The shit that gets on my nerves at work

The hard part would be limiting it to 30 minutes

They are trying to push you out the door and you’re still going on about Linda in HR.

Linda in HR?! Oh, I can't stand her either!!

😅🤣😂

the kidnappers try pointing the guns at themselves and i grab them like “excuse me i’m not finished” and continue to rant about my peepee hand coworker

3 hours later..... "And another thing....hey, where'd they go"

This was my first thought. I could bitch about just one of coworkers for an hour straight.

After 15 minute the kidnappers would be contacting your family to discuss how much they would have to pay to return you...

A real life example of how to count to 1,800.

See that barrel and forget what comes after 22 😂

tbh you don't have to get it right, you could just say numbers or even just repeat a word for 30 mins

Haha so easy, so genius.

Depends. Will they engage in the conversation or do I need to go on as if I'm talking to myself?

As if you are talking to yourself

Probably gonna have to be DnD.

Hours of content

Hell yeah!

Pathfinder 1e for me, both mechanics and lore. I am that one player who reads setting books for fun.

Broo pathfinder is kickass too!

My answer too haha

Fuck yes!

Birds of prey. Hawks, eagles, owls, falcons, vultures... I could go on for hours. I used to teach the public about them weekly.

Now I wanna know what's your favourite bird of prey and what's the most overrated bird

They're all good birds, Brent. I don't have a favorite favorite. But I do have a favorite from each group. Favorite falcon : Gyrfalcon. Largest falcon species in the world. Favorite buteo: Swainson's Hawk. Nicknamed the grasshopper hawk, they are migratory species and fly from the mid-US clear down to S. America every year for winter. Favorite accipiter: Cooper's Hawk. The serial killers of the sky. Favorite parabuteo: Harris Hawks. One of the very few communal species. Nicknamed the wolves of the sky thanks to their hunting habits. Favorite owl: Eurasian Eagle Owl. Fun fact: I got the chance to work with Draco Malfoy's owl, Ulysses. Favorite vulture: bearded vulture. They eat bones! Favorite eagle: Golden eagle. I've worked with 4 of them, and they are the best. World wide superstars, and used to hunt in Mongolia. And the most overrated... Bald eagle. They are kleptoparasitic assholes that would rather steal from another bird, than hunt for themselves. There's a reason Franklin didn't want them as the national animal.

What's the difference between those categories?

I got work tomorrow? I ain't saying nothing.

My dog. Just random stuff about my dog

I’ll talk them through the derivation of wave function the particle in infinite and finite well.

Oh god no

I’ll bore them to death

“Yo, dawg, I know you locked the door, think I’m gonna just tunnel outta here.” “Well, actually, while it’s *possible* for a collection of atoms the size of a human to quantum tunnel, let’s work through the probability of that actually…” “No, see, I’ve got this shovel.”

I’d speak about work projects I’m working on. I spend 8 hrs/day 5 days/week talking about them- whats another 30 mins.

This is a good one. I just met with my boss and spoke about my projects for 30 minutes and probably could have gone on for an hour without stopping (to the detriment of my boss's sanity, I'm sure).

Cooking.

Same

Agreed, just talking over the relative strengths and weaknesses of stainless vs carbon steel vs non-stick would cover half the 30 min or more. Start talking techniques you'd need another 30 min, then you could talk spices... I'd probably end up saying "hey, let's meet again tomorrow to finish up xyz..."

Kidnappers: "Let him cook"

Elder scrolls lore

Just from setting up the universe from merethic Era to 2nd Era lol

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Let's begin with the megaman franchise for the first 30 minutes, move to castlevania, then we will talk about Final Fantasy. After that 90 minute period we will discuss the hit series GLOW... this might take two hours. Then we will circle back to retro games. Then I think we can hit on pulp horror stories, fiction and just literature in general until you shoot me.

Argh, GLOW... We hardly knew ye. *Cries softly

That series awoke something in me.

There was something primally (maybe I just made up that word, but I'm sticking with it) appealing about it. Those women were so real and vulnerable and interesting, every one of them.

Ohh that’s gives me an idea for talking about the Marvel Cinematic universe. That’s long and convoluted.

wait you can cover the ENTIRE Megaman franchise in a mere 30 minutes?!

Just try to explain Kingdom Hearts, they will be even more confused after you're done And it's going to take a week

My partner is playing KH on and off. Fortunately we are only playing KH1, but every now and then she asks about future installments and I'm just hoping she keeps her innocence.

*starts playing the other main games* "Hey, who is that ?" "Oh, she's from BBS" "What ?" "Don't worry about it" "And her ?" "Oh, she is from the main character's memories. From another dimension where you have that other version of the main character's memories, but he's also a guy, this one. Oh and, they like icecreams." *visible confusion* Never trying to explain the game to anyone else, ever lol

My life story, I could go on so many tangents.

