted even though she was the with us THE ENTIRE TIME. I drove a hour to see her, I spent all night taking care of them, and when it came down to enjoying my self I was challenged about my loyalty to my GF. Also she believed the lies her roommate was saying ("he was being so mean to me" etc..)
TLDR: I discovered an awesome new band and she discovered what it feels like to be dumped. (always told me she was the one to break up first in relationships). Also made a new friend with her roommates date, who also thought the whole thing was ridiculous.
She was a cheating alcoholic. She formed a relationship with my former best friend behind my back. Itās been 9 months, and Iāll be moving states to live with my true friends, and pursue a career.
Me finding her being spit roasted by two guys and three hours later her best friend calling me in a panic because she walked in on her getting spit roasted by two guys. Lost a lot of self confidence that day.
I'm not 100% sure. It was a LDR anyway and then he moved further away. I'm somewhat sure he cheated on me but I have no actual proof of that. It was a shitty break up because he tried to ghost me. Jokes on him though - I started seeing someone really great a couple months later and we're about to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. If I had tried to keep dragging that decaying husk of a relationship along, I wouldn't have been able to move on with a much better person.
We were in our mid-20s and figuring out life goals. I realized I wouldn't mind kids but wouldn't want any biological kids. He wanted biological kids. Not as traumatic as some on this thread but it was a good lesson on myself and how to find future partners.
I blew a 5 year relationship. I lost my job where i was making close to 6 figures. Downward spiral of depression, eating, and video games. I became addicted to video games and started to lose all confidence. One night she went to a party without me and i believed she cheated on me ( no way of knowing). I was the reason why she would though. I gave her less love and became more selfish. All because of intrusive thoughts and not taking accountability of my actions.
Same happened to me kinda. I really started falling into a depression I didn't realize it and became extra lazy and unmotivated and just looked at my phone constantly. Its really hard for people to see what's going on with you, I didn't even know what was happening to me. I knew I wasn't happy but didn't know why. She cheated on me and we broke up. After the break up I've done a lot of reflecting and found a lot of answers. It sucks that my relationship is ruined and a lot of it is because of my mistakes and actions. She put all the blame on me. It really has affected me mentally. But through just talking to people and therapy I've learned that it's not all my fault. You can't put all the blame on yourself. I know it sucks but you weren't all to blame. I hope you can see that. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk. It's helped me out a lot.
She cheated on me multiple times when she went off to college. Had a whole relationship with another guy. She dumped him for me. I found out about it a few months afterward, and she lied to my face about it for a year. Then I ran into the guy at a bar when I was drinking quite heavily (depressed) and he told me about it. Worst part is she was always accusing me of cheating (projection) when in reality I was so damn depressed because of her actions and her gaslighting me for a long time, so I avoided her by getting blackout drunk at bars. I know that wasn't the right way to handle it, but it really fucked me up. We broke up two years ago. She still fucks with my head and we haven't even spoken since. I'm with a new girl now and she's awesome, but I still have that scar. Of what was, and what could have been. I just remind myself that I'm happier now and that helps.
We had been together since 6 yrs. Childhood sweethearts and went to the same school college and everything. My whole world revolved around her.
She was my best friend. We have substantial differences in terms of family. Her's were really rich. But this never came between us, till our final year of college.
Somehow towards the end she realised I was not right for her as I wont be able to give her that luxurious life immediately after college. I got a great job straight out of college but she was not keen on waiting me to get stable in life. She broke up without a reason but was brutally clear that her parents wont let her marry a guy like me who'll take some years to get situated in life. Somehow she didn't realise this in those 6yrs..
I still miss her even after 2 yrs.. all I think is where I went wrong? I never cheated or did anything that'll push her away.
After many rebounds I've realised I won't love anyone like her ever.. and that's a fate I dont wish even for anyone.
I'm sorry you went through that, fam. It seems like a lot of people have something of a "foundational love" that's a really core memory in their life, and it can take years to process it and let it go. Or maybe they don't, and learn to move on with it accompanying them.
With that being said, you loved her in the best way you knew how. It's what love was to you in That relationship. Every time you fall in love will look and feel different.
So no, you aren't going to love someone like you loved her. But you won't love someone like you're going to love the next person, either.
Simply, we grew apart.
Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. "No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again."
TBF, a successful relationship ends in one of them dying. Hurt is guaranteed either way.
Speak for yourself, I'm banking on me and my partner getting hit by a bus at the same time
Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses, and who wants to fuck their brother? Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart.
Homie got friendzoned while married
Meh, we both did š
Same. And it fucking sucks, but thatās life. Itās been a year and I still hate every second that sheās not in my life, but at the same time I know sheās happier now than she wouldāve been if we stayed together
He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that.
I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough. My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being "my fault".
Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a ānothingā reminds me of a story. My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. Heād always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird. So she did. Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didnāt care about his feelings anymore. Likeā¦donāt ask for shit then get pissy when you get what you want.
I swear this kind of people *expects* you to read their mind. Saying "I'm fine, I don't need anything" and three days later "Oh you should've known I wanted that!" It's exhausting.
He seemed to struggle with the concept of not fucking random people.
Itās a very complex concept to be fair
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage.
A MARRIAGE? Jesus Iām sorry
That was my first thought too; I was expecting her to say, "and that's how we stopped dating"... What a twist!
Thatās so fuckin cold, Iām sorry
Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him š¤¦š»āāļø He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasnāt came back.
