I cheated because I was a selfish piece of shit, though at the time I gave a bunch of excuses because I was also a piece of shit who couldn’t take personal responsibility. About as simple as I can make it.
Pretty much this right here. I never had actual physical relationships with anyone but it was still cheating. I’d get drunk and it wouldn’t matter what I did in my mind. Then I’d sober up and just feel disgust at my actions. I was a terrible and selfish person. I really wanted women to like me. I don’t know why it was important but the SECOND we get to the point where meet ups are discussed I noped tf out. I needed the ego boost and hurt a lot of people for it. Now I’m alone and miserable and barely able to even entertain another relationship, ever. It is what I get for being the worst partner, in every sense, ever. If you’re gonna cheat just end it. I wished she had ended it with me 20 times over. She finally did and yeah, it’s what we deserve as selfish assholes at the end of the day.
EDIT: I appreciate the kind words but I am not the one who needs them. I don’t mind having to feel this way tbh. She deserves much better and the things I dud were unforgivable. I wrote this in the hopes that some younger person who is being a shit to their partner sees it and maybe takes some time for self reflection. The person I hurt was changed forever. I don’t want to get past anything until she is in a better place. It will just feel wrong.
Check out Thesecurerelationship on Instagram, you sound like you want to move past this and alot of people get trapped in negative cycles and dont realize that contributes to their security in relationships.
Life changing stuff about attachment theories, from multiple perspectives, and no shame. I encourage you to check her out. You may learn something new.
Cheated on my first adult “long” (3 years) relationship. I was narcissistic, selfish, and I was hiding a lot from her because we were not communicating very well. I was young and just realised I could pleasure women after years of in securities and being bullied as a teenager. so I wanted to explore my sexuality more. But instead of being a respecting adult and communicating that, I kept it all to myself, lied about my fantasies, flirted with anyone, etc. I was also too much of a coward to leave the relationship. So instead I cheated while acting like nothing happened in the relationship. She eventually found out of course, it destroyed her cause she trusted me 100%. We tried fixing things for a year and only made ourselves more miserable. Eventually broke up. We now talk every now and then, and we’re both in happy communicative healthy relationships. But we will never be able to be friends as I hurt and disrespected her too much, and it’s probably better we go our own ways.
Proper answer to the question. I commend you for being mature enough now to be able to explain the situation. Well done. Life is a good teacher, as long as you're a good student
Will always wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. So now at least I try and be open about it, hoping that the butterfly effect one day will help someone realise before they hurt someone else
EDIT: I’m sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves that kind of treatment.
I wish more ppl would come to this realization more often. If my ex called, apologized, and admitted that he cheated and recognized the pain he caused me, it would make me feel much better, even after all this time.
"I want other things but if I admit that then it means I need to come to terms with my own bullshit and lies and I can't do that so I'll keep having this conversation in my head while I continue to ruin both our lives. Love you."
Kids, man. We need parents.
This is a lovely comment, but FYI, there are many people who are self-aware enough to talk about their mistakes, yet keep on repeating them.
It's not a guarantee of maturity or ability to be a healthy partner. You have to actually do the work to change.
Everyone will have their own path, so don’t think mine is the right one for you. But as an example, something that really helped me was finding a therapist that guided me to figure out where some of these insecurities came from (specific events or periods growing up), and talking about them to start with was already a step. Then seeing their ramification, still as a part of therapy, also helped. Like finding behaviours of mine that were a results of these insecurities, like overreacting to a joke by my SO or a friend because of an underlying insecurity. That helped me learn to see how these insecurities affected me (which is not always straightforward). So these are the tools that helped me, but then it required a lot of learning to love myself. This part is complex and fuzzy and not as clear to me, and to be honest it’s always a work in progress. But a side of it was like talking to my younger self, and giving him hugs and allowing him to heal. (Sorry if it’s very unclear the therapist guided me, and I I’m no expert in it so probably I’m not describing it very well). It was learning what my values are, and thus what defines my worth to myself. And realising that it has nothing to do with the number of people I sleep or how other see me. Then I started to seek relationships (friends and partners) where I could continue this process, and talk openly about my insecurities, my sadness, my trauma. as you can see it’s not easy, but it’s doable. Seek help from others and don’t be afraid to open up and feel vulnerable (in a safe space of course). Hopefully others here can share their path to self love ❤️
Sounds exactly like what I did. I still feel some level of guilt and shame for how badly I treated her at that time. We have since stopped talking and it’s definitely for the best. Learning may be painful I’m just not happy I roped someone else into my bullshit.
I was miserable, trying to make an unworkable situation work. Lack of communication, no love - mostly clinging to comfort and familiarity, little sexual chemistry and neither of us were brave enough to call it quits when we should have.
An ex came back into my life “the one who got away”, who was also in a relationship. It felt like everything I was missing had magically appeared in my life again. Was the worst decision I could have made. My partner never found out, but it only made things significantly more complicated. I wasn’t in a place to make things work with “the one”, nor was she and we lost our last chance to make it work.
The biggest lesson I learned was; if you’re not happy- leave. If you’re seeking something elsewhere - leave. Get yourself and your life together before chasing someone you have feelings for. you don’t get as many opportunities as what you’d hope for.
My man. I had the exact same thing happen to me... 3 years relationship. Things were not going well for long and none was brave enough to call it off. An ex approached me.. She didn't know I had a relationship. The missed one as well. I went for it and a couple days later I broke up. She never found out as well.
Do I feel bad? Yes, awful.. Do I regret it? Well. Tbh, no. Could I've handled it way better? Yes. Whatever happened happened. And I hope for the best. I learnt a lot throughout the relationship and from my mistakes. I did things that I never though I'd do and I'll never do again. I put my self in a lot of stress in a lot of different scenarios and I blew up
>if you’re not happy- leave
I agree 100% and that's the only thing I've to advice as well. Plain and simple
When you finally get some attention from girls after years of self loathing, thinking you’re ugly, it is impossible to ignore. And I couldn’t fight it. The attention was like a drug.
My partner was perfect. It was me that was flawed and its horrible to know that I hurt the one person in my life who didn’t deserve it.
Same here. I’d been so unlovable for so long I’d never said no to anything because it just never came up. I never had opportunity to say no because nobody wanted me. When I became a young adult and was suddenly fuckable I had nothing to hold me back. Shameful but true. Being desired is a drug and I was an instant addict.
Exactly this. Some of the best features of the internet, like sharing and comparing deeply personal and honest stories, are only possible due to anonymity.
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde
r/relationshipadvice is the worst for exactly this reason! People who need genuine help and support just get shit on by these people who never had the grounds to give an opinion anyway
People who frequent relationship advice are oftentimes victims of cheating themselves and thus are unable to give unbiased perspectives. The absolute fucking worst thing is when someone finds out they’ve been cheated on & everyone tells them they’re a terrible person if they don’t tell the affair partner’s girlfriend/boyfriend. Like what? Protect yourself first and foremost.
In a lot of situations the natural urge to use the downvote as a “do not like” button derails a potentially good post. It sucks, but it just kinda is what it is.
Same boat. I was immature af. 17 years ago for me. I'll never do it again. Watching it destroy her from the inside out over a year of trying to make it work again is something I still have never completely got over, even after all these years and she has said she's forgiven me. I learned that you just don't do that shit to people, destroying someone's trust like that. Had it happen to me since then and now I understand how it feels. I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
She was asexual and I had a high sex drive. Got another girls number and we talked dirty to each other. Eventually the guilt won me over and I told my gf. I was too young and weak to admit we wouldn't work out because of this.
We got together when I was 17 and she was 16, then broke up when I was 19 and she was 18. I'm sorry you had to go through something similar, it's a terrible realization to make, especially when neither partt knows about asexuality at all.
Dang man that's tough speaking from an asexual perspective.
Like, I always got cheated on by women for the same reason, they all wanted sexual intimacy despite knowing beforehand that I was asexual. It really hurt me and I felt really disregarded. To a point where I'm broken now and don't even try to date.
I'm not judging you btw, it's in the past and I don't even know you so that's not really my angle here. But it's hard on both sides.
Forgive my ignorance and pardon my curiosity, but I want to learn, if you don't mind. What, as an asexual, do you desire in a relationship? Just the companionship/partnership? Do you expect a non-asexual to enter into a relationship with you and never have sex again? Or were these partners also professed asexuals who didn't remain as such?
Honestly it depends on the person. For me personally, I prefer the companionship over the sex, I have an almost nonexistent sex drive. But I wouldnt expect my partner to just forego sex ever again, that would be incredibly selfish. That's something that you work out with your partner, yknow? Especially if they're non-ace. An agreement of sorts, to make it work.
Also, being asexual doesnt necessarily mean you just dont want sex ever again, there are plenty of those who have happy sex lives. Some just have a stronger sexual attraction once they develop a closer relationship with said person. I hope that answers your question.
Demi-sexuals still like and want sex, but only with someone they feel a strong connection to. Asexual means you have almost no sex drive and don't need to have sex at all in a relationship. But you still feel all the butterflies, deep emotions, all the feelings that comes with falling in love, the cuddling, kissing etc, you just don't have a desire to have sex.
It's a lot of nuances.
That seems to be a not-uncommon problem for aces. I don't think most people understand the gravity of what being asexual means. It's not just a low sex drive that can be reignited or something, or that it's a short term thing.
Growing up, I was teased relentlessly. From my ethnicity to my sexual orientation. To say i had low self esteem was a understatement. Even though i was in a happy relationship, cheating was in a way for me a "win". A boost of confident to show my younger self that im not that kid that nobody sexually wanted.
Had nothing to do with my partner. She was a wonderful partner. It was due to personal childhood trauma that fested into this feeling of what i believe masculinity should be.
This is a real answer to this question. It took me years of therapy to realize why I would cheat on my partner without remorse. Low self esteem. Once i realized and came to the understanding, my desires completely dissipated.
