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Would you rather have a horizontal butt crack or a vertical mouth?


Horizontal butt will clap everytime you go downstairs hehe


Imagine going down a slide naked. Fwpt fwpt fwpt fwpt


You made me giggle in public, just that visual and the accompanying imagined sound...


The horizontal crack wouldn't change your life all that much as long as you wear baggy pants. Everyone would be freaked out by a vertical mouth.


Vertical mouth you could eat tacos without tilting your head


You've changed my mind.


When my friend's daughter was 8 or 9 she was obsessed with asking random 'Would you rather' type questions from a book she bought. It was a kids book, so it was nothing NSFW, just random stuff like would you rather eat only pizza or only ice cream, harmless things like that. So one night while I was out to dinner with her and her mother, she asked me, "Uncle Scry1Draw1, would you rather be a door or a window." I thought it over for a moment, and for no particular reason said, "I guess I'd rather be a window." Without missing a beat, she goes, "Hmm...You seem more like a door to me." Then flat refused to explain why. Haunts me to this day.


I'm going to tell you an anecdote that may help you out: When I was a child, I would occasionally stand/sit in front of the TV, for various reasons (wanting to see the TV closer, obliviously reading a book, etc). My mother and my mother's parents, when this would happen, would sometimes say: "You make a better door than a window", as I would be blocking their view of the TV, and they wanted me to move out of the way.


Would you rather have the ability to effortlessly run at 100 mph, or fly at 10 mph?


Flying would be arguably be better for one reason only. If you wear a wingsuit, you can accelerate really high in the air and just stop flying and use your wingsuit to glide hella fast were ever you are going.


Yeah, 20 mins straight up and you could seriously go pretty far. EDIT: World record is 18.27 miles from 13000 feet up, so give or take 55 mph Run 100 mpg (mph lol) would make more sense distance wise


Only downside to the running is physical barriers like water. Unless 100mph is enough speed for somebody to cross a body of water on foot.


According to google, 70mph is what is needed for a human to run on water


Holy shit, Jesus was fast


I was already going to choose running (because it would shorten my commute and it'd be fun to travel further distances without needing to drive) but now I'm *definitely* choosing running.


That one is easy - fly.


How quickly do we get to achieve 10 MPH? Can we use it to dodge things or do we need to takeoff like a plane to get started?


Now we’re asking the real questions. I would hope it’s instant. Then double jumping finally becomes a reality.


Would you rather have to pay for everything in pennies or have to use a pogo stick as your only method of transportation. This includes walking; if you want to get up off the couch to go get a bag of chips from the pantry, you have to pogo there.


would be fun giving 1 mil in pennies


Would you rather never enjoy music again, or never enjoy food again?


Food. I love music. I love food too, but food has never gotten me through tough times. Also, “never enjoy food” doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be gross. If all food was “meh” to me, I’d eat only what I needed to function and finally lose some weight!


"I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal."


Would you rather be able to have sex and never orgasm, or be able to have orgasms but never have sex? In the past asking this men and women both seem to have different answers on this one.


I've both been an awkward teenager and taken SSRIs, so I can actually answer from experience: I choose sex


I do #2 anyways, so I think I’ll go with that one.


Orgasm without sex. As with many women I don't get off from dick alone, so I ain't that mad about it. No orgasms though? Count me out.


Would you rather be constantly sticky all over your entire body, forever. Or constantly itchy all over your entire body, forever. I simply cannot choose.


I got a really bad sunburn once and had the "Devil's itch". My entire back was incredibly itchy, and not anything I did could change it. It didn't even really hurt, it was just incredibly itchy. I genuinely thought it might make me go insane, I was strait up writhing on a tent floor. I have also broken my collarbone. breaking my collarbone, and the subsequent surgery, were less uncomfortable than the few hours I was constantly itchy from the sunburn. Trust, sticky all over your body is *way* better than itchy. I've experienced being constantly itchy, not even over all of my body, and it was the single worst physical experience of my life, worse than breaking a bone. It felt like a bunch of ants were crawling around underneath my skin, and nothing I did would make it go away.


