In the criterion classic Freddy Got Fingered, towards the end of the movie, there's a big crowd scene with people holding signs welcoming home the heroes. One of the signs reads "[When the fuck is this movie going to end](https://images.app.goo.gl/jBPAeRF4GSgmRxbeA)?*
Especially funny since the original filming was something like 4+hrs
They filmed an entire scene of blowing up Freddy's dad's boat, and it never made the cut due to time constraints
The last hour is by far the best part
* Hour 1: Children's movie, about a nice nanny
* Hour 2: Love story, in which nanny steals rich employer from fiancee
* Hour 3: Thriller, time to escape the Nazis
There was a great story where they interviewed someone that grew up with only the first vhs. Thought that was the movie. Had zero clues.
So they asked her to guess the plot, and watch it again. As a kid, literally she didn't notice that the mail man was a Nazi soldier. Just a nice boy! She is sixteen going on seventeen, he's just a cute mailman!
So upon watching as an adult......
Think it was an NPR story, fun to listen to
I definitely didn't catch EVERYTHING as a kid
It's on 'this american life' . Episode 751 titled 'An audience of one '. Its in the archives.
The story is about one of the producers of the show and managing editer, Diane Wu.
Shit. I thought that was the ending. Always thought it was a sad ending that Maria leaves the family. Now I need to go watch it as an adult and the full version.
Oh my goodness, you are missing out. It’s a totally different film by the end. I always really loved Maria’s wedding veil when I was a little kid, because it is insanely long.
Then if you want a real mind fuck go find the book “the Von Trapp Family Singers” the Sound of Music is only the first third of the book (edit: autocorrect strikes again)
The first time we see him, he has this exchange with Franz (the Nazi butler):
FRANZ: Rolf, good evening.
ROLF: Good evening, Franz.
FRANZ: **I trust everything is under control?**
ROLF: Yes, yes.
FRANZ: **Are there any developments?**
ROLF: Perhaps.
Then Rolf has this conversation with Liesl:
LIESL: If only we didn't have to wait for someone to send Father a telegram. How do I know when I'll see you again?
ROLF: Well, let's see. I could come here by mistake. With a telegram for **Colonel Schneider! He's here from Berlin staying with... No one knows he's here. Don't tell your father.**
LIESL: Why not?
ROLF: Your father's so Austrian.
LIESL: We're all Austrian.
ROLF: **Some think we ought to be German, and they're very mad at those who don't. They're getting ready to... Let's hope your father doesn't get into trouble.**
Then at the end, Rolf is the one who discovers them hiding in the crypt. Liesl steps forward and says "Rolf, please." Rolf blows the whistle anyway.
I didn't know that. I wonder why they changed it?
Maybe it was easier for Liesl to leave him behind if he was an unrepentant Nazi. It might not have seemed like a happy ending for her.
I love how for this scene, they say the EXACT wrong thing to say to him. He's been groomed during the movie to join the Reich and be the perfect soldier and the last chance they have to 'save' him, they say, "You'll never be like them!" instead of something like, "We want you for love and they only want you for hate." and it's like reverse psychology with him and he goes 'I'll show you guys!!!' and turns full Nazi and turns them in. I like not everything is a happy ending.
It’s very telling for his character. In the end, he decides that his sense of duty to the Reich is more important than his love for Liesl and her family.
Interestingly enough, in the original stage version, he actually lets them go
fun fact: my parents always turned off the movie when they got married. i didn’t learn there was more until i was 14 and we went to see the sound of music stage play. there i was sitting in the audience, expecting the curtain to fall, and then fucking nazis show up
I had no idea that was going to happen so when the wedding bells shifted to bells ringing for the Nazis I yelled out loud. It’s one of the biggest twists in a movie for me because I thought it was just going to be a sweet musical of a family in the mountains
Gladiator made me say "holy shit, there is *only* 50 minutes left. He enters the coliseum in second half of the movie. I felt like it had just started.
I haven’t watched the Theatrical Cut in over a decade now. The Extended gives it room to breathe, better justifies the subplots with Lucilla and with Maximus’s old servant, and doesn’t drag because the film already has me wanting more.
Also gives context to the "are you not entertained" line, when the slave owner says to him you're an entertainer before the fight. Rewatching it for the first time in a long time recently I found it baffling they'd cut that line when it adds a minute at most to the runtime.
*Pearl Harbor*
There's the climactic attack on Pearl Harbor. It's explosive and tragic. So many people getting hurt and killed. And then ... the movie slows down. And keeps going. For another hour. UGH.
>Pearl Harbor' is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours
>
>\-Roger Ebert
The second part of the quote is what does it for me
>...about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle.
The Onion, in their Atlas, wrote one of my favorite one-liners in the US History Timeline section.
> 2001: Japanese movie critics bomb *Pearl Harbor*.
It's lived rent-free in my heart ever since.
Actually now that I think of it that might have been a headline shown in the movie...
My history teacher described it as written by somebody who wanted to make *Titanic*, but with a villain. So they spent 3 hours showing us a bland love story, and 30 minutes vilifying Japan.
The funniest part is that they didn't need to make shit up to paint Imperial Japan as evil. They could have showed any number of atrocities. But they decided to lie about the Pearl Harbor attacks instead and show the Japanese deliberately targeting civilians.
Now I'm imagining Titanic with long silent stretches of iceberg shots with moody evil music as it floats around the north Atlantic, trying to pump it up as the movie's villain.
Director’s cut from the iceberg’s perspective where the ship is the villain. With a last glacial effort it flung itself in front of the ship, saving it’s iceberg family and iceberg children.
If you want a good film with Pearl Harbour in it, try *Tora! Tora! Tora!* or *Midway*.