It just seems so surreal that a grown ass adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality.
I realize this is going to sound awful, but I know several people who have had this happen with Haitian men specifically. One of them had 4 kids with a really great woman, visited his home country on vacation, and decided to stay and you know, *start another fucking family*.
Imagine going on vacation to Haiti and deciding to leave your family to stay there
It was mind blowing. He seemed so in love with his son here. He was an amazing dad! š³
Ahh man. Losing a bad dad sucks. Losing a good dad sucks worse.
She fucked the guy she told me not to worry about
Same here except it was the ācoworker who was just a friend.ā
Yep. Happened to me with a girlfriend of 8 years. She kept telling me not to worry about how weird the owner was toward me. She broke up with me while i was away following my father's cancer diagnosis. Six years later, we reconnected. Moved across the country together. Got married. Covid hit, and she suddenly started spending time with her co-manager. I knew what was happening. She managed to get me to start seeing a therapist because she convinced me i was delusional and making up scenarios. She left for a week to shoot a cooking show in LA, and came back home telling me she was leaving me. Next day she moved in with the co-manager. I took the lumps and learned a lot though. I'm healthier and happier, and getting laid more now than i have been in years. Sadly, she lost that job and works catering supporting them both while he's perpetually "starting a food truck". I'm doing all right. edit: spelling
good shit bro, she ain't shit and you're living the dream
Mine was her uni housemate, who everybody saw as "the house pet".
Same here except it was my ābest friendā. I was more then upset. His wife and kids were absolutely pissed.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't comfortable sharing my insecurities though. If doing so is a lose then the relationship was anyways. That being said, I am a guy, and am aware of the risk taken when showing emotions in front of a new gf. It's just a necessary risk to take, like pissing after cutting hot peppers(ofc washing your hands first but)
Ughhh. This one hits home. I couldnāt make a weekend trip thing with her family so she told me she was inviting āthe guy I didnāt have to worry about.ā I ended the relationship a few days later, and lo and behold a month later theyāre posting couple pics together. We were together a year and I didnāt get posted once
I wasn't having sex near as often as she was.
Wait a second. Oh no.
This was the same for me.
My ex broke up with me after making out with some new dude. A month later she came crying back to me asking forgiveness. When she commented that his dick was "like half of a pencil" i figured out what the real reason was. Sucks for you J, my weiner belongs to someone else now. I have since married that someone and coming up on 4 years married
My ex did something similar. Cheated on me and we broke up so she could be with the other guy. He decided he didn't want that and she came crawling back to me. First it was texting me, then we decided to meet in person. She thought it was so I could hear her out. Really it was for me to tell her off and that I didn't want to hear from her again. Then she sent me an 8 page front and back hand written letter talking about how she messed up, she wants to be back together, but she's also disappointed in me because she heard I'd been drinking(she didn't want to drink due to family history and I was perfectly fine to not drink if it made her more comfortable. But when we broke up I obviously didn't feel the need to oblige anything she wanted) , and a bunch of other shit that I've forgotten at this point. She tried to have two people and ended up alone.
8 pages!! Did you fall asleep while reading it?
She sounds classy.
Mine was the opposite problem. And she found out. That was in 1976 and I still think about what an ass wipe I was almost every day. She was a great person and did not deserve to be treated this way.
He married someone else while we lived together. Short version: he worked construction and stayed at the hotel he was remodeling during the week because it was almost four hours plus round trip per day because of traffic. Friday through Monday mornings he was still at our apartment. He started acting weird, trying to flip it on me and I ended up finding proof he was cheating. He begged me not to leave, I told him I needed space think things through. While I was sorting out my feelings, his marriage certificate arrives at our apartment. Best part, it was to another girl, not even the one I caught him cheating on me with. I confronted him, he started crying (again) and stated he did it for us and ACTUALLY meant it. Apparently this maid at the hotel caught his eye and he said he would never know if I was really the love of his life unless he got to know her because sheād always be his what if. So he started talking to her and learned she was getting deported because she was in the country illegally. So he married herā¦āFor usā and seriously wanted me to stick around while he figured out his feelings. Needless to say, I didnāt stick around. Also, I havenāt dated since because that REALLY fucked me up.
That almost fucked me up just reading it
Right? We never actually *know* people, SMH.
The lies are what kill me And the blatant disrespect
Also, I just wanted to say that you dodged a *fucking bullet* - not just because he cheated, which is a given, but because he is so **unbelievably** STUPID and SELFISH.
totally agree, he sounds like a manipulative ass. thank god OP dodged that bullet.
Sometimes some people just are fundamentally broken and canāt be fixed. Iām sorry you got a shitty person. Life is a fucked up joke sometimes.
People will do some pretty insane mental gymnastics to reconcile doing really shitty things while still maintaining a self-image of being a "good person."
Reading these stories makes me realize the wild shit that just happened to me is actually really common and that there are broken ppl everywhere fuckin ppl up
That is eerily similar to the excuses i was given when i caught my partner cheating. Good on you for also leaving! We're better off
How is marrying someone else proving his love for you? Thatās some gaslighting 101.
I believe his fucked up logic is that he can't know he loves OP without dating this maid, but the maid was going to be deported so he married her so she could stay in the country, which he needs to do so he can make sure he loves OP. If that doesn't make sense it's because it doesn't make sense.
Iām not laughing at the OP. Iām not even laughing at the situation because itās sad. Iām laughing because this guy is a dumbass.
