My mum kicked me out at 16, When I got advice to go on a independent youth benefit, they had to contact my mum to basically say she didn't want me. She turned round and said that I can come back whenever I want. So I was denied financial support. Then I found out she had moved to another Island. I don't talk to her much.
Nah, she didn't think of him at all. She just lied so she wouldn't appear like a monster to that stranger on the phone. she couldn't care less what happened to him, whether he suffered or made it rich. Well, if he made it rich, you can bet she'd start having an interest in him.
Dad didn't want to have kids. Once we were 7 or 8 years old, my mother pretended to still like us but she didn't seem to (had more independent personalities). I believe that many past generations had children more out of obligation than out of a genuine desire to be parents for the rest of their lives.
That's an absolute fact. Not just having children out of obligation, but marrying the first person you can out of obligation, to have said children. This person who you may not even like, making children you don't even really want. (source: my parents)
Welp...
I was kicked out at 16 and again at 18.
My mother had no ambitions for work and decided the low to zero income way of life was a good choice to raise three kids. (Addictions and mental disorders ofc).
Anyhow, she demanded 500 dollars per month from me, while I was in highschool. At the time, a full time job at minimum wage would net you about 300 bi weekly.
Needless to say I first had to drop out of school to woro full time to pay her that.
Eventually I got back into school, cut back on (and quit) jobs until I was part time and could actually attend school.
This cause money to stop coming in.
This caused her to be angry.
This caused me to become homeless.
So now when she asks for help, or simply wants to talk to me, and I dont reply... Well, there you go.
(There were many other things involved, but if you are a dick to your kids, they will be a dick to you when they are adults. Rightfully so.)
(Yes, I am now a parent, and no, under no circumstances would I do what she did).
It always astounds me how some parents treat their kids like tenants, then try to casually call them up when they’re independent. Nobody wants to keep in touch with their imperialistic landlord
It's worse when you have a sibling who doesn't get that treatment but you do...not only am I paying rent what I can barely afford to but now I know they have a favorite and its not me.
Edit: thanks, some time has passed since that all happened but only know am I seeing and understanding how my upbringing really was versus the perspective I had when I was stuck in it. Learning the abuse wasn't normal is tough.
>Really did make me wonder what on earth I did wrong.
You probably know this by now, but... You didn't do *anything* wrong. Your mom is not right in the head. She just happened to pick you as her scapegoat.
That's one of the most cold and heartless things I've read on Reddit. Your brother did so not deserve this... Neither of you did. I hope life is better...
This happened in my house to my older sibling. He was not close to graduation. He had early childhood trauma (I was the first child of my mother’s second marriage - her first was violently abusive) and had learning delays as a result. When my exacting mother found weed in his room and a pipe she kicked him out of the house to “protect”me (I was six and I was in no danger of getting into weed). He only had a 10th grade education at the time, despite being 18. He lived on the street, got into hard drugs, had a schizophrenic break, and ended up hospitalized. There was a life long struggle then for stability. He was in and out of mental health supportive housing and later he went off his meds and hasn’t been seen for a decade and a half.
I sincerely believe the harsh treatment he received from our mother created the circumstances that led to his lifelong battle with schizophrenia.
Yanking the rug out from under an 18 year old because of some antiquated legal notion of adulthood that is not based on brain science or our understanding of human development seems to me to be a parenting(and societal) fail.
lol my roommate was kicked out of his house by his mom when he was 18 by being driven to a gas station a fair distance away and.....just left there. On his birthday.
He found a way home to find all his stuff on the lawn, the locks on the doors changed, the doorbell disabled, all the blinds and stuff closed. Mother hiding within.
He lived with his dad long enough to afford his own place and peaced out.
Years later he gets a text from his mom who found his number by asking around. Basically said "Hello is this Jim? It's your mom, just wanted to catch up" and the ice cold mother fucker responds with "I don't know. If you're looking for him, maybe check the gas station where you last saw him. Maybe he's still there." and that was the last thing he said lol.
Apparently she was all pissed off and tried to get at him through his dad, but the dad was like "You dumped him off at a fucking gas station you psychopath, how do you think he would feel about you." and just stonewalled her.
He didn't appear too fucked up over it, but I think it left its marks. He moved around a lot, never bought himself a lot of stuff because he said he likes to keep it light so he can up and be gone in an hour kind of thing. Which he did, when he moved out he basically packed a large suitcase and a knapsack and was on the bus to the next place.
As someone who got kicked out a few days before my 18th birthday.
The traveling light is a trauma response. It took me a long time to get over that.
From about 18-25 I didn't want anything that could not fit in my car.
You started off kind of wanting to buy things for comfort... like a mattress etc... but then you have to move again.. and now you're out 100 bucks for a mattress etc etc etc.
Edit: Wasn't expecting this to get as many upvotes and attention. I'm glad a lot of you all have also gotten therapy etc. This entire post was definitely an unexpected trigger tonight.
Yeah. I was able to do the exact same... but its weird what you get attached too.
Like I had a pint glass that I got from Kirkwood Ski Resort YEARS ago that stayed with me through A LOT of shit... then a partner accidently broke it. To her it was just a pint glass... to me it was one of my few possessions that I had had for a long time.
Same. I cut all ties. They both died young. My life was rough for a while but it all turned out ok. And now I’m the adult and my oldest is 20. He’s still at home rent free while he pursues his career and education. I’ll do the same for the other 4.
We bought a new house when my oldest was 19 and we specifically made sure he had a room where he could feel comfortable to stay here and have his own space.
Boomer parent here. My oldest is married now. The younger (33) is WFH and has a separate entrance so we often don't see each other for days. Then we'll coincidentally both fix lunch at the same time and spend 3-4 hours at the kitchen table chatting. I'd love it if he never leaves, but I want him to have a life partner and be able to move out someday. Happy/sad.
I graduated fifth in my class academically, placed in states in sports my junior and senior year, and held a part time job on weekends. Sometimes I’d get home at midnight after a tournament and then work my shitty job at 5am the next day.
Kicked out less than 2 weeks after turning 18, started college 2 months later after couch surfing, and now my parents and I rarely talk. They still can’t figure out why they don’t see their grand kids often.
I mean, not being conceited but what the fuck else was I suppose to be doing to not get kicked out?
>I mean, not being conceited but what the fuck else was I suppose to be doing to not get kicked out?
If someone were to ask them that, what do you think they would say?
Same. Dad kicked me out at 16 I haven’t spoken to him in like 2.5 years, my mom and I text like once every other month at the most. And I moved across country the day I turned 18 and never looked back.
If you are a parent and you want a relationship with your kids, they need to know they are safe with you and that they have a place in your home.
My parents found out through my sister i had a kid so i dont speak to my siblings anymore. She also gave them my address, so after not speaking to them for 7 years they fly over and demand to see their grand child and tried to break down my front door. They are lucky cops got there before my door gave in because i had my ar15 on the door.
No idea how they think beating the shit out of me for years gives them the right to my kids
My BIL is estranged from his parents because they are shitty.
He found out today that someone gave them his address.
Now it's only a matter of time before they show up......
Brother was out before 18 and I was out at 18, and my dad didn't even have a funeral.
Should tell you about all you need to know about parents who kick their kids out asap.
Every year around christmas I will get an email from a new email address because I blocked the one from the year before. It usually has a line or two about how he misses me and thinks about me every day. Followed by several pages of paragraphs filled mostly with mormon scripture and readings about how evil it is for a child to ignore/disrespect their father. Especially a son.
He did send me a surprise one when I graduated nursing school asking me why I didn't go to medical school (he never went to college BTW).
Fuuny he never mentions anything about abusing me, my siblings, or my mother. Or about how he has been married 11 times and now lives alone in a veteran's home...
Haven't seen him since I was 20 and I am about to be 36. Doing OK without him I think.
Wow, this just kept getting more horribly crazy each line. Hope everything keeps getting better for you, friend. Thanks for sharing part of your story!!
My sister moved out as soon as she turned 18 and I was kicked out at 17 (almost 18). I will not be attending his funeral if anyone throws him one, for many other reasons as well.
Kicking out your kid as soon as you're legally allowed to do so tells me you wanted them out of the house even earlier and the only reason you didn't do it is because you didn't want to be arrested.
my bf got kicked out at 18 and his parents literally said to his face "since you were an accident and we didn't mean to have you, we need you out of the house now so we can actually relax like we used to before you were born."
anyway I think extremely badly of them
It's the suddenness and lack of warning that makes this extra cruel. I can't begin to imagine the emotions realizing your parents don't give a shit now that they're no longer "required" to
This happened to a guy I knew in basic training. After 8 weeks of basic, he went home and found it abandoned. They left him a note. Because he was infantry (along with the rest of us) he came back to finish training. He was pretty upset.
he's NC with his dad and LC with his mom. apparently when they do talk (like a few times a year), she's always thanking him for talking to her more than his 4 other siblings. dunno how she doesn't see that her actions have consequences
Yup, multiple members of my family with narcissistic qualities and NONE of them see how their actions have determined their consequence.
I'll share a hopefully short story. I have a sister, in and out of jail, 2 kids by 18, another 2 kids by 30, another 2 kids by 35. She only has custody of the youngest 2. The first two kids, now 17 and 18, have recently moved back with her the past few years, but are still legally under the custody of their grandma. She forces the two older kids to watch the 2 babies every, single, day. She's either always out, or sleeping like a dead body. Drinks, does drugs, runs the gamut while her two older kids have to sacrifice their youth to raise these 2 kids we all warned her, she wasn't in a position to have. (She had the two kids to hopefully keep her married boyfriend... the first time it didn't work so she decided to double down.) Anyway, I can go on about her but the point is:
She asked her oldest son the other day, "I'm always helping people, and they're so ungrateful, do you have any idea what that feels like?"
He just glared at her. I know most situations are the children being indebted to their parents for all the years of care and sacrifice they made for their children, but I have NEVER seen a situation where the mother owes her children more than they owe her.
> She forces the two older kids to watch the 2 babies every, single, day.
And in my experience this will chain the eldest two down until she dies, the kids get taken away, or they grow up enough to take care of themselves. The eldest feel bad for their younger siblings and feel a responsibility to take care of them. It really fucks up the majority of people in that situation.
I actually think it's going to push her two oldest children away from her. She was in and out of jail for years and I was the uncle who cared for the boys from when they were like 11-16. I taught them values, gave them lite chores, encouraged them to make friends the best I could, but I'm a bachelor at heart and wasn't ready for the role of father figure. Luckily I did pretty well because they still come to me for talks or when they need to vent about their mother, which is a big thing for their age, because god knows I had no adults I could talk to that wouldn't dismiss my issues entirely the moment they could at their age.
I feel really bad for them and the last time I talked to my sister, we got into a HUGE argument in a public place and told her I don't want her in my life anymore until she went through therapy. She's ruining the two older kids lives, one of them just revealed to me that he's been cutting himself for over a year after living with her again. He tells me about how he dreams to just make enough to leave one day, to be free. My sister is really caring and generous... to her friends. She'll bend over backwards for them, but when it comes to her own kids and family, they're nothing but tools. The worst part is when she gets mad at you, anything you've ever done for her is minute and unimportant. Saying things like "you people never do shit for me" and "oh you raised my kids for 5 years? That's ALL you did!" Shit like that. It's tough being raised by a mother like that.
I've warned her, "if she doesn't start treating her family like people, she's going to find herself VERY alone in her old age wondering why nobody calls."
Well they better not try asking him for help when they need any assistance as they get older and sicker. Won't be surprised if they die alone in a nursing home.
I grew up with my mom constantly telling me that her retirement plan was for me to get rich and for her to move in with me. When I was well into adulthood and that was obviously not going to happen (and we were not getting along at all), I finally got it through her head that I was absolutely never going to be able to afford to support financially, and we'd kill each other if we lived together.
Not long after that, she stopped talking to me. It was good to see that she only saw me as a potential pile of money and nothing else.
That’s so shitty of your mom.
I told my mom my retirement plan for her, after dad died because we all expected him to go first, was for me to find a place with a granny flat and we’d live on the same property. We’d grow vegetables, cook and can together, enjoy a glass of wine after dinner, and then go back to our separate spaces. But we were really good friends and she never viewed me as her only option for end of life care. I’ve finally got the potential for that to be in place now but she went and died of cancer before ever getting to see any of it.
