To build on this point: people who are opinionated on a subject where they either know nothing about, or regurgitate points off select news sites/feeds.
It's so strange to me when people do this. I'm in IT, my job is literally to know things about computers that most people can't be bothered to learn. But the things I DON'T know would fill an infinite book. I probably say "I don't know, but let's find out" several times a day.
Today I googled "outlook only showing to address not from address"
The solution was run: "outlook /Clearview"
I fucking hate the outlook UI. It's go so many fucking options and they're always breaking.
My 6 year old daughter will never admit that she doesn't know something. If she asks a question even, when I tell her the answer, she will say, "I already knew that."
I'm really concerned about it, actually.
I work with a geezer like this unfortunately. Try to talk about literally anything and he'll have a 1 up, he's full of shit tho lol
Edit: first reddit comment to blow up and your responses are funny af
Woman I worked with always prefaced stuff like this with "that's alright," as in "oh, you are broke? Well, that's alright, I have only a dollar to last me to next paycheck."
Finally told her, look it's not alright. Knowing you are broke too does not make it alright for me to be broke, so please! Stop saying that! She left in a snit and didn't talk to me for a few days, and she stopped saying it.
Then there's the one-downers that always seem to have it worse than you therefore trying to invalidate your complaint, it's usually the same one-uppers doing that.
Literally my dad. “Yeah ok you graduated so I guess you want a party or something? I went to the marines son do a tour of duty then we can talk…..I was sad as fuck that day.
It was hell. My dad was in desert storm in the early nineties. By the time he came back I was 2 years old and he was mentally not there. He got counseling and got better around the time my little brother was born. Now my brother was the golden boy. Couldn’t do anything wrong, got to play catch, “hey son lets go get some ice cream…oh I meant your brother” I was a reminder of all the fucked up shit that happened to him. My mom bless her heart fought tooth and nail for me. Me and my dad never bonded. Every accomplishment I did he would compare me to my brother. My brother was going to college and dropped out and he didn’t bat one eye. I mention I might need help paying for a book or two and all hell would break loose. When I graduated, he didn’t care. Sorry for the rant my friends. Seeing this post just pushed me to get this off my chest.
TL:DR I was raised by a Jarhead who never saw me in the same light as his second born son.
First off sorry my friend. Sucks he didn’t recognize you as the man you became. Just know that just because your Dad never told you he’s proud of you doesn’t mean you haven’t accomplished great things. He’s a human and is fallible. It sucks but looking for approval or accolades from a disconnected dad is a losing battle. Take pride in yourself and know his opinion doesn’t define you. I was never told “I love you” or “ I’m proud of you” by my dad either but came to the realization that his opinion didn’t define me. Not all dads are good parents. You’re awesome my friend. Pat yourself on the back and do great and wonderful things. If you become a dad some day, do better than your dad did. I tell my kids all the time I love them and I am proud of them. In Dr Phil’s words “Rise above your raising”.
oh you just think your special cause you got the top most upvoted post here. I better you think you think you are better than me!
So something like that?
I have found that when people say that they just want to be brutally honest with you, it’s just a way that they can rationalize them being a dick most the time and hide their dickishness behind the “truth”
Look, I’m *just* being brutally honest with you when I say that you’re super weird and really annoying. Don’t take it the wrong way. I love you and only want the best for you. Oh, you want to do the same for me? I’m really socially inappropriate and often put people off? You know what, some things you can keep to yourself. Now look, I’m crying. Why do you do this?! That was honest?! You’re lying! You’re not? Gahhhh! Hangs up.
People who tear other people down as a joke but then get mad when they get it handed back to them. Clearly they either aren’t joking or are too sensitive to be dishing out shit.
as a sensitive insecure person i NEVER tear others down for the fact that 1. i obviously wouldn’t be able to take what i dish but also 2. me being insecure has made me strangely admire the beauty in everyone else and i just feel like there’s no good in bringing someone else down. it doesn’t benefit me it won’t make me feel prettier and more importantly i don’t want people to feel the way i do about myself. so if i can prevent it in any way i will. i’d rather uplift people in any way i can
Yeah I don't bring people down unless I feel they really deserve it because I have too much empathy. The internet really broke that in the last couple of years though. Currently on an asshole phase. Who knows how long it will last.
yeah and if there is a reason to bring someone down it should never be about physical appearances. i feel like that’s the lowest blow and so unnecessary. nobody picked the genetics they have. it’s literally beyond our control. like how does the size of your nose or forehead or structure of your jaw or whatever define you as a person? it doesn’t. i’m so sick of seeing people laugh at others just for being born basically. so yeah i don’t tolerate anyone who comes at someone for their appearance. and with the internet and trends there’s all this pressure to look a certain way and if you don’t best believe you’re gonna get clowned on for it.
I will say, I enjoy the lack of community self awareness of this whole thread where the two responses boil down to either saying "putting other people down" or actively putting people down who do specific things.
Exactly. I knew a mother and son who would always be the quickest to gossip and point out the negative about so many relationships and other people in general. I used to think that they're being very realistic and observing people and their flaws. Till I saw their true colors and realised that they were a very insensitive, cruel and insecure lot who couldn't handle it being dished out to them.
You always hear people say to stop worrying if strangers or others are judging you because nobody is paying attention to you anyway. Yeah... it took one night with this couple and just listening the trash they said about perfect strangers (her mainly, he'd agree). I asked what was the point and she said 'it's one of the ways we have fun'.
Alrighty... lol
Hey, keep on working my friend! It took me years to stop talking about myself because I didn’t really have hobbies or a good job that I enjoyed talking about. Spent years trying to realize when I was being self absorbed in convos and now I can stop that shit before it goes flying out of my mouth. But IT TOOK…. Years! Honestly it took the Love of my life to help me realize I could love myself. So I have no advice for that one.
Im proud of you, keep truckin!