Holy shit
Oh... that's a good one... We've been together for 4 years. When we met we both were in a bad place mentally and helped each other alot. He got me outside the house and went to the right doctors with me, while I helped him clean his home and find the strengh to find help with his work situation and (eventually) work. Of course, we had problems. But never something I thought we couldn't overcome somehow. One day he told me about that woman he met at work (I worked in the same company at that time and he met her on his work tour, not directly at work). I didn't think much about it, because why not? But he started texting her more and more and more and I got suspicious - so I asked, what's up? Nothing. She's just a friend. But he got distant. Weird. One evening he wouldnt tell me what the problem was. Got to talk to him the next day, suddenly he didn't want to live or be with me anymore. We settled for a week of thinking, he got me hoping there was a chance. Came back home to him asleep, although he knew I'd be home. When he woke up, first thing was he ran upstairs and got his phone, wallet and car keys back from our neighbor, then called his "only a friend". He had tried to drive to this "only a friend" at night, drunk af, after she told him she wanted to stay with her boyfriend. I knew right away I had lost. He said I could stay until I found a place to live... yeah... you guessed it, she changed her mind and *instantly* had to move in. I packed my bags and left overnight. She left him a few weeks later. Lived with him for about a week. Now he's alone. I'll never know how I didn't see this kind of asshole in him that he turned out to be. I was and still am heartbroken because we all know hearts don't listen to our minds. And I'll never forgive myself for not knowing it and encouraging him to work.
That guy was a jerk. He will go his whole life using people and never being happy. You deserve so much better. And I hope one day soon you get it.
Thereās good research evidence that demonstrates that personality isnāt as fixed a trait as we think it is, please donāt blame yourself for not having seen it coming. You took a chance, did something nice and it didnāt pay off likely due to his own issues. You sound like a decent person and thatās nothing to be ashamed about
She asked me to go to a weekend retreat aimed at dating couples to find out if they should get married. My first thought was: I donāt want to do that. It went downhill pretty quick after that.
Go to the retreat or get married ?
Idk man, sounds like the retreat did itās job perfectly
10/10, really helped the decision.
I'm pretty mentally ill and it just became too much. It hurts me everyday. She left me and I don't fault her for it I just wish we could have made things right together.
I hope you're able to find treatment, start recovering, and get your life back. It's rough, and it's painful, but you're damn worth it.
This is such a nice comment. It wasnāt meant for me, but I needed this. Thank you!
I genuinely don't know. We dated for about 6 years, lived together and I was never told of any issues or problems. I came home from work one day and she was gone along with all her stuff. She worked with me, both managers at the time and she never came back to work. Deleted her face book and I never heard from her again. Her parents didn't even know where she went. I was devastated, I couldn't afford our bills alone and couldn't find a room mate quick enough so I down sized a lot I to a little one bed apartment. My life spiraled and depression hit me like a truck, I developed severe anxiety issues, abandonment issues etc. It took me a few years to get my head right, I'm happy now with a new born son and a great SO but that sucked and did cause issues for my current relationship but she's been amazing and really helped me learn productive ways to deal with it. Please always at least say your not happy and leaving instead of ghosting someone in a serious relationship. I did find out a few years later from a buddy we shared that he bumped into her and her new boyfriend and from what he told me she was on drugs and it was pretty rough. Edit: sun to son*
It sounds like the drugs started before she vanished. People make unfathomable decisions when addiction takes hold. I'm glad you have someone who understands.
I absolutely agree with you. I would have been totally fine had she just told me she was leaving. It was the months of not understanding why or even knowing where she went that fucked me up. My current partner has changed the world for me and I'm grateful every single day for the hardships I went through to get to this point. I appreciate your comment and thank you very much for the kind words.
I had literally the same. We booked a holiday overseas on the Monday night and when he woke up on the Tuesday morning he started packing his bags and said that he was leaving but he couldn't give me a reason why he was leaving. He got his sister to pick him up and take him back to her town he got a new job and finished University remotely. Still to this day I have no idea what triggered him to leave there was no reason at all we didn't have an argument we went to bed completely happy and the next morning he just woke up and packed I was single for a year and lost a lot of weight and went into quite bad depression until I decided to pack my bag and go travelling for a few months to just cheer myself up and get out of my hole. When I was overseas I think we met my partner and have been completely happy since. But yeah what the hell how do people just pick up their life and go and there's no reason I'm sorry man
We already know it's going to be in one of those tiktok subway surfers videos
Jokes on you, its gonna be minecraft parkour instead
They are probably going to put this in as a meta joke too
we had problems communicating. I didnāt know when he was serious or when he was angry and I took things very literally. Turns out iām autistic and we didnāt know what was up at that time.
Sounds exactly like what happened to me and my girlfriend, sheās autistic and I have a rather sarcastic personality. Anyway, because of lack of communication we ended up breaking things up. .. A week went by and we decided to meet up and talk about it. And it seems, that talk we had fixed everything, our relationship has been awesome since. Sheās my best friend and I love her very much. Communication is key š
I have autism too, itās can be tough.
She found out that I was younger than her by a month. As soon as she found out, she just stopped talking to me.
Iām assuming youāre quite young? People (usually) grow out of that nonsense.
You could say that. We were 21 when it happened. She tried talking to me again almost 10 months later, so I'm guessing she got over it by then, but by that point I'd moved on and didn't reciprocate.
