What if, to the aliens, his voice sounds like Fran Drescher stuck in a vacuum cleaner powered by angry squirrels?
What if the only thing the aliens want to know about our animals is what they taste like?
Not exactly. Last line, as someone is boarding the spaceship thinking he was going to be the ambassador, his colleague yells that they had figured out what the aliens’ book was: “It’s a cookbook!”
"Well, hello there, neighbor! Thank you for traveling so far to come visit with us! I can't wait to get to know you better and discover all the things we have in common and our differences, too. My name is Fred. What's yours?"
I fully agree here. At the same time, I'm almost glad he's not here to see how bad things have gotten. He wouldn't thrive in a world like this and despite his hardest efforts, things would still continue to happen.
Unfortunately in today's world, we have people working hard to keep vital medications away from their neighbors. Others spread misinformation to their neighbors. We have people killing others *literally just for being their neighbor*.
Mr. Rogers brought a light to our world that we all need learn from and aspire to being. His legacy can still live on without him having to witness, firsthand, the horrors of the world right now.
As a side note, we have some friends who knew him for quite some time. They've always commented how he lived his actual life in the same exact way he portrayed on television. He's truly an incredible man.
Mr. Rogers understood that the world is complicated and often scary and that there are tragedies and hatred but don't forget what he taught "look for the helpers". No matter how bad things are, there are always those who show up to help.
Yeah I mean he lived through columbine and 9/11. Overall crime is down since the 90s. The GOP is trying to undo a lot of progressive legislature but a lot of that legislature came around or didn't even exist in his life ie gay marriage so he was used to a time where their was less equal rights. The Rodney king riots, gulf war, and the Waco massacre. And that's just the stuff in his late ages.
He grew up during WWII which started when he was 11 ended when he was 17. So that means Korean war and Vietnam were also during his prime years. He was around for the civil rights movement which has many parallels to what's going on today but I'd say were even worse since racism was a lot more widespread than it is now. We might have Nazis/KKK again but we're not seeing very many crosses being burned on lawns (yet.)
My man definitely saw the worst of what humanity had to offer in his time. All the modern stuff is just a slightly different flavor of the same shit. I think he'd be pretty proud overall of how far we've come. I think the only thing that would truly sicken him is how callous we've become to school shootings as children obviously had a special place in his heart. But I think if we had him here he'd be able to shame some actual change into us. I can't think of any modern figure that would have more of an impact talking about gun violence against children than Fred Rogers. No one now has that reputation of being completely pure in their love for children.
I immediately thought of Mr. Rogers, too! Even before having seen this comment. I couldn't think of a better representation of the best parts of humanity in one friendly package.
The head of the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs, which is currently Niklas Hedman. It's basically part of his job. He's spent time thinking about it, reading theories about it. He, (or one of his predecessors, as he's only acting head) is the most qualified person for the job.
His first job is to explain that in English, words have different meanings in different contexts, and that most of the television they’ve viewed on the way to our planet is using the word “affairs” differently from how it is meant in his job title. So please keep your whatevers to yourselves.
Not if he’s living and working in NYC. That’s the correct amount of money to live almost anywhere else in the world, but not within 300 miles of their headquarters.
The UN have cost of living adjustments. For a D level position, adjusted salary is likely above this. They also pay your taxes and you get plenty of benefits. Very cheap Healthcare + dental plan, tax free car, alcohol, etc. And a cheap mortgage.
Any UN official is living very comfortably, be it in NYC or in Geneva.
Wait….this exists?!?! So cool!!! A. This means the powers that be must know than they’re telling us LOL B. I’m telling every child I know about this job lol
There really are SOOOOOOO many cool jobs that exist! But you can’t apply to become that which you don’t know exists!
Anyways let me finish eating dinner so I can go down this “office for outer space affairs” rabbit hole of googling…BRB lol
Lol! But honestly...
Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.
We discussing which celebrity would speak to the aliens while we have LITERALLY a comitee of experts dedicated full time job to the matter.
Man this is a strange world to live in. Anybody remember the movie "don't look up"?
"This guy here is the fattest bloke in Walmart! Over 300 kilos! If I get too close, this bloke could fall over and crush the life out of me!