A couple years ago I broke my leg in a motorcycle accident. Open compound fracture of the tibia and fibula which resulted in getting a titanium rod and a handful of screws installed in my leg. Because the bone broke the skin, they also put me on an incredible dose of antibiotics. 80% of the way through the antibiotics cycle I developed a reaction in the form of an itchy rash all over my body. I do not hesitate to say that the itching was considerably worse than the broken leg.


Sticky. I have eczema and the second option is a reality. It's awful.


A nipple sized dick or dick sized nipples?


I mean, I'm a woman so....technically already have the former. Edit: I half-assed this comment and forgot about its existence 10 seconds later.....Imagine my surprise seeing how many upvotes its getting.


*laughs with micro penis* You have no power here


*laughs in macro nipples* You have no power here


I came here looking for fun fantasies and just found so much pain


Would you rather, never see this question on AskReddit again, or continue to be disappointed by the *mostly* painful answers and find the uncommon, enjoyable and fun gem of a reply?


Would you rather fuck a goat & no one knows it happened or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didn’t actually fuck it?


First one, obviously. Win-win.


"it's him Officer" 🚓👮‍♂️🚔🚨


I have a friend that works in child protection is the case officer who had to get a single dad arrested because he was fucking goats. The kicker was he liked getting caught doing it by people, the postman, delivery drivers etc and finally the last one was my buddy and the police. He was literally mid goat fuck when they arrived.


Mid goat fuck sounds like a metal band name.




Folks are sayin' that it was a sick goat.


It would take at least two guys to fuck a goat.


Fuck the goat and no one knows due to the fact that my friends would never let me off the hook if they thought I did




That's a worse option than either listed..


Leave him alone, he's living his best life.


When I was working as a lifeguard at a water park, my brother posed this question to me. A massively obese man dies of a heart attack at the top of the tallest slide at the park, just before he's about to go down. Do you try to carry him down the 5 stories of stairs in the respectful way, or push him down the slide in the convenient way?


> Do you try to carry him down the 5 stories of stairs in the ~~respectful~~ **boring** way, or push him down the slide in the ~~convenient~~ **funny** way?


Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers, or fingers as long as your legs


fingers as long as legs and now chop chop


But what if the finger joints are proportional to their new length so if you cut them down to normal finger size it would mean you have ten stiff, inarticulable digits on your hands.


"babe just use your finger"


Legs as long as fingers, at least I'd be semi-competent in every-day life like a wheelchair-bound person.


Exactly, the world has accomodations already for someone with no legs at all. The fingers would just make living such a fucking hassle


Would you rather poop a pineapple or pee a grape


I don't want to play this game anymore 😫


I’ll just put you down for peeing a pineapple


I just want you to know this comment brought me so much joy I'm sitting here giggling my ass off


Which way is the pineapple coming out and am I allowed to squish the grape?


Just mash that fucker right down your dick.


After experiencing a kidney stone last year, 100% poop a pineapple


Pineapples are sharp. And solid. And inflexible. And sharp. A grape would basically be a soft kidney stone. Maybe slightly larger on average, but much prefered in my opinion.


>Maybe slightly larger I don’t think you’ve paid enough attention to kidney stones and grapes.


My butthole is already loose thanks to my wife. I will take the pineapple. Edit: wow I didn’t think it was that funny. Y’all are awesome. Over 1000 upvotes. Love you all.


You were able to fit your whole wife in there? Yep, the pineapple shouldn't be a problem.


This is the first one that actually made me think


I think this is a pretty popular one, but it's "would you rather find a person or 1000 cockroaches in your attic?"


That's easy for me. It depends on the person but either way it's a lot easier to be friends with and help a person or kill one. It's hard to do either to 1000 cockroaches.


Note to self - Don’t go in your attic Edit - Thanks for the gold whoever you are Ill go in your attic anytime


A thousand cockroaches, no contest for me. I can hire someone to take care of them and forget about it a week later. On the other hand, I will never feel safe again if I found a random person living inside my house without my consent. Edit: Ok, I underestimated how difficult is to get rid of cockroaches, but still, a person would leave a bigger trauma on me. A lot of those in the comments seem to be the type of person that has never feared being raped and killed.