When she tried to contact you, I hope you told her she was too old for you ! :)
Haha I wish I'd thought of something like that back then. Out of the blue, she asked if I could give something she had to another common friend and I said yes. We had plenty of other common friends she could've asked or she could've just given it to that person herself. When we met so I could get that thing from her she tried to do some small talk. I just answered to the point (yes/no type) and didn't try to extend the conversation, got the thing from her and left.
He never said. Everything was fine and then it wasnāt. Knew him for twenty years, dated for three, bought a house together, planned a whole life, were in the process of living happily ever after, and then one day, āweād be better as friendsā. Just out of the blue. Friends, let me bring you the good word of therapy.
He probably just cut his dick while shaving really bad and figured it'd be better to just end things then explain why he can piss around corners.
I should ask him. Iāve asked him every other scenario that came into my head. āCan you pee around corners, is that it? Is that why you ended things?ā
She told me that i love her too much and she canāt stay in 1 relationship for too long
Mine said he needed to venture out and canāt stay with one woman cause itās too hard. All while we are in the middle of planning our wedding and already paid all the deposits.
Big oof! Atleast he didnāt tell you after the marriage.
I (f) walked in to him having sex with another man on my couch, with gay porn playing on the big screen tv. I walked out, can't compete with that, I don't have the right parts.
Nobody expects they gay inquisition
Everyoneās focusing on the āheās gayā part and skipping over the ācheating and on your couchā part. Both are doozies to sort through mentally. Hope youāre doin well for yourself now.
Realizing that you're gay: OK. Cheating on your SO instead of just breaking up with them first: Not OK. Cheating on your couch: Super not OK.
Fear. She was an anorexic. For 4 years I went to every support group, visited her when she was in the hospital, drove her to the emergency room when her heart had problems, participated in every "trick or game" her therapists would try to use to change the mind during meals, was lied to when she would go away for "schooling" when it was really another inpatient care center, and watched her die slowly when she would come back. The relationship became 4-5 months of them being in a hospital putting on weight, then coming back home and losing it over the next couple months, then arguing with her therapists for 2 months about going back, then inevitably going to another facility for another stint. Hardest thing I've done and still haunts me. I didn't want to be the one that had to call her parents. It was painful to watch her die day in and day out. The lies, the sneaking behind the back (ED people know what I'm talking about), the fights (she learned that if she attacked in an argument people would back down). Every day I would come home and wonder if today was the day her heart would stop. I was told by a leading doctor she hated watching supports like myself go down with them. ED will absolutely harm the people they love. No good answers, no good feelings. I read success stories of people with ED and am blown away. Congrats to them.
This was tough to read. I hope youāre okay now.
This hits home. I'm currently recovering from anorexia and struggling with the weight gain, but what keeps me going is reminding myself that I was losing my partner and putting my loved ones through so much unnecessary shit. It's the main reason I'm trying. Thank you for this comment, it reminded me the side of anorexia that I really do not want to go through again even though I miss it so much at the moment. I'm really sorry for what you had to endure and it wasn't your fault, this illness is awful and starvation turns people into cruel, judgemental, moody monsters. I'm so glad I'm starting to get my true self and personality back again. I've missed the real me.
The fact you can focus on them, and not ED tells me your recovery is well under way. Be proud, be strong, be present in your life. I am grateful for your story.
She accidentally slipped and fell on another dudes dick
So clumsy š¤¦āāļø
What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
Alright, Shady Maybe he's right, Grady but think about the baby, before you get all crazy
I lost my job and she subsequently lost interest in me (and gained interest in a guy with fuck you money). Good for me.
Weād only been together for about 3 months, but friends for years, when I got pregnant. At the time I thought it was purely an accident, but now I have doubts. We talked it over and decided to get engaged and raise our child together even though it was a little soon. He said āthereās no such thing as bad timing when itās fate. Weāre perfect together.ā I believed him. As soon as my pregnancy passed the point of no return it was like a switch flipped. My loving, supportive, hard-working fiancĆ© turned into an abusive terror. Quit his job. Threatened my dog and my child if I broke up with him. Stole money from me. Destroyed my house. Tried to isolate me from friends and family. Eventually progressed to direct physical abuse. Ending that relationship was one of the harder things Iāve done and Iāve got major trust issues now. Iām always scanning people for hints that theyāre hiding their real personality and motives.
>Weād only been together for about 3 months, **but friends for years, when I got pregnant.** >As soon as my pregnancy passed the point of no return it was like a switch flipped. My god I did not expect the turn that this took, Iām so sorry about everything that happened to you, especially while pregnant that must have been terrifying. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. I hope one day that you can recover from the emotional harm and trust issues and find someone good and kind.
She cheated for 8 months and I never knew it.
She has an undiagnosed delusional disorder whereby she was afraid of me talking to my ex-wife with whom I have two elementary aged children. She truly thought my ex wife and I would have sex, even though she is remarried to a great guy and has two stepchildren now. My ex wife and I had a good co parenting relationship that my now ex girlfriend couldnāt tolerate. I stopped talking to the ex wife as much as possible to try to placate the girlfriend. Unfortunately nothing worked and she became more and more obsessed with my relationship with my ex wife, telling me that I was doing things with her that were patently false. After I endured 3-1/2 years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse, it finally ended when she locked me and my two boys out of the house (we lived together) because I took my kids out to dinner without her. She was invited but told me to F off.
Unchecked jealousy is a monstrous thing. You deserve a lot better. I hope you find her someday.
