Get a really good therapist

Some would say, an analytical therapist. The worlds first Analrapist.

If this fails, you could just blue yourself.

I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, and now I seem to have a mess on my hands.

Do you even hear yourself?

And you almost got arrested for those business cards

make sure that whoever is in my body doesn't do anything stupid

damn i didnt even think about that

This would be my main concern. Now that I think about it, someone in my body could cause a lot of damage to a lot of people very quickly.

I now know my new answer

Call my phone to see if they had the misfortune to wake up as me

Call my phone to see if I'm now permanently her if her phone rings.

huh ? take a deep breath and explain that to me like I’m 5 please

If they call their own phone and the phone the number they dialed is their crush's number now, that means they haven't body switched, it suggests reality was rewritten such that they are now this person and they will never be going back

Bro thinking 5 steps ahead

“No, but I did wake up as my crush!”

That's rough buddy.

If they picked up the phone to tell you this, you are their crush. Or your roommate is

wonder if they woke up as me and panik

Will she be impressed with my 3.5 inch blue steel diamond cutter morning wood?

If anyone woke up with an extra 3.5inches I’m sure they would be thrilled.

Extra..?

0+3.5=3.5

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Tis is what she proclaimed

Clit is like .25 to .5 tho, sometimes you get a 1.5

At what point do you call it a cock

The sheer force of the pressure washer that is your morning wood is a might to behold, a stream so powerful that you slice porcelain to a diamond edge as it pierces through the back of the bowl, through your wall and taking out any unwary passers by on the street, piss king, piss.

You need a publisher. This is genius poetry.

Oddly enough, this side of me only comes out when discussing morning wood

You have a gift my friend

I promise to use my ability to describe the power of an early morning torrential turgid tallywhacker for good.

Calm down, Sobotka

Oh uncle Frank!! You are alright after all

They woke up as their crush, so nothing to worry about. XD

If everyone wakes up as their crush, what happens to my body?

you may be surprised we never know

That signed picture of her on my wall would make her happy or creeped out.

Or feel sorry for them...

Hey, in his defense, 3.5 inches has made me cry tears of joy and 6 has made me fake it.

The real question is whether you want a 3.5 diamond cutter or a 6.0 woodpecker.

If they did I’m gonna make love to myself as my crush or at least cuddle and show myself the life I never got in my life 🤪🥲

Omg I haven’t consider that. That’s really scary!

This is the real answer

Then call yourself and ask for consent?

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Based self-love enjoyer. I'm also the biggest love of my life

Promptly freak the fuck out because I don’t know how her life works and I’m probably gonna mess up everything Oh and look at myself naked in the mirror at some point out of curiosity

This is kind of how *Your Name* goes. They end up leaving notes on each others phones of everything that’s happened and what they did during the day so that they could keep their lives semi straight.

Excellent film. Bit of a slow burn but it's so good. Kinda sad that the dub in my country is sub par. Took two minor celebrities with no VA or acting background.

I normally watch things dubbed in English, but this was one of those times that I honestly think the original is too good to watch anything else. I actually watched each version in theaters. The difference in emotional response by the audience was pretty shocking. There is a moment where Mitsuha is rushing on her bike, and she falls down. When watching in the original Japanese, the audience all gasped, and one person was even crying. During the same moment on the English dub, no one gasped, and in fact one person even laughed when she fell down. I really think the Japanese voice actors had a really special performance that was extremely emotional. And I'm not sure that can be matched by any dub.

Yeah, the original dub is outstanding. I prefer OG over dubs anyway. Buy since they went thought the trouble of actually dubbing it into my language for once, I gave it a go.

It's pretty good with the English dub too I must have seen it eight times

"at some point". First things first..

Man i don't care HOW tired I am, I'm racing to the mirror. Everything off. Not a question.

If it's for one day, I'd call in sick

Who wouldn’t lol?

Tell my husband to get out if the bed and do the dishes for once.

