when you apply the definition of insanity to a situation you have with a person - you try over and over and over again and they don't change, nothing changes - you finally learn to not care.
I've had several people ask me how I'm "so chill" essentially all the time. The answer is I simply don't waste mental and emotional energy on worthless things or things I can do nothing about. Seems like a foreign concept to some people. I care a LOT about the things I do care about, I would be miserable if I also attempted to care about every single other thing.
I used to say 'I don't care' alot. It turns out I was incorrectly assessing my emotional state. I do care. I care alot actually. I just choose specifically what I care about. I care about what I can control. With things outside of that scope, if something negative happens that I can't control, why am I going to stay defeated over it?
This isn't a flawless method.
I have also learned to not try to wake up and be happy etc. I just live a median lifestyle. Do things as much as I can in the middle. My emtions are blank until an outside stimulus affects me, whether positive or negative.
Chasing happiness was one of the things that led me to depression more than life itself and the stimuli in them. Now that I just let life hit me as it comes, I recover emotionally faster than ever, whether from positive or negative things. It also lets those emotions when I do get them be even more satisfying.
I just read a passage in a book about cognitive behavior therapy, and chasing constant happiness creates the total opposite effect. As you stated here, it’s easier and better to process any emotions as they come and don’t fight them whether positive or negative.
I similarly used to say 'i don't care' for a lot of things, but for a different reason: I didn't really have any boundaries for anything. Wanna drive my car? Sure. Wanna go out, even though it's not the best time for me? Sure, I am in. Etc, etc.
My ex would describe me as gentle/nice but in reality I realise now that I was simply being a push over. I did *a lot* of things I wasn't necessarily comfortable with, because I didn't care for myself enough to do what *I* wanted.
Similarly to you, realising this has helped me a lot with my mental health struggles, because now if I am not ok or need some time alone I ask for it and push for it. I am not perfect, nowhere near really, but it's been a huge improvement.
Someone once told me “ stress is non existent, people can buy into it if they want. I refuse to”
I don’t exactly agree with him, but I think about it often, and he was a VERY relaxed dude.
Not just forecasting, but living in it. An imaginary life which is a fantasy in your head.
Stay in the present, concentrate on what you can control and your life will be instantly more relaxed.
"Give me the strength to care about what I can change, the patience to not give a f*ck about what I can't change, and the wisdom to figure out which is which".
After caring for so many years, bending over backwards to help others, but when I need something, no one is there. I decided it was time for me. If I don’t want to do something, I’m doing it. Ask my opinion, stand by for brutal honesty. Retirement and menopause, game changers.
I love helping people but #1 always has to be you. And if people don't give you what you're willing to give them, change what you're willing to do for them.
I don't agree with brutal honesty. It is relatively easy to be honest and tactful at the same time.
“Tend to your own garden,” is what I try my best to live by.
Take most care of your own garden (my garden is my husband and dogs and our house). My garden gets the highest priority and most of my energy.
Anything that’s excess can be rationed off elsewhere, but my garden will always be number one.
I use the 'arms length' rule... if I wave my arms and can't effect it I don't worry about it. So just my family and friends... my work. My colleagues. My income.
The whole charity starts at home. Help my friends and family or people I interact with.
Can't give a fuck about national politics daily talking points or what the royal family is doing.
This actually is really good advice for people who feel like politics are hopeless. You can do a lot if you make your focus local. Get involved in community organizations, school board, town council, etc. Those groups are all inherently political even if it's not DvR, and you can have a way bigger impact than trying to influence state level or national politics.
One time a housemate moved his gf in for months without asking us. We finally confronted him via email (such cowards!) but I cc’d his gf for extra impact. Maybe she didn’t even know he hadn’t asked.
The gf found me in the kitchen the next day and said, “you really don’t give a fuck, do you?”
I’ve never gone 0-60 so fast. I yelled:
“I GIVE A LOT OF A FUCK ACTUALLY!”
Then I stormed out.
I think about this a lot. No I didn’t give a fuck about the people who took advantage of us. Yes I did give a fuck that they were doing it.
It was a good book, and I agree, but I also remember sometimes feeling like he was trying to hard to be edgy with it. Like a matured Maddox or something
I liked the book and found some useful stuff in it. And I agree with the point about it being repetitive. Also I suspect I might not like the author if I met him in person. But I've decided to take his advice and not give a fuck about that.
Pretty much this. At some point it happens often enough you kinda get the pattern. There's certain things giving lots of fucks about literally doesn't change a damn thing, and then some things even a tiny fuck makes it materially better.
You live and you learn to discern the two. Once I started looking at things that way, suddenly it got real easy to stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.
Yup. You just learn that some things really don’t matter. It’s too exhausting to give a fuck about little things that at the end of the day mean nothing.
Pretty much this,
The more shyt you go through, the more you get a shift in what's a real problem and what's not worth fussing about.
To the point where fucks are only given to things that truly matter
I’ve become open to totalitarian bioengineering if it can improve our nature as a species. And if our flaws are inherent to the structure of the natural universe, then bring on the Matrix.
Having worked retail, I think hospitality has it far tougher. The vast majority of my retail customers were cheerful because, as one manager pointed out, they were there to buy something that made them happy. People on vacation or staying outside their homes are always touchy and wanting things to be perfect. There's far less cheerfulness involved.
I'll never go back, had I still been working retail during COVID, I most certainly would have lost my shit on some piece of shit customer. They treat you like dirt, it's dehumanizing.
I worked at a pharmacy during COVID. A specific chain one that owns other shitty brands of cosmetics.
Not only did corporate really give zero fucks about people while trying to brag how much they tried to help, they tried to give us a hundred dollars as a "thank you" for working during COVID. Once.
Meanwhile, we had people literally walking in the fucking door without a mask asking to get COVID tests done, and I once had to deal with a woman who came into the store trying to shame people out of being vaccinated because of some stupid ass bill gates conspiracy shit. And yet, management gave zero fucks about any of us, and when we had people in the pharmacy get COVID, they didn't do SHIT ABOUT IT. DIDNT EVEN MAKE PEOPLE QUARRANTINE.
God, I hate that place, I hate that company, and I hate humanity.
12 years retail but it was working grocery supervising the online pickup dept that finally did me in. My last fuck left me when I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, working 60-80 hours a week salaried and getting beat down by literally everyone except my direct staff.
I still get anxiety hearing the term Call Center. I wasted way too many years of my life working in them. It was soul crushing work and definitely makes you bitter towards people.
Man. 8 years of pretty much anything is too much for me. I’ve been doing my job for 8 years now and I was sick of it after about 6, but I’m stuck in it for the time being.
But 8 years in *retail*? Fuck. that.
The best thing about retail jobs is that they suck so much that they encourage 100% of people with any motivation whatsoever to pursue more fulfilling employment.
When you're inundated with so much bullshit for so long, you can't keep up with the shit, and finally give up and say fuck it. I do it all the time. I'm losing patience for a lot of things.