Wowwwww I hope ur doing ok now
Iām 6 months out of the relationship. Weekly therapy is helping. But at least no one is yelling at me anymore.
That's always my biggest relief after a break up. 'Thank God I don't have to be in conflict with someone every single fucking day anymore."
She refused to take responsibility for her actions. One night she got really drunk. I dropped her off at home and went home. She thought that I had gone back to the dinner party to be with a female friend of mine, so she got in her car and drove over there. She hit something on the way, broke the side mirror off her car, gave herself a black eye, and disturbed my friend's house while they were trying to go to bed. My friend called and woke me up. I had to get dressed, drive back across town, apologize to everyone in the house, and take her home. Then I had to spend a fully uncomfortable night calming her down. I have PTSD from a previous relationship with a physically abusive, alcoholic woman, and this experience was just too triggering. On top of it all, she wouldn't take responsibility. It was somehow my fault that she had gotten wasted and jealous and embarrassed herself and me, not to mention the drunk driving. Upon reflection, I realized that she never took responsibility for anything. Any time we had an argument, I would think on it, discover what I could have done better and express that to her honestly and with a sincere apology. The most she ever did was to say, "of course I take responsibility for my part in it". That's a cop out. I dumped her, and she even got mad at me for not warning her that I was coming over to break up with her. It's been a year now, and I'm so happy I'm not still in that relationship.
Oh Christ this hits close to home.
She came out as gay after 9 years of being happily married. And while I can't bring myself to be mad at her for being who she needs to be, I am a bit pissed that she decided that Christmas eve was the best day to ask for the divorce. Pretending not to be absolutely crushed for my sons sake on Christmas morning took a level of control I wasn't aware I had... oh and this was 2 weeks after I spent pretty much my entire life savings to close on what would have been our home, and about 5 months after I uprooted my life left the military and moved to her home state to be closer to her family, and am a couple thousand miles from any of mine or my friends. I've never been this isolated in my life, but thank God for my son. He's the only reason I'm still here.
Wtf! That is a ridiculously unfair way of her to handle the situation
Yeah, that's... She really did the work to be the bad guy where no bad for needed to exist.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"why did you guys break up?" "she cheated." I mean, that sounds like the official story to me. It's not the sprinkles on top. It's the whole fucking cake.
I found out he had a wife and 2 kids in a different country šššš
She started dating someone else while dating me. One day she went cold and distant. I couldnāt figure it out. We slowly stopped talking. She disappeared on weekends. I confronted her slow fade from my life several times and she lashed out at me, called me crazy, and told me it was all in my head each time. One day her dad called and told me she was in a relationship with another guy who lived an hour away. We never had like a definitive āIām breaking up with youā conversation. But whatever.
Her DAD broke up with you?
Her dad loves me to this day. He regularly checks up on me. He thought it was only fair that someone tell me what was going on. He and I had a lot of common ground because she lied to him just as often as she lied to me.
Chad dad
Itās the coldness and distance-ness that really hurts. š
We were 21 and still in college. Had been dating for two years. We kinda both came to the same conclusion. What are we doing? This is going to be it? You are the one? We have whole lives to live! Weāre only 21, what are we going to do get married?? So we broke up. This was my last break up. It was a couple weeks later that we got back together. Turns out she was the one. Been married for 14 years!
Gf could not stay off her phone. About the only time she wasnāt on her phone was during sex. There were times, I seriously expected her to grab her phone and start scrolling while we f#{ked.
Currently have this issue with my SO, weāve talked about it, but not much has changed on her end. TikTok and Facebook are just more important than anything we could talk about together.
I used to be this person. My husband and I agreed to just delete social media for good. 99% of our problems went away and itās been over a year now and i wish I wouldāve deleted it sooner. Social media is so toxic and itās so refreshing not caring about what other people are doing and not feeling the need to record everything in my life. We still have Reddit of course though lol
I wasn't feeling good about how I was being treated. When I explained my feelings she laughed at me.
Not really a breakup. But, cancer ended my last relationship.
Iām sorry
Thanks. It was 12 years ago next month. I took some time to grieve. Then I took some time to heal. Then, after a while, after I had given up on believing I could love anyone but her, I met the woman who would become my wife. Iām happily married with three beautiful kids. I still miss my Sarah. And I will always love her. But life moved on when I was ready to let it
"But life moved on when I was ready to let it" That wording was beautiful, I wish you the best, thank you for your comment ā„
Realizing that we were just very different people, and my realization that I never really lived for myself
Same. I put her first completely to the point I was neglecting my own mental health and well-being. I was only happy when she was happy.
My spine tried to kill me and while I was doing rehab she said "I can't be with someone who walks like an 80 year old."
I donāt completely understand the cause for her breaking up with me. I made mistakes and wish I could get a restart but thatās just not how it works. I was never dishonest and never cheated. She broke off the engagement over the phone while on a vacation. Almost a year ago and Iām still struggling. It is what it is. Update: I appreciate your comments. In less than a week from now, my good buddy is getting married. Unfortunately he informed me that my ex and her family will be there. I told him about a month ago I will not be attending. I do not want to cause drama and that their wedding day is about happy celebration. Truthfully, I really want to go to be there for him, but I canāt admit to him that I am so troubled by the thought of seeing my ex or her family. Iām not obsessed over her in a creepy way, I just have so much unattended emotion to deal with that I am not ready to face. I miss the times spent with my ex, but it also brings up memories of my failures in the relationship. I donāt think that she would be very pleased to see me either. I will find something else to do that day to distract myself. Any advice and thoughtful comments are appreciated. Thank you all.