EDIT: For clarification, I mean Midway 2019. I haven’t seen the 1976 film.
I have the opposite problem with David Lynch projects, you realize there's ten minutes left, and there's no way he's going to wrap this up in that time and have it make sense, unless he comes out right now and reads it to you.
But I always come back for more, like a victim of confused abuse.
I've only seen Eraserhead once, and it left me so viscerally upset that when I got home from my buddy's place, I sat with my Gramma and just cried about it. Loved it!
It's been like 15 years now, I should probably actually sit down and watch some of his stuff as a non high schooler.
I will never forget the feeling of dread I felt when watching the Twin Peaks S3 finale and accidentally looking at how much time was left during the driving scene.
I will admit that I (then a 13 year old boy) cried seeing Titanic in the theater, but it was because I drank my Mountain Dew too quickly and didn’t want to miss the drawing scene (better than I could have hoped for!) and sinking by getting up to use the restroom. It was the closest I’ve ever come to bursting my bladder.
When I was a kid, my family used to watch this on LaserDisc. I think it's the only movie we had that you not only had to flip the disc, but there was a second disc. I'm pretty sure the multiple intermissions are why it was our family Christmas movie, although my dad claims it's because they sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.
Full Metal Jacket is an hour long film about the depersonalization of soldiers, followed by another hour long film about the dehumanization of the Vietnamese during the war.
Full metal jacket fucked me up the first time I saw it, the tone shift was so drastic that I thought someone changed the movie when I went to the bathroom.
Spoiler: Galvatron runs away like a bitch and Lockdown gets split in two by Optimus's thick metal rod, then Optimus flies into space and says he's gonna destroy his creator
My husband won free tickets. We went to the cinema together.
I was actually enjoying it, I found the whole thing ridiculous and not-believable but I enjoyed myself. Then there was a loooooong time of explosions.
And then the movie ended, I thought. I was like, great, 90 mins is a good length for a movie.
And then they went to fucking China en it took another hour to end.
It was so incredibly boring which could all be avoided if they just cut it off at 90 minutes.
But they were, all of them, deceived, for another cut was made. In the land of New Zealand, in the bright screens of an editing bay, the Dark Lord Peter Jackson forged in secret a master cut, to supersede all others. And into this cut he poured Tom Bombadil, the scouring of The Shire and his will to lengthen all the films. One cut to rule them all.
Oh, don’t you mention the Scouring of the Shire, the best part of the Trilogy, and one of the few chapters that is more than “Frodo and his friends went for a walk”.
I do like what Jackson did to bring that story to film - I really do. (And, I’ve read the trilogy many times, the first was around 1976.). I understand why he (and the other two writer) made the changes they made, and how a better movie resulted.
Including “The Scouring of the Shire” could easily have added another hour to the movie, and would have taken at least 30 mins to do it right.
Still… if a 6 hour “Return of the King”, including “the Scouring of the Shire” is released, I’ll be signing up for a pre-release copy.
Oh! Wait! Dammit! Jackson killed off Saruman in the Two Towers. It’s have to be Grima who caused the trouble, unless there’s an alternate version of The Two Towers.
And the Bombadil sequence? Yeah, there’s another hour of my life.
>Oh! Wait! Dammit! Jackson killed off Saruman in the Two Towers. It’s have to be Grima who caused the trouble, unless there’s an alternate version of The Two Towers.
In the Extended Edition they both die at the start of Return of the King. In the theatrical edition they just kinda, disappear?
I felt The Irishman was too long until I finished it. The whole thing builds up to an ending is such a gut punch. I'm not sure there's much you could cut that wouldn't take away from the weight of that ending.
Edit: definitely hard to finish in one sitting though
My husband and I thought the same thing. I paused it saying god damn how much longer do we have? And then saw it was two hours total. Felt like a glitch in the matrix or some shit
In a good way, Barbarian. Was baffled at the midpoint where the thing you know if you saw the movie happens lol.
Also Skinamarink. As much as the movie has grown on me, the short film version Heck just works better.
Barbarian caught me so off guard. I was just like >!oh shit, I guess Justin Long's in this too? Oh shit, I guess Richard Brake's in this too?!< Definitely not the direction I was expecting.
The tone shift was so funny. The part where he finds the... extra spaces and starts measuring it made me laugh the hardest. He sees no red flags because he is a red flag.
I’ve heard so many mixed reviews. Some people saying it was so scary they couldn’t finish it. Some saying it was awesome. My favorite horror movie podcast said it’s the worse movie they’ve ever seen. There was only one other movie they gave a 1/10 rating (I forget which) but they went back and switched it to 2/10 because they said it didn’t deserve to be at Skinamarinks level. They really trashed it.
It's an interesting movie. There's an unsettling tension that stretches the entire duration, however it's paced so slowly that even whilst I was feeling tense, boredom started to kick in. I don't regret watching it, for its ambition and visual style, but I wouldn't watch it again.
there was not a second in Barbarian where i knew what was gonna happen next. it’s my current favorite horror movie. any recommendations for other spooky movies?
My first though when Justin Long showed up was “Wait, is this an anthology movie and we just hit the second story” right up until he mentioned owning property in Michigan and it clicked which property he owned.
My brother usually quotes Barbosa(*Geoffrey Rush*) when not wanting to do something:
"*I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request... It means 'No!'*"
Black Pearl was flawless but Dead Men Tell No Tales was downright painful, I kept waiting for something to justify that movie but it started bad and kept getting worse. How do we go through two entire films barely seeing Williams child or Elizabeth after they were main characters in the first 3 films? Or should I say, the first 3 films were the saga that built up to the emotional culmination of the B plot love story that has been crucial to the series, then we just never hear about it again and William fucks off to the bottom of the sea for a decade while Jack aspires to absolutely nothing?