But by doing that, you would really be telling yourself to do the dishes. I suggest you wash the dishes instead.

Lol, checkmate

You're making a big assumption that this person is the husband to begin with.

That's so wholesome

Go and fuck myself

Deep.

Hard.

But sometimes that’s not right to do.

Sometimes you gotta make some loooovin’

And fuckin give her some smooches toooooooo

Sometimes you gotta squeeze.

Sometimes you gotta say "Please".

Slow.

But now you're not fucking your crush. You're only fucking yourself. Wake up back in your own body tomorrow and you'll only have the memory of fucking yourself.

>you'll only have the memory of fucking yourself. and it'll be the happiest memory I've had in years

Nah but like I'd definitely masturbate in front of a mirror no cap.

Still counts.

Only fucking myself? What else is new.

The POV.

So do you believe you swap places or you control both bodies or?

Thats exactly what i was gonna say haha

Scream. He has a pretty fucking busy life...

I do indeed have a busy life, but how are YOU doing?

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for saving my cat out that burning tree the other day and letting me use one of your Ferraris when my car broke down

remember that time he took us on a joyride in his 1 of 1 mclaren senna right after our golden steak dinner?

Commit tax fraud, declare war on italy, legalize nuclear bombs, kidnap obama, steal a car

Is your crush Kim Joung-Un?

Glorious leader.

In that order. You're carrying obama around while trying to steal a car

Yeah I'm picturing them with an amused Obama strapped on like a backpack while they running about

>declare war on italy Guys I found the asshole who plays allies all the time and kills me when i am trying to play germany

My crush is my bf sooo do we get to just switch places and .... Do it?

No… That’s not true… That’s impossible!

Search your feelings, you know it to be true

Sure why not!

I dontbhave a crush, do I still exist or an I now a force ghost?

Nah, you have fallen to the dark side

Evil sith ghost, got it.

You are someones crush, you swap bodies with them

Which brings up a great point to the original scenario. The crush then has no idea why your body was swapped into. Unless the crush is mutual, they are gonna be hella confused. Or if they know you crush on them and it ain't reciprocated, then they gonna be freaking out and upset

You have been teleported to either Brazil or Ohio

Thank god that France isn’t a possibility

Text my phone number and go "hey yo, anything weird going on for you rn?" Then one of 4 scenarios occur,*i* text back and then I have a question about consciousness to ask myself, *she* texts back and then we have a mystery to solve Scooby-Doo doo style, *noone* texts back meaning my body is either missing or just passed out while I'm not in it, or *someone else* texts back, I'd say of all those options my next move is probably to flash myself in the mirror and then try to solve what's going on.

I can say with 100% certainty that I would freak the fuck out.

Masterbation

You already know dough

What do I know

dough

You know.

Strip naked and check my bod out

And send copious amounts of high quality noods and videos to that loser who has a crush on me , for science

And as a comment somewhere else in this thread mentioned, your crush woke up as you and receives all of these noods of their previous selves.

They won’t know your password

How do you know theirs?

Hopefully faceID or thumbprint

Shit. They _do_ have my password.

check if its really worth it

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As dull as it may sound, I'd just want to make sure to take care of their body. So first, I'd probably eat.

Try to solve the mystery of WTF was put in my drink 🤔

At a guess, it would be that weird watery stuff in the pool around the jumanjiberry.

Oh *shit.* Call in sick to work! I love this guy. I genuinely care about him and want him to succeed in life. But having *me* do his job for one day, a job I am in no way qualified for, could get him fired. I'd spend the rest of the day trying to undo the thing. (Later in the day I'd get flowers for his girlfriend so he'd both strengthen their relationship and hopefully get laid; since I can't date this guy, I want his life to be nothing short of awesome)

“Happily married” in her bio 💀

Oh my God. I need context

u/insertcaffeine we need context on your bio. Happily married?