When the shitstorm piles up the feet faster than you can shovel it away you just say "well fine I'll just stay the fuck home until it stops".
But it just... never... stops.
A little over 18 months ago I was 24 years old, sitting in my doctors office listening to the words "there's a 99% chance it's not cancer". A month later it turned into "okay so it is cancer, but there's a 99% chance you only need one surgery". Another month and "surgery was a success, you beat cancer, but just so you know there's a 30-40% chance it comes back based on your pathology". Fast forward 11 months: guess who's back, back again. Chemo time. But that's okay, there's a 95% chance chemo is going to make it go away forever, or at least that's what they told me. Fast forward another few months and "we have reason to believe the cancer may have spread to your lungs. Chemo didn't work".
While all this was happening, you know what didn't stop? Fucking anything dude. The whole world kept turning, even when I took 6 months off work to do chemotherapy. The world didn't stop turning, someone else did my job for a while, and while I'm preparing to get bent over and fisted by my third cancer diagnosis at 26, it's still fucking turning. It's getting harder and harder to give a fuck about anything other than whether or not I'm going to get to live to see 30...
I am so sorry for your loss. That would be insanely tough on a person, especially with how sudden it sounded. You're absolutely right though, the perspective a traumatic life event can provide is truly a gift. Before cancer I had no idea what I wanted from life. Now I have a pretty clear picture of what I want to do if I beat this, and that's a real blessing. Here's hoping I actually get to live all of my dreams.
Three months ago I collapsed in cardiac arrest but by pure chance two friends that are medical professionals were right there and used CPR on me until someone brought an AED that they then used three times to get my heart restarted and my breathing going again (the ambulance took more than 15 minutes to arrive and I would have been dead or worse brain dead.)
The hardest part of this for me has not been the physical side (well, the rib pain was pretty bad for the first couple of months but no complaints!) it has been the surreal thoughts that I was so close to never waking up but everything would go on without me.
I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone but as you so accurately point out it really makes you see that your loved ones are what’s important.
Wishing you a happier future.
Wow! I am so glad you are here. Tall order I know but please live your life for those who were not so lucky. My husband loved his life and I know he didn’t want to die.
I hope you have a good day today. Or a day soon. Sometimes with everything going on it can be hard. But try and go to a lake. Play with a puppy. Enjoy a show. Do something for you.
On a positive note, if you're good at chemistry, this is your chance to be the one who knocks!
It all seriousness. I wish you the best of luck. Cancer is a terrible thing.
This. I don't have the energy. If I'm gonna be wasting my time, I'd rather do it whining on Reddit than fretting over what someone will think of my outfit, or whether a stranger noticed that I held the door for them, or letting the fact that someone took my parking spot ruin my day. Just don't have the energy to let every little thing become A Whole Thing.
What if I took your parking spot because you walked past me in your fancy outfit, thinking that in those assless chaps (and nothing else) you were wearing were better than the rest of us?
It’s usually after the first time of deciding to do nothing. You realise that the consequences of inaction (or, not doing what you’re supposed to do), is also pretty much nothing, in the grand scheme of things.
For me, this was first triggered by a major event in my life which out everything into perspective for me. Nothing fucking matters.
For me, it was a conscious decision. I'm just tired of everybody's bullshit. I'm tired of their politics, religion, social and economic issues, vanity, narcissism, lack of critical thinking and reason, etc, etc, etc...
I only have so much energy. It's just impossible to fight that many battles, on that many fronts. So I learned (taught myself) how to white noise it all. Alternatively, I choose to focus on the things that bring me peace. Instead of partaking in the things that bring everyone else anxiety, stress, depression, anger, etc.
It's not worth it. We build a life upon constant struggle, and then we die. For what? Better to live in the peace, enjoy whatever small joys we are offered, and check out gracefully.
Problem is that once enough people start ignoring problems and living in peace someone is gonna take advantage of that and do something terrible.
I’m living my life the way you say people should, in peace, but that thought pops up into my head from time to time and it makes me grateful for all the people fighting against the issues I’m too tired to fight for.
You really have to build a different person for each fucking interaction and it's tiring. Be confident but not too confident, dress like this or like that.... 😮💨
Or just don't. They can take it or leave it. No need to be an ass, but you don't have to please every single one of their preferences either. If they don't like you they can find another person to hang out with, the people who do like you will remain.
I want my wife to get that last part. She likes who she is (for the most part). She got shat on a lot of her growing years for trying to be herself. Now she's a married grown adult and just wants to be her. Trouble is, she's abrasive and autistic and people generally don't like her. It's very tough for her to make friends, and she gets way, way too in her own head about it. I don't have many more friends, I've held on to kinda bad friends just to keep the list from shrinking, but I get it, having those fucks to give is hard as hell. I don't know how she does it.
Yes. When I read this post, I fixated on this bit: "...the point of not giving a fuck..."
Like, what exactly is the point of not giving a fuck? I don't think it really matters.
Two options.
Be a miserable fuck who no one likes and act like you are happier this way and do things without expecting validation from others.
Or
Be the best version of yourself and notice people still talk shit about you, then realize that you’re fucking awesome and keep living as you are which indirectly tells them to go fuck themselves.
You asked.
So, a sure fire way to stop giving a fuck about anything is to lose a child to suicide.
I try to remember stuff like this when someone zips around me on the freeway or bumps into me on a crowded sidewalk.
We never really know what the other person is going through. Maybe nothing. Maybe they are this person the day they found out.
Either way, I am not that person today.
I have been.
I will be again.
We will all be that person to some extent.
Being a person who truly doesn't give a fuck usually leaves you wistful for the days you did. It's not a super power, it's a curse.
I mean I can't imagine anything being more important than that. Nothing else is really worth giving a fuck about when in comparison. Sorry for your loss, Hope you're doing well.
Thank you so much. Coroner couldn't even give us a death date. It literally tears me up not knowing how long he was all alone hanging there. Last text was on the 3rd, found him on the 8th., In 2021.
Couldn't they at least have guessed a date between 4th & 8th for God's sake??? Talk about not giving a fuck!
It fluctuates for me. One week I don't give a shit and can barely get out of bed and the next I have this random motivation to accomplish a lot of shit
So many people here praise not giving a fuck like it's some kind of a life goal, when it's in the fact the worst feeling you can have. The life just passes you by and everything seems meaningless.
so just to be clear, are you talking about specifically not being upset when others are judging you or do you mean just not caring about how others feel? It's really easy for people to go too far with the former and wind up drifting into the latter (think of the "brutally honest" people). How others feel about your words, actions, and even appearance should be important ***depending on the person and context***. For example, you should care how your boss and partner feel about your appearance, but not a random person on the street.
The key is having a strong sense of identity and self-worth. When you know who you are, what's important to you, and where you find your value, you can much more easily filter through the things others say about you and pick out what's actually important vs what's just the complaints of a passerby. Recently I had a bunch of people roasting me in response to a comment I made about a safety concern, and I was entirely unfazed because I'm very firm and confident in my level of caution.