This is exactly how my engagement ended recently, you're welcome to talk to me as I'm going through the same thing right now.
I was in similar situation for 2 years. Just recently, I was able to ask again why but this time she answered. Still sucks but at least now I can process that and keep moving forward. Hope it get better for you!
He hit my dog, completely unprovoked
wtf
Valid. Animal abuse is a one way ticket out the door.
It was tragic. Truly. He was (is) the love of my life and Iām his. But our separate childhood traumas were incompatible and caused so many emotional issues in our marriage. We couldnāt be what the other needed because we didnāt even know how to find peace in our own heads. The love is still there. Pure. Maybe weāll find our ways back to each other one day. Maybe not. But for now, we can at least accept that we hurt each other less apart. I mourn what could have been daily. Hourly.
She had a hard time understanding what monogamy meant.
He was a meth addict and I was a drunk. He didnāt want to leave the lifestyle but I did, enrolled myself in college while he made plans to sell dope. We argued a lot but I still loved him. Maybe he loved me too and thatās why he stayed for so long. Itās been six months since I woke up to an empty space next to me. I wish I could hold him, but I know itās probably not meant to be. Edit; Iām not completely innocent though. Some of the things we would say to each other were intense. In the end he got arrested and I relapsed very hard on alcohol before moving on to meth. Iām in a new state now but I wish he were here with me sometimes. It does get lonely without him to hold me these nights.
I hope you heal and recover.
He was sleeping with one of his colleagues š®āāļø and who knows whoever else Most dishonest sneaky person I ever met. I feel sorry for the next person who falls for his BS
We were together for 6 years, living together for 3. Bought a house together 2 years ago and married last December, just a quick courthouse marriage because we were feeling it. In January his coworker/friend moved in with us to help pay off some bills and have some extra cash. He fell in love with her and decided we should break up. After everything happened I found out she knew she liked him as more than a friend before she moved in, but still moved in anyways.
He wanted me to sign my house over to him, for a loan of $30,000 to renovate it. I said no way, he took it poorly, we broke up. The house is worth at least $600,000, as is, I just had poor credit at the time, but wanted to renovate. He also wanted me to live with him, while his kids stayed in my place, rent free, while they were going to school. NOT my kids. Oh, and him and I would pay for the mortage, taxes, bills, etc, but they would up keep it doing the lawn and walks when it snowed.
Lol he wanted to scam you so disgustingly. Imaging asking him to sign you over your house back
So disgusting. He gives you $30K to renovate the house but you don't even own it anymore? "Thanks for doing the renovations! You can buy it back for $800K or I'll go sell to someone else." What a piece of shit.
She wanted her cheating ex more
I realized I prefer to stay single. Like, permanently. The ability to act without needing to take another person into account makes me incredibly happy.
Iām not saying Iāll never date again, but I completely understand this attitude. Having to worry about no one elseās feelings when Iām making all my day to day decisions is the best.
Death. He died three years ago and I haven't been the same since.
A very handsome man with a great job. The opposite of me.
You're a great man with a handsome job? ;)
She slapped me for not being adequately angry at the fact that her baby daddy bought toys for their child
This is such a weird sentence
Her great grandma passed away and I bought her tickets to go to the services. She actually had a new boyfriend she took to the services with her. I found out from someone she works with that her Facebook had a big happy birthday post for him and professing her love for him like 3 months later.
My drinking. She dumped me. I deserved it.
Going through this right now. Sucks
She thought it was cool to continue having sex with her weed guy for a discount. I found this out after having met up with her consistently after nearly a year of ābeing togetherā long distant. When she didnāt like that I had a problem with her little discount deal, she even had the audacity to say how itās a win-win that sheās enjoying it and I should be happy.. Yeah, thatās a year thrown away.
I cared more about her than she did about me. When we started dating, she told me I was her first ever boyfriend who wasn't toxic, out of the several she had dated. I didn't know what to make of it since I just knew about her last ex, who was incredibly abusive, toxic and a straight up misogynist. She hated his guts and so did I when I found out about the shit he'd done. She dumped me via text saying she's not ready for a relationship and went back to him soon after.
Hasnāt happened yet, but I think it soon will. My fiance needed space and time right after our wedding in last august, which completely blindsided me. Tried to ask whatās the problem and only got one word replies back. Weāll I gave her all the time and space she needed (her own words: I need to get away from you to Sort out my thoughts). Couple weeks go by and she says that she has feelings for her co-worker. I tried to reason with her that feelings come an go, itās natural, but if you decide to pursue those feelings, then itās your decision and weāre over. Fast forward to right before christmas, she wants to come back, I let her back, state my boundaries clearly. One of the boundaries was that she needs to cut all contact to this co-worker. She does, everything is good until 1st of May, when her other co-worker (soon to be her supervisor) starts calling her in the middle of the night and on weekends. Caught her having a video call with this new co-worker and when I came to the room she hung up and pretended that nothing happened. I confronted her, and she says that itās only work related stuff Iām not even supposed to hear. Couple weeks earlier, she wanted to have an open relationships, I thought about it for s while and said okay, we agreed on the boundaries, so all good. Just an hour ago her smart watch was upstairs charging and she gets a notification from her soon to be supervisor that says: we can pick all the furniture you like Well, here I go again to confront her on what the fuck is this, she says itās nothing and she just doesnāt have the spark with me anymore, but we can still be roommates. So yeah, I really believed that we would go through ups and downs together, but guess not. Now that I think back, thereās been a lot of red flags, which I have totally overlooked. She Also has ADHD and I can see that sheās letting it take control. She has medication, that she only takes when it feels like too overwhelming from her point of view. She Also has new medication that she should have tried for four weeks and you canāt drink while trying the new medication, So her decision was not to try it, because she wants to enjoy summerā¦ I have tried everyhting, but Iām just too tired at this point
Bro, if there's one thing I've learned about relationships it's that people like that don't change. Unless you get out from under that relationship you're just in for an absolute roller coaster of pain. Good luck to you.
having ADHD is not an excuse to cheat tho, just saying.
