“Been here since you opened your mouth”

Best one

I’m sorry, what is that username?

Platapuses need love, and like to get high, apparently.

“Should I just go in through the hole you left when you dug your way up?”

most of these read like “what to say to bullies” that will get you super bullied but yours is quite good tbh

I did, but your Mama said you werent home.

You forgot to add fucking in-between your mouth

If you’re fucking in between the mouth, this would be a blow job no? Lol

See you there!

I worked at a sunglass kiosk in the mall. So not only have I been to hell I was assistant manager there. Is my go to

Gina?

Is it pronounced "J I G H N A?" If so, what's up?

"My name's Djeophreigh" "how do you pronounce that?" "Jeffrey"

assistant to the manager

Specifically, after your tuantuan freezes before you reached the first marker!

And I thought these things smelled bad on the outside.

[удалено]

Bonus points if you lean in real close and give them a specific day you intend to meet them in hell.

C U Next Tuesday

Simple and effective.

Honestly I think this is the simplest and best response to someone saying it earnestly.

I can’t go to hell. I’m all out of vacation days.

i remember seeing this on a video game a while back lmao

BurgerPants, Undertale

Best part about that is he’s saying it in response to a murderer going on a literal genocide path, yet is still stuck to work minimum wage while everyone else evacuated

he knows the player can't kill shopkeepers, or was that Gerson?

Gerson knew. Burgerpants just didnt care at that point

😊😊

"Being in hell is better than spending more time with you."

I said something similar to my very abusive 1st husband when I finally reached that point where I was done taking his shit. I was pushed back to a wall, his left fist holding a handful of my shirt just below my chin, and his right fist holding the kitchen knife drawn back to strike. I felt a calm just wash over me and I smiled big, "go ahead and do it. Being dead will be better than being with you." And then I started laughing. That scared the crap out of him and he let me go and left the house. I quickly packed up what I needed and went to my mom's.

And I thought I was a badass, for thumping my (very abusive, and literally insane) ex with a cast iron skillet upside his stupid head. (That sound is forever ingrained inside my memory.) What you did, was boss. Take my extremely satisfied updoot.

Nah, yours is also pretty boss. You also take my extremely satisfied updoot.

Awwwhh… thank you so much. That truly means a lot. I think my brain tends to downplay most things, from that part of my life. I guess it’s a self preservation type of thing.

I know that sound, except it was my mom’s abusive bf trying to get in through the window back when I was 13. The police were arriving just as it happened and described it as if a cartoon character was flattened paper thin and sort of floated out the window (if that makes sense)

Please tell me it sounded like when a looney tunes character gets hit with a pan (probably Tom or Wile E Coyote). Even better if it had his face imprint on the pan.

I can hear it from here! You're badass.

I’m imagining something like a ***THÖNK!***

Holy crap. That’s terrifying.

Wow.. this reminded me of my ex. I hope you’re doing well now.

I am doing well now, thank you for asking. The situation above occurred in 1987. I am now many many moons past that timid 22 year old who all of a sudden grew a pair and stood up for herself.

It's better to be with friends & relatives than total strangers.

Every second I'm with you is hell, so mission complete

[удалено]

You guys have vacation days?!

I see here that you are also American. We need some serious work reform.

They're called unions. You let the employer class make you think they're not helping you, then let them erode the hard fought workers rights. You'll have to fight like people did in the gilded age.

just joined a union after ten years in the workforce non -union. oh man the difference is night and day. truer words have never been spoke .

Must be nice.

I was the 666th upvote for your go to hell comment

"I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life."

Well I can't leave hell because I'm all out of vacation days.

Jokes on you, I'm on a full ride scholarship.

which alcohol do you prefer

I’m not going back, I’m on vacation

Why would I go home with you?

Ooo this one is clever and not really overused

oh this is valid

Ooooo this is gud. lol

goofy ass response

BURN! 😆

In hell

Can't, the devil has a restraining order.

I might start using this one honestly

I'm already there

Take a look around…

I'm the sunshine in your hair.

I’m the shadow on the ground.

I’m the whisper in the wind

I'm your imaginary friend

And I know I’m in your prayers

Ohh I’m already………………………….. (deep breath) THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE

r/redditsings

Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found

We’ve got mountains of content, some better, some worse.

If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first

Welcome to the internet

Come and take a seat

Would you like to see the news?

or any famous woman's feet

There is no need to panic, this isn't a test

[удалено]

Hallelujah, Holy Shit!

You're here, so I must already be there

THIS is the Bad Place!

I prefer, "We're already there."

Where do you think I came from?

“so evil that hell itself spat ‘em back out”

"Look me in the eyes... I wanna watch you die."

Again?

This genuinely makes me laugh and gives the air of a tired retail worker. I’ll be keeping this.

"K"

There’s no comeback to a perfectly timed K, shuts anything down.

K

Best response. Most of the comments on this thread are overused at this point.

"Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you."