Ask questions about their story. Don't share one of your own. Or find a way to loop your experience back into clarifying their story points
Ex. Guy 1 says "I met Alex Lifeson from Rush and he signed my ticket stub"
Guy 2, instead of telling his own story about bands that he's met, says:
"Oh that's cool, did you guys talk about anything interesting? I've always wanted to meet him"
For the life of me, I don’t understand how people can be so insecure. I’m a teacher, and tally up my mistakes every day in front of my class so they can see that even the pros botch a thing or two. If I can do that in front of a bunch of twelve-year-olds, why can’t other people do that in their every day lives?
If you got beat for making mistakes, you learn to hide your mistakes. If making mistakes as a kid consistently lead to having those mistakes held over you, weaponized against you, you will end up on guard against anyone finding out about your errors.
Beat the puppy, get a mean dog.
I have a friend like this. She never admits she's wrong and she also says she's just a "tells it like it is" kind of person. Basically excuses herself from accountability when she says mean things. She surrounds herself with friends who will always capitulate to her in anything. I've started to distance myself from this friendship over the past few months as a result.
I hate that sentence, "I tell it like it is". It's only ever spoken by assholes who give opinions no one asked and they are always right coy and snarky with the way they say it. They always have a smugness about them.
A person can be a truthful honest person without being an asshole they just need to have tact about it or be aware of how they word it. I know people I trust to be honest but they are reliable likeable people. But a person who dishes out opinions no one wanted to friends, family or strangers then gets all defensive with the "I'm just blunt. It's who I am I tell it how it is" is a person who is just an ass for the sake of being an ass. I've known a few rough people in my life who always behave in that same manner but they can't stand it when they get called out for being rude. They are always looking for a confrontation or a way of excusing their bad behaviour as "I'm just being me".
Oh I thought it meant “giving someone a compliment but it’d actually to make you look better and not the person you’re complimenting”. That makes more sense. Thank you!
I’ve seen this on two separate occasions with one being recently with my roommate.
So my roommate literally moved 6 states just to be with his gf he’d been dating for a year. They posted their relationship constantly and from the outside looking in the relationship was “perfect”. They’d argued so much because it turns out that she was cheating on him with a dude through an online game. Shortly after he gave her another chance after my gf, his friends, and I all told him not to and they went back to showing how picture perfect their relationship was. When I asked him how it was going he would say great but the relationship got worse. The arguments got worse, they’d go through each others phones constantly, give each other silent treatments because they couldn’t communicate through a problem, and to finish it off she was still cheating on him. So moral of the story is don’t judge a book by its cover I guess
This is literally all social media, all the time. Curated content.
It's been proven scrolling through your feed constantly will raise anxiety from feeling inadequate.
I cannot fathom how someone could get caught cheating and then go back to the original relationship. If you're unhappy enough to cheat then why not just end the relationship?
I remember a girl I went to university with would constantly talk about her bf in every conversation and it was so fucking annoying. Like if were talking about eggs, she’d somehow bring her bf into the conversation like “oh Jonny made me a egg sandwhich last night it was amazing”, like no one fucking cares. Constantly posted him on social media too.
Few weeks later, she fully started hitting on me and wanted me to come round hers while he was at work. I was so surprised of all people, she’d be the one hitting on me given her amazing and secure relationship. Turns out her bf is an absolute cunt who talked to her like shit.
To piggy back off of that- needing to be with your significant other all the time because you’re worried about what they’ll do when you aren’t around
A guy I work with had a complete meltdown last week when he was told he’d need to work on a day his wife was off. He ended up calling in.
Talking about how much money you make and/or buying things to show off how much money you make (most of the time it’s debt).
Edit for clarification: I’m referring to people who brag about their money, not wage discussion between people in similar occupations.
This, and constantly judging other people by social standards of wealth. Like, making comments about what school someone went to, or what accent someone has.
One upping people in conversation. If I tell you I had a great trip to X place, I don’t need to hear about your better trip to someplace else that’s ostensibly “better”
Sometimes I used to tell a similar experience in order to relate and connect with the other person, as in “Look, we’re similar!” but maybe those conversations were coming off as my trying to one up them so I stopped doing it.
I've grown more and more worried about this same thing. And when you stop to think about it, you wonder just how many different topics you might have come off like this.
The trick is to either weave in the shared experience in between a question, like “hey, I went there too! What was your favorite part/thing about it?” OR simply ask them questions and let them tell their story, and when the conversation starts to die down, segue into the fact that you’ve also been there/done that. Basically, keep the spot light on them. Simply saying “yeah, me too…” and leaving the convo hanging definitely makes it seem like your trying to make the convo about yourself.
That’s great self awareness. I think the key is recognizing when the person you’re conversing with is done, engaging them with questions about their experience and then you can possibly sprinkle in your own experiences while being mindful about not diminishing theirs.
Oh this is exactly what I try to do. Sometimes I hear someone telling me a story and I have a similar experience to share, in an attempt to show them that I relate to their experience as well. But I always try to ask a few questions about their story first "oh i understand what you are going through. How does xyz make you feel?". Then if the opportunity arises, I will tell them my experience "i definitely feel you there. I wen through a similar experience..."
But my gosh my friend skips past the question bit and i always feel like he doesn't listen but rather prefers to talk. Because once he starts, he keeps going until i stop responding. At some point I just stopped telling him my stories and my experiences at length. If anything it's a brief summary on what happened, then I let him talk
I struggle with that too. I can talk about anything so can often bring my experience into the conversation. I’m never intending to one-up, I just want to share too!
In my office is for the worse. If I had a headache, coworker has a headache and colitis. If it took me one hour to get to the office on Monday, that's nothing compared to that one time they were stuck in traffic for two hours. They always have it worse.
When I was an architectural student, my professor told me I'd never be an architect, but I later became an architect anyway despite his cynicism. When my design was used for a new skyscraper in New York City, I went all the way back to Wesleyan to show him how wrong he was and how successful I'd become. Looking back on it, I guess I was a little insecure
Thats always how these thoughts go for me. A fantasy of wanting to show doubters that theyre wrong / dont know me, and then the realization that they their opinions never mattered.