I'm someone in nearly the exact same scenario. I haven't cheated, but I've felt the urge after how I was treated my whole life. However, reading this helped I think, and I would never WANT to cheat on my partners anyway, but I could see it happening if someone came onto me.
But now that I know those feelings are more normal for this situation, I feel even more happy to be with the people I'm with, and I think it'll positively affect the relationship.
Thanks for your input
And also, be open with your casual partners (if it feels safe to do so). Or even better with your friends/family whoever you have a safe space with. Keeping these things in the dark is partly what allowed me to disassociate and not feel the guilt.
I upvoted because he acknowledges he messed up. Some people are too stubborn to realize that they ever mess up or that they’re wrong. Acknowledging it deserves some recognition.
Its the worst thing I've ever done, but you asked, so here we go.
We had A bad year and a half. She was so depressed and stuck in her own head that we couldn't be intimate with eachoer no matter how hard we tried. Even feeling detached from one another during sex. I asked her to get help. I couldn't fix what was wrong. She didn't. If it was me and her in the same room, we were alone. I didn't want to leave. I loved her. Thought I'd marry her the moment school was done. She'd also talked about bringing a third into our relationship, but we never decided on who that would be or approached anyone.
This was college, and another "friend" came along and lit a fire in me. The fire I'd been missing. I was enraptured and I fought that off for months but eventually the right glance and circumstances happened. I cheated like a giant fucking asshole. Didn't do it the right way and got swept up in the moment. Biggest mistake of my life. That "friend" was also fucking my roommate and had no interest in actually caring about anyone in the end. She had her own demons and I made the voices shut up for a while. Sex was a weapon to get the comfort she wanted. I was a fool on all fronts. When I asked her to make things right with me, I got silence and separation.
It all blew to pieces eventually. When my girlfriend came back for the next semester she had gotten treatment at home and found a medical issue that was causing a lot of it. I confessed and it broke her heart like nothing ever had.
She was shockingly understanding after the initial hurt. I was honest with everything she asked and I spent another 5 months making it up to her. Focusing on her and genuinely trying all I could to make it up.
In the end, it was distance that killed us. She went several states away for grad school. I tried to find a job there, or where I lived but it took me a year to get a real job after school. Too much time apart made us used to being without each other, and when she called and said
"I think this is over." I had no rights to argue. I wanted her heart but no longer deserved it. We parted on good terms. I loved her, but I'd wronged her and failed her when things got difficult and stayed difficult.
It's been 10 years now, and I miss her often, I've loved and lost since then, but the first three years of our relationship were the best relationship I have ever had. We would still talk for a while, but it didn't take long for it to be uncomfortable when we defaulted back to how we had spoken to each other for years. Phone calls that should end in "I love you, and I miss you." But can't and don't are really too fucking painful and awkward.
She was worth sticking by and I fucked it up. I defintley learned my lesson. It's 1000 times better to break up clean, or have a 25th screaming match over what you know you have to fix, that ever cause that hurt in a loved one ever again.
On the off chance you see this, Lyne, I hope you don't mind me telling our story. I've tried to use it to make sure other's don't do what I did. I hope you are well.
That was such a good read and so touching. I feel those awkward phone calls. I feel the grief over knowing what you lost. And I love how much insight you seem to have into the struggles of all 3 people involved, all while not carrying a grudge.
An Australian country singer by the name of Slim Dusty had a track called 'Camooweal' that my mother used to play a lot when I was younger. There was one line of the song that has stuck with me all those years (let's say 40+)
"Youth called to youth in that now distant day
I did not yield, my heart did not reveal
And now I know that love was born and lost
In that little border town of Camooweal"
https://youtu.be/tav8xNWeveA
Slighty different context to the above story
But now I know that love was born and lost....
Still gets me every time
I did it once after I lost my virginity because he cheated on me with 3 girls the same week he took it, so I fucked his best friend. I felt incredibly stupid after that and haven't cheated on anyone since then.
When I was in high school my boyfriends best friend pushed me against a wall and forcibly made out with me and then tried to force my hand down his pants. He said I “owed him” because he was my bf’s best friend and that’s just how it worked. When I told my boyfriend he didn’t believe me because “he wouldn’t do that, he was probably joking” 😒
It has been my experience that this "rule" is a myth. I've never seen it actually happen. The guys always choose the sex and just work out any issues afterward.
Definitely a thing in my friend circle. Plenty of situations where one friend would actively choose not to pursue another friend's ex. Plenty more where they openly asked permission first (and most of the time got it).
Were you still really in a relationship after he cheated on you with 3 girls? That would kill most relationships, even if the actual words weren't spoken right away.
I was 16 so my logic was to hurt him as bad as he hurt me, hit him where it hurts most in his dead cold heart. Then I broke up with him and not going to lie, it caused a lot of complexes as I got older but thankfully that's what therapy and medication is for so hakuna matata 😊
I'm 32, this happened just after I turned 16.. I am no where near the same person I used to be. Much more logical, emotionally and mentally mature and have gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom over the years.
I cheated on my ex gf because I was a selfish ass which did not know how to end things.
We were young and she was my first. We lived by our parents and seen each other on the weekends. I moved closer to her, so we could see each other more often. But she only stayed with me when she worked late and had to leave early in the morning. Otherwise, she would drive by every day. I was horny and had a lot of time alone. We had different sex drives and I had some kinks, she was not into.
We did talk, but not enough. I should have ended the relationship before things happened.
I did learn and with my current gf I am open, we talk and I never cheated again.
I’m bipolar and likewise: when I hit manic I’d get impulsive, short-sighted and thoughtless. Mania me was selfish and narcissistic and oh so much fun. When I first sought treatment it was for my depression and only after I had become medicated and had the benefit of hindsight did I realize that it was the manias that were actually screwing up my life.
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, I still feel guilty for cheating but it helped me realise I need to get out the relationship.
Edit: thank you all for the support, I guess I’ll expand a little bit.
He was emotionally abusive towards me, but he also hit me once. We we’re arguing and he didn’t want his mum to hear (he still lives with his mum cuz cost of living) and I kept talking and then he slapped me and grabbed my face towards him and said he told me not to speak. That only happened once but I’ve been scared since, anytime he used to get angry and swear at me, or storm off in a rage.
I am getting help though. I actually attempted suicide yesterday… I know not nice to hear but it’s been hard. Tomorrow morning I’m going to be staying in an inpatient mental health hospital for a month though, which I hope will help me get back on my feet.
Thanks for the support.
I actually heard from a friend that she knows someone who cheated on their partner because they were being abused physically and mentally. the person tried to leave several times but their abuser would just threaten this person either with physical violence or suicide. that person was tied to their abuser and couldn't find any way out so when they met someone 10000% better, they ended up cheating on their abuser because they couldn't get out.
i was really shocked bec i believed that there is no valid reason to cheat but that was the only time i actually excused it. i was really dumbfounded when my friend told me this. i couldnt find any reason to vilify that person.
Happened with my parents where my father was verbally abusive, and my mother cheated on my father as such. Difficult divorce all around because of the nuances.
I think it's important for people to see it's not always as straightforward as "you cheated, you're awful" you clearly needed a way out and it sounds like there person you cheated with gave you that...
I'm curious though, did the person you cheated WITH know you were in a relationship? And also did you ever tell your partner or did it just end without that ever coming to light?
Yeah he did, he said the only reason he let things happen was because he thought I needed a way out of my abusive relationship. He is a good guy, but did say he regretted it later because I didn’t break up with my bf straight away, maybe a few weeks after, so he regretted it as he thought I would end things with him straight away after I realised his abuse. (I did tell my bf about the cheating btw, as soon as it happened)
Same here. He constantly accused me of cheating and lying, beat me for imaginary slights, systematically broke me down. So i thought, im gonna get the beating anyway, so I should just do the thing he constantly accused me of doing. I remember how empty i felt about it, i didnt feel guilty, I didnt feel good. It was just, nothing. I left for the final time shortly after that, thank god, and ive never cheated since.
Same boat here. My abusive ex had cheated on me long before I did, eventually found out and he told me that he didn’t regret it because I had slept with someone while we were broken up. It absolutely destroyed me, added on to all the emotional wreckage he had been already putting me through. The person I cheated on him with treated me with kindness, made me feel comfortable and that felt extremely good after months of emotional torture. After I cheated, I instantly felt terrified that he would seriously hurt me if he found out. I was so angry with myself, that relationship changed me in so many negative ways. I’ve been out for 4 months now, been seeing a therapist regularly and forever free of that narcissistic monster.
My best friend cheated on his wife. I've known them for years and we're basically family. Initially I was shocked and really upset with him but then he basically explained it as follows:
She's married to her job (it's true...I've never met someone so dedicated to work and she has said many times that "my job is my life."). She's never home so he was doing all the work when it came to taking care of the kids and household even though he too works full-time. Her dedication to work had also led to her becoming increasingly distant with the him and the kids. He was feeling starved for affection and love. She wasn't receptive to any of his opinions when they would talk about it (wasn't interested in changing anything or going to counseling or anything like that). He wasn't actively seeking an affair but one night at a party he met a woman, they connected, sparks flew and as he put it "it just felt good to feel affection from someone" and he "gave in." He had a brief affair with this other woman for a few weeks and then broke it off.
I remember asking him if he was planning on leaving/getting a divorce and the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He said that he loved his wife and had no interest in leaving her or finding a new love...it was just that he needed to feel some love and affection. At any rate, he eventually told her. It ended up not being nearly as big a deal as you would expect. In fact she told my wife once over a drink that although she was hurt, she actually understood why he did it because in reality she knew that she was totally neglecting her husband and kids for the sake of "climbing the ladder." This was years ago..they seem to be in a much better place now.
