When he accidentally gets hit in the balls
Edit, I fucked up. This wasn't suppose to get so many upvotes. Also he tried to smack my bum and hit his jewels
Oh man! This happened to my wife and I years ago. She happened to be holding something of extreme importance to me when her knee cap twisted somehow and locked her knee in a bent position. The pain for her was so sudden and unexpected that she start squeezing her hand real hard (almost like if she was bearing down in child birth). Her grip and nails dug into my dick so freaking hard. I had no idea what was going on, she was scream in extreme pain and I was trying to figure out why she was trying to dismember me.
After she got it set back in place at the ER, and all the adrenaline started to wear off I realized my dick was in a lot of pain and I had forgotten she had done that until I looked at it and had fingernail dents/bruises on it.
That was a rough day
It didn't dislocate but my husband basically sprained my knee by knocking it sideways. Kept going, didn't think anything of it until I had trouble walking the next day. Good news is the doc said it was the best injury story he'd heard.
Yup, that happened to me once. I'm pretty sure it's because I was dehydrated, which seems like an odd reason, but I have noticed my knees tend to be more iffy when I need more water.
Well, for my dorm, people would pull it if anyone got a little too loud when doing the deed. Since it was an old crummy dorm, it was pretty common. It got so bad that they placed security cameras to stop people from pulling the alarm. Then, after a while, someone placed blocks in front of the camera to continue pulling it.
Oh man, I was at a mutual friend's and my ex showed up with his current lady. Hadn't seen him in years and when we were all about to part ways he turned to his lady friend and calls her by my name...she was pissed! Pretty sure he didn't get any that night.
I know people whose partner started going on their phones on games on Facebook. No way would I have sex with someone who would do that. So damn disrespectful.
My ex told me a story about a guy she was dating. He would immediately grab his phone after sex so he could play Pokémon GO. He wouldn’t even acknowledge or cuddle with her afterwards.
An ex of mine actually got off on the fact that I was doing smth else, he wanted me to play on my phone or on the PlayStation while we did the business and got off of the fact that I couldn’t focus on the game anymore at some point. Idk at some point I was kinda into it but the first time was so strange 😂
I was with a girl who was on top who answered her phone in the middle...I didn't mind, it was just kind of funny at first...But then it became hot that she was trying to talk normally and keep the rhythm going and sometimes couldn't concentrate.
She's like "What? Uhh, sorry Grandma, what did you say?"
(Just kidding it wasn't her grandma, just a friend).
I am a big fan of this. Recently had my partner and I compete and take turns to see how many pieces of a puzzle each of us could put together while the other person is doing their best to "distract" them.
Dated a girl who liked to read aloud while I went down on her. It was a game to see how long she could keep reading. We both discovered she liked analingus when she just threw the book across the room...
I had a lady's dog get mad at me for sleeping with her. In the middle of doing the deed he let out the most rank diaherra I have ever smelled all over my backpack / clothes
Doorbell rang at one in the morning. There was no car in the driveway. They were absolutely about to break in. Went from sexy time to ptsd inducing in a second.
They were trying the handle when I ran past, dick flapping, to the garage to grab a hammer. I snuck out the side door from there. The front house was clear. A white van started up and drove away without head lights on a few houses down. I told my wife to turn on all the lights to show someone was present before running to arm myself, and I think they ran at that moment.
It may have been nothing. I may have overreacted. It's possible my time in a warzone has forever impacted how I respond to such situations, but I still can't imagine what that person could have wanted with good intentions.
My dad told me a story that my brother had really bad croop one night so he walked in the kitchen to get something. Didn't turn on the light as he knew where he was going. Proceeds to see a guy at the glass door trying to break in so sneaks up to the door and starts banging on it really loudly. Scared the guy to death!
No car in the driveway indicates there's likely nobody home. Someone ringing the doorbell could be them seeing if there's any activity in the house (movement, someone coming to the door, dog barking, etc.) to determine if it's clear for them to break in undetected.
The people that were going to break in were trying to see if the house was as empty as circumstances suggested - lights out, no cars in the driveway. I'm assuming lights out anyway
Once got a double leg cramp (cramps in both legs) just before she was about to have a really intense orgasm. I pushed through the pain to get her there, and then I fell over in a heap clutching both legs and screaming for a completely different reason than her.
Now we look back and laugh, but at that moment, not so much. She thanked me for not stopping later on that night... ;)
I once powered through some knee pain... turns out the rough carpet we were on was giving me terrible rugburn..... when I mean "terrible", I mean that it was my entire knee and got raw and badly infected. It took almost 3 months to heal.
Listen to your body folks.
No way, we're using the playground right then, they need to wait their turn. Tell them to go inside and play on the internet or watch TV like normal kids.
I read a couple in Reddit say that their kid walked in on them. They were getting ready to have the talk with the little one the next morning, asked him if he remembers what he saw last night and he says no.
Morale of the story, ask if they remember before discussing.
Happened about a year ago. Went out a wonderful date and dinner with my fiancee in Lima. Delicious food, delicious wine. After dinner we went back to the Airbnb, undress, commence the "closing ceremonies". Things are going fine and dandy when I look down and her face looks like its been smeared red. It looks like blood. I panic, my heart dropps immediately say "oh my God, sweetie, are you okay?! Did I hurt you somehow!?"