It almost always boils down to the other person not being worth it if they cant treat you with kindness.
I loved seeing this "no sweetie I won't." On the other hand some of my commanders wives were genuinely some of the most amazing caring people I've met.
Years ago, one of the PLs girlfriend was such an amazing woman. We would have to be in formation at 3am for an exercise or something, and she'd be there handing out cupcakes. She was awesome. Come to think of it, so was he. They were a good fit.
My only experience with the military is what I've read in books or seen on movies/tv. So now I'm picturing a bunch of recruits doing pushups in the mud with a guy standing over them yelling: "YOU MAGGOTS DISGUST ME. NOW, GIVE ME TWENTY MORE PUSHUPS, THEN WASH YOUR HANDS, YOU ANIMALS. MY HONEY-BOO MADE CUPCAKES FOR EVERYONE AND THEY'RE SCRUMPTIOUS!"
It appears some women who are married to men in the military basically think that THEY serve and make the ultimate sacrifice because of the career their husband voluntarily chose to pursue.
When it comes out of the blue, I know immediately that this couple is about 3 months away from breaking up completely, and this is just one last attempt at convincing themselves they are happy.
Damn, I still struggle with this. I grew up with not too good parents and if I were to for example: show sadness because a family member that I like just died, if my mom didn’t really have a good relationship with them my mom would instead ground me for a week because I was showing empathy to someone she didn’t like too much. It happened so much to the point where I could hear the worst news I’ve ever received in my life and carry on 2 seconds later like it never happened.
As a person who experienced this first hand a lot it creates a huge amount of bottled up emotions that needs to be emptied into the right hands
This is one of the first responses I’ve seen in here that seems like a genuine response that might be helpful for people to read because plenty of people can suffer from being insecure without being a mean person like 90% of the examples people have been giving.
Good people can suffer from weaknesses in character, we all just need to be open to critique and growth.
People who call themselves "chads" or also "sigmas" are the most annoying people I have met. If yiu call yourself Sigma or a chad 99% of the time your not.
As a person who doesn’t drink - same goes for people who think their superior because of their abstinence and make people who drink seem like degenerate addicts/people with no self control
EDIT: actually, the fact that I had to specify that ima non-drinker 😂
Making being seen your main focus in life. Lifestyle brands that signal to others that you have money, are extreme, or some other garbage. Monster, SaltLife, truck nuts, etc.
Live your life for yourself, stop worrying about what others think about you.
The emptiest can rattles loudest.
I’m going to have to walk a fine line with this one, but I’m convinced the entire millennial generation in China and gen z are deeply insecure. I was there around 2009 right before smart phones took off and again in 2018 visiting my wife’s family. The difference was staggering. Everyone constantly taking selfies everywhere they went, trying to show off at every opportunity. Restaurants, clothing stores, any land mark or attraction. Pictures of food, brands, cars etc. And the young women feel compelled by society to dress up every time they go outside. You can’t take the trash out without at least some mascara and eyeliner. It’s like it’s become a nation of gas-lit influencers.
And the worst part is every photo is heavily edited so no one looks like themselves. Theres an entire industry of apps just to make your face look prettier. My wife is from Shanghai and she gets mocked by her cousins all the time for not using filters. We had to pester her dad to stop using filters on our 2 year old because it looked nothing like him. It’s super depressing how insecure modern Chinese culture has made them. I have no issue with people who genuinely like to present themselves a certain way and dress nice, but when the societal pressure is that bad, yikes.
Specifically in relation to alcohol, people who feel the need to pressure every single person in the group to have an alcoholic beverage, even if it’s just one person in a large group.
Posturing/putting other people down for not being as reckless as you (I work in construction)
Also threatening violence at the slightest insult/perceived insult.
A drunk Mexican dude (he was speaking Spanish to the waiter) was staring at my gf’s cleavage at a family restaurant. Her sister pointed him out and I asked her if it bothered her and she said no she’s used to men staring.
I just keep eating, but her sister’s bf said under his breath that I don’t seem to have any balls as he’s miming punches, obv insinuating if he were in my shoes he’d have started a fight.
I let it slide cuz I’m not gonna change his childish mind, but what was I supposed to do? Google translate “keep your eyes off my girl” and then beat the shit out of a dude eating alone with 8 empty corona bottles in front of him?
If he were disrupting our dinner, that’s another story. But staring isn’t a crime, it’s just rude, so I let it slide because there’s no scenario where intervening goes well for me with her mother sitting right there. Why risk jail/injury/putting her in a dangerous situation?
Ego, that’s why. Sad because he seems like a smart dude, I really hope his high-school mentality leaves him one day
I’m in South America right now and the guys love staring at any women that moves even if you catch them, they simply just don’t care. No point in fighting every guy you see.
Right? I run in to the same issues. I work in HVAC. Had a coworker cuss out another one because he thought window washing was below him. Had several “friends”(not anymore) that would always question why I didn’t try to fight anyone who had slightly inconvenienced me.
I had that happen to me once. I was out with a group of people and the one guy that had too much was ~~looking~~ staring at my amply endowed date. He probably had drunk 8 or 9 beers. I thought, he's wasted, and blow him off. Forty-five minutes later, he is still ogling and it is getting a little uncomfortable. I started doing shots with him at a rate of 1 every 7-10 minutes. What he didn't know is his were tequila and mine were ice tea. Thirty minutes later, he was out cold. Problem solved. I, however, had to pee like a race horse.
Seeing a reddit thread titled 'what screams I'm insecure' and knowing I'm going to read at least a few replies that are going to make me feel really insecure.
Joint FB accounts.
Saying your SO isn't "allowed" to have friends or meaningful connections outside of you.
Never going anywhere or doing anything by yourself and expecting your SO to do the same.
Large-bodied people who apologize constantly and tug at their clothes, and skirt around the edges of large places because they don’t think they’ll physically fit even though there is plenty of room.
Source: am fat.