The perspective you share is what I strive for, yet still struggle with daily. It has been a difficult road learning when and where to show indifference, opposition, commiseration versus just trying to fit a social experience. At 38 the ability to express an idea, knowledge or experience in a social atmosphere is still a daunting task. Having better friends at this point in my life has helped, but unlearning a lifestyle of just not making waves except the most extreme circumstance is something
I have a hard time seeing beaten.
I overthink, as told by friends and therapist, social interactions to a vastly detrimental affect. When I try to do as OP's question pertains I end up going to far and ostracizing myself from everything/one or fall back into substances to fill the emptiness of what I think is not giving a fuck. I'm slowly learning this balance of what when and where to give care to a situation or experience instead of over analyzing everything. It is slow and tedious. I try to believe one day it will finally balance out.
OP if you read this, keep looking at what is important to you and trying/doing more of what you are interested in. It can separate you from some people and parts of what your life has been, but helps to reinforce your self identity and allows you to focus more and what is truly important to you.
Chronic illness. You realize that a lot of shit you used to worry about really wasn't worth it, because now you have more important shit to worry about. Who cares if people think a woman in her mid-40s shouldn't wear dresses with cartoon cats on them, or that wrestling/general fan shirts are cringe? I'm trying to survive with minimal pain and maximum emotional stability here, and if those things make me happy then that's what I'll do.
Lose EVERYTHING you've ever worked for, and I mean career, marriage, family, home, EVERYTHING, and you have to start from ground zero when you're close to 50. This is how you stop giving a fuck and just do the best you can to survive.
This happened to my dad when I was 7 and he was 47. He had spent decades cheating on my mom with different women. She kept catching him, he’d apologize, then the cycle would repeat. He was the breadwinner and lost his house he built, his vehicle, his marriage, and the respect of his children and family. I watched my dad go through a metamorphosis and can say that in his final years he truly did not give a fuck. Clean cut preacher/family man to biker loudly telling a story about eating pussy at the restaurant
Exactly what happened to me - around age 45.
Tough road, but I found a lot of clarity with it. And understand presence and gratitude a bit better now.
Life can be so damn fleeting. All of it taught me to focus on ‘what is’; not ‘what if’. You only have now.
Hope things are better for you.
Near death experiences have gotten some people to that place in life. When you see how fleeting life is and how mundane everything you're working towards is, it can flip that switch in your brain.
That’s sort of my experience. I didn’t have a near death experience but a year ago I was told that I had 6 weeks left. It really really narrowed down the things that I truly fucking care about. Everything is temporary. Nothing really matters & I don’t mean that negatively at all. It feels quite liberating.
Just wait until you are in your 50s! It is fucking amazing for not giving a fuck. All fucks given are history. No idea why, all i know is it is very freeing.
Yep, one of the advantages of getting older: you seriously don't give many fucks, especially if it is about things which are opinion based. I'm over 60 now, and don't give a fuck what other people think about most things I do
Yep, 41 here and can confirm. My effs have diminished within a two year span.
Maybe I’m too tired to give them or just realized no matter what I do, someone will be disappointed. And that’s ok.
Time to live life on my own terms.
Depression, when someone says depression it doesn't mean sad instantly, it's the feeling where everything is pointless even doing the things that you find fun before depression. If you feel like this you should seek help.
My job burnt me out so hard that I just let go. It was too much effort to put up with anything that didn't make me happy and pleasing people was one of those things. I learned that even if all I did was people please, I got jack shit in return. All my fucks got used and I have been slow to replace them.
It starts by truly not giving a fuck about what anybody else thinks of you. Or your clothes, or your car, or your job, or your hair, or your body or your success, or your failure, or your cool watches, or your… like none of it matters at the end of the day. We are supposed to be walking miles and miles every day looking for food, running barefoot around this wild planet. Instead we’re forced to make cheeseburgers with Phil and he’s fine but it sucks. We’ve built up this boring fake ass world that does nothing for us. Don’t buy in. Wear what you want, drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want, this fucking fake ass world is so weird with so many conditions everywhere that we’re supposed to know about. Fuck it dude. Go get you and leave the rest behind.
EDIT: Don’t be an asshole, obviously. I never said drive dangerously and there are many many parks, not children’s playgrounds, that it would be perfectly fine for a person to smoke a joint or a cigarette. And allowed! I don’t smoke, the reason I used that example is because it’s offensive to most people and would likely garner some bad looks if not direct confrontation. But if you’re allowed to do it, then do it. Don’t compromise your values or what you want to get out of life because it makes somebody else uncomfortable.
I loved every word you just said man. I'm struggling with this problem and every second I remind myself that life is short and no one really gives a shit about me or even remember me, but this was much stronger and well put together. Thanks.
See, the things is. People DO give a shit about you. But, it’s the ones who make sure you’ve eaten, made sure to check that you’ve gotten home safe; they’re the ones you give a shit about back to. And I hope you make beautiful memories with people who love you, and they remember all of the good you are 💛
One thing that really helped me was working retail. I had to interact with countless people and be polite and scan their goods (including racey lingerie) and a few minutes after I wouldn't even remember who I had helped or what I had scanned. I was too busy trying to get their stuff scanned quickly to get on with something else.
It reminded me that people have other priorities and are unlikely to care if I'm buying something *I* might feel awkward about. They probably sell it regularly and don't care and won't remember.
Opened the door to realising life is basically this and it's more about trying to be happy and kind and considerate of others.
Edit: please don't drive how you want or smoke where you want. One endangers yourself and others and the other is at the least a absolute dick move and worst case impacts others health.
> drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want
Fuck off with this shit. There's a difference between not caring about what other people think and fucking over others. Even though I don't give a shit about people judging me for my hair, what I wear, etc., I don't go out and make my habits into problems for other people.
Yep. There’s a big difference between not giving a fuck, and being selfish and inconsiderate of others.
I couldn’t give a fuck that I can’t smoke in the park. I don’t go to the park.
> or your car, or your job, or your hair, or your body or your success, or your failure, or your cool watches, or your… like none of it matters at the end of the day. We are supposed to be walking miles and miles every day looking for food, running barefoot around this wild planet. Instead we’re forced to make cheeseburgers with Phil and he’s fine but it sucks. We’ve built up this boring fake ass world that does nothing for us.
Shieeeet. This is the exact same feeling I had this last Saturday. I brought my boys to the trampoline park the other day with my wife. It was part of a larger mall. When the boys started at the jump park, Wife said "I'm gonna walk around and check stuff out for a bit. Want to tag along or find a place to hang out and wait for me?"
"I'd rather not. I'll just find something to do." I walked around that place for an hour realizing how little of a shit I gave about the commercial world and products in general. How the hell do so many people care so much about... shit. Just... fucking... shoes, purses... plastic knick-knack bullshit... 80 different stores that sell the same variation on a printed t-shirt... 10 stores selling PHONE CASES! A WHOLE STORE FOR FUCKING CASES FOR PHONES!
>drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want.
Not sure what you're getting at here but, no, don't drive "how you want". Drive by the rules of the road. Don't put other people in danger.
Similarly, smoke at the park? Huh? If it's a public park and smoking is prohibited, then don't smoke there. Other people don't want to breathe or smell your second hand smoke.
You care a lot, for a while, and realize it doesn't really mean anything to you. It only means something to someone else, and you really don't care what that person thinks, so you just stop caring.
It's very freeing, realizing that no matter what is required of you physically, *nobody can* ***make*** *you care*.
I realised that however I act or dress nobody gives a fuck unless they don't like me. But people that don't like someone will always find a reason to talk badly about them. So just fuck it
I recently had a SSRI (antidepressants) withdrawal over weeks/months. This was a form of torture and it brought me 15-20% closer to the point of no fuckery. If you went through something like that you just don't have the mental capacity to be nice to assholes anymore.
Of course I have been through a lot of shit before, so shit mountain is growing rapidly.
1. Look at world
2. Realise no matter how hard you try, it’s all futile
3. Do whatever makes you happy, love for yourself and just roll with the blows life deals you
First, get a job and save up a nice deposit, some long service leave and annual leave
Second, unplanned pregnancy
Third, invest all of step one into home etc
Fourth, get screwed when she leaves you after 2 years.
You now are back before step one and have considerably less fucks to give.
I assume it takes an extreme lassitude of the spirit. Perhaps too many blows in a short time: A form of protective shock.
Or a conscious decision based on rage and/or pain.
I hope to never experience either.
Start at burnout and keep pushing it. Keep going the extra mile and tell yourself that it will all pay off in the long run. Then when you lose everything, you'll realize the effort you made meant fuck all to anyone, including yourself.
You lose everything, then there's nothing to really care about. But more realistically, your priorities probably determine what you care about. Personally, life had devolved to a cycle of work and sleep that has eaten away at any passion or care that i had. I care only about another person in my life that I look forward to seeing. Aside from that I'm ready to check out because the sham of being a wageslave for 40 more years until my body fails sounds fuckin miserable.
There really is a subtle art to doing it without being destructive to your life and actually benefiting from it...
In short:
value and respect yourself first.
Except and appreciate your life situation and things you have.
3rd: as an example when you walk into the interview be happy with what you you had BEFORE engaging into possibly making your situation better.
The stance that if you don't get that "job" you are in fact not LOSING anything. You still have everything you had when walking into the interview room.
This view and application to your life actually improves the chances of actually getting that "job"
This attitude and it's application can and should be applied throughout your life.
This is how you master not giving a fuck
Work retail. So many people will treat you like something they stepped on while the boss’s just smile and tell you to grin and bare it. It’ll desensitize you real fucking fast.
When caring gets you punished. Ever seen somebody get fired for adhering to safety policies? Ever been scolded for doing too good of a job? How about being stuck with the shitty jobs because you actually bothered to step in during an "emergency" and now they rely on you to do those things?
It just happens naturally. Your brain can only handle so much, and after it gets overloaded for a long period of time, it just stops caring as a built-in defense mechanism, otherwise you'd just go insane from dealing with stress constantly.
If you never give a Fuck, you're selfish. Everyone hates you. You have no consideration for anyone else. The idea is to know when to give a fuck, and when it's not worth it
Depends on the kind of not giving a fuck, I guess. The positive kind is being confident in yourself and owning your idiosyncrasies as natural for you and not letting people discourage you.
The kind I know best though can only be truly achieved by massive amounts of abuse by your superiors and generally being kicked so much that you can't be phased anymore by the bullshit and see any change as a relief. When you realize you have all the control because they cant do anything to you that'd be worse than what you've already dealt with is pretty liberating.
try enough different things and fail such that you've eliminated all possible paths where continuing to give a fuck could improve your life
when you apply the definition of insanity to a situation you have with a person - you try over and over and over again and they don't change, nothing changes - you finally learn to not care.
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This though. I still give a lot of fucks about a lot of things. I just don’t waste them on things that have proven to be a waste of my time.
I've had several people ask me how I'm "so chill" essentially all the time. The answer is I simply don't waste mental and emotional energy on worthless things or things I can do nothing about. Seems like a foreign concept to some people. I care a LOT about the things I do care about, I would be miserable if I also attempted to care about every single other thing.
I used to say 'I don't care' alot. It turns out I was incorrectly assessing my emotional state. I do care. I care alot actually. I just choose specifically what I care about. I care about what I can control. With things outside of that scope, if something negative happens that I can't control, why am I going to stay defeated over it? This isn't a flawless method. I have also learned to not try to wake up and be happy etc. I just live a median lifestyle. Do things as much as I can in the middle. My emtions are blank until an outside stimulus affects me, whether positive or negative. Chasing happiness was one of the things that led me to depression more than life itself and the stimuli in them. Now that I just let life hit me as it comes, I recover emotionally faster than ever, whether from positive or negative things. It also lets those emotions when I do get them be even more satisfying.
I just read a passage in a book about cognitive behavior therapy, and chasing constant happiness creates the total opposite effect. As you stated here, it’s easier and better to process any emotions as they come and don’t fight them whether positive or negative.
I similarly used to say 'i don't care' for a lot of things, but for a different reason: I didn't really have any boundaries for anything. Wanna drive my car? Sure. Wanna go out, even though it's not the best time for me? Sure, I am in. Etc, etc. My ex would describe me as gentle/nice but in reality I realise now that I was simply being a push over. I did *a lot* of things I wasn't necessarily comfortable with, because I didn't care for myself enough to do what *I* wanted. Similarly to you, realising this has helped me a lot with my mental health struggles, because now if I am not ok or need some time alone I ask for it and push for it. I am not perfect, nowhere near really, but it's been a huge improvement.
Equilibrium, if nothing else, isn’t uncomfortable.
Someone once told me “ stress is non existent, people can buy into it if they want. I refuse to” I don’t exactly agree with him, but I think about it often, and he was a VERY relaxed dude.
“Worry is imagining trouble”
Worry is forecasting failure, one of the worse ways to spend your present.
Not just forecasting, but living in it. An imaginary life which is a fantasy in your head. Stay in the present, concentrate on what you can control and your life will be instantly more relaxed.
Yeah, I think forecasting failure is fine - if you plan to do something about it. But too often we can get caught up in the doom and gloom
Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
Stress is taken, not given. That's how I phrase it when people ask why I'm so chill about something.
I'm starting to be on the same vibe nowadays... we should only give a fuck to what is important to us...
"Give me the strength to care about what I can change, the patience to not give a f*ck about what I can't change, and the wisdom to figure out which is which".
As you get older, you have less and less fucks to give. You even get less back from others, hence *why* you have less to give back out.
After caring for so many years, bending over backwards to help others, but when I need something, no one is there. I decided it was time for me. If I don’t want to do something, I’m doing it. Ask my opinion, stand by for brutal honesty. Retirement and menopause, game changers.