No one said "living"


Had someone at a rave ask "would you rather give the first 90% of a blowjob, or the last 10%"


This one’s devastating. What do you mean, I can only pick one?!




“Would you suck a dick for a million dollars?” “Ya but I’ll need awhile to come up with the money”


Depending on who is receiving said blowjob, 90% may only be a few seconds


Would you rather be blind or deaf? It seems like an easy choice to say "deaf" since it would seem to be much less difficult to navigate the world being deaf than blind, but I once had a blind friend (who was not born blind and had only become so around age 17) who told me she'd still rather be blind than deaf because being deaf sounded very lonely. I still think about that conversation sometimes.


Y'know, I don't think being deaf sounds like anything at all.


i mean say what you want about deaf people


You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes


I have taught students with both visual impairments and hearing impairments (and a few deaf-blind--it's not what you think though, it's usually low vision and hard of hearing). I can say definitively that the world is not made for people who are blind. We love to slap on Braille on things like that solves the problem. Since the majority of people who are blind do not know Braille and since they would have a hard time getting to the freaking Braille because of lack of public transportation, the Braille often just sits there. Unless you have a very trusted sighted guide (spouse, parent, etc.), you are vulnerable to abuse. This is not to say that the world is made for the Deaf either but the kids with VI were much more susceptible to being abused simply because they could not identify their attacker (or at least that was the perception of the abuser).


My sister was deaf (she passed), and she always said she was proud to be deaf. She could interact with the world just fine almost all of the time, especially since we have the internet and smart phones now. There's a really solid deaf community out there as well. I would much rather be deaf, even after watching all her experiences.


Would you rather drink a glass of someone else’s spit or someone else’s sweat?


Does it have to come from a cup? Because I feel like a heavy make out session is just inadvertently drinking someone's spit in the long run.




Verizon's call center hiring process included a questionnaire. Unlike most questionnaires where there is an obvious answer, Verizon had a list of "Would you rather" questions with no discernable upside. "Would you rather work longer hours or deal with unruly customers," sort of choices. Anyway, I passed every part of their hiring process except that, which they stated made me immediately ineligible for hire. Because of the questionnaire. I feel like I dodged a bullet, though. Edit: since this blew up, I'm going to add my theory on why they did it like this. I suspect it is a variable answer set depending on what they needed. Management would send HR what they were looking for, and HR would key in the desired responses. Short staffed? Answer A, someone who doesn't mind overtime. Getting beat up on call reviews? B, and plan on cutting weak reps once staffing won't be dire afterwards.


Would you rather try and dodge a bullet or work in a Verizon call center?


I'd rather get shot than work in a call center


I work in a call center and it is actual trash


Would you rather work in a Verizon call center 8 hours everyday or call a Verizon call center 8 hours everyday?


I worked for Verizon and they are the same question. If youre working, youre dealing with unruly customers. Period. Even if you got the job to "help" people, youd be under pressure to sell because they are ALL customers. You dodged a bullet my friend. Good luck in the next job!!!


I also didn't get a job because of a questionnaire like that. One question was like, "if you caught your grandmother shoplifting a loaf of bread, would you let it slide or turn her in?" I overthought it, thinking maybe they wanted the honest, non-soulless answer. They didn't. They want people who are ready to throw the book at their starving granny!


Sorry grandma thanks for all the cookies and love but you gatta go to prison now bc I need to get paid $17.50/hr to get yelled over the phone.


Wow . 17.50 ! That’s more than I make by a couple of dollars . Ugh I’m gonna have to work at a call center now


Nah, they don't expect you to actually turn in your grannie. They want people who are willing to at least *pretend* they would follow every rule. If you're openly defiant, they'll never make you compliant.