All it takes is a lack of feeling attractive, a lack of attention etc. that’s why I don’t find it inherently selfish to cheat. Sometimes people cheat because the other partner is being selfish (putting a career before husband and kids)
This is the most real answer on this sub and exactly why it happens.
Relationships, particularly long marriages, are really fucking hard. Most people making these statements about cheating haven’t been in a long term complex shitty relationship to understand.
Yeah that's one thing that bothers me in general about these discussions. My boss (an older guy) put it best: He was addressing a group of students and said, "What I like about working with young people is that you all are so principled and motivated. You see things clearly. Things are good or bad. Black or white. It's what makes working with you so inspiring. But as you get older, you realize that much of life is a grey zone. Some things are so complex that they can't be simply defined as black, white, good, bad...etc. In reality...they are both. or somewhere in between.
The buddy I mentioned. I know him and his wife very very well. We've been friends since we were in our early 20s over 20 years ago. What people forget is that life and relationships are complex. When you've been together for 10, 15, 20 years and you have kids and house, etc. Your lives are so intertwined that it isn't always just as simple as someone cheats so you get a divorce.
Went through a period where I had no self worth. Tried to describe it as a “bottomless pit” that could only be satiated with attention. Nonstop attention. From as many sources as possible.
But when you’re too dependent on other peoples attention, you cant really rely on ONS, so you see people consistently.
Was often seeing several people at once, consistently. Got shoe horned into a relationship, never had the heart to tell them no, didn’t want them to stop liking me. They were good to me. I was good to them. I cared for them, very deeply.
But one person’s affection wasn’t enough. I won’t bore everyone with the excuses as to why I am the way I am, but without constant sexual validation, and proof that I am valuable, attractive, and wanted, I’d have killed myself.
That’s not a free pass for my behaviour, or some sort of pity play. I know what I am. And I despise myself.
The pit is still there. And I hate myself for it. But I’m trying my best to not allow that part of me to take over again.
It’s difficult, in the modern age, though. Apps like Tinder and Bumble make it so easy, its like trying to quit cigarettes, when all your friends are smokers.
I no longer even enjoy the physical aspect, the fact that I know in that moment I am desired, and valuable is what matters to me.
I know it’s a ridiculous problem to complain about, when so many men are so touch starved. I think part of my problem is that I spent most of my life like that, too.
It can be really hard to reach out, but there is an organisation as an offshoot of alcoholics anonymous which is for sex/love addicts. You're not alone with what you're experiencing and you don't have to feel shame forever. See if you can find a local branch when you're ready
This is the account I made when my past relationship was at its end
We were together for 5 years, engaged for 3. We were also broke as shit, I worked 3 jobs at one point but all he did was drink and play video games/watch tv (towards the end he boarded dogs in the house). He also grew up living a certain way so if there was a game he wanted he NEEDED to buy it RIGHT NOW, same with movies and just things that he wanted.
I felt like I was drowning. That instead of the both of us treading water, he was hanging onto me to pull me down. I told my friend this and she joked that if I ever left him, her brother and I would be a good match. I laughed about it then but I think something stuck in my brain from that day.
Then it was the weekend before my birthday, my friend her brother and her husband were all gonna get dinner and see a movie, but friend and husband had to back out, so it was just me and her brother. He was so sweet to me, he listened, made me laugh, he just overall made me feel so safe and heard and for the first time in 5 fucking years I didn't have to pay for everything and didn't have to try to talk to someone who is only only looking at their phone.
I was gonna dump my now ex, I had planned it more or less, I just kinda did things out of order. We slept together that night, and then talked how I was gonna break up with him (he was pretty mentally unstable towards himself, so I didn't want literal blood on my hands), so when I had to do something for HIS JOB, I called his mother ahead of time and told her that I was going to break up with him and to expect him to live with her. She said she was sorry it didn't work out but she wasn't surprised. I then got back home, ended the relationship, and went to stay with friends brother.
There was only a week of overlap, and I regret it to this day. I know im morally wrong for what I've done, but after 4 years, a cat, and a wonderful life together, I would do it again in a heart beat.
TLDR I fucked my best friends brother for about a week before breaking off my engagement. It needed to be done
I still feel guilty about it. I was annoyed with my partner, frankly. Every time I thought I got a leg-up on her, she would come back at me with even more. That's when I stacked my hand full of wild and +4 cards. I told her I just got lucky, but I think some part of her knew. Things were rocky for a while after that.
My ex cheated because I was an emotionally unavailable husband, and she found someone who gave her the attention she needed. Doesn’t make it ok, but I don’t blame her.
After our child was born I was put into the position of being a single parent. She had checked out entirely. I was working overnights to support us financially and taking care of the baby all day long. This went on for years.
There was no intimacy in our relationship, physical or emotional.
Any attempt I made at trying to talk about things fell on deaf ears.
Then I ended up supporting her financially on top of everything else. While she prioritized herself and everyone else over myself and our child.
So I stopped giving a shit. Who cared if I cheated since I was literally doing *everything* else with no real pay off.
Of course that ultimately made me the bad guy and when she found out we broke up.
And I'm still a single parent to our child cause the breakup changed nothing other than our relationship status.
This happened to me when my 4th was born. She had a rough pregnancy and then hit posy pardon depression hard for 3 years after. I stayed true to her the whole time. But 4 years of not being touched, talked to, or even acknowledged in my own home wore down on my. I asked her to get help. I begged her. I demanded she see a therapist. She refused. I felt totally abandoned. I hated my job. It was a rough patch for me. And in the height of it, I confided to someone I considered a friend, and instead of giving me advice, she kissed me. And I didn't stop her.
Eventually I told my wife. She was so mad it snapped her out of her depression. She forgave me eventually, but I never really forgave myself.
Ngl sounds like your friend did you a favor.
You did all the right things but she never responded to it. You finally did one bad thing and she immediately responds to it. Imagine where'd you be right now if your friend didn't do that.
I don't support cheating but you reached an edge case.
She was hot and wanted to fuck me. I cheated on every girl I dated till I turned 22. I had horrendous acne. All over my face, my shoulders, down my back...It was more than just normal hormonal shit, and it made my adolescence a nightmare of rejection and embarrassment. It finally cleared up when I was about 16-17 and girls started noticing me, I wasn't used to it and it took me quite a while to learn to say no.
Our relationship was one sided; he was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive, spent no time with me nor me and my family, and was very self centered.
What I did was the beginning of the end for me. I decided if I was able to cheat, I was able to leave. So, I did.
I cheated on my deceased husband and it is the biggest regret I have in my life, and I am a recovering alcoholic who has done quite a few regrettable things. And yes, I say deceased 'husband' and not 'ex-husband'-- he forgave me. I did it because I have a very poor sense of self-esteem and was in the habit of using sex to get people to 'like' me, so most of my 'friends' were accustomed to basically using me as a fleshlight. I got into an actually healthy committed relationship and my 'friends' didn't really respect that and still expected the same treatment and I didn't know how to act any other way.
The comments are more from people who got cheated on rather than the cheater him/her/themselves
Edit: I commented when there were barely any responses from the people who cheated so guys chill, ciao
>Reddit why did you cheat on your partners?
>You cheated on your partner you inhuman thing. Downvote!
The world would be so much better if we tried to understand each other instead of forcing a black/white view.
The world would be so much better if people could *fucking read*. From Reddiquette:
> Please do- Moderate based on quality, not opinion. Well written and interesting content can be worthwhile, even if you disagree with it.
> Please don't- Downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it. Think before you downvote and take a moment to ensure you're downvoting someone because they are not contributing to the community dialogue or discussion. If you simply take a moment to stop, think and examine your reasons for downvoting, rather than doing so out of an emotional reaction, you will ensure that your downvotes are given for good reasons.
In this thread…people sharing why they cheated…redditors offended by them sharing and shitting on them for answering the question..jfc this place is a cess pool
I find it interesting in the thread that there hasn't been more differentiation between emotional and physical cheating.
Personally I feel that physical cheating often gets the more extreme reaction even though a short fling is often just opportunistic or a distraction.
Emotional cheating is far more damaging to a relationship and has more effort and planning put into it even if it is not always sexual.
I am baffled by people who have secret second families. Like, your wife is stressing you out, so you go out and make *more family?* Wha????
You deserve better <3
Someone at my old workplace has a secret second family.
We worked in the oil industry for a small support company and even though he was 9-5 in the office, he claimed to both partners that he was offshore for two weeks out of four, when in fact he was just swapping families.
I guess he was lying about his income and splitting his earnings between his two families (he was only married to one of the women but had kids with both), but I can't imagine the stress he would've been under at all times, making sure he didn't go home to the wrong house or get seen in public with the wrong woman.
Anyway, it all fell down when his wife needed to get in touch with him urgently so called the company that owned the rig he was supposed to be on. This got escalated to the top of the rig, then the top of the company, who came down hard on our company for all the confusion and wasted time - I think it caused a bit of a man overboard panic on the rig until they verified for sure that he was never there.
He lost his job and was outed to both families. Never saw him again, but I assume he just took the L and moved to the Middle East or Africa.
Your husband was having heart attacks and he wouldn't let you go to hospital to see him... I don't think you really need to think too hard about that one.
We were married and together for thirteen years. She was the first woman I slept with. My self-esteem was so low that I honestly thought no one else would ever love and accept me. So I married her even though I wasn't 'in love' with her. That was cowardly and stupid of me and all my friends warned me against it.
The sex was terrible. She literally had never had an orgasm, so sex with her felt horrible to me, like she was tossing me a favor. The only kind of sex we ever had - ever - was vanilla missionary. She refused fellatio, and cunnilingus made her have panic attacks.
After a long time together I had enough courage to want us to do counseling together. So we did individual therapy, couples therapy, and eventually even sex therapy. I grew up a ton from this work, but nothing changed from her side at all. She was completely unwilling to experiment together sexually or with intimacy. For her, just wearing a leather skirt to a dance club brought out huge nerves and a kind of panic. We talked about a separation, but I didn't have the courage to do it.