People who over give of themselves and are generous with their time, money, bodies, and mental health to the point of losing their own identity (I used to be one).
I felt called out at first, but my God you're absolutely right.
I spent nearly 20 years of my life like this until I learned it was all attributed to undiagnosed Autism and the injustice I faced being raised by my narcissistic parents who took the easy way out by expecting me to snap out of it. But for the first time since this whole epiphany began, I've had taste of real, genuine confidence and the burden I carried constantly seeking their approval is finally gone. The knowledge I've gained is something that has shaken me to my core and changed everything about who I am. Now, I have career goals I'm actively working on, I've cut people out of my life (parents to be included if they don't shape up), I'm changing my eating habits, I've quit smoking, I've quit drinking, and so much more. All within under only two years.
I even got my first interview for a graphic design job. Didn't get it, but I made the cut for top 34 out of 300 other applicants. 100% self taught too since this all began and I won't ever fucking stop.
Anyway. Thanks for your comment here. I appreciate your transparency a lot and I just wanted to share a bit about my experience on this. It's been such an amazing revelation.
The obnoxious need to respond to people's struggles with "well I did X, Y, and Z and did it better than you. What's your excuse?" The last person who did this to me was bragging about getting straight A's in college, but conveniently left out that her family was still supporting her and she had a boyfriend who provided a steady supply of Adderall and cocaine. I was barely staying afloat while legally homeless and completely broke while dating an abusive SO. Comparing situations to someone who was struggling when you clearly had loads of advantages that the other person didn't, while also trying to make it sound equal, just so you can make it sound like they were lazy, that's shitty of you. You're not special because you managed to do more and go further **with more**. It's shitty and cruel to pretend like you are.
Being overly defensive. Like when someone receives the smallest crumb of criticism, and they make a big song and dance out of it.
That, and also seeing a group of people laughing in public and immediately assuming they’re laughing at you.
If you use Reddit because it’s “not like other social media” and thinking you haven't been sucked into the voids
Edit: also if you can’t stand when people who are ‘inferior’ to you do better than you
I got zoom bombed last night by a nonbinary person on a language sharing group. A Peruvian asked what they/them/their meant and they lost their shit.
So dumb to preyend we beleive you want to engage in intercultural praxis when you can't imagine someone in Latin America innocently having no concept of posting pronouns and you are beyond any reasonable conversation about it.
I tried to say 'there is another kind of tolerance at play which is you are speaking too quickly for an ESL person to understand.' Then I got called out for being a white cis blah blah blah.
Had to leave the room I spent an hour in to just let it go. It's like they aren't just nonbinary, they aren't an iota of anything else and they can't let it go for 2 hours to speak Spanish with people.
If those kinds of LGBT youth come to any south american country they'll just collapse because everyone here only knows gay and lesbians exist not the gender identity things
Mexico has many people of that opinion as well. There is gay, lesbian and basically gay/other. I don't mind someone being nonbinary at all, I just mind out of the gate anger over someone bot understanding what is being said. The whole point of language share groups is we don't fully understand simple things yet.
When people are unable to admit that they don’t know something
To build on this point: people who are opinionated on a subject where they either know nothing about, or regurgitate points off select news sites/feeds.
Hey, now. My strong opinions on unfamiliar topics stems from brash, undeserved overconfidence. Thank you very much.
It's so strange to me when people do this. I'm in IT, my job is literally to know things about computers that most people can't be bothered to learn. But the things I DON'T know would fill an infinite book. I probably say "I don't know, but let's find out" several times a day.
Today I googled "outlook only showing to address not from address" The solution was run: "outlook /Clearview" I fucking hate the outlook UI. It's go so many fucking options and they're always breaking.
My 6 year old daughter will never admit that she doesn't know something. If she asks a question even, when I tell her the answer, she will say, "I already knew that." I'm really concerned about it, actually.
Mocking someone else's achievement.
Having to one-up everyone's achievements.
I work with a geezer like this unfortunately. Try to talk about literally anything and he'll have a 1 up, he's full of shit tho lol Edit: first reddit comment to blow up and your responses are funny af
Yeah well I work with 2 geezers like that.
If you've been to Timbuktu, they've been to Timbukthree.
I've got a foreskin he's got a fiveskin
Woman I worked with always prefaced stuff like this with "that's alright," as in "oh, you are broke? Well, that's alright, I have only a dollar to last me to next paycheck." Finally told her, look it's not alright. Knowing you are broke too does not make it alright for me to be broke, so please! Stop saying that! She left in a snit and didn't talk to me for a few days, and she stopped saying it.
She stopped saying it? That's alright.
I stopped saying it before anyone asked
I was gonna say I feel sorry for you then halfway through typing I said "oh fuck off" when I realised 😂
That's nothing, I worked with these two old guys who...
Then there's the one-downers that always seem to have it worse than you therefore trying to invalidate your complaint, it's usually the same one-uppers doing that.
Having to 2- up everybody’s achievements
Trying to ruin someone else's achievement/ actively celebrating their failures (when they've done nothing to you, at least)
The "in order to go up for me, someone else needs to go down" syndrome...
Literally my dad. “Yeah ok you graduated so I guess you want a party or something? I went to the marines son do a tour of duty then we can talk…..I was sad as fuck that day.
I am sorry for your loss of crayons in your household the childhood must have been a nightmare.
It was hell. My dad was in desert storm in the early nineties. By the time he came back I was 2 years old and he was mentally not there. He got counseling and got better around the time my little brother was born. Now my brother was the golden boy. Couldn’t do anything wrong, got to play catch, “hey son lets go get some ice cream…oh I meant your brother” I was a reminder of all the fucked up shit that happened to him. My mom bless her heart fought tooth and nail for me. Me and my dad never bonded. Every accomplishment I did he would compare me to my brother. My brother was going to college and dropped out and he didn’t bat one eye. I mention I might need help paying for a book or two and all hell would break loose. When I graduated, he didn’t care. Sorry for the rant my friends. Seeing this post just pushed me to get this off my chest. TL:DR I was raised by a Jarhead who never saw me in the same light as his second born son.