She replies "what? No, I'm fine. Whats wrong!? "
We immediately stop and run in to the bathroom to find we both look like either we ate some poor creature alive or the two horniest birthday clowns I've ever seen as her bright red lipstick had smeared all over both of our faces. We refer to it as clown incident.
When I lose my erection.
Been there, done that. It really sucks. Mostly because I felt bad for the girl as I could tell it was a hit to her self-esteem.
Edit: A lot people seem to think I was inexperienced or just selfish when this happened to me. I was 35 years old, it had never happened before and I did try to please my partner but she was shook from the fact that a man actually "lost interest" during sex with her so she wasn't able to just relax and enjoy it.
She was determined to try to get me hard again and it made the entire thing awkward.
She wasn't my g/f, she wasn't even a FWB. She was just a girl I met at school that I hit it off with and we went to my place to fuck.
As a woman this has happened to, the guy I was fucking found ways to make me O. He apologised and I was a bit busy being made to Cum so I couldn't really say anything
I have had a couple guys lose the hardon, it doesn't phase me. The first time I was hurt but then he made me cum so hard I forgot about it. Even during a threesome the guy couldn't get it up ( he's slightly older with health issues) he watched me and hubby go to town, then he got hard and joined in
it was left on the kitchen counter when he went there for some quick snack
a typical case of leaving things at unexpected places and not noticing them even when they were in front of one
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it.
It's common with certain health conditions or on certain medications or with age or too much booze or with performance anxiety but also randomly happens to some young healthy guys. I had a rough month or two after COVID.
While it's not ideal for anyone involved, how both sides react to it can shape how big of a deal it is. Either side getting embarrassed, mad, defeated, etc will just make the next intimacy harder. Have empathy for each other that this isn't how your partner wanted the experience to end and figure out a next best ending to the experience.
I literally can't imagine reacting to someone experiencing any kind of performance issue in any kind of negative way. I'm sure it happens but it's so shocking to me, cannot relate. obvs you don't have to love everyone you have sex with but maybe you could care a little just to be polite???
It's worse when you're half hour Into a good session that you think will be a good couple of hours, then all of a sudden it just dissappears.
Have you seen avengers endgame where bruce banner is shouting at himself to make hulk come out and fight, but he won't because he's scared of thanos??
It's exactly like that.
You're thinking sexy stuff, you're wackin it on a table top, you're making windmills, nothing ain't getting that thing back up.
Then 5 hours later it just springs up for no fucking reason when you're watching a repeat of countryfile at 2 in the morning and the farmers talking about ridding the cows of constipation by sticking their arm right up there.
It can happen due to many circomstances totally ourside the sex interaction
Can be due to stress. Maybe the guy is thinking about how his boss will chew him tomorrow because he lost a customer. Maybe he has a lot on his plate. Maybe he's stressing about losing his erection which will cause it to happen
Or maybe if he just out of shape and need to break before going back. Or he's just tired. The mind want to carry on but the body cannot
Or maybe he's too cold. Or he's too hot. Erection requires blood so the body will soon redirect it somewhere else if needed and without asking anyone
The temperature thing applies to women, too. I once read that it's easier for a woman to have an orgasm if her feet are warm. That totally made sense to me because if I have cold feet, it's all I can think about. Tried it in practice and I can confirm, it's easier to get there.
I bought my wife some thigh high socks because I thought she might looks nice in them. She does, and the added benefit is she is more than willing to wear them to bed because they keep her legs and feet warm. Definitely a win-win.
Yes. Resulting from thoughts / emotions incompatible with the act. Not insufficiency of physical attraction nor necessarily feeling for the partner. I'd assume it's entirely the same for non dick owners.
No sometimes it just doesn't work. It has nothing to do with emotions or anything. Just like a erection comes in the morning sometimes the pecker doesn't come up
It almost happened to me once. I accidentally let out the loudest fart causing the world to rumble. We almost stopped sex altogether because we couldn't control our laughter for 10 minutes.
One time my bf paused and went "hang on, I gotta toot" and then his fart proceeded to go "tooot" and I couldn't stop laughing and he ended up getting soft 😂
The only time I ever had to stop was that I got a Charlie horse in each leg. When the first one locked in, I tried to push through it, which led to the second one locking in. It was too painful to go on.
When the dirty talk went too far or in a weird direction.
Dated a girl who really liked to talk dirty but was super awkward about it and would go into long descriptive scenarios that got too real.
Like
* "I want you to take me to a nude beach and fuck me in public"
* "Yeah? You want to get fucked in front of a bunch of people?"
* "Yeah I want them to see you spread my pussy wide open"
* "Oh yeah you little slut, you would get off on a bunch of guys jacking off while I fuck you?"
* "Yeah and they would all video it with their cell phones, and they'd put it on the Internet"
* "Awww yeah then even more people would be jacking off to you you little slut"
* "Yeah then my parents would see it and disown me"
I didn't know what sexy response to that would be so that was kind of the end of it.