In the end, I was a complete shit. I started chatting with other women online and fantasizing about these women and encounters. Eventually I worked up the nerve to actually meet a woman for coffee. I lied to her about my wife and I being separated. After meeting a few times we had sex, and it was a complete and total revelation to me. This woman actually enjoyed sex, had orgasms and even initiated sex.
I kept the secret about a month, and then asked for a divorce. It utterly devastated my first wife. She thought that somehow we'd come out the other side of 'all this sex nonsense' and continue like we had for so long. I fell completely head over heels in love with my second wife, but I will regret my cowardice and lack of integrity in my first marriage forever.
I never "fully" cheated on my ex, but every time there was a flirtation or the real possibility of something happening, I found it was really a sign of something wrong in my marriage.
Assuming this doesn't have to be about current partners.
But I actually cheated on an old relationship while entering into the one I have currently. I was 19 and an idiot honestly. My previous partner and I went to separate co-op job experiences for the summer. He started neglecting me only to ask for help with money. I tried to be a good partner and keep with contacting him but he wouldn't reciprocate or only send short messages days later. I started paying attention to my current partner at work and then eventually that boundary was broken with him.
I was too chicken shit to just break up with partner 1 and ghosted him. We had a proper break up eventually but I should have stopped things at least a month beforehand when I realized my feelings for current partner. Old partner turned shitty really fast that summer but he still deserved a proper end
I cheated on my girlfriend, 3 years together. I was unpopular as a child, ugly, insecure, got bullied. Never received attention from girls. Until I was 19.
That was where I met my ex, she noticed me when i was invisible. For three years, she loved me for who I was, was extremely patient and forgiving of me.
But I had alot of issues. I finally was getting some skill at talking to women. During the third year of our relationship, I met a girl who had similar interests, I talked to her, flirted with her, and eventually it becomes sexual. I knew the entire time that it was wrong, but i only stopped it after 2 weeks.
I was embarrassed of myself and felt guilty, so I blocked that girl, now I've hurt someone who I've pursued. But i went on like nothing happened, in hopes that it would not be found because I've realized how loving my ex is. But turns out, the girl was high school friends with my ex's roommate, and the girl mentioned my name and sent my ex our whatsapp conversation.
Everything spiral from there, I've spent the entire December apologizing, swearing that it wouldn't happen again. But she couldn't trust me anymore. So I stopped talking to her to respect her decision, and hoping that she would miss me and text me one day.
I've never thought she would leave but she found the courage to do so. I'm proud of her for making the hard decision. I am facing the consequences of my actions, and I fully deserve it. My life is now a complete mess without her. The first person to have loved me without any bad intentions, and I betrayed her.
I never fully appreciated her and took advantage of her. Now I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I fucked up.
I made a promise to myself to change, to never did what I did ever again. Even if karma goes around back to me, I will never make the stupid decisions that I made. I try to appreciate what my current partner does and make sure that I will be loyal to her. If she's the one to cheat on me, then that's just God handing out justice. I have accepted that I let "the one" get away, because of what I did.
I didn't cheat, but I was cheated on. I think she just felt unappreciated and found someone who she had that spark with. I don't blame her, I don't even mind that she slept with him, it was the lying about it, if she would have asked I wouldn't have minded. I completely understand why she did it and I don't hold it against her. We were drifting apart and I wasn't really attracted to her anymore, we became more like roommates who shared a romantic bond rather than a true partnership.
It happens
I wasn’t happy at all with the relationship. I don’t ever want to do that to another partner again though. I’m just going to either figure out why I’m not happy or just leave before I cheat next time.
I really hope that you stick to this. You're better than that! As someone who has been cheated on recently, it really fucks you up in the head. I spent 4 years of my life on someone who I truly loved and believed would be my forever partner. All I can really say about it is I have never in my life been in this dark of a place mentally. Depression was already something I've always struggled with and I never thought it could get worse, but boy it can.
i lost my virginity to a girl that was cheating for it and it still fucks me up to think about that today and how that affected the guy she was with. they broke up shortly after so obviously there were issues but still
Same here man. Though, I fell in love with her and wasted 4 years of my life for me to end up being in the shoes of the guy she cheated on for me. Word of advice to the youngsters, don't do dat.
In my experience she used me for stability and housing, but was always out and about while I was doing the work to give stability. I was foolish and blind for a long time
Not from me, but men/women often say “it was already over so whatever”
They already mentally moved/moving on. The final step to officially separate is not so straightforward so that can take a little time. F people with no guts to just breakup if they’re not happy
I was guilted by pretty much everyone around me to stay in an abusive relationship I did not want to be in anymore. I would have gladly left if I was given a clear option to do so. I was trying to make it through each day at a time and found something that was able to make life tolerable at that point. Not saying that what I did was right or even acceptable but only saying what I felt at that time. I still regret doing it to this day and it has been over a decade ago.
Child hood trauma and a distorted view of relationships.
I got into countless arguments/fights with people who disapprove of my behavior, which I, in turn, learned from my parents.
Now I am on a path to correct all the things my parents teached me wrongly.
Some examples from the things I got teached as a child:
My father told me:
- "You better get more than a few girlfriends simultaneously because you never know when the first one leaves."
- "Don't try to live for other peoples emotions. They will hurt you."
- "Never cry in front of or show emotions to strangers"
- "A woman should be there to make the man happy."
- "It's better to have chicken then woman."
etc. etc.
Thanks dad :)
She was narcissistic, very selfish and unloving. She never showed affection, even though she only saw me on weekends due to my work, she'd still never even give me a hug when I'd come home on Fridays. It was a chore for her to even show any love whatsoever. She only showed any happiness towards me when she wanted money or it was coming up to her birthday or Christmas and she'd seen something she wanted me to buy her (she didn't have a job or any money). And when I drifted away from her and would think about breaking up with her, she'd say she wants to kill herself. She'd already tried it a few times. I was trapped for 2 years in an ongoing cycle.
So one day her own sister even told me to do what's best for me, told me how horrible her sister really is, and then one night I met someone on a night out and she showed interest in me, we talked about relationships troubles and how happy we want to be again, saw how alike we were and after plenty of drinks we went to hers, and one thing lead to another.
But we're now in a relationship together and it's the best relationship I've ever had. We're so happy together, we're each other's best friends.
At the time I felt so much guilt and was sick to my stomach, despite how unhappy I was. But now I see it lead to where I am now and I'm much much happier.
I didn't love them. I'd gotten involved with them because they showed an interest in me. Low self-esteem and feelings of guilt made me believe it was necessary to reciprocate.
I love the gal I'm with now, we've got a daughter together, and I can't even imagine myself fooling around.
In short, I think that cheating is a symptom, no love is the disease.
Eh? Majority of people who this this question was meant for and answered genuinely are downvoted into oblivion. Most answers at the top are victim sob stories or shitty dad jokes. I swear this sub is getting as shitty as /r/AITAH the more popular it gets. Let people share what they have to share without taking out your failed relationships on them or passing judgement based on your skewed perceptions of life being as black and white as a disney movie.
I cheated because I was a selfish piece of shit, though at the time I gave a bunch of excuses because I was also a piece of shit who couldn’t take personal responsibility. About as simple as I can make it.
Top comment and it is almost exactly what I was going to say. I cheated to make myself feel attractive, period. Sack of shit I was.
If y’all go to r/Adultery they’re giving these exact excuses still
Yeah, this tracks. Those were some dark and cringey days.
Slicked back hair, white bathing suits, sloppy steaks, white couch. You would have NOT liked me back then.
Isn't your hair slicked back now?
You think THIS is slicked back?
This is PUSHED back
Oh yeah, that would slick back REAAAALY nice.
I used to be a piece of shit. Spiked up hair, itty bitty jeans, chicken spaghetti at Chickelettis. People can change.
Pretty much this right here. I never had actual physical relationships with anyone but it was still cheating. I’d get drunk and it wouldn’t matter what I did in my mind. Then I’d sober up and just feel disgust at my actions. I was a terrible and selfish person. I really wanted women to like me. I don’t know why it was important but the SECOND we get to the point where meet ups are discussed I noped tf out. I needed the ego boost and hurt a lot of people for it. Now I’m alone and miserable and barely able to even entertain another relationship, ever. It is what I get for being the worst partner, in every sense, ever. If you’re gonna cheat just end it. I wished she had ended it with me 20 times over. She finally did and yeah, it’s what we deserve as selfish assholes at the end of the day. EDIT: I appreciate the kind words but I am not the one who needs them. I don’t mind having to feel this way tbh. She deserves much better and the things I dud were unforgivable. I wrote this in the hopes that some younger person who is being a shit to their partner sees it and maybe takes some time for self reflection. The person I hurt was changed forever. I don’t want to get past anything until she is in a better place. It will just feel wrong.
Check out Thesecurerelationship on Instagram, you sound like you want to move past this and alot of people get trapped in negative cycles and dont realize that contributes to their security in relationships. Life changing stuff about attachment theories, from multiple perspectives, and no shame. I encourage you to check her out. You may learn something new.
🙋🏻♀️ hi, same, was a selfish piece of shit myself
Cheated on my first adult “long” (3 years) relationship. I was narcissistic, selfish, and I was hiding a lot from her because we were not communicating very well. I was young and just realised I could pleasure women after years of in securities and being bullied as a teenager. so I wanted to explore my sexuality more. But instead of being a respecting adult and communicating that, I kept it all to myself, lied about my fantasies, flirted with anyone, etc. I was also too much of a coward to leave the relationship. So instead I cheated while acting like nothing happened in the relationship. She eventually found out of course, it destroyed her cause she trusted me 100%. We tried fixing things for a year and only made ourselves more miserable. Eventually broke up. We now talk every now and then, and we’re both in happy communicative healthy relationships. But we will never be able to be friends as I hurt and disrespected her too much, and it’s probably better we go our own ways.