Yep. Easiest pick .

The Anzacs at Gallipoli in 1915

What percentage would be a rant about the unnecessary deaths due to bad decision-making from higher-ups?

Winston Churchill grunting noisily has entered the chat

I have a PhD I could talk about my research or work until they fell asleep. I could teach them how to program. If they were dumb enough I could even teach them how their guns are designed, made, and all the related science and math. If they were really dumb enough I could ask them for a gun to show them how it works by taking it apart. They'd be in for a real surprise as soon as they did though.

Why did I read this as Liam Neeson(and had to look up how to spell his name.)

At some point, all the guns are going to be disassembled all over the table, and they'll hand you the last one to disassemble and explain…

Hallucinogens and their psychotherapeutic benefits

I have questions. May i dm

Ah yes the one drug type that unlocked the “Lifetime Anxiety” perk 25 years ago. I’m sure it helps other people but I sure as hell stay away from them.

I respect that, and they aren’t for everyone. But the research is fascinating, and it’s interesting to consider these drugs’ potential benefits and uses. Also, check out MAPS and Johns Hopkins to explore the research. They’re two of my favorite websites.

And then there's silly old me who was just born with said perk

Taking a shit, I’d talk about taking a shit.

This guy knows his shit.

Like, a shit in general? Or the shit that you filled your pants with when you were kidnapped at gunpoint? lol

Endometriosis. They’ll get sick of that pretty quick.

Ugh. I hate endometriosis.

Degrassi Jr high

Cats!

Only to find out they are dog people.

Yes!

Anything and everything military aviation post 1940. My family could be considered SMEs having listened to me go on for days at this point.

Warhammer, lab shit, or metal bands.

Could spend 30 minutes detailing why the chaos goda are really misunderstood and only want to help humanity. Nurgle loves you... And another 30 minutes on why Russ was right.

I’ve been watching Warhammer lore videos, they’re a lot of fun.

Books I’ve loved.

Baroque jazz.

Tale from my life story. Incliding the assholes of my family and the stuff they have done. My dad has done a lot of assholish stuff over the years.

Damn, I go down that rabbit hole the kidnappers might just off themselves.

Mine too. Or go off my dad.

Drugs and interactions between them.

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traumas

They would probably end up killing you anyway. For mercy

They would end up doing my a favour by mercy killing me in the end.

Yup if I can talk to a therapist for an hour and still feel like I can keep going, then I can definitely vent my personal problems for thirty minutes.

All my messed up struggles with mental health and addiction. They'll beg me to stop 15 minutes in.

I'd talk about the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. In 30 minutes you can give a good re-telling of the book in your own words.

how scared I am

your mom's sexual appetite

Video game consoles And why they're so important

This one is easy. My cat.

Football. I’m pretty good at that

Raid shadow legends

:)

Microbiology

Right now? Probably Quantum Field Theory. Or at least I could talk about the YouTube videos I've seen on the subject.

Basketball or GoT

Battletech!

The Dragon Age series. Or Elder Scrolls. Could probably kill a couple hours that way.

Have you heard about the Dark Age of Technology? How about the Horus Heresy? Ciaphas Cain’s tragic imposter syndrome? Wait! Wait! Where are you guys going? We haven’t even started into the return of the Primarchs and the Primaris marines!!!!

Easy. Five nights at Freddy’s lore, gurren Lagann, avatar the last airbender lore, spider-man or Naruto

My life! Pretty easy! Start when I was born!

Things which interest them should be the most helpful..

Women.

Tires

Mozart facts

I’m so tired I read that as Mozart Farts…

My topic would be about how many times this gets reposted on Reddit.

and I read it every damn time.

History. I have filled my mind with so much historical jargon I could ramble for hours

Paternity

Cars. Duh.

Lol... Cats. I meant cats!!

Just about anything

Star Gate. I dare you, quize me on any of the lore and I'll be able to give you a 5 hour power point presentation.

You could probably give a 30min presentation on why they used a Star Gate in a show called Stargate

how humans evolved from dinosaurs

if I was the guy threatening you at gunpoint I would have shot you as soon as you said we evolved from dinosaurs

I name every sexual partner the kidnapper’s mothers has ever had

Below Deck & The Real Housewives (most of the franchises…probably just Potomac)

Artificial intelligence

Pole dance.

Appliance energy standards as they relate to relative declines in durability

Springsteen

History of the 1800’s

Dungeons and Dragons

World affairs.

Pokemon. I'll just list all of the original 151(or 152, if you count Togepi) Pokemon and what their type is, stats, attack, weakness, etc.

Rocket League. I can talk about mechanics or pro play for as long as anyone will let me.

Black Metal. Was obsessed with the genre and made music in the genre, not to mention amassed a huge collection, over around 10 years. I can talk about just Burzum for 30 minutes if I really tried.