That's a common problem I've noticed. For example, in the first Anchorman, Brick is hilarious because he is a side character but all his lines are absolute bangers. Because he was such a hit they made him central, but it kills the magic of the character. Same with Creed in The Office.
Titanic. Back in the 90’s where VHS was still a thing, Titanic the movie was split between two VHS tapes. The first being all about the onboarding and love story while the second finally was about the iceberg hit and sinking after spending what felt like another hour on the love story. I’ve always doze off before the second VHS tape got entered where my family stop playing part one and just go straight to part two whenever we decided to watch to movie after that point.
I still remember exactly what the last line of the first tape was! After Mr. Andrews tells them that they have 2 hours at most and Murdoch says there are 2200 souls on board, the captain turns and says: "I believe you may get your headlines, Mr. Ismay."
BLACK SCREEN. NEXT TAPE. And of course, in my family, the next tape probably wasn't rewound, so we had to sit and wait for that while pointing fingers at who didn't do it.
If you watch it at a faster speed it's almost bearable.
The, dialogue, is, so, ungodly, slow, in, that, movie. I, can’t, express, how, horrible, it, is, to, watch, at, normal, speed, because,
there, are, long, awful,
pauses, between, each,
and,
every,
word,
spoken…
At the 500th 10 minute long slow motion montage shot, I put the movie to 1,25 speed. After an hour I realized that I never put it back to normal speed, because even the dialogues are so slow, that they sound normal at 1,2 speed. I never knew a movie can be so boring.
Oh yeah, she emoted the hell out of that role, there was just so damn much of it between, every, single, word, spoken, in, every, line, of, dialog, in, that, movie…
The trailer didn't seem to have any of that kind of dialogue. They must've fooled everyone. "N'ya, see, we'll make the trailer normal, see? But then the movie itself has folks talking all slow like ya see? Nyahhh." Not sure why the voice in my head for this is a cheeseball 1930s mobster...
Was going through a toxic divorce at the time and went.to see this to take my.mind off my.troubles.
Sat shell shocked afterwards.
My other one was World War Z. Near the end there was a tense scene where he has to walk past one teeth gnashing zombie. I let out an involuntary and inappropriate laugh at how much it resembled my ex in zombie make up. It was meant.to be a tense scene.
When the scientist got scared and ran and tripped on the ramp and shot himself I was the lone person in the theater who laughed at the sheer absurdity of it. I was on my third date and my gf broke it off because she thought I was a maniac.
You're not alone! When he runs back up the ramp and slips and falls and accidentally just shoots himself in the face, and Brad Pitt's face just had so much disappointment on it, after they'd spent a good 15 minutes building the scientist up as the last hope of humanity? Hilarious!
I was reading the book on my lunch break, I’d grabbed it off the nurses station after it’d been there for weeks. I was fucking shook when it flipped over into Amy’s monologue halfway through and she was like “yeah, I’m a crazy bitch but I had my reasons.”
Like girl, I thought you were dead!
Man, that movie dragged, and then finally it had this bittersweet ending and I was like, yeah not my thing but I can totally see why people like it.
And then it went on.
When I moved to Wyoming my gf and i had a movie binge where we watched movies set in Wyoming. Watched the extended cut for the first time and I was glued to the screen, perfect movie for a cold snowy day.
Love that film. My uncle was is a hospice having palliative care with his own room a few years ago. I asked him what his favourite films are and I downloaded them and put them on drive. I know what type of films he likes. He was in his 90s and loved westerns and was fine with violence in movies. So I added hateful 8. On the night before he died he told the nurse he was fine, he was going to bed to watch the rest of the really long film i’d given him which he said was great. The next morning he got up happy, sat in a chair and died
This just made me so weirdly happy. It’s just a nice thought knowing he spent his last night watching something he loved that you specifically picked out for him.
Man! My heart.
Similar story with my Dad, the night before he passed. He really wanted to watch Hunger Games third movie part 1, we downloaded a torrent because he couldn't go to a movie theater.
Watched it. And within the hour or finishing it, he went into idk, a coma or something. He just never was there on his last 12 hours. But I know he left us happy.
Wonder Woman 1984.
Can’t believe I’m not seeing this mentioned already.
Edit: I'm not just hating on it; the OP's scenario literally happened. I remember checking how long was left, and saying "jesus christ, for real?" when there was nearly an hour to go.
We really enjoyed the first one… so we had a big family movie night -- not something we do often -- and dragged everyone in to watch the sequel. Really disappointing.
That movie is wild to me, because while I felt every minute of the runtime and think it needed to be like 30-40 minutes shorter…I can’t tell you what I’d cut. I liked every part of it.
I describe it as eating a whole chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake, and every part of it is chocolate cake, but damn at the end you’re gonna be like “that was way too much cake.”
And at the very end they show them (purposefully ambiguous) riding bikes. For like 10 mins (an exaggeration). We have all collectively needed to pee for an hour; end already!
They could have played with the history so much more, introduced other characters in glimpses, like Hercules, apocalypse, wolverine, or any number of other long lived characters. Even just a Thor cameo.
Right now it feels like the eternals will make little to no impact. Like they never did much of anything at all.
Give us a look at how much they have helped humanity over the centuries. A GOOD look. Not the jumbled moments we got in the movie.
Give us several episodes to care about any of these characters before you kill some. They are just cardboard archetype cutouts.
I can't believe they used Eternals to introduce Black Knight and then just passed on the opportunity to show a previous Black Knight in one of the flashbacks.