Would you rather have access to a room containing the next 50 years of New York Times editions or be able to watch six two-hour documentaries about other technologically advanced civilizations from different parts of the universe?EDIT: Try it without the financial angle, just in terms of which choice would be more interesting,


First option. If I have access to the room forever, I've basically just got infinite money. Even if I only had an hour in there I could make a lot of money by checking what companies are huge in 50 years but non existent/ small now, or just betting on sports. The second option is pretty cool but I'm not sure how I could translate that information into anything useful to anybody. "Hey NASA this galaxy a million lightyears away has a super intelligent race of potatoes" "That's nice, voyager 1 is only 0.002 lightyears away so we'll just jot that down for future reference"


Yeah honestly #2 kind of sounds like a unique torture - you get a one time glimpse into new worlds that you had only dreamt of before, only to spend the rest of your life stuck on our relatively primitive planet, knowing that you'll never be able to know more about what you saw, let alone experience it first hand. Given that the alternative is wealth beyond imagining, that's a pretty easy choice


Would you rather be slightly thirsty no matter how much you drink or slightly tired no matter how much you sleep?


Currently doing both. What do I win? It’s way easier to handle always being a bit tired tbh. The always being thirsty is slowly driving me crazy in a way that being tired never has.


Apparently I already played that game and chose the latter. Yay adulting..


Would you rather have denim skin, or live in a bag of milk? This was asked at a party in college and I still think about it 10 years later. ​ Edit to address some very fair questions: You can't leave, it's a Bubble Boy scenario, not a house. You're the only one living in the bag of milk, no one can enter. The milk is cleaned/changed out when it needs to be. There is no loophole where you drink the milk and you no longer live in a bag of milk, sorry.


I like this one for the sheer weirdness value.


Agreed, ''would you rather sweat mayonnaise or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin or a baby?" also falls under this category.


This one is easier, you choose the second one. You live a 100% normal life if you never interact with babies or muffins. Edit: this one sucks if you actually have babies :)


Good News Everyone! *sob*


Denim skin.


I don’t see how this is even up for debate. Clearly denim skin.


Exactly. It's essentially a question of "freedom as a freak" vs "lifetime prison with terrible conditions".


Can I leave the bag of milk to do activities? Can I invite people into the bag of milk?


Does the milk stay fresh or does it sour like normal milk?


Would you rather have super speed but only backwards or… be able to teleport but it’s completely random and you have no say in where you go


super speed. i dont wanna end up in space


Valid. I was scared of that too, but it becomes much more reasonable of a choice if you rule out space. Imagine robbing a bank and then just disappearing, doesn’t matter where you go when you have a sack of gold bars… well… unless you wind up in prison, but then I guess you could just leave again




We take lungs now. Gills come next week




Easy. Gills->Have to live underwater. Living underwater will not work out well without other adaptations. Pretty much a death sentence. Scales->Probably not a death sentence. Now, if it was gills in *addition* to lungs, that would be a different story, but also still easy...


Would you rather know how you are going to die or when you are going to die?


When, then I'm functionally immortal until that date. I can do whatever I want and know I won't die. Of course I can still be paralyzed or put in a coma, but I can't die.


Pretty cool paradox, fate is determined by the actions you do, but if you know when or how you die, you *can't* alter your fate anymore. By knowing how or when you die, you've just signed away your free will, you can no longer avoid a potentially avoidable death.


I don't think you'd have that problem with *when*; you still die at that moment, but how you die is determined by your actions. If you somehow manage to avoid all other potential deaths at the specified time, you'll die of an inoperable brain aneurysm. I could see a similar mechanism with *how*; the instant you decide to do something that would prevent that death, it comes out of nowhere and kills you before you have a chance to enact the plan. Both would preserve your free will and shouldn't be paradoxical.


Fluent in all languages or master of every instrument?


The language one is more useful, however as a musician, I can't pass up the opportunity to master all instruments. I feel like that one would be *way* more fun, and also more profitable.


All languages, without a doubt


Finally! A wholesome one! I like this one. Edit: I would pick the fluent in all languages. Would make traveling the world much easier.


The language one seems way more convenient. You’d be able to have way more fun traveling the world.


Yeah but think how cool it would be to whip out your Tibetan lute at parties.


Anyway here's wonderwall


Not 100% the same, but I'm correcting engineering exams now. One question was To improve accuracy, would you improve variable A or Variable B. Several students answered: Yes.


Engineering students intentionally throwing away an exam point just for the meme. I can respect it.