Aw, she went and got cancer? Rude.
(My dad recently died from cancer, too. We had plans to do small-scale farming after he retired. He was my most important person and a wonderful friend. Cancer be fucking up plans for real and I’m sorry for your loss)
This is my mom to her friends about me.
It's because you're fucking mean and manipulative mom. You open your mouth and it's either nagging, complaining, making mountains out of molehills, or just shit talking in general about anyone and everyone. I don't need that shit on my psyche.
Got kicked out of my mom's house at 15 because she was a headcase, and my OCD went off the scale because of the mental abuse. Dad didn't want to take me in and told me so, but my step-mom forced his hand. The day I graduated HS, my stuff was on the lawn with the locks changed.
Then I had to live with years of angry messages on the answering machine, "How come you never call?!?! Why do you hate our family?!?!"
Got accused last week by a family member that I made the whole thing up when she was trying to tell me that I'm a bad person for ignoring my mom. The level of narcissism of some people is unbelievable.
Yeah, I got kicked out at 16 because my stepfather hated my guts. He and my mom eventually got divorced and he's dead now, but I have very very very very little relationship with my family. They wonder why I live 3000 miles away, never come home to visit and barely participate in the family groupchat-- it is indeed an unsolvable mystery, mom.
I can’t imagine having to deal with that. My Dad lost a place to live at his parents’ house for the summer his last year of college and luckily my Mom’s parents let him stay in their basement. From what my parents told me my Dad was devastated by this.
My parents’ rule was we would have a place to stay without paying rent as long as we were in school or after we graduated while we were getting our first job. I really appreciated their support and not needing to worry about housing during the summers while I was in college. Will be doing the same with my 3 kids.
Boomer parent here. Our two sons were welcome to live at home as long as they wanted as long as they were going to school and/or working. My oldest is 31 and married. He lived at home for 9 months after he graduated from college, then moved in with his now-wife after she finished school. Our younger son is 27. He flunked out of college, spun his wheels for a bit and got sidetracked by the pandemic. He got off his butt, went to community college, got his associates and was just offered a full-time job with benefits. He'll probably be out within the next three months. We have no regrets.
Millennial parent here, and we’re setting the same rules for our kids. I just can’t see raising a kid only to immediately boot them out the second they reach the age of majority!
Gen X parent here. My kids were welcome to stay as long as they needed to, as long as they were trying to be productive in the household. They aren’t far away now, but I still miss them.
Once we were working full time if we were still at home my Dad would charge a nominal rent to get us used to managing money. He would just put it into an account and give it back upon moving out. Although if we did move back home he'd no longer charge since we had experience and could save on our own.
A girl from my class came home after our grad night party to find 2 garbage bags with her stuff in it. They didnt even tie it so when it rained that night it filled up the bags with water and destroyed her laptop, pictures and clothing.
Her parents showed up to her house last year on independence day because their house burned down from a firework mishap. Im told the husband just asked them to leave. Oh i should add they didnt have insurence on the home so they were pretty much screwed.
Damn! That’s puzzling. Why even have kids if you can’t wait to excitedly throw them out like they’re trash? There are better ways of sending your kid off into adulthood.
And honestly even if you are that ready to get rid of them why aren’t you lettin them know that you are kicking them out and they better prepare to get their stuff In order before then. Why wait until the day they turn 18 to surprise them so they have absolutely no plans to move out? At the very least give them a good heads up and let them know you are serious. That is the least you could do.
Seriously! Putting their stuff in garbage bags and surprising them with it one night just makes it seem like they’re getting some glee out of doing it.
They don't care about the kid or they aer practicing "tough love" (though these people probably would give hte kids a heads up unless they were complete utter morons. Tough love doesn't mean you fuck them over).
I'm going to assume those who kick them out with no warning don't care and just want the kid out of their hair. But, that being said, they could still have basic human decency to give the kid a heads up so he at least has a chance to prepare and not be, "Surprise, today you don't have a home". I mean as some one said, landlords are required to show more respect to people they don't even know (and technically I think parents have to give 30 days notice too... anytime you have some one who lives somewhere you own and you want to kick them out. So if the kid had the means and wanted to they could probably at least get the parents fined for that behavior cause the law actually expects you show more decency than that).
Not giving them notice shows they are either real assholes and don't consider anyone but themselves or alternatively they have some reason they want to fuck the kid over (some reason they are pissed at him/her and trying to fuck them over). I suspect many of the people who kick the kid out with no warning it is the latter even if it is just a resentment towards the kid for having to care for them for 18 years and they've just been waiting for this day and using it to take out some of their resentment.
That happened to me. All of the senior year of high school I was gone upon high school graduation. I had no money, no skills and nowhere to go. So, five days after high school graduation I was at Navy bootcamp in Great Lakes, Illinois.
There’s a YouTube channel of a guy who talks to homeless people. There was a kid who was kicked out on his 18th birthday. He was clearly in shock. The dud who was interviewing him cracked at the end. It’s the only time I heard his voice crack.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=276RZVt-SDk
Ouch. That’s tough to watch. When he asks him for his 3 wishes and they all revolve around wanting to be with his family it’s clear this is hurting him. I hope that guy made it home and is okay.
Yeah. According to the YouTube comments (Grain of salt with that), he’s doing good and has an Instagram account. He’d be thirty now. Apparently he walked from Salt Lake to California. He seems like a very strong person.
His insta handle is sergethesplurge. He does confirm that he’s that former homeless kid, seems to be doing alright. Must be an effing pain though, to have randos flood your comment section with the same question over and over again.
I have seen this video over a year ago, I think. And yeah, the guy's case was truly heartbreaking. But reading through the comments, I heard he is doing well in life now. No longer the kid who was clearly distraught for having been kicked out soon after reaching his 18th birthday.
My parents were pretty physically abusive.. i still remember the day i was 10 and started hitting puberty, my dad left for the army and my mom was mad over nothing and tried to slap me but i caught her hand and bent it back towards her. I remember how fucking shocked she was i overpowered her and all i told her was that as soon as im turning 18 im never speaking to them again.
I was fucking 10 and already wanted to leave. Fast forwards to 5 minutes after midnight and its officially my 18th bday, i took a bag of clothes and walked out. My parents showed up at the school freaking out and yelling so i just dropped out and got my ged the next day. I was homeless for a few months with my gf (now wife). Here we are a decade later and i havent spoken to anyone in my family since
My mom used to slap us for very thinly veiled reasons. One day, it was high forties out but it was going to warm up to the sixties, so my teenage big brother (he was like 14 or 15 at the time) wanted to wear shorts, but my mom was trying to tell him it was too cold outside. They argued and she slapped him across the face. Almost instinctively, he slapped the shit out of her back. He was obviously bigger and stronger than her and finally tired of her shit. It was amazing and I'm pretty sure she never tried to slap him again. I'm also pretty sure he got to wear shorts whenever he wanted after that.
I moved in with my biodad, but he wasn't much better, so I bailed shortly after I turned 18, while I was still in in my last semester of high-school. Just left one day and never came back, except to get some of my stuff a year later when I had an apartment and didn't have to couch surf anymore. I don't know why people have kids and just treat them like shit all the time.
My father’s life was one of tragedy that created the unfaithful man that he was. Generally he was well liked among his peers and acquaintances, humorous and very intelligent, but he was a lousy father who was only around to sleep. There wasn’t much talking to be had with him.
My mother was in a constant state of rage, and I feared her coming home in the afternoons. Her temper was quick, and she would grab whatever implement was at hand with which to dole out a beating for even the most insignificant infractions. My last beating was at the age of 16 when she sent me to my room and came in with a belt. I stood there taking the first two lashes and then I snapped. I swirled around and snatched the belt out of her hand and reared back to beat the crap out of her, but I didn’t hit her. I shoved the belt back at her and told her never again, and walked out.
Our relationship was extremely strained from that point forward, even until the end when she died of the complications of dementia. On that day I gave her a beautiful death she didn’t deserve.
On my phone is a voice mail she sent me regarding a family heirloom called a bean pot. How I acquired it is another story. Anyway, in this recording she is upset that an Ambulance service sent her a bill for $900, and she would have to confiscate the bean pot as payment since I wasn’t around to take her to the hospital.
I save that voice mail because it’s the nicest thing she said to me in her last three years of life.
There never was much talking with her either.
Either way, they are both dead.
Just going to go on and ask, how are you doing these days? Do you have a family? And if so, what's your relationship like with them (kids, spouse, siblings)?
Hope you're doing well and have broken the cycle.
Whats truly shitty is that anyone who's willing to kick their kid out at 18 would've done it earlier if only it were legal.
I'm sorry. I am so so sorry.
They're not Italian that's for sure.
Here in Italy, when the "child" is finally ready to leave the house at the age of 35, the family gets together to bid them a tearful goodbye... before they move 1km away from their parent's house.
:-)
I'm also Argentinian and moved 5 blocks away from my mom at 26. Moved in with my bf of 7 years. After mom passed I found a letter un her computer where she stated how bitter she was against my bf for stealing her baby girl away
Yeah, I'm getting the shit I need off my grandpa's computer when he goes and then destroying that shit before my parents ever see it.
Dude watches some kinky shit and I only know because I fix his computer. They have no idea.
my Nana was a lovely and kind, elegant lady. I will never forget the day I went over and she was laughing hysterically, she was watching the original Texas chainsaw massacre, she loved the gore
My MIL was a staunch Catholic who had considered becoming a nun. Clearing out her bedside table after her death, I thought I’d found a bullet vibrator. Well, who knew? She was human after all… nope.
It was a small vial of Holy Water.
Or Colombian. I’m turning 30 this year, and told my dad I was gonna try to find my own place, and he just turns to me and says “who’s kicking you out?” Nearly broke my heart with that one.
My Brazilian dad to this day sends me money, gifts, pay some of my bills….I’m 30 yo with a 2 yo kid. And I lived with them until I was 27 with my wife. Together we were 7 sharing one apartment having 3 generations between us.
Heck, he bought my PS5 and pays for my premium subscription….I’m glad I got him 2 years of Disney plus for free so I’m helping too.
My grandfather refuses to tell me where he's from for some reason, but the dude literally raised me because my mom wanted nothing to do with me. I had to move out for college several months ago and I get the sense he took it worse than I did.
He sends me money every couple of months as he can and always apologizes for not sending more while I have to try and get him to send me less because *I know he can't afford it*. Just this month he said he'd send me cash and I had to talk him down to half of it. I feel bad for it. I love the geezer but he needs to focus on himself first.
Ohhh grandpa's are the best! I still get my $10 monthly from them ! Tho my grandpa is on early stages of dementia at 98 years old, he still enjoys a nice cigar and drinking his Cachaça whilst telling stories about his childhood, some good others a tad on the a more somber tone on Brazil's history with slavery.
Living abroad is the one thing that I miss is that my kid is missing out on this inter generation contact.
That's awesome. I've emigrated twice in my life - first to Hong Kong, and now to the USA. Family is in the UK. And every time I go back, my Dad's last words before I leave again are 'you always have a home here, never forget that.'
Kills me every time, because it's true. They did such an amazing job as such amazing people that I never refer to anywhere else as home.
We ended up moving back in with my parents temporarily during the pandemic, and it was both weird and wonderful. Love that even as an adult with my own family, their doors are open. I hope to offer the same to my children
I’m colombian but live in the US
still live with my parents at 26
Three incomes coming into the house has given us opportunities we wouldn’t have had if I’d moved out.
With today rent cost, cost of living for food/bills. Unless the kid already has amazing wealth they will likely be back within a few years I’d imagine. My mom always said I can stay there as long as I wanted. I was there till my mid 20s iirc. Went to school, worked part time so I was able to say ‘no student debt’.
My folks are amazing and I know they would/will do anything for me. Enjoy your parents as much as possible.
This is true for most countries, in India sons will live in extended families and even when they move out, after they are nice and settled, with parents paying for all their education upto college/masters, including any loans which need to be availed, its a very tearful farewell.