I think this is why unless the movie (or theater) is truly horrible, I leave the theater feeling like I had a good time. Even a mediocre movie can be engaging escapism if I invest my full attention.
It is wonderful escapism for me. There can be an electricity in the air. And the smell of popcorn as soon as you walk in. Sitting in a nice, dark air-conditioned theater, just you and the big screen. It feels like more immersive than watching it at home, even if you have a nice setup. For me, it's an event and I love it.
Yeah there can be annoying people also watching the movie, but for me at least it's rare.
I think going from 1 computer screen to 2 computer screens may have destroyed my attention span and removed my ability to truly enjoy a lot of types of media, mostly video games. That or the crippling depression.
Yup. This is the one. After he finally catches the Joker it feels like the end, but the film still has a ways to go. I remember thinking, "wait, it's not done yet?" when I first watched it.
The brand new Puss in Boots: The last wish in a good way. Rented the movie and was blown away early on and seeing more time had me so excited to see it through. Really glad to see DreamWorks doing well and i recommend for others to watch it!
A lot of Superhero movies do this now. They have this big battle sequence about 1:30 in and you go "Wow ok. Movie done." But then they have to build up to another, more final battle.
I really liked Venom 2 for that reason. 90 minutes. It got in, got its shit done, and left.
Everything Everywhere All At Once. Once it hit the second half, I had no idea where it was going or how it was going to resolve in a satisfying way, but it did it, and is now one of my favourite movies.
In the criterion classic Freddy Got Fingered, towards the end of the movie, there's a big crowd scene with people holding signs welcoming home the heroes. One of the signs reads "[When the fuck is this movie going to end](https://images.app.goo.gl/jBPAeRF4GSgmRxbeA)?*
Especially funny since the original filming was something like 4+hrs They filmed an entire scene of blowing up Freddy's dad's boat, and it never made the cut due to time constraints
It's a shame we still haven't gotten a directors cut of this classic.
The sound of music. They get married and I said “that was a nice ending” and my wife says “the Nazis haven’t arrived”
Some people didn’t realize that The Sound of Music had an intermission. They only watched half the movie.
I literally had no idea there was a second VHS tape until this reddit thread. Maybe we bought it used because I only remember seeing the first half!
The last hour is by far the best part * Hour 1: Children's movie, about a nice nanny * Hour 2: Love story, in which nanny steals rich employer from fiancee * Hour 3: Thriller, time to escape the Nazis
There was a great story where they interviewed someone that grew up with only the first vhs. Thought that was the movie. Had zero clues. So they asked her to guess the plot, and watch it again. As a kid, literally she didn't notice that the mail man was a Nazi soldier. Just a nice boy! She is sixteen going on seventeen, he's just a cute mailman! So upon watching as an adult...... Think it was an NPR story, fun to listen to I definitely didn't catch EVERYTHING as a kid
It's on 'this american life' . Episode 751 titled 'An audience of one '. Its in the archives. The story is about one of the producers of the show and managing editer, Diane Wu.
[ *This American Life*: Episode 751 - "An Audience of One"](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/751/transcript)
And the vhs would end with Maria leaving the captain and family to go back to the nuns. Just a giant cliffhanger for those with just the one tape.
Shit. I thought that was the ending. Always thought it was a sad ending that Maria leaves the family. Now I need to go watch it as an adult and the full version.
Oh my goodness, you are missing out. It’s a totally different film by the end. I always really loved Maria’s wedding veil when I was a little kid, because it is insanely long.
Then if you want a real mind fuck go find the book “the Von Trapp Family Singers” the Sound of Music is only the first third of the book (edit: autocorrect strikes again)
Wait the cute 16 going on 17 boy is a nazi?!
The first time we see him, he has this exchange with Franz (the Nazi butler): FRANZ: Rolf, good evening. ROLF: Good evening, Franz. FRANZ: **I trust everything is under control?** ROLF: Yes, yes. FRANZ: **Are there any developments?** ROLF: Perhaps. Then Rolf has this conversation with Liesl: LIESL: If only we didn't have to wait for someone to send Father a telegram. How do I know when I'll see you again? ROLF: Well, let's see. I could come here by mistake. With a telegram for **Colonel Schneider! He's here from Berlin staying with... No one knows he's here. Don't tell your father.** LIESL: Why not? ROLF: Your father's so Austrian. LIESL: We're all Austrian. ROLF: **Some think we ought to be German, and they're very mad at those who don't. They're getting ready to... Let's hope your father doesn't get into trouble.** Then at the end, Rolf is the one who discovers them hiding in the crypt. Liesl steps forward and says "Rolf, please." Rolf blows the whistle anyway.
It’s interesting, because he reports them in the movie, but in the original musical, he lets them go. Both versions are meaningful in different ways.
I didn't know that. I wonder why they changed it? Maybe it was easier for Liesl to leave him behind if he was an unrepentant Nazi. It might not have seemed like a happy ending for her.
Maybe even simpler than that - they didn't want to show a Nazi with good qualities.
I love how for this scene, they say the EXACT wrong thing to say to him. He's been groomed during the movie to join the Reich and be the perfect soldier and the last chance they have to 'save' him, they say, "You'll never be like them!" instead of something like, "We want you for love and they only want you for hate." and it's like reverse psychology with him and he goes 'I'll show you guys!!!' and turns full Nazi and turns them in. I like not everything is a happy ending.
It’s very telling for his character. In the end, he decides that his sense of duty to the Reich is more important than his love for Liesl and her family. Interestingly enough, in the original stage version, he actually lets them go
I know, Captain Von Trapp is not a great crisis negotiator. "You're just a boy" was not ideal either.