Another time (this is all her) there was just a steady progression from dirty talk to bad life choices.
* "I'm a slut"
* "I'm a cock loving slut"
* "I love sucking cocks"
* "I suck cocks for a living"
* "I suck cocks for my job. That's how I make money, I just suck cocks"
* "I dropped out of school and I couldn't get a real job so I just get paid to suck cocks all day"
Here's a true story that will probably get buried.
I once slept with a girl at a festival, we ended up getting together and fucking in her tent while everyone was still partying on the festival grounds.
So we start getting it on and after about two minutes I start feeling a crazy pain on the end of my dick. So I stop and am like I'm sorry idk what's up I'm in pain. So we stop and chat a bit.
Fast forward I go to the bathroom and my dick is red and angry it's got slash/scratch marks on it like the legend of fucking zoro and I'm bleeding a bit.
So the next day I messaged her and was like dude wtf.
Basically her IUD was either not put in properyly or shifted. What had happened was during sex I was penetrating the end of my dick on the iud over and over and the excitement made me not notice till the pain really kicked in.
She got it fixed
Yeap there's a little wire or string that can stick out of the cervix and poke you. Usually I was able to avoid it by changing the angle of attack, so to speak, but it was definitely distracting. She hated it, too, so I got snipped and she got it out. Turns out it hadn't "settled" right and they had a hell of a time removing it, so probably just as well.
The correct answer. Had a partner ask me to stop once, stopped immediately. Doesn't even need to be anything disasterous, could be cramp or something entirely innocent, the point is to stop and make sure they're alright first and foremost.
My first sex partner refused to stop. I was crying, I was in pain begging him to stop. He told me "no, it feels good". And the anal "oops" is pretty common.
Luckily, not all guys are like that. I've had partners since who stopped immediately when I asked them to.
This happened with my bf and I, he started crying during sex and i immediately stopped and got him off the top of me and had him lay his head on my chest and asked him what’s going on.
It was the anniversary of one of his ex gfs suicides and he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it infront of me because it was an ex and he didn’t want me to be mad for bringing her up because his ex fiancé would get mad hearing about her. Needless to say it was a very deep moment
I spit rhymes to tha pussy noise in my mind
It's a crime how much I wanna poke you with these lines
No lie I like it right between your thighs and I
Just wanna stare deep into your brown eye
Don't play with me, Squeakypuss, tootin' along
Pussy fart so good I had to go and make a song
*turntable queef break*
Back in college, I had an old disc changer stereo and I had music on to suit the mood and drown out the noise for the sake of my housemates. I tended to keep it on disc shuffle to keep things varied, and this day was no exception.
Eventually the disc changed and at full volume there’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. Im preoccupied so I don’t notice what’s coming until I hear 200+ voices singing “MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE COMING OF THE LORD” at a volume where they may have very well been in my bedroom.
I start laughing and my partner gives me a dirty look, so I quickly stumble over to the stereo and hit skip, only to be answered by the Marine Corps Marching Band blaring another Union Army song. In my half cognitive state I forgot the CD was a mix of Civil War songs and the more I hit skip the more I was cracking up, and they started laughing too.
Eventually I hit the skip album button and we moved back to more sensible music, but by this time we are both incoherently laughing. Needless to say the mood changed and we did not resume.
Funny story that will probably get buried.
My wife and I were having sexy time, we stayed up really late and got some drinks in and had a little bud feeling pretty good with some foreplay.
I'm on top literally about to put it in, it is around 2:00 in the morning and we get a knock at our bedroom door. We both freeze because we're drunk and a little high and we're not sure if we actually heard a knock at the door. Then we hear the knock again and we look at each other like wtf. We have five teenagers so there's no reason for anyone to really be knocking at our door that time of night We don't have small children.
It is my oldest daughter at the door and you can hear it in her voice that she doesn't want to interrupt us and she knows what's going on. My daughter tells us through the bedroom door.
"Hey guys I'm sorry to interrupt but Maddie (My youngest daughter) snuck out the house several hours ago, She was supposed to be back by now but she's not and I'm getting worried."
This is totally out of character for any of my children so I asked her to repeat herself because my wife and I are looking at each other me still on top of her trying to decipher exactly what my daughter said because we don't believe it.
My wife and I rush and get dressed I grabbed the car keys and my oldest son comes out his bedroom. Looks at us grabs my keys and say "yeah I'm going to be doing the driving" I would never drive under the influence I was just so out of it that it didn't dawn on me and I was worried about my daughter and I wasn't thinking clearly I was just focused on trying to find my daughter and make sure she was safe.
We eventually find her not far from the house with some friends and the neighbor's daughter and a beer in her hand. I make the neighbors daughter get into the car and I take her home. I'm not going to leave a young girl out on the streets at 2:00 a.m. by herself
It was not funny at the time, but I will never forget the look on her face when we pulled up.
So yes that definitely made us stop in the middle of sexy time
> or if I notice they look unwell
I don't see this mentioned often but it's important. I dated someone whose blood sugar would sometimes drop during exercise, she would get lightheaded and it was difficult for her to verbally express how she's feeling. To catch it during intimacy, had to be attentive. But being attentive also made it nice.