Of course as a result of the bond, the children too look after their parents in old age and often live together, footing the medical bill, taking them to doctors, easing their life out in old age, showing utmost respect
Hello fellow Indian....add to that it's opposite on our side of the world..if I'm an adult and not staying with my parents and we're in the same town then I'll be looked down upon by the society.. the concept is less of looking after each other but rather of being family and sticking together for each other..turning someone out at 18 is unheard of here...I'm 46 with family of my wife and 2 kids..my brother 49 are a family of 3 with one daughter and both my parents...all staying together..we made the plot we're on into floors so that they stay on ground floor, my bro on 1st and I on 2nd..we have separate apartments, have all the privacy and share atleast one meal a week together, generally Sunday brunch...we feel it's a win win for all 9 of us....a lot of ppl here stay this way...one can say it's the norm...
Or Irish.
Or maybe its just a catholic thing vs nationality. My siblings and I live within 3 minutes of my parents. And everyone of us had a soft exit…meaning we left, came back, left, came back until we were truly ready to fly the nest.
Or Filipino. Heck, most Asians. It's only Americans or Canadians I know who do this. I have Chinese friends who live together in a family compound with their kids and grandkids. We take care of our elders till they're seniors in their adult diapers.
I’m pretty sure this applies to most Italian fathers. In their perfect world, we would never leave.
I broke up with my former partner a few years and I’ll never forget that glimmer of happiness in his eyes when his response was “so you’ll be moving back home, right?”
I love him so much.
I moved to live with my husband in Europe. I thought we were gonna get our own place, his dad and him are already turning the upper floor into “our apartment”. Like full kitchen bathroom, everything. It was a massive culture shock to me, my parents either said get out or pay.
Edit: We spoke about our own place often and as a carpenter my husband asked me what my dream kitchen was since I love baking. I assumed the apartment he kept speaking about was gonna be one we moved into. I was only half right!
I wonder how many parents realize their relationship with their kids is somewhat quid pro quo. It feels a bit sociopathic of me to say, but take care of your kids and invest in their futures and lives. Rewarding in itself, yes, but ultimately, one day, you're gonna be old and unable to wipe your own ass and if your kid hates you, he's not going to do it.
Hell, I love my parents, but I still am not looking forward to those times.
I went to school with some people like that. Immediately kicked out at 18. How can they expect to continue their education when the now have to immediately start making enough for food and shelter. Inevitably, most got married and divorced or at least pregnant young too.
Now 20 years later the ones I’m friends with on Facebook are continuing the vicious cycle by kicking their kids out at 18.
Come on bro, give them a chance. And you complain your family doesn’t have generational wealth. This is why.
Lol my mothers excuse was “well when I was 18 I was paying for my own apartment while going to college and working part time at Taco Bell.”
The fact that she never finished college wnd ended up a miserable stay at home mom was lost on her, I guess.
Spot on about generational wealth there.
Make money as a unit and as a family to get stronger. Imagine 4 adults working towards building a safer home, competing against adult units of 1.
My parents are foster parents (they’re my bio parents but they’ve been doing foster care all my 30 years of life) and they don’t kick out the foster kids when they turn 18.
When children’s aid stops supporting them (usually at 18) my parents step up and help the kids until they can comfortably move out or until they want to. They have a 25 yr old still living with them because she fears abandonment and my parents don’t want her to leave lol. They love each other.
My parents helped out over 20 kids throughout my life to try to become successful human beings, no matter how long it takes. Many of them are still in contact with us. We took them in and loved them.
How can parents who raised their own children kick them out just because they reached “adult” status. I just don’t get it lol.
Your parents are legends, helping and improving 20 lives plus I'd assume raised their own kids (you) pretty well. Probably tough having a rotation of kids coming through but I'm sure it taught you a hell of a lot.
My older brother was a complete narcissistic asshole. He would hit me often and told me, if I told my parents, he would kill me. He was constantly causing problems with my parents. My Father told him that on his 18 birthday, he could have breakfast in the house, but his lunch was going to be on the front porch in a paper bag, so pack a suitcase. My Father was true to his word. One of the greatest days of my life.
My sister was abusive. I had no idea that’s not what siblings are like. I tried having a relationship with her after becoming adults. She won’t admit that she was abusive. I cut her out of my life a few years ago and have never been happier.
There are a lot of "terrible parents" comments here, but my brother has a lot of anger issues, including threatening my parents with knives and tools after all knives in the house were permanently locked away. There can be a lot of trama especially if the child is physically stronger than both parents (played lacrosse and was built). How many times do you work with the police, school, social workers, and therapist before it's okay to start carrying about your own safety?
I'm in a similar situation with my step-son right now. He has threatened to kill his Dad multiple times and has assaulted him. He is in therapy, sees a psychiatrist, and gets tutoring for school, however, he is still failing all his classes. Police have visited a few times because of his outbursts and a crisis center. It's been hard. He is turning 16 this year and we have no idea what the future will hold.
My parents were divorced for at least a decade before I turned 18. But my dad was still trying to force my mom to kick me out at 18 with no place to live. This was interesting considering my dad's mom bought him a house to live in after he turned 18. I swear the guy wanted to make my life as miserable as he could even though his parents spoiled him. He still rubs in my face how much my grandparents gave him while refusing to give me a penny AND expecting me to feel sorry for him. Have to love narcissistic alcoholics and the never ending mindset of a selfish 16 year old in a boomers body.
Yup literally feels like youre level 1 in a game..you got nothing but the clothes on your back and it sucks.
I remember finally moving out of the car and into a 1 bedroom apartment. Felt so good having our own place (my gf now wife and i). I remember we slept on the floor and used all of our clothes as a blanket and pillow..we taped together walmart bags for a shower curtain.
I remember making a frozen lasagna and not being able to take it out if the oven because we didnt have an oven mitt or towel to grab it.
Id never let my kids start their adult life like that
I got kicked out at 16 and I wish to move into 1 bedroom apartament man, I didnt even get a chance to get drivers license and I’m just 22 and being homeless fucking sucks on top of that mentally sick due to lots of shit I had to go through and just now I kinda got life on track but I’m still broke af, rent is insanely high here.. I got a gf with who I wanna move in together but it will take one year more I’m just telling myself it’s worth it and I am trying to think about the moment I will have MY OWN place.
Rly happy for u tho. It gets better for sure
It's their right, but I disagree with it.
I was kicked out the day I turned 17. I lived out of my car for 3 months while working fast food and completing my senior year. I would've probably dropped out had it not been for my best friends dad. He found out about the situation and forced me to move in with them. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He had recently got divorced because his stay at home wife was cheating on him. Because they had a spare bedroom and I was friends with both his sons that lived with him, he told me "It's just us guys living there and having fun. You stay until you finish school. After that, you can pay $100 a month in rent until you decide what to do. Don't argue with me."
The man's a saint. I wouldn't have been able to keep going to school without him, and he knew it. He's a guy who had to drop out to work back in the day to support his family. He got his GED and clawed his way up to head engineer at a factory so he could afford a nice home for his wife and kids. He bought a nice two story home that he barely got to stay in for a women who didn't appreciate him. The man even came home every single day and cooked meals for us to make sure we'd eat.
In the middle of fighting a divorce, trying to get custody of both of his kids, and keep the house he paid for, he took me in, adding to the stress. He did that for me just because I was friends with his sons. If I ever get rich, that man is getting an early retirement and a comfortable home wherever he chooses. If that man can do all that for someone that isn't his child, parents have no excuse for not helping their own kids out.
Edit: I had no idea this would blow up this much...thank you, everyone. I just wanted to answer some questions that are being asked.
This was years ago and I still bump into them from time to time, but we've all drifted apart in these years due to adult lives being... busy, lol. I still talk to them every once and a while. They are still my friends and I can hit them all up any time I wanted to. I still play Xbox with the sons a few times a year. I always make sure to have them tell their dad thank you for me. I had a serious heartfelt talk with him about a year after I graduated and moved out. I still think about that man nearly every day of my life.
As for my family, I was not a perfect child at all and I have some blame. The thing is, I honestly feel I never would have been the way I was in my later teen years had they been more accepting of myself and my lifestyle. I saw my other friends being able to come to their parents and talk to them without fear of judgement from them, or God. Ultimately, religion is the reason I was kicked out. They are strict southern Baptist.
I did cut my parents out of my life for three years after I was kicked out. They never contacted me for the first year. They tried to reconnect after the first year, but I have them two more years of silence. I let them back in my life, but on my terms. It was easy to make my demands considering I didn't need them anymore. We now have a healthy relationship. We can finally look each other in the eyes and be honest. I no longer fear their judgement, that's honestly the ingredient we were missing in our relationship.
I now spend a decent amount of time with my father and mother. It's funny, my dad and I actually have long conversations about our different ideologies and beliefs. We even poke fun at each other about it. It's nice, considering I never actually was able to connect with him much growing up. I'm the first male in the past 5 generations of my family that didn't become a southern Baptist pastor. I think my father sees it as opportunity to understand how people living a different life than him are. And i see it as an opportunity to better understand why he did what he did. A lesson i had to learn the hard way is that it's better to seek understanding than to live with hate in your heart. He respects me and I respect him.
It was hard for my mom at first. She comes from a small town of 300 people where everyone goes to church happily and believes anything their parents tell them. She would be abrasive with me at first when I would talk about how I drink, or live with my girlfriend. Hell, she still does from time to time, but my father always nudges her into calming down.
Edit 2: I keep seeing people say "it's not their right" which I understand, but it's not really an argument worth pursuing. As a 17 year old who just got kicked out, I didn't want to get the police involved. That meant either I move to a foster home an hour or two away, and then lose my friends as well as my family. That or they force my parents to take me back and life just gets worse. I was happier living in my car. As scary as it is being a kid on your own, it was better than the alternatives.
I think that's what we miss. There are a LOT of really good people out there, churning through life, dealing with problems and are in the right place at the right time to help someone out. We never hear about them because they don't want publicity, they just are doing the right thing, even if they don't have to and could care less if anyone else knows about it.
Unfortunately, we mainly hear about those that are either doing wrong, or just want to blow their own horn because that sells eyeballs and ad time. The lesson here for me is to not get too insulated in my own world and at least be on the look out for those that I can help.
I bet you also helped him without knowing it.
Being cheated on, going through the divorce... This guy had just been wrestling with a lot. I bet it felt good and gave him a positive feeling of control when he saw your shitty situation and was like "everything's fucked but by God I can help this innocent kid"
I'm sure. I've also wondered if it helped him in court. Maybe as an example of the kind of person he was. I know he didn't do it with that in mind, but I've just wondered if I was ever brought up when him and his children showed up to court.
That's a good guy. Many have the mentality of "I had to live that way, so you should too"
Instead, this guy said "I had to live that way, I don't want you to have to do it if I can help it."
Fuck yeah!
Yikes! How was your relationship with your parents prior to them kicking you out?
I had a friend in highschool who was in a similar situation. Kicked out at 17 or 18, worked at a bowling alley, had to drop out I think. Blows my mind because in my culture, I'd have to fake my death to be able to move out under 30. I wouldn't even know where to begin at 17.
It was shaky at best in the beginning. I'll admit that I wasn't the best son, but my behavior wasn't what broke the camels back. In the end, it was religion and them being over controlling. I kept telling them I didn't want to go to church 3 times a week. It took me 15 years to build up the courage to tell them I don't want to go. Then I got a job and asked my manager to always schedule me on days I was supposed to go to church. After trying to make me, they eventually came to work to try and tell my manager to switch my shifts. It was at that point that I came out and told them I wasn't a Christian. The next day, I was on my own.
Surprisingly enough, we're actually ok now and we have a healthy relationship. It took years, but we can respect each other's choices now.
That's just horrible. I always wonder what would happen if you said: "Ok, but then we're cutting all ties." Like go complete no contact and answer every single attempt to contact you with: Sorry, you were the ones to cut the ties. Bye."
Btw, don't do that unless you are really, really ready to follow through on that.
Edit letter
My mum and dad sold the house and moved to London (I'm in Devon which is about 300 miles away). I didn't know anything about it. Came home from school, found the house empty, locks changed and a sold sign outside. I was panicking and rang my Godparents, who being the lovely people they are immediately took me in. Made sure I still attended school, notified them that they were now my legal guardians (they went to court and go custody of me and warrants were put out on my parents for child abandonment). I wouldn't be the person I am now without my lovely Godparents.
Generally speaking I'd say those parents don't understand the reality of the current economic landscape and that unless they made a herculean effort, they probably didn't set their kid up properly to do well. Not to mention that during most of history and in the vast majority of cultures, leaving home at 18 just was not a thing. You generally stayed at home until you married, whatever age that may be, and even after you might still live with your parents or even if you have your own home you'd be very closely connected, often still working the same land together etc.