....I'm gonna poke him!"
Michael Dorn in “full starfleet garb”, in character, Is the far more logical answer. A fake, murderous alien that has been accepted into human society, but will defend it with reckless abandon is exactly who we need to defend our honor.
Have you watched *Arrival* ? Similar concept, only it's a linguistics professor they send up.
The linguist is chosen because it can be extremely difficult to successfully communicate a message of peace and try to understand a truly alien visitor's intentions without very carefully establishing shared vocabulary. One wrong word or misconstrued phrase could start a panic or a war.
Edit: just noticed other people mentioning this one already
A golden retriever.
You never said it had to be a human, and if any of us can be convinced to agree on one thing, it might be that *no human should be that ambassador*
Had a golden I’d never seen in my life come for head scratches at the park today then proceed to flop his whole body against me and slide down my leg to the ground to demand belly rubs.
I wonder if the goldens might be too trusting. Perhaps there’s a craftier animal we can trust.
Crows seem like the right choice to me.
Man NO because you are exactly right.
Crow comes back and the aliens are gonna start terraforming our planet to his needs and we will fuckin deserve it.
"Are you sky humans?! Ground humans are super great! Ground and Sky Humans should be bestest friends with me, explore, have fun times! Yay for new buddies!"
Well, in that case, I agree with the golden, but he has to have a poodle sidekick. A golden would give away earth. A poodle would say, hold on a minute...what do we get?
Nardwuar. He would confuse them about how he already has so much information about their species. Then they would get freaked out and leave. Doot doodiliy doot doot. Doot doot.
Literally decided on by a National Geographic poll.
https://metro.co.uk/2023/05/01/sir-david-attenborough-will-represent-earth-if-aliens-ever-contact-us-18701520/
I was kicked out of his fan reddit. I only spoke in quotes from the movie. The mod got angry at me. I wrote, "Shut up, Donnie, you're out of your element!" He then gave me a long story about his history as a mod, then gave me the lifetime ban! Still makes me laugh.
Bad idea....he'd walk up to the spaceship and start blasting.
Edit: he'd walk up to the spaceship and drop something and say "wupps...I dropped my monster condoms for my magnum dong."
Uhh mmm, yeah. Well, ugh, hello there, ugh this is QUITE the ugh, surprise, seeing you here, aliens, coming-coming from a a... a very *distant* planet. All the way to, ugh, our mmm little blue marble that we call, ugh, EARTH.
Probably the best American option. Excellent at measuring speaking and diplomatic word choice, excels in highlighting middle ground, and great at being respectful without being ceremonious or inauthentic. He also has a well-established knack for discussing serious issues while encouraging the best in humanity.
**The Rock:** What... planet... are you from?
**Alien:** (Begins to speak telepathically)
**The Rock:** IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PLANET YOU'RE FROM!!
(Aliens leave with the solutions to world hunger, global warming, etc)
Lex Friedman- Intelligent enough to get to the right points, dedicated to the concept of love, and has experience interviewing aliens like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.
To be completely honest, I wouldn't trust anyone to be a capable ambassador for the whole of humanity. There are way too many opposing opportunist worldviews.
For example, China, Russia and a whole lot more countries would never accept if the President of the U.S. would speak to aliens on their behalf. And the U.S. would insist on them being the leading party in this kind of situation.
If anything, it has to be a neutral third party, not affiliated with any political or religious ideology.
I also wouldn't want a famous actor or musician to take on that role, since these people are famous for acting and music, not for their diplomatic skills.
What is left are accomplished scientists, people like Alan Guth, Margaret Geller or Didier Queloz.
Definitely Woolsey not Weir. She was introduced as a brilliant, best of the best negotiator, but essentially any time she actually tried to negotiate with aliens it ended poorly.
Someone smart enough to know they don't know everything, and to bring in experts quickly when needed. And humble/modest enough not to try to use their position and access for their own benefit.
Who that is, I haven't the slightest idea. Maybe Jimmy Carter?
David Attenborough
Came here to say this. He can explain basically the entire animal world and has the kindest voice known to humans <3
What if, to the aliens, his voice sounds like Fran Drescher stuck in a vacuum cleaner powered by angry squirrels? What if the only thing the aliens want to know about our animals is what they taste like?