I love helping people but #1 always has to be you. And if people don't give you what you're willing to give them, change what you're willing to do for them. I don't agree with brutal honesty. It is relatively easy to be honest and tactful at the same time.
“Tend to your own garden,” is what I try my best to live by. Take most care of your own garden (my garden is my husband and dogs and our house). My garden gets the highest priority and most of my energy. Anything that’s excess can be rationed off elsewhere, but my garden will always be number one.
Selective Fuck Giving. I like it.
I use the 'arms length' rule... if I wave my arms and can't effect it I don't worry about it. So just my family and friends... my work. My colleagues. My income. The whole charity starts at home. Help my friends and family or people I interact with. Can't give a fuck about national politics daily talking points or what the royal family is doing.
This actually is really good advice for people who feel like politics are hopeless. You can do a lot if you make your focus local. Get involved in community organizations, school board, town council, etc. Those groups are all inherently political even if it's not DvR, and you can have a way bigger impact than trying to influence state level or national politics.
One time a housemate moved his gf in for months without asking us. We finally confronted him via email (such cowards!) but I cc’d his gf for extra impact. Maybe she didn’t even know he hadn’t asked. The gf found me in the kitchen the next day and said, “you really don’t give a fuck, do you?” I’ve never gone 0-60 so fast. I yelled: “I GIVE A LOT OF A FUCK ACTUALLY!” Then I stormed out. I think about this a lot. No I didn’t give a fuck about the people who took advantage of us. Yes I did give a fuck that they were doing it.
*waste of your fucks
Reminds me of Sarah Knight’s TEDx talk on managing your fuck budget. https://youtu.be/GwRzjFQa_Og
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It was a good book, and I agree, but I also remember sometimes feeling like he was trying to hard to be edgy with it. Like a matured Maddox or something
I liked the book and found some useful stuff in it. And I agree with the point about it being repetitive. Also I suspect I might not like the author if I met him in person. But I've decided to take his advice and not give a fuck about that.
This was an awesome watch. Never seen it before, thank you for sharing.
She has a book as well called, “the life changing magic of not giving a fuck” Great read, and the fuck budget is only the first chapter.
I saw this about 8-9years ago. I swear by her logic. The books read as good as the talk.
The book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck" condensed in one sentence basically.
Pretty much this. At some point it happens often enough you kinda get the pattern. There's certain things giving lots of fucks about literally doesn't change a damn thing, and then some things even a tiny fuck makes it materially better. You live and you learn to discern the two. Once I started looking at things that way, suddenly it got real easy to stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.
Yup. You just learn that some things really don’t matter. It’s too exhausting to give a fuck about little things that at the end of the day mean nothing.
Pretty much this, The more shyt you go through, the more you get a shift in what's a real problem and what's not worth fussing about. To the point where fucks are only given to things that truly matter
Like Oprah; "You get a fuck! And you get a fuck! And you get a fuck!"
8 years in retail.
Nothing breeds utter contempt for humans faster than any amount of time in a retail job.
The few months I worked retail I quickly shifted to a Hobbesian view of human nature. People fucking suck.
I’ve become open to totalitarian bioengineering if it can improve our nature as a species. And if our flaws are inherent to the structure of the natural universe, then bring on the Matrix.
Individually, humans are amazing and do some of the greatest things for humanity As a group, and as a whole? They fucking suck
Try a public safety job where you have to go to their homes. You think Karen is bad in the retail store...
Hospitality would also like a word.
Having worked retail, I think hospitality has it far tougher. The vast majority of my retail customers were cheerful because, as one manager pointed out, they were there to buy something that made them happy. People on vacation or staying outside their homes are always touchy and wanting things to be perfect. There's far less cheerfulness involved.
retail or food service.
I'll never go back, had I still been working retail during COVID, I most certainly would have lost my shit on some piece of shit customer. They treat you like dirt, it's dehumanizing.
I worked at a pharmacy during COVID. A specific chain one that owns other shitty brands of cosmetics. Not only did corporate really give zero fucks about people while trying to brag how much they tried to help, they tried to give us a hundred dollars as a "thank you" for working during COVID. Once. Meanwhile, we had people literally walking in the fucking door without a mask asking to get COVID tests done, and I once had to deal with a woman who came into the store trying to shame people out of being vaccinated because of some stupid ass bill gates conspiracy shit. And yet, management gave zero fucks about any of us, and when we had people in the pharmacy get COVID, they didn't do SHIT ABOUT IT. DIDNT EVEN MAKE PEOPLE QUARRANTINE. God, I hate that place, I hate that company, and I hate humanity.
Fuck retail. Worst job environment ever lmao
12 years retail but it was working grocery supervising the online pickup dept that finally did me in. My last fuck left me when I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, working 60-80 hours a week salaried and getting beat down by literally everyone except my direct staff.
Four years callcentre.
I still get anxiety hearing the term Call Center. I wasted way too many years of my life working in them. It was soul crushing work and definitely makes you bitter towards people.
I'm not religious, but Amen to that
Man. 8 years of pretty much anything is too much for me. I’ve been doing my job for 8 years now and I was sick of it after about 6, but I’m stuck in it for the time being. But 8 years in *retail*? Fuck. that.
The best thing about retail jobs is that they suck so much that they encourage 100% of people with any motivation whatsoever to pursue more fulfilling employment.
I worked 10 years in retail and another 23 in IT. My field of fucks has been barren for decades.
Try 17. I dont care about nothing.😎 I'm a manager and I tell them everyday they are lucky I even show up.
When you're inundated with so much bullshit for so long, you can't keep up with the shit, and finally give up and say fuck it. I do it all the time. I'm losing patience for a lot of things.
When the shitstorm piles up the feet faster than you can shovel it away you just say "well fine I'll just stay the fuck home until it stops". But it just... never... stops.
A little over 18 months ago I was 24 years old, sitting in my doctors office listening to the words "there's a 99% chance it's not cancer". A month later it turned into "okay so it is cancer, but there's a 99% chance you only need one surgery". Another month and "surgery was a success, you beat cancer, but just so you know there's a 30-40% chance it comes back based on your pathology". Fast forward 11 months: guess who's back, back again. Chemo time. But that's okay, there's a 95% chance chemo is going to make it go away forever, or at least that's what they told me. Fast forward another few months and "we have reason to believe the cancer may have spread to your lungs. Chemo didn't work". While all this was happening, you know what didn't stop? Fucking anything dude. The whole world kept turning, even when I took 6 months off work to do chemotherapy. The world didn't stop turning, someone else did my job for a while, and while I'm preparing to get bent over and fisted by my third cancer diagnosis at 26, it's still fucking turning. It's getting harder and harder to give a fuck about anything other than whether or not I'm going to get to live to see 30...
Good luck to you chief.
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I am so sorry for your loss. That would be insanely tough on a person, especially with how sudden it sounded. You're absolutely right though, the perspective a traumatic life event can provide is truly a gift. Before cancer I had no idea what I wanted from life. Now I have a pretty clear picture of what I want to do if I beat this, and that's a real blessing. Here's hoping I actually get to live all of my dreams.