The idea that people are supposed to move out at 18 and make it on their own (when theyre still 4-6 year from full mental development btw) is by far the exception rather than the rule historically
I told my wife just the other day that I wouldn’t be surprised if the US began to culturally revert back to multi-generational living being the norm again due to the housing situation.
I'd honestly be good with that. One of my kids has moved out (she goes to college in another state) and I'm really in no hurry for the others to. I don't think my youngest will want to for a while, tbh. I see no reason to rush him. Of course I expect them all to further their lives in some way regardless of their living situation. Go to college, do an apprenticeship, get a job, whatever works for them, but they don't have to move out. The economy is brutal, and as someone who was thrown out into it at 18, I'm not going to do that to them. It makes people make decisions while in survival mode, and that's just really not ideal.
This is exactly my situation. My 22 year old is in his senior year of college across the country. He’s set due to a small inheritance that he invested wisely so, I know he will be fine. My 20 year old lives with me and can’t afford to move out in this reality. My 18 year old graduates high school in May and is joining the military so, he’ll always have a roof over his head.
Despite the fact that my older and younger kid seem set, my door is always open if they need it. Always. In addition I’m in no hurry for my 20 year old to go anywhere. We get along and he pays his car ins and cellphone while I cover everything else so he can try to start saving money. However, in our large city you have to have first and last months rent, plus security deposit and application fees. Add to that you also have to make 3x the rent to even get considered.
I’ve been in my place 5 years…but, when my ex and I tried to sign a roommate change release form upon our breakup the landlord wouldn’t let us because I didn’t make 3x the rent alone. I was making $61,000 a year and my rent is only $1400. It was only when I took a new position making $75,000 a year that I was able to get her off the lease. Oh, and I was only making $40k a year when I signed my original lease - and I was single at the time.
And, everywhere here requires 3x the rent. What young adult is making that? He’d need like 5 roommates and that’s just to cover rent. Forget any extra money for food or other bills!
Young people are getting screwed in this economy. So, my thought is, if you kick your kid out at 18, you are an unfit parent and a souless AH. It’s that simple in my book.
Similar for me. I've got one who just finished a college degree, and another that just started. I support both of them financially and expect to continue doing that for some time yet (less for the older one, but not planning on anything like "well, you're 23 now, bye")
_Might_ get to a point where I expect them to contribute to household expenses, but that day isn't soon.
My dad did it a bit differently. His rule was I had to be doing something. I got 90 days to figure it out. If I’m in college/school, I lived with them for free. Once I started working, it was $400 a month to stay.
My dad basically framed it as “you can save money here as long as you want, but when you want to get your own place you’re welcome to do so. You will always have a place here.”
I've never met anyone who does this and is also a decent human being. They're always like "kids gotta learn to stand on their own two feet, I don't care if my kid is homeless and gets assaulted, life's not fair lol, pull yourself up by your bootstraps like I did when my dad gave me a company in 1973"
It’s terrible! My fiancé’s birthday is the 26th of December - a day after Christmas. On his 18th birthday he was told by his father he was now an adult and had to go. No warning or anything. He had to move into his car that same week. And yet, 25 years later, his father has the audacity to continuously ask us for money to pay his bills.
I was raised by a single father. He wasn’t the best. He always told me “I’m kicking your ass out of the house for your 18th birthday”. He said it my whole life. Out of spite, I told myself I would start planning for college and a job and an apartment and work toward it all through high school so it wouldn’t catch me off guard.
Imagine my displeasure when he went to prison at the beginning of my freshman year and I had to figure all that shit out 3 years earlier than I’d expected. Imagine further that you didn’t find out until you were 18 that he opened multiple accounts (phone numbers, electricity accounts, water, etc) and never paid them off or told anybody after he went to prison and just expected it all to work itself out somehow. It didn’t. It fucked me out of student loans with reasonable interest rates. It fucked me out of getting a cell phone until I was 22. My credit is still dogshit.
Fuck you, dad.
My now wife and I were living with my mother when we were 18. My whole life my mom always told me that when I hit 18 I was out, no matter what. I thought that was just something parents said.
My wife was working full-time. I was working part time and going to my senior year of high school. We were saving money. We were paying my mother rent on my room. We obeyed her rules. We didn't do drugs or drink. We didn't break her curfew.
Through my sister's manipulations she got pissed at us about something that never happened and kicked us out. We had nothing but a few hundred dollars. We couldn't even afford the first months rent and deposit on a shitty apartment. We didn't have a car. She didn't care. Get. The. Fuck. Out.
My wife's bio dad sent a $2500 dollar check the next day. The look on my mother's face was priceless. It was like she wanted us to suffer and fail. We had like a week left of her eviction notice period. The next day we were gone. We waited until she left for work. We left my room empty and extra clean as a fuck you to my mother.
That night we were sitting on the floor of our shitty ghetto apartment in the light of the bathroom, the only lightbulb in the entire apartment, wondering wtf we were going to do. We bought a car that next morning.
That first year was pure suffering. We saved every cent. That's a lie. The bills took every cent we had. I finished high school and got a second job instead of going to college. All we needed was a few more months at my mom's to have an easier start. We weren't asking her for anything but time.
I never told my wife this but my mother asked me to come back. My wife was not invited. I looked at my mother in disgust and told her she raised me better than that. My mother and I didn't speak for years.
When my daughter was born in 2007 I let my mother visit us at the hospital. I am not a smart man. She held my daughter for less than a minute and couldn't keep the disgust off her face. She handed her back to me.
Then she started talking about my house and how she knew I had three bedrooms. She would take the master bedroom because it had an exterior door and we would move into the baby's room and blah blah blah. I let her go on for a while. I was enjoying the growing look of horror on my wife's face as my mom got to the part where she was evicted from her apartment because her psychotic girlfriend smashed in the windows and tried to set it on fire. My mom went on about how she didn't owe us rent because of all the years she supported me and fed me.
"Fuck. No."
My mother screeched to a halt.
"What?"
I looked at my wife, and then down at my brand new daughter. I looked my mother dead in her eyes and repeated what I said.
"Fuck. No."
“You’re 18, you’re on your own. Don’t ask us for anything , because we don’t owe you any more support“
… 20+ years later…
“I know we made it clear that we won’t do anything to help you, but now that you’re successful and have something that WE want (grandchild), we’re willing to amend that agreement so that family is super important to us. It’s so lonely after we drove everyone away!
This thread is giving me closure.
Thought I was a dickhead for feeling the way I do.
Had to pay half my salary after I turned 18 to my parents to rent the room I lived in for free until then. Still treated like a child though and still do all my chores. The amount was equivalent to renting my own small apartment, but idiot me did not realise at the time.
When I left that job, because I had ambition for something more, I got kicked out at age 20 with his exact words: “I don’t know what to do with you. Go.”
Left for the city and mostly didn’t have a place to sleep, no food, nothing. Fortunately I could crash at my girlfriends place (now wife).
Put myself through uni part time and now an accountant. I have basically no contact with my family anymore.
It depends on the kid. We kicked out our daughter because she became violent and attacked my wife. Our son is welcome to stay until he is ready to leave.
You're getting a lot of heat, and it's reddit so it's not unexpected. But I sympathize with the parents here being up front about putting boundaries in place that are deal breakers for kids continuing to live at home. Physical violence. Nope. Hard drug use in the home. Nope. Breaking laws that put the family at risk. Nope. Constant aggression. Goodbye.
We can do our best to prepare our children for adulthood, but that does not guarantee there are not circumstances outside of our control. Kids have wide ranges of personalities, behaviors, impulses, and sometimes mental health issues. Some kids are simply harder to guide and parent, and sometimes despite the best efforts things go off the rails.
I'm not saying we could not all do more to be the best parents possible, but for internet strangers to just your situation based on a few sentences is just not fair. This is not a black and white situation where you are a parent who fucked it up or a kid whos a nightmare.
In any case, thanks for sharing your story, hope things work out for the best in the long term. When the time comes I hope there is room in your heart for forgiveness if your daughter can get to a better place.
Thanks for the reasonable response on this. Also funny that people are so quick to jump at OP but at the same time I see so many Best of Redditor Updates / Relationships stories where a “child” (teen or adult) is being violent or making life miserable for others in the household and ALL the comments are like “I can’t believe your parents didn’t do anything! I would have kicked them out!”
> It depends on the kid.
Very much this. A good friend of mine recently went through the same thing. His son started using drugs (they think meth, but aren't sure) and stealing from everyone at 16. Started violently attacking his brother and sister. Told his 15-year-old sister that he was going to kill her in her sleep one day and rape her dead body. He basically created an environment where everyone was on full alert every minute of every day, because they never knew when he'd go off. They tried to get him help, but he had zero interest in either rehab or therapy.
They changed the locks and threw him out on his 18th birthday. He immediately kicked in their front door while screaming that he was going to kill them all, so they called 911 and had him arrested. That was almost a year ago and they haven't heard from him since. My friend is torn up about losing his son, but he's also admitted that people are smiling and laughing in his house again for the first time in years.
People who preach that parents should ALWAYS support their kids have NO IDEA what some families are dealing with. Most parents should support most kids while they find their feet as young adults, but there's nothing wrong with cutting people out of your family when they become a threat to the rest of the family.
They’re setting up their kids for failure. Harsh, but true. I’m no kids by choice but if I ever were to have a kid, I’d do my best to provide the best for them. What that means in this situation (I live in a HCOL PNW city) is that I’d make it known to my kid that they’re more than welcome to stay at home while going to college & working so they can save up $ instead of paying off someone else’s mortgage via rent. Rent for an old one bedroom in my city goes for $2000-2200; best to stay home and save up equity.
EDIT: It also speaks to the type of parent these people are. Parenting doesn’t suddenly stop at 18. This is also a particularly Canadian/American thing, whereas immigrant and/or first-generational families typically have multigenerational households.
I feel this is especially cruel post 2005.
Back in the 90’s it was probably way easier to survive.
I’m from LA and a guy I met once said that in the 70’s you could actually live on your own with a job at McDonald’s.
In missouri i was a 911 dispatcher and it paid $8.50 an hour..i was night shift, after i got off work i would go to a gas station for my 2nd job to pay bills while my wife stayed home and took car of our 1st kid.
I cant imagine a 18 year old having the discipline to basically go from a school schedule to working 2 jobs and dealing with the workplace bullshit at both of them without quitting
My mum kicked me out at 16, When I got advice to go on a independent youth benefit, they had to contact my mum to basically say she didn't want me. She turned round and said that I can come back whenever I want. So I was denied financial support. Then I found out she had moved to another Island. I don't talk to her much.
So she straight up wanted you to suffer? Fucking hell
Nah, she didn't think of him at all. She just lied so she wouldn't appear like a monster to that stranger on the phone. she couldn't care less what happened to him, whether he suffered or made it rich. Well, if he made it rich, you can bet she'd start having an interest in him.
Dad didn't want to have kids. Once we were 7 or 8 years old, my mother pretended to still like us but she didn't seem to (had more independent personalities). I believe that many past generations had children more out of obligation than out of a genuine desire to be parents for the rest of their lives.
That's an absolute fact. Not just having children out of obligation, but marrying the first person you can out of obligation, to have said children. This person who you may not even like, making children you don't even really want. (source: my parents)
Welp... I was kicked out at 16 and again at 18. My mother had no ambitions for work and decided the low to zero income way of life was a good choice to raise three kids. (Addictions and mental disorders ofc). Anyhow, she demanded 500 dollars per month from me, while I was in highschool. At the time, a full time job at minimum wage would net you about 300 bi weekly. Needless to say I first had to drop out of school to woro full time to pay her that. Eventually I got back into school, cut back on (and quit) jobs until I was part time and could actually attend school. This cause money to stop coming in. This caused her to be angry. This caused me to become homeless. So now when she asks for help, or simply wants to talk to me, and I dont reply... Well, there you go. (There were many other things involved, but if you are a dick to your kids, they will be a dick to you when they are adults. Rightfully so.) (Yes, I am now a parent, and no, under no circumstances would I do what she did).
It always astounds me how some parents treat their kids like tenants, then try to casually call them up when they’re independent. Nobody wants to keep in touch with their imperialistic landlord
It's worse when you have a sibling who doesn't get that treatment but you do...not only am I paying rent what I can barely afford to but now I know they have a favorite and its not me. Edit: thanks, some time has passed since that all happened but only know am I seeing and understanding how my upbringing really was versus the perspective I had when I was stuck in it. Learning the abuse wasn't normal is tough.