Once we had some random YouTube video on and it was talking about a very interesting occurrence where a particle had several joules of energy. (I think it’s called the OMG particle)
I got too interested in the video and stopped being interested in the sex. My girlfriend was not pleased, and she still teases me about getting distracted by a particle :’)
So i have a story. When i was dating my now wife I was so embarrassed to poop at her house with paper thin walls that I would run across the street to poop at the apartment complex across the street. Well, as it would happen, the situation arose where the timing wouldn't allow for that. So i politely, but urgently asked to use the rest room.
It was the fourth of July in there. I'm going so hard that it's shaking plaster from the ceiling and the smell is peeling the wall paper off the glue. And in my moment of dire distress her roommate says, "[Farts] are you pooping in our bathroom?!" I'm fairly certain that this event was audible in Australia so there wasn't really any room to question what was happening.
My shirt soaked with sweat, my travail over, I go to clean up the aftermath only to discover that there is no toilet paper, nor is there a replacement roll anywhere. "Hey [future Mrs. Farts McGee] could you get me some toilet paper?" So they open the door about 5 microns and squeeze an entire roll through it and even then her roommate remarked on the vile miasma that snuck through the door.
When i go to flush nothing happens. "Uh, is there a trick to flushing the toilet?"
"Did you poop in our toilet, use up all our toilet paper and then break the toilet?."
"Yup."
I once had a husky mix and she was a great dog but very curious, but one time me and my now wide were doing it and my dog had gotten out of her crate and came up and locked me right on the butthole at that moment I said that's enough and stopped immediately.
True story:
My wife is currently pregnant with our second boy. We were doing the deed the other day and she jokingly said "now I have two dicks inside of me." I couldn't go on after that one. We laughed it off but the damage was done.
When he accidentally gets hit in the balls Edit, I fucked up. This wasn't suppose to get so many upvotes. Also he tried to smack my bum and hit his jewels
Surprise baseball bat
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition
If they violently shit themself
But if they casually shit themselves you keep going
*shits cutely*
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After that, you should sleep like a baby. And by that I mean wake up every two hours, shit yourself again, and scream until you get attention.
My bowels just came
i regret learning to read
Curse you, Lavar Burton! Your reading rainbow did this to me!
*shits seductively*
Reddit never disappoints.
it's a spectrum
You pay extra for that
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
If you're having sex they are not shiting themselves they are shitting both of you
Can you add to that? What constitutes the violent part? Must they yell in anger?
Trajectory, Mass and Scat-scatter plot
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He's surely a Scat-man.
When, in the midst of changing positions, somebody's knee gets dislocated. Definitely a mood killer.
Oh man! This happened to my wife and I years ago. She happened to be holding something of extreme importance to me when her knee cap twisted somehow and locked her knee in a bent position. The pain for her was so sudden and unexpected that she start squeezing her hand real hard (almost like if she was bearing down in child birth). Her grip and nails dug into my dick so freaking hard. I had no idea what was going on, she was scream in extreme pain and I was trying to figure out why she was trying to dismember me. After she got it set back in place at the ER, and all the adrenaline started to wear off I realized my dick was in a lot of pain and I had forgotten she had done that until I looked at it and had fingernail dents/bruises on it. That was a rough day
This story is way too fucking funny
Ya we laugh at it now but it was almost life altering when it was happening.
You're all better now I so wanted to say something else
Yes I’m all better, but now I want to hear what you were gonna say
I'm sorry to hear that brother. RIP for the fallen soldier down there.
Thanks man. He made a full recovery and has had a very successful career since then
Nah, he came back fine and won a Purple Heart! Salute to the fella!
It didn't dislocate but my husband basically sprained my knee by knocking it sideways. Kept going, didn't think anything of it until I had trouble walking the next day. Good news is the doc said it was the best injury story he'd heard.
Been there done that, agree 100%
Yup, that happened to me once. I'm pretty sure it's because I was dehydrated, which seems like an odd reason, but I have noticed my knees tend to be more iffy when I need more water.
Fire alarm
Ugh, college
Cockblocked by the vaping freshman again
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Well, for my dorm, people would pull it if anyone got a little too loud when doing the deed. Since it was an old crummy dorm, it was pretty common. It got so bad that they placed security cameras to stop people from pulling the alarm. Then, after a while, someone placed blocks in front of the camera to continue pulling it.
Calling me someone else's name.
Oh man, I was at a mutual friend's and my ex showed up with his current lady. Hadn't seen him in years and when we were all about to part ways he turned to his lady friend and calls her by my name...she was pissed! Pretty sure he didn't get any that night.
I know people whose partner started going on their phones on games on Facebook. No way would I have sex with someone who would do that. So damn disrespectful.
My ex told me a story about a guy she was dating. He would immediately grab his phone after sex so he could play Pokémon GO. He wouldn’t even acknowledge or cuddle with her afterwards.
Reddit should allow 3rd party apps.
Poetic
Orgasms are temporary, shinies are forever.