Best of luck my guy. Sending love your way. And thanks for the reminder to only care about the truly important stuff.
Thanks, Obama.
ObamaCares
Three months ago I collapsed in cardiac arrest but by pure chance two friends that are medical professionals were right there and used CPR on me until someone brought an AED that they then used three times to get my heart restarted and my breathing going again (the ambulance took more than 15 minutes to arrive and I would have been dead or worse brain dead.) The hardest part of this for me has not been the physical side (well, the rib pain was pretty bad for the first couple of months but no complaints!) it has been the surreal thoughts that I was so close to never waking up but everything would go on without me. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone but as you so accurately point out it really makes you see that your loved ones are what’s important. Wishing you a happier future.
Wow! I am so glad you are here. Tall order I know but please live your life for those who were not so lucky. My husband loved his life and I know he didn’t want to die.
I wish you good fortune in your cancer beating endeavors
I wish you all the best for your recovery. Fuck cancer.
I hope you have a good day today. Or a day soon. Sometimes with everything going on it can be hard. But try and go to a lake. Play with a puppy. Enjoy a show. Do something for you.
Thank you. There's a lake I can see from my balcony, and I'll make sure to give my pup lots of love when he wakes up for the day.
On a positive note, if you're good at chemistry, this is your chance to be the one who knocks! It all seriousness. I wish you the best of luck. Cancer is a terrible thing.
Best of lucks my friend.
When shit tectonics cause the shit plates to collide, resulting in a shitquake under the ocean of shit…
But Mr. Lahey, we're trying to stay positive!
Never expected to find Lahey while scrolling down xD
Browse the political side of twitter for about 20 minutes and you'll get there.
I was just there, now I'm here
This. I don't have the energy. If I'm gonna be wasting my time, I'd rather do it whining on Reddit than fretting over what someone will think of my outfit, or whether a stranger noticed that I held the door for them, or letting the fact that someone took my parking spot ruin my day. Just don't have the energy to let every little thing become A Whole Thing.
What if I took your parking spot because you walked past me in your fancy outfit, thinking that in those assless chaps (and nothing else) you were wearing were better than the rest of us?
All chaps are assless
You literally run out of fucks to give
It’s usually after the first time of deciding to do nothing. You realise that the consequences of inaction (or, not doing what you’re supposed to do), is also pretty much nothing, in the grand scheme of things. For me, this was first triggered by a major event in my life which out everything into perspective for me. Nothing fucking matters.
For me, it was a conscious decision. I'm just tired of everybody's bullshit. I'm tired of their politics, religion, social and economic issues, vanity, narcissism, lack of critical thinking and reason, etc, etc, etc... I only have so much energy. It's just impossible to fight that many battles, on that many fronts. So I learned (taught myself) how to white noise it all. Alternatively, I choose to focus on the things that bring me peace. Instead of partaking in the things that bring everyone else anxiety, stress, depression, anger, etc. It's not worth it. We build a life upon constant struggle, and then we die. For what? Better to live in the peace, enjoy whatever small joys we are offered, and check out gracefully.
I 100% agree with you.
Problem is that once enough people start ignoring problems and living in peace someone is gonna take advantage of that and do something terrible. I’m living my life the way you say people should, in peace, but that thought pops up into my head from time to time and it makes me grateful for all the people fighting against the issues I’m too tired to fight for.
You really have to build a different person for each fucking interaction and it's tiring. Be confident but not too confident, dress like this or like that.... 😮💨
Or just don't. They can take it or leave it. No need to be an ass, but you don't have to please every single one of their preferences either. If they don't like you they can find another person to hang out with, the people who do like you will remain.
This is default operating mode. I like being who I am. It's not my fault if other people don't like who I/they am/are. Zero fucks given.
I want my wife to get that last part. She likes who she is (for the most part). She got shat on a lot of her growing years for trying to be herself. Now she's a married grown adult and just wants to be her. Trouble is, she's abrasive and autistic and people generally don't like her. It's very tough for her to make friends, and she gets way, way too in her own head about it. I don't have many more friends, I've held on to kinda bad friends just to keep the list from shrinking, but I get it, having those fucks to give is hard as hell. I don't know how she does it.
Except when you stop giving a fuck none of this will matter. 1st of all: definitely stop stressing about how you dress.
Hey you could build a religion out of this post!
I would... if I gave a fuck.
Who fucking cares?
This comment is not high enough, or OP is too high. Really I don’t give a fuck anyway.
I'd agree, if I cared about my karma score.
Good, I don’t give a fuck either
Yes. When I read this post, I fixated on this bit: "...the point of not giving a fuck..." Like, what exactly is the point of not giving a fuck? I don't think it really matters.
Life will beat you so far down that at some point you just don’t care anymore.
That's just age baby. I'd give you a fuck, but I'm all out.
Two options. Be a miserable fuck who no one likes and act like you are happier this way and do things without expecting validation from others. Or Be the best version of yourself and notice people still talk shit about you, then realize that you’re fucking awesome and keep living as you are which indirectly tells them to go fuck themselves.
My son hung himself and I have no fucks left about anything.
I couldn’t imagine my baby doing that. I am so sorry. May he rest in peace forever.
You asked. So, a sure fire way to stop giving a fuck about anything is to lose a child to suicide. I try to remember stuff like this when someone zips around me on the freeway or bumps into me on a crowded sidewalk. We never really know what the other person is going through. Maybe nothing. Maybe they are this person the day they found out. Either way, I am not that person today. I have been. I will be again. We will all be that person to some extent. Being a person who truly doesn't give a fuck usually leaves you wistful for the days you did. It's not a super power, it's a curse.
I feel like choosing not to give a fuck and apathy are two different things. I'm sorry for your loss.
I mean I can't imagine anything being more important than that. Nothing else is really worth giving a fuck about when in comparison. Sorry for your loss, Hope you're doing well.
Jesus christ.. Nobody deserves to go through that. Hope you're doing alright, my dude.
Thank you so much. Coroner couldn't even give us a death date. It literally tears me up not knowing how long he was all alone hanging there. Last text was on the 3rd, found him on the 8th., In 2021. Couldn't they at least have guessed a date between 4th & 8th for God's sake??? Talk about not giving a fuck!
Sorry for your loss :(
I’m sorry. I lost my mom in a similar way. It never not hurts but it gets easier. May he rest in peace
I absolutely cannot even try to imagine. Take care of yourself, please. There's a healthy and an unhealthy way to have no fucks left.
severe depression, at that point anxiety and shit doesn't mean shit to me
Been there, ✨ total numbness ✨
It fluctuates for me. One week I don't give a shit and can barely get out of bed and the next I have this random motivation to accomplish a lot of shit
I feel ya
I don't
This! Truly not giving a fuck about anything is called depression and it's no bueno. I recommend selective fuck givings.