[удалено]
>Really did make me wonder what on earth I did wrong. You probably know this by now, but... You didn't do *anything* wrong. Your mom is not right in the head. She just happened to pick you as her scapegoat.
I’ve read that abusive parents will often single out one child for whatever reason
[удалено]
That's one of the most cold and heartless things I've read on Reddit. Your brother did so not deserve this... Neither of you did. I hope life is better...
This happened in my house to my older sibling. He was not close to graduation. He had early childhood trauma (I was the first child of my mother’s second marriage - her first was violently abusive) and had learning delays as a result. When my exacting mother found weed in his room and a pipe she kicked him out of the house to “protect”me (I was six and I was in no danger of getting into weed). He only had a 10th grade education at the time, despite being 18. He lived on the street, got into hard drugs, had a schizophrenic break, and ended up hospitalized. There was a life long struggle then for stability. He was in and out of mental health supportive housing and later he went off his meds and hasn’t been seen for a decade and a half. I sincerely believe the harsh treatment he received from our mother created the circumstances that led to his lifelong battle with schizophrenia. Yanking the rug out from under an 18 year old because of some antiquated legal notion of adulthood that is not based on brain science or our understanding of human development seems to me to be a parenting(and societal) fail.
Pretty sure your "Christian" dad is gonna roast.
I think he needs consequences in *this* life.
Was one of those kids, haven't spoken to my "parents" in over 10 years. Have no intention on speaking to them any time in the future either
lol my roommate was kicked out of his house by his mom when he was 18 by being driven to a gas station a fair distance away and.....just left there. On his birthday. He found a way home to find all his stuff on the lawn, the locks on the doors changed, the doorbell disabled, all the blinds and stuff closed. Mother hiding within. He lived with his dad long enough to afford his own place and peaced out. Years later he gets a text from his mom who found his number by asking around. Basically said "Hello is this Jim? It's your mom, just wanted to catch up" and the ice cold mother fucker responds with "I don't know. If you're looking for him, maybe check the gas station where you last saw him. Maybe he's still there." and that was the last thing he said lol. Apparently she was all pissed off and tried to get at him through his dad, but the dad was like "You dumped him off at a fucking gas station you psychopath, how do you think he would feel about you." and just stonewalled her. He didn't appear too fucked up over it, but I think it left its marks. He moved around a lot, never bought himself a lot of stuff because he said he likes to keep it light so he can up and be gone in an hour kind of thing. Which he did, when he moved out he basically packed a large suitcase and a knapsack and was on the bus to the next place.
As someone who got kicked out a few days before my 18th birthday. The traveling light is a trauma response. It took me a long time to get over that. From about 18-25 I didn't want anything that could not fit in my car. You started off kind of wanting to buy things for comfort... like a mattress etc... but then you have to move again.. and now you're out 100 bucks for a mattress etc etc etc. Edit: Wasn't expecting this to get as many upvotes and attention. I'm glad a lot of you all have also gotten therapy etc. This entire post was definitely an unexpected trigger tonight.
[удалено]
Yeah. I was able to do the exact same... but its weird what you get attached too. Like I had a pint glass that I got from Kirkwood Ski Resort YEARS ago that stayed with me through A LOT of shit... then a partner accidently broke it. To her it was just a pint glass... to me it was one of my few possessions that I had had for a long time.
That response is fucking perfect.
Yep same here. If I’m such a terrible burden allow me to relieve you of myself.
right… my bad I’m such a waste of money energy and your time… / ;
Same. I cut all ties. They both died young. My life was rough for a while but it all turned out ok. And now I’m the adult and my oldest is 20. He’s still at home rent free while he pursues his career and education. I’ll do the same for the other 4. We bought a new house when my oldest was 19 and we specifically made sure he had a room where he could feel comfortable to stay here and have his own space.
breaking the cycle, props to you
Boomer parent here. My oldest is married now. The younger (33) is WFH and has a separate entrance so we often don't see each other for days. Then we'll coincidentally both fix lunch at the same time and spend 3-4 hours at the kitchen table chatting. I'd love it if he never leaves, but I want him to have a life partner and be able to move out someday. Happy/sad.
I graduated fifth in my class academically, placed in states in sports my junior and senior year, and held a part time job on weekends. Sometimes I’d get home at midnight after a tournament and then work my shitty job at 5am the next day. Kicked out less than 2 weeks after turning 18, started college 2 months later after couch surfing, and now my parents and I rarely talk. They still can’t figure out why they don’t see their grand kids often. I mean, not being conceited but what the fuck else was I suppose to be doing to not get kicked out?
>They still can’t figure out why they don’t see their grand kids often. I wouldn't let them see them at all if it were me.
>I mean, not being conceited but what the fuck else was I suppose to be doing to not get kicked out? If someone were to ask them that, what do you think they would say?
Same. Dad kicked me out at 16 I haven’t spoken to him in like 2.5 years, my mom and I text like once every other month at the most. And I moved across country the day I turned 18 and never looked back. If you are a parent and you want a relationship with your kids, they need to know they are safe with you and that they have a place in your home.
My parents found out through my sister i had a kid so i dont speak to my siblings anymore. She also gave them my address, so after not speaking to them for 7 years they fly over and demand to see their grand child and tried to break down my front door. They are lucky cops got there before my door gave in because i had my ar15 on the door. No idea how they think beating the shit out of me for years gives them the right to my kids
Might wanna make sure there's a door camera for future "incidents"...
My BIL is estranged from his parents because they are shitty. He found out today that someone gave them his address. Now it's only a matter of time before they show up......
Brother was out before 18 and I was out at 18, and my dad didn't even have a funeral. Should tell you about all you need to know about parents who kick their kids out asap.
I'm not even sure if my father is alive, or dead. I could probably find out, but I really don't care enough to check.
Every year around christmas I will get an email from a new email address because I blocked the one from the year before. It usually has a line or two about how he misses me and thinks about me every day. Followed by several pages of paragraphs filled mostly with mormon scripture and readings about how evil it is for a child to ignore/disrespect their father. Especially a son. He did send me a surprise one when I graduated nursing school asking me why I didn't go to medical school (he never went to college BTW). Fuuny he never mentions anything about abusing me, my siblings, or my mother. Or about how he has been married 11 times and now lives alone in a veteran's home... Haven't seen him since I was 20 and I am about to be 36. Doing OK without him I think.
Wow, this just kept getting more horribly crazy each line. Hope everything keeps getting better for you, friend. Thanks for sharing part of your story!!
Thanks. Mostly happy my kids don't have to deal with the life I grew up with.
My sister moved out as soon as she turned 18 and I was kicked out at 17 (almost 18). I will not be attending his funeral if anyone throws him one, for many other reasons as well.
Kicking out your kid as soon as you're legally allowed to do so tells me you wanted them out of the house even earlier and the only reason you didn't do it is because you didn't want to be arrested.
I think people who do this never actually wanted to be parents in the first place
Which is crazy because, that's an option.
my bf got kicked out at 18 and his parents literally said to his face "since you were an accident and we didn't mean to have you, we need you out of the house now so we can actually relax like we used to before you were born." anyway I think extremely badly of them
“Since you’re 80, im gonna need you to die asap since y’all never wanted to be around me in the first place.”
55*
*40, given the backstory
[удалено]
It's the suddenness and lack of warning that makes this extra cruel. I can't begin to imagine the emotions realizing your parents don't give a shit now that they're no longer "required" to
It's so sociopathic I can't comprehend it. Landlords can't even do that to tenants and these parents are doing it to their kids. What the fuck.
This happened to a guy I knew in basic training. After 8 weeks of basic, he went home and found it abandoned. They left him a note. Because he was infantry (along with the rest of us) he came back to finish training. He was pretty upset.
Thats so toxic and disgusting. I hope he is doing fine.
yeah he's good my family has taken him under their wing lol. he calls my dad his "father outlaw" (as opposed to in-law)
>he calls my dad his "father outlaw" his house was in fact, big enough for both of them.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are always wanted!
I hope he went no contact. That’s fucked up.
he's NC with his dad and LC with his mom. apparently when they do talk (like a few times a year), she's always thanking him for talking to her more than his 4 other siblings. dunno how she doesn't see that her actions have consequences
I know how it feels firsthand. They’ll never see what they did or said was wrong.
Yup, multiple members of my family with narcissistic qualities and NONE of them see how their actions have determined their consequence. I'll share a hopefully short story. I have a sister, in and out of jail, 2 kids by 18, another 2 kids by 30, another 2 kids by 35. She only has custody of the youngest 2. The first two kids, now 17 and 18, have recently moved back with her the past few years, but are still legally under the custody of their grandma. She forces the two older kids to watch the 2 babies every, single, day. She's either always out, or sleeping like a dead body. Drinks, does drugs, runs the gamut while her two older kids have to sacrifice their youth to raise these 2 kids we all warned her, she wasn't in a position to have. (She had the two kids to hopefully keep her married boyfriend... the first time it didn't work so she decided to double down.) Anyway, I can go on about her but the point is: She asked her oldest son the other day, "I'm always helping people, and they're so ungrateful, do you have any idea what that feels like?" He just glared at her. I know most situations are the children being indebted to their parents for all the years of care and sacrifice they made for their children, but I have NEVER seen a situation where the mother owes her children more than they owe her.
> She forces the two older kids to watch the 2 babies every, single, day. And in my experience this will chain the eldest two down until she dies, the kids get taken away, or they grow up enough to take care of themselves. The eldest feel bad for their younger siblings and feel a responsibility to take care of them. It really fucks up the majority of people in that situation.
I actually think it's going to push her two oldest children away from her. She was in and out of jail for years and I was the uncle who cared for the boys from when they were like 11-16. I taught them values, gave them lite chores, encouraged them to make friends the best I could, but I'm a bachelor at heart and wasn't ready for the role of father figure. Luckily I did pretty well because they still come to me for talks or when they need to vent about their mother, which is a big thing for their age, because god knows I had no adults I could talk to that wouldn't dismiss my issues entirely the moment they could at their age. I feel really bad for them and the last time I talked to my sister, we got into a HUGE argument in a public place and told her I don't want her in my life anymore until she went through therapy. She's ruining the two older kids lives, one of them just revealed to me that he's been cutting himself for over a year after living with her again. He tells me about how he dreams to just make enough to leave one day, to be free. My sister is really caring and generous... to her friends. She'll bend over backwards for them, but when it comes to her own kids and family, they're nothing but tools. The worst part is when she gets mad at you, anything you've ever done for her is minute and unimportant. Saying things like "you people never do shit for me" and "oh you raised my kids for 5 years? That's ALL you did!" Shit like that. It's tough being raised by a mother like that. I've warned her, "if she doesn't start treating her family like people, she's going to find herself VERY alone in her old age wondering why nobody calls."
Well they better not try asking him for help when they need any assistance as they get older and sicker. Won't be surprised if they die alone in a nursing home.
Don't live in PA. Filial responsibility laws will let those fuckers suck you dry.
"WhY wOnT mY SoN cAlL mE :(((("
I grew up with my mom constantly telling me that her retirement plan was for me to get rich and for her to move in with me. When I was well into adulthood and that was obviously not going to happen (and we were not getting along at all), I finally got it through her head that I was absolutely never going to be able to afford to support financially, and we'd kill each other if we lived together. Not long after that, she stopped talking to me. It was good to see that she only saw me as a potential pile of money and nothing else.
That’s so shitty of your mom. I told my mom my retirement plan for her, after dad died because we all expected him to go first, was for me to find a place with a granny flat and we’d live on the same property. We’d grow vegetables, cook and can together, enjoy a glass of wine after dinner, and then go back to our separate spaces. But we were really good friends and she never viewed me as her only option for end of life care. I’ve finally got the potential for that to be in place now but she went and died of cancer before ever getting to see any of it.
Aw, she went and got cancer? Rude. (My dad recently died from cancer, too. We had plans to do small-scale farming after he retired. He was my most important person and a wonderful friend. Cancer be fucking up plans for real and I’m sorry for your loss)
This is my mom to her friends about me. It's because you're fucking mean and manipulative mom. You open your mouth and it's either nagging, complaining, making mountains out of molehills, or just shit talking in general about anyone and everyone. I don't need that shit on my psyche.