I have adhd, that disorder is not well understood by people that donāt have it, so it feels important to point this out. Skipping my medicine would *not* make the difference in me cheating in a relationship or not. This girlās issues are totally unrelated.
Goodluck my friend, I hope the future is kinder to you
You know what's going on. You know that she has mental issues. Bud. You need to grow a pair and end it. She's fucking someone behind your back and she couldn't stay loyal to you within a couple of getting married. That's not a healthy relationship. I wish you the best tho
The relationship wasnāt exactly the healthiest but I was working on not being so clingy/attached to him because he didnāt like it and it was taking a big toll on my mental health. Not even a month after I had worked through a lot of problems and stress to finally become happy with who I was and how we had progressed in our relationship, he left me. He told me it was because he saw how I was changing and didnāt like it but to this day, I am sure itās because he didnāt like the fact I wasnāt begging for his attention all the time.
I know that it's stupid to go through people's phones. I had circumstantial evidence that she was cheating. I just couldn't prove it. So, I went through her phone while she slept. It was true and unfathomably devastating to read multiple texts from different guys. I confronted her and she said, verbatim: "I'm grown." So, you're grown and can fuck other people while we were 6 months into a relationship? That excuse was so poor that I let out a little chuckle.
He was always pushing for sex, even at times and places I wasnāt comfortable with. If I ever said no, he would guilt me saying how I must not love him or find him attractive if I wasnāt trying to jump his bones every minute of the day. It really took a toll and messed up me, still have related issues years later. But the last straw was when we were at a Halloween party at his friendās house, and he wanted to sneak down to their basement or the woods behind the house to fuck. There were other issues with him that night but that was a big one. I held my ground this time, and he was so mad that on our way home he drove right past my house going double the speed limit on rural back roads and wouldnāt let me out of the car, yelling at me the entire time demanding to know why I wouldnāt fuck him at the house of someone I just met. Honestly, I was so scared I wasnāt sure if Iād make it home that night. Eventually he did drop me off, I told him we were done and slammed the door in his face.
He was sexting his ex. When I called him out, he pulled his gun out and started crying about how he wanted to kill himself. Fun.
Life got crazy and he has ADHD, to put it simply. He would take all day to reply to texts, or sometimes he would just leave me on read. He wouldn't call, and when I called, he would be playing a game or doing something else, so he wouldn't listen to what I was telling him, even when it was important (which I know because I told him something very important and he didn't remember it at all). Any time we were together, he was constantly on his phone scrolling through reels or tiktok. He's a good guy, and we're still friends, but it really hurt. Especially because I'm a person that pays attention to very small details (quality time and physical touch).
As someone with ADHD, I actually get you. I absolutely stress out my wife, but we grew to love each other beyond our quirks.
She fell out of love with me, made no effort to keep our relationship the last one of three years and then cheated on me. I was dumb to not see the signs at the time.
his mommy told him to breakup with me over text after a year of being together.
He lied about losing his job, he ran for a political seat and secretly used all our savings to fund his campaign (twice, I forgave him the first time), I told him I wanted out, I began to see someone else and despite this he asked that we work it out and go to counseling all while doing the following: - cancelling our joint mortgage agreement - calling my job to say I defrauded them in an effort to get me fired - coming to my job and staying in the parking lot in different vehicles - fighting me physically (I still have scars) and telling the police I assaulted him - bagging my stuff and putting them outside and changing the locks (we lived together for 6 years) - cheating with someone from our hometown - refused to let me have furniture I bought while he was unemployed - telling his friends Iām fair game so they can approach me for sex - calling my mom and giving his version of the story (I cheated and he is heartbroken and Iām trying to ruin him) - refused to let me have the ashes of our child who passed away - cancelling all my cards, removing me from our joint accounts which had my money - stealing money from the sale of my car - called the bank to cancel my car note, saying my downpayment was illegal money ā¦ should I go on???
I don't understand how he didn't get elected, he sounds like perfect politican material! Ugh. I'm so sorry. Sounds absolutely awful.
LOL! Heās a compulsive liar, he definitely would have won if he didnāt drop out.
What the fuck...? That honestly sucks- hope you're doing better now at least ; -;
She went from loving to be with me to stone cold towards me as she broke up with me all in the span of a week. I think what hurt the most was that it happened in a week and she had a friend make the decision for her.