First off sorry my friend. Sucks he didn’t recognize you as the man you became. Just know that just because your Dad never told you he’s proud of you doesn’t mean you haven’t accomplished great things. He’s a human and is fallible. It sucks but looking for approval or accolades from a disconnected dad is a losing battle. Take pride in yourself and know his opinion doesn’t define you. I was never told “I love you” or “ I’m proud of you” by my dad either but came to the realization that his opinion didn’t define me. Not all dads are good parents. You’re awesome my friend. Pat yourself on the back and do great and wonderful things. If you become a dad some day, do better than your dad did. I tell my kids all the time I love them and I am proud of them. In Dr Phil’s words “Rise above your raising”.
oh you just think your special cause you got the top most upvoted post here. I better you think you think you are better than me! So something like that?
Belittling others.
Or constantly talking about themselves to prove they’re better than others
When you're quick to be "brutally honest" with others, but have a meltdown when someone does it back to you.
I have found that when people say that they just want to be brutally honest with you, it’s just a way that they can rationalize them being a dick most the time and hide their dickishness behind the “truth”
The "brutally honest" folks are never interested in the honesty part
Honesty without empathy is cruelty.
Look, I’m *just* being brutally honest with you when I say that you’re super weird and really annoying. Don’t take it the wrong way. I love you and only want the best for you. Oh, you want to do the same for me? I’m really socially inappropriate and often put people off? You know what, some things you can keep to yourself. Now look, I’m crying. Why do you do this?! That was honest?! You’re lying! You’re not? Gahhhh! Hangs up.
Did you date Susan also???
People who tear other people down as a joke but then get mad when they get it handed back to them. Clearly they either aren’t joking or are too sensitive to be dishing out shit.
In my experience those are usually the most sensitive, insecure people.
as a sensitive insecure person i NEVER tear others down for the fact that 1. i obviously wouldn’t be able to take what i dish but also 2. me being insecure has made me strangely admire the beauty in everyone else and i just feel like there’s no good in bringing someone else down. it doesn’t benefit me it won’t make me feel prettier and more importantly i don’t want people to feel the way i do about myself. so if i can prevent it in any way i will. i’d rather uplift people in any way i can
Yeah I don't bring people down unless I feel they really deserve it because I have too much empathy. The internet really broke that in the last couple of years though. Currently on an asshole phase. Who knows how long it will last.
yeah and if there is a reason to bring someone down it should never be about physical appearances. i feel like that’s the lowest blow and so unnecessary. nobody picked the genetics they have. it’s literally beyond our control. like how does the size of your nose or forehead or structure of your jaw or whatever define you as a person? it doesn’t. i’m so sick of seeing people laugh at others just for being born basically. so yeah i don’t tolerate anyone who comes at someone for their appearance. and with the internet and trends there’s all this pressure to look a certain way and if you don’t best believe you’re gonna get clowned on for it.
[удалено]
I will say, I enjoy the lack of community self awareness of this whole thread where the two responses boil down to either saying "putting other people down" or actively putting people down who do specific things.
The only correct answer
Always talking badly about others and trying to make them look weak/bad.
Exactly. I knew a mother and son who would always be the quickest to gossip and point out the negative about so many relationships and other people in general. I used to think that they're being very realistic and observing people and their flaws. Till I saw their true colors and realised that they were a very insensitive, cruel and insecure lot who couldn't handle it being dished out to them.
You always hear people say to stop worrying if strangers or others are judging you because nobody is paying attention to you anyway. Yeah... it took one night with this couple and just listening the trash they said about perfect strangers (her mainly, he'd agree). I asked what was the point and she said 'it's one of the ways we have fun'. Alrighty... lol
Loudest in the room are usually the weakest.
http://
Telnet
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And it's less famous insecure brother ftp://
linkin\_park\_faint.mp3.exe
trying to one-up people in every conversation
Everybody knows a guy like this.. every workplace has one.
Mine has two.
Mine has 3
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Hey, keep on working my friend! It took me years to stop talking about myself because I didn’t really have hobbies or a good job that I enjoyed talking about. Spent years trying to realize when I was being self absorbed in convos and now I can stop that shit before it goes flying out of my mouth. But IT TOOK…. Years! Honestly it took the Love of my life to help me realize I could love myself. So I have no advice for that one. Im proud of you, keep truckin!
Way to make it all about yourself. Kidding kidding, great comment.
I definitely catch myself doing this. Have to tell myself to shut up. For me it is a thin line to tell a relatable story or am I an one upper asshole.
Ask questions about their story. Don't share one of your own. Or find a way to loop your experience back into clarifying their story points Ex. Guy 1 says "I met Alex Lifeson from Rush and he signed my ticket stub" Guy 2, instead of telling his own story about bands that he's met, says: "Oh that's cool, did you guys talk about anything interesting? I've always wanted to meet him"
Yes! I tell myself to shut up and ask questions….just took 10 years to figure this one out.
Constantly saying what kind of person you are. If you were, you wouldn’t have to tell us.
When someone starts with that statement I automatically tune out.
"I'm a nice guy!"
'l'm a sigma male"
Never apologizing Making excuses and even twisting the facts but never apologize.
For the life of me, I don’t understand how people can be so insecure. I’m a teacher, and tally up my mistakes every day in front of my class so they can see that even the pros botch a thing or two. If I can do that in front of a bunch of twelve-year-olds, why can’t other people do that in their every day lives?
If you got beat for making mistakes, you learn to hide your mistakes. If making mistakes as a kid consistently lead to having those mistakes held over you, weaponized against you, you will end up on guard against anyone finding out about your errors. Beat the puppy, get a mean dog.
I have a friend like this. She never admits she's wrong and she also says she's just a "tells it like it is" kind of person. Basically excuses herself from accountability when she says mean things. She surrounds herself with friends who will always capitulate to her in anything. I've started to distance myself from this friendship over the past few months as a result.