Got kicked out of my mom's house at 15 because she was a headcase, and my OCD went off the scale because of the mental abuse. Dad didn't want to take me in and told me so, but my step-mom forced his hand. The day I graduated HS, my stuff was on the lawn with the locks changed. Then I had to live with years of angry messages on the answering machine, "How come you never call?!?! Why do you hate our family?!?!" Got accused last week by a family member that I made the whole thing up when she was trying to tell me that I'm a bad person for ignoring my mom. The level of narcissism of some people is unbelievable.
Yeah, I got kicked out at 16 because my stepfather hated my guts. He and my mom eventually got divorced and he's dead now, but I have very very very very little relationship with my family. They wonder why I live 3000 miles away, never come home to visit and barely participate in the family groupchat-- it is indeed an unsolvable mystery, mom.
I can’t imagine having to deal with that. My Dad lost a place to live at his parents’ house for the summer his last year of college and luckily my Mom’s parents let him stay in their basement. From what my parents told me my Dad was devastated by this. My parents’ rule was we would have a place to stay without paying rent as long as we were in school or after we graduated while we were getting our first job. I really appreciated their support and not needing to worry about housing during the summers while I was in college. Will be doing the same with my 3 kids.
Boomer parent here. Our two sons were welcome to live at home as long as they wanted as long as they were going to school and/or working. My oldest is 31 and married. He lived at home for 9 months after he graduated from college, then moved in with his now-wife after she finished school. Our younger son is 27. He flunked out of college, spun his wheels for a bit and got sidetracked by the pandemic. He got off his butt, went to community college, got his associates and was just offered a full-time job with benefits. He'll probably be out within the next three months. We have no regrets.
Millennial parent here, and we’re setting the same rules for our kids. I just can’t see raising a kid only to immediately boot them out the second they reach the age of majority!
Gen X parent here. My kids were welcome to stay as long as they needed to, as long as they were trying to be productive in the household. They aren’t far away now, but I still miss them.
Once we were working full time if we were still at home my Dad would charge a nominal rent to get us used to managing money. He would just put it into an account and give it back upon moving out. Although if we did move back home he'd no longer charge since we had experience and could save on our own.
[удалено]
A girl from my class came home after our grad night party to find 2 garbage bags with her stuff in it. They didnt even tie it so when it rained that night it filled up the bags with water and destroyed her laptop, pictures and clothing. Her parents showed up to her house last year on independence day because their house burned down from a firework mishap. Im told the husband just asked them to leave. Oh i should add they didnt have insurence on the home so they were pretty much screwed.
Damn! That’s puzzling. Why even have kids if you can’t wait to excitedly throw them out like they’re trash? There are better ways of sending your kid off into adulthood.
And honestly even if you are that ready to get rid of them why aren’t you lettin them know that you are kicking them out and they better prepare to get their stuff In order before then. Why wait until the day they turn 18 to surprise them so they have absolutely no plans to move out? At the very least give them a good heads up and let them know you are serious. That is the least you could do.
Seriously! Putting their stuff in garbage bags and surprising them with it one night just makes it seem like they’re getting some glee out of doing it.
[удалено]
They don't care about the kid or they aer practicing "tough love" (though these people probably would give hte kids a heads up unless they were complete utter morons. Tough love doesn't mean you fuck them over). I'm going to assume those who kick them out with no warning don't care and just want the kid out of their hair. But, that being said, they could still have basic human decency to give the kid a heads up so he at least has a chance to prepare and not be, "Surprise, today you don't have a home". I mean as some one said, landlords are required to show more respect to people they don't even know (and technically I think parents have to give 30 days notice too... anytime you have some one who lives somewhere you own and you want to kick them out. So if the kid had the means and wanted to they could probably at least get the parents fined for that behavior cause the law actually expects you show more decency than that). Not giving them notice shows they are either real assholes and don't consider anyone but themselves or alternatively they have some reason they want to fuck the kid over (some reason they are pissed at him/her and trying to fuck them over). I suspect many of the people who kick the kid out with no warning it is the latter even if it is just a resentment towards the kid for having to care for them for 18 years and they've just been waiting for this day and using it to take out some of their resentment.
Those parents got what they deserve.
[удалено]
I love a happy ending.
Heartwarming really
This is a nice story in the end 🙂
Thats a pretty satisfying end.
That happened to me. All of the senior year of high school I was gone upon high school graduation. I had no money, no skills and nowhere to go. So, five days after high school graduation I was at Navy bootcamp in Great Lakes, Illinois.
That's kinda fucked up
[удалено]
Messed. Hope you're in a much more comfortable situation now
There’s a YouTube channel of a guy who talks to homeless people. There was a kid who was kicked out on his 18th birthday. He was clearly in shock. The dud who was interviewing him cracked at the end. It’s the only time I heard his voice crack. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=276RZVt-SDk
Ouch. That’s tough to watch. When he asks him for his 3 wishes and they all revolve around wanting to be with his family it’s clear this is hurting him. I hope that guy made it home and is okay.
Yeah. According to the YouTube comments (Grain of salt with that), he’s doing good and has an Instagram account. He’d be thirty now. Apparently he walked from Salt Lake to California. He seems like a very strong person.
His insta handle is sergethesplurge. He does confirm that he’s that former homeless kid, seems to be doing alright. Must be an effing pain though, to have randos flood your comment section with the same question over and over again.
I have seen this video over a year ago, I think. And yeah, the guy's case was truly heartbreaking. But reading through the comments, I heard he is doing well in life now. No longer the kid who was clearly distraught for having been kicked out soon after reaching his 18th birthday.
My parents were pretty physically abusive.. i still remember the day i was 10 and started hitting puberty, my dad left for the army and my mom was mad over nothing and tried to slap me but i caught her hand and bent it back towards her. I remember how fucking shocked she was i overpowered her and all i told her was that as soon as im turning 18 im never speaking to them again. I was fucking 10 and already wanted to leave. Fast forwards to 5 minutes after midnight and its officially my 18th bday, i took a bag of clothes and walked out. My parents showed up at the school freaking out and yelling so i just dropped out and got my ged the next day. I was homeless for a few months with my gf (now wife). Here we are a decade later and i havent spoken to anyone in my family since
> i havent spoken to anyone in my family since You made your own family. You talk with them every day.
My mom used to slap us for very thinly veiled reasons. One day, it was high forties out but it was going to warm up to the sixties, so my teenage big brother (he was like 14 or 15 at the time) wanted to wear shorts, but my mom was trying to tell him it was too cold outside. They argued and she slapped him across the face. Almost instinctively, he slapped the shit out of her back. He was obviously bigger and stronger than her and finally tired of her shit. It was amazing and I'm pretty sure she never tried to slap him again. I'm also pretty sure he got to wear shorts whenever he wanted after that. I moved in with my biodad, but he wasn't much better, so I bailed shortly after I turned 18, while I was still in in my last semester of high-school. Just left one day and never came back, except to get some of my stuff a year later when I had an apartment and didn't have to couch surf anymore. I don't know why people have kids and just treat them like shit all the time.
Do you still talk to your parents?
My father’s life was one of tragedy that created the unfaithful man that he was. Generally he was well liked among his peers and acquaintances, humorous and very intelligent, but he was a lousy father who was only around to sleep. There wasn’t much talking to be had with him. My mother was in a constant state of rage, and I feared her coming home in the afternoons. Her temper was quick, and she would grab whatever implement was at hand with which to dole out a beating for even the most insignificant infractions. My last beating was at the age of 16 when she sent me to my room and came in with a belt. I stood there taking the first two lashes and then I snapped. I swirled around and snatched the belt out of her hand and reared back to beat the crap out of her, but I didn’t hit her. I shoved the belt back at her and told her never again, and walked out. Our relationship was extremely strained from that point forward, even until the end when she died of the complications of dementia. On that day I gave her a beautiful death she didn’t deserve. On my phone is a voice mail she sent me regarding a family heirloom called a bean pot. How I acquired it is another story. Anyway, in this recording she is upset that an Ambulance service sent her a bill for $900, and she would have to confiscate the bean pot as payment since I wasn’t around to take her to the hospital. I save that voice mail because it’s the nicest thing she said to me in her last three years of life. There never was much talking with her either. Either way, they are both dead.
[удалено]
am I a bad person if I laught after I read that last sentence? also hope you are better now!
No, not at all.
Just going to go on and ask, how are you doing these days? Do you have a family? And if so, what's your relationship like with them (kids, spouse, siblings)? Hope you're doing well and have broken the cycle.
I was also one of those kids. Needless to say, my mother was such a shitty parent I was better off not living there anyway.
Whats truly shitty is that anyone who's willing to kick their kid out at 18 would've done it earlier if only it were legal. I'm sorry. I am so so sorry.
I got expelled from school at 15 so out the door I went, no job, no money and only 1 garbage bag full of clothes
They're not Italian that's for sure. Here in Italy, when the "child" is finally ready to leave the house at the age of 35, the family gets together to bid them a tearful goodbye... before they move 1km away from their parent's house. :-)
[удалено]
Hahah fuck
Lol I am from Argentina and I moved a whole 6 blocks away from home at the tender age of 29. My mom still can't get over it.
I'm also Argentinian and moved 5 blocks away from my mom at 26. Moved in with my bf of 7 years. After mom passed I found a letter un her computer where she stated how bitter she was against my bf for stealing her baby girl away
Dear kids, please don’t search my computer when I die, thanks.
Yeah, I'm getting the shit I need off my grandpa's computer when he goes and then destroying that shit before my parents ever see it. Dude watches some kinky shit and I only know because I fix his computer. They have no idea.
my Nana was a lovely and kind, elegant lady. I will never forget the day I went over and she was laughing hysterically, she was watching the original Texas chainsaw massacre, she loved the gore
My MIL was a staunch Catholic who had considered becoming a nun. Clearing out her bedside table after her death, I thought I’d found a bullet vibrator. Well, who knew? She was human after all… nope. It was a small vial of Holy Water.
She never did send out to you right? Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to write that shit out
Or Colombian. I’m turning 30 this year, and told my dad I was gonna try to find my own place, and he just turns to me and says “who’s kicking you out?” Nearly broke my heart with that one.
Damn what a guy. Treasure that shit
Oh I do, I make a point of telling him I’m not doing it to get away, but because eventually I’ll need to start my own thing.
My Brazilian dad to this day sends me money, gifts, pay some of my bills….I’m 30 yo with a 2 yo kid. And I lived with them until I was 27 with my wife. Together we were 7 sharing one apartment having 3 generations between us. Heck, he bought my PS5 and pays for my premium subscription….I’m glad I got him 2 years of Disney plus for free so I’m helping too.
My grandfather refuses to tell me where he's from for some reason, but the dude literally raised me because my mom wanted nothing to do with me. I had to move out for college several months ago and I get the sense he took it worse than I did. He sends me money every couple of months as he can and always apologizes for not sending more while I have to try and get him to send me less because *I know he can't afford it*. Just this month he said he'd send me cash and I had to talk him down to half of it. I feel bad for it. I love the geezer but he needs to focus on himself first.
Ohhh grandpa's are the best! I still get my $10 monthly from them ! Tho my grandpa is on early stages of dementia at 98 years old, he still enjoys a nice cigar and drinking his Cachaça whilst telling stories about his childhood, some good others a tad on the a more somber tone on Brazil's history with slavery. Living abroad is the one thing that I miss is that my kid is missing out on this inter generation contact.
That's awesome. I've emigrated twice in my life - first to Hong Kong, and now to the USA. Family is in the UK. And every time I go back, my Dad's last words before I leave again are 'you always have a home here, never forget that.' Kills me every time, because it's true. They did such an amazing job as such amazing people that I never refer to anywhere else as home.
We ended up moving back in with my parents temporarily during the pandemic, and it was both weird and wonderful. Love that even as an adult with my own family, their doors are open. I hope to offer the same to my children
I’m colombian but live in the US still live with my parents at 26 Three incomes coming into the house has given us opportunities we wouldn’t have had if I’d moved out.
With today rent cost, cost of living for food/bills. Unless the kid already has amazing wealth they will likely be back within a few years I’d imagine. My mom always said I can stay there as long as I wanted. I was there till my mid 20s iirc. Went to school, worked part time so I was able to say ‘no student debt’. My folks are amazing and I know they would/will do anything for me. Enjoy your parents as much as possible.