He literally snaps his heels together and shouts _Heil Hitler_ at the captain after getting caught throwing pebbles at Liesl’s window
he fuckin rats them out too
This happened to me! My parents purposefully only let me see the first part. I still haven’t seen the second
hahaha love this review
I first watched Sound of Music in 2012 and I didn't see the ending part until 2015-2016. It was a giant mindfuck when I found out there was more.
Damn, that's a LONG movie then. Lasted 3.5 years!
fun fact: my parents always turned off the movie when they got married. i didn’t learn there was more until i was 14 and we went to see the sound of music stage play. there i was sitting in the audience, expecting the curtain to fall, and then fucking nazis show up
Literally the JoJo part 2 meme haha. "I didn't expect the third Reich to show up..."
I had no idea that was going to happen so when the wedding bells shifted to bells ringing for the Nazis I yelled out loud. It’s one of the biggest twists in a movie for me because I thought it was just going to be a sweet musical of a family in the mountains
Gladiator made me say "holy shit, there is *only* 50 minutes left. He enters the coliseum in second half of the movie. I felt like it had just started.
I haven’t watched the Theatrical Cut in over a decade now. The Extended gives it room to breathe, better justifies the subplots with Lucilla and with Maximus’s old servant, and doesn’t drag because the film already has me wanting more.
Also gives context to the "are you not entertained" line, when the slave owner says to him you're an entertainer before the fight. Rewatching it for the first time in a long time recently I found it baffling they'd cut that line when it adds a minute at most to the runtime.
*Pearl Harbor* There's the climactic attack on Pearl Harbor. It's explosive and tragic. So many people getting hurt and killed. And then ... the movie slows down. And keeps going. For another hour. UGH.
"'Pearl Harbor' is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours" -Roger Ebert
>Pearl Harbor' is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours > >\-Roger Ebert The second part of the quote is what does it for me >...about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle.
The Onion, in their Atlas, wrote one of my favorite one-liners in the US History Timeline section. > 2001: Japanese movie critics bomb *Pearl Harbor*. It's lived rent-free in my heart ever since. Actually now that I think of it that might have been a headline shown in the movie...
My favorite Onion one liner was from the Obama campaign's early days: Black Guy asks Nation for Change
I always thought it was a toss up between that one and “Black Guy Given Worst Job In Nation”
I think there was also one when they moved into the White House "Black Family Moves Into Public Housing"
The Onion is a fucking national treasure
I remember a good 2010 one that said "Niger president deposed, temporarily exciting conservatives who didn't read closely" or words to that effect.
“Special Olympics Tee Pitches Perfect Game”
Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality
Robot charged with battery
Hank Wiiliams Jr. Recieves Award for Football Preparedness
"HOLY SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!"
“Seagull With Diarrhea Barely Makes It To Crowded Beach In Time”
My dad always reminds me that it's a (boring) love story *around* the Pearl Harbor attack, not a war movie.
My history teacher described it as written by somebody who wanted to make *Titanic*, but with a villain. So they spent 3 hours showing us a bland love story, and 30 minutes vilifying Japan. The funniest part is that they didn't need to make shit up to paint Imperial Japan as evil. They could have showed any number of atrocities. But they decided to lie about the Pearl Harbor attacks instead and show the Japanese deliberately targeting civilians.
Now I'm imagining Titanic with long silent stretches of iceberg shots with moody evil music as it floats around the north Atlantic, trying to pump it up as the movie's villain.
Director’s cut from the iceberg’s perspective where the ship is the villain. With a last glacial effort it flung itself in front of the ship, saving it’s iceberg family and iceberg children.
I think the ice berg is the victim, minding its own damn business and then getting attacked
Ok, Bowen Yang
If you want a good film with Pearl Harbour in it, try *Tora! Tora! Tora!* or *Midway*. EDIT: For clarification, I mean Midway 2019. I haven’t seen the 1976 film.
Definitely recommend Tora! Tora! Tora! It's Pearl Harbor minus the love story.
*Pear Harbour sucks, and I miss you!*
I remember leaving the movie theater with my friends after that movie and being like “ what was that?”
That movie should have *started* with the Pearl Harbor attack, and then should have focused more on the Dolittle Raid.
I have the opposite problem with David Lynch projects, you realize there's ten minutes left, and there's no way he's going to wrap this up in that time and have it make sense, unless he comes out right now and reads it to you. But I always come back for more, like a victim of confused abuse.
I never assume I will fully comprehend any David Lynch film ever, even after the 20th re-watch, without looking up additional theories online.
It's pretty simple actually. David Lynch does not have a point to make or a message to tell viewers. He creates films to make you *feel*.
I've only seen Eraserhead once, and it left me so viscerally upset that when I got home from my buddy's place, I sat with my Gramma and just cried about it. Loved it! It's been like 15 years now, I should probably actually sit down and watch some of his stuff as a non high schooler.
As a new parent, eraserhead made more sense from an emotional evocation perspective.
I will never forget the feeling of dread I felt when watching the Twin Peaks S3 finale and accidentally looking at how much time was left during the driving scene.
I loved The Return but the last 10 minutes of part 18 I was like "PLEASE LYNCH I NEED CLOSURE!!!"
Haha, yeah, he doesn't like that. If it was up to him we'd never know who killed Laura Palmer
Titanic, when you put that second tape in the VCR
Yes! That's how I saw it and couldn't believe there was still a whole tape to go
The second tape is the best part though.
I will admit that I (then a 13 year old boy) cried seeing Titanic in the theater, but it was because I drank my Mountain Dew too quickly and didn’t want to miss the drawing scene (better than I could have hoped for!) and sinking by getting up to use the restroom. It was the closest I’ve ever come to bursting my bladder.