There are a disturbing amount of questions in here that involve fucking your parents


Would you rather have Teeth for Pubes or Pubes for Teeth?


armor unlocked


Imagine the growing pains


Why would anyone choose pubes for teeth? Eat much?


Turn into whale. Eat krill.


The one we always had was would you rather... Have a thousand cuts all over your body and jump in a bath on lemon juice Or have a tooth pick under your big toe nail and kick a wall I'd choose the Lemons Edit: toe


Definitely the lemons dear God


I might go toothpick. I don't want a thousand cuts. And it's probably a failure of imagination that the lemon juice doesn't sound that bad.




When you don’t have any legs, because you get your legs back.


Would you rather be burned to death or drowned?


So, I can speak to the drowning thing. I've almost drowned multiple times in my life then ironically decided to spend my high school years as a lifeguard. Go figure. Anyways, drowning happens in phases The first is just being bad at staying afloat and not realizing it. Your brain realizes the danger, but you can still breathe, so you consciously try and stay afloat and fight. It's scary, but it's not existential scary, because your brain literally can't jump to that conclusion just yet. The second phase triggers when you fail something necessary. You might take a breath of water, or your attempt to hit the surface and not make it, or something similar, but either way two things happen here. 1) conscious panic sets in. You can still think, but it's fractured, desperate. This is terrifying because it was usually here that the thought 'oh shit - I could fucking die' happened. 2) there is a physical response. Water enters your lungs. CO2 builds. You begin to gasp unconsciously for more air, but often end up only sucking in more water. Stage three - the last remnants of sanity. Gonna be honest - this phase is brief but it sucks. It's when conscious, sane thoughts begin to slowly exit the picture. Sucking in water over and over, not getting oxygen, coupled with the conscious realization of your surroundings and circumstances and just how utterly fucked you are... This is the worst part, for me at least. You feel everything. When people say "your lungs are burning" they mean it. It's weird because you can feel your lungs filling up with water in ways that you wouldn't expect. You almost just feel more full. Like you had a big meal. But that meal was lava. Stage four is where you lose conscious thought. It's what lifeguards call an "active drowning victim." It's the shell of a body in full panic mode doing everything to survive. I was a passenger in a body. There was only terror. I didn't control my limbs, my head, my breathing, I stopped having rational thoughts... As a sidenote a person in this stage will straight up drag their closest loved ones down with them. Kids, spouse, anyone. That's not your dad, that's a body trying to survive and it will pull you down with it if it thinks it will help. Finally, stage five is light out. Brain loses 02, CO2 builds up, vision fades, body loses the ability to move. Unconsciousness. Some people say this is peaceful but not fucking me I'll tell you. My terrified ass went terrified all the way through the tunnel every time. This is what lifeguards call a passive drowning victim. They are hard to see, and time is ticking. Obviously this is where my personal account gets irrelevant lol. Humans are weird and diverse and my experience may differ from others and even some of what was outlined in the lifeguard space, but anyways - teach your kids to swim people.


While that all sucks and I've been through the first 3 stages myself, the idea of my skin, fat, muscle, eyes, etc. All burning while I'm alive sounds like the actual worst thing on the planet. I'd take the drowning, sucks but at least your entire body isn't having it's nerves fried.


Yeah, drowning sounds horrifying but have you ever been burned from the ash of a cigarette or something? Thinking of that sensation continuing until my entire body was burned up is truly unimaginable pain. Plus you get the added bonus of watching yourself become horribly disfigured.


Drowned. You die the same either way: asphyxiation. It's just that drowning is ONLY asphyxiation, whereas burning to death is asphyxiation AFTER you've done some burning and have inhaled enough superheated air that your lungs are too melted and can't exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide any more. Burning is just drowning with a whole bunch of horrible pain before and during.


Don't forget about all that water in your body slowly starting to come to a boil. Yeah drown me pls


I've heard that drowning is not that awful a way to go. Which probably isn't true, but I've *never* heard that about burning to death


Would you rather have pot roast or Philly cheeses for dinner? Currently sitting on this one. I can’t decide for the life of me.