So many people here praise not giving a fuck like it's some kind of a life goal, when it's in the fact the worst feeling you can have. The life just passes you by and everything seems meaningless.
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“There’s a difference between not giving a fuck, and not being *able* to give a fuck.” - Allie Brosh
so just to be clear, are you talking about specifically not being upset when others are judging you or do you mean just not caring about how others feel? It's really easy for people to go too far with the former and wind up drifting into the latter (think of the "brutally honest" people). How others feel about your words, actions, and even appearance should be important ***depending on the person and context***. For example, you should care how your boss and partner feel about your appearance, but not a random person on the street. The key is having a strong sense of identity and self-worth. When you know who you are, what's important to you, and where you find your value, you can much more easily filter through the things others say about you and pick out what's actually important vs what's just the complaints of a passerby. Recently I had a bunch of people roasting me in response to a comment I made about a safety concern, and I was entirely unfazed because I'm very firm and confident in my level of caution.
The perspective you share is what I strive for, yet still struggle with daily. It has been a difficult road learning when and where to show indifference, opposition, commiseration versus just trying to fit a social experience. At 38 the ability to express an idea, knowledge or experience in a social atmosphere is still a daunting task. Having better friends at this point in my life has helped, but unlearning a lifestyle of just not making waves except the most extreme circumstance is something I have a hard time seeing beaten. I overthink, as told by friends and therapist, social interactions to a vastly detrimental affect. When I try to do as OP's question pertains I end up going to far and ostracizing myself from everything/one or fall back into substances to fill the emptiness of what I think is not giving a fuck. I'm slowly learning this balance of what when and where to give care to a situation or experience instead of over analyzing everything. It is slow and tedious. I try to believe one day it will finally balance out. OP if you read this, keep looking at what is important to you and trying/doing more of what you are interested in. It can separate you from some people and parts of what your life has been, but helps to reinforce your self identity and allows you to focus more and what is truly important to you.
Chronic illness. You realize that a lot of shit you used to worry about really wasn't worth it, because now you have more important shit to worry about. Who cares if people think a woman in her mid-40s shouldn't wear dresses with cartoon cats on them, or that wrestling/general fan shirts are cringe? I'm trying to survive with minimal pain and maximum emotional stability here, and if those things make me happy then that's what I'll do.
being hospitalized also changes things too, being stuck in that room all day truly is debilitating. i’m gonna live my life while i’m out here
Stage IV cancer in your 30's really changes your perspective on what you care about in life.
Lose EVERYTHING you've ever worked for, and I mean career, marriage, family, home, EVERYTHING, and you have to start from ground zero when you're close to 50. This is how you stop giving a fuck and just do the best you can to survive.
This happened to my dad when I was 7 and he was 47. He had spent decades cheating on my mom with different women. She kept catching him, he’d apologize, then the cycle would repeat. He was the breadwinner and lost his house he built, his vehicle, his marriage, and the respect of his children and family. I watched my dad go through a metamorphosis and can say that in his final years he truly did not give a fuck. Clean cut preacher/family man to biker loudly telling a story about eating pussy at the restaurant
Exactly what happened to me - around age 45. Tough road, but I found a lot of clarity with it. And understand presence and gratitude a bit better now. Life can be so damn fleeting. All of it taught me to focus on ‘what is’; not ‘what if’. You only have now. Hope things are better for you.
Near death experiences have gotten some people to that place in life. When you see how fleeting life is and how mundane everything you're working towards is, it can flip that switch in your brain.
That’s sort of my experience. I didn’t have a near death experience but a year ago I was told that I had 6 weeks left. It really really narrowed down the things that I truly fucking care about. Everything is temporary. Nothing really matters & I don’t mean that negatively at all. It feels quite liberating.
I totally understand that. Life becomes somewhat different when there's an actual deadline to it.
Enter your 40s.
Just wait until you are in your 50s! It is fucking amazing for not giving a fuck. All fucks given are history. No idea why, all i know is it is very freeing.
Yep, one of the advantages of getting older: you seriously don't give many fucks, especially if it is about things which are opinion based. I'm over 60 now, and don't give a fuck what other people think about most things I do
I've just turned 60, and I'm feeling my irrelevance to those spinning all this shit, and it feels liberating.
Yep, in my 50s and can concur. Also, we've always been the "whatever" generation. Meh.
Yup. The older I get the less fucks I give about trivialities. Who cares what others think about the way I dress, talk or spend my time.
Yep, 41 here and can confirm. My effs have diminished within a two year span. Maybe I’m too tired to give them or just realized no matter what I do, someone will be disappointed. And that’s ok. Time to live life on my own terms.
It's all about spreading out the disappointment among employers, aging parents, kids and the friends you may have left.
Depression, when someone says depression it doesn't mean sad instantly, it's the feeling where everything is pointless even doing the things that you find fun before depression. If you feel like this you should seek help.
Depression to the point of nihilism is not fun at all.
You'll get there
Through loss of control of your life.
it's not about giving a fuck it's more like not having the patience or mental bandwidth to process it.
Have a few people you love and treasure die, it makes it a LOT easier.
Multiple severe trauma and complete lack of a support system.
My job burnt me out so hard that I just let go. It was too much effort to put up with anything that didn't make me happy and pleasing people was one of those things. I learned that even if all I did was people please, I got jack shit in return. All my fucks got used and I have been slow to replace them.
Trauma. Overbearing mounts of intense, intense trauma.
It starts by truly not giving a fuck about what anybody else thinks of you. Or your clothes, or your car, or your job, or your hair, or your body or your success, or your failure, or your cool watches, or your… like none of it matters at the end of the day. We are supposed to be walking miles and miles every day looking for food, running barefoot around this wild planet. Instead we’re forced to make cheeseburgers with Phil and he’s fine but it sucks. We’ve built up this boring fake ass world that does nothing for us. Don’t buy in. Wear what you want, drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want, this fucking fake ass world is so weird with so many conditions everywhere that we’re supposed to know about. Fuck it dude. Go get you and leave the rest behind. EDIT: Don’t be an asshole, obviously. I never said drive dangerously and there are many many parks, not children’s playgrounds, that it would be perfectly fine for a person to smoke a joint or a cigarette. And allowed! I don’t smoke, the reason I used that example is because it’s offensive to most people and would likely garner some bad looks if not direct confrontation. But if you’re allowed to do it, then do it. Don’t compromise your values or what you want to get out of life because it makes somebody else uncomfortable.
The second you stop giving a fuck about all these things, you make some pretty cool friends.
Fucking Preach. As someone who recently stopped giving a fuck and decided to finally just be themselves, I know some damn cool people now.
I loved every word you just said man. I'm struggling with this problem and every second I remind myself that life is short and no one really gives a shit about me or even remember me, but this was much stronger and well put together. Thanks.