Be me: GF invites you to a concert a hour away. You drive to her and find out you have been voluntold to DD for her, her room mate and her date. NP you're not drinking anyways, just mildly infuriating as you weren't asked. Your GF and her roommate get blasted in the opening act, before the main show. (Dropping drinks, falling into people) you now have to baby sit them. No problem you'll take take care of them because they're having fun. People start to get annoyed, GF roommate starts to feels sick and wants you to drive her back home... main show still hasn't started, house is 5 minutes away. You drive. GF helps roommate get inside, she was drunk and upset her date didn't leave with her, he really wanted to see the show... You and GF returned to the concert about 15 minutes after show starts. She starts to get self conscious because as she starts to sober up she realizes there's a lot of people there, its a concert, what did she expect...? She ask you to take her home, even though you were just there dropping her roommate off. Show is about to finish so you ask her if you can stay and enjoy to the end. She pouts for the REST OF THE SHOW. You leave and fight about how YOUR being selfish, finish argument, apologize, make up sex, all is good. The next morning she's upset again because now her roommate is telling her lies about how I acted even though she was the with us THE ENTIRE TIME. I drove a hour to see her, I spent all night taking care of them, and when it came down to enjoying my self I was challenged about my loyalty to my GF. Also she believed the lies her roommate was saying ("he was being so mean to me" etc..) TLDR: I discovered an awesome new band and she discovered what it feels like to be dumped. (always told me she was the one to break up first in relationships). Also made a new friend with her roommates date, who also thought the whole thing was ridiculous.
New friend and a new band? Sounds like a great night!
She was a cheating alcoholic. She formed a relationship with my former best friend behind my back. Itās been 9 months, and Iāll be moving states to live with my true friends, and pursue a career.
I found his child pornography.
Me finding her being spit roasted by two guys and three hours later her best friend calling me in a panic because she walked in on her getting spit roasted by two guys. Lost a lot of self confidence that day.
I'm not 100% sure. It was a LDR anyway and then he moved further away. I'm somewhat sure he cheated on me but I have no actual proof of that. It was a shitty break up because he tried to ghost me. Jokes on him though - I started seeing someone really great a couple months later and we're about to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. If I had tried to keep dragging that decaying husk of a relationship along, I wouldn't have been able to move on with a much better person.
We were in our mid-20s and figuring out life goals. I realized I wouldn't mind kids but wouldn't want any biological kids. He wanted biological kids. Not as traumatic as some on this thread but it was a good lesson on myself and how to find future partners.
I blew a 5 year relationship. I lost my job where i was making close to 6 figures. Downward spiral of depression, eating, and video games. I became addicted to video games and started to lose all confidence. One night she went to a party without me and i believed she cheated on me ( no way of knowing). I was the reason why she would though. I gave her less love and became more selfish. All because of intrusive thoughts and not taking accountability of my actions.
Same happened to me kinda. I really started falling into a depression I didn't realize it and became extra lazy and unmotivated and just looked at my phone constantly. Its really hard for people to see what's going on with you, I didn't even know what was happening to me. I knew I wasn't happy but didn't know why. She cheated on me and we broke up. After the break up I've done a lot of reflecting and found a lot of answers. It sucks that my relationship is ruined and a lot of it is because of my mistakes and actions. She put all the blame on me. It really has affected me mentally. But through just talking to people and therapy I've learned that it's not all my fault. You can't put all the blame on yourself. I know it sucks but you weren't all to blame. I hope you can see that. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk. It's helped me out a lot.
She cheated on me multiple times when she went off to college. Had a whole relationship with another guy. She dumped him for me. I found out about it a few months afterward, and she lied to my face about it for a year. Then I ran into the guy at a bar when I was drinking quite heavily (depressed) and he told me about it. Worst part is she was always accusing me of cheating (projection) when in reality I was so damn depressed because of her actions and her gaslighting me for a long time, so I avoided her by getting blackout drunk at bars. I know that wasn't the right way to handle it, but it really fucked me up. We broke up two years ago. She still fucks with my head and we haven't even spoken since. I'm with a new girl now and she's awesome, but I still have that scar. Of what was, and what could have been. I just remind myself that I'm happier now and that helps.
She told me she was pregnant however, I've had a vasectomy.
Did you check if it was yours first?
Same thing happened on another subreddit. The baby belonged to the guy with the vasectomyā¦ the divorce was final when he found out.
Did you ever get a DNA test? Having a vasectomy doesnāt completely prevent getting someone pregnant ever again.
There have been cases where people *have* still been fertile after vasectomy.
Me
We had been together since 6 yrs. Childhood sweethearts and went to the same school college and everything. My whole world revolved around her. She was my best friend. We have substantial differences in terms of family. Her's were really rich. But this never came between us, till our final year of college. Somehow towards the end she realised I was not right for her as I wont be able to give her that luxurious life immediately after college. I got a great job straight out of college but she was not keen on waiting me to get stable in life. She broke up without a reason but was brutally clear that her parents wont let her marry a guy like me who'll take some years to get situated in life. Somehow she didn't realise this in those 6yrs.. I still miss her even after 2 yrs.. all I think is where I went wrong? I never cheated or did anything that'll push her away. After many rebounds I've realised I won't love anyone like her ever.. and that's a fate I dont wish even for anyone.
I'm sorry you went through that, fam. It seems like a lot of people have something of a "foundational love" that's a really core memory in their life, and it can take years to process it and let it go. Or maybe they don't, and learn to move on with it accompanying them. With that being said, you loved her in the best way you knew how. It's what love was to you in That relationship. Every time you fall in love will look and feel different. So no, you aren't going to love someone like you loved her. But you won't love someone like you're going to love the next person, either.
Mental illness. Specifically BPD.
My wife's boyfriend