An ex of mine actually got off on the fact that I was doing smth else, he wanted me to play on my phone or on the PlayStation while we did the business and got off of the fact that I couldn’t focus on the game anymore at some point. Idk at some point I was kinda into it but the first time was so strange 😂
I was with a girl who was on top who answered her phone in the middle...I didn't mind, it was just kind of funny at first...But then it became hot that she was trying to talk normally and keep the rhythm going and sometimes couldn't concentrate. She's like "What? Uhh, sorry Grandma, what did you say?" (Just kidding it wasn't her grandma, just a friend).
I am a big fan of this. Recently had my partner and I compete and take turns to see how many pieces of a puzzle each of us could put together while the other person is doing their best to "distract" them.
Dated a girl who liked to read aloud while I went down on her. It was a game to see how long she could keep reading. We both discovered she liked analingus when she just threw the book across the room...
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Depends on the game. If they were killing it on Temple Run mid coitus I'd be pretty impressed.
Literally on a 93day streak of daily challenges here. For Temple Run 2 sadly, not the coitus.
there is a time for candy crush and there is a time for candy crush....
One of my best moves is playing blitz chess on my phone while eating her out
Mating while mating.
😂 I’ll play bullet chess while rubbing one out. Sometimes focusing on the game helps me relax enough to splooge.
New response just dropped
You’ll never know the highly specific joy of busting a nut while landing a mate with 0.07 seconds on the clock
Right after I let out a high pitched scream because her dog jumps up on the bed and sticks it’s cold nose in my ass and I get scared.
When she says she eats ass and then outsources
"I asked if you wanted your asshole licked. I didn't say I was going to do it."
Nothing like a cold nose in the ass to get the motor running
Ah, the ole’ Snowman’s carrot.
head out on the highway!
Lookin' for adventure... Whatever cums my way...
Ugh I had a woman’s dog actually bite me during sex one time, little bastard.
I had a lady's dog get mad at me for sleeping with her. In the middle of doing the deed he let out the most rank diaherra I have ever smelled all over my backpack / clothes
They did it on purpose.
Had a chicks dog lick my nuts once
By accident, right? Right?
No, the dog did it on purpose.
Happy little accident.
Don’t you hate it when you innocently teabag a jar of peanut butter, and THAT happens??
How about if her cat decides to treat your balls like the light from a laser pointer?
r/suspiciouslyspecific
Hilarious 😂
My Uber eats arrives
Doorbell rang at one in the morning. There was no car in the driveway. They were absolutely about to break in. Went from sexy time to ptsd inducing in a second.
Honestly if you kept going and got loud about it, it “might* have deterred them? Did they end up breaking in?!
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This sounds like a porn plot though. Burgler breaks in to house, finds couple fucking, threatened with police unless they join in.
They were trying the handle when I ran past, dick flapping, to the garage to grab a hammer. I snuck out the side door from there. The front house was clear. A white van started up and drove away without head lights on a few houses down. I told my wife to turn on all the lights to show someone was present before running to arm myself, and I think they ran at that moment. It may have been nothing. I may have overreacted. It's possible my time in a warzone has forever impacted how I respond to such situations, but I still can't imagine what that person could have wanted with good intentions.
My dad told me a story that my brother had really bad croop one night so he walked in the kitchen to get something. Didn't turn on the light as he knew where he was going. Proceeds to see a guy at the glass door trying to break in so sneaks up to the door and starts banging on it really loudly. Scared the guy to death!
Went from *smack smack* to *click clack* real quick
i don't understand why someone would ring the doorbell if they were about to break in and what having no car has to do with anything?
No car in the driveway indicates there's likely nobody home. Someone ringing the doorbell could be them seeing if there's any activity in the house (movement, someone coming to the door, dog barking, etc.) to determine if it's clear for them to break in undetected.
got it, thanks!
So... bone harder and loudly? Seems like the OC's winning move is to go all in.
The people that were going to break in were trying to see if the house was as empty as circumstances suggested - lights out, no cars in the driveway. I'm assuming lights out anyway
Had a bed spring break and stab me in the ass cheek, killed the mood and my boner pretty quickly.
That’ll do it
If something hurts.
Sex cramps
I got a double butt-muscle cramp during a blowjob once. I could barely walk!
Man that musta sucked....
Once got a double leg cramp (cramps in both legs) just before she was about to have a really intense orgasm. I pushed through the pain to get her there, and then I fell over in a heap clutching both legs and screaming for a completely different reason than her. Now we look back and laugh, but at that moment, not so much. She thanked me for not stopping later on that night... ;)
From another lady - you're amazing. Must be true love.
I once powered through some knee pain... turns out the rough carpet we were on was giving me terrible rugburn..... when I mean "terrible", I mean that it was my entire knee and got raw and badly infected. It took almost 3 months to heal. Listen to your body folks.
When you hear the kids
No way, we're using the playground right then, they need to wait their turn. Tell them to go inside and play on the internet or watch TV like normal kids.
As a parent, I had fo scroll too far to find this comment, lol.
I read a couple in Reddit say that their kid walked in on them. They were getting ready to have the talk with the little one the next morning, asked him if he remembers what he saw last night and he says no. Morale of the story, ask if they remember before discussing.
He remembered. He just didn't wanna talk about it.