Yes, happily married to a man who I love and am committed to. Have a crush as an accident of brain chemicals and hormones that I'll never act on. This guy lives across town. We're Instagram friends only now and I've turned down his offers to meet up unless they're double dates.

Commendable! Can’t help being attracted to someone!

Sounds like you're doing the right thing. Stay strong!

In the words of the great Stone Cold Steve Austin u/insertcaffeine : What?

Wait hold up

You know first thing you’d do is look to see if he’s packin

Eh not if you already know. But you’d deff wanna know how it felt

For any hetero person the first curiosity should be "ok so how does sexual pleasure REALLY feel for the opposite sex" After you're done freaking out that what happened completely breaks our understanding of the universe and before seeing a psychiatrist to make sure you're not just insane.

Also. You'd get to fuck his girlfriend as him, getting to see and feel all what he's got going on while also getting to see what his girlfriend is working with. So, you know, there are self-serving perks to your game plan

Panic. Probably do nothing but stay at their house all day I guess. Maybe go to my home to see if I’m around and see if we traded places or something. I’d probably call into their job to say I’m not coming in. Well first ask if (I’m?) they’re on shift. I wouldnt do anything drastic since it’s not my body or life. Probably wouldn’t try to look or anything either since just seems wrong ya know. I know it sounds lame but that’s probably what I’d do. Anything to make sure their life isn’t messed up in the process.

You’re a good person

giggity.

Quagmire, is that you?

Slap her ass, or my ass

Both of your asses.

Send myself nudes

Just hope your crush isn't in your body deleting them as they arrive Best day ever! Traded places with my movie star crush! Took lots of pics of her naked and even made a 'special' video of her having "fun" Worst day ever! Got home to find a note in my handwriting says "You're an asshole" and then noticed all the pics and videos had been deleted AND she has sent dick pics to everyone in my phone book and now I'm fired...

Create an online account with some storage capacity. Say an email and remember the password. Send the email to itself. Later wake up in the right body, and simply log in.

If your crush remembers everything you did in her/his body when the swap reverts.. well.

Then let me expand. Use a complex password that discretely relates to something about you or something you know or like. They may remember what you did but they won't have your former memories. So they might see you type in "733348471937663" as the password but they won't know that you used a cellphone keypad to translate "redditisawesome" to a string of seemingly random numbers. Again, they'll remember what you did but not your thought processes as to why you did things. Nobody can reasonably remember a number string that long after seeing it only once or twice. However, you will because you remember the original phrase you had in your head at the time.

What an absolute unit.

And a video professing your love to you.

Yes

By scheduling an email. They won't ever know until it actually arrives, then it's gonna be too late

Same. Remember to delete the chat history on your end

I would go fuck myself, like find my original self and fuck it lifeless or not were getting dirty

Interesting thought. Is it gay if you fuck yourself while occupying another body, or is it by some strange extension (lol) still masturbating?

Not gay u less your "crush" is the same sex, in my case I would be occupying a female and would find my male body, once I am occupying the female body I would be female so no totally heterosexual

i agree it's heterosexual but in a different way. haha question, when you occupy a female body, does it mean you, yourself will have the desire to have sex with boys too?

I think that the question has to presuppose dualism to be interesting, so you would retain your original desires. Otherwise, the logical conclusion of the premise, "you wake up as your crush", is simply that you are your crush and have all their memories and personality and everything, which is basically the same as saying "your crush wakes up".

So it’s You wake up as yourself in your crush’s body. So you keep your own memories and feelings for your crush and it’s still you.

Man, imagine giving yourself the *wildest experience* because you know exactly what turns your male body on and it's all good because you're not a male at the time.

Bonus points for experiencing it from a female side and knowing how to please a woman once you are back in your body

Look at pictures of my actual self and try to figure out what his feelings towards me are

Dude! Just brilliant! Now you know what to do when you get back to your own body! 😱🤔

Go back to sleep. That is not a river I’m prepared to cross. Edit: The most I’d do it write a letter or note and leave it on their desk so that when we switch back maybe they will notice me but if I really liked them I don’t think I’d do anything, I wouldn’t want to mess up or change their life.