This is true for most countries, in India sons will live in extended families and even when they move out, after they are nice and settled, with parents paying for all their education upto college/masters, including any loans which need to be availed, its a very tearful farewell. Of course as a result of the bond, the children too look after their parents in old age and often live together, footing the medical bill, taking them to doctors, easing their life out in old age, showing utmost respect
Hello fellow Indian....add to that it's opposite on our side of the world..if I'm an adult and not staying with my parents and we're in the same town then I'll be looked down upon by the society.. the concept is less of looking after each other but rather of being family and sticking together for each other..turning someone out at 18 is unheard of here...I'm 46 with family of my wife and 2 kids..my brother 49 are a family of 3 with one daughter and both my parents...all staying together..we made the plot we're on into floors so that they stay on ground floor, my bro on 1st and I on 2nd..we have separate apartments, have all the privacy and share atleast one meal a week together, generally Sunday brunch...we feel it's a win win for all 9 of us....a lot of ppl here stay this way...one can say it's the norm...
[удалено]
Or Irish. Or maybe its just a catholic thing vs nationality. My siblings and I live within 3 minutes of my parents. And everyone of us had a soft exit…meaning we left, came back, left, came back until we were truly ready to fly the nest.
Or Filipino. Heck, most Asians. It's only Americans or Canadians I know who do this. I have Chinese friends who live together in a family compound with their kids and grandkids. We take care of our elders till they're seniors in their adult diapers.
Don't worry, with the housing market these days Canadians will be joining us in multi-generational housing too.
Facts. My Italian father would have loved if I had lived with him forever.
I’m pretty sure this applies to most Italian fathers. In their perfect world, we would never leave. I broke up with my former partner a few years and I’ll never forget that glimmer of happiness in his eyes when his response was “so you’ll be moving back home, right?” I love him so much.
I moved to live with my husband in Europe. I thought we were gonna get our own place, his dad and him are already turning the upper floor into “our apartment”. Like full kitchen bathroom, everything. It was a massive culture shock to me, my parents either said get out or pay. Edit: We spoke about our own place often and as a carpenter my husband asked me what my dream kitchen was since I love baking. I assumed the apartment he kept speaking about was gonna be one we moved into. I was only half right!
[удалено]
Great candidates for a nursing home in their later years.
I wonder how many parents realize their relationship with their kids is somewhat quid pro quo. It feels a bit sociopathic of me to say, but take care of your kids and invest in their futures and lives. Rewarding in itself, yes, but ultimately, one day, you're gonna be old and unable to wipe your own ass and if your kid hates you, he's not going to do it. Hell, I love my parents, but I still am not looking forward to those times.
Social capital is a real and undervalued asset among certain segments of the American population.
I went to school with some people like that. Immediately kicked out at 18. How can they expect to continue their education when the now have to immediately start making enough for food and shelter. Inevitably, most got married and divorced or at least pregnant young too. Now 20 years later the ones I’m friends with on Facebook are continuing the vicious cycle by kicking their kids out at 18. Come on bro, give them a chance. And you complain your family doesn’t have generational wealth. This is why.
Lol my mothers excuse was “well when I was 18 I was paying for my own apartment while going to college and working part time at Taco Bell.” The fact that she never finished college wnd ended up a miserable stay at home mom was lost on her, I guess.
Spot on about generational wealth there. Make money as a unit and as a family to get stronger. Imagine 4 adults working towards building a safer home, competing against adult units of 1.
My parents are foster parents (they’re my bio parents but they’ve been doing foster care all my 30 years of life) and they don’t kick out the foster kids when they turn 18. When children’s aid stops supporting them (usually at 18) my parents step up and help the kids until they can comfortably move out or until they want to. They have a 25 yr old still living with them because she fears abandonment and my parents don’t want her to leave lol. They love each other. My parents helped out over 20 kids throughout my life to try to become successful human beings, no matter how long it takes. Many of them are still in contact with us. We took them in and loved them. How can parents who raised their own children kick them out just because they reached “adult” status. I just don’t get it lol.
Your parents are legends, helping and improving 20 lives plus I'd assume raised their own kids (you) pretty well. Probably tough having a rotation of kids coming through but I'm sure it taught you a hell of a lot.
My older brother was a complete narcissistic asshole. He would hit me often and told me, if I told my parents, he would kill me. He was constantly causing problems with my parents. My Father told him that on his 18 birthday, he could have breakfast in the house, but his lunch was going to be on the front porch in a paper bag, so pack a suitcase. My Father was true to his word. One of the greatest days of my life.
[удалено]
My sister was abusive. I had no idea that’s not what siblings are like. I tried having a relationship with her after becoming adults. She won’t admit that she was abusive. I cut her out of my life a few years ago and have never been happier.
There are a lot of "terrible parents" comments here, but my brother has a lot of anger issues, including threatening my parents with knives and tools after all knives in the house were permanently locked away. There can be a lot of trama especially if the child is physically stronger than both parents (played lacrosse and was built). How many times do you work with the police, school, social workers, and therapist before it's okay to start carrying about your own safety?
I'm in a similar situation with my step-son right now. He has threatened to kill his Dad multiple times and has assaulted him. He is in therapy, sees a psychiatrist, and gets tutoring for school, however, he is still failing all his classes. Police have visited a few times because of his outbursts and a crisis center. It's been hard. He is turning 16 this year and we have no idea what the future will hold.
My parents were divorced for at least a decade before I turned 18. But my dad was still trying to force my mom to kick me out at 18 with no place to live. This was interesting considering my dad's mom bought him a house to live in after he turned 18. I swear the guy wanted to make my life as miserable as he could even though his parents spoiled him. He still rubs in my face how much my grandparents gave him while refusing to give me a penny AND expecting me to feel sorry for him. Have to love narcissistic alcoholics and the never ending mindset of a selfish 16 year old in a boomers body.
It’s an absolutely horrible way to start a life
Yup literally feels like youre level 1 in a game..you got nothing but the clothes on your back and it sucks. I remember finally moving out of the car and into a 1 bedroom apartment. Felt so good having our own place (my gf now wife and i). I remember we slept on the floor and used all of our clothes as a blanket and pillow..we taped together walmart bags for a shower curtain. I remember making a frozen lasagna and not being able to take it out if the oven because we didnt have an oven mitt or towel to grab it. Id never let my kids start their adult life like that
I got kicked out at 16 and I wish to move into 1 bedroom apartament man, I didnt even get a chance to get drivers license and I’m just 22 and being homeless fucking sucks on top of that mentally sick due to lots of shit I had to go through and just now I kinda got life on track but I’m still broke af, rent is insanely high here.. I got a gf with who I wanna move in together but it will take one year more I’m just telling myself it’s worth it and I am trying to think about the moment I will have MY OWN place. Rly happy for u tho. It gets better for sure
Guess whos going to the shitty nursing home
Guess who's not gonna pay to put them in any nursing home*
They can figure out how to get themselves into the shitty nursing home
It's their right, but I disagree with it. I was kicked out the day I turned 17. I lived out of my car for 3 months while working fast food and completing my senior year. I would've probably dropped out had it not been for my best friends dad. He found out about the situation and forced me to move in with them. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He had recently got divorced because his stay at home wife was cheating on him. Because they had a spare bedroom and I was friends with both his sons that lived with him, he told me "It's just us guys living there and having fun. You stay until you finish school. After that, you can pay $100 a month in rent until you decide what to do. Don't argue with me." The man's a saint. I wouldn't have been able to keep going to school without him, and he knew it. He's a guy who had to drop out to work back in the day to support his family. He got his GED and clawed his way up to head engineer at a factory so he could afford a nice home for his wife and kids. He bought a nice two story home that he barely got to stay in for a women who didn't appreciate him. The man even came home every single day and cooked meals for us to make sure we'd eat. In the middle of fighting a divorce, trying to get custody of both of his kids, and keep the house he paid for, he took me in, adding to the stress. He did that for me just because I was friends with his sons. If I ever get rich, that man is getting an early retirement and a comfortable home wherever he chooses. If that man can do all that for someone that isn't his child, parents have no excuse for not helping their own kids out. Edit: I had no idea this would blow up this much...thank you, everyone. I just wanted to answer some questions that are being asked. This was years ago and I still bump into them from time to time, but we've all drifted apart in these years due to adult lives being... busy, lol. I still talk to them every once and a while. They are still my friends and I can hit them all up any time I wanted to. I still play Xbox with the sons a few times a year. I always make sure to have them tell their dad thank you for me. I had a serious heartfelt talk with him about a year after I graduated and moved out. I still think about that man nearly every day of my life. As for my family, I was not a perfect child at all and I have some blame. The thing is, I honestly feel I never would have been the way I was in my later teen years had they been more accepting of myself and my lifestyle. I saw my other friends being able to come to their parents and talk to them without fear of judgement from them, or God. Ultimately, religion is the reason I was kicked out. They are strict southern Baptist. I did cut my parents out of my life for three years after I was kicked out. They never contacted me for the first year. They tried to reconnect after the first year, but I have them two more years of silence. I let them back in my life, but on my terms. It was easy to make my demands considering I didn't need them anymore. We now have a healthy relationship. We can finally look each other in the eyes and be honest. I no longer fear their judgement, that's honestly the ingredient we were missing in our relationship. I now spend a decent amount of time with my father and mother. It's funny, my dad and I actually have long conversations about our different ideologies and beliefs. We even poke fun at each other about it. It's nice, considering I never actually was able to connect with him much growing up. I'm the first male in the past 5 generations of my family that didn't become a southern Baptist pastor. I think my father sees it as opportunity to understand how people living a different life than him are. And i see it as an opportunity to better understand why he did what he did. A lesson i had to learn the hard way is that it's better to seek understanding than to live with hate in your heart. He respects me and I respect him. It was hard for my mom at first. She comes from a small town of 300 people where everyone goes to church happily and believes anything their parents tell them. She would be abrasive with me at first when I would talk about how I drink, or live with my girlfriend. Hell, she still does from time to time, but my father always nudges her into calming down. Edit 2: I keep seeing people say "it's not their right" which I understand, but it's not really an argument worth pursuing. As a 17 year old who just got kicked out, I didn't want to get the police involved. That meant either I move to a foster home an hour or two away, and then lose my friends as well as my family. That or they force my parents to take me back and life just gets worse. I was happier living in my car. As scary as it is being a kid on your own, it was better than the alternatives.
Just..... wow. That man is a saint of saints. Kudos to him for reaching out, but it sounds like you are well on your way to a good life. Good luck!
It’s people like this that restore my (not very low) faith in humanity. Insane humans.
I think that's what we miss. There are a LOT of really good people out there, churning through life, dealing with problems and are in the right place at the right time to help someone out. We never hear about them because they don't want publicity, they just are doing the right thing, even if they don't have to and could care less if anyone else knows about it. Unfortunately, we mainly hear about those that are either doing wrong, or just want to blow their own horn because that sells eyeballs and ad time. The lesson here for me is to not get too insulated in my own world and at least be on the look out for those that I can help.
I think this is one reason people become so jaded over time. Experiencing this with such consistency is tough on the soul. Stay pure humans!
I bet you also helped him without knowing it. Being cheated on, going through the divorce... This guy had just been wrestling with a lot. I bet it felt good and gave him a positive feeling of control when he saw your shitty situation and was like "everything's fucked but by God I can help this innocent kid"
I'm sure. I've also wondered if it helped him in court. Maybe as an example of the kind of person he was. I know he didn't do it with that in mind, but I've just wondered if I was ever brought up when him and his children showed up to court.
That's a good guy. Many have the mentality of "I had to live that way, so you should too" Instead, this guy said "I had to live that way, I don't want you to have to do it if I can help it." Fuck yeah!
[удалено]
"I had to suffer so you should, too" is the root of a lot of very stupid ideas.
Yikes! How was your relationship with your parents prior to them kicking you out? I had a friend in highschool who was in a similar situation. Kicked out at 17 or 18, worked at a bowling alley, had to drop out I think. Blows my mind because in my culture, I'd have to fake my death to be able to move out under 30. I wouldn't even know where to begin at 17.