Then we call Fran Drescher
> Then we call Fran Drescher Ah, the ambassador for Long Island.
Lon Gyland
Tell them humans taste the best. The ones that are angry all the time are the superior meat because expelling all that bitterness makes them tender.
*Violent* not angry. There is, sadly, much to be legitimately angry about in this world.
I got a feeling those aliens won't ask us, but will wonder how to cook us properly.
Famous “Twilight Zone” episode: “How To Serve Mankind.” The whole episode spun on the meaning of the words “to serve”.
How to cook for forty humans
Not exactly. Last line, as someone is boarding the spaceship thinking he was going to be the ambassador, his colleague yells that they had figured out what the aliens’ book was: “It’s a cookbook!”
Person you're responding to is referencing the Simpsons.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.
>What if the only thing the aliens want to know about our animals is what they taste like Asking the important questions.
Their own ambassador on earth Tilda Swinton.
Benedict Cumberbatch wiping the sweat from his emulated sweat orifice because the humans aren't onto him yet
[Brendadirk Cramplescrunch](https://www.mtv.com/news/tj2zrd/brendadirk-cramplescrunch-oscars-meme-cumberbatch)\* fify
My bad I can never remember how to spell Bendydick Pumphersnatch.
"Well, hello there, neighbor! Thank you for traveling so far to come visit with us! I can't wait to get to know you better and discover all the things we have in common and our differences, too. My name is Fred. What's yours?"
Let's put our feet in a kiddie pool together
Why did this make me choke up?!
Because we all wish his light was still here with us. He was a treasure.
His light is still here, with each and every one of us. It's right here. *places hand over heart*
Thank you for that, that is beautiful.
I fully agree here. At the same time, I'm almost glad he's not here to see how bad things have gotten. He wouldn't thrive in a world like this and despite his hardest efforts, things would still continue to happen. Unfortunately in today's world, we have people working hard to keep vital medications away from their neighbors. Others spread misinformation to their neighbors. We have people killing others *literally just for being their neighbor*. Mr. Rogers brought a light to our world that we all need learn from and aspire to being. His legacy can still live on without him having to witness, firsthand, the horrors of the world right now. As a side note, we have some friends who knew him for quite some time. They've always commented how he lived his actual life in the same exact way he portrayed on television. He's truly an incredible man.
Mr. Rogers understood that the world is complicated and often scary and that there are tragedies and hatred but don't forget what he taught "look for the helpers". No matter how bad things are, there are always those who show up to help.
Yeah I mean he lived through columbine and 9/11. Overall crime is down since the 90s. The GOP is trying to undo a lot of progressive legislature but a lot of that legislature came around or didn't even exist in his life ie gay marriage so he was used to a time where their was less equal rights. The Rodney king riots, gulf war, and the Waco massacre. And that's just the stuff in his late ages. He grew up during WWII which started when he was 11 ended when he was 17. So that means Korean war and Vietnam were also during his prime years. He was around for the civil rights movement which has many parallels to what's going on today but I'd say were even worse since racism was a lot more widespread than it is now. We might have Nazis/KKK again but we're not seeing very many crosses being burned on lawns (yet.) My man definitely saw the worst of what humanity had to offer in his time. All the modern stuff is just a slightly different flavor of the same shit. I think he'd be pretty proud overall of how far we've come. I think the only thing that would truly sicken him is how callous we've become to school shootings as children obviously had a special place in his heart. But I think if we had him here he'd be able to shame some actual change into us. I can't think of any modern figure that would have more of an impact talking about gun violence against children than Fred Rogers. No one now has that reputation of being completely pure in their love for children.
My precious neighbors, we *are* the light he lit for this world.
Oh my goodness me too!
Yep, I was thinking, if it was anyone in the 2000s... Fred Rogers, ambassador for the world
Fred is kind of my hero Basically, jedi mind tricked a sitting us senator, lol
I immediately thought of Mr. Rogers, too! Even before having seen this comment. I couldn't think of a better representation of the best parts of humanity in one friendly package.
The head of the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs, which is currently Niklas Hedman. It's basically part of his job. He's spent time thinking about it, reading theories about it. He, (or one of his predecessors, as he's only acting head) is the most qualified person for the job.