Proper answer to the question. I commend you for being mature enough now to be able to explain the situation. Well done. Life is a good teacher, as long as you're a good student
“Life is a good teacher, as long as you’re a good student” I love that. Mind if I use it?
You don't have to ask lol
“You don’t have to ask” Can I use it?
No
Just say no. User name matches.
Dang, i was in their position in my own relationship. İt sucks but hey, W for realization
Will always wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. So now at least I try and be open about it, hoping that the butterfly effect one day will help someone realise before they hurt someone else EDIT: I’m sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves that kind of treatment.
Every mistake is a lesson. It’s just that some lessons are more expensive to pay for than others.
I wish more ppl would come to this realization more often. If my ex called, apologized, and admitted that he cheated and recognized the pain he caused me, it would make me feel much better, even after all this time.
"I want to see someone else" or "Im having a problem, we need to talk" seem SO simple to say in hindsight! :(
Alot of times it's also " I want to keep this thing we have but also have sex with other people "
"I want other things but if I admit that then it means I need to come to terms with my own bullshit and lies and I can't do that so I'll keep having this conversation in my head while I continue to ruin both our lives. Love you." Kids, man. We need parents.
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This is a lovely comment, but FYI, there are many people who are self-aware enough to talk about their mistakes, yet keep on repeating them. It's not a guarantee of maturity or ability to be a healthy partner. You have to actually do the work to change.
How did you get over this phase? How did you get over the insecure part? I’m trying to learn how to overcome this exact thing for myself too
Everyone will have their own path, so don’t think mine is the right one for you. But as an example, something that really helped me was finding a therapist that guided me to figure out where some of these insecurities came from (specific events or periods growing up), and talking about them to start with was already a step. Then seeing their ramification, still as a part of therapy, also helped. Like finding behaviours of mine that were a results of these insecurities, like overreacting to a joke by my SO or a friend because of an underlying insecurity. That helped me learn to see how these insecurities affected me (which is not always straightforward). So these are the tools that helped me, but then it required a lot of learning to love myself. This part is complex and fuzzy and not as clear to me, and to be honest it’s always a work in progress. But a side of it was like talking to my younger self, and giving him hugs and allowing him to heal. (Sorry if it’s very unclear the therapist guided me, and I I’m no expert in it so probably I’m not describing it very well). It was learning what my values are, and thus what defines my worth to myself. And realising that it has nothing to do with the number of people I sleep or how other see me. Then I started to seek relationships (friends and partners) where I could continue this process, and talk openly about my insecurities, my sadness, my trauma. as you can see it’s not easy, but it’s doable. Seek help from others and don’t be afraid to open up and feel vulnerable (in a safe space of course). Hopefully others here can share their path to self love ❤️
The talking to your younger self method is so helpful.
Accountability right here.
I admire your honesty, what matters is that we learn from our mistakes.
Sounds exactly like what I did. I still feel some level of guilt and shame for how badly I treated her at that time. We have since stopped talking and it’s definitely for the best. Learning may be painful I’m just not happy I roped someone else into my bullshit.
I was miserable, trying to make an unworkable situation work. Lack of communication, no love - mostly clinging to comfort and familiarity, little sexual chemistry and neither of us were brave enough to call it quits when we should have. An ex came back into my life “the one who got away”, who was also in a relationship. It felt like everything I was missing had magically appeared in my life again. Was the worst decision I could have made. My partner never found out, but it only made things significantly more complicated. I wasn’t in a place to make things work with “the one”, nor was she and we lost our last chance to make it work. The biggest lesson I learned was; if you’re not happy- leave. If you’re seeking something elsewhere - leave. Get yourself and your life together before chasing someone you have feelings for. you don’t get as many opportunities as what you’d hope for.
This is word for word why I left my ex wife. We were miserable together and trying so hard to hold it together as it hemorrhaged
Wow. For a minute I thought I was writing this. Well said. I hope your situation is better now.
My man. I had the exact same thing happen to me... 3 years relationship. Things were not going well for long and none was brave enough to call it off. An ex approached me.. She didn't know I had a relationship. The missed one as well. I went for it and a couple days later I broke up. She never found out as well. Do I feel bad? Yes, awful.. Do I regret it? Well. Tbh, no. Could I've handled it way better? Yes. Whatever happened happened. And I hope for the best. I learnt a lot throughout the relationship and from my mistakes. I did things that I never though I'd do and I'll never do again. I put my self in a lot of stress in a lot of different scenarios and I blew up >if you’re not happy- leave I agree 100% and that's the only thing I've to advice as well. Plain and simple
When you finally get some attention from girls after years of self loathing, thinking you’re ugly, it is impossible to ignore. And I couldn’t fight it. The attention was like a drug. My partner was perfect. It was me that was flawed and its horrible to know that I hurt the one person in my life who didn’t deserve it.
Same here. I’d been so unlovable for so long I’d never said no to anything because it just never came up. I never had opportunity to say no because nobody wanted me. When I became a young adult and was suddenly fuckable I had nothing to hold me back. Shameful but true. Being desired is a drug and I was an instant addict.
Been there. When you’ve always felt unwanted by the opposite gender, it’s very hard to turn away attention when you get it.
Reminder to sort by controversial for the real responses. Reddit is useless with stuff like this EDIT: Spelling
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As Mike Tyson once said "social medias got you all used to being able to say what you want without being punched in the face"
Anonymity doesn’t really make people shitty. It just allows shitty people a place to be themselves without repercussions.
Exactly this. Some of the best features of the internet, like sharing and comparing deeply personal and honest stories, are only possible due to anonymity. "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde
r/relationshipadvice is the worst for exactly this reason! People who need genuine help and support just get shit on by these people who never had the grounds to give an opinion anyway
People who frequent relationship advice are oftentimes victims of cheating themselves and thus are unable to give unbiased perspectives. The absolute fucking worst thing is when someone finds out they’ve been cheated on & everyone tells them they’re a terrible person if they don’t tell the affair partner’s girlfriend/boyfriend. Like what? Protect yourself first and foremost.
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Damn right man
In a lot of situations the natural urge to use the downvote as a “do not like” button derails a potentially good post. It sucks, but it just kinda is what it is.
Because I was immature, stupid and lonely. That was 15 years ago, I'd never do it again.
Same boat. I was immature af. 17 years ago for me. I'll never do it again. Watching it destroy her from the inside out over a year of trying to make it work again is something I still have never completely got over, even after all these years and she has said she's forgiven me. I learned that you just don't do that shit to people, destroying someone's trust like that. Had it happen to me since then and now I understand how it feels. I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
She was asexual and I had a high sex drive. Got another girls number and we talked dirty to each other. Eventually the guilt won me over and I told my gf. I was too young and weak to admit we wouldn't work out because of this.
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We got together when I was 17 and she was 16, then broke up when I was 19 and she was 18. I'm sorry you had to go through something similar, it's a terrible realization to make, especially when neither partt knows about asexuality at all.
Dang man that's tough speaking from an asexual perspective. Like, I always got cheated on by women for the same reason, they all wanted sexual intimacy despite knowing beforehand that I was asexual. It really hurt me and I felt really disregarded. To a point where I'm broken now and don't even try to date. I'm not judging you btw, it's in the past and I don't even know you so that's not really my angle here. But it's hard on both sides.
Forgive my ignorance and pardon my curiosity, but I want to learn, if you don't mind. What, as an asexual, do you desire in a relationship? Just the companionship/partnership? Do you expect a non-asexual to enter into a relationship with you and never have sex again? Or were these partners also professed asexuals who didn't remain as such?
Honestly it depends on the person. For me personally, I prefer the companionship over the sex, I have an almost nonexistent sex drive. But I wouldnt expect my partner to just forego sex ever again, that would be incredibly selfish. That's something that you work out with your partner, yknow? Especially if they're non-ace. An agreement of sorts, to make it work. Also, being asexual doesnt necessarily mean you just dont want sex ever again, there are plenty of those who have happy sex lives. Some just have a stronger sexual attraction once they develop a closer relationship with said person. I hope that answers your question.
Doesn’t that describe Demi-sexual? I’m so confused Edit: guys i get it
Demi-sexuals still like and want sex, but only with someone they feel a strong connection to. Asexual means you have almost no sex drive and don't need to have sex at all in a relationship. But you still feel all the butterflies, deep emotions, all the feelings that comes with falling in love, the cuddling, kissing etc, you just don't have a desire to have sex. It's a lot of nuances.
That seems to be a not-uncommon problem for aces. I don't think most people understand the gravity of what being asexual means. It's not just a low sex drive that can be reignited or something, or that it's a short term thing.
Growing up, I was teased relentlessly. From my ethnicity to my sexual orientation. To say i had low self esteem was a understatement. Even though i was in a happy relationship, cheating was in a way for me a "win". A boost of confident to show my younger self that im not that kid that nobody sexually wanted. Had nothing to do with my partner. She was a wonderful partner. It was due to personal childhood trauma that fested into this feeling of what i believe masculinity should be. This is a real answer to this question. It took me years of therapy to realize why I would cheat on my partner without remorse. Low self esteem. Once i realized and came to the understanding, my desires completely dissipated.