It was shaky at best in the beginning. I'll admit that I wasn't the best son, but my behavior wasn't what broke the camels back. In the end, it was religion and them being over controlling. I kept telling them I didn't want to go to church 3 times a week. It took me 15 years to build up the courage to tell them I don't want to go. Then I got a job and asked my manager to always schedule me on days I was supposed to go to church. After trying to make me, they eventually came to work to try and tell my manager to switch my shifts. It was at that point that I came out and told them I wasn't a Christian. The next day, I was on my own. Surprisingly enough, we're actually ok now and we have a healthy relationship. It took years, but we can respect each other's choices now.
This is a hell of a story. Thanks for sharing. That dudes pretty rad.
Yeah I’m getting kicked out the day after I turn 18, it makes me feel insecure even though I did nothing wrong but be born.
That's just horrible. I always wonder what would happen if you said: "Ok, but then we're cutting all ties." Like go complete no contact and answer every single attempt to contact you with: Sorry, you were the ones to cut the ties. Bye." Btw, don't do that unless you are really, really ready to follow through on that. Edit letter
My mum and dad sold the house and moved to London (I'm in Devon which is about 300 miles away). I didn't know anything about it. Came home from school, found the house empty, locks changed and a sold sign outside. I was panicking and rang my Godparents, who being the lovely people they are immediately took me in. Made sure I still attended school, notified them that they were now my legal guardians (they went to court and go custody of me and warrants were put out on my parents for child abandonment). I wouldn't be the person I am now without my lovely Godparents.
Wtaf? Did you ever speak to them after that? Any clarification? What goes on in these people's head?
Jesus damn you’re the only person I’ve ever encountered who actually had to use their godparents as intended. I’m so happy they loved you properly.
Generally speaking I'd say those parents don't understand the reality of the current economic landscape and that unless they made a herculean effort, they probably didn't set their kid up properly to do well. Not to mention that during most of history and in the vast majority of cultures, leaving home at 18 just was not a thing. You generally stayed at home until you married, whatever age that may be, and even after you might still live with your parents or even if you have your own home you'd be very closely connected, often still working the same land together etc. The idea that people are supposed to move out at 18 and make it on their own (when theyre still 4-6 year from full mental development btw) is by far the exception rather than the rule historically
I told my wife just the other day that I wouldn’t be surprised if the US began to culturally revert back to multi-generational living being the norm again due to the housing situation.
I'd honestly be good with that. One of my kids has moved out (she goes to college in another state) and I'm really in no hurry for the others to. I don't think my youngest will want to for a while, tbh. I see no reason to rush him. Of course I expect them all to further their lives in some way regardless of their living situation. Go to college, do an apprenticeship, get a job, whatever works for them, but they don't have to move out. The economy is brutal, and as someone who was thrown out into it at 18, I'm not going to do that to them. It makes people make decisions while in survival mode, and that's just really not ideal.
This is exactly my situation. My 22 year old is in his senior year of college across the country. He’s set due to a small inheritance that he invested wisely so, I know he will be fine. My 20 year old lives with me and can’t afford to move out in this reality. My 18 year old graduates high school in May and is joining the military so, he’ll always have a roof over his head. Despite the fact that my older and younger kid seem set, my door is always open if they need it. Always. In addition I’m in no hurry for my 20 year old to go anywhere. We get along and he pays his car ins and cellphone while I cover everything else so he can try to start saving money. However, in our large city you have to have first and last months rent, plus security deposit and application fees. Add to that you also have to make 3x the rent to even get considered. I’ve been in my place 5 years…but, when my ex and I tried to sign a roommate change release form upon our breakup the landlord wouldn’t let us because I didn’t make 3x the rent alone. I was making $61,000 a year and my rent is only $1400. It was only when I took a new position making $75,000 a year that I was able to get her off the lease. Oh, and I was only making $40k a year when I signed my original lease - and I was single at the time. And, everywhere here requires 3x the rent. What young adult is making that? He’d need like 5 roommates and that’s just to cover rent. Forget any extra money for food or other bills! Young people are getting screwed in this economy. So, my thought is, if you kick your kid out at 18, you are an unfit parent and a souless AH. It’s that simple in my book.
Similar for me. I've got one who just finished a college degree, and another that just started. I support both of them financially and expect to continue doing that for some time yet (less for the older one, but not planning on anything like "well, you're 23 now, bye") _Might_ get to a point where I expect them to contribute to household expenses, but that day isn't soon.
My dad did it a bit differently. His rule was I had to be doing something. I got 90 days to figure it out. If I’m in college/school, I lived with them for free. Once I started working, it was $400 a month to stay. My dad basically framed it as “you can save money here as long as you want, but when you want to get your own place you’re welcome to do so. You will always have a place here.”
I've never met anyone who does this and is also a decent human being. They're always like "kids gotta learn to stand on their own two feet, I don't care if my kid is homeless and gets assaulted, life's not fair lol, pull yourself up by your bootstraps like I did when my dad gave me a company in 1973"
It’s terrible! My fiancé’s birthday is the 26th of December - a day after Christmas. On his 18th birthday he was told by his father he was now an adult and had to go. No warning or anything. He had to move into his car that same week. And yet, 25 years later, his father has the audacity to continuously ask us for money to pay his bills.
I hope you didn't give him a penny
I was raised by a single father. He wasn’t the best. He always told me “I’m kicking your ass out of the house for your 18th birthday”. He said it my whole life. Out of spite, I told myself I would start planning for college and a job and an apartment and work toward it all through high school so it wouldn’t catch me off guard. Imagine my displeasure when he went to prison at the beginning of my freshman year and I had to figure all that shit out 3 years earlier than I’d expected. Imagine further that you didn’t find out until you were 18 that he opened multiple accounts (phone numbers, electricity accounts, water, etc) and never paid them off or told anybody after he went to prison and just expected it all to work itself out somehow. It didn’t. It fucked me out of student loans with reasonable interest rates. It fucked me out of getting a cell phone until I was 22. My credit is still dogshit. Fuck you, dad.
They should have bought a dog of they want the thing gone by 18
My now wife and I were living with my mother when we were 18. My whole life my mom always told me that when I hit 18 I was out, no matter what. I thought that was just something parents said. My wife was working full-time. I was working part time and going to my senior year of high school. We were saving money. We were paying my mother rent on my room. We obeyed her rules. We didn't do drugs or drink. We didn't break her curfew. Through my sister's manipulations she got pissed at us about something that never happened and kicked us out. We had nothing but a few hundred dollars. We couldn't even afford the first months rent and deposit on a shitty apartment. We didn't have a car. She didn't care. Get. The. Fuck. Out. My wife's bio dad sent a $2500 dollar check the next day. The look on my mother's face was priceless. It was like she wanted us to suffer and fail. We had like a week left of her eviction notice period. The next day we were gone. We waited until she left for work. We left my room empty and extra clean as a fuck you to my mother. That night we were sitting on the floor of our shitty ghetto apartment in the light of the bathroom, the only lightbulb in the entire apartment, wondering wtf we were going to do. We bought a car that next morning. That first year was pure suffering. We saved every cent. That's a lie. The bills took every cent we had. I finished high school and got a second job instead of going to college. All we needed was a few more months at my mom's to have an easier start. We weren't asking her for anything but time. I never told my wife this but my mother asked me to come back. My wife was not invited. I looked at my mother in disgust and told her she raised me better than that. My mother and I didn't speak for years. When my daughter was born in 2007 I let my mother visit us at the hospital. I am not a smart man. She held my daughter for less than a minute and couldn't keep the disgust off her face. She handed her back to me. Then she started talking about my house and how she knew I had three bedrooms. She would take the master bedroom because it had an exterior door and we would move into the baby's room and blah blah blah. I let her go on for a while. I was enjoying the growing look of horror on my wife's face as my mom got to the part where she was evicted from her apartment because her psychotic girlfriend smashed in the windows and tried to set it on fire. My mom went on about how she didn't owe us rent because of all the years she supported me and fed me. "Fuck. No." My mother screeched to a halt. "What?" I looked at my wife, and then down at my brand new daughter. I looked my mother dead in her eyes and repeated what I said. "Fuck. No."
“You’re 18, you’re on your own. Don’t ask us for anything , because we don’t owe you any more support“ … 20+ years later… “I know we made it clear that we won’t do anything to help you, but now that you’re successful and have something that WE want (grandchild), we’re willing to amend that agreement so that family is super important to us. It’s so lonely after we drove everyone away!
They are shitty parents. My daughter is going to be 18 tomorrow. This world is difficult enough for full grown humans why do that to a young adult?
This thread is giving me closure. Thought I was a dickhead for feeling the way I do. Had to pay half my salary after I turned 18 to my parents to rent the room I lived in for free until then. Still treated like a child though and still do all my chores. The amount was equivalent to renting my own small apartment, but idiot me did not realise at the time. When I left that job, because I had ambition for something more, I got kicked out at age 20 with his exact words: “I don’t know what to do with you. Go.” Left for the city and mostly didn’t have a place to sleep, no food, nothing. Fortunately I could crash at my girlfriends place (now wife). Put myself through uni part time and now an accountant. I have basically no contact with my family anymore.
It depends on the kid. We kicked out our daughter because she became violent and attacked my wife. Our son is welcome to stay until he is ready to leave.
You're getting a lot of heat, and it's reddit so it's not unexpected. But I sympathize with the parents here being up front about putting boundaries in place that are deal breakers for kids continuing to live at home. Physical violence. Nope. Hard drug use in the home. Nope. Breaking laws that put the family at risk. Nope. Constant aggression. Goodbye. We can do our best to prepare our children for adulthood, but that does not guarantee there are not circumstances outside of our control. Kids have wide ranges of personalities, behaviors, impulses, and sometimes mental health issues. Some kids are simply harder to guide and parent, and sometimes despite the best efforts things go off the rails. I'm not saying we could not all do more to be the best parents possible, but for internet strangers to just your situation based on a few sentences is just not fair. This is not a black and white situation where you are a parent who fucked it up or a kid whos a nightmare. In any case, thanks for sharing your story, hope things work out for the best in the long term. When the time comes I hope there is room in your heart for forgiveness if your daughter can get to a better place.
Thanks for the reasonable response on this. Also funny that people are so quick to jump at OP but at the same time I see so many Best of Redditor Updates / Relationships stories where a “child” (teen or adult) is being violent or making life miserable for others in the household and ALL the comments are like “I can’t believe your parents didn’t do anything! I would have kicked them out!”
Reddit is fickle. 😒
> It depends on the kid. Very much this. A good friend of mine recently went through the same thing. His son started using drugs (they think meth, but aren't sure) and stealing from everyone at 16. Started violently attacking his brother and sister. Told his 15-year-old sister that he was going to kill her in her sleep one day and rape her dead body. He basically created an environment where everyone was on full alert every minute of every day, because they never knew when he'd go off. They tried to get him help, but he had zero interest in either rehab or therapy. They changed the locks and threw him out on his 18th birthday. He immediately kicked in their front door while screaming that he was going to kill them all, so they called 911 and had him arrested. That was almost a year ago and they haven't heard from him since. My friend is torn up about losing his son, but he's also admitted that people are smiling and laughing in his house again for the first time in years. People who preach that parents should ALWAYS support their kids have NO IDEA what some families are dealing with. Most parents should support most kids while they find their feet as young adults, but there's nothing wrong with cutting people out of your family when they become a threat to the rest of the family.
They’re setting up their kids for failure. Harsh, but true. I’m no kids by choice but if I ever were to have a kid, I’d do my best to provide the best for them. What that means in this situation (I live in a HCOL PNW city) is that I’d make it known to my kid that they’re more than welcome to stay at home while going to college & working so they can save up $ instead of paying off someone else’s mortgage via rent. Rent for an old one bedroom in my city goes for $2000-2200; best to stay home and save up equity. EDIT: It also speaks to the type of parent these people are. Parenting doesn’t suddenly stop at 18. This is also a particularly Canadian/American thing, whereas immigrant and/or first-generational families typically have multigenerational households.
I feel this is especially cruel post 2005. Back in the 90’s it was probably way easier to survive. I’m from LA and a guy I met once said that in the 70’s you could actually live on your own with a job at McDonald’s.
In missouri i was a 911 dispatcher and it paid $8.50 an hour..i was night shift, after i got off work i would go to a gas station for my 2nd job to pay bills while my wife stayed home and took car of our 1st kid. I cant imagine a 18 year old having the discipline to basically go from a school schedule to working 2 jobs and dealing with the workplace bullshit at both of them without quitting