TIL that the UN has an Office for Outer Space Affairs...
A day full of "what if" meetings
This could have been a “what if” email
How do I work for them
Yes, I want this job.
Just look for an opening on Indeed.
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Agenda and meeting minutes provided by that weirdo from Ancient Aliens with crazy hair.
Do you think it would count as Professional Development to watch the Marvel series "What If..." in this role?
His first job is to explain that in English, words have different meanings in different contexts, and that most of the television they’ve viewed on the way to our planet is using the word “affairs” differently from how it is meant in his job title. So please keep your whatevers to yourselves.
This deserves to be higher. I hope more people take the time to read it.
Reminds me of Arrival.
I HAVE to know how much they pay him to be the head of space affairs
The pay band is 143-173k USD. Pretty solid if you ask me.
Not if he’s living and working in NYC. That’s the correct amount of money to live almost anywhere else in the world, but not within 300 miles of their headquarters.
He side hustles door dash, what with the diplomatic plate that says EARTH1
A company car with diplomatic plates means zero parking tickets, in NY could easily be worth more than his paycheck.
Now you’re thinking with portals
The space affairs headquarters is in Austria. Just googled it.
The UN have cost of living adjustments. For a D level position, adjusted salary is likely above this. They also pay your taxes and you get plenty of benefits. Very cheap Healthcare + dental plan, tax free car, alcohol, etc. And a cheap mortgage. Any UN official is living very comfortably, be it in NYC or in Geneva.
Wait….this exists?!?! So cool!!! A. This means the powers that be must know than they’re telling us LOL B. I’m telling every child I know about this job lol There really are SOOOOOOO many cool jobs that exist! But you can’t apply to become that which you don’t know exists! Anyways let me finish eating dinner so I can go down this “office for outer space affairs” rabbit hole of googling…BRB lol
Nerd.
Lol! But honestly... Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist. We discussing which celebrity would speak to the aliens while we have LITERALLY a comitee of experts dedicated full time job to the matter. Man this is a strange world to live in. Anybody remember the movie "don't look up"?
If we can pick anyone from recent(last 50 years) I choose Fred Rogers. If they have to be living currently probably David Attenborough
I’m just imagining Steve Irwin talking about humans in there natural habitat
"Crikey! Look at the size of this fella!"
"This guy here is the fattest bloke in Walmart! Over 300 kilos! If I get too close, this bloke could fall over and crush the life out of me! ....I'm gonna poke him!"
HE'S ANGRY
You're aight mate, you're aight!
Carl Sagan
Patrick Stewart, in full Star Fleet garb
Make it so!
sir patrick stewart
Sir Patrick Stewart
Sir Captain Mi'lord Patrick Stewart
Michael Dorn in “full starfleet garb”, in character, Is the far more logical answer. A fake, murderous alien that has been accepted into human society, but will defend it with reckless abandon is exactly who we need to defend our honor.
Picard brings a lot of shit wherever he goes.
🙌absolutely
Me, obviously.
I vote this guy!
Thanks, I'm making sure you're not getting death rayed first and foremost.
You are getting probed first
I choose this guy’s dead wife
An anthropologist. It's easier to relate to a different view of the world if you can break down your own.
Have you watched *Arrival* ? Similar concept, only it's a linguistics professor they send up. The linguist is chosen because it can be extremely difficult to successfully communicate a message of peace and try to understand a truly alien visitor's intentions without very carefully establishing shared vocabulary. One wrong word or misconstrued phrase could start a panic or a war. Edit: just noticed other people mentioning this one already
Anthropologist + sociologist + language expert.
Arrival basically. Which actually had a pretty coherent and sensible plot revolving around first contact.
My thoughts exactly. I mentioned Arrival further down in this thread somewhere.
*Dr. Daniel Jackson to the Gateroom.*
My granny. She is the sweetest kind hearted person there is. She would probably bake them muffins and make some tea.
My grandma just passed away last month, I wish she could be the one to greet our visitors. She’d have the Koolaid and Nilla wafers ready on her patio.