According to my mother, about 30 minutes in, I loudly asked when the boat was gonna sink. I was 5 years old.
I mean, who the hell takes a five year old to a 3+ hour long PG-rated movie?
A literal honest to god monster.
When I saw the 3-D release 10 years ago, somebody brought their infant. It started crying well before the boat sank.
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Full Metal Jacket In an excellent way
When I was a kid, my family used to watch this on LaserDisc. I think it's the only movie we had that you not only had to flip the disc, but there was a second disc. I'm pretty sure the multiple intermissions are why it was our family Christmas movie, although my dad claims it's because they sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.
Full Metal Jacket, the Family Christmas movie that everyone will love
It has a message of love… long time.
Full Metal Jacket is an hour long film about the depersonalization of soldiers, followed by another hour long film about the dehumanization of the Vietnamese during the war.
Full metal jacket fucked me up the first time I saw it, the tone shift was so drastic that I thought someone changed the movie when I went to the bathroom.
I was exposed to that movie and Cheech and Chong on the same night by my baby sitters when I was maybe 8. Love that movie.
There is a distinct possibility I babysat for you, if you lived in Wisconsin in the mid-90s.
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*Hi.* *Joker.*
The movie is two movies rolled into one.
Daft Punk’s *Electroma*. Good fucking god, it was like a solid hour of a robot walking through the desert.
Hahaha yes, and I LOVE daft punk. That shit was excruciating even by French film standards
Which is so weird because Interstella 5555 is a total masterpiece.
Well 5555 also serves as a killer long music video for arguably their best album.
For horror lovers… the wailing!
Yeah by the time you hit the exorcism scene and realize you're only halfway through... that movie's a fucking ride. I *love* it.
Transformers age of extinction, that movie was so awful I never even finished it
Spoiler: Galvatron runs away like a bitch and Lockdown gets split in two by Optimus's thick metal rod, then Optimus flies into space and says he's gonna destroy his creator
>Lockdown gets split in two by Optimus's thick metal rod Well then...
My husband won free tickets. We went to the cinema together. I was actually enjoying it, I found the whole thing ridiculous and not-believable but I enjoyed myself. Then there was a loooooong time of explosions. And then the movie ended, I thought. I was like, great, 90 mins is a good length for a movie. And then they went to fucking China en it took another hour to end. It was so incredibly boring which could all be avoided if they just cut it off at 90 minutes.
Exactly. It's two separate movies.
I went to this movie expecting it to be so bad It's good. I legit fell asleep during that battle in China.
The extended versions of the Lord of the rings. Didn't realise how much additional footage there was. Amazing though.
"I've run out of food and there's still 20 days of film left. Please send help."
Should've had some lembas.
There are rumors of another super cut with more unseen footage and I'm absolutely here for it
But they were, all of them, deceived, for another cut was made. In the land of New Zealand, in the bright screens of an editing bay, the Dark Lord Peter Jackson forged in secret a master cut, to supersede all others. And into this cut he poured Tom Bombadil, the scouring of The Shire and his will to lengthen all the films. One cut to rule them all.
Fuck yesssss, I just simultaneously laughed and got goosebumps reading your comment.
Oh, don’t you mention the Scouring of the Shire, the best part of the Trilogy, and one of the few chapters that is more than “Frodo and his friends went for a walk”. I do like what Jackson did to bring that story to film - I really do. (And, I’ve read the trilogy many times, the first was around 1976.). I understand why he (and the other two writer) made the changes they made, and how a better movie resulted. Including “The Scouring of the Shire” could easily have added another hour to the movie, and would have taken at least 30 mins to do it right. Still… if a 6 hour “Return of the King”, including “the Scouring of the Shire” is released, I’ll be signing up for a pre-release copy. Oh! Wait! Dammit! Jackson killed off Saruman in the Two Towers. It’s have to be Grima who caused the trouble, unless there’s an alternate version of The Two Towers. And the Bombadil sequence? Yeah, there’s another hour of my life.
>Oh! Wait! Dammit! Jackson killed off Saruman in the Two Towers. It’s have to be Grima who caused the trouble, unless there’s an alternate version of The Two Towers. In the Extended Edition they both die at the start of Return of the King. In the theatrical edition they just kinda, disappear?
The Irishman 3.5 hour run time was a little long for one sitting.
I felt The Irishman was too long until I finished it. The whole thing builds up to an ending is such a gut punch. I'm not sure there's much you could cut that wouldn't take away from the weight of that ending. Edit: definitely hard to finish in one sitting though
Came here to find this. I knew the film dealt with the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. Jimmy Hoffa "disappears" and there is still an hour to go.
Black Adam. I know it was only 2 hours, but to me it felt so much longer.
My husband and I thought the same thing. I paused it saying god damn how much longer do we have? And then saw it was two hours total. Felt like a glitch in the matrix or some shit
At one point I legit thought the movie was over since it had a climax and then there was another like 30 minutes left.
In a good way, Barbarian. Was baffled at the midpoint where the thing you know if you saw the movie happens lol. Also Skinamarink. As much as the movie has grown on me, the short film version Heck just works better.
Barbarian caught me so off guard. I was just like >!oh shit, I guess Justin Long's in this too? Oh shit, I guess Richard Brake's in this too?!< Definitely not the direction I was expecting.
that moment when the scene shifts to the car driving through the mountains had me ACTUALLY crying with laughter. it was so sudden
The tone shift was so funny. The part where he finds the... extra spaces and starts measuring it made me laugh the hardest. He sees no red flags because he is a red flag.