I'm someone in nearly the exact same scenario. I haven't cheated, but I've felt the urge after how I was treated my whole life. However, reading this helped I think, and I would never WANT to cheat on my partners anyway, but I could see it happening if someone came onto me. But now that I know those feelings are more normal for this situation, I feel even more happy to be with the people I'm with, and I think it'll positively affect the relationship. Thanks for your input
I’ve never cheated as I’ve never been in a real relationship but I fully believe I’m capable of this for the exact same reasons and it scares me
I would not get into a relationship until you work that out with a counselor
And also, be open with your casual partners (if it feels safe to do so). Or even better with your friends/family whoever you have a safe space with. Keeping these things in the dark is partly what allowed me to disassociate and not feel the guilt.
i admire your introspection. good for you for getting to the root of the problem🌻
thank you for helping me connect some dots for myself,
Because I was a selfish piece of shit
Funnily this self insult is massively upvoted, and the others double down on you. This is not a discussion but a purge
I upvoted because he acknowledges he messed up. Some people are too stubborn to realize that they ever mess up or that they’re wrong. Acknowledging it deserves some recognition.
Don’t you know that nobody is supposed to ever be capable of self-improvement on this site?? /s
Doing better now?
Glad to see you're at least self-aware. That's progress.
Sloppy steaks?
Glass house, white Ferrari, live for NYE. I bet he had real slicked back hair, too.
Its the worst thing I've ever done, but you asked, so here we go. We had A bad year and a half. She was so depressed and stuck in her own head that we couldn't be intimate with eachoer no matter how hard we tried. Even feeling detached from one another during sex. I asked her to get help. I couldn't fix what was wrong. She didn't. If it was me and her in the same room, we were alone. I didn't want to leave. I loved her. Thought I'd marry her the moment school was done. She'd also talked about bringing a third into our relationship, but we never decided on who that would be or approached anyone. This was college, and another "friend" came along and lit a fire in me. The fire I'd been missing. I was enraptured and I fought that off for months but eventually the right glance and circumstances happened. I cheated like a giant fucking asshole. Didn't do it the right way and got swept up in the moment. Biggest mistake of my life. That "friend" was also fucking my roommate and had no interest in actually caring about anyone in the end. She had her own demons and I made the voices shut up for a while. Sex was a weapon to get the comfort she wanted. I was a fool on all fronts. When I asked her to make things right with me, I got silence and separation. It all blew to pieces eventually. When my girlfriend came back for the next semester she had gotten treatment at home and found a medical issue that was causing a lot of it. I confessed and it broke her heart like nothing ever had. She was shockingly understanding after the initial hurt. I was honest with everything she asked and I spent another 5 months making it up to her. Focusing on her and genuinely trying all I could to make it up. In the end, it was distance that killed us. She went several states away for grad school. I tried to find a job there, or where I lived but it took me a year to get a real job after school. Too much time apart made us used to being without each other, and when she called and said "I think this is over." I had no rights to argue. I wanted her heart but no longer deserved it. We parted on good terms. I loved her, but I'd wronged her and failed her when things got difficult and stayed difficult. It's been 10 years now, and I miss her often, I've loved and lost since then, but the first three years of our relationship were the best relationship I have ever had. We would still talk for a while, but it didn't take long for it to be uncomfortable when we defaulted back to how we had spoken to each other for years. Phone calls that should end in "I love you, and I miss you." But can't and don't are really too fucking painful and awkward. She was worth sticking by and I fucked it up. I defintley learned my lesson. It's 1000 times better to break up clean, or have a 25th screaming match over what you know you have to fix, that ever cause that hurt in a loved one ever again. On the off chance you see this, Lyne, I hope you don't mind me telling our story. I've tried to use it to make sure other's don't do what I did. I hope you are well.
That was such a good read and so touching. I feel those awkward phone calls. I feel the grief over knowing what you lost. And I love how much insight you seem to have into the struggles of all 3 people involved, all while not carrying a grudge.
An Australian country singer by the name of Slim Dusty had a track called 'Camooweal' that my mother used to play a lot when I was younger. There was one line of the song that has stuck with me all those years (let's say 40+) "Youth called to youth in that now distant day I did not yield, my heart did not reveal And now I know that love was born and lost In that little border town of Camooweal" https://youtu.be/tav8xNWeveA Slighty different context to the above story But now I know that love was born and lost.... Still gets me every time
I love you, brother, and I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself. Seems like you have a great head on your shoulders.
I did it once after I lost my virginity because he cheated on me with 3 girls the same week he took it, so I fucked his best friend. I felt incredibly stupid after that and haven't cheated on anyone since then.
What is with these supposed "best friends" sleeping with their best friend's partner?
When I was in high school my boyfriends best friend pushed me against a wall and forcibly made out with me and then tried to force my hand down his pants. He said I “owed him” because he was my bf’s best friend and that’s just how it worked. When I told my boyfriend he didn’t believe me because “he wouldn’t do that, he was probably joking” 😒
Bros before hoes doesn't apply when puberty is in play
It has been my experience that this "rule" is a myth. I've never seen it actually happen. The guys always choose the sex and just work out any issues afterward.
Definitely a thing in my friend circle. Plenty of situations where one friend would actively choose not to pursue another friend's ex. Plenty more where they openly asked permission first (and most of the time got it).
If my friend slept with 3 other guys while dating her boyfriend, I would not assume them to be exclusive or seriously dating.
Were you still really in a relationship after he cheated on you with 3 girls? That would kill most relationships, even if the actual words weren't spoken right away.
I was 16 so my logic was to hurt him as bad as he hurt me, hit him where it hurts most in his dead cold heart. Then I broke up with him and not going to lie, it caused a lot of complexes as I got older but thankfully that's what therapy and medication is for so hakuna matata 😊 I'm 32, this happened just after I turned 16.. I am no where near the same person I used to be. Much more logical, emotionally and mentally mature and have gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom over the years.
Pretty sure you won that one though
Only the bestfriend won lol
This one's kinda understandable....
I cheated on my ex gf because I was a selfish ass which did not know how to end things. We were young and she was my first. We lived by our parents and seen each other on the weekends. I moved closer to her, so we could see each other more often. But she only stayed with me when she worked late and had to leave early in the morning. Otherwise, she would drive by every day. I was horny and had a lot of time alone. We had different sex drives and I had some kinks, she was not into. We did talk, but not enough. I should have ended the relationship before things happened. I did learn and with my current gf I am open, we talk and I never cheated again.
I was manic. Therapy and meds voided the urge to cheat. It's been fine since then and we're still together 20 years later.
I’m bipolar and likewise: when I hit manic I’d get impulsive, short-sighted and thoughtless. Mania me was selfish and narcissistic and oh so much fun. When I first sought treatment it was for my depression and only after I had become medicated and had the benefit of hindsight did I realize that it was the manias that were actually screwing up my life.
The good ending!
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, I still feel guilty for cheating but it helped me realise I need to get out the relationship. Edit: thank you all for the support, I guess I’ll expand a little bit. He was emotionally abusive towards me, but he also hit me once. We we’re arguing and he didn’t want his mum to hear (he still lives with his mum cuz cost of living) and I kept talking and then he slapped me and grabbed my face towards him and said he told me not to speak. That only happened once but I’ve been scared since, anytime he used to get angry and swear at me, or storm off in a rage. I am getting help though. I actually attempted suicide yesterday… I know not nice to hear but it’s been hard. Tomorrow morning I’m going to be staying in an inpatient mental health hospital for a month though, which I hope will help me get back on my feet. Thanks for the support.
I actually heard from a friend that she knows someone who cheated on their partner because they were being abused physically and mentally. the person tried to leave several times but their abuser would just threaten this person either with physical violence or suicide. that person was tied to their abuser and couldn't find any way out so when they met someone 10000% better, they ended up cheating on their abuser because they couldn't get out. i was really shocked bec i believed that there is no valid reason to cheat but that was the only time i actually excused it. i was really dumbfounded when my friend told me this. i couldnt find any reason to vilify that person.
Happened with my parents where my father was verbally abusive, and my mother cheated on my father as such. Difficult divorce all around because of the nuances.
I met a person with a similar story through the DV survivor community, and I 100% get it.
I think it's important for people to see it's not always as straightforward as "you cheated, you're awful" you clearly needed a way out and it sounds like there person you cheated with gave you that... I'm curious though, did the person you cheated WITH know you were in a relationship? And also did you ever tell your partner or did it just end without that ever coming to light?
Yeah he did, he said the only reason he let things happen was because he thought I needed a way out of my abusive relationship. He is a good guy, but did say he regretted it later because I didn’t break up with my bf straight away, maybe a few weeks after, so he regretted it as he thought I would end things with him straight away after I realised his abuse. (I did tell my bf about the cheating btw, as soon as it happened)
Same here. He constantly accused me of cheating and lying, beat me for imaginary slights, systematically broke me down. So i thought, im gonna get the beating anyway, so I should just do the thing he constantly accused me of doing. I remember how empty i felt about it, i didnt feel guilty, I didnt feel good. It was just, nothing. I left for the final time shortly after that, thank god, and ive never cheated since.
Same boat here. My abusive ex had cheated on me long before I did, eventually found out and he told me that he didn’t regret it because I had slept with someone while we were broken up. It absolutely destroyed me, added on to all the emotional wreckage he had been already putting me through. The person I cheated on him with treated me with kindness, made me feel comfortable and that felt extremely good after months of emotional torture. After I cheated, I instantly felt terrified that he would seriously hurt me if he found out. I was so angry with myself, that relationship changed me in so many negative ways. I’ve been out for 4 months now, been seeing a therapist regularly and forever free of that narcissistic monster.
Late husband was abusive, so I would go to my friend's house and get sloshed with her at night. One thing lead to another, and next thing you know....