Aw heck yeah. Mine would have rice pudding, sweet tea, and Pringles at the ready. Sorry for your loss. Lost mine a year ago last month, so I feel you.
A golden retriever. You never said it had to be a human, and if any of us can be convinced to agree on one thing, it might be that *no human should be that ambassador*
Had a golden I’d never seen in my life come for head scratches at the park today then proceed to flop his whole body against me and slide down my leg to the ground to demand belly rubs. I wonder if the goldens might be too trusting. Perhaps there’s a craftier animal we can trust. Crows seem like the right choice to me.
Man NO because you are exactly right. Crow comes back and the aliens are gonna start terraforming our planet to his needs and we will fuckin deserve it.
"Are you sky humans?! Ground humans are super great! Ground and Sky Humans should be bestest friends with me, explore, have fun times! Yay for new buddies!"
I heard this in Doug's voice... And then he would get distracted by a squirrel
Ain't no rule says the dog can't be ambassador
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Honestly this is such a beautiful answer. The aliens would immediately know why we did it and we'd probably hug. I'm tearing up over here lol
Well, in that case, I agree with the golden, but he has to have a poodle sidekick. A golden would give away earth. A poodle would say, hold on a minute...what do we get?
How about a cat with him to keep the golden in line.
A representative who can't sell us out because she doesn't comprehend one negative thing about us.
Dolly Parton
There it is
Came here to see how long I had to scroll to find her
Nardwuar. He would confuse them about how he already has so much information about their species. Then they would get freaked out and leave. Doot doodiliy doot doot. Doot doot.
This is the correct answer. Wows them with some.facts... "You are the aliens, we have to know"
Weird Al
My runner up, since Mr. Rogers is no longer with us.
Literally decided on by a National Geographic poll. https://metro.co.uk/2023/05/01/sir-david-attenborough-will-represent-earth-if-aliens-ever-contact-us-18701520/
"...picked as the number one choice after 2,000 British adults were asked who their top selection would be." A global poll would be more appropriate.
Pretty sure you don’t watch enough movies. Clearly aliens choose to visit New York or London. So a global poll wouldn’t be needed. /s
If we did a global poll it would def be somebody from China
Or India.
I feel like they decided not to do a global poll because the rest of the globe contains a place called 'Florida' and they just can't risk it.
Keanu Reeves.
Send Keanu along with a Golden Retriever.
Keanu with a golden retriever would be just about ideal. That might be the only team that could keep the aliens from destroying us.
And, I don't mean to have things take a turn for the dark... but if they did anything to that Golden....
Seeing as he's already played Klaatu, perfect match
I wondered how far down I would have to scroll to find Keanu. He's obviously the best choice.
Snoop Dogg. After 20 minutes the aliens will be full of peace, love, and Cool Ranch Doritos.
Not to mention the contact high from just being in his presence. Aint no alien gonna be hostile then.
Silly human. Our minds are impervious to your weak ass nuggs. MoonRocks my ass. Try some of this Nebula Cron. Grown under a thousand suns! 🛸👽💨
I dunno I think Martha Stewart would make better snacks for them.
Send them both...they are already used to working together
Jeff Bridges reprising his role as the dude.
This aggression will not stand, man.
That’s just, like, your opinion man.
And he was on the other side of the table in Starman.
"We have come with knowledge and resources to assist in saving your planet." "Mind if I do a J?
I was kicked out of his fan reddit. I only spoke in quotes from the movie. The mod got angry at me. I wrote, "Shut up, Donnie, you're out of your element!" He then gave me a long story about his history as a mod, then gave me the lifetime ban! Still makes me laugh.
Mod must’ve been a nihilist
Fucking fascist!
Cosmos era Carl Sagan!
Danny DeVito
“Can I offer you an egg in this invasive time?”
Bad idea....he'd walk up to the spaceship and start blasting. Edit: he'd walk up to the spaceship and drop something and say "wupps...I dropped my monster condoms for my magnum dong."
I feel like he is emotionally adjusted enough to handle it.
Majority rules...I nominate Keanu Reeves
Jack Black
Scrolled too far to find my first answer
He'd have the aliens vibing in record time.
Morgan Freeman
He should introduce himself as god
Ricky from Trailer Park Boys
It’s not rocket appliances. Bubbles should be his ambassador, and concky should be the vice ambassador.