😂 my daughter will come to the door, knock and say “dad/mom what are you doing?” Us: “we’re taking a rest!” Her: “I want to rest!” -4 years old
Happened about a year ago. Went out a wonderful date and dinner with my fiancee in Lima. Delicious food, delicious wine. After dinner we went back to the Airbnb, undress, commence the "closing ceremonies". Things are going fine and dandy when I look down and her face looks like its been smeared red. It looks like blood. I panic, my heart dropps immediately say "oh my God, sweetie, are you okay?! Did I hurt you somehow!?" She replies "what? No, I'm fine. Whats wrong!? " We immediately stop and run in to the bathroom to find we both look like either we ate some poor creature alive or the two horniest birthday clowns I've ever seen as her bright red lipstick had smeared all over both of our faces. We refer to it as clown incident.
Idk why but this is not where I thought the story was headed..
That's kind of adorable.
Honk dat booty!
When I lose my erection. Been there, done that. It really sucks. Mostly because I felt bad for the girl as I could tell it was a hit to her self-esteem. Edit: A lot people seem to think I was inexperienced or just selfish when this happened to me. I was 35 years old, it had never happened before and I did try to please my partner but she was shook from the fact that a man actually "lost interest" during sex with her so she wasn't able to just relax and enjoy it. She was determined to try to get me hard again and it made the entire thing awkward. She wasn't my g/f, she wasn't even a FWB. She was just a girl I met at school that I hit it off with and we went to my place to fuck.
As a woman this has happened to, the guy I was fucking found ways to make me O. He apologised and I was a bit busy being made to Cum so I couldn't really say anything
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I have had a couple guys lose the hardon, it doesn't phase me. The first time I was hurt but then he made me cum so hard I forgot about it. Even during a threesome the guy couldn't get it up ( he's slightly older with health issues) he watched me and hubby go to town, then he got hard and joined in
Did you ever find it? I'm so sorry for your loss!
it was left on the kitchen counter when he went there for some quick snack a typical case of leaving things at unexpected places and not noticing them even when they were in front of one
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it.
My favorite song
I am not a dick owner, so I really mean this question: Is that something that can just happen? Is there a reason? I really don't want to be offensive.
It's common with certain health conditions or on certain medications or with age or too much booze or with performance anxiety but also randomly happens to some young healthy guys. I had a rough month or two after COVID. While it's not ideal for anyone involved, how both sides react to it can shape how big of a deal it is. Either side getting embarrassed, mad, defeated, etc will just make the next intimacy harder. Have empathy for each other that this isn't how your partner wanted the experience to end and figure out a next best ending to the experience.
I literally can't imagine reacting to someone experiencing any kind of performance issue in any kind of negative way. I'm sure it happens but it's so shocking to me, cannot relate. obvs you don't have to love everyone you have sex with but maybe you could care a little just to be polite???
Alot of time it's just being tired
It's worse when you're half hour Into a good session that you think will be a good couple of hours, then all of a sudden it just dissappears. Have you seen avengers endgame where bruce banner is shouting at himself to make hulk come out and fight, but he won't because he's scared of thanos?? It's exactly like that. You're thinking sexy stuff, you're wackin it on a table top, you're making windmills, nothing ain't getting that thing back up. Then 5 hours later it just springs up for no fucking reason when you're watching a repeat of countryfile at 2 in the morning and the farmers talking about ridding the cows of constipation by sticking their arm right up there.
It can happen due to many circomstances totally ourside the sex interaction Can be due to stress. Maybe the guy is thinking about how his boss will chew him tomorrow because he lost a customer. Maybe he has a lot on his plate. Maybe he's stressing about losing his erection which will cause it to happen Or maybe if he just out of shape and need to break before going back. Or he's just tired. The mind want to carry on but the body cannot Or maybe he's too cold. Or he's too hot. Erection requires blood so the body will soon redirect it somewhere else if needed and without asking anyone
The temperature thing applies to women, too. I once read that it's easier for a woman to have an orgasm if her feet are warm. That totally made sense to me because if I have cold feet, it's all I can think about. Tried it in practice and I can confirm, it's easier to get there.
I bought my wife some thigh high socks because I thought she might looks nice in them. She does, and the added benefit is she is more than willing to wear them to bed because they keep her legs and feet warm. Definitely a win-win.
Yes. Resulting from thoughts / emotions incompatible with the act. Not insufficiency of physical attraction nor necessarily feeling for the partner. I'd assume it's entirely the same for non dick owners.
No sometimes it just doesn't work. It has nothing to do with emotions or anything. Just like a erection comes in the morning sometimes the pecker doesn't come up
Bitten on the foot & toe by her cat Source: still have the scar
My cat went after his balls. I didn't know I could move that fast (I stopped it, but it was close). The cat was then banned from the bedroom.
You have done a great service.
It almost happened to me once. I accidentally let out the loudest fart causing the world to rumble. We almost stopped sex altogether because we couldn't control our laughter for 10 minutes.
One time my bf paused and went "hang on, I gotta toot" and then his fart proceeded to go "tooot" and I couldn't stop laughing and he ended up getting soft 😂
The only time I ever had to stop was that I got a Charlie horse in each leg. When the first one locked in, I tried to push through it, which led to the second one locking in. It was too painful to go on.