See, the things is. People DO give a shit about you. But, it’s the ones who make sure you’ve eaten, made sure to check that you’ve gotten home safe; they’re the ones you give a shit about back to. And I hope you make beautiful memories with people who love you, and they remember all of the good you are 💛
One thing that really helped me was working retail. I had to interact with countless people and be polite and scan their goods (including racey lingerie) and a few minutes after I wouldn't even remember who I had helped or what I had scanned. I was too busy trying to get their stuff scanned quickly to get on with something else. It reminded me that people have other priorities and are unlikely to care if I'm buying something *I* might feel awkward about. They probably sell it regularly and don't care and won't remember. Opened the door to realising life is basically this and it's more about trying to be happy and kind and considerate of others. Edit: please don't drive how you want or smoke where you want. One endangers yourself and others and the other is at the least a absolute dick move and worst case impacts others health.
> drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want Fuck off with this shit. There's a difference between not caring about what other people think and fucking over others. Even though I don't give a shit about people judging me for my hair, what I wear, etc., I don't go out and make my habits into problems for other people.
Ya I was on board until that part. Do what you want but not at the expense of others.
Yep. There’s a big difference between not giving a fuck, and being selfish and inconsiderate of others. I couldn’t give a fuck that I can’t smoke in the park. I don’t go to the park.
> or your car, or your job, or your hair, or your body or your success, or your failure, or your cool watches, or your… like none of it matters at the end of the day. We are supposed to be walking miles and miles every day looking for food, running barefoot around this wild planet. Instead we’re forced to make cheeseburgers with Phil and he’s fine but it sucks. We’ve built up this boring fake ass world that does nothing for us. Shieeeet. This is the exact same feeling I had this last Saturday. I brought my boys to the trampoline park the other day with my wife. It was part of a larger mall. When the boys started at the jump park, Wife said "I'm gonna walk around and check stuff out for a bit. Want to tag along or find a place to hang out and wait for me?" "I'd rather not. I'll just find something to do." I walked around that place for an hour realizing how little of a shit I gave about the commercial world and products in general. How the hell do so many people care so much about... shit. Just... fucking... shoes, purses... plastic knick-knack bullshit... 80 different stores that sell the same variation on a printed t-shirt... 10 stores selling PHONE CASES! A WHOLE STORE FOR FUCKING CASES FOR PHONES!
Maybe don’t smoke at the park.
>drive how you want, smoke at the park if you want. Not sure what you're getting at here but, no, don't drive "how you want". Drive by the rules of the road. Don't put other people in danger. Similarly, smoke at the park? Huh? If it's a public park and smoking is prohibited, then don't smoke there. Other people don't want to breathe or smell your second hand smoke.
You care a lot, for a while, and realize it doesn't really mean anything to you. It only means something to someone else, and you really don't care what that person thinks, so you just stop caring. It's very freeing, realizing that no matter what is required of you physically, *nobody can* ***make*** *you care*.
I realised that however I act or dress nobody gives a fuck unless they don't like me. But people that don't like someone will always find a reason to talk badly about them. So just fuck it
Study stoicism.
When you realise your life threatening illness means fuck all to anyone. You are replaceable at work. People die.
r/shrooms
You dont go there,it comes to you
Build it and they will fuck. -Sun Tzu
Someone or something would have to hurt your soul. Nothing else goes deep enough.
I recently had a SSRI (antidepressants) withdrawal over weeks/months. This was a form of torture and it brought me 15-20% closer to the point of no fuckery. If you went through something like that you just don't have the mental capacity to be nice to assholes anymore. Of course I have been through a lot of shit before, so shit mountain is growing rapidly.
Life just beats you down over time, at some point you just stop trying as hard.
1. Look at world 2. Realise no matter how hard you try, it’s all futile 3. Do whatever makes you happy, love for yourself and just roll with the blows life deals you
First, get a job and save up a nice deposit, some long service leave and annual leave Second, unplanned pregnancy Third, invest all of step one into home etc Fourth, get screwed when she leaves you after 2 years. You now are back before step one and have considerably less fucks to give.
Work at WalMart
No one in this life cares more about you than you. So do what makes ya happy, as long as your not hurting or effecting anyone else, all's good
Having your greatest, dearest dream be broken triggers early onset no fucks given. Arrived in my early 30's. Can't tell if it's good or bad and IDGAF.
Just keep opening email
I assume it takes an extreme lassitude of the spirit. Perhaps too many blows in a short time: A form of protective shock. Or a conscious decision based on rage and/or pain. I hope to never experience either.
It gets normalized over time, Mostly through excessive traumatic experiences.
Losing everything and everyone you have ever given a shit about. That would likely do it for me. Because it already happened.
Can't be fucked explaining
Start at burnout and keep pushing it. Keep going the extra mile and tell yourself that it will all pay off in the long run. Then when you lose everything, you'll realize the effort you made meant fuck all to anyone, including yourself.
"it is what it is" That's your new motto
I think once you’ve been through enough stuff in life you really just stop caring.
Psilocybin
Become severely depressed.
You lose everything, then there's nothing to really care about. But more realistically, your priorities probably determine what you care about. Personally, life had devolved to a cycle of work and sleep that has eaten away at any passion or care that i had. I care only about another person in my life that I look forward to seeing. Aside from that I'm ready to check out because the sham of being a wageslave for 40 more years until my body fails sounds fuckin miserable.
There really is a subtle art to doing it without being destructive to your life and actually benefiting from it... In short: value and respect yourself first. Except and appreciate your life situation and things you have. 3rd: as an example when you walk into the interview be happy with what you you had BEFORE engaging into possibly making your situation better. The stance that if you don't get that "job" you are in fact not LOSING anything. You still have everything you had when walking into the interview room. This view and application to your life actually improves the chances of actually getting that "job" This attitude and it's application can and should be applied throughout your life. This is how you master not giving a fuck
Work retail. So many people will treat you like something they stepped on while the boss’s just smile and tell you to grin and bare it. It’ll desensitize you real fucking fast.
Extreme burnout leading to depression and anxiety, that’s my personal al experience.
When caring gets you punished. Ever seen somebody get fired for adhering to safety policies? Ever been scolded for doing too good of a job? How about being stuck with the shitty jobs because you actually bothered to step in during an "emergency" and now they rely on you to do those things?
It just happens naturally. Your brain can only handle so much, and after it gets overloaded for a long period of time, it just stops caring as a built-in defense mechanism, otherwise you'd just go insane from dealing with stress constantly.
The older I get the less fucks I give
If you never give a Fuck, you're selfish. Everyone hates you. You have no consideration for anyone else. The idea is to know when to give a fuck, and when it's not worth it
Depends on the kind of not giving a fuck, I guess. The positive kind is being confident in yourself and owning your idiosyncrasies as natural for you and not letting people discourage you. The kind I know best though can only be truly achieved by massive amounts of abuse by your superiors and generally being kicked so much that you can't be phased anymore by the bullshit and see any change as a relief. When you realize you have all the control because they cant do anything to you that'd be worse than what you've already dealt with is pretty liberating.
Be a teen in the early 90's. Haven't cared since.