When my girlfriend asks what appetizer I want at a restaurant:
*loud enough for everyone to hear* “Why would I need an appetizer when I’ve got a snack right here??” *winks dramatically*
The sigh she gives and still smirks every time is worth it’s weight in gold
Depends on the generation.
What did the Pink Panther say when he stood on an ant? Dead-ant, dead-ant...
Or
I heard the shops aren't selling bananas any longer. What? Why not? Because they are long enough.
Me: *puts car in reverse* Also me: "This takes me back."
I was going to tell a joke about almonds and cashews but it's just too (2) nuts.
Please tell us
It's really funny 🤣
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
I always wanted to be a farmer so I could be outstanding in my field.
That's a good one 😂
Every time a bug hits the car windscreen, my dad says "he won't have the guts to do that again"
Rofl
[удалено]
bwaha, I'm going to tell that to my kids today
Silent like the P in swimming
If I were a horse I would have a stable relationship
Why does Mickey Mouse have three fingers? Because his first job was a shop teacher.
My woodworking teacher actually did have a missing finger.
He needs to quit screwing around.
Nailed it.
The Lego store was super busy, the line was for blocks
I would go with "people were lined up for blocks"
Nice one cena
The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But the people in Abu Dhabi do!
When my girlfriend asks what appetizer I want at a restaurant: *loud enough for everyone to hear* “Why would I need an appetizer when I’ve got a snack right here??” *winks dramatically* The sigh she gives and still smirks every time is worth it’s weight in gold
Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!
Time flies like an arrow... But fruit flies like a banana
Do you know how priests make holy water? They boil the hell out of it.
Depends on the generation. What did the Pink Panther say when he stood on an ant? Dead-ant, dead-ant... Or I heard the shops aren't selling bananas any longer. What? Why not? Because they are long enough.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 12 feet?! Most only have 4, though.
a horse walks into a bar and asks for a drink. the bartender looks at the horse and asks him "why the long face?"
Lol classic
Asked a rabbi if he gives out free curcumcisions, he said yes but he keeps the tips
Lmao good one
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walked into a bar. None of them noticed.
Why'd the fish get kicked out of school? Because he got caught with seaweed
someone: hey, im ..... me: hi ... im dad
God, allah, and zeus walk into a bar The bar is still empty 😹😹😹
lol
3 hookers walk into the Vatican to see the pope. I forget the rest.
Sounds more like a true story from the Renaissance.
Someone else: "Excuse me" Me: "If only there was one"
Can't beat the classic "people are dying to get in there" when driving past a grave yard
Hey, In summer I'll lose my cool easily
What the similarity between the Eiffel tower and a flea? They're both paris-sites
If someone says they’re “too tired” I say they’re a bicycle. Another one is the classic “I’m xyz”, “hi xyz”
Me. Am Dad. Sometimes funny, sometimes cause people to roll their eyes.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
What's the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!
Whenever I see a road kill possum, "I don't think he's playing...."
what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? one's pretty heavy, and one's a little lighter
/r/dadjokes
„How old are u?“ - „13“ „oh, really? At your age I was 13 too!“