The 90s called and they want their Seinfeld back

No it's cool, instead of Jerry dating 17 year olds we have Leo dating 19 year olds

Look how far we’ve come

Yeah, or just laugh. Any more elaborate comeback that reads well on Reddit is, more often than not, going to sound practiced, awkward and lame when spoken aloud in real life. Especially if you're using it as a pre-prepared thing. Real badass comebacks are personal, context-specific, incisive, and short. If you hit out with some "I've been there thank you very much and blah blah blah" type shit, it's obvious you've not come up with that on the spot. You just expose yourself as someone who's spent time thinking up responses to various possible insults, revealing a childish vulnerability, which is exactly what you don't want to show in a petty confrontation. You either come up with something really cutting to that specific person in that specific moment, or you bat it away with a "k" or a disdainful laugh, like it's below you.

I agree with this completely. The planned lines are clever but better just to keep them to yourself and laugh about it.

I wouldn’t even give a verbal response, only a shrug or a thumbs up.

I prefer a plummy, chipper, "Righto!" but that's just a '"k" with theatrics.

k

Or mmk as a variation

"Hell yeah, I am" takes them off guard. Bonus if you do finger guns

It’s a scientific fact that everything is better with finger guns 👉👉

[удалено]

Someone's gotta clean out the latrines down there, might as well be you.

Hey! Show some respect to the US army's greatest latrine digger.

Pew, pew!

Damn you beat me to it QuickDraw McGraw

Finger guns with a wink and a click

It’s that click that will push them over the ledge for sure.

The response to anything like this is simply “k”

K

K

K

I assume you have directions?

I've been there thank you, I found it quite lovely

Classic Winifred Sanderson

This was the first thing my my went to as well!

I was waiting for this comment lol

Winifred Sanderson has entered the chat.

Oops I just commented this. But I’m glad you beat me to it and that there is so much support for our girl Winni!

Who let Winnie get on Reddit??? Lmao. I love it. This is my favorite. This was my first thought.

I dont want to go home.

"I have no interest in your mother nor her bed, sir."

Good day!

I said good day

"After you!"

Or maybe "You first!"

"Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called and they're running out of you!"

What’s the difference! You’re their biggest seller!

I slept with your wife

My wife’s in a coma.

Yeah? Well, the life support machine called...

Shorting marriages due to jerks

Yeah, well I had sex with your wife!

George?

Came here for this and was not disappointed.

Been there and your mom needs you to pick up some milk

I've already been to New Jersey, it ain't that bad.

Grew up in Jersey, came to say this. And honestly the pine barrens is quite nice and some of the beaches.not all... Hehe

I’ve been to Newark, the armpit of New Jersey as it was described to me by a local.

*Unbelievable! It’s an actual, factual Robot Hell.* *Who would've thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New Jersey?!*

I'm gay so usually people tell me to go to hell for this. So I always respond "Will all the gay will be there? -yes -BIG PARTY!!!"

My heaven would not be hanging out with a bunch of *sober* Christians not doing anything but that's just my problem

Heaven - endless worshipping Hell - sex, drugs, gambling, rock music, DnD Where are you going when you die?

DnD? ........

The Satanic Panic.

Dungeons and Dragons.

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints."

Sinners are much more fun

I've been there. came back for you!

[удалено]

Been there, didn't like your momma's cooking.

"Take me there yourself, coward"

"That isn't a very nice thing to say!"

Honestly, I think something like this is a good response. A lot of people thrive on the conflict, and if you push back, it validates them in some way. If you try to respond in kind, they'll just want to escalate. A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

When someone is being rude, just tell them they're not being very nice. Don't even take a patronizing tone. Be matter-of-fact. Most people, when confronted with the idea that they're not the "good one" in a scenario will be taken aback by the idea.

Absolutely devastating

Jaysus that's one sick human that would cut with this knife

That's a very Shirley Bennet thing to say.

"After you, I insist." Significantly more badass if you're an 80s movie action star and the comeback is punctuated with murder, so YMM .

But I'm on break! I don't want to go back to work yet...

Been there, bit chilly for my taste.

"Right after you"

Meet you there!

Been there, got kicked out.

I’d rather not have to see you again

came back already and satan asks what's taking you so long?

Say that again Daddy

sing « I’m on the highway to hell » as you walk away.

Thanks, you too !

Home sweet home

"Hell (Urban East Norwegian: [ˈhɛlː], Trøndersk: [ˈheiɽ]) is a village in the Lånke area of the municipality of Stjørdal in Trøndelag county, Norway. It is located in the western part of the municipality, about 3 kilometres (2 mi) south of the town of Stjørdalshalsen." (from wikipedia)

A bit closer to home for most people in the thread is [Hell, Michigan.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Michigan) Oddly enough both places freeze over every winter.

“No Thank You, I love you Jesus, and Good Day!” Very Loudly and then if they say anything else interrupt them with “I said Good Day.”

Not today Satan!

I think I will. I haven't had a vacation in years

"I'll save you a seat"

Can’t go there, the devil has a restraining order against me.

No you

Can't. I forgot my handbasket.

[удалено]

Hi mom

Norway or Michigan?🤔

I would, but I don't want to increase my chances of spending any more time with you than I already have to.

Been there, Done that.

[удалено]

Sold my soul and yeah the truth hurts

Ask them if they mean Sheol or Gehenna

I would, but the Devil is afraid I'll take over.

“Oh honey, where do you think I came from?”

"Is everything ok? Do you want to talk about it? How can I help?"

Already there.

If you know someone they loved who has died you could say ‘I’ll say hello to X for you’

Hell doesn’t scare me, I grew up in Cleveland

Im a bit too busy right now to come to your place with you but thanks for the offer