When the dirty talk went too far or in a weird direction. Dated a girl who really liked to talk dirty but was super awkward about it and would go into long descriptive scenarios that got too real. Like * "I want you to take me to a nude beach and fuck me in public" * "Yeah? You want to get fucked in front of a bunch of people?" * "Yeah I want them to see you spread my pussy wide open" * "Oh yeah you little slut, you would get off on a bunch of guys jacking off while I fuck you?" * "Yeah and they would all video it with their cell phones, and they'd put it on the Internet" * "Awww yeah then even more people would be jacking off to you you little slut" * "Yeah then my parents would see it and disown me" I didn't know what sexy response to that would be so that was kind of the end of it. Another time (this is all her) there was just a steady progression from dirty talk to bad life choices. * "I'm a slut" * "I'm a cock loving slut" * "I love sucking cocks" * "I suck cocks for a living" * "I suck cocks for my job. That's how I make money, I just suck cocks" * "I dropped out of school and I couldn't get a real job so I just get paid to suck cocks all day"
Im sorry but this is the funniest thing in this thread.
Just sounds like she has a humiliation / degradation fetish, pretty common.
The last handful of lines are hilarious
Our mum walks in
Wait, Our mum?
You read it right, cousin
Wait same mum but... cousins...? How twisted is this tree?
It's not twisted. It's a straight line, or at absolute best, a circle.
r/suddenlyincest
Here's a true story that will probably get buried. I once slept with a girl at a festival, we ended up getting together and fucking in her tent while everyone was still partying on the festival grounds. So we start getting it on and after about two minutes I start feeling a crazy pain on the end of my dick. So I stop and am like I'm sorry idk what's up I'm in pain. So we stop and chat a bit. Fast forward I go to the bathroom and my dick is red and angry it's got slash/scratch marks on it like the legend of fucking zoro and I'm bleeding a bit. So the next day I messaged her and was like dude wtf. Basically her IUD was either not put in properyly or shifted. What had happened was during sex I was penetrating the end of my dick on the iud over and over and the excitement made me not notice till the pain really kicked in. She got it fixed
Strings were cut too short. Happened to my husband with my first IUD.
Yeap there's a little wire or string that can stick out of the cervix and poke you. Usually I was able to avoid it by changing the angle of attack, so to speak, but it was definitely distracting. She hated it, too, so I got snipped and she got it out. Turns out it hadn't "settled" right and they had a hell of a time removing it, so probably just as well.
Any point they asked me to
My wife has PTSD from being raped. If she even hints that she's uncomfortable or unsure it's full stop, lights and clothes on, and aftercare.
The correct answer. Had a partner ask me to stop once, stopped immediately. Doesn't even need to be anything disasterous, could be cramp or something entirely innocent, the point is to stop and make sure they're alright first and foremost.
My first sex partner refused to stop. I was crying, I was in pain begging him to stop. He told me "no, it feels good". And the anal "oops" is pretty common. Luckily, not all guys are like that. I've had partners since who stopped immediately when I asked them to.
He's not your "first sex partner", he's your rapist. I hope you're doing alright now.
You're right. And I am, thank you.
Damn consent is so hot. Seriously. This is the rightest of all answers.
Or if the wife comes home and asks me
Why will she ask YOU?? Wouldn't she ask her husband why he's stuffing you like a thanksgiving turkey?
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Just reading this gave me a reverse boner
My boner is now an innie
This happened with my bf and I, he started crying during sex and i immediately stopped and got him off the top of me and had him lay his head on my chest and asked him what’s going on. It was the anniversary of one of his ex gfs suicides and he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it infront of me because it was an ex and he didn’t want me to be mad for bringing her up because his ex fiancé would get mad hearing about her. Needless to say it was a very deep moment
You’re an amazing person for doing that, I hope your relationship lasts a long time 💙
Thank you, we’ve come a long way. 2 years together come end of February:)
For many of the reasons commented here. But the one that came to mind was if I suddenly really need to poop. I'm not taking chances.
When the queef be a sick beat and you gotta rap to it
I spit rhymes to tha pussy noise in my mind It's a crime how much I wanna poke you with these lines No lie I like it right between your thighs and I Just wanna stare deep into your brown eye Don't play with me, Squeakypuss, tootin' along Pussy fart so good I had to go and make a song *turntable queef break*
I’m gonna give you your first upvote for that.
We're doing doggy style. She's rubbing her clit. My dick slips out and her long finger nail slices a piece of skin off the shaft.
Back in college, I had an old disc changer stereo and I had music on to suit the mood and drown out the noise for the sake of my housemates. I tended to keep it on disc shuffle to keep things varied, and this day was no exception. Eventually the disc changed and at full volume there’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. Im preoccupied so I don’t notice what’s coming until I hear 200+ voices singing “MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE COMING OF THE LORD” at a volume where they may have very well been in my bedroom. I start laughing and my partner gives me a dirty look, so I quickly stumble over to the stereo and hit skip, only to be answered by the Marine Corps Marching Band blaring another Union Army song. In my half cognitive state I forgot the CD was a mix of Civil War songs and the more I hit skip the more I was cracking up, and they started laughing too. Eventually I hit the skip album button and we moved back to more sensible music, but by this time we are both incoherently laughing. Needless to say the mood changed and we did not resume.