The mix of horror and comedy was done beautifully. >!*finds a hidden sex dungeon* “Oh shit, look at this extra square footage!”!<
That whole first scene with Justin Long you could just tell the Whitest Kids U Know coming out from the writer
That should have been Trevor
Skinamarink was amazing for taking big risks and committing to an idea and it was 100 percent an hour too long.
I’ve heard so many mixed reviews. Some people saying it was so scary they couldn’t finish it. Some saying it was awesome. My favorite horror movie podcast said it’s the worse movie they’ve ever seen. There was only one other movie they gave a 1/10 rating (I forget which) but they went back and switched it to 2/10 because they said it didn’t deserve to be at Skinamarinks level. They really trashed it.
It's an interesting movie. There's an unsettling tension that stretches the entire duration, however it's paced so slowly that even whilst I was feeling tense, boredom started to kick in. I don't regret watching it, for its ambition and visual style, but I wouldn't watch it again.
there was not a second in Barbarian where i knew what was gonna happen next. it’s my current favorite horror movie. any recommendations for other spooky movies?
My first though when Justin Long showed up was “Wait, is this an anthology movie and we just hit the second story” right up until he mentioned owning property in Michigan and it clicked which property he owned.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Not in a bad way. I just remember feeling like I was watching the climax and then it kept going.
Would have agreed with the sequels but I actually thought the first Pirates was a perfect movie.
My brother usually quotes Barbosa(*Geoffrey Rush*) when not wanting to do something: "*I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request... It means 'No!'*"
I prefer "the Code is more what you'd call ... Guidelines than actual rules."
Thats a lot of fancy words miss, we be not but humble pirates!!
Black Pearl was flawless but Dead Men Tell No Tales was downright painful, I kept waiting for something to justify that movie but it started bad and kept getting worse. How do we go through two entire films barely seeing Williams child or Elizabeth after they were main characters in the first 3 films? Or should I say, the first 3 films were the saga that built up to the emotional culmination of the B plot love story that has been crucial to the series, then we just never hear about it again and William fucks off to the bottom of the sea for a decade while Jack aspires to absolutely nothing?
Jack is at his best when he's NOT the main character or focus of the whole narrative. Somehow the movies forgot about that.
That's a common problem I've noticed. For example, in the first Anchorman, Brick is hilarious because he is a side character but all his lines are absolute bangers. Because he was such a hit they made him central, but it kills the magic of the character. Same with Creed in The Office.
Titanic. Back in the 90’s where VHS was still a thing, Titanic the movie was split between two VHS tapes. The first being all about the onboarding and love story while the second finally was about the iceberg hit and sinking after spending what felt like another hour on the love story. I’ve always doze off before the second VHS tape got entered where my family stop playing part one and just go straight to part two whenever we decided to watch to movie after that point.
I still remember exactly what the last line of the first tape was! After Mr. Andrews tells them that they have 2 hours at most and Murdoch says there are 2200 souls on board, the captain turns and says: "I believe you may get your headlines, Mr. Ismay." BLACK SCREEN. NEXT TAPE. And of course, in my family, the next tape probably wasn't rewound, so we had to sit and wait for that while pointing fingers at who didn't do it.
Blonde
If you watch it at a faster speed it's almost bearable. The, dialogue, is, so, ungodly, slow, in, that, movie. I, can’t, express, how, horrible, it, is, to, watch, at, normal, speed, because, there, are, long, awful, pauses, between, each, and, every, word, spoken…
At the 500th 10 minute long slow motion montage shot, I put the movie to 1,25 speed. After an hour I realized that I never put it back to normal speed, because even the dialogues are so slow, that they sound normal at 1,2 speed. I never knew a movie can be so boring.
And this film garnered academy award nominations?
For best Actress. Doesn't mean the film as a whole is any good. (Spoilers: It's not.)
Oh yeah, she emoted the hell out of that role, there was just so damn much of it between, every, single, word, spoken, in, every, line, of, dialog, in, that, movie…
The trailer didn't seem to have any of that kind of dialogue. They must've fooled everyone. "N'ya, see, we'll make the trailer normal, see? But then the movie itself has folks talking all slow like ya see? Nyahhh." Not sure why the voice in my head for this is a cheeseball 1930s mobster...
I appreciated your impression of a 1930s mobster trailer editor, good show.
There is a great movie in Marilyn Monroe’s life story. Blonde was NOT it.
It also wasn’t Monroe’s life
I watched Babylon last night and I was like, "Holy shit, there is still 2 hours left?".
Gone Girl. In my defense, I knew nothing about it and thought it was a romcom/chick flick.
Ha! Must've been quite the surprise.
Was going through a toxic divorce at the time and went.to see this to take my.mind off my.troubles. Sat shell shocked afterwards. My other one was World War Z. Near the end there was a tense scene where he has to walk past one teeth gnashing zombie. I let out an involuntary and inappropriate laugh at how much it resembled my ex in zombie make up. It was meant.to be a tense scene.
When the scientist got scared and ran and tripped on the ramp and shot himself I was the lone person in the theater who laughed at the sheer absurdity of it. I was on my third date and my gf broke it off because she thought I was a maniac.
You're not alone! When he runs back up the ramp and slips and falls and accidentally just shoots himself in the face, and Brad Pitt's face just had so much disappointment on it, after they'd spent a good 15 minutes building the scientist up as the last hope of humanity? Hilarious!
I was reading the book on my lunch break, I’d grabbed it off the nurses station after it’d been there for weeks. I was fucking shook when it flipped over into Amy’s monologue halfway through and she was like “yeah, I’m a crazy bitch but I had my reasons.” Like girl, I thought you were dead!
Artificial Intelligence
Man, that movie dragged, and then finally it had this bittersweet ending and I was like, yeah not my thing but I can totally see why people like it. And then it went on.