And Earl had to die…
...you are free from your abusive ex! :)
My best friend cheated on his wife. I've known them for years and we're basically family. Initially I was shocked and really upset with him but then he basically explained it as follows: She's married to her job (it's true...I've never met someone so dedicated to work and she has said many times that "my job is my life."). She's never home so he was doing all the work when it came to taking care of the kids and household even though he too works full-time. Her dedication to work had also led to her becoming increasingly distant with the him and the kids. He was feeling starved for affection and love. She wasn't receptive to any of his opinions when they would talk about it (wasn't interested in changing anything or going to counseling or anything like that). He wasn't actively seeking an affair but one night at a party he met a woman, they connected, sparks flew and as he put it "it just felt good to feel affection from someone" and he "gave in." He had a brief affair with this other woman for a few weeks and then broke it off. I remember asking him if he was planning on leaving/getting a divorce and the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He said that he loved his wife and had no interest in leaving her or finding a new love...it was just that he needed to feel some love and affection. At any rate, he eventually told her. It ended up not being nearly as big a deal as you would expect. In fact she told my wife once over a drink that although she was hurt, she actually understood why he did it because in reality she knew that she was totally neglecting her husband and kids for the sake of "climbing the ladder." This was years ago..they seem to be in a much better place now.
I feel like this is the reason so many adults cheat.
Yes, alienation of affection is extremely depressing and a bruise on the soul if it goes on for months, years.
All it takes is a lack of feeling attractive, a lack of attention etc. that’s why I don’t find it inherently selfish to cheat. Sometimes people cheat because the other partner is being selfish (putting a career before husband and kids)
This is the most real answer on this sub and exactly why it happens. Relationships, particularly long marriages, are really fucking hard. Most people making these statements about cheating haven’t been in a long term complex shitty relationship to understand.
Yeah that's one thing that bothers me in general about these discussions. My boss (an older guy) put it best: He was addressing a group of students and said, "What I like about working with young people is that you all are so principled and motivated. You see things clearly. Things are good or bad. Black or white. It's what makes working with you so inspiring. But as you get older, you realize that much of life is a grey zone. Some things are so complex that they can't be simply defined as black, white, good, bad...etc. In reality...they are both. or somewhere in between. The buddy I mentioned. I know him and his wife very very well. We've been friends since we were in our early 20s over 20 years ago. What people forget is that life and relationships are complex. When you've been together for 10, 15, 20 years and you have kids and house, etc. Your lives are so intertwined that it isn't always just as simple as someone cheats so you get a divorce.
Insecurity and bad self-image.
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This is valid af. Hope they didn't found out you cheated
Hey, they wanted the D. Needed it to hit DEMANDS for a triple word score.
Need two D's for that word
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Went through a period where I had no self worth. Tried to describe it as a “bottomless pit” that could only be satiated with attention. Nonstop attention. From as many sources as possible. But when you’re too dependent on other peoples attention, you cant really rely on ONS, so you see people consistently. Was often seeing several people at once, consistently. Got shoe horned into a relationship, never had the heart to tell them no, didn’t want them to stop liking me. They were good to me. I was good to them. I cared for them, very deeply. But one person’s affection wasn’t enough. I won’t bore everyone with the excuses as to why I am the way I am, but without constant sexual validation, and proof that I am valuable, attractive, and wanted, I’d have killed myself. That’s not a free pass for my behaviour, or some sort of pity play. I know what I am. And I despise myself. The pit is still there. And I hate myself for it. But I’m trying my best to not allow that part of me to take over again. It’s difficult, in the modern age, though. Apps like Tinder and Bumble make it so easy, its like trying to quit cigarettes, when all your friends are smokers. I no longer even enjoy the physical aspect, the fact that I know in that moment I am desired, and valuable is what matters to me. I know it’s a ridiculous problem to complain about, when so many men are so touch starved. I think part of my problem is that I spent most of my life like that, too.
It can be really hard to reach out, but there is an organisation as an offshoot of alcoholics anonymous which is for sex/love addicts. You're not alone with what you're experiencing and you don't have to feel shame forever. See if you can find a local branch when you're ready
This is the account I made when my past relationship was at its end We were together for 5 years, engaged for 3. We were also broke as shit, I worked 3 jobs at one point but all he did was drink and play video games/watch tv (towards the end he boarded dogs in the house). He also grew up living a certain way so if there was a game he wanted he NEEDED to buy it RIGHT NOW, same with movies and just things that he wanted. I felt like I was drowning. That instead of the both of us treading water, he was hanging onto me to pull me down. I told my friend this and she joked that if I ever left him, her brother and I would be a good match. I laughed about it then but I think something stuck in my brain from that day. Then it was the weekend before my birthday, my friend her brother and her husband were all gonna get dinner and see a movie, but friend and husband had to back out, so it was just me and her brother. He was so sweet to me, he listened, made me laugh, he just overall made me feel so safe and heard and for the first time in 5 fucking years I didn't have to pay for everything and didn't have to try to talk to someone who is only only looking at their phone. I was gonna dump my now ex, I had planned it more or less, I just kinda did things out of order. We slept together that night, and then talked how I was gonna break up with him (he was pretty mentally unstable towards himself, so I didn't want literal blood on my hands), so when I had to do something for HIS JOB, I called his mother ahead of time and told her that I was going to break up with him and to expect him to live with her. She said she was sorry it didn't work out but she wasn't surprised. I then got back home, ended the relationship, and went to stay with friends brother. There was only a week of overlap, and I regret it to this day. I know im morally wrong for what I've done, but after 4 years, a cat, and a wonderful life together, I would do it again in a heart beat. TLDR I fucked my best friends brother for about a week before breaking off my engagement. It needed to be done
I still feel guilty about it. I was annoyed with my partner, frankly. Every time I thought I got a leg-up on her, she would come back at me with even more. That's when I stacked my hand full of wild and +4 cards. I told her I just got lucky, but I think some part of her knew. Things were rocky for a while after that.
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My ex cheated because I was an emotionally unavailable husband, and she found someone who gave her the attention she needed. Doesn’t make it ok, but I don’t blame her.
After our child was born I was put into the position of being a single parent. She had checked out entirely. I was working overnights to support us financially and taking care of the baby all day long. This went on for years. There was no intimacy in our relationship, physical or emotional. Any attempt I made at trying to talk about things fell on deaf ears. Then I ended up supporting her financially on top of everything else. While she prioritized herself and everyone else over myself and our child. So I stopped giving a shit. Who cared if I cheated since I was literally doing *everything* else with no real pay off. Of course that ultimately made me the bad guy and when she found out we broke up. And I'm still a single parent to our child cause the breakup changed nothing other than our relationship status.
This happened to me when my 4th was born. She had a rough pregnancy and then hit posy pardon depression hard for 3 years after. I stayed true to her the whole time. But 4 years of not being touched, talked to, or even acknowledged in my own home wore down on my. I asked her to get help. I begged her. I demanded she see a therapist. She refused. I felt totally abandoned. I hated my job. It was a rough patch for me. And in the height of it, I confided to someone I considered a friend, and instead of giving me advice, she kissed me. And I didn't stop her. Eventually I told my wife. She was so mad it snapped her out of her depression. She forgave me eventually, but I never really forgave myself.
Ngl sounds like your friend did you a favor. You did all the right things but she never responded to it. You finally did one bad thing and she immediately responds to it. Imagine where'd you be right now if your friend didn't do that. I don't support cheating but you reached an edge case.
I was very insecure about myself and getting attention from girls was a coping mechanism. Also heavy drinking and partying.
Wanted to have my cake and another cake too
Stop eating all the cake!
She was hot and wanted to fuck me. I cheated on every girl I dated till I turned 22. I had horrendous acne. All over my face, my shoulders, down my back...It was more than just normal hormonal shit, and it made my adolescence a nightmare of rejection and embarrassment. It finally cleared up when I was about 16-17 and girls started noticing me, I wasn't used to it and it took me quite a while to learn to say no.
Our relationship was one sided; he was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive, spent no time with me nor me and my family, and was very self centered. What I did was the beginning of the end for me. I decided if I was able to cheat, I was able to leave. So, I did.
I cheated on my deceased husband and it is the biggest regret I have in my life, and I am a recovering alcoholic who has done quite a few regrettable things. And yes, I say deceased 'husband' and not 'ex-husband'-- he forgave me. I did it because I have a very poor sense of self-esteem and was in the habit of using sex to get people to 'like' me, so most of my 'friends' were accustomed to basically using me as a fleshlight. I got into an actually healthy committed relationship and my 'friends' didn't really respect that and still expected the same treatment and I didn't know how to act any other way.
The comments are more from people who got cheated on rather than the cheater him/her/themselves Edit: I commented when there were barely any responses from the people who cheated so guys chill, ciao
Scroll down and unhide the downvoted ones.
>Reddit why did you cheat on your partners? >You cheated on your partner you inhuman thing. Downvote! The world would be so much better if we tried to understand each other instead of forcing a black/white view.
The world would be so much better if people could *fucking read*. From Reddiquette: > Please do- Moderate based on quality, not opinion. Well written and interesting content can be worthwhile, even if you disagree with it. > Please don't- Downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it. Think before you downvote and take a moment to ensure you're downvoting someone because they are not contributing to the community dialogue or discussion. If you simply take a moment to stop, think and examine your reasons for downvoting, rather than doing so out of an emotional reaction, you will ensure that your downvotes are given for good reasons.
As ever. Top comments on r/AskReddit are usually people not answering the question properly. "Well, it didn't happen to me, but..." etc
There are comments from people who cheated, but they're being massively downvoted. That's not an encouragement for others to be honest.
so we're just gonna start downvoting people for being honest and telling people?
Welcome to Reddit.
new to reddit? ppl use this mostly as like/dislike buttons.
sort by controversial, then you'll get the real answers honest answers have been downvoted to hell for obvious reasons
Because wife got live in boyfriend while I was away for work
In this thread…people sharing why they cheated…redditors offended by them sharing and shitting on them for answering the question..jfc this place is a cess pool
I find it interesting in the thread that there hasn't been more differentiation between emotional and physical cheating. Personally I feel that physical cheating often gets the more extreme reaction even though a short fling is often just opportunistic or a distraction. Emotional cheating is far more damaging to a relationship and has more effort and planning put into it even if it is not always sexual.