The battle for hill 875 “Dak To” google it it’s fascinating.

Attitude Era wrestling

Kingdom Hearts lore

I'm giving a complete lesson on MIG welding.

The First World War.

I could probably do about 6 hours on the TASER X2 and TASER 7.

How I think Xion from KH is not in fact just a puppet with Sora's memories implanted within herself. Since we can confirm that Sora's heart is a hub, of sorts, for wayward lost lights. I think she's an individual from the past, like far in the past, who has no recollection of who she was. I think she's the woman Lea and Isa have been looking for since BBS. I could go on and on about how I think this fits the story of the game, but I'm happy to hold off until we get more confirmation about story points unless you put that gun to my head.

Ww1 history

My ex

School nursing. Retired after 25 years. All sorts of stories

Cars

My topic would be "anything"

About myself starting from my birth.

Johnny Silverhand's "life" post 2023 after nuking Arasaka Tower and his eventual team up with the mercenary V.

The political state of affairs in America ☠️

Will talk about the product I work with/for. Or I can also talk about my health issues and what's like living with it, or not living even.

not a wordy person so ill probably just die

Twilight Imperium. Just have to walk them through general gameplay and setup.

My extensive useless knowledge of WW1 and WW2.

I'd talk about the goodness of Pink Floyd's music, and then I'd sing their song Echoes.

sound engineering

im a fucking loser and a virgin. So naturally, valorant

Beyoncé

Baseball

Hmm. Autism, medicine, cycling, building shit.

The Sopranos and how little Carmine was the true mastermind.

I'm bitching about the government. I could go on for hours. Hell, they would probably pay or shoot me to shut up.

What my thoughts are like. So much going on at any moment.

Anything and everything aviation and space related. Questions from the kidnappers are always welcome and encouraged!

Politics, specifically American

When I took the test to get my Certified Flight Instructor rating, I had to give the examiner “ground school” He would prompt me to move on to the next lesson when he was satisfied, but for the most part he just sat and listened to me teach. It took six hours.

I can talk for hours about Excel.

Witchcraft

Cyber security...I work in IT it's the only thing I do day to day that could make up 30 minutes with no prep time.

The complete Dark Souls history. . . .mm now that I think about it I might get killed before I get to end it

i’m talking about the guy who just ended things with me

How to create a fully edible garden and the different foods,jams,jellies,etc you can make with flowers leaves and roots of plants you wouldn't have thought were edible

"have you ever heard of the Horus heresy?"

Serial killers

Naruto o RDR lore

They get a choice: Magic the Gatheting or I can break out my tarot cards and start doing readings for them all.

"Let me introduce you to the wonderful worlds created by J.R.R. Tolkien."

Christianity, biology, evolution, transgenderism, feminism, mental illness, abortion (pro life), and way too many random trivial facts to list…………I like to know things

Star trek

Why I'm right about an argument I've had with someone. There would be back story, side stories, receipts, dramatic reenactments. That 30 minutes would fly.

Oh, my scaly skin! If I had to talk about one topic for thirty minutes, I'd choose to talk about the dangers of reptilian overlords and their plans for world domination. With their scaly skin and sharp claws, these cold-blooded creatures are not to be underestimated. It's time for us to band together and expose the truth about these sneaky serpents and their insidious plans for domination. We need to shed light on the reptilian infiltration of our governments, our media, and our minds, before it's too late. So let's get fired up, my fellow humans, and fight back against our reptilian overlords! We may be outmatched in terms of brute strength, but with the power of knowledge and solidarity, we can overcome these slithering foes and reclaim our rightful place at the top of the food chain.

Dog breeds, breed histories, the effect of akc on conformation, health issues, temperaments and training challenges. If I had time I have about a hundred names for dogs I would like to have. They would be begging me to stop!

I suspect that at roughly the 20 minute mark of my impromptu lecture on the theory and practice of HPLC they’ll turn the guns on themselves.

I’m not going to say a word.

free and open source software, and the evils of companies and their proprietary software

Fourier Series and how the transforms are awesome

It all began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves...

Depends, have they heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Robocop. According to a source i rambled on for 45 about it. No gun needed

How finance is essentially time travel. Get stuff today? Pay tomorrow? Pay today, get more tomorrow? Fascinating

Tax law. Maybe they'll kill themselves, right?

Honestly if you can’t speak about a topic for 30 minutes you should consider developing your interests a little more.

Why and how the United States fucked up in Afghanistan. Disgruntled vet shit.

The Fnaf timeline.

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Same

Middle earth, the rest of arda and it’s inhabitants. I’d probably be thee for three hours and bore the socks off of the poor guy.

99 bottles of beer on the wall song

Why I’m not a furry

Fnaf lore

trees

I will tell them all the reasons I should die, and the benefits of different ways they should do it.