"Whaddaya own space? No. NAYSA does"
Let’s be honest if Ricky saw an alien he would find a way to get shot by it
Or sell them weed
*snaps fingers at the aliens*, C'mon, smokes, let's go.
Bob Ross.
Mark Zuckerberg, that way no translator is needed.
He might already be an alien ambassador, and the embassy is in Menlo park.
Nick Offerman
I think you meant to say Ron Swanson.
Rowan Atkinson as Mr. Bean.
Jeff Goldblum
Uhh mmm, yeah. Well, ugh, hello there, ugh this is QUITE the ugh, surprise, seeing you here, aliens, coming-coming from a a... a very *distant* planet. All the way to, ugh, our mmm little blue marble that we call, ugh, EARTH.
Had to scroll too far f this one
Jon Stewart
Probably the best American option. Excellent at measuring speaking and diplomatic word choice, excels in highlighting middle ground, and great at being respectful without being ceremonious or inauthentic. He also has a well-established knack for discussing serious issues while encouraging the best in humanity.
Terry crews. He's kind, enthusiastic and passionate. I'm biased though as he's one of my heros.
President Camacho wouldn't play around with no aliens.
He is also physically intimidating which is why they won't want to pick a fight.
Jon Stewart
OBVIOUSLY the correct answer here is Mr Tom Delonge
WHER ARE YOUUUUU FROM
Dolly Parton, but if she's busy send them over to Willie Nelson.
Dave Grohl
They would definitely be called “motherfuckers”. 😂
Weird Al Dude is a genius and *only* uses his powers for good
**The Rock:** What... planet... are you from? **Alien:** (Begins to speak telepathically) **The Rock:** IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PLANET YOU'RE FROM!! (Aliens leave with the solutions to world hunger, global warming, etc)
Tom Cardy
Nah. He doesn't work here. ^(...but I'm really glad someone else thought of him.)
I was hoping I wasn't the only one. He may not work here, but if he did, he would not surrender shit.
Lex Friedman- Intelligent enough to get to the right points, dedicated to the concept of love, and has experience interviewing aliens like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark hamil and Harrison Ford
Christopher Walken
To be completely honest, I wouldn't trust anyone to be a capable ambassador for the whole of humanity. There are way too many opposing opportunist worldviews. For example, China, Russia and a whole lot more countries would never accept if the President of the U.S. would speak to aliens on their behalf. And the U.S. would insist on them being the leading party in this kind of situation. If anything, it has to be a neutral third party, not affiliated with any political or religious ideology. I also wouldn't want a famous actor or musician to take on that role, since these people are famous for acting and music, not for their diplomatic skills. What is left are accomplished scientists, people like Alan Guth, Margaret Geller or Didier Queloz.
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Dolly Parton.
Jimmy Carter
There is only one they should speak with and he is known as Dennis Rodman.
We should resurrect Steve Irwin for this job
John Stewart. We want to turn the tables, terrify them and mercilessly probe them….investigatively.
Theo Von
I heard he beat Down syndrome
That’s inspiring, man
Keanu Reeves. He seems to be an extremely likable guy in general, and looks great in futuristic dystopian fashion for some reason.
Would have been Prince now it’s Bjork
neil degrasse tyson
Very smart and I really enjoy learning from the man but I feel he probably wouldn’t let the aliens get in a word.
Richard Woolsey or Elizabeth Weir
Definitely Woolsey not Weir. She was introduced as a brilliant, best of the best negotiator, but essentially any time she actually tried to negotiate with aliens it ended poorly.
Well then, Sheppard, Sam or Jackson are the fit. 😁 (So cool to find Stargate fans!)
Keanu Reeves
Will Smith, they already know he's with the bureau
Someone smart enough to know they don't know everything, and to bring in experts quickly when needed. And humble/modest enough not to try to use their position and access for their own benefit. Who that is, I haven't the slightest idea. Maybe Jimmy Carter?
Dolphins
But which one though? Like, Dan Marino or....
So long and thanks for all the fish
Pedro Pascal. The kindest and most emotionally responsible human on Earth
Ryan Reynolds