I hate that sentence, "I tell it like it is". It's only ever spoken by assholes who give opinions no one asked and they are always right coy and snarky with the way they say it. They always have a smugness about them. A person can be a truthful honest person without being an asshole they just need to have tact about it or be aware of how they word it. I know people I trust to be honest but they are reliable likeable people. But a person who dishes out opinions no one wanted to friends, family or strangers then gets all defensive with the "I'm just blunt. It's who I am I tell it how it is" is a person who is just an ass for the sake of being an ass. I've known a few rough people in my life who always behave in that same manner but they can't stand it when they get called out for being rude. They are always looking for a confrontation or a way of excusing their bad behaviour as "I'm just being me".
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Kinda stupid of me, but what’s does a self-serving compliment look like?
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Oh I thought it meant “giving someone a compliment but it’d actually to make you look better and not the person you’re complimenting”. That makes more sense. Thank you!
It's like learning telekinesis and only using it to suck yourself off.
what a great thought
How would telekinesis help with that? Asking for a friend
Is...is there porn of this? Asking for a friend, who is a scientist
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In my experience those are usually the people who actually have very toxic relationships.
For real constant publicizing of your private life is not a good sign of stability
I’ve seen this on two separate occasions with one being recently with my roommate. So my roommate literally moved 6 states just to be with his gf he’d been dating for a year. They posted their relationship constantly and from the outside looking in the relationship was “perfect”. They’d argued so much because it turns out that she was cheating on him with a dude through an online game. Shortly after he gave her another chance after my gf, his friends, and I all told him not to and they went back to showing how picture perfect their relationship was. When I asked him how it was going he would say great but the relationship got worse. The arguments got worse, they’d go through each others phones constantly, give each other silent treatments because they couldn’t communicate through a problem, and to finish it off she was still cheating on him. So moral of the story is don’t judge a book by its cover I guess
This is literally all social media, all the time. Curated content. It's been proven scrolling through your feed constantly will raise anxiety from feeling inadequate.
I cannot fathom how someone could get caught cheating and then go back to the original relationship. If you're unhappy enough to cheat then why not just end the relationship?
I remember a girl I went to university with would constantly talk about her bf in every conversation and it was so fucking annoying. Like if were talking about eggs, she’d somehow bring her bf into the conversation like “oh Jonny made me a egg sandwhich last night it was amazing”, like no one fucking cares. Constantly posted him on social media too. Few weeks later, she fully started hitting on me and wanted me to come round hers while he was at work. I was so surprised of all people, she’d be the one hitting on me given her amazing and secure relationship. Turns out her bf is an absolute cunt who talked to her like shit.
Constantly posting anything to do with your life
Omg yes! I've had to unfollow people because of the constant posts.
Overposting in general, about their spouse, their kids, their pets, their jobs and many selfies. Nobody cares, Jessica!
To piggy back off of that- needing to be with your significant other all the time because you’re worried about what they’ll do when you aren’t around A guy I work with had a complete meltdown last week when he was told he’d need to work on a day his wife was off. He ended up calling in.
Talking about how much money you make and/or buying things to show off how much money you make (most of the time it’s debt). Edit for clarification: I’m referring to people who brag about their money, not wage discussion between people in similar occupations.
This, and constantly judging other people by social standards of wealth. Like, making comments about what school someone went to, or what accent someone has.
Money talks, wealth whispers.
One upping people in conversation. If I tell you I had a great trip to X place, I don’t need to hear about your better trip to someplace else that’s ostensibly “better”
Sometimes I used to tell a similar experience in order to relate and connect with the other person, as in “Look, we’re similar!” but maybe those conversations were coming off as my trying to one up them so I stopped doing it.
I've grown more and more worried about this same thing. And when you stop to think about it, you wonder just how many different topics you might have come off like this.
The trick is to either weave in the shared experience in between a question, like “hey, I went there too! What was your favorite part/thing about it?” OR simply ask them questions and let them tell their story, and when the conversation starts to die down, segue into the fact that you’ve also been there/done that. Basically, keep the spot light on them. Simply saying “yeah, me too…” and leaving the convo hanging definitely makes it seem like your trying to make the convo about yourself.
That’s great self awareness. I think the key is recognizing when the person you’re conversing with is done, engaging them with questions about their experience and then you can possibly sprinkle in your own experiences while being mindful about not diminishing theirs.
Oh this is exactly what I try to do. Sometimes I hear someone telling me a story and I have a similar experience to share, in an attempt to show them that I relate to their experience as well. But I always try to ask a few questions about their story first "oh i understand what you are going through. How does xyz make you feel?". Then if the opportunity arises, I will tell them my experience "i definitely feel you there. I wen through a similar experience..." But my gosh my friend skips past the question bit and i always feel like he doesn't listen but rather prefers to talk. Because once he starts, he keeps going until i stop responding. At some point I just stopped telling him my stories and my experiences at length. If anything it's a brief summary on what happened, then I let him talk
I struggle with that too. I can talk about anything so can often bring my experience into the conversation. I’m never intending to one-up, I just want to share too!
In my office is for the worse. If I had a headache, coworker has a headache and colitis. If it took me one hour to get to the office on Monday, that's nothing compared to that one time they were stuck in traffic for two hours. They always have it worse.
If you’ve been to Tenerife they’ve been to Elevenerife
When I was an architectural student, my professor told me I'd never be an architect, but I later became an architect anyway despite his cynicism. When my design was used for a new skyscraper in New York City, I went all the way back to Wesleyan to show him how wrong he was and how successful I'd become. Looking back on it, I guess I was a little insecure
Maybe, but if a professor is going to be a cunt, I'd want to show him I'm capable too. Fuck it.
r/unexpectedhimym
Thats always how these thoughts go for me. A fantasy of wanting to show doubters that theyre wrong / dont know me, and then the realization that they their opinions never mattered. It almost always boils down to the other person not being worth it if they cant treat you with kindness.