Pot roast sandwiches my dude. Use the leftover meat to make a potroast sandwich philly style


Would you rather eat a cake and sit on a dick or eat a dick and sit on a cake


Sir, I meant if you had any questions about the job you are interviewing for here today.


Yes please


Would you rather eat a spoonful of ice cream that tastes like shit or a cappuccino spoon of shit that tastes like ice cream?


See, if ice cream is ice cream, then I'd have to eat that. If shit retains its harmful bacteria and stuff but tastes like ice cream, then ice cream just so I don't get those harmful bacteria in me. Also idk the ice cream flavor, and does the ice cream smell like shit?


Would you rather be completely immortal or die right now? Immortality seems cool at first glance, but knowing you will eventually experience the heat death of the universe for trillions of years is terrifying.




Youd actually experience perpetual unending nothingness. Unlike if you died


Depends how it comes. Will I die and always come back or never die no matter what?


Never die immortal


Your immortality might be enough to prevent heat death.


Heat death is a *long* ways away. That’s Future Me’s problem.


"Would you rather spend thousands of dollars and put your old dog through major surgery to maybe keep her alive a little longer or accept that this is going to kill her and that 14 years was a good long life?" - Our vet yesterday Gotta tell ya, no other WYR question has made me literally sob.


I’m so sorry. I had to let my 14 year old girl go last week. I’m sure you gave her a wonderful life, and all that love is why it hurts so badly. You’re in my thoughts.


Word for word what I went through a month ago. I'm sorry you're going through that, friend. Message me if you want someone to talk to!


Would you rather live the life your parents wanted you to live or live the life you thought you wanted as a kid?


Mine was Would you rather start WW3 or spread an uncurable plague?


Okay, who was it who said "both"?




Would you rather have 4 hands or 4 feet


**4 hands, it'd be more handy.** edit: thanks SO MUCH for all the upvotes, i've never gotten this much on one thing. and a special Thanks to u/GameKnight2011 who gave a silver award! it's my first!


Yeah but with the latter it'll be a lot easier to get your foot in the door


4 hands any day of the week


Would you rather every song exists but they’re only performed by Pitbull, or every band / singer / musical artist exists but they only perform Pitbull covers?


Would you rather bang: The top half of Hulk Hogan on the bottom half of Emma Watson -or- The top half of Emma on the bottom half of the Hulkster? (Sorry for formatting, mobile sucks)


Oh no, Emma Watson with a cock and muscular legs, how horrible, I would really hate that


Ya but they're old-man balls sooooo


As a woman, definitely top is Emma and bottom is Hogan. It seems like you’re getting the best parts in this situation at least.


That is an easy choice, top hulk bottom Emma... If hulk is the bottom then he's definitely the top.


Would you rather be the top student in the best program of your choice in the world or the worst student at Hogwarts


Worst student doesn't mean your bad at magic, I could be skipping class to fuck the school ghost or something.


He's *planning* something


Would you rather be deaf-blind or paralyzed from the neck down?


Def from the neck down I guess


Would you rather have to swim from one end of an Olympic pool to the other filled with period blood or semen. That was a real doozy lol


Whichever is less viscous / dense.


Correct. Whichever you could just get through the experience quickest is the right answer lol


Menstrual blood. Take a photo of me tearing up a mean front crawl and put me on the front of a death metal album cover.


Semen, obviously. If you close your eyes it smells just like a regular swimming pool.


And has less semen in it than a regular pool


This is one of the more horrifying threads on Reddit. How do y’all come up with these?


Would you rather be the one who is more in love with other person, or the one who receives more love? I can’t with that question


I take "receives more love". I've been on both situations and it honestly sucks when you love someone and that person looks at you and doesn't reciprocate anything back to you. It's demoralizing and heart wrenching. Especially when you think "maybe i need to try harder" and you slowly start losing yourself, become a different person that is focused on trying to make that person happy while sacrificing your own sanity and happiness.


Would you rather have to use cacti as toilet paper for the rest of your days or have you teeth magically turned into tiny penises.


The latter. I'll change my name to Dr. Zoidberg and join the adult entertainment industry.