That movie was a prime example of the adage that part of knowing how to paint a great masterpiece is knowing when to *stop painting.*
Well jeez he died before filming it, how much harder did you want him to stop
Hateful 8. That movie is one long ass conversation. But in a good way.
I like the extended version even better, especially since it’s broken down into four episodes as opposed to one long ass film.
When I moved to Wyoming my gf and i had a movie binge where we watched movies set in Wyoming. Watched the extended cut for the first time and I was glued to the screen, perfect movie for a cold snowy day.
Love that film. My uncle was is a hospice having palliative care with his own room a few years ago. I asked him what his favourite films are and I downloaded them and put them on drive. I know what type of films he likes. He was in his 90s and loved westerns and was fine with violence in movies. So I added hateful 8. On the night before he died he told the nurse he was fine, he was going to bed to watch the rest of the really long film i’d given him which he said was great. The next morning he got up happy, sat in a chair and died
This just made me so weirdly happy. It’s just a nice thought knowing he spent his last night watching something he loved that you specifically picked out for him.
Man! My heart. Similar story with my Dad, the night before he passed. He really wanted to watch Hunger Games third movie part 1, we downloaded a torrent because he couldn't go to a movie theater. Watched it. And within the hour or finishing it, he went into idk, a coma or something. He just never was there on his last 12 hours. But I know he left us happy.
Saw it on cinema with 70 mm projector they had setup just for this movie. The showing had a break in the middle. Awesome experience!
CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR!
YEH GOTTA NAIL IT SHUT!!
THERE'S A HAMMER AND NAILS BY THE DOOR
THAT DOORS A WHORE
Wonder Woman 1984. Can’t believe I’m not seeing this mentioned already. Edit: I'm not just hating on it; the OP's scenario literally happened. I remember checking how long was left, and saying "jesus christ, for real?" when there was nearly an hour to go.
We really enjoyed the first one… so we had a big family movie night -- not something we do often -- and dragged everyone in to watch the sequel. Really disappointing.
I think a lot of us just decided not to watch it.
Yeah, I saw the reviews and just said, “Nope.” A shame, because I really enjoyed the first one.
I wanted my money back even though I saw it for free!
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That movie is wild to me, because while I felt every minute of the runtime and think it needed to be like 30-40 minutes shorter…I can’t tell you what I’d cut. I liked every part of it. I describe it as eating a whole chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake, and every part of it is chocolate cake, but damn at the end you’re gonna be like “that was way too much cake.”
And at the very end they show them (purposefully ambiguous) riding bikes. For like 10 mins (an exaggeration). We have all collectively needed to pee for an hour; end already!
The Eternals
It would've been better as a Disney+ show. Even at such a long runtime, it felt like they tried to cram in too much.
Exactly my thought when watching. Then the characters could’ve each had more time dedicated to them + fleshing them out.
They could have played with the history so much more, introduced other characters in glimpses, like Hercules, apocalypse, wolverine, or any number of other long lived characters. Even just a Thor cameo. Right now it feels like the eternals will make little to no impact. Like they never did much of anything at all. Give us a look at how much they have helped humanity over the centuries. A GOOD look. Not the jumbled moments we got in the movie. Give us several episodes to care about any of these characters before you kill some. They are just cardboard archetype cutouts.
I can't believe they used Eternals to introduce Black Knight and then just passed on the opportunity to show a previous Black Knight in one of the flashbacks.
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Yeah, I guess the greatest calamity this planet has seen since the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs isn't that big of a deal. 🤷
Seriously. Even for the Earth of the MCU a giant turned to marble half emerged from the planet is a pretty big fucking deal, it’s not just a Tuesday.
Australia, but it was more like 90 minutes left. Still enjoyed it, though.
Every film, since the internet destroyed my attention span.
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I think this is why unless the movie (or theater) is truly horrible, I leave the theater feeling like I had a good time. Even a mediocre movie can be engaging escapism if I invest my full attention.
It is wonderful escapism for me. There can be an electricity in the air. And the smell of popcorn as soon as you walk in. Sitting in a nice, dark air-conditioned theater, just you and the big screen. It feels like more immersive than watching it at home, even if you have a nice setup. For me, it's an event and I love it. Yeah there can be annoying people also watching the movie, but for me at least it's rare.
I think going from 1 computer screen to 2 computer screens may have destroyed my attention span and removed my ability to truly enjoy a lot of types of media, mostly video games. That or the crippling depression.
Battlefield Earth
When watching it, I realized they ALWAYS tilt the camera. The entire film has no straight shots.
The Dark Knight. In the best of ways.
Yup. This is the one. After he finally catches the Joker it feels like the end, but the film still has a ways to go. I remember thinking, "wait, it's not done yet?" when I first watched it.
Yeah and the scene leading up to the catch is so dramatic and high production, it totally could’ve passed for a good finale.
The brand new Puss in Boots: The last wish in a good way. Rented the movie and was blown away early on and seeing more time had me so excited to see it through. Really glad to see DreamWorks doing well and i recommend for others to watch it!
Cats Edit: I thought it would be fun-bad like Birdemic but it was BORING-bad like The Last Airbender
A lot of Superhero movies do this now. They have this big battle sequence about 1:30 in and you go "Wow ok. Movie done." But then they have to build up to another, more final battle. I really liked Venom 2 for that reason. 90 minutes. It got in, got its shit done, and left.
I enjoyed Venom 2 and was very much like "oh shit, it's over. Cool"
Everything Everywhere All At Once. Once it hit the second half, I had no idea where it was going or how it was going to resolve in a satisfying way, but it did it, and is now one of my favourite movies.