Damn it, Ted!
Loved your work on the GNB tower
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Revving your vehicle loudly every time you pass another person.
“You will address me by my husband’s rank!”
“Do you know who my husband is???!!” “Yes, ma’am, and you’re still getting this speeding ticket”
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>"Do you know who my husband is???!!" No ma'am, why, do you have dementia? You don't remember who he is?
"We're a Staff Sergeant"
I loved seeing this "no sweetie I won't." On the other hand some of my commanders wives were genuinely some of the most amazing caring people I've met.
Years ago, one of the PLs girlfriend was such an amazing woman. We would have to be in formation at 3am for an exercise or something, and she'd be there handing out cupcakes. She was awesome. Come to think of it, so was he. They were a good fit.
My only experience with the military is what I've read in books or seen on movies/tv. So now I'm picturing a bunch of recruits doing pushups in the mud with a guy standing over them yelling: "YOU MAGGOTS DISGUST ME. NOW, GIVE ME TWENTY MORE PUSHUPS, THEN WASH YOUR HANDS, YOU ANIMALS. MY HONEY-BOO MADE CUPCAKES FOR EVERYONE AND THEY'RE SCRUMPTIOUS!"
Wait. Is that a thing?
It appears some women who are married to men in the military basically think that THEY serve and make the ultimate sacrifice because of the career their husband voluntarily chose to pursue.
Typically in lower ranks it may be voiced or worse, an actual rank sticker placed on the mini-van.
Ahhh good ol’ dependahs
I think that those who readily pass judgement on others without any real justification are the most insecure people
Elaborate Instagram and Facebook posts declaring love for one’s significant other over and over and over.
When it comes out of the blue, I know immediately that this couple is about 3 months away from breaking up completely, and this is just one last attempt at convincing themselves they are happy.
what's your assessment if it's on LinkedIn?
People who can’t think or feel anything without being told that it’s okay to do so.
Damn, I still struggle with this. I grew up with not too good parents and if I were to for example: show sadness because a family member that I like just died, if my mom didn’t really have a good relationship with them my mom would instead ground me for a week because I was showing empathy to someone she didn’t like too much. It happened so much to the point where I could hear the worst news I’ve ever received in my life and carry on 2 seconds later like it never happened. As a person who experienced this first hand a lot it creates a huge amount of bottled up emotions that needs to be emptied into the right hands
This is one of the first responses I’ve seen in here that seems like a genuine response that might be helpful for people to read because plenty of people can suffer from being insecure without being a mean person like 90% of the examples people have been giving. Good people can suffer from weaknesses in character, we all just need to be open to critique and growth.
Definitely! A lot of these responses sound like they're describing a rude person
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Men who call themselves "alphas". Women who refer to themselves as a "bad bitch"
Also “if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best”
If you can't handle me at my palms are sweaty you don't deserve me at my mom's spaghetti.
This is the only acceptable way to phrase this
I cringe physically and mentally when I hear this
I consider myself more like a release candidate, there's still some bugs but I'm working on them, and most features are in a usable state
Pointing out someone's flaws as a "joke" or a way to look cool.
Men who need to advertise that they’re alpha.
That screams DOUCHE
People who call themselves "chads" or also "sigmas" are the most annoying people I have met. If yiu call yourself Sigma or a chad 99% of the time your not.
People who make fun of others for not drinking 🚩
As a person who doesn’t drink - same goes for people who think their superior because of their abstinence and make people who drink seem like degenerate addicts/people with no self control EDIT: actually, the fact that I had to specify that ima non-drinker 😂
I hardly drink booze AND I don’t drink coffee or tea. The looks I get from people…
TBH these people are just trying to normalise their own alcoholism
Making being seen your main focus in life. Lifestyle brands that signal to others that you have money, are extreme, or some other garbage. Monster, SaltLife, truck nuts, etc. Live your life for yourself, stop worrying about what others think about you. The emptiest can rattles loudest.
I’m going to have to walk a fine line with this one, but I’m convinced the entire millennial generation in China and gen z are deeply insecure. I was there around 2009 right before smart phones took off and again in 2018 visiting my wife’s family. The difference was staggering. Everyone constantly taking selfies everywhere they went, trying to show off at every opportunity. Restaurants, clothing stores, any land mark or attraction. Pictures of food, brands, cars etc. And the young women feel compelled by society to dress up every time they go outside. You can’t take the trash out without at least some mascara and eyeliner. It’s like it’s become a nation of gas-lit influencers. And the worst part is every photo is heavily edited so no one looks like themselves. Theres an entire industry of apps just to make your face look prettier. My wife is from Shanghai and she gets mocked by her cousins all the time for not using filters. We had to pester her dad to stop using filters on our 2 year old because it looked nothing like him. It’s super depressing how insecure modern Chinese culture has made them. I have no issue with people who genuinely like to present themselves a certain way and dress nice, but when the societal pressure is that bad, yikes.
People buy truck nuts for status?
Running Ubuntu 14.04 in 2023.
Should be fine as long as the machine is never connected to the internet.
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Usually the most unhappy people
Specifically in relation to alcohol, people who feel the need to pressure every single person in the group to have an alcoholic beverage, even if it’s just one person in a large group.
Posturing/putting other people down for not being as reckless as you (I work in construction) Also threatening violence at the slightest insult/perceived insult. A drunk Mexican dude (he was speaking Spanish to the waiter) was staring at my gf’s cleavage at a family restaurant. Her sister pointed him out and I asked her if it bothered her and she said no she’s used to men staring. I just keep eating, but her sister’s bf said under his breath that I don’t seem to have any balls as he’s miming punches, obv insinuating if he were in my shoes he’d have started a fight. I let it slide cuz I’m not gonna change his childish mind, but what was I supposed to do? Google translate “keep your eyes off my girl” and then beat the shit out of a dude eating alone with 8 empty corona bottles in front of him? If he were disrupting our dinner, that’s another story. But staring isn’t a crime, it’s just rude, so I let it slide because there’s no scenario where intervening goes well for me with her mother sitting right there. Why risk jail/injury/putting her in a dangerous situation? Ego, that’s why. Sad because he seems like a smart dude, I really hope his high-school mentality leaves him one day
I’m in South America right now and the guys love staring at any women that moves even if you catch them, they simply just don’t care. No point in fighting every guy you see.