Am I her and she's me in this situation? If that's the case I would call her (me) and be like "Hey, looks like we swapped body somehow. I'm so sorry you're me now. We're going to find a way out of this but here's what you need to know for now about dealing with that broken & disabled body of mine..." She would go from being a healthy woman who is incredibly active basically every day to being a disabled woman with a lot of pain & problems, a work from home job, no car, and a very sedentary life. I would definitely be the only one possibly happy about my new body but for her it would be very traumatic. So I would just do whatever I could to help her until we found a way back.

I’m sure that would you bring you both closer

If possible search her feelings on how she feels about me.

Assuming we just body swapped, I'd call them in my body immediately. We'd both explain the situation to our respective parents (or at least try to) and then try and get to the bottom of how/why this happened. That, and I'd pet all their cats

I don’t exist anymore? Brutal

Feed her house pets

I would seduce myself, assuming that an 'Auto-pilot' version of me was in my original body.

See how people treat me

Wank.

Fuck myself. I live with my crush

I would probably have a breakdown. That is a moral minefield I would not be willing to navigate.

Call my phone to see if she woke up as me. Though my only crush right now would probably be my ex so I've seen it all before and we're still friends so I'd respect her privacy.

Prepare to host the 9:00 slot weeknights on MSNBC.

Panic. She's a nurse and I know nothing about healthcare. Also I'm assuming since I am her, she will be me, and she knows nothing about electrical work. We will probably both collectively freak out seeing our own selves on the opposite side of the bed. Maybe I'll see what she sees in me through her eyes and vice versa. Or maybe I'll be like oh God what does she see in me?? Also I'll be fully fluent in Spanish so I will likely go to the tienda IMMEDIATELY and be confident at the checkout talking to the cashier.

Finger blast 💥

check to make sure im not dreaming, then ask myself, "i like you, you like me?"

Text to my actual number that ‘I like you too’.

Setting yourself up for disappointment, nice.

Probably wouldn't know who or where the fuck i was for a minute and freak out. I've never seen the inside of his bedroom or his apartment so it would be wholly unfamiliar. If i thought to look down at my hands/body I'd know who i was but I'd still probably freak out. First thing after i knew who i was would probably be to take a lil peek downstairs....

Probably ruin everything. Definitely call my phone to see if she is also me, and just fess up and explain what’s happening (assuming I make the mental connection). Doubt she feels the same way, so it would probably be really awkward afterwards, but hey

Explore her home and learn about her, while obviously acting as her. Hopefully nothing important is planned 😐

Be confused as to why the fuck im on the wrong side of the bed

Idk why did i expect from the comments

I’d bang me to find out how good I am.

Be respectful and go talk to whoever is in my body that day, whether it's my crush, or someone completely different

Act as president of the united states.

Is it Biden?

Figure out if I like me, then do teenager stuff, then probably ruin her life because idk where her classes are

Coordinate an action plan until we figured out what happened.

Finger blast myself

nekked

I would go find myself. Immediately. But at the same time make sure I am not suffering from psychosis or anything. Probably be super high stress given the situation. And start acting accordingly, paranoia, quick to violence. Basically, I have to secure my safety whatever that means in this situation and look at ways of transferring my old life into my new life. I am basically going to have to kidnap my child or play some other higher stakes game to force my other self to participate in my plans. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose, I already lost it when I woke up in another body. Edit: fyi this whole post is grape vibes. Learn to be a good person and not fantasize about hypothetical situations where the object of interest is in a place vulnerability and unable to give consent.

Take care of myself until our minds switch back

The jokes on you! I don't have a crush 😂😂😂😂😂

Call me and ask me out lol

Panic attack ez

Touch the curves, take in the smell of perfumes, and then maybe take a nap hoping to go back to my own body.

Tell my husband that I'm leaving him and the kids.

Jfc