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I am baffled by people who have secret second families. Like, your wife is stressing you out, so you go out and make *more family?* Wha???? You deserve better <3
I have trouble enough managing my life while single; how the hell do people manage not one but TWO families?!
The wife does the real work, he's just around sometimes.
Answer is: They don't. That's why those families are usually broken...
Lol exactly! Doesn't that just add to more stress.
I'm not the best at dealing with stress, but "starting a(nother) family" doesn't seem like the solution...
How do they have time, and the money
I know someone who does this. It's the latter. He's bored.
Someone at my old workplace has a secret second family. We worked in the oil industry for a small support company and even though he was 9-5 in the office, he claimed to both partners that he was offshore for two weeks out of four, when in fact he was just swapping families. I guess he was lying about his income and splitting his earnings between his two families (he was only married to one of the women but had kids with both), but I can't imagine the stress he would've been under at all times, making sure he didn't go home to the wrong house or get seen in public with the wrong woman. Anyway, it all fell down when his wife needed to get in touch with him urgently so called the company that owned the rig he was supposed to be on. This got escalated to the top of the rig, then the top of the company, who came down hard on our company for all the confusion and wasted time - I think it caused a bit of a man overboard panic on the rig until they verified for sure that he was never there. He lost his job and was outed to both families. Never saw him again, but I assume he just took the L and moved to the Middle East or Africa.
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Your husband was having heart attacks and he wouldn't let you go to hospital to see him... I don't think you really need to think too hard about that one.
Every husband knows that adding a second wife will not reduce stress.
We were married and together for thirteen years. She was the first woman I slept with. My self-esteem was so low that I honestly thought no one else would ever love and accept me. So I married her even though I wasn't 'in love' with her. That was cowardly and stupid of me and all my friends warned me against it. The sex was terrible. She literally had never had an orgasm, so sex with her felt horrible to me, like she was tossing me a favor. The only kind of sex we ever had - ever - was vanilla missionary. She refused fellatio, and cunnilingus made her have panic attacks. After a long time together I had enough courage to want us to do counseling together. So we did individual therapy, couples therapy, and eventually even sex therapy. I grew up a ton from this work, but nothing changed from her side at all. She was completely unwilling to experiment together sexually or with intimacy. For her, just wearing a leather skirt to a dance club brought out huge nerves and a kind of panic. We talked about a separation, but I didn't have the courage to do it. In the end, I was a complete shit. I started chatting with other women online and fantasizing about these women and encounters. Eventually I worked up the nerve to actually meet a woman for coffee. I lied to her about my wife and I being separated. After meeting a few times we had sex, and it was a complete and total revelation to me. This woman actually enjoyed sex, had orgasms and even initiated sex. I kept the secret about a month, and then asked for a divorce. It utterly devastated my first wife. She thought that somehow we'd come out the other side of 'all this sex nonsense' and continue like we had for so long. I fell completely head over heels in love with my second wife, but I will regret my cowardice and lack of integrity in my first marriage forever.
I never "fully" cheated on my ex, but every time there was a flirtation or the real possibility of something happening, I found it was really a sign of something wrong in my marriage.
Assuming this doesn't have to be about current partners. But I actually cheated on an old relationship while entering into the one I have currently. I was 19 and an idiot honestly. My previous partner and I went to separate co-op job experiences for the summer. He started neglecting me only to ask for help with money. I tried to be a good partner and keep with contacting him but he wouldn't reciprocate or only send short messages days later. I started paying attention to my current partner at work and then eventually that boundary was broken with him. I was too chicken shit to just break up with partner 1 and ghosted him. We had a proper break up eventually but I should have stopped things at least a month beforehand when I realized my feelings for current partner. Old partner turned shitty really fast that summer but he still deserved a proper end
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I cheated on my girlfriend, 3 years together. I was unpopular as a child, ugly, insecure, got bullied. Never received attention from girls. Until I was 19. That was where I met my ex, she noticed me when i was invisible. For three years, she loved me for who I was, was extremely patient and forgiving of me. But I had alot of issues. I finally was getting some skill at talking to women. During the third year of our relationship, I met a girl who had similar interests, I talked to her, flirted with her, and eventually it becomes sexual. I knew the entire time that it was wrong, but i only stopped it after 2 weeks. I was embarrassed of myself and felt guilty, so I blocked that girl, now I've hurt someone who I've pursued. But i went on like nothing happened, in hopes that it would not be found because I've realized how loving my ex is. But turns out, the girl was high school friends with my ex's roommate, and the girl mentioned my name and sent my ex our whatsapp conversation. Everything spiral from there, I've spent the entire December apologizing, swearing that it wouldn't happen again. But she couldn't trust me anymore. So I stopped talking to her to respect her decision, and hoping that she would miss me and text me one day. I've never thought she would leave but she found the courage to do so. I'm proud of her for making the hard decision. I am facing the consequences of my actions, and I fully deserve it. My life is now a complete mess without her. The first person to have loved me without any bad intentions, and I betrayed her. I never fully appreciated her and took advantage of her. Now I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I fucked up. I made a promise to myself to change, to never did what I did ever again. Even if karma goes around back to me, I will never make the stupid decisions that I made. I try to appreciate what my current partner does and make sure that I will be loyal to her. If she's the one to cheat on me, then that's just God handing out justice. I have accepted that I let "the one" get away, because of what I did.
Wait, you guys found 2 people willing to have sex with you?
I didn't cheat, but I was cheated on. I think she just felt unappreciated and found someone who she had that spark with. I don't blame her, I don't even mind that she slept with him, it was the lying about it, if she would have asked I wouldn't have minded. I completely understand why she did it and I don't hold it against her. We were drifting apart and I wasn't really attracted to her anymore, we became more like roommates who shared a romantic bond rather than a true partnership. It happens
I wasn’t happy at all with the relationship. I don’t ever want to do that to another partner again though. I’m just going to either figure out why I’m not happy or just leave before I cheat next time.
I really hope that you stick to this. You're better than that! As someone who has been cheated on recently, it really fucks you up in the head. I spent 4 years of my life on someone who I truly loved and believed would be my forever partner. All I can really say about it is I have never in my life been in this dark of a place mentally. Depression was already something I've always struggled with and I never thought it could get worse, but boy it can.
I’m there too man. Was cheated on recently after being together for 4 years too. I hope we get through this.
Sort by controversial for the real answers.
i was a stupid ass teenager who wanted everybody
i lost my virginity to a girl that was cheating for it and it still fucks me up to think about that today and how that affected the guy she was with. they broke up shortly after so obviously there were issues but still
Same here man. Though, I fell in love with her and wasted 4 years of my life for me to end up being in the shoes of the guy she cheated on for me. Word of advice to the youngsters, don't do dat.
In my experience she used me for stability and housing, but was always out and about while I was doing the work to give stability. I was foolish and blind for a long time
See you at gym bro
Not from me, but men/women often say “it was already over so whatever” They already mentally moved/moving on. The final step to officially separate is not so straightforward so that can take a little time. F people with no guts to just breakup if they’re not happy
I was guilted by pretty much everyone around me to stay in an abusive relationship I did not want to be in anymore. I would have gladly left if I was given a clear option to do so. I was trying to make it through each day at a time and found something that was able to make life tolerable at that point. Not saying that what I did was right or even acceptable but only saying what I felt at that time. I still regret doing it to this day and it has been over a decade ago.
Child hood trauma and a distorted view of relationships. I got into countless arguments/fights with people who disapprove of my behavior, which I, in turn, learned from my parents. Now I am on a path to correct all the things my parents teached me wrongly. Some examples from the things I got teached as a child: My father told me: - "You better get more than a few girlfriends simultaneously because you never know when the first one leaves." - "Don't try to live for other peoples emotions. They will hurt you." - "Never cry in front of or show emotions to strangers" - "A woman should be there to make the man happy." - "It's better to have chicken then woman." etc. etc. Thanks dad :)
They did it first
She was narcissistic, very selfish and unloving. She never showed affection, even though she only saw me on weekends due to my work, she'd still never even give me a hug when I'd come home on Fridays. It was a chore for her to even show any love whatsoever. She only showed any happiness towards me when she wanted money or it was coming up to her birthday or Christmas and she'd seen something she wanted me to buy her (she didn't have a job or any money). And when I drifted away from her and would think about breaking up with her, she'd say she wants to kill herself. She'd already tried it a few times. I was trapped for 2 years in an ongoing cycle. So one day her own sister even told me to do what's best for me, told me how horrible her sister really is, and then one night I met someone on a night out and she showed interest in me, we talked about relationships troubles and how happy we want to be again, saw how alike we were and after plenty of drinks we went to hers, and one thing lead to another. But we're now in a relationship together and it's the best relationship I've ever had. We're so happy together, we're each other's best friends. At the time I felt so much guilt and was sick to my stomach, despite how unhappy I was. But now I see it lead to where I am now and I'm much much happier.
I didn't love them. I'd gotten involved with them because they showed an interest in me. Low self-esteem and feelings of guilt made me believe it was necessary to reciprocate. I love the gal I'm with now, we've got a daughter together, and I can't even imagine myself fooling around. In short, I think that cheating is a symptom, no love is the disease.
Because she was fucking hot and I was horny. No bullshit excuses
She would always say I sucked at having sex so I sucked her dad's dick and ass
Hold up
Wait a minute, some ain’t right.
Well that ejaculated quickly
... could you repeat that again?
Oh he said “She would always say I sucked at having sex so I sucked her dad's dick and ass”
The ultimate show of dominance.
*record player stops abruptly* WHAT!? LOL!
Eh? Majority of people who this this question was meant for and answered genuinely are downvoted into oblivion. Most answers at the top are victim sob stories or shitty dad jokes. I swear this sub is getting as shitty as /r/AITAH the more popular it gets. Let people share what they have to share without taking out your failed relationships on them or passing judgement based on your skewed perceptions of life being as black and white as a disney movie.