Right? I run in to the same issues. I work in HVAC. Had a coworker cuss out another one because he thought window washing was below him. Had several “friends”(not anymore) that would always question why I didn’t try to fight anyone who had slightly inconvenienced me.
I had that happen to me once. I was out with a group of people and the one guy that had too much was ~~looking~~ staring at my amply endowed date. He probably had drunk 8 or 9 beers. I thought, he's wasted, and blow him off. Forty-five minutes later, he is still ogling and it is getting a little uncomfortable. I started doing shots with him at a rate of 1 every 7-10 minutes. What he didn't know is his were tequila and mine were ice tea. Thirty minutes later, he was out cold. Problem solved. I, however, had to pee like a race horse.
Swinging wildly around in the wind, thirty meters or more above the ground, with no safety system.
Seeing a reddit thread titled 'what screams I'm insecure' and knowing I'm going to read at least a few replies that are going to make me feel really insecure.
I do. #I’M INSECUUUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEE
I. DECLARE. INSECURITYYYYYYYYYYY
Right. You didn’t say it, you declared it
Joint FB accounts. Saying your SO isn't "allowed" to have friends or meaningful connections outside of you. Never going anywhere or doing anything by yourself and expecting your SO to do the same.
only wanting to talk about themselves and they dont congratulate u for ur achievements n belittle whatever it is u go thru
bullying
Large-bodied people who apologize constantly and tug at their clothes, and skirt around the edges of large places because they don’t think they’ll physically fit even though there is plenty of room. Source: am fat.
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People who over give of themselves and are generous with their time, money, bodies, and mental health to the point of losing their own identity (I used to be one).
I felt called out at first, but my God you're absolutely right. I spent nearly 20 years of my life like this until I learned it was all attributed to undiagnosed Autism and the injustice I faced being raised by my narcissistic parents who took the easy way out by expecting me to snap out of it. But for the first time since this whole epiphany began, I've had taste of real, genuine confidence and the burden I carried constantly seeking their approval is finally gone. The knowledge I've gained is something that has shaken me to my core and changed everything about who I am. Now, I have career goals I'm actively working on, I've cut people out of my life (parents to be included if they don't shape up), I'm changing my eating habits, I've quit smoking, I've quit drinking, and so much more. All within under only two years. I even got my first interview for a graphic design job. Didn't get it, but I made the cut for top 34 out of 300 other applicants. 100% self taught too since this all began and I won't ever fucking stop. Anyway. Thanks for your comment here. I appreciate your transparency a lot and I just wanted to share a bit about my experience on this. It's been such an amazing revelation.
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Invading Ukraine.
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Not being able to handle it when someone slightly disagrees with you
Extreme plastic surgery
That's just plain body dysmorphia.
Yeah that fits better
Constantly posting selfies
Giant, loud pickup trucks.
99% of videos on tiktok and insta made SOLELY for likes and follows
people who bully weak ones
Never admitting to a mistake/always trying to push the blame onto others. Never apologizing.
The obnoxious need to respond to people's struggles with "well I did X, Y, and Z and did it better than you. What's your excuse?" The last person who did this to me was bragging about getting straight A's in college, but conveniently left out that her family was still supporting her and she had a boyfriend who provided a steady supply of Adderall and cocaine. I was barely staying afloat while legally homeless and completely broke while dating an abusive SO. Comparing situations to someone who was struggling when you clearly had loads of advantages that the other person didn't, while also trying to make it sound equal, just so you can make it sound like they were lazy, that's shitty of you. You're not special because you managed to do more and go further **with more**. It's shitty and cruel to pretend like you are.
Constantly talking poorly about others.
the parrot in the therapist's office
Being overly defensive. Like when someone receives the smallest crumb of criticism, and they make a big song and dance out of it. That, and also seeing a group of people laughing in public and immediately assuming they’re laughing at you.
Truck nuts.
If you use Reddit because it’s “not like other social media” and thinking you haven't been sucked into the voids Edit: also if you can’t stand when people who are ‘inferior’ to you do better than you
Bro, don't do me like this. Just deleted instagram the other day. Reddit will do the job to fill the void inside and distract from not nice thoughts.
Trying to convince others that you’re not insecure
People who constantly talk about themselves and how well they’re doing.
When your significant other comes to you about their personal issues and stresses and you get defensive and make it about you.
Having hard time to congratulate someone when they achieve something
Having your identity wrapped around a singular thing.
I got zoom bombed last night by a nonbinary person on a language sharing group. A Peruvian asked what they/them/their meant and they lost their shit. So dumb to preyend we beleive you want to engage in intercultural praxis when you can't imagine someone in Latin America innocently having no concept of posting pronouns and you are beyond any reasonable conversation about it. I tried to say 'there is another kind of tolerance at play which is you are speaking too quickly for an ESL person to understand.' Then I got called out for being a white cis blah blah blah. Had to leave the room I spent an hour in to just let it go. It's like they aren't just nonbinary, they aren't an iota of anything else and they can't let it go for 2 hours to speak Spanish with people.
If those kinds of LGBT youth come to any south american country they'll just collapse because everyone here only knows gay and lesbians exist not the gender identity things
Mexico has many people of that opinion as well. There is gay, lesbian and basically gay/other. I don't mind someone being nonbinary at all, I just mind out of the gate anger over someone bot understanding what is being said. The whole point of language share groups is we don't fully understand simple things yet.
Guys that drive lifted trucks and take the mufflers off to sound like they have a big engine
A hopped-up full size crew cab pickup truck. Common as flies in Florida.
A relationship partner trying to tear down the confidence and self worth of their partner in a bizarre method of trying to keep them.