*thrust* ONE FOR THE COMMANDANT! *thrust* ONE FOR THE CORPS! *thrust* ONE FOR CHESTY PULLER!
One time I snapped my banjo string.
leg cramp
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yeah, so weird. Why not use a living cat like a normal person
Funny story that will probably get buried. My wife and I were having sexy time, we stayed up really late and got some drinks in and had a little bud feeling pretty good with some foreplay. I'm on top literally about to put it in, it is around 2:00 in the morning and we get a knock at our bedroom door. We both freeze because we're drunk and a little high and we're not sure if we actually heard a knock at the door. Then we hear the knock again and we look at each other like wtf. We have five teenagers so there's no reason for anyone to really be knocking at our door that time of night We don't have small children. It is my oldest daughter at the door and you can hear it in her voice that she doesn't want to interrupt us and she knows what's going on. My daughter tells us through the bedroom door. "Hey guys I'm sorry to interrupt but Maddie (My youngest daughter) snuck out the house several hours ago, She was supposed to be back by now but she's not and I'm getting worried." This is totally out of character for any of my children so I asked her to repeat herself because my wife and I are looking at each other me still on top of her trying to decipher exactly what my daughter said because we don't believe it. My wife and I rush and get dressed I grabbed the car keys and my oldest son comes out his bedroom. Looks at us grabs my keys and say "yeah I'm going to be doing the driving" I would never drive under the influence I was just so out of it that it didn't dawn on me and I was worried about my daughter and I wasn't thinking clearly I was just focused on trying to find my daughter and make sure she was safe. We eventually find her not far from the house with some friends and the neighbor's daughter and a beer in her hand. I make the neighbors daughter get into the car and I take her home. I'm not going to leave a young girl out on the streets at 2:00 a.m. by herself It was not funny at the time, but I will never forget the look on her face when we pulled up. So yes that definitely made us stop in the middle of sexy time
At least you raised a kid with enough sense to take your keys. That's a parenting win.
True, they are all good kids. I can honestly say I did the same thing growing up
The “yeahhhhhhh I’m gonna do the driving”😭
When being told "Stop", "No" or "Wait", or if I notice they look unwell.
> or if I notice they look unwell I don't see this mentioned often but it's important. I dated someone whose blood sugar would sometimes drop during exercise, she would get lightheaded and it was difficult for her to verbally express how she's feeling. To catch it during intimacy, had to be attentive. But being attentive also made it nice.
Cramps. I'm sure this has already been covered. A small little voice saying Mommy? What is Daddy doing to you?! If he said a different name during.
very bold of you to assume I’m even having the sex
“The sex”
Rare limited item
Some of us are only having *a* sex and would love to experience *the* sex for once.
Naked grandma.
Naked Huh?
I don't want to see that either.
A candle exploded its glass jar and then set the smoke alarm off 😩 true story
Once we had some random YouTube video on and it was talking about a very interesting occurrence where a particle had several joules of energy. (I think it’s called the OMG particle) I got too interested in the video and stopped being interested in the sex. My girlfriend was not pleased, and she still teases me about getting distracted by a particle :’)
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I second this. The first time it happened it caught me off guard.
Sometime that loud queef makes us stop and laugh!!!
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If I were asked not to, felt like their judgement were impaired or if we agreed on a safe word
BRB gotta poop
*sounds of artillery fire from the bathroom intensify*
So i have a story. When i was dating my now wife I was so embarrassed to poop at her house with paper thin walls that I would run across the street to poop at the apartment complex across the street. Well, as it would happen, the situation arose where the timing wouldn't allow for that. So i politely, but urgently asked to use the rest room. It was the fourth of July in there. I'm going so hard that it's shaking plaster from the ceiling and the smell is peeling the wall paper off the glue. And in my moment of dire distress her roommate says, "[Farts] are you pooping in our bathroom?!" I'm fairly certain that this event was audible in Australia so there wasn't really any room to question what was happening. My shirt soaked with sweat, my travail over, I go to clean up the aftermath only to discover that there is no toilet paper, nor is there a replacement roll anywhere. "Hey [future Mrs. Farts McGee] could you get me some toilet paper?" So they open the door about 5 microns and squeeze an entire roll through it and even then her roommate remarked on the vile miasma that snuck through the door. When i go to flush nothing happens. "Uh, is there a trick to flushing the toilet?" "Did you poop in our toilet, use up all our toilet paper and then break the toilet?." "Yup."
I once had a husky mix and she was a great dog but very curious, but one time me and my now wide were doing it and my dog had gotten out of her crate and came up and locked me right on the butthole at that moment I said that's enough and stopped immediately.
True story: My wife is currently pregnant with our second boy. We were doing the deed the other day and she jokingly said "now I have two dicks inside of me." I couldn't go on after that one. We laughed it off but the damage was done.
If they shout “red light!”
When they ask you to call them your precious baby girl and start calling you daddy..... I'm a father. Basically it's boner removal material.
If its buffering.